MAGA’s Uncivil War

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Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Zam Ambuqar is here, Nico Santos is here. We'll be talking about some intrusive thoughts and hopeful news. Then the return of the egg of truth, and of course we'll wrap it up with a round of second thoughts. But first, let's get into it for a week. Insighting, Insighting, Insighting. Well you know what that sound means. There's a political party in America that's collapsing under the weight of its internal contradictions, political failures and long-simmering resentments, and twist, it's the Republicans for once. Yes, the girls are fighting and if we think it's bad now, just wait for the live reunion episode at the Hague. On Tuesday, Joe Kent, a high-ranking counterterrorism official, resigned in protest writing, I cannot in good conscience support the ongoing war in Iran. Iran posed no imminent threat to our nation. Oh, you're trying to use your good conscience in the Trump administration? No, no, you got to let that demon out, said a completely nude Lindsey Graham, prancing around the situation room while watching bombs fall on Tehran, said to Robbins, dancing on my own. Trump reacted to Kent's resignation on Tuesday. Well, I read his statement, I always thought he was a nice guy, but I always thought he was weak on security, very weak on security. I didn't know him well, but I thought he seemed like a pretty nice guy. So Trump nominated a guy he always thought was weak on security to lead the National Counterterrorism Center. Why? What was he tough on? Stains? But before you put this guy on your No Kings poster, this Kent is my Superman, that kind of thing. Be aware, he has ties to white nationalists and he has long embraced anti-Semitic conspiracy theories. As the saying goes, a broken clock is right twice a day, even if the clock broke because it was hurled through the window of a synagogue. Kent even has a tattoo, and this is true of a German panzer tank, and in this case, that Nazi tattoo is unforgivable. In the wake of Kent's resignation, Trump's director of national intelligence and person who seems like they could do a hit and run and then immediately go surfing, Tulsi Gabbard, testified at a Senate intelligence hearing, here's Senator Mark Warner grilling Gabbard on why her oral testimony and written testimony were different. In your printed testimony today on page six, as a result of Operation Midnight Hammer, Iran's nuclear enrichment program was obliterated. There's been no effort to try to rebuild their enrichment capability. You omitted that paragraph from your oral opening. Was that because the president said there was an imminent threat two weeks ago? No, sir. I recognized that the time was running long and I skipped through some of the portion from my remarks. My remarks are to admit the parts that contradict the president. It's true, she omitted that to avoid contradicting the president, but also the president contradicted the president. If you say Iran's nuclear program wasn't obliterated, you are contradicting the president. But if you say Iran's nuclear program was obliterated, you are also contradicting the president who claims Iran is an ongoing and immediate nuclear threat. It's quite the minefield for Gabbard. Might as well just send her through the Strait of Hormuz. Instead of giving a clear answer, by the way, at some point during the run-through today, Sarah, one of the writers was like, hey, Strait of Hormuz seems to be a punchline three times. And I was like, oh, we need to sprinkle in more Strait of Hormuz. I actually think you could develop a tool where the frequency of discussion of the Strait of Hormuz lets you know how destabilized the planet is. Like the less you're thinking about the Strait of Hormuz, the safer a moment of time. Now, instead of giving a clear answer to whether the intelligence community thought that Iran posed an imminent threat, Gabbard claimed that only Donald Trump could make that determination. Is it the assessment of the intelligence community that there was a, quote, imminent nuclear threat posed by the Iranian regime? Yes or no? Senator, the only person who can determine what is and is not an imminent threat is the president. False. It is not the intelligence community's responsibility to determine what is and is not an imminent threat. That is up to the president based on a volume of information and the fact that he receives. It is precisely your responsibility to determine what constitutes a threat to the United States. Intelligence community, it can't be responsible for determining what is and isn't a threat. That would distract them from their core mission, doing coups in Latin America. Speaking of what goes on below the equator, many of us discovered that there was an ongoing feud this week when former Fox News host and current person who angrily says, finally, when grabbing your sushi from the Uber Eats driver, Megyn Kelly, posted this about conservative host Mark Levin, and here's the quote from Megyn Kelly, Micro Penis Mark thinks he has the monopoly on lewd. He tweets about me obsessively in the crudest, nastiest terms possible, literally more than some stalkers I've had arrested. He doesn't like it when women like me fight back because of his micro penis. Yikes. Don't coffee Megyn before she's had her micro penis. This was in response to an insulting post by Levin about Megyn over her criticism of Trump's war in Iran. Trump then came to Micro Penis Mark's, I'm sorry, Mark's defense, posting that Levin was under siege by other people with far less intellect, capability, and love for their country. Trump added that Mark Levin's penis was, quote, within the normal human range. Marjorie Taylor Greene then tagged in to say, quote, I wholeheartedly support Megyn Kelly telling the world that Mark Levin has a micro penis. For too long she said idly by while bad faith actors falsely claimed that Mark Levin was working with a real womb room down there. Speaking of dicks, J.D. Vance is also caught in the middle of this maga civil war. Vance never actually says that he's completely on board and we've seen Leek saying that Vance was actually opposed to the strikes in Iran, but sorry man, you can't have it both ways. It's like going to the cheesecake factory and ordering from the skinny licious menu. It's stupid. You're not fooling around. You're not fooling around. You're not fooling around. You're not fooling around from the skinny licious menu. It's stupid. You're not fooling anybody. And either way, your straight of our moose is all clogged up. Stupid skinny licious menu. Get that out of here. It's not why I'm here. I came here to fuck. President Trump claims twice that in private a former president told him that he wished he'd been the one to attack Iran. I've spoken to a certain president who I like actually, a past president, former president. He said, I wish I did it. I wish I did, but they didn't do it. I'm doing it. Yeah. Which president? I can't tell you that. I don't want to embarrass him. It would be very bad for his career even though he's got no career life. That's so many likes. There are only four living presidents, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Joe Biden. Jimmy Carter is technically dead though he's trapped in a liminal space between this world and the next because he has unfinished business sleeping with a second woman. After Trump repeated this claim, Peter Ducey tried to get him to say which president he'd spoken with. I just want to ask you about something very interesting that you said twice today. That you talked to another former president about Iran strikes. I did. Was it George W. Bush? I know. Was it Bill Clinton? I don't want to say it. So funny. By the way, if you want to know how you end up in a war in Iran where you have the president begging NATO to help him after the fact, he didn't figure out that he was in a trap until the second question. Do you see that? Was it George W. Bush? No. Was it Bill Clinton? Oh, fuck. I just was at a funeral with all these guys and there's not that many fucking guys. But then people close to all four living presidents denied that any of them had had a recent conversation with Trump. So is Trump just making it up? Possibly. He does that. But there's also this Atlantic story about how Trump's personal phone number has been widely circulated and he'll answer a call from basically anybody, which does raise the possibility that someone is catfishing Donald Trump with an AI version of Bill Clinton and telling Trump through AI Bill Clinton to bomb Iran, or is Darrell Hammond an agent of Mossad? And I don't want to speculate. Yes, he is. Trump also spent the week angrily posting about how mad he is that none of our European allies have been willing to join the conflict while also claiming we don't need any help because it's going so good. Here's the thing. You gotta ask your allies if they're down for the war before you start the war. You can't hire a getaway driver when the bank robberies underway and the cops have already blocked off the Strait of Hormuz. Trump's international charm offensive continued on Thursday when he met with the Prime Minister of Japan at the White House and a Japanese reporter asked this. Why didn't you tell US allies in Europe and Asia like Japan about the war before attacking Iran? So we are very confused about Japanese citizens. Well, one thing, you don't want to signal too much. You know, when we go in, we went in very hard and we didn't tell anybody about it because we wanted surprise. Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Okay, why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor? Okay. First of all, the JD Vans can't do that. Come on, that's fucking top tier, 10 out of 10. You know Trump's staff put together a prep doc for him and the doc was just one no card. All caps do not bring up Pearl Harbor. So Trump has alienated our allies and a lot of his base over the war. Meanwhile, he's putting pressure on Senate Republicans to pass his voter ID law, which does not have enough Republican votes to pass. But look, sometimes as hard as you push, you can't get her there, said Mark Levin. Republicans also can't agree on Trump's nominees like Senator Mark Wayne Mullen, who is his pick to replace Kristi Noem as the head of the Department of Homeland Security. And it's not an easy job. Mullen has some pretty big Corey Lewandowski's holes to fill. This led to my favorite Republican feud of the week, non-micropenous category, which is Senator Rand Paul Mullen's colleague on this committee, the Homeland Security Committee, tore into Mullen for comments Mullen made joking about Paul's 2017 assault by his neighbor. Tell it to my face if that's what you believe. Tell it to me today. Tell the world why you believe I deserve to be assaulted from behind, have six ribs broken and a damaged lung. Tell me to my face why you think I deserved it. And while you're at it, explain to the American public why they should trust a man with anger issues to set the proper example for ICE and Border Patrol agents. I obviously don't think Mullen is the right person to lead DHS, but Paul is making, unfortunately, a pretty strong case for why Mullen is the right person to lead Trump's DHS. Besides, this is America. Basically, men with anger issues are the only people we trust to run things. We barely let Ellen be mean. But just wait until you hear what Senator Joni Ernst had to say. I hope that the president is watching. I am going to say to the president, I am really upset that he has made your nomination. At which point Mark Wayne Mullen pulls up a folding chair above his head as Joni Ernst continues. Because I will be losing from the Senate one of the best friends that I have here. At which point he opens the chairs if he were setting it up for someone. Look, did you just awe that? Fuck you. What the fuck is that? So that's where we're at. MAGA is melting down. Gas prices are through the roof. Republicans are at each other's throats. And no one feels more betrayed than Trump's own voters, which is why we will give one Trump voter the final word tonight. If you could say something to President Trump and he was going to hear you right now, what would it be? You are a worthless pile of sh**. And you voted for him how many times? Three times. That was my bad. Apparently I'm an idiot. No, babe. We love you. We're obsessed. We'll see you at Crooked Con. Alright, and we will be right back with Maria Bamford. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Stamps.com. It's staggering that to this very day, many small business owners are still making post office runs or are stuck with expensive postage meter leases. It's 2026. Enough. Mail and ship. When you want. How you want with Stamps.com. Basta. To the expensive postage meters. We say Basta. We say Basta. That is a very old reference to the 2007 to 2008 Clinton Obama primary. Wow. We use Stamps.com. 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My first guest is your favorite comedian's favorite comedian and the subject of Judd Abbotow's new documentary, Pyralized by Hope, the Maria Bamford story. It's Maria Bamford. Hi. Thanks for being here. Hi. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Thank you for having me on the show. No, no, no. Oh God. I'm making too much of a meal of it. How are you? So good to see you. Thanks for being here. Yes. Thank you so much for having me. What a delight. It's like being in a documentary subject. Well, I thought it might be exhausting because I'm an introvert and what they do is they follow you around with the camera for years. And so I said to myself, how can I get paid for doing this? And so that was part of the whole reason I did it was half the documentary is me trying to get paid. At least in my opinion. And it was filmed for four years? Four years. Four years. Well, and it's very Los Angeles type thing where they go, oh my God, we have this great idea. And then maybe something happens with it or maybe not. And yes, so I wanted to have a little bit of cash in exchange for all that time because of course it's a documentary, but also they'd say, hey, could we take that again from the beginning? Wait a minute. Show business. Yeah. So but it was tons of fun. I'm extremely grateful. But again, yeah, I'm in the back nine of life. I don't want to spend any more time in front of a camera unless I'm being paid. Now in the documentary, Conan describes you as a lobster who's been taken out of her shell, but still feeling everything. Does that feel true to you? I think he's, I mean, I much respect all honor. And maybe he's projecting. I feel like I'm tough as nails. I have a bit of a tremor and I have a high voice. So people often think, oh, is something wrong? It's not really. Or at least I feel pretty good. So maybe they're seeing something I don't. I think I'm a like a hog, like a strong hog. Yeah, hogs are really tough. They're resilient. They're very smart. The pharaoh ones, they'll eat anything. Yeah, they'll eat a garden hose. They'll be and they'll be like delicious. I wish there was more garden hose at this restaurant. Yeah, put me in a confinement system. I'll eat everything you want me to eat. I'm that way too. That's something that we have in common. Put me in a confinement system. I'll eat what you want me to eat. I'm always saying that. So funny that you said that that way. But nobody's interested. I actually did want to ask you about this because you have this and you talk about this in the movie too, which is you're someone who a lot of your stand up historically has been about like your like just the challenges of life, the challenges inside your own brain. Yeah, yeah. And yet you're extremely successful. You're like you have the, but you are, you're very successful and you have the confidence to do what only you could do, which speaks to a strength as well. So I wonder if there's like a way in which you feel like a contradiction there about being kind of a mess, but also a huge success. Yeah. Well, I think also I'm, my mental health issues are very low, low grade, like bipolar too, which is like, you know, I don't have the experience of psychosis I haven't had, was able to hold down full time jobs and stuff when I wasn't working in showbiz now. Yeah. And I'm, yeah, I'm also in show business personalities that are bizarre or seem on the edge are okay. Whereas, yeah, I know when I worked in corporate America, people would be like, everything okay with their kid? You know, and, and yeah, I didn't, I didn't rise through the ranks of corporate America. You're kidding. You hit the glass ceiling. I hit some, yes, some sort of ceiling. I know. Was it clear? How clear was it? Was it foggy, translucent, mirrored? Was it, was it smoky, a glass ceiling? Well, I think I just didn't want to go through it. I sat beneath it and pondered wondering, yeah, I wasn't very success oriented. I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm grateful. Yeah, I have plenty of success. I had a TV show, everything that's ever, I've ever wanted has happened. Except for what's the next thing. Well, yeah, figure skating. Boy, we're gonna, I'm excited for that face. I'm excited for that face. Right. I've seen a lot. I'm somehow I'm getting a lot of memes on my insta. About figure skating as an older person. I'm in. Can I tell you something that I secretly believe a thought that I've never said out loud? Okay. I don't think they can count how many times people are going around up there. It's too fast. I just, okay, yeah. No, for sure. Four, I believe you. What? No. Come on. That is a grow up. Yeah. That's a fair, fair point. I don't know. It's so the documentary. Uh, yeah, I don't know if it's, if it's sold, it's not yet available on streaming services. So now it's just in festivals. Oh, that's fun. I don't know. Yeah. Why did I feel the need to tell you that? Does anybody want to buy it? Jada Apatow spent a lot of money. I try to understand you've finished three years of the filming of the documentary and he's like, I almost got it. We're going to get one more year out of you. This is the hilarious, the guy who was shooting it, lovely Neil Berkeley. He's done so many beautiful documentaries. He, uh, he kept asking throughout. He would, he would say as he was watching my life unfold would say, God, what is this about? Hey, Neil, uh, that's, that's my, that's a, it's very existential. And I, I, I get it. I'm living this, but, uh, yeah, it was hilarious. In the doc, your dad, uh, uh, uh, cried the first time he heard you do an impression of him. Is that right? Yeah. My dad, I did have a personation. My mom, who she can, she still talks from heaven and guess what heaven is? It's the Delta Sky Club in Atlanta. So it's a little hot and crowded. Um, so, but my dad, I, my dad got jealous and was like, Oh, you're doing impression. He's just, I'm your puppy. Have your dad, huh? And then I did it. And he cried. I said, what are you pussy? No, he didn't know. Yeah, but, uh, yeah. So I think it is really scary to have somebody do an impersonation of you. So I've had people do impersonation of me to my face and you're like, I know. I know that's what I sound like. Have you had that where somebody does an impersonation? You know, uh, only in anger, only in anger, never with love. So something to hope for. So it's hard to separate the feeling of it from the, the impression from the intent of the impression, which was to harm. Because, uh, you know, my friends and I used to have a, a saying, which was, I'm just being hurtful, which is like, no, no, it's not true. It's not true. I'm just being hurtful. Right. That's why I said it. So I mean thing I said, don't worry about it. I'm just being hurtful. Yeah. Cause the real things that hurt are the things when they're not trying to be hurtful. You know, that's why, that's why when you hear somebody's talking about what you're finding in your back, you're like, my God. That's what they think of me. Or it's something that it's like a given. It's like, yeah, I know, I know that's, you know, but yeah, I don't, I, I'm not always for that one. People say, Oh, I'm just kidding. Oh, I'm just kicking. I'm just kicking you. You know, I mean, why not get violent? I'm sorry. Uh, well, yes. Do you have, so a lot of this is about how beloved you are as a, as a comedian. Is there advice you have that you would give an up and coming, extremely talented comedian who, uh, might feel like they're kind of, uh, unusual in a way that makes it a little harder for less, more usual people to see it. You know? Well, I mean, there's all, I'm my biggest fan. So even if nobody likes what I do, I think I'm fucking hilarious. So that's what, that's, that's a pretty tight market. You know, if I can sell stuff to this person, um, yeah, yeah, just keep going. If you enjoy what you're doing, uh, and believe in it, then keep going. Oh, there's of course no, no guarantee. And that's the sad thing because there's certainly barriers. Uh, I really hate it in Los Angeles. Somebody goes, you know, I made a vision board and it's crazy cause I just, I, you know, I'm directing a short and it's like, like, that's not going to happen for everybody. You know what I'm saying? Like if you give some people the vision board, make vision boards in like, uh, yeah, a poor area of Appalachia, they're just going to have a lot more hurdles to go through, even if they have cut out a picture of an Emmy and pasted it, pasted it on a piece of cardboard, you know, just, it's not right. And don't do it. And wherever you're from, don't do it for the Emmys. You know, don't do it for the Emmy. Here's a lesson from a vision board workshop. Once I was at one in Los Feliz and there were hundreds of magazines and we ran out of Emmys and Academy Awards. And isn't that a lesson for us all? And I bet you didn't run out of scientists. So I'm going to think about, now one last question before we get to the game. So you've talked about having intrusive thoughts, talking about it in the doc. Classic serial killing, cannibalizing your family. Do you still have them? No, well, I had them as a child. Like, I don't know where they came from, but I mean, I think everybody has them in terms of you having for a second and then you just go, oh, that was weird. And then you move on. But if you have an OCD tendency, then you kind of go, oh, God. And then you start doing things like gripping your hands at odd intervals and driving your car around the block to make sure you didn't hit a none. People, that is the fun thing about OCD is hearing people's very specific fears. Mine are more like if a phone call drops, I assume there's been a 9-11 of some kind. Well, there's been a death. There's been a death. A mass death. Usually it's like, oh, the earthquake has already begun. We're the part of town therein. And I'm about to feel a Mexico City 10, 10 point earthquake, but nobody knows yet. And so their building's already down dead. OK. Hand cake, no triangle of life for them. OK. And I feel it really vividly. And again, as everybody knows, I'm too busy to be in therapy right now, but I'm going to get so busy. So right. But but everyone on the other side of the phone call is dead. Well, and, you know, as long as that doesn't keep you from living your life, you know, seriously, I mean, if it doesn't bug you that much, you know, if it doesn't stop you from, you know, oh, God, I got to check if that person really didn't die in a terrible earthquake with a thousand other people. I just call them back. You just call them back. And usually they're there. Are they taxed? You're taxed. Or they taxed. Which is why it's time for a segment we're calling the glasses have full of intrusive thoughts. And here's how it works. I'm going to offer you an actually intrusive thought I've had. And, Maria, you will reply with something you find hopeful about it. I will also read you a bit of hopeful news from the week, and you'll just share what intrusive thought is sparked. OK. All right. Here's something that I have an intrusive thought about all the time. The digital footprint I've created will outlive me and therefore will ultimately be more of what I was than what I was offline. That the digital me is more me than the real me. OK. And the hopeful thought is what a way to go. Oh, my God, I've died, but I haven't or really the best parts of me live on. And I mean, yeah, I don't know. Yes, seems like seems awesome. Yeah. An Icelandic firefighter came up with a plan to steer his homeland's lava rivers away from important Icelandic landmarks. This hero, who is six foot five, is known as Iceland's lava cooling manager. He's saved whole towns. Oh, my gosh. And did you know that some people don't eat crushed ice? Because it seems as if they're eating baby bones. On Sunday. The sinners director of photography, Autumn Durald, Archipel, became the first woman to win an Oscar for best cinematography. Oh, isn't that nice? Well, if sometimes this one guy kept thinking that he his penis was getting smaller and so he had having to check to see if it was getting smaller and people thought he was a sex fed or what in fact, he just had OCD. And he was just taking off his pants because he had to know whether it was getting smaller in public places. It's spring, glorious spring and we're younger than we'll ever be again. Hmm. OK. Don't leave me alone with your dog. That's that's my fear. Right. You'll be alone with the dog. Don't be alone with the dog because you don't know, you know, that's that's the fear. You don't want to be left alone with any sort of helpless animal. Because you're somehow dangerous or evil. Oh, yeah. Oh, or yeah, whatever it is. Yeah, people, it's it's real. Here's my intrusion. I was voted off Survivors 47 because of a fundamentally unsolvable problem with my personality. Or were you given the true gift of being fired, which always creates a sense of relief and escape and a and a high, I want to say. So yeah, because were you truly bummed that you got taken off? Yes. And well, absolutely. Devastated. But I will say everyone, I think, should go through a zero stakes worst case scenario. Right. Because getting voted off first was my worst case scenario. The stakes were actually quite low. Right. Like there are all kinds of worst case scenarios that are very high stakes that you don't want. But to have to like go into something where you're like, OK, this is the best outcome. This is the worst outcome and have the worst outcome happen to you. And you're like, here I am. Like, like you're OK. You know. Yeah. No, you keep living and breathing. And I did a benefit for a schizophrenic schizophrenic research and turns out the people hire you for benefits are big fans, the people they are trying to get money from or not. And I went to somewhere in Napa Valley to try to make a bunch of conservatives laugh. And terrible, terrible mistake. The comic brought me up with is everybody ready to have a good time? Yeah. And and it was it was so awful. It was quiet for about 10 minutes. Then women started clapping me off because they thought I was done. I had to explain to these bitches. I got 45 more minutes. Now we're all suffering on behalf of schizophrenia research. It's very funny when you think about it in retrospect. But yeah, no, it's my worst like, oh, this is for a good cause. I'm here and here to help. And it's like people are like, you, you ever. But then how are Mandela worth there at the end? And some people are all perked up. Yeah, he'll bring it home for you up there now. Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Well, you don't have to. You're not at the schizophrenia gala in Napa. And you can go see Maria Bamford. If go to mariabanford.com for tickets to see her live and paralyzed by hope. Yeah, coming to a film festival near you. And if you live in Highland Park, I do a show every Tuesday at 9 a.m. I bring free donuts. Everybody's welcome. You don't have to have the money, but it's 25 bucks if you can to give to the theater outside in theater in Highland Park, which is a nonprofit. That's great. Maria Bamford, everybody, we'll be right back. Yeah. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Surfshark. Using the internet today without a VPN is like leaving your front door wide open and just hoping nobody wanders in. Every website you visit, every video you watch, every random late night search. Late night search. 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Therapy offers a space to slow down and stretch out when your mind feels overwhelmed with clutter. Spring clean your mind, John. Spring clean your mind. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct. I'm going up there. Get those dust mites. Take those sweaters off the shelves. Cod webs. Strict code of conduct from these therapists, fully licensed in the US. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored racks with over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Your emotional well-being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash love it. That's better. H-E-L-P.com slash love it. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage my next two guests or should I say my next blue guest? That's right. From CVS Ghost, it's Udkarsh Ambudkar and you've seen him on NBC's St. Dennis Medical. It's Nico Santos. Hi, hi, hi. Thanks for being here. Wow. So lovely to see you both. Now on our show, we have a longstanding segment called The Egg of Truth. That's what this is. And we have a searingly revealing questions for our guests to answer. In honor of both of your recent works in Ghost and St. Dennis Medical, the egg has been morphed and become optimized to remote your current project. So tonight I bring you a new twist on old classic. It's the haunted egg of truth, MD. Oh, little spooky because it goes. Yeah, I like your thing in the ghost. They break together, you know, an egg. An egg. He's opening the egg for everyone listening. I'm opening the egg. Just open the egg. He's unfolded a piece of paper. It's not a favrecer. He's going to read it. It's a plastic egg, but it is gold. Udkarsh. Yes, sir. Let's say you die in a hospital. That's so boring. Where would you want to haunt after you become a ghost if you had the option to choose? The first thing that popped into my head was a Chick-fil-A. A Chick-fil-A? I don't know. I feel like I could do a lot of damage in a Chick-fil-A. Yeah, but then you're so bored on Sundays. Yeah. That's true. Well, maybe I would like bang, make it like the window shake or rattle on a Sunday when people go by and they'll think it's the wrath of God wanting Chick-fil-A to be open. Oh, shit. Or punishment for being homophobic. Yeah. That too. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you punish a lot of homophobic people at Chick-fil-A, I think. Yeah. Don't you? Oh, yeah, no. I wouldn't know I've never been. It's right. Chick-fil-A? That's how it's pronounced. I've only seen it written. I've never heard it said. I just wouldn't ever go there. There you can't go. And by the way, like you can't probably, unless you would go, you wouldn't know if you get the chicken nuggets in the morning during breakfast time when you can't do that at McDonald's next door on Western. You wouldn't know that. No, no. Because McDonald's doesn't, you can't get nuggets till after they're done with breakfast. But it's like, if you want nuggets, where are you going to go? Maybe you go to Chick-fil-A, but I won't know that because I won't go there. Which is a shame. You should really, you should try it once. I can't. It's they're so homophobic. I know. I understand why you don't. And I think they addressed it, but not enough to our satisfaction. Right, Nico? Absolutely. Absolutely not. No, that's why we don't go there. I'm like, there's nothing Polynesian about this sauce. You know what? I don't know. The ranch came from a ranch. Let's do another one. Some people experience deathbed apparitions where they see dead loved ones standing near their hospital bed. Which celebrity would you rather see instead, Nico? Ooh, Valentino. Oh, wow, that's interesting. I'll be like, you know, assess my outfit, make me an outfit when I die. Oh, that's so good. Right. Make sure that I'm like, you know, fabulous when I fucking die. Yeah, you got to look good. You got to go out looking good. It's like you are wearing rags. You look horrible. Let's put you in something more sparkly. Yeah. This is it. Oh, believe some of this. That's such a nice idea. It's the truth. It's the truth. That's what the egg of truth reveals. Maria, do you think it's possible to be haunted by the original owner of a donated organ? Oh, God. Yeah. Especially. Yeah. I think it must be possible. I have never experienced any sort of spiritual and or ghost like experience. So I have nothing to offer. I have a little. Yeah, I'm sorry. Do you ever do any medical procedures in your own home? Yes. My father is a dermatologist, so I do. I do know how to remove a skin tag. Let me tell you. I mean, you take a piece of showing thread and you tied her on the root of the tag. You tie it super tight. Yeah. So it hurts and then it puffs up, puffs up because no blood can come in or out and then it explodes over. Of course, it's only two hours or whatever. And then it's scabs and then it falls off. So now guess what? You've just removed a pedunculated lesion. It's called a pedunculated lesion. It is called a pedunculated lesion. And I've been called Dr. Padunkadunk. That's going to be my drag name. Yeah. Pedunculated lesion. I like that. All right. What was I going to? Oh, wait, you directed episodes of Ghost this season. They did. Smooth segue, baby. You don't need that anymore. No, no need. You got to keep it moving. I did speaking of speaking of removing. You see, this is what you wanted. You I mean, look, I want just a little effort. Sometimes, you know what? Speaking of a pedunculated, people say being a director is a bit like having to do surgery on a on an idea. There we go. Yes. Yes. Now, Stanley Kubrick directed The Shining, which was also in a sense about ghosts. Did you bring a lot of that? Were you an unbearable monster to your fellow cast members? Did you make anybody cry? Did you make somebody have such a bad experience that they kind of gave up acting? That's what I don't want to start. That's not like a rumor or anything. You're like, who was you saying that? No, you know what? The truth is, is I had no respect going into it. And the process, I think it remained the same. I don't think the cast or crew really gives a shit what I say. They don't care. They they love me for who I am, not for the things I do or my mental capabilities. And I think we just sort of tried to have a good time. Everyone did it. The episode is done. It will go on television. And that's that I'm in the DGA. Fuck off. That's what it is. I had I don't know how it went. You can but I know and quit. Hell, yeah, which is a really great bar to set before you start a job. How many takes did you take for each? Take some directors will take like two and then they'll move on. Moving on. Yeah, I'm like I was like two or three and trying to get people home for dinner. Yeah, very, very much because that's that's how I like to work. I like no no fun runs. No fun runs, but that's more of a a mandate from on high. No more fun runs, baby. What's a fun run? Fun run is like you do one for you, a little improv. Somebody pretends to do some ghost stuff. Maybe you make up some lines, but it's CBS. It's Viacom. We're working where it's a corporate gig. Yeah, we're like, I just am never going to get to direct again after this interview. But you know, with that attitude, we got a we got a huge cast and we have a lot to get done. So you were saying backstage that on set you became like a family. But mostly just with my bosses. Right, right. Right. And you said you and you tell me backstage that you were open to story lines about how important it is to close the border or that kind of thing. That like that's the kind of stuff you get into the future seasons. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, baby. That's right. There's not a Bible I haven't read. I'll tell you that. I read I read them all. And by the way, read him a second time, you'll see new stuff in it. That's what you were telling me about it. Yep. About the Bible. Get it, get it, go through a second time. You'll catch up like it's like you'll know what's going to happen. See different stuff, you know, the twists and stuff. Yeah, there's a guy named Paul. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah, he's one of the big ones. He's one of the big ones. See, yeah. Speaking of people who observed miracles, you're on a miracle of a comedy called Yes, is medical. Real gem. That's that's great writing. Now, that was a fun run. So. Are you Mariah and I'm with me right now and we're going to sing. Prince of Egypt, just two divas. Buying for attention. Nico, you're Filipino. I am Filipino. And there's a lot of Filipino health care workers that are often not represented, but they're represented in the show. And I'm curious what that was like. It's kind of crazy that 2025 is when the show premiered. And that was the first time people have seen a Filipino nurse on television, which is so crazy. Like E.R. was on for how many years? I think they had one, I remember. Grey's Anatomy had a Filipino nurse like towards like the late 20s seasons. It's kind of crazy. But once once I appeared and the pit has three Filipino health care workers, all the Filipino community are woke. You are everybody. Yeah. Finally, that's cool. Representation matters. And Nico, you used to open for Maria, right? I opened for Maria a long time ago. A long time ago. A long time ago at the San Francisco punchline. And he was a delight then. And he is now. Yeah, you're a delight. No, truly, truly. Did you work at some at the time? Did you work at like a fancy store? I so yeah, I started doing stand up in SF while I was doing retail during the day. So I think at the time when I started when I opened for you, I was still working at a new one Marcus because Maria Maria, we were saying, oh, what was it like working with with Nico? And you said he's very funny. He was working at some kind of a fancy store. Yeah. Well, yeah, I would I would always go to the open mics or my the comic club after my shift. So I would be like in my bougie like uniform. Yeah, he looked gorgeous. Yeah, it's like Dior suits and everything. All the straight male comics are like, who the fuck is this guy? Like, sorry, I'm not wearing new balances at a hoodie. But you know, I try. I make an effort. No, you wrote speaking of dystopian presence. You've been working on a spy fi comic book. Yeah, which is my first spy fi. Boy, I didn't know that was a term. And then I was like, a lot of what I love is spy. Yeah, you know, and or and or is spy fi. I thought you were saying and dash or I was like, yes, continue. Got aliens in your thing. No aliens. No, it's the future. I romantic comedy present. Spy fi romcom. Yeah, wow. Comed this by me. There's like a James Bond type of character. OK, buddy has antennas. He is not a mutant. No, he's a regular human being close. It's called The Guy in the Chair was for Dark Horse Comics. And the collected work is coming out on June 16th, which is called a graphic novel, which I hope at least five people in this room know what that is. Yeah, we know what it is. Yeah, cool. So it's about a guy named Ubby, who is he's the operator for this assassin, and she ends up getting framed by the observatory, which is the big system that runs their company. And she has to come and find him and they run through the streets together trying to clear her name and they fall in love while they're doing it. Do you think that a lot of our problems are because people didn't realize RoboCop was meant to be kind of satire? I think it's a huge problem with society. And an even bigger problem is that because nobody realized that they made RoboCops two and three to actually cater to that audience that had no clue. It's crazy. Thus destroying the entire franchise. You know what I mean? It's the Jurassic Park thing. Yeah. Or like how in Starship Troopers, it's like, come on, guys, you you remember Starship Troopers. Those bugs. Those those. Casper Van Dean. Those bugs. They didn't do anything. Deservous. Nope. Big, big, big, beautiful bugs. Big, beautiful bugs. Let's read this one for anyone who wants to take it. Hey, what wasn't it for the ghost that gave Dan Acroyd that blowjob in Ghostbusters? It's implied, but not shown that he finishes. Where does it go? Does it just shoot through the ghost's head? Some people, whether they're ghosts or not, love giving blowjobs. True. But where did the where did the where did the where did the release go? That is the release. My theory is that Dan Acroyd, probably in his age, has some the same nerve damage on his penis. And at that age. Sure. Yeah. A young prey. He has dry orgasms. Oh, he said SSRIs. Yeah. Oh, so he finishes spiritually. Yes. But not physically. Yep. It's kind of like a. Physically, but there's nothing just like dust. Hey, man, speaking of spiritually finishing, we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Quince, a thoughtfully built wardrobe. Comes down to clothes that mix while on last. 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So right now go to quince.com slash love it for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. And you will now available in Canada too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Q I N C E dot com slash love it for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash love it. And we're back. It's that time again. The show is nearly over and I'm beginning to be filled with regret. Or am I. Let's find it out in a segment we're calling second thoughts. Oh, here's a second thought. I basically asked Udkars if he was a monster and we have only just met. I think in retrospect we could have played that moment, both of us a little bit better. You know, when remember when you asked me about fun runs and stuff, I could have lied to you and told you that we do them all the time. Right. I should have done that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's your, but okay. I don't feel like it was on you. I could ask better questions. That's my job. We shared that. We shared that moment. We did. We did. Yeah. We did it together. You led, but I followed. And that's on me. And that's on you. Hmm. Oh, here's one regret. Did I give the audience new ideas for intrusive thoughts? Ooh. You know, now if I said, it's a bit like the ring and you've put the video in and I've shown you all what happens. Yeah. What did you mention? Yeah. What did you mention? Just that every time a phone call drops, I think everybody died. Oh, thank you for that. It gets very vivid though. It gets very vivid. Yeah. Like that's how I know it's a real intrusive thought because I'm like upset. You know, oh, uh, I should regret what I said about Chick-fil-A. No. Oh, do I regret not knowing what a fun run was? Okay. Again, how many times do I have to tell people I'm not in the business? No, I don't regret that. Let's see. Oh, do I regret invoking the Jimmy Carter, uh, uh, invoking the idea that his ghost is interested in banging a new broad? No, I don't regret that either. Brea, do you have any regrets about tonight? Oh, I feel, I feel very good about what I've done and, uh, you know, I feel grateful. And, uh, I, it was kind of already in my, on my vision board. Nico, I ever regret, we didn't talk. Uh, I'm getting married in a couple of months. Yes. Yes, that's right. And, uh, you married a trans person. I married a trans person. Any tips? Buckle up, buddy. Oh boy. Uh, actually, uh, I'm not gonna say that, but it is funny that you're sort of like living a parallel, uh, existence right now where we were both, I married in, you're going to marry a trans person. You're, you were in survivor. My husband was on survivor. Um, yeah, he did so good compared to how I did. They brought him back. That's how good he did. I know they were like, so nice to meet you. I know. Listen, um, I don't mean this, uh, particularly, but you were like the pork chop of, of survivor that said drag race reference for people who didn't get it. Yeah. Which is, which is, I take to mean a great person who went home too soon. Yes. That's exactly what it is. That's how I take it. Yeah. Hmm. Hmm. I also, I will say, here's a regret that I genuinely do have. I cannot believe what I said about figure skating. They are going to destroy me. The figure skating people are there. They're so intense, the figure skating community on the internet. What did you say? I said that I don't believe they can really count how many times people are going around up there. Oh, I don't believe it. I don't believe it's too fast. Oh, that was three point. Come on. I thought you'd like, you called the Lyssalua slur or something, you know? Oh my God. Like, oh, counting spins. Who fucking cares? That's where my head went to. Yeah. Yeah. Boy, glad I didn't do that. I mean, there's still time. Why? Hey, everybody, ghosts is on CBS. Yeah. It's, hey, it's so funny. It's scary. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. And your comic book, the guy, or graphic novel, it says combo, your graphic novel. Yeah, same thing. The guy in the chair available now and the collected works are coming out in June. Spy, if I rom come, spy, if I rom come, spy, if I rom come. St. Dennis Medical. Yeah. So funny. That's our show. This guy's killing it. Thanks so much, Maria Bamford, Nico Santos, and U-Kars Ambulkar. We'll see you next week at Dynasty Dive Riders. Thank you. 216 days into the mid-druns. Have a great night and have a great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones from original content, community events, and more. You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad free, Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber exclusive pods, and more. Sign up at Crooked.com slash friends. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It's written and produced by me, John Lovett. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer. Hallie Heeper is our head writer. Sarah Lazarus is our senior staff writer. And Jocelyn Coffin, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Argoil are our writers. Jordan Cantor is our editor. Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis provide audio support. Stephen Cologne is our audio engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Sher Sher. Thanks to our designer, Sammy, Kodurner Rees for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast. And to our digital producers, David Tolle's, Claudia Schang, Mia Kelman, Dilan Villanueva, Jay Banks, Milo Kim, and Rachel Gieske for filming and editing video each week so that you can. Lovett or Leave It is produced by Lee Eisenberg and our head of production is Matt DeGroot. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the writer's guild of America East.