John Mulaney

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the podcast that you're currently listening to. Huge news, guys. My brand new stand-up tour, Fresh Hell, is on sale now. Tickets are available at edgamble.co.uk. Look at the full dates. I'm going all over the UK and a bit of Ireland. Come and see me in my brand new show, Fresh Hell, edgamble.co.uk. We get it. Making tax digital can sometimes feel daunting. But with Xero's HMRC-recognized software, you quickly get to feeling confident. If you're a sole trader or landlord whose income tax is going digital, not only is Xero MTD ready, it also gives you better control of your finances, like having the clear financial visibility you need every quarter to avoid end-of-year tax surprises. Change the way you see MTD. Search MTD ready with Xero. Hi, we're Backmarket. We sell expertly refurbished tech, like phones for talking to your friends or your AI girlfriend. Wow, you have such strong muscles. Either way, this expertly refurbished tech costs way less than you. Guaranteed by the Backmarket promise. One-year warranty and 30-day free returns on every purchase. I am breaking up with you to be with Backmarket. Backmarket, where the world shops refurbished tech. This is an ad from BetterHelp. Some days it feels like you're carrying something no one else can see. Stress, grief, responsibility. The kind of heaviness that doesn't show up in photos but follows you everywhere. You don't have to hold it alone. With BetterHelp, you can talk to someone who helps lighten what you've been carrying for far too long. Take the weight off. Start therapy anytime from anywhere online with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash randompodcast for 10% off your first month of online therapy. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the white bread of conversation, layering in between the slices the ham of fun the cheese of chat grilling it in a pan of cheeky butter and then sprinkling with the icing sugar of friendship James That is it Gamble, my name is James Acaster together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite a guest and ask them a favourite starter, main course, dessert side dish, drink not in that order and this week our guest is John Mulaney John Mulaney I was doing a Monte Cristo sandwich there. Do you know of these sandwiches? I love a Monte. If a Monte Cristo is on the menu, I have to order it. It's one of those things that that's the rule. Yeah. Always get a Monte Cristo when it's on there. Triple Decker Diner in Greenpoint. The best Monte Cristo I've ever had. And that is just basically icing sugar on like a fried bread sandwich essentially, isn't it? Yeah, it's like French toast. Yeah. With the Monte Cristo Triple Decker Diner is loads of ham and turkey and just I think there's a third meat in there. Yeah, yeah. With this French toast. and when I had it I was not having a good time that week I went in no one is eating one of those things if they're having a good time oh well I'm having one whatever that's the rule sure you're having it when you're eating it but no one goes I'm going to have that because I'm in a good mental place I think I might do but yes I take your point yes but it was delicious it was so good and that is the best Monte Cristo I've had anywhere this is the first time we've had to do the intros on camera by the way if you're just listening we're doing this intro on camera for the YouTube. Don't like it. I think we're fine now. I think me doing that down the barrel felt uncomfortable. I didn't know what camera to look down when I was doing my bit. I think I got the food out of order. I'd said it in a different order than I've ever said it in because I was so in my own head. Yeah. You never know what camera to look down. That's why Ghostbusters Frozen Empire. That's it. You're always looking at the wrong guy. They're like, Pinfield, what are you doing? I insisted on getting referred to by my character. Well, because you're like Daniel Day-Lewis. Exactly. Yeah, you're in character all the time. Don't you mean Daniel Plainview? Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah, yeah. I've just seen that film. Have you? Yeah. Good coincidence. Great film. Real good film. Great film. I honestly wish someone had told me because this film, there will be blood, by the way. What a movie. What a movie, man. It is good. Oh, I watched it on the plane. Yeah. Yeah. If we had him on the podcast. It was literally my plane view. That is good. That is good, Ed. Couldn't it? We can have him on the podcast, have secret ingredient milkshake. Do you think you'd like that, Daniel Day-Lewis? Yeah. You'd love it. Well, I drink it up. Yeah. I love that bit. One of the best, probably my favourite closing scene of any film. A lot of my references are out of date now because I've only just started watching popular films. Sure. You're only just getting into films. So I'm coming off the plane going, I drink it up. Yeah. I have a long straw. Everyone else is saying a few small beers. Yeah. I drink your milkshake. don't spoil anything for him. Sorry, Ed. I know that'll be in a few years' time. Yeah. Two decades' time you'll watch that. Yeah. Anyway, John Mulaney's brilliant. John Mulaney's fantastic. I mean, we're very excited to have him on the podcast. Yes. We're huge fans of his work. Great comedian, may I say. I, of course, have benefited before. We've talked about it on the podcast many times. Yeah. John had to... I can't wait. Had to pull out on it. So I do want to hear... I've never spoke to John Mulaney about Cinderella. No. And when I got to play John the Mouse, named after him, of course. I'd like to see if John is aware that I replaced him at all. Maybe he's angry about it. He might have accepted our invitation in order to settle a score with me. Yeah, like Stephen Graham. Like Stephen Graham did. And we saw how that worked out for him. So we'll see what happens to John. Well, it'll work out well for him as well, I guess. Subjective. John is touring the UK and he's doing a show in Dublin as well. Mr. Whatever is the name of the show in April. April the 17th to the 27th UK tour go and have a look I mean it's brilliant be quick because it'll sell out very quickly I think now we love John Mulaney but if John Mulaney says a secret ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable we will be forced to kick him out of the dream restaurant yes and the secret ingredient is one black coffee it's a very funny John Mulaney I really love the John Mulaney routines about his dad and there's a routine about when he was a kid and his dad is driving them down the highway in the car they see him at McDonald's all the kids start chanting McDonald's so his dad pulls into the McDonald's drive-thru and then orders one black coffee for himself and drives away yeah it's on the comeback kid yes a great special a great special so like yeah one black coffee and if he does order that then you know he's become his dad yeah so that'll be a big moment for him we're all doomed to yeah yeah so yeah we're all doomed to become John Mulaney's dad yeah we are at some point we'll all be Papa Mulaney and if you're watching this on YouTube that's tomorrow Yeah, and if you're listening to this not on YouTube, this will be on YouTube tomorrow. Yes. Unless you're listening to it not on the day it went out, in which case it's on YouTube right now. Unless you're on YouTube doing stuff and listening to the YouTube and not watching it. Which a lot of people do. Yeah. And in that case, it's tomorrow now. Yeah, it's already tomorrow. Just relax. In fact, you might want to know, there's just an audio version of this and that might be better for you. No, do both. Ed, you're on tour. Oh yeah, I'm on tour as well. I'm doing my new show, Fresh Hell, all across the UK and some of Ireland, starting at the end of January 2027. I think this is my favourite show title. Thank you. Of a gamble show. Thank you. Fresh Hell is a great show title. Thank you very much. And it's going to be a great show. This is the Off Menu Menu of John Mulaney. Welcome John to the Dream Restaurant Thank you Welcome John Mulaney to the Dream Restaurant We've been expecting you for some time Thank you sir You're the first guest who's found Ben's clap That he does before a record As funny as we find it Well he's not doing it in front of the camera Yes Like some people do the fake clapboard But he was just clapping behind at us we've questioned this with Ben before because I always thought the clap was to sync audio and visual and he gets really annoyed when we mention it at this point in the show has there been a preamble before we got to this part that's great that's really fun yeah we'll beat you up big time yeah there's context to what's happening oh yeah and also the listeners understand the context of the show in general some people will be their first time to be fair it's always going to be someone's first time well you're going to bring in a lot of the Mulaney heads of course sure yeah do you have a name for your fans actually Melaniacs I just came up with that oh yeah they're good people they're good people in extraordinary circumstances yeah they're just ordinary people thrust into this fandom that they really they didn't know they were signing up for it yeah and they can't help it either they can't help it yeah and uh they have notes what do you think your fans will think of myself and Ed Gambier I bet they're already way into this yeah this is a very big podcast I know that. And I think we have a lot of similar... In a Venn diagram, I think we grabbed some of the same people. Yeah, I think so. Very much so. Yeah, I hope so. Absolutely. I'd love a slice of your crowd. I'd love the Millenniacs. Yeah. Same. It'd be great to have as many audience members as possible. Yes. From all different walks of life, paying a common price. Yeah. Yeah. You don't do structured audience prices? No. No, it's one agreed upon price. By you, though. A lot of haggling with the whole audience back and forth outside the venue. And we agree. A lot of them are saying free, though, aren't they? There's some of that 60s crap. Woodstock crap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all climbing over the fences. They're all climbing over the fences and tearing them down. But no, most people can agree, you know, on... Sometimes they will agree on regular pricing and then platinum pricing. Yeah. It's odd when they suggest that. Yeah. What about platinum pricing? I go, that's kind of gross. I don't even like to think about that, though. I know it happens. They go, we'd like it. VIP meet and greets. VIP meet and greets, all of that stuff. It's really nice to meet someone right after a show. They're in a really good space. Or immediately before. Some people do the meet and greet before. Very good time to meet people, yeah. That's weird. We've had people win raffles for off-menu stuff and then come to the live show and then come to see us either before or after. and I don't mean I don't know if we really give them what they want no I think I bet they love it I bet you do well we I mean a lot of the time when they've come for like a charity raffle or something they'll come and meet us on the stage before the show and it's just before like our food's arrived oh that's good so we're a bit like we're a bit antsy like you're in socks yeah with a clothing steamer going yeah and food's just arrived yeah they're hungry you got a UK tour coming up I'm gonna be doing some dates here in April April 17th to the 27th yeah yeah but not just in London all over all over yeah the United Kingdom is this the first time you've done all over the United Kingdom or have you done that no I've done Manchester a few other spots before but it's the first time I've been doing Glasgow nice it'll be very fun Glasgow's brilliant yeah it is brilliant you'll have a real really nice time there I should what do you enjoy about being in the UK that's different to the US because I always look forward to when I go to the US I'm like I'm gonna go Trader Joe's so fast. Why do you like Trader Joe's so fast? This is what Americans always say, because I love Trader Joe's. Really? Whenever I tell an American I love Trader Joe's, they're like, why? What are you talking about? Now, you know, Trader Joe's is owned by the same parent company as Aldi, which I believe is a German company. So do you have a Trader Joe cousin over here? We have Aldi. Aldi, but like, it's not, I guess, now you've said that. It might be the same stuff. The layout is similar, but it's not the same stuff. It's not the same stuff. I know it's not called the same, but it might be the same product. No, if it was, I'd be in there all the time. Trust me, John. Trust me. Okay, okay. I'm saying not packaged as well and maybe truly, truly different product names, but I've heard it's the same stuff. I've never investigated it my entire life. Aldi, as far as I'm aware, do not have roasted salted almonds covered in dark chocolate and turbinado sugar, which is the thing I go to straight away in Trader Joe's. In Trader Joe's. I straight away get a box of those for my rucksack. Have you ever had an Uber or a taxi stop at Trader Joe's before getting to whatever hotel or apartment you're staying in? Yes, I have. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I've said you've got to go there via Trader Joe's. I can't wait a second longer. Right. I can't wait a second longer. I'm dying to be there. Yeah. I go in there and then you rush out because I feel bad for the taxi driver. I'm carrying all these different kinds of gummies and like chocolates and stuff. I'm so excited. What's your favorite Trader Joe's thing? I'll go for the Scandinavian swimmers, which are basically their version of the Swedish fish, but they taste better than Swedish fish do. They have a jarred something garlic crunch that I encourage anyone to stock up on. It is, you can put it on anything. It's a real, is it like a crispy onion garlic crunch? Oh, is it like the sort of, yeah, like crispy onion sort of? Yeah, but real oily. Yeah. And you could put it on anything and you'd be home free. And do they have an English, you know how they have different ethnicities at Trader Joe's? Do they have an English one? There's an English toffee that I see there. There's a box of English toffee. And do they try to brand it with like a... No, there's no like football hooligans on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it just says English toffee. Yeah, that's great. And you think, yeah, we'll see about that. Trader Jose's English toffee. Deal with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deal with it. We couldn't figure one out. First thing I do when I come to London, it's really, you know, people think New York is very diverse, but it's not. Yeah, it's people pretty priced out of it. London is a very diverse city. it's very nice to just walk around yeah and be among diversity you introduce yourself to everyone the sentiment started out really nice but then i didn't know how to end it it's nice to just be among it yeah yeah yeah sure walk around and add my own add my own self to it yeah yeah certainly yeah pop yourself in there even more diverse now john malaney a little bit yeah or maybe less depending how you see things yeah you uh you were meant to come to london once and you didn't and i benefited from it when was that well we're going straight in i'd never be able to talk to john about this it's really nice to meet the both of you yeah well it's lovely not even like uh not even in like kill kenny in 2009 or something i saw you i saw you once in a corridor in a corridor in a corridor where it was uh um what if we didn't even explain where we both had an understanding Yeah. You didn't see me. The corridor. You didn't see me. I was at right angles to you. You didn't see. I was in a waiting area and you went down the corridor. Sounds like a hospital. We were doing back to back episodes of James Corden's Late Late Show. Oh, so that time, yeah. This is like a while ago. And you had just done the one before me. Yes. And I just had a glance over. Zooey Deschanel. I can't. Yeah. I was on with like... I was only on once. I think Diane Keaton was on my one. And Andy Garcia. Yeah, that's great. And me doing some stand-up. Do you still talk to Andy? Yeah. All the time. We know what these talk shows are like. You make friends for life, right? Well, on a group one like that, what James did was he made it a group. Yeah. And those do get pretty tight. Yeah. Sometimes when it's one guest after the other, there's not really a lasting friendship. There's no WhatsApp group. The panel ones are super tight. Yeah, yeah. We didn't invite like Corden or Reggie Watts onto the group because we know that they can't be on all the groups. exactly I bet they get added sometimes like guys this is a job for us you know but yeah we actually had a good time don't real life me yeah we can't be on this but yeah yeah me me Diana okay I was coming to London wait what did how did you say it so you were meant to come to this was in uh during COVID we've talked about this on the podcast a lot by the way so this is a huge moment for our listeners that you're finding on the podcast a huge part of the off-menu law is that I've benefited from you having to pull out of something so it was a film oh and i replaced you two days before yeah and it's the role of a lifetime yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and my character uh well james corden's in it again this is another anecdote james corden me james corden and ramesh ranganathan were the mice right and in the script i get there and there's a character of james and but that's james corden the mouse yeah ramesh the mouse and I was John the mouse. Great. Yeah. And in the credits, I'm John the mouse, even though I requested, please, could we change that? Cause I've not called John at any point during the film. They don't say my name is John. They could have gotten out of it. Now they had some wiggle room. They could have said you, we wanted you to be James, but James is already James. Yeah. Yeah. But I said, I was like, look, no one says the names of the mice. They just went right to look. John the mouse. I said, if it's just in the credits and no one's actually saying our names, can you just call, I mean, I guess this is a hard sell, but I said, could you call my mouse Mickey Acaster yeah why not I said we'll call Acaster right and they were like and credits by the way is just typing who cares yeah exactly they can change that there's almost no one yeah truly whereas like I might as well be called John Mulaney the mouse right yeah it's like it wasn't meant to be me you're leaving out my favourite detail what's that the hair oh yeah I get there and they go we've got to get you in the hair and makeup I'm like fine and Ramesh and Corden were in and out of hair and makeup I'm there for a long they're doing my hair for ages I'm like why are they doing my Ramesh and James were just like yeah there you go you're done why are we spending ages on my hair and what are they doing to it making me look like your hair they're darkening it it's your hair it was how your hair was at the time sure so by the end I'm like and I'm looking and he's got a piece of paper and I look at it it's just a photo of you And just directions on how your hair's meant to look, because I was such a last minute replacement. Nobody pivoted. Nobody pivoted even a little. There was like, no one thought to tell the hair guy, by the way, it's a different guy now. So was he quite stumped? Because he kept going like, look, I can't make mirrors. Yeah. Just doesn't look... If this is what he looked like before, that's... How was it brought to you though? Did you know that someone had dropped out a couple days before? No details, just like, John Mulaney can't make it now. I want you to know there was no details. No details. No one was blabbing John. Okay, yeah, yeah. He can't make it. He can't make it, it's Covid, he's coming from America. He did three fittings? Yeah. Yeah, he can't make it. And that was it. What a fitting, did you get the full fitting? Like groin inseam, all this stuff. No, he was wearing your groin. I'm literally like, you better have the same body type as John Mulaney, because otherwise... Are we this... There's nothing we can do about this. Yeah, we're kind of like... It doesn't feel like it would be like a crazy... It's not a crazy stretch, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it was just like the guy playing the prince... Do we have the same heel to groin though? Because that was big with the mouse costume. We can find out now. We can try and sort it out. You know how you do it, you lay on the floor. Yeah. Like brothers do, yeah. Like brothers do. Yeah. Oh, that's wild. So that was my first film role. Never been in a film before. Huge. That was going to be my first film role too. Really? Live action film, yeah. Well, you've done much cooler ones since. I've only done one. Really? Yeah. Oh, I'm thinking, oh, live action. I'm thinking of the Spider-Verse. Yeah, that was animated. Fantastic. That was animated the whole time. But they still did your heel to groin, right? Yeah, they did heel to groin and then they do once around the skull under the armpit to waist and they ask you to really stick it out. Yeah. For Spider-Ham. For Spider-Ham, yeah. Yeah. Peter Parker. Did it fit the mouse costume? The footman costume? Yeah. You look great. It fit. To be fair, I was pretty happy with the hair. That was out at Pinewood Studios. The Pinewood Studios. I was looking forward to that. Oh, yeah. I was really excited. Yeah. What the stories that made you excited about Pinewood? You strike me as the kind of... I've seen a few interviews with you. And you really like the history of places, especially showbiz places, like showbiz stories. you know some stories that I don't think I would have heard were it not for you talking about it on a podcast or in an interview you got a good nose for the kind of stuff that maybe like a little boy who lived with an old aunt and rode away to movie magazines yeah sad little life I think you would like James Cameron telling them all to go fuck themselves at the end of whatever film he did there there was a film that he did there maybe Aliens but at the end he was like I don't want to work with any of you ever again that's really funny That was in the end. That was in the end. When he's rapping out of each act. His end speech. Hold on, quiet everyone. It was basically that. That's a production rap on Linda Hamilton. I don't want to ever see you again in my life. All the other actors who haven't rapped yet have been like, God, I... Yeah. Mine's Thursday, yeah. Pinewood, now I'm blanking, but was it some Alec Guinness stuff? Was it some David Lean stuff? I was very excited for whatever it was, yeah. Yeah, I mean, obviously all the Bonds that were filmed there as well. Oh, were they? Yeah, loads of Bonds. yeah yeah yeah great british bake-off pull over i'm james bond you know or what is it yeah that's it it's basically get out of the car freak yeah right shall i read james cameron's i like that you're reading it here we go this has been a long and difficult shoot fraught by many problems but the one thing that kept me going through it all was a certain knowledge that one day i would drive out the gate of pinewood and never come back and that you sorry bastards would all still be here. That's great. But he definitely would have had to have worked with some of them in the future at some point. Maybe even like the next project. I, by the way, I did a segment on this Netflix show with stunt doubles specifically that had worked for James Cameron. And it is a pretty tight family. They've done most of the films. So it's kind of the same folks over and over. Yeah, yeah. And he says that to them every time. Yeah. Drove out of Pinewood. You saw he passed it. That day he brought a car They like why is he bringing why is his car pointed to the outside of the studio What he got going on I was excited for that Yeah Pinewood And that was going to be like right when... They wanted to film it right when COVID started, right? That was a script that should take place at the beginning of a pandemic. Yeah, yeah. They wanted it to be like that. Yeah. They wanted a lot of people to be sick outside the movie, but the people working on it to not be sick. Yeah, yeah. Which was, yeah. The bubble. Did you learn the song for it? No. No. I think the official reason was I didn't have a passport. Right, okay. Right. Which is impo... You know, they're... They're impossible to get. If you don't get one early, you're never gonna get one, right? There's no way to expedite it. Yeah, yeah. Like, there's no such thing as an expedited passport. Yeah, yeah. There's no official thing called an expedited passport. I've never had that word before. Yeah, I go, look, this, it's just not gonna happen. Yeah. Well, it's in six weeks, right? Yeah. You can get one and two. I know, but it's too late. Look, you really don't want me to show up at Pinewood. I guarantee you, in 2020, you do not want me showing up at Pinewood. Get James Acaster. Yeah, get James. Yeah, I did. I put in a ton of names. Yeah. I appreciate that, John. Yeah, Milton Jones, everyone. I said, get Milton. Well, obviously, the last name. He'll open with Before I Go. And... How do you know Milton Jones? you know, Melbourne maybe. Yeah. I love Milton Jones. Oh, he's amazing. Yeah. He was, when I started, I was a standup. That was my first year being a professional comedian was because Josie Long and then Milton Jones took me on tour with them. Josie Long, yeah. So like, yeah, Milton took me on, literally there was a, in the January, I was going to have to go back to my day job if Milton didn't take me on tour. That's fantastic. And he did take me on tour. And he'd do an hour. Because I only saw him do shorter sets throughout that festival. He'd do an hour and I'd do like 20 at the top. And like, and the, because he kept on he was just starting to get on tv here so the tour kept getting extended and it was just absolutely saved saved my life that's fantastic i would have had to go back and work at the school and i wasn't very good at that it is amazing how much you own milton and you still took away his part in cinderella yeah yeah i know yeah don't know i think it was a costume thing we're actually a lot of people don't yeah we are different body types milton jones yes yeah yeah so how was the experience oh great for me yeah yeah i mean obviously everyone had to kept being reminded what my name was yeah because everyone else's characters were just their name and people would look point at me and go um we just need you to move can you move because like we can't remember that's not even an issue with it being a different actor yeah that's really just bad yeah i was last minute but like you know i loved it i loved doing it i loved that we got to do green screen i got to do a song yeah the song i remember reading that and not having to rehearse Corden had to really carry the song yeah sure yeah yeah yeah me and Rom I'd imagine he was fine with that though yeah he was fine with that it was it was Rom says that when he went in to record his part the guy at the piano just had his head in his hands and was hammering the key and asking Rom in a very annoyed tone can you hear that so it was pretty rough so everyone behind the camera was quite unreasonable yeah yeah yeah it was the opposite of a gym camera the crew were just like you sorry bastards yeah yeah yeah get out of here oh that's fantastic do you like being on set I don't do much acting at all so whenever I've done it yeah yeah I don't get to do much but when I am so it's always a novelty yeah yeah yeah as a stand up you kind of feel like that like you feel like I shouldn't really I keep commenting on how it's early in the day all the things that are different yeah yeah I go no I'm good I'm good it's you know it's 10 it's 10 a.m. so many snacks yeah so many snacks yeah we're the only ones at the snack table all the actors we don't have any yeah we haven't we've never it's so clear we've never gotten into a rhythm on set because we're just constantly wandering around following different crew and eating snacks eating it like it's the last day really thinking we should be standing there in case a set up suddenly changes and we're in it as opposed to waiting which they're begging us to do yeah it's very obvious on camera we're the ones who just ate a bag of Skittles and everyone else it's fine we always start with still a spark with mortar John do you have a preference for your dream would have been sparkling for years but i'm still now what happened yeah what was the change i started getting frustrated with how at a meal i'm going to the restroom three times minimum yeah and they had a long meal a sprawling meal right and some folks are just not getting up once yeah we would have these dinners at saturday night live and they two and a half hours and just from the Pellegrino, I'd be like, I'm going to the bathroom. Nothing's been served yet. So there's a first bathroom just to kind of stretch your legs. Then I'd have to pee again halfway through. And then before we'd leave, if we were walking back to Rockefeller Center, I'd go, I have to pee again, like fully, not a little, like a full urine, not like a sickness where like there's a muscle weakness or something. It's not like a drizzle. You're not drizzling. It wasn't that it wasn't. Oh, you know, there was some hesitation and lack of completion, which is fine also. This was just like full bloated belly of piss. Needed to get it out again. And folks in their 60s and 70s weren't getting up. But to me, that's... I'd be more worried about the people who are not urinating at all. It is really weird. Yeah. Two and a half hours of drinking water and wine. Yeah. There's a blockage. Also, if it's SNL, I'm guessing when you're saying 60s and 70s, we're talking about specifically Lorne Michaels, and I imagine... And other producers. He never urinates. That's it. I think it might be that. I think he did. If he had to learn it, he learned it, or he naturally had this gift of just like... It's quite a thing to be with your boss and get up three times. It'll be some old school entertainment thing where he's like, I never piss. You go under the table and that's it. And you call ahead and... I don't have time. It's like everyone knows how to do it. All the greats know how to... David Geffen, everyone knows how to not get up to pee. They all get up in the restaurant just pools underneath the table. Yeah, and you call ahead and put a card down for it. And they cover it. But I started to think, like, this Pellegrino stuff, this is just inflating me like a balloon, but not air. Yeah. But that's interesting. I've never heard anyone say that sparkling water makes them piss more. No one's ever said that. Because you would have thought there's so many bubbles in there that there's actually less water. I think I have a bad body. Not sick. Not sick or, you know, anything major. but just kind of like doesn't just like, oh, what's this? Just really not equipped to handle anything. It panics. Like a bad maintenance crew. Yeah. What is this? We should get this out. Like, no, it's okay. It's okay. It's going to stay in there. Like, no, the last time we got it out, just like, yeah, just leave it in there. It can get bigger. Yeah. Yeah. And you're saying this in the bathroom as well, out loud. I say it out loud. Yeah. Because I don't want to get up, right? So I'm still at the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You at SNL, you overlapped with Will Forte. I did, yeah. Did he ever do the prank I've heard about that he does to people in the bathroom, where he just puts his hand in front of the stream of piss? No, but I've been in and near and around it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I just wanted to verify that that's true. It's funny that it's a prank to other people, because he's... He's covered in piss on his hand. Yeah, he's covered in piss. So someone's pissing, and then he just puts his hand in front of them. Both hands in front, and going, Hey, hey, John Salomon, whoever it is, yeah. That's not a prank on that person. It's more of a, yeah, it's just, it's like a, it's an action. yeah it's a good so i've heard a few things about him yeah those kind of pranks and they're all stuff that i think if i did them i would not uh execute them very well at all it would go badly he seems to have this thing where he just fully commits to the point where it is so funny and i've never heard about him doing something like that yeah and then everyone goes oh well yeah well that So one time, so I was in Colin Jost's office and we were working on a sketch for a long, we were taking way too long and we were eating Teddy Grahams out of a box slowly, individually. I remember he was taking them out one at a time. So I was self-conscious to dump. So I kept also opening the box and taking one out. We were taking a long time to write this piece and Forte's waiting on Jost to be done. And so it's, Colin, are you done yet? I'm waiting on you. Like, we just need a few more minutes. A few more minutes. And it's lasting like two hours. And he comes in, he goes, are you done yet? He goes, Will, I need a little more time. And then we'll be done. And he goes, oh, a little more time. There's a baseball bat. And he picks it up and he goes, who makes this bat? Easton smashes it through the wall so loud. And it hit the, Eric Kenwood was in the next office and all the stuff flew off his shelves. And people came in and were like, what, Will? You know, people were really mad. It was very upsetting to people. So would he consider that a prank then? So I don't know. So it's interesting we're getting into the word prank. It's the first time I've really thought about it. These acts of like destruction. That's not a prank. Like Will once threw someone's dinner out the window. Good prank. I guess that's a prank, but there's no tension and release to it. It was just one big thing. You think pranks should, after the prank is done, everything is the same as it was before the prank started? That's a good question. Does a prank involve planning and misdirect? Yes. Because there was no misdirect. Because just throwing someone's dinner out the window. Although, pretending to be upset at the name of the bat brand, I guess. Who makes this bat yeast? And that's what made it bad. That's funny. That was a bit of a misdirect. Yeah, yeah. Pop-a-noms or bread? Pop-a-noms or bread, John Mulaney? Pop-a-noms or bread? I go pop-a-noms. Yeah. Crisp, pack them up, little bits. You know, I told you the Teddy Graham story. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I have so many butter issues that bread would be... Talk us through the butter issue Is this your bad body again? No, this is just cold butter overly salted butter I have lots of cold butter mainly and I just feel like I just keep getting rolls with cold butter in the United States not to put it on the states they're going through enough obviously but even at a great restaurant you go like, how can you fucking do this? this little coin of this cold coin on paper is really bad. We got a butter bell at home, which I enjoy a great deal. A butter bell is, I'll just describe it because I don't know why it's shaped this way, like a jar. And then you take it and upside down is this bell where you've stuffed butter, right? It sits out on the counter. It's not in the fridge. You know, so you could do stick on dish with lid, right? Or you could do butter bell. It's a new thing in our life anyway. Has it changed your life for the better? It really is a good thing in my life. What percentage has it made your life better, the Butter Belt? Okay, I'm going to give it because of the current raisin toast craze with my kids. I'd say this is 30% life better. Wow. Yeah. Fast slices. And how many sort of slices of raisin toast are your kids getting through a day, would you say? Maymay can do two and a half. Nice. Yeah. So you need that production line of just... The production line's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, smearing cold butter on... and messing up the toast, scraping off the... It was really lousy, and my kids knew it was lousy. Yeah. Yeah. Is breakfast your forte? Forte? We're back to Will, isn't that interesting? Is that your specialty, as a dad? Are you the breakfast guy? No, I'd say breakfast is... We're sort of in between. Our kids really like, like, savory soy sauce and rice and cucumbers with salt. breakfast is a we're not quite nailing it with them it's a lot of you know we like the idea of making pancakes and french toast for them and you know uh for the visual more yeah uh and you know there's music playing and i go this looks like a home you're a family and a family we're a family and a thing yeah and we're the family stone but they're much more like let's skip to lunch food let's have seaweed paper rice let's have diced peaches let's just have the stuff we like yeah I'm trying to get them into the traditional breakfast and it's not quite working. The toast, you're probably about to ask, what about the toast? Are you just talking about a lot? That's like an afternoon thing. Oh, okay. And also, May really likes to hold a whole thing and rip bites off of it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when they're older, I mean, that's so much to look forward to. A burger? Yeah. I think a slice of pizza will be May's real thing. That's the ultimate. And you learn a shape with it, which is rounded triangle. This episode is brought to you by Magnum Bonbons, bite-sized ice cream indulgence. And this is if you've been keeping a keen ear to the Off Menu podcast, you'll know that Ed and I have been loving Magnum Bonbons. They're everything you expect from a Magnum, just in bite-sized form. Cracking chocolate, creamy ice cream, ribbons of sauce and crunchy inclusions. That's right, they're perfect for any occasion. Personally, I love to fill a bowl with bonbons after cooking a complicated dish as they're low stress but still delicious. you got yourself a dessert for an elite dinner party, James. Which is exactly why we're planning on serving up some bonbons at our dream dinner party. You see, Magnum challenged us to each put together our dream dinner party, where the bonbons would flow. We have one invitee each currently, who you heard about last week. Who was yours, Ed? Brett the Hitman Hart. Yeah, that's right. And I was welcoming Bjork to my dinner table. So, Ed, who's joining your dream dinner party next? Well, sat next to the Hitman, I'm going to be putting Larry David. you think they'll get on? yeah I think they'll get on I mean Larry obviously he tends to have sort of butts heads with a lot of people sure and you know I don't think Brett the Hitman Hart would necessarily like that but I think Larry would enjoy enjoy our company okay yeah yeah I think so and do you think I think we'd get on with Bjork? Wes Anderson that's actually probably a better pairing than they would get on Brett the Hitman Hart and Larry David I think they'd both be quite quiet it will be oh so quiet at this dinner table yeah but like I'm okay with that everything at my table can be very symmetrical if Wes Anderson's there as well it would look very nice okay so we've got Bret Hart and Larry David for me and Bjork and Wes Anderson for you everything's coming together James it certainly is and yours is a rowdier there's going to be some fireworks at your dinner party I think yeah so stay tuned to hear our final guests who will be coming to our dream dinner parties and listeners have you tried Magnum Bon Bons yet these bite sized treats are perfect to share and available in four indulgent flavours I think my favourite is Magnum Bon Bon Gold Caramel Billionaire. Absolutely delicious. Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is brought to you by Marriott Bonvoy, a world of over 30 inspiring hotel brands, James. Ah, man. Ed, Marriott Bonvoy turns great food into lasting memories, bringing you closer to the flavours, shared tables and moments that linger longer after the last bite. Marriott Bonvoy understands something that the dream restaurant has always known, James, that food isn't just part of the travel. It is the trip. I do this. I go to destinations specifically for the restaurant scene. I want to check out the restaurant scene. I want to see what's shaking down in those kitchens. I want to go for one big special meal and then I want to try all the little restaurants around it. And I need somewhere to sleep, don't I? You need somewhere to sleep. And look, when I'm on a trip, and I go just for the food as well, I want the place I'm staying to have good food because I know that at least one night of the trip we're going to want to stay at the hotel, veg out a little bit. You really want somewhere that's as good as going out. These trips are so important. The food is the trip, but also the hotel is the trip. Whatever your passion, explore over 30 hotel brands and thousands of experiences to bring it to life. Explore Marriott Bonvoy's world of inspiring hotel brands. Starting making tax digital is seamless with Xero's HMRC-recognized software. If you're a sole trader or landlord whose income tax is going digital, not only is Xero MTD ready, it also gives you better control of your finances, like capturing your receipts with a snap, so all your records are accurate, sorted and ready for tax time, which changes the way you see MTD. Search MTD ready with Xero. Let's get into your dream menu proper, your dream starter. So I was thinking a lot about it, and it's French onion soup. Lovely. And yet I'm mad at French onion soup every time. You're mad at it? Because it's wonderful French pizza, and then underneath, was there a flood? Like, one of the least fun things underneath the most fun top. You've just made it so American somehow. You just want the pizza topping. Yeah, but not just the pizza. And it's a brown bowl. It's a special bowl they don't put anything else in. And it's painted brown. It's like a glaze fired in a kiln thing. And there's the cheese on this rim. I don't need to tell you this. I assume other people have picked this. But scrape that, break through, cutting through pizza with a spoon. All of it's super fun. And then you go, like, as if you're renovating a beautiful house. fucking water damage what is this hot water yeah so the soup is what surprises you when you get French onions yeah yeah so you're enjoying the French pizza I'm not fazed by wet bread that's almost like the insulation under the pizza yeah yeah but then at the bottom I'm like get this out of here this is onion water so you don't want well it's the onion soup right so you don't actually want the onion soup at all in the dream meal or do you just want the topping it's got it I mean the topping is part of the soup sure but you only like the topping I don't want onion broth. That's fair. I'd say that's mainly the soup. Well, that's a good question. Would French onion soup exist without the top? Do you think people would order onion broth? It's onion soup. There is? Yeah, it's onion soup. That's what it is. I don't know what he's talking about. Is there onion soup without the cheesy top? With the bread? With the pizza? The French pizza? I reckon. I've never seen it. Surely there is. I've never seen it. You can't say surely. But why would you have it by itself? Yeah. So I think it is all one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the opposite of you. I forget about the top every time. Every time I order a French onion soup. You pop it off without looking. I'm like, oh yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, that's funny. They've done this. They've put this on and I can't get straight to the soup because I've got to deal with this first. Really? I always forget about the top. Yeah, yeah. Wow. I think because my mum did make French onion soup when we were kids, but it was just a soup. Yeah. No bread. No. So that's my memory of French onion soup. It was onion broth? Yeah, it was at home. We loved it. A minute ago you were challenging me and saying that you've never seen the soup without the tofu. I've never seen it. She'd ladle onion water, brown onion water. So you'd all be there? Yeah, but not like you're making it sound like Charlie Bucket and stuff. It wasn't like Charlie Bucket. I'm not picturing that. It wasn't like Charlie Bucket. I was in bed with my grandparents. 1938, 39? Yeah, yeah. Whole family in a bed together. Yeah. I agree with you the best bit is the cheese, but I think it goes with the... I think everyone would agree with that. Yeah. And I think people like the soup underneath it. I like the soup underneath it. My issue with it is it's so hot all of the time. It's so hot also. I'm hungry. Soup is so hot. Soup is hot. But that soup, especially the hot brown water. It is because I think there's like in other stews, I feel like potato carrot absorb heat. Yeah. Does anyone bite into a potato in a stew? You're like, this is criminally hot. But the onion can't. It's just, you're just dealing with hot water. Yeah, it's just boiling water. And then I'm so hungry that I end up eating all the cheese off the top because the soup's not ready. Yeah. eaten because it's so hot so i'm always doing extra scrape around the bowl yeah yeah for sure are you scraping the outside rim as well and eating that cheese yeah of course yeah so bubbling over yeah to me that feels like illegal cheese that i shouldn't be having why illegal because in my mind they might not have washed that bowl properly and some of that cheese might be left over from the last time they did it's really weird i have total trust in the sanitation of restaurants i've never been like you know people that have all the uh apocryphal like oh they rub their body parts on these things i've just i've never bought into that yeah yeah you can't be phone terms like illegal around our american guests sorry they don't it doesn't mean the same thing over there okay it's a lot more flexible apologies john it's much more flexible yeah yeah yeah we have a pretty strict yeah as you know we follow pretty strict Oh, your dream main course. Oh, you know what? I forgot. Let's go. Let's do it. Come on. No, but I was going to do it before the start. I thought it'd be fun because we've never done it with a guest before. We could do it with John and get him to say grace before the meal because of when you're in the bear and when you say grace in the bear. It's a very good moment. Oh, yeah, that's fun. Yeah. And I thought, oh, great. We've got a guest on. He said grace in a very iconic episode of television. we could get John to do that but now I've just remembered it as we got into the main course and that's annoyed me do you ever edit the podcast? never I mean what I'd like to throw out is the chance to maybe do something and then put it in earlier Ben will never edit it to make us sound better so he will leave this in oh that's right you're quite serious you wouldn't yeah here's a question for you why couldn't you drop out of that two days before? that would have been nice that episode's crazy that was 2023 things were a lot You had a passport. I had a passport. I had a passport. I had over two years of passport. Yeah, you get up to Chicago. Oh, man. That episode's so funny, man. What an episode of TV! We were all around that table on the stage in Chicago. There were a few interiors at a house in the suburbs, and then we were around that table on the stage for two days. It was great. Yeah. But Oliver Platt kept ordering milkshakes. Abby Elliott was pregnant, so she wanted one, but he would he would kept drinking her milkshake by accident and he was nodding off from them and everyone was yelling at him and then john bernthal jamie lee curtis jeremy ellen white sarah paulson these people know how to act yeah and i mean there were times when i thought i think they think they're the characters and they were really yelling yeah and i felt unsafe yeah it turns out james was a great replacement for you in cinderella because you like that around actors when you watching I can believe it It like they pretending to be this person but really well I can believe it I can believe it either I know I never be able to properly become an actor because I just can't. I could convince myself I'm one person if I had a ton of time. But the idea of getting a note from the recalibrating on set, first time you've ever done it, and being like, I'm this person's mother. You're pretending to be this person slightly wrong. can you change how you're pretending to be this person? Yeah, okay, I'll do it a whole other way and it'll also seem like I think I'm that person. Why don't I change the type of person I am and I'll fully believe it also? Okay, yeah. That episode, every time another person popped up, I would just laugh out loud because the cast was so amazing. It's so funny. He saw it before me and I was like, I'm watching this Susan the Bear. He went, let me know when you get to... Fishers, it was called. Yeah, let me... He hasn't even told me what the episode is. There's an episode and when you get to it, you'll know which one it is. they just tell me how much you're laughing all the way for when people keep popping up yeah because because it was second season right second season and then later olivia coleman and yeah that yeah people started to really appear in there it's because i think that first season did so well it was like the writers had got all of these voicemails from everyone's age and just gone absolutely great we're gonna make it work so that episode just made me yeah well the thing about that episode that's yeah i'm sure loads of people told you how good this episode is but one of the things is at the top of it when because there's like a bunch of i think you and a bunch of other people all suddenly walk across the camera yeah and you're like uh are they gonna do loads of cameos in this show now i don't know if this is gonna work yeah and then by the end of that episode like that's one of the best episodes of tv i've ever seen so the fact that it kind of there's that experience as a viewer where at the beginning you go oh i'm not sure about it and then i like that you had that experience too because yeah it's nice to go okay one of these shows yeah And then they really did, yeah, they really did write the shit out of everybody in that. Yeah. At one point, I'll tell you about the acting thing, you know, where you really are in it. There was one moment where I wasn't thinking about, you know, something else. I was really in it. And Jamie Lee Curtis is yelling at Sarah Paulson. And Sarah Paulson interjected something unscripted when she's fighting with Jon Bernthal. And Jamie Lee said something like, why don't you shut your mouth, you little bitch? And I went, hey, hey, hey. I walked in the kitchen once and she was yelling at Abby's character. She was yelling at sugar and I just turned, I was so scared. I just turned right away. Luckily that is your character in the episode. For sure. So you're okay. Yeah. The only people you don't respect are the facts and that's it. You're laughing at them, which is also great. We can talk about that episode for ages. It's brilliant. It's good stuff. And food related. So, absolutely perfect. I've never been to one of those seven fishes dinners. Have you? No. Didn't even know about it. Didn't even know about it either. But I'm not Italian at all. I don't have any of that crap. No, I mean, really. I've never been my whole life. And I've met him. Yeah. But I've never been a part of that. But that doesn't mean you are. Italian-American stuff, mafia stuff. I've always been like, truly no judgment. That's definitely not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like the food, though? Yeah, a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially the fishes. talking about the main course yes chicken parmesan yes lovely yeah can't shake a stick at it ever now you're like what's with you and hardened cheese right uh for sure i don't know if and i thought about it i go would you order them one after the other and i went john embrace the spirit of the paragraph you were sent yeah that these are you know each item is the dream yeah and i could also see having french onion soup and then chicken parm yeah i love this i mean if there's something with melted cheese on it i'm more than likely going to go because it also might have a scrape now you're wondering do you like the spaghetti on the side a little uh it's really not i always think i'll need that too right because it's going to be such a pure protein meal yeah chicken pizza. And then I get to it and I go, the crusted bready cheese on the chicken is enough starch. I'm good. And also it's such a savory thing, chicken parm, that whatever marinara they have, and I'm talking at a quality, again, Italian American place. And I've never been interested in that at all. That sauce is just not going to measure up to a chicken parm. yeah so so i'm i'll order it 100 yeah not gonna say no but i rarely do i go i'm really gonna dig into this with the whole fork and the swirl the spaghetti i kind of i've just had i was just in new york and had chicken farm with the spaghetti yeah where'd you go do you remember frank oh great it was fantastic fantastic um they have another restaurant called little frankies that we've been to yeah yeah yeah um and we speak about the aubergine quite a lot i love the yeah tried to recreate it many times what is aubergine they just they mean eggplant i guess oh really oh yeah so fantastic yeah but they just grilled the hell out of it and then just mix it all up in the middle obviously they put salt and pepper and garlic and all sorts in it and just like for a dish that on paper just sounded quite boring yeah it it rocked my world i really don't always i don't mess with eggplant parmesan and i really don't mess with chicken milanese so I'm not you know yeah it's interesting I've wondered you really love chicken parm so much and it has these you know cousins you want to mess with them so is it mainly the cheese that you're invested in in this course well wouldn't eggplant parm have it as well yeah it would I just can't imagine getting through that cheese and seeing eggplant not chicken it's just expectations management yeah I'd want to see chicken Milanese is crazy that's like a crazy I think it's like just chicken soaked in white wine or something Right, yeah. You don't want to be. Come on. Do you know what I was given recently? So there's a comedian called Phil Dunning in the UK who is from Middlesbrough and a local delicacy in Middlesbrough. Now, what does that mean? It's in the North East. What connotations would it have? I don't know. What would the connotations be for Middlesbrough? It's in the North East. Really getting to it. It's near Newcastle. Okay. What does that mean? I guess Phil Dunning really likes the... I think Phil Dunning really likes the working class element of Middlesbrough. Okay. He likes a dish, like the palm that they do there. Chicken palmo. Chicken palmo that has bechamel sauce in it, but so much bechamel sauce on top. It was insane. They had me eat it on a show that he was doing. And it was a tough... I mean, also, obviously, it was on TV, so it got cold by the time they got it to me. It's covered in bechamel sauce. It's covered in bechamel sauce, and then cheese on the top. And they serve it in... They'll do, like, late-night places, so you go out drinking and then go to, like, what would normally be like a kebab shop or a chip shop, and serve you a massive chicken parma in a pizza box. It's like a huge bit of chicken bashed out, breaded, covered in bechamel sauce, cheese, pepperoni sometimes as well. That's that Northeast stuff. Yeah. I don't think you're making it up to the Northeast of England on your tour, but it's worth the stop on the way to Glasgow. I'm not sure. Where would one go if they were going there? Yeah, you're not going close there, really. You're passing through it to Glasgow. So maybe on your way to Glasgow, you can stop off. And Middlesbrough. And see Phil's chicken parmo. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Served late night at a kebab place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have to ask for Phil's as well, no matter where you go. They'll know what you mean. Phil Dunning's here. The one he eats. Yeah. Phil Dunning. Dunning. Not Phil Dunning like Jeff Dunning. Thank you. No. Who you love. I could have. We could have glanced by. I did the thing of I didn't hear the name clearly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Phil Dunning. But you wanted to get it right. And I appreciate that. Yeah. Jeff Dunham, when I started, it's one of those things where we had no idea what the real problems were in America. I remember 2005, people were just, Jake, you can't believe Jeff Dunham is doing, he's a racist puppet, you know. And I was like, yeah, this is one of the biggest racists we're facing. It's a bit like Scientology. If you asked me in 2014, what's the biggest problem facing America? I would have been like, I think we're good, but we got this Scientology stuff, this Leah Remini stuff. like if we could get rid of this yeah we'd be fine yeah um we had no idea but jeff dunham i remember i was at go bananas in cincinnati i was featuring jeff dunham it's 2005 he's like the biggest comic at the moment just that we laugh there because every time we hear the name of an american comedy club it makes us laugh yeah and that's like because go bananas go bananas is pretty crazy but it's not even yeah anywhere near rooster tea feathers i think is because nothing about Rooster Teethers is a comedy pun. And it's not even a pun. It's not a play on words. Is he like a mascot? Is there a mascot? The Rooster Teethers? He would be it. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like a guy. It has a separate mascot. It's called Rooster Teethers. It's the home of Rodney Rooster. Did the Rooster like come out to greet people at the club or anything? Or is he just on the logo? No, it was a pretty good club in California. You could do on that sweep, you know? But we're at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. Go Bananas and on the wall. Monkey Moscow? Is there a monkey? No, almost nothing. A really solid club with like a great, I mean, Cincinnati had a really good homegrown comedy scene, really good comics, and a sign that says Go Bananas, but not leaning into it. Just a nice, low ceiling, good acoustics club. Just happened to be called Go Bananas. And on the wall, you know, people would sign the wall. Jeff Dunham was so popular and someone wrote, I fucked the old man puppet while peanut watched I just remember thinking that they didn't look up the name yeah they didn't look up his name they knew peanut but they didn't look up the other one Jeff Dunham that came from Phil Dunnan who has the chicken parma covered in and chicken parma is your main which is not even technically recommended you just said you had it I had it, it wasn't very nice when I got given it I was giving it cold though. I'm sure it's nice when it's hot. Where's Yorkshire? Is that up there? That Red Riding stuff? It's not far. It's before that. Red Riding. What would Red Riding? Remember those events? Yeah, yeah. Remember those true events? Yeah, I'm familiar with Red Riding, with the TV series Red Riding. Yeah, yeah. The fact that you pulled that out. Really lassy place from what I saw on the show. Sure. It's a beautiful... Get over there! You know, really like, guys, everyone relax at once. I think there would be a lot of people in the UK who have no idea what you're talking about, even though it's an English TV show. Yeah. Yeah, it was a three-part, massively sad and disturbing thing. I watched it in all one sitting. I don't think you're doing any shows in Yorkshire either. No, you're not. Is that because of Red Riding? Probably. If I got booked in Yorkshire, I'd go like, you know, they're very violent. And I'll probably be in some underground network passed around. But honestly, don't believe what you see in Red Riding. I've never been there, but I think Yorkshire's super bounced back from that time. Yeah, it's like doing really, really well since then. Yeah. Your dream side dish. Hen of the woods mushrooms doesn't go with chicken parm. But that's not how I'm viewing this podcast. You don't have to. I think it doesn't go with it. It doesn't not go with it. I don't, actually, I'm saying that because I'm trying to, I'm trying to beat some audience member to the ick thing. I don't care. Yeah. And you shouldn't care. I eat whatever. You don't at home go like, this will bounce you. I eat whatever I want. Some people will attack you online for this menu. I bet. That's just going to happen. But that's really good because you have a very activated audience, like activated cells. A lot of it's me as well, though. I'll go on and attack you. You have a variety of accounts? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's really... That's cool. I mean, that's one way to get... Stoke it, even. If you have a slow episode, even you're like, I'm going to drum up some stuff. But you can tell it's me because I always end every message with who's with me. You know, I love a decent roast chicken too. So Hen in the Woods is probably coming from that. Yeah. Because often at your very good steak place, I'll also get the roasted chicken. Hen in the Woods, I'm just always happy to see. It's a vegetable? No? No. A mushroom? Is a mushroom a vegetable? No. Yes. Yes? Fungus? Yeah, I think fungus is not vegetable, is it? Wow. We've got a food podcast, man. We should know this straight away. Yeah, we should be on this. It's a fungi. So that's not a vegetable. When was the first time you heard about henna the woods mushrooms? Because I think they've only come into my life maybe in the last couple of years. Yeah, me too. Yeah, that's fair. I feel like I became this sort of like, I'm going to have the roast chicken. 2011? 2012? I got sick of salmon. Everyone in the United States at that time, and this was Obama years, was eating salmon. and I thought this is fine but I didn't like the ordering of fish save that of Dover Soul I just, it's not fun and people would also give the temperature of the salmon I like it pink, it's like it's all pink it's very pink, you're gonna be, don't worry and so it was a bit like I'm done with salmon I want anything I announced, want anything I like you know, no publicist, no agent just like me, just like me in my own me on my own was started to be like roast chicken, maybe mashed potatoes, hen of the woods mushrooms. Yeah. I think they are the best mushrooms. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Portobello is a different kind of mushroom. It is. Yeah. But that's old. I'd heard about that ages ago, I think. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Portobello, button. They're the classics. Yeah. Red with white dots. Yeah. Of course. A large red with large white dots. So big you could sit on it, maybe. A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah. And maybe it's candy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like the Wonka thing. The Wonka thing, yeah. The Wonka thing. One of those big... Augustus Gloop, is that it? Yeah, that's that. Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland. He died, yeah. He died in that movie. All of the other kids don't die, if you read the original Roald Dahl book. But they say at the end, Augustus Gloop did die. He did die. Yeah. In the Chocolate River. But Blueberry Girl and Miss Thing. Mike TV as well. Mike TV, all fine. Mike TV, the best. Yeah. Mike TV, the best, and it always doesn't get remembered. Everyone remembers Augustus Gloop. No one really ever remembers my TV. That's a big moment, isn't it? I think because... Yeah, Gloop's the headliner. I'm aware of that. That's like the Final Destination. You're basically punishing gluttony with... I mean, gluttony and greed, sort of, with the first three. And then his is just, he wants to be on TV and likes TV. It's not that bad of a problem. Nor are the other kids, sorry. I think he's hard on the other kids. He's hard on all the kids. He's hard on all the kids. Was he a Yorkshire guy? Because he hated, he had hate in him, right? I think he was quite a bad guy, actually. I've got Stoke in my head, but was he for a while? Oh, the new book. What? Stop writing this stuff, man. It's too mean. He was quite bad. Yeah, he's a pretty bad dude, actually. And his thing with larger kids, he really didn't like... He really didn't like big kids. He really hated them. Was that a war thing, I wonder? Because it was a large kid in the 40s, you go, you're not saving margarine for bombs or whatever was supposed to happen. what was happening over here yeah yeah yeah that's what he's supposed to be doing yeah yeah yeah saving butter to make bombs that was just in general for ages though every like there's a whole run of Spielberg films where there's just an overweight kid in every film who just gets absolutely punked out because like totally Spielberg's like and he's normally a little wealthy too like there's this feeling of like you're only big because you have too much you could never be below the poverty line and he's always like dragging the gang down if he's in a gang right because they're having to run around and stuff and they're all like keep up fat kid and stuff yeah you've got Chunk and Goonies obviously which is Spielberg produced and then we'll go through all the films and then we'll edit it in later yeah I was a fat kid and I think I watched those films being like at least he's got like friends he's got people to hang out with you know I guess his group seemed to have friends back home yeah you have to understand he's a German he's a German in England and Chunk had friends I watched a documentary about the Goonies recently, just on YouTube. It's a YouTube one. But the guy, Chunk, now grown up, he works. He's an entertainment lawyer. Yeah, he's a lawyer. Quite successful. And he was saying, like, pretty dark. Because during the Goonies, they just wanted him to maintain the weight. And it's not that much weight. When you look back at it, he's just kind of a round-headed kid. Yeah. So he turns up at his trailer one day. Oh, no. And there's just donuts. And muffins. It was muffins just for the, and these muffins that no kid, like just so much like good stuff in these muffins and just trays of them and he's eating them. And then, but then later on was like discovered no one else had those trays of muffins in their trailer. Well, I guess, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to advocate for what they did, but kids lean out so fast that I don't think it was like, I don't think this was like, we permanently want to keep you in an unhealthy state just to get the shot. But it's like 11, 12, you're just growing every day and I can understand what they were doing and also what I will say is it's the opposite of what you hear about the entertainment industry most of the time that's fair it's quite sure you know right it's not you know making actresses eat cotton wool or whatever you know you're giving your kids some muffins it's fantastic yeah chunk out baby he doesn't seem to like it these days no he's an adult and he's a lawyer and he's like that was weird when they gave me all their muffins yeah yeah yeah that got him into law yeah yeah he goes this has to be wrong yeah He sued them, he sued the muffin company. Yeah, people v. muffin. Yeah. They told her to go to hell. She went on her own terms. The afterlife isn't what Lily expected. Coffee shops, Faye, and a job at the gates of Hades. There she meets Belle, a demon general with a dangerously tempting voice. Dark magic, forbidden love, and a fight for the future await in this fiery romanticity. from Hells Bells book talk sensation, JC Lin. For Whom the Bell Tolls. Out now in paperback and audiobook. Hi, we're Backmarket. We sell expertly refurbished tech, like phones for talking to your friends or your AI girlfriend. Wow, you have such strong muscles. Either way, this expertly refurbished tech costs way less than you. Guaranteed by the Backmarket promise. One year warranty and 30 day free returns on every purchase. I am breaking up with you to be with Back Market. Back Market, where the world's shop's refurbished tech. We're going to move on to your dream drink now. As we leave the savoury courses, I am sad that we haven't had a plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter on it. I love that special. You do? Thank you. It's what I've got the vinyl. You do? I've got the Sack Lunch Bunch vinyl. James, that means a lot. I very much... That's my favorite thing I've ever done. I love it. And people really loved it, but it is not the most widely seen thing I've ever done. I'm very, very happy you like it. It's my favorite thing you've done, actually. I love it and I'm a fan anyway. But like, Grandma's Got a Boyfriend. Grandma's got a boyfriend. I sing it all the time. And her boyfriend's name is Paul. What a song! Yeah. Based on my nana and her boyfriend David. Yes, I didn't know how much... Because I knew that you had to take to social media to clear some things up afterwards. But I didn't know how much of it was real and... Did I? Yeah, that was 2020. You had to talk about the story with the brooch and stuff like that. But like, so I didn't know how much was genuinely... There's been a lot of... um yeah no uh what happened was david david took my nana to a formal of some kind and she wore the dress she'd worn the last time she went out with my grandfather who had passed away and they lit into her i mean they went after her my aunts were not happy and one time david you know and they would clown on david a little david had not served in world war ii but i'm sure he had a good reason david was a really nice guy david had written the first sat test which is a big thing in america um so that was interesting and um david loved crosswords and he he'd have a martini and he'd call my nana at night and he my aunt picked up one time and he didn't realize it was her and he went Bonsoir, ma chéri. And they went, oh my god, it's David! They're all screaming, laughing at him. Poor David, man. Yeah, I really was like, guys, David's a good guy. He's not the reason Grampy isn't here. Like, let's relax. That's why the song is funny, is how much the kid likes Paul. He's a decent guy. Despite the fact that his aunt and his mum hates Paul. They really don't like him. And just the fact that he's so fond of him. Sorry, David did once intervene. We were on a trip. No, I was not on this trip. They were in Ireland. And there was just a regular ass fight between daughters and mother. And David was like, now ladies, ladies. I was like, oh my God. Yeah, that's a big move. Yeah. Yeah. Really bad move. Yeah. Really bad move. I mean, another shout out for Nish here, but a line from the song that we will take to each other sometimes is, Paul, this is not your fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really makes me laugh. These women would love a reason to destroy you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great verse. Yeah. It really is a verse where every line is funny. I was really happy. I've never had a thing that I, in the pitching, and even in America Sawyer and I were really on the same page, but it was kind of hard to describe it in total. And yet we just knew what it was, and when it came out, it was exactly what we wanted. That kid is a great singer. uh jacob who did playing jake ryan who did uh paul he's a great singer and that had a kind of midnight train to georgia feel which was fun yeah plain plate of noodles yes um was very carol king chicken soup with rice that song so we're really excited about that one plain plate of noodles i think a lot of kids had that my little sister claire was very plain pasta at every restaurant My mom would order for her and explain it and be like just noodles you know So and my dad used to have these ridiculous steaks of like are you going to order He often go are you going to order that when you invited to Buckingham Palace The ultimate test. Also, I don't think you would order if you were in Buckingham Palace. And from what I've seen, I don't think it's a sit-down dinner. It looks like you all line up in one room. It's pretty quick. But even if they were having pasta, if someone had you over for dinner, would you be like, would you order something when you arrived? Oh, that's funny. They just bring you stuff. I think it was getting to that stage where we'd be at like a wedding and my mom would be like, she can't have this, can she have noodles? What's going to happen when the Buckingham invitation comes? And when I would cut my spaghetti, he would say that. What are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to do on a date or at your wedding or at Buckingham Palace? He's always adding wedding. At your wedding, you're going to look like a fool if you don't learn how to eat better. Because you know a groom. I'm just eating the whole time. So you've met eating in general rather than there's going to be spaghetti at all these places. Yeah, not like, hey, I could show you how to eat your spaghetti better. It was like in the next 20 years, an invitation is going to come and that you can't pass up. Your dad is such a great character when he crops up in your stand-up. What's his opinion on how he's portrayed? I think he really likes it. I found most everyone's happy to be mentioned. The only times I've had any static are when people who are not mentioned. Yeah. He likes it a lot. I think it's added to this vibe he was very happy to put out of like cold and unapproachable. He liked that at work a lot. He had no family photos in his office at his law firm. He had one photo of a federal judge named Ed Weinfeld that he had clerked for. Who was like a man looked like a bird. He had bald head with a big bow tie. And that was the only photo he had. And I asked him, I go, why don't you have any pictures of us? He goes, I don't want anyone who walks in there to know anything about me. Wow. And the seats in his office were too narrow so that people wouldn't stay for long. I love that. Yeah. It's what we're trying to do with the studio, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So your dream drink, John? Pretty arbitrary. I'll go Cherry Coke. Lovely. Yeah. Lovely. Yeah. So carbonated, right? Yeah. So obviously, at that point in the meal, I'm okay with it. You're going to be up and down to the toilet quite a lot. Yeah. Do you drink wine with dinner? Sometimes. Yeah. If I'm out, I'm not drinking wine at home with dinner. It's funny, when I drank, I never did. So when I see people doing it, I'm like, I wonder, does that taste good, going back and forth like that? Yeah. Okay. That's why it's so... But is it, when food makes your mouth dry, is it like refreshing wine? Depends. If you're having like a cold white wine, it might be refreshing if it's a hot day. Right. But a hot red on a hot day. A hot red and a hot day does not work, I'd say. It always looked to me like, is that helping the fundamental reason you have a drink is to help with how dry food can be? I wouldn't say food necessarily makes my mouth dry when I'm eating it. Then you're not doing it right. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Because my saliva's in there and stuff as well. So I'm not like, I need a drink. I've made my mouth dry with all this food. What do I not? So help me with what I'm saying then. I don't mean dry, but... You just mean like... What is the condition that food leaves our mouths in where we need to drink something. Yeah. It's wiped out. It just feels like... You need to refresh it with something. You need to refresh it. Yeah. I mean, I think wine does do that. And also you compare wine to food and it can become a whole new sensation. Right. And they'll talk a lot about it. And they have people that serve wine. Yeah. Exclusively. Yeah. The wine guys. Yeah. Wine guys. Yeah. And they'll tell you all about it. Cherry Coke is just... In fact, I'm going to have one as soon as I can. I haven't had one in a while. A lot of fun. We've got some Cherry Pepsi Max in the fridge. Oh, yeah, I'll have that. Is that good enough? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, 100%. Cherry Pepsi is really fun. I don't drink a regular Pepsi, but Cherry Pepsi is really fun. Cherry Pepsi Max is up there for my favorite drinks, I think. What's the max? Is that more caffeine or something? Less, I think. Less? No sugar. I think it's basically... Oh, it's like a Coke Zero. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know why it's called Pepsi. They had no Coke Zero on the flight today, and it was a real thing. Yeah. Yeah, they were like Diet Coke. It was just everybody was ordering Coke Zero. They didn't have any. And so it was a lot of, we have diet, we have regular. Oh, no Coke's here. It was like the same conversation happening. As if no one could overhear what had just happened at the dinner cart. What did you watch on the flight? Nothing. 50-minute flight from Dublin. Oh, of course. It's from Dublin. I thought it was from America. What did you watch on the flight from America to Dublin? I watched a documentary about the MOVE group in Philadelphia. they were they were kind of a back to nature and also semi-revolutionary not not quite Black Panthers but they were you know an African-American group in Philadelphia in the 70s that the police just destroyed there's an HBO documentary about some of them who are still in prison 40 years later I watched some of that and then fell asleep yeah fair enough yeah and then woke up with just about the nicest Coke Zero you've ever had when I was in Philadelphia I really wanted to go around and see the there's lots of famous graffiti there because there's a whole thing in the past of like like yeah like graffiti and got like kind of uh was illegal and then like all these people got punished for graffiti and then now those same people are basically the people designing the murals and stuff around philadelphia right and i wanted to go out and see these like historical bits of graffiti but um i forgot and then i was really gutted on them playing home because like i understand that one of them it probably still isn't there but they're graffiti the side of an elephant at the zoo oh that's wild yeah and he stood still the whole time yeah they managed to tag it just tag this elephant wow did you ever graffiti no way not in any serious way yeah i did a couple i tagged up a couple garages yeah yeah that's pretty a couple that's good that's pretty big what was a marker no not with a spray can what was your time i've never known how to operate i'll tell you a second i've never known how to operate a spray can no like i've never done it where it always just gets all over my hand. Oh, yeah. I just really spray and make letters. That's an art. You're pointing it the wrong way. So the hole needs to be facing towards the wall. It does? Yeah, yeah. Now shake and then get a little... Oh, you're right. I, with a marker, I wrote, we are the fuckers on that. We are the fuckers. We are the fuckers. Yeah, kind of like, and we've been here and we might come back. And this is pre-Meet the Fuckers? Can't be. We are the fuckers was before meet the fuckers. Yeah. We had the word before meet the fuckers. We are the fuckers. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like we fuck, we're, you know, we're 12, we fuck, we've been here and we might come back. You didn't even know we were here. Yeah. I found some liquid chalk pens once on the street. Wonderful. And I was like, I'm going to do some graffiti, but I didn't want to do it on any public property. So I went and did it to my own bedroom and wrote Slipknot lyrics on my chest of drawers. Oh, cool. and then wrote Anton Sanzor LeVay on the inside of my wardrobe, who was the head of the Satanist church. Yeah. You know, what's funny about Anton LeVay is there was a Manson girl who rolled with him for a little bit. Yeah. And she was so intense. He went, you get... Like it was during some orgy in Sam. He went, you gotta get out. We're not actually doing this. Come on. Yeah. And he kicked her out. It's being too intense. Yeah. He was the same the whole time. That guy, bald and loved the devil. Like, it wasn't like, yeah, I have a new wave. It's just always the same. Like, welcome. It's just all the same. Same every day. Every day got up. I'll wear dark clothes again and do that. Devil. Goths are consistent, is what you find about them. Yeah, I just, I wondered, was he like year four? You're like, are you bored of this? Because it feels like it was just like to escalate nasty behavior. And now you're just in it. And like, you know, having people send self-addressed stamped envelopes and stuff. Your dream does that. You were into him, huh? Yeah, fair enough. I was like a metal head and loved all of those bands and stuff and then read up on Satanism and stuff. I was never into it in a sort of real way. He more liked the music and wanted the bands to think he was cool. It's scary, Satan. Yeah, yeah. I remember that time, you'd see at a head shop that sold bongs, there'd be the pentagrams. You'd go, no. I don't even know how to believe it. No, I'm not going to mess with that. I still have a little devil on my chain today. Let me see. Oh, yeah, there he is. He's got a little chai devil. There he is, you're right. I love that guy. Well, that's the devil. Satan feels like a different kettle of fish. Yeah. That's serious. But I think they're the two sides of the same coin. 100%, but devil feels like, you know, like... Satan is like, you know, I'm the father of all lies. Yeah. It's like that. Devil's like, you know... yeah he's like prodding people in the butt yeah steal that yeah he's the guy on the shoulder the devil right yeah one of them it's not on the shoulder jesus yeah satan's on there satan's a big like satan's on the back he's a big goaded beast yeah yeah yeah you think dessert speaking of missing what was the movie cinderella yeah while in rehab a bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette outside in the cold Pennsylvania snow. See, now I'm going to come across as an absolute super fan. But again, this is a line that Nish particularly likes while here all the time is eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip. That I really appreciate. That's from an SNL monologue. I've never heard anyone mention that story. I like it. Thank you very much. If you don't know Nish Kumar, that is one of his favorite SNL monologues oh fantastic he talks about it a lot and he references that line specifically yeah uh because it's about bringing your kids to work is it no it was a make a wish we have yeah uh and this young woman elizabeth wanted to meet me as her wish which i was already thought was like i was like oh man she doesn't have to make a wish you know you can make a plan to meet me like you just ask to meet me yeah it doesn't have to be a wish and then she said i want to see how you spend a day and i said i wouldn't wish that on a healthy adult I don't want to have her just watch me eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip. Yeah. Yeah. Repeating gossip is lovely. Yeah. Just so good. Really fun. Yeah. So for your dessert, are you repeating gossip? Are you having Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette? Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette, yeah. A cigarette. Just a very nice candy memory. Mmm. Yeah. If I were to give another answer, banana cream pie at this restaurant, Joe Allen. And I like sticky toffee pudding a lot. What's the cigarette? It would have been a camel light or camel blue, I guess. Or maybe a parliament, whatever we had. And there's different types of Sour Patch Kids, right? This was a regular bag. Definitely not the watermelon kind. I don't like the watermelon kind. I'm really surprised they make it. It's really like, I can't believe this is enough people's jam. Yeah, enough people must love it that they still make it. I guess. I mean, look, they obviously know what they're doing. This is a big company. I had a, back to the last bag of Sour Patch Kids I had was last month. I had a very, very bad hangover in San Francisco. And I just, my body just wanted some Sour Patch Kids for some reason. I only ever had Sour Patch Kids in the UK before. So I got them from the hotel lobby. There was some Sour Patch Kids. Open it up. They're so much smaller here, the kids. Yeah. And in fact, we sell, oh wait, in the UK. Sorry, in America. They're smaller. You're diddy little kids. I know. You open it up. They're so tiny. sell a thing called a big kid, which is its own pat, its own wrapper, like a prophylactic inside is a little, is a larger sour patch kid. But I totally agree. Spielberg would hate that guy, the big kid. Yeah. For sure. Roald Dahl would hate him, chase him out of his little hut. He probably wrote it. Sam Neill, give him a lecture and drag a razor across his neck. You've got to be like the little kids. How tight did Roald Dahl keep it that he could criticize other people's weight? Yeah, I mean, I've seen pictures of him. It doesn't, he wasn't ripped. Wasn't ripped, yeah. No. He's pretty... Could he have dropped seven pounds, though? I mean, I bet he could have. Yeah. Sour Patch Kids, yeah, they're getting smaller. We also have Tate's Cookies. Uh-huh. And that was a wonderful, large, salty, crispy cookie. You know, sold in stores, but you'd get it at like a Dean and DeLuca. Now they're everywhere. They're getting tinier, less crispy. It's a real shame. I think they got a co-packer, and that's what businesses have to do to survive. but it certainly isn't great for those that knew how big the cookies once were look when you're hung over and you don't expect the sour patch kids to be that small it is were you doing a show in san francisco i was the night before yeah this was just this was a travel day so it's even worse yeah yeah yeah and uh the whole day i'm just in the lobby i was gonna go out and do a bunch of stuff in san francisco and now i can't sit in the lobby kind of a fucking move it's valentine's day i'm just sitting in the lobby and they were having a valentine's day mixer and i was sitting there eating Sour Patch Kids and hung over and everyone else is in their 50s and they're and they got like love heart cardigans on and they're sitting around and like like minging you're at the club quarters where are you staying uh I can't remember what the hotel was called now I mean it was near the Masonic oh you're near the Masonic so I was near there and at one point like a man and a woman just sat next to me basically on a first date and they for some reason whoever's running the Valentine's mix has given everyone these the biggest sandwiches I've ever seen and so dry like there's no mayo or anything in them they're just a lot of bread it's just the driest bread crustiest driest bread it's so wider than anyone's mouth taller than anyone's mouth yeah and full of just like dry cheese and both these people are trying to be on a date together while eating these free sandwiches that they've been given that are awful and obviously i'll just hear everything they're talking about they might as well be sitting on top of me and first of all it's just trying to break the ice with these sandwiches are so big yeah yeah and then they're so dry and the guy said like to her we're in it together and then she did a really big laugh way more than it deserved because it's like a date thing and then eventually like they've run out of things to say and she just went i'm scared of ai oh yeah yeah yeah then i was in the middle of that yeah that was out of nowhere i'm scared of ai that wasn't like teed up or anything it's good to be open on the first day he wasn't scared of ai what did he think he said i think it's basically going to be fine i don't think you need to worry about this sort of stuff. There's no point worrying. You can't control it. You're like too much for a first date. It's the end. There's no relationship forming out there. I thought it was going to be, we'll find responsible ways to harness it. We just need to get ahead of it. He was just telling her. Don't be worried. Don't be worried. Because we can't control it. You're stupid for worrying about it. You can't control anything. There's no point worrying about stuff you can't control. You're like, well, this is bad. You're not meeting up again. No, not at all. And I'm there with my tiny sour patch. Did they acknowledge you at all? Talk to you? At no point. At no point. I think they could tell. I was having a rough time. Maybe she said, I'm scared of that guy. You can't do anything about it. I'm scared of it. Yeah, you go. Sounded like AI. I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Okay. You would like still water. You would like poppadoms. You want a French onion soup as your starter. You want chicken parm as your main. Side dish, Hen of the Woods mushrooms. Drink a cherry Coke and dessert, a bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette. That's right. How do you feel about that, John? You know, looking back, I went with Hen of the Woods and that's what it is. Yeah. It sticks out as maybe there could be work on that, you know, on that part of the menu. But we open in two days and that's going to be what we go with. Yeah, yeah. That's going to be good. That's going to be good. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's really fun. Thank you, John. Thanks very much for having me. Thank you, John Mulaney. Thank you. Well, there we are, Jimmy. A lovely menu. Lovely menu. I think we got to talk about all of my favourite John Mulaney things. Yes. I always remember, we've not been recording for a while, I always remember that someone's going to come in, you're going to pitch all your memories, everything you know about their work, everything you enjoy about their work. I've seen all of it. I ain't remembering stuff. Yeah. And I'm just going to tell them what I remember. I've got no follow-up. I've got no questions about it. I was very lucky that John used those as springboards for anecdotes. Yeah, and also he was delighted that you were, there were very specific things that you liked and he liked those things as well. And occasionally you'd look at me for reassurance and I'd go, I'd just sort of nod at him. That's nice. Good to have a nod. Good to have someone nodding at you. Look, he's great. He doesn't need my reassurance. No, I mean, this is obviously on YouTube so people can watch and see if John Mulaney needs your reassurance or not. I don't think he does. He's an assured guy. Also, a lot of your compliments were via Nish, I would say. Oh. There was a lot of like, I like that, but then a few of them you went Nish likes this yeah well A it's true yeah Nish loves them is that more comfortable for you than giving a direct compliment would you say no I think that like I do you know what if I was on a podcast if I went on an American podcast and one of the American comedians was saying like I love your stuff and there's another American comedian and he loves this bit you did it would make me feel even better yeah yeah but if you go on an American podcast there's no way they're saying they like your stuff no none of them know what I've done at all. But, you know, so I guess I'm just like living. I'm going, I'm going to give John Mulaney the experience I wish I had. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, telling him, look, it's not just me who likes your stuff. This other comedian likes it. He quotes it all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Must feel pretty good to be John Mulaney right now going home from this. Oh, I bet. Especially because he didn't say one black coffee. Yeah, he stayed in the restaurant for the whole meal. Yeah, didn't say one black coffee. Which is a dangerous one because it could have come at the end of the meal. Could have. He said, by the way, to round off the meal one black coffee please get out get out get out alright I was going anyway yeah and we would have said we're not going to promote your tour Mr. Whatever which is happening from April 17th to the 27th around the UK and in Dublin but as it is we can promote that now and I would have been like I'm going to promote my tour instead John Mulaney yeah Fresh Hell brand new stand-up comedy show by Ed Gamble 2027 end of January 2027 through to God knows when probably 2030 or something sounds pretty happy about it I'll be happy about it for the first year yeah yeah yeah so see him in the first year and then if you like seeing a comedian you know regretting being on stage which can be fun then see him after the first year yeah although normally then I'm fresh again because it'll be like international shows so it'll be exciting yeah and if you like that sort of stuff you like seeing a comedian regretting their decisions see me anytime in my show cycle where I'm like oh from show one to show 300 yeah on stage going why don't I do this again I mean I love it yeah in theory I do think you should just write the shows and then never perform them I should find someone else to do them that's a good idea should get someone else that could be you know after this show yeah moving forward I just find someone who will franchise it who will yeah franchise it like Tape Face exactly like Tape Face maybe I'll get Tape Face to do it because he's not doing his own shows anymore because he's franchised it so I'm going to get Tape Face to perform my shows take the tape off take the tape off see how some words suit him yeah thank you for listening slash watching. We'll be back next week with another great episode of our very funny podcast. See you then. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Magnum Bon Bons, bite-sized ice cream indulgence. And this is if you've been keeping a keen ear to the Off Menu podcast, you'll know that Ed and I have been loving Magnum bonbons. They're everything you expect from a Magnum, just in bite-sized form. Cracking chocolate, creamy ice cream, ribbons of sauce and crunchy inclusions. That's right, they're perfect for any occasion. Personally, I love to fill a bowl with bonbons after cooking a complicated dish as they're low stress but still delicious. You got yourself a dessert for an elite dinner party, James. Which is exactly why we're planning on serving up some bonbons at our dream dinner party. You see, Magnum challenged us to each put together our dream dinner party, where the bonbons would flow. We have one invitee each currently, who you heard about last week. Who was yours, Ed? Brett the Hitman Hart. Yeah. That's right, and I was welcoming Bjork to my dinner table. So, Ed, who's joining your dream dinner party next? Well, sat next to the Hitman, I'm going to be putting Larry David. Do you think they'll get on? Yeah, I think they'll get on. I mean, Larry, obviously, he tends to have sort of butts heads with a lot of people. Sure. and you know I don't think Brett the Hitman Hart would necessarily like that but I think Larry would enjoy enjoy our company okay yeah yeah I think so and do you know I think we'd get on with Bjork Wes Anderson that's actually probably a better pairing than they would get on Brett the Hitman Hart and Larry David I think they'd both be quite quiet it will be oh so quiet at this dinner table yeah but like I'm okay with that everything at my table can be very symmetrical if Wes Anderson's there as well they'd look very nice okay so we've got Brett Hart and Larry David for me and Bjork and Wes Anderson for you. Everything's coming together, James. It certainly is, Ed. Yours is a rowdier... There's going to be some fireworks at your dinner party, I think. Yeah. So, stay tuned to hear our final guests who will be coming to our dream dinner parties. And listeners, have you tried Magnum Bonbons yet? These bite-sized treats are perfect to share and available in four indulgent flavours. I think my favourite is Magnum Bonbon Gold Caramel Billionaire. Absolutely delicious. Sophie's kids weren't channeling their inner gladiators at the Coliseum by accident. She booked a guided tour on Get Your Guide. Chance didn't have Ben baking pastel donatas with a Portuguese grandma. Not his grandma. A pastry chef he found on Get Your Guide. And Lark didn't make Jen swap flip-flops for flippers on a Maltese sea caves tour. That's right, Get Your Guide strikes again. The best parts of travel don't just happen. You make them happen with Get Your Guide. Book forward to it. They told her to go to hell. She went on her own terms. The afterlife isn't what Lily expected. Coffee shops, Faye, and a job at the gates of Hades. There she meets Belle, a demon general with a dangerously tempting voice. Dark magic, forbidden love, and a fight for the future await in this fiery romanticy. From Hell's Belle's book talk sensation, J.C. Lynn. For Whom the Bell Tolls. Out now in paperback and audiobook. Thank you.