Hey, it is Jeffrey Craner here to tell you that welcome to Night Vale is going to be on tour very briefly here at the end of the month. I'm speaking to you from May of 2026. We are going to be in Europe. We will be in Edinburgh on May the 27th, Manchester on May 28th, London, May 29th and Amsterdam on May 30th. So come check out our newest welcome to Night Vale live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. The show is so much fun and these live shows, they're written for the longtime Night Vale fan and the newbie alike. So bring whoever you like. They'll figure it out very quickly what's going on. These shows are a lot of fun. You can get tickets and see locations and showtimes at welcometonightvale.com slash live. Also if you like other horror and you know fictional podcasts, why not check out Alice Isn't Dead. We have three seasons already that ran a few years ago, but we have a fourth season that is out now. It is currently in process. So come check out this newest season of Alice Isn't Dead. If you were a subscriber before and haven't listened to this new season, re-subscribe. Go get that. If you've never heard it, jump in. It's a crazy good, very, very tense and scary story performed by Jessica Nicole and written by Joseph Fink with production by Disparition. I think that's all I got for you. And hey, thanks. Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the eye bandits strike. Welcome to Night Vale. The investigation into the locked room murder of the angel Marcus Vanston continues, as well as the murder of Jalen Rutherford, an intern applicant who was stabbed to death right here in the lobby of my radio station while I was broadcasting. Of course, the emotional impact of Jalen's death is diminished slightly by the fact that his doppelganger showed up in a sandstorm last month. And he's been an awesome intern for us, so it's like it never happened, right? If I only saw a dead body stabbed violently by a still at-large killer but that dead body got replaced by a duplicate, then there are no lasting psychological effects or repercussions. It's just like how my former intern Dana Cardinal killed her double with a stapler back in 2013, and she went on to become mayor. So sometimes murder isn't a total loss. But maybe we were just lucky in those cases. I don't recommend decriminalizing murder, like those people at the town hall meeting last Tuesday were. Oh, they've in fact forced a referendum onto the ballot this fall. The referendum reads, So, as of now, both murders of Jalen Rutherford and Marcus Vanston are considered major felonies. And that's probably good. But I will be doing my own research into this matter. Oh, speaking of Dana, she came by the station looking for Jalen. Because of their similar situations involving dead doppelgangers, she thought he might like to join her at this weekly support group called Doubles Anonymous. As for people who either killed their double or who are their double who killed them. Dana also wanted to talk with Jalen about what he knew about Marcus Vanston since he worked directly with Marcus before the murder. More on this soon, but first, a public service announcement. Night Vale, as you know today is April 1st, which is, of course, April Fool's Day. This is a day where we celebrate pranks and tricks and lies in order to laugh about other people feeling bad. Through gaslighting and maybe even threats of harm, we put others through a roller coaster of emotions. And in the end, they don't really feel joy so much as anger soothed only by relief. With that in mind, here are some fun pranks you can try today. Not open your neighbor's car tires. Oh, they'll be so mad when they're late to work on this the day of their big meeting, but then you pop out of your home and go, April Fool's! And you'll both have a good laugh. I mean, they'll miss the big meeting, which is to decide on who gets a raise and who gets fired. This will lead to your neighbor getting dismissed for their lack of timeliness, but later that afternoon their boss will call and say, April Fool's! Come on back to work. And your neighbor will be sweating and breathing heavily because of all the fun. Another classic April Fool's joke is to tell your partner you don't love them. You never love them, and that you're leaving them to marry Daniel Radcliffe. And when they ask, how do you know Daniel Radcliffe? You say, I don't, but I'm going to ask him anyway. And then go marry Daniel Radcliffe. Start a production company and a few charities with him, adopt children and pets, and become the poster couple for Hollywood activism. And then in 10 years, return home to your partner and say, April Fool's! And you and your partner's new boyfriend will get into a huge fight, but a pretend fight because, well, April Fool's! Today I put on my biggest April Fool's prank ever. For the past six months, I've been planning an arborist parade, which will celebrate the many people of our town who like to plant trees. After months of promotion, permits, and planning, the parade is on. It's happening as we speak. Already thousands of people have gathered downtown. There are three dozen floats and several live bands. I can't wait until the end, as we're making the grand speech to thank the arborists for their efforts. Everyone will then shout, April Fool's! Ah, it'll be great. So get out there and do your part, Night Vale. April first only happens once a year. Dana asked where Jaylin was today, since she wanted to talk to him. I told her since he's new at the job, I sent him on a snipe hunt like I do with every new intern. A bit of gentle hazing, a bit of an April Fool's joke. Dana didn't remember ever being hazed as a new intern, and I said, surely you do. I tell all new interns their first big research assignment is to find out the true name of God. Dana said she doesn't remember that at all, and I told her I clearly recall her calling every place of worship in town and even going to the library and nearly dying because she forgot to wear a librarian repellent, and they could smell her curiosity from a mile away. Then, Dana said, if I don't remember that, then maybe I am my own double. Maybe the real Dana Cardinal was killed by that stapler. Maybe I came from the sandstorm. I remember most of my life, she said, but I've found over the past 13 years that I don't have the exact same memories as what other people have. Dana's been working through these issues in Doubles Anonymous. It's tough, though, because most DA members know that they're either themselves or they're the double who killed and replaced them. Dana falls into a rare third category, those who do not know which they are. But that's not important right now. What is important, she said, is that we tell Jalen to come back to the station so that they can start doing real research into how the murder of the angel Marcus Vansten is connected to the murder of the original Jalen Rutherford. Dana is convinced that these crimes are related, even though her evidence is flimsy at best. Still, I'll have my producer, Elise, track down Jalen. Elise, I put the company directory on the Bumble app, but you should already have his number on your phone. More on this soon, but first, traffic. You're on Galloway, and you see that man again. You love him, and he won't talk to you. He loves you, too. Or you thought. You did everything right, or you thought. And you don't want to stalk him, that would be wrong. And this isn't stalking. You just happen to see him driving around town, and maybe you'll see where he goes. Maybe he pops into Ralph's, and you pop into Ralph's, and then you accidentally bump into him and say, oh hey, crazy meeting you here. We should catch up sometime. That's not stalking, you tell yourself, though you're listening to the radio and there's a man telling you that doing such a thing is creepy at best. And you decide you won't actually follow him inside anywhere. You're not going to do anything that seems crazy, even though there's something really wrong here if you could just help him understand. But no, not now. Now you just want to see him driving. And you kind of just want to drive, too. So you do. And you think about how suddenly he became a stranger, even though you two once shared something special. And you hear yourself think this, and you decide, ah, it's too much. It's all too much. And you should go home. Take a nap. Let it go. He looks like he's in a hurry. And this isn't right. What you're doing, right? Sure, you think unconvinced by your own conscience. Listeners Jaylin made it back. He looked a little haggard as he came in. He said he's never worked so hard trying to finish an assignment and he's exhausted. Finished, I asked him. Like you completed the task of finding the true name of God. Yes, he said. And no, he pulled out a spreadsheet and said he didn't find the true name of God. He found the true names of several gods. Plural. Like 14,000 or so. Most of them were easy, he said. Jew gods, Roman, Greek and Norse gods, and many indigenous gods, for example, just straight up tell you their names. But then, like, the Muslims have many names they call their God. So he cross-referenced those on a separate sheet. And the Christians, well, the Christians are pretty wild, calling themselves monotheistic, but with that whole Trinity thing. Then I cut him off. I explained that this name of God assignment was just hazing for the new guy. And he looked really upset. And then I said, April fools, and we laughed and laughed. I told him that for real. I had a big assignment for him. I wanted him to work with Dana to get to the bottom of Marcus's murder, but also the murder of his own double. He looked a bit dubious about investigating his own death, but he knew that if we solved these crimes, we'd probably win a Pulitzer. And I'm super into winning a Pulitzer, a total bucket list item. Dana and Jalen headed out to begin their deep dive into these unsolved mysteries. More on that, but now, let's go to another edition of Citizen Spotlight. This week's Community Spotlight is on Matt, Birmingham. Matt was born and raised in Nightvale. He got an associate's degree in advertising and has always wanted to work for a secret military base. Well, he got his wish this year. In March, Matt was named the new marketing director of Area 50, which is not nearly as famous as Area 51, but that's why they hired Matt to really up the lore of Area 50, which has, by the by, been around longer than Area 51, which means it has way more eerie secrets. Granted, Area 49 is even older than Area 50, Matt said, but that place is kind of run down. And don't get him started on Area 26, which at this point is just a chevron station in Northeastern Arizona. But Area 50 has so many conspiracies, he said. People really should look at satellite photos of Area 50. Maybe stoop around their electric fences. Maybe even try to get an insider at Area 50 to leak photos of all the messed up things they have hidden there. Aliens? Matt Birmingham groaned. Ha! We've got things much more mysterious than aliens. Creatures? You've never even heard of. Creatures that are neither terrestrial nor extraterrestrial. Like, superterrestrial, he said, pounding his corn dog on the podium for emphasis. Plus, he added, we have these cool punch cards. Discover 10 conspiracies at Area 50 and we'll send you a dollar on Venmo. Congratulations, Matt Birmingham. We can't wait to learn more about Area 50. Oh jeez, this day is really getting away from me. I was hoping to have these murders solved before the end of the show. Um, Elise, any word from Dana or Jaylen? Oh, you're talking to them now. You look concerned, Elise, is everything okay? They're being followed by a black sedan with tinted windows and they're getting really scared that someone doesn't want them to dig any deeper, that by unmasking the killer, a much more vast network would be revealed, threatening to bring down a giant ring of underground criminals? Oh, that's awful. I'm sorry, I missed what you just said, Elise. April Fools! I heard it all. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. While she makes sure that Dana and Jaylen are safe, Elise says we should have a look at the weather. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
