#403: Nobody's in Charge

This is a Head Gum Podcast. Adel JPC, you can stand under my umbrella with me if you're getting wet. You don't have to stay out in the rain. You can stand with me. No, no, no, it's fine. Don't be a martyr, shivering. No, no, no, Erin, it's okay. We'll just stand out here in the rain, and even though we weren't really dressed for the weather. I have a gigantic umbrella. It's really no trouble. No, no, no, no, we don't want to be a bother. We don't want to crowd. We don't want to impose, you know. Oh, oh, just got struck by lightning. Oh, oh, oh, got it. Hold the hands of the old, that's smart. Oh, geez. Yeah, should we have done something else? I'm sorry. I feel like I forced you guys to come. No. Sky watching. Erin, this is so, to sky watch during a storm is so. You're having fun. Romantic. So, event. Yeah, Erin, I'm having such a good time and I am so glad that you picked our monthly outing. This, we're certainly out and it's certainly whatever month this is. Great. So you guys are having fun because I just feel like in the past, every time I pick the monthly outing, someone gets hurt, someone complains. Is it short for something? Because I want to make sure when you say, are you having fun? I'm like, yeah, I'm having you. Now. I think yes. Fun short for fuck you now. I guess that I am having fun. Erin, I am realizing now that you said it that every time you pick the outing, we do, one of us does kind of get hurt. I think I'm the fourth or fifth adult we've gone through. Yeah, but you're, okay, we don't have to, no, that's fine. You're right. No, no, let's just go to like a diner or record an episode or something. We'll do something else. Let's do a main feed. We'll do main feed. We're all here together. We don't have to watch the. So we're just ditching diner, huh? That sounded like a fun guy for storms. I know that warm waffle sound like right now after the storm. Yeah. So let's do a main feed. I always order my waffle warm. Shut up. Leave it to the side of the heat lamp for three or four minutes and bring it right up to me. Waffle sounds so good right now. Nice put a waffle. Oh, really nice. I also love a heat lamp. Do you think you could get a heat lamp installed in your own kitchen? Get a heat rock. I want a heat lamp and I want to, I want to like lay under it. Yeah, like a lizard. Yeah. But we can't get what we want. Nope. Don't go in the diner guys. Go in the studio. Stop trying to get in the diner door. Go to the studio. Aaron, this isn't sausage. This is a microphone. Stop. Stop. It says, lizards eat free. No, it's lizard fleas. Never mind. I don't know if that's true. It's a giant sign on a diner. Who is the target demographic? Lizards eat fleas. This is Haverto Ruddell. That's Adel over there. Hello. Me next. Me next. And that's JPC over there. Say his name. And that's Aaron Keefe. Aaron Keefe, how are you? I am here. It is a Wednesday when this episode comes out. It is April and I'm thriving. That's fine. I love that for you, Aaron. Yes, thriving. Thriving, not surviving. Turning over a new leaf. And the leaf is poison ivy. And now I have a rash and I'm just as bad as I was before. How are you guys doing? Aaron, I went to Target the other day and I was with my kid and we were using the bathroom and my kid finished using the bathroom and then I'm wearing a stall and I started using the bathroom. And my kid who just points out everything and like says it was just kept saying, data has a penis. Data has a penis. Data has a penis over and over again. And I was just like, yeah, I do, I do. And then I got out of the bathroom and there was another guy in there and he looked at me. He like made eye contact with me and I said, it's true. And he looked away really quickly and didn't say anything to me. And I thought, that's kind of rude, isn't it? Hi. Pea in a moment. I am on the site. Wait, which one of you said it's true and which one of you looked disgusted? Because I'm on the site of whoever. I didn't say disgusted. And who said daddy has a penis? Wait, you know what? My kid wasn't with me. All right. You're just having a little fun. I knew he gets at the bottom of it. Daddy has a penis. Daddy has a penis. That's a little penis. You guys, that exact same thing happened to me in a target bathroom. What is it about target bathrooms? Trying to connect with you guys. Trying to have anything in common. Adel, how are you? Oh, you know. Okay. Perfect. Well, never ask me that question again. Daddy has a penis. Gestures to world around me. Yeah. I'm never making that mistake of asking how we are. That was a huge mistake. Well, then let's just do the premise of the show, riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems. Intercut with silly improv scenes. Oh, did you say intercut, Erin? Oh my God, is your butthole not supposed to be freezing? I hate the laugh at the end of that one. That's the humiliating part. That makes me feel kind of sick. What is, what do we think the coldest part on the human body is at any given time? My butt. My butt is freezing. Erin. No, my butt cheeks. Really? Yes. Are your butt cheeks not like constantly so cold? I know. Feet are probably, hmm. I'm usually going pants. Behind the ear? I think maybe my fingers. My fingers are maybe get the coldest of anything. If I'm in a cold, like my fingers don't get cold, but if I'm in a cold space, since they're like the things that I'm not usually wearing clothes on, like walking around in winter in Chicago, it's, I, when the weather gets so nice that you don't have to wear gloves anymore, that's, that's, that's the ticket, the meal ticket right there. But some days I'm like, oh, 35, I can walk outside in 35 with no gloves. And I'm like 20 minutes in, I'm like, I should have worn the fucking gloves. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I should have done it. I bet our eyes are probably room temp. Yeah, whatever we're in here. Okay, having a new thought, never thought about that before. What do we have? Well, I have a thermometer, an eye thermometer, technically a meat thermometer, but what are our eyes if not? Nature's me. They're meat eggs. Yeah, they're meat eggs, Erin. Skip ahead 30 seconds, everybody. We'll try to be better. Now you're telling them to. So that means I can talk about meat eggs for 30 seconds. I don't know if you, you, yeah, you must have been in Chicago at the time. At some point, I can't remember when it was. There was a such a cold temperature outside that the news literally said if you go outside, keep blinking because your eyes might freeze. Oh yeah, I was there for that. Yeah. The frozen eyes thing. People's doorknobs were freezing shut. I remember during that my roommate at the time went to Wingstop, walked to Wingstop and came back with his Wingstop and he was not wearing socks. And I was like, what, did you go out without wearing socks? And he was like, I had shoes on. And I was like, you're not long for this world. Not great. Your toes are fucked. It was colder in Chicago than it was on Pluto or something. That's fun. That's fun. It's fun to be cold. It's fun to be cold. This is the first time we've ever run out of things to talk about. It got so cold this year in Chicago that for the first time ever one of my pipes froze in my wall, which was an absolute bummer. It's something I do not recommend. But how are you supposed to sing if your pipes are frozen? Oh, gorgeous. Someone got fixed. They recommend that when it's really cold, and you have pipes that are at risk of freezing, that you leave your tap running a little bit because moving water, I guess, is harder to freeze than still water or whatever. That makes sense. Or whatever. And I did all of that and still one of my pipes froze, but it was like a pipe connected to a toilet. And I was like, was I supposed to just be flushing it all night? What was I supposed to do here? I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, I don't recommend it. That's a GVC. Is that hard to fix? It's hard if it bursts. If it bursts, it's really bad. If it just freezes and then unfreezes, it's fine. But if you have to cut a hole in your wall to unfreeze the pipe, then you have to... Well, you can do what I do, which is now having a hole in my wall. But also, that part is not... It's hard to fix, but it's like you have to do that. You have to put the wall back eventually. And when they unfreeze the pipe, are they just like putting a hairdryer on it? What's the move? Yeah. It's like it's not a hairdryer. It's like a not like a blow torch, but it's like that. You could probably, if my pipe... If your pipe is not... Like if it's exposed, like if you can see the pipe, you can just use a hairdryer. And they see like put like a piece of like tinfoil or a baking sheet behind it. So it doesn't like mess with anything behind it as you're unfreezing it. Space heater, they say work, but if your pipe is in a wall, you kind of have to cut the wall open and then, you know, use a heat gun on it. Aaron, I might be a bit of a romantic, but I just give the frozen pipe my hoodie. Oh my God, that's so sweet. Yeah, no big deal. And then they wear it around like school so people can tell you two are going steady. Oh my God, is that Adel's hoodie? Oh my God, they must be hanging out. If, you know, if I want to heat the pipe up and I don't mean to be old school about it, but I just work the nipples, work the neck. I was going to say, I was like, oh my God, Casey, isn't too late to beep whatever he's about to say. And then I was like, maybe it won't be bad. And I said, well... JBC, can we get a clean take of you saying pipe nipples? Can we get a clean take of you not signing on at all today? Pipe nipples. Why does this pipe cleaner have nipples? Yuck. Yuck. For the pl- Hey, Aaron. Okay, we can stop talking about nipples anytime you want to start talking about riddles. So that's on you. No, it's not. Oh, is it not? I'm not old man puzzles. It don't fuck with me. She absolutely is. You are not. I said it's the, I asked at the beginning of this if I, are you serious? Are you serious? At the beginning of this, I said, I'm not old man puzzles today, right? When? Because of the calendar. At the beginning and then JBC said no. And I said, thank God, because I was paranoid. Was I? I don't remember having, did you have this conversation in your fucking mind? With you! I said, I'm not old man puzzles today, right? No, I did not say that. I said that. I did not at this conversation. I don't remember hearing this. And then you said no. And then I said, oh good, because I was paranoid that I was. Am I losing chunks of time? I feel crazy. Casey, was this conversation had on mic? Was this conversation had on mic? I think it might have been. Can we check the Zencast? I think it actually might have been. He said I played the fifth. I mean, he's on my side and he's scared of JPC. Because remember how we canceled and stopped midway through two other recordings recently? I originally, I have it marked on my calendar when to start sourcing riddles for episodes that I'm on. And so things got moved around and that's why I got paranoid. I went, I'm not old man puzzles today, right? And then you said no. Well, what I would recommend you do, Aaron, instead of using whatever system that you're using, use the system that is the system that everyone else uses and then you'll never get confused. I know, but I originally used the system that we used because I wasn't supposed to do today. We're keeping all of this. Okay, let's get creative. Aaron, maybe we make fun of what you're wearing. Okay. Maybe that's maybe that's the episode. Okay. Jeans. Let's see. There's a logo on the shirt. Aaron, what do we have here? It says defaulty. Did the denim? It says salty. It says salty. What can we do with salty? Okay. And we need about 45 minutes. Okay. It's going to be, it's going to have 45ish minutes on salty. On a salty crew neck and a pair of jeans. Okay. Oh, Aaron, is that, did you wash the sweatshirt? Did you wash the sweatshirt? Is it salty because you need to wash it? Aaron's heading out. So what to do, what to do. I wish I knew. I'm thinking of a number between one and four. There's three. What else, what else? Keep going. Spin your wheels. Spin your wheels. Why do I have to spin my wheels? Well, the good news is, thank God I have got plenty of riddles for us. No problem. Crisis averted. I am sitting at a table. 10 flies are on the table. With one squat, I kill three flies. How many flies are left on the table? We should have gone to the diner. Aaron, I want to say no flies because the minute you smack the table, the rest are going to head out. Now, Adel, normally I would agree with you, but she didn't say living flies. These are dead flies and I'm going to say seven. Unless you hit the table so hard that Joss is a couple of dead flies off the table. So to be safe, I'm saying five. Yes. We have had a similar riddle to this before. JPC, no, that is not a yes. I'm saying yes to Adel's correct answer. What? What the fuck? I would like to see you. You can say yes after my answer. You guys are two flies and there's a third fly there and you're trying to... You're talking about whether or not that fly is dead or is being very, very still. How? Go touch it. Maybe go touch it. You go touch it. Go touch it. Is he sick? Holy shit, maybe... I don't know, man. No, maybe he knows something that we don't know because all the humans are leaving him alone, you know? I don't know, man. He's on his back. His legs are sort of curled in. We all love to be on our back with our legs curled. Maybe he just got fucked so good. Maybe. Maybe. You ever roll off another fly and just like, can't even move? Like there's nothing... You're not even thinking about anything else? Oh, yeah. Maybe that's what's going on here, you know? Maybe. I feel like I'm gonna go barf on him. I'm gonna go barf on him. Wait, we were supposed to eat together. I'm not gonna eat him. I'm just gonna use my barf. Okay. You're just barfing on him but you're not gonna eat him. Troy, where have I heard this shit before? Dylan, Dylan, one time. Baby, baby, I was just barfing on him because I thought he was dead. You're such a fucking asshole. Every time we barf, it's not just to eat. Sometimes we barf. That's mostly to eat. It's mostly to eat. It's mostly to eat. The fly lights the cigarette and starts smoking. It was a sex thing. It's kind of a delayed cigarette for a sex thing. Holy smokes. Hey, hey, buddy, are you okay? You okay? No, this is a death rattle. Oh, I was just hair escaping. Air escaping through a cigarette. Two rich men, now bankrupt, came across each other one day. After exchanging goods and catching up with what had happened in their lives, they compared how much money each had. The first one had $80 and the second one had only $42. However, two hours later, between both of them, they had more than $84 million in cash. None of them had inherited anything, won the lottery, or received payment for a debt or loan. How could this be? They lived in America. Adel, and I love that kind of commentary. Anymore? You got any more in the barrel? We're rich people simply will never fail. Okay, is this one of these things where these guys are in some sort of like hands on a hard body competition and they just won an $84 million Ford F-150? No. Damn it. But that can still happen, right? Because I really need this truck. At certain moments. It can really change things for me. Get your hands off that truck and focus. I love just being in a parking lot, having your hands on a car, being like, I'm here to win this and someone's like, Please, please get off my car. Hey man. Hey man, you gotta leave. No one's given away a 2012 Toyota Celica. This parking lot, brother, you gotta go. Also, I don't know if I mentioned these are all from a book that Sammy gave me. So thank you so much, Sammy, for the kind note in the sweet book. Sosa. Sosa, yep. Sosa. These are all Sosa. Sammy Sosa. Sammy Sosa. Aaron, are the dollars, you said dollars, right? When had $80, when had like $42 or something? Yes. Are the dollars some sort of like rare $18, $42 that's worth money? That's a really, really great guess. And I would even go as far as to say better than the actual answer, but that is not the answer. Okay. Is the answer one of these things where it's like, they pulled their money and they bought some collectible dolls and now they have like 84 million doll hairs or whatever? No, but it's one of those tricky things. It's one of those tricky, sneaky kind of answers. Tricky. Is it the $40 and the $80 that they have or $42 and 80? Yeah, but these numbers are, I think, here too. They don't matter. They don't matter. Okay. But is that money that they have, that's like, we'll say like American dollars, American currency? Sure. But that again doesn't matter. Okay. Is the 84 million that they have American currency? Yes. Okay. So can you read the brittle one more time? Yeah, I'm going to, this is the most helpful part of it. However, two hours later between both of them, they have more than 84 million dollars in cash. Okay. So they stood somewhere. They went to a museum. The museum of cash. They looked at some Van Gogh and stood on either side of it. And that's what happened. You're very close. One was standing at, go ahead. They were working for the Joker in that scene in the movie where he has that big pyramid of cash. And they were standing on opposite sides about to light it on fire. You're very close. One was standing at the main door of a bank and his friend was standing at the back door. There was 84 million dollars in the safe at the bank. Wow. Therefore between both of them, they had that amount of money. I'd like to see a scene. I call BS on there ever being 84 million dollars. It's like a bank safe. Or maybe with like jewelry and stuff, other valuables. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Cash value. And I'm not sure if it's a deposit box. Sure. Maybe it's fight night and Terry Benedict's casino. We don't know. I would like to see a scene. You guys are two bank robbers. Okay. And you both, your plan guy got killed during the last bank robbery. So you guys are really don't know what to do. You're both kind of just standing there aimlessly. I wish the brains were still around. Yeah, man. He was so smart. He was a brain. The brains was a top notch brain. And he just from A to Z, he had it all planned out. Everybody in the bank is looking at us. Should we say something? Oh, take off the mask. We should mask after. Mask after we pull out the guns. Oh my God. Where's my gun? Oh. Where's my gun? Where's my mask? Shit. Okay. Let's just start. Let's just start. Okay, let's just start. And maybe the muscle memory will kick. We're not here for your money. We're here. We, hold on. We're here for the... Oh, I just got punched in the face. Oh, I'm so sorry. I was swinging. I was swinging wildly while I was talking. It's totally skews. Hey, welcome to the bank. Can I help you guys? Yeah, we're here for our money, not the bank's money. Oh, great. I just need you to fill out this form of how much you would like to withdraw. Just make sure you add your number. And I'll take your ID whenever you get a second. I don't have a pen. Do you have a pen that I could borrow? Oh, yeah, of course. I do give a pen, but it is attached to this string. Okay. How the hell do I... Come on, both of us. One, two, three. Oh, both of us. Three. Please don't try to steal the pen. It really is stuck in there really well. Just... Thank you also. We have free bank pens. Here you go. Oh, thank you. Do you also have... Is a free bank gun a thing? Or like a gun on a little chain? Do you have one of those at the bank? No. No, of course it would be too easy. Do we look like we have guns though? No. Would you take us on our word? No. Okay. No, okay. Let's look around the room. Let's use whatever, like a MacGyver. MacGyver. MacGyver, yes. Okay, so let's see. I'm seeing there's a lot of people. Okay, yeah, you could make like a people sandwich. We are trying to just keep the line moving. Is there anything else that can help you gentlemen with today? Oh, are you doing anything tonight? Yeah. No, no, no. Josh, you go. Shoot your shot. Josh Danielson, you go. Shoot your shot, my dee. Josh Danielson, what a name. I'm going to remember that. What a beautiful name. Nah, please don't. Please don't. Are you as good with addresses as names? Test me. 417 East Second Street. 417 East Second Street. You know what? We are going to get out of here. Ew. I got off work at five. How are you going to get away driving? By that I mean just driving us somewhere. Um, yeah, I have a car. What was that? Should we all like grab a drink or something after work? I've never, no one really tries to connect with me here at the bank. This is a real treat. Yeah. Yeah, I guess we could grab a drink. Hey, hey, I think that this person could be a new brain. They obviously have some sort of bar heist in mind. Yeah, and she keeps pushing something underneath the desk. Alright everyone, down on the ground. We're robbing this bar. Ah, shit. See that? Ah, shit. Alright, you guys, this next one is crazy. I've actually been looking forward to... Do you think, Erin, that I will have an advantage getting this riddle because it's crazy? Yeah, I actually do. I'm coming home. Coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home. Let's do that. And out of your brain is mostly normal and this isn't a pun. Very cute. So you might be at a little bit of a disadvantage. Eww. Shit. Alright, Adel, we'll try our best. That's all we can ask for. I'm going to read to you a phone conversation. Uh-oh, this better not be one of mine. I'm going to get the bleeps ready. May I speak to the director? Who's calling? John Romaninch. I beg your pardon? Could you spell your last name? R as in Rome. O as in Oslo. M as in Madrid. I as in Innsbruck. I as in what? Innsbruck. Thanks. Please go ahead. N as in gnome. This does not make sense. Why? Now, JPC of course. Erin sometimes said that reading riddles reads her little plays she's writing. This does not make sense. And then I get on his feet back. Erin, it's definitely writing. Okay, so gnome. Wait, gnome. Is it all cities? Because isn't gnome a city in Alaska, but is it gn? No. I assumed it was gn, but I don't know. I think gnome the creature is gn. But gnome the city in Alaska is not that. Yeah, it's not about the spelling of gnome. It's not about the spelling of gnome. So Erin, at the end you said this conversation is wrong? Why? Or would you say? Yeah, this does not make sense. Why? Yeah, that's the problem is because... Because no... If people... If you're on the phone with someone and you have to spell your name, are you doing... Are you using like phonetic alphabet if you're like saying your name? Are you saying like, you know, K-A-S-N-T-L-O? No, no, no. It makes no sense to me. So you guys are going to have to help me understand this. People misspell my last name all the time. So I don't even say my last name anymore. I just spell it because it's only four letters. So I always go C-O and then I say A as in Apple, N as in Nancy. And that's the way that no one gets confused. Because they're not hearing my name ever. They're just seeing it spelled. But I would never go with like cities like this, right? Because that's what this person's doing. They're doing cities? Yeah, that is stupid, but not the point of the riddle. That's not the point of the riddle. I have to do... K-E-I-F as in Frank. Because F sounds like S on the phone. I do this. I say R-I-F as in Frank, A-I. Yep. Can you read the riddle? A-I as in we're all fucked. As in we're all fucked. Can you read the riddle one more time? May I speak to the director? Who's calling? John Rom... John Rominch. Rominch. I beg your pardon? Could you spell your last name? R as in Rome, O as in Oslo, M as in Madrid, I as in Innsbruck, I as in what? Innsbruck. Thanks, please go ahead. N as in gnome. I truly don't understand this one. And you see the answer? Yep. And it doesn't make sense. So are they saying go ahead or they saying go ahead and speak to the director? Or they're saying go ahead and spell the rest of your name? Is that part of it? I'm going to read you the answer. And then we can try to suss out. Then the riddle really begins. This is the first time that we read the answer and then we have to solve it. The phone operator was trying to get the spelling of the man's last name. Therefore, it makes no sense to ask I as in what? The operator had already understood it was an I. Well, here's the thing. I picked up on that. But I also just assumed she did to hear the word. It was confused. Like I picked up on the fact that she said I back to him, which means she heard what it was. It clocked it. But then I just assumed she was curious what he was saying. If I'm on the phone with someone and they're using like cities like this for to spell their name. I'm also going to be like, I what? Because that gives me expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. I don't know if I'm making expectations. We try and make every smile a cookie smile. Please go ahead and let me know your name. Hey, I'm calling back again. Is this am I talking to Jake? I've called back all the time. Is this Jake or? Um, I'm I work at a call center. There's 40 to 50. Jake's I am a Jake. Okay. Well, I usually get a Jake. So that's why I'm, uh, I just have another, uh, cookie complaint that I would like to lodge and you have to take the complaint. Well, yes, I know my job. You don't. Okay, great. I've been back and forth with some people before. So I always start off the call by saying you have to take the complaint because legally I'm a different person. So, well, you can't if, hey, if someone shoves you on the subway, you can't then go, yeah, excuse me. The and say, excuse me. Are you threatening me? Uh, no. Okay. Good. Cause I'm the wrong person to threaten. I'm sure you are. Yeah. Phone tough. This guy's, hey, Jake, this guy's real phone tough. Oh, that's crazy. I don't, I hate my job and hate my life. Um, so it's too salty, this one. And one of them is a little too crunchy. So I need that noted in my file and you could look me up because I'm in, I have a file, so I need you to say your name. You haven't said your name. Oh, I'm sorry, Jake. You never said your name. I just had to guess it's Jake. I said I'm a Jake before I could say my name. You, my name is German. Okay. German what? No, not German. What? My first name is not German. I'm saying has German origins. Name is German in origin. Hans. So if you, you, cause every time I call in, they do the same thing. So look at that by that first in your system, cause your system does by origin, I believe. So look at that by German first before I even start getting into my name. Our system doesn't list names by, um, okay. Fine. Fine. Are you familiar with the cavatapi pasta? Um, I think so. Longer noodles. It's like a fusilli. Hmm. No. Okay. Well, that's not going to be helpful. So we're going to have to go a different direction with this because they're obviously not familiar with the cavatapi pasta because he said fusilli, which is ask him if it's cavatapi. Hey, is it cavatapi? You know what? We're going to get, we're getting off on the wrong foot. Jake again. Um, okay. Uh, you know that the word pterodactyl, are you familiar with the word pterodactyl? You probably say pterodactyl. I'm familiar with the word pterodactyl. Well, you're familiar with it wrong because it's pterodactyl. So my name also has a lot of silent P's in it because it is Jake. Say it with me. German and origin. Jake, you must keep up. You must keep up if you were to ever know my name. I'm going to go to lunch. Do you want to come with me? Are you still on this phone call? Um, I'm still on the call. Is that Jake? Is that other Jake? Is he going to lunch? Uh, probably Subway. Six inch turkey on whole wheat. Just a guess. I mean, that's pretty common sandwich. I didn't know my order. It's the most common sandwich. That's why I guessed it. Listen, buddy. Um, I know you probably don't have much going on in your life. And so you call us up to- B-E-Z-T-Y-B, B-G-W-E-Z-B-B. Are you in the dance? Huh? Yeah, that's the lyrics to your hold music. That's actually the key if you're holding music and I don't want to be put on hold again. So even if someone's going to lunch, you have to legally stay on the phone with me so you can take my cookie complaint down. Okay, sir, I've just used a... Silent alarm like in a bank? Yeah, I know. People will be showing up to your home shortly to swap out the cookies for cookies that you might be pleased with. Okay, well, they better wear gloves and they better not wear any in, have any macadamia nuts on them because I'm deathly allergic to macadamia nuts, which is nuts from a tree. Okay, so you're allergic to tree nuts? That's- No, I didn't say that. I got a pesto. I'm eating pesto right now. With cavatapi? Is he choking? I think this is a test. I think you know how sometimes... Oh, yeah, undercover boss. I'm spelling my name. That's how it's spelled in German. Seen. Seen. Ah... A passenger. I have a pesto cavatapi. Oh, hello. Is that you? Are you talking about cavatapi? Is it cavatapi? Cat-tivapi. Cavatapi. Cat-kill-tapi. Wonderful. A passenger traveling by bus between Springfield and Capital City, notice- Jack-creature. Fuck, nevermind. He loves traveling by bus. A passenger traveling by bus between Springfield and Capital City, notice that due to the heavy traffic, it took him 80 minutes to reach his destination at an average speed of 40 miles per hour. I don't get ready. On his return trip, he took the bus and it took him one hour and 20 minutes at the same average speed and with less traffic. Do you know why? He walked. Is it like a one-way highway? Like, did he take a different route, basically? These are all good questions, but no. I would love... No. He still took the same, but he still took the bus and he still took, it was the same 40 mile per hour speed. Yes. You said both of those things. Same speed, 40 miles per hour. Did he overshoot it and had it double back or something like that? No. Was there more people on the bus and it... Stopped. Heavier. So it... The rate of speed... Slow 40. You know, there's a fast 40 miles per hour and a slow 40 miles per hour. I know exactly what you mean. Excuse me, do you know how fast you were driving? It was a slow 40, officer. I swear to God, it was a slow 40. Mm-hmm. Okay, what are the reasons? Because the 40 mile an hour doesn't change. That is consistent. So does the distance change? No. So the distance between A and B is the same as B and A? Mm-hmm. Isn't this interesting? And now isn't this interesting, boys? First trip took 40 minutes and the second trip took an hour and 40 minutes? First trip took 80 minutes and the second trip took one hour and 20 minutes. Wait a minute. Oh, wait, it's the same. That's the same thing. Yeah. It is. Here's the trouble with this. Here's the trouble with this. Would you, anytime you say a riddle that involves... I'm not writing that shit down. Lots of O numbers, my brain immediately goes, nope. Yep. And so I'm like... They're expecting you to do that. Yeah. The other thing that I thought... Motherfuckin' goddess. The other thing that I thought it could be, Adal, and I was like, but I couldn't figure out what this would be. It's like a time zone thing. We're like... Oh, yeah. It's like somewhere in Arizona where the time zones are weird or something. Shit like that. There's a place in, I think, Michigan City, Indiana where it's like... Oh, yeah. You cross the street in an hour ahead. Yeah, in your Eastern. Whoa. Um... Weird. Should we take a break? Yeah, let's take a break. Let's cross the street in Michigan City and go to one of the fine wheeze doors. Hmm. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Oh, hey, Aaron. Um, oh my God, it's so cool running into you. I haven't seen you in so long. You're in my house. I have great news. I don't know if you've heard. Um... What's up? Adal finally got the surgery. No, he did? Yeah, the one that turns you physically into a boat. And physically into a boat? Yeah. So he's... Oh, man. Yeah, so he's a boat now. That was expensive, that surgery. Yes, I think he got a grant from some guy. A guy named Grant. I think he got... He helped him and turned him into a boat. A boat enthusiast named Grant, really. I paid a lot of money for that, which is great for him. But, you know, kind of bad news for us because Adal's kind of a rock. We kind of like tell, you know, Adal everything. We kind of depend on him for so much emotional support. I don't really know what we're going to do now. I know. It's probably a good time for us to finally get therapists. We should look into BetterHelp. Oh, yes, that's right. Oh, yes, that's right. Because BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. Plus, BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. You know, talking to your therapist about what it means that your friend wanted to be a boat and then could physically become one. You just take a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences. And then there are 12 years of experience in industry leading, matching fulfillment rate. Typically means they get it right the first time. That's cool. Yeah. And if you're not happy with your match, they can switch you to a different therapist at any time. Yeah. Adel was also saying that he could become a schooner at any time. Oh, he says schooner. I wasn't listening. I thought it was a type of boat. Yeah, I think you know you're right. Your is make more sense. You're saying something correct. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 stars for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. I'm excited to talk to my therapist about whether or not Adel's going to like grant more than me. I don't know how to turn someone into a boat. When life feels overwhelming and you do not have the means to turn yourself into a boat, which takes, I think, millions of dollars, therapy can help. So sign up and get 10 percent off at betterhelp.com slash riddle. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle. GPC, I'm just remembering back to a couple of minutes ago when you said, I have an idea for this. All right. Hey, Adel, Aaron, I am freaking out. OK, so I just got an email from... Do you guys know Casey, the editor of the show or whatever? Oh, yeah. Sleepo? Yeah, Sleepo. Oh, my God. Thanks for you know. I got an email from him that says he hasn't been paid in seven years. And yeah, I'm kind of wondering. And I know that I'm in charge of all that, but like between like expenses and like income and what's going on with the business. It's just like it's just too much for me, you know. Well, let's let's make it easy. Let's just use found. Yeah, found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Paying Sleepo, dealing with found Dracula, who's sort of a Dracula that uses found banking, bookkeeping, etc. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky outdated apps. Found identified the tasks that create the most hassle for small businesses. Things like categorizing expenses, preparing for taxes, managing invoices, budgeting, waking up Sleepo. And they built an app that does it all directly from your business checking account. Found is reimagining what business banking should be by putting your bookkeeping, invoicing and tax tools directly into your business checking account. Plus they have this vampire named found Dracula and that guy, he knows what he's doing. No, guys, we don't have to. We don't have to keep talking about it. Found makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love. I personally, now that I'm using found, my life is so much easier. I don't have to juggle multiple apps. I don't have to go chasing receipts. I don't dread taxis anymore. I have a Dracula that will suck the blood, I want to say, out of an editor who is asking to be paid. You want to say I want to say. So take back control of your business today. Open a found account for free at found.com. That's F O U N D dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by lead bank member FDIC. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with found. You're getting Sleepo. OK, guys, I'm getting an email from the brand. They say they never authorized found Dracula. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm not official. I'm just a Dracula who uses found. I could swear that they wanted us to use you. Could have sworn that they were desperate for us to do this. I'm from bank transfer. I'm from bank transfer. They know what I'm from Milwaukee. Ah, ah, sorry, I'm just looking at myself in the mirror. You guys, I don't I don't think I really like my clothes right now. I think I need a spring refresh. Oh, what kind of stuff are you looking for? Yeah, like like like stylish, timeless pieces, like maybe like a raincoat and like a cashmere like sweater that's like transitional from winter to spring. Oh, Aaron, I would not wear a cashmere sweater over a raincoat. It's going to get absolutely ruined if there's rain. I'm putting it together. That's not what she meant. OK, Aaron, have you heard about quints? Quints makes high quality, everyday essentials using premium materials like 100 percent European linen and their insanely soft, flown it active wear fabric. They have linen pants and shirts that are lightweight, breathable and comfortable. Basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined. So you look put together without trying too hard. Aaron, is that what you're going for? Yeah. OK. Well, Aaron, also you silly goose. The best part about quints is that their prices are 50 to 60 percent less than similar brands. How you're screaming at me. Aaron, please stop screaming. How quints works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and it makes getting dressed easy. I have a purse from Quints that I have people stop me when I'm walking around LA to ask me where I get it because it looks very expensive, but it's not. It's going to last me years and years. I also have a ring from there that I love. They've got home stuff that's timeless and awesome, incredible rugs, curtains. Baby stuff. They've got baby stuff that I purchased. That's very cute. So why don't you do yourself a favor and refresh your wardrobe with Quints? Go to quints.com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns now available in Canada to go to Q I N C E dot com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints dot com slash riddle. Aaron, you're wearing your purse. You should actually you're pulling it off and I look incredible. Hey, Aaron, hey, JPC, can you guys help me figure something out? Oh, sure. Always. Yeah. This charge. I pull up my bank account here. I have this chart. It says JPC tax five thousand dollars. It's like a monthly deduction. Oh, I. Yes. No, no, I go to your rocket money app and have them cancel that for you. Thank God we signed up for the free trial like three months ago. And then we forgot about it. And I I noticed it. I got like a ping for rocket money in my email and they let me know that I had been paying for lost another one to rocket money. Oh, man, yeah, the rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Unless you're me with the GPC tax and then your savings are dwindling. With rocket money, you can do automatic transaction categorization across your accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context. Also, if you have like a big event coming up like something that like a wedding or some monumental expense, it helps you plan and save for something like that. The app consolidates checking savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using rocket money for years and years, way before they were ever a sponsor. And I love how easy it is to read and how intuitive it is. Yeah, I love rocket money, but Aaron, I do hate that voice. Was that JPC? It's kind of like a Rumpelstiltskin type voice. Did you hear that? Oh, no, so that's just like that's a voice alert I have on my phone. Every time someone unsubscribes to the JPC tax, I don't know where it's from or how to turn it off. Oh, that's kind of scary. We'll deal with that later. We'll let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Lost another one to rocket money. Yeah, that's not even coming from your phone. Yeah, is that coming from inside of our heads, maybe? Yeah, like heaven, maybe. Yikes, boikes. Here we are back from break and we love these riddles. La la la la la la la la la la la la riddles. If you see you haven't been coming to music rehearsal, what are you going to sing? You guys are still having those? Yeah, of course. Tuesdays, Fridays, Sundays and Mondays. Tuesdays, Fridays, Sundays and Mondays. Are we, of course, are we going to music rehearsal because Tuesday and Monday? Well, because we record on Mondays. So this is our weekend. So are we? Yeah. No, yeah, this is our Friday. Our week starts on Tuesday. Monday's are Friday. Tuesday is our. Music day. Saturday. There's nothing to add. I'm getting warmed up. We're going to do more riddles from this book from Sammy. Is that okay with everybody or? It's okay with me. You didn't love that last riddle. Didn't love it. Would you say it humiliated you? That's what, Aaron, we told you that on break. Yeah. We said don't ever do that again. I'm rude. Don't do that to us. You emasculated us in front of all of our friends is how you put it. You humiliated me, riddle, Diane. Here we go. Yes. A man traveling in a taxi is talking to the driver. After a while, the driver tells him, you must excuse me, but I am deaf. And I cannot hear a word of what you are saying. The passenger stops talking after he gets out of the cab. The passenger realizes that the driver had lied to him. How? Turned on. He turned on the radio. No, that's a great guess. I love that. Adal, you're doing some answers that are better than the ones. Thank you. The driver take a phone call. No. The driver responded to a car honking behind him. No, these are all fantastic guesses. Did the man tell the driver where he wanted to go and the driver was like, got it? But whatever. He ended up at his destination that he had given him at the beginning of the ride. Here's the thing. I do this and I'm caught in the lie, right? I'm like, I told him I couldn't. I was deaf. So obviously I can't take him to the right place. So I have to just drive like a random place and let him off and be like, oh, sorry, man, I shouldn't be doing this job. And you said it was the cab driver who said they were deaf? Yes. Did the cab driver after they dropped off the passenger, did they slam their hand against the passenger side window and on the hand it was written in pennant said not penny stuff? Well, now. Well, now I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are a cab driver that sort of at the end of your rope, Adel, you are a very chatty, enthusiastic passenger. Wow, big city. Whoa, big, big city. Whoa, look at that. Whoa, what is that? Twenty stories, twenty one. It's a tall building. Yeah, forever, twenty one. Forever young. Songs are good. You ever hear songs? Oh, you ever see the Beatles? Where am I? Where am I taking you? Hey, hey, with the Beatles. Where are you? Are you a tourist? Around. Do you have to go to downtown? You're in downtown. This is downtown Chicago. OK, yeah. Then let's have a drink. Let me just grab some Jack Daniels here. Oh, OK, no, don't open that. Don't open that. Two fingers. Oh, I don't have glasses. The back of your cab is. OK, you know what? Just where are you going, buddy? Where are you going? I know her. I know that lady. Hey, stop her quick. Stop, stop, stop. That's a billboard. I'm not driving. Susie. That's a billboard. What are you doing now? You got big. Susie, you got big. That's Susan Serendon. I know her. She's doing a pop secret popcorn now. Yeah, you don't. You've seen the movie that she was in. I imagine you've seen a Susan Serendon movie. We had so. I, oh, alien. Where can I take you? That's not her. I need to go. Well, I've got to get to heaven later. What's, hey, what's your favorite food? Chicken or turkey? Don't ask me. You'll give me a binary option for chicken. OK, turkey or chicken? I guess I'm more inclined to chicken. Would you like to go to a chicken restaurant? We have good chicken restaurants here in Chicago. Are you calling me turkey? OK. Let's do this. Roll up my sleeves. I said chicken. Did you have to be a little bit more. I'm going to drive from the back. OK, you're just mashing your hands on the glass, buddy. We have the glass so people can't do that. I'm going to let you out of this cab unless you tell me where you want to go right now. Because I've got to pick up other things. I'm related to Amelia Earhart. We're both Earhards. OK, well, I mean, good for you. We miss her so much. If you have any information, please call 472-889-62. I'm not going to call her. Don't worry about it. I don't have any information. I have no information about Amelia Earhart. That was 100 years ago. 809-311. How's the number still going? Huh? Stop. Just do you have an address for where you're going? How are the numbers still going? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. If Mr. Beast can do it, I can do it. Where was I? Does Mr. Beast do this? Is this something Mr. Beast does? He counted up to a million or something. Hey, listen, speaking of Mr. Beast, the zoo is where I need to pick up my baby. The zoo? I left my baby in the giraffe. There's the Brookfield Zoo. And then there's the Lincoln Park Zoo. Do you know which zoo you're going? Oh, wait. Pull over. I know her. I know that lady. We have no food. Hey, it's me, Susan Sarandon. Oh my god, it's so good to see you. I love this guy. Really Earhart. Oh god, I love the Earhart. So sorry about Amelia. I know. Thank you. It happened before I was born, but it feels like yesterday. Yeah. Yesterday. The Beatles. Hey, hey, we're the Beatles. I'm busy. Don't get into the car. Oh my god. Oh, she's Sarandon Scoochin. Earhart, neck and eye. This is your top and these are your pants. And this is your top and these are your pants. And this is your top and these are your pants. I want to go get brunch with my old friend Goldie Han. Oh my gosh, Goldie. How is she? She's huge now. She's on a billboard. Where am I taking you? I don't know where Goldie Han is to brunch. Giraffe exhibit at the zoo. That's fine. That's where we're going. Gee, are you going to the zoo? Oh, I love this guy. My god, I forgot. I'm deaf. Wow. Shit. Why didn't you say so? Hmm. Well, just follow it. God, I try this more often. I'm like he responded to a lot of my stuff. I know her billboard. Yeah, that really got me. That's a billboard. I know her. That's a billboard. I do say I know her if I do see a person that I know at a commercial. I'm like, I know them. That is so fun seeing someone we know at a commercial. Yeah. Even more fun seeing someone that looks like someone that you know at a commercial. Because you're like, oh, good for them. Still good for them. But I don't know who they are, but good for them. This one has a funny start to it. My friend told me the following story. Adelton, do you think the air was going to say, this is a funny start to it? Then it go, walka, walka, walka. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. I think you should read a normal word. Walka, walka, walka, dope, dope, dope, beep, beep, beep, and hope, hope, hope. My friend told me the following story. This just sounds like whoever wrote this riddle is trying to prove they have friends. My friend? This is not an important part of it. Very quickly, I do want to say, based on the commercial thing, I do think it's very funny when people, because I've been hanging out with people who've been in commercials where one of their commercials airs. So it's like Brook Bride or someone. And they get a text that it's someone being like, did I just see you in a home debil commercial? And it's like, just say I saw the home debil commercial. Yeah. It's like, you know, that was them. Have you guys ever done this? And it's like, when you see a person in a commercial and you're like, oh, great for them. And then some time goes by, we don't know how time works. And then you see that person in real life and you go, I just saw you in a commercial. And they're like, oh yeah, that was like three years ago. And I go, wow, whoops, I guess. I guess we don't hang out a lot. I loved it three years ago. Good to see you. Aaron, what's the place you did a commercial for? Hungry Howie's? Hungry Howie's Pizza. Hungry Howie's. Can you do the commercial for us now? I'm leaving, I'm leaving with the baby and I'm going to your mother's. I think that actually was- You used to do the commercial. I literally think that that was a thing in it. People were kind of outraged by my commercial. Leave it to me to only be in like three commercials and have one be controversial. Well, Aaron, didn't they say that it's Hungry Howie's not Horny Howie's and so they didn't really appreciate the way that you were doing the commercial? I was telling the truth. That is what actors are hired to do. Wasn't your character technically legally baby napping? You guys, we're splitting hairs here. Everyone's obsessed with all the wrong things. I could eat some pizza. Let's just relax about it. It was weird how that in the commercial, they were like, I'm taking the baby across state lines or I have a passport because I have a dual citizen so you'll never see the baby again. It was like a weird angle that it took. I do want to see a scene. This is going to be, the two of you are presenting, this is like as if I had pressed play on a computer. This is a commercial that was cut from the Super Bowl because it was deemed way too controversial with test audiences. Commercial for pizza. Out of the big game. Oh yeah. I am so sorry. Casey, bleep out Super Bowl. The big game. Jesus. Bleep out that also Super Bowl. Who's the president of football? We have to apologize to him personally. Roger Goodell? Casey bleep that in case we can't say his name. The big game. This is cut from the big game. Cut from the big game. Hi, this is my naked body that I've covered in swear word tattoos. They're permanent and I can't get rid of them. That was a bad choice. A good choice would be buying affordable pizza for the whole family just in time for the big game. I'm Erin Keith and you should buy Papa John's Pizza. Papa John's get naked and tattoo your body with the word cunt over and over. And what better way to enjoy a Papa John's pizza than washing it down with an ice cold glass of peanut beer. Fuck. I said penis, this is live. I said penis. Coors light. Coors light. You also said fuck. You also said fuck. This is not for Coors light. Now I'm saying it. What? This is for Papa John's. What do you mean it's not for Coors light? Papa John's. It's Coors light Papa John's crossover. Let me distract you with the inside of my ass. This is the inside of my ass. Papa John's Pizza. This is the inside of my ass. There's a thing with beer commercials where I can't drink the penis, but I can pour the penis beer. Why am I saying penis so much? It's beer. Medically, if you see anything wrong with me, I'd love if you emailed me at the email below because I don't have health insurance. Penis beer. Bud light for your butt. Seed. What? Seed. I will never again be able to eat Papa John's without going, this is the inside of my ass. Papa John's. Hey also, after all that, still not the worst thing Papa John's has ever said. No, not at all. It isn't that interesting. It isn't that interesting. Have we done the walk a walk a riddle yet Aaron? Or are we still halfway through it? No, no, no. This is still a riddle where someone's trying to prove they have a friend. Got it. My friend told me the following story. I was drinking a Coke in a bar when a man wearing a mustache came in in order to glass of water. As the waiter came back with his water, he pointed a gun at the customer. The customer got startled, then calmed down and thanked the waiter. How can you explain what happened? This man had hiccups. Hiccups. He did. And now I want you to think really long and hard about if bringing a gun out is the most effective way to scare someone. What are you gonna do, bring a car out? You can't carry a car in the small of your back. How's a car scary? The way I drive, brother. The way I drive, brother? The way I drive? Brother. Brother. A 30 year old man married a 25 year old woman. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You dog. Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick. Nice, nice. Rick, you are a poon hat. Rick, you are such a legend, man. 25 year old when you're 30, unbelievable, brother. Five years younger, Rick. Rick from the headlod. When you were five, she was zero. She's gonna be impressed that you have a bed frame so you can be shitty in every other way, Rick. Love that for you. Rick, you have a bed frame, right, brother? Rick. Rick. Togo couch or whatever. You can afford it, you have a slightly better job than she has. Rick, come on, man. Come on, brother. He's just shrugging and blushing. Shrugging and blushing. Okay, so what's this cradle Robin son of a bitch up to, Aaron? Okay, here's the thing. Normally we record these main feed ones first, but this is coming at the end of the day, which is why it has a Patreon energy to it. Patreon energy. Look inside my butt and let me know if anything's wrong. So Casey, go ahead and clip the happy daddy. I was gonna say, can we have non-clip privileges for one episode? No, we can't. A 30 year old married a 25 year old woman. Okay, please. Rick, Rick, Rick. She died. At the age of 50. God damn it, Aaron. Why did you let us go through that whole fucking Rick thing? Well, wait a minute. She died at the age of 50. And her husband was so devastated that he cried for years. 10 years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80. How many years was he a widower? 15, light about his age. You don't wanna think, do you? So wait, let's do it. You don't want to think, do you? He's 30 and she's 25. She died at 50, which means, so that's... He's 55. 25 years later. Cry for years. 10 years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80. How many years? So he's 55 when she dies. So he would have needed to be... 10 years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80. So 25, 55, 10 years, that's 65. So at 65, he started dying his hair. Was he a widow for 25 years? Is that what you said at all, 25, right? Yeah, he was a widow for 25 years. This is just math? Yeah. The goddamn goblin nuts on this guy. I think they wanted you to be like, he lived to be 80. Oh, okay. That was what the trick was. Well, you math me once, won't get mathed again with that earlier riddle. So now I'm in a math zone, so I'm not falling for any more riddle traps, but I still didn't like having to do math in front of people. Math and accomplished. Big banner behind the analyst has math and accomplished. Big banner on a worship. Okay. John Peterson, speak of math. It's still an absolute legend. All right, Peter, a legend. That's what I would say to this girl at 80. All right, Peter, a real one. Speaking of math, John Peterson was born in Albany in 1938 on a date not divisible by two, three, or five. And in a month that does not contain the letters E or I. No. When does he become one year older? Next year. This is easier than you think. Next year. No. Aaron. On his birthday. On his birthday. I'd like to see a scene. Wonderful. This is a clip, like an old-timey movie clip, of what it was like to celebrate a birthday back in the 1930s and just how different it is from today. And Aaron, you're the birthday girl. Great. All right. Now that we got that over with, let's, what should we do? What should we do? We could go pick up our guns and go bust up a union. We could pick up our guns and go bust out of a union. We could wait in line for bread. We could talk about how it's OK that FDR is going to be president for 12 years. Just this one, so. Some of us could vote. Some of us. A lot of. Some of us could vote. Yeah. Oh, that's the door. I'll get it. Wait, no. I'm a woman after you, sir. Well, to minors of the doors, let me check my gender book. I guess we do. Hello. Well, hi there, takes off hat. Can I speak to the man in the house? How'd you know my name? What's your name? Takes off hat. Oh, it's German. How is that spelled? T is in to come sir. A is in. A cup sir. C is in. Seen. A is in a cop. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. I had a friend in who I was in a sketch group with. And I think he I think he wrote back in college and I think he wrote a sketch where he was playing like an old Southern like whatever. But I don't even remember how he got to the pun. But the premise of the sketch was that he was talking about Tecumseh and he kept saying like to come sir. Like he was like, well, I need to come sir. And that was the that was the gist of it. A simpler time. I love it. Time. Oh, I can't hear Tecumseh without thinking to come sir. I mean, it's perfect. Yeah. Oh, when I lived in Columbus, Ohio, there was a place like an hour away that did year round did like a Tecumseh live show. With like actors and. Those animatronics like Chuck E. Cheese. It's pretty wild. Oh, pretty interesting. That's pretty fun. Pretty interesting stuff. So that's a name I know. Well. One more riddle and then perhaps a voicemail theme voicemail. That's I love it. I think he had visions maybe to come to. Tecumseh. Tecumseh. Tecumseh. You're on. Come so. To come to me on the back of my head. Come sir. And I will to come sir. I'll pat you on the back of your head. That means you're about to come sir. There you go. How much was a 38 degree angle measure when observed under a microscope that magnifies 10 times? Oh, at all. You want me to take this one? No. I got it right here. Let me grab it for you. I don't know, bitch. T1000. Gugular. Come with me if you want to calculate. Tecumseh with me. Tecumseh. Tecumseh. I have no fucking idea. Can you. It is this a riddle that you think I could get? Yeah, I can get this. Okay. Is it like all of it or something? Yes. The whole shebang. Is it none of it? You said a 38 degree. How much does a 38 degree angle weigh when I'm at a microscope? Like how, how, what, what is it measure as? What does the angle measure at when you've zoomed in 10 times? Is it nothing because it's flat or something? It's nothing. The angle doesn't widen. It just enhances, enhance. I do want to see a scene. Oh. We do a voicemail. Oh my God. That was the biggest twist of the century. That is my favorite mystery of all time. That was amazing. Can I be at the scene too, Adel? Yeah, you're going to play JBC, Aaron, you're Aaron, I'll be Adel. And then Casey, you'll play the person who plays the voicemail. I love this. The role I was born to play. Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? That was Dag from Sweden. Said, stayed up until 2 a.m. to finish it. So thank you so much, Dag from Sweden. That kind of fucking rocked. That was such a vibe. Loved it. It's like Jamiroquai adjacent. Yeah. Gmail is doing this thing where now like you just can't, it's AIs and everything, but now they're doing like AI suggested replies and the AI suggested reply for this just says, Hey, Dag, we really appreciate you staying up late for this. Sounds great. I'm like, well, that's kind of close to what I probably would have said. But thank you for sending that in. If you want to send one in 30 seconds or less as a wave file to HR podcast at gmail.com. Hey, real crew. My name is Nisha and I'm calling from Ohio. Uh, I have a quick question for you. What would you say is your best, uh, idea for a cool thing to do in 2026? I'm trying to think of something that will give me excitement about this year and sort of existential dread. Bye. Hmm. Thank you so much. Um, for the voicemail and also go see that to come to a live show if it's still going in, uh, Ohio. Why not? Um, I guess I don't really have anything of value to contribute because I'm struggling with this myself, but I'd probably say something I tell myself, which is get off your fucking phone, go outside, get some sunlight, connect with nature, just don't, don't spend every second looking at the news to be like, did they, did they, did someone get that someone did did did it? And did, can we finally, and did anyone, are we able to hear? Yeah. Incredible. Couldn't have said it better myself. Um, uh, maybe apartment switch with someone in a different city, um, for a week or a weekend, get to know a new place, wander around, get a little ice coffee. Um, feel the sun in your face again, save up for a fun new kitchen gadget that will really open the doors for something like to, uh, cook a new type of cuisine or something that you're not used to doing. Um, uh, maybe go on our discord right now and, uh, set yourself up with a new pen pal where you guys can send each other funny cards or something. Do something that is tactile with your hands in, in real world spaces. What are listeners are going to do? Don't masturbate. Well, why not? Well, when that's over, come back here for more ideas. Possibly. Um, here's something that I literally did yesterday. I was cleaning out one of the cabinets in my kitchen because I wanted to make room for something else and then I was like, I'm just going to like take this project wider and you ever do that thing where like you, um, start cleaning a cabinet and you're like, Oh, I've had this salsa in here for seven years and it needs to go away now. Um, I was doing that and I found an unexpired box of brownie mix. And so I made some brownies. So. Wow. He says, so here's advice. I advise you doing go buy a box of brownie mix, go somewhere deep in the back of your cabinets and forget about it because like five months from now, when you're like, what the fuck is it? You're going to find it and be like, Oh yeah, jackpot. Okay. I'm scrolling on my phone and it sounds like world's on could be around in seven years. So make those brownies now. Yeah. Okay. Just make some brownies, just eat some brownies. My advice is eat some brownies. Um, do we have anything that we would like to plug? Before we get into plugs, I have something to say. Big news, everyone. Big, big, big, big news. I say huge news. I'd say monumental news. It is time for our third annual. That's right, Aaron. Hum, take me out to the ball game. It's our third annual April of the penguins. April of the penguins. So you know what that means. That means we have new merch on our page. New teams, new merch. Yeah. The five new teams in there, all the artwork is done by Ariel Sinhan. She absolutely fucking knocked out of the park. We have the Kansas City Crackens, the Olympia One Eyes, the Santa face fixes, the Saskatchewan Sasquatches and the Winnipeg Windigoes. And if you're wondering why those don't sound like penguins, you got to check out the Patreon, but if you don't want to check out the Patreon, you just want to buy the merch. I guess you could just fucking do that too if you want to. We're evolving. Yeah. Everyone went, oh, are they doing barnyard animals next? Oh, are they doing jungle cats? Yeah. Is it going to be like reverse humans? Yeah. What's it going to be? What's it going to be? Reverse humans is the next line of the year, rating that down for next year. But anyway, check out our merch. If you can check out our Dash Restore and the link in the episode description for all the new merch for this year and then go to patreon.com. So share it over and check out the episodes. It's April of the penguins all month long over there. And I'm going to get a little bit of a teaser next year. My team is going to be the New York Candy Marionettes. And you can try and do the math and figure out what that means. Okay, Adel. Now people are going to need that t-shirt. And by people, I mean me. So now you actually have to do that. I don't care if we do fucking sheep, different types of animals next year. You're doing the candy marionettes. Enough nonsense. We've got to get back to business. Adel, is there anything you have to plug? I want to plug gum, shoes and dragons. A podcast that the three of us do with our friend Anthony Birch. It's a ralke and good time. It's sort of a cross between Colombo and D&D. Um, you're going to like the way you listen. Go ahead and check out gum, shoes and dragons. Also better ingredients. Look inside my asshole, Papa John's. Get yourself a Papa John's. Look inside your asshole. Um, see the Papa John's has changed. If we have looked inside an asshole, come to my show quality time in Los Angeles. What am I talking about? Um, you can follow us on Instagram, um, at quality time show, I think. And we have a monthly show. It's a different theme every month and I love it very much. So if you want to check it out if you're in a way, please do it. Um, what do I have to plug? Oh, um, it's Penguin Baseball League Month on our Patreon. So please listen to a patreon.com. So save it over for Penguin Baseball all month long. I want to give a plug to, uh, Gutter, which is Casey's, um, podcast that he both edits for and is featured on. So you can check out Gutter anywhere that you get podcasts. And I got to read a review, guys, because I'm, I'm in the weeds here. I'm still in 2024 reading these reviews and people, please keep writing them. I love to read them. Uh, this one comes from Alex 875, uh, five stars, a new kind of laughter. I recently had to have a fairly scary surgery a few months back. I'm fine now. And the only thing that made me feel safe, less comfortable enough to sleep in the hospital for the few days after it was this podcast, listening to these three goofs, try to avoid riddles is so fun. And the pure chaos of their energy makes them impossible to predict. The only downside is that the surgery was on my abdomen, which meant that laughter was physically painful. Alex, what are we doing? So I had to teach myself how to laugh without moving my stomach muscles. And it usually just ended up sounding like some kind of horrible scream. I had a great time, but I'm sure my nurses hated it. Give it a listen. Wow. Dangerous stuff. Everybody. Can we all go out right now trying to laugh without using our stomach? All right, let's do it. I'm using it. Hot dogs. Casey Tony to the editing. Now our appearance in the music. Bogo created by Emily Cardenas and Emily Nebora. Two, three, four, eight. Hey there, PB and L's. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We have Janet Varney and Casey Tony on for the 2026 Penguin Baseball League Draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. So she had a rental rental by joining the crew for $5 a month or starting seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there. That was a hit. Hi, I am Mandy Moore, Sterling K Brown and I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast. That was us now on head gum. Each episode we're going to go into a deep dive. Yeah. From our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.