This is the jockel underground podcast number 213 sitting here with echo Charles We have some we have some questions from the field from the front lines from the go zone And we are going to attempt to supply you with answers Guidance or at a minimum Courses of action to follow. All right first question. I try to live by letting small transgressions go Like not speeding up to cut someone off when slowing down gets the same result But I recently had a situation that made me question where the line is between letting things go and standing up for myself My wife and I were in a long check-out line at a busy big box store We got behind a woman with a few items and her husband suddenly rolled up with a flat bed full of stuff and started unloading I tell him hey, bro. You can't just do that. He told me to shut up and mind my own business I asked the cashier if he was really if she was really gonna allow it and She looked overwhelmed a manager came over and instead of addressing him He moved me at to another check-out line. I felt embarrassed afterward and realized I probably should have let it go But my question is where is the line and what at what point do you stand up and say that's not okay? If no one confronts disrespectful behavior won't people keep doing it How do you balance self-respect with knowing when to walk away? Well, all right, let's let's break this down This is actually a very a very Important question. So just to clarify cuz it cuz there was a part that were okay So he was in line mm-hmm a lady was in front of him with a few items. Yeah Meanwhile That lady with a few items her husband. Yeah was apparently shopping still Picking up, you know a final few items which happened to be a Yeah, a bunch of them and just started unloading so she hit the line first got the little place in line in a way Started, you know unloading and then he came in at it with some additional stuff check which technically I guess Maybe you think I'm gonna start to review Cueing etiquette Right cuz that's the thing right we could go there and start talking about like is that a is that Violate is that a violation right? Yeah, do you think it's a violation? Oh? Put it this way I could get there to look if I was tasked with finding the violation in this very specific scenario I mean in general I could I could probably find it But at the end of the day and practice in a practical sense when you're there and it's happening It's not a violin like if I wouldn't be like hey, it wouldn't move me. I wouldn't feel disrespected Sure, sure Okay, I have us. I have a situation like this which I'll go over after we'll see what you say well It's just interesting because there are let's say perhaps unwritten rules that Make this a violation or not a violation right and really depends on who you are depends on Where you grew up depends on there's a bunch of things that roll into this this scenario But where I'm not gonna talk about that at all because it doesn't really matter yes That's not even the question you know what I mean So the question is where's the line and I'll tell you what very if I try to draw a very distinct line But you want to know where the line is? Because it's very easy to sit here and go well, you know you someone does that it's kind of well Yeah, if you want to actually draw a line to me it's Physical threat to the safety of my family or my friends or me or the innocent like a bystander right meaning someone is going to someone is in the act of or Indicating that they are intentionally going to harm someone Right attack someone Okay, so cool like if they cross that line. I'm going into action. By the way, they're not gonna know it I'm not gonna talk about it. There's not gonna be any words. Nothing's gonna come out of my mouth I'm gonna I'm gonna handle the situation it's with total hostility and aggression and it's not gonna last very long for that person Now Here's here's Where we start to break this down this little feeling that he's got going on A good thing to think about in this scenario Is I will not put myself In a scenario in a situation where some other person's action Determines the outcome of the scenario. So I'm gonna say that again. I am very extremely cautious Extremely cautious that I don't put myself into predicaments where someone else's behavior determines the outcome of where I end up And I'll tell you why because I can't control other people and I have no idea what they're gonna do And I might think I have an idea what they're do good. They're gonna do but I don't I Don't have any idea what someone else is gonna do. I don't know how good how they're gonna respond. I don't and I can I can give my suspicions This person looks like they're rational this person looks like they're crazy this person's behaving erratically This person's behaving normally, right and and you can make those assessments about anybody And you can think you're right and you might not be you might even be batten You might even be bat 90 95 percent. I bet you I bet you that I bat I bet you I bat 90 percent I bet you I bat 90 percent if I assess someone's like Where they're at Kind of from a mental stability. I bet you I'm at a solid like 90 percent. Cool That other 10% outlier is a real problem if you let it be so Here's the thing When you confront someone immediately Immediately when you come confront somebody their response is now is now the controlling mechanism of the situation Right because if I confront someone and They don't respond the way I expect them to Now I have I have to engage I have to escalate and when I escalate and my suspicions well if I escalate a little bit then they'll back down or then they'll Take an action that I anticipate which is what I want But that's no guarantee and how do you know what this person went through that day and how do you know what's going through their head And how do you know what trauma they've been through in their life or not? You don't know any of that shit So let me ask you this are you willing to kill a person because they cut you in line at Costco or at Walmart? I'm gonna say that again sounds really stupid sounds really stupid right that sounds dumb right are you willing to kill a person? Because they cut the line in Costco or they cut the line at Walmart. Are you willing to kill them? because if someone doesn't back down as At some point You either have to back down Which is not what you had in mind when you opened your mouth or you have to escalate until they're dead Am I being extreme here? Yes, I'm being somewhat extreme, but you you understand what I'm saying like this is a legitimate thing to think about It might be it's a straw man of an argument right? It's you this is right in your your your your Area of expertise just throw in the straight straw man. This is a straw man argument. So I understand So you understand fully but If You take that premise and you actually apply it. It's gonna keep you out of a lot of situations that are stupid So when we When we confront someone in the streets we have a hope That they give us the response that we expect and The hope that someone hoping that someone else is gonna do something that you expect is not a good move It is infinitely smarter and better that the outcome of the situation is based on what I do Right I don't I don't give away I don't give away that leverage to people Right. I'm not giving that away By the way, this is not only applicable in the streets But it's it's applicable in anything that you do in life as often as you possibly can't don't put yourself in a situation Where you rely on other people and you're trying to predict their actions and you're trying to account for Their idiosyncrasies and their ego and their agenda and their trauma and their psychopathy right that these are all things That can come into play don't do that. That's a bad move You have to set yourself up in situations Where you get to determine the outcome your behavior determines the outcome and you don't rely on someone else's behavior to determine the outcome That's that's the bottom line. So that that's part one Now does this make sense? Do you understand what I'm saying? It totally makes sense like walking down the street someone you know Does something inappropriate? They can't call my wife. Okay, cool Turn around walk back and fight them or tell them. Hey, you better you know better apologize your mouth. Yeah, watch your mouth Cool. My expectation is they say oh, sorry Whatever, but they're not gonna do that or they may not do that and then what am I doing? Yeah, you better say you're sorry or or I'm going to kick your ass now. They think oh, I don't want to kick my ass It's oh, I'm sorry. No, they don't do that They say Fuck you. I'll say whatever I want. Now. What do you do? Okay, now you're getting in their face and you're pointing your finger in their face You're expecting maybe that close intimidation is gonna make them back down. They don't give a shit. They don't care at all They actually want to this kind of engagement because they're crazy And you can see where I'm going. So now you got a now you got a Hit this person choke this person whatever now the cops are there or now you got stabbed or not You there's just like all these things which what we've talked about since day one these street fighting scenarios but it's also like any interaction that you have with people you know you get into a Negotiation like negotiation When I put the ball in your court the balls in your court the next move is yours. It's not mine So why am I gonna do that? I'm gonna keep the ball with me. I'm not gonna over expose myself. I'm not gonna give you leverage And I know that this is can be tricky for people to comprehend So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen Go to jocko underground calm and subscribe and we're doing this We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms So we are not subject to their control and we are doing this so that we can support the Jocko podcast which will remain As is free for all as long as we can keep it that way But we but we are doing this so we don't have to be under the control of sponsors and we're doing it so we can give you More control more interaction more direct connections better communications with us and To do that we are we're building a website right now where we'll be able to utilize to Strengthen this legion of troopers that are in the game with us. So thank you. 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