North Carolina, Jokes, Bankruptcy | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 4-10-26

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Every piece is tested on real job sites with trade pros before it even goes to market. When winter hits hard, you're still ready to work, not fighting your gear. Over 50,000 five-star reviews from pros in every trade and climate. Real feedback from electricians, plumbers, and contractors working through brutal winters. Don't let cheap gear slow you down this winter. Upgrade your day with work wear built like it matters. Get 15% off your first order at truework.com with code BRR. That's T-R-U-E-W-E-R-K.com. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. I'm not gonna yell this week. It's Friday morning. It's about six... It's about 6 a.m. 604 if you want to get technical. I'm fucking tired, dude. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, fuck it. I got back from North Carolina. North Carolina, come on and raise up. Jesus Christ. I went to the fucking Bruins Hurricanes game, and anytime the Carolina Hurricanes did something, they would play that old rap song, North Carolina, come on and raise up. I cannot... cannot get it out of my head. And I'm starting to lose my fucking mind, because I went to that game Tuesday night in his Friday fucking morning. It's Friday fucking morning. I'm in California. I am not in North Carolina, so there's no reason to be singing. Evidently, that's their state song. Oh, Billy Freckles went to the Carolina Hurricanes Bruins game. We lost 6-5, 3-on-3, overtime, which you got to hand it to these fucking... just coaches of any league. There's any sort of new rule or whatever. They just figure it out. They figure it out, and they come up with the fucking system, and then, all of a sudden, the league has to change it again. 3-on-3 hockey was fucking amazing. And overtime. It was fucking so goddamn exciting. I don't know what happened in the last six months. Now, all of a sudden, if you lose the draw, you never get the puck back. Like, they deliberately take it back outside the zone. They cycle it around from, like, the red line in. It's fucking amazing to watch as far as, like, just how they figured that out. We never touched the puck, and then they came in. Anyway, we were up 1-0, I think, and then, or we tied it 1-1, then it was 2-1 after the first period. Then they scored 3-in-a-row. So what did that make it? They were up, like, 5-3 at some point. Something like that. They would just score them a goddamn bunches. So we pull our goalie, uh, Swamin', and the other guy can, I don't know, is a Kipper Solo. There's been too many Kipper Softs, Kucha, whatever, fucking, you know, I can't ever remember, right? So they bring that guy, and that guy just becomes lights out. We fucking tie it up 5-to-5. And, uh, all of a sudden, they're, they're, they're a fan shut up. Some lady, when they went up 5-to-3, looks at me, she's smiling, she goes, I'm sorry, I just go, no, you're not. And I smiled. I thought it would make her laugh, but she kind of turned around abruptly. Some people are fucking weird, you know what I mean? They're like super nice, but also not really offended by slavery, you know? I can't figure out, you just never know where you stand by them. Um, or with them, I should say. So anyway, uh, and I'm sitting there watching the Hurricanes going like, this is a solid fucking hockey team. Their power play is amazing. Their penalty kill is even better. Right at the beginning of the game, one of my buddies, uh, I don't want you to game with was going, um, talking about one guy in the fucking Hurricanes going, dude, that guy has four shorthanded goals. There's teams that don't have that. And I found out they had the most shorthanded goals. And I also found out they have the most points in the NHL. So me being impressed with them was pretty silly. I don't pay, I don't look at the standings. I just watch my team. That's all I do. So, um, what's his face? Pasta had some fucking, he had two amazing assists to, uh, geeky Morgan geeky. And I was thinking, all right, you know, but you know, we have to like, we were playing catch up the whole goddamn game. And anyways, then the overtime comes, we lose the draw. We never get the puck back. Just did not get it back. And, um, and that was it. They scored about a minute and a half in. We lose six to five. Still got a point. We still, we still like 94 points. It's all right, man. Can't complain about that compared to where the hell we were last year missing the goddamn playoffs. So anyway, then you also have to love that like, you know, that kid on whatever name is on the Montreal, Canadian just scored his 50th goal. America, America. You got to love that. All the best players in the NHL right now are from the fucking United States. All the top players and even a fucking stupid Tim Horton's eating donut motherfucker, Canadian. You can't argue that. Let's go around the league. All right. We'll go fucking player for player and I'll fucking match it and now on my list will keep going and yours is going to stop. All right. You guys got Connor McDavid. Just kidding. Just want to get some fucking Canadian people upset. Oh, what's he talking about? It's still my favorite thing I heard all year. Oh, it pasta knocks like how did that go in? Is that what pasta knocks saying? How did that go in? I love a Homer fucking announcer and I cannot stand when fans get upset by that. I fucking love it. It's the funniest shit ever. They're telling you something that is that isn't or they're trying to spin it in a positive way when you know they're full of shit. You know that guy lost the fight and they go, you know, they just, what did they say the other night that flyers one? Tanner, you know, clearly beat the other guy and the guy tried to say it was a fucking draw or whatever. So they both got gas there at the end. Oh, did they? Do you know, had like four fucking right hands in a row to the guy's face and then they were both gasped. I fucking love that shit. It's funny in sports. It's not funny in politics. That's why I don't watch the news and everything because they'll fucking tell you, you know, they'll tell you that a country is threatening you is a threat to us when you clearly know it isn't just to get some fucking pedophile story off the front page. They'll do stuff like that's not funny. But watch the guy get punched in the face four fucking times and then the refs break it up and somebody be like, ah, they were both gas there at the end. Oh, heck of a toast saved by Montenblau. Anyway, so that, that game that I went to, that was it. That was the last professional sports franchise and all four sports I needed to go to. And it was astoundingly anti-climatic. It was awesome. I want to thank the people at the Hurricanes organization for getting us some great seats and everything, treating us awesome. It was crazy. I didn't realize that that arena, I thought it was up the street from NC State. It's kind of like, well, maybe the campus it is, but it's, it's right there on NC State's campus right across the way from their football state in which I remember all these years before, like fucking in like August or September of 1987, I went to NC State, North Carolina, UNC football game there. And it's kind of a weird situation. Like I was living in Massachusetts and I thought I was going to go to like, I forget, I can't remember where Northeastern or something. I can't even remember. I can't even remember. And then all of a sudden I was in, you know, some family shit. All of a sudden I was in North Carolina and classes had started like a week ago. I'm like, what am I doing? And anyway, I went down to that, I went to that game and that was still when in the end zone, I was sitting on the grass. They didn't even have seats. I got a grass seat. Like as I was, I was a great woods or some shit. So all those memories came back Hillsborough Street. There was a fucking restaurant down there called Darrell's, some little chain or whatever. And what I also didn't realize was that there was a comedy club right down the way. Good Nights comedy club, which people always called Charlie Good Nights. I guess the restaurant was Charlie's and the comedy club was Good Nights. I don't know. I don't fucking know, but I don't know. I thought I was going to graduate there and it turns out I ended up being a fucking comedian. So who knew? Who the hell knew? So we ended up going there. We had two shows in Durham and had a great mix of people come out to the crowd, which is fucking great. I finally realized that the way I've been getting promoted, you know, this country is just like fucking white comic, white email blasts. So like, then I would be walking around town and I would run into somebody who wasn't white and they would be like, oh my God, I'm a big fan. Are you doing a show around here? I'd be like, yeah, I did one last night. I had no idea. So now I'm trying to do a broader scope of an email blast. So everybody knows, everybody knows that I'm coming. So that's what it was like. I did two shows, which I hadn't done in a long time and I could not have had a better fucking time. The first show was very like, getting ready to do a special. The act was tight. Wire to wire. Sorry. Oh, God, I got to stop doing these early. I know I'm making you guys, I'm sorry. I just got to make breakfast for the kids and take them to school and do a lot of shit here in about 10 minutes. Not 10 minutes. I got more time on that. Don't say that, Bill. Don't fucking freak me out. Yeah. So the first show was like really fucking tight or whatever. Like I was psyched, you know, I didn't have to glance at the piece of paper or nothing like that to try to remember the order. And the next show was just fucking bananas. The second show, the 1030. I came out and because of the faces I saw in the front row, a nice mix of people, it caused me to think of a joke that I was doing like 50 minutes into my act and I just was like, I'm a fucking. This one feels right. I'm going to do this one and then see what happens in the whole fucking. My whole act got like inverted. And then the way I went to joke to joke changed and set a bunch of shit. I had never said before, granted, I wasn't taping it, but I don't give a fuck. Remember a long time ago, I used to be into that taping your sets. You know, I'm not saying don't do that. If you're a younger comic, you should definitely do that. But I used to like, you sort of hoard every funny thing you said when you first start out. And then after a while, you just kind of like that, whatever. I can't remember. I'll fucking think of something else. It's almost like you got to be a little arrogant if that makes sense. I kind of learned that from watching like musicians who every night they would play the same song, but they never played it the same way. And they weren't recording it being like, okay, I got to play it that brother with that little improvised thing I did. Now that has to become a part of the song. And I have to, you know, and then I can be back between my ears again, as opposed to just sort of letting it fucking fly. So the way that they would do that was like, I should be more like that. When I was in high school, if I said something funny during lunch, I didn't think like, okay, I got to write that down. I got to make sure I say that again. Say that again at tomorrow's lunch. And it's like, well, no, it's the same fucking crowd. So I couldn't. I didn't worry about it, but they also know I was paying to see me eat fucking lunch. Oh, you know something? That's when the innocent goes. That's when the innocence goes away. When you get fucking older. Anyway, so also had another bonus was a friend of mine from fucking when I went to high school came out. That's why I never really need to go to high school reunions over when I go out and do my shows. Invariably, like, it feels like every third show there's somebody I went to high school with hit me up, come out, we get caught up. Um, it's pretty cool. Uh, and then also I went to dames chickens and waffles. Um, my favorite waffle in the country. And I got a side of, you know, I'm in the south. I got to do it right. I got a side of cheesy grits that had a little bit of heat to them. And that might have been the first time I went there. The waffle blew me away. The second time this time I had a waffle with the chicken cutlet. And the chicken cutlet with the sauce that I got. And then the fucking cheesy grits. Oh my God. I remember the cheesy grits. I was thinking like these, you know, when you have something that just is just perfect. And you eat it. It's amazing. But then it sort of haunts you for a couple of weeks. If not a couple of months, you just walking around thinking about it like that fucking song that won't get out of my head. You know what Carolina that won't get out of my fucking head. Yeah. If you're in the Raleigh Durham area, you got to check out fucking dames chicken and waffles, man. I, I two fucking thumbs up and everybody there was really, really cool. Very nice, including the owner. So of course was telling my lovely wife, you know, she does her at the table show. I'm like, you know, if you're ever in North Carolina, that's definitely one you got to go to. So anyway, um, so obviously the whole area is changed. I lived in Kerry a long time ago and over 30 years ago, fuck. 38 years ago, 39 years ago, fucking hell. Oh, fucking Billy was 19 years old. Yeah. So I was talking to some people down there said, yeah, I used to live in Kerry and they used to call it Kerry stood for concentrated area of relocated Yankees. And they're like, they're like, oh yeah, people still say that people still say that. And I met somebody else. I want to say one of my buddy's friends or Dean Delray, who has all like new stuff, man, he's fucking killing it, man. It's awesome. I love working with comedians that keep writing, you know what I mean? It inspires you. So anyway, one of their friends came and they said like, I go, do they give you shit for being a Yankee down here? I remember they did that when I was living down here. I was living down here. She goes, no, she goes, my neighbors were like, yeah, we don't care about you as long as you're not from New York. I was like, yeah, you know, I love New Yorkers, but they're they're a little tough to stomach once they get outside of New York. All they do is they just everywhere they go, they just say it sucks because it's not New York. And you just kind of like, well, then why don't you just go back to New York? Because I will tell you, we drove all over the fucking place. We went to, you know, NC State to do the show. And then we drove over to Chapel Hill because I had a later flight because I want to go take a direct flight back to LA. And that fucking part of the country is absolutely gorgeous. But I will say the same thing that's happened into LA happened out there with these fucking developers. They just keep knocking down places where people went and did something. And then they just put up just the ugliest, stupid fucking building with a bunch of apartments. Nobody can afford. I'm telling you, there's something going on there where, you know, this country has been bankrupt since the last time we went. And claimed that there was some country in the Middle East that was a threat. And we never found any of this shit that we said that was there. And we're still there. We're fucking bankrupt. We've been bankrupt. We've been bankrupt since fucking before Obama came in. We were hopelessly fucking bankrupt. And we're still, it's fucking, I just try not to think about it. But I swear to God, if any one of us was running our lives the way these politicians are running this country, we would be homeless. We'd be in debtor's prison. But anyways, they just fucking, the area that I saw, okay, some of the most beautiful old buildings I've ever seen, and then just the ugliest, they don't even make sense. Like we went to this one place for coffee. And, um, oh my God, it was a good cup of coffee too. Oh, that was the other day. We went to this place for coffee and we come out and I look at this apartment building. It was next to this, this car shop that was built at all of these fucking killer cars. Like they had a four door Oldsmobile over there that was almost like the Chevy Biscayne versus the fucking Impala or whatever. Or was the Chevy, yeah. It was sort of like, you know, you want, the son wanted the dad to go out or the parents to go out and go buy like the, the 442 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme or whatever. And instead they bought the sensible, you know, not as powerful, probably V8 four door sedan. The fucking car was gorgeous. And it reminded me of one of my favorite cars I've ever seen is the one that Dirty Harry drives in the first one. He has like a midnight blue Ford custom. You can't even find him anymore because all the hot rod guys only wanted the two door cars. So now I think maybe some of those four door cars. I don't know. I get really frustrated with car magazines. I'll get back, let me get back to what I was doing. So we walk out of the coffee shop. We see that place with all the classic cars. We go over there. And right next to it was this fucking apartment building. Like, I can't even tell you the colors. It was like, like a dark blue and then a light gray and then every window was framed with bright orange. It was just like, what, what is, was that just leftover materials? The cheapest fucking paint you could find. It's horrendous. Absolutely soulless. Then I love how they have like balconies and every unit looks the exact fucking same. Like the hotel we were staying at right near the airport had like warehouses and everything. And they were just, they just built like the same warehouse 10 times in a row. No windows. That's a, that's a research triangle up there. That's pharmaceutical companies. They're up there making synthetic heroin and robots. You can fuck. Right. That's what they got going on there. The nerds. Weird science. That's what they're doing and nobody's stopping them. You know what I mean? But if you're a fucking comedian and you say the wrong thing or do a festival where they don't want you to do your fucking, you got 90 days of shit. Which you can make synthetic heroin and fucking killed like half a million of your own fucking countrymen. Nobody even knows your name. Making your way in the world today takes everything you got. Making synthetic heroin. Oh fucking day long. Don't tell me that you're not. Then you're fucking killed a bunch of people. Sometimes you want to go when nobody knows your name. Do, do, do, do. Because all the bodies look the same. Boo, boo, boo. You want to make some fucking robots. You can stick your dick in. Nobody cares because you don't have any windows in your warehouse. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Sorry. Anyway. Kind of a little nuts there. So we go into this. That car shop. And they were just all over the map in a great way. They had like Chrysler and Perial. They had this killer Porsche. Then they had like a Thunderbird, like a 1950s Thunderbird. Then they had like a Dodge Viper. I mean, they just fucking had, they had cheap willies. I mean, they just had everything, like a little bit of everything. And every fucking car was amazing. We just kind of like talked cars with them for a while or whatever. And I was mentioning that. I was like, you know, I'm sliding into 60. In my 60s, I want to fucking have a 67 Cadillac El Dorado. And they were like, we'll find you one. So the only thing I don't like about the cars is that it's front wheel drive. I'm kind of not into that. And they're like, we can change that. I was like, all right, I like these guys. These guys are fucking cool. So anyway, I was the day before I was at this, this coffee shop. And this just struck me is so goddamn funny. Where they had this, oh, and I was going to thank the venue, D-Pack Chopra. I played the D-Pack and they gave me this fucking really, really cool cigar box. Where they had etched in the state of North Carolina on top of it. It was really nice, man. It was really, really nice. So, oh, and then I also, what am I talking about? I also went to an amazing cigar bar when I was out there. The Tinder box or something like that. That one, what the fuck was the name of that one? And I ran it, you know what's great? I'm all over the map here, people. I did a gig right the day before I went to North Carolina. North Carolina, I did a gig at USC on the college campus. It was a benefit, but there was college students there. And it was my first, essentially college gig. I hadn't done a college gig in like 20 years. I was going like, oh man, like these kids, they're going to think I'm a corn ball, blah, blah. And I went out and I got this really great round of applause. So these young kids still give a shit, know who I am, made me feel good. And then when I went to that cigar lounge the next day in North Carolina, there was a guy like my age a little bit older, he's like, oh my God, Bill Burr, I fucking love you, man. So we're like, all right, man, we got some tickets for the second show. You want to go? He's like, fuck yeah. So I was like, all right, that's a good, that's a nice wide berth of people, whatever. So anyway, we go to this, we go to this coffee shop quarter note, right? Lovely people working there, delicious coffee and everything. But I do take Umbridge, is that the right way to say it? They have a sign in their wall. It says, the chorus of a day always sounds flat without its quarter note. And I immediately thought of Ron Burgundy. I was like, that doesn't make sense. The chorus of a day always sounds flat without its quarter note. A quarter note is not a note per se. It's a measure of music. Like I don't know any music theater theory, but like when you play a G chord, there's different notes like G is in it. It starts and ends with G and then there's different notes in it that give you the G note. A quarter note is just like, it's just, you're just counting. So it wouldn't make it sound flat. And that just reeked of like corporate trying to sound like they have a soul when they're really soulless. And then they just alligator armed the creative budget on that one. That's like people who just have a casual knowledge, I think of music or whatever. Not like I have a greater knowledge, but I do know that a quarter note is just a measure. You wouldn't, that has nothing to do with something sounds flat. Something would sound flat because you eat, if you were singing, you didn't quite get there. Or if you were playing an instrument and it was flat, it sounds flat because you played the wrong note. It has nothing to do with you played a quarter and eighth or whatever. It sounds good though, doesn't it? The chorus of a day always sounds flat without its quarter note. Yes, I do need this cup of coffee. Like I guess that's what I was supposed to do. I don't know. It was good coffee though. I won't say that. Speaking of quarter notes and speaking of music, this was a sad one. James Gadsden, one of my favorite drummers of all time passed away last week. That guy's contribution to music, the amount of people that he influenced is just immeasurable. He played with Bill Withers. He just always had a smile on his face. Just absolutely killed it. Trying to think of some of my favorite tracks. Jackson 5. Dancing, dancing, dancing. That quick. Dancing machine, that song. Kissing My Love. One handed 16th notes. I've always been telling you, trying to do the Gadsden 16th. And all of those guys that came up, Jeff Picar, the rest of the solo, all of those guys in the amazing studio system. Studio scene that was out here in LA in the 70s and 80s, 60s, 70s and 80s or whatever. All those drummers were influenced by him. And just one of the most killer grooves of anybody ever. It just sucks. But anyways, he was also close to 90. So he had an amazing run. And his music will live on. But if you are a drummer and you're not familiar with James Gadsden, I'm almost jealous because when you discover that guy, you just like, how can somebody be this good? So I don't know. It's fucking sad. But he did have a great run. So now I think everyone from that band is gone. I think the guitar player, the bass player, Bill Withers died the last, I can't even remember anymore. James, I think was the last one. And I remember reading an article, and this is really fucking sad. He had a snare drum that Miles Davis gave him. And somebody stole it from him. And he thought it was a friend or something like that. I could just remember watching him talking about how emotionally he got about it. I'm like, man, somebody should just give that fucking drum back to that guy. Anyway, I got to read some fucking advertisements here. Oh, also, I got to let you guys know the Patrice O'Neill Comedy Benefit is coming up on Tuesday. I want to say April 28th. Oh my God, it's coming right back up again. It's coming right back up again on Tuesday, April 28th. There's still some tickets left. Every year this happens. About 10 days out, then we get a flood of people. And the last 100 or so tickets get sold. So if you want to go, you got a small window here. We have a great lineup as always. And we have Rich Voss, who really is, as much as he shits on everybody, is really one of the nicest people in comedy. He really is at the end of the day. He wouldn't be making a face right now, but he's a fucking sweetheart of a guy. And he is hosted every single one of them. And I also put it together with the amazingly talented Maureen Tarrant. She's the engine behind the whole thing. So definitely come down. It's for a great cause. We take care of Patrice's mom. Okay. All right. We got some advertising here. Normal everybody. From the creator of John Wick and Nobody comes the new movie Normal, a double-barreled shotgun blast of pure mayhem. I've seen the first two. I love these. For Sheriff Ulysses, played by Bob Odenkirk. I know that dude. I did Broadway with him. It's not Bob Odenkirk. The Tony-nominated actor, Bob Odenkirk, who's absolutely crushed his Shelley Levine I put right up there with Jack Lemons. Anyways, he's playing Sheriff Luke Ulysses, played by Bob Odenkirk. A new job as temporary sheriff in the quaint town of Normal, Minnesota, was meant to be a welcome respite from recent troubles. Yeah, he had a hell of a time with that carnival, the last one. But when a botched bank robbery interrupts the piece, a dark secret is exposed, and Ulysses discovers that the town is anything but its namesake. This is when the movie becomes fun. 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I'll tell you right now, you could go over there and just say hello. I am Bill, but he just went in. It was like, oh my God, this guy. He's just a fucking sweetheart. He's the nicest fucking guy ever. And he was right. I did. I called up Emerson and I went over there, and I had a great time. I got to go back though. Anyway, see it only in theaters starting April 17th. All right. Fast growing trees, everybody. Did you know fast growing trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers? You didn't know that? Well, where you been? They have all the plants for you. Yeah. Or your home needs, including fruit trees, high fellas, privacy trees. Get the fuck out of here. Flowering trees. All the trees are brown shrubs, potheds and houseplants. Could you just take care of these while I'm on the road? All grown with the care and guaranteed to arrive healthy. Wasn't that a fucking given? 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All right. Well, that's the podcast. Holy shit. I did 44 fucking minutes. That's the podcast everybody Enjoy the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Temmels and then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning Podcast after that have a great weekend And I'll talk to you on Monday I'm Andrew Temmels and I'm a big fan of the podcast I'm a big fan of the podcast I'm a big fan of the podcast After that have a great weekend you can'ts and I'll talk to you on Monday Oh Oh Oh Oh Hey, what's going on? It's bill burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday April night 2018. How the fuck are you doing? Huh? Oh That's good, that's good. I just got back from Cincinnati or as they call it the Natty The night before I was in Pittsburgh or as they call it the burrg About a year ago this time I was in Cleveland or as they call it the land I've always wanted to do a gig in Akron or as they call it the Ron What is with that part of the fucking country What is st. Louis they called the Louis the Louis? Hey, welcome to the Louis Hey, welcome to the walkie Welcome to the Inna Oda, not to state Minnesota, but any any odor Welcome to theapolis Welcome to the Paul Now it only works with the burrg the Natty the land And I'm bill burr the douche and when we return we're gonna be discussing the upturn in the stock market You know, it's funny. I didn't give him shit about that at all. I Didn't even think about that the whole time I was there. I was so I was too fucking tired. I flew in Thursday night so I could Get up early the next day and go do WDVE With Randy and Bill and I went in there Ian bag sitting there Like the fucking headliner he is and there's Joe Bartnick and we had a great time and I evidently I said bullshit twice and I said fuck once I knew when I said fuck because everyone oh and I'm such a foul mouth freckled Jerk off I didn't even realize I did it. I felt bad Whatever I had a good time so I want to thank Randy and Bill for having me in all these years That's why I sell tickets in Pittsburgh Pittsburgh was a very difficult ticket to sell for a long fucking time You know I Used to work that goddamn cavernous improv It's not a comedy club. It's not a theater. It's just a giant Like they should have a fucking DJ in there Well, it's big rooms with no chairs, right and the guys just start spinning Everybody's on fucking drugs Whatever does they do actually you know I've seen some of those DJs lately I've seen some of those YouTube videos and you they have little Casio keyboards You know to add to their beats Do you think it's harder to play drums with just your little fingers than actually play drums You know I'm getting sick of I'm getting sick of the one-man band guy, you know When they got that little fucking thing Where they do they do a drum beat first then they add the bass and Then they yell some shit and then they fucking do something else. I mean how many people are gonna do that fucking act All right It's like I get it you have no friends You know, it's like the baseball kid for a musician The whole point of making music is to go do it with other fucking people Look if you're doing it at a high fucking level I Don't mind, but there's a lot of people on on YouTube Who just go? And then they hit the thing and then they just stand there and they can still hear his voice going Oh, yeah, I know somebody to turn this into a song, so I'm not gonna make the rest of the fucking noises. All right You probably just used like the Part of the podcast or maybe that laughter put that over the top, right? And then add your own stuff and then you have a fucking there you go. They make make a podcast team Whatever the fuck I was just doing Every time everybody flips the fuck out like holy shit, I Can't believe they just did that It's like musicians have been doing that for years. Haven't they I Remember Stephen Tyler way back in the day when they had them making a pump. He was on every fucking instrument in there I guess because we never saw it. I don't know what I'm talking about. This is what I never I try Not to do podcasts on days that I flew on an airplane because I feel like for me They're never funny. They're always fucking scatterbrained. Oh Man we got me and Barton drove from fucking Sinsen out from Pittsburgh over to Cincinnati. I thought it was like a three-hour drive I always forget like that fucking the conehead part of West Virginia is in between that part of Pennsylvania and Ohio and I'll tell you man. I Feel fucking life of me. I do not understand the poverty of that state Pennsylvania is doing fine Ohio's doing fine and you just drive through that little fucking triangle on the 70 I Was joking on stage you're on you're driving by on the highway and you look off you see people like waving Asking for help, you know what I mean like fucking will them to forward and platoon Such a gorgeous state. I Don't get it I don't know I think one day that that place that place is gonna turn around the way downtown Cincinnati did I remember 10 years ago I Did that funny bone that's just across the fucking river the Ohio River in Cincinnati I was in Kentucky and I stayed they're like you want to stay out in the Kentucky area is like no no I want to stay in downtown Cincinnati won't be downtown where where where shit is happening Now is that 10 years ago and it was one of these fucking towns man Everybody comes in to work at eight and five everybody leaves and it's you're you're alone There's nobody there. There's homeless people. There's people who need medical mental assistance, you know crazy people And all the stores is fucking closed up. You got to get your last meal by three o'clock. Are you fucked and I had been there. I feel it feels like forever and I I Immediately went into downtown areas, but it's fucking amazing. It's fucking is actually a whole article the second I got there I was like this is not the Cincinnati that I remember from that fucking gig and that I carried with me the next two times Even though it was slowly getting better. I had such a bad experience the first time They actually people writing fucking articles on it where the hell is it Bill there you go Cincinnati Street car They got a fucking street car Okay, by the time the first passengers boarded Cincinnati Street car in September Its advocates had already been on a wild 15-year ride that included surviving two ballot initiatives to derail the project Whatever, I'm not reading all this boring shit. They got all this fucking cool stuff to do down there now and evidently I was talking this guy in the plane they revitalized a Bunch of bad areas, but they didn't kick the people out now. This was according to a white male in first class. So who knows? Who knows what happens because that's what I'd like to see done You know have that done and for poor white people too. I never understand what she's like, oh, we're making this area better It's like what about the people that were there? They would have made it better if they had any fucking money I Don't understand why like areas like that Disappoint, you know, we're doing all these startups and all of this shit We ought to do it for our our own fucking countrymen. Shouldn't we then every place is nice every way you go is a nice little fucking cupcake area Whatever, I don't know. Do you think that everything would be the same because you already have that fucking problem? You know There has to be a way to go into different neighborhoods of people and Fucking help out broke-ass people Yet they still They don't lose their vibe you know The music the food the people the whole fucking thing Because once like I don't know it's once What's the fucking people they want what's white people coming then it just becomes white? You know, it's got I really don't even know what I'm talking about right now. I just don't understand West Virginia It's fucking gorgeous. I don't know why people don't want to it's being a minor the only fucking job Is that why? You know, there's either people there mining isn't that fucking Honey boo boo from there Fucking dirt floor cabin she grew up in It's one of the saddest things ever I've tried to watch that show one fucking time and they were going down a grocery store and they were having an auction on Food that was at the grocery store that they no longer could legally sell And they weren't even buying shit that at least used to be healthy Like perishable shit like fruits and vegetables which God knows what the fuck they sprayed it with Right, they were they were fucking bidding on like double-stuff Oreo cookies It's like they've already expired and they're not good for you and she's sitting there looking like haystack Calhoun I Mean what what the fuck do you want out? Here's a question. What do you do with that? You know what I mean? That's just like I mean it's just a shit show and it already fucking procreated So now you got half of that and somebody else maybe they'll be half as stupid Maybe some smart person got drunk and fucked her that's the best thing you can you can hope for And knock down her stupid by 50% right? Because certain people you see they're broken you just like all right Well, maybe if they had some opportunity then there's other people. It's just like nah, you know Even if she was born rich, I just don't then once the parents died. I think I Don't see that fortune surviving Let's look up honey fucking boo boo. Oh honey boo boo was the mom. No, that was the kid honey boo boo mother Come on internet mama June Mama June of here comes honey boo boo famous for raising pageant prisoners Where the fuck is she from amazing weight loss Jesus Christ, you know when people are really fat and they lose all that weight Then they're gonna figure out what they're gonna do with the skin and then they need to do a startup to get rid of the skin Right, I mean Jesus Christ you she did an extra startup just for the shit underneath her chin She has that unfortunate thing where it like, you know It's like your chin is flush with your chest And she's way too young to have that level of a double chin And that's what happens people when you go down to the grocery store because you're so fucking broke and you have to you have to bid on already expired Double-stuff Oreo cookies her neck is full of the cream That's what it is. I know it's disgusting isn't it? But you know what in this day and age I imagine she's a hero All right, let's let's see her look. Let's see her loss She lost a bunch of weight good for her good for her now. She's gonna live longer You know what they should have done with the facelift. They should also fucking they should have fixed her I know this is harsh people, but there's too many fucking people. There's too much traffic Okay, you can't have dumb people like making more fucking people that are gonna be out there on the road You know and that DNA is full of fucking expired Oreo cookie double-stuff you just gave you can't fucking do it and This is the thing that liberals cannot handle and conservatives go too far with There has to be a feel-good solution What would you I would just say listen if you if you're dumb and You don't have kids The government will give you Oreo cookies that have not expired how about that? Well start is that as a as a as an Taxpayers will pay for that It'll come off the top Right. I Don't know how to solve this. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about I can't tell you this guess what the fuck I'm doing on April 13th. I'm gonna be in North Carolina at the rough and rowdy event event I cannot fucking wait for this. I think I got the suit that I'm gonna wear I'm very excited and I'm gonna be there. It's gonna be 1599 if you order now 1999 the day of the event. I'm gonna be commenting the entire night God willing I'm gonna be there with El Pres Dave Portnoy and the big cat Dan cats and guess who's fighting on the cad the one-man thrill ride All right, he's not wrestling he's fighting he's not wrestling he's fighting and he's gonna show while he's an absolute savage And I can't fucking wait. I'm very excited for this event. I hope I add to it and bring some more humor to it and Check it out 16 bucks the fuck do you care? What do you do with you 16 bucks? Go down there and bid on some cookies So anyways, I had a great flight back from Cincinnati congratulations by the way is very excited for Cincinnati After watching Pittsburgh, they hold downtown area start to get going again. All right, Cleveland's made a huge comeback Cincinnati's made a comeback. It's fucking tremendous. I hope this keeps happening because I've been on the road since the 90s And those places were really sad. I remember in 2004 When Nick Costas opened Hilarities, I remember looking across the street and talking to one of the comics there saying if I had money I'd buy that fucking Building right across the street And it was just like this beautiful building that was just empty just fucking empty and Hilarities were the only lights on on that block And I would finish my show and the cop would walk me to my hotel around the corner To make sure I didn't get jumped or anything, right? so And there we are now like that whole street now is lit up like the fucking Bullwinkle show and Man if I was where I am now back then I would have invested in all those and I wanted to invest in Detroit now That's fucking coming back to but I still might do that You know, I think that's a great thing to do Buy a fucking in an up-and-coming city that needs some money in there You buy something there and you don't kick the people out and you give them a nice safe place You know, they're paying rent the fucking these fucking assholes They redo these things and then they kick everybody out and they try and flip it You know those fucking heartless cunts that'll go into some beautiful building and just got the place And come back with like Home Depot bullshit Then they kick everybody out and try to get fucking, you know 20 and 30 something's in there. I Don't know I'm against it personally, but then again, I never try to do it. Who knows who knows maybe someday I'll become a slumlord. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. All right. Anyways plowing ahead here. So my flight back I over slept but fortunately the airport was right down the street and cruise through security and all that shit got there in plenty of time and I get on the plane and Delta Airlines, I always fly a different airline. I'm not fucking loyal to any of them because I never used the fucking miles All right, I have no interest in getting on the phone trying to figure out, you know when I can use them You know, I don't give a fuck keep keep the fucking miles What am I George Clooney in that fucking movie up up and away Up up and away with my salt and pepper perfect fucking hair You know, I love most about that movie I'm gonna ruin it here Is when he finally finds love and he comes and he finds out that woman's married And she looks at him like get the fuck out of here and he has to get the fuck out of here That was one of the realest things I've seen in a movie in a while. That's how it usually works out, you know Something happens So anyways the Why would I say that why would I why would I put that sort of negativity out there? Oh because of my cunt. That's right So I get on the plane and I made sure I told my wha to take the F1 race from Bob Bahrain and I get on the plane lo and behold I have ESPN 2 and I'm like holy shit The fucking race is coming on At 10 past 11, right? So I sit there and I'm watching fucking ESPN which is hilarious now You know, I mean every sports talk show now It seems like a woman has to be like running it and then the guys are sitting there like she's the teacher now Just like the overcorrection You know what I mean? So now like a guy can't run a show. I don't fucking get it, right? So I'm watching this shit and they show this woman from the women's hockey team Throwing out the first pitch instead of throwing out the first pitch She uses a hockey stick and she takes a fucking wrist and sends it to the catcher and the guy came comes out of his crouch And he catches it. It was a fucking ball by the way So there's a woman and a man Commentating on this fucking shit. She goes see that yeah, you know most you know a lot of the dudes can't even get it over You know, that's why I'm been telling you women are just better. They're just better at things The guy's like, oh, I'm not even I'm only you're gonna say anything. She goes. That's right. You got a wife and a daughter It was just like what in the what what the fuck was that? Just imagine That conversation and you flip the sex The guy saying that to her Hey, you see that Most of broads can't get it over the plate guys are just better at shit, right? I'm not even gonna say anything That's right. You got a husband and almost slapped the shit out of you you dumb bitch Dumb bitch I put a little bit too much mustard on it, but that's basically What the fuck they said and then she came back again and she said it again Which is hilarious and I You see that a lot now and At first it bothered me then I'm just like this is actually just it's not coming from a place of strength It's coming from this really insecure place Like right see we can do stuff. Nobody said you can't I guess they did back in the day But nobody now is saying that I just like you know every guy has to have his tail between his legs I wish I was commentate with her. I'd be like that's astoundingly ignorant and reverse sexist What are you talking about? I could fucking do what she just did if he gave me three tries It's a fucking wrist shot with a baseball. You got a teed up on a mound I don't even play hockey. I think you give me five attempts. I think I could fucking do that But you know what's funny is if I went and I failed that woman would feel justified because a stand-up comedian Couldn't get a baseball 90 feet or 45 feet whatever the fuck it is with a hockey stick That would be considered a victory. I guess I don't know so then I'm still watching right and then they have this really weird Commercial you got to see this one. I actually wrote it down on my phone. So I wouldn't forget Where am I you get the notes Women are just better they just better I was fucking around with that this weekend where they just said they're going you know the The future is female like all guys are just gonna step aside after we built everything up We're just gonna give you the airplanes go fuck yourself earn them I'm fucking with you ladies, but you know what something is how here's how you divide and conquer the cool ones know what I'm saying All right There's a commercial out right now that you have to see for Neugenic that has the big hurt in it and I swear to God He's standing there because he he lost all this weight and this woman standing there with this guy who I assume they're kind of together, right? She goes He says something. Oh wow. Is that the big hurt? She says wow he looks You see that's the big hurt and she said she should call and call like the big handsome or something She compliments on the way he looks and then the guy rather than being like the fuck you looking at another man for and commenting it in front of me Fucking disrespect me like that in this grocery store You know is there something I need to know instead of saying that he just goes yeah, or he kind of agreed with her right? Then they get over there and I this is really weird Conversation where they're talking about this stuff that helps you lose weight and every and subtly makes you fuck better I Swear to God the way the dialogue went I don't know. I you know I couldn't write it down fast enough I thought in the end the dude was gonna ask big hurt to fuck his wife I Listen, I don't know it might maybe it's me Maybe it's me Maybe all of this is playful and I just have two disease to fucking mind and that's how I'm seeing this shit So don't take it seriously. All right Speaking of disease mine April I am gonna be no vice Billy. No vice no drinking no smoking cigars no online porn Meditating yoga working out eating right drinking water all of that fucking little house in the prairie shit Okay, and I am when you hear this I'll be nine days in All right. Oh Billy no vice Hashtag Billy nice nice So Billy bored him What else oh William without Fucking I'm almost halfway through the month I think I'm gonna try to go to my birthday Right. I'm gonna go to my birthday You know get myself, you know in the shape. I want to be in So turn of 50 you know turn of 50 wasn't bugging me now all of a sudden now that it's like two months away as of today No as of Tuesday. It's two months away. It's starting to fucking hit me even though. I know I'm not gonna feel any different It's just that you can kind of lie to yourself through your 40s that you know No, you know, I look good for my age, but you turn 50 you fucking old You're fucking you're even you're even old to people that are old Like somebody 70 would love to be 50, but they're not looking at you like like, you know They're not picking that they'll take 50 You know what I mean, but if you know if they Nobody's picking that age if they rub a genie lamp and a genie comes out what age do you want to be? Nobody's saying 50 even if you're fucking 120 Who's gonna nobody saying 40 or 30, I don't get any ways So it's been going good it's been going good I like not drinking I guess I Do but I don't know you go to Pittsburgh Pittsburgh's just a town you just like fuck man. I'm getting drunk How do you not this is just it's too amazing we went to that Pramante brothers, however the fuck you say it, you know, we went to the Place the Italian market Bartnicks favorite one we gets the Gabba wool, right the Gabba guy Got all of that and they're just you know, I was eating that all fucking weekend stuffed olives. I Ate like a fucking lunatic, but I didn't eat at night. So it wasn't that bad But I definitely did not eat healthy over the last couple of fucking days But anyways, but I didn't booze I didn't smoke in both towns had cigar bars and I had to walk by them And on the plane ride home, I was watching top 10 Tight ends of all time and they got to Mike Ditka and he was talking all this shit and then he just took you know a Fucking you know a couple of poles off this fat cigar. I was just like fuck Fuck But I'm gonna get I'm gonna make it. I don't know I Don't know you know what it is It's like Every day I wake up and I don't miss not doing heroin because I never did it and that's the thing like they say once you open The Pandora's box. Oh fuck speaking of that shit You know that you know that AC DC song Sin City And when they do the breakdown Whatever the fuck I can remember the baseline of that but boom boom The kick drums on two which is weird and then bond Scott goes ladders and snakes ladders give Snakes take right now. It's always like what is he saying that lat ladders ladders and snakes liars Sounds like he's saying Ladders like something you climb up. I never knew what the fuck it meant Did I tell you guys this the other day? I can't remember And Mike Devon told me he goes no, it's it's a he said that's in Australia. That's like shoots and ladders But the original was called ladders and snakes and then I looked it up. It's actually from India If I'm right and it has to do with Vices and virtues and it's called snakes and ladders So as you play it's sort of the same board game of shoots and ladders Right, so, you know, if you get on a snake, that's a vice and you slide down If you land on a snake, I should say you slide down, but if you go in a ladder, that's a virtue and virtues bring you up so I'm basically you know After years of Sliding down in device. I'm not gonna try to go up a couple floors on the ladder. I guess I don't fucking know I don't know what I'm doing All I know is every once in a while I got a shut down, but every time I have to shut it down like the window is shorter They used to go hard for 10 months and then shut it down for a month Now it's like I go hard for two three months and then I shut it down for like four or five I don't know I Don't can't get it just all the comedy just left of this fucking podcast. It's just it's just not fun It's not fucking I don't give a fuck People are here. I fucking love being sober. I love being sober You know, I'm sitting next to this fucking guy. They're one of these guys that says yes And that's the worst when you're sober. Okay, get you something to drink. I'm like, yeah, I'll have a water And he goes I'll have a bloody Mary Like fuck I'd love a bloody Mary He finishes his bloody Mary. She goes would you like another one? He's like, yeah How about you sir? Nah, I'm fine with my water. I Was just clocking this guy, right? I Flew out another guy. It was just like that. He had a jack-and-coke Then he got the fucking meal You don't then got another jack-and-coke and then the lady said hey you want some ice cream, right? And he's like, yeah, but can I wait she goes? Yeah The lady had the ice cream. He said yes the entire fucking flight as I sat down. Just have a water anyways Plown ahead by the way, that's what you can look forward to you work your ass off You sit at the front of the plane they bring you ice cream like it's a figure a fucking two-year-old But here's the thing that here's the thing All right, you die sooner because you're up there eating and drinking like a fucking asshole All right, at least if you're in the back, you know what I mean? You're back there starving, but you're gonna live longer All right And the worst thing is to ride up front and be sober and watching somebody acting like they're in the fucking Roman Empire And you're sitting there drinking fucking waters Or a eatin a sad salad Anyways, let me do the Let me do the fucking the reeds for the week here What do we got here? Do I have any advertising left in this? Oh? All right That right there that was textbook fucking Advertising reading. Oh did I so anyways I watched the fucking F1 race? Congratulations to Max for Stappin Congratulations to the Ferrari team I don't know what the fuck's going on in the pits. I hope that guy from Ferrari is all right. You knew we broke his leg What's his face? What the fuck's his name? Kimmy something or the Kimmy rigged Tony The other guy in the fucking Ferrari team. I thought I thought I fucking knew his name anyways He comes in for a pit stop And they've been having all these problems like the haas team Both their cars last the previous race in Australia Sorry, I'm typing this in here They fucking went to go change the tires and they didn't get them on Properly and they left and the cars were unsafe and they both got knocked out. Oh Kimmy raking it He came in for a pit stop. They didn't put the right rear one on right or they didn't get it on in time Or they thought it was done. I don't know what the guy with the jack lets the fucking car down I don't know who fucked up. There's like 40 people that run up to the car and they're all dressed exactly the same And when he went to drive out the guys fucking dead giant back rear tire went right over this guy's fucking foot and leg and You know and he's sort of peeling out too. So Jesus Christ. So that knocked their car out of the race Louis Hamilton had a great race started in ninth got all the way up to third got to the podium What's his face Max for stappin Accidentally crashed into him or whatever and Louis Hamilton once again fucking whining about it Said Max is a dickhead. It was a dickhead move. He wasn't showing him any respect out there It's like Lewis. He's doing what you did when you came up What's he supposed to do? Oh my god, that's Lewis Hamilton. I'm not gonna try to beat him through this fucking turn I don't know a problem what he did and neither did the judges So what's the problem? He had this whole fucking thing where he was saying, you know, he was disrespectful It was a dickhead move and all of that. Yeah, I don't know that guy that guy is I Totally respect him. He's a fucking amazing driver, but I swear to God if he doesn't win he fucking He's always bitching about something. He reminds me of Peyton Manning early in his career. We had protection issues You know always fucking finger pointing No, you know my radio wasn't working as you know, it was very difficult. They tried to figure out When I was supposed to drive or not Have you done enough of these there's somebody in front of you go get him Bill it's a little more sophisticated than that. He was how in the mediums and the other guy was on this super soft Anyways, it was a great race. I'm just fucking with the Lewis Hamilton fans fucking relax. I'm just fucking around I know he's your Beyonce and I'm gonna have to deal with the fucking the the Lewis hive coming at me I don't know I make fun of Lewis Hamilton because he is the best the guy's the best Mercedes last year was the fucking best the last couple years They've been the goddamn best and I'm new to the sport. So what am I gonna do? Am I gonna jump on the bandwagon? I can't I'm actually I'm rooting I root for The American team when we came Kevin Magnuson came in fifth place that's 10 points motherfuckers Unfortunately our other driver Romain like the lettuce Grazian, however you say his name. He came in 13th. It was a great fucking race and I hate to say this ESPN 2 their coverage of that race was fucking phenomenal It was phenomenal I got I got a kind of knock a little fuck I'm gonna knock fuck sports a little bit because They just used to just follow the leader whoever was leading They were just up there and then all the racing was going on in the back and fourth fifth sixth seventh eighth Like the level that ESPN 2 was covering the race and Showing that all that passing and like you know when when anybody gets like it was a good driver gets like a some sort of penalty a Gearbox penalty or whatever And they move back you don't get to watch him come to the field in these past years the way ESPN You know as it was following Lewis Hamilton coming up. It was fucking great. I love the race now granted I don't know shit about racing and I watched it on you know the back of somebody's fucking chair on a on a Flight I could barely tell how many laps were left so I imagine I missed a lot of the drama But I went back and I looked at that. It's just like Max Verstappen. You can see he's he's gonna be one of those guys He's probably gonna win a championship. He's really young. He's a great driver. He's got balls You know it takes a lot of balls to go into a turn with Lewis Hamilton to be like fuck this guy I think I had position good for him unfortunately, you know it fucked up his car. I Don't know. I think Lewis is a little scared You know he reminds me of it was like when I you see that that interview when Milton Burl He's trying to get Richard prior to fucking you know stand down Because Richard prior has the nerve to fucking laugh at him and then Milton Burl does that he goes I'll give you some advice. He goes Pick your spots, baby And then Richard goes all right sweetheart. Yeah, fuck you Would you invent comedy? You didn't go fuck yourself. I'm funny too. That's how I filled Max Verstappen. Yeah, he's a fucking race car driver Supposed to fucking get out of the way. That's not reason I'm racing anymore. I was just driving around. I could fucking do that poor Red Bull team Jesus Christ Fucking Daniel Ricardo Aka Ricky Rikin and he fucking nice car just died For Stappen after he tried to pass Louis Hamilton when he's tire went out his differential got all fucked up But whatever that's opening that the doors for the American racing team. Ha We were doing great in Australia till we couldn't put tires on it was fucking hilarious watching our pit crew coming out They were so goddamn nervous They came out with like laces out energy But it was a great race and next week everybody the Moto GP race. I think it's next week you get it is Is it? No, wait, is it in two weeks was there been I've been one today if there was one today I fucking recorded it hang on a second. Hang on a second. I Was trying to go to that one and After I do Nashville is trying to go down to Austin go to the race. I just I got a kid man I can't fucking do that if I was in Austin I would do it, but I'm not gonna fly out of my way and not hang out with my kid. What am I a fucking degenerate? Yes, I'm not that big a degenerate though. All right Moto GP. Come on load load Load is how bad my internet is I have to I have to cheer it on come on. You can do it I took like Lamaze classes with my fucking internet. Come on do it push push You look so beautiful. It's still loading. This is fucking I pay like I gotta get somebody I gotta get a tech nerd over here You know, but before they do they got to wear a helmet with a chin strap So the jar doesn't hit the floor when they see how much I'm fucking paying a month for cable You know said they'd help me out with that I got to take him up on it Red band told me to help me out with that shit because he told me a story said he went home to his Parents house and saw how much they were paying and then called up their their provider and You know tore him a new asshole with his algorithm It's still fucking loading all right, I give up I give up whatever let's Let's let's read some fucking question his for this week by the way You know, I gave up arguing with my wife for lent and I'm continuing it and I'm gonna tell you right now I am getting some wins I'm getting some wins You know because what I look I'm still losing a lot All right But you know I look I'm looking at like a seven and nine season. I think that's what I'm projected at But you know, I was like fucking oh and 16 like the Browns last year Because I'm finding like what's good about not losing your temper is When you're right and if you can somehow keep your wife on topic you're actually gonna win You know I don't know who knows I already know she's already fucking adjusted her game to my new fucking style Why I want this fucking thing load. What is the fucking problem? How much money do I have to fucking pay? Wait a second, let me just bring my energy back down Bring it up back down again. It's not that big a deal All right, here we go. Come on load load There it is oh There was one today There was one in Argentina. I got to watch it. I gotta watch before somebody tells me the fucking results I'll talk about this one on Thursday Nice then I also have to watch the the UFC Even though I already know the results there. I got to watch this shit The big fight rose Nama Eunice first Yo Nana yo Anna na In the right trick I say right yo Anna now in the right trick You know, I know how to say that because I listen to this fucking Russian guy Is this it yeah, I listen to this guy for like an hour it was rose Nama Eunice verse Yo Anna yandrejczyk did you guys get that it was Once again the fight was rose Nama Eunice versus Yo Anna now yandrejczyk yo Anna now at some point in her life She has to meet fucking Axel Rose so he can sing her name, right? Sorry boogie woman is coming for you I Don't know what she was trying to say like the boogie man. She probably read up on the boogie man I mean, it's the second language. It's pretty good that she could come up with that But that was oddly terrifying when she was saying that boogie woman is coming for you. I don't This brought me back to when I was single is like man. I remember I dated boogie woman a couple of times You know one of those women you break up with you don't even go back for your stuff It's like fuck this you can have it man. I'm fucking out of here Goddamn witch. All right, Des Moines, Iowa billy reeswank. Hey billy reeswank Just checking in on you and giving you some ammo when you go back to your Advertisers of all the podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis your ad reads are the only ones that I will not skip through Yeah, exactly. That's why I fuck around through them So I got you got to keep it entertaining because there's nothing stopping you from fast forward and through you don't understand that stamps calm You know didn't nature's box They didn't get it in those other fucking cunts blue apron Alright of all the pocket also how many corn fed asses do I need to get into seats to get you to make a stop in Des Moines, Iowa? I've been up there. I was up there in the last year. I did a gig at Iowa State. I don't know if that's the morning I'll get out of here. Fuck I'll go out there hippie music blind spot always something I learned with drumming That thrash the thrash drum beat is the same beat and like like shout music Basically, it's just the bands they're playing with how they phrase the music on top is different punk thrash and shout music There's a lot of fucking similarities And that's one to grow on hippie music blind spot Dear Billy curve bald I Love your podcast and I'm coming to see in Denver. Thank you. I love to hear you talk about music and drummers in particular Alright, I got somebody new that I'm following on Instagram Instagram I she just came up in my feed and she blew me away What is it? Oh fuck the pocket queen And I thought it was funny because I don't know if she's a guns and roses fan or if it's just a coincidence but you know Rocket Queen guns and roses fan and then the pocket queen and She's just an amazing amazing Drummer who's having the time of her life when she plays I think it's the underscore Pocket drummer, but I started following her and That'd be I don't know She's just a fucking amazing drummer. So anyways plowing ahead here Where is it here? I love to hear you talk about music and drummers in particular Have you ever taken a listen to John Fishman the drummer and fish? I know a bunch of Harry hippies I get it. You know, it's not that it's that their songs are 17 minutes long. It's just such a fucking commitment I Will say because of fish I learned about the Little Feet album waiting for Columbus So I do want that live album. I do want to thank them for that Anyways people always put them in the hippie music category, but they aren't The fucking mom is in the poppers. I don't mind the mom is in the poppers my mother loved them So when I listen to them reminds me of driving around, you know in the car when I was a kid with my mom They put on more sold-out shows and consecutively my computer just died All right They put out more shows consecutively that MSG than anyone ever Wow Even more than Billy Joel, huh? And at any rate love efforts of family and go fuck yourself. All right. Well, give me Give me a fucking album that I can you know, that's a good jump off that I can get into this shit I saw them live in the early 90s at the old Boston Garden They headlined the spin doctors were there off their first album Little miss can't be wrong all of that shit. It was like a fucking a Grunge Thing I don't know what the fuck it was. It was like overnight all of a sudden it had just changed It was 1992 When I saw him Let me see if I can look that up See if I can find that the whole lineup. I think I want to say WBCN was a part of it Let's see here fish Spin doctors Boston Garden 1992 Yeah No way Yeah, October 30th and the reason why I went there was because The sketch comedy group Alan the monkeys had won the BCN comedy riot Al Del Benny dain Cook Bobby Kelly were in it and they performed There too and I got to watch them perform at Boston Garden. Let me see if They got the lineup This was a semi-holloween theme Devils night One set show at the WBCN new music concert Rock a Boston event it was fish First show at the Boston Garden. Oh, no way. I saw that show This is how old I am they actually have to describe the Boston Garden a historic basketball and ice hockey arena built in the 20s with a capacity of about 15,000 addition to fish and the spin doctors the level levelers material issue Michael Penn and a comedy troupe that include Dane Cook Alan the monkeys performed between There was called Alan the monkeys the comedy to committees were Okay, we won't we won't get into the rest of that Anyways plowing ahead Yeah, I saw them. I guess October 30th. That's right. That's right I just started doing comedy right around them was right when I met Patrice. So there you go So I've actually seen them. So there's a lot of like psycho fish fans that would be like, oh my god You saw them for the first time at the Boston Garden I saw one of their legendary shows and had no idea who they were I just remember they had these little workout trampolines personal trampolines that they would jump it up and down on the whole time And the crowd was jumping with them And I thought they were cool, but I never really got into them. All right race documentary. Hi, Bill I was listening to your podcast where you talked about your new interests in Moto GP. Yeah, it's fucking I'm obsessed with it. You should check out this documentary About the annual Isle of Man TT race. I was trying to go to that the last two years and I can't get anybody to go with me It's not Moto GP, but it has similar bikes. I think yeah, it's a yeah It's it's a road race around the island and more people have died than years. They've had it So I mean, it's incredibly dangerous. I'd like to go see it see people driving that fast But I don't know watch somebody die either or die myself With shit flying into the crowd it's road racing instead of track so there's no tire Walls to crash into etc. It's insanely dangerous Usually a couple riders are killed each year and this documentary follows one of the riders for one of the years I have only I only have a passing interest in racing But this illustrates the danger of the sport really well in case the link doesn't work The dock is called TT 3d closer to the edge love the podcast you crack me up I might even buy some of your shit. You're peddling I'm really not pet. I don't sell anything on my website All right, so I didn't need the little snide fucking Comment. Oh, maybe just talking about the shit that I'm advertising in that case fucking have at it. All right Evil woman Evil woman Dear Billy Halebop I Don't get that. Oh my Fucking daughters up here. I gotta I gotta finish this thing. All right. I was watching the documentary called Wild Wild Country with my girlfriend It's about a group of followers of a guru from India who set up shot shop in a remote town in Oregon Everybody's watching this right now. I won't get into the higher question of what is a cult and what is a religion? Oh, I'll tell you the exact thing a a Cult is a new religion a religion is a former cult that took over That's the only difference While watching my girlfriend While watching my girlfriend didn't seem as angry with a particular person as I was the first in command under the guru was a woman named Sheila I Don't want to spoil the dark for you listener, but she did some evil shit in the name of her cause. Oh, yeah Yes, she did. She was a fucking lunatic Like most guys who were in power she acted accordingly See and that's the thing right there where they sit there and they act like if women ran the world there would be no war It's it's not it doesn't have to do with sex Most people if when given power do not handle it well They either hurt other people they hurt themselves they sabotage it because they can't deal with the fucking pressure Well, they just become a cunt like me She's a very compelling person to hear and speak and I understand how some of her might find her cares match I liked her to a point. I like that she was just like Standing up to everybody, but then you know she went too far She kind of went like You know I'll fucking Kill everybody Instead of just the people she was upset with she didn't try to hurt them. She tried to fuck over everybody But when you get to the part for the this six-part series you start hearing about the town's water supplies being poisoned under her authority He goes on this is disgusting isn't it? No, that's fucking terrorism, but this is you know What 25 years before 20 some years before 20 years, maybe before 9 11 So She was just considered a you know bitchy I think My girlfriend started giving me a hard time for calling this Sheila a cunt Saying I worship guys like Tony Soprano and Walter White Yeah, he goes yeah, I do I worship fictional characters that they were but I never defended waste management Racketeering and lying to my family about being a meth chemist It ended with her telling me that I'm biased towards the achievements of men I can't deal with this lack of rationale. I'm considering breaking it off with her thoughts Keep your calm and just say listen the difference between me liking You know anti-heroes in a movie Versus you liking anti-hero that actually existed and really poisoned the town You just say listen if Tony Soprano Walter White were real people I wouldn't be a fan of them But you know, you know, you like to surprise you you're You like the characters you like the acting the writing the way it's shot You know breaking bad and all that's that's that's all that is If you're considering breaking it off with her over this and I would say you know I Think you should I mean if this is enough to make you break it off you might as well You know Just you know, I wouldn't drink your tap water for a couple of months I Apparently I'm controlling is the name of this Yeah, I'm gonna say just by that title I'm gonna say that you are Apparently I'm controlling like people who always like get called out on this shit You know, it's like that bearded cunt on the flyers every time he fucking takes out somebody's knee and every time It's like so blank what the fuck he just did it's like totally away from the pocket complete penalty He always puts his hand out like what the fuck did I do? Dear Billy Bunghole. I recently started dating this lady And everything was going well, so I decided to invite her to a Marinus game for opening weekend You know, had I known you were gonna say the name of the baseball team I would have switched it just to In case I don't know somehow somebody figures this out anyways, I knew she was a baseball fan It would be excited to go. I invited her and she said that sounded really fun So I was really excited as well I told her I would take care of the tickets because I knew finding tickets for opening weekend would be hard So she agreed and said she would pay for food and drinks. Look at this. Everything's going great so far It's like a classic horror movie, you know, they get to the fucking Crystal Lake everybody's having a good time It's all enjoyable to the first time they go a Couple of days later She started having truck car troubles and was worried She couldn't make it to the game because she wanted to fix her car by Monday and the game was on Sunday I live in the city and don't have a car but offered to rent a car to pick her up Or we could ride the bus together since we would be drinking and the bus drops people off Right outside the stadium. She didn't answer my text for a couple days and told me less than Told me less than 24 hours that she wasn't going to make it I sent her a text back saying that I was upset about it and that if we had just had a regular day-date scheduled I wouldn't mind but the tickets weren't cheap front row lower level Outfield and I don't get to go to many ball games that is important to me She didn't reply until the next day and said she wants to stop seeing me because the tech seemed controlling But I was honestly just trying to tell her how I felt about being ditched I'm usually a pushover and this was the first time I sent texts like this before So do you think that I was being controlling? I would appreciate some advice. Thank you and go fuck yourself PS Bring back the Sonics. Oh, you're gonna get a hockey team instead Sonics on ice Call them the Seattle soliloquies No, but I understand both she has to get to go to work on fucking Monday. She wants to make sure cars. All right, I get that This but to say that she you're controlling and She wants to stop seeing you I would say she dated a psycho before and is a little gun shy or She wasn't that into you anyways to quote Greg Barrett, you know I hope you just went to the game with the buddy yours and got fucking hammered Yeah, I don't know I would just write back to say, you know, I guess we had a miscommunication But I have to admit if you know one little spat like that it makes you think about Breaking up with me. I kind of feel like you're not that into me anyway. So before One of us really gets hurt. Why don't we just let's just end his friends and really try to end his friends? That is that is a skill. I wish I had and To add the way you end his friends with somebody This is for men and women is you just you have to be a hundred percent honest with them You know And if you haven't been honest with somebody and you're in a relationship right now if you're really honest with them now They're still probably gonna hate you, but you still have to do it Because once you're doing now is you're setting up healthy relationships in the future All right, so then you could just got it all out there They knew from day one From day one when you meet a woman you do what's what's going on between us? Nothing. I'm just you know, I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now. I'm just having fun. That's it So what you just want to have sex with me? Yes Yeah, I know what you're gorgeous. I'm attracted to you You know I'll practice safe sex Do you want to get fucked? I'm the man for the job. You don't have to be that honest. All right. Anyways black girlfriend's family Hey, Billy burnt pubes Guys are killing me today. I'm a 24 at five year old guy and I've been with my girlfriend about eight months 25 year old guy I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months Sorry, things are great between us and she's awesome We're both single parents of a four of four year olds are both in school and both work decent jobs All right, I have to ask you this before we go any further At night, do you dress up like a black woman? I'm just you know, this is too many coincidences Is this like some fucking psycho shit where it's your Norman and your your mother No, all right, I'll continue She's a great mother a very sweet encouraging beautiful woman who keeps herself in great shape and is working on her doctor in nursing The total package the only problem is her family Bum bum bum bum She's a black woman and I'm the first white guy she's been with my daughter is mixed and I'm used to Dating interracially and my parents and brothers love her but with her family Her brothers and dad just don't like me. They barely speak to me Even though we have a lot of the same interests in sports music, etc. This sounds like a like a fucking ice cube movie Her mother grandmother and sister love me and we get along great But I plan on marrying her and would like a good relationship with their brothers and her dad They have no reason to dislike me as I treat my girlfriend very well and I've never acted like an asshole around that. Well, yeah, you get judged probably by other white people And the shit that they've done The only thing we can think of is they don't like me because I'm white because she said her She said her ex and them were cool and even Hoop together often oh wait a minute. Okay, so her ex all they liked the other boyfriend better Her brother said to me a few weeks ago when I tried to talk him and invite him to play ball He said we got nothing to speak on you're never gonna be my be family. It came out of nowhere Before they were just cold to me. I've come across people being prejudiced to me while Hooping and in my area grew up But it was just weird because they actually know me and know how much I care about their sister Any advice from you or the lovely Nia on how to approach the situation or if you've ever run into this problem I'm saving up to buy her to buy a ring and would like to rectify this before committing the rest of my life to her Thanks for all the laughs over the years and go fuck yourself. That's a fucking major issue That's a major issue and and Relationships are hard enough forget about when one whole side of the family doesn't like you I Would just use humor. That's how I'd get through it. I'd go over a house pick. Hey everybody. It's the white guy. Nobody likes Hey, you guys want me to stand outside while you talk to you your daughter or sister I don't know or an act extra white I Go over that dress like in it with a Donald Trump extra long red tie. I Just start having fun with it You know Hey, do you guys see that of that fucking great speech by Trump? I Don't know see I'm a dick. I would I probably start doing that, but I gotta be honest That's gonna wear on things. I think I would pump the brakes on the ring Until you work that out and I think you guys maybe need help beyond some dick joke fucking comedian Yeah Because that sounds like that's going in a direction where You're gonna have to she's gonna have to make a choice either be with you or have a relationship with the family I don't know But that's that's above my pay grade. So my advice to you is I would talk to her about it and You know, I would tell us it listen, you know I'm ready to commit to you for the rest of my life, but like I I don't know if I can I Want to commit to that because this is the thing you don't marry her you marry her family and if her family fucking hates you Dude, you're gonna be miserable All right, and having been with somebody for as long as I have, you know, there's ups and downs and shit Even without that. Fortunately, Nia's family is fucking awesome So I lucked out there and even then we've still had difficult times mostly because I'm a fucking idiot, but Yeah, so I would try to work that out. All right Yeah, what the fuck are you in a rush for you know, you already have a kid, okay, and I don't know I would just be listen to I'm not going over you have they don't fucking don't want me around there. You fuck them You know, I don't give a shit I'm tired of going over there being like hey, well you want to fucking hang out they go Yeah, get the fuck out of here. So it's just like all right. I get it I get it, but there's no reason to be stubborn You know about it Um It's weird because your heart's involved But anybody with a brain would be like well, dude, that's gonna be a fucking miserable marriage You know Ah Jesus christ and then what they're gonna show up at the fucking at the wedding just fucking mean mugging you the whole time I'll tell you this if you marry a fucking a lope That's the way to do it You know, I would go I would go that way. I don't know dude. See see what does he now you got to do all of this shit Now you got to do all of this already be hard enough You know Dirty be hard enough you get married It's already gonna be hard enough and now you're gonna add that fuck that shit I don't know but you'll love her so I don't know what to tell you I don't know but you'll love her so I don't know what to tell you get get help. All right. I'm talking in circles All right, that's it. I'm gonna watch that UFC and that Moto gp. I'll fucking you know, be old news I don't give a fuck. I'll make it funny. I'll talk about on thursday You have a great couple of days you cunt and I'll check it on you in a few days I Hear it in the air I feel it in the air Who's your neighbor who's your friend? Oh, there's hate all around I don't care about your fucking politics. I don't want to hear about your politics All right, well he said boom She said Now we're human beings right here human beings. We're here together. Come on What's you gonna do what's you gonna do when it falls on you? You're scaring the kid The beautiful kid Oh Blood runs cold I'm feeling hate all around It's no solution. It's never been a solution. Come on. Are you with me? We all know what it is I Give it to somebody I'm not being corny this shit is real live peace live for love Oh god See the god and everyone come on see the god See the god everyone Um Come on with me Oh Everyone just wants to be loved everyone wants You See the god and everyone everyone leaves out no one And everything Besides love Is cowardice You want to be brave you want to be tough Peace and love is the toughest hardest thing you can do Build a bridge. It's where the courage is Build a bridge it's where the courage is Shine your light shine it true Yeah You Feeling more confident in yourself can start with understanding the support available And med express helps you explore weight management options from home begin with our short online consultation Reviewed by uk registered clinicians. There are no appointments or waiting rooms. Everything is handled online If eligible treatment arrives discreetly at your door with professional support from clinicians throughout your journey Discover a more confident you at medexpress.co.uk slash podcast