A Tradition Unlike Any Other

Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there, wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here, yeah I'm a sports junkie, I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. But right now it's HVACmania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally $148. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace some love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to StandardHeating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Here we go already. We say it every day, we're not just blowing smoke up your ass, we mean it. Thank you for being there, thank you for fisting us into your radio dial, what do they call it Josh? Yeah that was it. The radio. I mean there's no more dials but that's still how it's referred to. Are there no more? Welcome to the 93X Half Fast Warning Show. We're down one today, smashly. And I know what you're saying, is it diarrhea again? As far as we know, yes it is. And the next thing you're probably saying to yourself is, damn it's concerning how often that gal has stool issues and we would agree with that. So it's just us dudes. Yeah I thought Dana might have had an issue, he texted earlier and said, I had to go home, I'll be back. I had to run home. And I thought, ah he doesn't want to poop at work. No, no. You're a home bowl guy maybe, especially if you're having some major tummy issues but it had nothing to do with that. I thought diarrhea had went from our studio to your studio. Right, you know, especially as Ashley's been out with diarrhea non-stop. No, I actually, I did something really dumb. I got, I did a gig at T-Mobile last night in St. Louis Park, shout out to all the wonderful people over there and everybody that stopped by. But anyway, I've been a T-Mobile customer all my life, I figure as long as I'm here I'll upgrade my phone. So I upgrade the phone and I get halfway to work and realize I grabbed the old phone, the dead phone that doesn't do anything right now. Well you know, at least if you're in the same boat as me, I have very regiment in as far as how I start my morning. If I could see doing that, I'm used to doing this exact same thing. Yep. Outside of, maybe I would have just put my new phone where my old phone usually is. Right, well I had them both sitting there because I was afraid the new phone's alarms weren't going to go off. So I had double alarms going on both phones. Along the lines of diarrhea, Nick, I don't know if I thanked you properly. I know I thanked you but you probably deserve more than just one. You saved me from what you described as a nightmare in the bathroom yesterday morning or the day before, I forget. What day is it today? Wednesday? Yeah. I think this was Monday morning. Monday? The point where, I don't know, maybe half hour to 45 minutes after your warning, you stuck around when we were leaving because I was going to go potty before I left. You know, go before you go and... Pee before we go. And you said, I'm going to hang out here just to make sure you're all right. Half an hour later and I walked in and luckily nothing was going on and you were nice enough to make sure I got... Like if you were dropping me off late at night to make sure I get in the door, it was the same type of thing. You went into a disaster Monday morning. And there's been so many disasters around here but your reaction suggested to me it was worse than some of the other ones. Around, I don't know, around 10 o'clock in the morning Monday. So after we were done with our Monday broadcast, I made the mistake of walking into the men's room and it was a horror show. There was someone actively murdering the men's room. I saw their little feet dangling right in the men's stall. It was unbearable in there. And half hour later, we packed up to leave and like Josh was explaining, before he went into the men's room, I said, I'm going to stand out here. I'm not going back in there, but I'm going to stand out here and make sure you're okay going in and out. It was that bad but it had cleared at that point with actually being out with diarrhea again. It reminds me of one of the best lines I've ever heard. A while back, we were talking about, oh, the adventures of visiting a public bathroom. It's nothing I'm afraid of. I've been in every public bathroom in the county because I used to have terrible stomach issues. But there are some folks who won't do it. Some folks who are very paranoid about it. Of course, there's just hilarious different adventures that people have had in public toilets. This is one of the most clever lines I've ever heard. And all of this talk brings me back to it. We were talking about something like when you're in a public stall and someone comes knocking or comes yanking on the door handle to get in there. What are some of the clever lines you can throw at that person to get them to back off? And this one will stick with me until the day that I die when someone knocks on the door of that public stall and you're still in there cutting one. What do you say to them? Come back with a warrant. That is a good line. I can't get over how clever that is. Come back with a warrant. At any rate, there you go to be just the three of us today later on. Randy Schaber will be here. Maybe someone, I don't know. Someone called Janelle. See if she's got nothing going on. But for right now, it's just the three of us. We hope Ashley gets over her diarrhea soon enough. Yeah, that's miserable. Sounds miserable. I found out how I'd react to a possibly violent situation the other day. Oh wow. This sounds very dramatic. Well, it's not how I would hope I'd react. You found out how you'd react to a dramatic, is that how you say it? Dramatic? Dramatic. It was potentially violent. It was a surprise. It was really out of nowhere. Wow. I went with a buddy, standing in line, a little place called Chipotle, a mountain pop shop. And all of a sudden, he pulled a hunting knife on me, like super fast, out of nowhere, and put it like right up to my neck. This is a friend of yours. A buddy of mine. Yeah. In that moment, obviously I had no idea it was coming, and I felt safe around the guy. But it shocked me so much that I bust out laughing, and I thought it was absolutely hilarious. And so some of the guys I was with were like, that's your response to when somebody pulls a knife on you? I'm like, well, it was so bizarre, so out of nowhere, that knife is so scary. I couldn't help but laugh thinking, what a ridiculous situation. I'm just waiting to order a burrito bowl here, and somebody pulls a scary looking knife on me. Just on a side note, is your buddy hoping to be baseball-batted or tased by pulling a weapon out in public? I did think that, like, man, there's a bunch of people here. What's somebody called the cops or attacked them, right, for that reason, but... What's he doing carrying around a Rambo knife when he goes to get a burrito? I think he kind of uses it for work. I mean, it was... Killing? He's a contractor, and I think he uses it to cut stuff. It just looks sweet, right? So your reaction was to laugh? Oh, I thought it was hilarious. And people were like that, people meeting the people I was with, like, that's how you react. I'm like, well, yeah, and then I thought back to the... I know we've told the story before, but when we were at that scary haunted house, and that scary clown jumped out of nowhere and startled me, and I laughed at that situation, because how bizarre. There's a clown in front of me that's threatening to kill me, and he called me a laughing bitch, which, of course, caused me to laugh more. Interesting. I mean, so this was a friend of yours. Yes, so... Had it been a complete stranger, who knows what your reaction would be? I was curious how that would be. But so far, in the... Brief isn't the word. In the small number of dramatic situations you've found yourself in in your lifetime, your reaction has been to laugh. It's better than crying and running away. Yeah, there's probably some scientific... But why would I laugh? It wasn't like a nervous laughter. It was like, that's absolutely hilarious that this would happen. Well, it doesn't make any sense why this happened. Well, maybe you just knew deep down your buddy wasn't going to shank you in the burrito line. Well, that's for sure. That's what Nick was saying. You know, if it was somebody a stranger, I probably would have had a different reaction. But it was just the whole situation was so funny to me, that I could have bled out with leaving with a laugh. Right. And that would have been perfect, a perfect ending for a guy like you. I would have been fine. Maybe there's got to be some chemical or medical study done out there that I bet you could find online about different ways people react to stress or drama. Right? Some might, like you mentioned, scream and run the other way. Others might laugh. Others might immediately fight back. Like, High Hopes McGee Jesus said it's called the nervous laugh. His dad does it all the time. Yeah. I mean, that's what I was wondering about. My dad does it all the time. I didn't feel nervous. I legitimately thought it was very funny that... That's kind of strange. I know, I know. It's a little strange. But interesting. Just how silly that whole situation was. I'm just trying to get a burrito and someone pulled a knife on me. Very violently and quickly. Like, he could probably be in the special forces with how cool that was. I worry about some of the guys you hang out with away from the radio station, but that's a subject we can get into at a different time. When I was a little kid, like an 11-year-old kid, riding my bicycle around the neighborhood with a pistol peat from across the street, we were on some wooded trails, you know, in our neighborhood. Back in the woods when we were kids, we could get away with anything. Nobody was looking. We were talking heavily wooded. Nowadays, you see a jogging trail. It's actually quite visible from the road and from town. But back in when I was at these woods we used to ride our bicycles with. You could do any damn thing back there. So pistol peat and I are cruising around on our little huffy dirt bikes. And suddenly we see blocking the trail, blocking the bicycle trail, three 16-17-year-old kids. And they're doing, you know, like the you shall not pass gimmick, okay? We're big kids. You are little kids. We're blocking the path. You must answer to us before you pass us by. So pistol peat and I had to hit the brakes. And we're just sitting there on our bicycles. And one of these 16-17-year-old kids pulls out this massive John Rambo style hunting knife and says, what money do you kids have in your pockets? Give me your effin' money. Well, being a naive 11-year-old kid and only ever seeing a weapon like that on television, I assumed it to be fake. Pistol peat went, ahh! And ran and bicycled away. He was so afraid of this massive hunting knife, I didn't think it was real. And so I started popping off at this older kid. He's saying, give me your money. I said, I don't have any effin' money. Blow me. You little pecker, he like gets in my face. He's like pointing it at me now. He's like, give me whatever money you have in your pockets. And I said, I don't have any friggin' money. And I said, get that friggin' thing away from me. And I swung my bare hand at the knife and it cut a big hole in my hand. Oh, dude. It was real. We're talking YZETA here in 1981. You know, why would I ever think? And then I joined pistol peat. I went, ahh! And I rode away. I never in a million years thought it was real. That's funny. I'm trying to think, I can't think of a situation I've been in like that. So I guess I have an answer to how I reacted in a real dangerous situation. I screamed and I rode the other way. When it finally dawned on me that it was for real. And number one, what kind of crack rocks are you smoking as a 17-year-old kid that you hang out on a bicycle trail and try to rob 11-year-olds? Yeah. Who you can tell by- That's a tough guy right there. You can tell by looking at me or pistol peat, we didn't have more than a dollar in our pocket. I bet that kid didn't make much money on that bicycle trail that afternoon. And he needed a knife to go after these 11-year-olds. Right. He could have just choked. I mean, he might have had some bad wiring, but when I realized that knife was real, I got the hell out of there. Me and some buddies, my parents, or my friends' parents would take us to Embers in Richfield all the time. Miss Embers. And we, the parents, you know, the adults would sit and talk and it would just be boring. We'd play Miss Pac-Man there for a little bit and then we'd kind of run around the parking lot. And one time these older kids were across the street and my buddy's little brother yelled like, hey, or something like that. It was just real nothing. And they came over and wanted to fight. And it was kind of like, it was cheesy. It was like out of a movie. I was in sixth grade. These kids must have been juniors or seniors. And they backed us up against the wall. There was like one ruffian who was putting on his beating up little kids glove. And I'm trying to talk our way out of it saying, hey, all he did was say hello. Wait a minute. He was putting on his what? Beating up little kids gloves. Did he have like a really cheesy pair? Or like leather gloves. He's like putting them on slowly, like talking about the beating he's going to give us. Were there fingers in the gloves or not? Nope. Fingerless gloves. Right. Like looking back, I was like, what a dork. I realized at the time what a dork he was, but I was scared. I was in sixth grade. Douchiest thing a guy could. Anyway. And this would never fly now, by the way. Never fly. His, my buddy's parents were some of the coolest people you could ever meet. And like dad had a lot of interesting stories. I mean, he was like the first to adopt those little Bose speakers you'd put up in the corners. And they had a big screen TV, all kinds of cool stuff. They had a pool, super hot daughter. And so all of a sudden I'm so focused on this dork. I'm focused on the hot daughter. A lot of people were. If I were you. She dated a Navy SEAL. Isn't that a Navy SEAL? So I'm so focused on this guy and his buddies are just kind of standing there. And I thought, this is so stupid. We're going to get beat up because my friends, like six year old brother said hi. And all of a sudden out of nowhere, my friend's dad hit him with his car. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, not like at a super high speed or anything. I'm going to guess three or four miles an hour, but it was enough to knock him over. That's awesome. And I've never looked at somebody like a superhero ever since like I did that day. I mean, you like looking at now like he could have ended up in jail. Definitely. But at the time it was the coolest thing ever. So this nerd got ran over by Alexis in a parking lot. And I'll never forget that moment because I went from thinking, well, certain death to that changed in an incredibly short amount of time. I'd like to know what that kid's up to now. I think getting hit by a car like that when you're about to beat up a little kid kind of changes you a little bit, hopefully. Yeah. Maybe it changed his ways. You know, if he's listening, I'd love to find out what happened. And do you still have those gloves? They were stupid for the record. Very stupid. So dumb. But I remember like he was nervous talking at that time, trying to talk our way out of it. Yeah, you know. All right. I got a text message already that says, psst, could it killed you? Okay. I was going to ask you how you reacted to that. Oh, it was so silly. We laughed it off. And we were, that's kind of what it was with my buddy. We were 16 or 17 at the time. So, you know, there, there was very little that, that scared us. When you're at that age, you know, you think you're, you think you are bulletproof, you know, so. And if folks don't know what we're talking about, there was a kid that I grew up with who was into the whole ninja scene. He had a ninja suit. He had throwing stars. He had butterfly knives. And again, sorry if you've heard the story a million times, but he would hide in a tree and when we would walk down the sidewalk from the, you know, parking lot of our high school to the actual school, when we'd walk down the sidewalk, the kid would hide in a tree and wait for us to be directly under. And we never saw him coming. We never did because he was in a tree for Christ's sake. But when we would walk directly underneath him, he would say, psst, could it killed you guys? And he'd have his little throwing star in his hand and we'd say, yes, Donny, you win again. You could have killed. But you know, so yeah, we've been discussing how we reacted. If we've ever been in dramatic, possibly violent situations, how did we react? I've been lucky. I've only been in situations like that a handful of times. But now that I think about it, the two times I truly thought I had a chance of being killed. I guess I remained pretty calm. And one of them was the two homeless guys who were going to kill me on the streets of Minneapolis many years ago. I really honestly thought this is it. They're going to kill me. And it all originated from a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid radio bit where many years ago I was the on the street radio guy. I would go out and see what's going on and talk to people on the street. And it would be broadcast live. But sometimes it was taped. And in this situation, oh no, I guess we were live. We were live. Okay. On very few occasions, it was taped ahead of time. If it was, you know, really elaborate or something. But 99 times out of 100, it was okay. Let's check in with Nick and I would have to on the spot produce some sort of comedy. God, I hated it. But this was the bit. This was mid 90s. So damn near every morning show in America was going for the ridiculous as over the top ridiculous as you could come up with. That was what was trendy at the time. So what was I doing that day? I'm on the damn sidewalk in Minneapolis. And I had a can or two or three of dog food. And the bit was I'm going to try to find somebody who will eat this raw can of Elpo dog food will raw as opposed to what you cook it up. But anyway, whoever will eat this, the entire can of Elpo dog food will get $93 and 70 cents, right? Because we were 93 seven and we still are. And it's going nowhere. Nobody, no average citizen walking by wants anything to do with me or this stupid idiotic radio bit. So the I'm dying on air. Josh, right? Every time they check in with me, what's going on? Have you found anybody yet? No. Yeah, it sucks. So there I am with the cell phone. What about you? What about you, pal? You know, a passing businessman and the guy would say no. There's no comedy. There's nothing. It's going nowhere. That sucks being put in that position. Right. So I mean, I'm desperate for anything to happen. And suddenly two guys walk up and they say, what's going on? And I said, well, if you eat this can of dog food, you get $93 and 70 cents. I'm from 93.7 the edge. That's who we were at the time. And the two guys say, yeah, we'll do it. Or one guy in particular said, I'll do it. Okay, here we go. We're live on air. The guy gulps down. He cracks open the top of this friggin Alpo dog food and he, I mean, he pours it all into his mouth. It was like Popeye the sailor man back in the day when he would rip down a can of whatever he ate. Spinach. And it's pouring, you know, the jelly that's in those dog food cans. That's the worst part. It's pouring down his face. It's running down his neck. But he guts the whole thing. And there were a couple of funny lines in there. Suddenly the bit has been saved. And I have been saved, at least career wise, because back in those days, if a bit went nowhere and I came back to the building, oh, I was going to hear about it, even though 99% of that crap was totally out of my control. But there we go. We got a bit. It went well. The guy said something funny. I said something funny. He ate the dog food and we end the bit. We went into a song by Collective Soul or something awful like that. And it was a success. But the problem was we're off air now and I'm all alone on the sidewalk with these two characters. And they say, okay, where's my money? Well, I didn't have any money on me. What I had was a... Like one of those prize sheets? Prize sheet where I get their name and address and they'll be mailed the money in a month. That's when it dawned on me. These are not just two guys walking down the sidewalk on their way to something. These are a couple of unhoused characters that may or may not have been ripped out of their minds on dangerous illegal drugs. I was too focused on the bit in the moment to really see who I was dealing with. Well, now I say, oh yeah, I don't have $93 on me, but if you fill this out, we'll send it to you. And they said, give me our F and money. Give me my money now. And I said, you got to fill out the... I'm just a total cherry, right? I mean, and that was not what they wanted to hear. They're not going to fill something out. They're going to wait a month. They want their frigging money now. And they're backing me up. They're...the two of them are backing me further and further off the sidewalk and down an alley. They're very upset and they're threatening me now. For the third time, I tried to explain to them, the situation is, you have to fill this out. Well, now the guy picks up that empty can of dog food, steps on it, so he crushes it, and he's raking it across the brick wall of this alley that we're in. He's sharpening it and he tells me he's going to cut my throat with it. Oh, Jesus. And... You don't want to get killed by a can of elbow. Come on. That sucks. For the money I was making on that terrible radio show 30 years ago. Hell no, I did not want to die in that moment. And to go back to what we were talking about in that moment, I didn't scream. I didn't call out for help. I was just calm. Finally, the dude who was not holding a sharpened dog food can to my throat, the other one says, is there a phone call you can make? And I said, yes, even though I really didn't know if that... Were those numbers 911 at that moment? You know, maybe I should have tried to fake a night, you know, I called back to the radio station and I said, you got to send somebody down here right now with $93.70 or even more if you feel like it, because these guys are going to effin' kill me. Sure as hell, the host of our show at the time, Total Donkey, he called his girlfriend and his girlfriend went to the bank and she came and met me on the corner of this street and that street and we gave the guys straight up cash. And then they were like, hey man, sorry about all that. Of course. I don't know if I... boy, eating a whole can of dog food is pretty gross. But I didn't scream, I didn't... Yeah, I mean... Maybe I knew nobody could hear me, because they had backed me quite a ways away from the rest of civilization, you know, the rest of society on the sidewalk. We were pretty deep and dark into that alley by the time they backed me all the way up. Yeah, I'm trying to... like I... so in situations I've been in like that, I haven't screamed or anything like that, but I think you get so laser focused, you know, tunnel vision, I think they call it like... cops... I can't remember, cops have a term for it, where you're so focused on something, you don't necessarily have time to pan it, you know? I wasn't... I couldn't come up with anything, dude. I didn't come up with anything to distract them, you know, in the movies. The character might be able to talk their way out of it. I froze completely up. And again, I didn't get myself out of it, luckily one of the other dudes, you know, right? The dude who wasn't holding the weapon. He was the one who said, is there a phone call you could make? I could have come up with that, but I didn't. Well, thank goodness that the voice of reason was one of his buddies, because... I wonder how long it would take to slice your throat with the top of a can of elbow. Dude, no, no, it would have been instant. Oh, is that right? Oh, yeah, he was raking that metal, it was like an old metal can. Because I think if I went nuts, like it sounds like that guy was about to do, I'd probably have to apologize to you, like, I'm sorry this has taken so long. I picture this going completely different. This is great, it's got a text message that says, ah, radio, when the host of the show sends his girlfriend to pay off two crackheads. That's exactly what it was. Yeah, I never thought about that. Boy, the bravery of that host. He didn't want to show up himself. And you know, God, that was one of my last straws with that particular gig. I was like, this is so dumb, I'm so friggin' burned out. I was burned out instantly on that routine, it was just so friggin' dumb. The ideas were so bad. Alright, thank you for the text. Yeah, cops are saying they call it tunnel vision. Tunnel vision? That's good or bad, I'm sorry, what is tunnel vision? Well, I think you're just so, yeah, you're so focused that you kind of, like, everything around you, you're not really paying attention to just the danger in front of you. Yeah, I don't miss those days. I bet not. Every day it was something dumber than the next. Well, you know, not to be cheesy or annoying here, but you were very good at it. And I was a listener at that time, because you were here, you were doing that like a year or two before I got here, and I loved it. Yeah, I mean, you were the highlight of that show. Alright, I'll stop talking, but... And those two friggin' guys, the two crackheads, as soon as they got that money in their hand, I guess this shows you what it's like to be a crackhead. As soon as they got that money in their hand, they wanted to be my bro. It was about to be cracked, that's why it was just moments away from being cracked. Moments away from being turned into crack or what, or meth rocks or whatever. And then what station are you on here? And that was kind of a funny bit, man. Hey, we'll see you later. Sorry we blew up. I mean, if I would have had a Billy Club, if I could have picked up a pipe on the sidewalk or something, I probably would have went after them. Well, if you would have picked up a crack pipe, you would have distracted them enough, you could have ran. Like a longer pipe, not a crack pipe. So there you go. I understand we missed out on a guar concert last night. Speaking of violence, we missed out on a guar show last night. I got a couple of text messages that said, hey, thanks for the guar. We must have been giving away guar tickets on the radio station. Oh, we have no giveaways in the morning anymore. No, they have to. I'm glad you had fun at the guar show. That brings back great memories. Thanks for texting in. How many times have you seen them? Twice. Were you afraid? Afraid, yes. The first time I was afraid. Did they call you scum? Oh, yeah, we were all scum. Everybody was scum. I'm glad you had fun at the guar show. Oh, Christ, we got to get going again. No Ashley today. Diarrhea, Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder will check in with us at 7.30. Coming up next, we'll attack the stupid news. So we'll be right back in a few minutes on the Half-Assed Morning Show. Half-Assed Morning Show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now. We truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania. And these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today, 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. In the race to scale with AI, you need data infrastructure that can match your pace. EverPeer's data storage platform brings all your data into one hub. No silos, no scrambling, just instant access to tame your data chaos. And with EverPeer's storage as a service subscription, your storage and security upgrade automatically with zero downtime. Your infrastructure stays current so your business never slows down. Visit everpeerdata.com to learn more today. With EverPeer, you're not just in the race, you're built to win it. Alright, if in you don't mind, I'd like to go back to a conversation we held down earlier where we were talking about, oh, you know, dramatic, almost life-threatening situations that we've been in over the years and how we reacted to those situations. You don't really know which way you're going to go until you get there. Josh had a knife pulled on him and he laughed. So now I guess we came to the conclusion that your natural defense reaction is to laugh off a scary situation. It was just such a bizarre incident where I never thought I'd be a part of that. It cracked me up for whatever reason. I told the story about when I was a kid. Someone pulled the knife on me. Number one, I was so dumb, I thought it was fake. So I didn't take it seriously at all until I, like as a combative move, I swatted at what I thought was the fake knife. It cut my hand open and then I screamed and rode my bicycle away from the... How do you react in these situations? Here's a story from weed-token motorboat in Jesus on a situation where he thought he was going to get killed dead. He was a deer hunting. He and his buddy were on a road hunt kind of a thing, driving around in the pickup truck. Went down a desolate road. Next thing you know, the two of them were smack dab in the middle of some guy's marijuana patch. Next thing, after that, a dude who owned the marijuana patch comes rolling up on him on his four-wheeler and the sumbitch has a pistol. And he says, what the hell are you guys doing here? Weed-token motorboat in Jesus says he and his buddy just threw their hands up in the air and said, we're lost. We don't know where we are. We're lost. And he said the guy on the four-wheeler packing that pistol, his face changed and he said, just get the F out of here. That's a scary. That is a scary. I've never had a gun pulled down me. We've had a gun showed to when we were maybe a freshman. Some guy showed a gun to us as in a threat. I've never had one pulled down me, thankfully. I was pretty scared. I mean, I was looking around like, please have a cop drive by at this situation. My friend lived in a crappy neighborhood. This person says, I live in Columbia Heights. I had a gun pulled on me while sitting on my front steps. His reaction was to ask the guy, what kind of gun it is? That's good. Sweet gun, man. Dude, that is awesome. Can I hold it? I bet you could kill a guy like me with something like that. Yeah, you know, nowadays, Jesus, guns at school, school shootings. It's such a dark, awful. And it all started with that Columbine Club. I've mentioned this before. So 99, is that when the Columbine kids? Yes, sir. God help us. Awful. Still get sick to my stomach. When I was just... So many bad examples since. Oh yeah. When I was a senior in high school, I'm a settin' in class. Guy behind me. I knew him. He wasn't, you know, part of our friend group as, as you might say. But I knew the guy. I went to school all the way through with the sumbitch. Here we are, seniors in high school. I vividly remember, um, bored out of my mind in class. I don't think either one of us were paying close attention. Me and the guy behind me, but he taps me on the back and I turned around and he pulls open his backpack and he's got this massive handgun in there. And he says, look at this. And I remember reacting by saying, okay. And he said, yeah, this is a blankety blank magnum, this and that. Magnum, magnum. And again, I said, okay. And I turned around. And I remember thinking, are my brains seconds away from being splashed on the poor bastard in front of me? Now in the end, nothing happened. But it's funny that I didn't tell anybody. I didn't tell a principal or a teacher or anything because never in a, I mean, aside from that brief thought I had that he wanted to kill me, never in a million years did I think I should worry about that individual maybe shooting up the entire school. You see what I mean? Oh, no, it wasn't a thing. We had kids for show and tell bring in their hunting, you know, their shotguns and whatnot to show them off and nobody ever, ever thought anything about it. Somebody had a rifle in school, whatever. It wasn't like a huge deal. If it was under the guise of, hey, this is how this works on a show and tell day. It never even entered my mind to say a word to any authority figure about it. Man, that's so wild to me. This dude was a loose character. He certainly was. He got pumped up on the steroids and whatnot and he was running a little while. But even knowing that about him, never in a million years would it have entered my mind that we were in danger. No. Fast forward 10 or so years, totally different story. I remember kids like had switch blades or those butterfly knives and stuff like that. They'd bring to school and it just be, hey, keep that in your locker. That was about it. They could take them out of their pocket and go, whup-a-pa-pa, and it was ready to go. A kid in sixth grade got in trouble because he had one of those switch blade combs. You know, you hit it and it opens and it's a hair comb. I wanted one of those so bad. No, he got in some serious trouble for that. Well, yeah, because that was post-columbine. That was pre-columbine but it was still, it was a year before a columbine in 1998. But yeah, they were not messing around with that kid whatsoever. A comb? Really? Yeah. Well, what do you mean? Because it looked like a switch blade. Well, no, I understand the concept of a switch blade comb, but what trouble did he get in? I can't remember exactly the tension or something, but you weren't allowed to bring Nerf guns, any type of fake guns, nothing. Jesus. I know. And that's pre-columbine. Yeah, that was sixth grade. Columbine happened a year later and I was in seventh grade. Well, sometimes it's obviously ridiculous. Remember a few years ago, there was a kid that chewed a piece of pizza into what looked like a gun and he got in trouble? It was like a young guy. He chewed a piece of pizza and what remained on his plate was in the shape of a gun. Yeah, it was on purpose and then people were like, oh, that's a threat. All those carbs could hurt somebody. I've been to a couple of youth basketball games where a kid got kicked out for making like a gun celebration. Oh. They weren't even cool with an air gun, you know? The old finger guns? I'm not trying to sound judgy, I'm just explaining that that happened. By the way, Crane God, Jesus, texted the program and he said, that story I told about the kid behind me in class with the gun, sounds like a scene from the movie without a paddle? I don't know what he said. Oh man. Never saw it! You know, I never considered this, thank you, 651-817-5 Jesus. Hey, some kids are lactose intolerant. You're right. That could have injured somebody's tummy. Can I be too sure these days? You know what's fun, Cubby? When you get text messages from far away places, people who are listening to this program ski, from far, far away, like this one here, poor concrete Jesus, P-O-O-R, concrete Jesus. Checking it. We love it when you check in and tell us who you are and what you're up to, by the way. 651-989-9393. That is being our Luther Bloomington key at Texl. We love when you check in and tell us who you are and what the hell it is you're up to. This guy's checking in, Cubby, from Illinois. Oh, welcome. You want to hear what he's up to? Yeah, what's he doing? He says, I'm on my way to apply to the Pipe Fitters Union right now, the union that Josh's mom created. God dang it, that took a turn. If I had a switchblade comb, I'd pull it on you right now, pal. And I'd brush that hair you probably have, you lucky bastard. He probably has hair up on top of his head. I get it on the side of my ears now. Like one on the side of my nose. What's going on? I don't have any nose hairs on the outside of my nose. Yeah, it's just one. But I lead the league in hairs growing on the outside of my ears. Yeah, like my ear lobes. I shave, yes. What's up here? Not the lobe, but the outside. Yeah, the rim. Yeah, my ear rim. The ear rim. Dude, I shave my ear lobes. Yeah, I have to every once in a while. I want to be clear about this, not the inside of the ear. Right, me neither. But I, of course, do my best to take care of that. I'm talking about hairs that grow on the outsides of your ears. The lobes, the rim. That's wild. I get a razor out and I pull my, the Bourne family has big, long, droopy, wrinkly, disgusting ear lobes. It's part of our bloodline. So I stretch the sunbitch out and I shave my ear lobe. Yeah, I have to do that sometimes. Is it now, I'm wondering if yours is the same way where one day it's completely fine and then a day later somehow it's eight inches long. Yes. It's tickling my navel somehow. All right, Tennessee. We're starting this pig in, I think I have this right, Josh. Is that the volunteer state? The volunteer state? Yeah, I believe so. All right, Tennessee. The locals, I imagine them to be frightening people. The locals in a town called Jonesborough. They've started up a petition. They're looking to get a guy removed from the school board in that neighborhood. They're looking to get a guy gassed from the school board over something he said at a board of education meeting. We got a hot mic situation here, Covey. A dude on the board of education got caught running his yapper on a hot mic. You know how they do it at the board of education meeting, a big room full of incredibly bored people. B-O-R-E-D at the board of education meeting, B-O-A-R-D. The folks up there on the panel, they need a little headset microphone or whatever so folks can hear what they have to say. So, Dinkus is setting up there. He goes by the name of Keith Irvin. He's setting up there. By the way, this meeting was being streamed on YouTube. Jesus, how totally insane would you have to be to tune into that on purpose? But that's not the point. I've watched one of those council meetings just once. What the hell were you doing that for? I can't remember. There was something I was curious about. They're going to be building something. I was like, oh, I'm interested to find out about that. You showed up and took a seat live? No, I streamed one. Oh. And incredibly boring. Oh, yeah. So boring. I think in, I don't know, economics class or something, we had to go to one town meeting, city council meet. We had to sit in. It was part of the class. It was brutal. So, here's a school board member again, Keith Irvin. He's setting up there with the panel. And he was caught on a hot mic. He was setting next to a high school age gal at the meeting. I'm guessing she was the local school class president or something and she's forced to sit in on these awful. He's setting next to a high school gal at the meeting. Now, Keith, he looks to be, I don't know, 60. And old Keith could be heard saying into his microphone, he said to the young gal, he says, God, you're hot. It's what you're hot. You know what I mean? Who do you think school is? I know that's very difficult to understand. But he said, God, you're hot. It's what you're hot. Oh, God. And he, well, the video that I saw, they blurred out the young woman. And he looked like he kind of put his arm around her as he said it. But like I said, it was blurred out. It appeared at least he did that. I haven't read anything saying he did, but I was watching him like, that was creepy, man. And that poor girl, just being, I don't know how she felt at that time, but now she's involved in this. It's become a national story, right? And she has to be, I'm sure she doesn't want to be in the middle of any of this kind of stuff. No, have they kept her name to themselves? I haven't seen her name. Hopefully that stays that way. But you obviously, her entire school is going to know. Keith's whole line, again, 60 year old man, school board member, talking to a high school age gal. His whole, Shmere was, God, you're hot. Do you know that? He says. And then he also asked her, where do you go to school? Hmm. Most folks in the room heard what this stupid idiot said to a damn high school gal. So now the locals want his big, dumb carcass, dumb, smooth off the school board. They've now called an emergency board meeting. Well, those are even more exciting. And the whole emergency board meeting is to possibly put a lid on this dude before he ends up playing with himself or something. Keith Irvin, the guy, he says he meant no harm. He says, I was just talking. What? I didn't mean nothing. I was just talking. He says, she's hot. What do you want me to say? Nothing. Don't verbalize that. Also makes you think of all the not, makes you think of all the creepy things that don't get picked up on high microphones from guys like him to women of her age. What, what, what haven't they heard? Right. And I'd imagine, probably not the first time he's ever made a comment on a young person's appearance. Maybe not, but yeah, I, you know, I've always thought, I shouldn't say I've always thought, but it seems like some people get canned a little too easily. Oh, sure. Absolutely they do. And maybe there's an excuse. You made a mistake, slip of the tongue or something. But in this case, I mean, it's not as main gig. Maybe they should just say, I don't know if this is right for you. I mean, yeah, I mean, here's some information that I did not know that's being passed on to me by our listing audience, the brother and sisterhood. They always have the X-tree information. I didn't catch this the first time around. New guy on the school board was in the corner of the room puking his guts out. I don't blame him. Actually, some of the other people there on the panel are getting some crap for not calling them out immediately on it. Well, maybe they didn't hear it. Well, they did. And there's one, I mean, they all said it was very uncomfortable. I mean, the audio did sound a little globberly. Yeah. And so, I mean, they were, they, they did hear it, but you know, everybody's uncomfortable and not sure how to react. They talked to him afterwards. So I don't know if I judge them too much. I was trying to think like, how do you react to something like that? They're probably so shocked. Definitely creepy. Probably. Yeah, they, I mean, sometimes in situations like that, you say to yourself, did I really just hear what I think I heard? Right? We're not. Because you'd want to, before you call somebody out, you want to make sure like, did you really call that girl hot? It would take me by surprise. Yeah, I wouldn't believe what I heard. So I'm not going to go after people who were, I mean, come on. We got the guy, we know what he said, they're going to deal with him. You know, if there were people in the room who didn't quite put two and two together, stay off their ass, you know. I mean, I'll tell you this much. The most uncomfortable I've ever been in my entire life. And it was a situation where I had to ask myself, am I really hearing what I think I'm hearing? Now, this guy I was hanging out with one night, it was a friend of a friend of a friend. At the state fair, I got left with the drunkest buffoon I've ever been around in my life. And I've grown up with drunks. This guy was so ridiculous. It was a situation where all my friends rushed off to the grandstand to see whoever was playing that night at the state fair. And they said, and I wasn't interested. So I said, I'm just going to wander the fair. You guys find me when the concert is over. And they said, oh, do you mind hanging out with Donnie? Donnie was a friend of a friend of a friend. I didn't really even know the guy that well. I knew him a little bit. He was a horrible, horrible drunk. So great. Now I got a babysit, this friggin' soak. But, okay, fine. Donnie and I are hanging out front one of the beer gardens. And here comes this gal that I knew. And she's got her daughter with her. Her daughter is maybe 12. So I engage with the adult woman, because I knew her from a bar I used to drink at. How's it going? This and that. We're trading pleasantries. Donnie, the guy that I'm supposed to keep an eye on is so wildly intoxicated. I mean, disgustingly drunk that I overhear him talking to this 12-year-old girl. And he's like, yeah, I'm a truck driver. I make about $135,000. I live alone. And what do you like to do? And this little girl is absolutely horrified. She's looking side to side as if she's thinking, why is this 38-year-old drunk man talking to me like I'm a grown woman? So I have to walk over there and I say, what are you doing? What are you talking about? I said, you're talking to this kid, telling her about what you do for a living, how much money you make, and what you like to do when you're not working. And you're talking to her like she's an adult, like you're almost as if you're hitting on her. No, no, no, no. So I just planted his ass on a bus stop chair. What do you call that in the business? A bus stop there on the corner of the state. I said, just sit here and don't say a friggin' thing. It was really uncomfortable as hell. The little girl could not imagine why this guy was talking to her that way. That's too bad. Oh, you want to know the end of the story? I ditched his ass so fast. I could see why. And when everyone came out from the concert, they said, where's Donny? And I said, don't know, don't care. We found the sump which passed out in the dirt at the state fair. I just remembered a time you and I both were in a similar situation. There was a guy we used to work with who would tell the same gross joke to everybody. Oh, no, no, no. This was so embarrassing. It was awful. And, you know, he should have killed him in the moment. It was a terrible situation. He's setting up this joke we've heard a million times before to a woman who was coming up to say hello and her two young daughters. This was a woman who was a listener. Yes. And it was a very sexual joke, a very inappropriate joke, and it was suggesting the woman please him in a way, right? The mom in front of her two daughters. And he's setting it up. And I kept cutting him off. Right. Like, oh my gosh, you know, so nice to meet you, all that kind of stuff. And he'd set this up. He would not give up. And I kept interrupting him. Finally, he got the joke out. They were horrified, the mom and these daughters. And so, you know, I don't remember what we said to him in that moment or afterwards, but I remember apologizing afterwards. I kind of went up to a table and I could not apologize enough. I felt awful. This guy was such a douche. He thought it was hilarious. He insisted on telling his blow job joke in front of a couple of young gals. How many times do you think he tried? Oh. He's frustrated at me that I'm killing the joke. Yeah, we kept, you kept interrupting six or seven times before he got it out. And he's supposed to be representing the radio station in that moment? That was terrible. Oh, God, sorry, that was gas. Is that some secondhand embarrassment at some promotions we've had with coworkers and their actions? I think that was the worst. That was the worst. And there's been some doozies around here. God help us. This sounds awful. Something bad happened at the beach. Josh and I like to go and lay out in the summertime. We'll hit a beach and lay out. Oh, yeah, I love vitamin D. 651-989-9393 if you have a comment. I'll take all that D I can get. Let's steer clear of this spot, Josh. Let's steer clear of this beach. In Seattle, Washington, if we ever find ourselves out that way, and I doubt we will, a 31-year-old lady got herself arrested last Sunday at the beach for allegedly stabbing a guy with a toothbrush. That's like prison movies stuff right there. Right. Kind of like going back to that dog food can we talked about earlier. You can sharpen one of those things up pretty good. A toothbrush. And it's stuck? Well, like you guys are saying, she must have sharpened it like they do in the prison movies. Yeah, I was wondering if she went to prison. Do they let you take your shanks home as a souvenir when you get let out of prison? Well, that's probably just a skill you'll learn. If you had it on the way in, they'll give it to you on the way out. That's a good point. Says here, this horrible incident broke loose on a beach out front, a happy-ass joint in town called Salty's Seafood Restaurant. I bet they've got colorful t-shirts for sale, Josh, at Salty's Seafood Restaurant. Oh, yeah, there's probably some funny sayings, everything. Ha ha ha ha. You bring that home with you. You wear it. Yeah. To your buddies, house parties. So everyone knows you're a well-traveled person. You've been to Seattle. You've been to Salty's Seafood. So the local police say this gal impaled some poor bastard in the back of the head with the handle of a toothbrush. Both individuals were hammered drunk. There was some type of altercation, and then she came at a player with the oral B medium bristle weapon of death. But this dude must be tough, and I'm sure the liquor helped him. He refused to cooperate with the cops. He didn't want any medical treatment. So he went home with the toothbrush protruding from his head, looking like the worst Colgate ad you've ever seen. The gal went to jail. She was taken, uh, Josh, over to the jail house. Yeah, she probably should spend some time there. Ha ha ha ha ha. Talk about just weird situations. Did you just stab me with a toothbrush? Yeah. I mean, grab like a sharpened branch or something. This is weird. By the way, we got a text from somebody who lives in Tennessee and is familiar with the story about the first guy who said that inappropriate comment to the young lady. Oh yeah? And said this particular gentleman who said it has a bit of a reputation, and folks aren't big fans of this guy, even before this thing. You're talking about old Keith Irvin. Yeah. He didn't have a great overall reputation in town even before this. Yeah. It sounds like according to the text, folks aren't necessarily excited that he represents the area, even before this incident. F me running sideways. Well now it looks like they got them right where they want them. If this guy's been a career douche, now they got them. I know. What? I made an innocent comment about like, you know, you mentioned you and I like to lay out. I mentioned for the vitamin D and people are going after my mom saying I get it from my mom loving the D and stuff like that. I didn't see this coming. This is terrible. That's bad. I set myself up for them. Mm-hmm. You people are jerks. Mm. Yeah, all right. What do we got now? We're going back to the worst place imaginable. At least here in the United States, the worst place. It's just awful. A guy down that way. What did he do now? Jalen is his handle. His bros call him Jalen. Oh, he upped and robbed his neighborhood McDonald's restaurant. He did. Total flatliner. This guy. This guy. Well, Jalen might not actually have any bros if he acts like this on the regular. So he came on into the McDonald's. He dumped out an order. I'll take a burger and this and that, he said. And then the prick demanded free cookies. But that's not how that works, is it, Josh? No, I forgot you can get cookies at McDonald's. Did you ever get those like the hot apple pie or cherry pies back in the day? Oh, absolutely. Do they still have those? Those are so good. I don't know. The cookies, maybe I only tried them once on accident, but I certainly would go after the pies. But as everybody knows, if you're going to eat a pie and don't get cute with that, the ultimate were those hostess sumbitches. Hmm. Did you ever stop at your gas station or your convenience? Oh, yeah. The hostess apple pies? They were even good. They were good. Microwaved, not microwaved. Oh, I never brought them anywhere near any level of heat. Oh, you did it? No, no, no, no. Yeah, we would microwave the hack out of them. They had the apple. They had the cherry. I think they had some kind of chocolate pie. They had a blue bit. Those hostess stinking pies. Now, you asked me if they still have cookies at McDonald's. I don't know. Does hostess still sell those pies? They would give you the most unimaginable sugar rush. They were so good. Maybe someone can get back to me. Some of you delivery drivers. Are you still dumping off those? I'm going to go to the gas station. There is apple pie. Oh, yeah. Pumpkin pie. Oh, yeah. Pretty good pie to the rock. And of course, there is the Rocks All Time Favorite Poo Tang Pie. Check it out, Chris. Look at this. And the Rocks Knows Poo Tang Pie. I'm sure he does. Jerry timed out his scream perfectly. As if he didn't know that was... Yeah, that was the whole bit. Boxtoss and Jesus said they still got pie. Holiday pies are the best. Holiday? What about hostess? A quick Google search as hostess still has them. Widely available in 2026. I'm assuming he means that's where you get them. Oh, oh, oh. Others are saying little Debbie. I ain't got any qualms with little Debbie. Oh my damn. Do I love their products? Top to bottom, up and down, left to right. Okay. Physicist Jesus said there's still cookies at McDonald's. You can still get those. I'm stopping by my local gas station today to get one of those. Stinking hostess. Okay, so this guy walks into McDonald's. He makes an order. I'll take this and that. And then he demanded free cookies. The McDonald's dude working the counter said, blow me. You ain't getting any cookies until you pay for them. Well, that wasn't what this Jalen character. He wasn't even trying to hear that. So he wet himself. He jumped behind the counter. He took to shoving people around. He's tossing trays and soft drink cups up and down like a child having a meltdown. And then Jalen, little bitch that he is, he took off out of there carrying a couple meals that didn't belong to him and the meal that he ordered. So, you know, too sorry some bitches got their bag of macdonut and he took those with him. Tops found Jalen. He was arrested. Total dick, this guy. We almost had our food stolen once. During the pandemic, my wife went to pick up noodles, which is now a dispensary, the particular location. She's been picking up my noodle from day one. Okay, all right. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da. You can't say a friggin' thing around here without someone going after your mother, possibly your wife. Yeah, a few different gross pie jokes came in about my mom, including one I can't say because I find it so disgusting. Oh, really? Oh, I know the type of pie you don't like, Josh. Oh, I hate that term. That term is so gross. Cream pie. God, that's so terrible and descriptive. Josh hates the term cream pie. Yeah. When did you have your food stolen? My wife was walking in and a guy was walking out and he says, hey, are you so-and-so? And she said, yeah, and he's like, oh, yeah, I grabbed your food. I steal food. Like, he mentioned it to her. He said, yeah, I'm kind of the king of this. The king? And she didn't know what to say. He's like, so sorry, you know, here's your food. I'm just going to run across the street and do it over there. Yeah, I've heard that happens quite a bit. I never would have thought of it. But yeah, apparently he was eating, well, I know there's a place by us at Sandwich Shop that they don't leave it out anymore because of that. You have to ask for it at this point. That happened to me last night. Actually, I got noodles last night and they had it behind the counter. They say we don't put them on the shelves anymore because too many people just come in and grab something. Can I tell you what I had behind the counter? Oh, no. Flip a coin, Josh. Who do you want it to be this time? I guess my mom, she's used to it. Forget it. Here's someone who texted in and said, hostess pies, are they the ones that were wrapped in like a wax paper and had that delicious glaze on the crust? Yes, those are the ones. The insurance agent, Jesus, wants to know if we've tried the T-Rex one-pound cookies. Yes, we've got one right by us. T-Rex is the name of the joint? Yeah, good stuff. Haven't been there. Parties and stuff, we'll get those. Who goes to a party? What? Like for a birthday party or something. Oh, you'll order up to you? Yeah, we'll order that. Oh, Jesus, is that really the friggin' time? You get me talking about sugary foods and dirty jokes about the women in your family and I lose all track and time. Yeah, what happens if somebody puts some sweets in front of you? I was expecting... I chomp it. Or one of your female family members in front of me. Dang it. Chomp it up. Everybody's texting that phrase. I really thought... what, cream pie? Oh, God. I really thought I was going to look at the clock and I would say something like 650, it's 657, we've got to take a break. What do we do next? Sports. Okay, sports is next. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. They look fast. Can the wild answer hear the second? The centering pass. Felino scores! A fast start for Minnesota and it's 2-2. Yeah, even Marcus Felino got involved in the scoring last night. Pigs handled their business against the completely unnecessary. Marcus had a pretty goal. Little forehand, backhand type of a thing. I love it when he gets a goal, that's fun. Well, when there's a goal tender in between the pipes. Even when there's not, because you know he's thinking, God darn it, I'm going to get some crap on the radio. I think it adds to the fun when there's a live human being between the pipes and there was one last night. Marcus got involved in that sum, bitch. A listener texted in earlier and said, his wife thinks that Marcus looks like a Ken doll. Yeah? Oh, yeah. I was at a restaurant before a wild game and he was being interviewed. There was like a whole, like his family was interviewed, kind of like the life of Nick, or not Nick Felino, Marcus Felino off the air or off the ice. They call it the ice. Yeah, it's air on this radio station. And the ladies were swooning, especially the ones I was with. A Ken doll. Hey Dana. It was your hot. You know that? Thank you. That made my day. Yeah, you're hot, God you're hot. You're hot? The rules happened. The wolves won and the twins won. Clean sweep last night. I'm told it was $2 beers and dollar dogs all night at Target Field last night. It was. All night they did the $2 beer. Perfect night if you ever want to do the 999. Yeah, yeah, save you a few bucks. I loved the dollar dog night. I didn't miss a dollar dog night at Target Field for years. I haven't been to a game in a season and a half, something like that now, but that's such a terrific thing. So holler at me next time. $2 beers and dollar dogs all night. Twins are looking pretty friggin good. I know nobody's watching. I get it, but they're looking pretty friggin good. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder will join us in about a half hour. But don't go anywhere because Josh has some more news for you. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. I think that's what's most surprising. I think as the population in general hold officers to a higher standard. No cops have been suspended after crossing the line and some calendar-based comedy. Falsy reporting a baby had been thrown from a moving car as part of a twisted April Fools prank. Oh, dude, that does sound kind of dark. Not really sure how they didn't have a filter that would tell them that was not a good idea. We'll try the joke out on us. Let's see if we find it funny. Oh, hey, everybody. Help. There's a baby that just got tossed out the window on a freeway. Everybody respond. He didn't really grab me. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I do. I do know what you're saying. Drop what you're doing. Come help this baby that was definitely thrown out of the car. Did one cop ask the other to send everyone? They, well, here's, that's what ended up happening. This happened in Oklahoma City about 9.30 p.m. on April 1st, April Fools Day, when dispatchers began receiving urgent updates about a police pursuit. Delta 13 just advised that they threw a baby out the window at 36th of Robinson. Supposedly ran over a transient. Engine 19, respond to man down. Yes, they also said a transient was run down. A baby has been tossed out of the freeway and a homeless person has been run over. All hell's breaking loose. Come on, everybody. We got to help these people out, they said. What if it would have been a puppy? That was thrown out the window. Maybe there wouldn't have been the same response. But I suppose I don't find that terribly funny. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, that's not, none of this seems funny. I like a good joke in all that. Yeah, you do. You're diverting police resources, putting people in danger as they race to the scene. Almost immediately, something didn't add up. It was weird. The officer claimed to be chasing a suspect, yet somehow the radio wasn't working, sending updates only through a messaging system. Dispatchers tried to respond in real time. Can we see if they still need our assistance, one asked. Another asked, the officer in pursuit doesn't have a radio, he's just messaging his location. Then it got even more confusing. A second officer's radio also appeared to be down. I have 13 and 39 messaging me. I don't think the radios are working, a dispatcher said. As the situation escalated, a new and alarming claim came in that the suspect had run over a transient, causing more emergency crews to respond. Oh, God. The same person that threw the fake baby out the window, ran over a fake transient. Meanwhile, dispatchers were trying to piece together basic details, even asking if anyone knew what kind of vehicle was being chased. I'm guessing the dispatchers were the ones who found this the least amusing. People were upset, as you can imagine. Then suddenly a supervisor stepped in and called it off. The truth came out that it had all been a bad joke. So, do we have any updates on what kind of vehicle they were chasing? It was an April Fool's prank. Not funny, one dispatcher said, another agreed, responding, that's what I'm saying. Misuse of emergency systems in Oklahoma is a misdemeanor punishable by fines and possible jail time. It's $500 fine, it up to 90 days in jail. But, you know, really it's bigger than that. It's the trust in the department and to know, if I'm at home and something happens to one of my kids or my spouse, if I pick up 911 and call them, they're going to respond timely. I don't expect that they would not be available because they're going to be doing some prank call that's not real. The Oklahoma City Police Department said the officers involved have been suspended. They made jackasses out of themselves. Yeah, I mean, these guys, I'd imagine they probably had a reputation of being people that just don't get it, don't you think? Probably. Maybe a one-time thing. I don't understand how that one can go past the original idea. They were, they're probably the J. Brones of that operation. Unfortunately, a person impersonating a cop has become all too common. One of my favorite bits. This one has a twist, though, and ovaries. Over the weekend, a Florida woman was arrested for impersonating a law enforcement officer while claiming she was investigating a jewelry theft. Annie Flaherty was taken into custody Saturday after multiple neighbors reported she was displaying a badge and threatening to obtain search warrants to search their homes. According to police reports, she went door-to-door at several homes, identifying herself as a member of law enforcement. She claimed she was searching for three stolen diamonds and an individual named Ava wearing a Miami-Dade corrections Super Bowl Edition badge. The Super Bowl Edition? Yes, for big events like the Super Bowl, some departments will issue limited edition badges featuring the Super Bowl logo. What time's the ball game start? They're typically worn by officers assigned to the event security and then kept as collectibles. Gotcha. Deputies later located Flaherty at her residence when asked to produce the badge. She provided a Miami-Dade corrections officer, Super Bowl 54, Super Bowl Edition badge, excuse me. Sure. She was arrested and faces charges for impersonating a law enforcement officer. I tripped myself up because I left the Roman numerals in there instead of just writing 54, so I had to think of it quick. Understandable. Just over a year ago, just barely over a year ago, the former Spirit Airlines flight attendant was charged with bashing her boyfriend over the head with a beer bottle for jokingly calling her a junkie on a night out at Funky Buddha Brewery in Florida. So this woman does have a record. She beat his ass. Yeah, she didn't like that joke. She's a character by damn. Eight people in Arizona were arrested over the weekend and a bus targeting a cock fighting ring. Punctured lungs, pierced hearts, gouged eyes, just for human amusement and for illegal wage ring. When investigators moved in, they found two rings with active fights in progress. The cock fights? Cock fights, yep. Oh, sure. 157 live roosters, several dead birds scattered across the ground, a dry erase board pointed to apparent bedding activity. Nearby, officers recovered cock fighting paraphernalia, sharp blades, $18,000 in cash, four handguns and an AR-15. With this behavior comes drugs, money, weapons, and we did find all three in the gambling aspect of it. Animal fighting often goes hand in hand with other crimes, making it a serious public safety issue, police said. You never see animal cruelty alone, the president of the Animal Wellness Action said. You never see animal cruelty alone. You always see illegal gambling. You often see money laundering, narcotics trafficking, illegal firearms, and tax evasion. He also pushed a 1998 ballot measure outlawing cock fighting in Arizona, one of the last states in the country to ban it. We still have persistent illegal animal fighting. We see it very prominently in border states where people are coming up from Mexico, where cock fighting has a long-standing practice, he added. This marks the second ring busted this year. I don't get it. I don't get the appeal. I'm with you on that. It's disturbing. Although this case centers on cock fighting, today is National Dog Fighting Awareness Day, observed annually on April 8th, founded by the American Society for the Prevention of Crueltied Animals in 2014. It aims to highlight and end the brutal, illegal, and widespread practice of dog fighting in the U.S. That's the stuff where, I mean, let's cut to the chase. You gotta have a mental illness to be able to sit there and watch dogs kill each other. Kill each other, is that how I should say that? Yeah, I couldn't agree more. You gotta be out of your effin' mind. And on the stranger side, it's also Dog Farting Awareness Day, also recognized annually on April 8th. Dog Farting Awareness Day is meant to highlight canine digestive health. I bet your dog can really bring it, Josh. You know what? They're not bad. Oh, really? Yeah. All the Danes we've had haven't been bad. Well, that's good. Yeah. I thought they would just be gassing out of the house constantly. Seems that way. We've just been lucky, I guess. No one's gonna outdo your wife. Dude, you're not kidding. All those vegetable sheets? Awful. Absolutely. She's got a reputation for it. I bet. One more dog fact. Did you guys know? Talk to me. Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but CAT scan. Step two of a Pennsylvania Woman's Plan for the day was pushing a dog in a stroll. Go after yourself. I'm just throwing facts. God, come on. CAT scan. Step two of a Pennsylvania Woman's Plan for the day was pushing a dog in a stroller before entering a Pittsburgh area grocery store to kick everybody's ass. Step one was taking her clothes off. A 53-year-old woman is facing multiple charges following the Thursday incident at a giant eagle in the Oak Park Mall shopping center in White Oak, Pennsylvania. Officers responded to the scene just after 3 p.m. where they found the nude woman bleeding from a part of the body that was difficult to ignore. What? Her face. I mean, it's right there in front of you. So she's naked. She's bleeding. She has a dog in a baby stroller? Yeah. That sounds like something from the Bugs Bunny program or something. I... Go ahead. A customer recorded video shows the woman getting naked, pushing the dog in the stroller and then kicking and shoving employees and bystanders while knocking over food displays. Ew, you weirdo! One person yelled. Oh. And then the ladies tripped down to nothing. Wearing jester shoes, the naked woman appeared to swing at nearby customers and an employee tried to intervene, leaving two people injured. It's unclear what led up to the bizarre behavior, but drugs are a good guess. Dude! An Alabama man was arrested in Florida last month for taking photos of two individuals in bed asleep. Oh, my God. But he did offer police an alternative theory as to who really committed that crime. You see, a crackhead did it. Thirty-five-year-old Trevor Thicklin had met one of the victims on an online dating site. The Bay County Sheriff's Office reported Thicklin was at the victim's home March 4th when she said she had an uneasy feeling. Her instincts, turns out, were correct. She told Thicklin that there was a family matter she needed to attend to and asked him to leave. That next night, he returned to the home, took photos of the woman and her friend to sleep in bed through a bedroom window at about 11 p.m. Thicklin then posted the photos on social media with the caption, Gotcha, LOL. Oh, dude. When Deputy's questioned him, he said he was delivering door dash orders in the area when in remarkable happenstance, a low-tire pressure warning light came on right in front of her home, strangely enough. And here's the part where it's obvious police have the wrong guy. He said a crackhead came over, took his phone, took the pictures, posted them on social media, then politely returned the phone. That's typically what they do. And then Thicklin stabbed all four tires of both victims' vehicles. He couldn't quite explain that one. The mystery crackhead was not blamed for that portion of the evening. And Iowa Woman was arrested on a charge of operating while under the influence on back-to-back days. 73-year-old Brenda DeBerg was first arrested around 9.45 p.m. last Wednesday. She was found on a sidewalk near a public parking lot at the housing complex where she lives in Rock Rapids. She had bloodshot, watery eyes, impaired balance, and a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage, and she also admitted to being drunk. She was released from jail a day later. But later that same day, about 8.35 p.m., she was found again, this time driving without lights before coming to a stop in the middle of the road. Once again, she had bloodshot, watery eyes, impaired balance, slurred speech, and a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage. The senior citizen once again admitted to consuming alcohol and handed the investigating deputy a wooden dugout containing marijuana and a pipe. A urine sample tested positive for THC. The 73-year-old was arrested again, this time with a long enough list of charges that I do not have the lung capacity or cardio to get through. 73-year-old Lady, huh? Yeah, she's like, yeah, you know what, I've earned it at this point, I guess. Well, okay, I sort of... I can sort of understand that mindset. Today's? She's just... doesn't care. 73's not that old. If you're 93 and acting that way just because you want to have, you know, some kind of a cheap thrill, I get it. 73's not that friggin' old. Yeah, just, you can do that at home. You don't have to put other people's lives in danger. I bet her kids shot her out of their lives a long time ago. You're probably onto something. That's just a guess. Today's streaming lineup includes the return of a gory series about how superheroes can be jerks and the season finale of a popular comedy that kicks you right in the feels. On Prime Video, the boys are back in town with the fifth season of the show's signature mix of brutal satire and gross-out action. Meanwhile, over on Apple TV, shrinking wraps up its third season, just with less exploding prostates or talking octopuses or octopi that gets eaten on the boys. Did you watch it last night or something? How can you prove that? That shrinking episode? I guess I can. I'm just assuming. Okay. Former Guns N' Roses guitarist Izzy Stradlin, 64 today. John Schneider, the original Bo Duke, Haba Haba, on the Dukes of Hazard, is 66. Happy 9th anniversary to Daydreamers Jesus and Steelers fan Jesus. Happy birthday to Flying High Jesus. Happy 50th to Raised on the Poor side of Maple Grove, Jesus. Happy birthday to Allie and happy birthday to Corey from Alcohol Holly, Jesus. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the Half-Hast Morning Show, Dylan Dingler, two on, two out. Dingler, three for seven with runners in scoring position this season. Chopped to short, Brooks Lee, plants, fires, ball game over and the twins. Feet the Tigers for the second straight night. There you go, Randy. Randy. Randy. Randy. Randy. Hello, Randy Shaver. Hello. And you too, Brad. Yes, Brad. Good morning. Yes. How you doing, Brad Ryder? I'm doing good. How are you? Good. We're going to get to the twins here in just a few minutes because this is very exciting stuff. But first off, I want to be ready for this. So let me ask you, when are you two dorks going to start bothering us about that silly master's gimmick? Whenever you want. It's this week. Huh? It starts on Thursday. Since I'm not on tomorrow, we should talk about it today. Does it begin this week? When do they begin? It starts tomorrow. Oh my God. Tomorrow. Yeah. A tradition unlike any other. Isn't that the catch phrase they have over there? Yes. Yes. It has, that has now taken over as the most expensive retail ticket in all of sports surpassing the Super Bowl, by the way. Give me some numbers. Tell me some details. Like I think the get in number, I think for Thursdays, if you wanted to go on StubHub, I think I saw the get in number for Thursdays first round just to walk around the ground is like $2,500. Wow. And that's more expensive than the Super Bowl? Yeah. Oh. Like get in the door price. Yeah. Oh Jesus. Well, here's the deal. I couldn't possibly care less. Of course. You guys, feel free to fill us in. When it starts happening, fill us in. I might snap at you once or twice, but I won't go too far. All right. You know, Nick, I'm not really into golf either. I went to one of the majors. I'm not sure what it was. It was, shoot, 10 years ago or more when it was here. And it was a lot of fun. Yeah. It was great. Whatever it was that I went to was a lot of fun. So you might like it if you're there. No. He's not going to like it. No, I don't think that. I just had a buddy who's really into it. He worked like he's a golf pro somewhere. Sure. He got tickets. He said, do you want to go? And I'm like, you might not want to waste it on me. I don't really know anything about golf. I'm not really a fan, but I went. I'm glad I did. We had a really good time. Sure. I'm glad you're coming for me. I'd love to do it. Every year, I do put in for the lottery. They have a lottery that they draw a small amount of people get tickets through the lottery. Like 1% of the people get it through the lottery. It's all corporate. It's all who you know. Yeah. So starting tomorrow is the master's golf showdown. And again, the slogan over there is a tradition unlike any other. Here's what folks have been doing on that godless and wildly misinformed social media. They've been sharing alternatives to that gimmick. The master's is being subbed out for other funny traditions. Like I'll give you an example. Oh God. The 2am Taco Bell run when you're totally inebriated. A tradition unlike any other. It is. It's a beautiful thing. Falling down a Wikipedia rabbit hole about 14th century plumbing at 3 o'clock in the morning. A tradition unlike any other. Now what we encourage our listeners to text us 651-9899-393 if they have a tradition unlike any other that they'd like to tell us about. Oh, scrolling through Netflix for 45 minutes only to end up watching The Office again. That is me. That is me to a T. Is that what you do, Brad Ryder? Yep. My Friday night's in a nutshell right there. Then the wife just ends up tossing their motor across the coast. Just pick something for God's sake. So this is kind of fun. Folks sharing their alternative to the master's slogan of a tradition unlike any other. Oh, we could share some stories here. Striking out at the bar and then texting your last ditch effort at 1.30 in the morning. Or you could do the flip side of it and you doing like that Tiger Woods fist pump when you are somebody's last ditch effort. You know, you get that text message at 2.30 am, hey, do you just want to come over? Sure. I don't care. It works both ways. I've never done this, but to one person out there on the internet, it is their tradition, taking a dump so gnarly, you jump straight into the shower. I mean, I could see like having an accident doing that, but a regular session. A tradition unlike any other. Not even going to try to wipe. Wow. TP's not going to do anything here. Now this sounds like cubby right here to me. Agreeing to plans on Tuesday that you fully intend to cancel by Friday. I'm not a canceled guy, but I'm a regret guy. That's for sure. Yeah, you feel too sympathetic towards your fellow human being to cancel on that. If I have no real reason to say no, I'll say that. But deep down, you don't want to be there. Most things correct. Ah. Oh, also very Josh, waving at someone who was actually waving at the person behind you. Oh yeah. I bet that happened or somebody reaching up to open their garage door. Did you guys know Randy and Brad, we have a no waving sign, or at least we did. Somebody took it down. It just dawned on me. They took it down again. Why are people taking down my signs? Yeah, Nick put up a no waving sign in our window here. Here's the situation. My back is to the studio door. Josh faces the studio door. There's a stupid window. We should, well, we should blacken out the windows then so we can't see through them because that has been done with other windows in this building. Anyway, there's a window behind me. Josh can see everybody who walks into the building. And because of the Catholic guilt that saddles him, he feels obligated to wave at everybody who walks in the building. Well, I'm happy to see him. It seems like a polite thing to do. So seeing how I'm facing Josh, I constantly think he's trying to get my attention for something. And it throws me off. I find a loophole though. I give him a head nod. I've put up two no waving signs in the window. They've both been taken down. Why? People in this building like to wave, I guess. Yeah, they got taken down quickly. I don't know if one's made it a whole day. Here's another Josh sounding master's slogan alternative. What does this say? I had it and I lost it. Oh, saying you too after the waiter tells you to enjoy your meal. I've done that at a movie theater when they say enjoy your movie. Flights too. We've got a couple more here because these are fun. And I'll see if our listeners have, I mean, it's sometimes difficult to get to all the text messages, but we'll see what our listeners are adding to this conversation. But you know what, Randy and Brad, finally I'm enjoying the masters. Checking your phone to look busy because you're standing alone in public, a tradition like unlike any. Do you guys ever play with your phone to make it look like you're a somebody when you're all alone? Oh, yeah. Not to look like a somebody. Well, to look like... Just look like I've got something to do. To look like you've... I do that all the time. Do you? What are you so insecure about? Why can't you just stand there with your hands in your pockets? I just... Makes me nervous. I don't like to see the disappointment on other people's face when they look at me. That's how I avoid it. Oh, listener named Brandon texted in his version already. I dig it. Golden Gofor football playing in a meaningless bowl game. A tradition unlike any. Here's the final final from the internet and then again we'll try to share our listeners take. Saying we got to do this more often to a friend you know you won't see again for at least... For at least a year. That is a tradition. That is such an empty thing to say. Yeah, anytime I hear that I just assume they don't mean that. No, they didn't have much fun. How about this one? I'll leave their name out just in case there are significant others listening. Listening to my spouse complain about their job for an hour straight. A tradition like no one... Using your phone flashlight to look for your phone. Have you ever been on your phone talking to somebody looking around like what the heck did I do with my... Where's my phone? I feel stupid. Winning an imaginary argument from work. A tradition unlike any other. Winning imaginary arguments. What does that mean? Think about wanting to put something in their place and you're doing it in your head and you feel proud about yourself. Remember we had somebody once get real pissy with us we were talking about something. Because they had an imaginary argument imagining how we would respond and we responded completely different. I don't recall. That's really dumb. It was so dumb. It was basically saying hey do you mind if I take tomorrow off and both of us were like whatever you want man it's your vacation. And he thought we were going to just parade him for taking time off which we'd never done. And he started arguing and went oh wait yeah you guys said yes. It was very odd. He was very angry. This is wrong. A tradition unlike any other. Counting the spokes. I hate that too. Counting the spokes. I thought it was funny and now it's gross. Alright we'll get back to this I'm sure we will. Somebody says they have a term for that gnarly dump where you got to jump right in the shower. What do they call it? Fire Rhea. So bad you have to wipe your thighs. Fire Rhea. That's like a baby's blowout. Yeah the babies don't do that. By the way Ashley not present today because of Diarrhea. We made mention of it earlier. She wasn't able to show up today and a few people texted in and said this is happening too often. You know they're concerned. Well we share that concern with you. Maybe we'll see you tomorrow. Maybe we won't. Alright so the master starts tomorrow. Letter Buck. Tell me whatever I need to know along the way. We'll keep you informed. If you see any other traditions unlike any other Josh give us a heads up. Will you? Yeah I've got a couple here. Having sex on your birthday and praying that your wife will join you is one. People talking about the 1991 Halloween Blizzard every year. Oh god every winter it has to come up doesn't it. You're not a Minnesotan if you don't tell that story. How about the wild in the first round of the playoffs. We've received a few of those texts Randy. What are them? The twins and Yankees. Turning into a total nightmare. A tradition unlike. It was a glorious night for our local ball clubs. From the window to the wall. Nothing but laughs for our local. Let's make this a part of our Minnesota Wild Update brought to you by Luther Kee of Bloomington. The pigs handled a business at home against the completely unnecessary. The boys ended up with a 4-2-5-2 win. At the home rink there in St. Paul. Hell leaving our co-worker Marcus Bellino got in on the scoring last night. He did. There was a nice little play. Nice little move. He went a little forehand backhand. And he got it done. So that sets the scene for their next game down there in Texas. The pigs trail the stars by two points for second place in the central division. The two clubs are going for that home ice advantage in the play. Even though deep down I doubt either club really cares too much about. I think you're right. I think the fans want it because an extra home game means an extra night of binge drinking and hell raising at the rink. The players don't care. But tomorrow night that's what falls into play tomorrow night. This head to head match up hoping for home ice. I wasn't aware until I did some a little bit of research here. But the Dallas has the right now. They are actually they will they have the tiebreaker. So if we happen to tie them and they finish tied Dallas has a tiebreaker. So we have to do more than just win tomorrow. They basically have to win out and hold the Dallas stumbles a little bit more even if they win tomorrow. Yeah it's not all about tomorrow but it's a big piece to the puzzle. The players don't give a pump. So we'll buckle up for that one down there in Dallas. Oh God taking too big of a hit. Hmm. During a Minnesota Wild report. That's a tradition. Unlike I took too big a hit. The pigs signed that Charlie Strammel kid. The big goal scoring forward out of Michigan State. But his contract doesn't kick in until next season. So and also his ankle gave way on him a couple of weeks ago. He ain't going to play in the playoff or anything along those lines. But they signed Charlie Strammel. I think it rhymes with Hamill. You were spending any time and Hamill anybody other than me. Oh yeah. Randy Shabers been to Hamill. Oh many times. I used to live in Hamill. When did you go to Hamill Cubby. I've been to the rodeo. I think maybe with you. Oh. I think might have been. Did we go to the rodeo together. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Did you dress up Josh. Put on my spurs cowboy hat. The whole deal. Your assless champs. Don't you know it. Tradition like it. Like tradition like any other. Tradition like any other. Like any other. Like any other. Like any other. Like any other. Like any other. I don't remember the two of us going to the rodeo together. You might have still been married to your first wife at the time. That was a long time ago. F me running. Yeah. That is a long time ago. My mom is not a tradition like any other. Doing my mom terrible things coming in. A lot of folks are doing your mom out of tradition. Yeah. All right. So the Colorado Abilance you have been more or less the best team in hockey from the word go. They clinched a central division with a win last night. They clinched the West Top seed. They'll have that home ice throughout the entire. If you don't mind going back to us when you say something dumb like the U2 as soon as like a server says enjoy your dinner or whatever. Sure. Saying something dumb at a funeral when someone says thank you so much for coming and you say no problem anytime. I've been at a funeral where I greeted somebody I hadn't seen a long time two or three times I hadn't seen a long time to enthusiastically and realize the setting immediately afterwards. I don't know if that's happened to you. I've been there. I've laughed too hard at a funeral once or twice when you you know you're seeing people you haven't seen for years they dump a funny line on you and you just roar with laughter and think well we are here because of a car wreck. Maybe I shouldn't be the worst thing I ever said was I went to a funeral for one of my buddy's dads. This is quite a few years ago. My sister died pretty young right so it wasn't you know your traditional 89 year old they had a good life type thing. This guy died too young. It was my buddy's dad. I see my buddy's sister who I hadn't seen in a long time and she says hi thanks for coming and I said what's new. Well I'll tell you what's new. My dad just died in a car wreck. She didn't say that but what an idiot. What do you mean what's new? I'm a dummy. You're not a dummy. I hate myself. I hate myself. Everybody. Even you. Another local club that's trying to get itself situated for the playoff is of course the Timber Wall. Timber Wall. And last night the wolves defeated the tanking Indiana Pacers by 20. Guys like Bones Highland and I.O. Dosumu were sharp last night. So with that win the fellas clinched a top six seed in the western conference playoff setup. It's a sure thing now that the wolves won't have to eff around with that play in tournament. So that's good right? Yes. That is good. But yes the real thing for the real deal for the wolves is getting healthy. Yeah. I mean it's going to be Denver more than likely in the three spot and they've got you know they've played well against Denver. They've got history with Denver in the playoffs. So but they've got to get healthy. They've got to be get Ant back and get Jaden back. Otherwise they're going to they're going to struggle. Yeah. No question. No question. Jaden McDaniels are the two most valuable players on that roster and they need to be 100% if this team wants to make a long poke through that western conference playoff setup. And mentally healthy too. I mean they just don't. I mean again when even when everybody's on the court it just feels like something's off. And then yeah. And this western conference is different than it's been the last two years because of San Antonio now. I just think that it's there's a there's a divide in my opinion between OKC San Antonio and then the rest of the West. Oh there's no question. So if you're going to if you think that the wolves can make another run to the NBA western final that's going to be much more difficult I think this year than it's been the last couple years. Yeah. I mean we had a discussion I remember a couple months ago about how Oklahoma City seemed a bit more pedestrian and human. Well now you look at them and they're 63 and 16 and they've won six in a row. So I think they're getting well at the right time again and I would agree that those two teams seem like they've separated themselves out a little bit. It's disgusting to even talk about the Oklahoma City Thunder anymore. But you're absolutely right. If the Timberwolves are going to find themselves in the western conference finals they're going to have to pull off something pretty special. Barring some upsets in the early rounds type of a thing. They're going to have to pull off something. The Indiana Pacers are 4 and 22 in their last 26 games. And I saw Indiana come up. I saw the Pacers come up in an article titled NBA Tank Watch where they're keeping an eye on the teams who are intentionally firing their season into the toilet to better their odds. Yeah. Four and 20. You look at some of the standings in last 10 games Wizards 1 and 9, Jazz 0 and 10, Grizzlies 1 and 9. I mean these teams aren't not trying anymore. Well you know you said the Pacers 4 and 22. Even with that there's still a game back of the Wizards for the worst record in the league. So it tells you how bad the Wizards have been in the last two months. But the funny part about all that is despite losing the way they're losing there's no guarantee you're going to get that top pick. And honestly this draft this year is really loaded with really good players. So you could be a top 10 team. Everybody in the lottery is going to get a really good basketball player because it's a very deep draft this year. Well being in the worst record does assure you of those that you're going to get at least the fourth pick. You're not going to fall any lower than four. Right. So we've been toying around this morning with the slogan that they hang every year for the Masters Golf Tournament. A tradition unlike any other. How pompous. And our listeners have been texting in their little traditions that are unlike any other. I think I've found a favorite so far. Your name again is Josh. Spending my mornings listening to a bunch of beef eating donkeys. Circle jerking a retired news anchor. My God. And some guy from Clara City. A tradition unlike any other. It's a beautiful thing. There you go. I got too specific. I was trying to figure out another way. There at the end but it got way too. Yeah. And I know who it is. Look at you cubby you beef eating donkey. I do think I eat too much red meat. You're a beaver. I'll take that to heart. And back to hockey real quick. And the idea of who's going to get the home ice advantage when the pigs and stars meet in the opening round of the playoff. Here's a listener who says well the wild they're only going to play two home games anyway. Oh gosh I hope that's not the case. They're only going to play whether they have home ice or not they're only playing two home games anyway. P.S. Hockey sucks. The hockey sucks movement is after us again cubby. State of hockey. What is everyone's level of enthusiasm do you think this is the year they get past the first round. Oh God I don't friggin know. I mean I can see you cheering for them not because you love misery. I do love misery. But I mean. Go ahead Randy Schafer. I was just going to say if the playoff structure was different they'd have a much better chance. Right. Having to play Dallas is just that's just brutal. It really is. I think it's watering down people's expectations a little bit obviously because I think you know you're right. If they were if they were drawn say Anaheim in the first round I think there might be a little bit more enthusiasm about winning a playoff series. This is their best chance they've ever had. It feels that way. This is the most complete roster they've ever had. Yeah. That's all I'm going to say about it. Hard to argue that. Yeah. Yeah. And they're they're they're pretty healthy. I mean there's you know they're not missing Caprice off or something like that. They're they're healthy. So yeah. Two pumps in a squeeze. Jesus agrees says he's been watching the team for the better part of 20 years. It's the best we've ever looked at this point he said. So this is the one where we make it through. Yeah. Typically this time of year is when they're just limping into the playoffs as a seven seed and then there's zero expectations. More anxiety than hair. Jesus enthusiasm. Very low predicting the first round exit again. Oh. All right. And the damn twins are putting on a pretty respectable show so far in this home series with Detroit. Let nobody gave him a chance. Speaking of nobody the crowds have been a little light. Oh I guess a little light. But damn the boys have won the first two of this four game series. Taj Bradley outdulled. He was awesome. Scooble. He was awesome. Yeah. Taj Bradley looks like a pimp so far. Yeah. He's been just really really good. And again I go back to their bullpen. Rogers Sands Orsey Topa. Yeah. All of them. You know I know Orsey gave up a run but they've all been very effective and rock solid. They got to Scooble last night in the fifth inning. They put up four runs on him. And that's just a nice win all around nice win. Ten strikeouts no walks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Taj Bradley. Thanks. I'm enjoying myself. Yeah. Over the past two seasons this is how rare it is to bone that Scooble dude out the ballpark after four and two thirds innings or however long he lay. He didn't four and two thirds. Yeah. Four and two thirds. Over the past two seasons he failed to complete five innings just three times in 62 starts. Wow. He kept seeing those promos on the jumbotron for the two dollar beers and dollar hot dogs and said hey you know what it's early I might just go get myself some beers and dogs. Two dollar beers all night last night at Target Field we found out. Is that going to be an every Tuesday thing. I wonder if they should keep that up. Hell yes. Well it didn't put more butts in the seats though. No not yet. But yeah I wonder if they make it regular if people. I think I think the weather has a lot to do with. Oh yeah. Or something to do with it. We won't see the full impact of the pole at her vault until you know once the sun comes out and kids are out of school and if it's still empty crowds then then we'll know. Yeah. Here's a little bit but but but here's the counter to that though Dana if the twins can somehow keep playing good baseball and winning I think some people will be more inclined to go to the ballpark because it's not the players fault. Right. I mean if you look at it at that in that perspective it's not their fault and if they do play well you know if they're 500 or better and they're being competitive I think some fans will say you know what I'm going to go support them I may not be happy with what the pole ads are doing but I do love baseball it's a beautiful night. You know that kind of thing so I think the players hold a lot of that in there in the way that they go out and play so. Another night game tonight the temperatures will be more comfortable tonight. Bailey Ober who doesn't look so good will face Framber Valdez oh no he always murders the twins. Yeah former Astro. Yeah Framber. I'm not sure how to take this text message Josh a listener texted in and said I'll tell you the. I'll tell you the team that doesn't make it out the first round of their playoff series this spring the timber wild. I'm not sure where. Now this is going to hurt some feelings. The gimmick Kings the Savannah bananas they're having a great run everybody's buying tickets to see the Savannah bananas they sing they dance they do backflips funny gimmicks if you're a fan and you bring a glove you can play third base whatever the Savannah this is going to hurt some it has hurt some feelings the idea of the Savannah bananas taking on a real major league baseball team in a real baseball game. Has started to pick up steam with all the J. Brown's on social media. And they use the Colorado Rockies as an example. How do you think the bananas would do in a real game of baseball against the Colorado Rockies who wants to start. I don't think that that's even close. No. I mean it's like you talking about the no offense to the Saint Paul Saints before they became a triple A affiliate and people were going to watch baseball. It was more about the the atmosphere of the game than really the quality of the baseball. It's kind of the same thing. It's more about the atmosphere that is really the quality of the baseball. Oh that's the popular opinion people are saying I hit the brakes here everybody. These guys have absolutely no chance of beating a major league baseball team in a real game of baseball. Right. They played some college ball. They're obviously decent athletes but they're not going to be. They'd be playing in the majors that they were that good. And by the way don't be trashing the Rockies. They've won three in a row and they're almost five hundred. No no this could be the year for the Rockies. Yeah and that would be wonderful. That's just the first team that came to mind for social. A couple of real major leaguers stepped in. They're guys you've never heard of but a couple of real major leaguers jumped into this conversation on social media and said simply we would murder them. Yeah right. I didn't realize that they had like six different teams. Yeah I think once they had announced that the bananas are coming one time and it wasn't the bananas. It was the party animals. Yeah it was weird. But this year we get the legit OG bananas at Target Field. I was just looking at their website. They have six different rosters on their website though. Six different teams. OK so it's kind of like when you go see Goldie Gopher it might be the one who does basketball. It might be the one that does. Right. So here's what the sporting news said on the subject of the Savannah bananas playing a real baseball game against a real major league club. Sporting news said the bananas have some players who were really good in high school college and even some lower levels of the professional ranks. But the suggestion that they would have any chance to beat a big league club is silly. And I don't think they've ever put out there that they were. Oh no. Good enough to tell. Yeah this idea wasn't started by the bananas themselves. I can't believe I just said that. The bananas cubby. All right this will show you that it ain't over. By God it ain't. Until it's over. The San Francisco Giants I'm sure no one in their right mind would remember this but in nineteen hundred and ninety one the San Francisco Giants drafted a kid by the name of Vincent Towns. He was an 18 year old high school pitcher from Maryland. He played a couple of seasons for the Giants affiliate in the Arizona Summer League. He never pitched an affiliated baseball again. Thirty six years later this Vincent Towns was drafted again. Now he's fifty three years old and he was the first player chosen in the Atlantic League draft. Now the Atlantic League is considered a reliable training ground for young players who are passed over in the draft or those who wash out of the league and are trying to get back in. So it's not a total show. The Atlantic League has players with promise that could crack their way into the big leagues. Here's the deal. Apparently this isn't just a gimmick. This dude fifty three years old has developed a lethal knuckleball. And so he's getting a shot. Another shot I should say. At first people thought it was a joke because they announced it April Fool's Day but it's legit. That's cool. Fifty three. So now he's the newest member Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder of the Haggers Town flying box cars of the Atlantic League. I love it. Twice the age or possibly more of his teammates. He said this. This is again Vincent Towns. I started throwing the knuckleball for the last 13 years. I've been working on it and I finally got it good enough to get drafted. And I mean we all know from watching baseball if you can really spin that f and knuckleball. I mean it is mesmerizing how effective it can be. Yeah. You don't have to be throwing Velo as they say today. Oh God. Watching baseball these days am I tired of some bitches saying Velo out loud. But you don't need that. I'm drawn to this story. I'm going to try to keep an eye on it. Yeah. I hope he has a great season. That's cool. Anyone ever have any luck with the knuckleball. I did when I was little. You could throw it fairly effective. I actually threw it in little league. Yeah. I mean I'm not going to throw it in a long time. But I mean you know once in a while I would be fairly consistent but there's not a lot of consistency with it. Tried many times. Hard to throw. Yeah I tried. I tried like hell. I could not get it down. Brad Ryder you were a pitcher. My split finger kind of did the same thing so I didn't mess with the knuckleball. OK. You had my split finger would drop. That was your out pitch. Yeah. I could also dump a split finger on your carcass. Yeah I don't really want to have. I don't want to know where that's going though. I am worried about the tax. Yeah I am. I'm worried about the context. Oh I didn't pick up on that. Fingering humor. Yeah. Sorry. I didn't pick up on that at all. I would love to see. I don't care if he's 53 or 23. I'd love to see the twins. Hire a knuckleball pitcher to be and see that some bitch succeed. I mean the RA Dickie was RA Dickie the last knuckleball pitcher the twins. That's the one that came to mind for me. Yeah I mean Tim Wakefield is probably the most prominent knuckleball pitcher of the last 10 years. And majors didn't course he passed away. Yeah. He was he was really good. Oh yeah. I mean it was a and extended his career quite a bit because of that pitch too. All right go ahead. Shout me some names according to a website called the big lead. These are the greatest big league players to never win a World Series ring. Ken Griffey Jr. He's certainly on the list. Now let me just get this out of the way. Included in here is a some bitch I've heard of him before who he retired in 19 and 16. Nap LaJoy. We don't we don't need to get into that. We don't. Then you got your Ernie Ernie Banks comes to mind for me because I was a Cubs fan growing up and he was Mr. Baseball. So how about Rod Karoo. You got a help on there. God help us. Well Harbin in the same context. The list is not long. It's only 10 players. I'm sure if it was 20 or 25 we would see guys like Rod Karoo and Harbin kill the Brew. It's only 10 players long. I'm removing Nap LaJoy because who in their right mind would come up with that. And I'm removing Ty Cobb because he retired in 19 and 28. But the rest are fairly is one other real old timer in here. But the rest are fairly modern players. You already mentioned what did you say Ernie Banks. Yeah. Harmon. Ken Griffey. Harmon's not in here. Like I said if it was a 25 deep list maybe you'd see. Tony Gwynne. Yes. Ichiro. Yes. Ted Williams never won a World Series. Ted Williams. I haven't heard Dick Tracy out of you yet Josh. Well I have the list in front of me. Oh why do you always have the list in front of you. Where'd you get the list. I can't cheat. That's cheating. All right. Who did you miss. Let's think of good or great Cubs. We already do with Ernie Banks. Red Sox didn't win one in forever. Who would be a Red Sox. Jastremski. Carl Jastremski. Carl Jastremski. Cal Ripken Jr. No. Nah. Well he won a World Series. Yeah. 1983 with the Baltimore Orioles. That was before I was lost. To beat the Philadelphia Phillies. The Phillies huh. Yeah. That held a match up. Who are you missing here. You're missing one of the greatest hitters to ever live. Wade Boggs. How else would I not Wade Boggs. Because he won a World Series maybe. Oh Yankees. With the Yankees. Number 10 listed there. Oh no. Oh you. I don't know. Let me focus on this guy I had in mind. I'm trying to come up with a hint for you. Well he wasn't born here in the United States. Ichiro. Okay. I said that. Oh you did. You did. Yeah. I might have even rung the bell and I don't remember. You did. Did I. The one that Josh was hinting at. Terrible mustache. Looked like a jackass because of his mustache. That's all I can come up with. Mustache. Yeah. His last name might might instill your appetite. How do I say that Josh. He might make you hungry. His last name might make you hungry. His last name delivers. His last name. His frozen. John Tombstone. No. He won a World Series. Oh yeah. His last name is very Italian and might make you want to have something or another to Mike. Oh. I kind of like his mustache. Oh God. And finally. Oh. Oh. It became the size of a house. Because of illegal drugs. Oh. Barry. Bonds. Barry. Bonds. Not sure I put Mike. On that list. But. Order up. One. Piazza. Yeah. Piazza. Piazza doesn't really fit in the mix here. I mean. Rod Caruzin 18 time all star. Right. Right. Let me tell you some more about Ernie Banks. Never played in a single playoff game in 19 seasons. Yeah. That's true. What else was in here that was interesting. Well Tony Gwinn of course was just incredible. I mean he hit. Hit 500. In the 98 World Series. But the Yankees crushed the Padres hit 500 in the series. Carl Yastremski 23 years with the Red Sox came close more than once. You know who beat him in the one World Series with Bob Gibson. The Cardinals beat him in the World Series. I remember I think 1967. 67 is correct. Yeah. I mean that I remember that one growing up as a kid. Went to the series in 75 went to the series in 86 play played the Reds probably right. Yeah. Well 75 was the Reds 86 with the Metropolitan's. Yep. So there you go. Before we go. That was fun. I enjoy the hell out of that. People. Did you see the fight last night Nick. What fight. Or the supposed brawl. No. Soler and Lopez last night. Soler and Lopez. Yeah. The Angels and the Braves. Oh no. I saw the story. Yeah. I never clicked on it. It actually wasn't bad. Yeah. It was kind of a delayed reaction by Soler. But Lopez must have said something as he was because there was a play at second base. It was a high pitch. It was a wild pitch. There was a play at second base. And Lopez is walking back to the mound. He's got the ball in his hand. And then all of a sudden you see Soler start walking towards the mound, drops the bat and away we go. So. Didn't it look like Lopez might know how to fight the way he did. Yeah. Well they both they both were. Lopez did a lot of backing up. Yeah. But it kind of looked like he knew like the. Yeah. He looked like he probably fight. And Soler was was they were haymakers. I mean they were throwing them. So I hate myself. I had the video sent to me and I just forgot to look at it. I'll get a look at it today. All right. In a couple of days. Some kind of Malcolm in the middle reunion series is happening. Do I have that correct? Yeah. That'll be cool. That was such a good show. That'll be Friday. Okay. Randy and Brad, did you ever spend any time with Malcolm near the middle? I really didn't. I bet you'd like it. No. Brian Cranston, one of the all time great TV. I love him. But it will part your effing hair for you. It is one of the funniest series that ever happened. I never gave two pumps until Josh convinced me to start watching reruns. And it is one of the. One of the all time feel good television show. Laugh out loud. You cannot help but walk away from it feeling better about. So on the same day that this new reunion series is coming out, Frank moon is who of course played the role of Malcolm and then retired from television at 19 years old with $40 million in the bank, dude, Frankie will be driving in the NASCAR craftsman truck series at Bristol Motor Speedway. You know, he's a driver now. Yesterday, Frankie showed everyone that for this year next race at Bristol, his truck will be covered in a Malcolm in the middle life's still unfair paint scheme. And I saw the paint scheme. It looks it's not as not as overwhelming as I thought it would be, but it's it's very cute. He's still looking for his first victory behind the wheel and he is such a likeable dude. This article, this article hyping up Frankie's race on Friday and the reunion series. Sorry if that's a stupid term. That's all I can come up with. I don't know exactly what it is. That's what it is. Yeah. This article rehashed a legendary tweet that Frankie moon is throughout to the world back in 2010. Some douche was criticizing his acting chops on Twitter all those years ago. And Frankie responded with this. He said, yeah, so it sounds like he kind of agreed. Hey, I'm not the greatest actor in the world. Frankie said, yeah, but being retired with $40 million at 19 has not been awful. Good luck moving out of your mom's house before your 35. It seems like every time I tune into Frankie and he's behind the wheel of his craftsman truck or whatever, he always crashes. Yeah, he does crash quite a bit. It seems which shows that he's trying. Yeah, sure. Making an effort out there. All right. There you go, gentlemen. Thank you, Brad Ryder. Thank you, Randy Shaver. You're about. And we will wrap with you guys before you know it, maybe even before you're ready for it. We'll take a break. We'll be back here in a few minutes on the half-assed morning show. Half-assed morning show 93 X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there wherever in the world you're listening right now. We truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating the air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania. And these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standard heating.com and mention 93 X standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today, 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This Colonnays is redefining news talk with The Vince Show. It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to take this thing to the next level. These gigantic shows, this is going to be so much fun. It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live-caller interactions, and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories. We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. A half-assed morning show, 93X. Oh, God dang. I don't know if I'm going to make it. What's going on over there? I don't know if I'm going to make it, but I'm inspired by the great crowd we got on hand today. Thank you for being a part of the Wednesday show. A little update here for you. If you're waiting to hear Ashley's voice on the radio, don't hold your breath. She's having stool issues. Well, hold your breath if you're a rounder, but you're right. As far as waiting goes, don't hold your breath. Like a soft stool issue. It's like a reoccurring thing. You want to hear more about our listeners' traditions. That has been fun. Earlier on, I was kind of forced into it. We got into a conversation about the Masters Golf Tournament. No way I would ever get involved in such a thing, but social media people have been having some fun and we're going to jump on board too. So the Masters has this slogan, a tradition unlike any other. They pump that until you can't stand it if you're watching the Masters. People all over social media and now our listing audience has been telling us about their personal traditions that are unlike any other. Like say this example, from bend over, Jesus, looking for my readers when they're on the top of my head. Seeing you do that. A tradition unlike any other. Yeah. Well, my biggest problem is I walk out the building with my readers on my face and then have to walk back in and put them back here in my workspace so I have them at the ready for tomorrow. But I think this is very, very common, right? For folks who use readers, you got a pair in every room, right? That's what it seems like for sure. I only have one. You're not totally... You went through a little glasses phaser in the show once, Josh. You guys made fun of me a lot. But no, the problem is they weren't very good. So if I looked up, I couldn't see anything. Sure. If I looked up. But I do need them because I'm having trouble reading, certainly. So I got to get something to get out. Well, yeah, readers are readers. You can't wear them around the house. You'll go crazy. They're meant for... So you're not totally reliant on them yet? I think that I probably should get some. What do you do? Keep them in your pocket? Just keep them on my nightstand. So every time you've got to read something, you've got to go into the bedroom and fetch them off the nightstand? If they're up close, I can't read very well. Okay, because yeah, I think it's fairly common if you're in that position. You keep two pair in the living room, one pair in the kitchen, one downstairs, one in the bed. Absolutely. You're looking all over the house for them there on top of your head. That is a tradition unlike any other. Here's another text message. Again, if you've got an entry, it's just any little something or another that you do and finish the sentence with a tradition unlike any other. Being at an event and getting so bored with someone's conversation, you excuse yourself to go to the restroom when you don't even have to go. A tradition unlike any other. Somebody else text in spending hours apologizing to your wife for cheating on her in her dream. You had to do that. There's one day, not to my wife's credit, she knew it was ridiculous, but she was furious with me all day because in her dream I cheated on her. That's one of the most ridiculous stories ever told on this program. I wanted some details, but she wouldn't share any with me. Yeah, was she hot? That's what I wanted to know. Like was I any good? Yeah. What kind of stuff did we do? How far did I get? Right. She wouldn't tell me a thing. Praying out and praying. A tradition unlike any other. Saying, I'll go out tonight, but no shots guys, and then an hour later you're doing shots. A tradition unlike any other. I've been to a bachelor party or two where it's like, hey, the bachelor says we're not going to a strip club and then pretty soon they've got their tie raptor on their head and they're the one leading the charge. That Deadpool charger, Jesus, said he has a solution to the reader's problem. Just don't read. Problem solved. There you go. That's true. Well, if it wasn't for this friggin job, I wouldn't do any reading. I can't read menus anymore. If it's dark in there. Oh, do you have to do the flashlight move? Oh, no, I just have to put my arms out as far as possible. It's embarrassing. You probably see me, Dana, and wonder what's going on. I'll go over to Ashley and put something in front of her and say, I'm sorry, can you read this? Oh yeah, okay. So then why are you not wearing them right now? I've got an appointment coming up in a couple of weeks. So you're struggling right now to read things off your computer and what? Oh yeah, like even like reading papers during the week. Well, yeah, I mean, so you got to get that lined up. A tradition unlike any other. Okay. Getting yelled at by my wife because I use logic in an argument is a tradition unlike any other. That's going to get you yelled at again. Asking your wife where she wants to go to dinner and she says anywhere you pick and you suggest something, she goes, oh gross, not there. A tradition unlike any other. Yeah. Shotgun beside Jesus says, when you strap something down on your vehicle and say, that's not going anywhere. That is the last thing you have to do after you tie something up on your vehicle. Always. Who does this guy think he is? That doesn't make any sense. Who does this guy think he is? It hurts when I fart Jesus text he did. He's got a tradition unlike any other. You want to know what it is? You want to know if you want to know what it is? Me throwing ropes, he says. Oh, what the? You're not the only one for the record. All right. 651-9899393 is our Luther Bloomington key of text line. If you've got a tradition you'd like to share with us that is unlike any other. Uncle puck day Jesus said watching people stopping at a roundabout and letting everyone through when it's your turn, a tradition like any other. I still haven't figured out the roundabouts yet. I get iffy. I haven't figured it out yet. By the way, what do you make of this? Here's another text message. Earlier on we were talking about, oh God, this was torturous for me because I love sweets so much cupcakes and candy and cookies and cake. We got to talking about the old school hostess pies and we've been informed that they're still in rotation at your favorite gas station. I was wondering if they were a thing of the past. I used to inhale those hostess pies. We got to talking about little Debbie products also, which make the world go F me running round. I will, if little Debbie goes to war with somebody, they can count on me leading the charge. I dedicated my life to the, here's a listener who texted in to say, this is a lady listener. She says I've eaten way too much little Debbie products in my life. Now I'm more like a big Deborah. That's good. We're getting just smoked with these tradition text messages. It's impossible. Because you're such a great crowd. Like I said, I did it earlier. I said, I don't know if I'm going to make it, but it's these great crowds that keep me going. Dinky do trucker, but Jesus said, when your kid says I'm hungry and you respond with, hi, hungry, I'm dad. I just did that to my son the other day. I'll keep doing that until he flips out and stabs me. So now this is evolving into a series of bad dad jokes. That's the way we're going. Hi hungry. I'm dad. Is that the line? Yeah. Dad, I'm hungry. Hi hungry. I'm dad. My dad used to give me that one all the time. Come on. Kiss me off. I still do it. He's 14. I'm going to do it until he just snaps. All right. You two and Ashley, it's unfortunate that Ashley's not here today. She always, you know, adds something fun into any conversation. But again, she's, I think I'm saying this correctly. It's like a loose stool problem. I mean, she says it's not diarrhea. It's just loose kind of watery. She didn't tell me any specifics. That's what I, so it's unfortunate that Ashley is in here because by admission, she's kind of a nervous, anxious person. You two have admitted to having a little bit of trouble with anxious anxiety, nervous. Do you ever, have you ever run into someone, Josh, in a place where you don't want to run into someone? Do you know what? Like an embarrassing situation? You know, you're anxious. Like at a doctor's office, you're always getting your back door or your Johnson checked at the doctor. You, most folks, not just you, wouldn't want to run into someone when you're setting up for that doctor's visit. So I mean, two different, two different situations here. When I was a kid, and I feel guilty about this now almost feel bad. You know, Kmart was a punchline when we were growing up. And that's where we shopped. And I was always afraid of running into somebody I knew at Kmart, not also realizing that they'd be at Kmart at the same time. But I was afraid like, Oh my gosh, what if somebody sees me here at Kmart? But when I, my wife and I were going through other fertility stuff and you go to a room to take care of yourself. I was afraid I'd run into somebody I knew. That they'd know, I know what you did. You know, face to face interactions can be nerve wracking in any situation. I hated running into teachers when I was a kid. You know, you don't realize they're real people when I was little, see them at a target or something like that. And that would make you like nervous and anxious. Not necessarily nervous, but uncomfortable, like kind of cringy, I guess. And you're confused. Like why aren't you at school? Oh, and the teachers don't like it just as much as you do. Oh, I'm sure. Oh, they can't stand it, especially if they don't remember the kid's name. It's been a couple of years. Have you ever known someone who's a cop? You've been with them. Let's say you were at a restaurant somewhere and they're like, Oh crap, I busted that guy for a D-Dub like two weeks ago. That would be uncomfortable. I've definitely been around. That's hilarious. So, you know, face-to-face interactions are nerve-wracking in any situation for some people. Nerve-wracking, you get anxious. There's a conversation going around about the worst places that some of these anxious folks have run into someone that they know they don't want. Of all the places in the world, they don't want to run into anyone. And one of the big answers, one of the common answers was women at the groin ecologist office or a dude, what did you call the place you used to go, the sperm doctor? The sperm doctor. The urologist. The urologist. Or the fertility clinic. Does it bother you to run into someone that you know in a public bathroom? No, not at all. No, but that is mentioned in the conversation. Maybe you're stall to stall with them, maybe, but if you just see a guy. That wouldn't bother me. I mean, if I'm in there masturbating, it would bother me. Like at the clinic, you know? But yeah, in that situation, not at all. Oh, this is a good one from a listener. At court. Ah. Especially in for something embarrassing. Yeah, you're about ready to take your turn in front of the judge. Well, I mean, I guess unless that person that you ran into is also in trouble for something, well then you've got something to bond over, something to talk about. I think you just don't think about that right away. You know, like, yeah, if you think about afterwards, like, oh shoot, yeah, they're there for the same reason. Oh, wow. This is a good one. If you're at a motel, you know, with a, with a lady and you're not staying there because you're visiting out of town for your kid's hockey tournament. You know what I mean? You're just there to fold, run into someone you know. On a first date. Oh, I suppose. I see where that might be. You know, you're on a first date with a gal. Maybe you're presenting yourself as someone that you're truly not and you run into someone that you, that really knows you. Sure. Yeah, I guess I could see that. I was on a first date and ran into an ex-girlfriend. What about the dildo shop? Let's get back to the dildo shop. What happened to you? I ran into an ex-girlfriend and I saw this, there's like a bunch of people like pointing and laughing. Like, what did I do? What's going on over here? It was an ex-girlfriend. Oh, so she was making fun of you as you were having dinner. Yep. Big time. You didn't have that turtleneck on, did you? No, no, no. I don't remember what I was wearing. Oh, that's a good one. Okay, worst place to run into someone you know if you have anxiety issues, if, you know, face-to-face interactions or nerve-wracking for you at the sex shop. Yeah, the sex shop I'd be pretty embarrassed. Or someplace like I don't, because I don't go, right? It's no judgment towards people that do, but I don't go, so I would think, oh no, they think that I always go to a sex shop. They happen to run into me. Well, we mentioned the story many times. I had a surprise birthday. A girlfriend who was very prim and proper and fancy, wanted me to dress up for once. So she put me in a tight-ribbed baby blue turtleneck. First time I ever wore anything tight-ribbed or baby blue or a turtleneck. It was just horrible. It was the most embarrassing thing. And she brought me to like a fancier restaurant for my birthday and all of a sudden it was a surprise party with everybody from, well, you know, all the people I was close with at work. Yeah, it was a good 10, 12 of us. And including three of the alpha male toughest guys I've ever met slash worked with. Nick, Blaze and Jeff and the looks on your faces when I walked in and I had turned to my girlfriend and I legitimately asked, are you mad at me? Why would you set me up like this? Oh, the level of hell you guys gave me and I deserved it. I knew how stupid it was. It was so bad. Oh, it just wasn't me. Yeah, that was, that's one of the most embarrassed I've ever been. The first thing I said to you, because I got up out of my chair and went and approached you. And I think what I remember exactly what I said to you, I said, what are you doing? I know. What are you doing? Well, and then I had to explain, dude, I've never dressed like this in my entire life. I know you knew me well enough to know that was the case. You looked so ridiculous. I think I was so uncomfortable. You turned as red as a tomato. Have asked morning show 93. Oh, that's it. We're done. F you and F this. It's over for today. We'll be back tomorrow. The text messages have been wonderful. So before we escape this cocknado, let me address a few more text messages. We were talking about the worst place to run into someone that you know, especially if you're the type that has anxieties over face to face interactions and things like that. Here's the guy ran into his, I've had this experience, I think twice in my life. He ran into his best friend's dad at the strip joint. Oh, I thought my speaking of sorry, I saw my best friend's dad at lifetime once and he was definitely one of those old walk around naked guys. Oh yeah, we've got so we've all got stories about that is repulsive. Did you give your best friend crap that you saw as dad's wiener? Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what we did. You'd have to. Yeah, you'd have to say something. I said, I hate to tell you this, bro. Anyway, yeah, I'm not best, not necessarily best friend, but I've run into friends of mine's dads at the boom boom room. And I know that sounds kind of sad, but I was young at the time. So I remember thinking, hey, if he can still go here, then why would I ever feel silly about going here? Right? He's, you know, the guy's 60 years old. In this case, our listener who ran into his best friend's dad at the strip joint, the dad gave him 50 bucks to keep his frigging trap shut. That's awesome. Don't tell anybody. I love this awkward interaction, you know, face to face interaction, running into someone that you know, dude said I had to go to court. My public pretender ended up being a guy that I graduated high school with. Oh, really? Said it was kind of uncomfortable at first. I'm sure. You know, I have a friend of mine went to buy a car and the place he went, one of our friends from high school ran the place and he wasn't aware of it. And he was really embarrassed for some reason. Like he's like, oh, so uncomfortable. I ran into this buddy of ours and he runs a car dealership and I had to question like, why in a million years would that be embarrassing? He must, your friend must think very highly of someone who runs a car dealership and he felt inadequate. I don't know. I couldn't figure it out. I like, well, he's not like the guy's a jerk or anything. I can't figure out why. I'd be excited if I ran into him. Back to the guy who went to court. I would maybe for a moment feel inadequate. Here I am, the perp who needs to have a court hearing. This guy that I graduated with is a damn public defender. I would think, okay, you're the guy who's done something with his life. I'm obviously not, you know. Here's somebody who says the worst place might be a condom aisle. Yeah, I was always, I was always worried I'd run into somebody there. Either they'd think, oh, you dirty bastard. What, you're both responsible people? Are they thinking, yeah, right, you need something. Well, there's other things in that aisle, right? Maybe they're there for metamucil or something. And I'm over in the condoms section. The night I lost my virginity, we went to PDQ in Apple Valley to get condoms and we played rock, paper, scissors in the parking lot to see what to go in and buy them. You're embarrassed. Yeah, I'll tell you what, those times like running to Target and buying condoms, I've never bought more things. Oh. Is that trying to hide those, son of a gun? Do you know what helps on this day and age, Josh? What's that? The self-checkout. Oh, sure. You could buy any embarrassing thing. Anything you want, man. You load it up. Yup. Uncomfortable interactions, running into someone you don't want to run into. This list here was a seventh grader, gotten big trouble at school, called his teacher a bitch. Oh. Got suspended for a day. On the day of the suspension, my family and I went out to dinner at Perkins and guess who we ran into at the restaurant? Oh, bad timing. You want to hear some more traditions. Again, The Masters begins tomorrow, the golf tournament. The Masters, and they always say dot, dot, dot, a tradition unlike any other. Our listing audience has some alternatives to that. I love picturing this. Really forgetting that my Jeep is an automatic and laying on the brakes thinking it's the clutch. A tradition unlike any other. Oh, that would be embarrassing. And you just bring yourself to such a direct halt. Closing out the bar. Every night when my kids go to their moms for the weekend, a tradition unlike any other. That's got to feel good. I'll bet. You don't got to wake up for Jack Squat. The kids are at their mama house. Close out that bar every. Finally, there's a little bit of anger behind this one. Guys in big jacked up pickups driving like roided up douchebags. A tradition unlike any other. Why do they always go after you guys with the big jacked up pickups? I don't know. We got a reputation, I guess. I'll take the criticism. I love it. It ain't even over yet. Were you a douche before you got that pickup? Do they give you a douchebag card when you buy the pickup? Well, douchebag starter kit. Just got Ned Hardy t-shirt in there. But to answer your question, yes. Absolutely. We always say, we always establish. Josh and I at least do. We like those pickups. Yeah, what's wrong with those? I don't necessarily like the guy that's behind the wheel of the pickup, but I like the pickup. This is some that represent the rest of us poorly, but I don't know, maybe we are douchebags. Put a lid on it, Cubby. I enjoy it. Happy third anniversary to Goalie Host Jesus and helicopter fixer Jesus and happy birthday to Red Rock Loader Jesus. That fast morning show, 90, 3X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. I really think you should too. 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