-♪ Thank you. Welcome, welcome. One and all in here, out there, Mr. and Mrs. America, and all the ships we see to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. -♪ There you go, my friend. It is yet another day when the entire world is on edge of Donald Trump's senseless and elective war with the Pope. The president of the United States has been raging at the pontiff ever since Leo brazenly pointed out war is bad. Trump's allies have been quick to jump in and defend him, like Speaker Mike Johnson, who said this about the Pope. I was taking a little bit of back, just honestly, frankly, but something that was said, I think he said several days back, that something about those who engage in war, you know, that Jesus doesn't hear their prayers or something. You know, it is a very well-settled matter of Christian theology. There's something called the Just War doctrine. Correcting the Pope on Catholic theology is a little like going into the woods and saying, uh, excuse me, Mr. Bear, do you really think this is the appropriate place for you to be pooping? Really, really? Who's going to clean that up? If you don't know, and you may not, a Just War is a Catholic doctrine that goes all the way back to the church fathers, St. Ambrose and St. Augustine, and there are many criteria, including it must be in self-defense once all peace efforts have failed, only then can the war be said to have just cause, as opposed to Trump, who appears to have taken us to war just because. The Pope, the Pope came back. It worked. It's going to walk down the, uh, the narthex. The Pope came back swinging today on social media, posting, Woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic, and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth. Damn, Trump! Damn, son, the Pope just read you for darkness and filth. And the Pope wasn't done popin' because today, he was in Cameroon and he said, the world is being ravaged by a handful of tyrants. Ooh. A handful of tyrants. That is rough. Even worse when you look at the hand. Trump's, Trump's ongoing papal feud, and I love saying that sentence, Trump's ongoing papal feud has failed to distract anyone from this picture he posted of himself as Jesus. Dude, you can't compare yourself to Jesus. For one thing, Jesus' father loved him. People, people got... Woo! Cool! Cool blood! People, people got upset about that image. I mean, naturally so. So Trump took the picture down, then immediately posted another one where he's apparently going to prom with Jesus. Next, he's posting their pic from the Sears portrait gallery. Looks good, looks good. Trump's not the only member of his administration messin' with religion, so is secretary of defense and Frankenstein's lawyer, Pete Hegzeff. Yesterday, secretary Hegzeff read a prayer at the Pentagon worship service, and that he said was recounted to him by some service members, and people quickly noticed that there was something fishy about this prayer. See if you can spot it. They call it CSAR 2517, which I think is meant to reflect Ezekiel 2517. The path of the downed aviator is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Now, if that doesn't sound like it's from the Bible, that's because it's not. Want to know what it's from? Well, here's a hint. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Wow! Oh! Oh! Hegzeff's quoting from the Gospel of Quentin Tarantino. If you're not familiar with that Gospel, it's like the regular Bible, but Tarantino's Jesus says the N-word a lot. Also, Quentin's version really lingers on the feet wash and stuff. Similarities continue. Let's take a look. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger. Those who attempt to capture and destroy my brother. Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. Wow! That mashup really feels like your self-tape versus the guy who actually got the parts. Oh, I see. Is that what I was supposed to do? Yeah, he's... Yeah. Oh, so angry? I think he's angry. Okay, got it, got it, got it. Hire that guy. Yeah, hire that guy. But despite all this, I want Hegzeff to succeed. He's the Secretary of Defense. If he succeeds, that means America succeeds. So please, join me in prayer. I'm going to ask you a question. I'm going to ask you a question. Please, join me in prayer. God, I'm talking to you. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? War is like a box of chocolates. I am tired of these mother-f***ing sins on my mother-f***ing soul. That'll do, God. That'll do. Trump responded to the controversy today in the Triumphant Return of... Chopper Talk. On his way out to Marine One, he was asked about his dust-up with the Vicar of Christ. There was a group of bishops that did put out a statement saying the focus is nearly exercising his opinion. He's preaching the gospel. What do you say to people that do that? Well, I want them to preach the gospel. I'm all about the gospel. I'm all about the gospel. I'm all about the gospel. No, I suppose I love Ryan Gospel. He was great in Project Hail Mary and Barbie. I did not see La La Land, but I do know it's Spanish for the the land. Also great as Deadpool. He was also asked about sky-wracking fuel prices. How much longer will Americans continue to see the high gas prices? Well, they're not very high. They're not very high. Are you very high? And if so, what have you been huffing off a rag? Because I know gas is way too expensive right now. California congresswoman Sydney Comlogger Dove was asked about it, and she had, let's say, a strong opinion. Are you concerned about the impact that this war in Iran is having on our national debt? Oh my God. Yes, of course I am. Stevie Wonder can even see how much this is costing us. So gas prices are going up. It's almost $10 in California, and fertilizers going up. I mean, you name it, prices have gone up. And this dude, Dr. Jesus, okay, is wanting to spend $2 billion of your money every single day rather than help you get health care. His ass. Uh, no thank you. Well, moving on. The holiday season is right around the corner, and it's a long corner, but it's out there. And we've got a scandalous update on a Christmas tradition, because this week we learned that the organizer of New York SantaCon was accused of pocketing more than $1 million earmarked for charities. Oh my God. It sounds like SantaCon might be some kind of cringlescam. For those who don't know, SantaCon is an annual Christmas themed bar crawl slash crime against humanity. The disgraced organizer is Stefan Pildes of New Jersey. Pildes allegedly pocketed the SantaCon cash that was supposed to go to charities like City Harvest, City Parks Foundation, and the Children's Heart Foundation. God, the only thing worse would be if this guy stole from wheelchairs for puppies with glasses. That would be bad is what I'm saying. That would be not a good thing. Here's some shocking news. You know the shoe brand Allbirds? Well, they have announced a hard pivot from footwear into AI. That is the most random 180s since that insurance company debuted this slogan. It makes shampoo now. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. On Wednesday, Allbirds announced that it's leaving shoes behind for AI compute infrastructure and will change its name to New Bird AI. Keep in mind, Allbirds founding mission statement was to create, quote, an entirely new category of shoes inspired by natural materials, guided by an ethos to create better things in a better way. And now, incredibly not that. This is just like when Arby's changed their slogan to Arby's, we have the bras. Wait, I got another one. This is like when Nike changed their slogan to just clam chowder. Or when the dairy industry changed their slogan to got milk, nope, trucks. We got a great show for you tonight. Anderson Cooper. Welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is the Emmy and Peabody Award-winning anchor of Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN. Please welcome back to the late show, Anderson Cooper. Let's see again. Always good to talk to you about what's going on in the news. You've been covering conflicts your entire career. Yes. Last month, your colleague, CNN, Clarissa Ward, came to us via satellite, actually, from Northern Iraq. And she said covering the war with Iran feels different. And one of the reasons she said was she said because the metric for success is unclear. Does this feel different to you? It does. I mean, I'm not sure what the metric of success is. I mean, you know, people talk about the fog of war. Rarely does that fog emanate from a giant machine at the White House that's like blowing fog out. And the administration has essentially given a whole bunch of different explanations for why the president decided to do this. It was regime change for a while, and then it was not really a big deal. And then the president is now saying, well, actually, there has been regime change because there's new people sitting in the seats because the old ones were killed off. And that there are people who can be dealt with and they seem much more reasonable. Their agenda is still, like, death to America is still kind of in their founding documents. So unclear how much of a regime change. It's still a very repressive regime, which is in control and suppressing the vast majority of the population. It's unclear what the metrics really are for success. I mean, right now it seems to be the Strait of Hormuz and getting it open. The Strait of Hormuz was open before, and Iran wasn't in control of it. And the nuclear program, which the president said he obliterated the facilities several months ago in a really massive attack that the U.S. did and attacked any reporters who questioned whether it really was obliterated, suddenly said that the U.S. was going to take the nuclear threat and that there was a nuclear threat and we had to act right now. And then no one's unclear what's going to happen with the nuclear program. And any kind of deal on that, I mean, the last, the Obama deal that was done in 2015, it took 15 months of actual negotiations. It took years of planning. The president ripped that one up, and it's unclear are they going to actually go through a few months to actually plan out a nuclear deal, which seems to be, according to every expert I've talked to, essentially, like, you know, there's a lot of details you got to work out. You can't just kind of do it on the fly on a golf course. So it feels a little different. It feels a little different. Yeah. It feels a little different. I mean, I feel for the, the military did their job. They trained. Incredible. They know what they're doing. They serve it, the command of the commander-in-chief, the president of the United States. They deserve to know what the goals are here. And the president has actually said, you speak of fog of war. The president has already said that we've won several times. Right. Yes, he has. They've won. So technically, this is the fog of peace. Yes. But it's also interesting, I mean, he used the term war. This administration has said this is not a war, and yet they insisted on renaming the department of defense, the department of war. You know, Secretary Samuel Jackson calls himself the secretary of the war. And, and yet, and yet they attack reporters who say that this is a war. Yes. So it's an excursion, as the president says, which I'm not sure if he actually means incursion, but I don't know. The president said today he truthed, and you'll probably have some follow-up for this. He put out on his social media that there's a ceasefire between Israel and Lebanon. Yes. And two countries would quote, take care of Hezbollah. Yeah. I promise I'm not being pedantic when I say, if Lebanon was not at war with Israel, but instead Israel was at war with Hezbollah, is it a war? Like what is the ceasefire mean if Lebanon was not part of the war? According to this, the Lebanese government is going to try to make sure that Hezbollah does not continue aggressive military actions in past. So in partnership with Israel, they'll actually help clear out Hezbollah? Well, not necessarily. Just in they'll, they will just get Hezbollah to stop firing rockets into Israel. That, that would be the ideal. In past, Hezbollah has agreed to ceasefires that have been negotiated by the Lebanese government, even though the Lebanese government doesn't control, I mean, Hezbollah, you know, it's arguably a bigger military force than the Lebanese government actually. The nice thing about the Middle East is that it's so simple. Very easy. Yes. As you, as you stated, the Iranian regime is a repressive regime. The people of Iran would benefit from a. Sluttered thousands of people. Exactly. Have you ever reported from Iran? I've reported once from Iran. I started out, I couldn't get like a job at a network when I was at a college. So I got my first job was at a thing called Channel One. It was a TV show. Okay. All right. A couple of channel owners. It was a TV show in the early nineties in about half the high schools and middle schools in America. And it was this company that supplied at television for every classroom, satellite dish, beam them this program for free. It was a 12 minute newscast in schools. And I was a fact checker for them. And I was like, for six months, I was like, I can do what the people they had on air doing. So, but they wouldn't give me a job. So I quit and I just told them I'm going to go to wars and I'm going to borrow a camera and I'm just going to start telling stories. And I, that's what I did. And the first one was like in Myanmar and then Somalia in a famine. And they hired me as a war correspondent. And that's what I did for three years. I ended up in Iran with two folks from Channel One to produce. About what year we're talking here? This would have been like 94. Andy Merlis and Mitchell Kos I was with. And we, yeah, we get there and we were rested on the first day. And we were there for four days. We were rested for three of them. And, um, yeah, it freaked me out. I was, I was, And that's that you haven't been back. Well, what's funny is like, you know, I work for a major news organization now. So if something happens to me, at least theoretically there's somebody I can call who may be able to try to help get me out. At Channel One, it was like, there was no one to call. Yeah. There was, The principal could sign you a note. Right. Yeah. We have to take a quick break. We're right back with more Anderson Cooper, everybody. I'm Anna Garcia, host of True Crime News, the podcast. Every week we bring you in depth coverage on cases making headlines, as well as those that go under the radar. Tune in for murders that defy explanation, mystery seeking exploration, and shocking secrets that will leave you breathless. Each week we honor the victims by going beyond the salacious in our search for justice. Crime never stops and neither do we. Listen to True Crime News available now on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everybody, we're back with CNN's Anderson Cooper. As you know, the president recently made a lot of headlines with this photo. Oh, yeah. AI Trump is Jesus. That's my doctor. Yes. Really? Yeah. What are you, what are you being treated for, Anderson? I'm treated with a lot of poultices. Yes. Vance's response, Vice President Vance's response, is this uproar was, quote, not newsworthy. Yes. You're a newsman. Is it worthy? Yeah, I think it's pretty newsworthy when the president of the United States portrays himself as Jesus, like Trump Jesus. I kind of was expected the president to come out and be like, you know, no one was talking about Jesus until I... Until Trump Jesus. Right. Yeah. But now Jesus, gotta say, he's everybody's talking about Jesus. He's the hottest God out there. He's hot. Yeah. Yeah. Three days ago, Jesus was dead. Now he's... Yes. I am. I love this woman who's just staring at the orb of light. Let's show them the woman we're talking about here. You like this lady right here? Yeah. But like staring at the orb of light from the president's not tiny hands. Yes. I like this woman and this same woman, but with hat on now. Yes. Well, also the bizarre, what is that? There's like some pilots up there, sort of angel pilots, and then some sort of like gorgon-like figure. No head, but spikes coming out. Or two ladies' legs in heels, I can't tell. Sex sells, Anderson. Sex sells. Yeah. Okay. 25 years at CNN. It's crazy. Yeah. What is it after 25 years? After 25 years, I'm just curious, what keeps you getting back on the news horse? The news horse. Because I'm sure you've been throwing it a few times. I've been throwing it a few times. Look, I think there's nothing more extraordinary than... I feel incredibly privileged and I'm incredibly grateful for having had the career that I've had and the opportunity to travel all around the world. I don't know. I've worked in like 70 to 70 something countries. And to be able to step into people's lives, often are the worst moment of their lives in a disaster. The hurricane has come. Their child has been killed. War has come. Their city is under siege. To step into their lives and be trusted to turn a camera on and ask them questions and tell their story. And it's not popular these days to talk about legacy media. And everybody's got an opinion and a podcast and I got a podcast and so I'm not throwing stones and I listen to podcasts. But somebody's got to go out and provide the actual reporting for everybody else to talk about and form an opinion about. And so I think, I still believe there is great value in having a news organization which has bureaus all around the world. And when anything happens, they want you to go there and talk to people and turn your camera on and show and transmit a story. You know, that camera is a tiny little piece of glass, but it can transmit truth and it can bring you in your home or on your treadmill, wherever you're watching it, whatever screen or tablet you're watching it on. It can take you through that screen and it can put you into Sarajevo, a city under siege where people are being slaughtered. It can take you to Gaza. It can take you to some place where something terrible has happened or something wonderful has happened. It can take you to the moon and unite the country and we can all gather around and watch something like this and talk to these incredible astronauts. And I just think that's extraordinary and I think I believe in it and I believe there's value to it and I feel lucky that I've been able to be a small part of it for all this years. Well, we feel lucky. We here and I feel lucky to have had you on the show so many times over the last 11 years and the old show a few times. You are right now. This is your 22nd appearance on the show and that makes you tied for most frequent guests with John Oliver. Oh, Oliver! And I think here's the thing is that I'm pretty sure he's coming on one more time. So that gives you the silver but it befits you because you are, as we know, the silver surfer of Cable News. And so we have had a medallion struck in your honor to Anderson Cooper, the silver surfer of Cable News. This is for you. Thank you. Thank you, Anderson. Thank you for being here all these years. Anderson Cooper 360 airs weeknights on CNN. It's a homicide. Absolutely. The blame game in this family went round and round. This is Blood is Thicker, the Ferris Wheel. I would don't see how anyone can look at this story and think they were happy. Binge the full series, Blood is Thicker, the Ferris Wheel, on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.
