Greenland New Deal

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Visit plannedparenthood.org slash defend and make a gift today. Donate now to support Planned Parenthood at plannedparenthood.org slash defend. That's plannedparenthood.org slash defend. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It live at Dynasty Typewriter. We've got a great show for you tonight. Kevin Nealon is here. Frankie Quinones is here. The Egg of Truth is here. Sure. And then we're all going to take a look back at tonight with some second thoughts. But first, let's get into it. What a week. Tuesday, January 20th, marked the one-year anniversary of Donald Trump's second term, and even our delivery robots have had enough. Was that empathy? At a press conference on Tuesday, Trump was asked a question that only a year ago, as worried as we were about what was to come, would have shocked us. How far are you willing to go to acquire Greenland? You'll find out. Thank you. No spoilers. That implied threat matches explicit threats on social media, like this AI-generated image of Trump planting an American flag on Greenland. Not the first picture of Trump on an island that makes me sick? Probably not the last. Trump also leaked a screenshot of a text from French President Emmanuel Macron. It reads, My friend, we are totally in line on Syria. We can do great things on Iran. I do not understand what you are doing on Greenland. Let's try and build great things. Sending what the French would call le sandwich du compliment. Trump, fully in his Lisa Barlow era, also shared a screenshot of a text from NATO Secretary General Mark Ruta, which read, Mr. President, dear Donald, what you've accomplished in Syria today is incredible. I will use my media engagements in Davos to highlight your work there in Gaza and in the Ukraine. I am committing to finding a way forward on Greenland. Can't wait to see you. Yours, Mark. And then a follow-up text from Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg saying, hey guys, you gotta loot me out of this. The whole thing is embarrassing, but can't wait to see you really puts it over the top. Let's work on that anxious attachment style, Mark. Let's heal those wounds. No one ever can't wait to see Donald Trump. It's just not an emotion a person can have unless you include Ivana at present in hell. And speaking of hell, as Trump headed to Davos for the World Economic Forum, tensions were high and the S&P 500 dropped over 2% amid the standoff. And thank God, because the stock market screams are the only ones Trump can hear. Human screams, they sound like wind chimes to him. This led Treasury Secretary and best little boy in the world, Scott Besant, to try and calm frayed nerves. I tell everyone, sit back, take a deep breath, do not retaliate, do not retaliate. Like Trump is a grizzly bear and Europe is making too much eye contact. He's not the kind where it helps to seem bigger. Just play dead and he'll lose interest. Besen's point is, don't react to brazen and foolish threats from the leader of the most powerful country in the history of the world because he will back down. But he only backs down when people react to the threats, like this Danish politician. Let me put this in words you might understand. Mr. President, fuck off. kind of ruined it when he pulled a kringle out of his pocket and then rode off on a faggy little bicycle but i love where his head's at so he's too a little pleased with himself at the end there mr president on wednesday the european union froze approval of a trade deal with america over trump's greenland threats until the u.s decides to re-engage on a path of cooperation rather than confrontation, and the pushback worked. Trump blinked on additional tariffs for European allies who opposed U.S. aggression toward Greenland, writing on True Social that he and European leaders had reached a framework of a future deal with respect to Greenland and, in fact, the entire Arctic region. He also withdrew the threat of invasion. We probably won't get anything unless I decide to use excessive strength and force, where we would be, frankly, unstoppable. But I won't do that. Okay, now everyone's saying, oh, good. That's probably the biggest statement I made because people thought I would use force. I don't have to use force. I don't want to use force. I won't use force. It's the geopolitical equivalent to when the car alarm that's been going off on your block in the middle of the night for two hours finally stops. Sure, it'll start back up again in 30 seconds, but you don't know that yet. tensions over greenland among other issues haven't helped trump recruit countries to join his so-called board of peace which he would lead indefinitely even after leaving the white house could you imagine trump leaving the white house sorry all right we're a little brittle this week the news is tough got it getting the energy but not to worry. On Thursday at Davos, Saudi-backed business skeleton Jared Kushner revealed the new board's master plan, great term, for what they're calling New Gaza, which promises coastal tourism, a transportation hub, an energy and digital infrastructure, basically a new Middle East resort town. Here we have one of the slides. Is this abundance? Meanwhile, in Minnesota, the backlash against ICE continues. Here's Brooklyn Park Police Chief Mark Bruley at a press conference on Tuesday, surrounded by fellow law enforcement leaders accusing ICE of violating basic rights. The truth is immigration enforcement is necessary for national security and for local security. But how it's done is extremely important. As the last two weeks, we as law enforcement community have been receiving endless complaints about civil rights violations in our streets from U.S. citizens. What we're hearing is they're being stopped in traffic stops or on the street with no cause and being forced to demand paperwork to determine if they are here legally. We started hearing from our police officers the same complaints as they fell victim to this while off-duty. Every one of these individuals is a person of color. It has to stop. Bruelly detailed one incident where an off-duty officer was driving past ICE when they boxed her in and demanded to see her papers. Their guns were drawn during the interaction, and when she tried to record them, ICE knocked the phone out of her hands. When she identified herself as a police officer, ICE just ran off. And that's what you want. You want a federal law enforcement agency that goes, oh, fuck the cops, and darts off like teenagers trying to buy beer. The stories coming out of Minnesota are also horrifying. According to the New York Times, ICE has detained four children in the same Minneapolis school district, including a five-year-old whose photo went viral online. School officials accused ICE of using the boy as bait to lure his family members out of their home. Even worse, the photo is recovered from a folder on Stephen Miller's desktop labeled taxes. They're right. But I'm also right. You know? The brutal images, the lawlessness, it's why you see confrontations like this one outside this Minneapolis Safeway as Trump's prima ballerina border patrol, Greg Bovino, unsuccessfully tried to gain access. To be fair, this is indistinguishable from your average day at Safeway. But now you might think it's bad form to call somebody a Nazi. But then this is Greg Bovino. Here he is again in Nazi drag during a CNN photo shoot by photographer Mustafa Hussein back in October. It looks like a bespoke coat, though Bovino swears he got it at a vintage store in Argentina. I'm just... I'm kidding. They didn't have anything on his side. He had it dropped by Oshkosh by Gestapo. Joking, obviously. He went to Nordstrom Reich. Stop it. He went to Orban Outfitters. It's just Hugo Boss. but fascism is a culture not a costume on wednesday the associated press reported yeah reported on an internal ice memo from may 2025 leaked by a whistleblower which authorizes federal agents to enter people's homes without a judicial warrant according to the report officials were told to read the memo and return it one of the two whistleblowers was allowed to view the memo only in the presence of a supervisor and then had to give it back as if to avoid a paper trail but they forgot one thing, the concept of remembering stuff. In a new CBS poll, 61% of respondents said that ICE was being too tough when stopping and detaining people. Do you know how hard it is to get 61% of Americans to agree on anything? It's this and wishing the shrink wrap packaging for raw meat was easier to open. Are we really supposed to just gash at it with the nice and then push out the little bits in the corners? What are we doing here? Majority said that the Trump administration was not prioritizing deporting dangerous criminals and that ICE was making communities less safe. Oh yeah, checkmate, idiots, said ICE officers as they detained a five-year-old domestic terrorist wearing a Spider-Man backpack. According to a story in Axios, Trump and his team are seeing the same numbers in private polling and it has got them worried. Thank God something can worry them because the judgment of an almighty God has not really slowed them down. One top Trump advisor told the outlet he wants mass deportations, but what he doesn't want is what people are seeing. He doesn't like the way it looks. It looks bad, so he's expressed some discomfort with that. Wait, sorry, that statement was actually about this picture of his hand. And that's the other hand. That's supposed to be the good hand. Trump wants ICE to deport a million people in a year, but he doesn't want cameras to record an army of masked, dull-eyed, anger management class certificate holders as they drag their neighbors out of their houses for the sin of being part of an undocumented workforce we collectively built over decades. And it's like, oh, darling boy, my sweet swimmer child, you want mass deportations without all the mess? There are no rainbows without the rain, no delicious big masks without the bloody abattoir, no filet-o-fish without whatever they kill the fish in, a bucket, the air. Trump even felt compelled to deploy his trademark tact and human touch to address the concerns of his beloved fellow citizens. And, you know, they're going to make mistakes sometimes. ICE is going to be too rough with somebody or, you know, they deal with rough people. They're going to make a mistake. Sometimes it can happen. We feel terribly. I felt horribly when I was told that the young woman who was had the tragedy. It's a tragedy. It's a horrible thing. And of course, he left it there. When she was shot, there was another woman that was screaming shame, shame, shame, shame, right? He's so loud, like a professional opera singer. She was so loud and so professional. Okay, so I don't know what the fuck he's talking about there, but at least he didn't make it about himself. When I learned her parents and her father in particular is like, I hope he still is, but I don't know, was a tremendous Trump fan. He was all for Trump. Love Trump. Well, he fucked that up. But then it was time for the closer. The administration sent their best messenger to Minnesota on Thursday to quell the political firestorm. And unfortunately, what has happened is that as we've enforced the law, there's been this weird reaction, again, unique to this city. This is not a common thing across the United States of America. There's been a very unique, very Minneapolis-specific reaction to our enforcement of federal immigration laws. What I'm trying to do here today is understand why that is. What is it about Minneapolis that has become so chaotic? Good news, America. Benoit Blanc Nationalist is on the case. he's here to solve the mystery of why Minneapolis is furious about ice it's just so weird it's just so difficult to explain what might have happened that would have led the city to become upset about ice being in Minneapolis I wonder if there's any things that might have happened in the past couple of weeks that might have led the city to become uniquely upset about what's going on in this city Minneapolis that famed nightmare hellscape of vicious people you know Minneapolis the most hated city in America. Minneapolis, that place that's famous for its many, many assholes. Vice President John Line Denial Vance also had this advice for the people of Minneapolis. Like, if we're trying to find a sex offender, tell us where the guy lives. I'll tell you where he lives, Mr. Vance. The sex offender lives. I'll tell you where, Mr. Vance. I'll tell you where the sex offender lives, Mr. Vance. He lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Impromptu Women's March breaks out. I'm carried through MacArthur Park on your shoulders like a hero. Ice drops the masks and walks out of Minneapolis like the Pharaoh's guards in the Prince of Egypt. Jesse Waters adds pronouns to his bio. I'm back on Survivor and I'm fucking killing it. And we've got a great show for you tonight. Coming up, Kevin Nealon is here. And we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. and small goals across every life stage. The Acorns Potential screen shows you the power of compounding and how your money can grow over time. Plus, you can quickly adjust how much you're investing every day, week, or month to make sure you're building towards your goals. Acorn is all-in-one. No more finance apps cluttering your phone. With Acorns, you can invest, save, and give your money a chance to grow in one trusted place. Look, if you can, it's really important to start putting money away. You know, look, you know, Eric Adams- Don't put it under your mattress. Yeah, Eric Adams did a rug pull, apparently. So the news is reporting on his cryptocurrency, allegedly. I don't think that's a good place to put your money. I don't think you should be day trading. You got to invest, you know, safely over time. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com slash love it or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non-client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier two compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers' accounts, age, and investment settings does not include Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of an Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorn advisors, LLC, and SEC registered investment advisor view. Important disclosure is at acorns.com slash love it. Love to Leave It is brought to you by Bombas. People keep asking about my 2026 resolutions. Sure, I've got my usual goals, read more, learn how to crochet. But this year, there's a new one at the top of my list, get comfy. That's where Bombas comes in. They're bringing serious comfort to all my everyday go-tos. The all-new Bombas sports socks are engineered with sports-specific comfort for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, and all sport. They're cushioned where you need it most, the bottoms of your feet, sweat wicking, and loaded with other tech features to keep you comfy and locked in. And for those every day around the house resolutions, Bombas also has you covered with the comfiest footwear imaginable. Seriously, I have so many Bombas socks. I basically have only Bombas socks at this point. They're so comfortable. I replaced all my no-show socks with Bombas socks. And it's so nice to have really nice no-show socks. You get those little thin ones online, but then they just fall apart. The Bombas no-show socks are really great. I truly wear Bombas socks to the gym every single time I go to the gym. They're my go-to socks for everything. That is my actual lived experience. and don't deny others lived experiences. That's one lesson of this era. So, you know, get some Bombas. Right now, they have luxurious Sherpa Sunday slippers that feel like walking clouds. That's what I have. They're great. They're made with a super comfy and lightweight EVA, the Friday sandal. That's also what I have. The new squishy Saturday suede slip-on shoe for comfort on the go. I don't trust myself with suede. That's just a fact. And for every item you purchase, an essential clothing item is donated to someone facing housing insecurity. One purchase, one donated with over 150 million donations and counting. Head over to bombas.com slash love it and use code LOVET for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash LOVET. Code LOVET at checkout. Guys keeping up with the Salt Lake City reunion? Yes. Are you actually? Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, we've got a story about that. Okay, well. It's solving. It's like saving lives. You have a story about the Salt Lake City reunion that is saving lives. We literally just had a conversation. You literally just had a conversation about the story, about how the Salt Lake City reunion and your viewing of it is saving lives What kind of lives What lives We just used their how they figured out who the sluice were, like trolling them on social media. We applied it in our own lives and we figured out who was... You were being trolled by someone? I was, yeah. You had like an anonymous person messaging you and harassing you. Yeah. And you cracked it. You used their method for two years. I'm sorry. Somebody's been harassing you online for two years and you use the method from this week's Salt Lake City reunion, which involved doing the reset on the thing to figure out the phone number. And that worked. We are recording it. This is all being recorded. You are being recorded. And so you did do this and you got the number. Did you know the number? What? What was whose number? um our mutual friend's assistant what so you're watching the salt lake city reunion they're saying to lisa barlow you did this she is by the way here's what i think a little lesson that you can that actually comes into politics too the facts just deny them excellent you then apply this in your own life. Now, when you saw it, you thought, we can figure out who that thing is. You saw that, that happens. And so then you do it, you pause the show and you get the number. You haven't finished it. Why would you? You're, you've, everything's, you're living it. You're living it. You don't, you're, you are the show. The show has become real. And so wait, so you then, you then get the number. Then what? No, no. Tell me the right. This is fascinating. So hold on. You now have the phone number. Now, is that assistant saved in your phone, or was it a mysterious number at first? It went on been verified. I typed the number in and then matched. You typed the number and then matched. Okay, so now you have this information. That's like kind of, there's a moment between the revelation and the use. It's kind of scary. Yeah. Because what do you do? I almost cried. You almost cried. Because now you have this information, and there's a part of you that, there's a chance you could do nothing with it. I'm definitely going to do something. But so you're going to do something with it. Wait, you haven't done it yet. I haven't done it yet. I told my good friend and we're going to call a lawyer in the morning. You're going to call a lawyer in the morning. And just so you know, we're recording this Thursday night. This is going out. 100% not cutting this. Just out of respect for both of us, don't ask. So you really do have until Saturday morning. Because as I've said many times, this is a surprisingly popular show. So, we've got to move on. I may come back. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. You were right to interrupt. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage the incredible, the legendary, the one and only. It's Kevin Nealon. Hi, good to see you. Thanks for being here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Love it. I wish I could sit like that. You can't sit like this? No, you're like a bird perched on the seat there. I feel more comfortable this way. I could barely sit like this with my knees up this high. You think? My legs are so long. You know, it's like I got a rock to get off of a chair. Not because I'm super old, but just because my legs are so long. Take a break. We'll be right back. So I had a question for you. By the way, I grew up watching you. This is amazing to be here. I'm so excited. You're the best. Now, I had a question for you. Yes, sir. You worked as a mall Santa in your 20s. I thought you were going to say a model. And a model. And a model and a mall Santa. Yeah, I did work as a mall Santa in San Diego. I got a job through Manpower. I first moved out here to L.A. to become a stand-up, but I was too nervous to go to any of the clubs, so I moved to San Diego because I wanted to check that out. It came from the East Coast. So I got a job working for a temporary help agency, and the only job they had was Santa Claus. It was around November. So I did that for two months. I worked at Sears, and I lost my virginity to my elf. It's true. It's true. Wow. Any concern about the workplace power dynamic there? Well, when you're Santa Claus, it doesn't matter. Right. You have total control. They let you do it. They let you do it. Yeah. And we're back, ladies and gentlemen. So now your son is of driving age. Roughly, roughly of the age when you were Santa. That's right. That's right. Have you ever driven with a kid who just got his driver's license? Other than when I was a person who had just gotten my driver's license. It is terrifying. it is a nightmare he comes to a full stop at every stop sign and it's like forever it seems like it's like he's not stopping he's visiting that stop sign and then he uh he drives with both hands on the steering wheel 10 o'clock and two o'clock position i haven't touched the steering wheel in like 20 years with my hands because i eat when i'm driving so it's the knees i drive with my knees you know of course and he goes he's always like 10 miles under the speed limit and it's a ferrari come on so yeah it is a little terrifying and i don't think he'll ever have a second date you know the way he's driving unless she shows unless she meets him at the stop sign otherwise not gonna happen i can't see are there more is there more than 10 people out there yeah yeah it's so it's way way more than 10 yeah so many more than 10 plus all the people listening yeah that's the real audience now you're also a painter i do paint i like to paint caricatures of celebrities they're cool i think they're really i was a little washed up but i was and i i know you were selling backstage that one of your biggest artistic influences is george w bush as an artist that would be crazy i just see a lot of connection between his paintings and your paintings and i was wondering if that's something that i'm just implying or that's there well maybe maybe you're right i never thought of it that way um because that's david spade and that's trump but these are these are and just for people that we have chris farley and we have um christopher walken christopher walken and it's really it's really cool really good You're good. Thank you. You know, you got a minute? Yeah. I have a book out. It's called I Exaggerate. And it's a book of all my caricature drawings. And when I was touring it around, you know, promoting it, I asked a few of the people in there if I could use their picture just, you know, as courtesy. Jim Carrey was fine with it. Steve Martin was fine with it. And I sent it to his agent. His agent hated it. And then he sent it to him. The agent said, we sent it to him and his wife. they both hated it he said under no circumstances can you use this to promote your book but what he didn't know is in every book it's in all the books you know a lot of people are asking where they can buy my art thank you for asking and i've never really sold it anywhere until recently i started a store online called kevinnealonart.com so now in a is your when did you start painting I started painting, well, you know, I started doodling when I was a kid. I used to live in Germany. So I remember going to a commissary back then on a military base. And some soldier had left a sketch on the napkin of himself with, like, the hat on, like a sad sack. And with a big nose. And I would just draw that over and over again. And then I started fiddling around with cartoons. And then my parents had great caricatures made of them some Parisian artist. They weren't like the Disneyland caricatures, you know. It was like really, really detailed and pastels. And I had them hanging on my wall in my room growing up. So when I laid down in bed, I was just subconsciously looking at them and studying them. And that's kind of, that was my big lesson right there. And then I just started sketching, you know, I'd see people. It was never like this detail. It was just quick, quick stuff. Like on SNL during the table read. If I wasn't in the sketch, I would just sketch like whoever's across me, Farley or, you know, Phil Hartman, whoever. and that's what I did. And then I started taking, I didn't take lessons, but I started looking at people's artwork on Instagram, and this is actually their work. I just cut it out and pasted it. That's so smart. Easier that way. Work smart, not hard. Yeah, that's so smart. Those people are nothing. You're Kevin Nealon. They should be grateful you're using it. I'm so jealous. You have settled into the cross-legged position. That's right. You started up high. You're coming down low. Uh-huh. I'm setting that in. By the end of the night, your feet will be on the ground. Potentially. Potentially. You know, they call this crisscross applesauce these days. Well, you know what they used to call it. Yeah. Native American style. That's right. I will tell you this. I was just on tour with Adam Sandler, and we did a 40-city tour. And every venue was like Madison Square Garden. And it was like the most incredible experience to go out in front of that many people. Similar to now. And I only did like 10 minutes because there was a couple of us opening for him, like Spade and me and Nick Swartzen. But it was one of these tours where you thought, this is how the big ones do it. Private jet at night. You fly to the next city. You land. You go to a basketball court. You play basketball because he likes basketball. And then you go to the venue for soundcheck. And then the show happens. two hours, two and a half hours. And then every night at 1130, they find some steakhouse and it's like a king's meal, all this food on the table. And now it's one o'clock, you go back to the hotel. And I don't eat that late night, but it's all about camaraderie. So you show up and then you go, oh man, I'll have that. I'll have some fried onion rings. Then before you know it, you're eating the ice cream and it's one o'clock in the morning. And the same thing every day, picking up the bags, bag pickup at 10 at the jet at 11 next city i don't think i could eat dinner that late night after night i don't think my system could take it hey you yeah right here right here so paul mccartney you were talking to my brother your brother paul mccartney you were talking to the snl 50th anniversary party yeah and uh uh it seems like he may have sort of mistreated you in some way. Well, he didn't mistreat me. I knew Paul from being SNL over the years. He would have come in there a lot and do stuff, and so I kind of got to know him. I forget when it was exactly, but over the years we got to know each other, and we were both animal activists, right? Pro. Pro? Pro animal. No, no, no, no. So anyway, yeah, so I knew him, and we kind of had some fun conversations and exchanges and, you know, and so I saw him at the 40th reunion and I was looking down and he was about to go on with Paul Simon. I'm with my wife. I'm looking down, I feel a tap. I look up at him. He goes, Oh, how's it going? I said, Hey. And so I didn't see him again for 10 years until the 50th one. And then we're in the after party and it's at the Plaza hotel and he's just standing around and Conan's talking to him, Conan O'Brien. and um i figured that was the conan you meant not conan not conan schwarzman it was conan o'brien not not conan the barbarian either right sometimes he gets confused for that guy so uh so i go i interrupt conan and uh paul i kind of i didn't interrupt but i wedged my way in there and i said hey paul how's it going good and then conan's backed away like a gentleman would Right? And so I had Paul all to myself. And I don't think Paul was happy with that. I felt like he maybe didn't even remember who I was. And I was just, you know, small talk he must get all the time from everybody, you know. And I was just like right up there. I said, hey, that was a great choice of songs tonight, Paul, Golden Slumbers. He goes, no, you know, it's what Lone wanted me to do. And I said, yeah, well, but you had other songs to fall back on just in case, right? and he goes you know and oh let me introduce you to my niece my nephew and so he brings me over to this group of like tall nerdy looking guys black curly hair and it just brings me over there and I start listening he doesn't introduce me and then he slowly walks away he just walks away that's how he got rid of me and I thought that's brilliant that is brilliant it wasn't like hey I'm going to get a drink I'll be right back no he goes let me introduce you let me be do you a favor and show you my family were they actually his nephews no no they were like execs you know from uh from um nbc or something i don't know but um but i really felt guilty about that i to this day but while i was there i was looking at him and i grew up with the beatles so i was looking at his lips thinking that's where all those songs came out of those lips you know what i mean right like um you know well you know hey jude and golden slumbers and just all and i was looking at his lips as he was talking i thought there it is right there and the tongue was pushing it out you know what i mean i just got really kind of i'm sure that i'm sure that brought a great energy to the conversation has you just stared stared at his well he was looking at my lips too oh so interesting yeah He was like, oh, that's where his driver's license, his son's driver's license jokes came from. When you think about Paul McCartney's, when he was first singing those songs, all those cells have been since replaced. It's sort of a Theseus' ship situation because it is the same sense of lips, but really it's new material. Those lips are long gone. The lips did have fillers in them. Right, and then there's also filler. Then there's also filler. Do you like the filler look? Oh, no. No, no. Not a fan? No, I think it's something where it's like, well, here's what I think the test. I think people should do whatever the fuck they want. Yeah. My personal taste on the whole thing is I want to look like no matter, I want to stay looking young. I'm not averse to doing anything. This hair, I got it in Beverly Hills. And I did. I did. Most of this is not from genetics. Most of it is from kind of a medical building by the mall. Good for you. Yeah. Several times. I'm at the stage where at some point... How old are you? I am 43. And at some point, one of these... The hair doctor is going to grab my hand and he's going to say, we've reached the end. There's nothing... There's no more that we can do for you. That will happen. It's time to just be with your loved ones. You know, that's coming. That happens with everything. Right. They say that. You know, enough. It's done. It's no more. Now, in your special, you talk about struggling a bit with apologies. My special is called, thanks for asking me, it's called Loose in the Crotch. Loose in the Crotch. Yep, yep. Loose in the Crotch. How did you come up with that name? Well, I'll tell you. It's kind of based on a joke I did. You know, I had a cat named Pierre, and I'm not a cat person. I don't like cats at all. I wish them well and success, you know, but I'm not, but this cat, man, he was the best. He was just so friendly, Pierre. And I had a pair of jeans at the time. love it they're like sometimes you get these jeans that fit you perfectly you know they're snug in the hip tighten the butt loosen the crotch right most of the time that's where the special name came from yeah that cat loved my jeans whenever i got sat down he would jump on my lap he would he would not get off you know so when he died i thought it might be nice to wrap him up in those jeans wrap him up and bury him with the jeans and that's what i did but that cat i mean this cat i wish i could show him to you and he's been gone for like 10 years now and i really i I do miss them, but not as much as those jeans. Yeah, I was going to say, what a maudlin and sentimental waste of jeans. I so regret it. The cat is dead. You're alive. That's stupid. You should have kept the jeans. You're like lowering into ground feeling so kind of what? Proud of yourself for this symbolic act of losing the jeans because the cat liked them. The cat doesn't like it anymore. Cat's dead. Thank you for reminding me. But I will tell you something, Lovett. You know, I like cookies. You know that. Yeah. And my wife told me a couple weeks ago, she goes, you know, jeans look a little tight on you. I said, yeah, because you got the heat on the dryer up too high. She goes, no, I think you got the stack of cookies up too high on your plate. So I said, well, you know, I've been wearing the same size jeans for 30 years. And so I like to prove a point. So I dug up my cat Pierre. And I unraveled them from those jeans. Cat hair flying everywhere. I chew. I chew. And I tried those jeans on and guess what? A little tight. About loosen the crotch. Still. But you know what? Those jeans are back in my closet. That's the good thing. Oh, great. They're back in circulation. I'm happy for you. It seems it all worked out. It did. And that cat lost so much weight. I got to tell you. Good for him. But a healthy amount of weight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not big. So, yeah. The special's coming out January 27th on YouTube. 800-pound gorilla. Hey, it's time for a segment. We're calling it. We're Gettysburg Address. Okay. And here's how it works. The audience is going to throw up a dilemma. and you're going to help us think through an apology because you're working on your apology skills. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm not a good apologist. Are you a good apologist? I have a lot of practice. Oh, you get in trouble a lot? I just, I'm good at apologies, I think. Now you're moving away from the seat. You started at the top. By the end, there'll be just the tiniest, very little. I will barely be on it. I could just be loose. You're going to be lying on the floor. Sometimes. Sometimes. sometimes you gotta stay limber you know who dick van dyke is yeah you never know you know i'm older now but uh i was at a party with him uh last year not a lot of people but he laying on the couch like this and he pretty limber and there one of these kind of couches where he couldn stay he slid down he would slide down like every you know like every five minutes he have to go like that you know and then at the end of the night um he having a little trouble getting up so i help him up i lost my balance i almost fell on top of him uh and i would have been the one who killed him you imagine being the one to take out dick van dyke because a century on this planet seems like he's gonna live another 50 years and you just oh yeah kevin nealon took him out that that klutz can you picture all of his bones cracking as they fell on him those brittle brittle bones for sure for sure for sure oh and you know what he'd probably be a gentleman about the whole thing you know don't don't worry about it all you know i'm sure he would have been yeah but a great guy though great guy so what's what are we gonna apologize here's how i used to start my apologies but this is the worst i was the worst at apologizing here's how i would start them now you listen to me are we on the same page all right you know what's a good way to start an apology relax relax a word that has never achieved it's the goal of its command yeah relax am i understood first of all zip it zip it you don't hear a lot of zip it anymore people aren't zipping it like they it's all velcro now yeah no it is when you think about it yeah there's a lot of things people don't say anymore you know and i don't know what they are but i'm sure there are you know i have to apologize because we've blown through the time for this segment of apologies but that's Fine. This has been so entertaining. That's how you apologize? That was sort of a light, loose one. Here's the worst apology. As a guy, this is not how to apologize. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. Oh, yeah. You can't put that if in there. That doesn't do anything. Yeah. Doesn't do that. That crosses it all off. I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry if you feel that way. Yeah. I'm sorry if you feel that way. You shouldn't feel that way, but you are. I'm sorry I gave you that impression. Yeah. I'm sorry you came away thinking that that's what I meant. I'm sorry I hurt you so badly, but you deserved it. Yeah. You got to even, look, it is often, you know, just sort of politically, you know that if you're issuing an apology, if you say the main bit of the apology, you know that even if what you want to do next is put all the caveats and excuses around it, you can't say but. No, no, no, no buts. You can't say it. You get in trouble. I'm sorry, but. Right. I'm sorry and it's your fault. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. that's true that is true much more goes over smoother yeah yeah you're right about that my friend had a great way to end a con an argument he would say you say your piece let them say their piece and then you come back to you and but at the end of your little bit you go but you might be right that's good that way they say okay you heard me i'm in the running i'm in the running I might be right. She should be thinking I am right, but she might be right. Try it. Try it when you get home. I'm sorry we took up so much time. No, I'm enjoying talking to you. Really? Yeah. I have a strange energy. I've really enjoyed talking to you. Do you think I didn't? I'm sorry if that's how you felt. Well, it is how I felt. so there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It's not not that I'm not happy. You know what I mean? Hey, you know what? You know what? You said your piece. I said my piece. You might be right. I love it. And with that, we'll be right back. Take a break. Back after these two. Take two, back in five. Kevin Nealon, everybody. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love it or leave it is brought to you by SimpliSafe. When it comes to home security, you want to feel like you pick the system that actually keeps trouble away, not one that just tells you something bad has already happened. That's why you need SimpliSafe home security. It's not just another alarm. It's designed to help stop crime before it starts. SimpliSafe uses AI-powered cameras outside your home to spot threats and instantly alert live agents. And this is what makes it different from the rest. Those agents actually take action when the intruder is still outside. They talk to them through the camera, let them know they're being watched and that police are on the way. And if needed, they can blast a siren and light them up with a spotlight. I've set up a SimpliSafe system. It's incredibly easy to do. The customer support was great. The app was great. And it does give you peace of mind. It's really reliable. And it does feel great to be protected. Other systems might give you a camera and a notification, but they need you to see the alert and handle it. SimpliSafe's monitoring agents have your back even when you're busy asleep or on a plane. They're protecting over 5 million Americans that have been named best home security systems by U.S. News & World Report for five years in a row. And right now, you can get 50% off any new system this month only. It's a great time to upgrade to security that actually helps stop crime. Before it starts, go to simplisafe.com slash love it. That's simply safe.com slash love it. There's no safe like simply safe. This episode is sponsored by better help. The new year doesn't require a new you, maybe just a less burdened you therapy can help you more easily identify what weighs you down and holds you back by offering an unbiased perspective to better understand your relationships, motivations, and emotions. Uh, look, look, we got a lot of obstacles in our lives. We got to learn to let go of, you know, emotions and a lot of emotions. You know, maybe you feel a pressure, to be a perfectionist. You know, maybe you feel like you spent your whole life with undiagnosed ADHD. And even though that's like a trendy and almost like eye-rolly thing to say, you realize that it's cast a whole uphaul over the way you think about work and a lot of things in your life. You know, you realize that you've only been motivated by like anxiety and shame. When in fact, really what you were struggling with is the fact that your brain's stupid. That's why I got to get back to therapy. 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Okay, wait, hold on a second. So what's our current plan? What are we going to do with the information? So here's where we're at just to catch everybody up. You were watching Salt Lake City. You thought, I have a way to figure out who's been sending me anonymous, mean-spirited texts. Was it public post or private? No, they were email. They were emails. Wow, proton emails, you know, like to take down the deep state and you. And so you're getting these – what is the tenor of the proton of the email? What's the energy? It's bullying. Bullying? I think she's jealous of our, you know, friendships and relationships. Jealous of your friendships. With one of our friends. And maybe in love with one – but that's so demented. And their emails are just mean-spirited personal emails. Totally, yeah. And it was clear that... And knows you. Wait, they've gone to other people? Yeah. It's taken over our whole town. It's crazy. It's taken over your town. Just this hate-filled anonymous emailer who's going to hear all this on Saturday. Fascinating. Fascinating. And we're back! Please welcome to the stage a man who answers all of the Cosmos questions with damn, that's crazy. It's the hilarious Frankie Quinones. Frankie's a great name to say. It's a great name. Thank you, Kevin. Yeah, it's cooler than Kevin. Yeah, I know. Kevin's gone, man. No more Kevin. John is so boring. And you know, yeah, yeah. Wait, so Frankie, you started this character, Creeper, and he now has an expanded universe in a talk show on YouTube. And I do want to hear the origins of Creeper, but I do want people to see it and hear it before we talk about it. So I want to show a clip. Yeah, homie, so it's 2026, homie. And in the new year, you got to set goals, homie. It's important, homie, you know what I'm saying? Like with intention, eh? You know what I mean? Like things that you've been putting up, things that may be a little bit like, oh, that's difficult, but I know it's better for my life. You know, it's important to set those goals, homie, so you can get it cracking. You know what I'm saying? So think about that. What are your plans for 2026? Hey, Rudy. What's up, partner? What are your plans for 2026? Oh, oh, oh, to binge watch The Wire. I think it gives people a sense of it. So, how did you make a kind of, I don't know, like kind of a gentle, loving, Latino Pee Wee Herman's playhouse. How did it come to be? Yeah, well, you know, I mean, Creeper, you know, was an inspiration from my dad and family. And then over time, he kind of, you know, his universe started expanding, his audience grew. And then I kind of just got to this point where I was like, I want to do something that just me and the homies could do in my own little space. And, you know, we made a, in my studio, we built like a replica of my grandpa's garage. And we're like, you know, so it's Creeper's Creep live from my grandpa's garage. And then it's just like, you know, and then the pantufla already was a character in my world because he really did, they start ripping after a while. The slipper is, pantufla is a slipper. And then so, you know, we started just making a voice to it pretty organically just around the house. And we're like, oh, this guy's a new character. And then Rudy came to life. But yeah, yeah, you know, Pee Wee's Playhouse is a big inspiration. Yeah, you really commit. you commit because the slipper goes on journeys including to an Ikea I believe yeah yeah you went to Ikea to look for a desk yeah now what is this character there was a question as to whether or not you would do your special as the character or not right? right right right and you decided and Ali Wong directed it she wanted you to do it as you yeah yeah yeah Ali she gave me some good advice she was like look you know a lot of these people know you as these online characters or as an actor. She's like, but I know you as a great stand-up and I think it's important that you show that side of you. And so, yeah, I took her advice and then we built out the hour and then, yeah, recorded it and taped it. That's cool. A lot of people tell me, was that a good idea? No, a lot of people say, oh, you do this show and people get to really see the real you. It's probably a good idea for you to hide that in a character if you're going to do a special. What else could you make this so that it's less about who you are as a person. That's sort of the feedback I get. So this is a different dynamic we get. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's why I started doing characters that escape my childhood trauma. Like, hey, I'll become someone else. Like, you know? So, yeah, I totally understand that. What do you do to escape your childhood trauma, Kevin Nealon? I move. I just move. You got to keep moving. Stay ahead of the weather. Keep moving. But, Frankie, what's the name of your special? Is it Loose in what? Oh, damn, that's crazy. You're so loose in the crotch. Oh, that's right. I like it. I like it. And now you both worked on a film together, right? Yeah. Plant Man and Blondie, a dress-up gang film. I was not included in it. That's fine. How did that happen? Yeah. Well, I'm in a group called The Dress-Up Gang. A good friend of ours, Kirk Fox, does a lot of stuff with us. Kirk Fox is a really good friend of Kevin. Obviously, I'm a stand-up. Kevin's a stand-up. He's like, you know, a legend in my eyes. And then so he came on. Yeah. So he did us a favor by stepping on this indie project for us, and thankfully it came out great. His character's great. I sort of nervously approached him and said, like, thank you, Kevin. Thanks for doing this. And he was like, yeah, okay, whatever. Well, then he introduced you to his nephews, by understanding of what happened. I call it a solid. I did him a solid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, we got into South by. It's going to premiere there. That's awesome. We're excited. We got into South by South Sundance. South by Sundance. now in your special damn that's crazy which is out now on hulu uh you talk about alcohol cocaine and sex toy addiction during the pandemic now hypothetically if someone would say still dealing with those challenges post-pandemic what would you recommend i do uh yeah man i mean you got to start looking from within but also it's okay if you're still enjoying those toys and stuff and you know i you know do your thing cocaine's a tough in the house drug it was rough bro you got weird for your boy yeah yeah trying to kill i was just trying to kill the covid with cocaine and i turned into a little lab rat with a fake butt just okay i'm in a relationship like that just interesting i honestly i'll tell you the truth the fake butt i get it the the thing i don't the cocaine in the home because for me weed made much more sense during the pandemic that's a in the that's a couch drug yeah you know and you can really use weed throughout the whole pandemic because you're just on the couch but cocaine's an out-of-the-house thing cocaine's in the world thing you must have been bouncing up the fucking walls oh yeah well yeah i was just shelter in place and don't go anywhere you're a good person but yeah i'm sober now though thankfully yeah should i treat this more seriously i think no man no let's go i mean do you have any being alive yeah that's pretty serious but yeah so other than that yeah Frankie, you got any vices now aside from what you had? What's your guilty pleasure? Thankfully, not as bad as that. You know what I mean? It's crazy when people, yeah, a little bit. But it is funny when people are like, oh, what's your vice? People go, oh, ice cream, I'm right. And I'm like, damn, dude, I was doing cocaine off a fake butt in a relationship with it. Like, hey, we're going to get through this. So, yeah. It's like your Wilson. You ever miss the fake butt? Did the fake butt have a voice that you're now no longer here? Yeah, for sure. I barely threw it out maybe like a few months ago and it was a little ceremonial because we had been through so much. But it had like a bunch of lint on it and stuff and I was like, it's time to go, you know. And, you know, just better let that chapter of my life go. And then my understanding is that you put it out on the kind of raft and then you had the archers fire the one lit arrow and then poof, you know. That's exactly what it was. My wife has a really fun thing in the bathroom. At least I think it's fun. it's a it's a round embroidery thing um and it's embroidered um please refrain from doing coke in the bathroom you know like it's grandma's uh embroidery thing frankie what do you think about that yeah yeah i like it i like the wholesome like you want to buy one you want to buy it Sure. Yeah. You can do coke off of it. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Huh. What about heroin? Any heroin? You ever do black tar? I smoked it before. Yeah, yeah. I smoked it. You just smoked it? Yeah. And I've eaten it like it's been cut with ecstasy pills that I ate. Oh, it was cut with something. Yeah, you can smoke it. Okay. Yeah, yeah. But you shouldn't. You can smoke it. But you shouldn't. No, please don't. But the point is that you shouldn't. No. Right, Kevin Nealon? Not good. It depends on what you're able to do. How about meth? You ever do meth? Yeah. You did meth too? Tried meth. Thankfully, I didn't get like hooked on that, but yeah. What happened to you tried? I never like used needles, thank God, but yeah. What about lip fillers? He said he didn't use needles. I'm not that crazy. That's a needle drug, the lip fillers, and it does get you. That is, you're right. Like meth, the filler gets a hold of people. And like, you know, people get addicted to meth and they just look different after a year or two. People get addicted to the filler. They come back, you're like, what happened to you? And it's like, I got addicted to fillers. And now you're almost sleeping on the chair. I just went back a little. Well, you saw the Sennig thing, and I think it's stuck in my head. I have a lot of ants, so one of mine's got addicted to Botox, you know? Like, where it's like, it's weird, bro, eating with her and stuff. And when she laughs, she's like, you're so funny. You're so funny, mijo. I'm like, I love you. You ever get Botox? No Botox. No, no. Why not? I don't know. I don't like Botox. I'm an actor. you know so i need to you have you yeah like i instrument yeah in fact i was teaching an acting class it's called uh for botox it's called how to for botox how to say what was it called um how do you get your how do you get your eyes to say what your face won't that was the name of the class great class yeah the windows of the soul yeah sometimes yeah i've had acupuncture before uh-huh that's needles i thought it was botox but it turned out to be acupuncture. But none of that stuff doesn't work. You ever get acupuncture? Do you guys ever? I got the one where it was just only like, you know, five or six total needles. It wasn't much. On purpose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really need a double blind study. I really need something published in like the New England Journal of Medicine. And then I really need to see that. If acupuncture's in there, I'm in. I'm in. That sounds like such a cozy journal, doesn't it? The New England Journal of Medicine. It sounds legit. it's like there should be foliage on the front of it a little covered bridge you know a little gate like hey how about those little cups they put on your back oh yeah i'm gonna bring that up the suction cups sucks out all the toxins oh yeah anytime someone says this takes out the toxins you should just hear i just said bullshit anytime anyone says oh this gets rid of toxins that is whatever that was i don't care what they that is simply made up yeah i've never seen a toxin What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Have you ever seen a gluten or a toxin? I have never seen that. Never seen a gluten. Yeah. Never seen a gluten. Never seen a gluten. But I'll tell you what I have seen. A transition to our next segment. That was dope, man. That was dope. That was professional. That was very dope. Very dopish. It's time to crack open the egg of truth and suck out some existential yolks. What? All right. Here's how it works. We're going to open up the egg of truth and we're going to answer the questions. Okay. Okay, here we go. Uh that one of those suction cups Frankie first question for you White women net good or bad for the world White women Yeah. Oh, we need them. Oh, cool. Dude, they're... That's a relief. They're on the front lines for us. Yeah, yeah. Stand down, ladies. Thank you, guys. All right, let's do another one. We got to say thank you, white women. Yeah. Same question, please. Yeah, yeah. Let's see what this one says. Oh, okay. What does the 10-second rule start, Kevin, when the food falls or when you notice the food has fallen? It starts as soon as I come across that food on the ground. Yeah. And it's not quite 10 seconds. It could be however long it takes. Yeah. Huh. But that is an interesting kind of a concept, isn't it? the 10-second rule. I mean, if it's one on the floor for one second, that's all that matters. So it might as well be a half a minute rule. Frankie? Man, you got me doing a lot of calculations right now. I'm like, yeah. Okay, it hits the ground. I think five-second rules, it's like little things can crawl in it. Maybe that's what that is. Can I tell you something? And I'm nervous for what I'm about to say, which is I eat off the ground. Full stop. It's good for your clean floor. If it's dry. If it's dry and I'm indoors and it doesn't seem like there's a problem. What if it's wet on tile? Wet? No. No wet. If it's wet, it's over. Any wet, if the food was wet, if the floor is wet, if both are wet, it's out. Nothing can be wet because that picks everything up. If it's wet, it's a no. But if I drop an almond. What if it's raining? Then it's like kind of already getting clean. That's wet to me. Okay. but I but if I was if I drop food on the ground and I and it's and I see it fall I pick it up and some because I know it makes other people a little bit uncomfortable and I feel like if I don't acknowledge it other people might feel strange what happens is and I believe I'm telling you the truth this happened yesterday at the office I was in a conversation I was prepping for an interview and I was talking to the producer we're going back and forth and I was having some almonds and I dropped an almond on the floor and I reached out and picked it up and I said I'm gonna eat this and it's fine. And I just ate the almond because I want to acknowledge it. And maybe that's stupid. Now that I say it, the way you're looking at me, I feel bad. No, no. I think I was just going to ask you, you know, Frankie and I wanted to ask you this question. When, this is a thing, I never knew it before, but when you have a little something on a stain on your shirt and you go like that, you know, and then if you go back with the same finger, I was with somebody that goes, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You can't do the same finger. You know, you got to do a different finger. You cleaned it with that one already. You don't come back A liquid you just cleaned up. Frankie, does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, it does to me. Next question. Do you think you could start a religion if you tried hard enough? Either one can take it. Well, Frankie and I actually started a religion. Yeah, it's crazy that you're bringing this up. We were the two cult figures. Oh, that's cool. And we had gowns. Frankie, tell them about our gowns that we had. Oh, man. Well, we grew up together watching you, so it was like we had these gowns they were love it gowns yeah yeah we had these gowns they would go over it was mostly at your mom and dad's and they were embroidered on the back they said please refrain from sleeping with either one of us in the bathroom yeah Frankie hey Kevin I have a question it's so it was I actually so when you said I grew up watching you do people say that to you yeah they do and so is that a little preemptive thing you now do sometimes yeah yeah it's funny You know, it is interesting when a 60-year-old comes up to me and says, I grew up watching you. No. Or here's another one. I love it. Some attractive woman will come over to me. I go, oh, here we go. And she'll go, you remind me of my father. My parents love you. Remember that, Frankie? Yeah, yeah. How does that make you feel? I feel great. Somebody likes me. Are you comfortable getting older? yes because it's a very slow process right if it happened quickly uh it would be uncomfortable but and you do it slowly you get to have things fixed along the way you know what i mean i've had a lot fixed yeah me too yeah do you worry about getting older frankie um what it's like not as much as i used to yeah really you were used to worry about it more i mean i just kind of didn't i was just yeah i don't know we were doing all the cocaine and not worried about really anything everything was dumb everything was kind of kind of crazy but yeah i do think it takes a a strong person or older but you know when i'm gonna frankie man when i uh when i'm in the car and there's a driver and he looks really old i'll say when did you graduate high school and it'll be like five years before i did or after i did and i go oh man this guy's not taking care of himself you know what i mean yeah well i do know what you mean well i often do want to know how old people are and then just gauge how I'm doing against them. I don't feel bad about getting older, but I want to know that I'm doing well. I want to do it right. I don't need to look younger than someone younger than me, but I do need to look younger than someone older or my own age. That is important to me. I actually got pissed off when I heard how old you are. How old are you? I'm 43. He's doing that Native American sitting here and there. We were in the back watching and we were like, fuck, I can't do that anymore. We having a yoga class? What's going on? This is, listen, all you have to do is say, all right, this hair, Beverly Hills. The current weight is because of Ozempic. Oh, really? You lost a lot of weight? Oh, yeah. Oh, you did Ozempic? Fuck yeah. Ozempic? Yeah. And it was hard, too, because when I was trying to get it, it was like shortages and all the diabetics needed it. And so it was like, oh, the diabetics. And so it's like, come on, like, get me in front of this fucking sugar losers. okay so you're doing all the things yeah nice good for you for taking care of yourself yeah yeah i love it that's can i ask you just a serious question before we wrap this segment which is there's such a kind of sweetness and gentleness to the show and it is at a time and like and it with such love for your community and it is at a time where a lot of people who are latino who are mexican feel like they're targeted for being mexican like do you do you feel that in making the show do you think about that in your stand-up like do you do you feel that in your life like what what right now does it feel like to be wanting to make something kind of loving and kind in a world that is less loving and kind yeah for sure man i mean i'm my comedy always has like a layer of optimism or warmth even though my topics get crazy pretty vulnerable but you know we need each other more than ever right now and it's so like mind-blowing i feel like i'm in a show and there's so much pain and so much heartache you can only donate so much and do this so i'm just trying to do my little part of just like showing up for people to give them an escape from but also show up for them in whatever else way they need me. But connection is what we need more than anything, you know, just like right now. Because I think we went through a stage where we're just like so divided and so da-da-da. We're just like, yo, homie, look at how crazy this is. But also, yeah, don't fuck with the kids, homie. What are you doing, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, on that note, we will be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Policy Genius. Have you had a moment with family that made you appreciate the life you've created together? Did you welcome a new member to your family, perhaps a new friend, child, or through marriage? Did you reflect on progress made about how grateful you are for it? Maybe you've had a moment where you realized you're building something wonderful or meaningful in your life. I'm getting married this year. Yeah. That's something I'm doing, you know? And I think this one- The perfect time to get life insurance. 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So you can read the book and watch kevin special same day that's right that's correct loosen the crotch both on youtube both on youtube the book is a book so it's not on youtube but it's by one of our favorite political journalists new york times magazine writer jason zenger lee tommy just interviewed jason on tuesday's pod and they had a great conversation that you should check out this is your last week to pre-order the book to get the discount so go to crooked.com slash books to get your copy you You can check out Jason's dates where he's going to be doing talks and book signings. You can help make sure it gets on the bestseller list. It's a great story, not just about Tucker Carlson, but about what that kind of media and its influence, what his rise represents in terms of what's happened to our politics. And it's a great, entertaining read. It's interesting, but I also think it's valuable. So check that out. Okay. It's now for our favorite segment. It's a new segment where I look back on this very show and see if I regret anything in a segment we call Second Thought. first up um uh when kevin you brought up go ahead sketching iconic saturday night live legends uh including phil hartman rather than follow up with any kind of question about it i started talking about sitting crisscross applesauce and i think i really missed an opportunity well that was my fault because i asked you about it yeah but i could but i'm the host i could have i could have taken us back to kind of something more interesting uh in terms of i could have helped you tell some interesting story but instead i i didn't yeah but i i enjoy the way you sit but you might be right um uh oh i also one regret i also have is that um given some of the empty silences that i enjoyed you felt the need to grab hold of the show and basically start hosting it yourself at several points and i just want you to know i regret that well you shouldn't you shouldn't regret that because that's my fault yeah yeah it's nothing no bearings on you at all um i just i don't like long empty spaces like that you know what i mean no uh now frankie yeah um uh this is a similar always about frankie isn't it similar regret But I don't really regret that Kevin jumped in to ask you questions while we were talking. I regret that his questions were better than anything that I was going to ask. I think that he had great follow-ups. And I was like, God, I should ask a follow-up like that. But they didn't come to me in the moment. And so I regret that. Yeah. I'm sorry that he gave you that impression. You know what I mean? I'm sorry that you feel that way. But no, I think, you know, Kevin's Kevin. What do therapists say about regrets? I wouldn't know. I'm too busy to go. Ask me if I've had any regrets. Hey, Kevin, have you had any regrets? I've had a few. But not enough to mention. Frankie, high five. Oh, another regret is I think I probably shouldn't have talked so much about how seriously I am about eating off the ground. It was a lot of wet. Well, yeah. That was kind of gross. I would say that was gross. Gross visuals? Yeah, I think it's gross, probably. It's like, hey, we get it. Not very healthy. But is it bad? I don't know. Well, you didn't get sick. You never got sick from it, right? I mean, I've gotten sick. Oh, from that? From that almond? How do you know? No one ever knows. People always say, oh, I got sick from this. They don't fucking know. Nobody ever knows. Because no one ever says, whenever anybody gets sick, it was the Taco Bell. It's like, was it? Was it? I mean, that's obvious. Of course, you point the finger at Taco Bell. but you never say, oh, I got sick. I had Taco Bell and my mother's famous lasagna. I think it was my mom that did it. Like, you never say that. Taco Bell's the easy scapegoat. That's what people say when they fart, too. Okay, I had an egg salad sandwich. They want to go through the whole menu. That's what's causing me to fart. It's like, nah, you just had a fart, homie. Frank, did you have any regrets about tonight? Where do you start? Yeah, well, geez. Where do I start? Yeah, yeah. No, not really. I just it's kind of crazy to see your ankles out because in my community when you show somebody your ankles especially dudes you know we get sock checked tell me about this yeah so like I don't really know you like that like wow you're showing me your ankles like right away are you a Victorian like is this is this a sexual come on both my feet are on the ground no no no you go like sock check homie and then somebody's got that's when you get sock checked and you gotta show your socks you know but what is showing the what is the problem with the ankle it's just it's like real like whoa It's a thing in our culture. It really goes against all of our... It's interesting because I really struggle. I feel stuck between two worlds of socks, between the no-show millennial style and the more... What's interesting, too, is... Because when you're a kid, you're like, oh, that's a dad outfit. You know, like what Kevin's wearing. And so, like... You know, like, that's a dad outfit. I regret that. But what's interesting, the thing is, but in your mind, the dad outfit is frozen. But of course, it's not frozen. What I'm wearing now becomes the dad outfit. And one of the things that's part of the dad outfit is the no-show socks. The kids wear the longer socks. But I physically, I put them on, I feel ridiculous. I feel ridiculous when I'm not wearing my no-show socks. I can barely wear the socks that go up the leg to the gymnasium. Wow, okay. So you like feeling that breeze on your ankles. I like that breeze. We call that the no-see-ums. Yeah. Those on the East Coast. We're in the no-see-ums there. Yeah. The itchy down there? You got itchy? No. You get itchy? I was sort of just gesturing at the ankle. You ever get Botox in the ankles? It's a good-sized ankle. I've never had Botox down there. Fillers? Yeah, fillers. Ankles are looking old. Cankels. You want cankels? We'll give you some ankle fillers. Frankie? He's like... Yeah, yeah, let's do it. I just like saying Frankie. It's a great name. It's a great name. It has great energy. Frankie. It's a great energy. I enjoyed this show. I don't have any regrets for you. I thought all your questions were great. I love this. You're a good host. We had a great time. Everybody had a great time. Kevin, his stand-up special, Loose in the Crotch, is on the YouTube channel for 800-pound gorilla. And also, you were a producer of Catch Me in the Good Light, the documentary. Come See Me in the Good Light. Come See Me in the Good Light with just the two that Tig Notaro produced. It's really great. It's a beautiful documentary. Yeah, we're working our executive producers with some other people. It's called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's on Apple TV right now and it's been nominated for a documentary Oscar. That's so exciting because Tig has been on this show and we talked about it. It's so amazing to watch the journey of this movie. It's a beautiful movie. So congrats about that. That's very cool. You guys should see it. Apple TV. Come See Me in the Good Light. And KevinNeilandArt.com so that's cool. Yeah. I want to get that Christopher Wong kid. Is that still up there or is that gone? No, it's there. Hell yeah. Beat me to it, bitches. On the no circumstances can you get it. Do you think he really didn't like it? Genuinely didn't like it? Is that real? Hated it. Interesting. Interesting. But you put it back, but you still put it in the book. Well, it's already in the book. I'm not going to rip every page out of every book. Don't ask for permission. Beg for forgiveness. Exactly, man. Exactly. I think that's cool. And Frankie's stand-up special. Dan That's Crazy is on Hulu right now and on YouTube at Frankie Quinones for Creeper's Crib, which is so funny. Everybody should check it out. Your tour date's at Frankie Quinones dot com. That is our show. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much to Kevin Nealon and Frankie Quinones. We'll see you next week right here at Dynasty Typewriter. There are 283 days until the midterms. Have a great night and have a great weekend. If you're already scrolling endlessly, which we know you are, don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, TikTok, and all the other ones for original content, community events, and more. You can also find Love It or Leave It on YouTube for videos of your favorite segments and other YouTube-exclusive content. And if you want to type our praises or rip us a new one, consider dropping us a review. Finally, you can join Crooked's Friends of the Pod subscription community for ad-free Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America episodes, subscriber-exclusive pods, and more. Sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. It is written and produced by me, John Lovett, and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer. Bill McGrath is our producer. and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer. 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