#404: Episode Not Found

This is a Head Gump podcast. Hacks is back for its fifth and final season and so is the Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners Lucia and Yellow, Paul W Downs and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hacks streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to the Hacks podcast on HBO Max or wherever you get your podcasts. So you see, if I put all the pieces together, who the murder is is actually quite simple. JPC, where were you when the episode started? Okay, so it's not technically jerking off, but what I was doing, it's like pre-jerking off. I was basically taking my hands and doing 30 seconds in the freezer, 30 seconds sitting on them, 30 seconds in the freezer, 30 seconds sitting on them, 30 seconds in the freezer, 30 seconds sitting on them. So that's like three minutes and then I ran out of time and then I came right here for the episode to start recording. These things can't feel a fucking thing. Okay, well then I'm not, I don't think I know who the murder is actually if that's what you were doing. So I am going to head out, good luck solving the murder. That's fucking absurd. The Hamer and Riddles are a terrible place to be in. I'm just kidding, I'm jerking off, putting my hands in the freezer. JPC, why did the old timey detectively, what did you say? Oh, so he asked about my method for, well it's not technically jerking off. He just asked about my general method for doing things and so I did my, you know, my whole thing 30 seconds in the freezer, 30 seconds sitting on my hands, 30 seconds sitting on the freezer, 30 seconds sitting on my hands. 30 seconds sitting on your hands, 30 seconds sitting on your hands. Yeah, then he just kind of left. I think he may have been the murderer. Oh, oh, it was me, but definitely. Oh, okay. Adal, do you want to record an episode or? Yeah. Why are your hands so cold, Adal? You don't have to answer that. Living Chicago? Okay, you weren't doing 30 seconds sitting on your hands, 30 seconds sitting on the freezer? Couldn't be me. Great, then we're all in the same page. I forgot that I live in Chicago. I've been wasting freezer energy. There's no reason for it. Stick with damn hands outside. 30 seconds at the window, 30 seconds sitting on it, 30 seconds at the windows, 30 seconds sitting on it. And you can take that advice for free. Hey everybody, this is Hey Riddler Riddler. Well, our hands are cold, but our hearts are warm. That's JPC over there. Oh, wow, great tagline for the show, Erin. Thanks. That's JPC over there. Oh, we already did me. Oh, and that's Adal over there. Oh, hello, and that's Erin over there. Oh, hello, and I'm right over here. JPC, something you wanted to discuss? So I've been thinking about it, and I think I'm going to rebrand myself. Because I go by JPC. Sometimes people get confused by that. They're like, oh, what's your name? I say, that's JPC. And they go, oh, you go by JPC? And I'm like, yeah, that's my name. That's where I go by. I'm thinking of changing it up. And this is for life purposes, but also for like official purposes. Like maybe this is the way that I'll build myself in like future episodes as well. But I'm thinking of going. This is not January 1st, and this is not your birthday. This is a seemingly random rebrand. This is a rebrand that struck me as so obvious that I could not believe that I hadn't thought of it earlier. And I think it's going to be great for branding. I think it's going to be good for the show. I'm going to start going by an official documentation, my credits, my IMDb, what I'm known as, the Cohen brother. Oh, no, who's going to tell him? I don't want to tell him. The Cohen brother. No, we heard it. Because here's the thing. I am not a Cohen brothers. Oh, so you have heard them. None of my brothers, of course I have. None of my brothers have the last name Cohen. I'm the only one of my brothers with the last name Cohen. So I am the Cohen brother. I mean, I think people are just going to call you TCB if you go that route, because I think we've all gotten pretty comfortable with the initials. Is that the TCB? The country's best. If you added Y, that's TCBY. Oh, go by TCBY. Just go by yogurt. Yogurt. I'm going to start calling myself yogurt, all caps. I love it. Can I tell you my real issue with the Cohen brother? The other thing. Yes. Okay, so for many, many years, the Cohen brothers worked together. They're making, oh brother, they're making Fargo. They're making... Not in that order. A serious man. They were making... That was the third pick. Your third one was a serious man. Interesting. What am I missing? The Big Lebowski, of course. It was them, yeah. It was them. And of course, that movie with Greg Keneer and Matt Damon is... The Lady Killers. ...joined at the hip that were pitchers. Oh, that was the Farrelly brothers. Oh, yes. Lady Killers. They did all sorts of things together. Currently, right now, aren't they working separately? One of them directed the new... I guess it's not new. Time doesn't mean anything anymore. The new McBeth with Denzel Washington in it. I think it's a good finish, which I thought was actually quite good. The first 20 minutes are a little slow. The rest is quite fantastic. So now, maybe on set, they are being referred to as the Cohen brother. They are a singular now. So you're sort of infringing on their new IP. There's also... Eaton Cohen? Is that right? There's Ethan Cohen, who is a Cohen brother. And then there's Eaton Cohen, who directs a bunch of other slop. This is the Bill Murray thing with Bill Murray signed on to Garfield because he thought it was being directed by Ethan Cohen, but it was being directed by Eaton Cohen. Are you guys familiar with this? What? This is Lord. This is Old Hollywood Lord. Rules. Yeah. I think he spells it different. He smells it different. Well, the... Javier Bardem is Garfield. He's wearing the same. Okay, Garfield, but he's wearing the no-country-for-old-ben wig. That is my lasagna. He takes like an abattoir gun to Odie's head. Eaton Cohen. He wrote Idiocracy. I think he wrote... Or maybe he directed Tropic Thunder. Get Hard. Tropic Thunder was written by... He directed it. Okay, I was gonna say the handsome guy from the leftovers. Yeah, he wrote it. Justin Thoreau wrote Tropic Thunder. Not to be confused with... Thoreau Pillows. Justin. Oh, the Canadian... The former Prime Minister of Canada. Kady Perry's fiancee, Justin... Fiancee. Trudeau. I believe they got engaged. Oh, my goodness. This is gonna help you guys. Eaton Cohen did the screenplay for Bad Guys 2. Lead with that. That we all know. Do you guys think that Kady Perry listens to Hayward a little? Handopee. I have evidence. Like maybe they're kid at like DUS or something and then... No. Okay. I know that Kat Dennings had a brief stint where she was into Magic Tavern. Oh, that's... I mean, that's amazing. That makes sense to me. And that was a weird blip where we were like, whoa, what? And then I think by the time we got our bearings, it was like... Hey, should we reach out? I think it's done. I think maybe no. Do you know it... Because sometimes I know people will listen to Magic Tavern if they are... If there's a guest or a celebrity that's on it, do you know if Kat Dennings got hooked in by a different celebrity? I don't know. Okay. I thought this was gonna be a really bright area of conversation. Lin-Manuel Miranda, if you are listening to us, blink twice in your next interview. I do know Lin-Manuel Miranda is aware of Magic Tavern. Okay, huge. Because when I met him, I handed him a card and said, I do a podcast. Okay, so he has Magic Tavern card in his wallet, maybe. There's a trash can near the... I want to say the Neil Simon Theater. Are we counting that as aware of? I mean, if we are, we are, right? He looked at the card and he said, tell me about your podcast. That's sweet. Was he just reading the text of the card? Like when someone hands someone a note with it, grabbing a bank that's like, act normal. Ask me how my day is. Ask me about my podcast. Have I talked about when I met him and it was, to me, the weirdest triangulation of celebrities? I don't... I think vaguely, but remind me. So I saw Hamilton, the original run in New York, and I was with Vanessa, and she's friends with... Is it Busy Phillips? Yep. Is that how you pronounce it? Busy. She's friends with Busy Phillips. And so we got to go backstage afterwards. We're like on the stage to meet the cast and everyone. And it was us in like a little huddle, and then it was Reda from... Parks and Rec. Oh, she's so funny. And Dave Matthews. And so it was like us... It was like us at one corner, Dave at like another point, and then Reda, and the cast is like bouncing between that triangle. Okay. So it'd be like the V-Diggs comes over and says hi to us, and then goes up to Dave and then down to Reda. So it's just this weird triangulation of like, what a random... And obviously Vanessa and Busy being friends, they could, you know... Sure. And I was like, I'm not going to be in the cast or anything, but I just felt like I was witnessing something extraordinary. That is an incredible lineup. And was your mouth just filling with blood, trying not to ask Dave Matthews about what happened in Chicago? I... In my head, it was almost like, you know, when the Avengers movies... Did you mean from Chicago? You know, in one of the Avengers movies where Dr. Strange does his thing, where he's like, I've looked through 500 million things. JPC, Aaron, I went through several... Timelines where I went up to Dave and I was like, I know what you did. Chicago remembers. I think that he donated like a ton of money to like a River Cleanup charity too, like in like a... By means of apologizing. Of course. I think about on... Hey Reda Reda, when we joked about he paid for his mess, how people leave like bears and flowers at that spot. Yeah. It is very funny. It's... I want to say though, it is kind of a unique part of our city's like niche cultural identity. JPC, I do like the idea of like, if I went to your house and clog the toilet, like two years later being like, well JPC, I did clog your toilet, but I donated to the JPC... Plumbing Fund. Fix the pipes charity, which helps toilets in need. I know I fucked up your toilet, but every time I go to Home Depot, I get like a $50 bill in a display model, just as a way of kind of like paying it forward. Just to pay it forward. There's certain things we love in Hey Reda Reda, and that is one of them. It's Joel Cohen. Joel Cohen, a different Joel Cohen, was the writer of the Garfields movie from 2004. Okay, thank you for fact checking. Eaton Cohen, or Eaton Cohen, is a different Cohen. There's so many Cohen's in film that it gets confusing, which is why. Well, I think latch on to a different part of your name. Like how many people are named John? Oh boy. This has the energy that I'm Old Man Puzzles today. I'm not though. I know that, I know what everyone's thinking. Oh, that's a classic Aaron episode. No, it's not me. Aaron, do you remember that episode where you didn't know that you were Old Man Puzzles until... It was... The one that we recorded recently, that was horrifying. I never think about episodes after they've come out. I thought about that the other day. It popped into my head and I was like, that was so funny to me. That was wackadoo. And you know, but I will say, having...I did...I was prepared for one. Yeah. I had one, like, one from a book that I had read and prepared, so luckily. Thank God. What would I have done? What would I have done? I would like...I'm Old Man Puzzles just to... Congratulations. And I would have gotten away with it too. Are you meddling Cohen's? Cohen Head. Cohen. Cohen Head. Cohen Tell Pro. Ice Cream Cohen. T-Z-B-Y. Aaron. Ice Cream Cohen was my comedy sports name. Because you always had to have, like, a nickname when they announced you for comedy sports and mine was John Patrick Ice Cream Cohen. What would mine be? Keith. Don't say Keith. No, it's comedy sports. You get an instant brown bag if you said, it would be something that ends with a Keith sound. Aaron on the side of meatballs. Aaron on the side of meatballs. Aaron on the side of meatballs. I walk out. I'm so depressed. Aaron, does Adolf think your last name is meatballs? I think so. Don't cry. Miss Meatballs. I'm keeping my name. I'm keeping my name. I'm keeping my name. Girls can't keep their names now. I'm drunk at my own money. Yogurt, Miss Meatballs, we need to see a scene. Aaron, you are a Chicago tour guide. Great. JPC and I are tourists on this beautiful tour. You are going to be giving us some information about Chicago, inevitably leading up to the Dave Matthews sort of bridge. Great. We think that Chicago did a great job rebuilding after the fire. Obviously, we lost a lot of great buildings, but it really added to a swarm of really great architects coming in and rebuilding the city. We got a lot of art. Devil in the White City. You know all about Chicago. I'm sorry to do this. We were up so late last night. I think I'm just going to catch a quick nap while the tour is happening. I'm just going to do a quick nap. When I lean my head back, if my mouth opens up, you just push my jaw shut because I just don't want to have my mouth open. I hear some mumblings and grumblings from the group. I bet you want me to talk more about where you can find some Chicago ghosts. Are you cold? No, I'm just sort of adding some color. I'm actually hot. I'm going to unbutton a couple buttons on my shirt. I put sunscreen on, so I'm not worried about that. But when I just kind of stretch out, we have a lot of requests here on this tour. That man's mouth is open. I'll close it. We get a lot of requests here on the tour. People want to hear about Al Capone's time in the city. People are interested in the history of the Chicago Cubs and White Sox. Any fans of each of these teams? No. Classic rivalry. Where's 4 of my fucking Dave? 18 of these today. I'm actually here bird watching, so I'm just going to be staring straight up into the sky through my binoculars. Just go somewhere else, then. How? We're out of boat. I got fucking broken up with this. I'm already doing all the 18 fucking things. You got broken up with this morning? Oh, I am. Yep. I got broken up with this morning at Tweet in Andersonville. He took me out to brunch. I ended up paying for both of us. It's cash only, and I didn't have cash. How'd you pay for both of you? I had to wait in the long line at the ATM, and then they ended up not having enough cash in the ATM, and so I had to... I don't like how they give you a little piece of breakfast bread before your meal. Yeah, there's gluten-free ones, too. If you're gluten-free, they're really good with gluten-free. Sometimes they have chocolate chips that have... Great Bloody Mary's at Tweet. I've never been to Chicago before. Isn't Tweet connected to Big Chicks? It is connected to Big Chicks! This guy knows all about Chicago. I love it. It is fantastic. It is a gay bar. It's a gay bar and a breakfast place. What's not to love? It's the best of both worlds. The Canadians worked at Tweet. Nine-ten. Rachan Scott. Nine others. It got in my mouth! It got in my mouth! A burp flew right into his mouth. I saw it! The most requested part of our tour is something that is haunting the city. Something awful. It's where Dave Matthews did something unspeakable to the Chicago River. We heard about what we do the Chicago River on St. Patrick's Day. Zero hits. Zero hits. We turn it green. Don't worry. It's environmentally safe. It's really quite charming. People drink Guinness in River North and then they walk over and they go, the river's green. That's sort of a fun thing we love to do in Chicago. But for a brief moment, not on St. Patrick's Day, it was brown. Burp. Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp, burp. Is this a music cue? Sing. Wait. He puts it in the river. Burp, burp, burp, burp, burp. I could have gone on and on, but Adl cut me off. He went around a long time. In 2004, 800 pounds of human waste for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about. 800 pounds. Yes, from the Kinsey Street Bridge of D.M.B. Chicago, 2004. There's a plaque, right? There's a plaque on the bridge. Google Poopgate. 200,000 several men from the band. So good. Google Poopgate. Google Poopgate. Actually, it would be pretty impressive. Could I be excused from the parody song episode now that I've done that? Aaron, that episode was like a month ago. Yeah, could I be excused from it? Yes, of course. You do not have to participate in that episode. Aaron, you're excused because I remember well that you did an incredible Dave Matthews Poop parody. Thank you. I believe. Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up on Up It is, you know. Dave Matthews is the reason we have to take our shoes off at the airport in Chicago. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Because of Poopgate. Because of Poopgate. Unbelievable. And we thank him for it. I hope he listens. That would be wild. If this is his first and only listen. I love your drummer. I love your drummer. I think there's a chance that this is his first and only listen because I'm assuming that we're going to name the name of this episode. Dave Matthews, please listen to this episode. Oh, please. Let's start to pander more. Um, speaking of pander. I-I-My other pitch is that we call this episode not found. Because it's this episode 404. Ooh. Yeah, we can't- It's our only time to do that. And then the next episode will be Dave Matthews, please listen to this. No, please start from here. Dave Matthews, please listen to the previous episode. Please, please name it that. I'm begging you. If I have my druthers, I'm going to name 405 Dave Matthews, please listen to the previous episode. Please don't lose your druthers. I really hope you keep your druthers. In parentheses, not the Patreon preview. I love it. Okay, alright. Okay. Okay, enough fun. Enough fun. Enough fun. Let's do riddles. Um, I do want to read a riddle. I want to start off with one that I received from Maggie. And I want to say this was given to me at a live show in Philly. I'm pretty sure Maggie attended our show in Philly and handed me this riddle. And it's one of my favorite riddles of all time. Oh, exciting. JBC, I believe you were with me when I solved this. So if you remember the answer, please do not shout it aloud. I was with you when you solved this. I think we went to that, because we went to that old-timey ice cream shop in Philly. Yes. And I believe outside of that shop is where, because I ordered, Aaron, I ordered pretzel ice cream with pretzel balls topped with pretzel dust. Oh, that sounds so good. In Philadelphia, Adel went pretzel crazy the way I usually go waffle crazy in other cities. It was unbelievable. I had no idea soft pretzels were synonymous with Philly. And I had a blast exploring that side of the town. And my favorite thing was a breakfast sandwich served on a sliced soft pretzel. That's un-fucking-blue. This is making me so hungry that I feel a little distracted. So if I go slack behind the ice, it's because I'm thinking about soft pretzels. If you need to take 30 seconds to put your hands in the freezer, then another 30 seconds to sit on them and take, you know, repeat that a couple of times. So a couple of times you can do that. Then you won't be able to... Take that in your hand and feed yourself a soft pretzel. But then how am I supposed to... I'm not going to be able to feel my hands and I won't be able to type in soft pretzel porn into my... Aaron, put your hands above the keyboard and trust that they know what to do. Let the algorithm take you away. So thank you, Maggie, for handing me and presumably writing this riddle. Here we go. Aaron, I think this is an only you answer, unless JPC, Lillia, forgot. I... I'd be hard pressed to remember any specific conversation that I've had. So I think there's a 50-50 chance that I'm right there with Aaron guessing along. This is one of my favorite riddles ever from Maggie. Fuck. A word from the cradle spoken before speech. Pilgrims at midnight know well where I reach. A beacon on corners, a harbor of bread, a cult in the commons where hunger is fed. Not temple nor tavern, yet filling all needs. When Adel is thirsty, it's what baby needs. Okay. Well, I know it. I don't remember it, but I know it based on when baby is thirsty. JPC? Well, okay. Can I... Aaron, do you know this one? No, I don't. Okay. So first of all... My guess is milk, but I don't think that that's what it is. It's not milk. I have a deep history with this, but also whenever I just came back from Florida not too long ago, whenever we go see Mariah's parents, they live like down the street from a Wawa gas station because everything from Florida ends up... Or everything from all over the country ends up in Florida when people retire to it. So I know that the answer is Wawa. The answer? Because I also know... I also know that the baby wants Wawa's story is one of my favorite stories of yours. Thank you. The answer is Wawa. Of course. Okay. We were in Philadelphia. Yeah. Of course. Of course. And Philadelphia also has sheets, right? Yes, it is because those are like the two competing Philadelphia gas stations. And that's why we were wearing those t-shirts and you were dressed like Ben Franklin. Unfortunately. I would like to see a scene. Oh, go ahead. No, I was just going to say that I see Wawa's down in Florida, but I don't see sheets. So it's interesting. I see Wawa's. Yes, Aaron, please. Your seat. My scene. Adal, you were going to be a bartender. JPC, you were going to be a baby that is going into a bar and you don't want to be top down to or condescended. Like you want to be treated just like any other patron. All right. What are we having? ID, please. Probably. Probably. But wait here for 15 minutes or one minute or 60 minutes. I can't do time. So. Got you. It's been a little time. Can I see your ID, please? Just Jim and Tawane. My what? Your name is Jim and Tonic. No, I would like a Jim and Tonic. Oh, Jim and Tonic. Yes, please. Just grab that ID, please. The bouncer checked my ID when I came in. I've got the wristband. I got the wristband. Oh, it's on the floor. Well, because they don't really make them for wrist this small, do they, when that's kind of ableist? Yeah, just a Jim and Tawane. All right, coming up. Okay. And oh, sorry, I should ask. Do you want a top shelf or well? Oh, is that funny because I can't reach onto a top shelf because I'm a baby? Is that why that's funny to you? I don't think so. It's for you people. I just can't even, I can't, yeah, huh? Uh-huh. The least you could do, by the way, when you serve it to me, is with a little nipple on top, please. Nipple on top. I can't dwindle out of a straw because I don't have the sucking power for that, so it has to be a nipple on the top. Hey, buddy. It will spill if you give it to me just a glass. Buddy, I was gonna, you know what? Buddy. You look like a baby. I wasn't gonna say anything because I trust Todd at the door would have caught that, but I'm starting to think you're a baby and you know what? Hey, asshole. I do. How do you know I don't have Benjamin Buen with these? Oh my God. Oh. Hi, sir. Thank you for your service. I assume you fought the Civil War? Civil War, yeah. I assumed you then aged to you. How do we think this works? Yeah, you're aged back. Yeah, you're aged back, right? Yeah, yeah, aged back was, yeah. I checked his ID at the door. Todd. Everyone's always on Todd from doing a bad job. Todd? But I looked. Okay, Todd. If one more baby gets through, you're done. He had this little plastic ID thing. Come back to daycare, guys. I found a bar where they think Benjamin Buen disease is real and we could go there and we could drink. Oh, hell yeah. Do they play sports or do they play a Cocoa Mellon? It's mostly sports. At the bow. I bet if we got more of us guys in there, we could get them to switch to Cocoa Mellon, but it's, or we'd have to do like, we have to wait until it was like a not sports season. Is that right? We got back to the bar. So you're telling me that you seemingly a three month baby saw Led Zeppelin at the winter ballroom? Oh my God. And this was when John Bonham was still, you know, with us. So, hey, everyone at the bow really wants Cocoa Mellon on the television set. That's weird. Should we all just watch Cocoa Mellon? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I've told this story before on the show, but one of my favorite moments of my life was pre-getting my license. I think I was like 15 or 14. And my friend, Stephen from high school, his mom picked us up because we had to still carpool places. She was driving us somewhere and he had two little sisters. They were like much younger. And I was in the back with one of the littlest ones. And the car was completely silent. And she like tapped me on the shoulder and was like, pst, pst, pst. And she went, I can't pronounce my house. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I had a speech amendment too. And she's like, yeah, I can't say my house at all. Every time I try to say any word with owl in it, I can't do it. Think about it all of the time. And you know what? I think she graduated. And was she saying R? Yeah. I think she's graduated college and I don't even know. I haven't, I don't have an update on if this girl can pronounce our R's. Well, Aaron, we do have a, I can't pronounce my house. We have a surprise. JPC and I have been sitting on this waiting for you to tell the story. Casey, go ahead and play the voicemail that is that little girl grown up now. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron, it's Kate from Back in the Day. Didn't give you permission to share that story. It's kind of really fucking personally embarrassing to me. So you will be hearing from my attorney. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off, Casey. Turn it off. Okay, Casey. Crazy. And thank you, Casey, for preserving her anonymity by using the JPC voice modulator on that voicemail. And of course, that little girl had a disease where if you turn off her voicemail, she dies. Basically pulling the plug. So Aaron, why don't you take some time to reflect on what you just did and we'll take a quick break and be right back with Hopefully sort of a rejuvenated Aaron. You know that disease where someone stops playing your voicemail. You die. Yeah. I want to talk to you today about Squarespace. Do you guys know about Squarespace? Well, you should because we talk about it all the time. 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Plus, they have SEO tools so you can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated site map and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. But that is not even what's important right now because what's important is that our Squarespace website, HeyRiddleRiddle.com, our real Squarespace website, IJPC, have hidden a hyperlink. And if you, dear listener, are the first one to find which Wikipedia page this hyperlink takes you and email me at HRPodcast at gmail.com. You will win one of our Penguin baseball t-shirts. I will send that t-shirt directly to you. All you have to do is find the hidden hyperlink on our website. And if you want to start your own website, go to squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle RID DLE and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And find the hidden hyperlink and you can win a t-shirt too. Bye bye. Finally, I've crossed through fields and I've climbed through mountains and here I am at the great temple to ask the master. Excuse me? Excuse me? Yes. Oh, how do I, where do I, how do I, where do I go to buy a car? How do I buy a car? Oh, you've come to the right place for we are the Car Gurus. Yeah, and I kind of came all this way, but then I heard that actually it's a website and I could just go to the website. Yeah, JBC, with Car Gurus Discover, you can skip the filter to describe what you're looking for in your own words. Simply type what you want and Car Gurus Discover instantly surfaces real listings that match your exact needs. It's so easy. You don't have to go on this long journey while you're buying a new car. Yeah, and honestly, I could have used the car to go on the journey because I walked most this way and it was like on roads. So it's like roads where, you know, I should have had car. Scary. It's no wonder Car Gurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to similar web's estimated traffic data. Have you brought a offering? Yeah, I mean, I have an offering and I'm also looking that dealership mode on Car Gurus app puts you in control. You can compare side by side check pricing and estimate your final cost so you can navigate the dealership with confidence and with more than four million listings. Car Gurus has the biggest selection of cars, so it's easier than ever to find the right car and the right deal. Honestly, I feel like walking all this way was kind of a waste of mama. No mama, not a waste mama. Buy or sell your next car today with Car Gurus at CarGurus.com. Go to CarGurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S.com. CarGurus.com mama. Hey, Casey, I know I never do this, but I'm going to need a clip of Adel saying no mama, CarGurus mama. Yeah, I would like one too for personal use. Mama's for all. Oh. Sorry, I'm just looking at myself in the mirror. You guys, I don't think I really like my clothes right now. I think I need a spring refresh. Oh, Aaron, what kind of stuff are you looking for? Yeah, like stylish timeless pieces, like maybe like a raincoat and like a cashmere, like sweater that's like transitional from winter to spring. Oh, Aaron, I would not wear a cashmere sweater over a raincoat. It's going to get absolutely ruined if there's rain. I'm putting it together. That's not what she meant. Okay, Aaron, have you heard about quints? Quints makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and their insanely soft, flonid active wear fabric. They have linen pants and shirts that are lightweight, breathable and comfortable. Basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined. So you look put together without trying too hard. Aaron, is that what you're going for? Yeah. Well, Aaron, also you silly goose. The best part about quints is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands. How you're screaming at me. Aaron, please stop screaming. How? Quints works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and it makes getting dressed easy. I have a purse from Quints that I have people stop me when I'm walking around LA to ask me where I get it because it looks very expensive, but it's not. It's going to last me years and years. I also have a ring from there that I love. They've got home stuff that's timeless and awesome, incredible rugs, curtains. They've got baby stuff. They've got baby stuff. Awesome baby stuff that I purchased. It's very cute. E. So why don't you do yourself a favor and refresh your wardrobe with Quints. Go to quints.com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com slash riddle. Aaron, you're wearing your purse. You should actually you're pulling it off. And I look incredible. Hey Aaron, hey JPC. Can you guys help me figure something out? Oh, sure. Always. Yeah. Charge. I pull up my bank account here. I have this charge. It says JPC tax $5,000. It's like a monthly deduction. Oh, yes. Yeah, it should be good. No, no. I add go to your Rocket Money app and have them cancel that for you. Oh, thank God. We signed up for the free trial like three months ago and then we forgot about it. And I noticed it. I got like a ping for Rocket Money on my email and they let me know that I'd been paying for. Lost another one to Rocket Money. Oh man. Yeah. The personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Unless you're me with the JPC tax and then your savings are dwindling. With Rocket Money, you can do automatic transaction categorization across your accounts plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context. Also, if you have like an a big event coming up like something that like a wedding or some monumental expense, it helps you plan and save for something like that. The app consolidates checking savings, loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using Rocket Money for years and years, way before they were ever a sponsor. And I love how easy it is to read and how intuitive it is. Yeah, I love Rocket Money. But Aaron, I do hate that voice. Was that JPC? It sounded like a Rumpelstiltskin type voice. Did you hear that? Yeah. No, so that's just like that's a voice alert I have on my phone every time someone unsubscribes to the JPC tax. I don't know where it's from or how to turn it off. Oh, that's kind of scary. We'll get with that later. Yeah, we'll let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's Rocket Money dot com slash riddle. Rocket Money dot com slash riddle. Lost another one to Rocket Money. Yeah, that's not even coming from your phone. Yeah, is that coming from inside of our heads? Maybe. Yeah, like heaven maybe? Yikes, blikes. Aaron, can I ask my speech impediment when I was a kid? I think I want to say maybe it was like fourth grade or fifth grade when I finally got over it, but I had to do a speech pathology to... Oh my God, it's coming back. His impediment used to be that he would linger on the end of a word? Yeah, I used to make all my words curl like Dr. Seustales. I used to not say my r's, pronounce my r's very well, and every once in a while I will like do it. I won't even say it, but I'll like hear myself think it. I'll like think in the W instead of the R. What was your speech impediment? I had two. I have an idolisp, and I had a little bit of a stutter, especially in reading. It would show up when I would read. And yeah, I did speech pathology classes. My sister is a speech pathologist, and we joked that she went into it because I was driving her so insane with my mouth to mouth growing up. It's like I don't want anyone to have to go through what I went through. I still sometimes with reading out loud, I have, I'm, that it's been hard. I'm getting over it with like riddle stuff, like sometimes in episodes that's hard and then in live shows. And with world news during the, when I would read the... Newspaper articles. Newspaper articles, thank you. When I read the articles that people had pulled, I would, sometimes it would happen, and that would make me very nervous. Shout out to that table of people who laughed at me that thought I was joking. And then they went beat red when they realized I wasn't. I did a, I used to do a thing when I was a kid where I would just avoid using words that I knew had ours in them, like at the beginning or the end of the word. I just be like, okay, just that, that word, that's off limits for you now. You don't, you don't say that one anymore. When I was a kid, also I had huge tonsils that I ended up having to get out. So I literally, I was like, like, no one could understand me. And the fact that I talk for a living is so crazy. Yeah. Very muppety. I think I'm going to go outside and climb one of those big wood up longs in the yard and the not yard kids, a yard in the... What's up long? A wooden up long. I'm going to go climb a wooden up long. Hope I don't get sapped on my hands. Man, I'm great at not using ours now. There you go. Wait a minute. Well, my little yogurt and Miss Meatballs, let's... Which one am I? I think you're yogurt, right? Damn, I want to be Miss Meatballs. Always a bride, never a bride's... Always a meatball, never a ragu. Okay, here's another riddle. When is it more polite to pass or overtake on the inside? Pass on the inside makes me think of fart. Can you read it again? The beginning part of it. When is it more polite to pass or overtake on the inside? Typically, if you're going somewhere and you're using some sort of mode of transportation, you pass on the outside. This would be the polite way. When is it polite to overtake or pass on the inside? Is it when there's like an accident on the road? Because I know if there's like an accident and it is on the left lane, you have to pass on the right. But that feels too literal for a little. Yeah, you're right. A bike, when it's... When you're passing a secret, when you're passing... Does it say pass or overtake, Adel, or did you add that? Pass or overtake. Okay, so... Because like, if you're going to pass gas, you actually kind of want to do go outside to do that, right? Boy, JPC, you are really hung up on that. I mean, when your wife makes you fart outside, 30 yards from the house, that's, I mean, is that crazy? The neighbors are like, this guy goes, this guy's smoking 80 to 90 times a day. But I never see a cigarette this way. Passing or overtaking on the outside and it's polite? Is it like a... I'm trying to think of like a sport where that would like track and field maybe? Yeah. Or racing? That's probably good thinking. Can we have a hint? Will you put your turn signal on? This is most... I'm just not, maybe not most typically, depending on what sort of suburb you grew up in, I guess. The times I've done this the most have been inside castles. If I'm touring a castle. What suburb you grew up in? Well, I guess depending on how Tony a neighborhood you grew up in, the most times I've done this is in a castle when being around Europe. But for other people, it might be like, oh, that was... The only castle we had in my neighborhood was White Castle. And that actually probably true. Probably true. Oh, a crave case would hit the spot. Oh. Aaron, do you ever have a crave case? No. But I wish businessmen brought those to work instead of briefcases. Work with buy, sell, buy, sell just opens up a big... Yeah. Let's... Okay. I remember my dad bringing home a crave case once when we were kids, and us being like, oh my God. We're going to have four birds. And then two hours later, oh, we're all ruined. Our insides are ruined. When you're a kid, though, you can eat fucking anything. Like, you could pack away White Castle when you're like 10 years old, and you're like, it's just an effect to me. There's a reason adults don't eat lunchables, I guess. Yeah. They won't sell me. Aaron? Right. Not for breakfast. We all agree adults don't eat lunchables. They don't eat pizza lunchables for breakfast. That's not enough nutrition for the day. Adults don't eat those pizza lunchables that are cold marinara on a cracker with cold cheese. Yeah, adults don't do that. With a little red stick that substitutes as a knife? Adults don't do that. Adults don't also have those for lunch and dinner either. You know what adults can do, though? They can buy toaster strudels, take out all the icing, and go return to toaster strudels. I didn't actually want these. Impulse by, I didn't want them. Go up in the box. Oh, Tess and Schuels look so good. What is the more polite to toaster overtake on the inside? So this is something I've mostly done in castles. In spiral staircase. Aaron, when passing someone on a spiral staircase, on a spiral staircase where the insides are narrower and hence harder to climb. I would like to see a scene. What? Adal, you're some sort of like old castle-y henchman type thing and you're holding a candle. A thing? A nice thing? No, no, no. You know what I mean? Like one of those like, yeah, I got one. Oh, like the, the quarter? Yeah, yeah. And you are leading JPC to his room at the top of the castle while holding a candle. And JPC, you're getting pretty dizzy. Okay. And just 18 more flights to go. Oh, of course we go up here to Clive. Why, why, why is it starting to be at an angle? Yes, of course. That's because when the Goths tried to ransack this castle with their arrows, they almost succeeded. So we modified it to where everything is at a slight angle. So the arrows can't, huh? What did you do that? I'm drunk. What's your excuse? It is getting tighter, right? Yes, it feels like a Willy Wonka as the other is going to have a ground floor room on the castle that I could, because we're just here for the night, you know, those are our showrooms, all the bedrooms and the ground floor. Those are for when we're trying to sell the place. So we've had it staged. So we bake cookies, always bake cookies. How are we heading down? We were just heading up. How are we now heading down? What sort of an empty Escher situation that we always have sounds so guff-a-lucky. I'm upside down, mom. And we keep going, following the movie. You just split into two guys. Who, me, me? What? Which one are you putting at? I didn't do it. He did. I'm putting it both. I have two hands. One of us always lies and one of us always lies. It's Spider-Man style. Spider-Me, I'm just passing by you. That person's walking on the underside of the stairs. Yes, that person died 10 minutes ago on this very night. What? What? I killed her. See? See? God, I love stairs. I don't think I've been on a spiral staircase in... I'm trying to remember the last time I possibly would have... Oh, I had a friend who had one of those apartments with two floors in it. It sounds fancy, but it was a small place with two floors, but they had a small spiral staircase that I went up once. And I was like, oh, I would not want one of these in my home. I can cast iron. Oh, those are so scary. Yeah, just... And they had a little dog who was not afraid of it at all. And I was like, I would be... And their bathroom was down the stairs. Their bedroom was upstairs and their bathroom was down the stairs. I was like, no, I'd be pissing in bottles. I'd do that anyway, but... I'd be falling down the stairs in the middle of the night. For sure. Um, here's another riddle. A completely naked man robs a newspaper kiosk. Good for him. Thank you. Sorry, I'm just reading headlines. A completely naked man robs a newspaper kiosk and then runs off into the crowd. The police are unable to find him and all the witnesses have trouble describing him. Explain why. Waldo. Yeah, it's Waldo. Great. And people can't see Waldo. Well, Waldo without his clothes on looks completely different. Yeah, it looks like the lead singer of Dottie Froyer. What's that? Icelandic band? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um... What is that? Is this... This is a naked person. A completely naked man robs a newspaper kiosk and then runs off into the crowd. The police are unable to find him and all the witnesses have trouble describing him. Is it one of those things where he has some feature? Like he's got a big red baboon ass. And the only thing that people see because he's naked is this big red ass. And so then they're like, what did he look like? And they're like, I got a big red ass. He's got a bright baboon ass. And they're like, what did his face look like? And they're like, I don't know. And they're like, what race was he? And they're like, baboon? I mean, he got a big... Adel is that that is a big red ass. Is he a person? Uh, he is a person. And he... And it's not, it's not red ass. And he came out wearing the newspapers. Oh, that's a great guess. That's camouflage. That's a great guess, but that is not the answer. But that is, I really like that guess. You said he's a naked man? They're like, I saw a six foot one pile of newspapers blow by. Yeah. Six foot one. It's just like a hollow man situation where he's invisible because he's naked or like a kel from Mystery Men. Or all the buildings around it look like naked flesh. So he's sort of blending in. These are my favorite wrong answers I've ever heard. And if you see, thank you for ranking your guesses in order of how good the movie is. Because the new Elizabeth Moth, the Mothsa Hollow Man is quite good. Yeah, yeah. Mystery Men, no slack. I'd give that a plus. I like a Mystery Man. Hank Azaria, Ben Stiller. A flesh colored buildings. Aaron, I want to see it. That seems pretty gross. Okay. Maybe like Santa Fe. Hey, Adolf, is it important that he's robbing a newspaper kiosk? Is that like part of the answer? That is not important. I would say the completely naked man part is important. And the fact that he runs off into the crowd is important. And the fact that they're not able to find him is important. And the fact that the witnesses have no trouble describing him is important. Is this like a, is he at like a nudist convention or a nude beach or something like that? JPC, my dear boy, you've done it. Oh, wait, so wait, wasn't part of it that people had trouble describing him? Yeah, because I think the mind is like, oh, completely naked man. If he in New York grabbed a newspaper and ran away, we should all be able to be like, we would immediately all stare at that person. Yeah. But I think in a news colony, you see a nude person run by and nobody gives a second thought. Yeah. And also, eyewitness testimony is terribly unreliable. Our memories are fallible. Also, why Narkar and a guy for stealing papers who did he hurt? Also, I would like to see a scene. This is Aaron, you're from Boston. Yes. What are some of the original colonies in the original? Yeah, Virginia, Massachusetts. Yeah. Paprika, salt. What's that place in like Roanoke? Roanoke where everybody disappeared. This is the lost colony of Roanoke, pre-lost. Pre-lost, I'm still getting pregnant. Thank you. And this is the two of you are members of the lost colony of Roanoke. And Aaron, today is the day you are suggesting that things may become a little looser in terms of clothing in the colony. Okay. It's hot, right? Guys, it's like, whew, I'm like doing all this, like I'm cutting all this wood and stuff to make buildings and build buildings. It's like hot. Tis warm, yes. I might take off my wool vest. Of course, take off my wool jacket to take off the vest and put the wool jacket back on then my wool gloves. It doesn't feel like enough though. For modesty, Samuel, for modesty. For modesty, for the Lord watches over us all. Yeah, but the reason why we're here is religious freedom, huh? We're sort of the fun ones. A common misconception. Our religion is so odious that we got kicked out of England and we don't want religious freedom as much as we want freedom to practice our weird religion and no other religions. Yes, yes, but we are, Samuel, we are the fun ones. Yes. So let me tell a joke. A man goes into a church and worships, worships. Excellent joke. Thank you. Back to work, I should say. Or, or. I never stopped. I mean, like, we're all surprising ourselves. We didn't know, we didn't know that we could make it over here having us all live, right? Yes. I'm sort of feeling more alive than ever before. Grateful for the time we have left. Yes, my wife mentioned that the other night she heard you, I don't mean to speak in the devil's tongue, tapping your toes. Yeah, I thought maybe, I don't know, I heard dancing could be fun and dancing. I thought maybe we could put our. I'm sorry, I'm behind the eight ball here. What, what is dancing? Sort of when you move to the rhythm of. Witchcraft, witchcraft, witchcraft. Oh, a witchcraft. I know exactly what we're talking about. Moving to the rhythm, witchcraft. Got it. To clear the air, to clear the air, let me tell a quick joke. Two pious men get into heaven. Ha, ha, good one, good one. Sammy, so it's a little bit, a body. Prepare people for a joke like that. It's a little bit of a walk, so bear with me. What if we, in order to get into our homes for safety and modesty, modesty. Excellent. We created these little things that are shaped specifically to everyone's door, that you have to put it in the door and turn it in order to unlock the door. So you can get into your own home. And then you carry that around with you. And then what if on Fridays we put all of those things into a bowl. And everyone picked something, one of those things out of that bowl. And then you sleep with whoever you got that thing from. Like a thing party. This is what we call it. Yeah, a thing party. And you have relations. Yeah, we do thing parties. Have you, Donna, have you never been invited with thing party? Wait, you guys haven't thing parties? A hundo pee. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, I've never slept with your wife so bad. I want to go. Same girl. Get in line, baby. Same. A thing party. Let's see. Okay, here we go. Racing driver Ramon Rucard. Had a terrible accident at Daytona. It left him in the hospital for six months. Surprisingly, he never once considered giving up racing. Why not? Racing driver Ramon. Oh, sorry. What'd you say? No, no, no. He's in the hospital for six months. Racing driver Ramon Rucard had a terrible accident at Daytona. It left him in the hospital for six months. Surprisingly, he never once considered giving up racing. Why not? Is it because he's in a coma and he can't consider anything? That is a fantastic guess. But no, that's not it. Honestly, I was hoping it wouldn't be that, but I kind of had to just guess. I had to try. Coma's always on the table. He never considered, and it's not because he's not considering it because he's incapable of considering it. He's choosing not to consider it. Okay. Yeah, he's choosing not to and yeah. He is healthy and left afterwards. Racing driver Ramon Rucard had a terrible accident at Daytona. It left him in the hospital for six months. Surprisingly, he never once considered giving up racing. Why not? Did he just, was he walking on the stairs at Daytona and tripped and fell? JPC? Yeah. Nothing to do with racing? JPC, would you believe it's because he fell down some stairs? I would like to see a scene. Let's do it a little. JPC, this is you pre-race. Okay. And Adal, you're going to be an interviewer and JPC, you're trying to save face after you've gotten injured before the race even started. Okay, got it. Mr. Yolger, we're all very excited to see you race today. Shut up. Huh? Have a seat, man. Oh. I'm just going to go out there and track, do my best and if into the pavement and get a great team. Mr. Yolger, we all saw you. Got a great team behind me and this city. Yeah. Almost a year ago, your head smacks pretty hard. Oh, definitely. Yeah, I mean, weather conditions are perfect out there, so it's not even a minute by it and if you do it and put. Say the word and I can call in a doctor. They're right here. They're ready to go in, but we don't know. They would have to call in a doctor after I get on the track because it's burning up so much and it's having time of my life out there. And I got to give it up to my sponsor points to my hair. Big, big, big pile of chicken. Big pile of chicken. Hey, man, it's really nice to meet your acquaintance and I saw none of you to be a fan and how nice of a time. I'm going to race time. Hey, man, you got to be honest about what you can do out there. Okay. I'll send in your backup, but you just got to be honest with me. Pull me behind the wheels of that car and I'll get out and push it if I have to, but get across the fishing line. So it's not an even. Is this a race jitters or are you hurt? You know what? It's probably because what I did was I had a coffee earlier today. So I just, it's caffeine working to say out of my system. But as soon as I get on the road, everything's going to mellow out and zoom into my chain. Mr. Roper, you keep looking down and presumably talking to someone you think you see. Could you tell us who you think you see? It's Greg Gazoo. He was Fred Flintstone's friend and now he's my friend. He's going to help me race today and it's a really great day to race with Greg Gazoo. He's a Flintstone character. Don't tell me my name. And it's not that. And he's not Greg Gazoo and I don't know who it is and I don't know what's going on, but I do know I'm born to race and cars are fast on the track. And Mr. Yogyakir, we have a surprise. We have brought in right here. We have your wife who just wanted to give you a big kiss before the race. Okay. And I'm going to plan a big kiss right on the mouth and I don't need to give a run and start it. Oh, it always has to be the fan. It's nice to be the fan. It's nice to toss you a big pot of chicken and let's get in the car. Kiss my wife on the road. He's getting in the refrigerator. He's getting in the refrigerator. It does sound like something started. Oh my God. He's going so fast. It's a fridge racing around the track. What was that old like Hannah Barbera cartoon with the like wacky racers? All-star racers or yeah. It was wacky. Was it wacky racers? Yeah. I don't know. It feels like something like that from that where there would be a person who gets into a fridge and like races around. Yes. Where it was like great. Yes. I don't remember. Snidely whiplash and the other guy. Was snidely whiplash from that? Is snidely whiplash the one that would tie you onto a train track? Here's the thing. Uh-oh. I can't remember. You're 100% right in terms of describing one of the people. I can't remember if the guy with the mustache who was like the evil train track guy. Yes. Snidely whiplash or if his dog was snidely whiplash. Because he had a dog who was like evil and would cover his mouth and go hehehehehe. Yep. I can't remember which was which. Is that Dudley Duright? That's Dudley Duright. I don't think so. And thank you for joining us on this episode of what the fuck are they talking about from a thousand years ago. Fuck. Aaron has never seen any Hannah Barbera? No. You got to watch wacky races or whatever it's called. I will. It's really fun. I remember it from like Cartoon Network I think when I was a kid where they would play like just old shit right? Like this is from the 60s right? Yes. Yeah. They play a lot of old stuff and then they'd play like Space Ghost or C-Lab and it was like old shit but also made new. Aaron, one of my favorite Hannah Barbera cartoons was a large gentleman called Grape Ape. Do you want to guess what his catchphrase was? Could I be a smaller ape please? In my clothes? Does it kiss my big red ass I'm stealing these newspaper? Would you believe it was Grape Ape? That's all he said. Just his name. It's sort of a Groot situation. Classic. Like a proto-pokémon. Like a proto-pokémon. Yeah. Should we do a voicemail? Yeah, I'd love that. Today I'm writing to you from the dear near future. Things here haven't exactly been super but while I could barely blab about the burning earth and blame billionaire losers instead I digress to discuss something lunar. See something occurred in the post nuclear confusion. He, JP Riddles devised a solution. A space shuttle built with glue and used Q-tips and now his raccoon moon colony is booming. We've just heard word from their communication station. They've made a breakthrough innovation. They get blazed and play Beyblade for recreation and claim they've eliminated all anger and frustration and if you'd like to join them for a little bit of fun then in 2031 dial 1805RI double DLE1. Wow. That was incredible. Yeah, I also love putting the number in there so I don't have to. That was another one from Jesse Bloodgood. I feel like we've had like five from Jesse. Thank you so much for submitting. That was amazing. The goat. And hey, if you've never submitted before now is your fucking time. Don't let Jesse Bloodgood do all the submissions. HRRpodcast at gmail.com. 30 seconds for less is a wave file. Hey, Clue Crew. My partner is 10 years and I are getting married and we're having trouble trying to figure out a venue. We're kind of narrowed it down to either the zoo or an aquarium. So I would love your thoughts on where we should have our wedding slash venue. So thank you. Have a good day. Wow. First of all, congratulations. That's outstanding. Congratulations. Congratulations. Second of all, it sounds like they are lovers of creatures. Wow, it sounds like they're lovers of each other first. First and foremost. My apologies. Would a petting zoo be nuts? Because that way, here's the thing, if I got married at a zoo or an aquarium or something, I think the whole time I would be like, the animal's being around us is neat, but I want to touch them. Yeah. And I feel like a petting zoo allows you to do that and your friends and family. So I would say maybe a petting zoo. Yeah. The idea of a zoo is awesome. I remember when I was in eighth grade, we did a zoo lock-in and we slept. The place where we slept in the zoo was in the dolphin enclosure. And dolphins don't sleep. So the dolphins all night were just in the glass. Dolphins don't sleep? They don't really sleep. They go into a quasi-sleep mode where they're still playing and laughing and whatever. I do that when I sleep. They do low-power mode because from where they're from, if you go to sleep, a shark will just eat you. I feel like I'll always be moving. But if you could do your wedding ceremony in a dolphin show and maybe have a dolphin marry you, or you ask for the rings and the dolphins come out of the water and they've got the rings on there, they'll bottle those snouts or whatever. I mean, that's, come on. I, here's my one bit of advice of something to consider. I'd say consider the smell. Consider the coconut. Consider it's the leaves. Consider the monster. Yes. Moana. The island gives us what we need, Eric. And no one leaves. The, I just think also, I do think an aquarium will photograph better. Yep. Like, I think that will look more beautiful. And I also think it will smell a little bit better than a zoo. But if you have an aversion to fish smells, maybe you avoid the aquarium. But I vote aquarium or petting zoo like Adelson. Is it an aquarium going to wreak havoc on people's, on like a, people's hair? Yeah. Or is that not- Is they're going to dunk it? You think they're going to dunk it? Because they're going to try and talk to the fish, right? Here's the other thing. You know what? We're all making great points. Why don't you get married in front of a green screen? And then you can get married wherever you want. Oh yeah, we were married on the freaking moon. This is brilliant. You can change your mind all the time. You can change your mind all the time about where you got married. It can be zoo, aquarium, zoo, aquarium, zoo, aquarium. Every anniversary change where it was. Solved. You got married during the Coen Brothers Big Lebasky? Big red solved step. We need that for every voice belt from now on. Solved. Solved. You've been solved. Let's see. Aaron, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Oh, before we get into individual plugs, I wanted to remind everyone that it's Penguin Baseball League on the Patreon and all of our new merch, all of our new Penguin Baseball League merch is available now in the episode description. Just click the link for our Dashery Store and you can get five new teams. Great merch from Ariel Sinhav. Awesome stuff. I love the... I mean, I... JBC, you were just saying that you say this every year, but I think this year has my favorite designs. Mm-hmm. Go ahead. Aaron, anything to plug or promote? Check out Quality Time. It's a show I host here in Los Angeles with two very fun, talented people. It's a real variety show and I'm really proud of it. So you can find us on Instagram and see when our next date is coming up. Adel, anything to plug or promote. Yes. Check out. The Word Association podcast. You can also find Hello for the Magic Tavern, where we listen to podcasts and Gumshoe's and Dragons. Please check that out as well. JBC, anything to plug or promote? Yeah, I gotta read a review. So this one is a five star review from... Looks like a cinnamon roll. Great name. Called Get Away While You Still Can. JBC is forcing me to write this review. He said it doesn't matter what it is said. So I'll say it for all the Hey Riddle Riddle fans and quotes out there. This podcast is the worst. I'm addicted to Aaron Slaff, Adels Puns and JBC's characters. I hate listening to riddles and randomly say groceries and Adel's voice for no reason. This podcast has cursed me. I think that should be cursed because I never cursed you, motherfucker. I'm stuck in riddle land and there's not a white rabbit to help me out. Just little monkey bones and Uncle Sansa don't make the same mistake we all did and binge every single episode of this podcast and sing with the same song in public. You will lose your sanity with all your friends. This was your warning. Incredible. Looks like a cinnamon roll. That's a fun name. Aw. Cute. Cute. Well, hot dogs. Well, that's the old hot dogs, man. Starting Aaron Cheath and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Toney to the editing. Now our repair is in the music. Bogo created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nebouras. Hey there, Yetis and Fluffs. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We have James Duggan on for a Penguin Baseball League documentary. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey, riddle riddle. By joining the crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus, you get those ad for your episodes. See you there. That was a hate gun podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast That Was Us Now on Head Gum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive. From our show, This Is Us. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.