Ep 587 - PHIL (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

Wow, wow, Wes. Darling you. Check. Send me. Check. Check. I know you. Yeah. Yeah. You nervous. You're singing. You nervous. Get your breath. You all right? Yeah, I'm fine. All right. Yeah, we're rocking the roll. I mean, this, this, is it recording? Yeah. I'm already mad. Why? This coffee is three hours old. It's from Wes Chester. He doesn't, this is what he does. Yeah, yeah. Which is good. We'll go to a bar, a whole order wings. We'll eat three wings and then have a plate of wings in front of him for three more hours till the game's over. And then they come by and they go, do you want us to take this? And he's like, yeah. Fucking insane. A lot of times I'll finish it. This was a situation I was my, my leg. Even this, it's like a coffee takes two sips and then brings it to Harrisburg. Well, someone was, someone got me the coffee. Just drink the fucking coffee. I wasn't ready for it. Phil, how are you? We're here alive with Phil. Get a fill. You got talking to the mic? I'm doing great. I need you to get nervous when that light came on. I didn't even see the light. Some guys aren't built for this. Yeah. I'm casting tough. It is tough. I've seen it. It's hard work. You got to know how you do it. Yeah. Well, you're sitting next to the, the mayor of Westchester. I know the king. I'm honored. I'm, you know, did you want to bring in the hats? Did you have hats? Well, I forgot. Oh, you forgot the whole thing. You're going to dress up like pilgrims and Indians for Thanksgiving. It was a, I agree. I agree. I was fully against it. Fine. Then I realized Phil wearing a pilgrimage. What do you do for Easter? I got bombing from party outfits. People asked me how I got my comedy. Phil told me how to bomb regularly. But you can walk through a bomb. That's like one of your, you tell a bad joke and just go. So hilarious. He is. Yeah. What was the line that he had when we were in the golf tournament with Billy, where he was saying Billy was like, it's because you were talking in my back swing. Yeah. And Billy's back swing. Really, really. Billy goes, you're talking to my back swing, Phil. Phil goes, I'd have to be a fucking auctioneer. Oh my God. He swings so hard. And the results are never any good. Yeah. He's new to golf. I know. Yeah. I know. When he connects, he kills it. But we're not sure where it's going, right? Yeah. Well, he's jacked. Of course, the first, the first couple of holes, Gerbys didn't know we were playing the scramble. So all of a sudden, he grew up and played his ball. And then we'd all drive up. And he's like, look at that. It's like, what are you hitting from here for? This is my shot. Of course, we didn't have to hit after he hit because it was all right. It's right on the green. He's a very good golf. He took the game very seriously a couple card bumps at the end. I hate card bumps. He was in there with you just going, don't, don't do. He got out. He got out of the cart. You saw it. It just turned straight for him. Oh, yeah. I asked about all the card. I can't say anything. Last thing you want to do is get out of the car. We were all so we were starting to find it at the end. We were starting to find it. It was the whole 18th. Yeah. And we were starting to find it. It was crunch time. And that's what I found. It was perfect. It was just a nightmare. No, the ride to the Valkyrie started playing. Yeah. I think it was around 16th. Valkyrie played on the Bluetooth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I found out he was playing on the Bluetooth chasing group. You had to Dan O'Leary in the car with him. Yeah. I might have been by myself at that point. O'Leary could have been in there. Regardless. Yeah. Six hours. I do around a call. Yeah. Just trying to finish strong. You came in. Well, yeah. I'm sorry about that, Steve. I didn't. I felt bad when you were very upset. It's perfectly fine. I'm sorry. All right. My mom noticed. Your mom noticed? Yeah. She was like, hey, aren't you going to come say hello to all the people here? And you're like, nope. I have to go. Yeah. No. Yes. No, that's not really for me. Well, it's the killer. It's the killer style. You guys, nobody can leave. Every time you try and go, you know, just, well, just what are you? Just. One more. Yeah, exactly. It's like, you just got to leave. And in the next day, go, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I left. Sorry. She, your mom was on me on Instagram message, because she was like, promise you'll come up. I'm, Deh, what the fuck? Here we DM sometimes. Oh, my God. You're wife, she's DM's. How do you do that? Well, how do I do? How do you do that? You know how to DM. You DM me. You send me, you know, that's called, like a direct message. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Instagram, it's very nice. Okay. What, what kind of stuff is he sending? It was like, drinking Instagram, which was really funny, but then I'll, I'll clearly be drunk and send me like an inspirational one. Nice. Which is nice. Keep you on track. That's how, yeah. We don't really talk much. I just get a drunk. Yeah, from my dad. It's like Michael Jordan highlights. That'll get you. I toss those out this weekend. Yeah, you were hitting me with this. Yeah, well, you know, you got to find inspiration during dark times. It's for him. The bar is closed. Fuck it. Yeah. Listen up. Huh? Well, that means you. Yes, you. We know you're pointing at yourself. When it comes to party power games, we've got a place made for all sorts. From the experts to the drama queens. It's made the JC. The finance bros. Look at those stocks, lads. We'll stick with slots. It's what we're good at. And not forgetting you. Yes, you, the one listening. Because at party power games, we've got all sorts of games for all sorts of tree calls. At a disability rules in terms of conditions apply. Please camera responsibly. A team plus camera way. I don't know. But Phil, what's going on, man? Just starting our basketball season right now. I think you're going to get fired. No, I can't get fired. I'm volunteer. I can't get fired. Other people have to go before they get to all these. Come on, man. Huh? You're going to fire that? No, I mean, there's too many rings. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff up there that we've been on. Too many championships. Yeah. Yeah. What's that five gold medals up there? Well, um, two of Trinity, three with. No, I got three with Cumberland Valley. And one with Trinity as far as state titles. And that's again, just coaching, helping coach kids. Believe me, it's all the kids in the head coach. I mean, just coach speak. You're just a humble guy. I am. I want everyone to know behind closed doors. This guy's a man. And the Mike's office going on those motherfuckers with nothing without me. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Now it takes good kids to win for sure. They make you look smart. Yeah. Well, what's the hope for this year? Do you think you got a championship? Well, we, we've, no, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to have to work for everything. Yeah. Got a great group of girls, but, um, we, you know, there was a couple kids that were going to come out that played for us. And now we're going to stick with another sport. So they're not going to play basketball. And that hurts us a little bit. But, uh, the kids that we have, we're going to go with enough. And they're great. Well, this is good stuff. Why? Well, I'm sure we got a lot of 6A girls, B ball. Now with the number one women's 6A basketball podcast. Yeah. District three girls. This is good. This is good. Trust count. You talk about this. It's a little press conference. Sure. Phil, now, what do you say those people that, uh, found out your dad killed a bunch of cats? Kind of question. That. So what do you have? What are the Costa Ricans think about this? No, we had a little press conference. Yeah. So, uh, to answer his question about cats. When I was growing up, we lived out in a rural area and, uh, talk to Steve and us. We had, uh, you know, we had a few cats and they all got pregnant at the same time. So we had, what did you do? Like 25 kittens running around and there was just too many and my dad put them in a box, a cardboard box and put them in the creek and they went down over the dam. And about three hours later, about five or six of them came walking back and he said, okay, you can stay. That was it. The other one's never made it back. Where they said, we're not going back. Even though they survived the creek and the dam. But just the five dumbest kids. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, let's come back. Maybe I'll do it again. But these, they were like, they were like, the horse was stepping on them and the way all the horse stepped on one kitten. One time I started to lawn mower and the kitten crawled under them lawn mower. One more why I went to get gas because it was hot in the summer and he thought that was the nice shade place. I didn't know he was under there. Yeah, I started to lawn mower. And dad getting rid of them was, it was time. They were everywhere. They were a lot of cats. A lot of cats. Just 30 cats. We had a lot of cats. We had dogs. We had Shetland pony. Oh, nice. I didn't know you had a Shetland pony. Yeah. What is a Shetland pony? It's a little adorable town pony. Yeah. What happened there? What happened there? We sold him. We sold him. We sold him for stepping on a cat. We sold the Shetland. Things got tough. Things got tough. You got to sell a Shetland pony. Right. We had a steer named Sambo and we had him butchered. Sambo was a tough name. Sambo. He was butchered. Oh, damn. Butchered. Yeah. How old were you? Did you like all these animals? Not Sambo because he had horns. He would chase you and you'd have to run. And yeah, the horse or the Shetland pony was fine. Dusty was fine. Dusty? Dusty. What do you get for a Shetland pony? I have no idea. Yeah, I'd have ten bucks. I don't know. It wasn't much. Yeah. What do you do with it? Well, we had a cart and like a trotter. Oh, okay. And it would take rides with it on Sundays and stuff. There was no traffic on the road back then. You would ride a Shetland pony? In a cart. Like a trotter. Yeah. That's fucking insane. Ben, right? Well, that's fun. It was fun. All right. I didn't blinkers on him or the blinders, whatever they're called. And you just get down the road and go about a mile and then come back. Yeah. All right. Well, that's fun. I thought you were like literally using it as transportation. No. That was crazy. So you could go cart. Yeah, that's fun. All right. I'll take it back. That was a Shetland pony. That'd be nice. Yeah. I just go up for a Sunday trip. I'd need a team. I'm not Shetland. I would need a team. I need the Cloddale. Yeah. I'd have to get like the spike, like the Roman spike coming off the cart too. That'd be a nice DUI on the back of a Shetland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you get a DUI in the cart? Yeah. I feel like the Amish could DUI's all the time. You can get him on a bike. You can get a walkin'. You can get a DUI. Yeah. Well. Well, sure. Trust me if he's dodging it. All right. Well, they must not have been out of it. If they haven't got him yet. That's just drunk in public, right? You can walk drunk. I think you can present danger to other people while you're out there besides his stolen one. Yeah. Well, that's you guys. You get a little bit bigger than me. No, I've seen you. I'm out of danger. You're definitely a threat. You run. That's true. He starts running and shit. Uh-huh. But I'm safe for running and walking. Where are you running? I just home as fast as possible. What about, what is he running from? That's the real question. Yeah. Three a.m. when you're like, I need to get out of here and sprint. Dude, dude. When you know you got a kind of a long trip and you're in your full stumble bump, you speed it up. I do understand moving quicker when you're that drunk helps. I do know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. You want like the shortest amount of time out in public. Nothing worse than stumbling. Yeah. When you can't stop a stumble. Yeah, that's tough. Speed it up. Anyway, Phil, what else you got for us? Is your big debut? People have been clamoring for this. Yeah, I know they are. Um, I don't know. Just getting ready for the holidays here. Yeah. Just close the pool. Realize I screwed that up. No, he felt like it's a merciful pump. Like stuck it on top of, you know, the closure that they put over the pool. And the guy came out yesterday to close the spa down. And he said, did you put that submersible pump on top of the netting there? Like, and I said, well, yeah, he said, well, the water goes right through. You've got to put the submersible pump underneath that on the step. I didn't know that. I thought, man, this thing's really working. I never saw any water on top there. Phil. Here's just going right into the pool. You got to get a podcast, man. This is top fucking shit. Wait, how can you shut in the spa down? You got to keep the spa open for. Yeah, keep the spa for winter. I kept it open for an extra month. And Joan got in at one time. Remember when you got drunk and fell onto the tarp? And that was that. You were sober? I was, I was, no, but I wasn't drunk, right? No, what happened is the pavers weren't down far enough. And I leaned in to put the submersible pump. And the pavers lifted up and I went right into the tarp. And I thought, oh my god, this is a weird way to die. I just want to get in droffed with this whole thing. And Joan won't even know I'm missing for a couple of days. But fortunately, I crawled out. Crawled out. I had to crawl out. Fortunately, I crawled out. Yeah, you have to go back into a soaking wet. It was in the middle of a thunderstorm. Oh my god. Yeah. But I made it. Yeah, I got the phone call immediately. My mom called me. It was like, Phil fell on the pool. Fucking idiot. I did not. Damn pavers all. But he was mad. You got to get some cameras out there in the yard just in case. Yeah. That's great footage. Yeah. Yeah. That would have been incredible. So you got that going on. Yeah. Yeah. Kirby's, how about you? What are you up to? Well, you know, we're writing season three. Yeah. personally, you know, single life now and trying to find special someone. It's kind of a nightmare, but it feels a lot like being on the pool table. Uncle Frank's. All right. My dad's brother. All right, right. Uncle Frank, get in here. We're doing a podcast. Steve's on. We got the alley. Yeah. It's good to see you. Oh my. Yeah. My school. I'm still at school. Frank. All right. Well, we'll go say hi to her. Come here. Yeah, yeah. All right. Take a quick break. Well, it's not a one of rule here. No, no, no. You're really wearing it. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames. The part, the best part of the holidays, aside from the great fooding the gifts, because, be honest, we all love a good gift. Love a good gift. Is getting to spend time with everyone. With everyone. Getting to spend time with everyone. I love. I love spending time with you. And I want this art time together to be so special. True, dude. Holiday season. The way I make you feel special. Dude, around the holidays, I want to walk there. An Aura Frame. I sent Matt an Aura Frame stocked with photos of he and I. It was awesome. And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments. Give the gifts of togetherness with Aura Frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I like to come alive. I would love that. You can add as many photos or short videos as you want. All you need is your app and a Wi-Fi connection. Dang. So as you keep making memories, you can add to the frame. You know what I did? What's that? This memory right now. A picture of this. Yeah, if I was doing an ad read, take a picture and I put it up there. Go ahead and just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have. Yes. The high resolution photos. You know what makes me the most hard? Is the high resolution photos look like real prints? And they really help you relive the moment. And you can try interacting with the photo right there. So you can get any photos you want on there. Brief message like congrats. When all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together, give them Aura Frames. For a limited time. Oh my God, let's get a picture of that. Oh my God, for a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 on Aura's best selling Carver Mad Frames. Name number one by WireCutter. That's huge. By using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's a URAFrames.com promo code MSSP. This is exclusive Black Friday, Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So order it now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms in conditions applied. I don't think you got out of that. Yeah. All right, hey, we're back on the air. Hey, we're back. All right, all right. Let's get it, let's fill it. Let's get a little energy. Sure, I got it. All right, remember the mic. You got to talk to the mic. Yeah. What's going on, gang? Well, I'm back on the dating scene where we're talking about that. Any with dating advice? You learning me? Yeah. Grace, I've been married for 46 years. How'd you enjoy me? In grade school, sixth grade. She moved in from New Jersey. And I was just started talking with her. We became good friends and actually dated her twin sister for one. No way. Yeah. What did you mean? The switch. It sounds like he's switched. Yeah, the only B. I spend to check things out a little bit. You have to have something to compare it to. But that didn't happen to later, like, eighth or ninth grade. Did you ever see the sign felt episode about the switch? No. It's the roommate switch. So how you're dating one roommate, you want to get to the other one. Oh. And says a whole Banajatwap. I mean, obviously this wouldn't work in this area. She's Christ. No, I'm just saying, you know, so you broke up with her and then later got with. With Joan. Yeah. Yeah. I think she broke up with me. But anyhow, what the hell? Her mom was a good cook. They had steak every, like, Sunday. So I'd get down there and eat and sort of became part of the family. It's Ron and Shelland. Oh, I'm not the chef. That's true. Oh, but they had this dog, this little snauser. And I hated that dog. His name was Otto. And whenever I walked in that room, it would just come up and start biting my feet. And they would put, like me in, like, sort of a staging area, like a waiting area for them to come down the steps or whatever. And I would hear that dog's toenails running towards me. And then at the end, he became blind. So as he's getting real close, I would shut the pocket door and just hear his face hit and it was just, I would just sit in there and laugh. I thought it was great because that dog tormented me for a year. And finally at the end, I got back to him. Yeah. He got revenge on his feet. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's good stuff. Yeah. So you guys started dating in six grades? No. No. Oh, that's when I met your mother in six grade. It's good. Were you in the friend zone for a while? Oh, yeah. How do you get out of the friend zone? You get married. That's how you get out of it. Then you're done being friends. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's how you get out of it. Now I've just kidding about that. Something. Yeah. So, Garmin, is that good advice? No. Not applicable. You don't say it's bad advice. You don't want to hurt a blind dog. That's good advice. What are your advice for dating? I used to fuck with this dog. All right. Yeah. So. Now, but you're out there. You're on the apps. I'm on an app. Okay. And yeah, it's going well for you. It's going well as far as I get dates now. Yeah. Which is the really saddened upsetting thing about this. It's like I was on the apps, I don't know, six years ago. Yeah. And nothing. Nothing was dry. Absolutely nobody would go on that name. Well, now they know you're funny. Hi. That's the top part about it. When you look like us, you get on a dating app. Yeah. It's just immediate. Oh my god. Right. I tried dating app for like 24 hours once. It was the most depressing crushes because I downloaded it because I was going through a break up and I was like, I'm fucking I'll show her zero for 24 hours. Fuck. Yeah. I don't think a lot of women understand that that's men's experience on dating sites, which is zero. Yeah. Like I had a friend she was like, all the guys on here weird. And I'm like, all the all try zero girls. Yeah. That's way worse. Yeah. I got somebody dammit me like, I'll show you my decky bitch. Fuck you. That's it. At least something. Do you get to see feel something? Get in a reaction. Yes. You get on there. You look like us. You get on a dating app. It's nothing. No. So, uh, then you get picky, which is very funny. You get zero and you sit there going. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You go, oh, a 10. She's gonna like me. Right. Yeah. She's not. So now at least I'm getting dates. So I'm out there and, you know, getting to take people out and. And you're getting in the line dancing. Yeah. I'm getting in the line dancing. I'm really into that. That's the place by us. Should I name? No, I shouldn't. Well, it doesn't matter. What is that? Go ahead. I'm not going to do it. They're going to be there now. Who? The weird guys. I think they're going to be there. They're there anyway. The weird guys are going to be there waiting for you to like this. Uh, already there. They've always been there. All right. That's on you. Well, they will keep the name out of it. It's going to be tough to find. It's going to be real hard to find the right place. This is a great place. Everybody there is so nice. Yeah. Yeah. The bartenders are great. Uh, the bouncers and, you know, they're big fans of tires. So they're all coming like show me how to do moves. Yeah. Which also for the record, I have nothing but support for the weird guys. Of course. Yeah. But support for the weird guys. Um, but we're weird. Yeah. So I got cowboy boots. I just went all in. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. I just want you to know how much this sucks. I know you hate it. I actually don't hate it as much as you think. Well, I don't like that you're practicing line dancing in the office at tires. So that did happen that I was telling Jonah because I'm typically cold. Of course my mom loves it. Yeah, because she's so nice. She's a good soul. And like, no. So, uh, typically I run really cold and the other day we were getting lunch and Chris is all bundled up and I was in a t-shirt. I was like, why are you bundled up? And I was like, oh, of course, top that door was closed. Why is your blood flowing? What were you doing? Working on this move in the boot scoot, VUGIE, where like you can kind of, when you make a turn, you hop off and click your heels. Oh, yeah. Which is what I really like about line dancing, which is the improvisational aspect of it. Once you get down, you can be creative. Yes. Yeah, I like that. You like the boots, good, VUGIE. I love that one. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. Cotton I Joe. That's a good one. That's fucking great. But it's frowned upon by the line dancing community, Cotton I Joe. It's so simple. Or yeah, I think it's probably just like hack, right? I would imagine it's hack. Yeah. Well, they probably have deep cuts in there. They're like, oh, this one knows what he's doing. Yeah, I suppose, but you got to come to Austin. You got to start with got it. It's all they're doing down there. I've heard and you get down there and cut a rug on a nice southern bell. Yeah, I would love to see Texas babe. Yeah. Should kiss you. Okay. I feel you don't know anything about this guy. He's just sexual. Well, of course, I'm a sexual partner. But that's the thing that I have. You know, it's like you really are you were you're meant to kiss on the first date. What do you mean? That's like a thing that you you're sort of supposed to do on a hinged on a on a date on the first date. You kiss. Yeah. Yeah. Because if like if you're the guy, you don't go for that. It's kind of seen as like lack of interest and lack of confidence. So that was something I had to get over. So even if you had one, you really didn't want to kiss you. It still goes through with it. No, I probably wouldn't. But you know, like all these FaceTime dates beforehand. This is the thing that bothers you. I don't know why it bothers you. I just I don't like I don't much right now. No, no, it's totally fine. I get a real sad about how the informality or like how ever the formality of online dating. Yeah. It makes me sad that there's no like. Kiss me. There's it's just like, okay, and then we FaceTime and we talk to each other and then we say I'd like to meet it this time and we'll see if we like each other. I don't know. You got to do the FaceTime thing though because otherwise you're going out, you're shelling out date money all over the place. And you need to call it. I was fucking loaded. I'm not dude. I'm looking for his riches. I'm not dude. I'm looking for his big shot. I got a big bell buckle with diamonds on it. I don't have a big belt. You have a private parking space for you or anything. They do not have a private parking space. I was just fucking hiding it around me. The FaceTime date works because then you very quickly can determine is this person lying via their pictures and then also are they weird? And you just so it just saves a whole bunch of like I would hate to have to be on a date and instantly know you don't want to be there and then have to like have the full drink and be like, I gotta go. Yeah. That sounds kind of fun though. Yeah, I'd love to be on just a horrendous date that I know. And then you exit. I wouldn't I'd fucking you know man. You stick around. No, we're going to be here till three. I know the bartenders are going to stay open. We're going to be here till four. And you try to get an Uber out of fucking the Harrisburg comedy zone. Fuck 45 minutes. We got to stay. Yeah, that's a I don't I don't envy the online dating. It's it's not great. I do hope to I mean, I shouldn't say it's not great. Like I've already met sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I would like to meet in person. And I need to get a little more comfortable. Where do you even do that? That's a line dancing. Line dancing, maybe. Right. Yeah, your country club. Yep. Well, it's just all guys. It's just all Jewish men. Is it all Jewish men? It's not Jewish. It was originally Jewish. I think I'm going to go out or interactions or anything like that. I've had none of those. Okay. Yeah. No, it's just open. Yeah. It's just Jewish men. Is there a pool? There's a pool. That's where you. Okay. Yeah, you know, take a lap around the pool after one of your. After round of golf. A round of Jewish golf. No, no, no. It's just, it's not Jewish now. They don't. It just at the time because there was a big star David on the wall. Was there? We're now in the window. There's like a reef. Well, for the pro shop. Oh, which is great. Yeah, I think they will they do all the. I only saw a star David. Well, they got a crossbar street. Well, they should understand the crisis king. But it is interesting because it started off as a Jewish only. So all the older guys. Yeah, yeah. God damn. Because they because they couldn't get into the other ones in the area. Yeah. So they had to start their own. They started their own. Sure. That's very common. Yeah. And then it's a guy. What do you got? Nothing. I got nothing. All right. That's something. But the. So yeah, it's just the older guys are all very Jewish. Yeah. How can you tell their voices? What did they sound like? God, a buggy. Oh, Lord. This club in my hands hurts. I'll take a six. Yeah. There you go, Phil. Oh, man. You fired from your job. But. Fuck it. It was time to retire anyway. Get there. Yeah. It's good to go out getting fired at your age. Yeah. Getting fired is funny. For an old man to get fired from his job. For doing a Jewish impression on a podcast. Fucking hilarious. I'll thank you. Phil, can we talk? You need you to come into the office. You fired. Yeah. But. It's also. It's extremely accurate. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how about your Thanksgiving? You were talking a little bit about your. Some of your parts are so. Oh, no. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. You're not on here. What's crazy on. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. You're not on here. What's crazy on. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. It's really crazy on here. Well, you days I mean you can I prefer not. Yeah, that's what I'm happy to throw myself under the bus for any no No, no, no, that's that's one. Yeah, that should be off limits. Hopefully we get some of that though I love some political fighting at Thanksgiving. Well, we got the participants. I'm down to do it I love it. I love it. Yep. We'll get you going and then we get both sides. We do have a nice mix Yep, I like though, but everyone drinks so everyone really gets out of pocket at night. Okay, I had a nice battle with my My uncle in my aunt one year. It was wonderful But it feels like everybody would be very communicative like it wouldn't be passive aggressive Well, it's just yeah, it's pretty aggressive. What happened is this is Jones Okay, I think again, they're gonna hear that Well, they can hear it but but So she and Shane are going after each other on the on the political stuff, you know and all of a sudden You know, this is after like three or four hours of drinking and this is three or four hours after the Thanksgiving meal and Shane is arguing with her talking And all of a sudden he starts talking like Trump And she's like a dog like she turns her head like she's trying to understand Like is this really Trump talking like she's all screwed up. Yeah, it was loud It's what's worse. Yeah, it's fun to argue with her as Trump while she was hammered on one. Yeah, she was like Shut up. I'm gonna get a little quiet piggy. Thanksgiving At the table at the table quiet piggy That'll be chaos you should gamify it. You should just have like little cards Yeah around the house. Yeah, I'll find myself. Oh, yeah Ukraine Have you nice me and Chris got in we had a nice political debate again same one So we did we go out we hang out for hours I'm gonna fifth hour in we go you you suck I have a political debate about illegal immigration for four hours Yeah, and we were with the other writers on the show on tires and like he He was I don't even want to say what you said to me It was so hurtful he he's he went low Well, you came back. I went high I went back with all beat the fuck I've never hit him and he knows that but the people were with were all like oh my god These guys they were smoke-raising shit like that to me. I'll fucking punch you in the fucking mouth The whole staff left That's been tough trying to have like fucking heart to hearts with people Yeah, someone just comes out. I was like dude. What's up? What's up, man? I'm good. Yeah, we also didn't even notice that they left Yeah, they're arguing for like 21 minutes Yeah, fucking left fucking losers. They don't want to have fun like us. I was saying I truly think I understand what like hot women go through now Given my daily experience like when we go out. I don't know how Shane takes it Not that again, it's not that they're all staring at my jokes It's not that I'm not like unbelievably grateful for people to Be fans of the show and all that and want to meet takers But then once they get to a level of the toxication. They just like don't leave you. Oh, well You should have seen the squad. We assembled it right. I'm sure In their right ear rough squad. Yeah, it was a girl. Okay. So they're the they're the ones that are like This is a problem. Okay, like a guy you can be like dude get the fuck out of here right if they're if they're like hammered and being like rude This is a girl that was just like kept taking her phone out and sticking to my face and she's like come on make it fucking I was like you gotta stop and then Chris kept taking her phone and dropping it into the other booth Oh, Chris stop stop That yeah the women are sometimes the most aggressive like the one that was they love pretending They don't know what they're dealing okay, you know But anyway, it's just something that I Get that experience of like what I when I was working out the gym which I had to stop doing because it's just like guys We come on guys yeah, we're in a conversation. I can't get out of yeah, you know There you're equating that to being a hot chick and you're gonna be having everybody everybody in your face and whatever but No hot chicks are Yeah, they got it worse 100% the whole time right every all the outside of the bar right walking down the street and your friend's dad is going 13 and a guy's fucking staring at your test right that's it's yeah, that's weird Just a totally different reality That worst I don't get it that much But wait if I'm like if I'm hung over his hell oh, yeah, unshoured stinky just trying to get grab a coffee Yeah, trying to slip it and slip out then the business is like hey, can we get a picture of you for our Instagram page? You're like yeah, fuck it. Yeah Just the worst they have it on the wall next time you're there. It's just dark red face. Yeah You're so gracious about it. I don't know how people are not You have to be right. I it's not that you have to be it's just what other what do you fucking psycho? Yeah, somebody comes up And they're like a big fan of tires. Yeah, can we get a picture? It's like absolute of course. Yeah, it's awesome You know, it's weird to meet when people say no, but Maybe maybe I got there. I don't know. I think I will. I don't I don't have I don't be there already. I don't like yeah Yes, I know would like ruin my night. I'd feel so bad. Yeah, yeah Anyway, so how do you handle it? Because now you're a big man. No Oh, yeah, you are you tossing out tickets left and right to all my shows You really You That's crazy to do that and then be like I don't know they're not selling Today you gave out six tickets to this I'm going to to my can't give tickets to my friends Your friends are already they know already know you're they know what you're like and senior and Hang out with you. These are some other people that are nice people and they went to buy tickets They're talking to the mic talking to the mic. Yeah, so they didn't have a chance to buy tickets I mean, I guess it sold out real quick and it's a small venue and yeah, you don't get near mechanicsburg Harrisburg too often anymore. So I said I'll give Gracia call and see what she could do Span in the fan base. Yeah, yeah, he's not he's giving out tickets to guys from the local bar It's all he does. There's fucking five of these guys at every show. They're in my green room Yeah, I get I get up done with the show and I go those are the guys from mechanicsburg But he's got to be able to do that. That's community. That's right if it's a huge if it's a big venue. I'm all for it right tonight It's like a 150 200 seats Yeah It's I said I said put them in the back or have them stand that's that's that's what I said to grace. Yeah, they just wanted to get in Yeah, yeah, well, that's all right. I appreciate what they get fired up getting into the show Huh, they get fired up when they get into friends. They don't give a fuck they don't they come to the show They go. Yeah, it was good They take all my beer and they take all my beer and the good that's how I knew you were back on the booze Did I tell you that? Uh I think I might have been Pittsburgh or something some of your boys from the bar We're at the show and I was they were like how's your dad doing and I was like he's good. He's He'd lost a lot of weight That's you know, whatever that's in the past now, but That's quick turn around You went down you fought middleweight for a week But uh, no, I was I was good. He's healthy and he's not drinking, which is great and they were like We were at the bar with him last night No, I didn't I didn't uh, I didn't have a drink for over a hundred and hundred and some days Whoa, yeah, after my surgery, right? Yeah, I didn't even want to drink it nothing But things change That's the ball season. Yeah, football season pretty sure it'll be NBA's coming on in there And then you know, there's no sports on we're fucking we're gonna watch That's my problem like if I could take time off of it I go I don't even need this and then I have it one night and I go why do every single night now yeah, yeah Yeah Yeah, but then yeah, it's kind of a spectrum on this That's the spectrum We had three game stretch Me and Chris had a nice road trip three days straight. Yeah, that was tough. I'm yeah, I'm regretting I'm regretting this Tuesday night We're gonna have a couple drinks tonight, but Friday Friday was wonderful Saturday was wonderful. Saturday was wonderful, but Sunday was Sunday was the one you should have skipped yeah, Sunday was definitely one we should have skipped And we knew from the start yeah, that it was exactly where it was gonna go And we kept talking to ourselves like all right We're not gonna drink. We're gonna just get lunch. Yeah, then we leave lunch and it's like all right Let's go fucking pub we'll have to And watch the first half of the game then I gotta leave I gotta train the cat Three beers and we go Myself Yeah, it was a good night to four year. Yeah, four of the dies cast for the dies. It's it's out of our hands. Yeah There's nothing we do going down the bad road. Yeah Well, that's kind of pathetic and sad but Fuck it. What's not nice at the time it was great bringing people out to a show. I remember There was back back when I was doing stand-up that I was opening for Paul Mooney I was like the guy that opened for Paul Mooney a helium because that's crazy. Yeah And so funny Yeah, yeah, he's awesome. He is he's Yeah, I would he's not something I would like go back and listen to that much. Yeah, you Yeah, I'd like I like his appearances though on like radio and like He's just bothering people. Yeah, and it worked on me the first couple times I heard him I was like this fucking racist Like it worked on me. I was like this guy fucking hate white people And then you get older and you realize he's literally just fucking with people don't get me wrong I'm sure he didn't like white people, but it's funny. Yeah, I mean Anyway, you were like me enough to bring me back But so there was a hairdresser that I liked so I had invited her out Because Paul Mooney show yeah, and I didn't know too much about him and then she brought a guy which was And then he's I forget exactly what he screamed but he would like literally screamed during the show you're a fucking racist Yeah So it was like kind of a double-wavy on me that I yeah, did you ever speak to her again? I don't recall it's been so long that does suck that you invited a girl to your show and she brought a fucking guy Yeah, that's that's wrong. Yeah, but I also did it all wrong. I mean I should it you know I've tried to basically you're trying to do so I tried to be like hang out with her for a while You know like go get my haircut for a year and then be like oh try and come on show As opposed to just like you gotta go right for it. Yeah, it's funny when you start doing stand-up that is Like I was like not excited to tell people, but I would drop that You know, I mean that you're done. I can imagine getting a haircut from a cute girl and just being like Yeah, I got a show tonight Like what do you do? It's like I'm a stand-up comedian not a big deal She comes to the show. I just bomb. Yeah You gotta use it Yeah, it's hot if it goes well. It's hot. It's I hate the way you talk. It's also He calls things sexy things I get him that's right vernacular I got you know He has a book about how to go down on women He reads it What do you need instructions Now hold on I know Yes Who needs a book The book now the worst is the red lighting Hold on a second lighting Fill he changes his bedroom lighting to red Okay, hold on his phone. He goes Alexa make it China That's breathing heavy hold on a second the red lights is a real thing However, they're not like all auxiliary lights that I'm setting up. They don't get mad about it people do it You could literally google it that it's a thing and plays techno. No, I don't play techno. You told me play I said I like you I like to try it one time doesn't work Hold on we're gonna go Yes I agree with that I agree that doesn't work because the What I found scares the fuck out of them She fucking hinge date and you go Make it China time That's your All right, hang on I don't do it. Let's just because you're like sweater golf guy Well, that's so I think that a little freaking there. Yes, and you like that. You think that's sexy. I do like it's you shade to grow Hold on let's go back for a second. Do you ever play any Motown? I haven't played Thank you. I'll give you that it's very funny. Yeah But my dad and you are fans of Motown. I definitely am We'll come back to it. So I Tried one time I told you that it doesn't work because the the buildup It's down doesn't work because the or the techno the techno. Yeah, yeah, it's you know What making is like a story unfolding This is like fling Say what I'm putting out some short story Right we're gonna take a quick break from the show now because we've got something for the sports lovers out there This is a special segment called more or less and it's brought to you by prize picks You and I make decisions every day like right now We're all thinking about what to buy for whom and whether we really want to hang out with that weird cousin again This holiday season But on prize picks Being right can get you paid Yep, the holidays come with so much sports action and on prize picks whether you're a football fan a basketball fan Or a fan of both like me it always feels good to be right Now let's get into this who's looking good and who is on the sports naughty list right now All right, please begin with your picks and they said make sure these players are playing this week Obviously, there's a ton of football. This is what I'm excited about right now guys a ton of football on Thanksgiving I'm focusing on the green bay packers right now um, I'm thinking Romeo dubs more But then you have Matthew golden and I'm going hmm less same name as me. That's not a good sign Um, who else do we have here? Oh Luke Musgrave more I'm thinking more for old Luke Musgrave for sure um, and then we have Jordan love and I mean Let's be honest guys less Um, so yeah, those are my picks personally you can disagree that's fine. That's what I love about sports It's just guys can come together and you know talk about stuff like this but That's where I'm coming from so I love to hear your guys is drop chop some comments below about your comments about who's gonna be more or who's gonna be less Because you know, this is the sports naughty list right now Okay, so that's our take now it's time to lock in yours and what better time because new feature alert price fix now has early payout And if your lineup gets off to a hot start You may now have the option to cash out those windings before the game even finishes Download the app today and use code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup price fix. It's good to be right So anyway Where did you get that that love making like a story because that has to be in one of your books? Yeah, yeah I There's a book called I think this one's called come as you are Come on, she comes first. Yeah, I know I'm not me. I'm shame. I'm looking at a reddit and asking reddit. What are good books about love making her you know whatever This and then they they want to go for sex tips Why not guys from reddit Those pussy hands on red So what's the what's the come as you are he's like written for women that struggle With you know or Are there testimonials in the I didn't think the conversation was heading in that direction or I really wouldn't be participating I understand now that's just what he does That's what I do keep going though. What are you doing? No, then well I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable I'm not going to be staying that much longer but Anyhow, but we were when we were in Pittsburgh last week for the For the football games we stayed at the William Penn Omni nice and they put us up in this suite Because friends of ours had a connection It was fantastic That's a good subject. It really was And what it oh the William Penn Omni is beautiful old historic hotel downtown Pittsburgh Um, and what it happened is they have what's called the governor's suite and they convert it to the Santa suite In November and the first night we were there November 14th We walk in there's all kinds everything is Santa. They got his boots laying there. Oh, that's nice They got gingerbread men out. They've got shower curtains James everything the bedsheets and there's two extra common rooms So there was like 2000 square feet of hotel that we had For three nights. That's really great. And it was it was fantastic. Yeah, I just wanted to get away from what he was talking That's fine. What he was talking about I get it he says him and he is open about this stuff you read a lot. I well about certainly He's it Yes, he let the fuse I regretted the fuse I also regretted the That's not what I want. I would like to stay in a Santa hotel room. No, that'd be nice. It's unbelievable. How big were the boots? Um, the actually the guy the guy that was I've taken our luggage out actually thought we left the boots like they were ours So he brings the boots down to put them in the car. I said buddy. No, that's that's part of the room. You're not mine or Santa's Yeah, you saw the pit note aim game. What'd you think of that Phil? Um, I thought Was Hunter able to say what's up to you? Who? Hunter Biven. I didn't see him there. Okay. I didn't see him there I was told me to get the word out that you were there. Yeah, I was looking for him. I saw Phil acts like he's not like a glory hand Is it completely glory? No, we had you guys have a lot of common sense my friend set set us up with great seat right behind another name bench On the 4045 line We were three rows from the from the wall Phil text me goes. Let them know I'm here Let the world know they're nice guys Hunter we hunter would have said what's up? Yeah, I saw Ron Paulus and some of the other guys But I didn't have a chance to say hello. They probably wouldn't know me. They didn't know you they don't remember you from the commercial Anyhow so we saw that pit nutter name on Saturday and then Sunday we saw the Steelers and the Bengals play and that was You know just wait was that that wasn't flackovers Roger's that was incredible. You were there for that. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah Yeah, but Rogers got hurt And then the other guy came in and he did a great job, but that was fun. I was I was amazed Truthfully had how much support Those stealer fans give that team. Yeah, I mean that stadium They are 100% for the Steelers and they cheer every play and even though you know people made not like this or that They support that team. I would love to play for the Steelers after I mean seriously And then I felt team I would love to go to Pittsburgh and play for the Steelers. They really do a great job with them So Never I've always wanted to see a game in that stadium. I've never seen a game in the I don't think I've ever seen the Steelers play Yeah How about that Yep, I don't think I have either we got to get out there Those are the best fan bases though. Yeah, they are there small town. He's got a good fan base Buffalo Buffalo's great. Yeah, the Eagles are great Eagles are great Eagles are such a fun fan base They're like an evil version of the bill's mafia They really are they're just the fucking devil No, it's fun though Yeah, they sort of had a fuggish Reputation the Eagles fans. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, but I think they're getting away from that because they raised ticket prices so much That some of the the riff around some of the way they're outside of the city outside. They're not going in. Yeah Yeah, I went there once with I went there Saw the Eagles 9ers a few years ago. I went into the game. I had $9 to my name I bought a Bud Light it was nine bucks I went with it was big J and so do and they were like do you want to come in this game with us? And I was like yeah, fuck yeah, and they were like here. We got you tickets. You can't say We don't have any more with us. You're up in the I was over the nose bleeds with big J's sister and brother and I mean them freezing Who's cold and rainy I got one beer. I was like well, yeah Down to zero dollars. Oh, I'm getting back to West Philly Unreal yeah And I always I told this story a thousand times when you were overdraft in Chipotle Love how you say what chipotle yeah overdraft in Chipotle for sure. Yeah, but I mean the reason I brought that up is because the riff raffer is still outside So my buddies are like Philly trash and they were out there. They're snorting shit off their dashboard It was like let's snort oxies Yeah, they're getting after a couple of pain pills in the parking lot I cry if I had to be around If I had it, I'll tell you what I wasn't too comfortable. Yeah, watching guys snort Right, you know what's gonna happen games nothing too. I'm tired You can not feel your body and go into Xfinity live and try to fight someone Ride the bull just get stuck off the bull yeah, yeah, that's no they're still there. They're not going anywhere. Yeah Yeah, it's tough getting back to your car. There's a new class of plumbers snorting pills out there. Uh-huh Waiting for somebody in another jersey Oh fuck is that You know, that was a great weekend It's good. What do you got next film? What's going on? What do you got on the docket? I know your knees bothering you I might send you down to Austin and get some stem cells in there. I took a shot of cortisone yesterday So it's helping. Yeah, oh Steve's got arthritis. Yeah, yeah I haven't gotten cortisone yet though because it's apparently at least so many you can get it over something Well, my age they can yeah Uh, but yeah, I definitely noticed a difference and she said it could take two or three days Before you really notice a difference and she said sometimes it'll last for a couple weeks Sometimes it a couple months and sometimes several years. Mm-hmm. Depends on the individual. They don't really know how to Determine that so the science is out Yeah, how about uh would you get stem cells? I I don't know what the fuck they do, but yeah, I'd have to do some research on it Um Yeah, yeah, if your knees work, right? I think they work These guys are good at the people in Austin and the people who did uh roger's Achilles. Oh, yeah Yeah, we get you in there. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it does. I mean right now the guy that I had a torn minescus He operated on it and then said there's a lot of arthritis in there. He's so funny if I sent Phil down there They just kill him Stem cells so I don't know what the fuck that shit does. No, I want to It never really improved my knee. It did briefly been in the last two months It's just been killing me and plus some coach and basketball so I'm walking on it all the time Even driving the car. I mean, I can't if it's positioning correctly it just Pain shooting through my knee Wakes me up at night constantly. I can't I have to it's really terrible It sucks. It really does. So that's why I took the courtesan shot I do have an appointment in December with the surgeon Remember the mic Into the mic. Yes So my voice garage some guys are for sure. Oh, Bizz will I think I'm getting like a hip thing I think we get like a hip pointer. I think you'd be a drinkin and Yeah, I think you'd be a first way to sports Yeah, I'll wake up with just a dead arm Yeah, just passed out on it. Yeah, fuck That happened a couple times in my 20s Woken up. Oh, you're falling asleep on your arm. Yeah, and woke up with like the deadest arms I've ever felt in my life and was just like this has to be permanent. Yeah, this has to be a permanent injury There's got to be like nerve damage. Phil, last time I was here you were fucking hammered when I'm like seriously crazy first saw that's very funny We got home. Were you there? I don't think so. We got home late. I don't think you expected us until the morning You thought you were all safe up on that deck by yourself We opened the door Phil goes No, that was after the golf tournament. No, it was the day before You were out there getting ripped And then you went and got a kit cat bar before bedtime. Oh, that's good I saw him reach to the candy drawer on the way on the way up to bed. He hit a fucking kit cat bar. What's wrong with that? Candy bar before bed that he's in the hallway. I was like, Phil, he got me quiet. He's like Ah, don't make things up I'm I yeah, but I don't I don't really go for candy when I'm boozing More of a chicken parm Chicken bomb's crazy taco bell kind of I speak my language I don't know how you're getting chicken parms Well, what time are you drunk? It was making chicken parm with that hour. It was at least in Philly. There were a couple late nights Stay open you get a chicken parm at any hour or night. You get you get greedy at night with the grub Yeah, this guy would order a thousand big Macs Eat four of them in one sitting you'd watch him do it. Yeah, take a breath. Two big Macs was the move two big Macs was crazy. Yeah I was but I was reaping all the benefits. He would pass out There's a third big Mac in here. Yeah Yeah, I think there was a lot of times I only ate one big Mac and I'd come out and I'd be like I ate two big Macs last night And you were like, yeah, man, it's nuts I think those three you definitely ate two you always ate two That's good stuff. What else what else do we got here Phil you want to tell us a fun fight story ever beat anybody up? Yeah, why not no Clean cheap any funny Child stories. Yeah, how about the story when I had to walk that girl. I don't know about it. Yeah Well I don't even know if you were born then, but this sticks out of my mind is one of the funnier stories We lived About 10 miles from here or five miles from here and back then in the mid 80s. We had a landline, you know phone Okay, so I would answer this phone and say Hello, gillases and I would hear this Like this pervert on the other end And I would just go nuts. I'd say you son of them If I ever find out who you are, I'm going to kill you because Katie and Sarah were both like six and seven at the time and and Joan, you know, she was you know still hot and so I I'm thinking there's some perverts just watching what's going on here and I don't know if they're after the girls or after Joan But and then like a week later I'd pick up the phone and say hello gillases and ideas Oh Like yes, and I say yeah, and I would swear I go nuts. Yeah, so this went on for like six weeks like once a week and then one Sunday afternoon Sarah's girlfriend comes up in a baby stroller and she's some little overweight Greek kid, all right Joan, Joan says to me about three hours later will you walk her home? All right because she was putting Katie and Sarah getting them in the bath or whatever So I said sure So I start walking with this kid and she's got her baby carriage and we walk and I take about 10 steps and I hear this It's you isn't I scared her so much you would never say anything That's what I was saying Hey, yeah, that's a true story that poor kid That's great. I remember when Mike Connelly hit puberty. That was a tough one Yeah, my buddy Mike hit puberty like Really, you would call me like a stranger. Yeah, and they're like who is this you fucking He wasn't allowed to play football with us anymore. We did hide our backyard football games from because you just have a He was a fucking monster. He would kill us Yeah, my friends had no jumper all against me when we played basketball. You were now out of shoot No, they weren't allowed to jump. Oh, the block because I was so tiny. That's nice. Yeah, it is nice. Yeah He got hooked by a Down syndrome guy playing basketball. That's right Yeah, yeah Oh I just read it. You know, he's just a little overexcited. You know sort of toss me around Yeah, let me tell him what would you make a tough shot or something? He he knew the he knew the pretty girls were gonna be at recess watching and he said they were already there And he said watch this. I'm a good guy. I'm gonna help this special needs boy I won an award which I said your photo of which is What's it the nicest guy award But you remember I was like I think there's something with Congress and then it was like a state I got a word from Congress. It's like a judge from Westchester But now he was trying to show off for the ladies and be like look at my gosh. I'm trying to show off for the ladies My cousin no you were Well, it's a byproduct You know, it wasn't like I sat there and said let how can I get a date in middle school It was my cousin started doing it in his school. So I was like that would be a cool thing to do here. Yeah, yeah But once he's all ladies watching you were kind of Dude everyone Yeah, it's all about all the ladies watching. Yeah, of course. There's a wrong with it It's just a funny thing to have backfire. Yeah, you're trying to be a good guy and the fucking guy starts to hump and you Yeah, Chicky. Yeah, he had to pull him off guy. Yeah I remember the stress of just like running the mile in gym class Now that's when you hit the fucking up too cool for this. Yeah, yeah, go fuck that. I'm walking dude You're all loud too cool for it's a great way. There's no way. I'm gonna fucking do that right running lose to a fucking like all the girls Now it's I'm too cool for this. That's funny. I'll hit the I'm too cool for this button Basketball tryouts instantly sure it's okay. Oh, you gotta do that. There's no okay. You gotta take the skins You can't you can't even fight it. Okay, this you can't even when they go shirts and skins your own skins in your head you go You gotta play that cool Fuck it. I'm talking about like Once I knew I sucked at basketball. That's when I was like Lay up line try out. I'm just fucking Launching it against the backboard Fuck it. I don't even care I get home ago I would just the cry I wouldn't go through the cool thing. I just go right to the cry skins was tough, but it was nice was There was a couple guys that had we were all gone through puberty so they all some of the guys just had giant tits You know those like puffy nipples kids got yeah, you didn't play enough sports trust me When you go skins like Kids have giant fat nipples Everybody everybody goes yeah One of my friends came was tits From that and it was just puffy nipples. It's just puffy nipples. He was in perfectly good shape. Yeah, he just had a rack dude Yeah, I told you I drained him. Oh, yeah, that's the worst man I pierced him. Oh Yeah, I didn't know what I thought I was growing tits. I was freaking out. I was gonna talk to anyone about it. Yeah, you can't tell anyone about She's fucking house. Just like put a needle in that I don't know I guess to maybe a couple of years shorter than I should have been but I Know I think it was like important to do All the power was in your numbers. You were about to be six eight Yeah, but it wasn't worth the risk you'd be a problem six eight with tits you were tall you would have a real problem. Yeah, you're build Yeah, yeah, yep, man, what that'd be so fun All right, James. You're gonna wrap it up. Got to wrap it up. Got to get ready for our Basketball. Okay, you got anything to say the guys have been waiting for you to be on the pot for Really know who the guys are Everybody Club dude is like your chef Put to be with you the day Yeah, it's nice. It's pop in before Thanksgiving. Good to see everybody. Yeah All right, I'm out of here. All right Keep going. Yeah, sure. What are we at time? It's a tough couch to fucking get out of This episode is brought to you by Dose Supporting and liver daily with Dose is one of those small things that can make a huge difference in how you feel overall You're gonna reduce sluggishness get rid of mid-day crashes support your metabolism and aid digestion Plus it tastes like freshly squeezed orange juice. How about that, Matt? That's nice get ready to Are ready to give your liver the supported deserves head to dose daily dot CO slash MSSP or enter MSSP to get 41% off your first subscription I like it. That's great. Yeah, it's good for you. It's good for you do it Okay, not the D rail you guys talking about but when you were yelling at him like your daddy's I didn't hear that till the third time He's christ new executive is done and Phil Hit me with it. That would have hurt when he was like you need a book. I was like I didn't think this through I'll talk about eating pussy with my dad That's a fucking crazy thing. Yeah, I didn't know if you wanted him to dive in or not. No, absolutely not Obviously would be funny, but I don't need that now and I feel bad for him, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think he understands Just how many people asked What are you doing down there with your fucking friends? Yeah weirdos. Yeah, I think we got a good team this year You know you can't win without good kids Yeah, to go deep into the pussy eating conversation They just pour 60 beers on top of that wake up tomorrow Yeah Yeah, I'll be sad it'd be nice to take it easy tonight. Yeah, oh yeah I'm Yeah, I got burnt I walked too close. I got too close to the sun Yeah, I gotta stop doing that to you. I was yeah, you can't go into deep waters I mean, I've been in the deep I You are I've been in the deep but I he could yeah, but it's not he's not built for it. No, no No Now the wheels come off you start going. Yeah, well also your your depth. There's so much. I'm just drinking brusquies But they were bringing out the green teas green teas are all right Yeah, but if you have to no, I can't I can't you know Once it was sing I can go what I even know what's in there enough To James you started hitting that brown like the brown is that's that's when he's going for a run sure Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true But I I don't think I asked for the brown all weekend that everyone's in a while It's yeah, you offered me a shot. I go crystal fucking do it. Yeah I was saying no we said no to a A twisted T-jug It's an insane offer Hey, you want a jogger twisted. Oh, no, thank you And then they were like I Did if you do it Here we'll film it. Chug this you go. Yeah, that's good. Let's get that out there Ha My fat neck chugging a fucking Look in it. Okay Kids come up dude be like yo, can you shout out fucking sigma of Kai? Whatever the fucking frat is yeah, I usually say no, but everyone's wrong drunk enough to be like, yeah, I'm sigma I'm a loser dude I become a fucking embarrassment It's really embarrassing you're so nice about it I'm nice to people, but then you hang out Too late College kids coming in be like just be out of your breath right your face spin on you. Yeah But I get it. I remember sure. I was a college kid. I'd be so happy sure. Yeah I was dream College colleges. Yeah, man, it was a dream I'm really good. I'm waiting Oh, it's so fun. Then we might have lost the comment. He went through hell this weekend. I did He's on a different plane No, I'm descended I had descended I need to ascend we do I need to do it big dry out you mean gonna be in complete control Don't worry. It's only the holiday season. I need a big Don't leave it all the season. We're probably not gonna be drinking that much and not depressed at all Yeah, well my family goes light on the booze so I can I can I can get it. We'll go light at uh Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's well They won't but I will I don't like getting drunk in front of them I guess my family. Yeah No For real Yeah, yeah, it's a bad look Yeah, especially the way I actually drink. Oh, yeah I was like watch this Actually, that would be funny. They treated like the medical emergency Like yeah, like wait, so what you're doing this when you're not around What you know, this is just no, this is for Thanksgiving. I miss you guys Just miss you so damn much. I don't remember it. I only remember seeing you That's good stuff. Yeah, it's fine. We're in complete control now Are you excited for tires? I couldn't be more excited. Yeah, I'm excited. It's gonna be so much fun. I'm excited It's the best it's incredible just filming together goofing off you'll get mad Oh, it's gonna be cold. You're gonna be such a bitch the whole time. I think I'm gonna be a bitch too. It's cold It is cold as fucking there We only got a little lick of the winter last year We're gonna be in the depths my understanding is that there's like heating elements outside now and that they're gonna be a little bit better about Having places for me to go personally warm up. Yeah, you ruin a room. I Accidentally, I did that once you said it to 95 degree He does have a nice trick to keep me out of his office. Oh, I'm writing. Yeah I go in I take two steps into the room and I go oh my god Get the fuck out of here Yeah, I'm like cold blood and I run my temperature runs low I do great this summer Yeah, I like walk around the office and see what you guys are up to yeah walk past yours You're laying on an inflatable mattress walk Chris is asleep on a fucking bean bag It's fucking crazy dude Sleep dude All staffs asleep. It's it's exhausting If you come in it like two yeah, dude I hear four hours of hard thinking You got a lay it down a lot of guys napping you got a lot of naps in there You got a lay it down like we need to script by Thursday everyone John Please Yeah, this is it's it's just so exciting and that That that is the one thing I was saying is like to be to be famous for like small famous that I am for like this reason Well, you know what I mean sure. Oh, not you. I'm just I don't like even talking about it Yeah, oh, well, I mean it is a factor or yeah, yeah, but for this reason like I it's just so nice Because it's it's it's about a show Yeah, you and John and it's like for sure people that really care about you that I couldn't imagine Fuck would want to be famous Well, that's it Wow, that's my point. It's like if you if you were a reality show famous. Yeah, just Just trying to be famous. Yeah, you don't want to have talent at all. You just want to be famous right Right there nightmare Yeah, but it is it is fun. I do like seeing you be the big man on campus I like watching you walk around and go. Oh, yeah, that's me That's not what I do. Oh, yeah, I don't do that. Oh, yeah, but I'll tell you what it is rewiring my brain You know like because bars I used to never so I'm trying to get my she's trying to get me out of my comfort zone Which I'm totally grateful for and Like went to the Eagles Halloween thing. Yeah Oh, man. Yeah, it is me dressed as jeffar. Yeah, I can't see Kind of blind Right out of the gate. Yeah, well, it's a picture. I thought we were I thought he wanted us in the picture I was like Steve. Let's go. Oh, no, but he was saying get out you say nice new Oh Fuck Yeah How fucking nice is he yeah great everyone was saying Obviously everyone's great, but I went to me and him after the Halloween party went to bonters Yeah, I just sat with him at the bar at bonters. He's huge. He's dressed like a vampire That was out of his and he was just getting into singing he was talking about his singing. He loves singing Yeah, he started singing. It was very funny. That's fantastic. See what I See what If I was just gigantic And I said I want to dance you would be all your city. You know, it's so cool if you were first off I wasn't saying oh, it's so cool. I thought it was funny. It's funny To hear a guy that it's that big. Yeah, you're like thinking about getting into singing bro Yeah I wish I got it really good voice. Yeah, he does. That's the difference also You get a great voice and good moves I can support it The moves are actually pretty good. No, I will say that you go good moves. You gotta come Long legs Yeah, some type of bug on the dance floor I don't look good fucking bug out there. I know I wish I was more proportioned No, I think long legs is good for square dancers long at all three of us pretty I'm the ideal man That's what I think I'm gonna do I think I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna try it out. I'm gonna get big into yoga You got dried out before we film you get flexible for sure. Yeah, and while we're filming we gotta Get the family thankfully it's gonna be early enough days Because of the lighting So you're not gonna we're not gonna be oh, yeah, yeah, I just we go. No, that's it. Yeah It's kind of like a little bit of identity crisis to think about how different I would be if I was Jordan Marlotte my lot of size Yeah, God, I'd love it if you were the exact same There's just a giant version of you. I would probably see I'm going home Six eight jack I'm going as a trip harder the Eagles Halloween party. I have to leave I'm blind Well People so dilated so it's like I can't see anything and I think I asked you at one point is like who's that over there? And you're like jail gone barkly Dang it. I can't see him. Yeah And then just a bunch of giants like I'm seeing it was there. Oh he was yeah, wow. Yeah, oh Yes, Steve couldn't see Folks I got plenty more I would I would gen if I couldn't see I would freak out in those environments too. Yeah, cuz like when Shane came in then Jordan Marlotte was like dancing Yeah, like I don't know everybody's got a dancing and then There was there was some movement back towards me and then there was literally nowhere to go I was against the bar. Yeah, so then You know, yeah, yeah, slowly. It was nice that we were the only trash. We were the only ones there. Yeah other than the Team it was very weird. Yeah, it was awesome. It was really nice with the dickersons. Oh, that's so they they put it together He couldn't be how great is here. Yeah, man Yeah, that's it's funny when you get to know the the guys that play football Like it changes the way I watch the game like like last night Christian McCaffrey running the ball 30 times every time he runs bomb like don't be safe Don't get hurt. I just you become a girlfriend Oh, no, he's down Yeah, get up get up. He's up. He's up. He's good. He's having a hell of a game. Maybe any game. You know, I'm so proud of you It's great Yeah, like I watch bills games now. I'm back to that cuz Gabe Sure Gabe Davis is about I watch it again. I'm like a fucking girlfriend watching this shit. Yeah, he catches the ball like Yeah, Gabriel Anytime he doesn't get thrown you're like he was open. He was open Josh Yeah, but injuries in football it's sad. It's sad. It's so sad for the guys. Yeah, cuz I've really you know It makes them it makes them sad. Yeah, yeah, it's such a just your entire career can be yeah, it's done in a second. Yeah I don't I genuinely don't know how there aren't eight broken legs every running play me neither it's Obviously I would Just ran if no one tackled me Pull up Terry or killies That's what I'm surprised the line guys don't wear the double leg braces. Yeah Also, I feel like the arm the arm brace thing I feel like the one the D guys wear it feels like cheating. Why you just got a metal weapon you can hear Doing weird play like indoor lacrosse. There'd be these fucking Canadian guys and they would build like their own like armor They would just like they would they would like heat up plastic and build just like really really and then it's just Incrusher Canadians were fucking you up. They're nuts. Yeah, are they better than you? I well, who's better skill level? The Americans are the Canadians. I think the Canadians yeah really I mean Damn, it is like a clash of the Pussy's who can play the real sport It's our non football guys versus their non hockey guys Dude Who are the pussy guys get this is our best group of pussy guys now the Canadians because every everyone When I was growing up was like you got to have like be like good and but with both hands and all this stuff And kidding guys when I fuck that yeah, they just got so good with one hand didn't they now New York has the Native Americans Yeah, yeah, one in dog yeah, yeah We laugh about showening or whatever Jim Brown playing he was like nasty at lacrosse. Yeah, so brown Yeah, he played lacrosse at Syracuse. Okay. Yeah, there must have been 10 people on earth playing lacrosse He must have just trucked the fuck out. Yeah, yeah, so I was actually him. I was like can you just lower your shoulder with the ball He's like yeah, that must have been fucking terrifying. Yeah, he just I'd be racist sure I was one of those white guys out there to go get him off the field This is fucking crazy Yeah, that feels like a sport ripe to have somebody come in just dominate like that Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd love to see it fully fuck I would love to see I'd love to see like a LeBron kind of guy out there Yeah, he's so scared my lotta with a lacrosse No Jordan it would shoot the ball 200 miles It's right Jordan my lotta needs to be nowhere near Dude I remember other sport. Yeah, dude. I remember he's scary out there. Yeah He shakes your hand after the game you destroyed the girlfriend girlfriend mode again. Oh my god. Your hands are So fucking gay the whole time Did you can sing and he's handsome. He's dressed like a vampire Yes, he was he was he's dressed like a vampire He's just fucking he's kind of crazy. I was fucking squad of mutants In the corner just like a fucking ninja turtle Blinds going home Got a whole team of pugs in the corner Yeah, these are my buddies. We're all fucking pieces of shit I had the hat the jafar hat was like two foot and it still wasn't bliss bliss showing up at the fucking whatever that face Yeah, mine was fucking no hurt horrifying That's a high level move Yeah, that's a good night. Those are good costumes. I don't I thought I had a good turtle costume. You did have a good I had no costume. I Oh, yeah, no, it wasn't too cool. I just didn't have a time Should have gotten you want we went to the store right before should have got the Jason mask. Yeah It's classic. What are you nice nice to get your power ranger Yeah, I'm not A big power ranger. I physically am for a body suit Well, it's baggy. It better be Better be baggy. There's a lot of problems with the way to shoot with me In the teenest might be number two Yeah, the love handles is where we're running in this real fucking chaos Just a belt of power ranger belt sagging underneath my gun I mean, that's I'd be with you. I go. I'm going home too. This fucking blows I think that'd be such a sick look If I pulled it. Yeah, if I wore it with confidence. Yeah, but there's no added. There's no I could Be doing the adjust my fucking shirt Pulling the teenest out this time the whole time Don't get that spandex off my dick is crazy When my love is gonna see my tiny penis Dude, I remember when we were in uh, when we were in like I think late middle school early high school Casey Powell is like the best player in the world at the time came and we were hanging out and he was like shooting He was shooting like 95 miles an hour and Sullivan just picked up a stick He's an eighth grade. Yeah, he just picked up a stick and shot like one day Yeah, because he pal was 25 Someone's a horse though Monster I can't imagine an NFL lineman like actually playing lacrosse and shooting the ball Fucking funny if you're allowed to just truck people it would kill golees Yeah, yeah, they definitely started actually wearing pads like way more pads like a thick like a hockey chest protector Those guys must be crazy they're not lacrosse golees. They're nuts. Yeah, I like those positions in sports that are real weird Yeah, like MLB pitchers. Yes, are just insane people I would imagine hockey golees are fucking weird dudes hockey golees. Yeah, yeah, they're supposed to be every single golfer Weird dork Yeah, they don't know any I've only met a couple and they were all very normal and nice. Oh, yeah Just trying to be a little your sport. Oh, okay I just wanted to take your favorite thing and say it sucked Even though it doesn't know what it has to do the little bit because it's such a head that is I would imagine there's a weird people Yeah, like you have to do all these like weird mental stuff to like keep from absolutely melting down. Yeah, yeah So I have golees like talking to pipes and stuff thanking pipes to the My favorite was just during covid going to baseball games where the stadium was empty and you could just listen to the pitchers They're fucking insane. What are they saying? They're every time they put that glove over their face. Yeah, your mother fucker Really I'm just back in the game. You're like always shit. Whoa. Yeah, they're no, they're mental patients Well, that's really interesting. I mean, I get it Yeah, giving up a home run. Yeah, you can just hear it as soon as it leaves the bat. You're the petri Start of a fucking bitch. Give me the ball It's just winging the next pitch I can't imagine like having the confidence Did just throw the picture over the plate time you put me onto that it's very funny when someone gives a home run usually the next pitch is 95 fastball. Yeah down the middle Fuck you Gone again Shit That's got to be the worst feeling in the world Giving up a homer. Yeah, it's a tough one Give me a sack sucked Oh my god Yeah, especially your friends with the quarterback. He's your buddy Just kidding. I'm getting killed. I don't know who the fuck this guy is I'm gone this game run away What can you do if you're just getting smoked what do you Nothing just the coach hopefully the coach can make an adjustment and help the running back chip. Yeah But we didn't have that Oh, so it was just you're just gonna get fucked up today. Yeah How many times that happened just I haven't once Yeah, haven't been once this is my last game of my senior year. Oh, no And the guy across me you just play one you were like he's I mean, yeah, I like never gave up a sack and then this one game This guy was just killing me The final game. Yeah, never played another game. Yeah. Oh, no. That's all right. Fuck it. I got a memory I got I don't care. I got a memory like that Yeah In college I'm going to your hockey stories. No, never That's that's tough. I'm hockey. That's a tough one He's like deeply troubled by it dude conference championship my senior year at college They like they dialed it up they called him play to me. Oh, like take this guy to the rack had a shorty Dude stripped me and I like never turned the ball over. Yeah, never stripped me Down the other way didn't see the field again. Oh, man It was yeah, it was like a fourth quarter games like it's like seven seven. Yeah, run the play. Connor. You ready? And I went into it. We're like I'm going to smoke this guy And he just Twig to go. Yeah, all right mother Here we go Dude, it was like And I still say that one of those things is screaming about in the shower because it was a thing where it's like Like I hadn't been playing well in the like the last quarter of the season But the coach is still like I know he literally pulled me aside and was like I know you still got goals. Oh, no Yeah And I was like hell yeah, that's nice though. Yeah, you know, he's great. Yeah, and then I didn't have goals left But it was that's it was like so painful. He literally like Game on the line gave me a shot to make a difference That's tough you never told me the story. Oh, it's brutal Why is literally like the last play of my yeah, yeah Harper You heard me guys. Yeah, that's a tough one. That's all right. That's how sports ends. Yeah, no you don't end on top. No You got humiliated When was your last uh sport? That would be probably little league baseball and it was yeah, just Couldn't but you were just short. Yeah, when did you grow? When did those fucking legs take off? freshman year college holy shit. That's been crazy. It was pretty nuts That how much did you grow? Six inches seven inches in a year Over the time. Yeah, yeah, that wasn't what they're hurt. It was it was crazy It was crazy to have to like buy new pants and yeah, yeah That's a dream though. That was I always held out hope. Yeah I would yeah, I would learn about people growing in college and being like it's still I still It's right. Yeah, I saw an endocrinologist and they they you know said five six five seven pops Really, yeah, and then I don't think they know shit. I don't know. They get that wrong all the time You're just looking at an x-ray. Yeah Yeah, it's a scam and no chronologist I'm coming for you You fucking remember is so humiliating because they uh Had like a beat of testicles. Do I tell you about that? He was like Like a size chart a size chart. Yeah, but it was like on a rope like like a like a butt plug rope Yep, and then my mom like so they checked me and then my mom came back in the room We were showing where my testicles were all this On the big balls. Yeah, yeah, what yeah, that how they see how tall you're gonna be No, I think it was the x-rays, but they were just there like here. This is just a show you where you stack up Don't fuck with what doctors is I'm dead at that fucker by recollection. I just you know also you have small tiny balls Just for that's no medical difference. You're gonna be able to have kids all that This is just for you It has no bearing on anything else just what you know you got a little tiny dick Thanks for that you look matching up to the age group that tits. That's what you would That's a doctor with small tiny balls. Yeah And he's got his little he's got a notch on there right he's gonna Got you Not so small The 99th percentile. Yeah, yeah All right, well how yeah, what's the biggest what was the biggest ball in the chart would you say? Don't recall That would have stuck out to me. I would have been like holy shit Poor fucking guy. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think they were like abnormalities. I think it was like what you got up to Average mail is basal word ended Yeah, well, never really think about this But yeah, what do you never think about the surgery? Yeah, that's we got we got way bigger fish to fry Right next door We got a real problem above and below those things there's stuff going on that we need to take care of Balls are on the back burner for concern You're a sweet boy. I wish you could come to the show tonight, but thanks for having me on this. Yeah, it's good to see you. Sorry So I didn't want to make your dad super uncomfortable. No, it doesn't fuck it was fine. Okay. He thinks it's funny He just doesn't want to talk about it. You can post here around me if I wasn't here. He'd be like that That's what I do Yeah, but now my family's not Got it never talk about sex. Got it. Yeah, I think it's weird when families do It died couldn't agree more Yeah I agree with that you know you final phone thoughts here Anything I'll give you chest. No, no, I think I think I'm glad glad I made it through Those really up against the yesterday. I thought you're dead. Yeah You don't respond when you like that. That's annoying. I know, but I get it sometimes you got it Couldn't face rehab. I shut it down. Yeah, shut it down. You get it. Yeah It's communication Gone for sure. All right. Well That's a good podcast. Yeah. Thank you Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify do it