Did We Find The NEW FedSmoker?! | Your Mom's House Ep. 835

Hey everyone, this month I'm filming my new stand-up special in Milwaukee at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th. Tickets are available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show only. I'll also be in El Paso, Tucson and Colorado Springs this weekend. Get your tickets now at tomscure.com slash tour. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Don't you wish everything was more rewarding? With Rakuten, almost everything is. You can earn cashback on those new shoes you've been wanting. You can save on the next Trip You book. You can cash in on groceries. Just join, shop your favorite brands and save. Sephora, Boots, Argus, Timu, Adidas, Trip.com. The list is long. Save online at over 550 stores. And when it's time to redeem those rewards, get your money exactly how you want it. Choose bank transfer or PayPal. So go ahead, take a trip, fill a cart, get a new outfit. Rakuten is a world of rewards. Join today for free. Go to recuten.co.uk or get the app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. How are you feeling today, Jean? Good. Today, actually, my winter drop is now available so you can buy in time for Christmas. Are you wearing the winter drop? This was my fall drop. The winter drop. I have a new liquid lipstick color that I call cuts you up and a shimmer gloss. What's it called? Cuts you up. Oh, cuts you up. I thought you were saying a Japanese word. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Christina P. Congratulations. Thanks. The makeup continues to impress, Jean. That's fun. I really believe in this product, too. It doesn't suck. So much makeup fucking sucks and I spend a lot of money and time making these good. I mean, the results are impressive. People also really like it. And I'll tell you what, too. I like having interesting makeup, not necessarily about, like, you know, being a Kardashian because that shit's boring. Yeah, it's not who you are. It's not who I am, bro. You're a dark child. Demon Hunter, K-pop Demon Hunter, but no hate on them. No, it's not for me. It's not for me. Yeah. What are you inside? Who are you inside? I mean, there's some darkness. Well, you're a serial killer. I wouldn't go that far. I think I'm a God Warrior, but I feel like I'm God Warrior. There's some dark stuff in there, too. I'm dork-sided. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She lost all the weight, that lady. I'm a God Warrior. Dork-sided. You know, can you pull up God Warrior? She was amazing. For people that don't know. What show was that on? Trading Spouses. Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you work on that show? Yeah. So I was there. Yeah. Oh, there she is. Yeah, she looks great. Marguerite. Marguerite parent. So that's the clip when she's a big ol' lady right there. Yeah. So the concept of the show was that two people from different families would go live with the other families called Trading Spouses. So they would do things, obviously, like pair a woman from a liberal family to a conservative family and vice versa. And so cameras would be running. And it was super entertaining because you'd see people that are, you know, not from this lifestyle all of a sudden thrust into living with a family like that. And, you know, they'd pick like somebody from like a farm and send them to like New York City and vice versa. So anyway, I'm working in the post production office where at the time, and I don't know if reality is still done this way. Maybe it is. But at the time, you know, the cameras would run 24 seven and then they'd have a PA on location, take the tapes from that week and fly with them back so that nothing could have like you have to have a human being carrying them. You're not going to ship it FedEx, you know. So, you know, PA came in, dropped off tapes and I would work. This is when I was working the graveyard shift. I remember those years. 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. It was awful. Awful for me physically, mentally, emotionally, just for life in general. It was awful. But I remember being in the post house and, you know, you'd know the editors bays. And there were a couple people that were like convening by this editors bay down the hall and I was here in hollering and laughing and I'm like, what's going on down there? And I went down there and I saw they were watching this lady who basically that she was from Louisiana and they put her with, I think, just like a more, yeah, let's say liberal family. And when she got back home, she was just like, she was having like a mental break. She was like, those people are demons. And I'm a God warrior. And she just exploded. Can you play the God warrior? She's not a Christian. Yeah, she did. Yes. Yeah, Weber, she was raking out that she's not a Christian. Yeah, this was. Yeah, oh, 2005. This 2005. This one we were dating. Yes, if she believed in God, she's not a Christian. She could be a Jew and believe it doesn't matter. She's tampering in dark sided stuff. Dark sided. Dork sided. Yes, she did. The entire house is dark sided. Dork sided. She's in her whole house. She is dark sided too. What are you saying? Yeah, mom's got problems. Yeah. Mom's a borderline. That's a little bit of it. Anyway, she went fucking nuts, dude. She went nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Wife swap. Wife swap. Okay, because trading spouses was the other. Wife swap must have been Fox and trading spouses with ABC. I think that's what it was. Great. Both of them. I was really into that show. I don't know. Maybe. I was really into that show. It is trading spouses. Mm hmm. Anyway. I only had three seasons. I feel like they could do that show infinitely. It should be an ongoing social experiment show. And you know who the mastermind of all the shows? Which one? Because I was at a place that did them for Fox. They had a Fox deal. Mm hmm. You had trading spouses, my big fat obnoxious boss, my big fat obnoxious fiance, some makeover stuff. It was a little French dude named Jean Michel. Oh, I remember this guy. He was like five one and he had like the long shoulder length hair. Yeah. Is that him? Is that Jean Michel? Jean Michel. That can't be the guy, is it? No. This is what happens when you click on it. Let's see. Like little child? Was he a child star? No. I have no idea. I think so. My big fat obnoxious boss. I mean, yeah, he's got all those credits, but that's the photo. Bizarre. That's his childhood photo. He was an actor, I guess, a child actor. Can you look up like images of him as an adult? Joe Millionaire, remember that show? That was a good one. He did a ton of shit, Temptation Island. Nah, that ain't him, bro. That's not who we're talking about. Let's see. No. There's no images of this guy? Huh? That's it. Holy shit. That's what we're seeing, yeah. How can you do that in today's world where you're like, there's no images of me. And you're in television? Yeah. That's very rare. Yeah, that's really crazy. I mean, unless he had it scrubbed. That ain't him, bro. It ain't him, homie. Dang. Weird. I'm telling you, I used to go to Sound Mixes with this guy. Yeah, I remember you telling me. Yeah. You'd be like, it's tonight. He comes in. Yeah, he's a little dude. He gets lit, too. He drinks like three bottles of wine. And he's such a frog that he would sit in his, he had like a nice suite at the office and he had like a high powered air vent. So they would smoke in his office. Mad respect, bro. Yeah. And then you'd see it go shoot out of the ceiling. I respect it. Yeah. I respect that they still stick to smoking cigarettes. The frogs? Yeah. Yeah. I think Eastern European bros, too. A lot of people still do, actually. The Turks, Koreans. I don't buy that vaping is somehow better. I don't think it is. I don't think it is, right? You're still putting something in your lungs. Yeah, I'd rather smoke a leaf with chemicals on it than just the chemicals, right? Let's just make smoke and come back. I know. When do we get to start smoking cigarettes again, Tom? I think a later diagnosis in life, like when it's... If I get cancer again, it's kind of on. I think so. Yeah. Because the kind that I had was rare. If it comes back, I'm done. If it comes back, you tell them, I'll do all the things you're telling me and two packs a day. A thousand percent. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. I had a good salad today. Took my meds. Cigarettes. Smoked 15 cigarettes. I feel good. I wonder, and this is going to probably be a stupid thing to say out loud in my dumb brain, but I wonder how many cigarettes are really that shitty for you. What's the cancer number? Oh, right. Do you know? I bet you could get away. Somebody knows. Somebody knows. I think it's like in researchers knows. Yeah. Because there are people that get lung cancers that have never smoked a day in their life. Exactly. And then there's people who smoke a pack and a half a day and also don't get lung cancer. Of course. What if like they know they're like, it's three a day? You can totally smoke three a day. It's fine. You're not going to die. You want a morning, noon, and night routine, it's fine. It's fine. We got to ask Dr. Drew. Yeah. Oh, we could. Well, he's going to give us... Some bullshit. ...the fucking answer they want us to hear. Yeah. It's not going to be the answer. Yeah. My research. You just haven't researched it. My buddy Todd, he was saying the other day that he was smoking like 40 cigarettes a day for 16 years and he's fine. You read it? Did you read this report? You tried to tell me Todd's wrong? All right. You ready to see the opener? Oh, hey, it's a... Here we go. It's a woman. That's weird. It's still canned poop. Yeah. Canned poop for like 48 hours. I have no idea why. I took medicine. It's not working. Help. I'll help you. Oh, he's right. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Sigura. Mom's cigarette. And Christina Miao Jitsu. Welcome to your mom's house. Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao. Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao Miao M You can't poop. 48 hours after you've already taken the laxatives and no budge. What's the guideline here? All right, well, here's what I've done. You're kind of an expert in this area. I am. Go ahead. If the laxatives don't work, you're going to go ahead and just shove a suppository right up your ass. And that is a sure fact. I did, yeah, for this last round of stuff. It took two suppositories to get Brown to come down. But then when it finally, the dam opens up and you've got those oxy shits that you've been holding onto for days in the hospital. And then you come home and then, well, you know. You know that first post oxy. Oxy shit is the worst. Dude, that alone would. It almost makes drugs not worth it. Yes. It's not. I wouldn't say it's not worth it, but it's almost not worth it. Yeah, because I feel like you just, you have to choose shitting or being high. High is awesome. High is awesome. Oh, yeah, dude. And then dilotted. That was amazing. That was amazing. That was amazing. It's the all time greatest. I know. I know. I can remember right now. Like, I remember the first time she gave it to me in my IV. You got to find a doctor who'll come to the house and do it. I know. You guys went some dilotted tonight before bed. Yes. Mwah. Yeah. It'd be awesome, man. Be awesome. So you would tell her it's a suppository next. Yeah, don't fuck around. 48 hours, just shove one in there. You don't have to let it melt all the way even. Sometimes it'll just burn your rim. Yeah. You've used suppository, yeah? Yeah, yeah. It just like stings your butt on. I don't remember any stinging. Really? Mm-mm. I remember the discomfort of something being shoved up my ass. That's the part that I was really married to. You remember that? Yeah, that sucks. Who did it? Was she hot? A nurse. No. No, and it was, I mean, it was mortifying. And then you felt the shit coming, and it came out like hot sludge. Oh, nice. And then the lady was like, oh, the nurse, who's supposed to be a prop, she goes, oh my god. She goes, you have so much hair back here. And the whole time she was like, oh, no, oh. Oh my god, that's not very nice. I know, she was older. And I was like, yeah. What a bitch. She was like, oh, Jesus. Man, a bad nurse can break your fucking stay at a hospital. You get a shitbag nurse like that. That's me. You had a mostly good one. I have great one. I had one that you did. That wasn't great. Well, yeah, at the house when I had one at the house. Oh, oh, oh. But at the hospital. Amazing. Shout out, St. David's. Always excellent. No problems there. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Well, what do you think? What would you tell her? Poop soup, here's what you get to do. Poop soup just cleans you out when it's a little like, uh-oh. This needs a little. Uh-oh. I skipped a bump, one movement. Mm-mm. Yeah. Then you take your laxatives. Yeah. Then you take another round and if nothing, suppository. Suppository. That's what I do. Yeah. I don't have a, I don't really have a constipation issue. You have the opposite. Ever. Yeah. No, you do like loose browns. I mean, I've had loose browns. I know what causes them. Well. Loose browns are high fat usually. Really? You think so? That's after all these years. The thing that is a guarantee for me is like high fat greasy. Yeah. Like it's gonna, like I try to avoid that on almost every situation I'm in now. And that will prevent the loose browns. That'll prevent loose browns. Yeah. I just don't have a good gut for high fat. I don't. That's interesting. You know, you should really tell our GI doctor that finding. You still haven't mailed in your shit. I haven't mailed in my shit. I wish you would. I know. Maybe it's a project for when I'm home for an extended period next. Like a nice long hot shit. Don't you have to just scoop a little bit? Into like, she gave me like 15 vials. And there's also instructions about how much shit don't put in too little and don't put in too much. So specific. It's really cool. It's a cool thing. She's like, why haven't you given me back your shit? She told me that. She left me a message. Yeah, she's like, where's your shit? I don't have your poop. I don't have your poop. I need your poop. She's great. She is great. You really gotta get in there. Motherfucker, I gotta get my poop in there. This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. My key to making the switch from days filled with tan lines to ones filled with deadlines is to prioritize exercise. Thanks to Liquid IV's new sugar-free hydrating multiplier, sugar-free energy, I can skip the sugar and the crash. I love Liquid IV. I have my kids even drink it to keep them hydrated, especially when it's hot outside and even when it's not. Sometimes you're exercising. You don't feel like drinking water, but you really should. And Liquid IV makes it tasty and no calories. That's the best part. It's scientifically formulated to support physical energy, hydration, focus, mood, and social stamina. Just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. It's packed with three times the electrolytes of leading sports drinks and eight essential vitamins and nutrients. 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Cigars International offers unbeatable deals and discounts, making it easy to stock up on your favorites or try something new without breaking the bank. Cigars International now offers free shipping every day, no minimums, no excuses. Use my code YMH at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more. Visit www.cigarsinternational.com slash YMH and the discount will automatically apply. Some exclusions may apply. Hey, by the way. Yeah. When we run vacation. I don't know if this is too personal. If you don't want me to share this, we can edit this out. I've been listening to you dump through walls for years, 20 years. I've never brought this up until recently. There's a point in your bowel movements where you go, and you make an audible sound. What is happening at that moment? I don't know. I don't know that I'm making that sound. You do. You do. I don't know that I'm making that sound though. You're telling me, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't understand what you're doing. It's unconscious for you. Yeah. It sounds like, I mean, your description, it feels like it's just relief. There goes all the work that I've been putting in. Done. Yeah. It's like, it's that. It's a sigh. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That to me sounds like I just was done pushing. Isn't that what that sounds like to you? Sounds like post push. Yes. Relief. Care and labor. The contraction has gone, and then you let out the baby brown. Yeah. Not too elevate what you did before. That's the sound. Yeah. That sounds like I just done pushing. But it's so loud that I can hear it through the wall. And I can even hear it in our own home. I know that you heard a couple of P farts, like when I would go P and then fart, because I actually had some pretty epic ones down there. Amazing brown farts. Yeah. When you pee in your farts. Last couple days, I was real bummed out that you weren't around for some of the stuff I had. I was really bummed too, because I was browning nonstop. You mentioned that. I was sad that to be so far away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So crazy. So crazy. Can you imagine, I mean, we talk about this all the time, that there are couples who don't fart in front of you. I don't understand, because some of you have been in. Isn't that. That's crazy. Are you in that camp? That's a lie. I was the opposite. Okay. That I was saying that I don't fart around my friends. Yeah. But I will fart around a girlfriend. Yeah, because I don't understand the ones though that do say like, yeah, you know, they're just like, yeah, I don't do that. So it's like, so anytime, like let's say you have a gassy night. Yeah. You just, you get up 30 times to leave because you have might fart or something. Or what if you, what if you're peeing? Yeah. And then you let out some farts and she can hear, if you're in a hotel room, you're sharing a room. I'm going to hear those farts. Of course. Why are you pretending like it doesn't happen? Of course. I mean, I have been with like a girl who I'm like, I probably shouldn't do this one. You know? Yeah. And so then you kind of hide them in the fucking, in the bathroom. It doesn't work. It works. It works. We know what you're doing. She didn't know. She was stupid. Stupid bitch. Yeah. Dumb broad. Yeah. She didn't know. She didn't know. Smells so weird now. But could you imagine like you guys go out to dinner, you're laying in bed watching TV and then you're like, excuse me, I have to. Excuse me. Go wash my face again. I'm going to go brush my teeth now. I mean, I forgot the floss. Wait, have you ever, have you ever held it in like in the beginning though? Yeah. Of course. A week maybe. Yeah. I feel like those. It was terrible. Those farts, when you finally release. Incredible farts. Insane. Yeah. It's like a bomb goes off. Yeah. The whole house shakes. But imagine being in a relationship, a marriage where that's the norm. That's what you do all the time. You're holding in farts all the time. Yeah. And then you're just waiting until you're in the bathroom to grip. I can't imagine. My stepmom would hold in her farts. My second one. Sorry. I don't know. I'm on my fourth one. My second one. Second. Because my dad would rip them. He didn't care. He didn't give a shit. But if she never tutored it, she was very ladylike. And if he fired in front of her, he was like, so what? Yeah, she would pretend like, oh no, so gross. And then he would laugh. I would laugh. And that's the fun stuff. But she wouldn't do it in front of him. Never in a gazillion years. I don't think he would allow that. Yeah. As a man, I don't think he would allow it. He let me do it because I'm his daughter. But he would have shut that he's trying to bang or is banging. No way. No fucking way. Yeah. No fucking way. He'd be like, get the fuck out today. Yeah. Right now. That's such a double standard though. Of course it is. Yeah, it's insane. You wouldn't forbid me from farting, would you? Could I even attempt to do something like that? I would be devastated. I'd be like saying you're not allowed to breathe around here. There's no chance. Devastating, but. Speaking of reality shows, this one popped up on my feet. I didn't remember this show, but this story was pretty incredible and I want to show it to you. It's from a reality show back in the day. In 2006, there was a show on FX where two families swapped races produced by Ice Cube. So for six weeks, they had a black family become white and a white family become black and then all six of them lived in a house together. The show had two purposes. One is to see what the world would be like if you had a different skin color. The other objective, which is the most bizarre part of the show, is to see if you would pass as the other race. Like this white girl who is trying to pass as black is given a black chaperone who shows her like how to be black, like how to get a black boyfriend. The black family who becomes white, you can tell that they just think it's ridiculous. Like when they see each other, they're like, why do we all look like Teddy Perkins? But then when the white family sees each other in blackface for the first time, they're like so turned on. It's nice. I love black. I mean, visually and somehow heart wise, there's that warmth. Thank you. You look like a really nice man. Oh my God. That's funny. The black dad who's in whiteface goes to a golfing range to see if they'll think he's white. And he's like, hello, whites. Love those clubs. Where'd you get them? And they're like, why do you look like Jeffrey Dahmer with the media? And the white girl with the black chaperone has to see if she'll pass by writing and performing slam poetry. Oh, I really love words. I do. And like to me, you can ever have enough adjectives. Not looking good. A ritual so profound, the taste of sex, the body flush with hot and sticky fanta. Little weird. Why is this white family so horny? Yeah. Yeah. God damn. But no one in the show is worse than the white dad Bruno. You know, it's just, hey, Nick, I look forward to having someone say, hey, Nick, you know, you're a son of a bitch. I hate you, Nick. I'm kind of waiting for somebody to go, hey, Nick. This man was dying to say it. Oh my God. I couldn't wait. So to test if racism exists, Bruno goes to a car dealership in blackface and he's disappointed because he wanted them to be like, hey, slave, you can't buy a car. And they didn't. So he says racism doesn't exist. Then the white family goes in blackface to sit at a panel with black people to hear their experiences on racism. But this is what happens when the facilitator asks if anyone's been called a derogatory name. I used to work as a doorman at a disco, you know, when somebody came up intoxicated or didn't have the right dress on, you know, they say come on, they don't know. They're like, yeah, I'm gonna do a lot more hostile than that. And I just, you know, yeah, that's right. It just wouldn't affect me. And that would be the end of the conflict. He was dying to use it so much. He used it in a clip thing 30 times. Which means, yeah, that's a lot of filming. Yeah, you can see everyone around him's like, huh? Yeah, for them to piece that together, you really got to throw it around. I love that he was like, well, the big thing is I really enjoyed the pass that I got by putting this makeup on. That's my big takeaway. I mean, look, the one thing I'm wondering is like, is the makeup convincing anybody? And how do they, I don't know, at that part. He does not seem convinced. The daughter didn't seem convincing. No. No. The makeup is really my thing. I mean, they look like they're white people in blackface is the way it comes across to me. Yeah. Does it look like that to you guys? Oh yeah. Yeah, 100%. Right? Like you go, oh, this is a white person wearing a costume. Yeah. The, especially the black dude, I think the black dude is the worst. That's like trying to be a white dude. Yeah, yeah, that looks like the Dave Chappelle skit. Yeah, that's not even close. I mean, I kind of in this image, you know, this is also a heavily photoshopped image. Like the mom seems kind of passable and like. I think the daughter pass. Yeah, but it's also like this still image when she, when you saw her actually live moving around. Oh man, I'd be so nervous as a white person trying to pass for black. Oh my God, amazing. The kid looks good. Yeah. No, they make them look better in this photo than they did on camera. The woman just looks like a light skinned black woman. Yeah. 100%. Yeah, then that's not a good job. Yeah. Oh man. That's crazy. I would be so nervous. I want to see this show so much. I know, I know. Yeah. Because what if I feel like, are you wearing blackface makeup? No. No, what are you talking about? My skin right now? Oh my God. Yeah. Dude, they were so horny for each other. Did you see that? Yeah. He's like, I love you. You look so beautiful. Oh shit. You look like a nice man. You seem like a nice man. That was her flirting. You're fucking weird, dude. I mean, we're a production studio, why don't we just remake it? Oh. You could do it with the staff. It's a really good idea. On the white face. You do white face? Hey everybody. Hey everybody. You have your white voice down. Oh yeah, you're fucking kidding me. Hey guys, how's it going? Beautiful day we're having. Oh that's good. That's really good. Can't do a southern. Observations about the day. Oh they love talking chit chat. Don't you wish everything was more rewarding? With Rakuten, almost everything is. You can earn cash back on those new shoes you've been wanting. You can save on the next trip you book. You can cash in on groceries. Just join. Shop your favorite brands and save. Sephora, Boots, Argus, Timu, Adidas, Trip.com. The list is long. Save online at over 550 stores. And when it's time to redeem those rewards, get your money exactly how you want it. Choose bank transfer or PayPal. So go ahead, take a trip, fill a cart, get a new outfit. Rakuten is a world of rewards. Join today for free. Go to rakuten.co.uk or get the app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. That's about the humidity, honestly. The humidity is really what gets you. I got you. You got the whole white thing down. Who would you do in blackface? God. Who would you put in blackface? Whoever wants to take the risk. No, but I mean, we're going to go all out. I'm not going to. We would go all out. We would not do just some like a tan. We're not just going to put like toner on or whatever. How would we do it? In Soul Man, would we make them take tanning pills? No, no, no. I'm saying we would do the skin tone. We would do hair, but we would also do prosthetics. Oh, yeah. Make it look. Yeah, they could have done prosthetics. They're still like really convinced. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, who knows? Maybe the makeup's so much better now that they didn't do that shit back then. Maybe. Anybody on the staff really want to spend a day like that? Pretty sure I know one person in the woods. Who's that? Tanner. Oh, yeah, yeah. He would like the opportunity. Something tells me he would do what the dad did too. What's up? Oh my God. Bick-nye? Bick-nye. Yeah. Which one of the girls? That's not going to. Can I pass? Oh, you should do it. That's a good idea. Me? Yeah. I can't pretend to be black. Why? I don't know why it is a dorkiest nerd. That's why you got to do it. You can understand what people have been through. Oh, fuck. You know? And then after that, I'll send you to this place. Oh, yeah. This one. Yeah. Welcome to America. Tell me what you're thinking. I'm thinking so much. Clean access, please. I've always been interested in history and the history of black people. I took Afro-centric classes at UofL. My grandma lived at 2821 Wiscontucky Street. I've read so many books. And now I belong to a church that's primarily African-American. And I wouldn't be anywhere else. Beautiful. Thank you. I know. You know what it reminded me of when we went to the apartheid museum? Is it going to South Africa? And we were like, what? Yeah, everybody's fucked up leaving there. Dude, that's exactly what it reminded me of when I found this. I was like... I was so excited that someone was going to hit her though. Oh, like start beating her? Yeah, like someone just would see a whip just go... She's like... And they're like, welcome to America, bitch. Get in the fields, bitch. Yeah, that was nothing. No, they need to better. I agree. You know what, Tom? Yeah. You're fucking right. Can I tell you why the apartheid museum was so effective? Yeah. Remember when you check in, they give you a card and either you're a white, mixed or black. Yeah. And you have to go in a separate entrance, colored. You have to go in a separate entrance dependent on that. And I was like, oh, that's so fucked up. So that's just the beginning. Blanks? Blankas. But anyway, yeah, they should have been beating her and reprimanding her. Yeah. That apartheid museum is unbelievable. Yeah, that's a real bummer, man. Yeah. Shit. Yeah, that one really gets the point across. Oh my God. Yeah, then we did a show that night. That's it. That's where you enter in. Blankas, non-whites. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you know what though? I do like how she rattles off like her black credibility though. She's like, my grandma lived on 45, 27 Martin Luther King. Yeah, I go to a church now. I like blacks. I swear. I've always had an interest in blacks. And the guy's like, okay, okay. He's like, you pass. You're cool. You're cool. I mean, obviously. She's so traumatized, this lady. But obviously you're down with black people if you're willing to go through that experience. Of course. Of course. She still has to give her credibility. She's carrying a lot with her. A lot of guilt. Yeah. Is there a reason you feel this way? That wasn't that nice in high school. Ah. Big ya. So, yeah, here's a change of pace though. You might like this. Sure. My name is Christopher Torres. I took a picture of this lady's behind. You took a picture of my behind. Yes, I did. Absolutely. What's your first picture? I'm not sure. Maybe later on I'll figure it out. Yeah? Okay. Awesome. You're going on TikTok. That's cool. All right. You're fucking creepy. I had TikTok on creepy because I like beautiful women. Yeah. You're fucking creepy. Yeah, you stupid bitch. You're fucking creepy. You're fucking creepy. You're the problem in this whole. I'm a problem? Yeah. You're a cute problem. You're not like beautiful women? Yeah. It's my body. You're not allowed to take a picture of it. I'm not touching your body. All right. You want to take that? All right. All right. That was kind of cool. You've been to Saudi Arabia. Yeah. What would happen if he pulled that in Riyadh? Took a picture of a beautiful woman? I don't know. Depends where he falls in the hierarchy, I think. You'd be allowed to if he had a certain last name. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. But that's cool that he's like, what? I can't take a picture of a beautiful lady. Yeah. No one's ever taken a picture of my ass. My name is Christopher Torres and I took a picture of this lady behind. My name is Christopher Torres. Christopher Torres took a picture of those ladies behind. Yeah. I do love these soda machines that he's using though. Aren't those the greatest? Yeah. There's all those varieties. Oh my God, you see them in movie theaters, right? Yeah. Because you can get diet, cherry, vanilla, coke. Yeah. It's so good. They should have these more places. It's really great. Where's this flat that he gets to have that? Can you buy one of those? God damn. Yeah, can we get one for the office? So bad. That's $1,000. How much is a Coca-Cola freestyle machine? God damn. I imagine the maintenance is suck. It's a motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Because all the syrups, all the fucking carbonation you got to put in there, that's no joke. But I do love the amount of art. Coca-Cola freestyle. All right, let's see. 7100. Oh, 8100. So expensive. That's a fucking 9100. That is even better. How much are these? No prices listed with no debt. Dang. 20,000? Doesn't give you any? Find the specs, bro. Come on. I'm gonna get this. It is really the maintenance that's gonna kill you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're probably super sensitive, and I bet they get broken a lot. Has no... If anybody's listening and services these machines, the coke freestyle machine, will you let us know if the maintenance is a bitch on this? This one looks like it's a bid, though. That's an old ass one. That's an old ass one. That's an eight grand. That's a bulls*** one, too. It's all little and shit. You can't find out the fucking... Then the fucking... Come on, Bick, yeah, find it. That says a grand. There's no way. There's no way. It's not a grand. Nah, that's like a mini one or something. This is crazy. This is a tiny one. Dude, why can't they make other things like this specific? You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna see if I can find it. They should make like a popcorn machine that has all the different flaves you could put on there, too. Or candy. Yeah. Why don't they have freestyle candy machines? The brand new freestyle machine is in the $12,000 to $20,000 range for an outright purchase. Some say it can be $15,000 to $20,000. Leasing placement example is $300 a month for people that just want to lease them. Oh, that's probably the smartest way to do it. When you see costs, it's not just the machine you likely need to commit to a supply contract with Coca-Cola, installation, plumbing, ice machine capacity, connectivity, ongoing cartridges. Yeah. Yeah, it's a nightmare. It's expensive. Holy shit. All right, well, look into it. Let's try getting one in the lobby. That sounds like a great idea. Such a waste of money. Everybody can have special Coca-Cola. I mean, if Coke wants to sponsor us and give us the machine. We've dealt with the Fortune 500s before. I don't know, dude. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. When I see something wild. I know. Yeah. I've somebody who just in the last few years started getting real dad eyes. My vision is declining by the minute. Every year, I get my eyes checked out. Every year, they go, they're worse. Every year, they go, you need new prescriptions. They take my glasses and I get all new prescriptions. Now I wear them almost all the time. I don't wear them on stage or anything, but most of the time I have them on. I never had it because I think glasses are so new to me, meaning like I didn't start wearing them at all until I was over 40. I've always had this thing where I've just never felt comfortable with contacts. I've never done anything with contacts. You know, and I know a lot of people obviously use them, but then I saw this video and it's like, oh, it made me want to not use contacts more. Down. I don't like it. You can see, you know, lift it up a little bit. There's a third contact. Look down some more. We just removed two and a half contacts. You can see this piece. Oh, fuck, dude. Fuck. I don't know. There's actually one. Oh, God. There's a whole bottle there. I don't believe it. What is going on? You know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. There are just all in her eye. She forgets that she's got... Give us a record of patience. Oh, God. We're delivering. Don't be remembered. I'm so close. She's got seven, eight, nine contacts up there. You can see that again. Is she elderly? No, I think I've already counted more than 10 or 12. Oh, come on. No, I'm serious. She's old. Yeah, she's old. She's an old lady. We're mentally ill. The doctor removed a total of 23 contacts. Oh, my fuck, dude. Lady would forget to remove contacts before bed, and then they trap between her eyelid and eye. 23, just up there. I'm surprised she can still see without the infection raging through there. Bro, that's like my worst nightmare. That's why I would never fuck with contacts. I know. To touching your eye at night to get that thing out, and what if you forget, or what if you don't wash it? You put your fucking finger in your eye two times a day. Crazy. At least fuck that. You know what I wouldn't even fuck with either is that lasik shit. I know it's supposed to fix your shit, but like, bro, they screw that up. They have. And they have. I've seen pieces of documentaries on TikTok or whatever about people fucked up lasik. Yeah. That's it, dude. That's it. Your eyes, you're done. You're done driving, you're done seeing. You're done. Yeah. My friend was kind of allergic to whatever medication they used for lasik surgery, and he was blind for two weeks. What? Straight up blind. What do you mean? Google, what are the possible negative outcomes? What are you talking about? Allergic type of medicine? A ant that did it and she can't drive at night now. Who? I have an ant and she got lasik like years ago, and now she can't drive at night. Cool. That's cool. Great. Let's see what the results say here. All right, negative outcomes. Very common dry eyes that can reduce tear production. Great. This is going to occur. Visual disturbances. Glare, halo, starburst, double vision. Oh, it's fun. Some people just experience difficulty driving at night. Undercorrection or overcorrection, you still might need glasses or contacts. Sometimes a second procedure is required. Flap complications removes a creating a corneal flap. If it heals poorly, it can lead to infection, result in wrinkles or displacement of the flap. Regression eyes can gradually shift back toward your original prescription. Oh, no. Corneal ectas, ectasia, rare but serious. Cornea becomes weakened, begins to bulge, may require specialty contacts or a corneal transplant. Inflammation or infection, risk is low, but it can happen. Loss of visual sharpness, a contrast sensitivity. Some people notice that while they have 20, 20 vision, things appear fuzzier. Oh, could you imagine? Eye pain or discomfort. Jesus Christ. You pay for that, you go through it and then this shit happens. Oh, but here's the less common rare outcomes. This is what I'm talking about. Photophobia, light sensitivity, problems with eye tracking, incomplete correction in people with high prescriptions or thin corneas. Some patients report depression or anxiety after the complications. You have higher risk if you have dry eyes already, you have a thin cornea, you have high myopia or high hyperopia, you have an autoimmune condition. Yeah. No way. I don't know. I'm like you. I don't want to. I wear glasses, but I will say I'm pissed that you like this particular frame because that's my frame. I know. And now I can't wear mine that are identical because then we look like dorks. So I have to find a clever, like weirder ones. And this doesn't look as good. I like mine that look like that. I understand. You don't understand. You don't understand. Why don't you get different, get some different shits, dude? You know, you should get tiny ones, like real tiny, thin, tiny ones. Yeah. Wire, wire looks cool. You know, I think the all time, I mean, this is debatable, but greatest find that this show ever came up with is. What's up there, Cho Mo? I mean. Right? And we're always wondering is his spirit alive? Is he still with us? You know? You look for signs. He is. Things in the universe. Let me see where he is. Little things that happen. You go, he's still there. He's here with us. And sometimes we're told that somebody has discovered a new version of him. He's reincarnated. Yeah, reincarnated. It's his son or somebody. So here's somebody who is a costing people that are minding their business and therefore our buddy, Herc, comes to mind. So let's just see where this guy goes. Check these bitch ass cowards out. Bitch ass fucking cowards. Check these people out. You fucking bitch ass motherfuckers. Fuck you. Oh, he's like, what? What did you say? Oh, hell no. It's in the south, bro. Are you transgender person on the on the right? You look transgender. You got hairstyle. What? You look transgender. Are you a man or female? I can't even tell the difference this day and age. You can't even tell the difference. You like cool. I love this. Just people doing their own thing. Doing on their porch. Are you a male or female? I can't even tell the fucking difference. Teenagers. Kids. You can't even tell the differences day and age. You know, who's a male or who's actually a female. Yeah, we got it. Maybe you're transgender. He's not transgender. So that person right there, that person right there, supposedly as part of the coldest psychology, we still got to further verify that. He likes to call in, make basis reports. That's what he likes to do. And he cheated. Yeah, he cheated. Supposedly. Supposedly. This is what I was told from a third party. He cheated at his swimming competition. He took things that he's not even supposed to be taking during his swimming competitions, supposedly. Supposedly. Okay. Just like last winter. I have a video of him supposedly doing drugs. I don't know if that was drugs, but it definitely looked like it. Supposedly. You should handle your own problems. You should handle your own problems. Be a fucking grown ass man. You act like a fucking girl. All of yous act like fucking girls. I've had somebody try to murder me with a car and you don't see me act like y'all. Y'all are a bunch of pussies. Y'all are a bunch of weak ass fucking females. That's exactly what y'all are. Y'all are weak ass females. Y'all are not men. Y'all are fucking females. Okay, I'll say this. This guy's got a lot of potential. Do we know anything more about him? Because I'm really feeling his style. He's great. That's him. I discovered this man. He's the best. Sigma. Sigma Chi audits. Oh, he's just going after Sigma Chi's? Mainly, and Scientology, I think. That's such a cool lane. Yeah. Wow. Also the police that defend Sigma Chi. Oh, wow. So these are all Sigma Chi guys that he's exposing. Yeah, look at followed by. Bro, okay, start on the first one. Go to the first pin thing there. Stupid. Dude, good to see you. What are you not doing right now? I graduated. He wants to run with like the raincabiners attached to him. Oh. And then just click the right arrow. Let's go to the next thing. This is my first ever interaction with Sigma Chi-tology fraternity. I was auditing the street vendor and giving him confidence about their food when Timmy Wider, a communist Hispanic guy and Oriental Crackpot security guard from Sigma Chi came over and bark orders. Oh yeah, this guy has a lot of the same DNA. This is a public sidewalk. He's young, too. You go on the public sidewalk. This is a public sidewalk. I know, I know. You stand on a public sidewalk and film whatever I can film on the public sidewalk. No, nothing. You're just making a video or something. None of your business. This is a public sidewalk. I have every right to stand on the public sidewalk and exercise my first amendment right. You don't tell me what to do. You don't tell me what to do. It's exactly. Wow. All right, close that. Thanks. But you know what's really special is that we're getting. I would like to thank you for having a great police chief and a great sheriff. Go ahead. Is that we're getting this guy young? Yeah, we can see him evolve into this. Right. Beth. Because, Herc, we caught him at the end of his career of menacing. We sure did. We sure did. And this kid, what's his name? He's young. He's the auditor. He's the auditor. The auditor. He's scroll down. This is great. Do you ever see him? I know. I got to see what he looks like. Very rarely. Is that a woman there that he's accosting? Please let it be a woman. Report real news. Why do you have to report fake news? Why don't you talk about how they have 50% of the budget? Why don't you ever talk about that? That's the same look he would get. Same voice. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. You don't fucking think you're lying. Report real news. Why do you have to... Dude, that even fucking sounds like him. That was insane. I know. I know that real ragged, hard voice. Damn. Listen here. I have a thing. A trooper broke the law yesterday in Oklahoma and said that stamping a baby on someone's face is a rape charge. Do you agree? What? What? I gave somebody the stamp. What? Huh? The stamp? What? Yeah. Do it, Tom. Do the porn on what? What? Yeah. Yeah. What? You guys get over here and suck my dicks. There you go. Isn't that what he says? Yep. Dude, this guy is awesome. This guy's great, dude. Good find, Annie. Park illegally. Quit. Quit, quit, quit. No, it's just a little ride down memory lane. It brings back such good time. Fuck, dude. Yeah. Poor dog. Oh, shit, dude. Fuck, fuck. Why'd you brain on fire? Yeah. Oh. By the way. You done? Let's get the giggles out first, psycho. Tim, you know how hard it is to pull a tooth out. That's a lot. The roots and that was a bad one. The amount of force that just took. Yeah. So he's not feeling it. So the amount of meth you've got to be on to not feel it. Yeah. Because I've seen Hungarian dudes do this on the internet. But they're drunk. Shit. You know, they're drunk, dude. Yeah. Fuck. That was really something, man. He's got like nice art on his ceiling. Yeah. The girl with the pearl earring or something on there. Oh, shit. That was awesome. Remember when he's like, oh, like a skinny woman, 112 pounds. Yeah, I too. I can't wait for the Sigma Chi guy. To start getting horny? Yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Because right now he's just in his, I'm menacing the other guys, which is bold because five of those Sigma Chi guys could beat his ass. They have really good dispositions, though. They're all kind of like, even the guys, the guys like, can we not, I just graduated. He's so sweet. Did you just move along? I found one of the rare videos where you see a little bit of him. That's him in the beginning. That's him right there? So they know him. They're like, he's fucking Trevor. What's your name, sir? He's the name of the man. He's boss, sir. All right. You're being video recorded too. Yeah, whatever. You don't see him again, but that's, that's, he goes around wearing the phone. So this is the cops POV? Yeah. Oh, this is the body cancel showing him recording everybody else. Wow. University of Washington. So he's up there. Okay. I'm sorry. It's Washington. Sorry. That's him, huh? Oh, that's in meat rattle. Yeah. He's in the south. I had a little y'all there. Well, I think those first ones were in UCLA. That's it. I mean, the kid had a UCLA shirt. So that could have been like those Westwood frat houses, right? Yes. Yeah. But yeah, like, like her, he's all over the place. Yeah. He's wherever the chariots go. Right? Exactly. Looking for white chariots, man. Wow. I mean, that is the spirit of her out there for sure. For sure. Yeah. I believe in reincarnation. I love the late, the newscasters face. I was like, fuck out of here. Another crazy person ruining my thing. This fucking guy. Look at her. She's like, she's so over the ship. She's like, I have to fucking do the story on the frat house. It's bad enough. Yeah. Crazy that he didn't hit the old lady back. That's the part where you're like, come on, man, be yourself. You think so? Yeah. She came at him. Like she came at him aggressively. But would her hit a woman back? Just like a sigma Kai with a chick. Oh, that's the dating. He's going to be like. You got 390 likes? This is crazy. That's it? That's it. That's all he does. Just menacing. Just lets them know I'm recording you. And if anyone ever wears long socks, that's his big thing. What does he say about that? He's just like, why are you wearing long socks? That's fucking stupid. You're stupid. Okay. That's pretty great. Ankle socks only for this guy. This is a really cool channel. I can't believe you guys. Uh-oh. Happy breathing going up to the late night food market. Oh, and also going towards cops. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's another her. That's meth. That's meth. Yeah. That's what Dr. Drew always told us. Yep. I'm telling you, man, I found this. And then they claim they don't have enough officers. Oh, shoot. Oh, I remember that bitch right there in the fucking middle. I remember her. You fucking ugly ass bitch. I remember you. What? Let me figure out who the hell you are. And I'll ruin your fucking life. Let me get your fucking play. California or Montana. C-0-P-L-V. I'm going to run your fucking play. I'm going to get all your information. She's just like, who the hell you think you are? This is awesome. This is one of the greatest days ever. You will learn about me. You will fucking learn about me. Who the hell do you think you are? You will fucking learn about me. I like how the cops aren't stopping you. Look at all your shit. Who the hell do you think you are? All they have to do is go, sir, fuck off. You fucking bitch, who the fuck do you think you are? Let me get a good picture of your face. Run you through facial wreck. Run you through facial wreck. Make it all your shit. Oh, sweet. Yeah. That was just a nice kid. Yeah, he's like, God bless you. It's one of his classic threats. He says he's going to run you through facial wreck. And he's going to find all your information. And he's going to post you online and expose you. That's cool. So cool. I'm glad. Please keep a close eye on this guy. Oh, yeah. Also another angry guy, different scenario though. Right there, fucking. I'm just shutting in your mouth for a second. So we can just have a video without you screaming in the back. Thank you. Hey, suck my fucking dick. Hey, let's be respectful. You're just gators. Fuck you. Fuck you. You bitch. Show me your titties. You dumb fucking bitch. I'm on a boat. What the fuck are you going to do? I'm fucking free, bitch. I'm free. Disrespect me. You bitch. Yeah, fuck you. Shut the fuck up and look the other way you. Oh, bitch. What is going on? Fucking dumb. Bitch. Like who's videoing the, he said this guy's trying to video the crock and then whatever I always get it makes sense. Yeah, bitch. Yeah, you dumb bitch. You know who the fuck you're talking to? Sharing a boat with this fucking guy. I would be so upset. I know. You know who the fuck you're talking to right now. I'm done now. I'll leave the hostel. You think I'm going to get disrespected? The hostel. Some goddamn hostel from some dumb bitch. I'm the fucking king of this boat. I'm the biggest thing on this boat. I'll take all fucking nine of you bitches for that fucking dump. Right there fucking. Who the fuck you think you're talking to you dumb bitch. I'm fucking fucking. You're the dumbest bitch. You're so stupid are you? Yeah, I'm sorry but I'm fucking dumb. You're the dumbest bitch. I mean what are you doing that? I don't know. Like what do you fucking do? The guy's throwing beer cans at your head. The cool thing would be if somebody would hit him into the water. That would be the best. That would have been the sweetest moment of this video if somebody just fucking hits him and then he goes off and then a gator comes in and they're like oh he's going. Cause I, if reincarnation is real I might go out that way. Pushing this off a boat, him falling, getting eaten by a gator. If I go to jail I might kill myself in jail. Whatever it'd be worth it. To do that guy in for being a bitch like this? Scaring women and stuff. I mean that's yeah that's. And it looks like they're abroad somewhere right? Yeah, where is this? Does it say where it is? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah we don't have it but not America. Definitely yeah. Well, yeah. That's cool how Americans act when they're abroad. It's always nice. Yeah until they got tagged with Crazy American has picked down. And there's nobody down there actually. Does it, does the name him? Does it actually, do they figure it out you know? Somebody. Oh. But it says Crazy American so yeah. Foreign. I just mean that his bio said Florida. Oh yeah right yeah. Can't scroll down just to see if anything else jumps out. Yeah it's like, I mean I know his name is John. Yeah got it. Yeah see, push him though. It would be attempted murder but it would be worth it. This infuriated me. Yeah it sucks. Find him. Yeah. Yeah I don't think it's that Nick guy though. That's pretty wild bro. That's really crazy. He really lost his shit. Very exciting. All right Jeans time to go through what you've been pulling for us so here. Here you go. Where is it? Jeans. Jack. Here we go. I heard you bitches was looking for me. All right so here's what you've been pulling and hopefully it's going to be a nice ride. Right? That's all I know. Calm. That's fun. Those are fun. This is, this should have been in last week's episode but Halloween. This isn't ball too much. That's good prank. That's fun. For those listening it's a guy in a Michael Myers mask pulling up next to people in traffic and then looking at the house. Oh that guy is so high he was like. That's so funny dude. That's great. That's so funny. That's really fun. That's pure simple fun. Yeah it's a good one. That's really good. And then he also has like the mega horn. Yeah. Like the horn blaster thing. Some people are more scared. I might do this with the kids. That's fun. In the car. They would love that. They would love this prank. They wouldn't like it done to them but they would love to watch some of them. I would love to do this. This is too fun. You know what's crazy? I outlived Ozzy. I outlived Hulk Hogan. I outlived Macho Man Randy Savage. Jesus. I may be homeless but I'm alive. I love life. Oh that one actually made me happy. That's a really good perspective. Yeah. He's probably done a lot of drugs. So many. Look at his poor little face. Yeah. But I like that he's out in the sunshine riding his bicycle. Yeah he said I might be homeless but I'm still alive. I love life. It's pretty cool. My life affirming. I'm not usually like that but. That's yeah. Very strange departure for you. But yes. I like that one. Yeah. Good job. Yeah. Okay. Where's the next fucking one Tom? I've been hanging out with this dude. For a little while. I didn't know he was freaking married first of all. Yeah. Manhandling and fooling around and shit. Ugh. Ugh. My pussy broke out in a fucking rash that it was fucking something serious. So I went to the fucking urgent care. Tell them what was going on. So they made me pee in a cup. Run some tests. I thought it was something serious. They run some tests on me and everything. It turns out it's just a bacteria infection. So they gave me some medicine. Everything's going to be fine. Yeah. Aren't you happy for it? How's the happy ending? Fuck. Any would you? My fucking god. On your most desperate, your darkest hour. Bro, I'd rather honestly, I'd be gay before this. Holy shit. Wow, that's a YMH exclusive. I don't know what we just stopped everything else after this. Wow. Not a cat's eating kibble. Chips in a bowl. This is a YMH exclusive. I never... And he's now gay. You heard it here first. Holy shit. So that's how bad this is. This is the worst thing you've ever seen in your life. Literally in my head, I was just thinking, who the fuck smashed this? Who? Who did that? There's no way, man. And this is also too... I'm sorry, I just have to say this. There's young men out there, some even not so young, that are frustrated. I can't get laid. I can't get laid. I just want to get... You can get laid. You can get laid. There's someone out there that'll fuck you. You're just not putting yourself in enough situations. It's a numbers game. You can get laid. But also remember last episode with Ryan, we were asking who is having sex with the pudding guy? Yeah. I'm thinking the love match here. I think you might see the pudding guy and go like... I'm connecting some dots. Ew. Oh. You like that, baby. Ow. His dirty tongue. Orange. Ugh. Yeah. She would, though. She nasty as hell. She like that. Oh, man. It was... But it's just a bacterial infection. It's fine. It's fine. You just take some drugs. We're all good now. Yeah, stupid. Whoa. Damn, motherfucker, yeah. Damn, bro. Oh, yeah. That's the sh... I just like those two. Dude, that was badass. Yeah. That was kind of rad, right? That was good. That's a good role. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. You threw his shoulder down the way you're supposed to. That's a jiu-jitsu. Yeah, and he didn't, you know, he landed on his head or neck. It was perfectly executed. No. Big man could do it right. Yeah, dude. This guy fucking crashes. Yeah, he kind of crazy enough. He kind of looks like her. All right. Here's the next one. Hey, you guys know when you guys catch a cool little buzz and then you got the munchies for you to buy to eat some food? I'm about to eat some food right now and cut a cool little buzz, you know? Yeah. You better call it a night. I fucking love her so much. I know. I miss LA. I want you obsessed with me. Yes, with me. Yeah. I love her. I miss LA just for this. So great. I fucking love Cholas, dude. Full. Nope. I forgot about this guy. It's crazy because this is who people should fear the most, you know? Easily. We still haven't had a blink yet. Or a purpose to the talk? That was 15 seconds, no blink, just dolls that had the same expression that he has. Don't you think that the FBI should just go through tech talk and find these accounts? You don't think they're aware of him? No, straight in. I'm sure they have a whole fucking file on this. I would hope so. Just bang the door down. Just find the bodies. Find the bodies. Find the bodies. Yeah. Yeah. He's got women that look like that in his house. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Happy birthday to you, I love you. Yeah. Can you imagine the breath on that mouth? We've been married 13 years. In two and a half months, I'm going to be 100 years old. She's lovely. I've never seen a more beautiful woman in my life than this one. I never walked up to a strange woman in my life. Sure. And I was backstage at the Emmys, I guess. Sang Awards. Oh, shit. I was just waiting to go on. She walked by without even thinking. I jumped up and said, hi, I'm Dick. And I found out she was a makeup lady, hired her, and now we've been married 13 years and I couldn't be happier. Happy birthday, sweetheart. Thank you. Thank you for coming to my birthday party. They brought me a cake. You want to sing happy birthday to me again? Happy birthday. Okay. So... You think you were coming to my birthday party? You're married, dummy. I know. You don't think he's going to come to your birthday party? So that means they met when he was 86 and she was 41, right? So imagine you basically meeting an 86-year-old who's like, hello. Hey, I noticed your lipstick. And that's why she was going, how old are you? 80 what? Well, she also didn't have to go, how old are you? She looked at him and she was like, oh, here's a guy on Death's Door. Of course. He's 86. Of course. And she's like, oh dude, I have to put in maybe a handful of Bee Gees, BJs. He's going to be out of here in no time. He's got tops. She was probably thinking like two years. Yeah, dude. And now look. And he's like, nah, I turned 100. She's like, that's great. Are you happy you're here at the party? Do you want to sing again? Huh. I'm birthday to you. This poor woman. Holy fuck. She's putting in time. Yeah, bitch. Whose ankle at the top and auntie at the bottom is this? This shit. God damn. Donkey Kong booty. You like that one? That was great. Whose uncle at the top and auntie at the bottom is this? Auntie at the bottom. That's crazy, bro. This is a message for the FBI. I am no longer at my house. I am no longer occupying my domicile. You will not find me. I am loose. I have all my devices with me. Good to know. Good to know. But like, I mean, I guess if the FBI is checking your TikTok account, you're going to be at the top. That works. Yeah. If the FBI is like, hey, do we see what Chuck's up to today? Yeah. And someone's like, he's not home anymore. And he's got all his devices. Yeah. But Chuck, just so you know, I reposted this as a story on my Instagram. And you tagged the FBI, right? Of course. Yeah, of course. That's who I want on me is the FBI. Feds, check them out. That's who I want. Here we go. Here you go. What makes you think that was a good shirt to wear to court this morning? That's all you could find. That's all the only shirt you had in your closet. World's best fighter. That's great. No, it says, I can read it. I see what it says at the bottom. You're in felony court. You need to dress appropriately to fill any court. And that's what I want. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. That's appropriately to fill any court. And that's not appropriate. No, no, I saw what it says. It says, I mean, father. There's also like a direct correlation between how you end up in felony court and what you think you should wear to court. You know, like there's a reason you're there. And you're probably like, what? Yeah, there's a disconnect in logic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was just, I mean, shit. Like really you never stopped for a blink of an eye in the mirror. I thought you were wearing your fart shirt to fucking felony court. All right, cool, man. Could you imagine? Isn't there a law against that? No. Like showing up disrespectfully in front of the judge? No, it's not a law. It's not a law. You should be penalized for not dressing appropriately in court. You get penalized by the judge's discretion. The judge feels like it is a complete insult to her and her court. So she's going to dress him down, which is what she's doing. This reminds me of the guy, remember the guy who was like, sorry, he was doing the video one and he was like, hey, you have a like a failure to appear and you have a revoked license. Are you driving right now? And the guy's like, I just parked. He's like, yeah, you can't drive. He's like, you see his like his shoulders drop. He's like, shit. He just forgot. He forgot. He forgot. It can happen. You get convicted of a thing and forget your conviction. I don't think it was felony court, but this is wild. This dude might be, you know, this could be a serious crime. Oh, for sure. I wore my fart shirt. Stand before the judge today. Well, I think they should find you for showing up in court like this and they should find you on airplanes for showing up in your fucking pajamas. What kind of finds you talking about? Something small, a hundred bucks. If you show up in your fucking pajamas and slip slips, you should either got to go home and change and wear normal clothes or you can't find a hundred dollars. Flight clothing is appalling. Get the fuck out of here. It's really crazy. You can put on pants, dude. I know. You don't need to wear a bikini on the fucking plane. Oh, this was fun, but we got to wrap. We still have a full day. I know. This was a lot of fun. I love you. And I don't love your glasses. I wish you would choose different frames so I can go back to wearing mine that are identical. You got cool meal Brennan's on today. These are not. Don't fuck. See, this is the problem. I want my old glasses back. It's my look and you stole it. It's my look. Everybody knows I wore those before you did. Fucking. And I can't find a pair that I like as much. Just have to deal with it, bro. Shout out to Diabetes Barbie and thank you all for watching and listening. Oh my God, that was synergy. We both did it at the same time. Beautiful moment. That was a beautiful moment. And yeah, we'll see you out there soon. What is this? This comes out November feet in a few days in a week. I'll be shooting my Netflix special if you're in the Milwaukee area. Oh my God. The Saturday shows are sold out, but I think there's still tickets for the Friday show if you want to come and milk donkey. It's milk donkey and it's going to be on Netflix. All right. Thank you guys. I love you. Bye. See you next time. Bye. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. I'm going to be a little bit more serious. She's a little vocal fryer. Vocal fryer. Duh. Vocal fryer. Vocal fryer. Vocal fryer. Vocal fryer. Vocal fryer. the SumUp platform so you can stay compliant without paying for software or worrying about getting it wrong. Did I mention it's free? Getting started is easy. Just search SumUp MTD Online.