Happy April Fools Day!

Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there, wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here, yeah I'm a sports junkie, I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. But right now it's HVACmania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally $148. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace some love. And if your system is about to crash out like a 5 seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to StandardHeating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. 93. Air. Don't like April Fool's Day. All roms playing pranks on you. April Fool's. If you're one of the millions of people addicted to April Fool's Day pranks, help has arrived at the April Fool's Day Treatment Center. I will not cover toilet seats with saran wrap. Here you'll receive the kind of specialized treatment needed to break the cycle of practical joke addiction. I will not fill soap dispensers with crazy glue. Call today for a free evaluation. I will not call the airport and page Michael Hunt. And let the healing begin. April Fool, mother f***. Well. F me. April Fool's Day, huh? I would have missed it all together had you not said something. Yeah, today's the day. I don't get into it as much as I used to as a young person. I guess heads up, you might be the one who gets got today on April Fool's Day. Welcome to the half fast warning show. What are you talking about? What were some of the things you did as a young person? Well, when my kids were young specifically, I like to mess with them all the time, but certainly on April Fool's Day. I guess some of the ones that got them the best is replacing apples and caramel apples with onions. I love that bit. That's one of my favorites. I'm guessing we've probably talked about this every April Fool's Day over the last 10, 12 years. You covered onions with caramel and told the kids they were caramel apples. And they're very, they're good at not letting it get to them. So I think my oldest, he ate the whole thing out of spite. Oh my gosh. It's like I'm going for it. Dog treats that were that look just like cookies. They were very convincing. Yum, huh? Shrink wrapping the their doors. So when they open the door, I've always wanted to try that. I've always wanted that works. Me too. Yeah. You just right on the outside of the door there, they open the door and walk right through it. And it close lines them. They end up on their backs. The shrink wrap across the doorway. It put one of them in a coma, which was extra hilarious. Let's see. What was another one we did? Oh, I pretended to cut one of my fingers off that backfired because it scared the heck out of my daughter so much so that I felt very bad about it. I thought they'd realized I was joking around. You've had some laughs. Yeah. I guess I'm just getting older and I've seen a couple today so far. Already? Wow. It's 540. What the hell have you seen already today? I got an update for people. People know what a stream deck is basically just a little box here that I've got a bunch of buttons on it. You can program the buttons to do different things. So a lot of them are sound effects and things. You call that a stream deck. Stream deck, something you work with here every day. And so there was an update to it and they keep changing them like some of them have knobs now and there's a bunch of different cool versions, but they pretended they had an arm on it like a slot machine. So that was the update supposedly to control one of those. And then I saw KQ keep playing the same song over and over and over again. KQ is currently playing the same song over and over. At least they were up until we started. Yeah, somebody even texted us about it. It was like, what's going on over there? That sounds hilarious. We should also welcome in our bro, Kato real quick. Dana's out today, our pal, Kato from the pit. He's filling in on the sound board. Hi, Kato. You can hear me, right? Yep, we got you. Can you hear us? I can hear you. Are we a message? Saturdays at 10 o'clock, the pit. That's when you can hear Kato and our old buddy Grant. That's when you can hear the Graham. Yeah, Graham. Well, I forgot he's Grant. He's been called Grant here for whatever reason. Nick doesn't know people's names. Yeah, I barely do too. So yeah, Graham. And I'm glad you guys are still doing that. How long has that show been on the air? The show's about 10 years. I've been on it for a couple. My goodness. You guys get pretty wasted on that program. Saturday nights at 10, the pit, yeah. The music gets aggressive. The music gets obnoxious. But that's what it's there for. The hosts get aggressive and obnoxious after a few drinks. Sure, yeah. Saturday night, what the hell? What else can I do that I know? Yeah, that's the loudest show on the radio. That's what we try to say, yes. You guys do a great job on that. I dig that. I was going to say, I actually had April Fool's joke from a long time ago. I was on radio 30 years ago when Sammy Hagar was in Van Halen. And our morning show at the time, I was the producer and we did a thing where we were Sammy Hagar left Van Halen. And then six months later, Sammy Hagar left Van Halen. Were you blamed by anybody? Not really, but we definitely got a lot of calls that day where we were playing all the audio of Eddie talking about Dave and Sammy left too. And then we got a few people and then six months later it actually happened. And a lot of folks bought it. But Sammy, we could tell a similar story, I guess, where we, I never really cared much for April Fool's Day pranks, especially here on the radio. I never really cared for that pressure. It's kind of like a cliche in radio. You've got to revolve your show around every holiday that comes around. I'm talking about the 90s though. We had to do an April Fool's Day at that point. Exactly. The process made you back then. We were in the same boat. That's what I'm referring to. I never liked that pressure. Well, it's April Fool's Day. What are you going to do? My mindset was always, I mean, who really cares aside from sixth graders, right? That it's April Fool's. So I never really liked the whole gimmick. But one year, probably out of desperation because, like you just said, Kato, radio stations, especially if you were a morning show, they expected you to do some friggin' stupid gimmick. We told the lie on the radio that Randy Moss had been traded. This was 1999 or something. I mean, this was the height of the Randy Moss years here when he was playing for the Vikings. We made a joke that he was traded. Many people bought it. And we're stunned and shocked and upset that Randy Moss was traded. And then not long, I mean, I don't know how much longer it was. He wasn't traded, but Vikings fans were praying he would be. It was like shortly after we made that April Fool's Day prank about Randy Moss, that was when he turned into an absolute ass. And everyone in town wanted him gone. Do you remember that, Josh? Absolutely. I'm trying to remember you guys did another one. And I don't remember if it was April Fool's Day or something else. This was back when we were the edge. I think it was the edge. When you did that fake parade. Oh, God. That must have been an incredible amount of work, especially back then where we didn't have the technology we do today, where everything had to be live recorded and it was just like a, you know, it took forever to do stuff like that. It turned out wonderfully. It was believable. Very believable. But it was pure unmitigated misery to put it together. We staged a fake April Fool's Day parade. All of this was pre-recorded where it sounded like there was a full on April Fool's Day parade happening in downtown Minneapolis. If you turned on the radio that morning, we had the fake crowd noise. You would have believed, oh my damn, there's a massive parade happening in downtown Missouri. In Minneapolis for April Fool's Day. And I had no idea. It turned out wonderfully. So as you might imagine, we pre-recorded all kinds of interviews with Minnesota Twins and Minnesota Vikings. And I don't know, probably a couple of local, maybe the governor at the time. I don't know. It was so much work to put together. I nearly ended my life in the weeks leading up to it, especially when you consider Josh that I was working with guys that when we got off the air at 9 a.m., they didn't want to do any show prep until around 12.30 or 1. And we'd sit here until 6, 7 p.m. These guys had no problem with that. Oh man. Where I would go crazy. Between 9 and noon, everyone would sit there and just kind of finger themselves. And I'm thinking, hey, let's get going on tomorrow. We got a lot to do. No, they were just lay there. And then at noon or 12.30, because they had no social life. They had nothing to do outside of this. So I appreciate that, Josh, because that did turn out well. But it was a nightmare in the... Once you execute it well one time, you don't have to do it again. Once you get one good April Fool's joke on the radio, you don't have to do it again, because then you're like, I did it once. I fooled some people. We're good. We never really tried anything like it again. So yeah. Oh, God. Sometimes you wonder if it's worth it, because a lot of times people will just go, that's kind of funny, and then that's about it. Yeah, exactly. Although I do remember it all these years later. You damn right. Isn't that something? You put in all those hours. I mean, hours and hours and hours, and you get like a... Out of it, and that's it. We talk about that even. Yeah. Things around here sometimes, like maybe it's just not worth it. I don't know if anybody cares. And the best performance from that fake April Fool's Day parade that we put together, Jesus, this is 30 years ago. The best performance by a local celebrity, if that's what you want to call him, was Paul Majors, the dude who used to anchor the Care 11 News all those years ago. He was very convincing. He was maybe the guy that made it work better than anybody else. I did this little fake interview where I pretended I was riding in the back of a car in the parade with Paul Majors, and he was just very... He gave us everything he had on the bit, and it was very believable. That doesn't surprise me. That guy is so good. He's got such a great sense of humor. We were lucky enough to have him on in the early part of this show. He did a segment on like basically a crime report where he would kind of talk about some of the goofier crimes that were going on. God, I have no memory of that at all. No. He came in studio, which Shaver has only done twice in his entire career. He came in studio? Yeah. Like regularly? About once every month. What? Once a month. You had to back then. If you wanted to be on the radio, you had to be on the studio. Oh yeah, good point. I never had to. You had about that. No. I just wanted to call in with your landlines. I have no memory of that at all. But anyway. Now too you got to be worried. Yes. Certainly radio stations have gotten in big trouble in the past. You know, saying the mayor died in a car accident, uproar there. What? There was. Someone said the mayor died in a car accident. I think it was opium anthony. Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy. That's what it was. I thought you were talking local people. 25 years ago, but I remember that. No, just in radio. And then another station, couple stations did fake car giveaways, you know, and then that gets you sued obviously. Uh-uh. You're going to say you're going to do a giveaway. You got to get a giveaway. I can't wait to get out of radio. Opium hoaxes, deadly toxins and water. What were people thinking? I don't know. Let's make people think they're going to die. Some of these were like late 80s, early 90s. Did somebody get in trouble for a school shooting, like a school shooting April Fool's joke, like a couple years after Columbine? Oh my gosh. I thought I remember that. I might be making that up in my brain, but I thought I remember something. You might be right, because doesn't that sound like 90s? Well, this will be funny. Yeah, doesn't that sound like 90s? In early 2000s radio? It absolutely does. You would do, there were people who would do anything, anything to get noticed and it just became so sickening, you know. Like I said earlier, I never really enjoyed that stuff. I always felt foolish when we had to take part in that stuff. Me too. You had to do it. Right, because a lot of those were the boss's idea and they- Crick boss. They assumed they were a genius. Yeah, they had no fear, right? They had no fear. No, why would they? They're not the ones that look stupid. They're not the ones who have to pull this crap off on the air and then try to feel good about it. They're just back in the office with a line of blow on the desk and the- Ah, man. It's Cato, everybody. People are wondering who the hell is this? It's Cato. We've had him in before. We introduced him a few minutes ago. You must have just tuned in. Cato from the pit, filling in for Dana today on the board and he's a wonderful guy for doing it. You were out late last night. I was. I mean, I got home at like 10.30. It wasn't that super late. Yeah, that's late. Yeah, I went to the Devil Wars Proto Show and Four Years Strong and the film was a good time. You're an excellent photographer. Thank you. Were you there in that capacity? I was. I haven't even looked at my pictures yet. Last night was the night where I was like, I gotta get to bed when I get home. But I think I did well. Where can people find your stuff? I have an online CURSKI PIX. It's all my on Instagram and Facebook and stuff. If you go to the 93X page and you look under photos, you know, I've got a lot of pictures there that I think links back to my socials and stuff too. Yeah, a lot of cool stuff. People are texting in to say that you sound like a more manly version of Derek, who is our program director, who has filled in before on the board. That's what I'm going for, yeah. And you sound like what Dana could sound like if he quit playing with Legos and video games. Started smoking maybe? Yeah. I don't remember this. Here's a listener. We're talking about April Fool's pranks. I don't recall this at one point or another. Josh, we pulled off an April Fool's bit where we pretended that the NHL lockout was over and we were very convincing. I don't remember that. When did the NHL lockout? Was it like 2006 or something? I don't recall, but there was a lockout. We pretended it was over when it really wasn't. Brandywine, she's said, she was pissed. We were very convincing. I have no memory of that at all. Yeah, I don't remember that either. 2005 was the big, the big 2000 when they were shut down for like a year and a half. So the 0405 season? I remember the Randy Boston. That's it. Somebody said we dropped live turkeys from a helicopter for Thanksgiving. What? That's somebody else. I don't think that was us. No, I don't recall that. I hope that didn't really happen in real life. How would you have access to a helicopter? That's the WKRP bit. Oh, yeah. That's the WKRP Thanksgiving show bit, yeah. I fell for that. That's crazy. I do remember like Edge Fest, we dropped cereal, I think it was. Like boxes? No, it was just like people were dumping cereal out. I think the thing, I thought that was a rock band who did that. Flip, yeah. Can't imagine dropping like actual boxes. You just pelting people. A lot of people died that day. They had their own cereal at the time. What was the name of the rock band? Flip with two P's. They had their own cereal and we had the big outdoor concert and they dumped. Anyway. That would annoy me so much. I don't even think people noticed. They were so drunk. My memory was I think that they missed the target, but that was a long time ago. There you go. Oh, a listener texted in to say they've already pulled off an April Fool's Day prank. This is Bodette fishing guide Jesus. He said this morning at 5.15, this is pretty cold blooded, at 5.15 he ding dong ditched his best friend's house. That's pretty early for a ding dong ditch. And he says, let Eric know that I hate his guts. I think I get somebody killed. The old ding dong ditch routine. You know what dawned on me when I was reading this, Josh? I am now 10, 15 years older than all those dads in my neighborhood that we used to intentionally torture with gimmicks like the ding dong ditch. I'm now 10 or 15 years older than those peckerheads. That's kind of crazy to think about. F me. I would kill somebody if they rained my doorbell in the middle of the night. We'll see about that. I can't, oh, the anger I would feel. I don't even like when people ring my doorbell during the day. Why are you coming up to my house? Leave me alone. I even made a makeshift sign that because I'm just too lazy to order a no solicitating sign. Soliciting? Soliciting, yeah. Soliciting. I like the way you said it better. Me too. Ashley needs an official, as she would say, an official no solicitating sign. Because she might be busy watching the secret lives of Mormon wives. You made a handwritten sign to keep people off your front step? Yeah, well, actually, I've been through two of them now. I had one that was very, very aggressive. That was like, if you don't have boobs, don't ring my doorbell. Like I have a breastfed baby. Like I have a newborn baby kind of vibe. But then I took that off because we had some people come over to the house, so I needed them to ring the doorbell. So you wrote this out with a magic marker? Yeah, and very big, aggressive, dark letters. You mentioned breastfeeding and things like that. Yeah, so I had to take that one down because we had some folks come over. And then people started ringing my doorbell again, of course, because there was no sign. And I just put up another one that said, no solicitating. Did you really put solicitators? Yeah, no. Can you imagine how confused they'd be? Like, well, I'm soliciting, but not solicitating. Am I okay to ring this? But it does mention like a sleeping baby because it seems like people, they listen more if there's a baby involved because they know they're going to piss off a mom. I bought a doormat I thought was kind of funny that said, nah, we're good, no soliciting. But I felt like such a douche after having it out there for a few days, I ended up taking it away and... You felt like a douche? Yeah, kind of like it. Because it wasn't... The joke wasn't funny anymore after... Well, I thought it was kind of funny, but at the same time I thought, maybe I don't need to put that out there. And then it was like two days later that I ended up praying with a couple of strangers where they came to the door, I answered it and some ladies... Oh, God, I had forgotten about that. You had the Bible bangers stop by the house and instead of just not opening the door or telling them to leave, you allowed them to push all their nonsense on you and you ended up holding hands, you ended up holding hands and praying with them. Yeah, for a while. You sorry, son of a bitch. For a while. What do you mean for a while? That's so funny. At the time it felt extraordinarily long, but... 45 minutes? Oh, no, no, no. Like 15 minutes or so? How long did you pray with them? 10 minutes maybe? 10 minutes of praying. Yeah, it was 5 minutes of a setup. Oh, God. Dude, I am not a good person. I can't even like repeat what I have said to the Bible bangers that have been to my door. That's the only time it's ever happened to me. It happened to me as a victim. That's the only time I've ever experienced that is. And I probably they've come to the house before and I wasn't around. What a nightmare. I have a no soliciting sign on my front door and I think it's worked. The doorbell no longer rings, so these goofballs that are constantly whipping through the neighborhood looking to sell you this and sell you that. It's always the bug people. They must be deep down. They must get it that we mean it when we have that sign out front, but they still will leave the little card under the door. You know what I mean? They'll sneak their pamphlet into it, but they don't ring the doorbell anymore. I just kind of feel bad for them in the way that I get thinking about doing that job. How much that would suck. That's kind of why I got rid of that mat. I thought, geez, you know what? If I was in a position where that was the gig I had, I would understand that 90% of these people are going to hate my guts. I was going to say about the bug guys, are they high tech in your neighborhood like they are ours? Yeah, they come up on like the little hoverboard or whatever. Some of those young guys, they dominate on those things. Hoverboard? Yeah, the little hoverboards. That is kind of, I get to kick out of seeing those guys. So they don't have to walk up and down this. Yeah. Wow. I'll say this, three, four years ago, I don't know how long ago it was, a kid came to the door because he was a bug killer. Yeah, like sprays for him, yeah. He worked for a, give me the big word, exterminator. He worked for a bug exterminator and we answered the door and I don't think I, it must not have been me that answered the door. It must have been my wife and we hired them and it was beautiful. Oh, I thought it worked out. It worked sometimes. The end, I was kind of like really, we're really going to, and it worked out beautiful. They killed all these terrible bugs that we had. Where was I going with this? Oh, Josh, I can totally see you being the type who would feel sympathy for your average solicitor and because of your Catholic guilt, you would want to at least give them a little bit of your attention. It's despite all of that, it's still kind of shocking that you held hands and prayed with complete strangers, but I got stuck. Well you could have, there were very, there were very sweet ladies. Oh, sure they were. And one of them was, for now, she's being trained in on how to, you know, spread the word of the Lord and she was so nervous that I thought, well, I probably, I can't turn her away. What was the old joke? I saw a comic years ago who said, my parents are so boring that they could even make Jehovah's Witnesses say, you know what, look at the time, we got to get going. John texted in and said, on the topic of April Fool's Day jokes, didn't I once claim that Wu Tang Clan was playing somewhere when they really weren't? That had nothing to do with April Fool's Day and it was not an intentional joke at all. This was 15 years ago. I used to do a bar gig every Thursday at a bar called Paves in Andover, had some riotous times there. Hello to all the crowd. Hello to all that staff from Paves. If you're still out there, I don't know what you do now. You certainly don't work at Paves. They knocked it over and turned it into a Walmart years ago. But we had great times at Paves. And every week, of course, I would record a little promo saying, hey, catch me at Paves tonight from 9 to 11. We'll be giving away tickets to see Rob Zombie or some awful band like that. Just for a goof, one particular week, I said, so catch me Thursday. I'll be up there with the Wu Tang Clan. It was just a joke. I think maybe at the time Dave Chappelle had a Wu Tang Clan joke. We used to kind of do a bit on the show. Everything was Wu Tang for, I know that can't, it was like a reoccurring joke on the show at the time. Just as a goof mentioned it, was not intended to fool anybody because I didn't think anyone would believe me. You know, what sense does that make that the Wu Tang Clan, this million dollar wrap act, why would they be coming to Andover to hang out at my bar? But unfortunately, it just got out of control. Everyone believed it. I don't know why. Everyone believed it. And next thing you know, I'm sitting there at my bar gig and there are people piling into the bar to see the Wu Tang Clan perform. They all bought it. The bouncers had to turn these people away. They were not happy. Were you sweating a little bit? Not really, just because it was so ridiculous. I just, I didn't even understand what was happening for the first half hour, watching all these people walk in and I'd watch the security person out, explain to them that there is no Wu Tang Clan show and then they would leave. I would think that's absolutely hilarious. I don't know how it happened. It was just like perfect timing where I, I mean Wu Tang is one of those very mysterious bands. So them playing just a one-off show in the middle of Andover back then might have happened. Not very likely to happen, but it might have happened. I didn't know that. They were very, you know, they would do weird, they would do weird shows. Okay. I knew nothing about the Wu Tang Clan other than it was fun to say into a microphone. So yeah, that was not an April Fool's Day prank. That was just silliness. I forgot about this one. One Good Eye Jesus said, he remembers we had our former coworker, Ali, we said there was a nude photo on our website and the bit was our web department made it where it was, looked like it was taking forever to buffer. And so it went from the top down and then it ended before you'd see anything nude. Oh, funny. As if it was, you know, the website was crashing. Forgot about that one. A nude photo of her? Of Ali up there. Oh, oh God. Ah. I hear you. Yeah. Well, there you go. Maybe some of yous are planning elaborate pranks today. I don't know. I've always thought about it, but I've never once, I never have followed through. I've never done an April Fool's prank. You got to know your audience, right? You don't want to mess with somebody that hates those types of things. I just don't think I'd be very good at it. I'd be like smirking to myself the whole entire time. Hard to keep a straight face. I get it. Absolutely hard to keep a straight face. We've been God a few times. They're like, hey, great show so far. April Fool's. People are being very mean via text with some of those. Is that what they're saying? We got a couple right away. Well, maybe you and those people should pray about it. I know who to call. I've got their website. It's a hell of a deal. It is. You're a terrific crowd. Oh, a little bit later on this morning. God, we're just going to get ganged up on Randy Shaver, Brad Ryder, Marcus Spolino. Are those guys, did the Minnesota Wild Organization, did they fold or something? Where have they been? Are they going to play another hockey game this year? It seems like forever. Not until tomorrow. Jesus, Paul. Well, ask Marcus what the hell they've been doing since what, Saturday? What a cake gig. Marcus Spolino is going to join us and we'll kick in, you know, your average everyday nonsense as well. We'll take a little break. We'll come back with the stupid news here in a few minutes. Thanks for joining us on the program. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks and no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E Law.com and it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Salci. I host of the Stack In Bedlamans podcast. Most economists agree small amount of inflation is actually good. 2% is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out? Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping that happens every month. Until all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant. The bill is 60 bucks for two. Two guys walking to a restaurant. They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60. Stacking Benjamin's. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. All right. Yeah, we're coming around to that stupid news report here in just a minute or two. We were talking about solicitors. Oh, they'll come to your door and try to sell you this and that. Most of us don't even answer the door. Some of us put the no solicitors sign up. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. I'll talk on my property with the no solicitors sign. Here's a couple of people who texted in. What do they have going? One of our listeners, Josh, has a doormat. A doormat? Is that how you say it? Yeah. Yep. You had one that said what? Nah, we're good. No soliciting. Nah, is the word. Yeah. Nah, comma, we're good. For Christmas or my birthday a number of years ago, maybe you've seen this because I think it took off in popularity. A friend of ours bought us a doormat with Lionel Richie's, how do you call it, image on it and take a guess what it said. Hello. It said hello. That's awesome. That's right. Faded kind of quickly. That arse, every one we've ever had, same thing. Yeah. We've gone through a couple of welcome mats. I got no problem pimping Lionel on my property. Don't blame me. I looked at a rental house that they had a no soliciting sign on there, like a bumper sticker kind of look like. Right next to the door and that did not work at all. I think it was totally ignored. Damn. Some people said, hey, you know what, just disconnect the doorbell. Our stopped working and I made a little reminder to this weekend, take a look and try and get that thing fixed. Maybe I won't. We put black electrical tape over the doorbell so no one can see that it's there. Oh, did you really? Yeah. Currently? Yes. I think that's what we have going right now. That's awesome. That's not going to do enough for me. I need something wrong. Well, it has it wrong at a long time. I need something on like the end of my driveway because if they step foot into my driveway and my dogs know, and that's the issue is my dogs barking. You need to nip it in the bud before they even get on the driveway or the dogs are going to go haywire. Yeah. It was so scary the other day. One of the vans for those bug people that go door to door parked right in front of our house. It's so funny. Our son was down for a nap and me and my husband were looking through the windows like, are they coming? We got to cut them off before they come up here. But luckily they never came up, thankfully. Maybe you could hire a couple of crackheads just to hang around at the end of your driveway or something like that. Agri-vated drug addicts or something. One of our listeners, Josh, has a doormat and it's an image of a frog in a cowboy hat. Who's having fun already? I know I love it. Yeah. It has the image of a frog in a cowboy hat that's holding a shotgun and it says on the doormat, hippity hoppity, get the F off my property. Yes. That's great. And another one of our listeners has a sign on his property that says, no soliciting unless you're selling cookies or popcorn. Yeah. Those are the only people I want. I might not, no offense to the people that sell popcorn, but I just want the Girl Scout cookies. But like, I feel like that seems creepy. Do they come to the door? Yeah. Yeah. I had one for, I didn't have any Girl Scouts come to the door for gosh years and years until last year and I was so excited and they didn't take anything but cash. So I was quickly very depressed. Oh, ours is like high tech. There's a QR code. We must not have been home. She just left a little door hanger and it just had a QR code on there to order from her. I did not know that they went door to door. Door to door is how you say it. I just run into the Girl Scouts at Lowe's and I had kind of an iffy experience with them a couple of years ago. Admittedly, I walked into Lowe's looking very unwashed and very unhealthy one Sunday morning. I just looked dirty and unshaven and unwashed. So the Girl Scouts with a couple of moms were parked right by the front door at Lowe's. And when I walked into the joint, I made a B line for them because I thought, wow, perfect timing. I love Girl Scout cookies. I didn't know these characters were going to be here. I'm going to buy me some. And one of the moms kept an eye on me. And again, I admit I did not look good at all. So I walk in, I buy the cookies, I walk out, I get to my pickup and I realize, well, I forgot to get what I intended to buy in the first place at Lowe's. So I put the cookies in my pickup. When I walked through the door a second time, that mom put herself physically in front of the girl and kind of corralled them behind her. I would have done the same thing. And again, I wasn't offended because I didn't look good, but I thought, oh my damn, I look so bad. The Girl Scout mom assumes I have bad intentions here by walking in a second time. I walk right past them. I went to go get something else. All the stress was relieved at that point. I kind of feel that way sometimes when I'm alone, out and about, and I see a cute baby or an adorable kid. And I'm like, oh, how cute. And I'm kind of looking and smiling. And I'm like, oh gosh, I'm being so creepy. They have no idea that I have a child at home. They probably think I'm just some crazy woman that's about to take their kid from them. I'll admit, Ashley, that when I'm out and about in public and I see a couple with a child and I see an obvious stranger kind of, oh, looky, coochie, all that stuff, I have to admit that even gives me the creeps. And I'm not a... It doesn't really? Yeah. And I can see it in the parents' faces that they don't want this stranger approaching their child. It even creeps me out just from the bleachers. This is funny. Somebody said, we have a Journey the Band themed doormat and it reads, don't stop believing. All right, I got to get that. I think I've seen that. Have you? It's got a picture of the band. I don't know. They just said that's what it says on the mat. I think I've seen that and it's got like a picture of Journey the Band from 1980 looking. Don't stop. They weren't the best looking group in the world. No, not at all. Believing. Believing. All right, there you go. Let's get to this here. Stupid news because, you know, seven, six, eight, nine, ten times out of ten. I have a good time with this too. Cubby, the moral of the story here, I think, is if your lady wants the rod, if your lady is in need of your beautiful body and she wants to ride Space Mountain, just go ahead and give her. Isn't there a saying about that, especially on your honeymoon? When your wife, on your honeymoon, what slang did he use again? See her? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The C word for gentlemen. It's a movie. What the hell was a movie? Great kid. Ben Stiller and his dad, Jerry, perform in the movie as father and son. The old man hollers that. You got to see the movie. Yeah, you got to see the movie where Ben Stiller's dad teaches his son about how to operate on your honeymoon. When your wife. When your wife, on her honeymoon. I wonder if I have a cleaned up picture. It's you to see her, you see her and you see her good. So anyway, what are we doing? Yeah, the moral of the story here, if your wife wants it, go ahead and give her. Or girlfriend, because if you don't, there's a chance she might beat your ass. I mean, into oblivion. I was wondering, I'm a little nervous that asked this question. I hope it doesn't come across wrong at all. But Ashley, I'm curious, do you think it's because maybe women aren't turned down as much as men? We've learned how to deal with that rejection and hopefully we're all, you know, we understanding and not psychopaths about it. Yeah, 100%. If you were, would you be kind of shocked if you were turned down as a guy? It's like, oh, you know, this happens. Yeah, I guess I can think of one time where, yeah, I was like, oh, well, that, I don't know, that doesn't make sense. This doesn't happen. Yeah. When you're younger, that's how you react when you get a little older. Forgoing sex is not an issue. Cool. I understand. You understand. I wouldn't want to sleep with me either. I get it. A 25 year old gal in a town called Chihuahua, Mexico. I'll be damned. That is adorable. Chihuahua is the name of the town. 25 year old gal. She is called Sarah. She's been taken off the jail for allegedly assaulting her boyfriend. It all started with a telephone call to the police. The cops heard a dude on the other end of the line begging for help. He said his name was Martin and he said to the cops that they should get there quick because he's being beaten within an inch of his life. It's a little bit of an overreaction. I bet she's just not used to hearing no. You don't know the whole story yet. Overreact. Wait till we get to the... I was thinking of being turned down by strangers, Josh. Strangers will never turn you down. Strangers. That's what I was thinking about. I wasn't thinking about being turned down by my husband. When we first started dating, I don't know what was wrong with me. I would get pissy that he didn't want to do it for a second time. Yeah. What are you talking about? Go to bed. Everybody's tired. That's asking too much. He was clearly just exhausted and I would get irritated by it. Those are young people issues. I remember that. I remember turning down a gal once for a second run. What a good problem to have though. She looked at me like I was crazy. But I've never been one of those guys that wants to two, three times in a night. What am I? That's basically what he was saying. What's wrong with you? Even when I was a young guy, I didn't understand that double whammy. What the hell? We just rocked back and forth for 45 minutes. I got 15 minutes off. I'm supposed to do it again. Why? What are we out to prove? I'm sorry about that. Again, when you're young, you don't get it. You don't get that rest. Just let me lay here for Christ's sake. Rest is so valuable. So valuable. So again, you're not taking this guy seriously, this Martin just yet, Ashley. He calls the cops. He says, get your asses over here. I'm being beaten to within an inch of my ... What happened was, apparently Sarah, that's the gal, girlfriend, she told Martin she was looking to bump. And Martin said, yeah, no thanks. They've been a couple for a while. What's the big damn deal? Sometimes hammering back and forth on your girlfriend is the last thing a guy wants to do and vice versa. For you ladies, even when you're young, I can imagine sometimes the thought of your big, stupid boyfriend, Jack hammering you up against the ... What do you call the thing behind you? The head boy? You said the last thing you want to ... But when this Sarah character, when she was told that Martin had no interest in getting it smooth on, she busted a spring and she beat the ever loving daylights out of Martin, Ashley, dramatic pause, with a belt. Just wop-ah, wop-ah, wop-ah. She was just tuning this guy up with a damn belt. I bet it was with the buckle part too. Yeah, I bet he took the buckle. I remember the times I've turned it down and it was medication related. I was on a medication for epilepsy that I had no interest whatsoever. I didn't equate the two. And then eventually somebody said, dude, that's your medication and turns out that's the case. And the first time that happened, I was dating a girl and she didn't get it when she's like, hey, you want to go for it. I'm like, nah, I'm cool. She was confused. Like, what do you mean? What do you mean no? I don't understand. Right. How old was she? 25, 6? Oh, we were early 20s. Exactly. I would be worried that something else was going on. Like, you depressed or what's going on here? I was confused too. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'll pass. Right. Thank you very much. Can we just watch some TV? Can I get a rain check? Laura here also took some time to insult Martin. That's what the story tells me. She also took some time to insult Martin while giving him this unmerciful beating with a belt. She threw in some insults. Look at you. You ugly bastard, she might have said. She also took a break from beating Martin so she could go through his cell phone, probably because she was convinced that he turned her down for sex because he must be folding something on the side. Oh, and how do you like this little side note? Word is Sarah took to wailing on Martin with that belt while his little daughter watched. Oh. There's a little kid in the room. That changes everything about this story. Just a little kid. Poor kid. It was just awful. Sarah also fought with the cops when they told her she was headed to the Chihuahua jailhouse. This is the worst case of blue balls on a woman I've ever heard. She went for it, I guess. Martin's a dead man. I fear that Sarah's not done with him yet. If I'm Martin, I change my name and I join the merchant marines or something like that. I'm afraid for Martin. A few people are saying if you turn down a woman, a lot of them assume you've been cheating on him. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not my problem. I used to think that way. I was like, that's so weird. I was literally just talking about my husband, about this kind of stuff yesterday. I was telling him that he's the first person I've ever been with where I've never questioned that once. If he was cheating? You'll get there. Yeah. My wife knows I don't have any game, so she's not worried about it. Oh, but she has worried about you before. She's had like weird dreams in the past, but I don't think she'd assume anybody would ever go for it. Might the same way. She has dreams all the time about me leaving her and stuff like that, but never would once think that I'm actually doing that. If you're just tuning in, this is our bro, Kato, filling in on the board for Dana. Dana's got the day off. Kato, thanks again for helping us out. Happy to be here. She has dreams about you leaving. She tells me that all the time. She's kind of mad at me, but she knows it wasn't me actually, but it happens sometimes, Joe. Yeah, those are crappy dreams. I hate that feeling. I'm like, why are you doing this to me, brain? Yeah, I feel bad, but I'm like, I didn't do anything, but I still feel bad about it. Stupid dream me. Sorry. That's happened to my wife a few times. I hear the same stories. My wife will wake up from a nap and say, I just had a dream and you were a total dick. You brought two women into the house and asked me if I, if I minded having two girlfriends on the side, I hear about those dreams now and again. But Cubby, wasn't there a time when your wife thought maybe you were interested in somebody and you couldn't believe it? Oh my God. Okay. Yes. Oh man, that almost enrages me. See, yes, she has suspected you before, which has angered me. And it was the dumbest reason to. Oh man. I forgot about that. I get, what's the word I'm looking for? Offended. Cause you've told me these stories before and I always say the same thing. Why would any woman ever have any questions about you? Oh my God. Of all the guys in the world, you are the straightest, laced, most honest, especially when it comes to a relationship. If you ever cheated on her, you would vomit until you died. There's, that's true. I could never handle the guilt. No way you can handle it. No, not at all. I would never do that to her. No, you won't be able to sleep, work. I couldn't do that to the kids. You'd have chest pains. You'd be spraying diarrhea uncontrollably, vomit. You would die. I was in a weird spot too because she said this and I thought she was joking. And it was the dumbest reason. This particular person had said once, I don't get it why people don't put the toilet lid down when they flush because the germs go everywhere, right? And I just listened to that and I thought, oh maybe there's something to it. And I started doing that. And my wife questioned, why are you doing that? I'm like, oh, so and so said that it spreads germs. So I thought, why not? In case it worked. And she thought that I was into her because of that. Dude, come on. There's only one person in my life that I've, I won't say hated, but as close as you can come, it's the worst person I've ever met. By far. I've never met a more evil person. Just a disgusting lady. Yeah, not my type at all. Not even personality wise. Looks wise, everything. This lady that your wife suspected you might be quote into. This lady made your skin crawl. Everybody. Yes. That's crazy. Because you took some toilet advice from her. Some advice on germs. Your wife assumed that maybe you might be into her. So here, here was the odd spot. I luckily I caught my, I've told her this sense because she gets it now. But I caught myself because I almost said I could probably come up with 15 women right now that I would rather cheat on you than this. Because I was totally, I thought she was kidding. So like there's no way. Oh no. Oh no, you did not say that. No, like I said, I stopped my, I told her later on when we were past all this. Oh no, I'd still be mad if I found out that if you told me later on. Well, it wasn't like I had those thoughts. I just said, if you really thought that, like here's the people to be worried about, not this person. Oh thank God you stopped yourself. You've been through some things you have. Do you know who I'm talking about? Yeah. Oh yeah. The fact, the fact that we all know who Josh is referencing to. The idea that your wife thought you were into her is so ridiculous. But like I said, you've been through some things. Also before you even met your wife, you had a girlfriend who told you about an attraction that she had to another man and that man made your skin crawl. Where you could not believe that this girlfriend of yours could have any attraction to such a disgusting man. I actually liked him. But yeah, the disgusting to say the least. We were just talking about this. I can't remember why. Yeah. Man, you've picked some real winners. That was weird. Now my wife's wonderful. That just, she's clueless when it comes to apparently who I'd be into. She doesn't know my type even though we've been together 20 some years. Yeah, that, I was shocked to the point where I thought she's joking around. That's so funny. Of all the women that she thought you were attracted to, little did she know this particular woman couldn't cross the room without all of our stomachs hurting. We were. You know how like they say, even if you were the last person on earth, I would kill myself. If it's just the two of us left, I would, I would have, there's no way I could spend any amount of time with that person. That is so good. Okay. Back to the report here. Oh, what she didn't remind me of that. Which one? The guy or the girl? The girl. The girl. This sounds entertaining. See if you can follow this here. A dude stole a headset microphone from a McDonald's restaurant drive-thru. And he took to bothering folks who were trying to order a meal in the drive-thru line. There's video, I think of this. It's going round and round. A gal called Kailin provided the video to all the J.Bron's on social media. A few days ago, she upped and got in line at her neighborhood McDonald's. She titled the video, Worst Drive-Thru Experience Ever. So what I think happened is, a regular McDonald's worker with his cool headset mic set up, he's trying to ask this Caitlyn gal what she wants to order. What nobody knew is, some other whack bag had stolen a headset from the restaurant and he was lurking somewhere watching, making comments. This guy's awesome. Something like this. This is the kind of bit I like. This is the kind of stuff in high school we would do. Like how'd you get your hands on that? Man, that's awesome. I'm so jealous of this. If we could have pulled this off in high school, we would have been so proud of ourselves. So again, regular McDonald's drive-thru guy is trying to talk to the lady in the line. And this derelict, who's in the parking lot or whatever with the headset on, he's interrupting. And he sounds like, I don't know, you tell me, I thought it was a mix of Oscar the Grouch and Beavis. Yeah, it is a combo. And I like that everybody had a good sense of humor about it. Sorry, someone stole one of my headsets and that trolling that. What do you want to eat? Still nothing to do, man. I'm sorry about that. Okay. Why don't you grab Ron instead? I'm so sorry. Big arch meal with a medium fry. Anything else for you, though? Big arch is what you get. Oh my gosh. And then can I get a tin-piece nugget? Yeah. You can put it on to that person. No. Thank you, both of you. I've been loved. I love this guy. Yeah, that's funny. What did he say? Did I miss a line there? He said, wouldn't you rather have gone to... Yeah, I didn't... He sounded like he said prom. I don't know what he said. Prom. Yeah, I'm not sure. I couldn't understand that either. That's great. But I like how she asked for it. No. Yeah. Can I get some McNuggets? No. Can I get a big arch sandwich, which sounds delicious. Oh, I heard they rule. I've never even heard of a big arch. People are saying they're better than the Big Mac. The whack-back dude, the whack-bag dude with the extra headset, he says the big arch isn't even that good. And you hear the real McDonald's employees saying things like, please ignore that person. He must have been in the parking lot, they say. He must have snatched that headset and he went and sat in his car in the parking lot and he's watching. Again, like you said, Josh, if we could have pulled this off in high school, we would have been legends. A former coworker of ours also, he managed a restaurant, like a bar and restaurant, and back when... Yeah, you wanted to bang him for a while, I know. Oh, no, I didn't want to bang him. Yeah, you wanted to cheat on me with him. Yeah, he... his bar trivia is popular as it once was. I don't go out anymore. Yeah, they still do it on Thursday nights, usually. You have the little box in front of you and you just can... it's got the Wi-Fi or whatever. Sure. I mean, my neighborhood bar has a deal where you answer the question, you write it down and hand it to the host of the trivia. I bet you can do it on your phone. Yeah, I don't know if they still do it with the little keyboard thing. But sure. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, oh yeah. He showed us, alright, this is how you can have... you can... they could... with... each one was numbered and you could get into their little box and you could change the answer. Oh, wow. And so what he would do when he was bored is he'd find people who were really into it and at the last second change their answer and we watched him do this a couple times. There was a couple guys I was worried about. There were furious... one guy through the box thinking something was wrong with it. What? We're doing our best not to laugh, but that was a good bit. Although there was a couple folks that didn't seem to appreciate it whatsoever. I think my favorite part of this drive-thru bit is that he's not being like a terrible person. Yeah, it's just kind of a fun prank. Yeah, like he's not like cussing anybody out, he's not saying offensive things, he's just being a goofball. Very beevus-like. That was a good time. So you knew a guy who could hack into the other folks' little bar trivia keyboard. Yeah, there was like a key code you'd put in and then you'd just type in the number of... Mess with their answers. That's fun. It was always he'd wait till the very last second. It was an art. It was an art. And he was good at picking a victim too. This isn't nearly as funny as the Oscar the Grouch beevus McDonald's headset guy. I don't know, maybe if I was a seventh grader. So the vibe is, it's so exhausting by the way, covering these jack-offs. It's tough to bring myself to even talk about this type of nonsense because I just find it to be so stupid. But I'll go ahead anyway. A social media influencer. He's in trouble for running his fake fart machine during an airplane ride. And he pissed off so many people on that airplane that the airline company is going to possibly sue him. I'm with you. If I was in somewhere between sixth and eighth grade, I would think this guy is my new king. Right. But it's pretty stupid. They call themselves avianca airlines if that matters at all to you. This was a plane ride from Bogota, Colombia to Madrid, Spain, just in case you're keeping score. That was the setup where the influencer dude couldn't get over his fart machine gimmick. He's been banned by the airline. Mr. Comedy here is what they call a Colombian content creator. He goes by the name of Jefferson and he's 31 years old. So during the airplane ride, he was sitting in his seat finger-banging his fart machine, which they say here produced realistic fart noises and fart smells. I'd never heard of that before. You guys, I would think that'd have to be you spray some of that fart spray, which is terrible. Have you ever experienced that? Absolutely. Awful. Speaking of junior high, we were all about the fart bombs and the fart spray. Oh, I forgot about the fart bombs. My brother and I received three days of out of school suspension for raining. I was totally, it was awful. I hated how. Out of school suspension. My God, we didn't even go to school. It was so awful. We were just raining fart bombs in the hallway until we were suspended for three days. So this Jefferson dude recorded, of course, this fart machine gimmick for his social media page or whatever it's called. He was recording the reactions of the passengers. I'm sure you can imagine the bit. A little would go a long way with that kind of a thing. I don't know. I hate to fly, so I prefer that everyone sits down and shuts up during a plane ride. Yes. In my opinion, there's no room for laughs, but the airline said that Jefferson displayed conduct. He displayed conduct that affected safety, comfort, order and discipline on the aircraft. They might sue him. I mean, if somebody hit a fart machine once, even at my age, I think that's pretty funny. Nah, it's pissing me off immediately. Oh, even the first time? Yeah. What are you doing? Just quiet. So this dude's going to have to suck it up. What's the saying, Josh? F around and find out, right? I like that saying. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Is that the other one? Do you have, you don't have audio of his fart machine? No, I can give you a... Oh, don't worry about it. I just thought. Well, sure. I didn't know if, you know, someone on the airplane had... Let me tell you a little more about this, a Jefferson plug. Jefferson, I can't get past that. It's crazy. It ain't easy. I ain't mad at you. Your parents hate you. He recently... Jefferson on the airplane. They call him, they call him, yeah. I don't know, for short, maybe they call him, yeah, yeah skis. He recently achieved viral acclaim, which is the pinnacle of life for a guy like him. He underwent a leg lengthening surgery, which added two inches to his height. I'm guessing all for internet fame. And this is where he went from there. That's funny to me. Now that I have your attention. Now let's play the fart machine game. And you know, because it was for the... For social media, he didn't just play it a couple times on the airplane. He went full on, you know... Oh yeah. Yeah, over and over and over and over and over. Bombing him, just bombing him. Okay, see, again, a $175,000 leg lengthening surgery. Man. He went through with that. He was 5'8", now he's 6' tall. And I don't... I didn't think they could make that much of a difference. Yeah, I don't know. I thought those were a little less impressive than that. Yeah, I don't know. $175,000 for an elective surgery. How much money is he making on YouTube or whatever? I don't know. And I'm guessing, again, I have to just guess that he did that just for YouTube. Just so people would go, wow, I got to click on this guy. Sounds like he has some regrets about that bit. He says here he's more or less in constant pain. Oh yeah, I've heard it's miserable. Wow. I mean, don't they basically like cut your legs off and add steel rods and... That's what I remember. Yeah, that's what I remember. How tall are you, Kato? 6' even. Oh, you come off taller than that. Yeah, you do. Maybe it's your persona. It's because I'm wider too, yeah. The width helps the height. Yeah, it makes me look bigger, but... You just mentioned how much do you make from that. I just remembered a couple days ago, because when I take pictures online, I've got an online social thing. Instagram pays me if I get enough views or whatnot. And the other day, I got a check for 17 cents. Hey! Yeah! You're coming up! You're buying breakfast! So I'm not the Jefferson money yet, but we're getting there. 17 cents. That's friggin' hilarious. At least it wasn't a paper check, though. It was actually electronic. I would have been... The paper check would have been better, because it would have cost more to send. Yeah, that's true. Cost more to print, to paper. It's awesome. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. I was taking the ****. Yeah, but yeah, like I said, it might help. Might help it down for you. Rocky doggie. Do-da-da-do-da-do-do. Oh, listen to the crowd. I never noticed a crowd before. They go crazy. They go absolutely... I don't know if you could catch that. That was audio of Anthony Edwards. Very bluntly answering the reporter's question. Why did he miss the opening minutes of the Wolves game the other night against Dallas? He was not in the starting lineup. He checked in, oh, just a couple minutes into the ballgame, checked in for Mike Conley Jr. A reporter asked him, what the hell were you doing that you couldn't get on the floor for the opening tip-off? And he very bluntly said, I was taking the ****. I was taking the ****. Yeah, but yeah, like I said, Mike held it down for me. But then Mike held it down for you? Yeah, he did. Gross. Yeah. It must have been quite something. Couldn't he have found a different way to say that? Held it down for him? No, I was taking a sh... Oh, yeah, yeah. I had a bathroom emergency. Yeah, that's just, you know, how he is. That's just how he's... That's why people love him. Yeah, tell me a great t-shirt. Mike held it down for me. Yeah. Or I was taking a nest. Yeah. We should check out Soda Stick and see if they've already got that going. Oh, they love to hop on little gimmicks like that. They do, and they sell a pile of t-shirt. Yeah, I bought a few. Timberwolves, they're not in business tonight. No, they play tomorrow night, but Golden Gopher basketball, they were invited to that funny little tournament in Las Vegas. They're gonna play tonight. It's not till late. It's 9.30. That sucks. I mean, not that this tournament means Dick Tracy. Actually, I read that the winning team in this, it's like the Crown Royal tournament or Royal Crown Tournament, invite-only type of the thing. They played Baylor tonight. I read that the school that wins this tournament gets a half a million dollars in that NIL money. Yeah, that's pretty cool. The players do. The players got... The school does. Oh. I think it's the school, but maybe I should look into greater detail there. Yeah, maybe the players. I mean, if you're playing for half a million for, you know, 12 guys, that's a good amount of money. Dude. Yeah, but none of us will see it, I'm guessing, because it doesn't start till 9.30 in the friggin' Twins in Kansas City Royals were Zoomed. Their three-game series tonight, the Frisost, Arian, New Yizork, tonight, six o'clock on television, I believe. We'll have a pigs update at 8 a.m. with Marcus Bellino joining us on the air again this morning. And Tiger's gonna go into the spin dry. We got all kinds of details for you when Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder joined us at 7.30. And again, keep in mind, Marcus Bellino at 8 a.m. with your pigs update. But don't go off anywhere. Josh has some more news for you here in a few minutes. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and, of course, a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard, heating the air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now, it's HVAC mania. And these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally $148. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system's about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard, heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver? More money than bank. And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good yield. Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down, down. I love how we can play the fact that inflation's been really high. As a positive. But if you're a saver, you know what that means? To change. Silver lining, Joe. Silver lining. Providing. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Path asked morning show. They are in an alternate reality than ours. They are in that rock and roll rock reality. They surround themselves with these professional dickheads. And I'm not even really sure if they're aware, you know? I don't think they're aware how much they suck. 93X rocks. At this time, the state reserves the right to amend the assault one charge to attempted murder based upon further investigation of this matter. A Washington man with a resume rich in felony convictions and no apparent tolerance for pranks is behind bars. After shooting a teenager in the chest over an age-old teenage tradition. On February 28th, a group of 14's drove through Tacoma, tossing water balloons from their vehicle. One of them hit a car driven by a 31-year-old with a fragile sense of humor. Oh, God. And thanks to an open window, he was left splashed and furious. Oh, no. He chased the teens down a dead-end street cutting off their escape. With the group cornered and the man damp and displeased, he delivered a torrent of threats. You guys think it's okay to throw effin' water at my effin' car, the man asked? Well, yeah. You'll die out here if you keep doing s like this, he said. This guy's pretty dramatic. But that's where it ended, right? Oh, you would think. He yelled and I got that out and lesson learned. You're gonna die out here. Yeah, I was a kid too, but you shouldn't do that. Instead, what he said was, I should kill all of you right here, right now, for getting my car wet. According to court documents, he escalated from soggy to psycho, pistol-whipping the teenager who'd thrown the balloon, then shooting that same victim in the chest. After the shooting, he turned his attention to robbery, taking $100 in cash from the group, kids. You think that s is funny? The thing you effin' got, he swore. While one kid is lying on the ground, shot in the chest. Yeah, bleeding to death basically. The police said he then flew the scene and drove to a local casino. He wanted to triple their money. You just don't know what you're gonna get anymore, do you, cubby? No. Yeah, back in the day, people just might yell at ya, chase you down, hey, dickheads, don't do that kind of thing anymore, but now you're getting shot. Luckily, this kid survived. Investigators used a network of surveillance cameras to track his movements and link him to that crime scene. He's going away for a long, long time, I would imagine. Yeah, they're getting with an attempted murder. I mean, yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it. You're throwing water balloons, you know, you're asking for trouble, but Jesus balls just doesn't seem like it makes sense to me. I mean, I get that it's annoying, and you'd be like, son of a gun, but at the same time, like the doorbell, the ding-dong ditch ones where kids are getting shot and stuff like that. We had a world record water balloon once. We could not believe it just wouldn't break as we're fellin' it, you know, in the laundry tub. Some bitch was about like, I don't know, but the size of your dad's buddy's beer belly, you know what I mean? It was just massive. Oh, fun. And we were able to carry it. It just was the strongest. We got so lucky. We were able to throw it. We hit a Chevy Blazer. This is when we were in junior high, and it literally rocked the vehicle. It was so large. We were very proud of ourselves. We got lucky that the balloon held as long as it did. It was a marquee moment. My friend bought a device. It was like a slingshot. I want to say it was called like a water winger, and it was to launch basically into space water balloons. Dude, that sounds so cool. It was borderline dangerous. And the balloons held as you launched them? Yeah. That was the biggest problem, right, with throwing water balloons. Yeah. They'd give way in the follow through. So I'll just call it a mitt, where you put the balloon, and then there was a loop on the back. You'd pull this thing. You'd have two people on the sides. It was like a slingshot. Oh, for Christ's sake, of course, I know what you're talking about. Was it called a water winger? I can't remember exactly. We just called it a slingshot. I mean, that's pretty much what it was. But it was made for water balloons. I can't believe it took me so long to put two and two together. We really had to hit the fan. A pal of mine got a hold of one of those. Right, you got two. Like you see crunch do with t-shirts at the Timberwolves game. You got two people who hang on to the wall. And then one person in the middle, you could send it across town. One afternoon, we're launching them out of my buddy's driveway, you know, into neighbor yards and things like that. One of them got away from us and slapped into the front windshield of one of his parents' cars. At first, it wasn't obvious to us because we thought it was water trickling down the windshield, but we had shattered the windshield. I could see it. Those were too powerful, really. This was the worst part. Number one, I mean, we were like, oh, for f-sick, we're in big trouble now. We just shattered our buddy's dad's car. Dad drives in the driveway pretty much in that moment. And my buddy had to say, yeah, Dad, sorry, the part that really pissed him off was that he had just sold that motor vehicle. That sucks. Someone was coming to pick up, someone had just purchased that used vehicle and were coming to pick it up. Now Dad's got to get the windshield replaced. A little bit of money came out of everybody's pocket that day. I would think so. Goddamn. That sucks for so many reasons. They were fun, man. They were cool, that's for sure. I think some of them are still floating over Hennepin County. From back in the early 90s. Yeah, we were trying to see how far, you know, what neighbor's house we could hit, you know, and they were quite a stretch down the street. Yeah, honestly, it was like, you could birdie on a par four, one of those. Oh, yeah. A Florida woman got more of a fight than she bargained for, well, filling up at a pump last week, but honestly, she was asking for it. Last Wednesday, 29-year-old Valerie Aguilar started screaming at a Costco gas station attendant. After another woman, who was also pumping gas, drove by an intervene, she told the attendant, you know what, you should just revoke her membership, which Aguilar didn't appreciate one bit, so she ran after her vehicle. What she didn't know, however, was the other woman not only had an ax to grind, she also had an ax in the car. Not yet realizing the victim was carrying the ouchy stick, she then followed the woman to an intersection. She approached the open driver's side window and punched the victim in the head, then grabbed her clothing and scratched her face, arms, and boobs, and that's when the ax kicking began. The victim upgraded the disagreement by grabbing her ax and creating another ax wound for Aguilar before fleeing in her Agua car. Aguilar was transported to a hospital and then straight to jail. This is a felony punishable by life. The state is requesting that the defendant be held without bond, pending an Arthur hearing. You have to stay 500 feet away from the victim's home, place of employment, or school at all times, and away from Costco. She was booked and then a judge ordered her to be held without bond. She got worked pretty good. That sounds pretty serious. She got beaten with an ax. Yeah, I mean, her face showed that. Ouch! I like the vibe over there at Costco. I've only been there a handful of times. I love the vibe when I walk over to their cookies and cupcakes department. I mean, it's one of the most beautiful places in the whole world. Because I love cookies and the Costco sweets department, whatever you want to call it, is just pure magic. But have you noticed that, and I've only been involved in this, like I said once or twice, their little gas station setup is the most volatile spot in town. Yes, same with Sam's Club. Sam's Club, same thing? There is such a vibe, there's such a negative vibe in those gas station lines. It's very interesting to me. I won't go there. I don't care if I'm saving money on gas. I just won't. I'm going to end up getting yelled at for taking too long or something that just stresses me out. What is it? Are we pretending we're involved in a NASCAR race that needs to get in and out of the pits as quickly as possible? Why is it that it doesn't have that stressful vibe? I don't get it. It's weird because it's always busy too. I've tried several different times of day, different days, it's packed. I think that said it's always busy. I've seen them with lines three, four cars back. And people are like, come on, let's go. Where's the fire for Christ's sake? I don't get it. You're filling up with gas. A North Carolina woman was arrested for trying to sell weed at her workplace as a high school teacher. That's all the students were discussing all day long. I had imagined so. 33-year-old Jocelyn MacArthur, a math teacher at Overhill's High School at Marijuana, on her and planned to sell it right outside the school. A former coworker said the news didn't come as a surprise as MacArthur has long been rumored to put in the high in high school. She reeked of marijuana every single day. Her classroom reeked of marijuana every single day. This is nothing new. This has been an ongoing situation. I suppose if you're a teacher that smokes grass and the classroom smells like grass, it's very easy to just blame it on the kids. Oh, right. I'm sure. I'm sure there's a couple kids that probably just, wow, that's the stoner right there. Unless you can smell it directly on her clothing. I think it would be very easy just to say, yeah, I ain't me. The kids are showing up high. That's absolutely crazy. She said school administration had tried to remove MacArthur multiple times over the years because of her behavior. Our principal tried to fire this woman twice. He sent her home. The county office sent her back to the school. We take matters related to student staff safety seriously, as the district spokesperson said, adding we're following established district procedures in addressing this matter. The mother of two was also charged with having a pink colored stun gun on school property. Did she have any luck selling the geef to the kids? I don't know that she was selling it to the kids. They didn't mention that, but just on school property. Maybe a parent. Maybe parents were showing up and she's the plug, right, Ashley? Would you look down on a guy who was coaching a youth hockey team and selling grass to the players? Yeah. Yes. You should not have like a big age difference if you're selling weed to people that are under 18. Well, we were about 22 or 23 and we were coaching 16, 17-year-old kids. And one of my fellow coaches was selling grass to our teammates in the locker room. That's not that crazy in me. I was buying weed from somebody that was probably 22, 23. I didn't realize it until I caught him in the locker room and I said, what the hell are you doing, man? Oh, no, I trust this kid. I trust him. We won't say nothing. Jesus, Paul. I couldn't believe it. Meanwhile, a separate incident in Georgia shows this kind of behavior isn't limited to one school, one drug, or one way to party. An elementary school nurse in Georgia is now on the other side of the exam table facing serious drug charges after investigators say she helped herself to medication meant for students. Authorities allege she took Adderall that was meant for students and instead of locking it in the school's medication storage, she slipped it into her purse. This was the school nurse? School nurse. Rested on Monday. At my school, the school nurse was always 182 years old. Yep, same here. Yep, ours as well. They're so mean to us. That's wrong. Sorry, I got a tummy ache. They had to give me some pants once, Josh, because I peed in mine. You did? Yeah, first grade. I told you the story where I got punished for kissing a girl. Remember that story? Oh, yeah, she won't let you pee because of it. I kissed a gal out of nowhere because I was in love and the teacher was so mad she said, you're not leaving the room all day. Well, I had to piss like a racehorse at one point or another and she would not let me leave. So I wet my damn little pair of toughskins, had to go to the nurse's office, and they gave me some big oversized pair of rubber pants. Rode the bus home looking like a jackass. I never had an accident at school. That was, I don't know, maybe it's some more common for boys. Well, again, Ashley, I was sitting there for hours. It wasn't like, I wouldn't call that an accident. I mean, I was forced to sit there. Yeah, that's crazy. That teacher shouldn't have been fired. Yeah, not allowed to piss. What a rookie. I know. My mom used to pack me extra pants. It was a daily occurrence for me. Which, by the way, of the triads of serial killers, pant, wedding, and bedwetting, that's one on the list. I can believe it. No, wait a minute. We love your stories of your pant and bedwetting days, which went on until you were... Far too old. ...nearly driving legally. Almost in high school. But really, did your mother have to put an extra pair of pants in your backpack? Maybe. Oh, God. Yes. Yes, I had extra pants. How many people at your school knew that you were walking around with a pair of extra pants in your backpack? You know, I don't know if anybody knew. That's good, because they would have probably given you a beat. Oh, I can't even imagine a beat. Yeah. Yeah, I had no... I didn't get any crap for it whatsoever. Were you old enough to remember to put them in your backpack? I was, yeah. Okay. I just knew to do it myself. Yeah, it went on until he was... Wow. Like, six, seven. It wasn't a bomb shot anymore, it was yours, Joe. Yeah, it was my job. You heard that, right? Six, seventh grade. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are acting like that's weird. I love it. No, I love talking about when you were Mr. Potty Pants over there at your junior high. We've been rewatching Criminal Minds, Ashley. I know you were into that show, too. Yes, I love it. And they talked about the triad of a serial killer and the bedwetting thing was... Really? What did your parents ever take you to the doctor? We couldn't afford the doctor. Like, what's going on here? It was just prayer. Just pray that this stopped. They just pray over you every night. Please, God, stop the urine. It's so funny to me. Students at St. Cloud School, it wasn't funny to my brother and cousin who I shared a room with because I'd... I mean, I've had a hat trick with urine before where I got all three. Kind of wish I didn't bring it up. I don't know. Maybe I was the one who brought it up, but I can sort of understand what your brother and cousin went through because then later in life, I'm living with heavy drinkers who had accidents. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would go mine, then my brother. If I got to my cousins, my cousin was ready to beat me up. Like, oh, I know what's going on now. I live with some drinkers who would come home from a long day at the bar, sit down in the couch and pass out and go potty. That was great. Student... You know what's funny? Drinking? Well, I guess as an adult, I've only done that one time while drinking. But as a kid, you just pissing all over town. I just held it forever. Usually in your own underwear. Students at St. Cloud School District, their Westwood Elementary, got an unexpected lesson in fire science and a real-world drill on how to evacuate a building this week. Officials suspect a small fire at the school yesterday morning was intentionally set. By the way, that's a part of the triad there. Just before 9 a.m. Pant wedding and Pyromania? Yeah, and then messing with animals. That's the same as with animals, yeah. Dude. Just before 9 a.m., St. Cloud Fire and police officials responded to the blaze at the Westside School and helped staff evacuate the building. Employees grabbed a fire extinguisher from the kitchen and were able to put it out while calling 911 and getting assistance from authorities as they arrived. This is a grade school? Yeah. So they think a little grade school kid might have set that pig on fire? You know, they haven't said. I mean, that's my assumption, but, you know, maybe it was an employee or... Sure. Right now, they're saying they believe it's arson. The district superintendent said we're very, very fortunate that staff responded so quickly, as did fire and police. The fire is being investigated as arson by the fire marshal with assistance from the St. Cloud Police Department. F. Me Runnam. The building will remain closed due to air quality concerns. Students have online learning today and tomorrow. There's no school Friday due to spring break. Spring break, dude. Yep. Party time. Excellent. 22 years ago, he became the youngest WWE champion history at age. But that be Randy Orton? Randy Orton. He was 24 at the time. He's 46 today. Dude, one of my favorite in-studio guests we've ever had. Yeah, really cool. He was really open about his life in and out the ring, and I was a little concerned. I didn't know what to expect from Randy Orton, but he was a very cool guest. I've never had a bad wrestling guest in-studio. On the phone, certainly. On the phone, absolutely. And his name is Jake the Snake Roberts. That was bad. In person? I don't know if we've ever... They've all been pretty enjoyable. Yeah, I don't think it's ever just been even ho-hum. They've all been great. Ho-hum. Also on the telephone? With all due respect to the man. I didn't do that. What about ho-hum? I don't know why I said ho-hum, but respect to whom? I like to. All the respect in the world to Bret Hart. But having him on the telephone years ago was almost like taking a fist full of sleeping pills. You know, Santino Morella, surprisingly, was kind of like that, too. I was so excited to talk to him, and I remember he... Let me get a hangover. Well, I think it was because he was on the way to the dentist and wasn't happy about it. Or on the way home. There was something dental related. I really do think also he was fresh off a DWI or something like that. Oh, I don't remember that. Was he really? It wasn't his sister Santina. It was really him. Santina! A happy birthday to Over the Hill BMXer Moses turning 58 today, who column jockey Messiah Jesus said is still getting more, quote, ass than a metrodome toilet. Oh, God. Happy birthday to... But you didn't mean not to Jesus from your literal bro, electrician Jesus, and you're driving me nuts, Jesus, texting a happy 12th to his son. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the Half-Ass Morning Show. All right. Where are the boys? Randy Shaver, how you doing, man? Good morning. Good morning. All right, then. Brad Ryder. Good morning. Wow, it's loud. There we go. The acid rock, Cubby. Yeah, we like to party. Turn down that acid rock. Keep in mind here in about a half hour, Marcus Felino is going to join the program as part of our Minnesota Wildup. There we go. That's right, Marcus. He must be healthy. He's ready to roll. He's healthy in every possible way. He's playing on a line with his brother. It's just everything's coming up, Marcus. That's awesome. And we're going to get a piece of that fool here in about a half hour. So, until then, Tiger is going into the spin dry. Yes, sir. Treatment, rehab, whatever you want to call it. He's going to try and sweat out all that dope and start over again. It's all coffee and cigarettes from here on out for Tiger Woods. Probably a good decision because it's probably going to let him avoid any potential jail time, too. Is that right? That's usually the recipe, right? Yes. One of those, you say, I'm going to go get treatment. That's right. I didn't consider that. But you're right. We all know people who, or maybe you personally, have been in trouble for drinking or drugs. If you say you're going to go dry out for a few months, they'll take it easy on you, right? Yeah, I think that's... Absolutely. That's never happened to me. But yeah. I've got friends that that was always the case. Their lawyer said that's the first thing they need to do. It helps out. One of my pals went into the spin dry for a few months. He said they wouldn't even let him read the paper. I don't understand that. They couldn't watch... They never gave him a reason? They couldn't watch television. That was part... This must have been... Maybe this was a high grade level of spin dry. I don't know. I mean, he picked up a few of those deweys. They put them into treatment. They weren't allowed to watch television, mess with the internet. They couldn't even read the paper. What did they do all day? Smoked cigarettes and drank coffee, like I said. Yeah. They just sat in a circle and talked about their problems. Yeah. Until the class... I had class from sessions and therapy and... Yeah. I've had family members that were in AA or Al-Anon. They said it was a lot that too. A lot of cigarette smoking and coffee drinking at some of those meetings. And I can get why you wouldn't want me finger banging the internet all day. I can get... I don't know. I would be upset to not have access to a television for Pete's sake. But okay. I think I would be able to live with that. I can't even read the paper. I don't get it, but that's how they do it in some of those joints. He's stepping away from golf. He's going to try and get over all those pills. I think he's very fortunate that he didn't hurt anyone else along the way. Yeah, no doubt. I think this is... I mean, obviously it's a great decision for him personally to be able to take care of this. But I think he's also in a lot of ways very lucky. So... Oh yeah, if you would have run over a couple of sixth graders or something when he was all... Oh, that would just been horrible. I'm kind of burned out on the subject all together, but if you care. Tiger said he was finger banging his cell phone and playing with his car radio when he bashed his vehicle into that poor bastard the other day. So I don't know if he's saying that's all he was doing wrong at the time of the crash. We all know the cops say he was destroyed on pills. But he said he was playing with the phone and tuning in his radio. Well, I mean, those type of things are just as dangerous as being impaired by prescription drugs. I mean... Would you add them all together? Oh, for sure. Would you're trying to do those things and you're messed up? That's just not good. I don't know if you caught all these details. The cops say he was sweating profusely. He was lethargic and slow, Josh. Lethargic and slow. Like when Frank the tank fell into the pool at the birthday party in the movie Old School. Yes. His eyes were bloodshot and glassy. His pupils were extremely dilated. These were all the clues that led the police to believe that he was doped up. They found two hydrocodone pills in his left pants pocket. Does anyone know what that'll do to a guy? No. I don't know. You think it's a painkiller? I think. I think you're right. I mean, I've heard of it. I don't really know. Painkiller, one of my favorite Judas Priest records, 1990. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder say hello to our guy, Kato. He's filling in for Dana today. Dana took the day off. Kato's been on the show before he's running the board for us. You can catch him Saturday nights on 93X at 10 o'clock. He's speaking of acid rock. The loudest frigging show you could ever imagine called The Pit. I played Painkiller a couple of times on that show. It perfectly fits on the metal show, yeah. That's such an incredible song. It is a great record. Yeah, Kato's sitting in and we dig it. What else now? You've seen this before, I think, when you watch. Josh, you used to watch cops a lot, didn't you? Oh yeah, absolutely. Never missed an episode back in the day. When the cops testing you on the side of the road to find out if you're gooned or not, they'll do that gimmick where I had this done to me once on my boat, where they put that little flashlight up to your face and they ask you to follow that light just with your eyes. Don't move your head, right? Apparently when they were testing Tiger Woods, he was turning his head like a sum bitch and it didn't matter how many times they told him to keep his head still. He kept moving his, and the part that freaked me out was part of the testing he took on the side of the road was he had to kind of clap his hands and count out loud. One, two. Apparently he was able to count, but he could not clap. That tells me that a guy was slightly altered. People are saying that hydrocodone is just Vicodin. It's the generic version. See, I don't know what that means. Pain killer. Pain killer. Okay. Great. Judas Priest. Love it. One of the best. So there you go. That's the latest on the... Oh, also people are getting a kick out of this. Apparently if you go online and look up all this mayhem with Tiger Woods, someone has put a picture of his actual driver's license up online and it has the words safe driver printed on the license. I don't know. Do you guys know how to... Probably it can be a golf reference too. Oh, it says here he had a clean driving record the last three years. So for whatever reason they posted that, they printed that on his driver. Oh God. Gonna go away to treatment. Well, good luck brother. I wonder if it'll stick. I hope so. I mean they say that stuff's really hard to kick. Because the people that I know that went to treatment, they were just waiting for it to end so they could get their hands on whatever it was that put them there. You know what I mean? Yep. They played nice, they behaved, and they could not wait for the gates to open so they could get their hands on a beer or a joint or whatever the hell. Oh God, I just fumbled everything right into my... The Twins and Kansas City Royals resume their three game series tonight. She gets going at 6.30. Joe Ryan gonna pitch tonight. The last year or so hasn't been pretty for our beloved Twins. That's not news to anybody. What does this say now? You won't be surprised to hear that according to a website called the Athletic. Twins fans are the least optimistic group. I saw this. The percent is so low. It's amazing. Yeah, it was shocking. Less optimistic than like Pirates fans? Oh, Pirate fans. I'm actually about to say Marlins fans is what I meant to say. Well, I think Marlins fans are excited too. They're off the top. We're trade rosters with the Pirates. I will definitely trade rosters. I would almost think about trading some roster players with Miami too. They've got some young players that are going to be pretty good. But this percentage is so low. If it's real, if it's true, that's an amazing number. And Kato, you're a big baseball fan. Twins are the one team I'll follow better good. Yeah, me too. I know you're a big baseball fan. I'm very much a fair weather fan for all the other Minnesota teams. For the Twins, I'll be at the ballpark 10 times this year no matter what. I got the same vibe. I'm very loyal to the Twins. So here's the deal. Twins fans are the least optimistic group in all the major leagues. It says here just 4% of Twins fans felt optimism going into this year baseball season. Now that's compared to 70% of Twins fans were optimistic in 20 and 22. 91% of them were optimistic in 23, 86% in 24, 52 last year. And now she's dumped smooth down to just 4% nowadays. I'm sure the 48% disappeared on trade day last year. That's where the 48% went. You can be a fan like Kato. You can be a fan but still answer that question honestly. You can say you're not optimistic but you can still want to go to the ballpark 10 times a year. I think fans of teams like Colorado for example, we've talked about them, how they show up. They sell out their place all the time but they're awful. I'm a lot of the degenerates who during the pandemic, I went down there a couple of times when fans weren't allowed just so I could hear the baseball crack of the bat. I did that once or twice. I was like I'll just go down there. Although one time I went down there and there was no fans on the stands but I saw TC roller skating through the concourse during the pandemic. That's a memory that will live for ever. Did a little tear roll down. I was like oh I wish I was there. So you're outside the gates. No one's allowed in just so you can hear the crack of the bat. It was one of the night games and I was there like in the third inning and I just stood there for 20 minutes listening to crack, crack. And then I saw TC rolling through the upper deck and I was like this is awesome. And then somebody was like you can't stand here and we left. Yeah it's pretty bad, pretty dark around here when it comes to the Minnesota Twins and oh you know the overall vibe around that ball club. It's probably a Saturday night actually. Well you ought to Brad Ryder. Wait a minute you got no chance of watching a game Saturday. It's gonna be awful. Weather. If the weather's good I could say Saturday. By Saturday night it should be okay. It's a night game on Saturday? Yeah it's a night game. You'll freeze your... I'll sit in that section where you can go inside. You'll freeze your Luca Donkijoff. Saturday 50% chance of snow in 37. I thought it was a day game. I think regardless it's probably gonna be called off. They say Friday for the opener there's a pretty good shot. They get the ball game in. No one has high hopes for Saturday. So we brought this up a few days ago. I have access to Twins games. I roll with I think they call it direct TV. Yep. Yeah you get it with that. I know people that got it. I have it with cable. I have it with cable. I can watch them. I've paid the hundred bucks for the Twins TV thing. You did? Yep. Okay so there are some people though every year when we talk about this there are people who text in and say I can't get it because of this reason or because I... Right. So I hope everyone's... If you want to watch that club and I know there's not a lot of people who are clamoring to see the Twins but if you want to see them I hope you have the option. Is it ever going to go back to free broadcast television or are we too far gone? There aren't ten games this year that are free. Okay. They're on like Fox 9 or something. Okay. But only ten. Just ten. For the most part I would say no. No. I mean there's too much money to be made right? Well they haven't seen anything. Well actually streaming is... I mean the club has got to try to figure out a way to make money on their broadcast because that's where their... A lot of their revenue comes from. Right. Is local broadcast rights and this has been an issue now for the last two, three years trying to figure this out and certainly with the way Major League Baseball has had to take over a lot of these broadcasts because of the failings of the fan duel networks around the country. It's just going to make it even more difficult for teams like the Twins to compete because the local revenue is just not there. It sucks. There won't be baseball. I keep saying there won't be. I mean I'm not being pessimistic but chances are there won't be baseball at the start of the 20-27 seasons because of the agreement between the players and the owners after this year. The big reasons why is because they're trying to figure out how to share... There's got to be revenue showing. ...money. Because the Dodgers and the Yankees and all those guys, they make so much money which allows them to spend so much money and the balance of talent in Major League Baseball is... Especially with the Tucker signing has tilted so far to the one side that you are going to see a work stoppage. I think you're going to see a work stoppage after this year. That's the overall vibe it says here and I totally agree. A new poll from Fox News says that 72% of sports fans think that Major Sports events should be made to air on free broadcast television. That would be wonderful. But there's too much damn money to be made. Well that kind of has to. The Dodgers are getting like 200 million a year for their TV... I want twins to make money. I do. I want them to make money. I want them to be able to compete before this thing out happened. Right now the Dodgers are making less than 10 million a year off of their regional television broadcast and the Dodgers are making 200 million and there's no salary cap. That's a big issue. And it's not that there's not opportunities in markets to find a home for your teams. Like for example in this market you've got Channel 45 and you've got other channels that theoretically could carry a chunk of your baseball season. It's just a matter of working out the money part of all of that to make it work not only for the station that's carrying it but also for the team to get some of that revenue. So it's a difficult challenge for teams like the twins. But our hope is they'll lock it out and they'll figure it all out. Have some profit sharing and all that in a year. God knows. There's a little bit of optimism with some of this. I read about a month or so ago. The general manager, the CEO, whatever of the Red Sox came out publicly and basically and the Red Sox are one of these five or six teams who are making a boatload of money off of this. He came out publicly and basically said, yeah, we've got to figure out a way to share our revenues. And when large market teams start talking that way, that's a little bit optimistic that they might actually try to figure something out at the end. Alright, here we go. Golden Gopher Men's Basketball Club. They were invited to play in a postseason tournament, you know. It's called the Royal Crown Tournament or something. Tonight the Golden Gophers play late, a 930 game against Baylor University. Here's what I found interesting. It says here, the school to win the tournament gets, well, there's a half a million dollar purse involved in this tournament. So the winning school gets 300 grand in NIL money. That's big. It's like a damn game show. That's big. Yeah. It's like a game show. So, but what Cato was wondering and I was wondering, they dumped that 300,000 directly on the players? The kids on the roster? I don't know about that. It may go on to the pool. Yeah, I don't know. The school's pool of money or maybe even more specifically, maybe it goes directly to the basketball pool. Yeah, I don't know. Of each school. I don't know. Either way, if they win the tournament, 300 grand will be dumped into their lives. Some of the players will get a piece of that at least. Yeah. Final four fields are set in both the men's and women's tournaments. One school has a team still competing in both events. Connecticut has a chance to win national titles in each sport, men's and women's basketball. If it does so, it will match something that they accomplished in both 2000, 2004 and 2014. Each school has been able to achieve the status of tag team champs where both the men and the women won the whole smear. Connecticut has a chance to do it for the third time. You think they'll get beat? Who the hell do they play? You talking to the men? Yeah. They play the Alina. I think the Alina have a really good chance to win that game. They're going to have to play a near perfect game, but they certainly have the talent to win that game. Here's something that our guy Miko Nedved needs to be aware of. I bet his telephone rang on this. Oliver Riu. Oh, the big seven eight kid from Florida. Seven nine now Randy Scher. Seven nine. Okay. Seven seven foot nine center. He went to the University of Florida last year. Olivier Riu. He's entered the transfer portal. Oh boy. Bring him over to the Golden Gophers. I want to see a seven foot nine dude out there at Willa Marina. That'd be fun. God dang. With the same build as Randy Brewer. Oh. One of my buddies has a great story. He used to live in the same. He lived in the same neighborhood as Randy Brewer. This has got to be 35 years ago. Yeah. But my buddy was driving summers and he drove by Randy Brewer's house and Randy Brewer was standing in his driveway with a rag in his hand. Washing his car. Washing the roof of his suburban. Like he was like he was scrubbing a countertop. Washing the roof of his suburban like it was no big thing. I went to school in Orlando and I had a Ford Ranger at the time and the school I went to. Shaquille and Neil would stop by once in a while and he had a suburban and we were the same proportion. Me to my Ford Ranger at six foot and him to his suburban. We were the exact same proportion. Right. The vehicles. Did he stuff a toothbrush up your butt when you weren't looking. Not that I know. Good. Good. Oh, back to the Golden Gopher basketball program. Jaylin Crocker. The game is coming back. Grayson Grove is coming back. Timberwolves don't get going till tomorrow night again. They play a game against the Detroit Pistons. This is interesting. So the Wolves beat the Dallas Mavericks by 30 points a couple nights ago. And people are chalking this up to tanking. And injuries. The Wolves win over the Mavericks was the 31st time this season. A team had been beaten by 30 or more points. That's the all time record. Wow. That's the most 30 or more 30 point or more victory. How do I say that, Josh? Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Yeah. As the first time there's been more than 30 victories by 30 points or more on an heavy schedule. If they don't figure out how to solve the tanking issue before the two expansion teams join the league, you're going to see a lot more of that because the talent pool is going to be spread out even more. Yeah, that's not going to be, that'll be a pretty commonplace thing, I think. The other night, I think I saw. I can tell you from experience that this time of year, there's two things going on. You're looking at the standings, if you're in the playoffs trying to figure out who you're going to play. And if you're not in the playoffs, you're looking at the other standings trying to figure out where your draft position is. I can tell you for a fact that that's going on. Well, yeah, I mean that, yeah. You're not wanting to win. Yeah. Well, you're trying to create better odds, I guess, for your draft position because it's not a guarantee that you end up in a certain place. I don't think this is the liquor talk it. I'm fairly sure the other day I saw that the Orlando Magic lost a basketball game by 52 points. I don't know about the Orlando Magic. They did. They're a playoff team. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm not chalking it up. I'm not saying that's an example of tanking. I'm just saying one basketball team lost to another by 52 points. Yeah, I don't know if it was Orlando. That should never happen. That should never, ever, ever happen. Yeah. Amare Stottemeyer is going to be dumped smooth into the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame. Okay. I get so confused with these Hall of Fames because I never know when they happen or is this old news I can never keep up. No, I just, no, that just came out. All right. Amare Stottemeyer is going to go in with Doc Rivers and he's going to go in with Candace Parker. Elena Deladone. Is that how I say that? Deladone. That's a very, I love that name. Josh, you would probably treat me differently if my name was Nick Deladone. That's just a sexy, powerful name. It is. It sounds like you'd be connected. Oh, yeah. I carry a violin case wherever I go. Yeah. And there's not a violin on the inside. Amare Stottemeyer. Okay, great player. This, that. I did want to mention I was looking at the Gopher. I couldn't figure out if the NIL Money Ghost, the Gopher Players, was in the school, but it does say as part of the incentive package, prize package, the winner of the bracket challenge will receive an all expenses paid trip to Las Vegas at a later date. So the players are playing, they're at least playing for a Las Vegas vacation. That's dangerous. That's very dangerous. They're playing in Vegas, right? Yes. They get to go back and party. They get to go back. The winners do. Go to the. Well, I was going to mention they play tonight and then if they win, they don't play till Saturday. There's two nights. There's three nights right in there and in Vegas for that. Wow. You know, Josh, if you and I were to go to Las Vegas, Josh, you know, a lot of folks would want to check out the fountains, right? The colorful. I've seen them. Some folks want to go down the strip. Some folks want to go to the Bellagio. Some folks want to go get that roller coaster that they have on the, you know, where you and I are going to go first, we're going to go to the spot where Marc Sanchez stabbed that truck driver. You know, I bet there's probably people there that have done the exact same thing. Yeah. Taking photos. Where are you guys? It's kind of a dark alley. We're sending pictures to social media. Where the hell are you guys? That's where Sanchez air-hold that truck driver. Before we get Marcus on the telephone, let me tell you a little NFL story real quick. I got a kick out of this. The NFL can't get enough of themselves. That's why I'm a UFL fan. Oh, Jesus. Despite the, despite the elitist attitude. You're so full of crap. You guys have this elitist attitude about professional football. I'm a UFL fan. Whatever. The NFL is so stupid. Now they're going to send a couple teams to play a regular season game in Australia for no good reason. That's right. One of those season opening game, right. One of those unlucky clubs is the San Francisco 49ers. I dig this. So someone got a comment from their head coach on this. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Kyle Shanahan is the name. Yep. Someone asked the coach of the 49ers, what do you think, what do you make of this trip you're taking to Australia? And he got all fresh about it. He said, oh yeah, because that was our goal to go play football. That was our goal, he said, to go play 19 hours from home. Well, you know, you know, the other part of that story, Nick, is that the Rams supposedly said, we're not going to play in Australia unless it's the 49ers. They wanted the 49ers to have to be punished along with the Rams. If the Rams are going to go, then San Francisco has to go too. If you're making Austin, you're taking our top rival. So we wear those pricks out. Oh man. Oh man. Shanahan went on to say, we're going to go back in time or into the future. I don't know which. 19 hours on an airplane, he said. Oh my God, that's just brutal. And without a bye week after it. Right. It must be playing on Thursday though, right? They are. They're playing on Thursday night. Yes. Yes. He was asked if he saw any positives to his team beginning the season in Australia and he simply said, not at all. I dig his honesty. Hey, let's get around to our pigs update brought to you by Luther Key of Bloomington. As part of our pigs update, we get a crack at Marcus Polino on the telephone. Good morning, Marcus. Good morning guys. How are we doing? Well, what are you guys on vacation again? When are you going to play another hockey game? It seems like it's been so nice. You've been enjoying this. Yeah, I know it's been good. I think it's perfect timing for us just to get to get two days off completely off and then two days of good practice. So it was a day two of practice. So we're looking forward to it and just everyone just get their energy levels back up. So it's been good. Last game you played was Saturday. Am I not correct about that? Yeah, Saturday in Boston. That's right. Yeah. You got two days to do nothing at all before practice kicked in. What did you do? Absolutely nothing. That was the best part about it. Yeah. No, I mean we had some. Yeah. No, we went to everything. Get some guys together. I think yesterday for some dinner. Other than that, it's just kind of lay low and just make sure you're getting your rest. Honestly, we got to not we've kind of play every other day up until playoffs. So this is kind of the break that we all are kind of choose wisely and then make sure that we were we were being smart about it. What do you got left on the schedule now? How many games? I think we have eight left. Yeah. I think it's like a split to I think maybe like two to three home games. And maybe four or five away games or something like that. So it's yeah, it's gonna go by quick. I think it's like every other day where we're playing again. Playoff times right around the corner. Who do you want? Anybody. You don't care. It doesn't matter. I think you know what? Obviously we're destined. It looks like to play Dallas in the first round and yeah, I think we're just we're mentally ready for a tough series. So I think if it's good, we're kind of locked in there, you know, we're not one of those teams that may be playing a different team and switching out every so often with games that maybe if you're in the other division, but it's good. It's good to kind of have your eyes set on a team and understand their tendencies and we know we know Dallas really well. So I think it's gonna be a tough series regardless of Colorado or Dallas, but we I think we're built for this year. Marcus, can I ask a question? It seems like I've been reading that there's some discussion now in the NHL about going back to that one versus eight, two versus seven, you know, that more that playoff format. What do the players feel about that? I mean, if you guys were if that was happening, you wouldn't be seeing Dallas in the first round. Yeah, fans are very vocal about this. Yes. Yeah. I always liked the one through eight. I mean, I just think it just makes a lot of sense for your game season of being rewarded. I just think that it's like, you know, you're deserving of it. You know, it's an A2 game season. It's not a cakewalk. It's it's very hard to be a consistent team this league, especially now is a lot of Paradean League. A lot of really great teams and young guns that can beat you on any night. And I think if you put together, you know, like a us and Dallas, I mean, we're, you know, top five in the whole league and we got to play each other in the first round. It doesn't make much sense. I know there's always rivalry talk and keeping the division, but you know, I think that's all BS. I think you're going to create a rivalry no matter what with with with just playing someone in the playoffs, right? That's how rivalries really start with someone knocking you out. So, you know, there's always scenarios stories like the eight seed can work its way all the way up to the finals. Like that's that's normal. It's not like, you know, it puts a little more pressure on the first seed and the eighth seed. And it always, you know, creates some, some chaos. I just think, you know, it's just, it's just more of the reward, right? The team, you know, you play, you play the team that, you know, if we're a third seed, we play the sixth seed. So it just, I always liked that. It just makes a lot of sense. But at the same time, too, I know it creates a little bit more in the division and the rivalry, but I think you, you see something happens in the game and it sparks a rivalry no matter what. So you, you, you don't care either way. You just want to get there, get the playoffs underway and play whoever you have to. I mean, that's the right attitude. But do you, do you players have any say in this? Yeah, right. As in like changing the format. I think it's always, I don't think it's, I think there could be talk, but it doesn't sound like Gary Bettman, the league commissioner is, is, is willing to open that up. So the league has the last day, so I think they're, they're content with it. Um, geez, I think there was a time that they went through one through 16. So you actually cross over into the other conference if you had to. So yeah. And so, you know, obviously you're playing the 16th seed as a one seed. I mean, that's your odds are very, very high in those, but you know, it creates again with the Cinderella story. Right. Right. So the Fulino brothers are taking the city by storm. We all know that since your brother, since Nick was traded over here, all anyone wants to talk about is the Fulino brothers reunited playing on a line together. Uh, was that last Friday where, uh, where you boys played on, on a line, did we talk to you about this? I can't remember how long it's been. No, yeah, no, we, uh, I think we talked about maybe the possibility of playing on the line with each other and it, it came to reality and Florida against the Panthers. And we obviously had a good game. We scored, we won the game. So, uh, that was awesome. I think just playing with Nick has been surreal. I mean, it's been, it's been, it's been better than I thought to be honest with you. I thought, you know, there's always going to be some, you know, underlying with some, maybe playing with your brother or maybe there's not, uh, it doesn't go as smooth, but I don't know. I just, I know how Nick plays. I've watched, I've, I've watched this guy my whole life. So I really realized, you know, the tendencies out there and what he does with the puck and what he's going to do before things happen. And, um, you know, we played in Boston together with, with Trenton in our line and we've, we've been feeling really good about our line the way we played. So I think it's going to help us and, and, um, you know, playing with Nick has just been, it's been awesome. It's just been so funny just to look to your shoulder and you're like, oh my God. Holy smokes. You know, you're like, he's here. Um, and vice versa for him too. It's just been some pinch me moments, but, uh, I just hope that we have success to help the team. And that's, you know, there's the part where you got to get over it and get through the awkwardness of just like the excitement of it. And then there's, you know, we both are mature in our, our careers. We talked about that too. I think, I think it's really cool playing with your brother at this stage in our, in our career, rather than early in our career. I think we just really, really appreciate it even more. Yeah. I have to say this, Marcus, the harmony between you and your brother is somewhat troubling to me. This is not natural. You don't know what that's like. This is, it's not natural. You know what? When you, when you've been put, put against someone your whole life as a, right now we're just really, really appreciate this enjoying it because I'm telling you the battle that Nick and I would have against each other. Like we had grandparents clear out furniture and the liver. They can't get over it. Like, like the strong one will survive type of thing. So, um, this is finally, we're like, wow, you mean we don't have to beat each other up and hate each other and we could be on the same team. So we're really just taking it all in. It's the most harmonious brother, brother combination I've ever heard of. Some for you to strive for. Maybe you can make an effort. Yeah. Well, how much older is Nick than you? I can't remember now. He's four years older than me. You see, I got a twin brother. Yeah. You were, you were destined to decide. We're too close, Marcus. We're too close. Oh yeah. Yeah. So the fact that grandma and grandpa had to clear out some furniture, that means at one point or another, you guys went through the coffee table, didn't you? Oh, coffee table, drywall. We've been through it. We've got a, we've still got this print of my butt cheek going through the drywall and our mini stick room back home in Canada. So we just, we try to sneak as, we put, we put a, we put a picture over it, but it's only two feet off the ground. So my dad was like, why is there a picture frame just hung two feet off the ground? It's, yeah, there's been some, there's been a lot of broken things in our house growing up. You called it mini stick. You talking about you guys playing knee hockey and whatnot? Knee hockey, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember my brother and I raising so much hell playing knee hockey. My dad, at the time my dad lived in the basement. He was renting the basement of his pals house. So above us was my dad's drinking buddy and my brother and I were raising this guy, this guy that lived upstairs never said Dick Tracy. He never, he was a very quiet guy. One night my brother and I were raising so much hell playing knee hockey. The phone rings downstairs. I say, hello. And the guy on the other end of the line says, keep it down for Christ's sake. I'm trying to sleep. We drove the guy nuts upstairs with our rip and tennis balls off the wall and whatnot. I understand back to you and your brother, you and your brother and a Bogosian had an appearance last night at Ridgedale mall. Fan HQ. Our buddy, our buddy, Sean, who runs fan HQ is one of the best in the business. You must have had a massive crowd last night. Yeah, I know it was great. Sean and Jonathan does, they do a great job. Yeah, it was always, it's always fun. It's always great to see fans and have them interact with you. But it was, they do a great job there. And yeah, it was, it was an awesome turnout for us and we appreciate everyone showing out. So it was, it was cool. I think it was cool for Nick to see too. I don't think he's seen that, that big of a following before. So he's taken it all in. Well, that is cool. Did you guys just sign any boobs? No, no, we signed an arm. We signed an arm. We got an arm in there. An arm, a cast or a naked arm. I was gonna be to put Sharpie on their skin. I'm just like, I don't know. Yeah. I was never raised like that. So. Yeah, it all depends on how you were raised. You signed a naked arm or someone's cast on the, what was? Just a naked arm. Yeah. Was it something where they said they wanted to make it into a tattoo? I had that before actually at the Minnesota State Fair. A guy came up to me and made me sign his cast. And then a month later he came to another event. He goes, look at this. And it was my signature tattoo on his cast. I was like, oh my God. Did that ever freak you out a little bit? And you know what? The calf isn't so bad if it was anywhere else maybe, but it was, yeah, just, just a big fan. So I appreciate it. I could never do something like that, but I always appreciate something like that. So it was pretty funny. You can answer this question, Marcus. We got Marcus Felino on the line here from the Minnesota Wild. The listener texted in a question. I'm sure you know the answer. So I'm going to send it your way. Skydive Jesus, the question we were talking about brothers. Has there ever been twins in the National Hockey League? Tell them, Marcus. Yeah, there has been the Sadeen twins in Vancouver. Yeah. They're going to play with each other their whole career, which is amazing. Were they from this planet, the Sadeen brothers? I always suspected they were from another stratosphere. They were so bizarre in how identical they were. They were a little... Yeah, I think they would also play jokes on guys like they would show up as Daniel would be Henrik and Henrik would show up as Daniel and really mess with their teammates. I guess some guys knew how to tell them apart, but there were some guys that would just be... They go all day just... Yeah, it's insane how you look at them. But what's even crazier is the way they played the game. They were identical on the ice, too, which is insane. But one of the probably the best hockey players to ever play the game and the being twins is really insane how good they were. They were outstanding. Yeah. And I can't remember which was which, but one truly became a pure goal scorer. The other was more of an assist guy and then they played on the same line for years and years and years. I always thought maybe they came from Saturn or something. They were just so... The freaking Sadeen brothers. Yeah, I mean, my brother and I, twin brothers, are fraternal. But I went to school with some identical twins and I mean, we're 54 years old now. There's still no way I could tell them apart. No way. That's crazy. It just works out that way. Yeah. Well, hopefully Nick and I can develop that chemistry like the Sadeen twins because that would help us out a bit. No, that'd be eerie. If you look at Nick and I, we look nothing alike. So the milk man, I think that's you. You look nothing alike. It is so weird. Well, I did... If you put us in a room together though, your personalities match up. But yeah, definitely Nick's got hair on the tin, nothing on top and I'm the opposite. There's actually a funny story about that. I can't remember if we told you this, Marcus, but when your brother first signed, a guy text in and said he was at the game with his brother and in the pre-skate, your brother didn't have his helmet on and they thought it was you. This brother did and was wondering, well, what happened to his beautiful hair? How did he lose it so quickly? And he didn't tell his brother, hey, dummy, that's a different fallino. But they thought that was you for a while. Oh yeah. Yeah. Nick always says it just because of the stress of being an older brother of mine. So that's why I just lost all of his hair. I mean, and he lost all of it. I mean, like all of it. There's nothing up there. I think mom didn't love him enough. She gave all of it to me. So I got the locks. Well, okay, let's get back to the, let's keep going with this now. I've never heard your brother speak. Do you have, do you have similar deliveries? Yeah. You know what? I learned a lot from Nick and his personality, right? Just being around him my whole life and the way his mannerisms are. So we're, the guys laugh because now that they're seeing us both in the same room in the dressing room and stuff, they really like, they're like, oh, okay, now I see why you guys are brothers. So like it's just Nick does some, Nick's a very high energy guy like myself and just, you know, we, we, we match up with our kind of our energy that we bring in the room and stuff like that. So I mean, I, I shared a room with Nick up until he got engaged pretty much. So that's, that just goes to show you like how close we were until he had, eventually had to get kicked out. His, I think it's three out to the time made him. So it was one of those things or yeah, I just, I've, I've listened to my brother every day but annoyed of him, but at the same time he's taught me a lot. So yeah, again, I know it's different. You guys are four years apart where I have a twin, but my brother and I, I, we do sound alike. He, he, he's a lot faster talker than I, he, he talks about Nick is, Nick is, Nick is faster talker than I am. So yeah, I can't follow my brother. Wow. How is that possible? He's a fast talker. Wow. Does he talk even faster than you, Marcus? He's just, he's got, he's quicker. He's just quicker. I'm more laid back, Nick's in your face a little bit more, like even when it comes to texting, I was telling this to guys too, I'm like, he's one of those guys that texts you and he texts so fast that like, you know, when you're trying to text someone back and then they hit you with more text messages and that pisses me off. And then sometimes like he'll text you for, he got a question and like you don't, you don't respond fast enough, right? Cause you're probably busy and he's always on his phone and it's, you know, then you get like the hello, hello you there. What are you doing? Why are you, I'm just going to pick up your phone and he's calling you. You're like, oh my God. Clingy. I guess. Okay. That's what I got to deal with now for the next couple of months, but he's quick. You know what we covered? He's quicker than I am. I'll say that. I'll say we had a fun conversation about athletes who have gone on to act in movies or television. Have you ever had a sniff of that, Marcus? Acting? Yeah. You've ever been asked to do any acting at all? I mean, besides the stuff that we do with the commercials with the Minnesota Wild, you know, the weird, not weird wild stuff. I think that's when they threw me in the swamp in Lake Minnetonka for the moves commercial. I think that's my last acting gig. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I remember that. But nothing, nothing, nothing on TV, nothing on movies. I think we were supposed to make, you know, you know, a TV show, Shorzy. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. They wanted us to wow back ago that Nick and I had to do, but our season didn't match up with it. So it was more than my first acting gig, but it didn't work out. So they had an idea to put you and your brother on the show? Yeah. That would have been so cool. They shoot in our hometown back in Kansas, so I think that's why too. Okay. Excluding a hockey-related program, because of course that would make perfect sense to put you boys in a Shorzy program or what's that hot, sexy show on HBO now or whatever? What's that one? He did Rivalry. Rivalry. He did Rivalry. Yeah, thank you. Excluding a hockey-related program. If you could have your pick to act in a series or a movie or something, what would, what do you think would be, because I think you could cut it. I think you could be an action star. I think you could be whatever you want. If you had your pick, what type of program would you like to be featured in? Oh, man. Sexy romance type of a thing? I would want to be an entourage. Entourage. Oh, I missed that show. Yeah, it's a, you know, entourage. I don't know if you ever watched that. I never saw it. What was it about sports people? What was it, Josh? No, it was about like, I think it's about like Mark Wahlberg's kind of life, but he directed it. So it was like about Mark Wahlberg, but just about a celebrity, an actor, Vinny Vincent Chase, and he has an entourage around him and it's just, you know, he's got an agent, he's got a buddy that, he's got three best friends and a brother that is back from back home that he brings to being his entourage and then just snowballs from there living in LA as a celebrity. It's just, it's comical and hilarious in the scene. It's just, yeah, it's a great show. So you'd be like a hot shot walking around Hollywood, that kind of a thing. What about, what if they, that's interesting. What if they asked you to do like a steamy love scene? You think you could get it done? I don't know about that. I don't know, those are interesting. I don't know how you would. Personally, you'd probably have to get done as, as get it by your wife. Yeah, exactly. Not everyone's as whipped as you writer. I was wondering like how, how many times they got to like, you know, oh, we need a, we need to redo that. You're just like, this is getting awkward now. Yeah, I think about that all the time. Like, you don't want to take, so you got to, yeah, it just can't be all like, there's different angles and some of that. And then you're working with an intimacy coordinator. How weird would that be? That whole experience. Yeah. Is that what they do? Someone, someone coaching you through it. That's, that's not. So they, an intimacy, what did you call a job? An intimacy coordinator. So they show you how to bump without bumping. Yeah. And they keep everybody safe. Make sure everybody's comfortable with what's going on, that kind of thing. Is there a show you're into now, Marcus, that maybe you'd want to do an appearance on? Oh, man, I would love to be on like, probably like Yellowstone when it was out or let that land man, that was out, that's out right now. Do you watch land man? Yeah. Everybody watches land man. Show rules. It's awesome. It's my favorite. Yeah. There's a Billy Bob Dorton. He's just, I don't know. It seems like such a great show. Yeah. You want to be one of those cowboy hat wearing some bitches driving a big Dodge truck in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming or wherever the hell they are. You would nail that. You definitely would look the part. You know, I just sat at the bar with him, you know, just in the background. That'd be good enough for me. I think you should. One of the people that play walking by. I think you should reconsider this sex scene. Do you have, who would he be with in your mind, Nick? Like your picture in this. Oh wow. Marcus in a steamy love scene with, would it be like a classic beauty or a new star, like a Sydney Sweeney type? What are you thinking? Oh, your classic. You want that. Yeah, like Jennifer Aniston. Sally Field. Be a good match. Yeah, that's, I should have said Sally Field. Who doesn't want to be with Jennifer Aniston, Marcus? Who did you say, Ashley? I said Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston, Marcus. Yeah, that's, I mean, she's, she's my, the one celebrity there that, that celebrity crush I had because I was a big friend's fan. So she was awesome. That's a, that's an old brainer. You know, I don't know. Bernadette Peters. Oh, Bernadette Peters. What's that? I love that cute little song that she and Steve Martin sing together in the jerk. Anyway, I would love to see that. The next episode of, what's the name of the show again? Man. No, no, the one word they're banging in there. Hockey players. Oh, heated rivalry. Next episode of Heated Rivalry, Marcus dangles with Jennifer Aniston on a motorcycle or something like that. Oh, geez. All right. Forget it. I don't mean to. Marcus, good luck. What the hell is it? What day? What day is it? Wednesday. You play tomorrow night, right? We play tomorrow night against Vancouver. It'll be nice to get back on, get back in it and at a home game too, which is nice for our fans to hopefully have a good show in the morning. Yeah. Say hello to your brother and your line mate there. That's a lot of carcass out there. You and your brother in that trend, dude. That's a lot of, uh, yeah, it's all the weight being thrown around. Yeah. Yeah. Get her done, Marcus. Get her to make some noise tomorrow night. Yeah. Thanks, buddy. Thanks guys. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks and no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com and it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Salci. I hosted the Stack In Benjamins podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong. Filing your taxes is basically data entry. There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry, I have an extension. It'll be fine. I'd like to totally do it later. Stop. Do your friggin' taxes now. That was a really good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please? Yes. Every show from now on. I hope you like that. Stack In Benjamins. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X. The home of the half-assed morning show. Oh, FB Ronin. Yeah, we're hanging in there, I believe. I do. And it's our hope, of course, that our glorious listening audience is doing well. Two, welcome back to the show. It's April Fool's Day. I personally don't give a rat's ass about little gimmicks like that, but it is April Fool's Day. Josh, it says here in the unofficial rules of April Fool's Day that if you're going to jag somebody around, if you're going to prank somebody, you got to get it done by noon any later than noon and you're the fool. I wonder if it's because people are so aware. Well, some people are so aware of it ahead of time, it's just way too stressful to wait till afternoon. Get it done earlier in the day? Got three hours and 25 minutes. All right, what else is going on? Like I was saying earlier, you got to know your audience. Sure. Some people do not handle pranks very well. That is key. Or the folks that go way too far. Oh, I stabbed your dog. Isn't that hilarious? Oh my. That kind of thing. Yeah. If you're just tuning in, our bro Cato is here filling in for Dana. Dana took the day off today. Cato's running the board and chiming in whenever the hell he feels like it. We want to thank you again for popping by. Yeah, no problem. I was thinking of, I saw somebody post a couple days ago or yesterday about for April Fool's Day, don't do pregnancies, don't do cheating on people, don't do any of that, don't do, I lost my job or anything like that. Just keep it low drama, whatever it is. Yeah, the problem with some of that is some legit things happen on this day and folks think you're full of crap. Yes. I forgot the name of the band, but there's some band that announced they were having a song come out today and a new album in June and they put an album out in February and I'm like, that might be an April Fool's book. That might be an April Fool's bit. That might, you know, and I'm curious if that had come out yet. But yeah, you see that sometimes. Once I was saying that news today, I'm like, uh, really? Oh, sure. Yeah. You're always a little sketched out about it. That's really interesting. Don't do pregnancies. Don't do cheating. As far as an April Fool's Day prank, I just saw a video the other day online that I found very funny, very elaborate prank a dude played on his girlfriend. It had nothing to do with April Fool's Day. As far as I can tell, it was just a random day. This dude put together like a life like dummy. Maybe it was one of those high dollar sex dolls. I don't know if he created it himself, but it was a very believable dummy and he staged it to where he knew when his girlfriend was going to be coming in the apartment and he's mauling sexually this doll. Oh boy. And his girlfriend walks in and sees what she believes to be her boyfriend with this woman with her face down in his, and she goes completely crazy. Now it could have been a setup. You know, a lot of these pranks you can tell they worked on it. They rehearsed this many. Yeah, that's a popular bit. Oh, it is? Yeah, I've seen like compilation videos of those. It's so funny watching the girls like freak out and like snatch her hair. Oh my damn. The hair comes off and then they realize it's a doll. This gal immediately took to beating this mannequin with her purse. I didn't know it was widespread. That's awesome. Some folks look at that as too cold of a prank. I don't know. No, that's funny because like you, it gets resolved relatively fast. You know what I mean? Like it only lasts for a tiny bit. I've seen that those kind of videos where the girl will go after the man first and then they're like, okay, wait, this was not the way I wanted it to go. I thought you were going to attack the mannequin, not hit me with a pan. No, you're giving me a beating, yeah, with a frying pan. Would you think that was funny, Ashley, if you came home and caught your husband doing that? I would see the humor in it, but I'd be very angry at them the first moment, you know? And like then it would take me a while to calm my anxiety down and that would kind of piss me off. What would you do with the toy? Would you chuck it or would you let him keep it? No, I'd keep it. What else can we do with this thing? What, talking about the sex doll? Yeah. Oh yeah, you just got to bang it together. Yeah. Yeah, kind of something to do together, activity. Like I think about how awkward that would be, but if it was like there and be like, you know, sure, let's see. Let's see what the both of us can do to this thing. I wonder if my wife would be cool with that. I'll ask when I get home. That seems quite dramatic to prank your significant other into thinking that you're banging something on the side. I had a fun little game I played. It had nothing to do with April Fool's Day. This is years ago. One night I had a tryst, a one night type of a thing and the gal left her earrings somewhere as in my bedroom. Fancy looking earrings. I kept them thinking I would see her again. I never did. So from that day forward, I did this a few times. When I was seeing a gal, as soon as we got to a point where I thought we were, what's the word Josh, exclusive. So as soon as I got to the point where we were dating, we were exclusive, the gal would come over to my place. She'd sit down on the couch. We'd start watching TV. I'd go get those earrings that were left in my house five years prior. I'd go get those earrings and I'd walk up to the gal and say, yeah, I found these in my bed. They must have fallen out. Just to see the reaction when the gal realizes these earrings don't belong to me. I had a really good time with that. That's not going to go well with me. What are you talking about? You said you were okay with your husband pretending to be... That's a little different because I'd still be like, whose earrings are those? Why do you still have them? Yeah, you'd immediately see it was a fake person and then realize what was going on. I would just say I could see. I'd still be curious because I mean that... I would just explain that they were left in my bedroom two, three years ago. But then the question is, why did you keep them? Yeah, I'd be like, what's up dude? I'd be like, why you still got those? It's kind of odd. For the bit. I kept them for the bit. Oh, and then I'd be like, oh, so you've done this bit on other girls? How many other girls? Yes. Two, three? I mean it's a comedy bit. I think that'd be pretty cool if I came home and I found another woman's earrings in our bed. Ask my wife about that. Oh yeah, that'd be exciting. Hey, that's sweet. Trust me, the reaction was great. I mean it really was. Just it dawns on them. Okay. Happy April Fool's Day everyone. What else did I have here? Is that television show, what do they call it, that long running zombie apocalypse show? Never saw it. Walking Dead. Walking Dead. Is that still a current thing? They keep doing like all these different spin-offs. I think it's spin-offs at this point. Okay. Is the popularity of that program and that genre of program, Josh, would you say the popularity of those shows, is that what inspires all these survival tip type articles to pop up all the time? Probably not because there's so many survival shows. Or is it just the general state of things these days? Probably the general state of things. Could be a little bit, but I'm assuming it has to do with all the survival shows. The Naked's and Afraid. Oh, sure. What's the one where you press the button, Ashley, on a loved one? Oh darn it. I love it too. Extraction or something? I think you're right, yeah. I love that show. I'll tell you this much. I don't make as much fun of my survival bunker friend as I used to because it's looking more and more like a reality. Yeah. I have one friend who's got the survival bunker that he has loaded with cans of beans. Does he have room on his list? Like the list of people that he's going to let in or what? Can I get on that list? I've told you this before, I think. When he's drunk, he'll wrap his arm around you and say, tell you what, when the moment comes, you can come live in my bunker. But when he gets too drunk, then he'll, he turns into an angry drunken tells you you're not invited to come in. Oh no. He'll turn on you like that. I want a bunker. You do? Yeah, so do I. That would be cool. At any rate, this has nothing to do with, say, a full on zombie apocalypse, you know, like that's ever going to happen, or a full on end of the world type scenario. But I think it was Buzzfeed dumped the latest pile of survival tips. These are more common survival tips. So forget about the zombie or like a nuclear type of a, these are just common survival tips. Let's see where we can go with this. Common survival tips. You're better off staying with a broken down vehicle instead of trying to hike in an unknown potentially dangerous location. Okay. I've always heard that one. That sounds sensible. At least in the vehicle, you've got some shelter. Maybe if the vehicle runs a little bit, you could get some heat out of the damn thing. You're on a road. That happened to me about six months ago. I was on a 10 day road trip in the middle of nowhere and my vehicle literally got stuck and it took me four hours, actually took me six hours for the tow truck to get there. Oh, dude. And for a while I was like, should I walk someplace? And I was like, no, this is where all the water and the food and the shelter is just, it took me about an hour or two to get hold of somebody. Where the hell were you? New Mexico. And how did you get stuck? Were you off-roading or something? It was one of those roads where 350 days of the year I would have been fine, but it had been raining for a week. So I was in a camper van and it just got stuck in the mud. Dude, just you? Just me. And I was texting my wife and she's in Minnesota and thanks to the satellite services, it's the only way I could get taxed out. And I couldn't get a hold. I called the police. They said, we can't help you. They said, you have to call a tow truck. I called two truck trucks. They said, we can't help you. I called the third one. They said, we can help you tomorrow. You really were in the middle of nowhere. It was, yeah, I was like two hours from my town. That's so scary. And then the fourth one was, I could be there in four hours. So I was like, okay, at this point, I've got food. I've got water. I walked around with my camera and took some artsy pictures and stuff like that. Daytime? Nighttime? Daytime. They literally got me out right at sunset, yeah. Two. Once I got to a paved road, it was dark. I would assume I was going to die there. I had to tell my wife, I was like, look, I've got two weeks of food in the car. I'm good. I just can't go anywhere right now. As long as somebody can get me out, then we're fine. Yeah, if you would have taken, if you would have took to walking down the road, there's a chance that a leopard could have mauled you to death or something. And it was in a high eighties, so I didn't want to mess with heat stroke and all that stuff. All right, that's very interesting. Cato Damneer died on the middle of nowhere in friggin New Mexico. The rest of the trip went great just at first. I got that over with. What were you doing all by yourself on photography? Yeah. Because you have a side gig as a photographer. I started in Albuquerque and drove to Death Valley and back in 10 days. And when did North River the Grand Canyon, State Parks in Vegas, you know, Joshua Tree, that kind of stuff. If you're going to F-A-Ron, we've got some more survival tips for you in a couple minutes. We'll be right back on the Half-Hast Morning Show. The Half-Hast Morning Show, 93X. All right, we were talking about how average schmucks like ourselves can best survive in a, in an iffy situation. Busted, that's not the word, BuzzFeed published a series of common survival tips for you. We're not talking Armageddon here. Less dramatic than that. Things like, what did we cover already? You're better off staying in a broken down vehicle instead of trying to hike out in an unknown potentially dangerous location. And there's more. There's more. Like say, stacking your tires, Josh, sounds like a lot of work, but stacking your tires and setting them a fire will generate a column of black smoke that is visible from very far away and will attract attention. That's pretty smart. I'd imagine somehow I'd die of smoke inhalation or something. There's a lot of stuff, a lot of other stuff I have to be able to do to make that possible. Don't stare directly into the tire fire because you will be overwhelmed. Don't eat anything raw. They say like bare grills. Bare grills. Yeah, I don't think I would. You'll get parasites. Yeah, I don't. I'd worry about that. I would never do that. Yeah. But that frostbite in this iffy situation that you find yourself in, if you want to survive, don't rub frostbite skin. Don't rub it together. You can hurt yourself. For mild frostbite, tuck your fingers or toes into somebody else's armpits. That's a good friend. Oh, God. My wife won't let me touch her if I have cold hands. Oh, I don't like armpits either. I don't want anyone's hands under my arms. I'll go through the friggin roof. Your wife won't let you lay a finger. My hands are cold. I got to warm them up. Oh, God, cold hands are terrible. I love doing that. What's that? Like sticking my cold hands under my husband's shirt. Oh, you're going to get an elbow to the jaw. It's so warm. Why is the stomach always so warm? Another one that I thought of with that frostbite thing that I think some people forget is that you don't want to put them under hot water. Oh, no. Yes, yeah, cold water. Yep. Strangely enough. I don't like to put your cold hands under hot. If you get stabbed, don't pull the blade out like they do in the movies. Don't touch anything, they say. Just call the folks at 911. I would never be able to pull it out anyway. I'd be so scared to. Leave that blade hanging out of you. Oh, I hope I never have to experience that. Yeah, I don't know why it is. And I think this is actually probably quite common, but I'd rather get shot than stabbed. Yeah. I think it's intimate and scary. I think my instinct would be to pull it out, but I've seen enough TV to know don't pull it out. And you probably would try because you're in shock or something. You're terrified. You just think this doesn't belong here. Hopefully there's someone there to stop you from pulling the. Right. Don't drink pee. They say in this list of common survival tips, it accelerates dehydration. Oh, yeah. Okay, I've seen that played out in a couple of those I survived type television shows where people were drinking their own whiz because they had nothing else to drink and it actually made things worse. I was reading on this a couple of days ago on the space station. That's all they drink. They drink their own recycled pee. It's recycled filter and all that. But that's they have to. You're right. I only drink it if there's a chaser, like a big bottle of water or something afterwards. I can't imagine just drinking pee alone. Gross. Now things get interesting here. Uh, very specific. If you're being God help us. If you're being chased by an alligator or a crocodile. Oh, Josh, if that's me, you could hear the scream for miles around. Me too. Yeah. I hate those sons of bitches so bad. That is effective as burning tires. If you're chased by an alligator or a croc, a F me running sideways dial. Don't zigzag. Just running a straight line. They can only run in short bursts. So if you're zigzagging, they might have a chance to snatch you by the ankle and drag you into the drink and they do that death roll. I think yours. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. I was just going to say my uncle was a cop and he'd always joke about certain cities or neighborhoods where it's best to walk in zigzags just so you don't get shot. I never heard that about running from an animal to run in zigzags. I think you're supposed to run in zigzags when you're running from a moose. Or a bear. Oh, really? I think moosans are very, uh, like wobbly. They aren't very good at running and so they get very confused if you do zigzags. Big, long legged bastards. I'd never heard that before. But if they get close enough to you, they do that stomp. Yeah, they will mess you up. They kind of get the one front leg up and they try to whack you in the back of the head and kill you. They are so much bigger than you would ever imagine too. Had one run through my folks backyard about 25 years ago. It was the most fascinating thing I ever saw. I bet it looked ridiculous. Well, it was, it was, I was told after the fact that it was sick and dying and that's why it was walking through this highly populated area. I couldn't believe the size of it. And it's just so calmly just kind of do the friggin dogs were nipping at its heels and it, it didn't react at all. It was the weirdest damn thing in the middle of town. Here comes this. That's crazy dude. I'll never forget the dogs started barking their balls off. We had three dogs in the backyard. My brother had two and I had one. The dogs start barking their balls off and I just heard big Al who was at the house. I hear big Al go, Jesus Christ. It's a mouse. Here he came walking through the, all right. What are we doing? Survival tips. Josh, don't drink pee. Running is, pardon me. Don't run in a zigzag if you're being chased by an alligator. Just your luck, Josh. Right when you're drinking your own pee. That's when the alligator comes. You're distracted by drinking your own. That's all we remembered. Oh God, don't use a hair curler to cauterize a bullet hole. What's never planted on it. I did not think to plug in the hair curler. As a bald man, I never would have thought of that either. They say it doesn't work. It just hurts like hell. In the movies you see irons, right? No. Somebody will heat up an iron and do something like that. That's an ever old short stare. Oh, right. I'm sorry. I thought you meant an iron like I'm using on my best dress shirt. Yeah, you mean like on your best dress shirt. Yeah. I've never seen that in a movie. No, I've seen it when they heat up an iron in the fire. That's what I. Poker, yeah. I like a poker too. Like a poker. That's what I thought. Stallone did that in Rambo and this and they carve a bullet out of his heart. And later on, two minutes later, he's running. The final, final survival tip is fun. You know this one. Wow. I just, you know, I was saying a minute ago that if an alligator or a crocodile ever had a target on my back, how loud and how high pitched I would shriek. I didn't even consider a shark. I hate those bastards too. And I hate the water, you know, ocean. I have a shark ever made me his target. I think I'd probably just pass smooth out. Yeah, I'd probably just let it happen. I would be saying going to this thing. I would pass out. Josh, I wouldn't feel the thing next thing you know, I'm, I'm in its stomach, right? You know this one. Don't try to punch a nose, a shark in the nose. What do you do? Go ahead. You get its eyes. Eyes, the eyes. I've heard the nose thing works though. They say it's just tough to throw a punch. It's a one in a billion. They say one in a billion that you're going to hit that sum bitch square enough to bother it at all. So they say again, the eyes. It's always the eyes. I've heard the chills. I've heard the punch thing works too. But I think you're right. I think it's just a matter of the eyes are much easier to get at than hitting it hard enough. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Now if a shark latched onto me, I there's not a single thing I'm thinking of other than just death. Plus you guys know me. I telegraphed my punches so far. Yeah. By the time I would just eat my arm because it knew it was coming. Yeah, it would stop and wait. Yeah. I basically sent an evide out like here comes the punch. Yeah, you're not the quickest. No, and I just kind of fall over my own momentum gets me. By the way, this is funny. A listener, then we got to get the hell out of here. A listener texted in and said when he was a younger guy, his little brother was about 10 years old. His little brother was very into learning about survival, surviving this and surviving that one day they're all in the car and his 10 year old brother blurts this out. Mom, you have to buy me some condoms. And his grandmother was in the car too. And his mother and grandmother said, what? Why would a 10 year old and the little kid said they hold two gallons of water in a survival situation? The kid was very into this stuff. Wow. He read it in a book. That isn't that's impressive. Two gallons of water. Yeah. Who? Why does it need to hold that much? Maybe you got to spend a month in a in a in a cave or something, right? No, I mean, like when they they made condoms, they're like, you know what? We got to make sure that Justin Berlander can hold two gallons. That's why, Ashley. They learned from Justin Berlander. How much they can hold. Yes. Happy 35th birthday to Power Ranger Highland Jesus from his east side, Biker Mama Jesus and happy birthday to cousin Jake from Joe the Plumber. That past morning show 90. Free X. Well, hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating the air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against the 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standard heating.com and mention 93 X standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.