Real Life with Kim D: Untold Stories from the Real Housewives of New Jersey, Fashion Tips & Mental Health Realness

Oh my gosh. Ah. Bye. Bye. Welcome to Obsessed, where Mika, Tia, and I challenge the thoughts that limit you. Where we provide the tools for transformation, be prepared to be swept away into the raw power of obsession, unlocking secrets and stories behind the insatiable hunger for growth and change. This is more than just a podcast. This is your story. It is a manifesto for those who refuse to settle, who dare to dream, and who are relentless in the pursuit of living a great life. Get Obsessed with Your Life. Are you obsessed with your life? I am obsessed with not only my life, but Kim DePiola's life. Kim is here in the house, straight from Jersey, with Mika, Tia, and I. She's kicking off season three or year three with us. Kim DePiola, and the Real Housewives of New Jersey. She spills the tea. She tells it like it is. She understands drama, and you got her all to yourself right now. So let's go. Hey, Kim, how's it going? Everything's fabulous, my love. Everything's fabulous. So nice to see you, ladies. It's great to have you. Yeah. I have to ask you, Kim, because you, I loved you on the show. I always thought that you're just like, you're the girl's girl, you know, like you're supportive. Like I felt that realness from you. How do you navigate, like, my first question is, well, first, what are you obsessed with? My dogs and clothes. My dogs first, my, you know, fashion and clothes second. My clothes are like, do you ever see the episode with Sarah Jessica Parker? When she said the old woman who lived in her shoes, I'm the old woman who lived in her clothes. You know what I mean? It's just I'm obsessed with clothes. And now that Barbie's with me and she's a stylist, it's like, if I have an outfit that I'm wearing, it's because with you of this, I'm like, no, so we get it. Yeah, I mean, so she's a bad influence. Yeah, yeah, she's a bad influence. Yeah, yeah. Dogs first, clothes second. Okay. How do you navigate, like, because you're an entrepreneur, you're a business owner, how do you navigate the drama that comes just naturally being entrepreneur, naturally being in business? How do you? Yeah, in comparison to my real, like the real life other than business, it's easy. You know what I mean? I, you know, when we talk about the show and we talk about the time that I was on the show and all that, that comes, that came easy to me. I thrive with hate when the years ago people would like, you're the villain. Now all of a sudden I'm an icon after they see everything I said was true. Business I always took with a grain of salt because I was never worried, like, am I going to make my next sale or am I going to have my other bit? You know what I'm saying? So business I took with a grain of salt, but right now I am semi-retired. I just do my podcasts and I have the website. So, you know, things are a lot easier now, you know, but the navigation between my social life years ago, which was crazy and the business, I got pretty tired. I got to admit I got mentally drained, but it's all good. You know, it's all good because I learned to take mental health days, which is very, very important. I got real cranky the other day. You did not get cranky. I did. And I said, you know what? I didn't take a mental health day this week and it catches up to you. Yeah, you got to do it. What does a mental health day look like in Kim's life now? Kim's life is sitting on my white leather rocking chair with my dogs and then going up to bed really early. It doesn't mean I go to sleep early. It's just like I went up, I made myself a salad. I went up, I ate my salad in my room and I didn't have to go back downstairs. I had all the dogs around me. When I sleep or when I rest, they rest. So that's my mental health thing. I still around my phone a little bit, but I'm out of the second floor all the way up on the top in my room. My bedroom is my sanctuary. It's really my sanctuary. So some solitude time with your dogs and a nutritious meal. 1000%. The other day when I went to see Orfe, she's a very good friend of mine and we went to the car lot and I had this gorgeous bold leather outfit. So I put the pants on. I'm like, uh-oh, because we're drinking hot chocolate scare and french fries. I'm like, wait a minute, sometimes it was skin tight. So I went to sit down and I moved to certain weight and there was a little teeny weeny split like this. I'm like, oh my God, I had to sit down, sold the whole thing. Well, I have not put a french fry or hot chocolate in my mouth since. Now strict diet. So yes, that was my mental health day the day after and only a salad with, you know, my turkey or whatever I put in it. But you split your pants, honey. You know, because I don't weigh myself, you know, so that was it. That was my story about the car lot. And I've had the pleasure of meeting him in person a couple of times and to meet her, it's an experience, right? You meet her and you have a vision of her before you meet her and please in the chat, let us know for all the youth that know and love him. Truly is honestly like she is reverse aging. She has flawless skin. She's in great shape. Her personal her energy is so high all the time. And I know you have secrets to living a life that is holistic and you put yourself first now. Now that hasn't always been the case. I know this because we are writing your mother and there was a lot of drama, a lot of. So what happened was most of my drama happened like about up, up, up until 12, 13 years ago. Okay. 11 years, whatever. And I went to see my doctor after like so much drama in my life. Great life. Don't get me wrong. But a lot of drama. So when I walk in, he said, you know, I can give you medication, I can do whatever, but there's no pill that can help. What's wrong with you? What the hell's wrong with me? He said, you're mentally exhausted from the life that you've lived, from the pace that you've kept. And that's when he told me, you need two mental health days a week or you're going to hit the wall. At that time I got the contract for housewives and I'm like, I can't take time off for myself ever. And I hit the wall, you know. So ever since then and ever since this happened to me, I realized that even if I have to be somewhere, someplace that I come first. So I plan my weekends that way. I plan during the week that way to say, okay, I have to do this on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I'm taking off. I'm not moving from the house. I do eat very healthy. I'm not a big carb eater. A lot of vegetables, salads, very healthy. And here's the difference between why women have to get a facelift at 40 and 50 rather than me at 60 because they gain and lose weight, gain and lose weight. And that's what happens in your face and in your neck. So they have to get their face lifted. I've kept my weight pretty much exactly the same since I'm going to say I was about 30. Since 30, my weight has been the same. If anything, I lose weight, you know, I'll gain maybe three pounds and then I'll lose five. It's very important because I do have a thyroid issue also that I fight, I balance. You know, it's really moderation, which is very difficult for me because I love to like go out and party and everything, but I've learned to do everything in moderation. So that's what it is. My diet is definitely a form of Atkins. I don't eat anything that's fat free. I don't eat anything that's low fat. I don't believe in that. I don't eat red meat only because I'm kind of like an animal activist type thing, but I do eat turkey, chicken, a lot of proteins, a lot of vegetables and salads, but I'm not a carb eater. You know, my treat when I went to the Carlisle, I got french fries because that was my treat. You know? So that's it. That's really what I do. You got to keep your weight. You got to eat healthy and you got to keep your weight right. You know? So that's what I do. And I don't really eat after what would you say, 6.30 bar? I think 6.30 is my time and then I'm done. If I'm dieting, I go upstairs to my bedroom early because I'm not going to walk downstairs to eat. You know? So there's all tricks of the trade. Keeping your weight stable is a good one because like you said, your skin does stretch, but also the way your body reacts to gaining weight and losing weight rapidly up and down is not great. So I love that you've been able to identify that within yourself and feel into that process to know what you need to do is great. Like how have you been able to maintain that and actually find out what works for you in the different seasons of life? Because what you ate when you were 30 and what you ate today may not be the same, right? Right. Because you're supposed to as we age. Yeah. Well, that's a cute story. So it's a cute story. So I was a big good when the Stairmasters came out. I'm on that Stairmaster. I'm on that Stairmaster. And then years ago, it was like bagels are fat free, pasta is fat free, right? All this stuff. So one day I'm laying in my bed and I see an infomercial, Dr. Atkins, when he was still alive. I'm watching the infomercial and he made so much sense. He said that when you eat a carb in the morning, you crave carbs all day. When you eat full fat in the morning, it's an appetite to present, right? So he made so much sense to me. So I was married at the time. So I said to my God, I mean, he was very health conscious, worked out every day. I go, let's do this Atkins diet. So we do the Atkins diet. We're eating like two turkey burgers with cheese a day. We're going to the palm and order that that's how I ate meat, big fat steak and I'm losing weight without doing the Stairmaster. Like I was too tired because of the carb and I'm dropping weight like crazy. I'm like, what the hell? I was never fat. You know what I mean? But I'm dropping the weight. So now years later, I'm flying to West Palm Beach because I have to go see my boyfriend, right? So I'm flying to West Palm Beach and who do I sit next to is Veronica Atkins. I don't know who she is. And she's tall and thin and she's older than me. And I'm like, oh my God, how do you, you're beautiful. How do you say so thin? She whispers in my ear, I'm Veronica Atkins. I go, oh my God, her husband had just died the year before. I said, you, your husband was my savior. I've been doing this for years and I'm a zero two at the time. I don't put on weight. I love, I feel great. So she said, when Dr. Atkins heard that this country was going low fat, fat free, he looked at her and he said, unfortunately, this will be the most obese. This country in the world, your body can't fight the chemicals. When you put those chemicals in your body, your body goes, what the hell is that? Right? But when you put full fat, full oil, like all this low cholesterol crap is a bunch of bull too. So I followed him. What do you mean low cholesterol, cholesterol crap? Like, well, when there's a people that are on cholesterol medication and they're told to eat low fat, no fat diets. It's very bad for your brain. Your brain needs cholesterol. They're saying all these people, like Bruce Willis, people like him were on a low fat, he was on the cholesterol medications. When they, it's not good for your brain. Your brain needs natural fat. Your brain needs cholesterol. So you can't just, there's not one pill for one person. There's not one, you know, you just can't, oh, you have high cholesterol. Take this pill. That's not the way it should work. It's like years ago when the women were low estrogen and the doctors would give every woman the same pill, right? And then it all turned out to be like it was cancerous. It was this or that. So you just have to be very careful with this cholesterol and this low fat, low fat. It's very bad for you. Eat natural. The more natural you eat, the better off you are. You know, like real butter, not margarine, not that crap. Who wants margarine? Come on, let's be real. I mean, I'm not saying you'd be very surprised. You'd be very surprised. You'd be very surprised. Real butter. Real butter, real fat. I drink half and half of my coffee. Okay. He wants you to drink cream. I like half and half. So like, that's what I stick to. Do I cheat? We all cheat. We all cheat. But I'm more of a cashew girl with the sea salt rather than a chip. Chips again, when I'm rarely in that mood, I'll eat my chips, but it's mostly cashews. Nuts are phenomenal for the brain. They're good to speed up your metabolism. You know, you look it all up. And if you follow that, you don't have to like constantly worried about your weight because it stays stable and you feel stable and you feel better. Did you know that Tia is a nutritionist, by the way? I did not. Yeah. That's why I had her ask you all the pressing question and vegan and vegan and Mika owns a vegan bakery, which is amazing. Love that. I want you to send me some vegan. Oh, she actually asked for your address to send this thing. Please do. Please, please do. It's delicious. I will send you something amazing, something that, yeah, so something that's going to be not so carb heavy, but I'm thinking something chocolatey, dark chocolate. OK, that way is full of antioxidants. Love it. Can you mix? I'm not a big dark chocolate girl. It's too bitter for me. I like milk, but if you mix it a little, I think it would be OK, you know. Oh, yeah, it'll be semi sweet. Yeah, it'll be semi sweet. But I'm like, I love how you manage a healthy lifestyle and you take these mental health days. And do you think that as a society, like we're like for women, we're like boss, babe, boss, babe energy, this movement that's going on. Do you think that there's a culture in our country right now where we're like women are like we're hustling, but like hustling to our detriment? Yes. We all want to, we're pushing and doing a lot of masculine energy. But do you think we're doing it like at a cost? Yeah, I think that the women are starting to act like men and men are starting to act like women. Men are becoming more and more metrosexual. They're more and more feminine. They let the women pick up the bull and run with it rather than they do. And I'm not attracted to that kind of a man, you know. So, and I don't want to be a man. I want to be a woman. You know, that's fine for people that want to be like that. I really don't want to be. I want to be feminine. I want to be strong. I want to be a boss, but I don't have to prove anything to anyone. You know what I mean? I'm not going to work three times as hard and kill myself to be a boss. You know, if you have to keep proving that, I think you're doing something wrong. I think it should just come natural and you earn the respect of people and you respect people, they're going to respect you back. And I think if you have to keep saying it, there's something missing. Hmm. Yeah. But do you think it's do you think that these women that are smart and they have a vision to have a goal, they have a purpose, but do you like some some of them may say, I don't see how taking two days off and like going to the beach or reading a book, I don't, or just detaching from everything. I don't see how that helps me to get further closer to my goals. Okay. Well, they'll, they'll see. They're going to see because when it catches up to them and they hit the wall because they will, because you cannot go full speed ahead constantly. You cannot, you cannot. So when they see what that happens, then they're going to say, yes, she was right. Listen, do you think anyone was going to tell me back in the day when I was flying up with Michael and, uh, uh, and private jets and going to Vegas for 10, 15 years? I don't know who Michael is. I like it was my, my, my, it was my boyfriend who passed away. I was with him for 13 years. Of course I had husbands and all that, which everybody will see. I kept up. Where, where will everybody see this, Kim? Yeah. You know, the book is going to be huge and they're all going to see that I was married a few times engaged and, you know, trying to keep up and also running my business. I would get to posh. I'd sit down and my phone ring, he'd go, hurry up, get the dogs ready. The helicopter's coming. We got him like, what? And I was exhausted, but I kept pushing myself, but I needed a store. I was on the show. I wanted to be, keep up with him. I had five dogs at the time that we would get, we would put in, I would put in strollers. I had a back, a bag constantly packed. And that's what got me to the doctor after this all happened. And I'm like, I can't function anymore. You know, you don't know when it's going to hit you. You don't, you can think that you could do it seven days a week, but you shouldn't. I think taking the day off and regrouping, you're going to do better that Monday or you're going to do better that Tuesday. You have a more, more of a clear head. Hmm. You know, I love that. Yeah. I think, oh, go ahead, Mikes. Well, I'm wondering too, with your mental health, do you like switch it up sometimes? Like, I know that you have your surrounding, you surround yourself with love with your babies, your puppies. You have a healthy, nutritious meal. Like Tia said, you go upstairs and you're in bed. Is there like variety? Do you switch things up sometimes? Like, what are the different things that you do to like for self care? Watch a really good movie. I just watched a great movie. What was it called? Niaad. N-Y-A-D. Oh, that's really good. What's the net banning? Phenomenal with a net banning. Jody Foster won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress. It was just a mind blowing experience to see a 64, 65 year old woman swim from and that listens to me. That gave me so much inspiration to see that, you know, she can, she did it at 64 that people can't do at 20 and 30. You know, she did it. And when I watch things like that, it's so inspirational. And of course, then I'm also obsessed with the Godfather. I can tell you every single word, my cousin Vinnie, the Bronx tale, the few good men. I can watch those over and over and over. Like I get my mind off of things and watch my movies. The same ones, the same ones, you know, so that's another thing. I delve into, I'm a major news person. I'm always watching news, which that can be a little crazy too, you know. So I'll turn off the news. I could sit in my chair and I don't have to go to my bedroom, turn off the news and watch a movie or I like a lot of miniseries. I like a lot of series. So that's another way. And when it's going to a spa, that doesn't do it for me. I like getting facial. And but I don't, I don't consider that a mental health type. That's not my, no, he's still to get in your car, drive there. You know what I mean? Sometimes it can be stressful. Um, it's really my home, you know, being in my home, I'm a tourist. I love my home. I love my candles. I love my home. Right. Yes. For tourists. We love our house. Jules, Jules is a tourist for everyone watching. She's a tourist. Yeah. Tia, what are you? I'm a Pisces. I see. Libra. Libra. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I've been home very well with Libras. Very, very good. You know a lot. Taurus is a Libra. Yeah. And Pisces. Do you know a lot about the astrological charts, like being Pisces, Libra, tourists, like what is the interaction? Well, I know, I know some, you don't know some of them, but like I could sometimes tell when someone's a Leo, very sure when my mother was a Sagittarian, two of my husbands were Sagittarian, my mother's husband was a Sagittarian. So I could tell a lot about those Scorpios, cool to Scorpio. Yeah, we got to be careful of your Scorpios. But Barbie's the Scorpio. Um, I could tell sometimes I'll look at somebody and go, are you a Leo or are you with us? And they're now you want to talk about tourists. I'm a tourist. Teresa, Jude, Isis, a tourist. Jacqueline's a tourist. Teresa's new husband's a tourist. And I'm a tourist. Yeah. Isn't that wild? Oh my gosh. Yep. Yep. So we go listen to Teresa and Jacqueline. We were like three musketeers. We really got along great at one time. We're getting our way back, you know, but, um, we were almost the same person, uh, with maybe some different flaws, you know, so. But, you know, I, I like to, I like to get involved in that. I like to read up on it. So see if you meet like a guy years ago, if I met a new guy that I liked, I would couldn't wait to wear like the love books where it says how a tourist woman is with a Leo man or how it like, I loved all that. I loved it. You know, haven't done that in a while. I also want to hear as, as we're going on your journey, as I'm walking through your journey from the day you were born to the day, right today, you know, men, the big boys have been such a constant companion in your life, but not for the past, what is it? 11 years, 11 years. Well, there's still, there's still in my life. It's just that I'm not in a relationship with them. Well, I mean, what, what was the turning point where you recognize you are in charge of your own life and need, you don't need to be like Jerry McGuire and have someone complete you. Okay. Well, I think, I think again, this will be in the book. I'm not going to tell the whole story, but there was a time when I was on housewives, um, and I was asked to do the reunion. And my Michael at the time, um, said, if you do the reunion, we're done. You didn't want me on the show. And of course, you know, he said shit like that before. And, um, I made a decision, which you will find out in the book. And I really truly believe that that's when I made up my mind. At first I wasn't going to do it. And then I thought about different things. And then you'll guys will see in the book what my decision was. And it really changed, changed who I was and knew I gave myself so much power. Um, and you know, it changed my life a lot. It changed my life a lot. So yeah, that was a turning point when I was with him and I decided to do my own thing, you know, I was like, listen, you do what you want to do. I'm going to do what I want to do. That is phenomenal that you, you make sure that you're assessing the situation and you're like, no, I'm going to do what I feel is the best for me and make a decision that I can live with. A lot of times we're making decisions for someone else. In this case, it was probably like Michael or someone else. And for we do those things, we kind of like chip away at our, you know, our own voice, our freedom to like try to make a decision for, for others or for our families, our partners relationship together to keep a relate, like to make, to please them and to keep a relation together, you know, and I wasn't going to do it. I just wasn't going to do it, you know, and it was a lot to lose. Trust me, there was a lot to lose. And I'm like, ah, okay, I'll take my chances, you know, so, but that was where I believed truly, I believe that was one of my big turning points in my life. It really was. You are one of the most confident people I feel like that I talk to regularly. And I love listening to you because of that confidence. It's something that like the energy is palpable. It's something that you, it comes out of your pores and like it, you bring it to the people around you. Like I can feel it even virtually. And thank you. Is that something that you've always had? Is this something that you've had to work towards? Like how has your confidence been on the journey with you? Like what does that look like over the years and brought you to who you are now? Listen, I believe the day I was born that I had not one shy bone in my body. Okay. And I believe that I knew then that I was a little different. Like I just always thought, wow, how come that person's afraid of that? Or how come that person's afraid to say that or do that or is able to be bullied? You know, I didn't understand. I felt bad that they were being bullied or I felt bad that they were hurt. Emotionally hurt. But I just recently had my cards read. Thank you, Barbie, from somebody, one, somebody that she knows. And she was like, hmm, she gave me a really good rating. She's like, I don't see many emotions in these cards. I'm like, there aren't really many. That doesn't say that I don't care for people. It doesn't say that I don't have people in my life that I don't love, but I'm not emotional like that. And I never was. Like I just, if someone said something nasty to me or I'd either laugh right in their face or at one point in my life, I was pretty cutting. And I would say something that would like cut them to shreds. I don't like doing that anymore. You know, I really don't, I feel that it's negative and I really don't need to do that, but I've never had low confidence. Never. I always even was more confident than I should have been. You know, I really, and I think that exuded. That's why I got these powerful men in my life because I wasn't far from it. You know, I really wasn't. I just, you know, my looks were okay, you know, but I just, I got the guy. I was always the one that got the guy for some reason and I wasn't promiscuous. I just, I think when you have that aura or you have that, I don't care mentality. Men, they, they flock to it, you know, but so I was always confident and I was always concerned of other people being bullied. It really bothered me. And I know from conversations we've had, you never would give your power over. You understand the power of femininity. And when we as women sit there and flaunt it all and wear like these crop tops and give it all up, that is not anything you espouse. Never. I hate it. I despise it. I just, I don't like it at all. When I was like in my thirties, was it? No, no, in my twenties, in my twenties, because I left my husband when I was 30. So when it was my twenties, like leather shorts were in style, leather shorts, you know. So, and I was very, again, very thin after I had my son. So we're like really cool black leather shorts and like this great top, great to everything covered from here to here, but the shorts, you know, with the high heels. And I remember going to this fabulous restaurant called The Archers and my mother's friend calls her like, of course, there's no cell phones back then. But the next day somebody called my mother, oh, your daughter wore hot pants the other day, like to the restaurant. And I start laughing like I showed my legs and what didn't show my boobs. I didn't like, I show my legs, but it just, that was always imbredded in me, you know, besides the way I like to dress and I believe style is, I don't believe that you should walk around showing everything. Like I think that it's kind of obnoxious to walk around with your midriff showing and your boobs showing and your, that's obnoxious. That doesn't do anything for me. That's not fashion. Like all this no pants fashion thing now. I mean, give me a break, right? Because since Stuart's doing the no pants, who else did some of these, which I never liked her anyway, but I'm, I never liked her, but it's no pants. Okay. So that you're not wearing any pants. Like, is that a statement that you want to give people that you don't want to wear pants? Yeah. It's all about getting attention, right? It's all about like being able to, that's the agenda. And, but, you know, I got my degree in fashion. I'm a baker, you know, vegan cafe, but I got my degree in fashion. And I always knew there was this like role. If you show legs, don't share, don't show chest. Don't bear chest. If you show cleavage, don't show legs or arms like you choose. And so when I see some of these, these outfits and it's exposing everything, I'm like, ooh, I would love to see, like leave some for the imagination. I agree. Like, you know, and I'm like, I'm a straight woman, but I love, I love seeing women of any shapes, sides, colors, ages, looking sexy, feminine and the energy and the confidence that they exude is like, ah, that is sexy. Like that is like, I'm like, I'm attracted to that. I'm attracted. Right. And so when someone is like bearing everything, even me, I like to admire, you know, my, my same sex. I like to admire other women. But when you're like, you've left nothing for the imagination and I'm like, okay, so you're seeking attention. That's what it says, you know, and secure. You have to understand they might look like they're secure in themselves. That is as insecure. If you have to show every little thing 24 seven, you are probably the most insecure person that you got to constantly look in the mirror. You have to, you have to flaunt every asset that you think you have. Very, very insecure. Very. Yes. Yeah. Hamilton, you're right, Hamilton. You're totally right. Yeah. I just saw what he wrote. Flirting being sexy and classy is almost a little start. 1000%. 1000. What it's so sad. It really is because, you know, they just don't get it. They really don't get it. You know, and I'm telling you, would I post my clothes and my outfits? Cause it's, they're pretty conservative, sexy. And you should see the DMs that I get from men saying like, oh my God, I loved your outfit or it's so sexy. Like I can't stand when these women like walk around showing everything. Like I get a lot of compliments from, from men that say, I love the way you're dressed, you know, whether they're gay, straight, I love the way. And I go, thank you. You know, so it means a lot to me since I push fashion. I love fashion. It's a major compliment. How did you get started into fashion? I know that's going to be in the book also, but can you tell us a little bit about, you know, I know you love fashion clearly, but how did this begin for you? I think I had a stepfather, which you'll read about that was very extremely meticulous and he had a fashion. He was a stepfather. He was a stepfather. Yeah. He was something else. He was a character, right? Yeah. So I'll give you a little, a hint on him. Um, my mother used to have to iron his boxer shorts iron and they had his up, his, they had, he had his, uh, initials on his boxer shorts and he was so meticulous, every jacket, every shirt was made to tailored. And at like four years old, he would take me to the finest dress shops at my age, make dresses for me by that five, $500 dresses back then. Okay. So that's where I think it started, but then it really got crazy when we moved from being with him to another part of Elmwood Park and I had no play clothes. And, um, so I wore the same. I was young. I was a child. And I wore, I didn't play clothes. So I wore the same like black, legged, bell, bottom things with a top over it. And this little boy says to me, how come you wear the same clothes every day? It was like, maybe three days in a row. And I'm like, I went to my mother, go, mom, why do I wear the same clothes every day? Cause I didn't even know any better. And she goes, well, I guess I have to take you to get different clothes. Cause all I had was fancy dresses and the patent leather shoes. I didn't have play clothes. So that thing, when he said that to me, I guess it really stuck. Like it really stuck. So then I went really crazy and I would get my head, I bought tons of clothes all the time. I even worked since I was 15. And every week I would put my money on layaways year ago. It was layaways. And then my friends reminded me that, um, as a young girl, everything that I wore would go in a garbage bag and then I'd have all my friends come and just take everything. So I would wear it once and give it away. Okay. So remember all this psychological shit that happens to you when you're kid, like I had a great childhood, but I had a little boy who I liked and he liked me and like, how can we wear the same play clothes every day? You know, I'm like, what? You don't know. It's seven years old, you're eight years old, you know? So yeah. So that's what's, and then I also start working in fashion at 15 years old. 15. I worked at a place called Shari Love. I used to model coats and answer phones over the summer. And then at 16, I got my first sales girl job and the people would give me tips. I put the clothes together. I just had a thing. Like it was my thing. You know, I just, it was embedded in me. I didn't go to school for, opened up my own store at 22, you know, so I just, it was my thing that I can do. Not many other things, but that's it. I know how to dress and I could dress other people. Hmm. Yep. That's like your intuitive nature to Kim. You can, like if I walk in your house, you're like, yeah, maybe this, that, like some things just don't work and she can see it so easily. And you know, I just will throw on the same outfit every day. That's just, well, I did that at seven years old and I, well, seven. Dang. I'm like seven or eight. I was seven or eight. I think I was seven or eight. It was, I was young. What are the like to-dos and to-don'ts like for women in their thirties, 40s, 50s, 60s. I don't think there is. I really don't. I'm sick and tired. Look at Timmy Moore. Look at Timmy Moore. She's 61 years old. She is rough, dead, gorgeous. She wears short skirt. She wears bikinis. She wears her gown that she recently wore from Versace, that bronzy. I mean, what? She wears her short skirt. She wears her hair long to the middle of her back. Like Julie, if you have the right body, okay. And you wear it the right way, like me and Mika were just saying, you could wear anything you want. I don't believe in that. I don't think you get to a certain age. You got to cut your hair short. You got to, I changed my hair so many times. I'm like that Barbie where you pull the hair out and you put it back. I don't give a shit. Like I want, if I want to cut my hair like this tomorrow, I'll do it. And then I'll put the extensions in. But yeah, no, these people say, oh, you know, you got to dress your age. No, I don't believe that. But I don't think you should dress your underage, meaning I don't like mid-drift tops for like a woman who was 40s, 50s and like, that's, you look silly with a mid-drift top, you know, you want to do it, go ahead and do it. But that's not my cup of tea. Low hip, hugger jeans. What, you know, I wouldn't do it. At least some of the imagination ladies. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. Like I wouldn't wear a mid-drift top. You know, I would be like, that's a little much for. Wow. Like a lot of the Jersey girls do that. I'm like this 22 year old Kim was opening her first store. Kimberly's boutique. Kimberly's boutique. You know, like Tia said, like you just exude confidence. Like, you know, it feels like you didn't, you did not come off as someone that I need something from outside of me to fill whole. Right. Or to feel like secure. It's like it came internally with the soul. That's freaking impressive. Thanks. Especially at 22 years old. Yeah. But I think it was 23, 22, because I met my husband at 22 and by 23, you know, he helped me and I, and I did my store. But, you know, you got to remember also a very, very, very strong mother. And my stepfather was very affluent and they built me up too. In that sense where, um, and my stepfather who, you know, I was raised with, I had this sense of power. It was not just, you know, um, independence. It was power. I was used to the power of the street, the respect on the street. Um, we went wherever we wanted to go. Our vacations were off the trust. And I don't ever feel that I was like a spoiled brat. I felt that I was smart enough to know, wow, this is like, this is really cool. That I'm living this life. You know, and I knew that, um, I didn't think it would be taken away at any given time, but I just respected it. Like I respected when we went to beautiful vacations and I was able to bring my friend with me and, but my mother was, you know, strict back then too, as far as my behavior, not as far as where I can go and what I could do, but my behavior with her, my behavior in public. Um, you know, so at a young age, I saw the respect from the street. I saw respect for when you people had money and I came from a small town, Elmwood Park, and you know, I kind of was a big fish in a small pond, but I handled it. You know, it was, it is what it is. But so I had, you know, a boost, you know what I mean? I didn't just wake up one day and say, oh, I'm the coolest chick and I have everything. You know, I just, it was a, it was all different things that happened to my life that kept boosting me up to show me that like power was cool. I still like power. My power is an aphrodisiac to me. You know, so I got a crush on a guy right now that I wouldn't even say because you would be like, why do we know who he is? You'd be like, you got to be kidding me. But yeah, because it's, he's powerful and he's a real man and he sticks to his word and he's on, he has his own podcast. He's very cool dude. And that's what attracts me power. I was raised with it. You know, I want to know more about that, but I'm going to save that. I know who she's talking about. And I'm just, you can tell the girls off camera. Oh, off camera. Okay. Off camera. Kim said that she would change her last name for this guy. And I'm like, wow. That's big. And I never did. I was married twice. I never changed my name. I never changed my name. So that is big. Yeah. It was, it's big. Well, I, cause he's like so well respected, but you know, I don't, it's, he's politically charged and I don't bring my politics into my shows. So I wouldn't say his name. Okay. We'll leave it at that then. Yeah. Yeah. You are confident, like we've been saying, and so secure in who you are. And you are very open and honest with your journey with anxiety. No. How do those things go hand in hand for you? Like how are you able to navigate that? You want me to be really honest? I mean, I navigate it with, I had to go on a, after my mom passed away and I, after I sold her house, I was okay until I sold the house because I would go to the house every day and, you know, still my house. So I sell the house and two weeks later, I kind of fell apart. So my doctor had suggested when my mom did pass, cause we were very close to go on a little anti-depressant, even though I wasn't depressed, it was more, my anxiety went crazy. So I needed a little help. I got it. Very low dose of that. Um, and I, I navigate through like you can't, like I have Xanax. I don't take it constantly, but I'll keep it in my pocket book. So I know it's there. I've dealt with anxiety since I was 30, since I left my first husband, because it was enough that that's when my anxiety started. And I think I find once you have anxiety in your life and you, you continuously have anxiety. And as I got older, it got the problems or the issues got harder. And, um, I have more anxiety. I don't know why it's just really embedded in me, but listen, I have to sometimes bow out of things. You know, if I feel that something's going to be too anxiety-ridden, I don't agree to doing them. I don't agree to going certain places. I don't agree to doing things. Um, a couple of times when I was headed towards the studio, I'm like to do my podcast, I would tell Andrew, you know, listen, I'm in bad shape right now, but I'm going to give it my best shot. Right. So as soon as I got behind the microphone, I told all my viewers, listen, um, and a panic chicken state. I took a little piece of Xanax before I came on. I'm going to do my best. Well, my podcast DMs blew up because everyone was like, oh my god, I'm not alone. Oh my god. I deal with it. How do you know? That's how I deal with it day by day, day by day. I'm up in my room. Oh, thank you for sharing Kim. I'll be in my room, right? And this is something I think a lot of people experience. So it's that night I had a great day, great day. Nothing bad happened. I go to, to go to sleep and my mind starts racing and it starts racing. You got to do this. You got to do that. You have to, and you, the heart, do you know what I mean? It's, it's, it's a horrible feeling. And really what do I have to do? I got to go get my facial tomorrow or I got to go be like, what's the big deal? What do you have to do? Like I don't have to punch a clock. I'm not digging ditches for a living. I have my own home. Like why, but you can't help it. You can't help it. You just can't. When it, when you have anxiety, you can't help it. You just, you know, you got to deal, learn how to deal with it. And that's one of the ways. And I think eating healthy is very important too. It is. I can relate to that with you and being anxious person and having to find your methods and how to work with that every day and taking it day by day. And I think that because you're so confident, like you have that intuitive side to you that can listen to that inner voice of being like, no, I, I know I'm not going to show up to that event and my best self. So I'm not going to. And that's so admirable of you. Like I love that about you, Kim. I'm so grateful that you are open to sharing this part of you because it can be one of those parts of ourselves that we want to hide and shame away from. Yeah. You know, because you don't want to let in my business, you don't want to let people see you sweat. Okay. Right. So you can't, you can't cause they'll feed off of that, but they can't feed off the truth. You know what I'm coming out and saying, listen, I have things that, okay. So also a lot of my friends, they know that if an event starts late, they know I won't go. I'm not going to go. Okay. So they're just like, that's how. Also when I'm at an event or at a party or restaurant with all my, I go out with my friends a lot. All of a sudden I peace out. That's it. And in the beginning, some of them would get like really like, I can't believe it. I can't believe you're leaving or I can't believe you left. And I say to them, listen to me. If you are my good friend and you care for me, you love me. I'm not leaving to be mean. I'm not leaving to be inside social. I can't handle it anymore. I have to go. I have to go. And I don't feel like walking around the room and telling every person, I got to go now, I got to go now. I got, I got to leave right that second. You know, like my friend Lorraine, who drives me a lot of places. I'll say, I have to go to the ladies room and she'll give me a look and she goes, are you really going to the ladies room? And I say, yes or no. The Irish goodbye. Get, get the car. You know, that show, get the car, get the car, the commercial car because. It just hits you. Maybe somebody's getting drunk and they're in my face, in my face, in my face. And I'm like, now the anxiety starts, anxiety starts. I'm going to get the hell out of here because I'm not going to tell her shut up. Like be quiet. I, instead of doing that, I peace out. You know what I mean? So I've learned to deal with it. I've learned to deal with it. I, when I got to go, I got to go. And if you don't want me in your company because of that, then that's tough. Yeah. I have to worry about me. You know, so. That's good. I love that Kim, because it's like, it is honoring yourself and like honoring like almost like a limit. Yes. And every day that limit could be different. Like maybe some days, you know, some days your, your tolerance level could be higher, lower, but it's nice that you're able to like really see, okay, where am I? And sometimes people were just like, we're giving, we're so giving to other people. And like, we know we have our limits, but we're still like pushing it. And we're allowing our anxieties to be like, we know that we don't want to go to that party. We know we don't want to go have, right? So what do you tell them? I can't do it. I can't, I tell them the truth. But there's certain things I won't, I just won't put myself through. For instance, like let's say showers or this and that. And like, listen, I'm not doing it. My time is really, really like I spend a lot of time home. I deal with my anxiety. I pretty much work hard in my sense. So I'm like, you know, I'm not going. Here's the gift. I'm not going, you know, it's not my thing. So my good friends, they get it. And once in a while I do go, you know, Lorraine Joyner had one at the Brownstone. It was during the day. So I'm like, that's no big deal. To one o'clock, I can go have a little lunch and show my face. But if it's something where I think that they're going to be opening gifts for like an hour and a half and I have to sit there, like I'm like, I'm not, not doing it. I'm not doing it. You know, and they know that they know that. So, um, and there's like certain events that there's going to be too many people. And I'm like, I just can't go with too many people. Or if I'm at a restaurant and it turns into like a club at a certain point. And if I see too many people, I peace out. I got to go. You know, it makes me nervous. I don't like crowds. So, and you know, as you get older, before I would never look at a crowd or where I didn't like pool parties and stuff like that, because, you know, I, it just was everybody in bikinis jumping around, drinking the pool. I was always nervous about that. But now, and it is not going to do a COVID, nothing to do with that. Now I just don't like being in tight spaces. You know, as you get older, your girls will see, you know, you just, you just want to do what, what you want to do. You know, you just were like, you do certain things for people, but you really have to take into consideration how it's going to affect you, your health and going to work the next day or writing the book with Julie the next day or going to do my work on a Wednesday at the podcast that people are paying for. I want to go in there with a beautiful outfit. I want to go in there looking good, feeling good and giving them what they pay for. You know, I'm more concerned about that than I am about pleasing some people that want to, you know, load in a hundred people at one time into a partying room. Whereas before the partying room came first. It doesn't come first anymore. You know, so yeah, that too. You got to pick and choose your moments. You really do. And if you really don't want to do something, you shouldn't do it. And if they're your good friend or if they really care about you, they should understand. And that speaks to being a celebrity. Can you imagine having people know you wherever you go? You go to the grocery store, you go outside, take your dogs for a walk and people are always looking at you scrutinizing of what you look like. What you're saying, like that, that kind of pressure is something that I mean people dream of, but I went to the. I went to get a facial the other day. I had no makeup on, which I don't care about the makeup. You know that, Julie, I don't care about wear makeup. I don't have a stitch on right now, but I went to the get a facial, actually a back facial that I want to put makeup on. And it was so cute. There was a girl in the waiting room. She was like, oh my God, can I take a selfie? I'm like, okay. Okay. You know, it's really humbling when somebody does that, but it happens. You're no makeup. Like you're walking around traitor Joe's. It's funny. Traitor Joe's. You see, I'd wear big gray baggy pants for my gray, uh, pajama top and they, like the one kid, he's so cute. He works. He goes, oh, he goes, I saw you dress like, um, I forget. Oh, Barbie. He goes, ooh Barbie, because they follow me on Instagram. I'm like, they probably say, what the hell? How does this girl do this? You know, whatever I see, or she's walking around with her ugly arms or sneakers and sweat socks and you know, but he's like, oh, you look as good as Barbie. I'm like, yeah, thanks. But you know, I don't, you don't care. I, I, I never really cared about makeup and all that. I never really cared. I used to get dressed up a lot more. Um, but I don't care if somebody doesn't like the way I look. I'm like, okay, you don't like the way I look. You don't like my face. You think it's too this. You think it's too that. I never thought that I was a beauty. You don't look in the mirror and go, oh, wow, you look never. I always thought that it was the whole aura, the whole package that I put together that might have made me somewhat attractive. It wasn't, it's the package that I put together when I walk out that I think makes a woman say, oh, you know, I like the way she dressed or the way she looks. I don't think it's one particular thing. Whereas other women, their faces are beautiful. Their bodies are beautiful. You know, I never thought of myself that way. And I, I thank God because I think that can get to you as you get older because you lose that. You know, you lose it. So we're so excited that you are a part of the Obsessed podcast because that's what you would love you. I got to tell you, I'm obsessed with what you sent me. I love this. Beautiful. Yeah. This is this even just I have this by my white leather chair and, you know, Julie and all. To Julie, to Barbie. So, but now I really, really think that I want to use this in a different way because I think going forward, when people are asking me, like, I think thoughts come to my mind and rather than using my phone, I'd rather write them down so I could do some of my phone, some there. My thoughts on life, on being alive because I want to be a life coach down the road. So I really believe that this is going to come in. I want to do something. Julie and I are coming up with a plan also to do something like a book like this for, for the people that are looking for life lessons. I can help. I'd be happy to be a part of that, Kim. That would be great. What this is what I'm thinking. We say it right out here and I'm thinking of a planner like this and then have like, um, like my quote, my chemisms that they call them, my at the top, right? And then have them write what their, how their day is or how their month is going according to that quote about men. Remember I in the book, you'll see that I did botched and I had to take a 500 questionnaire or 500 questions before they let me on the show or whatever the case may be. And when I went in front of the psychiatrist, he said, you might be very surprised at this. I'm like, I don't think so because I'm not like anyone else. And he said, you answered every question like a man, you have a man's brain. So have a man's brain. Okay. I'm a woman who likes men, but I could think like a man. So if you need advice, I'm the one to come to, right? You should listen to her. I think like a man. So I think what that's how this book is going to go. I love that. It's going to go. Yeah. It's like, it's a reality. It's a reality. And Mika's book, 1% better journal. It's in the show notes. If you are interested in picking it out, but thanks, Kim, for that. Thank you. Kim, you are a beacon of inspiration. You are as real as it gets. You're smart. You tell it like it is. You have compassion. Yes, you may think like a man, but there's nothing wrong with that. But that's you take the emotions out of things to think about stuff. And I think that's something a lot of human beings need to ascertain. So yeah, compartmentalize as you taught me, Julie. She taught me that, that word. I know that. I really didn't know that until Julie's writing the book and she says, you learned to compartmentalize one of my favorite words now, because it's so true. And she said, men know how to do that where women don't, you know, and if you guys, if you guys watch my podcast, the last podcast I did, which I tell a lot of my friends this, because they, they repeat the same shit over and over about the same guy, about the same. And I'm like, listen, don't even tell me anymore. Cause you don't listen to me. Go find the hardest wall, bang your head three times. Cause that's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. Just go find the wall. And cause that's what I feel like doing. I have to listen to you. Hardest wall. Go bang, bang, bang. That's it. Because you know what? What listen to yourself every day. It's the same crap. Every day. It's the same story. Change it up girl. Change it up. You know, or change the wall to the different wall, man. Change the wall. You know, so because I said, that's how I feel after I listen to you. I want to bang my head, you know, well, my head the way it is. Good girl. And I love you. Don't have a stitch of makeup on your confidence. You are bringing it. Kim D style. Look at her. She's dancing. And what I, what I adore about you is that you're real compassionate and we're obsessed with you. Kim D. Kim, we hope to have you on again when your book, My Life with the Big Boys comes out in June-ish. Yeah. And thanks. I want all you girls involved and I will definitely show you the next time some of the notes I make in your. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. I'll show you some. I'm loving it. I think what I'm going to do is put my aspirations in this book. That's what I think I'm going to do because I have a lot of thoughts about what I want. I put them into my lavender candle. But I think I need to write them down also. That's very important to write them down. That is powerful. Pen to paper is a powerful tool. So. And maybe the pen to paper might be the dash that I'm going to put the end of my name when my new boyfriend finds out I have a crush on him. Wait. That's going to be Cliff Hanger when you find out. Cliff Hanger, the new boyfriend. Yeah, that'll be funny. And listen, I'm not, that's not going to complete me. It's just fun to be attracted to someone finally after 11 years. Wait, guys, you have to hear this story, but I'm not going to do it right now. This can be on our next episode with Kim Day-Payola of The Real Housewives, but she's more than a housewife. She's kick ass. She's a businesswoman, a mom, a humanitarian and one of our favorite people. So thanks everybody. Love you. I can't wait to work with all of you. Your ladies are fabulous. Love you. How are you, Kim? Hi, guys. Welcome to Obsessed. We're Mika, Tia and I challenge the thoughts that limit you, where we provide the tools for transformation, be prepared to be swept away into the raw power of obsession, unlocking secrets and stories behind the insatiable hunger for growth and change. This is more than just a podcast. This is your story. It is a manifesto for those who refuse to settle, who dare to dream and who are relentless in the pursuit of living a great life. Get obsessed with your life. If you liked the show, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.