The Three Feathers (Part II)

PINNA PINNA PINNA PINNA Hi, my name is Adam Giddler's. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales. The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all. They're weird, and sometimes gross, and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale? Let me help you decide. On a scale of grim, grim, and grimaced, this episode is grim. Nothing too terrible happens, but get ready for some suddenly scary moments. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five. Then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. So, are you coming in? Grim, grimmer, grimace. Let's do it. You're ready? Comfortable everybody? You're going to play with your Velcro? I will hang you. This is the second half of the three feathers. It was time for the king to announce the final contest. He took out three more feathers and announced the final contest will be to find the most beautiful maiden and bring her to the castle. And the youngest son said, and the middle son said, and the oldest son said, Isn't that kind of rude? Tell me what was he talking about? If you go into a place where there's a lot of girls, you pick one, that's the beautiful maiden. That's the other girls. The king took the three feathers to the balcony, threw them to the wind. And this time the youngest son's feather went east again. The middle son's feather went west, and the oldest son's feather went? Where do you think? 10 yards. 10 yards right by the castle gate. I knew that was it. The oldest son's feather was caught by a gust of wind and it spun around and again it landed right by the gate of the castle. Very near the Toad Lady's door. This time the youngest and middle son's didn't even bother splitting up. The middle son said, come on, I saw some pretty maidens to the east. And they both walked until they found the two little girls playing. It's a child! The youngest son leaned over and nudged the middle son. These maidens are like seven years old. One of the girls said indignantly, and then she saw the middle son. Hey, give me back my ring! Middle son said, non-sense, I command you to come to the palace with us. I'm gonna get my dad and tell him you stole my ring! And he's gonna beat you up! The younger son and the middle son looked at each other. If he beats us up, we could have him hanged. Yeah, but first he'd beat us up. I have another idea. So the two princes ran away from the little girls. They ran all the way to the west, back to the house of the two old sisters, from which the middle son had stolen the door mat. They burst in and announced, oh beautiful maidens! We've come here to take you to the palace. The two old ladies were thrilled. Just let me get my wig off! Oh yeah, I'm nearly from that machine! So they led the two old sisters back to the palace. Meanwhile, underground, the oldest son sat across the little table from the totel lady. He said, I need to find a beautiful maiden. I don't think I can help you, lair! The oldest son waited a beat. Then he said, I think you can. Really? I don't know how. The oldest son said, I'll be right back. I think he's getting the ring and the rug and maybe doing something with them to turn the frog into a beautiful lady. Interesting. I think maybe the ring has like the conclusion to the story on the rug and maybe if he tells it, the curse will reverse. Very interesting, the curse will reverse. I love that rhyme. It's such a good rhyme too. The oldest son returned to the palace. He looked around for his father, but his father was nowhere to be seen. So he tipped toad to his father's room. Quietly, he knocked. No answer. He pushed the door open. There was a shriek of rusty hinges. The oldest son nearly peed himself. I can't. But he didn't. He didn't see his father anywhere. He tipped toad across the floor. He heard a horrible, groaning sound. It was the floor groaning under his weight. He saw rolled up under the bed. The carpet the toad lady had given him. He pulled it out. He unrolled it. He looked up and down. It's beautiful, warp and weft. That means it's up and down threads and it's side to side threads. And he saw... What are you doing? His father stood in the doorway, looking furious. The oldest son stammered. I was just looking at this nice carpet. Where were you? I knocked. I was on the toilet. I got to the face! I got to the face! I got to the face! Why are you looking at that carpet? Have you found the beautiful maiden yet? The oldest son glanced back at the carpet. Then he said... I think I have. He hurried out of the palace and back to the toad lady's home. He sat down opposite her at the table and asked... Are you sure you don't know where I can find a beautiful maiden? She replied... Honestly, I have no idea. Why would I lie? I don't think you're lying. I think you don't remember. And then he looked at the hideous toad woman, green with spots of brown, her giant black eyes, and her mouth so wide it could easily swallow him in a single gulp. And he said... May I kiss you? Yeah! That is so disgusting! This is why it's a fairy tale. At first I'm like, this isn't a fairy tale. But I realized... When you kiss and fairy tales like some people... They're like disgusting old women. And then they turn into a nice, beautiful woman. Let's find out. What? The toad lady said. But he asked again. This time she replied... Why would you want to kiss me? You'll just have to trust me. I mean, I don't mind if you don't. So the oldest son leaned across the table and kissed the toad lady on her wide, slimy lips. He fell backwards like he'd been hit by a bolt of lightning. That's what it felt like, an electric shock. It must have felt that way to the toad lady too, because she fell backwards out of her chair. And then she started to change. Her big black eyes became smaller. Her wide mouth got not quite so wide. Her black spots became black hair. And her green skin turned not so green anymore. Sitting on the floor, looking stunned, was a very beautiful maiden indeed. The oldest son smiled. I hope that would work. Otherwise I'd just be kissing a toad lady. And the maiden who used to be a toad lady said. Would that have been so bad? This is better. The world of Sonic the Hedgehog has been thrust into a not so dark, not so stormy, hard-boiled detective story that probably nobody saw coming. Follow Sonic and the intrepid chaotics detective agency as they take on their biggest case yet. This high-flying action-packed venture will take them across the world, fighting for every clue they can find. It's one heck of a tale, which is good, because this story might be the only thing that can save their lives. Well, if that's all I can just dispose of you. Wait, what? All will be revealed in. Sonic the Hedgehog presents the chaotics case files. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. And the chaotics are on the case. A lot of people remember what they dream about when they go to sleep. But what if you discovered you could move between the world of dreams and real life? That's the story of Dream Breachers, where Evan wakes up on his 12th birthday and realizes that something he dreamed about that night had actually happened. Dream Breachers is a high stakes sci-fi mystery adventure. And with the help of his friends, a reappearing stranger, and a mysterious organization called the Dream Academy, Evan will discover what it means to be a dream breacher. If that sounds like a dream to you, you are in luck, my friend. You can listen to Dream Breachers now, wherever you get your podcasts. The oldest son helped her up off the ground. You want to tell me how you became a toad lady. I think you already know. You saw it all on the carpet. But you didn't remember anything? No, not until just now. Will you come to the palace with me? And the maiden, who had taken quite a fancy to the oldest son when she was a toad lady, replied, I would go with you anywhere. I said to you, honey! I said to you, honey! Sorry, guys. It is, I know it's terrible. So, what do you think of the story? What do you think of the story? What was the story with the sorcerer and the toad lady? What do you think the back story is that the carpet told you? I think the carpet was telling a story about how the maiden turned into a frog. And the sorcerer turned her into it? And then what was the way to solve the curse? Kissing. Through kissing. No! True love, true love made you do it. True love's kiss or something, exactly. So the oldest son and the maiden who used to be a toad went to the palace. And they arrived just when the youngest and middle sons arrived with their old ladies. The oldest son saw them and was about to say, This was the best you can do. But he didn't want to be rude. So he just introduced his brothers to the maiden who used to be a toad. And when his brothers did not introduce him to the old ladies, he introduced himself, That being the polite thing to do. They all went to the throne room together, where the king awaited them, With a hoop dangling by a rope that hung from a pulley on the ceiling. What is that? The youngest son demanded. The king replied, Well, you asked why I was making you jump through all these hoops to inherit the kingdom. I thought that was a good idea. So your maidens will not be judged by their beauty? Oh, thank heavens. Side the middle son. Instead, they will be judged by their ability to jump through this hoop. Yeah, seriously? The youngest son cried. He looked at the two old ladies with him. He wasn't sure they could even see the hoop. They were both squinting in the wrong direction. The king told the youngest son to present his maidens. I like picturing there, they're like, it's over there. The king told the youngest son to present his maiden. When the king saw her hobbling forward, he grabbed the end of the rope and lowered the hoop until it was touching the ground. The king said, There, she just has to get through that. But even crawling through the hoop proved very difficult for the old lady. And she got it stuck around her midsection. And then had one arm on one leg and one leg on one side, the other arm knitted like another side. It just tangled. Yes, it took them all to pry the hoop off of her. I said the king. The middle son's maiden went next. She tried to go backwards through the hoop, but first, but then she got stuck. Which meant her, her butt was through the hoop and nothing else was. It took them even longer to pry the hoop off of her. The king said, Finally, the king looked at the healthy and beautiful maiden that the oldest son had brought. He grabbed the rope and pulled, hoisting the hoop so high it's top, touched the sealant. The oldest son objected. Father, that's impossible. The king replied petulently, maybe you should have told me that you loved me more. The oldest son stared bailfully at the hoop dangling near the ceiling. He turned to the maiden who used to be a toad and said, I'm sorry. Let's just leave. But the maiden smirked at him. It's really no problem. And he said, But the maiden had already bent her legs, aimed her hands toward the hoop and she leapt into the air. Or maybe she hopped into the air. She passed gracefully through the hoop and landed on her feet on the ground again. Holy moly! She shouted the king and the oldest son and the oldest son all at once. The old ladies didn't shout because they'd been looking in the wrong direction. The maiden who used to be a toad sauntered back to the oldest son. She winked at him. How was she able to do that? How was she able to leap hop so high in the air? She used to be a frog, a toad, exactly right. The king walked out onto the balcony without a word. His three sons followed him, as did the maiden and the two old ladies. They all watched him and waited anxiously for him to speak. The king sighed. He shook his head. At last, he spoke. My oldest son has won. He will inherit my kingdom. The oldest son broke into a wide grin. The king added quickly. But you will never have my blessing or my love. What does that mean? I won't be happy that your king and I will never love you. How dare you? That is so rude! You big, big, big, big. Inside the oldest son's chest, his heart shrieked like a rusty hinge. The maiden who used to be a toad silently took his hand. The youngest son demanded, what do we get? The king replied, you have performed so miserably that your reward will be that you shall marry the maiden you have brought before me. If they'll have you. Oh, we will. They're going to be princesses. The king looked at his oldest son and the maiden who used to be a toad and grumbled. You two can do what you like. The oldest son turned to the maiden. Would you marry me? I'll have to think about it. She said, but then she winked. She was killing. Will she marry him? Yes. So the wedding of the three sons was held and all the kingdom was invited. But as the feast was being cooked, the oldest son snuck into the kitchen and told the chef, I forbid you from using any salt in this meal. The chef said, but it'll taste terrible. Meat needs salt. Without salt, the flavor of the meat is lost. Do as I say. You'll be glad you did. As the guests sat down to the wedding feast, huge platters of food were brought out before them. But no sooner had they begun to eat, then they began to choke and spit their food out on their plates. The king pushed his dinner away from him. This is refuelting. What is the meaning of this? It's as if it has no... And then he looked up at his oldest son. And the king said, Salt, what did the king realize? He meant like... He meant like, now I realized that the sons were kind of lying. And realize what the oldest son... He realized that I... The son in the first round, he realized he loved his dad so much. Tears began to fall from the king's eyes. And he got up, and walked around the table until he stood beside his oldest son. He threw his arms around him, and held him tight, and said, I did not understand, but now I too. If it's not too late, I would like to give you my blessing, and my love. And the king, quite nervously, asked, may I have your love in return? To which his oldest son replied, You've always had it, father. You have always had it. And salt-shakers were brought to the tables, and the feast was enjoyed by all. And everyone lived happily ever after, except for the two younger brothers. But the old ladies had a ball. The... And then she started to change. She gagged. And gagged. I'm a beautiful lady! That's me! I don't like this juicy romantic stuff. I've never heard of a romantic stuff being called juicy before, but I get it. That makes it even grosser. I don't like that. You always call it juicy. So weird. Everything is juicy. Everything is juicy? Yeah, I didn't know that. Grimmer Grimmest is a penna-original production, created, written, and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of a tale, dark, and grim. Produced and edited by Kalen West, field recording by Julia Martin, casting, voice direction, sound design, and mixing by Kalen West, associate producer Rebecca Cunningham, executive produced by Carly Milliori, production support by Devon Shepard, director is voiced by Jalen Askins, Jonathan Cruz, Lee Joel Scott, Kevin Northman, and Scooby and Charlotte Wilson Langley. Special thanks to all the kids in Staten Island and Brooklyn who joined us for our storytelling sessions. You guys are off. Did it work? Is this thing on? Okay. Good. My name is Carly Cue, and if you're anything like me, you may have noticed that there are a lot of big questions out there that need answers. Like, is the lockness monster real? What's going on in the Bermuda Triangle? And who ate my pie? Okay, well, maybe the last one hasn't occurred to you, but on who, when, wow, mystery edition, I'm solving all of life's mysteries. Well, at least some of them. Join me as I travel through space and time to investigate history's most famous mysteries all during my lunch break. Some things can't be explained, but they can be explored. Listen to episodes of Who, When, Wow, Mystery Edition, wherever you get your podcasts. Buckle up for Don't Break the Rules, the hilarious improv comedy game show where amazing voice actors become wacky characters based on kids' wild prompts. They make up lines on the spot, pushing each other to be the last one standing without breaking the rules. Every episode is packed with laughter, silly sounds, and maybe even a unicorn or two. Hosted by the awesome Carly Cherokee, this parent's choice recommended award winner is guaranteed to tickle your kids' funny bones. Don't break the rules. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.