It's the kind of music that makes you want to drink a monster and punch some drywall. Yeah. Wow. Not Mason. What's your name again? Sam. Sam has been dying to play this. He was throwing this in my headphones at like 5.30 this morning. I'm like, dude. What is this? It's terrible is what it is. Didn't you just say you listen to Linkin Park? Oh, I like Linkin Park. It's somewhere I belong. It's been used in these multimedia memes to describe American veracity in culture. Okay. Thank you, Sam. I'm your memeologist, okay? No, that is Chris is the memeologist. You are the memeologist apprentice. Listen, I am but a humble meme farmer. I tend to my memes, and they bear fruit. That they do. I study them and break them down. See, that's where the ology comes in. I pay no attention to them whatsoever, as a matter of fact. That's why we have more fun. You know, my... I'm going to throw something at you. What? Amy actually loves Linkin Park. And so when we're listening to... I'm going to air quote this. Her music and her playlist, and Linkin Park comes on, all I can say is I don't change it like I do some of her music. Like Cardi B, for example. talking about all the stuff she listens to from 1995 forward. Yes. Did you see Cardi B came out yesterday and endorsed Jasmine Crockett? What? You didn't see that? Why is that surprising to you, Joan? Okay, well. Cardi B, that tracks. She said Cardi B said, Jasmine be like one of us. okay well good for cardi b and good for jasmine crockett the problem is the the democrat party uh is not on board with cardi b i think this actually pushes jasmine over the edge do you this is what she needed to beat talarico to get that cardi b uh that cardi b voting block people were looking for the cardi b endorsement is that really it might have come too late so uh Can I ask a question? And the four of us can participate in this. Do you have a... I have come up with now a new tradition for the crisscross handoff. Okay. Given the fact that this is my last segment of the day, I have a celebratory cup of coffee from Wally's Bean Machine here in the kitchen. And so my favorite for 835 is the, and this was a Chris Hand recommendation. It was hot chocolate and espresso and milk. Are you doing it with just the regular amount of espresso? Mm-hmm. Okay, you got to add another double shot. I don't know how to do that, though. I don't know how to do that, though. You just go back in, leave the cup there. And press the button, yeah. Yeah, and press the button for two shots of espresso. You'll have to show me. I don't know why you would need the instructions. You would select that option the same way you just selected the hot chocolate and espresso. You know how when the hot chocolate's done cooking, dropping into your cup, and you take the cup away? Yeah. You don't take the cup away, and you push another button. Okay. Joan, will you show me which button? Oh, my gosh. I'm just kidding. Is this what the kids call weaponized incompetence? Yes, that's exactly what it is. Honey, I don't know how to do laundry. I'm sorry. You're going to have to do it in folding clothes? Yep. Do you know that when I got married the second time? I thought your eyes were going to fall out of your skull there. I had to adjust the way that I folded towels. I never knew in a million years that I would have a wife that had an irritation with how I fold towels. My actual quote was, you should be happy I'm folding towels. What the wrong way to fold them Dan My way She had a way I don know I couldn even describe You know what Okay I feel like towel folding is a very personal thing Thank you, Joan. So, you know what she does, Joan? Maybe you can help. Okay. Dan really wants to sleep on the couch all weekend. I will fold the towels. When I was, you know, in my previous towel folding career, I would fold the towel the long way. So I'm holding it like horizontally, right? And I fold it. That's the wrong way. Yeah, what an amateur. That's like the spring training of towel folding. Okay, so then Amy said, what in the H are you doing? And I had to start folding towels her way. And I just, and her way is, I guess it would be considered the long way. But she can fold her towels up when she folds them into little rolls. It's like a towel roll when she's done with it. Oh, my wife does that too. Yeah, it's like a hotel thing, actually. And it's like all, it doesn't come undone if you toss it on the bed. It stays together, which, by the way, she's listening. She's actively listening to this segment. Okay, good. Hello. She's on the YouTube chat. Sam's wife? No, your wife. Oh, my wife? Yeah. Oh, your wife. Your wife is in the YouTube chat actively listening to this segment. Did she see the eye roll when I said when I got married the second time? I don't know if she saw the eye roll, but I didn't know who she was at first. and she said my playlist does not start in 95. It starts with music in the 60s. She had to correct me there. Amy, I'm sorry. You know what? Come into the YouTube chat with a better user handle on the front end. And if she didn't see the eye roll, you could just rewind. About the same if you rewind about four and a half minutes. John says most towel folding is different from woman to woman. Is that true? I didn't know that. Listen. Look, there's different ways you can do it, but it depends on how a woman stacks her linen closet. Okay, so do you want to hear a funny dance story? Amy's going to be horrified at this. Perfect. At least she's been warned. Don't forget to hit like while you're in the chat, Amy. So I forget why I did this, but I got mad one time, and I think, have I said this on the air before? I got mad one time because we didn't have any towels. Joan, I ordered on Amazon, I think, 25 to 35 towels. What? On purpose? I get irrational sometimes. So I ordered, like, now we are, like, overrun with towels. And she's like, whenever you get, like, stupid and belligerent, these are the things that you do. And so now, every time we have, like, we have towels hidden all across the house. Because we have no place to put them. Yeah, because we have no place to put them. Riker's got some in his room. I've got some in my room. But why didn't you just throw out the old towels? Because the old towels, if I remember correctly, didn't need to be thrown out. I was just being pee-issy because there were no towels that were clean. So instead of washing them and getting those towels in an hour and a half, you decided Amazon two days or less would be a better move. Yep, sure did. And you didn't think about how you were buying more things for her to wash and fold? Not at the time, but I often hear that now. And if I was a betting man, if I was a betting man, you probably didn't stay with the current color scheme. No. No, I sure did. Did you go basic hotel white? I've got, no, the ones that I ordered actually are fluffy and like a bluish hue kind of a thing. Why does that shock me less than ordering plain white? What was the current scheme, color scheme, before you ordered those? White, actually. So you screwed everything up. I did. But now I know which towels are mine. The several dozen of blue ones. They stick out like a sort of blue. You got several dozen? I told you. I got like 35. You went to 25 35 You just jumped on Costco I did You know what I went and I ordered They come in like a six pack and I ordered like six I know. This is what it's like being married to me, Joan. So you ordered 36 towels? I'm so sorry, Amy. Isn't my wife lucky? Yeah. She's definitely dry. She's definitely your wife. Don't forget to bring a towel. And yet somehow, with all these towels, there are still times when I'm wandering around the house at 3 o'clock in the morning looking for a towel. Oh, my gosh. I know. I just don't get it. And then you go in my room, you know what you find? 36 dirty towels. Be chill in the YouTube chat. You got to remember, this is coming from a man who takes bubble baths. Angie says, you Amazon buy hard. I'm not sure what that even means. but like a try hard buy hard buy hard oh okay good anyway yeah i do i take bubble baths so i use two towels a day so use two towels a day and do you require them to be washed as soon as you're done using like do you no i'm not i'm not that persnickety how much time is between towel use like wouldn't it air dry and be ready to go for round two you know it's funny you should ask about that, Chris, because my bubble bath bath is on the second floor. My shower for the morning is in the basement where I do my show prep. Okay. Where my Window Nation windows are. All right. So it's a whole thing in my house. I'm very, you know. Blessed. I am very blessed that I can stupidly afford 36 towels. By the way, if I did that today, because that's when I was making the big money as a PD. If I did that today, I'd have to sell off a child. It'd be financially ruined. That'd be financially ruined. I would think twice. Now I'm just buying, you know, scully caps. Which is buying two. You'd have a hard decision if you had to buy a new towel. Do you go with a towel or do you go with a scully cap? Doc Scott, 2021. He wraps one on his head, guys. You know, the little shing. Yeah, yeah. 1307 says, I would have thought that Dan was on marriage like 10 or 13 by now. I know. You know what my mother said like a couple of weeks before she died? Don't piss off Amy. She's the only one that'll tolerate you. Damn. I know. Do we have any by the way, Wallysbeanmachine.com If you value your employees this is what I've decided. If you value your employees go to Wallysbeanmachine.com and check them out. Yes. Because I didn't even get to, I don't know how we get to where we got. I would even go a step further. I would say if your office doesn't already have a Wally's Bean machine, that's an indictment on the company and they don't value you. Are you guys saying that our company values us? Well, I wasn't going to go that far. No, let's not get carried away. But I was going to confirm it means the other companies don't value their employees if they don't have one. Like how a penny from the 40s would hold its value to today. That's just saying. That's the value. Chris, you got anything for this? Not really. Okay, good. Joe. We can start talking about my towels again. I'm sure that was riveting. The Washington Post lost $100 million last year. Did they really? Was that after the Bezos buyout? Well, yeah, Bezos was the owner. This came after they lost $80 million in 2023 and 2024. Is anybody reading newspapers anymore? No. Nobody reads newspapers. Okay, and then a second question. does anybody pay for the subscription for newspapers online i do i i do i do two which ones i do daily mail and in wall street journal how much are those subscriptions each he doesn't know he just pays for them he buys 35 towels at a time why would he look up that in fact someone even said i wouldn't tell anyone if i own the lottery i would just be buying towels there'd be signs it's just dad sitting in a room with a bunch of towels um i don't know how much i pay for the Daily Mail or the Wall Street Journal Do you think that they both valuable I mean you do show prep Daily Mail I love the Daily Mail Joan knows I gave Joan my subscription pass But for your average citizen, if you listen on the text line, or if you're listening, text in, does anybody actually pay for these things? Like, I get it for us for work. Right. But your average... That's a good question. Your average person on the street, are you paying for this stuff in the land of free information? By the way, I also pay for the Tennessean. Ugh. Listen, it's local news. It's local news. And I pay for it so listeners don't have to. Does the dog crap come pre-rolled up in it? No. That's the only thing I find it good for. That's an added extra benefit of the Tennessean. Just a bonus. Yeah, but I don't get it delivered to my house. So, anyway, yeah. So, what are you laughing at? Just the fact you don't have it delivered to your house like a mistress. Secondary location, please, for the paper. This guy. I don't understand. I know, right? I don't understand. I don't get it either. You know what? Either I'm slow and I need more Wally's Bean Machine dot com coffee or I'm just not tracking with him today. But that's fine. You know what? Sam, is it? At least you're not like Mason, who somehow managed to completely screw up. Did you hear about this, Joey? I was here. Yeah. It was the best. It really was. I had producer roulette yesterday on the show because Sam was in. So Mason ran a little bit late, which is no big deal. Like, he's great. That wasn't the issue. But the poor guy's already running late. Mason works two jobs, and I don't know if anybody really knows that. Mason is a mensch. We love Mason. So he was working until 3 a.m. the night before, right? Wednesday night he worked until 3 a.m. He said he got home, sat down, and just crashed. Forgot to set his alarm. No big deal. He's a little bit late. We all forgive him. But the poor guy gets here, and he pulls up to the gate, and he's a little bit too far away from the key tapper, the key card tapper, to open the gates. Because we have gates around our parking lot because we don't trust the lunatics. Right. So he gets out of his car because he's a little bit too far away. And for as big as he is, he's like T-Rex arms. You know what I mean? Yep. So he had to get out of his vehicle. And as he gets out of the vehicle to tap the key card, his front door closes and then locks on him. So his car is running, locked, and blocking any and all employees from also getting to work. How long were employees blocked from getting in? I have no idea. So all I remember, I remember seeing Mason just run upstairs panicked. I'm like, what's going on? And then there was another 30 minutes where I had Bell producing. Oh, my goodness. I felt so bad for Mason. Can I tell you the best part about this? He drives a Mercury, which is a Ford product, and it's of the year that they were putting all the keypads on the door handles so that if you locked your keys in your car while it was running, you could unlock the door with the keypad number and get back in it. And when he bought the car, he never got that information. Oh, so he doesn't know what the keypad number is? So he has the code, but he didn't know. He knows it has a code, but he doesn't know what it is to be able to unlock the door. Oh, my gosh. Well, that sounds like a Mason problem, says the guy who forgot his locker accommodation a couple of days ago. Yeah. I got it if you need it. I know, and you gave it to Murphy. We're planning something for that locker. So yesterday when we're taping Mostly Peaceful. Which debuts tomorrow, 6 a.m. Matt, who I stupidly told my locker combination to, gave it to Murphy. And so now I'm bracing. Do you know that when I opened my locker up today, I opened it up very slowly because I thought a bunch of ping pongs were going to come out, ping pong balls were going to come out or something. I'm waiting. I know that he's planning and plotting something. They're clearly going to hit you with a snake in a can. They're going to do something. The ping pong balls might even be misdirection. We could be planning something much bigger You know what? Can we have cameras when that's happening, please? That's why it's taking a little bit longer Okay You gotta get the cameras working and everything We gotta get the cameras Stage them in the cabinet in the break room You know what? You know what? Good luck because to get them to get new cameras I don't want to go south Yeah Let's not bring up new cameras Let's just not do it Don't be dystopian about this I feel like we could talk the company into it If they know we're messing with you
