Hello, everybody. Welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. This is the Bible teaching ministry of Rick Warren. Hey, we're so glad you're here with us today. We are continuing in a series called Talking About Stuff That Matters. Now, in this series, Rick looks into the scriptures and he's unpacking what it means to live in community, have real conversation about what matters most and face discouragement with courage and faith. It's honest, hopeful, so stay tuned. You won't want to miss a second. And now here's part one of a message called Forming Healthy Friendships. You know, in spite of the fact that today the world is more connected by technology than ever before, we are far more connected than previous generations. There is an epidemic of loneliness in our world. I don't know if you've been reading about it. I probably read 20, 30, 40 articles this week on the epidemic of loneliness all around the world. The fact that over half of America in poll after poll has said, I'm lonely. And these are at every age and stage of life. Little children say, grade school kids say, I'm lonely. Teenagers say, I'm lonely. Young adults say I'm lonely. Middle-aged married couples say I'm lonely. Elderly people say I'm lonely. Over half of Americans at every single stage and age of life say I'm lonely. That's an epidemic. We've never had those numbers ever in the history of the United States of America. It's worse in some other countries. In Britain, the number of British citizens who say I'm lonely has now risen to 68%. it's such an epidemic that the prime minister of england last year appointed a new cabinet officer called the minister of loneliness i'm not making this up they have a cabinet minister for loneliness because 68 of the brits say i'm lonely and we find this in country after country after country I was talking to our high school pastor, Jason, this week. He told me he was recently at a high school student camp, and they asked kids who were lonely to stand up, maybe 1,000 kids at this camp. And he said about 80% of the kids stood up, saying, I experience loneliness on a regular basis. Part of it is social media itself. Rather than going out on a Saturday night, you stay home and you look at your screen on what everybody else is doing. and you talk about it. And there's this fear of missing out, FOMO, fear of missing out, that's plaguing generation Z, which is the first generation to actually grow up without having screens, you know, phones, all of the time. Now the Bible has a lot to say about loneliness. In fact, it starts in the first couple chapters when God says, it is not good for man to be alone. It's the first thing God said was not good about the earth. God hates loneliness. Loneliness, if you have loneliness in your life, that is not part of God's plan for your life. We were made in the image of God, which means we're relational, and because we're relational, human beings are social creatures. We're made to be together. We're better together. We're not made to be solitary. and so the Bible has a lot to say. I went through all of the scriptures this week that deal with loneliness, with friendship, friendliness. There are literally hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of verses in the Bible about the importance of you having friends. You need them not just for your happiness. You need them for your health. Studies have shown that the fewer friends you have, the sooner you're more likely to die, that it is unhealthy for you to not have healthy friendships in your life. So God made us for relationships. And we're going to look today, this weekend, at a ton, literally a ton of Bible verses on how to form healthy relationships. Now, there are a lot of different kinds of friendships. But specifically, I would categorize a couple being close friendships and casual friendships. If you want to write this on your outline, casual friends, okay, casual friends in your life may be the result of my circumstances. When I meet people at work or I meet people at school or I meet people in the neighborhood or I meet people in some sports, kids in soccer or whatever like that, those are typically casual relationships because they're just people that you happen to bump into, you run into. Those are the casual relationships that come as a result of circumstances. But your closest friends should not be the result of circumstance. They should be the result of choices. My choices, not my circumstances, but my choices. Your close friends should not be accidental. You should choose them wisely because you can't be close to everybody. Now the fact is the closer I am to people in my life and the closer people are to me in my life the greater the impact the greater the influence they gonna have on my life The people who are closest to you are obviously gonna influence your life a whole lot more than the people who are simply casual acquaintances. Now, if that's true, and the people who are closest to you better be influencing you for good and for God because it's dangerous. so I should choose my closest friends wisely. Now the Bible has a lot to say about this. There on your outline, I just put one verse. Proverbs chapter 12, verse 26 says this. A righteous person is cautious in friendship. That means you're choosy, you're selective. You don't just arbitrarily say, anybody can be close to me. A righteous person is cautious in friendship because the ways of evil people can lead them to do wrong. Now, what I want us to look at this weekend is forming healthy relationships. And I want us to do a couple things. I want us to look at the kind of people you should not choose, because the Bible has a lot to say about that, the kind of people you should not be your closest friends. And then look at the kind of qualities you should look for in your closest friends. And then I want to give you some building blocks, the eight or so building blocks of how do you build healthy, lifelong friendships, satisfying friendships in life. Now, assisting me is going to be Pastor Kurt Johnston. And Kurt talks about four different circles. He says, you know, on the outer circle are your casual friends. That's your biggest circle, so there's room for a lot of them. Now, you don't spend a lot of time with these people, but they're your casual friends. but you don't see him that much so there's a limited influence on them and them on you. A little bit in, in the next circle in is what he calls your close friends and there's not as much room for as many because you can't be a close friend to everybody and so you don't have as many in that circle but you have more time spent together with your close friends and there is increased influence, you on them and them on you. But then he said there's an inner circle that's right around you that he calls your core friends. I'd never heard this before, but I like this phrase. Your core friends. And you only have room for a handful of those. Three, four, five or so of your core friends. You get lots of time spent together. There's high influence on each other. Now, while I like Kurt's circles, this is exactly what Jesus did. Jesus loved everybody. He fed the 5,000. He trained the 120. He discipled 12. He mentored three. I'll say it again. Jesus loved everybody. There was nobody Jesus didn't love. He fed the 5,000. He trained the 120. He discipled 12. He mentored three. Only Peter, James, and John got to go in the Garden of Gethsemane. Only Peter, James, and John got to go up on the Mount of Transfiguration. Only Peter, James, and John got to see Jesus heal Peter's mother-in-law. Was Jesus playing favorites? Yes, he was. He was spending the maximum amount of time with those who would bear the maximum responsibility. Later, in the book of Galatians, Paul says, Peter, James, and John, he calls them, different James, but Peter, James, and John, the pillars of the church. Obviously, it worked. He invested the maximum time with the people who would bear the maximum responsibility. He had the greatest impact on the people he spent the most time with, and they ended up being leaders. So you need to go home and make this circle list because some of you are stressed out because you have too many VDPs and you don't have enough VIPs in your life. You know the difference. VIPs are very inspirational people. VIPs, very inspirational. VDPs are very draining people. Now don't look at them. Be cool. When you have more VDPs than you have VIPs in your life, that's called stress, friend. When you have more draining people in your life, and if the draining people are the closest, guess what? You're out of energy. You're out of gas. So while this is a message that I want to teach parents how to help their kids have healthy relationships, all you big grown-up kids need this too. And you need to go home, and you need to be more intentional about your friendships. And you might go home and say, who's in my casual circle? And write their names in. And who's in my close circle? And who's in my core? And should they be there? Should somebody else be in my core? If you'll do this, you will find your fulfillment level going up and your stress level going down. Because my guess is you've probably got too many of the wrong people in the wrong circle. So Kurt's gonna help me with this message. Now first, I want us to look at what the Bible says you're not to choose as close friends. Who are you to not choose? Because the Bible says a righteous person is cautious in friendship because they can influence you if they really close And God says that there some people that you should avoid Now this is just a partial list I only going to give you five or six people There are others You could go through the book of Proverbs and get all the rest of them. But let me just give you five or six people who should not be your closest friends, according to what God says. Now, before I say that, would you agree that the wrong people can pull you down? If I'm standing here up on this stage, and you're standing down there, is it easier for me to pull you up or for you to pull me down? There's no question. Okay, it's law of gravity. It's easier for you to pull me down than to pull you up. This is why I don't believe in missionary dating. You know, well, I'm gonna bring him to the Lord through our dating life. I'm sure that's what he's thinking. Praise the Lord. So, have any of you ever seen anybody messed up by the wrong friends? Yeah. Yeah, of course you have. So I don't have to make this point to you. You know it's true that there's some people you shouldn't have as your close friends. Look up here on the screen. Proverbs 18, 24 says this. These are friends who destroy each other. Have you ever seen a couple friends destroy each other? Yeah. They weren't real friends. They were competing with each other. They were fighting with each other. They were nagging at each other. They were detrimental to each other. They were pulling each other down. Those aren't real friends. So let me just give you a partial list of five or six kinds of people should not be your closest friends. Number one, we're not gonna spend a lot of time on these because I wanna get to the positive stuff. Number one, people who like to argue. Really? That's what the Bible says. people who like to argue should not be your closest friends. Have you noticed that some people love conflict? They get energized by it. Fighting makes them come alive. It's like they're not even alive unless they're in the middle of a fight. And they're always against something. There's that kind of warrior spirit. They just like to fight. And wherever they go, they cause conflict. They're irritating. They're agitating. God says, you don't hang out with those kind of people. Proverbs 20, verse three. Any fool can start arguments. The honorable thing is to stay out of them. Circle the word stay out. Somebody starts getting in an argument in your office, walk away. It says the wise thing, the honorable, the wise thing is to stay out of them. Number two, here's another. This is really going to be touchy. People who gossip. Well, there just went all my friends. You say, you know, you're thinking that. People who gossip. Did you know that God hates gossips? He hates gossip. He hates gossiping. He says it's detrimental. He says the gossiper is the friend to the saboteur. They sabotage relationships. Gossips are destructive. And the Bible judges the sin of gossip very, very harshly. What is gossip? Let me give you a definition. Gossip is sharing information. when you're neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. Uh-oh. Sharing damaging information when you're neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. And for Christians, the worst part is when we hide gossip as a prayer request. I'd like for you to pray about this. What I heard about so-and-so. It's been on my heart to pray about this. Well, don't use prayer as an excuse to gossip. The Bible says in Proverbs 20, verse 19, stay away from gossips. They can't keep a secret and they tell everything. So stay away from people who like to argue, stay away from people who gossip. Number three, you're to stay away and not have as close as friends, people who flatter others. People who flatter others. Now what is flattery? Flattery is false praise. Flattery is insincere compliments. Flattery is the person who kisses up to the boss at work, and then behind them says the exact opposite about that boss. They schmooze. They lay it on. They're kissing up. They're hypocritically appealing to ego. And when you see people flattering, whether it's a girl or a guy on the school campus kissing up to the most popular person or whether it's an adult doing it in an office situation or a sales situation, the Bible says you need to run the opposite way. Stay away from flatterers. Proverbs 29 verse 5 says this, flattery is a trap. Evil people get caught in it, but good people avoid it and are free. I don't have time to go into this, but the Bible says that people who flatter you actually hate you. that flattery is disguised hatred. And they'll say one thing to your face. Well, look at these verses. You ever met any people like this? Here a verse Proverbs 64 verse two They are friendly to my face but they curse me in their hearts and they delight in telling lies about me There are entire reality shows built on that verse. Where they say something to your face and flatter you. Oh, you look so great. Or here's another one, look at this verse. Psalm 109, verse five. For being friendly and kind, they paid me back with meanness and hatred. Mean girls. Mean boys. This happens on every campus, but it happens in adulthood too. The Bible says stay away from people who flatter you. Number four, you should stay away and not have as your closest friends people who can't control their temper. The Bible has a lot to say about the rageaholic. The rageaholic. Now, you could be two different ways to express rage. be a mute and be a martyr or be a manic and be a, you know, Mount Vesuvius. Everybody's either a skunk or a turtle. And when you get angry, turtles pull into a shell and poor me and they, you know, everybody hates me. Nobody loves me. I'm going to go eat worms. And you have a pity party and you invite me, myself and I, or you can be Mount Vesuvius or you can be a skunk. When a skunk is upset, they let everybody know it. And they stink up the whole place. The Bible says people who can't control their temper, they should not be your closest friends. Okay. They're hot headed, you know, short fused that they, they, they're, they're volatile. They're rash. They blow up quickly. They're easily upset. Here's what the Bible says. Proverbs 22 verse 24 and 25. Don't make friends with hot tempered people with a hot tempered person. Don't associate with anyone easily angered. They get ticked off at everything. You have to walk on eggshells around them. Or don't associate with those who are easily angered or you'll learn to be like them and not able to change. Anger, like a lot of other emotions, is contagious. Loneliness is contagious. Depression is contagious. A lot of things are contagious. A lot of emotions are contagious. The people you hang out with, that's what you're gonna become like. Now, you say, well, I don't know anybody hot-tempered people. Are you listening to talk radio? Because they're all on that. Are you watching talk TV? There are some shows, if you find your blood pressure rising, you just shouldn't listen to. All they're doing is feeding rage inside you. Here's one, people who steal or shoplift. Now, I don't know many adults who know people who are shoplifted. but a lot of teenagers know teenagers who are shoplifting. But there are people who are stealing their office blind, and everybody knows it. Thieves, the Bible says, are self-centered. And if they steal from others, you know what? They'll steal from you. So you don't want them to be your closest friend. People who steal or shoplift. Look at this verse up here on the screen, Proverbs 1, verses 13 to 15. This is what they say. They say, come on, let's take all kinds of valuable things. okay you know the all the resources at the office let's fill our houses with stolen goods come join us we'll share the stolen goods but do not go along with them and don't do not do what they do because you know just stay away from those people wow thanks pastor rick for such an amazing message today you know rick says that it's vitally important for children to understand that even before the universe was created, God had them in mind, and that he has a special plan and purpose for their life. That's why Rick created the Purpose Driven Life devotional book for children. This is an inspirational resource that uses the principles found in Pastor Rick's life-changing bestseller, The Purpose Driven Life, but it delivers them as 100 devotions that speak directly to the challenges kids face and gives real-world applications to help them discover their purpose. It's paired with powerful scripture passages and engaging illustrations, and young readers will thrive on the biblical wisdom that has helped millions of people throughout the world. You'll want to get a copy for all of the children that God has placed in your life—kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, even kids in the neighborhood. They'll all be blessed by this amazing resource. Be sure to request your copy of The Purpose Driven Life 100 Illustrated Devotions for Children when you give a gift to Daily Hope. Just go to PastorRick.com to get your copy of this great resource. That's PastorRick.com or you can text the word HOPE to 70309. Again, that's the word HOPE to 70309. And we thank you so much for your support. it helps us share the hope of Christ with people all around the world. Be sure to join us next time as we look into God's Word for our daily hope. This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial support.
