Ep 601 - Gen Z White Boy (feat. Devan Costa & Conner McNutt)

wow wow west all right start now all right start now hey we're here hello what the hell's going up connor mcnuddevin costa we just had some secret talk that we some secret top secret dog look bad now because then the thing we're talking about okay we didn't have that kind of secret talk because we're about to talk about the bath is right yeah it wasn't it wasn't like look i can assure you it was not that that was not that secret talk but no the uh the guy with tourette's I mean, I came in weird because we technically did have personal talk. We also started three times in a row right now, which makes things awkward. 100%. The Baptist thing was weird. Everything's on the up and up. You can be assured of that. Which camera? You can be assured of that. Guys, thanks for coming. Of course. We know we're a pretty big get. Yeah. Anything to help. You're lucky we're here. I'll take it. I am genuinely lucky you're here. Thank you. I'm fucking pumped you guys are here. Me too. Yeah, man. God dang. So, with all the formalities out of the way, we're talking Baptist. Baptist. We're talking Baptist. It was a crazy situation. Because I thought Sinners was overrated, but I think that guy went too far. And then I had to check out the Tourette's guy's movie. Have you seen 12 Years a Slave? No. You haven't seen it? That's the Tourette's movie. It's a crazy fucking movie. It's called I Swear. What is it? I Swear. I Swear. Was he the director, writer? No, no. It's based on him and an actor, a really good actor, plays him in it, and it's very good. I watched it right after the N-word drop. The guy was – that's a crazy marketing campaign. It was – I felt like it was intentional. Yeah, because I immediately watched the movie. Also, they apparently missed the Oscar cutoffs by a week or two. So this movie is going to be in circulation for the next year. Yeah. It will probably get nominated next year for the Oscars. So we'll hear about the Tourette's guy for the next year. Unless he gets killed by a black woman. Why was he at the BAFTAs, though? Tret's guy. He's a British guy. He's actually kind of famous in England. Okay. John Davidson. He's a white boy. He's a white boy, yeah. He's a crazy white boy. He's a very crazy white boy. Why was his movie – He's never said it to Idris Elba, which is interesting. I don't know, dude. Idris – Michael B. Jordan is jacked. Yeah. He should say it to anybody, whether they're weak or strong. He said it to Delroy Lindo, too, who is like an older black dude and probably really heard it directed at him at times. Okay, so this has been kind of the – well, first of all, I'm curious. Was his movie being nominated or he was just an actor? Yes, yeah, yeah. The actor that played him won. The guy who plays him won. But was he played by a black man? No, no, no. What are you talking about? Is Baptist for black? No, it's British. No, no, no. No, no. It wasn't the fucking NAACP Awards. You think there's a segregated award show for black people? There's the BET Awards. Right, no, Baptist's not that. No, no. I thought it was like the British BET. No, no. You thought it was like badass film awards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was black actors film. That's very funny. Actually, the whole time I was like, dude, he did it at the British BET Awards. No, he did it at the British. So this is just like the British actors. Yes, yes. It's a guy who's like actually like – he's like a crown jewel of London. Like everyone loves this guy. There's like a documentary series about the guy. Yeah, yeah. And then they made a movie out of it. So like he's like – I mean he called like the queen a cunt to her face. Yeah. Did he really? One of his best friends died, and when the cops came, he goes, like, I killed him. I killed him. You say the thing that's never happened. Thanks for clearing up the fact this wasn't the British B. I, the whole time, was going, whoa. The British B. I love that you thought that. That's great. That's beautiful, actually. You got a beautiful mind, dude. That's great. You're like, how cool of London. They have a black awards show. Good for them, dude. I just thought it was. That's so funny. That's embarrassing. So, okay And this is the question now I've read a lot of the comments on it You do have a lot of black ladies And even black guys being like That shit was in him He knows what he said He knows what he did They should have edited it Because apparently they did edit out Epstein stuff But they didn't edit out the n-word They also edited out Free Palestine Sorry, that's what it was And he was calling the host of the show Like a homo the entire time And they edited that out too What? He didn't say homo. He's, you know, bad. Yeah, obviously, yeah. Yeah, he's got the disease. You gotta do it. I also have Tourette's when I see Alex. It makes you feel better. Also, if his Tourette's made him go, homo, that would have been like genuine. People are like, you know what you're saying. That's in you. Yeah, it's funny. The, like, the affliction is, like, so harsh. What if he had, like, Tourette's that was, like, sing-songy, you know? True. You're gay. That could be fun. Maybe that's potential therapy. Broadway Tourette's. That could be a potential therapy of getting him to kind of, like, sing it out. But that's yeah. I mean, I personally don't think the man that was like some sort of, you know, showing of like innate evil. And it's also like the question is, is like what person is like, does that mean the word is there or the sentiment to use it? It's just that you've you've heard before that that's the worst thing to call a black person. So then you say that it's literally like the disability. Yeah. You say the worst thing you say to somebody. It goes to the taboo and you can't help it and it like helps you like live. You feel like – I've been watching all these like Tourette's people talk about it and yeah, it's like you can't – it's – you feel like you're going to explode unless you don't get it out. And then they also just go like – they like bark and shit. They're fucking animals, man. The guy was podcasting at the bathroom. I think honestly – I think Tourette's are now the most – I thought for a while I was like, it's definitely straight white men, most dangerous people in America or the world. Yeah. Tourette's have replaced. Tourette's. Yeah. It's caused an eye on them. I mean, you have like Eric Cartman disease. I don't know what to tell you. Yes. It's pretty. It's pretty. They're terrorists. They're literally terrorists. And you have Tourette's. You're an evil terrorist. You didn't apologize technically to black people on Twitter, at least. They're very upset by that. What was his apology? It was just like explaining the disease. Yeah. I'm explaining it because in the movie there's an entire scene where the lady that takes him in is like, you don't need to keep apologizing for something you can't help. A black lady? Yeah, yeah. Whoopi Goldberg played his mom in the movie. It was Monique in the movie, actually. In the movie. In the guy, there was an actor who played him. Yes. Who probably had the time of his fucking life. Imagine getting in that role. Just saying it all over. Like, hey, man, you're going to get paid like $100,000. You guys see the N-word a bunch. You're like, oh, no. Yeah, you gotta yell it out. Oh, fuck. That's terrible. He doesn't yell the N-word in the movie. No. No. Probably not. But now, okay, here's another thing, Matt. There's a scene in the movie where he's, like, painting his new flat, like, his apartment with his friend. And it's, like, green paint, but it looks dark green. And he, like, puts it on his face as a tick. And then he, like, puts it on his friend's face. And they start doing it. And that clip has surfaced on Twitter. And black people are like, so there's a blackface scene in this movie, too? Oh, it's a dark green. It's like a dark green. And it has nothing to do with race. He's just being, like, wacky. and painting his friend's face and they're like oh you know but now that's like an evil yeah like this is a thought-out thing and the movie is this like secret racist there is like a weird like cognitive dissonance with like i don't know black people on twitter where it's like they would like go to like a kid's birthday party and a guy that gets painted like a giraffe and they go for sure you're doing blackface yeah what's going on here no it's well it came the problem is though if you're somebody who's like you know really prides yourself on being like socially aware and empathetic you came to a very nasty crossroads or like whose side am i on yeah it's tough or the disabled it's tough because also he he there was apparently like a mic and like he just said like why was there a big mic in front of the baftas wanted this to happen that was actually not a good so they had it they had the guy was just all night people think he was the boom mic on the entire time no there's this idea that he was front and center you know like wearing like with a swastika tattoo on his head just like screaming the worst things of all time you know he was like 40 rows back apparently and but somehow like kind of miked and they cut everything else but this part yeah that's weird wait they call it they caught they missed every oh they they cut him somebody on stage said free palestine they cut that maybe they were kind of there's a couple guys where they're like well he was you were saying he was yelling like gay stuff too though the whole The host, Alan Cummings, kept saying, just so everyone knows, there's a guy here that can't stop saying it. By the way, imagine being gay and your last name is Cummings. That's so funny, dude. That's incredible. That's awesome. That's driving the Tourette's guy crazy. He's a fucking brilliant man. He's my favorite. For sure. No, but it's also just created a war because he's like a very – like people really – he's an earnest figure in England. People really, really love him. And they like that he said fuck the queen or call the queen a quack. Yeah, because it's so – Well, they forgive it. They forgive it, and the queen forgave it. Sure. She has bigger fish to fry right now. One of her sons is running wild. She's also dead. God damn it. I don't know what he's saying. The queen is dead. Who the fuck is running in England right now? I wonder they're having guys scream out in the awards and call that. The Tourette's people are running. son's a damn pedophile i mean award show they're yelling out insults they're just i don't know that guy fucking knew i fucked that guy that guy he knew what he was doing actually that is the core of that man's entire man he's a sick man he's a sick man his life should be ruined more than it has been his entire so you're on the same page as jamie fox jamie fox was like it's the fuck him dude he knew what he said meanwhile jamie fox is like telling leonardo dicaprio just fucking say it all you want it's such a weird flex to be like yeah if like uh i'm trying to think i feel like if a guy with like down syndrome tripped me on accident and i turned around i was like motherfucker you know what you did i know you fucking know it's like when an evil like reptilian uh like like grandmother of yours or like i guess like even somebody's mom they start kind of like oh they have they have uh they're forgetful now but they say like evil things in between the forgetfulness and you're like i know what you're fucking like fucking livia soprano or something yeah where you just like i can't tell like people have said you have a you know a problem now so i but but i still kind of think you're fucking with me it's also it just is so unbelievable if he has like a track record or like oh we kind of love this guy and then he just gets the bath does it He goes, finally. My evil dark philosophy. The long con. It paid off. Yeah. I've been faking Tourette's for years. So he thought he was at the BET Awards like you. It's just insane. It's such an insane thing to not immediately be like, yeah, okay, that guy. But I think what happened is it fell too neatly with – who was the other – the fart lady? Yeah, fart N-word. Fart N-word. She was like, yeah, hitting a nail. I think that was like a stun grenade for black people. They're kind of like, wait, what the fuck was that? They're like, stop being so silly about it. We don't know how to get angry about this. No, it was. Yeah, it was. It was just kind of like because that was clearly, you know, slip up. Although my brother was like, there's no my brother is completely against a TV lady. He's like, there's no way that was a slip up. Oh, no. I think she says all the time. Yes, she stubs her toes. Just far. And we're like, it's that's just in her repertoire. She was saying fart knocker is what she usually says, and it just – It just – She must have hit her toe. Hey, we've all been there. We mix it up. I confuse knocker and the N-word all the time. That lady's got great N-words. Also, here's the thing. It's like how bad did you hit your toe? Broken toe? Yeah. It's like – What I didn't understand about that clip was why did she go like, can we cut that? And some guy was like, no. Some guy was like, absolutely not. I hate you. We can't cut you. I hate you. No, someone clearly just took that and released it. Yes. I think they're like live streaming or something like that. I think they're like Instagram live. Were they? I had to be because why couldn't you cut that out? HGTV getting into live streaming? I think someone took the card and was like sick. Yeah. Really? You think that? We were just talking about these Gen Zers. Yeah, dude. They love that shit, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nihilists. They do. They're nihilists. I think they are kind of nihilists. Yeah. Yeah. Or I don't know. A lot of them are like big time grind heads though. So. What's a grind head? Like grind. Like rise and grind. Yeah, rise and grind. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and they don't care if they, like, die young. I mean, you know, they're all fucking doing the micro-fracturing on their faces, doing meth and shit. Well, Austin is also, like, the capital of, like, the most boring 24-year-old of all time. Like, all those, like, get ready with me. Here's my day as a 24-year-old living in Austin. And I'm like, dude, kill yourself. This is the worst life I've ever seen. I've talked to my younger cousin about that, and he was like, I was like, is this what you and your friends do? And he was like, no, none of us. He's like, none of us do that. It is, like, a mind fuck, because I'm trying to figure out, like, what Gen Z does or who they are. But because all the biggest people are like streaming all the time. Yeah. But I don't think that's like a fair reflection of like who they are. You mean I'm telling you I think they're completely checked out of like online stuff. Yeah. I don't think that I was just talking about like the rage bait of how like it's like if you get mad about something online I think they view you as like a boomer fucking. Yes. Yeah. We're like almost if you get mad at all it's kind of embarrassing. Yeah. What was the sentiment we just said. If you don't say the N word you're gay. No, because they'll just rip the N-word. It's like on the internet. And again, maybe there's streamers versus other guys. But it does seem like young white dudes can just rip the N-word on the internet. I mean Clavicular is constantly ripping the N-word. Clavicular nonstop, Fuentes. And you can't tell me that's not trickling down. Completely. It's like an Xbox Live economy. It's just that's like now the culture. It doesn't say anything. So that's what I think. I think it's like, you know, I'm, you know, I didn't, I didn't predict this happening, but I think, I think white people are taking the word back. I think they might be the youth. White people are like, let's put the power back into it, actually. The opposite of Jay-Z. But it's got to be crazy because like, you know, I know black dudes that go into Xbox Live and like, yeah, people yell the N word and blah, blah, blah, whatever. But it's got to be kind of a mind fuck to see like all these young white kids using it. And like as far as the internet goes, it's cool in the sense that it's working. Yeah. I mean we're being completely honest. The N-word was gentrified by black people. Yeah. That's what happened. Yeah. And we're taking it back, all right? It's like – but you've got to be careful. Exactly. You can't say it. I'm not taking it back. I feel gay like we just said. When I say the N-word, like I'm like retelling something, I feel like a teenager is going to call me like a homo or something. Like something just pop out of a bush. You're fucking gay. That's what I was saying earlier. Like I think if you're like 22 and you don't say the M word and you're white, you're kind of – it's like kind of gay. Kind of gay. Yeah, which is funny. I mean, dude, how crazy is that? They just – I mean – well, they're all at home. No one can punch them in their room. That's true. That's true, yeah. But you know what happened? I think it started – there's a lot of white rappers that started just like ripping it. You know Jin Lee? No. He was a Dallas rapper. He's a giant redheaded man with long curly red hair. Oh, yes. I've seen this guy. Yeah, he's good. He was ripping the N where he's in jail now. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I've seen him also post videos justifying saying it. But then he'll go and he'll fight black teenagers in the mall. So his stance. Okay, so he's about that life. Completely. He really hates them. No, he loves them. I'm kidding. He's like, totally. Go to the ball to fight black teenagers. I think he just roasts the ones he loves. Yeah. But no, he'll have people. Like, if you have a problem, come fight me. Right. And he'll end up just being near a smoothie. Bro, he's fat as shit. He's fucking – and he's like six foot three. He's huge. Ugly as hell. Hey, man. He lives in Dallas. He's going to get me. Relax. Come fight me, dude. Let's go to the mall. Let's do it. I love you. I love this guy. He's in jail. He's going to get out of jail. He's going to play. He might not. He might just be a crazy-ass white boy. He probably is, dude. But he's good. He sounds like Big X the Plug, right? Kind of similar to that? Yeah, kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fat, I guess. I don't know. He just sounds fat. I've never heard Big X the Plug. it's probably fat oh you'd love it is big x the plug white too no no but there's that i think that's you know the internet is like because like you're you're right you can safely say it onto the internet and like you know if you live around all white people's like no one's gonna beat you up really for yeah maybe like you know your lesbian cousin they're also saying it with the a right yes so yeah there's like people have a thing it's not the same at all to them true you know like Like when Nick Fuentes says it, it's in a way of like – I think he'd have a bigger problem he was saying with the hard R like every time. I think so. He also claims that Kanye gave him the pass. And yeah, he's a sane individual. Which – Yeah. Imagine that's your justification. Yeah. He's like, no, the most crazy man of all time said I can say it. He's getting his shit together though. Yeah. Kanye is getting his shit together. He apologized. He takes a big man to apologize to all the world's Jews. It does. It does. Have you done that before? No, I've never been in that position before. Matt, I do it every single morning. Wake up and I apologize to all the world's Jews. Get on Twitter. Sorry, Jews. That would be nice just hitting them with just like inspo content. Like good morning Jews Let get it But like pause really positive stuff Like good morning Jews That like the real equivalent of putting more shields in your chest in Call of Duty You see that every morning. You're like, alright, I'm good. I'm fucking safe again. Ah, that poor guy. Let's get it, J Gang. Let's call it J Gang. J Gang. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. I always find it impressive when someone can... Let me talk about a skill I find impressive or a profession I appreciate. For example, Olympic athletes and their dedication to training, people can touch their nose with their tongues or someone who can speak multiple languages. 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It's one of the many reasons Zip Recruiter continues to be ranked the number, well, it just says the number hiring site. I'm going to say number one. They didn't give me the number, the number blank hiring site. Guys, I'm saying number one based on G2. I'm going to make that leap of faith for Zip Recruiter. number one hiring site based on G2, of course. Let ZipRecruiter help you find amazing candidates with the skills you seek. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. I hope Kanye comes back. I don't know, man. He is. He's coming back. Bully's coming out, apparently. You ever listen to Bully? That's what they say. Yeah, I love Bully. Wait. bully was the album he put out that had like some ai songs on it but he put it out at the time when he was going completely insane see i didn't know what was real so right right it some of the songs are like kind of fake but man it's just he's just and the funniest thing is that it's a really calm like thought like it's it's very like nothing's crazy on the album it's really lovely and nice beautiful and then you look at his you know he's online saying like kill them all and you're like this is so nice to listen to what this is insane yeah dude just sucking your cousin off there's this musician i like who uh john martin he was like this guy like a british folk singer from the 70s and he would like he was you know one of the first people who was doing the looper pedal so he would do these like beautiful ambient soundscapes and then i learned he had been like beating his wife the whole time that's yeah i know so he would like have a vicious altercation with his wife, beat her, and then go out in the other room and just rip a beautiful... It helps you possess the... Hating yourself for doing bad things helps the artist. Maybe hating your wife is the key to success. Hating or hitting? Hating. Well, both. I think it'll come down to both. John Lennon used to fucking beat women. He wrote a song about it. He wasn't a jealous guy. Women are the N-word of the world. Yeah, that was him trying to help them. That's true. He hated his wife so much because you're the Edward of the world. I'm going to hit my wife and go, I'm trying to buy a house. That's what I'm doing. Oh, wait, he was actually being mean. I thought he was trying to be the ultimate emancipator. What a dick. Yeah, that was that was a wild move he pulled. Yeah. Yeah. I think women were like, yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? I've had a hard time believing they wouldn't be like, well, no, I think they love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean women have been fighting. There's been that oppression Olympics for a while. It is funny that they have been – in terms of sheer numbers, they've been completely shitted on for the longest – like if you go back into history when you used to be able to fucking wrestle them and shit. And then all they get is like Hillary Clinton. Yeah, it sucks, dude. She just gets destroyed. It really sucks. It's tragic. Kamala Harris. They need their own Farrakhan. Yeah. But that's cool because when women get too feministic, For some reason, they lose their cool. Yeah, unfortunately. But they do that, and we go, eh, shut up. Yeah. Like, they've tried a million times. They have tried a million. Yeah. You know what? This is embarrassing of me to admit, but I recently – I don't know why I got this idea where I was like, dude, I think women in, like, heavily Muslim-controlled areas are genuinely happier than women in the West, like Sharia law and stuff. Yeah. Looked it up. Not the case. Not at all. I was like with Grok, like, yeah, but, like, what about – he's like, not even – dude, they're so sad. I love that ignorant take. That is funny. When you meet a person from a different culture, you're like, oh, it must be peaceful. And then you're like – you Google it. You're like, oh, they hate gay people. Yeah. It's actually illegal to be gay. They'll kill you. I was like maybe they're like – it's like as much as it sucks not being able to drive or leave your house and having to do all the – Or have a clit. Muslim women are like the clit is like the appendix. It's not really necessary. It was a shameful thought, but I was like maybe there's a certain freedom in that. And then I looked it up. It's like, no, depression. And it's also like the reporting of depression is probably so low too and it's still – Right. Are they even allowed to get into that? And that's why they asked them more like – instead of being like, are you depressed? They're probably like, no. So it's like, well, how did – do you ever feel like tired for days at a time? And they're like, yeah. And they're like, do you ever like think about just like sleeping forever? And then they hit them with all those questions. Yeah. When they collect a lot of data, it was like – Just coded killing yourself. Yeah. Yeah. But then I was like, are Muslim men happier? And I don't think so. I don't think so either. They're fucking loud and angry. I think if you're religious, you're just never happy. If you're fully like, God will hate me if I do anything, you can't be happy. But imagine if you don't beat off for one day. I mean, I kind of lose my mind. Yeah. You'd be happy. I don't know. Lately, I've been able to go when I do shows. Every now and again, I'll go to a hotel, sleep there, not beat off, and leave in the morning. And I always feel good. Yeah? Yeah. I didn't leave a fucking disgusting towel for that lady to get. That's why they're doing it. They're being Muslim guys who just consider it. The women have to clean up our jizz. You're not jerking straight into the toilet. When I'm in a hotel, I'm just straight. I do that at home. You jerk right into the toilet? Sometimes. Just get it out? It's a late night sneak away for sure. I know what you mean. Late night sneak away. A hotel, I just, whatever, dude. Yeah, you just paint the room. I'm not in my bed. Yeah. Treat hotels like shit. We just turned everything on at ours Make sure to turn the TV on Turn the air conditioning on Get everything going YouTube you stay on You're my slave I own you Well My bad Tourette's I'm at the Baptist right now my bad So Do you ever lay in a hotel room and think about How many people have came in the bed that you're in yeah yeah it's that top cover you got to worry about right that they always tell you about like that's how i get the one on the top i think about that that's how you fall asleep yeah i uh i don't know i i i've always you know obviously people are doing stuff in there but like i i got hit with the like genuine scale of it i was like dude it's like every time someone hits one of these beds yeah you're coming yeah me and my ex at we like she like demanded to like leave a a hotel in new york one time because there was just like kind of obvious jizz stains oh yeah i thought you're gonna tell a totally different story where she like made you she made me i just all over her she got the bed wet it was she's a pig dude dude dude come on it is funny to be like there's too much jizz in this bed you get a different room you just jizz there's not enough jizz on this bed actually you lay down nothing like crunches or you don't see like a pile of dust just fly up i kind of missed the days when i was like a kid and like nothing came out yeah it was easier you got the whole feeling the orgasm happened that was the best nothing came out yeah man it was great the only downside of that is my uncle will be like what the fuck man i thought trying to get pregnant over here trying to get bukkake by my nephew this is unbelievable yeah he feels like i always let down my uncle's my uncle hates it dude when he would molest me and i didn't come i remember i'm joking i've never been molested but i went to my uh i went to penn state one time years and years ago and it was like my uncle was there with his kid we're all hanging out and we would go to the bar and i got hammered with my uncle and i always like fuck around with him but like anytime there'd be like a woman there i'd be like yeah there's my uncle or she's like oh great he's like a handsome guy for his age he always has been and every time like i would kind of like hype him up and be like yeah he used to molest and then he'd be like what the fuck man he was not at i was crushing it he's like penn state has no history of molestation it's totally true but i would just be like i would just like build him up to a babe and he'd be like fucking nice and i'd say something terrible and they'd be like oh what the fuck i mean it's kind of the ultimate bit with your boys yeah you know like yeah he's a pedophile i have a friend joey that that if we're in public at like a grocery store i'm checking out he goes just so you know this guy's a registered like every time i mean doing doing that to your friend just in a grocery store be like he's here to meet a 13 year old boy he levels it up too he'll go like he's a convicted pedophile he's a violent pedophile violent pedophile how do you play it off i just go he's not sticking out i look more like a pet i look more i look guilty no no i'm not he is i'm not you can't fight it you just gotta laugh it off if i were like no could i like kill myself trying to hit like uno reverse like oh you're a pedophile actually you gotta hit him with you wish like he wishes dude you wish i was a pedophile your life would be so you wish in your dreams oh man that's a fun prank to play yeah he plays a lot of pranks they're not always fun hitting the video if you have the video the best one is a video like you know you have guys the cameras you surround someone in a walmart and go like oh you're here to fucking that is i mean that someone's got to do that prank video that's got to be so fun they do that's not even like they don't even pose it as a prank video they just get people in trouble there's like like you know these nihilist gen z kids they just go to like walmart and they'll just like point at somebody and be like this guy and he's not what just a random person yeah that sucks dude the pedophile hunting is crazy part of me like i hate to be that guy i'm like you just you want to beat up an autistic guy that's all this is sometimes it is sometimes i am like i'm uncomfortable with how i feel like weirdly a little more empathy for the pedophile than the hunters i'm like let's stop pouring uh tabasco in his eyes and obviously like kill that guy sure but i don't i don't want to see it no man kill take him out back yeah do something i mean you know well it's like you know if you're it's hunting man you're hunting games sometimes you catch a big deer sometimes you catch a little deer exactly but when it turns into like an influencer thing like you're getting views off this you know it's gone down a little bit but for a while there was so insane how like akon and like t-pain exactly all these guys like celebs to go on. Dude, it was like part of the circuit. It was like, you're promoting your album? Like, you're gonna hunt a pedophile? It's like Ty Dolla Sign is like shaving Epstein's head, Mark Tabasco in his face. Those were so weird, though. It's like, I mean, because those guys are being hunted, for real, right? So it's like, there's a pedophile who's, in his head, he's like, dude, I'm about to get some little boy pussy. And then Akon shows up, he goes, this is the best day of my life. Yeah. Holy shit, Akon's gonna serenade me fucking a boy? And then he's like, oh, it's the worst day of my life, actually. Yeah, he's here to get me. He's like, play Locked Up. Can you sing Locked Up? Yeah, he – it sucks when they're clearly – you're like, oh, this person is like either severely autistic or like has something. Yeah. And you're like, oh, dude, all right. They kind of always are though, man. Definitely stop the guy from molesting. You've got to stop him. But it's like – I don't know. You've got to get him back. Just kill him. Sonic, bro. You can just kill him. You think so? Yeah. Yeah. There's a comic I know. I mean, why not? Why kill those people? You think so? Pedophiles? I mean all – for sure. But if it was like – if you have severe developmental delays and all that stuff and then like you get caught being a pedophile and people like beat them up, I'm like, all right, dude, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a disability. Blow up the – it's kind of like the Baptist. There's going to be a pedophile at the Baptist next year, dude. That shit was in you. I know what the fuck is in your soul. It's evil. You ever see the pedophile fight back and they're kind of good? They got hands a little bit? There's a couple videos where they beat up the pedophile And the pedophile is like I'll fucking square up right now And they almost lose a fight to the pedophile I'm like dude could you imagine Getting your shit rocked by a pedophile A buff pedophile An expendables pedophile A Salone pedophile Definitely not his first rodeo Rambo first kid It's not his first rodeo He's trained It probably caught him slipping back in the day Has someone for real almost lost to the pedophile in the Walmart? Yeah, in like a convenience store, like a liquor store. Walmart should have like a boxing ring for if someone finds a pedophile. They should. Yeah, like Disney jail or something. Yeah. Should be an old black guy. Come on, put on the gloves. We're going to send lists like men. Then you get in there and fucking. Also, at this point, how dumb do you have to be as a pedophile? It's like if a kid's asking you to meet at a fucking gas station, it's a trap. Are you not seeing these videos? Come on. I mean, your dicks never led you to a strange place. No. never once not a gas station i mean like all the videos are at a gas station or walmart so if i was a pedophile i'd be on my p's and q's being like i've seen the videos yeah i mean right i'm not meeting at a walmart that's an obvious trap we might ask you know what's funny though that now it's now that i think about it it's pretty you know like the bar lets out at 2 a.m that's kind of like that's 3 p.m is the pedophiles 2 a.m you know what i mean if you're like a teacher pedophile You're like, fuck, it's almost 3 o'clock. And you're like, so like, what do you guys do? You guys just going home after this? We can keep the party going if you want. You guys want to do a robotics class? Well, that's the thing we're kind of okay with is the women pedophiles. There's been like a revolution going on lately where it's like every week there's a decently attractive teacher that like fucked like a 15, 16-year-old. Has that been happening still? Yeah. Happened like a week ago, yeah. And she was hot. It happens all the time. Well, now they're reading too much Darren Erotica. Yeah. That's why they're fucking becoming pedophiles. They also make TV – there's shows about it, and it's hot. The show's hot. Yeah, it's – What was the FX show called? Like The Teacher or something like that with Rooney Morrow or whatever? There was a new book that just came out about a – it's from like a – fuck, what is it called? I think it's like Jeanette McCurdy. I think she was a – Yeah, yeah. She has a book called Half His Age, and it's about like a 17-year-old seducing her teacher. I read the whole book. i mean well i was gonna have her on i'm on my i'm on my third reread actually i can't get enough of this book i was gonna have her on because i'm like man that's kind of wild yeah because you wrote the book you could have it was a senior she could have been 18 and like yeah sure you know then you would have been but it's just like you know so i was kind of curious but i read it and it was uh it was like kind of i mean it was like really fucked up i can spoil if you guys want to hear the ending i would go ahead but it's like so the story is there's this chick she's 17 it's like white trash her mom's like kind of like never there her mom's always trying to find like the dude that's going to save her hot yeah so sorry it's already hot as hell dude so white trash is so hot for some reason i don't know what it is so she you know and then she has this teacher the creative writing teacher who like loves her writing and thinks she's like super smart and then she just becomes as a 17 year old obsessed with like how he's just like he has like a you know belly he's receding hairline and how she's like i want to make this guy feel good and like i'm going to show this guy how to like you know like oh like a pity like i want to give him a great moment i just love this guy yeah i want this guy she's the nicest lady of all time pretty much yeah and then uh so she just like sees this guy and he gives her like you know some positive attention like i like your writing and i just it somehow just like triggers something in her where She's like, I am going to base. This guy will be mine. And she like seduces him and he carries out an affair with this lady and this girl and eventually leaves his family for her. And then she's just like they're about to go on a flight together. And she's like, this guy sucks and just leaves. That's the whole book. That's the ending? That's the whole book. Oh, man. After. But they have like there's like a bunch of very gratuitous sex scenes written. It's pretty. Oh, thank God. Yeah. That's kind of. You just described the most bleak book of all time. Thank God, dude. But yeah, it was pretty wild. I read it and I was just kind of like, fuck, that's pretty wild. Like, what do I take from this? She realizes she's like, you don't need a man to justify your existence. Right, right. Yeah not just my femininity Yeah and the mom goes to Romantics or Romantaholics Anonymous Romantaholics It not sexaholics It Romantaholics It just like obsessed with flirting Pretty much. Yeah. The fact that there's, like, a guy that's going to come save you. There's going to be Romantaholics. Dude, I'm telling you, the erotica books aren't even so much about the, like, sex as it is, like, the two people finally colliding. Like, what are the circumstances leading to that? Is it high class, low class? Well, yeah. Is it toucher? Because if not, it would just be literal porn. It kind of is like porn comments put in a book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's more so about like the – it's more about the situation around it than like just kind of like – Right. And then she sucked his dick. It's not that. It's like they're from two different families. They're not supposed to see each other. He's rich. She's poor. Romeo and Juliet. He sees everyone. Yeah. He sees something in her. I like touch her and you die. Yeah. That's about if someone touches a girl and a guy is like, I'll fucking kill you. Right, right. So that's what I'm saying. They're getting charged up off of a homicidal guy. Do you have that? I don't have that at all. I'm not protective over my wife in that way. I don't. I don't. When she gets hit on, I go, cool. I'll get a little angry. I was in a casino and a guy was like – he was in a slot machine like this. And when she walked by, he did one of these. And he leaned almost on the floor. I fell. Look at her ass. I was like, what the fuck? It'll get me every now and again. He's like, I like fentanyl. I'm sorry. You can cross the line, but I was at a bar in New York with my wife, and I'm sitting at a bar stool and she's in between my legs. I'm kissing her neck, full lovey-dovey. This black dude walks up. He looks like Quavo from Migos. He comes to me and he's like, hey, mama, you got a man or what? I was like, I'm literally holding her. I'm kissing her. He was like, yeah, this is my husband right behind me. He goes, I bet. He walked away. I was like, can you believe that guy? And I was like, that's the coolest guy I've ever seen in my entire life. I would have been furious. I was like, that's the confidence to like see what the situation was. Be like, you got a man? That's fucking crazy. That shit fucking, it makes me so angry. Yeah. I was just shocked. I was like struck by it. Dude, I've almost. I don't put myself in those positions. True. Say what? Never with a woman. That's why I'm an incel actually. Yeah, I don't know. Something about that really chaps my ass. I don't think it's weird. I think it's a normal thing to get. No, no. I think I'm abnormal. Something about men cucking me in public, traps my ass. Something about a man pretending I don't exist and trying to fuck my wife for some reason grinds my gears. Yeah. Hey, you're really weird, man. That's weird. You gotta be more like him, dude. More like me, dude. Well, I'll deal. I mean, maybe I should zet out. I mean, it is. The fact that I'm cortisol spiking like that in public is embarrassing. Dude, clavicular would be just fresh shit. These foids are getting to you. The foids are out of my brain. no i i well the thing is too is like you know my wife's black so every now and again like younger black dudes will like try to what if me and devin had the worst reaction to that i go what we go what well they'll test every now and again they'll test me as like a thing or like to like you know sure and every i'll completely 100 iris spasm i got the iris spasm for sure yeah Once it gets going, it's – You can't stop it. It's really embarrassing too. No, I was like a thing with her like coworkers one time and like some like 20-year-old popped off and I like fully was in his face like I'll fucking kill you. And she was like, dude, can you please chill? He was like so young. He's like, dude, I'm a virgin. Can you please leave me alone? I'll fuck you right now. I'll fucking kill you. Yeah, man. I have that in your take. It's embarrassing. I'm going to – I like to chill but – I can't. I can't. You seem so zen. You seem so chill. I'm zenned out. But if I lose it, it's gone. Like it's just a flick of it. I'm kind of the same way. I'm pretty. I am pretty chill for the most part. I can kind of chill and be like, all right, what does this actually affect? Is this a big deal? Yeah. But every now and again, if I'm in the right mood, you push my buttons. I got to get hammered to have the confidence to just scream at somebody. Yeah, I could fight. That's that would be nice. Drinking. I'm either like very friendly, but that is the thing. If I'm drunk enough and like someone, it can be like the littlest thing. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, exactly. Some flip switches. It's kind of scary. All of a sudden, yeah, I think I'm strong and I can handle anything. Fighting words don't exist. I'll say anything to you. And I'm like, whoa, I'll sue you if you hit me. Yeah. Hit me, I'll sue you is always great. I've yelled that many times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit me, I'll sue you so nice. I go, go ahead, I'll sue you. You don't know how the legal system works? Could you imagine, like, actually falling through on suing somebody? It makes me laugh thinking about taking it that far. It actually happened to my buddy one time. Really? We were at a bar in Pasadena, and he got a booth. He paid for a booth with bottles and all that stuff, and he kept inviting girls over. And they're like, where's our husband? I like that. He's like, get over here. Shout out. And then the girls are like, we're with our guys. We can't come in. He's like, fuck your guys. And the guys got all pissed. And we died down in the situation. We're like, all right, everyone chill, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Me and my friend went to the bathroom. We came back. He's just getting stomped out of the booth by all these guys. Oh, no. Like absolutely fucked up. like eggs on his fucking head. Did he? It was the book. Getting killed. Was it high ground? Yeah, it was like a table, like a secret, like, you know, like a club type table. But what I'm saying, was it up higher than like, or? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like elevated a little bit. Damn, he couldn't defend the position. It's crazy. Yeah, exactly. He had the high, and he had the high ground. This is crazy. Yeah. But I mean, he was by himself. Literally siege warfare. We thought, we thought we like, you know, killed the situation. It's all good. We come back from the bathroom. He's just getting fucking stomped out completely. Bleeding everywhere. Bruises all over the place. he woke up the next morning he sued the bar for like lack of security hey huge settlement that's the thing he really bro i think he got like 150 000 from this bar what lawsuits rule yeah isn't that crazy i sued postmates back in the day what i just they they banned me for stealing food so i i've sued them and i won like 24 000 what yeah it was kind of crazy i mean i'm you know i'm exaggerating a little bit but like yeah they'd like the app banned me and then i i you know you get like those mesothelial you just sign like an email like sure i'm a part of a class action thing and one day i just kept getting calls from some law office in chicago and i'd be like what is this i kept ignoring it and then finally they got a hold of me and they were like we think you could go to arbitration and this i was like oh this is like a real thing why am i i guess i signed something that most people don't yeah so i put myself in a situation where i'm like yeah sure I'll actually like be a part of this. Why did you get fired again? Oh, you, uh, uh, you're stealing food. You get an order and then cancel the order and then eat a meal. I had like, I, you know. Oh, so they had a genuine reason to fuck. Yeah, but it's, no one's working for them. So I'm like, fuck, but my phone's gonna like, no. Were you delivering for them or ordering and canceling? Yes, yes, yeah. I did Uber, I would do them all at the same time. Gotcha. And like. And you would, they would have an order and you would just be like, actually, I'm not going to take this to person. Yeah, sometimes, I mean, technically Postmates. I didn't steal the food that often Uber eats all the time Uber eats constantly I'd call I figured out that they didn't track your like car or your who you were and it's just some like sad lady in like the Philippines picking up the phone so I would at the end of a night at the end of at the end of a long day of delivering food because you get if you cancel the order you also get paid for the mileage too what like like whoa we're sorry like it's the restaurant you go like I can't do it. And they're like, oh, it's OK. Your car is broken. Fine. Just try to get back out there. But I – so at the end of every delivery shift, I would like work – you make like 60 bucks working like nine hours. It's terrible. No one tips. Just delivering to like celebrities and – I tip. I always tip my Uber's driver. Thank you. Thank you. It's appreciated. Did you ever deliver food? I was a pizza guy for a while. Yeah. Yeah. So you have the empathy. I have the empathy. I tip the fuck out of them. Yeah. It's crazy. So do I. Why wouldn't you? Same. They're risking their lives to bring you the food. And you see the service charge. I think the service charge gets people being like, fuck them. As a pizza guy, it was the same thing. It would be like there was a delivery fee that the restaurant would take. Yes, yes. And I would get my tip. So it was like my version of giving myself a little nice end to a long day. So I would pick up – I'd wait for a huge order, like a gigantic – I'd feed my friends. And so I'd go pick it up, and then I'd get in my car. I'd drive a little bit away from the restaurant. Then I'd call, and I'd be like, my car broke down. It was kind of fun. I got to like pretend like to act and stuff too. I'm like, I don't know. It's just my car. You know, the engine is smoking. It's yeah, I'm dead. And they go, oh, it's OK. Just try to get back out there. And then they cancel it. I get paid for like, you know, an 11 mile drive. And then I get to keep all the food. I did this like I'm not kidding once a night for like seven months straight. I felt bad initially the first time I ever did it. And then I found out that like the restaurant, they still get paid. Like it comes out of the like Uber. Yeah. Like it's not like – like the people have to remake it, but they didn't like – they don't lose their money or whatever. The dude eventually gets his meal just a little later and he'll be fine. Exactly, yeah. And then, yeah, that's kind of sweet actually. Yeah, it was – I mean I'm not like super proud of it, but – Sorry to interrupt the podcast, guys, but this episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Shoot your shot on PrizePix and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's right. PrizePix is now giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. PrizePix makes every dunk, every dime, and every board that much more exciting. So don't miss this chance to get started on America's number one app for sports picks. Hmm. 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Download the PrizePix app today and use code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, it's good to be right. Hey, real quick while I have you guys. I have some shows coming up and, well, we have some good news and bad news. The good – well, it depends on – for me, the good news is I'll be in Cleveland and Pittsburgh this weekend, March 6th, Cleveland, March 7th, Pittsburgh. And I'm not fronting. I think both shows are going to sell out. So if you want to come, here's your CTA, your call to action. If you want to come to those shows in – if you want to come to those shows – I almost called it Clitzburg. That's crazy. Cleveland, Ohio or Pittsburgh. 40 slip um yeah just come you can get my tickets i think there's a link in this video to get them pretty sick and um also after that i'll be in st louis missouri indianapolis st paul missouri i guess that's mo missouri desmoines iowa phoenix here's the big one guys all of them are selling pretty well god damn that phoenix celebrity theater is it's not till April 17th. So we have some time, but that shows in the round and actually enjoy performing in the round. So if you want to see my butt for like good 10 second stretches while I do my thing and I'll turn around, I'll show you my bulge at the celebrity theater as well. It'll be button bulge all night at the celebrity theater. Just an angry little micro bulge. I'll wear some joggers that night. So everyone gets their money's worth. They can all go, look at that. It's barely sticking out guys i'll be in tucson arizona toronto's a big one two shows again not bragging nature of the beast two shows both have sold out in toronto i'm thinking about adding a third so canadians i know i've said a lot of bad things about your country i was just fucking kidding around i love you guys you guys love me more than all these bastards in fucking phoenix arizona apparently so come on out to the shows and then chicago of course i'll be at the riviera theater uh probably gonna add a second show there hopefully because that that thing done sold out may 26 so whatever hopefully that makes sense to you guys go to matt mccusker.com and uh yeah come to a show man we're having a good time also i'll be doing algonauts in austin texas that's once a month i do that where me and tim butterly take people's cell phones project their algorithm through instagram usually on the screen and you know try to get a picture of like who is this person what are they what is the algorithm being sent in the or what is being sent to them through the algorithm what does that say about them. What doesn't it say about them? Because you can't just judge someone on their algorithm, or maybe you can. I don't know. Come out to that. That's at the Creek and Cave. So if you go to Creek and Cave ATX, you can get that. And last, and I don't remember the saying, last and cool enough. Guys, I'm tired. Last and most importantly, Noble Bomb. I'll be in Philadelphia March 16th. I'm just visiting family. Figured I'd strut my stuff on the old flagship stage that is Helium, Philadelphia. I'm going to get some of my friends and we're all going to try newish materials, stuff we're working on. It'll be fun. Come out. It'll be St. Paddy's Day weekend. You can get drunk if that's what you feel you must do. And if you're trying really hard not to be drunk, well try to hold out come to the show be sober you know be fun learn how to be fun while sober or get fucking hammered on St. Paddy's Day it's really up to you all these I'm laying out choices that's all I'm doing I'm not trying to coerce you I'm not trying to manipulate you I'm just giving you choices do whatever you want love you guys back to the show pardon the interruption pardon the interruption this is Sean Gardini I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be in Salt Lake City, Utah at Wise Guys Comedy Club, March 27th and 28th with Nate Marshall. So please come see that show if you'd like. And I'll be at The Comet in Cincinnati, not Comet Ping Pong, just The Comet in Cincinnati on May 22nd and 23rd. So please come to those. That was a little joke there, but I'd like, I'd really like to see you guys at the show. So please come if you can. tickets are at sean gardini.com and we also have optimum noctus at the creek in the cave in austin texas me nate marshall and lamare lee every first and third tuesday of the month so thank you very much for your time pardon the interruption enjoy the rest of the show no i i i work for insomnia do you guys have insomnia cookies yeah well i know not in la yeah yeah i worked for insomnia cookies when i was in college i had this idea that like i was like dude i could totally stay up all night one day a week and be fine so i was like i'll work during the day go to school and then i'll stay up all night and deliver insomnia cookies and just ride it into like tuesday i was like you don't have to sleep every night if i do it's like the worst version of hustle culture i've ever heard i was like if i just do one all night or a week i'll do a nap i'll be fine totally and uh i did insomnia cookies and you know so i would go in there and i wanted to do my bike and they're like we have enough bike delivery people you have a car i'm like yeah i have a car so i get this big order put in my car i i like pull up to the place pop my tire on like the philly has a lot of these like metal lining to the curbs i don't know why they do it they'll do a curb they'll put like a coping on it and uh and i just pop my tires one of them was sticking out it's like fuck so i'm sitting there with the pop tire i call insomnia being like yo my tires pop and they're pretty much like yeah let's figure it out i was like fuck so i'm like okay no support no support whatsoever and you know it was one of those cars that had like the hubcap key where you needed to get like a certain thing from inside even take the tire and it was just like i was stressed out or it was a very stressful night and uh yeah luckily this old black guy came up i was like what the hell are you doing and he was like you saw and he goes oh that's a Mercury. I had a soft top Mercury Cougar. OK, it was like old black dude. Yeah, chill out of the car. So they were like, bro, you need the help cap. So this old guy came up. He knew exactly what I needed. Pause and like. He's walking over you, zipping down his pants like, oh, what you doing, man? I know what you need. Dude, he completely dad bogged me and he like knew he got the you need a security key. He showed me. He took it out. And he like, you know, paused again. And then we fucking – he fixed the tire. So he fixed the tire. So, you know, my black daddy came and fixed the tire. And then – so I go back to insomnia. A bit of a chip on my shoulder now. And they were like, oh, you ready for more deliveries? And I was like, that's all you guys care about, huh? I hadn't slept. I hadn't slept all night. I'm all sensitive. Like, you guys don't even fucking care about me, do you? There's nothing worse than like working at a job and people care about the job. You know, you're higher ups. You know what I mean? I worked at Abercrombie & Fitch. Did you? come on was that shirtless or was that hollister they asked me to do shirtless and i said i can do it because it like a hundred bucks was like that not the price Yeah That crazy That bad To be shirtless in a mall That fucking nuts Me and Mike I didn know him in high school We stopped hanging out with a guy when he got a job at Abercrombie and Fitch. Really? I mean, we're kidding, but we were kind of like – we really like brutalized him for doing it. Yeah, yeah. I don't mean to brag. I got recruited. Whoa. Genuinely. By three different Abercrombies. I'm walking like a community college campus. People are like, do you want a job? And I was like, no, I'm good. And then the third time I was like, all right, I'll take the fucking job. Really? Constantly happening. You're like, thank you, Mr. Wexler. I'll be glad. But, dude, I, yeah, I worked there for, I think, three weeks. Worst job of all time. It's like four hour shifts. It feels like it's 10 hours. They pump the perfume through the vents. You're like nauseous, headache. Retail is the one job I've never worked at. Anytime. Just hearing the same song over and over again, stacking pants. People who work retail, I'm like, why are you doing this? Work anywhere else. Yeah. Yeah, it's – people get addicted. There's some people I know who just do retail. Yeah. Like clothing stores. A lot of younger women do it because they can get the discount and they can get their clothes. Yeah. Right. But yeah, it always seemed like super fucking miserable. Well, dude, yeah. So I'm working there and like – I also got like class action like checks from these people all the time because they were just fully illegal. So I like – I get the job. They make me buy an outfit. Like you have to dress head to toe in Abercrombie. Oh, yeah. They make you buy it. So I had to spend like $140 on an outfit. That was a deep discount though, isn't it? It's not. It was like 20% off. what it's an expensive store and i was like fucking 19 you know yeah that's kind of brutal so i remember like i went the manager was like this like really like um gay guy you know and uh i go and i put my shirt on and wear large i like bag your clothes and he goes it's not small enough and i was like for real and he goes yeah tighter put a medium on he goes not tight enough what and i was like what this is crazy you're like you're raping right now yeah that's crazy i go put a small and do my arms like cutting circulation off he's like perfect and then they make me like pose for photos for like the employee catalog i have no fucking clue what's going on but i'm truly in a shirt that's like killing me and pants that are killing me and then uh i just had such a weird vibe from that that i was like i can't do this job and i put my two weeks in i was like i'm out of here you know yeah and then um that manager came up to me fine you can wear a medium no for real for real dude it's the worst thing i've ever heard in my life he heard that i put my two weeks in he comes up and he goes so i heard you too good for the fitch wow dude i went dude i quit now and i left i just left the store too good for the fitch i was like you're the worst person i've ever met dude so i heard you too good for the fitch this is like a guy who's like a career manager of abercrombie he's probably the regional did he move from salt lake city to glendale california to like manage this Abercrombie. That is the thing with retail. It sucks. But if you become like a, you know, regional or whatever director, you, you kind of have like a cakewalk the rest of your life. You just get drive around and check on stores and you get paid like a hundred something granted. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I know people that like make a really good living just like they work their way up at like In-N-Out. Yeah. And now they're. I knew, I knew dude who did it at Target like years ago and he was just like the regional VP or something. He just, he's like, I just drive to stores and I'm like, man, it looks good. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had a good job. No. Like never once. Dog walking was sick, but I think the boss. The money's not good though. Money sucks. Yeah, money sucks. I've never like once had a job where I'm like, I can do this. Yeah. I worked on a weed farm for a while. It was kind of fun. That's kind of chill. You could just smoke weed and trim and shit like that. You know what? I painted with my friend. That was nice. We painted houses. Yeah. That was actually pretty. I actually like kind of like that. I got paid, you know, decently. Oh, dude, I forgot to tell you. So the – I just completely forgot. The – what's it called? What's it called? insomnia cookies or whatever so that when i pulled back up and i could tell they didn't care i went in like you can you take another order and i was the same thing i was like i'll take an order i was like i'm taking this right home and eating it but like yeah so i take an order and i'm like all right i'm gonna go get these to my roommates for any cookies and then i like forgot my jacket and they were like oh dude can you take another order like a bunch of milks and they hand me like a fucking massive cookie order with a bunch of milk and i was just like definitely taking this all home so i went home i just left and i was like i went back and i was like sitting there eating cookies with my roommates and then i had the phone numbers for the orders on the little slip yeah so i started calling them and being like you know i'm outside where are you and they're like huh i don't see you and i'm like oh come outside man like so i had this guy walking around looking for cookies i was like 19 and i called him and i was like yo i was like oh dude i had to spin the block there was a bunch of like really shady guys standing outside and he was like where i'm like i don't know dude i think it was like a gang outside you gotta watch out for those guys man they're always trying to steal my cookies and he was like oh oh i was like just keep coming out i'm like wave your are you wave your arm so i can see you so the guy who was outside had him doing all these like weird like calcetics yeah you're like i think the bloods are in ambler pennsylvania it was it was university of penn gotcha i was like dude there was these guys out there i think it was like a gang bro what the hell he was just like i don't i don't see anybody out here i'm like I'll be back, but I got to spend. Dude, for my own safety, I'm not making this delivery, dude. Can't do it, dude. I might die. But then I called the headquarters of Insomnia as one of the other deliveries that never got ordered. And I called like, hey, my order never came here. And they were like, well, you know, well, like making all these things. And like as they were like, hey, we'll figure it out. I was like, I probably should need him. I'm so fucking fat anyway. And they started being like, oh, come on, man. Don't say that. I'm like, no, I'm a fucking fat piece of shit. I just shouldn't even have. Probably the weirdest shift that guy's ever had. I'm like, I think I have to talk. He's going to kill himself. I don't know. This store finally called me like an hour later. Like, are you OK? Yeah. I was like, I'm chilling. And they're like, OK. And they just hung up. Yeah. That was the end of that. I used to deliver whippets to a drug addict. Did you really? Yeah, because I don't even understand. You can go to a smoke shop and just buy like whippets. Yeah. And there's somehow like it's like, I guess the law like is like, oh, no, people also just love whipped cream and stock or something like i don't know but yeah and this guy tipped very well he would literally answer the door like a breaking bad method like in a robe like and like grab this big package of like yeah whippets i would get him from like a smoke shop for like uber it was just it was illegal dude so apparently if you do whippets all the time like that your body just stops producing vitamin b12 like it like fucks you up that's like you put holes in your brains too right like your brain has like weird spots maybe i don't know probably the biohacking whippet addict it's like you gotta supplement with the whippets well there's a there was a lady who went like paralyzed like she were like legs stop working because it's something to do with your body not producing like certain things and like it just shuts it off dude that and did you ever fuck with 70h no that is 70h is uh it's funny because i brought it up one time because i just like found out what it was and i like brought it up on a podcast and never finished talking about it so people are like dude whatever you do please don't do it's like 70h is kratom that's been like processed and refined almost like you know there's like percocets and then oxycontin or it's like the same ingredient but you just make it super strong so uh 70h is the shit they sell at gas stations that's like stronger than morphine yeah but you can just go buy it at a gas station it's insane so like people go there so you're there you know you're at the gas station you're like yeah let me get uh you know let me get some zins and those guys some of the guys would be like oh man set tried a 70h and people are like what's it like it's like it's very chill and there's dudes that start doing it they become literally they got to go on like fucking like methadone to get off crazy christ it's like the smoke shops were selling spice for a while it was like the fake weed yeah we're having like seizures and shit i've talked to people who do like a lot of drugs and like meth heroin they're like dude k2 is fucked up yeah which is you know same thing and it's like yeah it's a big jail drug people do they would do k2 in jail because it's like ketamine no it's uh spice oh spice yeah synthetic weed call it deuce yeah it's like crush you're like yeah dude we're smoking deuce and like my friend who's done literally every single drug you can imagine is like bro fucking k2 is fucked up yeah yeah i mean i can't smoke weed even like you should try spice once you think i should i'll lose my fucking mind i knew dudes who could smoke like ounces of weed yeah and they would have they had like they would go on probation they would smoke spice and they were like bro that was fucked up he smokes weed he turns into like the coney 2012 guy who just starts jacking off it fucks you up dude it fucks me up in a crazy way last time i smoked weed i was probably like 24 and uh my friends from california i was living in new york they sent me like a weed pen i ripped it twice i was up till 5 a.m crying because I couldn't remember like Alan Rickman's name. I'm like in bed with my wife. I'm like, what's his fucking name? She's like, who? And I'm like, in Harry Potter. And she's like, Daniel Reichel. I'm like, you bitch, no. I made her go on like IMDB and she goes, Alan Rickman? And I go, yeah. Oh, God, I love weed. Dude, truly. And then like that same night, I was like such a cliche. I was like watching Family Guy to comfort me. I was like, I need something like comfortable to watch. Yeah. I would laugh at a scene in Family Guy and then start crying because I forgot what I laughed at. Oh, no. Weed does something to me that it's unbelievable what it does to me. You just get Alzheimer's. I get Alzheimer's. Truly, dude. I have dementia when I smoke weed. And I'm scared, you know? There is something scary about that, though, because I used to smoke weed constantly. And like having like the coolest thought ever that's going to change your life. Yeah. And then two seconds later going, wait, what was that? Right. you forget it yeah what the fuck is going yeah you do get like so i do that and then cry like a baby i'm like way too emotional it fractures me dude forget what room i'm in so i'd be like so high and i'd be in the bathroom like peeing and i'd finish peeing and just be sitting there like and then slowly be like where am i and i look around oh fuck man i used to smoke so much weed that i'd get like panic attacks yeah from them and like but I knew how to handle them and I'd be like all right I'm gonna go put my feet up get some blood to my head and then the next day be like that's good we're not thinking about like that's kind of a crazy experience to have had I would also on dates when I was younger I would go I would get secretly so high from edibles and go on dates yeah so like I'd be like a movie date just like with my wife now we went to the movies one time and like you know middle of the day and I was like panicking from an edible I went in the bathroom and I'd be like mid-date like staring at myself in the mirror being like, dude, you can alter your reality right now. You don't have to be afraid. It's all in your head. Now get back in there and enjoy Wuthering Heights. You have to. For your wife and your family, you have to enjoy it. Like a Marvel movie. I go back in and be like, I think I just hacked my fucking brain. I'll never be afraid. I think I'm Iron Man, actually. We're immortal. I just found out we're immortal. yeah i don't i rarely i'll like i'm like such a baby with it we're all like it's like a little bit it changed my brain over time yeah i just smoked it so much that as i got older i was like i why am i doing this to myself like i'm like nervous and uncomfortable in public now it used to be like the total opposite i know yeah it just fucks me up now yeah i'm just not a drug guy at all i've never done cocaine me either yeah never will i don't understand the point never will never have i did molly for the first time with devin that's new year's yeah and uh molly's chill i think i lost my mind well yeah at a party it'd be tough but i feel like was it a party it was an airbnb and joshua tree it was sick it was actually great like the highest the highest holding each other we became one i'm caressing his back no molly with the bros is nice though it was me and all my like high school bros and devon and uh everyone's drinking too though so you're not really getting the full experience the kicking on molly does it's actually this is kind of embarrassing because i've only ever well this isn't the embarrassing part of thing but i've only ever taken it with my wife we go to a hotel room we take it we just like chill that was the best part though that's chill yeah that was great kicks in i need her to like hold me because i like it hits me so hard that do you shake yeah like i had it well the first time i ever did it like earthquake like the whole world started shaking and it came on and i like you ever seen like butterfly effect yeah you know when he like transitions to a new timeline that's how molly hits me the whole world's doing this and i was like holy fuck this is most scared i've ever been yeah yeah the high was cool the come down was the worst i've ever felt my entire life so yeah i the come down for me is not bad i don't have a problem with it i learned if you just have if you just smoke a little bit of weed or like a vape pen during the i'll lose my mind yeah but like you gotta that's my brother was like just sip it from the vape pen just have a little bit that actually did help last time i did it was like the come down was kind of nothing i went out i ate a huge same same i felt like really happy actually for about a week after i first did it yeah if i if i if i cope with the come down with weed i wouldn't be here today i think it would actually kill me yeah yeah i mean the come down can be i could see it being kind of uncomfortable dude i feel like i was uh going down a roller coaster for three days straight really i had that like body anxiety like my stomachs and my throats really three days straight my i think my baseline is so low and depressive that like the molly wear off i'm just like all right i i still feel like he hates when i uh i discount that it's the molly that gave him this feeling we were like binge drinking for days on end there's like nothing worse than alcohol like it makes me i have like visions when i'm hung over i dude i'm the same way if i drink heavily for if i especially if i like tackle like two days together i'm like anxious and depressed for like three days straight yeah i mean it didn't help for sure but uh i've been hung over a million times i've never i'm hung over right now so you know yeah i don't i feel all right you know okay that's there but now i think maybe the molly by itself if you ever try it completely by itself i don't think it's that it's pretty chill actually yeah the first time i ever did it i i uh i had like two tall cans i was like this sucks and then my friend had given me a bag of molly because i was very depressed about kobe dying and he was like you gotta get you gotta get out of this funk man that's it was he's a great guy yeah love you mark that's so funny yeah yeah and we were all gonna do like la it was very yeah we were all gonna do like mushrooms and then it just kind of fell through and i was just kind of like man fuck i wanted to like it was in the pandemic we're all stuck inside so i just kept like dipping into this bag of molly throughout the night and then it all hit at once and everything shook and it was like crazy and I vomited and then I went into the bathtub and just like kept feeling like the tub and shit and then I just stayed up all night watching Kobe highlights and just going like this in front of the TV. Did it help? It was amazing. Everyone else hated me because I kept vomiting and making their lives horrible but I had a great time. No it was great man. My best night was their worst night. It's awesome. That's so funny all night. Truly. My friend came up he came upstairs to check on me and I was just like doing this in front of the tv cartoon cartoon you're like a sims character that's glitching i went to bed grinning like i remember falling asleep like it was amazing i mean i've seen you watch kobe highlight sober it's the happiest i've ever seen i love it love it kobe freak over here that's awesome obsessed yeah that's awesome my cousin played against the mamba in summer league for real and lower marion like a really yeah he was a really good basketball player and he played in the summer league and i remember him being like dude there's just guys from italy and he's like he's like and my cousin was really good and he was just like bro like this guy's a freak he's definitely going to the nba that's unbelievable that's the greatest i met you know pedro yeah when i started doing comedy with pedro pedro said he went to lower marion and i was like can i shake your hand like i it was that was the coolest thing ever to me my dad went to lower marion yeah yeah that's oh snap that's great yeah pretty sick i I mean – Well, guys, I think we did it. We're at an hour, and I have to go now pick up my kid. Okay. And we're going to have a date. Sick. A little date. A little date with a kid? A little date. Nice. What are you going to do? I have two kids, and the one's going to gymnastics. So every now and again when one of them is busy, I get to do like one-on-one. What are we going to do? We are going to – well, it's funny. She already – she picked out her outfit she wants to wear. So she's going to wear – there's like an outfit she got. This is the cutest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, this is great. Yeah. And then we got to go to the thinkery, which is like a kid's museum. And just let her play in there and probably go out to like early dinner. And take her to the mothership. Top it up at Midsie's. So we're going to go. I got to go pick her up at 2.30. What time is it right now? Oh, perfect. 2.30. That's great. Hell yeah, man. Sorry, I don't know why I said that. No, I should have kids. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. What's your fucking problem? No, you're happier than me. It's fine. Thank you guys. Do you have anything you guys want to... Yeah, Hate Watch Podcast. We're both on that and Lemon Party. We were banned off YouTube recently. There's a much more powerful Jeff out there than Epstein, I believe. Check out Lemon Party. It's fine. It was just somebody kept reporting us. Are you guys going to get it back on YouTube? You hit up people. No one gives you a response. We got some emails from our ad people. No one responded to us. I don't know. It's fine. yeah hell yeah hey watch podcast yeah see you guys bye watch new episodes of matt and shane secret podcast on spotify do it