Giggling about subpoenas, sunny d, and ex boyfriends

M&Ms for Marvel, take one. I am Wolverine. That was super... Thanks. ...parable. Oh. Where's the confidence? Where's the bravado? Come on, like this. Wow. There. I am Wolverine. Wait, I thought you were gonna be Deadpool. Well, I am. I don't get it. Is your superpower disappointing me? Scan your pack to win heroic Marvel prizes. M&Ms and Marvel, it's more fun together. See full terms and conditions when you scan. Desk Divers, school runners, gym gurlies, breakfast is over. The long road to lunch begins. Your patience is thin, your stomach empty. Get yourself a muller-like booze bowl. Greek-style yoghurt with a delicious layer of real fruit compote, added vitamins and 10 grams of protein. All topped with a bit of granola. Because 11 a.m., well, that's crunch time. Stunning. That sorted me out. Muller-like booze bowls. What's up, giglers? Cary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me. Okay, you on cocaine would actually be the best night of my life. We'll do a hand and paste try new things. The business ideas alone that you would come up with? If I did do cocaine and came up with 100 business ideas, and one of the business ideas was good and worth it. Absolutely worth it. By the way, oh my god, I tried a new coffee place. And I walked, no, it's fine. I love a new coffee place. It's fine. You were being a tourist in your own city. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. You were in your own city. Yes. And the barista was performing. And I'm on my phone, and I hear you know when you hear. Baristas are the flight attendants of the land. Yes, they are. Oh my god. They are the flight attendants of Earth. They literally, they have so much power in such a small area. And their mood dictates everyone's mood. And it's so true because you know a flight attendant comes in and you're like, oh, it's jokes. We're having jokes. We're having fun. She's well rested. And then there's the ones that you're like, I'm scared of her. I'm messing up. She's mad at me. She's mad over time. And she's livid. So this barista, I hear him like, obviously he's like a hilarious gay. Yeah. And so he's running the room. And this is early, so I'm like not, I haven't turned on my personality yet. Yeah. We're charging. And he, I hear him exclaim, like the word exclaim, like he exclaimed. You know exactly what I mean. Exactly what you're talking about. I've never in my 33 years on Earth has, have ever heard someone say that. I've only read it in a book. I've only read it in a book. I saw it for the first time in person. He exclaimed, he went, oh, oh, oh, he makes his, so I'm a gas and at attention. Mm-hmm. The girl in front, he goes, ice latte with oat milk, never have I ever. So he's like making fun of her. And I realized like, oh, we're in a bit. Yeah. We're in a bit. And she's just like froze, which like I would be in my 20s for sure. So he's, and she's like, yeah, with ice. And he's like, an iced one, never heard of her. And he's like, you can tell he's. When the girl couldn't go along with the bit. She was just kind of like, please give me my coffee. Yeah. I don't have time for this right now. It's in New York City. It's always the days that you're like, I don't have time. I'm overstimulated. When someone's doing something so insane and to like explain it to anyone, anywhere else in the country, they'd be like, oh my God, go to the police. And by the way, this place is full of people working and no one's looked up from their computer. Like they're just like, it's another day. I don't know if he does this all the time. I'm new to this establishment. So I don't know if they're like, oh, just Gary being Gary. So he's going nuts. And then I, for a second, I'm like, there's two ways to go about this. I can show up and just kind of take it and leave. I'm like, or I'm like, Hannah, you're a fucking stand up comedian. Yeah. You stand up to this man. Join in. You join in. So I go, fuck it. And it's my turn. I go, you're not going to believe what I'm about to order. And you could tell he's like, he's like, she fucking whatever. And I go, I'm getting an iced latte without milk plus vanilla. He jumps in. He goes, not vanilla. And we like, we're going back and forth. To the seven today. Yes. So I'm exhausted. I put in good 30 minutes of crowd work with the barista. Oh God. I can honestly say I've never once talked. Anytime I've ever walked into a coffee shop. No, but this is the kind of thing where I'm like, I'm sorry, I just need my coffee. Like it's one thing if it's, no, but you know what? I see both sides. When I'm miserable at work, there's two ways you go about it. You could cry or you can laugh. And this man shows happiness. Is he coming for some people in the line? Yes. But you know what? You know, this is New York City. People are always auditioning. Well, I was about to say, do you want to open for me? Do you have a good 10 minutes? He has the floor for a minimum eight hours. I mean, he's on a stage. Yeah. He has the microphone, but it does make your job more fun when every time someone orders something, you have an insane reaction to it. Just watch it. It's in the lower side. If anyone, what's it called? I don't know. I blacked out. Give us all business a shout out. But if you're not in the mood, don't go to that place. Anyway, what's up, giglers? Yeah, we didn't even say hi because we got right into it. I like your headband. What brand? First one, thank you. How are you? Thank you. Good. Did you see the jig from State Farm? Got a hold of Windbreaker Gate? Whenever brands get involved in like certain funny bits, it's interesting to see like what brands State Farm wasn't in my back pocket. I was not expecting them. The OG giglers, no. Back in my day, I was seeing a guy named Jake during COVID and we called him Jake from State Farm. So it was kind of a beautiful- Honestly forgot about that. And you know what we call Des, Caddy Daddy. Oh my God. It's so funny though. The other day, I was cleaning out my kitchen. You ever cleaned out your kitchen? Never in my life. Okay, let me tell you. You find things, like it's a totally different world than like cleaning out your bedroom or cleaning out your closet. Because you're like, when would I ever use 85 spatulas? Do you remember Spiralizers? Spiralizers? There was like a time in 2018 where all the girls were buying these like $10 Spiralizers on Amazon where you put a zucchini in it and you spiral it and you make zucchini pasta. You know, I didn't have one of those but that's the type of things I was finding. Like choppers and like slicers and like a salad maker. I'm like, I've never made a salad in this country. But it's the kind of stuff you buy to just make yourself feel better. But you know- I was like, I'm an adult. I should have like a complete kitchen. So I'm cleaning out my kitchen and I just find like a coffee mug that's a State Farm on one side and Jake on the other. And I was like- Is his name Jake? No, not his real name. Okay, it's false advertising. There was a whole other guy before him. Oh yeah, what did they do with him? You're done in this town. I want to see a documentary of where the first Jake from State Farm is now. Yeah. What is he doing? And the guy from Dell. The guy from Dell. Whatever happened to him, remember him? True. Remember, they brought back the Mayhem guy because people were like, hello. Yeah. There should be awards for commercials. Flow from Progressive. I don't know. We do know- She's probably made so much money. So much money from them. She's probably like tried to audition for something else and they're like, hey, can we talk for a second? You're full of from Safe. I actually think I have seen her in something and I'm like- From Progressive. Sorry, she's typecast now. No, like they actually do. I met the Verizon girl who is an incredible actress, but she's so widely known. Do you guys want to know what happened to Jake from State Farm? Yeah. The original Jake from State Farm was a real State Farm employee named Jake Stone who worked in an Indiana call center, was cast from an internal casting club, blah, blah, blah. He did not pursue acting, left State Farm to become a bartender and now lives a private life with his family. Obsessed with him, he got too big. He was like, I didn't want this fame. I didn't want this life. He's like, Hollywood is not for me. That is so not how I saw it going. He got too famous. The new guy's name is Kevin, by the way. And he was like, I just want to do my passion, which is making drinks. Look, I get it. Well, the funny about when I saw this cup, I literally had a thought where I was like, oh, should I throw this out? And then I was like, yeah, throw it out. No, I would never. You don't know anyone in G. It doesn't matter. Like just throw it out. And I was like, what am I ever having an encounter with State Farm where I have to be like, threw your cup out literally three days later. Jake from State Farm on WinBright. With the universe came for you. Yeah, I was like, I was like, it's just a cup. Also, I'm thinking about it. The nonstop State Farm is so happy right now. The marketing girls are like, we knew they would latch on to this. You know that he, they had to set that up. He had to go in his green room, have the windbreakers or the jackets lined up. So shout out to the girl at marketing. Then put that together. Do you ever have like, where you feel bad for like inanimate objects? Like, are you ever like in your house and like, like I'm trying to think of an example, like, like the salt shakers in one cabinet and the peppers in another. And you're like, oh, I feel bad because they're like alone. So I have to like put them together. You should talk to someone about that. You should for sure talk to someone about that. It's crazy because you don't feel bad. You don't feel bad for animate objects, but non-animate objects. You suddenly have empathy for, yeah, look that up. Get that checked out. Like you've never like left your stuff to animal and you're like, okay, like I'm leaving and like, I'll be back. This isn't Toy Story 3. Guys, not one time your entire childhoods, you've never looked at an item and been like, I feel bad. Well, you're like, you're like the most materialistic person I've ever met in my life. But now it makes sense because you're like, because they have feelings too. Like maybe, no, a plant maybe I would. Don't get me started about my plant. I'll cry. I've had my plant for almost 10 years. It's my favorite item. She was like me and had to take my plant for like a couple weeks. You didn't trust her. And I checked on my plant more than I've ever checked on Daphne with like the sitter. I'm like, Josephine, don't forget to order my plant. Well, with the sitter, you have to check on the sitter more than Daphne. You're like, has she been rude? Is she making you feel bad about yourself? Okay. So is your kitchen clean? Yeah, my kitchen's clean. I got rid of a lot of stuff. You don't realize how many things you have that end up being expired. It's not good. You got to check. Oh, that's why I don't have anything in my fridge. Well, it's like more like my canned items and like my dressings. Wait, canned items go bad? I thought that was the whole point of preparing for the apocalypse. Well, sometimes. Like, I think I threw out some like soup stuff. I don't think I've ever bought a canned item and ate it. Really? Like, you know what? Well, I've been on a tuna kick. So like I've been eating tuna. I just recently ordered a bunch of beans because I got a TikTok that was like, beans are so good for you. And my mom always says that. So I'm like, let me get on my bean. Poor Daphne. She's like, you're hotboxing me. Wait, wait, you love tuna, but you're not giving fish wife a chance? Fish wife? Oh, the tin fish. Yeah, because they have tuna, albacore, salmon. What did it look like inside the tin? It looks like a tuna fish can. OK, then I'll give it a try. You should give it a try because it's full of antioxidants and I'm not sponsored by them. There's this thing in my brain that- It's cat food. No. There's this thing in my brain that it's like, this is sick too. If my mom didn't buy that brand, I'm not buying that brand. Oh. Like, I can't deviate from certain things because I'm like, I didn't grow up with that. And like, we use Heinz ketchup. Like, yeah. And you know, like when you go to someone else's house and you're like, oh, interesting, you guys are that family you buy that. You're like, you guys aren't- Are glowing the door dark because you're drinking that orange juice product. Like, I remember one time I went to my friend's house and instead of orange juice in the morning, they drank Sunny D. And I was like, I was like, obsessed. I love it. All the cookies. And I remember going back home being like, mom, there's a different kind of orange juice you can buy. And she was so offended. She was like, I'll never. Sunny D? Like Sunny D in the house. Sunny D's if orange juice and Mountain Dew had a baby. Yeah. And their name was Chad. It's juice. I mean, not juice. It's basically soda. It's like soda juice. Yeah. Wait, Sunny D. Oh my God. I had some crazy days on Sunny D as a kid. Like I was Sunny D and then black out for four hours. You wake up, everything's a mess. You came out from- That's a k-hole. Sunny D. We were very different children. That was my k-hole. Like I didn't play unless my socks matched my bow. So no, I didn't black out on Sunny D. My mom had a full meetings with babysitters telling them to water down my juice because I was like unsafe to be around other kids with the amount of sugar I was in anyway. Sunny D. Oh my God. Yeah, that was a blast from the past. Wait, I was going to say something before we got on a Sunny D tangent that I just didn't see coming. I feel like you should be wearing more rings. Why are you not wearing any rings right now? You know, I just saw my ring. This is also what happens when you clean things out. I go, guys, I don't wear you enough. Paige is wearing a ring. And I go back for my rings. How did you choose which fingers, do you feel bad for the fingers that don't have a ring? I actually did. I said, oh, you guys have two rings, you're together and you don't have any rings. I'm really into like, I mean, this is obviously a fake diamond, but I'm really into pinky rings recently. And I ordered from this- Because you're Italian? Is it new? Wow, yeah. And I ordered from this brand, it's called Wolfen Badger. And they had like all these like diamond pinky rings that I'm like obsessed with. And that's just my- I'm obsessed with non-diamond rings because I don't want the responsibility of owning real jewelry. You know, I have a sensory problem. So I don't, which I feel like you do too, because you never wear jewelry when you don't have to. I don't wear my wedding ring. Right. Because it gives me a wrench. So I don't wear a lot of jewelry either, but every time I see a girl that's like, has a bunch of rings on, has a necklace, does has her earrings, I'm like, oh yeah, your outfit looks 10 times better because you accessorized. I feel like ring girls to me are like tattoo girls where like it looks good on them, but on me, it's like she's a try hard fake bitch. I love tattoo girls. Oh my God. Every now that I see one, like this girl was playing tennis and she has one on her arm. I mean like real tattoo girls, like a Kat Von D tattoo girl. Yeah. Like full sleeves. Do you know how girls were like, if I was a worm, would you love my ass, Dez? I was like, if I was tatted up all the way, would you love me? I don't remember what he said because I didn't care. So that is the most random. Look, if he said no, I would be like, what is it, 1955? Wait, I keep this a secret. So I'm just going to tell the gigbers. It's our four year anniversary. That's disgusting. I know. Wait, Hannah, the other day, did you see that when you commented on Dez's Instagram, you're like nice jacket. Oh yeah. I commented back to you and said, don't get any ideas. But when I saw you comment on your own husband's Instagram, I did have a moment where I was like, oh, they have inside jokes. Okay, so they have bits that they run that I have no idea about. You're actually in on that bit because Dez was going to do comedy stops and goes look at my outfit and I go, wait, I love that jacket. And you go send it to Paige and then walked out. But I just had a moment where I was like, oh, she has a friend. She talks to you. Obviously, you've been married for four years. That's your friend. But I was like, oh, okay, I guess I'm out. I do like to comment on his photo, just to remind people that I'm there, that I'm lurking, but never too lovey-dovey. But not too mean where people think we're in a fight. I like it very little. What are you going to do for your four year anniversary? Are you doing anything? We forgot. It was actually yesterday. That's so you. Wait, that is so you guys. Well, we woke up in the morning and I had to hop on a plane and I got on the plane and texted me, by the way, it's our anniversary. And I was like, I love you. And then I forgot to say that. Wait, not to sound so pick me, but you really aren't like other girls. Like I feel like if you ask like a 25 year old guy, like what's their dream girl? Like it is you because you don't care about like certain things that like the majority of girls would be like if you asked a random girl, oh, if your husband forgot your wedding anniversary, would you be pissed? The majority would say, yeah. Well, you're like, I forgot. I was going to say I'm not mad at him because I'm in the same boat. But also I just want a man who's kind and nice and funny. And those I do think when a guy goes too hard on anniversaries, it's like you have another family. Yeah. Interesting. It's Des and now overcompensating. Is Des like I'll send you flowers randomly kind of guy? Or is he? Well, he's like, I feel like he's like an act of service guy. Like I helped you organize this because it would help your dad. So great question. I early on like kind of made a joke, but I was serious. I was like, I don't I'm not really a flowers person. I get them and then. It's the most pick me thing. No, it's open because I don't say it out loud. That's pick me. But like to him, I was like, don't give me flowers. What don't you like about gang flowers? Because then they go bad. Also, I have to take care of suddenly I have a child in my house that I'm not around and then starts smelling. I get in trouble because the better eats a flower throws up. Like it's just I've never had a good experience with flowers. I guess like Valentine's Day, I'm like, yeah, I could use a flower. But like guys randomly bringing you flowers. I'm like, who did you fuck today? Yeah. Like I don't like that at all. This is Des. I like, well, first of all, I land for the Sports Illustrated Week. I'm doing immediately order Chinese food. Like as I'm getting in the Uber, I get my chicken and broccoli with white sauce, mushy pork and dumplings. Go to town on it. Yeah. Realize, oh, I have a fitting for Sports Illustrated Weekend. Nothing sipping. And I was like, well, the sodium alone. The sodium and the bloat from the flight together was Desiabolical. And I knew I was about to get a spray tan. It was hard. But anyway, my special is coming out. And we're doing, we're trying to put the trailer together. Comedy trailers are really hard because they don't want to put the full bit. They want to like tease. But if you tease too much, it just doesn't, it looks like you're saying anything. Right. So I'm like insanely editing this trailer. And I called him just like overwhelmed by the edit and like trying to figure it out. And he like talked me off a ledge and he's like, let me look at it. I'll have figured out whatever. Like that's what I want my husband for. Right. Not giving me flowers and then like not talking to me all day. Which does not be so as well. Honestly, I'm going to say the latter. But the trailer is said, I think we got it. I'm just like a perfectionist with it. Yeah, you are a perfectionist. I showed it to you. Yeah, it's really good. You looked phenomenal. Well, that's all you care about. It's so funny because there was one part in the trailer where I was like pause real quick. And you were like, I know what you're going to say. And I was like, your hair looks phenomenal. Like in that two seconds. You watched it on mute. I was like, did you like the bits I chose? And you go, the way your hair was like off your shoulder. Well, because you know what? I think everything you do is funny. So I don't even have to like, I don't have to check on that. I'm there for certain aesthetics things that maybe you wouldn't think of. I would have missed. Yeah. And Des would have missed. Oh God, so anyway, happy anniversary Desmond. You know how there's like a whole side of TikTok that's like Chinese medicine and like. Guys, this is important actually. She goes, this is where I get all my doctor stuff. Don't even speak badly because there are a lot of things that I've tried that I'm like, that actually really did work. So the most recent thing was like. You know how you're going to go. And look, St. Anthony, don't let this happen, but I'm going to see like a trend. I'm going to shove something in the wrong place. I wake up in the morning. You're like, eat this. I'm like, absolutely. No, this girl was saying that in Chinese culture, it is just the norm that when you're at home and you're about to take a shower, if you're a girl, you get undressed, you take your underwear in the shower with you, you wash it in the shower, then you throw it in your dirty laundry because they're like, it's such a sensitive area that it should be washed double. And I'm like, yeah, absolutely. That makes so much sense. Then I saw the video. Did you see the girl washing her underwear in a hotel in the coffee machine? Woman instead of the week. That is one of the most diabolical things I've ever seen in my life. This is how I do my laundry from now on. Because you know I'm in a hotel with just a bunch of dirty underwear and I'm like, do I insta-cart? There's a sink. The coffee, the heat, the heat really gets the bacteria. And then people are just drinking your discharge. I don't even notice if there's a coffee machine in my hotel room. Des makes the coffee in this household or I order it. But also when he tried to explain to me how to make coffee, because I didn't drink coffee until like I went on tour. Yeah. Because I was too hyper, I could barely drink Sunny D. He's like, yeah, you just know how much, he acts like an Italian grandma. He's like, you just put the coffee on the top. What's your coffee machine of choice? He's, that's his job. Like he's the house manager. Right, he is. Like I don't ask where things are from, how they got there. It's so true. How they work. I don't know when it's working, when it's not working. Occasionally I'll just be like, do you know the brand? Like are you a queasy nart person? Are you doing like, is that a quizine? Queasy? Queasy nart. Queasy nart? No. Queasy nart, I think. Quiznos? Or are you like a Nespresso pod family? See Nespresso pod, that's a whole different, it's a whole different job. That really stresses me out. I fucked up many Nespresso pods in a hotel room. Yes. See now after the woman washing her underwear, I'll never even. Two things that are bougie about me. Let's hear them because I, let me think first what I think. Not travel. Not every day. Not sleeping accommodations. I'm really getting stumped. I would say now, the person you are today. I would say. You're not gonna get it. I know because I was gonna say hotel but you're really not. Well, I do, I do love hotel rooms. I love treating my openers to amazing hotel rooms now. But that's all because you taught me that it was important. Because I'm like, we got a bed, we got a bed. Okay, these are the things I spoil myself with now. I will order an eight dollar delivery coffee. In the morning. In the morning, if I want. That's non-negotiable. I love, and I want it like a milkshake. I want hazelnut. I want it, whatever. Yeah. Second thing. Really get your gut started on the right foot. Yes. Really? And then I'm like, I think I maybe is. Start the day off with bloke. Because it's only down from there. That's true. I know. If I'm gonna be emotionally miserable, I might as well be physically emotionally, whatever. Anyway, okay, this is insane, but I bought on Amazon. Phone chargers with a really long. Cables. Cables. Like 10 photos. And I put it in every single room. You're rich. So every room I go into, put your hand down, you'll find a cable, plug it in. Somehow still, my phone's never charged. But like, you know how like you've got one charge, you can never find, I'm losing it. One day I said, fuck it, I'm buying 10 chargers on Amazon. I'm putting it in every. One of my favorite things is small. No, we gotta. Yeah. Every crevice in my house. One of my favorite things is like small luxuries that aren't real luxuries. Like one time I went away for like a weekend with one of my girlfriends, we stayed at this insane house in Miami and everyone was like, oh my God, this house is amazing. And it has this and it has this and blah, blah, blah. And I go, did you see that next to the beds? They had like a little sticky thing that stuck onto the night side table that you put the charger in. So the cord never, I was like, these people are rich and they know luxury. I then ordered every room needed to have one wherever there was a charger. So it never like slipped down. I think it might be like the New Yorker on me where like, I like to smell bullshit. And sometimes we'll stay in like a nice hotel and you're like, yeah, it's so nice. And I get there, the fucking light isn't working. You have to go here to get the charger. I'll burn the place to the ground. I'm like, that's not luxury to me. I don't care that it's like, it has gold like toilets. I want. A charger that like I want. What do you want Vegas? You want to go to hell. I am talking about a fucking casino in Vegas. We went to, yes. But these are like, oh, this marble's been around. So I don't give a fuck. I can't charge my phone. Yeah. I hate when there's not enough outlets. Like I don't need the alarm clock plugged in. I have a phone. It's 2026. Get a rip. Have you ever had an alarm clock go off in a hotel? No. Well, that's happened to me, but I'm not going to get into it. I digress. And lastly, I like vintage bags. Yeah. Because it's sustainable. Well, sometimes you do send me a bag where I'm like, that was run over by an 18 wheel tractor trailer. Someone's grandma owned it, ripped the handle off, sewed it back together. And I'm like, why would you buy this bag for $2,000? Because I love a sale. Yeah, you do. And if it's like, it says like Chanel bag for $700. I'm like, this is incredible. I send it to you. You only like shopping to be competitive. Yeah. I feel like I got something. But then you'll be like, let's zoom in for a second. Let's take a quickander. Someone took a Sharpie and wrote all over it. And I'll be like, oh, that's why it's like $4. Yeah, it's $4 first Chanel. But do you ever find with vintage shopping, if you find your size, even if it's kind of ugly, you're like, well, I have to get it. Yeah, absolutely. Because you're like, when am I ever going to come across? Like when I go to Italy, there's one vintage store that I go to that I'm like, I have to get everything that's in my size. Because when am I going to come across? My mom's like, you don't even like it. It feels like the universe was speaking to you. I'm like, I need to get it. One time I went into a vintage store and they were like, this bag came out in 1992. I go, I was born in 1992. That's my bag. She was like, OK. I also think with bags. So is a whole generation. There'll be an outfit one day that you're like, oh, this crazy outfit works perfectly with this crazy bag, but it could take years. Right. And there's a vintage shopping is like, it could take years to have the perfect thing to wear that to where I am such a like thrower outer that I'm like, if I haven't worn it in the past year, it's out of there. You get rid of vintage? Well, no, I don't get rid of anything designer. But like if I don't wear something for a full calendar year, I get rid of it because I'm not what I'm a horrible shop or I never wear anything. Yeah. I go, I'm like, I'm wearing what I've been wearing. Here's the other thing. If you don't see what you have, you can't remember. That's why I'm always organizing my closet because I'm like, I forget that I have things. Are you against drawers? Speaking of an animal, I guess. I'm against drawers in 2026. Because if everything's. I'm not anti-drawer. Okay. But like if things are folded up in drawers, you feel like you don't wear. Well, I think what goes in drawers is you're like essentials, like your workout clothes, your underwear, your pajamas, like things that you're not putting together. I do see a world where you're running like a styling organization, pimple popping company in your future. I don't know. It's just like you'd be so good at it. But I guess it's that's how you influence now. Like you tell people. Those are just my hobbies. Yeah. You're like, don't try to monetize my hobbies. Don't try to monetize. Do I try and monetize when you do needlepoint? No. I did it for one day. I'm so annoying though, like my dad loves the next and he's so funny when he talks about the next. And I'm like, dad, it's started next podcast. And he's like, no, this is what I love to do. Why make it into a job? And I'm like, okay, I'll go to therapy. M&M's for Marvel. Take one. I am Wolverine. That was super terrible. Where's the confidence? Where's the bravado? Come on, like this. I am Wolverine. Wait, I thought you were going to be Deadpool. Well, I am. I don't get it. Is your superpower disappointing me? Scan your pack to win heroic Marvel prizes. M&M's and Marvel, it's more fun together. See full terms and conditions when you scan. Listen to this ACAST show. Add free on Amazon Music with your prime membership or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. I have an update from last week. I was complaining about people who blow their nose and make like insane sounds. Insane sounds. A girl messaged me. She's our running runner up woman of seventh week. She said she used to make that noise. She realized it's because those people don't realize that you're supposed to close one nostril. So they're doing two nostrils, which makes- How do you get any grit? How do you get any air to go? Also, how did we get there? Like, I don't remember anyone telling me you do one nostril at a time. I thought it was just innate. Do you want to hear one of the most disgusting things that I've ever witnessed in my- I don't like flim stories. Well, it's a flim story. So buckle up. I- Like, Lugies make a guy. I had a boyfriend. No. For a- I know. Already. The biggest tip- I feel like anyone listening to this is like, how many goddamn boyfriends? And honestly, guys, it's actually not that many. It's just they did a lot of weird shit. So I rotate the stories in and out. I had a boyfriend for kind of a little bit of a while. I was just as shocked as he was. Who would blow his nose? No tissue, no nothing. Put one finger and just blow into the air. Well, you know what that's called. I'd be like, this is my living room. It's called Snot Rocket. Now, if we're outside on a hot summer day somewhere, he's a little stuffed up. Like, maybe I would get it. I'm like, go to the bathroom, get a piece of toilet paper. What's going on? Like, where did you meet this caveman? Like, if there was like a takeout bag or something on the table, he would like just go like that and do it. And I would look at him and be like, people think you're like a put together person. And I'm out here lying. That's like, savage. No, it's crazy. It was one of the craziest, like, habits that I'm like, where did you even learn this and how has no one in your whole life? See, this is what I think about men. No one's called them out. No one calls them out. They can get into these little pockets for years where they're around people that are never calling them out. So then here I come and they're like, this is the meanest woman we've ever met in our lives. Like, I'm calling it how I see it. And I'm like, hey, just, just tell you that. No, you're so right. He was one of our friends that was like, that's actually pretty cool, bro. And he was like, that's my whole thing now. That's my whole personality. I've snuck, snuck rocketed before. Because like, I'm on the tennis court and you're playing. It's so funny. And you go to the back and you don't have a paper and you just go, and it feels disgusting, but like you have to and you're sweating and you're crying and you're bleeding. Like that's just part of the war. I'm so happy you said this and brought this up because I used to have a theory. That's another thing. Whenever I have a boyfriend, I have multiple theories about that. I don't, I don't dare tell anyone. You let the internet handle that. I only tell Hannah so that we can revert back to it after I break up with them. So that someone here has remembered my theory. And I used to think like, oh, did the guys that were cool in high school who played sports do that and you thought it was cool so then for the rest of your life, you did that. Now I made that entire thing up. No, you didn't. But I think it was true. And I think it was accurate. I just had an epiphany. Yeah. That's why loud short men don't like me. They hate you. Loud short men. Well, you're their competition. Hate me because they see me and they were like, oh, she could beat me at sports and they hate that they couldn't do sports. And I'm like, it's not my fault that I'm naturally athletic and my calves, like I have a good vert. Men don't care about women. They don't find attractive. So if you meet someone who's your same height, they already know she's never like saying yes to me for a date. And they know I can throw a football forward than them. And they know I could beat the shit out of them. Yeah. And so they're immediately like on the defensive with you. But then with you, they're not. Well, because I come off dainty, but they don't know that I have a mouth on me. I know. And then when you do let the mouth out, they think that they blacked out. They're like, that couldn't have been paged. That was Hannah. I think the first time Joe ever heard my mouth, he was like, whoa. And I was like, yeah, I'm so sorry for that. It will happen a million times again. I had a giggler DM me and she goes, hey, I found my boyfriend's pocket pussy. What should I do? I'm jarred. I'm floored. Jarred. I'm like, of course, the one DM I opened. It's the most sexual. I'm like, girl, where, you know, she goes, what should I do? I get, I sent her back the most diabolical response. I go, she goes, should I say something about it? I go, don't you dare let him know that you know this little tidbit of information because you might need blackmail at some point. Then I said, if you ever get into a fight and immediately the line that came to my head was go fuck your pocket, pussy, you incel loser. And then I go, I'm so sorry. He might be a nice. Wait, I love how you go hold that. It's like a punchline where you're like, I'm going to wait for like an important show to do that punchline. You're like, this is good. See, I would immediately just want to talk to him and be like, wait, tell me the story. How this happened. Or I would cut. I would find a printer somehow print out a photo of my face, tape it on, put it back. Or I put hot sauce in it. But that's like if he's cheating or something. But also like look on the other side. He's he's. Mining his own business. He's literally at home. Mining his own business. Just having fun. Doing what's naturally done. Is that the same as a flashlight? I think it's the same thing. I've never. Same company. Same brand. Have I ever seen one in person? Never have I ever. I'm going to say never have I ever. I wonder. Oh no. Remember that time one got delivered to my apartment and I opened it and I was like, what the fuck is this? And then you were the wrong. And you had to look the guy in the eye and give it him. I didn't. I never looked him in the eye. I knocked and ran. That's how the guy at the hotel felt giving me my thongs from Target. Maybe you're underpriced. Chris, do you judge a friend if they have a flashlight or is that just kind of. That's they definitely don't know. Like is a certain guy is a flashlight or it's like anyone could have a flashlight. Not something you guys would like openly talk about. And I'd open for. Oh, some guys do. It gets. Yeah. So I don't even want to say. And they'll say like I bought one. Wait, I love Chris. He's like honestly, it's really gross. I don't want to talk about it. Not to be so pick me, which is the theme of the episode. But dare I argue, it's the same as a vibrator. I mean, kind of. We're both like doing the same thing with something plastic. No, you're right. It's like not good for the environment. There's just like a. A set. Definitely doesn't decompose. There's a sadness to it, though. You know what it is? It's because like men can jerk off easier where women like we need multiple vibrations. We need different shapes. We need to wrap it. We need like all these. Did you see the TikTok of the girl that was like. Sorry, is anyone using the setting? And everyone was like, no, why they've. Why is it Morse code? She's like, is anyone stopping? That's actually. Starting female aliens calling for help from a different. And we're like, what is this? Our third woman of STEM of the week. Oh my God. Is Zara Larson. Yeah. I have a question. People do the today show all the time. Every day. People perform. Every day on the day show. Why is this the first time there's footage going around of an actress? I mean a singer. Like doing their practice run at the today show. Have you seen this? Didn't see this. All over my feet is Zara Larson. It's like 4am. Her face is like 4am. No makeup. And she's like trying to go through her practice. And I'm like, why is this being filmed and blasted everywhere? What is the like. She's doing a morning rhetoric of the video. Like what are people saying? People are just like getting footage of her doing the practice. Like a sound check. As they call it in the biz. They're not being like, oh my God. She. No, they're like, she's awesome. But like she's bare-faced. You just never seen someone practice for the today show. Yeah. There's not. Why is it just Zara Larson they have on blasts doing that? I mean it was iconic, but like. I've never seen a sound check. I've never seen a sound check either. And I would assume because it's so early in the morning that the people aren't there yet. To like get footage of celebrities. I don't think people perform that much. I think they only perform in the summer. Oh. Because they do that like outside summer series. But still like I've never seen make a blitz sound check footage. No, I don't feel bad for it. It was empowering, but I also was like, at least make it even playing field. Why just make Zara Larson go out there? Because I'm not a morning person. So I saw the pain in her eyes. And I was like, I feel so bad. Also. We ran to my ex-boyfriend. Oh my. We have to tell the kids. Wait, okay. You know, and you're walking with your friend and you see someone that's like, okay, maybe not like aesthetically pleasing and you're like, that's your boyfriend. Like, and you're joking. You're like, oh, here's Hannah's boyfriend. So anyway, me and Hannah are walking on the sidewalk and Hannah goes, oh, that's my ex-boyfriend. And I immediately just think everything she says is a joke. So I'm like, okay, cool. Like, I know all the time I'll see like a crazy man right now shooting. He's like, oh, yeah. So I'm just thinking like it's a bit, but I didn't really look at the guy. But I just saw that he was on a bike. And so we're like, keep walking. And Hannah's like, no, really, that's. You had zero reaction. I was like, that's a little, well, it's 22 living in Hills kitchen. That's why I was like, oh, I didn't know you were serious. Then I, at that same exact moment, you're still looking straight. I turn around. I see him go past on the bike and I'm like, oh, he's definitely checking to see if it was you. Then I hear him coming like behind us. And I'm like, okay, just like keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. No, mine too. So many obstacles. One has to go through. I was really, first of all, I was really sweaty. Yeah. To the point that you were overstimulated. I was overstimulating. I was wearing jeans and it was really sweaty. And I had been overstimulated for like the last hour. Yes. And then I put my hair up in a bun, which I never do. Because that's how hot and overstimulated it was. Yeah. And if you see Hannah's hair up, it's not good inside. It's not good. I'm freaking the fuck out. So I was already like over it. And then it was such a like moment that your ex-boyfriend would come by. So if I had been like feeling myself, I would have turned the fuck around and be like you. But I was like, we got to get out of here. Like this is not the moment that I envisioned. This is not the timing. And because he was one of my good ex-boyfriends, like he did. Oh, so like we could have said hi. No, he's done nothing wrong in his life. What is that like? This was a Lenore situation. This was early in my 20s. Lenore just goes, I'm over it. And I was like, but he's like, and she's like, yeah, I don't think he's the one. Yeah, he's fine. She was like, he's fine. You're 23. What are you going to do? Date him for four more years. Get out. That's me. And the breakup was actually really. Nice. Sad. Because like it was just like a normal day and I was like, hey, so I had a meeting with my mom. And we've decided to never see you again. We were going to have to let you go. And he was like, so I can't talk to you tomorrow. Like there was like no bad vibe. Like it was really sad. Yeah. And I was like, I don't let me call my mom. And then I was like, yeah, she said we can't talk tomorrow. And like she was right. Like he wasn't who I was meant to be with, but like I actually wouldn't have. I could have not gone into comedy if I stayed with stayed with him. Wow. I think I've had like one of those breakups. I think I would have gotten distracted maybe later. Well, you were bored already with them. Maybe. I remember like it was a premature breakup. Like I definitely was like the next day I was like, oh, I can't text him. And I'm the one who broke up with him. But it was I was ready. There was tears. Interesting. For sure. It was really sad. That's sad. But like it was mature of me to be like, we need to get more people on the roster. I don't recommend sad breakups. It felt like it felt like I was running a basketball team. And the star of my team, he was good. He's never done anything wrong. We're not winning a championship. Got it. So I was there like, what can I do better? And I'm like, it's just not championship. You just don't have the sauce. You know the sauce. And we need to bring in some new blood to like get a new team to possibly win a championship one day. Wait, that's a great way to put it. That's literally how it was. So I actually have not had like any real dramatic breakups. One breakup I had. That sounds so nice. That says a lot about you, I think. A lot about me. Shout out all my ex-boyfriends. Also all my ex-boyfriends, like real ex-boyfriends, don't have social media. That was what was crazy about seeing him on the bike. Cause like he has, you search his name, nothing comes up. And his mom has texted me recently. Wow. It was one of those. Cause like we never had beef. I never had beef with his mom. And she probably was like, I get a girl. But like we're cool. No satisfaction, like a mom years later being like, you were the one. And I'm like, bitch, I know. Tell me something I don't know. I'm like, you have amazing taste, just not with your son. But then also once I had to break up with a guy, I had to wait for my mom to go on vacation. So I could do it cause she really liked him. And I didn't want her, so I did it while she was on vacation. She came back and I had to drop it on her. I mean, I was right. She just was like, I knew it would upset her. And I didn't want to upset her before her vacation. Cause I love my mom. It's funny cause I get a lot of DMs of girls being like, I'm going through a breakup and very split summer. Like what do you do to be like distracted? Like how do I move on? And then other girls will be like, I'm devastated. Like I was blindsided. And honestly, I feel like they should be sending like you those messages because you're more like a vological breakup where I'm, I'm like, I hate you. You just went through a very public breakup. So people are like, want to connect with you on it. But no, I'm really healthy with breakups. Yeah. Where I'm like, I've never hooked up with an ex. Yeah, that's crazy. And do you, do any of you ever reach out to you like amicably and say like just like been seeing what you were doing, like so proud of you. I've dated a certain character of guy who again is like chill, confident, doesn't do social media, doesn't want attention. When we broke up, he was like, I love you. I wish you the best. And then never heard from him again. Yeah. I have like multiple guys like that where I came. That's why I was so freaked out. I have a couple like never heard from them again. And which like thank God. Shout out British Dave. Like I don't talk to him. Like he'll say happy birthday sometimes. If something really big happens, he'll say something. That's really nice. He's dating a girl in Australia. And like we just, we always loved each other. We just, it wasn't like, we never even were like official. I don't think we had done British Dave. Stop, that's so nice. We just, because we like fucked with each other. Like, it was cool. You know, I don't have one ex boyfriend that would dare, even dream to dare to send me a text saying congrats on like anything. They wouldn't, it wouldn't even cross their mind. Listen to this ACAST show. Add free on Amazon music with your prime membership or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. There are a ton of great guys I dated. And then there's some where it's like, they know I know who they are. Okay. The shots are a lot. Yeah, this episode took an interesting turn. Interesting turn. I have the best breakup advice. Okay. If you're feeling like shit, first of all, if you're blindsided, like that's not your soul mate. Right. But thank you. Now go have fun. If you're single, tell yourself I'm going out tonight. This is the song you put on that will heal everything every time. Riding solo, Jason Derulo. Have you played that song recently? I haven't. Put it on? You're good. You've moved on. You're excited. You're like, get me out there in these streets. I hate the phrase industry plant because I like don't know what it is, but I feel like Jason Derulo was an industry plant. He had like a real time happening during COVID. Like he was really on the internet during COVID. He was at a point with his songs where like they all somehow like had a little cocaine in them or like they hit. So catchy. It was bad, but like like the trumpet song. Can you imagine me trying to pitch that to a room? Like I have this, it's just about trumpets and the trumpets go That is a phenomenal song. They'd be like, what are the best songs? On paper sounds horrible in person. That could change a party. Remember he like broke his tooth or something? Some type of like. I think he dated Jordan's. Can you pass me that water? Well, whoever decided water bottles should be made for ants. Why are there ant water? Like who's like, like just have a full water bottle. It's not even good for you because it's in plastic. And it's just like there's so much plastic all around us. I can't take it. I have two qualms with like technology right now. One, my TikTok is so bad right now where I don't know if it's because I don't scroll that often, but when I do, I'm seeing things from a month ago on my feed. And I have like pop culture stuff. So they'll be like, you'll never guess what just happened. And I'm watching three minutes of it and I realized this is from three months ago. Nothing should be on your feed from April 1st. Right. That never happens to you. It does. But that's when I'm always like, the government's up to something. Yeah. Like I don't know what's happening. The number two. I'm like, this is bigger than me. It's too easy to delete a note on your notes app. Hannah, I literally thought I got fired from Giggly Squad last night because I went to add something to the Giggly Squad notes app and it wasn't there. Well, I gaslit you and started laughing. I'm like, of course you don't have the Giggly Squad app on your phone. I was like, did I just like delete it? I think I accidentally deleted it and it deleted you. Because I'd be crazy with my notes. And you know, you like sneeze and actually you know, you have no notes on your phone. If you had to pick one, your text message is getting subpoenaed. Your note app getting subpoenaed. What are you picking? Note app 100%. My text messages are insane. I don't know. I say some crazy things to myself in my notes app. They'll just be like, that's not a funny joke. Like that's what they'll see in my notes app. They'll be like, I see the premise. I don't see where it's going. They'll be like, her idea when she was high is just chips and dip. I think it would be hilarious, my notes app. But also my notes app, what I love is you can go to 2017. And I have like my goals. I have like lists of like my to-do lists when I was like 25 manifestations or like things that I'm working on. Like it's actually every now and then when you're need to like reflect on your life, scroll your notes app. You'll see like a breakup text. I always have like my long to-do list. My 10 year plan. Yeah. I was coming up with like funny video ideas in 2016. Outfit ideas. I have a lot of outfit ideas. I don't have any of those. I've never. Clothes I want to order, stores I want to shop at that I won't remember the name of. Recipes of things that you'll never make. Yeah. I actually don't have a single recipe in my notes app. My problem with text messages with which people have to talk about with subpoenas is when someone's texting me, I'm leaning into their side. Doesn't mean I agree with that. Well I'm not doing their energy. I'm not going to just leave someone out here on a limb. People don't factor that in. Like they'll be like, oh these two were talking shit. I'm like, yeah, but show me talking to the other girl. Right. I was playing both sides babe. Like don't put me in a corner. I was just getting information. I really hope that our text messages are never subpoenaed. I don't know in what situation that would happen. And then they throw this clip of me being like, I'm playing both sides baby. And they go, she plays every side. Oh, I also had a really traumatic experience at the Netflix as a joke festival that I didn't bring out. What night? Chelsea on their show after I was like running away from Maria's show, Pova, she kept trying to talk to me. I was like, stop. I run into Blakely Thornton who's hilarious, fun. We're vibing. We're loud. We're kekeying. And then he's holding a drink and I'm just like, I'm have a sip. I'm kind of parched to have a sip. Yeah. And he's like, sure, take a sip. Mascow. What kind of deranged person doesn't warn someone that their drink is Mascow? Had you ever had it? Yeah, once. And I said, never do that again. Yeah. Mascow, if you don't know what it is, it's, I don't know what it is. All I want is to see you at like an after party at 4am. Like I just want to see what you're doing because, but I feel the same way. Mascow is like, because it's so like smokey. It has a smokey, but it's like smoked salmon. Do you know what it was? Do you ever see those YouTube videos of babies eating lemons? Yeah. That's what I was when I drank Blakely's Mascow. I put him up. I looked at him like I'd been shot. Yeah. Like I can't drink anything that has any type of smoky like a bourbon. I don't even know. But like I'll do a spicy margarita. Of course I'll do a spicy margarita. I'll do a whiskey ginger. Except then I have a heartburn. Yeah. Spicy margarita just can be such bad heartburn. To think that you're just going to get a little like tequila soda in your mouth. Yeah. And then get Mascow and he said nothing. He left me for dead. Well, because tequila drinkers are a different breed. Like I actually, I would say the majority of the people in my life that I'm around when they're drinking is tequila on the rocks. I feel like it's showing off. Like in your heart of hearts. Is that really what you want? Get? No, I don't like alcohol. I don't like the taste of anything. I get pineapple juice. It has to taste good for me. With a little bit of vodka. Yeah. And ice. And a lot of ice. That's like 17 years old. I'm like, give me orange juice. But water it down please. You're like, do you have any Sunny D back there? I just love it with a little tequila. Wait, Sunny D with tequila would slap. That's really good. It's basically a mimosa. Like Sunny D with champagne would be so good. Lately on flights, everyone is ordering alcohol next to me. Wait, I clutch my pearls on flights sometimes. And I understand that people get nervous. But the other day I was on a flight and it was literally, I think we took off at 10, 10. And there was a woman behind me and she ordered the most like hardcore drink. I just like the way she said it, she was like one big rock, like three. Well, they ordered like they're out of fancy bar in Manhattan. And I'm like this, first of all, I didn't really even know you could drink on a plane. Yeah. So like that. Also these businessmen are ordering mimosas. I thought that was for girls. Yeah. Like why are they taking up all the mimosas? A lot of people order just like straight red wine too at any time of day. Red wine. Where I'm like, I feel like that's an after dinner drink. This, it just wasn't the demo. It was like a 47 year old businessman sitting next to me who's like, bossily was like, I want a mimosa. And I was like, and then he went to white wine. Then I'm tracking this man's night. Like I'm like, oh, we're doing another. I feel like his girlfriend being like, okay, well, we're going to have a fight. He had like, he's, he kept switching. I'm like, why are we switching? Like stick with an alcohol. And then he's peeing like the whole time for the girls who are stressed when you're, and you don't fly that often and you want to get a fucking Bellini. Sorry, I love saying Bellini. I don't know if they're available on flights, but get it. But it's just the men ordering all these mimosas. And it's like, this is a business trip. You do this every week and you always get the mimosas and it's 8am and you've been eating. Drinks on flights are for girls. Yeah, it's unless you're a bachelorette or you're like going to Mexico. I love the girls on TikTok that pack like, first of all, the girls that have their little snack traits. Adorable. The girls that pack, there was a girl that made a full matcha. I was like, you're the cutest girl I've ever seen in my life. That's a freaking adorable romanticize your life. It was so sweet. And then there's like men ordering like to Kayla straight. I'm like, no, no. And like, you're going to see your second family, aren't you? Yeah. I'm like, what are you celebrating? Go to work. Wait, people need to ask me. Yelling on speakerphone for the first 20 minutes. Stop. Literally stop. Okay. Anyway, thank you guys so much for giggling with us. We love you so, so much. And we'll talk to you next week. Yeah. Bye.