Episode #119 Featuring Allana Pratt! Emotional Intimacy's Effect on Mind and Body, The TRUTH about fear and facing it head on, The power of healing through relationships and more!

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Timelines Might Appear is now available at a new lower price of only $79 but you have to visit Timeline.com backslash dillanjamelly that's Timeline.com backslash dillanjamelly to save today. Alright everybody welcome back to the Dillanjamelly podcast. I have a special guest today. I'm going to get into some topics I haven't really talked about and I'm actually excited to talk about and I'm going to say this before I get into her little bit of intro here is that I owe her a great deal of gratitude because you're the first person that's got my extremely camera shy wife to do something with me on camera and actually talk. So she's comfortable enough with you and hasn't been with anybody ever including me of her to my own. So thank you for easing her into that a little bit because we did have fun and I think that both of us feel like we made a good impact with you. And you know she has a lot to offer and it's just not her thing you know we're opposites of track type of thing so she's more behind the scenes so thank you for doing that for her and for me. It was really nice it really was and I'm going to put that interview up here for people to listen to that haven't got to. You shared so much wisdom some delicious jewel a lot of humor it was great. It was definitely fun so I'll give you a little intro and we're ready to roll. Thank you. So my guest today is an emotional intimacy expert. She's a global media personality and go to authority for those that are really ready to transcend heartbreak and live unapologetically and also cultivate a soul shaking relationship. She's an Ivy League grad she's an author of six books and you will see in the way that she speaks in such a calming but caring manner and that will draw you in immediately and I'm going to really really get to the bottom of some things here relationship wise and other things that you're really good at that I've learned over the time that I've got to know you. So my friends Alana Pratt. Thank you Dylan it's so good to be here I love how you changed my bio around in a way that really opened my heart thank you. Told you. I'm known for my interviews and it's not for reading scripts now but I do like to always give you the accolades you deserve but give them to them in my own words from what I've observed and seen and encountered so thank you for coming to see me. It's always a blessing when people come and see me and like I said this is a topic I haven't gotten into but it is extremely health related in multiple ways. I think anytime we get into emotion relationships the way that that controls our everyday life and health I'm going to let you expound upon that but let's talk a little bit about why you have gotten into this career path. Yeah am I allowed to swear in your podcast? You are. Okay. I just got called out for that because I'm a guy that praises God but I've cursed in my podcast. We're allowed to do both. Yeah. We're allowed to do both we love God and we love cussing. I honestly got into this because I say I was so fucked up. I had the best of intentions but you know divorce number one, divorce number two, third boyfriend, criminal assault. You know the only one in common was me and here I was I have this superpower this ability to help people become the one I say to find the one or become the one to awaken the one so I could do on the outside I could support people but my own skeletons in the closet were quite shameful and so I kept doing the work on the inside to go why on earth can't I walk my talk personally and what I discovered even though as you said I'm an Ivy League grad I'm a super smart girl our conscious mind is so small so small 5% maybe of what we believe what we remember what we can think about and so this iceberg under the water is really who's running the show when it comes to relationships and I figured well I must be that's must be where the problem was and I was right so in my subconscious my unconscious there were very different beliefs my nervous system would behave very differently when I would be out on a date and I kept attracting abusers now my brain would not want to do that but my body I'd go to a networking event it could be a professional or investors I would do this in my business as well as my romantic life I would attract the people that would take me for granted use me take my money hurt my body all these different things and I discovered is inside there was unhealed trauma and the unhealed trauma was saying where's the next abuser to survive that was the survival mechanism and so when I finally did psychedelic somatic integration work I had done all these other modalities for 20 years but when I finally did that all the memories came back everything that happened that I had blocked out I had dissociated humbling as fuck the smells came back my bodies the fascia holds our cellular memory I was recapitulating the abuse I was watching my body be abused the beauty with my facilitator which I'm now a facilitator myself the beauty was my facilitator helped my autonomic nervous system come like my I come back into my body feel through suicidal ideations what's wrong with me all of the self-hatred feel through the panic and the terror the rage the how could you all the way back to zero point and when I got back to zero point the soul my soul light that was out around me came into me we hear the term soul embodied well my soul light literally came into my body and I had this full on it's like God was sitting right with me this is why you took this on this is why you're here to heal this this is how you're here to help others and pay it forward through your humility and your bravery I'm going to support you I've guided you to these this modality you're going to heal and you're going to be able to help others and I finally forgave myself for all of those personal and professional and relate and romantic relationships I'm calm I'm embodied this calmness that you say I wasn't always like this because I've forgiven myself and not that I'm like thank you let's go for coffee with my abusers but no thank you because you were the catalyst to bring me home and heal and now make a difference with my life with others that's one of the things that I think is the hardest thing to grasp and understand when you're really getting into the bible and learning about what it means to carry across right you hear that term and you're like people don't they misconstrue what that means they think that we have to get crucified and carrying the cross along with Jesus is you you utilize what he did for us and realize the only can't get any worse than that so the stuff that happens to us like what you were saying happened to you it shaped who you became it actually was done for a purpose and a reason you know I I've really learned and I'm not going to get into my stuff that I always do but what I've come to accept and be severely grateful for is wow you let me experience that so I could shape myself to become what I am and then go help others totally and the more power we have the more influence we have we need to be sure we use our power well and I think these experiences have humbled us so that we do not lead with ego and arrogance but with with our soul our heart our humility and our wisdom and so I'm relatable when clients come to me these very successful people great careers you know that it looks like they've got it all together but inside they might have existential loneliness they might have lost a child and never fully healed and grieved through that they might have lost the business they might have had their spouse might have had an affair it could go all the way back to the way they were treated most often it does the way they were treated as as children well-intending parents but not there not present feeling abandoned feeling their expression was wrong tone it down don't speak truth around here you've seen not heard boys don't cry like all of these they stay in our body and then we create these survival mechanisms to operate on top of them but at some day at some point we've got to deal with these we can't keep running from ourselves through your observations over time and you correct me if I'm wrong here this is what I have observed but you've seen it more than me but I'm a people not expert but I think because I communicate with so many people and see so many things and things that I know I personally been through that took me like 40 years to figure out yeah yeah I think and I truly believe that a lot of the most rich or famous people or the people that have the biggest egos or flaunt or do these things there's something there where they have to prove something not only to others but to themselves that something must have happened where they weren't getting attention or something yeah there's something underlying and everybody that has some sort of thing that they're doing that's there sometimes it's health related but a lot of times it's something from the past that they they just can't get past yeah well in all honesty I was no different yeah I didn't know I just know I didn't really like that guy and I didn't really like that guy you know growing up but I had really dissociated and like erased all those memories but I was so hyper vigilant I was so out of my body spinning a million miles an hour anything to make sure you didn't hurt me and you liked me that's what was driving the whole show safety and so I was a very high achiever and on and on but it was never enough because what I wanted to feel was safe but I'm not going to feel safe I get a guy I still don't feel safe I get more money I still don't feel safe I get the big house I still don't feel safe like it's never outside in it's this little one inside that doesn't feel safe that I need to do the work with so that's what makes me so compassionate and understanding with my clients is they have everything on the outside but they're still afraid on the inside they still don't feel enough on the inside they don't trust God has their back yeah they don't feel at peace in their skin it could be around their sexuality around their expression it's just it's this constant spinning and most of the time they'll keep spinning because feeling and this is the bottom line feeling takes practice yes this is a society that doesn't feel we medicate or we go for dope I mean hits let me watch some more porn or let me close another deal or let me take another trip like we get these hits and we think that's feeling you know that's glossing on top of true peace home calmness oneness with God you know really feeling I am that I am like that's our birthright there's never any healing that's bandating a wound it's just it's delaying the inevitable or are trying to just block block block block block without actually fixing you know one of the things that happened for me more recently was I realized because I've always pictured and thought that idolatry was worshiping another God and I'm like oh I'm good there I'm great you know I don't have that problem but in reality I was worshiping the stuff that I was buying or that I had that I could advertise what people thought of me worried about how many numbers I had and this and that and but you know when you take a Xanax or something like you said and it's like you have an a panic attack and all of a sudden it stops but then it never you never feel at ease you only feel at ease for a few moments you feel numb yes but you wake up and you're like you don't feel great correct because you didn't integrate that wound right feeling when I just finally said I'm putting God first and I'm also going to trust because putting him first is one thing but trust gets confused with faith believing in God is great but if you don't trust him you're really doubting him right yeah when I just said you know what it's out of my hands it is it was like the the permanent Xanax where it's like you know what okay because what does crying actually solve what is pouting solve what does moping around or being stressed like I just want to understand how it treats the problem I'm not saying don't be emotional that is not what I'm saying it's fine to cry it's fine but tell me what it solves you tell me you you're the expert on this and I'm curious does it solve anything or does it make it worse it's a great question 99.9% of feeling the emotion makes it worse yeah 100% feeling the emotion integrates it into wholeness calmness peace so most people dabble in an emotion and become drama queens or drama kings or whining at least is what you're saying and that actually what you resist persists so you're so with the autonomic nervous system so when you're dissociated you've checked out your numb you got the fake happy face on okay you're spinning a million miles an hour trying to do it right look good get get take take all of that guy that doesn't work so you start to come back into your body and feel the feeling well that's sucked that's not fun where's my glass of wine where's my social media where's my next project where like whatever we leave so a lot of people loop between level four trauma out of the body dissociated and level three trauma which gets really dark really fast okay and so I looped there for decades and I thought that was feeling a feeling no that was dipping my toe the autonomic nervous system knows damn well what it's doing if you have a facilitator that when you come back in and start to feel this feeling and you you want to leave stay with me let's let's inhibit that coping mechanism let's stay and keep the it's dark I got you I'm right here so they're blindfolded and I'm right there with them take me with you I got you so I'm literally re-parenting the way their parents didn't know how to be with them maybe they never even shared with their parents how they were feeling or their wife or what have you so we get through level three trauma which is the the real darkness then we get to level two as I said is quite acute 30 seconds 60 seconds but your body as a little kid thought it was gonna die right or like it was life or death if mom or dad took their their love away right so this really intense part who's gonna feel that on their own nobody I am back I'm gonna dissociate again I would I leave and so this is what you're experiencing as it makes it worse so dabbling and it doesn't do any good but I'm like take me with you all the way and I will scream with them whatever like I will be whatever it takes for them to feel safe to fully let it rip let all that emotion through and then they get to zero they haven't left the autonomic nervous system is still coming home level one is relief and then zero point is when all this is this is true embodiment you can actually take the pain and be peaceful you can actually take the shame and be compassionate you can actually take the terror and feel at peace in your skin and that's when god comes in truly as an embodied experience of surrender like you were saying and true trust I was being really feisty with this one client the other he was making all these excuses I'm like do you really think I'm gonna buy this so here you are this men's coach and you don't even trust god you don't trust life and you're asking them to do all these things they go come on he's like oh you're sexy when you're feisty and I say don't care if I'm sexy I'm calling you on it you're not embodying it I go what is that fear and he took me he told me about this really dark story where he almost committed suicide in his 20s and he's just pushed that away for decades he doesn't want to go anywhere near those suicidal feelings because he almost took his life I'm like we actually need to do the opposite with a skilled facilitator in a safe container we actually need to integrate that because remember the story I said four you're gone three is suicidal two level two trauma is that really intense fear one is some relief zero point is you and god are one soul embodied I go babe it's time it's time to face your darkest night of the soul and get your body get your autonomic nervous system to do what it already knows how to do but on its own it's scary I couldn't do it on my own I have wonderful facilitators and I did well over 30 of these journeys to get back into my body finally and integrate these wounds and feel held one my best homie is the divine and takes work what if I told you that one molecule will help keep your body system cleansed supported immune health and cellular protection all at once I'm talking about glutathione aka the body's master antioxidant it exists inside nearly every cell helping to protect DNA proteins and cell membranes from oxidative stress as well as playing a major role in liver cleansing mitochondrial energy production and immune balance unfortunately pollutions toxins and stress can rapidly deplete glutathione levels and as we age glutathione production decreases as well and many traditional glutathione supplements do not absorb well making it extremely difficult to raise intracellular levels where glutathione actually works and that's why I use glutadiril the multi-patented topical glutathione developed by the amazing dr. nyam Patel instead of relying on digestion glutadiril absorbs through the skin helping provide a convenient and consistent way to support the body's most important antioxidant system so use my link in the description and code Dylan to save 15% off today so I mean and I understand this because I think I still have a problem with certain things that I'm working on too it's really comes down to fear and what you do with it yeah so it's it's all really fear related when you're trying to fix something it's your it's almost it's it's strange because you know you you get these people like that and I relate to said have been in prison and they've been in there a long time and they're scared to get out because they don't know what to do and they're fearful about getting out and it's like how why would you want to stay in hell well as a hell you know right the hell you don't and that's that's what I'm going to relate to what you're talking about it's I think that the resistance there is really fear of the unknown you can't remember what it was like to actually I don't want to say normal but you know what I'm saying to live in some normalcy where you're not on edge and you don't have all these stress and strength yes so yeah you're so right this is this is such the epidemic we're afraid of fear fear is scary but being afraid of now it's like doubly worse but yeah it's just compounding yeah so fear I'm not gonna say it's fun but who's gonna win fear or love who's gonna win ego or god who's gonna win your life purpose why you came onto the planet or this fear of the fear and so when you're all by yourself it's a tall order you've got bills to pay you've got kids you've got a business you just keep pushing you just keep pushing you just keep avoiding keep avoiding avoid that fear with all of the addictions that we all have whether they're drugs and alcohol whether they're work whether even you can even have an addiction to make an indifference you can be like spiritually bypassing about it okay but you're still avoiding fear but when you have a trusted facilitator who will walk with you through the darkness it's not like fear is going to go away but this is the alchemy we learn that we actually are alchemists when you lean in breathe in stay present with have a partner and I call in the angels it's not just me I clear the space I'm very intentional because we are going through the dark night of the soul here but when we face the fear and you're not alone and you get through to the other side I didn't die like literally on level one level one they're always I didn't die I didn't die I'm here I'm like yeah you're here baby I'm right here with you so it's like I'm re-parenting them to walk with them through fear in their body which feels like they're gonna die a panic attack is a panic attack or terror or or even like so much self-hatred to actually come to terms with how critical people have been of themselves for decades it's dark there for that 30 seconds 60 seconds but when you get through to the other side you're like oh I can't get rid of fear but I I can now dance with it I can dance with fear it no longer has power over me I know how to have a partner with it I know a protocol that works and this will no longer stop me that changes the trajectory of your life of your relationships of your parenting of your business of your money of your health everything these things that you used to make you give away your power excuses avoidance all the rest of it no no no you now have integrity you have accountability you have this embodied courage you have compassion for yourself you believe in yourself you start to have self-love like so much blossoms within you when you have this new relationship with feelings of mainly fear and some of these things were put here for a purpose they weren't put here to break us they were actually put here to make us totally totally yeah yeah you don't get brave just waking up one day yeah you get brave through facing fear you don't get forgiveness and mercy if you haven't really fucked up but how do you differ like how would you ever learn success without failure how would you ever learn bravery without fear love without hatred or like how would you even know these emotions they wouldn't exist so we would be robots yeah people people always say well if god was there this wouldn't happen or this wouldn't happen or that wouldn't happen it's like but if none of these things ever happened and I'm not saying they're good but if they didn't what would we be we would not evolve we would not grow we would not learn we'd be nothing we would not experience what it is to be a humble brave soul grateful for another breath it's hard to understand for some people because they live in this facade and this fantasy land and they never stop to think about what they're saying or what things mean or have never even given the chance to do anything well slowing down is honestly terrifying yeah slowing down if I just keep spinning fast enough keep making enough money keep like my charlatan game going on my razz matazz like no one will call me on my stuff and people literally have a whole life like that and die have fun with god and the goddess scotching cigars in heaven if you have that as your life like that's fine but everybody's soul is different that's fine but if we actually go okay I'm gonna slow down with a trusted advisor a trusted facilitator I know who I'm running I know I'm bullshitting myself I know this is not sustainable my marriage is starting to get get on the rocks my business it's up and down and it's up and down I go on these podcasts I feel like a fraud I talk to my staff I feel okay it's time it's not like people come to me hey I'd like to feel a bunch of fear and discomfort let's sign up today no they come because there's been an affair cancer bankruptcy child committed suicide they come to me because they didn't slow down before when it could have made a difference so we've got not only that pain we've got guilt and shame on top of it that's generally when they come to me and if you don't fix it and I'm living proof of this because I was a hypocrite many years like nutrition stuff I talked about the eating disorder and telling people how to eat and living in the darkest hell on earth and it started to eat at me good aside from you know the darkness that you live in and how you feel which is the double whammy I'm the type of guy that I'll I'll have struggles and and then I'll just walk in one day or wake up and go okay enough is enough and almost everything I've got a couple things that I just you know but for most that's how I work and it's like that's it you know and I'll just be like fuck it that's it today today's the day but most people can't do that and so I think it's important to A admit be willing to look in the mirror and have the conversation with yourself because you can lie to a lot of people but when you're face on with yourself yeah I'm not talking the psycho conversation like you got issues I'm talking the real take a look in the mirror and ask yourself the real honest question of what's happening here and do I like what I see right you know many years I sat in the mirror and did not like what I saw looking back at me for multitudes of reasons now it's just gray hair but I love what I see as a person and it took me I don't know how many years to get there yeah and I still have days but you know it it's a feeling of freedom and I think that once people get it you get addicted to that and you want to keep want to keep you healthy addiction yeah yeah let's definitely get addicted to that self that bravery that humility that self love and the courage to do something about it and ask for help you have an incredible wife I had the blessing of really listening how your partnership supports each other there are people who live like two ships in the night they don't have that partnership the person they don't want of all to know how horrible they feel is their partner that level of shame or maybe they're single and it's just them in the bottle at night right so we I want to have compassion of what it really takes just to to do this work but I also want to say you must you must you can you can change this you must if you still have another breath this world friggin needs you your children your business your purpose your legacy friggin needs you and the next piece is humility you don't have to do it alone I don't think in the fifth dimension the whole fifth dimension is win win win win for you win for me win for all maybe in the third dimension me me you know I'm on top and it's I'm it's all about me no we're not there anymore that's not where we're living we're living in the fifth dimension now in order to do that we've got to ask for help yeah gotta ask for help gotta have partnership you gotta now that we're needy losers I have a need I need your help that's healthy that's brave and that's to be respected in ourselves I think there's a difference two people should understand about asking for favors and asking for help good because sometimes you know I always say I don't want to ask for too many favors but I'm not scared to ask for help when I know I need it thank I like to give the favor so that I know if I ever am in desperate need that I'm I'm I'm good to go ask for it got the bank there well yeah I like to be the guy that does more and gives more than asked for more yeah but I'm not scared I used to never want to ask for anybody's help and when I realized in prayer that you're really not supposed to do anything on your own you're supposed to ask God for all the help in the world and lean on him every day and that's what I do now and I believe that's why all these years I wondered why I wasn't successful as I thought I should be and now all of a sudden miraculously it happened well because I gave up trying to do everything on my own partnerships sacred union sacred union with with queenie sacred union with god you're reminding me of my humility so I think I told you my son called after six years yeah so that was a long drought the coach that I asked for help with I called his baseball coach and I called his men's coach and I said could you just check in on him just check in on him and the one got a hold of him and basically had a man-to-man conversation and said you know family's everything one of you has to pick up the phone you've blocked her it has to be you and he did so when I was talking to that coach way back well um 10 years ago I wanted a favor I wanted to be saved I hadn't done this depth of work yet I just wanted somebody to make my mean ex-husband go away and everything to be peaceful and where can you arrive on a white horse that would be fun too and could you just pay for everything so I don't have to worry about how to be an entrepreneur like I was so depleted and such a victim and hadn't had connection with myself hadn't had connection with the divine I was still looking outside in to be saved I admit I was a damsel in distress then the next phase of taking responsibility I got a little bit too much bitch bad boss I got this myself like I'm all that in a bag of chips but it was a good step it was self-ownership it was responsibility it was accountability but I hadn't talked to this gentleman in 10 years where I'd say now I'm moving into more of this sacred partnership with the divine open to sacred partnership with a beloved and ready for reunion with my son and my business I am being used use me god for this business so I can serve humanity my business is my spiritual practice so I treat my clients my staff people at the grocery store like everything is my spiritual practice now so I'm talking to this gentleman he's like you've changed you're not asking me to call your son to save you you're you're ready to to meet him and not drop everything I mean for seven years I didn't unpack I was living in an Airbnb just waiting for my son to call so that he would call and then I'd be good enough Dylan and then done three don't mean you can hear like the violin playing and all the rest of it I was still wasn't whole I wasn't home all the way not that'll ever get there right I think we all like I've arrived but I'll never arrive right yeah there's always work to do but I'm whole enough home enough that I asked as a sovereign being to another sovereign being please help me I need your help and the way he's showing up and the way my son is showing up is different because I've changed that's right I've changed it's you yes and that's the key it's always us well that's the whole accountability thing I did a whole thing just on accountability yeah myself like literally talking about how unaccountable I was and now how accountable I am nice well when you're teaching about stuff you need to educate people on the fact that you're not speaking like a holy roller most of the people that are the best educators have made the most mistakes totally these don't make them twice that's right you know and that's most of the things I speak on where it's teaching people to overcome stuff I've screwed up yeah so I know firsthand yeah what it's like and how to fix it so then that brings me to what you do so we've we've had a great engagement here on so many personal concepts and internal concepts and things that need to be addressed and aren't are often avoided yeah it's uncomfortable very I'm in a comfort zone with this and so are you so but then what kind of coaching and what kind of different types of people are you looking for like the types of problems that you aim at fixing so successful people who basically have it all together but it's not sustainable they're running so fast they're running away from something and they know it one client was running away from ending a relationship completely giving away all of her power at work her family was in her business literally in her business and she needed to stop she needed support she needed someone to have her back she needed to slow down and feel all these feelings she was running away from that's a great example she's a very successful doctor another very successful corporate woman her husband died and as soon as he died she started traveling and eating and doing everything she could to avoid that but what she really was avoiding obviously the grief but also that she never did the work with intimacy while he was alive shame and regret so she's a new client that has come on and we have done so much healing of what was it that caused her to never speak up to the one she loved the most and now he's gone and integrating that another client I look forward to working with lost a child many years ago going through the second divorce and I'm like hey I did the two divorces too don't wait for this third to to kick you on the ass like what who's in common with all the love of my heart you and here's the wound and it started all the way back in childhood and yes you have millions of dollars and you're super successful but we both know you're not at peace you can't even have a weekend of relaxing you got to go on a vacation you got to go do something you got to go go it's going to bite your ass at some point let's slow down and do the work so it's these successful people who need to not be judged to be totally seen with compassion and understanding but also with fierce first truth someone that's willing not to pity them or baby them and go and remind them of what their soul came here to do and to walk with them through those uncomfortable feelings until they're home in their body and then those feelings don't scare them anymore they actually get manipulated a lot if you don't know how to sit in fear someone can manipulate you yeah right easily yeah and you're probably not eating great you probably have some other behaviors on the side that you're not proud of because it leaks out sideways when you can't sit in the present moment and feel through these feelings all the way home to god that's just how it works so a lot of the things and situations that you deal with and encounter with people struggles and summits people by themselves summits couples or relationships yeah do you find and I would expect this answer to be yes but I want to know because I don't see it what I've always encountered is the people that are under the most stress that have the most inadequacy type of feeling or these built up things they also have pretty bad blood panels they don't they don't sleep well they have a lot of stress they end up getting sick a lot they have low immunity there there's a lot look their hormones are off low testosterone levels you know things like that that's what I encounter a lot and when I'm digging it's like they're heavily stressed there's there's underlying causes when I can't find what I'm looking for it's normally mental oh yes well the way I've been taught by my teachers physical body emotional body you can't see that one mental body you can't see that one and then there's your soul and so your soul can't get in when there's unintegrated mental and emotional which then turn into physical issues wounds I'm thinking of a couple that I work with he was drinking and then he'd stop drinking and then drinking and we started to do this psychedelic somatic integration work and what we met on our very first immersion weekend together was such suicidal feelings that he never told his wife never told his kids because when his mom died not the professor that teaches at university the little guy inside the 15 year old inside was convinced it was his fault and on the second day of medicine they track their bodies I'm very aware of what their the body is holding these different energies and coping mechanisms and his knees were bent he had his blindfold on and his knees started to rock back and forth and I said what's what's up with your knees my mom is here she's rocking me it wasn't my fault and I say this changed his life this changed his life what he was avoiding drinking was that I failed I'm a failure and no matter how much he accomplished here and did there it never when he started to slow down the feelings would arise okay so that's the husband the wife back to the physical body she had never knew when he was going to take a drinking bender she had to be the masculine and so she would never never rest couldn't quite couldn't quite trust him but that wasn't didn't start with him that started with how she grew up you know where the boys were more important than the girls in that culture and I was never good enough and I have to overcompensate and all this so her nervous system was shot when you take all the tests of her heart happy heart not a problem with her heart she was on the medication she got it out that what does it call when you zap the heart ablation oh yeah she had all these procedures to get her heart better but her heart is totally fine yes and as we have started now so he's done his two years good now she can calm down because she can trust him now she's starting to do the work of integrating not just the trauma from his drinking for 15 years but all the way back to childhood and isn't it interesting when we do all this work it's the heart you know she's closed her heart she hates herself it's like it's all emotional and then the mental words of what you know people would say to her it's all held in the heart and as we integrate this isn't it interesting she hasn't been on her medication isn't it interesting she's exercising more than she has before isn't it interesting that our libido is right it's all connected and so to see this in a couple is exquisite and the the last piece that's really cool about couples that come and do this work is you've attracted each other when because you love each other but there's also quite often incomplete loops you never got in childhood that you're still seeking from your partner and it wasn't safe for either of them to speak truth as soon as the mum died irish catholic they never talked about it again ever so that's been shoved down inside and anytime she ever spoke up no no no your brothers first not you shoved it down so they have the same wound so they're attracted to each other because they can actually become each other's master spiritual teacher that safe sanctuary i get it and we are going to speak truth in this relationship and we're going to reparent one another we're going to be that safe place where you don't get shut up you get tell me more and to watch the intimacy and this safety of this sanctuary that they're creating and then they're on our group coaching calls so yes they do the private work with me and the psychedelic work with me as well but they show up and there's a lot of single people on the call and they're like that that's a real relationship not the disneyland fairy tale one but on your knees vulnerable brave do the work and the gratitude if i couldn't do it without you sometimes and that's a lot of my prayers because when people pray i was wondering what do they pray about like i've changed everything i pray about generally it's obtaining virtues and qualities to make me a better person and to be able to do the will i was meant to do as opposed to praying for success and this and that and help me overcome this i mean i i i know if i get the virtues and everything i need then i will become what i needs to ultimately achieve what i was put here to do you know one of the things that i have asked for a lot is and and and it's still something i have tried to figure out what's the cause of this because i feel all kinds of emotion and love in my heart but there's so much inside of me and i think it's because of i'm busy and i feel like i have to be a certain way or do a certain way where it just doesn't come out and i don't know why because it's sitting there and i show it sometimes but i will pray just unhardened my heart a little bit because i don't know why and i don't know what the cause of this is because it's there it's not an emotion i'm not feeling it's just not coming out i love you it just adore you this is that when i say humility i've said it so many times our brains i'm an ivy league grad i'm a smart cookie i had no clue why i was doing what i was doing because it's it's pre-verbal it's subconscious it's unconscious it's in here so a lot of my clients are super smart and super frustrated and they have a lot of self-criticism because they should be able to figure it out because they can do this that and the other why can't i do this you were getting all feisty and i'm like i'm just adoring i so know this place and this is when we're in a journey when i do the psychedelic somatic integration work and then i do follow-up calls weekly after and then we do another about three months later well when i coach them i say okay so you're gonna put the blindfold on it's a very low dose of medicine it's gonna turn off the why why why we're gonna get it and all we're gonna do is be like Sherlock Holmes or we're just gonna follow body sensation emotion and i'm not in charge and you're not in charge god's in charge the medicine's in charge and your body that is our holy trinity right now and we're gonna let go and we're gonna let our bodies show us what it wants to show us and it might go into the fetal position or it might go i just want to kill somebody who knows what it's going to do it could be against self it could be against other and when we watch the body do this it is revealed the why is revealed and it's nothing we can ever cognitively figure out just like you know god has a better plan than we could ever make right this inside is is beyond our cognitive analysis and it's gonna be and then all of a sudden the memory will come back or all of a sudden the pieces of the puzzle will come together and then and then the wave of emotion will come through and then it'll just be flooded with like compassion and relief and homecoming of like i did my best i have such a forgive myself i love myself oh it was all meant for the good everything's okay now forgiveness doesn't even make sense but we got there with a willingness to let go of trying to figure it out and jump off the cliff surrender trust and take the body's journey and the medicine is just a tool just a medicine it's just to turn this friggin thing off and to let god in to let the spirit in to let the breath in and the body will show us the way home every time every time every time we get to the light every time i threw my hand at because sometimes it's like you try so hard to figure it out that you can't see yes you're blind yes you just you're so focused and engulfed that you never let it come out yes i'm seeing a little fly and the door is open and they're going ding ding ding ding and it's the glass you're like just pull back a bit slow down let go be held and then oh there's a huge open door there that's really what it is and so it's beautiful to watch the ego take the backseat and the soul take the front seat it's beautiful to watch these very successful people go please partner with me and help me walk with me and then for me is there a greater privilege and honor than being in that incredibly vulnerable place and i'm i'm fierce mother bear like i've got you you nothing will happen and i'm patient and i'm tender i get to be these energies of the divine masculine and divine feminine and literally walk with someone back to zero point and when zero point happens it's almost like you can swim through the room there's so much spirit in the room and oneness in the room and it's tearful and it's beautiful and it's funny and and like oh my god i thought i was gonna die i'm like i know you're here everything's fine and then they go home and then things shift somebody gets a new job they're making more money than they ever have somebody meets the love of their life somebody divorces with grace and ease not a 13 year custody battle right like these shifts people start to close ideal clients because they're not selling anymore they're just being their authentic self every year the kids start talking to them and sharing with them so many beautiful people get orgasmic who have not been very orgasmic i mean whatever the block was around shame fear control it opens and light comes through that aspect of their life we were wired to have love in our hearts that's how we were made and created that's why like i'm such an animal lover because they just don't know they just know that they want that that's why they sit there and wait for you all day and why they just freak out and get so excited i don't know what to do and that's how we're actually hardwired internally it's just like there's we conceptually the way our minds are we understand more we think more we know more so we have all these other things going on where they don't right because it's like the purest form of love that they have so it's why i love it so much but we have gotten so complicated and so convoluted some because of medication some because of all the shit that's going on all the time yeah and these some of its societal i mean because of you got to do this or that you know one of the best things that ever happened for me when i got close with god that i try to convey to everybody is everybody well that writes me or if i talk back whatever well doesn't your team do this or don't we have to go through this or what about this or what about that and i'm like i'm a fucking dude i am no better than the next person i just am good at what i do just like you're good at what you do i may not have enough time in the day to talk to everybody but i don't think i'm better than anybody yeah actually i it's not that i think i know i'm not i just found something that i was meant to do and i do it and i try to i say humanize everybody because we're all the same you're just somebody's good or somebody has something that the next person doesn't have but you have something i don't have to and the next person does and the next person does the next person does yeah yeah i can't stand that some things may not fit like with my show or something but i'm always like well i tell everybody i'm just humbled you want to talk to me yeah because i know what it's like to be reduced into nothing and have nothing and sleep with rats and everything else and i know what it's like to have everything that wasn't really meant to be everything it was shit meaningless shit that i thought meant everything now i feel like i have everything because i have god first i have a beautiful family i get to do this talk with people like you and come and want to talk to me but the hell do you want well it's it's we could all that you just said is the difference between living with a closed heart and an open heart a lot of times we don't know how to open it because it's been so as you said food or society or medication is made it so that we're numb and we're disconnected and we have forgotten how to open again and there are so many modalities one of which is what i facilitate to help integrate all of that so you can live with an open heart which is the way i believe we give our life over to spirit use me use me and this opening of the heart it is a choice and you do need to take responsibility and accountability and do the work but you don't necessarily have to know all the how that's the ego trying to figure it out you need to show up but also surrender and do the work that aligns that aligns there's breathwork there's psychedelics there's all there's a lot of different work out there that can help open the heart but that's to me what it comes down to i remember doing a uh i co-led a couple's retreat with a he had all the letters behind his name and he had all the things and i was i was feeling honestly quite inadequate but the processes i took everyone through were the ones that made them cry because it made them feel and get out of their head and really intimately vulnerably connect with their partners and then a few years later was the pandemic and he he wrote me and he said you're open your heart close your heart open your heart it's a practice it's a muscle we must be aware of oh the reason why i'm fighting with my spouse and i hate myself and i'm drinking and oh my heart's closed gotta open my heart oh kind of vulnerable connection intimacy oneness authenticity being seen and heard and valued all that okay i get it close the heart open that he he texted me he said thank you for saving my marriage through the pandemic because i practiced opening my heart to my wife to my kids to god to my having to shift my business from a practice where people came in online because that very simple practice was so profound so i felt really touched that my self-doubt like who am i i have this simple practice but i think it's the most impractic important practice of all opening our heart to our self inwardly infinitely to all the little use that we have shunned away and avoided bring them home and then open our heart outwardly to others and give what we're here to give to the world and that's just it there's a lot of smart people with a lot of knowledge that have no wisdom and i will take the person with the wisdom 100% of the time over the person with the knowledge and i'll trust the one with yeah that's exactly right because you can be as smart as you want to be but if you don't know how to use it in the right way it's pointless it's useless it's like wasted talent like a basketball player that gets all they had so much ability and didn't go anywhere with it it's the same exact concept and thing except it's worse because it's your life yes right yeah i have this little memory of being a traitor joes with my son and i practice living with an open heart everywhere and i said how was your day and i like locked eyes my mom died and i was right there with them and the line started growing but i had stayed with them until we were done and and then we left got our groceries and left and my son was like you do that everywhere people tell you all these things everywhere i said baby i care everywhere everybody deserves our love everybody and this open heart allows people to feel seen and safe so you become a walking gift everywhere you go so it's a it's a that's why i'm called my intimacy expert into me i see emotional intimacy normally we don't value that as much but it's the core fundamental building block of our self-realization that goes in every area of our life you'll be a better lover a better father a better mother you'll be a better business person you'll be kinder to your family you'll have a much deeper relationship with the divine to me it's the center spoke of the wheel and it's worth slowing down to feel and do your work the rest of your life i promise you will evolve explode awaken peaceful be delicious one of the things that i spent so many years focusing on was diet nutrition and training and fitness i mean that was the end all be all for me learn it learn it learn it learn it but we need to have more people come and speak to you and talk to you because i can fix all of that stuff and i mean everything amazing and it doesn't matter because if you don't have the other side of it yes exactly then it's you're never going to get there yeah you will never be in full alignment and i you know this is my argument is if you start with the spirituality and it branches off into what you do and then the other side with the health side and everything so that's why everything is a mind and body and ultimately that starts with the spirit connection the only way to really obtain it in my view and if you don't like it that's your own thing but that's what i've observed and that's what i believe and i'm fucking standing by it i love this because where we are in the fifth dimension it's time for our soul to come into our body case we have to integrate all the wounds and that's what i help people with but by the time the soul gets into the body if the body is not healthy it's like what am i doing here this is not working we want both of those to be the best they could be then we're truly living our fullest life i'm 100 alignment with you i love it yeah well tell everybody where to come and sign up where to follow you where to listen where to learn and where to you know just get get a little positive energy thank you yeah well my podcast which you and queenie are on intimate conversations season 14 my website is my name alana pratt.com forward slash connect that's how you can book a call with me and you can put in the show notes use the scholarship code ready now and then they can have the dylan scholarship so have a little discount little scholarship i also have something alana pratt.com forward slash top five the number five mistakes that destroy a conscious relationship this really helps people get out of trying to figure it out in their head and go down into those blind spots that might be the unintegrated wounds in their body it's actually repelling the love and intimacy they truly desire so those are those are three ways that i think i can initially support people with and thank you for asking you're welcome i'll link everything in the description as well so it's easy to find so all right everybody i hope this episode gives you some insight on how to look at yourself overcome some things and not be scared and that's what it's all about opening your heart and taking fear head on and making your weaknesses your strengths so that being said stay tuned for plenty more to come dylan gemelli signing off you