Real Eyes Realize Real Lies

Hi, welcome back to Birkenkawner Make a Podcast. Hi. Can't stop thinking about that photo you posted to me on your Snapchat story last night where it looked completely, I looked otherworldly. But it was like funny. No, it's like funny because you don't look like that. Well I was kind of excited to see it because I kind of was like I'm sitting chilling like my outfit, like I can't wait to see that photo later. The Chum Bucket. That's what it looked like an advertisement for the Chum Bucket. It had a nice amount of screenshots. It wasn't even like a candid, I'm walking, but like a bad, I was sitting there relaxing. Yeah, it's like a funny bad picture. You're fine. You will be fine. It's bad picture. You will be okay. It had how many screenshots? I don't know. Check. You will be so fine. How many screenshots? That's just like a tough nut to swallow. It had. No, don't tell me. Yeah, tell me. 11. 6 figures? No. 3 figures? Yeah. You're going to pull through. You know what? I know you are. Mine had a lot of screenshots yesterday too. I think it might be a glitch. I don't think that that many because I post yesterday all I've eaten today is ham. Yeah. And it has 192 screenshots. Oh, okay. Can I see the picture? Is there something going on? It was a good picture. Let me see. I think it was good. Good, not great. I didn't say it was great. There must be a glitch. You're right. My round, I looked, you know what? What? You're not going to give right now, but I started taking creatine. Are you bulking? No, I was just like suggested to start taking creatine. And I guess you start withholding water. Withholding? I don't know, holding, taking on water. Oh, having a little water? Yeah, just like retaining. Retaining. Yeah, so there's like some sort of retaining wall happening and I think it's only in my face. You're fine. Look at that picture again. Look at that picture again. It's a bad picture. Yeah, but that was my natural state. No, let's, we're moving. When I'm sitting, okay. You do look really tan though. I sat out yesterday. That's not artificial at all? No. You wanted you to smile like that? Because I'm excited. No, I'm excited that you think that it looks artificial. You look really tan. Yeah. Thank you. That's nice. That's what happens when I come to California. Yeah. Say a little bit. Say a little bit. I live here. I haven't been, I haven't left California this month and it is, what's today? It's the 20th. Say a while. Thanks. Yeah. You might find out how you like it. I do like it. Give it a chance. It's really nice. Give it a chance. We were laughing yesterday because Brooke is going. Is going from Memorial Day like the group of theirs is going and she looked up to the weather yesterday and found it to be lower 50s in the 50s and cloudy and raining at Thunder Star. Lower 50s. What did you say to me? House on the beach. I'll be in the lower 50s for now. Rain and thunder. I appreciate that. And then Connor was like, oh, it's not bad. It might turn around. It might turn around. And I was like, well, what are you doing from Memorial Day? And he was like, oh, I'm staying here. The weather's amazing. Thank you so much. Stick around. You might like it. I just like, I planned so many things months and months ago when I was mentally well. And I was like, all of these things will be fun. Like I want to celebrate Phoebe. And now that I've entered this space of mental unwellness that she's nearing, I'm like, why did I do anything? Why did I plan the speech trip? That's four more days away. I planned this big party. Why did I do that? Why did I did so much? And now that we're here, it's like, what was she thinking? She was thinking that she really wanted to celebrate, but I'm fine now. I'm good. I want to rest. I'm already tired and nothing started. I'm so grateful and excited more than everything. But I'm definitely experiencing some mental trials and tribulations. Some restlessness. Yeah. Some restless leg syndrome and shit like that. And obviously, no one thought I was going to be doing well with the release of a debut novel. That wasn't expected for me to do well. And that's great. And that's fine. And so it's just, the expected is happening and that's all good. And we're ready for it. And we're going to push through and it's going to be amazing. And I can't wait. I won't see you next week because I will be, I'll have, I'll be away. I'm coming. No, so next week will we have an episode, Izzy? So we will not have an episode at all next week in honor of Miss Phoebe. Miss Phoebe. Mick Phoebe. Mick Phoebe. She will be out next week. Phoebe Phoebe. That's nausea. Wait, but I'm recording while you're away. Yeah, but there will be no episode. There will be no episode next week. I don't know when you're recording, but then there will be two episodes without me. Yes. Just Connor. So I'll be gone for three. Yeah. Well, not just me. We're going to have someone, someone will be on in her, in my, in my, in my stead. So I'll be gone and I will miss you all deeply. Please keep me in your thoughts. I'm so excited. I'm extremely nauseous. Everything should be good. And I'm very sick. It's going to be amazing. It's like a learning moment too, because a lot of times like the things that you build up, a great celebration would be to go home and hit the hay, you know, but you don't realize that. But cool. Now, you know that like when you release it and you put out a bunch of things and you're working really hard and, and it's, and it, and it is up, maybe give it a week before you decide to hit the town, you know, like. Well, my therapist was saying, cause I was like, why did I do this? What was I thinking? I'm so stupid. And she was like, that was still you that really wanted to celebrate. And like she is still in there. Yeah. You know, like that was you. So I have to trust myself. Yeah. You're reaping what you, what you sow. Yeah. At one point in time, I believed this was cause for celebration. It's, and it is, it's from, from, from where I'm sitting. I'm excited to go to that party. Yeah. So thank you. You're welcome. You're giving, that's, that is another weird thing about celebrating your personal win is that like it's for other people kind of like, I'm excited to go to that party. You're like, I would like to go to bed. Oh yeah. It's almost like. Oh my God. Yeah. Sorry. I'm really like nauseous. Yeah. That's okay. It'll be fun. No, I know, I know, I know, I know. I, I love the idea of reaping what you sow. Remember the correlation we talked about a long time ago about reaping what you sow? No. It's just like such a correlation between reaping and sewing, which is so direct, like you've worked so hard and you're about to sew so hard, you know? You know, but it's not sewing, you know, like stitching, right? Yeah. It's sewing is in harvesting your crops. And then on the other side, if you're not really sewing, you're not going to reap much, which is really, it's, it's hard. That's a tough not to swallow too. Okay. Sorry. Are you going to throw up? No, I'm not. I'm not going to throw up, but this has been for like two weeks. I've just been like on the brink. Yeah. Thank you. It's okay. Sorry if I'm weird. My dog also died. Yeah. Your dog, your dog did die. My dog died. Do you want to go into dog now or do you want to? It's just been, it's just been an emotional time. Yeah. I'm not going to cry. Okay. But it is weird. You can't cry. My, my, my childhood dog died and it's, it's just, yeah. When it rains, it pours. Yeah. When it rains, it pours. It just, it very much feels like the end of, the end of an era and ushering in a new one and it's really scary. Like she was the last piece of, of my youth. She was, I got her when I was in high school and, and it's really like that time is, is done. I know that. Like it, it feels really symbolic in a heavy way. That was exactly what happened. That's why I kind of didn't talk about it on, on the podcast when it happened to me. Was like, I kind of don't want to acknowledge that in a concrete way. Yeah. With my words and put it out in the space, but been there and that's not fun. So I'm sorry. It's okay. It's just like, wow, you get a dog when you're 17 and then, and then she dies right before you turn 30. Okay. Heavy, heavy, heavy. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I love you, Cleo. You're a good dog. Rest in power, Cleo. Yeah. And she is. She was amazing. Yeah. I, um, were we together when I talked about my, my, my first dog? And he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the school bus. Yeah. I was talking about that the other day and kind of as like an ice breaker and it doesn't like you'll get to a space where it's like, it is weird and transformative to like have that animal represent a part of your life. And like that's a part of you that's like, okay, wait, that was my last like, keepsake of that time. Yeah. And then it will be like a memory that's like, I'll remember this was like a big piece of me that I held here and then you kind of release it in that way. And me talking about my dog getting hit by a school bus fulfilled up a children on their way to school. That will, that's also probably pretty transformed, but they probably have that memory that stayed with them too. So that's, that's Rusty's legacy, which I, I, in a, in a comedic sense, I do appreciate that he, he did that. Yeah. He left us in that. You know what Andrew Garfield said. What did, I don't know. This is not so much about Rusty, but. Rest in power, Rusty. Rest in power. I wonder if he's with Cleo. 100%. And Socky. And Socky. Well, you know what's amazing really quick before you tell us about Lewis Hamilton. What's it? Andrew Garfield. Um, he's a race car driver. I don't, I've never, don't keep up with it. Don't know why that. I was thinking Hamilton. Anyways. Socky dug up Rusty in the backyard. Max dug up Socky. The baton is being passed through from the afterlife, which I think is true. The baton, the bone is being passed through the afterlife and they're tapping each other in like that tick tock trend. That's, yeah. How beautiful. Digging them up. I'm like, dad, maybe let's stop burying the dogs like in the backyard. It is genuinely the circle of life. Yeah. It is. And it happens. Tell us what, what he Allen, I can't remember what his name is. Stop, you know who he is. Andrew Garfield. No, I just can't remember his name right now. What he Allen. He said that grief is just all of the love, all the unexpressed love. For that person. Hang on. I'm, I'm going to get there. I just need to think grief is, they like it when you're expressing grief, it's all the, it's all the grief. It's all the Andrew Garfields. Love that you can't express. I hope this grief stays with me because it's all the unexpressed love that I didn't get to tell her. Oh. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. It is. And grief looks like many things. Grief can look so different to so many people. Grief could, grief could look for you like celebrating Phoebe because that could also be a rest in power Cleo. Well, Cleo will be with me on the, during the tour, which isn't nice. She'll be looking down on me from doggy heaven. I saw the craziest take talk I've ever seen this, this woman I follow who's me too. You go first. Well, I'm not going to be able to quote it because it was like the deepest. I just commented hashtag affected me underneath her take talk because I wanted if people saw it like every time they like it, you know, you get to go back to the video and it was, she was talking about her weekend with a co-worker and she was like, time is weird. Can I just play it? Sure. It's, it's like, it's, it's going to be like a vanker. So we may have to take our time with it. I love that. Yeah. Well, basically just pay attention to what she says about dogs and time passing. Okay. Because it really was like, whoa. Um, like perspective type shit. Let me pull it up. Okay. How was your weekend? Okay. I started thinking I was just wasting time. What were you doing? Nothing. Just because you're doing nothing, it doesn't mean you're wasting time. Yeah. But what is time if you don't do something with it? I don't know. Ask a dog. I read once that dogs have a faster metabolism than people. And because of that, time moves more slowly for them. No wonder they're always so hungry at dinner. Did you know that dogs smell time? They do. If they can't smell you anymore, that's how they know you've been gone a long time. One time I tripped and I fell in slow motion, but I hit the ground at full speed. Did it hurt? The full speed part hurt a lot. Full speed always hurts more. That's why I don't like to dry fast. That's kind of how my weekend felt. When I was doing it, it felt like slow motion, but when it was over, it felt like full speed. Maybe you should stop looking at clocks and start smelling time. Then I'd never make it back to my desk. I know. So I can't remember how that related. That's a tough one to start to even think about teasing apart. Especially the part when she said that the weekend was in slow motion, but then when it was over, it was full speed ahead. I think she said that about falling. No, she said it about the weekend when her weekend was in slow motion. But then at the end, it was full speed, which that I don't get. It's just like on Sunday, you're like, Oh my God, I was looking forward to the weekend and now it's Sunday at 4pm. And it's like, this was like the weekend and now it's over. I don't think I've taken, I took anything away from that. Okay. I thought it was interesting that she said that dogs metabolize faster, so time moves slower. So they live like a very full life on a shorter timeline than us and they smell time. So like they smell it based on whatever scent that you leave. That makes sense that time has been moving really fast for me because I've been extremely slow metabolism. Oh, I was like, are you doing, do you have congestion? No, I have a slow metabolism. Maybe you should start smelling time. I'm going to try. Yeah. It isn't, it isn't an interesting one. Like when things stop smelling, you're like, Oh, that much time has passed that like my car doesn't smell like that rotisserie chicken I ate last week. Well, sometimes you can smell time in the sense that smells transparent. It smells to transport you. Like when I, there's this one hand sanitizer that we use in third grade. That is just like the most, the biggest smell in my life, I think would be that hand sanitizer. And I remember I smelled it once in 12th grade again, and it was, I was just had the most existential pit in my stomach. Like I can't believe that all that time has passed. And I like felt like a third grade. Like I was just so aware of time. When I smell that hand sanitizer again, if I were to smell that hand sanitizer now, I would drop dead. That's how I feel about the hand sanitizer. They, that everyone seemed to have during COVID that was just like 99% alcohol. Do you remember that? They used to have these big sacks. It wasn't pure L. It was just off. No, it was like this crazy hands. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? The like big sacks of 100% alcohol we used to put on like before eating. I smell that now. This hand sanitizer was, it actually smelled so good. It was this large blue foam me bottle. Similar to the white bar neutrals that we just put all of ourselves in the ad reads. It was, is he, would you mind looking up the large bottle of blue foamy hand sanitizer for schools? That should do it. I'm sure it could be used anywhere else as well. But. Oh, no, they don't, they don't know. It's the, like the inside is blue foam. Summer breeze makes me feel nice. I think it's dead. It died with my youth. It's up there with Cleo. Hey guys, I want to take a quick break to the sponsor of today's episode. It's article. I'm moving right now. I'm not going to play games with my next space. My furniture really affects my vibe inside my home. So I'm going to take my time and I want pieces that feel elevated, but they still feel lived in and that's what led me to article. I've been looking into getting a new bed and article has so many options that feel modern, but still really timeless. It's the kind of furniture that makes your space look more intentional without feeling overdone. Everything is designed to mix and match easily. So you don't have to stress out about whether things will go together. And the whole process is really simple. 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Hey guys, we want to take a break to the sponsor of today's episode, Warby Parker. Buying glasses used to feel way more complicated than it needed to be and somehow always overpriced too. It's hard to know what's actually going to look good on your face. And a lot of the options just feel outdated. That's why I've been loving Warby Parker. They make the whole process so much easier. Warby has a virtual try on that's actually so impressive. I've used this a couple of times with my green frames. You can see the frames on your face right from your phone and it's genuinely it looks real. I try to, I try not to much styles. I've been getting the same ones anyway, so it doesn't totally matter, but it's cool. And the ones I always wear on the pod are obviously Warby Parker's. Also, the price point is a huge plus. Their prescription glasses started at $95, so you're getting something stylish and well made without spending a ton. They also have everything, contacts, sunglasses, even online eye exams. It's all in one place, which makes it really convenient. And if you ever want to shop in person, they have over 300 retail stores across the US. Right now, buy one prescription pair and get 20% off any additional prescription pairs at warbyparker.com slash BNC. That's 20% off additional prescription pairs when you go to Warby, W-A-R-B-Y Parker.com slash BNC. This ad placement is paid for by Bath & Body Works. The luxury sense and real benefits will take care of your home's well-being so you can take care of yours. Brooke, you know what I've been thinking about recently? I feel like your space really changes based on the way it smells. Can I be honest? Yeah, I totally agree. Everything just feels a little bit more put together. When it smells good. And I've actually been loving Bath & Body Works, particularly the White Bar Neutrals collection, for that exact reason. It smells super good in a natural way that's not overpowering. I'm kind of like living out of that hotel right now. And it worked out really well that we got Bath & Body Works on the podcast when I moved in there. Because I'm making this room feel like a home. I think in a way that's shocking them, because I have candles in there, the White Bar Neutrals. Right. I have my blanket that I brought from home. Sure. I get flowers. And it feels loved in it, feels nice and it smells amazing. And I haven't entertained yet in this space, but I will. I love the Mahogany one too, but my personal favorite is the Sweet Orange in Agave. It smells great. The candle I have in my hotel right now is the Moonlit Goddess. Which is perfect for me because usually when I light my candles, it's in the evening. I take my bath slash shower and I put on my robe. I light my Moonlit Goddess and I feel like a Moonlit Goddess. Bath & Body Works candles, like I just said, not only smell amazing, but they're crafted with premium lead free wicks for a clean safe burn. And you can shop the White Bar Neutrals collection now at Bath & Body Works dot com. There was one that I was, all the girls always had this Japanese cherry blossom from Bath & Body Works. Yeah. Was it? Yeah. And I was so allergic to it, but I really liked the smell. I break out in hives, but I knew there was one time when I really like one of your nightmares couldn't take this test and I was like, hand me your Japanese cherry blossom Purell. I put it on hives home. Yep. And it was a Friday test next week. It's so nice. Study up. Oh, I remember. I had horrible acne and I was a camp counselor and the director was like, are you okay? You're breaking out in hives. And I was like, no, I think I need to go home. So I got to go home for my acne. It's fine. Yeah. I didn't. You said, oh, I mean, it was, yeah, it made me sad. Oh, why? I got to go home. You know, it makes me sad when I think about what I wanted to be cool. So bad. And I think it was junior high and I had really bad allergies. I still do pollen really affects me. I was pretty self conscious about my body. I couldn't touch grass and I was so I would put where I had to always be on shirts because I was allergic to the grass and I was like, that's God. God's real and he's with me. I was like, I'm not going to touch grass. I'm not going to touch grass. I'm not going to touch grass. And I was like, that's God. God's real and he's with me here that I can't take my shirt off and, you know, just play shirts and skins. I was always shirts. And it was 420 and I knew a bunch of guys had smoked weed before school and I took some grass from outside and I rubbed it on my face and it made my eyes swell up completely almost shut. Because you wanted to look like you smoked too. And I was in so much physical pain I could barely see. But I was like, as long as they think and they thought I was. They actually, I passed the point of being, oh, that's cool. You burn. I feel like you can't. To like, you are too crazy for us. Like, we're like not comfortable being around you or talking to you. I was like, what up, fellas? My throat's closing up and I was like, I'm, this is sick. Sorry, I'm so stoned. I have the munchies. My throat's closing up. Where's the cheer? Like, did you guys bring any food? It was great. It was really uncomfortable. Yeah. I know that sounds super uncomfortable. I didn't go home because I was like, I want everybody to see me at every one of my glasses. I'm not kidding. Like, I think this, there was one side of my face where I genuinely did have, it had spread down my face because anytime I would touch that like fresh grass, that fresh cut grass, swollen. Yeah. I used to wish so badly that I had more allergies. Have you gotten tested for allergies? Yes. I'm only really allergic to oak trees. Me too. That doesn't do much for me. When I went in for this last rash I had, I don't think I ever came here when I had this last rash, my most recent rash. They took me in. I was like, I need a shot. I need like a steroid shot. This is insane. And they took me in there like, we're just going to test you to see what you're allergic for. And they take this, have you seen this thing? It's this big. It's the size of like a MacBook, but long. And they, and I don't have like a ton of real estate on my forearm. I have like pretty, it's just pretty much like skin over my whatever bone. And so, but they, it took up my entire arm and it's like a grid and they push it and they inject you with everything. No, I had single needles when I got one. Oh my, it's just like one big push. Did it hurt? And it didn't hurt. That reminds me of that toy that you used to like press in, you know, that was all those like, it was like that, not needles, but like adjacent, almost like screws. It was like that. It pricked and prodded me. And then my whole arms swelled up and they go, oh, you're allergic to about all these. Wow. And they're like, do not itch it. Do not itch it. This arm now double the size of my other arm. What was it all just like stuff you can find in nature? Oak tree, pollen. I was like, that's why I'm here. I know I'm allergic to that. I need a shot in my neck. Where do you, where are oak trees? Like why are they such a big offender? Are they just everywhere? I couldn't tell you. I couldn't pick out an oak tree. Can we see an oak? Is he? Okay. So that's just like every tree I've ever seen. Oh, no, they're gorgeous. And they're beautiful. Look at the way they're built. Oh, yeah. Wow. The mighty oak. That's like sad that like that's like the strongest tree and you say like the mighty oak and like we're so weak. We're allergic to it. Oh, well, it's just like reminding you constantly. Remember the oak. Yeah. Remember who, who made you remember where you came from. Remember who's boss. Remember your roots. Yeah. And remember who's papa. It's the mighty oak. The mighty oak is papa. So from Maine to Texas. Okay. Yeah. So in every US state except Alaska and Hawaii, Idaho has native oaks. Do you feel like your, like your allergies are really bad when you're in Idaho? Everywhere. At some season in every area, I'm allergic to something. Yeah. I think California has like really, really bad pollen. Pollen's a big one for me. Pollen. Yeah. But like swelling of the face and throat and ears and neck. Yeah. It's whatever. Do you take any medication? I forget. You should. I know. I have Z-Ear-Tec in my wallet. Z-Ear-Tec. It looks like I have a condom. 24-7. It's a big, it's a Z-Ear-Tec. It's hot. Yeah. I'm like, check it out. It says Z-Ear-Tec that I won't take. It's for an emergency because it either, it either, I can't remember. It either keeps me up at night or it makes me tired and I can't remember what time it is. Probably sleepy. Can we double check? This is a learning episode for me and my allergies and my body. I feel like just because it's like Benadryl makes you sleepy. So. Z-Ear-Tec can make you drowsy. Z-Ear-Tec. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Take it before bed. But I'm not allergic. Right. I'm asleep. I don't want to take it before bed. Yeah. It's tough. It's tough. It's really hard. I can't get over me showing you that video thinking I was like showing you Carl Jung like groundbreaking information and I didn't even understand the sake of that. I must have been really tired when I watched that. Oh, the TikTok that I saw on the way here was so upsetting and I would never, truly never mom shame anyone except for this woman. Okay. She like, and she thought she like did something with this. This video was set to like lullaby like sweet music and she, it was, the caption was like, I have a metaphobia. So like, like a fear throwing up. Oh. So, my husband is taking care of our son with the stomach virus outside and it was her filming her husband and son on a mattress in the driveway and he like had a like bucket and like blankets next to him. Can you imagine your child is sick as a dog, stomach virus, which is traumatizing especially when you're young. You put him in the driveway. Guess who's going to get a metaphobia by the way, the guy throwing up in a bucket in the driveway. Like I, I cannot, like that, I got so upset at that TikTok and I almost commented and I've never, like I've never done anything like that. How should I comment? And I didn't comment, but like, she really thought she was like did something. Yeah. That would, that'd be one of those you fall asleep being like banger post and you wake up and it's like, oh, and all of the comments were like, did you, like, I can't believe you thought you were going to get like anyone that agreed with you. And the fact that she's like keeping it up because it's like so viral, like is so embarrassing. Like, I just like have it out for this, for this woman. I think, and I think we all should. That's going to be a core memory. I remember the first time. The core memory of when your mom made you throw up in the driveway. Yeah. I bet this young man's going to be very, very like close to his dad and not remember it entirely why we're so like trauma bonded as if we've been deployed together. And it's like, because you were deployed to the driveway with your mattress and your bucket. I remember when I, so you wanted allergies. I wanted to throw up. I can't imagine in a million years. Yep. And I had some stomach bug and I threw up on our tile floor and I was laughing because I was like, that's insane. I've always wanted to throw up and like throwing up is real. It was like, that was your first time for me. Yeah. No, you don't. I, throwing up for me was like, that's something they do in the movies. They throw up and then they slip in it and then someone else throws it. I threw up on the ground and I was laughing. Sorry. Like how, like how we laugh here, you know, like couldn't catch my breath. And then on the breath in from laughing, I threw up again. And then I was like still kind of laughing and looking around. I was like, and then I threw up again and I was like, no, no. And I was in this cycle of like, then I couldn't catch my breath and I'm just vomiting and it's puddle. I'm not really real for my whole family. Like, oh, we got to like, we got to stop this building because it was like vomit everywhere. And then I went from like crying, laughing to like genuinely crying to like sobbing. And then anytime I would get a breath and it would just bomb it out. Ooh. Okay. Let's move on from that. Okay. But no bucket, no problem. My mom lets me throw up inside the house. She, she's a great mom. Yeah. I carried around a bucket for years. I know your bucket. Yeah. I wish like that's something that I had saved. What do you mean? Oh, your bucket. I think it's good to move on from, from your bucket, you know, like maybe. It just could have been a nice keepsake, you know, I could have dazzled it. That would, yeah. I think that I feel like it might bring back some, it might bring things back up kind of like vomit wise. Maybe like a conditioned response. You see the bucket. I need to barf into that. Do you mind if I change the subject real quick? No. It's just like some things I don't even know if I can talk about because of, I don't know if I have the mental health to talk about off campus right now. I have stuff too from off campus. If you want to go there now or do you want to go there later? I mean, I think just like let's rip the band-aid off and go there now. Okay. This is the last thing I needed. Yeah. Is to feel this way about a fictional character. This is the last thing that I needed because you know what? There's a fine line between pleasure and pain. Yeah. And I am riding that line watching this show. I've only two episodes in. Yeah. Which character are you feeling this for? Talk about Garrett Graham. The main guy. Yeah. Okay. So I'm two episodes in. Yeah. I'm seven and I haven't watched the last one yet because I'm saving it for tonight. I'm feeling really proud of myself because I finally saw, I heard and I saw people talking about this and I was like, I want to get involved. Yeah. I want, can I say a couple of things? Like just genuinely really quick. You may. Okay. I kind of wrote them down in bullet points and I want to make sure I, and don't be offended by these. I'm two episodes in. Okay. No, I won't be offended. I also like, I'm not like, wow, this is like the most amazing show. It's just like I'm in love with this man and like I'll probably die from it. I have some ideas. Is he or have you been watching? No. You don't like spare yourself. I am enjoying the press junkets there on more than I did with like any recent show. Like he did Rivalry. I didn't really get any like, but I like, I like. Belmont's freaking amazing, isn't he? Which one's Belmont? Garrett. Oh, I like, I like, they're pretty entertaining to me and their press junkets. Yeah. I want to say something really quick. Yeah. Say it. Jump in if you need to. I have my own thoughts here. And this is like not a personal, it's personal to me. I don't feel like, I'm not like. It's not like me talking about. It's not like you talking about like Hudson Valley and how he dresses and how I don't like it. No, no, no, this is just like, I'm not like, I didn't read the books. I'm not like, this is the most amazing story in the world. I am just in love with this man so much that I feel really, really sick. I, okay. Here's how I feel though. Yeah. It's just hard because he's fictional and college hockey player written by a woman and he will never exist. Never has. I never experienced anything like it and I never will and just doesn't exist in general. Yet. I don't think it ever could. That's closed minded thinking. All. Which is not like you. You have a very open mind. Well, all book boyfriends. 99% of book boyfriends are written by women and that's really scary. It's an idyllic thing. It's really scary. That's a good transition into what I'm about to say. Okay. Because I'm feeling like again, fine line between pleasure and pain. I think I'm feeling more pain from this. Okay. I'm jumping in. Okay. Jump. It kind of almost feels wrong watching this. I feel almost a little bit uncomfortable because the acting and the storyline is very Hallmark movie and then the soft core porn starts. Sure. And I'm pulled out and it kind of feels like I wasn't supposed to see this and it's on the wrong channel. Like high school musical, the musical, the porn out. Okay. And I'm thinking we're in such a space where this is hitting so often now that I want to and almost, maybe encourage people. Maybe watch porn and hang on, hang on before you even say that. I think that would bring things back and I want to say now and maybe if you're someone that does porn, if you start making it more serialized and create some character arcs, protagonist, antagonist, you may find some major success very quickly. And if you're a theater kid that has an open mind, you're leaving a lot of money on the table here. I'm seeing a huge opportunity across the board, across many industries and I think if you are in one and don't see yourself in the other, maybe take a step back and take a step back. Wait, you're saying theater kids should start doing porn? Yeah. This isn't porn. Wait, I just shrugged. I know. I'm just saying we're getting to a place where there's so much of this and everything and I think that's why it's doing really well because I think that the Hallmark thing with mixed with this is like a hybrid of something we've never seen and I'm saying there's a huge open market for just like people that would watch some really good acting with some sex. Yeah, well let's keep it in these TV shows because I think what people are connecting to is how these sex scenes and intimacy scenes further the story and how they inform the characters that we fall in love with. What I was thinking is that both are taking a hit on each other and it's like bringing the level of the show down and I just want to say like for me I'm watching it and I'm like I'm enjoying the show. I'm not like really, really attached and I do think that it's like very digestible but I think that it cannibalizes on the storyline and the acting to have the level of like sex scenes that are, I don't know, that's what I think. I definitely, I don't agree. I really prefer some of those scenes. Yeah. I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm just saying there's an opening on both ends of the spectrum. I just think that for like a TV show, if you want to really connect with people. But I guess like for these, I know you're connected. I know you're connected. I can't finish my doc because I didn't think it all the way out but like I think that someone will understand what I'm saying. Well, we'll circle back once you finish the beginning sequence of episode five. Perfect. I just, it won't be for a long time because I won't see you. Yeah, I won't see you. But hey, I have no doubt in my mind, I'll still be thinking about it come a month. Perfect. So we're actually all good there. 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It's hard to be in love with a fictional college student as a woman approaching 30. It's harder than I would like it to be. Find line between pleasure and pain. When they were drinking, I was like, whoa, this is like euphoria. Because I forgot they were in college and not high school because the acting and the storyline is really gives high school. Yeah, well it's college, which is not that much of a difference. I don't know, it just didn't, it doesn't like feel, I'm only, I'm just so painfully aware that like it's not real and it never will be and I'm hurt. I'm physically hurting, but I'm also, I can't get enough. That's kind of how I feel when I watch like Harry Potter and then I turn it off and I'm like, oh, I'm like in my head. Yeah, I want to be a wizard. I'm in my hotel room just like eating Chipotle in my bed. That is how I'm feeling about this. Yeah, my life's like a little bit different than. That is really how I'm feeling about this. Than that, because it's fictional. Now. It's a fantasy. And it's porn. It's a relationship of really strong attachment to the character of Garrett Graham on screen. Off screen, I'm having a really strong relationship to the young man who plays his friend, John Logan. I don't know. He's the one that Hannah kissed after Garrett, you know, and they were like making out and she's like, no, I don't know. In the locker room. Yeah. Like I don't blush. Yeah, him. Yeah. Antonio Sipriano. He is. Is it Hallie and. Yep. They're both having it. Yeah. Belman is as well. And he's a theater kid. He was in this musical called In Pieces. There's a song called Bloom. Y'all have to go listen right now. It's going to be the number one on my Spotify. I'm so sick. He's so talented. And he dated Renee Rapp. And he is. Yeah. Yeah. He is who she wrote that song in the kitchen in the living room dancing in the kitchen alone. Oh, wow. That's, so think about that for a second. I am. Think about how, how powerful the emotions have to be to write a song like that. I haven't necessarily ever listened to this song in full and now I can't because I'm too, it's too charged for me, but just that's a lot of lore. That's good to know. I didn't know that. Yeah. That'll be good to know. So keep that in mind moving forward. I'm going to go out and blow out on the show. Cause he has this really gorgeous curly hair and they are kind of like blowing out his bangs in a way I'm not comfortable with on the show. I can't. None of these pictures are really doing. Like he has really curly hair. And then the show that they like, he's, he's sweaty in these pictures. So it's like the curls are there. Maybe the first one. Is he. No. That's a good one. I just, in the show, they're more that he has more of a blow out. In the show. Okay. Yeah. And so I'm looking forward to his season as well. And yeah, I just feel pretty sick about the whole thing. I can't help you. No, no one can. I'm so far beyond help. And like, I guess this is what people were feeling like with the summer. I turned pretty. I didn't watch that either. I thought I was a lesbian during that. I'm being so serious because everyone was like, Oh my God, these boys. And I was just like, I'm not. I'm, I think I must be gay because like this is something that I should enjoy just based off of everything about me. And the fact that I'm not and like the way that my mind works is like, I'm gay. But I think the problem here was like these, they're these two young men, like, and I don't like to use the word pussy because especially when like referring to like a weak man. Cause like obviously like, if you're thinking about the like vagina. Where are you going? What are you saying? I don't want to equate like that to weakness, but like these two are pussies like genuinely through and through Garrett Graham is a man, despite him being in college and, and completely fictional. So that is the disparity there. It wasn't that I was gay. I said these two are pussies and maybe who knows who knows what'll happen with future shows. Maybe I'll be gay again. But right now, super you not a match. So not a match. And I feel even more confident in some return pretty was not my show. Now that I found my show. And I think I'm now realizing like this is another reason like why I loved heated rivalry so much is like, I don't feel this type of pain. Like I didn't, that's, that story couldn't have happened to me, you know, whereas like it's easy to convince myself like with off campus because it's a straight romance. Like this could have been me and it's not, it never will be. So I think there's not this like pain when I'm watching heated rivalry that I'm experiencing this pain with a straight romance that I don't prefer. I just can't believe this show is having an effort. I know I'm like so sick. I'm like so sick because it is genuinely a whole more. I know I'm, it's, I'm not saying it's, I'm not saying it's even like an amazing TV show. It's this specific character and like the relationship and just everything about him. You want to fuck the trope? I love a trope. I just like want a romance is done well. And if they create a fictional man of this caliber, we just got to the bottom of it. It's, it's, it's like so painful for me. I get it. I will never find anyone like this because he does not exist. Well, you're not in college. I, that's what I'm saying. Working six, nine to five. That's the, that's the freaking problem. She could not work at more places. No, she couldn't. Like no wonder she's seeing him all the time. You work everywhere on campus. What? I have not seen her back in the locker room even once she's at the diner and she's tutoring and like no wonder their schedules just aren't a match. She reminds me by the way when she puts on her apron, there's a video like an OG video of a girl that works in like a fast food restaurant. She goes and it like pulls her boobs up. Can we pull that? Izzy, do you know what I'm talking about? Well, Brooke, stairs blankly at me like, where are you going now? Like I need you just, can we pull that up? Do you know what I'm talking about? Well type in apron, boobs video, TikTok. This should be good. Girl tightening apron pizza hut. Thank you. That's what I'm looking for. This is her getting ready to serve him coffee even though she's late. They're blurring out. No, no, no, that's not her. No one. You see her? It is that first video. It's just, she's, this girl is saying I'll never be her. We can watch the first one and then wait until the edit cuts. This is, because I'll never be him. This girl. Okay. That's her getting ready to serve him breakfast. Do you know that the actress that plays Hannah is 19? Whoa. That's awesome. So she's performing in a role that she literally could be experiencing in real life. Also like the girlfriends of these men are so, so strong. Compartmentalization. Yeah. As much as I've always wanted to date an actor, I could never date an actor. I mean, it goes back, we have this conversation. I do, I have to date a hockey player. I'm really serious. I think it's always been an athlete. That's great. Perfect. TikTok, do your thing. So depressed. No, it's great. It's not, it's not great. It's great to have something that you care about and you're, and you can rewatch. I'm not rewatching this. Well, you have an last option. You have a booker now hanging out here. I know. Okay. I'm just trying to get us from point A to point being done with off-campus conversation. Like if it takes a booker being out, then that's fine. Okay. This is a good time to throw in right now that the Brook and Conner cooking video is out on YouTube. I'd love if everyone would watch it. We had a really, that was really fun. Something about us in a kitchen, just like it really brings out some real, is there any booker? It reminds me of Antonio. No. No. Something about us in a kitchen, it is just like we're funny in a kitchen. I was having a really hard time talking and cooking. It was fun. That's not what I said. What'd you say? I said, I was having a really hard time talking and cooking. It was hard. And then you said, it was fun. That's, okay, hear what you want to hear. I had fun. It was a good time. No, it was so much fun. It was a challenge. Yeah. I enjoyed it. Please go watch it. It was really, really fun. Thank you to Channing for. She's so good. She definitely stole the show. Always does. So does Tristan. Yeah. When they step in and they are. They are co-stealers. They are. So I'm self conscious now. About your book. Yeah. You got it. I watched it come up from your nose and on your finger. Oh, good. That's a good way to pull me from Garrett Graham. Good. Now I know. I know what to do. It's just like hard to move forward. It's done. From Booger Gate. It's all done. Okay. I was in Milwaukee this weekend. I'm just trying to get it somewhere. Yeah. Why were you in Milwaukee? I was sure. It was great. It was great. I guess I spent some time in Chicago too. I love Chicago. I love Chicago, but only from late May to October. Yeah. I forgot that it's bad. But I like before my flight, was it yesterday I flew in? No. Day before. Before my flight, I jumped in the lake and I was just got out and I was like. You were in Chicago? I flew out of Chicago because Milwaukee is like three months away. Got it. But that's why I was supposed to come in that night. What was the temperature in Chicago? It was 80 degrees. Wow. Yeah. It was really nice, but I love Chicago. Chicago is kind of like this fake city to me. No offense to people that live in Chicago. I love Chicago, but it's like it not being New York or LA and that's like my two, the two cities to me is like New York, LA. And you go to Chicago, it's like, what are you? No, if Chicago didn't have that weather, it would be the most popular city. Yeah. It's amazing. Like New York to me is like boy, LA to me is girl and then Chicago to me is like. Non-binary. Non-binary. Chicago is a non-binary city. Interesting. Yeah. But I love that. I just said door walking around Chicago and running. I might join, which is really scary to me. When I was there, there was a lot of run clubs and I was like, this is a city I would probably join a run club in. No. Yeah. Which is disgusting to say. It is. I can't believe I just said that publicly. I could see myself in a run club in Chicago. And don't invite me to do it. I'm not going to actually do it, but it's like a fun fantasy for me. It's like, I could be, to picture myself as like a, get ready with me as a whatever in Chicago. 5 a.m., I wouldn't be doing the 5 a.m. stuff, but like 8 a.m. heading out to run club, coffee after with my run club homies. That's like not sounding good to me. What would you? I love that. And then we talked last night, we did kind of like a live show, an adult live show. And the young man that opened for us, Chris Higgins, who's so funny, he said that he moved to Chicago because he travels so much that it makes more sense for him to be there than New York in a way. Whoa. He's like, because I never thought of just moving to the middle for these. Maybe you should do that. No, maybe. No. I would move to Austin before I moved to Chicago. I was about to say what you could do is Southern Middle. Yeah, Southern charm. And I just want to say publicly, I was doing a moving in silence thing. I think when the gratification I needed was you being like, why didn't you tell me you were doing Netflix as a joke? And I was like, I'm so awesome. The fact that I held that in and I sit by post-it yesterday, I think my moving in silence area is coming to an end. And everybody responded to me. You were doing intentional, like waiting for me to ask like why? No, no, no, no, no, no. I was just like, I talk about myself so much. And it's just like. And this is also bad. And I'm just going to, we're doing, this is kind of like a more philosophical episode, I think, than we've done traditionally. Yes. But I see everybody winning so much that like people have bigger wins. And I'm like, I don't even feel like I need to announce this win, even though it is a win. And then it is. And I'm like, oh, like that was a really cool thing that I did. And I didn't talk about it. And it's a milestone that even two years ago I would have been like one day, and I said publicly on the podcast, someone DM'd me and was like, you were talking about wanting to be on Netflix as a joke. And then you do it. But then everyone else that I surround myself with is so successful that I'm like, oh, I like that one. I post this little win. But so I didn't because I was moving in silence. Fuck moving in silence. I totally agree. I want to tell people if I'm hungry and I'm craving ham, hey, I'm craving ham. Because if that relates, if that one, if that resonates with one person. Then I've done my job. It is not a bad thing to be proud of yourself. But like, there's a difference between being egotistical and being proud of yourself. It's it's it's hard when you're in your head. I think it almost like you having OCD might relate. It's like, I post this thing and it's like, shut the fuck up for a minute if you don't mind. Oh, how do you think I felt past 10 months having to post Phoebe every day? I feel like everyone hates me. No, that's not true. But that's funny because that's what you think. And then I don't think that it's like, it's funny. Oh, yeah, I've convinced myself that everyone thinks I'm so annoying and hates me. And I'm going to do. I'm going to do a full like two months off line once once it's done. I will say I this cathartic ass episode. We need to. Can we can we just can we title this cathartic? Is it catharticism? We need to. I don't know. We'll look up a better word to put it, but it's definitely cathartic. Yeah, we're releasing a lot of things here. Yeah. You just almost like you were like, I thought I was a lesbian. Like this is like completely we're realizing things. Yeah. Oh, let's let's title it realizing things. Or realize, realize, realize. OK, whatever you want. We can talk about it later. OK, or now whatever you want. I don't know. I've decided to be fun for everyone to see like in real time how our friends are working. Celebrating the wins. Yeah. Well, it was less like that. It was just like I actually. Narcissist, what I'm about to say. I was like, I think people probably think it's cool that I'm not posting. And then I started posting and it was like, no one actually gave a shit. So I'm going to start posting and being annoying again, I think. Yeah. Which is great. I have an interesting thing that I always wonder. People like think that I'm. Humble. Yeah. Because I don't like to talk about. Like things that I have accomplished, but I don't think I'm humble. Like I think I get really, I actually do get really like privately. Proud. Yeah. But I'm just so scared to be perceived as annoying. Yeah, me too. Getting line that it's not me being, it's not humility at all. It's, it's fear of being an. That's interesting. Yeah. I don't think I'm humble. Like it on the inside, I'm not humble. I'm like, I'm cool. Like this is great. And yeah, but on the outside, I'm not saying it because I don't want to be annoying. Not cause I'm humble. That was like kind of the. A similar vein of like that. Oh, everyone else is doing so well. Why would I even be excited about this, this win? Yeah. I don't know where like to go with that realization, but I think that it's good that. It's good to get it out. Yeah. We said it. Yeah. Is there anything else that we need to get off our chests? I guess like now is a good time to do it. I told you when I get my next therapist, I have a list of things like a laundry list. Yeah. They'll beat that'll be cathartic. Oh God. Yeah. There's a lot, there's a lot of things on it. It's actually like all stuff I've said on the podcast too, which. Do you want to run through some of it or is private? No, no, no, I'm okay. Okay. It's not private. I just like, I, it will, it will scare me to say out loud. Okay. That's fine. I think it in one vein. It, there is like that thing that you said you thought you did 9-11 for a long time. You convinced yourself. I kind of have that thing too, where it's like, I think that I'm secretly evil and I'm getting by every day and no one realizes. And I'm like, that is, that is a genuine form of OCD of like you thinking you're a bad person. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I feel every day. And it's like it's based on, it's based not in any truth. Yeah. What is that? OCD. I don't think that I have OCD. Well, you can talk to a therapist about it. I will. But can I say some people with OCD think that they're evil. Can I say, I don't think I'm evil. Like I'm going to kill everybody, but like, okay, maybe like this is getting scary. Well, a lot of people with OCD are like having thoughts of like, oh, I'm going to kill this person like intrusively and like think that that must mean like I am a bad person and like that's who I am at my core. I don't feel that. I don't have any like malice in terms of like killing. I used to have that when I was little and I would think about killing people and then I'd be like, maybe that's the real me. Mine's based on nothing. It's just like, oh, like I like imposter syndrome, I guess. That's probably what it is. I was going to say, you know what I started taking? Cause I went to the Eastern medicine store. Ashwa Gonda. Nope. That didn't work for me. I went to the Eastern medicine store with me and me when I was home and she was picking up something and I picked up NADH plus pills and I picked up, um, LVNN. I've heard of both of those taking them both on an empty stomach. I don't know. It could be. It could completely be placebo. I have never felt even in the face of like true things that should really freak me out. Anxiety, scheduling, big shows, Netflix is a joke, all these things. I have never been more unbothered by anything ever in my life. Are you serious? I don't, I'm serious. Are these both supposed to be for your mental? I don't know. My age, you pick them up. Uh, LVNN is supposed to help with often combined insupplance to target stress and cellular aging. NAD plus supports cellular energy and repair, but I think that it helps your cognition too. So I think maybe that is maybe just, it's just working in the back end to work through things that are stupid and shouldn't cause me stress. Got it. And then LVNN is like for something too. I guess stress, relaxation and focus. Yeah. Hell yeah. That's what I wanted them to do. Wow. I never double checked, but that's great. I just get so confused with supplements. Highly suggest these two. And that's not medical advice. It's just working for me. And now I will say that one thing that did cause me a lot of stress was Tom Brady's face recently. Oh, I didn't see it. Holy moly. I almost, every day I, I hold myself back from posting it on my Instagram story, cause I don't want it to stick with anybody else, but there's a picture of him that. Yeah. No, wait, no, it's not even that one. Izzy, it's this one. Like, sorry, I threw up. It's this picture and he's in front of the Gucci mansion. It's a paparazzi picture. It's, this is what I looks like. They finally took my harmonica at the airport. They confiscated it. Yeah. It's that one. Yeah. So he's just gotten a lot of work done, huh? That was me thinking that they were about to. He got that, that buccal fat removal. Yeah, but he's a little bit like past getting boogal fat removal. Like he should have just kept it. I am all for a fashionable man, but like he has lost his roots. Well, I think that this is the, this is what someone looks like when they're very desperately trying to get their ex-wife's attention. Do you think? This is like when people have their arc in the gym, when they're like, usually it's a guy and I see it all the time on videos where it's like, we broke up and then I got, or no, actually I've seen like girls who do it too, where it's just like, I have my arc in the gym, you get like really buff or you get like really toned or you get really hot. He's doing an opposite, different third option called get really scary. And he's doing a lot of things that, you know, this is like an, this is like an NFL superstar legend and he's doing a lot of interesting moves. And I think that it, there's no way Giselle is not noticing this young man. Well, yeah, of course she's going to notice. Yeah, that, that's, wait, who's on the left? That's him. I've never seen that person. How did he get to the person on the right? Is that, is that natural aging? I think it would be about a billion or so dollars to get you to the place on the right. But he looks younger now than he did. I'm so confused. That's Caucasian James on the far left. I was going to say like, how did he, why was he born? Ask Caucasian James and then how did he transition to Tom Brady? Oh, it's incredible. But the reason this photo came up is because this was this profile or this or this paparazzi photo was genuinely how I was standing wondering what, what they were going to pull out of my bag at TSA and I'm just standing there like sucking on my cheeks just like, and it was my harmonica. And I was like, oh, Didn't they take it before or they just were inspecting it? They, it flashes really, really brightly on the next. Why do you keep bringing it? Cause they shove it back in my bag. And this time they were like, we got it. And I was like, just keep it. This has caused me so much trouble. Anyways, that's all I have to say about Tom Brady, but he did. Tom Brady, but he did sick with me. He's been, that picture of him is in my camera roll and I will be using that in some point. I get that. I will say, um, one quick learning moment for me, which I don't know. Do you know what an Americano is? Like the coffee? Yeah. Like I know what it is, but I don't actually like know what's in it. Isn't it just like a black coffee essentially? Thank you. No, it's not. When I was studying abroad over the summer and I was, Where were you studying abroad over the summer? I went to, where did I? Oh, I guess I didn't leave the country. When I was studying abroad over the winter, when I went to the, when I was in Italy, I kept being like, can I just have a black coffee? And they were like an Americano and I was like, great. So maybe that's just what they call our cop. Cause like they don't drink black coffee. They're classy. So I'm like, yeah, I'll do an Americano, you know, like whatever. And then my hotel that I'm at, the coffee shop that's in it, doesn't have black coffee either. Cause they're like fancy and they have coffee, they have black coffee. It's like a thing where it's just like, okay guys, yeah, I'll get an Americano. Like for you guys, I'll get an Americano, but it's like, how hard is it to just. Brew a pot, you know, but I was like, okay, yeah, I'll do an Americano. I've been having them every day. And even with my new, the pills that I'm on, NADH and I almost said Phoebe Berman and LVNN. People keep calling her Phoebe Bergman and that's not sitting right. I'm sorry. And it hits the ear poorly. Yeah, it doesn't roll. Um, an Americano is three shots of espresso and I've been having full blown shaking fits. What's going on with me? I can't drink coffee anymore. I've been cutting coffee completely out of my diet. And then the other day they were like, yeah, you've been drinking three shots of espresso on top of like a second cup of coffee. Wow. So my body was completely shutting down. Yeah. Americano is just purely espresso and water. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. My favorite type of coffee in the world is just diner coffee. Yeah. Best. With cream and sugar. I like when the spoon hits the porcelain. I like the noise it makes when everyone's stirring their coffee at the same time. I like that too. We have an awesome podcast. I agree. I lived that. Hey. Hi. Oh, I can tell you what happened in Milwaukee. That's what I was going to say. Okay. In Milwaukee, I came out and I opened with, I was like, oh, Milwaukee. Hello, everyone back. Hello. It was the coolest thing I've ever seen. Oh, I love that. We kind of, I can't believe we didn't do that at all today. It really came and went, didn't it? It was something we're like, I think at the end of the episode, if you were watching the tapes back, we do kind of like really, this is annoying. Oh, it's horrible. No, but we kind of like, we were dying at the beginning of the beginning of the end. We were like, no, yeah, no, yeah. Hello. Oh, hi. Yeah. It just kind of like lost its mark, which it's great to see something come and go. I think it's great again, quit while you're ahead. It was fun and now it's not. We nailed it. Yeah. We totally killed that one. Okay. Thank you guys for watching, wrapping up on that. And I'll miss you guys. This is definitely a moment in time that's happening and, you know, thanks for coming along to the ride. Thank you and thank you so much to everybody who has made this dream possible for a little girl like me. And I'm very grateful and excited and nauseous. Hey, Brooke. We're all so proud of you. Thank you, me too, but I'm too humble to say. Kidding. I'm joking. You would never. We'll see you on the other side, which is going to be very, very, very weird. On the other side of your New York Times bestselling book. Don't say. I mean, it's like a layup for you. Congrats. Thank you. Kiss your brain. Thank you guys. We'll see you soon. We have some exciting guests coming up and then we'll have a New York Times bestselling author on the podcast after that. I liked it. Thank you. Good night. Yeah. Yeah.