Is a Breakup Revenge Post Ever Okay?

are best and brightest. This is what they're coming up with. Like, I don't know if the best and brightest are working on podcast mics. That's fair. You mean they're working on spaceships and cancer medication? What will the podcasters do if they have to be careful with the way they put their fingers? This is the hardest job in the world. Hello, and welcome back to the U of podcast. I'm Jordan Abraham. And I am Jared Fried. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordan. Virtually we are virtual today. I'm here with my titty mug. As you can see on YouTube, the titty mug has made us. I'm so glad that it made the move. It made the move. How are you? What's going on? Good to see you again. We did dinner. We broke bread last week. I know we had a we had a real in person meeting. I saw your home. It was amazing. Yep. Casa de Frid. Great setup. It looked like it looked great. I was very happy for you. Huge improvement over your last home as someone who has seen both. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Different different living situation, I would say. A little bit different. Yeah. A little more space, you know, a little more updated, updated amenities. But the same titty mugs and same Tom Brady poster and, you know, not. I am who I am. Yes. Yes. You're still you're still you. That's the most important thing, no matter no matter what. And I met the babies. Oh, my God. Charlie and Lucy are the cutest. I like that they have their own personalities. They do. Yeah. They're they're a lot of fun. I'm pretty tired. They're our night nurse is gone. Night nurse is gone. Welcome to the show. Honeymoon's over. Honeymoon, that's right. Welcome to being a mom. There it is. You're no longer the assistant. I'm no I've been promoted and I am adjusting accordingly. I am a lot more tired. Now I get why people say twins are hard. Oh, yeah. She made it look pretty easy. And it's it's great. I think we're having a lot of fun, but there are there are a lot of work. So I'm I'm in that adjustment period. But it was great. We went we went to Florida and they were pretty good on the traveling end. And it was like just us and them for kind of like the first time. And we did it. It was it was an adventure and it was so great to see you. It was great to see you. I was so excited for you and Mike to come to the house and meet the babies. We got the picture of me, Uncle J. Train with Charlie and Lucy, which that picture will live on for the rest of their lives that will be shown at my funeral. That will be when they speak. They speak. Yeah, realize their Uncle J. Train. That's right. I want they're each giving a speech about me and we'll put that picture up with them both in one in each arm. So what do I have? I had a takeaway. I have I have like a so you came over you and Mike came over with the babies. And I had like I was like thinking about it on my walk today. And I was like, I have like a very heartfelt thing that I took away from it. And not to make you know, this is podcast. It's supposed to be funny. We're supposed to be like, do, do, do, do, do, do. You know, that's not what this is right now, because it was so cool to see you guys. You seem like a perfect team. It was cool to see the unit. Yeah. And you kind of think about like what we encounter with questions here on the podcast with dating and relationships and the things we worry about. And you're like, I don't think anyone's thinking of the right things. Like, yeah, I'm watching you two. And I'm like, I'm like, man, this is what if someone wants a family and kids, I'm like, I don't you got to get lucky to meet someone that you kind of like can work well with and when you're dealing with babies. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, it kind of it is interesting. Like, you know, you asked me this before and I don't think it was quite as as like relevant when I had the nurse, but since she left, we're really getting to see how we divide responsibilities and tasks. And like, obviously there's all the romantic shit when you pick a partner. But you're really like running a firm that is your household. Right. Right. And it's a lot of like, especially at this age, I mean, I haven't done any other age, but I would imagine like there's so many logistics of like and so much like you do, especially with two, like you do this. Like you kind of like have to just be like working, like cooking up a recipe of like their day to day together. If you think of it like, you know, you're a CEO, a founder. If you think of it like betches, it's like you got the marketing department, you've got the creative department, you've got the, you know, the the person who works the front door, the HR, same for you two, you've got the baby department, you've got the, you know, the sex department, you've got the, you know, in-law department, you know, like all that stuff has to be tended to. And some days, one thing gets more attention than the other, you know, and yeah, maybe some years, you know, and it's just like to think, you know, I just think of how I dated and it was like, and how a lot of the men I think are dating more so than the women and I'll speak for myself, me, myself and I, are they hot? Do I want to fuck? And then would she be a good mom? Well, then you, well, yeah, good mom. I guess you're like, and then it's like, how's our dynamic? Am I having fun? Am I enjoying this company? And then it's like, you know, could I, how do we deal with, like it almost goes backwards in importance? Right. No, it does. And it's kind of weird like that because it's like, especially in this stage, that's like the only thing that really matters. Although one thing that I did really like about Mike when we first started dating was that he had this very calming energy that I felt very relaxed around him. And I will say that comes in handy now because like he's not really phased by like he doesn't get like overwhelmed by like the girls crying at the same time or like there, you know, we have like a million things to do where there's like a big blow out diaper, he's like very calm. That energy has been helpful in this stage of life. I'm like almost more like getting a little overwhelmed. I think I told you like the first night I was crying and it was like we're in our hotel room and it's like the two girls crying and me crying and Mike just being like, all right, we're going to like it's like it's going to be fine. We're going to do this and then we're going to do that. It's like, how are we going to do this forever? I don't know. You told me that you go, all three girls are crying. And then I and then I'm like and I looked at Mike, I go, wait till they're all in their period. And I was like, I was like, I'm happy we're close enough for me to make that joke. You are. Yeah. It was a funny one. I liked it. And I got to see you in your element. So yeah, did you have any did you have any takeaway? We went to dinner. Do you have any takeaways of me and Emily? Was there any thought? How do we look? Are we a good couple? Tell us. Tell me, you got to dump her. What do you think? No, I love her. She's great. I mean, like, I feel like she's the kind of person. It'd be really hard to say anything even like negative about. And I was trying. No. No, I'm joking. Tell that to the people on Reddit. I mean, like. No, she was just like, great. She's just like easy going and like she was so help. She was like helping me with like with the with the girls. She loved those babies. She just jumped right in. I was like, she's she's going to be great. Like, she's, you know, unfazed by also the crying. I was a little turned on by how good of a mother she seemed. Yes, she was like ready to go. You know, I was going to text you that after I was like, she seems like she's going to be a great mom, but I didn't want to be like that. New mom. No. Assessing everyone's like, like everyone's like motherhood capability. Well, this is the thing about like in and also like saying that to you like a few months after you restarted dating, it's funny, like the things that, you know, it is there is a huge hump for anyone to get over. But then when it comes to like when you're over the hump, it's like there's no more like, OK, Jordana, chill, chill, chill. We'll get to that. Like I don't really feel any of that. Like, like as I was looking, I was like, she's holding the baby. Like it's nothing. She was like flipping it over her shoulder and doing, you know, and, you know, throwing her I left. You left. You just gave her a baby. I did. She was great. She was great with the baby. And it was it isn't a really important skill. Like again, something he would you don't know until you're in it. But yeah, she was she was great. It was nice to see you guys together. It seems like you guys are in a rhythm. There's definitely like another level of comfort from the last time I saw you. Obviously, I mean, that was like a different time period. But it seemed like you guys are like excited and like making plans and like getting your ice cream and it was it was awesome. Yeah, we love getting ice cream. We shout out to Witt's and Delray Beach. If you guys want to plug, they do an ice cream of the night flavor. And that's pretty much the basis of our relationship right now is all we do is talk about what's the ice cream of the night. And I don't know if there's anything that's more guy in a relationship than that. Then what I just said, you know, that's the, you know, I had it. Well, it's funny because you did remember there was like either something I remember about like the couple that you saw with the like American Eagle T-shirt or something. Oh my God. Yeah. And you were like shitting on them a little bit. But like, do you kind of see how like that sort of becomes like that's you got like you get like that sort. Totally. I mean, it's the scary part about stand up. It's like you become way less funny the minute you and your partner start having your inside jokes and you have to like, yeah, you have to say you're happy, which is funny than a happy person. We're going to try and defy that today because I'm happy and we're going to do this podcast. No, you're right. It's not funny to be happy. It's not funny to be like, how great is this? The weather is great and we get ice cream every night. Like, yeah. And my job is to try and find a way through that, you know, so. Oh, totally. Because you have to suss out what like it's like you ever hear a story about like a couple tell you a story about like what happened that was so funny. And you're like, oh my God, they think that this is like out of the house stories. You know, you're like, keep that in your fucking home. You know, like, but you have those. I'm sure now I have those and I'm like, I got to remember. I got to like keep the, you know, the good ones that between us, you know, like, you know, so. It's but that's fun. I'm having fun at school that you saw that. I mean, we talked on benefits. She's moving down here and I'm like, couldn't be more excited. You know, so excited. Yeah, I think I think she's great. You guys seem like you make a great pair. Her mom, you slash her mom brought us a gift. Yes, yes. Yes, I have to say on the subject of kids, I actually thought you seemed a lot more like comfy around kids than I would have pictured you as like a man who's not around kids. Big you were like, you seem like fit right into the Uncle J train slot. When we had the modern mystic on and she said, you will be at your full potential with the right person. I truly believe that. Like, I really do think that like that is where I am. I'm not a, you know, I'm not Fonzarelli. I'm not a cool guy that goes out and, you know, picks up chicks at the bar. I was never that guy. And I mean, I try to be that guy. You have to try to be that guy with your single. And as you get older, the, you know, the friends wear away and you have to be kind of this lone guy. I do think the phone plays into that to make you feel less lonely. But I this feels way more comfortable to me, like in a relationship and the next phase of life feels way more up my alley. You know, like I can't wait to like fuck with my family. Like I like. You know, and even the other day, like we made a problem, he's been a family guy. Oh, I mean, I'm with that with my parents. I love the uncomfortable interactions of family. Like I really do. Like I mean, and, you know, I have the book tour coming up. So I'm doing a book tour for Walking Red Flag. If you order the book for a friend, I will make a video for you. I've been making tons of videos of and wait a minute, this comes out Wednesday. Happy First Mother's Day. Oh, thank you. I was just listening to oversharing and you were talking about how you already laid down what you want on Mother's Day. And I was like, great, great job, Jordana. That's a great job out of you. Thank you. I mean, I'm I'm all about settings. I don't have the mental energy at this point to not set myself up for success. You did a great job. Tell people what your plan is if they don't listen over sharing. My plan, well, I said to Mike two, three weeks ago, Mother's Day is May 10th. I'm looking forward to the plan that you're making. I want to I know reservations are tough to get tough day. I would like a reservation. You should probably get on that sooner than later. If you want to invite your parents, I'm OK with that. Great work on that. You made it easy on him. Yeah. Well, I figured. And I like his parents are like so help. They want to help. They're like the most helpful people in the world. I want to, you know, his parents are getting great reviews. If they're listening right now, Mike's parents are killing it. I that was a lot of the talk is how good they've been. They are. I mean, don't do any more. They don't have to do more. They're doing the right amount right now. This isn't encouraging them to do more. I'm just saying everything I heard, they're doing a great job. They're doing a great job. They're they're coming over Saturday. They're like, do you guys want to go to dinner? We're going to come over. We'll watch them. They're like they're they're pro. They drove us to the airport. They picked us up from the airport. I love it. They're great. I'm happy to have lunch with them on Mother's Day. Anyway, so yeah, I set the groundwork because like I actually it is something I've worked, you know, for most, for a lot of people, Mother's Day is just a day. But for me, I worked pretty hard to get to this point. Yeah, this is listen, this is you're you're on the big day for you. More than any other. No one's mothered harder than you. You're right. For sure. And I and I'm trying I'm trying to set the set the tone for like this is my expectation for like how this day will go is like and so yeah, I set it up for that. I think and I I'm very much a fan of like setting your like not testing people, especially at this point in a relationship. It's not like a fun thing. No, I heard you on oversharing. I was like, that is what a gift she's given Mike. She laid she laid down her expectation no more, no less. And of course, a card and a card. You got to get the card. Well, he knows that already. I listen after seeing Emily with your baby, I set up a Mother's Day brunch for her. You know, so I. I mean, she she was you should she was she was great. Yeah, are you well are you are you hanging out with your mom on Mother's Day? Well, I'm going to be in LA. I have to do this already have passed, but it's the Netflix is a joke festival. And there I'm a part of it. I'm doing a show and let me just say the listeners, the viewers on YouTube, the millions around the world. Thank you. Thank you for coming out to the shows. You know, right now it's hard for people to sell tickets like you. You know, there's a thing called the Blue Dot disease. Have you heard of this? No, what's that? So when you sell it, as you know, we have had live shows before. When you say I have a when you go to sell tickets, you go to Ticketmaster and you see the map of blue dots. You see like the tickets that are available. If you go to Ticketmaster, you can see the tickets available. There's a map of the room and you can click on the blue dot and choose your seat. So all these musicians and artists are canceling shows because they're coming down with the the Blue Dot disease. Too many blue dots. They have too many blue dots and they're seeing like I can't sell the venue that I signed up for it might as well just cancel. And it's like a joke to call it the Blue Dot disease. And yeah, you know, we are not going to things anymore. Or is it just like, I guess things are expensive. You know, it's expensive. What's the first thing you cut on the list? Concert tickets, you know, entertainment, you know, probably, you know, the economy is not great right now. You know, cost of living high. So where do we make some cuts? So I just want to thank the listeners for still coming out. And I had like 30 tickets left for LA. There's 400 shows. There's a lot of choices out there. You know, part of that is because we do a great job. And, you know, I take a lot of care with writing an act and making sure that I'm going on stage and doing new stuff every time and taking chances. But also the audience, you know, has always been the greatest gift in the world. So thank you guys all. I mean, and to continue that, I'm going to be on the road. Jacksonville, Austin, Cleveland, the Hamptons, Miami, Red Bank, New Jersey, Foxwoods and Portland. And then I got a book tour. Ooh, the book tour is going to be like a live, you know, dating you up experience where you can bring your screenshots and I'll, you know, review them. And you can bring your dating app profiles. We're going to give makeovers. There's going to be New York City, Boston, Philly, DC, Chicago, Denver. All of these tickets are found at my website, JaredFree.com. And again, if you want me to make a cameo for a friend, you buy a book for a friend, send me the receipt, DM it to me. I'll get back to you with a video. Their name, your name and one fun fact. That's all I need. And I'm going to add on to this. You ready, Jordan? I'm ready. If you have a book club and it's over 10 people, a 10 person book club or more, everyone buys a book. I will do a half hour zoom with your book club. If you DM me all 10 receipts and you, we set a date and time we'll set it up. So I will zoom into your book club to discuss the book. I, a real author will zoom into your Des Moines, Iowa bullshit book club. And, and I think I'm adding you. I'm adding I got, I got enough work to do. If you have a 20 person book, okay. You might do a in person bachelor crash, right? Or you just, you know, you know, when they used to do that for the bachelor, you were going to join the zoom. Yeah, I know me. If you have a hundred person book club, I'll join this. Okay. Hundred percent book club, Jordan, it comes 20. I got to go to the morning and like show up at their house. It's a surprise. Yes. It'll be a surprise. Okay. Well, how about this? Let me up it because I'm not flying to Iowa. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. I will, I will do this. It has to be a 30 person book club and you have to buy it from a local bookstore. Oh, wow. Supporting local business. I love local business. So that's right. This is me, Robin Hood, freed over here. Take from the rich, give to the poor. If you have a 30 person book club and you buy it from a local bookstore, I will show up at the book club and hang out. We'll find it. I love it. How about that? Amazing. And so maybe I would love for that to be a surprise, just like the bachelor. I remember they would show up at the viewing parties and they were like, Hey, it was like the college sorority being like screaming. And then they'd make Sean Lowe take his shirt off or something. Well, I will take my shirt off as well. So you'll get the whole thing. What are we talking about today, Jordana? That was great. Perfect. I just made a promise I have to deliver on. Thank you for adding. It's hard to get a 20, a 25, a 30 person book club is a big book club. If you're if well, if you're listening and you have one already, you're like, oh my God, you got to do it. You got to do it. But if you don't have one, that's the hard part. Finding 29 friends, like, who the fuck are you? You know, Matt Damon, like that's crazy. People like love their book clubs. I've, you know, that's like a it's a real thing. Emily's in a book club. She was like, I do mind if I present it to our book club. I was like, I do you mind, you know, like that's that's a little bit like I. Are you worried about them all sitting around and reviewing the book? I a little bit. Who would date this guy? Yeah. This loser. You know, yeah, book clubs in Mahjong. It's the millennial. It's a millennial woman thing. Have you have you heard anything about Mahjong? Of course. Everywhere. Millennial Jew. I every woman I follow on every woman I've ever dated that I still follow on Instagram is in a Mahjong group is showing Mahjong. Yeah. Well, you mentioned something on oversharing. You guys had an email about, you know, you know, this woman was like having a kid and she had this whole phase where she like connected with someone over this group. Oh, yeah. With the with the madam is carriage. And then like she had the baby and she was like, bye. Right. And she's like, I'm done. That's a very female thing. This idea of like, I am in this phase of life. I am in Mahjong phase. I don't go to clubs anymore. Too old for clubs. You'll never hear a guy say that. And it's kind of like it's an interesting part to related to dating. This idea that like I am this woman now and I was that woman. Then men do not think that way. I'm still sitting here. Like I'm like, yeah, I'll be a better guy when I'm in a relationship and when I have a kid, when I have a family, but I'm not going to ever be like invited to a night, you know, a night club. To the disco. To the go tech. Well, I'll sound old, but I'll never think like I could never. And you hear that a lot from the women, you know, I am in Mahjong land. Right. Well, we like a definition, as you know, from our emails. We like to be defined. We don't like things hazy. It's easier to put yourself in a box. I love hazy definitions. I love being vague and love vague, as you've said. We love vague. We love vague. So let's get to the emails before we do benefits. We are being very personal on benefits. And you guys, if you love you up, but wish that we talked more about our lives, we talk pretty openly about our lives. It's not like we hide what we do for a living. We are open and honest with the listenership. I think I don't know if there's a more honest and open podcast out there. There might not be. We bear it all. We bear our soul. But if you want to know more, if you want to know more about Jordyn and I, subscribe to you up with benefits. The link is in the bio of this episode, wherever you're listening or watching, or it's on our Instagram, you can find the link there. So go, go, go, do it now. Get involved. I mean, we do, we see the benefits numbers every month and they, they're pretty consistent, which is quite a compliment. So people seem to enjoy it. It is a very, I would say it's very comparable to the beginning of this episode, but it's even even deeper. Yeah, it feels like you're just having a coffee with us in the morning after, like a wild night and we all came out of our rooms and like hung out, did that hang on the couch in the middle of the Airbnb. I would describe it as that. Yeah. Isn't that the best definition of a word for that feeling? That's the pinnacle of that. Right. Yeah. That's that's that's the hang that you lose out on as life goes on. Yes. That makes you feel it's that hungover hang. The next morning, everyone went out, we had our night and then it's like people trickle into the living room and you're having your coffee out of your titty mug and you're just jiving. Yeah. You have to really, you have to really try as the older you get to like curate those, those hang moments. That's a good company. Talk about, you know, setting up that living room hang like being a party planner for that. Well, it's a trip plan. I mean, I do it. I've done usually like a yearly trip, like a couple's trip. We go somewhere fun. Yeah. No one brings their kids and then you stay together and then you have like all those mornings, which are wonderful. Totally wonderful. A great story like Monsters, Inc. stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story from the return of the award winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television to the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Gotta dead body. Gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits this spring on Disney Plus. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Let's do the emails. You ready? Yes, let's do it. I will read our first one. Hi, Jane J. Loyal listener, subscriber to benefits and over sharing feather feather to the entire U.S. team. You make my work weeks bearable in my weekends way more enlightened. Love it. Wow. Thank you. I am 38 divorced, female, 510, 145 pounds. This is our new thing. This is in reference to another email we had where a guy wrote in, wrote his height and weight and we just said, is that what we have to do now? Yeah, 510, 145 pounds. She's a string bean. All right. Yeah. I just insulted her. I just did I just ruin the whole thing? She's like a supermodel. That's a tall, thin woman, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I'm 58. I'm 58, 145. So no, I. I know that. OK, the longer I go on, I feel like I've been self-sacred. Do you want to calculate her BMI? If people write in their heights and weights, I will not avoid trying to paint that picture of my head. This is going to become a segment now because I. Yes. I'm trying to think she must look like, you know, Petunia from Hey Arnold. OK, go on. I'm casually dating in a smallish east coast town. I do not want a relationship anytime soon, but would love a fence with friends with benefits situation to have fun with as my schedule allows. Thanks to Jared, I knew about field and started to try my luck there. Look at you. Great app for someone who's looking for what she's looking for, because it's so she's she writes it, but it's super open. OK, go ahead. Yes. I appreciate the openness and honesty about what people are looking for as compared to more traditional dating apps. I've matched with a few people and gone on several dates and have generally had a good experience recently. I've hit a snag and I'm in desperate need of some outside perspective. I match with a guy, Nate, about a month and a half ago. Tall plays hockey. Great boys. He loves to read out loud to me. Jordanna, love that. You know, I'm a fan of that. I find it romantic. Seems a little soon to be reading night. Now to each other soon into the relationship to be reading. How does that happen so quickly? No one has told him to read. Tell him to read walking red flag to you. Yes. And I got diarrhea from having too much homeless. That's chapter six. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going to get real far into a relationship to get there. Because of my custody schedule with my two kids, we've only seen each other four times over that period of time and text fairly consistently in between. We usually do something low stakes, eat some food and have sex all night. Since we met, our chemistry has been off the charts. Truly insane. He says he's usually a one and done type, but we find ourselves going back for more until we're either too exhausted or one of us has to leave. And the communication about what we're feeling and what we want has been so easy and nice without the pretense of dating. We've been able to be fully open and honest without fear of judgment or trying to be something we're not. It felt like the perfect setup. This past weekend, I ended up staying the night and he asked me to stay the next day, too, we played video games and watch TV and had sex for a full 24 hours. What is this college? What's what is he taking? But the next day was really hard. It was a dopamine crash from hell. And we both texted about how weird and depressing it felt. That's the opposite of the morning hang. Right. He sweetly said, my body just keeps wondering where you are. Because our chemistry is so intense. My body, what is he? Jack Johnson? That was like. Your body is. Sorry. Who's that? Who's body is John Mayer? John Mayer, John Mayer, John Mayer and Jack Johnson are one and the same to me. They are very similar. Yeah. John Mayer is like the the playboy version of Jack Johnson. Yes, he's like more. Jack Johnson seems like he's actually kind of just like a laid back hippie type. Yeah. And John Mayer seems like he's trying to like play into that role so that he can sleep with more women. Right. I'd consider myself somewhere between the two. Fair. Yeah. Sure. Like most men, that's the spectrum of straight men. It's John Mayer to Jack Johnson. Johnson. Yeah. Because our chemistry is so intense, I'm left spiraling about what to do. I think it would be easy for one or both of us to mistake all the oxytocin for love. And I don't want to hurt him by being reckless. My therapist says I'm falling into people pleasing by trying to fix a problem before it occurs. And my friends are sort of like, he's a guy. A guy would use you for sex. Why care? But I do care. Should I pull back or try to damp in this fire before it gets out of hand? Should I stop seeing him altogether? I'm truly not healed enough for my divorce to entertain a relationship. But I also don't want to cut ties entirely because he's so easy and fun and sexy. Is this what men feel like? I'm really struggling here. Help J&J. A too hot to handle, butch. I love this email. I mean, I relate to it fully. This idea of like it's going well. OK. Here's how it's going to go wrong in the future. Yeah. And I need to get in front of that. I mean, like I hear her therapist. I agree with her therapist completely, but I also and I also I've been her and I've as Jordana knows in my own life, I get ahead of all of these things and do what she does she's doing right now. So consider yourself seen and not crazy because I have been there. And I think your friends are assholes. Yeah, these are all my thoughts for the friends to say he's a guy who would use you for sex, why care? Why care? Why care is the is is fucked up. Yeah, fuck off. Like I think your friends, that's minimizing that you should stop going to them for advice like the idea that you know, you're not important to him. Like that he's just because he said a nice thing, it must be a lie. Like what a what a what an insult to men, you know, just a man says a nice thing. So you think that he's just a liar because he's trying to fuck you as like right and an insult to you. I think what they might mean by that, OK, said said wrongly is that like it seems like this is different for men and women. Like men are much more likely and again, maybe they're not articulating that. But what I'm sort of reading from that or what I might tell a friend who had a similar situation is like, I think it's easier for a lot of men to be casual in this way. And so I think it's different when if you were doing that with a woman versus this woman who said she's been up front, they've kind of like said explicitly what they're looking for. And I just think it's easier for most not all men, but for most men to like have this kind of arrangement. So the way you're putting it, which I would agree with now that I've talked shit about her friends, I will now come back to your end. So what you're saying is that generally men won't be as devastated if she keeps going with this. So even if they are feeling having feelings for you, the stakes are different. So they don't. So keep going. Who cares? Is that what the friends are saying? I wouldn't say. Yeah, I wouldn't say like who cares. But like I think that part's like a little again, callous. But I think it's more like. Like a man is less likely to have like have a going to be devastated by someone who's in it for strictly sex and video games. Sure, sure. It sounds like the stereotypical trope of what a man is looking for. Sure. A quote unquote relationship. And she's taking his words to be what. And again, this email is all about expectations. Like because he said your body is a wonderlander, my body just keeps wondering how your body's temperature is, whatever he said, whatever poem he wrote. She. Yeah, she's interpreting that in the way she would say that to someone. So she's making a. Again, it fits her profile of getting ahead. So she's like, well, and any time someone says oxytocin in a dating scenario, I'm like, you have thought about this too much. You've gone too far. Right. Because it's a word you learned about the last decade that you learned from the internet. You didn't know what oxytocin was until millionaire matchmaker said it once. And then it got repeated. It's kind of like when I hear that, I'm like, you are far gone. Like you're overthinking it. You're overthinking it. It's like when someone says everyone's disposable and that's the problem with online dating. I'm like, oh, this person doesn't have their own opinion anymore. They're just repeating a hot take that did well for someone else. And if someone said that, like on a podcast, I would stop listening to them. I would go, this person is fraudulent because the whole disposable thing we know everyone's disposable with dating apps and with all apps. Right. So is your friend who took you to the airport because you're like, I can get an Uber a lot easier. So like it's bullshit. It's a bullshit take that we've already done. So the oxytocin thing, that's like you ringing a bell that's like, I'm fucked because now you've gone so far. So let's take it back. You're a therapist. We're sitting here two people hearing that going, yeah, you're getting ahead because you're worried about upsetting someone. What she wrote is actually what I would say to him. I'm truly not healed from my divorce yet to entertain a relationship. You said my body keeps wondering where you are. That made me feel like you are falling for me in a way that I can't keep up with. I don't want to cut ties because you're fun. This is easy. And you're hot. How do you feel? Yeah. And again, I'm simplifying it for as someone who's had trouble with this conversation, I think that would be a way I would hear that and I'd be like, good to know. And then I could say, no, I'm in love with you. Or I can say, no, no, no, no, no, I say those things because I'm carried away and I'm trying to like recapture the dopamine from earlier. I want to hear it back. Yeah, which is, I think, a very strong possibility. Right. I don't think it necessarily means he's in love with you. I think there are many men who would be cool with this situation more than the amount of women that there are. Listen, if a woman, if I was dating someone, again, also you met on field, which, you know, to go back to field, when you get all that sex stuff written out field, the power of field is like people are like, I want this, this and that. The power of that is that, OK, the sex stuff's out of the way. Now you guys can like chit chat and like kind of get a little deeper, a little quicker so that you can like trust each other for the sex you already said you want to have. Yeah. You're like, you're looking to build trust really quickly now that the sex stuff's out of the way. I've been in that situation. Totally. The best position that you would be in to date as a woman would be like exactly her 38, 510, 145 pounds. Divorce. Divorce. You already have kids. You're not like racing the clock if that's what you want. And like you're going to like that's the perfect position to just date like a man, which is exactly what she's doing. I think you're great. I'm having a great time. This is the level of intimacy I want. And please, please let me know if we've if I'm under delivering. It's not working for you. Right. If I'm under delivering, if it's not working for you, I would I actually wrote out the possibilities for her. You ready? OK. Here's what happens. She keeps going. She falls in love and it all works out. You keep going. You fall. That's a possibility. You you put aside. You get over your divorce. It's casual becomes more serious. Great. Wonderful. You you die while holding hands. You break up. You never find someone that makes you feel as comfortable as this person. You go back to them. They have now a wife and kids and you are sitting outside their window on Christmas Eve watching them and their beautiful family drink hot cocoa like it's a wonderful life. Why isn't she with her own kids on Christmas Eve? Oh, no, no, she those kids don't want to hang out with her. She doesn't she doesn't care about those kids. So obsessed with this guy. Yes. Yes, that's that's a really sad story. That's a really sad story. It's a really that is a possibility, though. OK, sure. OK, they break up. She realizes he was a really good match for her and she comes back to him. And he's like, yeah, let's give this another shot and they fall in love. OK, OK, sounds like a familiar story on this podcast. That's a story I'm living right now. I got very lucky. Yeah. OK. You keep going. And he falls in love with you and you're not as into it and you have to have a tough breakup. All these scenarios seem perfectly fine, besides the one where you're stalking him with your and not abandoning your own family. Well, the last one is of the worst one. Keep going. You keep going. He falls in love with you. You realize you're not as in love with him. You end it with him. He murders you. That's the worst case scenario. Mm hmm. Yeah. Also, a scenario that we have to acknowledge is like the most likely case of murder just generally, you know, so I'm sorry to ruin this. It's got dark real quick. I'm just saying, listen, again, we have to acknowledge how just this could end with depressed that you're like you lose out on something that's really good. Yeah. Or you. Murdered or murder. Yeah. So. Just some. Yeah, just have the conversation, I would say, in a public spot. But I think the chance. Well, the chance of murder is less if you have it now with like, hey, let me just like set up expectations. Right. Like I and I think you need to expect this out of me. And your body is a wonderland is something that makes me feel like you might be ahead of me and makes me anxious. Yeah. I mean, this sounds like it's a good time for like a little check in. I know this is the way we started. We both said we wanted this. It's now been, I don't know, a month, two months, whatever it is. How are you feeling now? Are you still feeling the same way as when we started dating? Or are you have your feelings changed? I think that's fine to just have a check in. Totally. Let's do another email. Petty or Prudent. Well, this is the game we love playing. You ended something and then you acted a certain way. Were you being petty or prudent with how you acted? J and J and Ronnie. Ronnie. How is Ronnie sleeping right next to me? He appreciates being included. So he's doing better. This is a way better sleeping next to you during the podcast. This is an improved. No, he's he's great. I feel like he's a little sad, but he started his training. So that's been helpful. But it's really funny. So when we were at Delta, we checked into Delta at the Palm Beach Airport. They gave us these like little like they saw like the girls and they gave us these little like rubber duck like Delta rubber duckies. Did they ever we've ever gotten them? What? I'm the rubber duckie guy. Who gave them to you? That we were checking our bags and the guy at the check in thing was like gave us two little like Delta. They saved Delta on it? Yes. I mean, like with like with like a pilot, it's like it's like a little rubber duck with a pilot's hat that says Delta. It's like adorable. I've never been more annoyed in my entire life. I got to get one. I got to go tomorrow. OK. Yeah, you should. Give them to a 40 year old man with no kids. I'm going to ask. Maybe. I'm going to be like I have a Wrangler. You know us rubber duckie Wrangler people. OK. Yes, we got we got to. And then we got home and Ron, you know, they were giving them the bath and Ron just stole one and destroyed it. And I think he was kind. And then I was like, you know what, Ron? We deserve that because we didn't get you a souvenir. We went away. You got nothing. We didn't get you a you deserve to like chew up this. And plus we have two. Did you there was a video I thought of you yesterday. There was two girls there with their dad and they're in the car and they got these like dumpling toys like and the the girls are like, let's open them on three. And they go one, two, three. And they open these dumpling toys and this girl freaks out. She's like, I got the glitter dumpling. And she's like, it's and the dad's like, what is it good? Like he has no idea. And she's like, it's rare. You can't get this one. And then the camera pans to the other daughter and she's a mess crying because she has like the dumb like dump, dumpy dumpling. Yeah. She has like the red one. And she's like all and she starts crying immediately. And then they go back to the girl who got like the special one and she's like, oh, and like, I was like, oh, my God, this parenting thing is. A lot of content, a lot of content. It's a content. I was just thinking of you with with the twisters. The twist. I have to say, though, people fucking love twins. Yeah. They we get stopped. We've never spoken to anyone on a vacation ever. What is ever spoken to us everywhere we go. Oh, my God. And I mean, we've talked about this on a different episode, but like I have to have now like a whole story, a whole fake story about, you know, like you have a fake story about your job for when you don't want to talk. Like I have to have a whole fake story from them because the question I'm in consulting, I work at McKinsey. Yeah, I'd never, I mean, we'd never taken them out in public really before. And I'm learning like people have so many questions that I need to have answers for, so I don't have to explain my whole fertility journey to them. They were really work out a ladder statement. You got to get people out. Yeah. I mean, here's the questions I wasn't prepared for. Go first question. How many minutes apart were they born? Was not prepared to get that. Do you have you figured out what the right number would be? I originally said 10 because I panicked, but I think seven is probably like a little more of a common thing. And then just pray they don't ask any follow-up. Seven and pray. OK. What's the next question? Oh, my daughter had twins. They were born premature. Were your twins full term? I don't even know what that means. That whole sentence is like above my head. Basically, like, did you deliver early because a lot of twins are born early or whatever? Or like, did you did you carry them the whole way? I would make a joke about that and realize how like how like, like, I'd be like, yeah, they came out in a month. It was like putting it in the oven and they just came out and they'd be like, a month, are you OK? Like, it would turn into this serious thing. Yeah. Well, then you'd have to answer more questions. So I'm just trying to come up with a story that is the most basic average story so that no one asks me any more follow up questions about this lie that I've now dug deeper and deeper into and then hope no one stumbles upon my like, Instagram to see that I've made up this whole fucking story to them. Right. And you are a public figure. This is this is tough. I yeah, you can't do it. You should do it like our emailers. Like, you know, these are the twins. These are the twins. Seven minutes. One hundred and eighty pounds. Five eleven. You know, like do it that way where you have exactly how old are they? I have to say, I just I do an average of their two ages. That's horrible. I just feel like it's it's it's it's anxiety producing to be lying constantly. Right. And then you like you tell one person the truth and then the next person that you saw like you'd already seen them before and told them to lie like. That's why I have to be consistent. You have to remember. But it's very you have to have a good memory if you're going to be a liar too. Right. No one working harder than a liar. Oh, well, seriously. Any other tips for the mothers out there? Tips or any other warnings to the questions you're going to get? If you have twins, I don't know. You just get you just get a lot of comments. Oh, my God, there's two of them. Good. Then everyone's like, good luck. You're finding out what it's like. Right. You're you're finding out what it's like to be someone living with like an appearance that they can't hide. Right. You know, like there was a guy. There was a guy at my show a couple of weeks ago and he was extremely tall and he took a picture with me after the show and the person taking the picture was like, whoa, tall guy going to have to get tall. Yeah. And the guy was just like enough. Like you could tell and I felt for him because he was right. It's like your whole life. Everything. Yeah. They've heard that one before. It's like someone with a name that you could make fun of. Like, oh, I've heard that last name joke about my last name before. Totally. And you honestly, on a human level, you can't help yourself. Like if I see someone tall, I want to go, you're tall. Like I just want to tell them. No, I get it. I get it. Twins. Twins. Tell me more. Right. I mean, Coors Light had a whole campaign based on this and twins. Remember that? Double the double mint gum. Double mint gum. Double your that was a great commercial. What? And I will say, though, there's perks, though. OK, as we're leading me to my other story is that people really want to help you. Hmm. People like are trying to help facilitate you having an easier time, which doesn't really happen normally in my life. So even like Delta, they upgraded us on the way back to come for plus. Ahead of a diamond medallion holder. Well, I don't know that. I'm going to have to call someone. So we got we got I got upgraded against my will. We both got upgraded and they put us in two separate middle seats. No, no, no. Yes, in Delta Comfort. Worst case scenario. That is like a heart. Yeah, we had our we had our two aisle seats because you can't have two infinite laps in the same row. So we had our two aisle seats and I was like, also that I picked one with like no one else in the row, they put us in the middle of in the middle seat in Delta Comfort. And I go to that. I go up to them and I'm like, I'm going to bring these kids so that they like see right? You have to see what I'm working. What I'm working right here and don't let my come single mother. They're going to feel even worse. Yeah, one in the one in the stroller and one in my hands. Yeah, just bouncing them as I'm saying it. And I'm like, listen, like appreciate the upgrade, but like, I don't really think anyone wants my husband and I separately in two middle seats, holding these babies like in the middle, in the middle of two other people, two babies in the same row. Like, I don't think I was like, I don't think anyone really wants this. Like we don't want this. No one next to us is going to want this. She's like, oh, of course, like let me find two empty rows for you. And I'll like re put you in them. And so we each got our own row. Oh my God. And the rubber ducks. And the rubber ducks. Yes. Yes. Well, I do. But this is this is an issue Delta has. They can't nobody wants I'll regular to comfort middle unless they elect for it. Right. No one would ever want that unless you were sitting next to two people. You knew, right? Recently, because flights were very full, I've elected to go to the back row. That's where we were. Yeah, it's a great row. It's too empty. Well, not back the last one, but the like towards the back, close to the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, I would be comfortable sometimes. I'd rather be in the bathroom than in the middle middle comfort to sometimes. A middle comfort with with a baby on your lap. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no one wants. No, no, no, I don't want anything to do with that. I OK, ready? Petty or prudent. Sorry. Dear JJ and Ronnie, long, long time, long time, long time. Me, 32 female, my friend, 31 male. For context, we are old friends. We live in different cities and see each other once a year. He went through a breakup recently. I only met his ex 33 female once when they were together. But I knew her as an acquaintance from years ago before before we ran in similar circles back in the day. After they broke up, she sent me some DMs attached that felt a bit awkward, but I didn't know how to reply. Then a few days ago, she posted an AI generated text image for people to set her up on dates. I haven't told my friend as the breakup already sounds like it was a bit tumultuous. So Petty or prudent, you try to give your ex's friend a vague warning about not settling for a man, even though I'm in a long term hetero relationship. And then you post this photo on your IG main page. Additionally, should I tell my friend about this or spare him the stress? Thanks, a girl who settled for a man. So let's go to the post. We'll start with a DM. That's what came first. I'll be her. I'll be the crazy you be her. OK, ready? Oh, I broke up with blank, but I would love to stay connected with you as friends. Sorry to hear. And yes, of course, let's keep in touch. Hope you are OK. Breakups are hard. That's exactly the message I would send. It's a perfect message. Noncommittal, keep this crazy happy. I'll be fine soon. The feminine rage inside me is strong. And then she hearts it. Exactly what I would do. Also, I'm with the listener. Yeah, just a little end of conversation. How I would do this. Yes. And then she follows up even a day. This is a different day. Doesn't get what she wanted out of this conversation. Even nice men are still men. Don't settle. LOL. Doesn't sound like she's laughing too loud. Yeah. And then she posted this post and it's here's here's the AI post she posted, which is actually let me let me reveal my opinion on the Ikea pick or on the Ikea pickier or whatever we're doing here. This is batshit insane. So it says blanks dating policy. I am only accepting dates from men with a verified, non-related, female reference. If you have a man for me, please refer within. And then read the caption. I'm not dating someone's bitch ass son again. Bitch ass son. Isn't everyone someone's bitch ass son? I guess so. Women and women and NBs, no reference required. I'm living in blank, but I'm willing to live anywhere but here and fucking blank. Which is the city where her friend lives. OK, so sounds like someone that you all love to set up. I think this might be the most thing I've emailed we've gotten. This is, I think, decidedly petty. It would be hard to say this isn't petty. I will say I think the more I think that's pretty obvious. I think the more interesting thing is like how she handles this with her friend, which I think is pretty relatable. Right. When someone's when your friends with someone and you're kind of friendly with both people and like then the X reaches out to you, like, how do you handle that? With the person, I will say. I've kind of felt this with like people that you've dated before. Well, they send a message. So they send a message to you. Right. They send a message to you to be like, we're done just so you know, as if we don't do a dating podcast with each other twice a week. Yeah. Or like say something, you know, negative about the experience. What could they ever say? And then I'm kind of like, all right, like I would respond exactly like they responded, like a neutral, like breakups are hard, kind of like hope you're doing OK kind of situation. But then you're kind of like, how do you how do you know, how do how do I contain this thing? Or like, how much do I pull the other person in? I don't want to stress them out. But like the person does seem, I would call this like a little bit of a tear. This person seems like they're on a tear. Yeah. I mean, it's a man's worst nightmare. The, hey, I just don't think this will work out. And then they turn into the incredible Hulk and start going on social media. Yeah. And honestly, again, they are in a position of power. People, anyone dumped is immediately the victim and they're punching up. The person ending it is considered the power position, which is not always the case. Like if you assume that it's whether it is a power position, but it's also like the idea that anyone breaks up with someone because they were hoping to break up with them. Like, listen, I'm not saying they can't fuck someone over. Yeah. I don't think there's there's very few situations that would merit this. I think there's a classy way to handle a breakup, just like there's a classy way to handle any kind of rejection. Do you know what I mean? Like imagine you got rejected from like someone rejected your special. To start doing this kind of thing. Again, who would buy the next special? Just like we said, who wants to fix up this person? No one on earth wants anything to do with this woman who's posted like this in a relationship sense, not even a friend. If you were dating this person and let's say you like unfollowed them on all social, but then your friend still follows them, would you want them to tell you about like send you the screenshots of the messages, would you want them to send you the screenshot of the thing or would you kind of just prefer to be like? I'd prefer not to know. I had this situation where someone. I was dating like message a comedian and to tell them and then the comedian like went on and on like with them instead of like the like you said, the like, you know, what you do is you send what would be written on a fortune cookie and then you do the like. That's the move. Or you say nothing at all. Yeah, listen, Confucius says people will find love again, you know, and then send the heart. I had this person, they were like going back and forth. And then the person that I ended things with was like, see, everyone agrees and like sent me the screenshots of that person kind of taking the exes side. Right. That comedian never again won't speak to them. I'm sure. Game over for them and me. Do I want that in my head? I don't really think I needed that information. I wish I didn't have that feeling against that comedian. Well, it's more like, like, forget if it's the commute. Let's say it was like me. If you came to me and I would say, let's say you were, let's say you were sending, I was sending like this was our message thread. Someone who you broke up with. This was our message thread. And you don't follow them anymore, but I follow them and I see this post, this Instagram post where they're looking for all sorts of people. Like, do you want, would you want me to tell you? As a friend of mine, and I think you would do this, you would softly come to me. I think you'd be like, and I think that's the thing is like your friend who ended things didn't, you know, I just don't believe that most people end things and are like dancing down the hallway and then hoping for the worst for the person they just ended things with as a dumper myself. You're like, all season, as a season, as a season dumper. When I end it, I feel bad. I feel bad for them. I hope that they see why and how and feel that this was a positive thing with them. Or they can come to that at some point. But like, so like as a friend, I would want you to be like, Jared, tell me how much you want to know. I got a message from so and so. Do you want to see or not see? It's not that bad, but they're having a moment. And if it's something like, I think that level of care I would expect from you. OK, not just like screenshot here. Right. And look at this mess you made. You don't have to fix it. Right. Laughing at it is not my reaction. I'm more horrified. Like you're dealing with someone who's going to be like really like anxious and horrified for things. You're like scared. Right. Yeah. Totally. I like if her friend would I tell him, I'd just be like, hey, I heard about the breakup. I hope you're doing OK. And then if they start talking, I would go, well, they actually message. I just need you to know, like they're kind of acting out. I don't know if you know that. And that can go that way. I don't think you need. All right. All right, let's do let's let's do another email. But yeah, petty petty. Yeah, as petty as it gets. Let's do another email. You ready, Jordana? I'm ready. I'll read it. OK. Hi, Jane, a huge fan of everything you do. I love everything. I'm a long time listener, first time writer. I'll get straight to the point. I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for over two years now. I'm in the process of moving into his home with him and his 15 year old daughter from his previous marriage, who also stays with us two to three days a week. She's turning 16 in June and we're co-hosting her sweet 16 party with his ex-wife in July. My question is about photos. The topic of taking photos prior to the celebration came up. I expressed that while I don't feel entitled or very strongly in regards to my being in any of the photos, if that's not the preference, I do feel an intentional and separate photo of my boyfriend, his ex-wife and their daughter feels inappropriate and above all hurtful. This feels weird like playing house or something. They're not a family anymore. OK, don't even get me started on the whole dismissive. It's for the kids sentiment. His ex-wife is also living with her boyfriend. I feel as though the photos should either include all of us or simply be taken separately, as in my boyfriend and his daughter in one photo and his ex-wife and their daughter in another. I don't imagine his ex-wife would necessarily push something like this, but I can imagine a scenario in which his daughter might ask for one without realizing the impact. She's pretty laid back and wouldn't make a big deal if I told her no. But I do think the ex-wife would then take the opportunity to cause a scene. Do you feel a scenario like this in which a serious, significant other is excluded, is appropriate? What is the purpose of these fantasy world photos? Where are these supposed to go? For further context and for whatever it's worth, I found the venue in which we are having the party and have ordered most, if not all, of the decorations at this point. My boyfriend is very conflict avoidant and didn't seem to have an opinion on the matter one way or another. Probably. No, he didn't tell you his opinion because you sound like you're going to make a scene. OK, I'm sorry. I would agree and probably just wants to get through the whole ordeal in one piece. I would agree with that also without you. The email or tearing him apart. He's got two. He's got he's dealing with two wildcats. Yeah, OK. Thanks so much for everything you do and sound advice, not yet excluded. Betch woman who will make a scene writes in about other woman who will make a scene. I mean, I don't want her to make a scene. Right. I'm sorry to make fun of her. I'm happy she emailed in. Hopefully we can be the dose of reality she needs. I'm going to assume you and I agree on this. She sounds unhinged. She is the problem. She there is an easy way to do it. Step monster. You sound like a step monster. I mean, you grew up in a step mom, step dad reality. I have no relation to this. I don't even have kids. I will say there's an easy way to go and there's a difficult way to go. And she is choosing the difficult, murderous way. She is choosing violence, it seems. Yes, I totally agree. As someone who grew up in a family of divorce and multiple remarriages and things like that, if I had a step mom or a step parent or a step dad or whatever it was, who was like, you can't take a picture with your mom and dad. I would hate that person for like the rest of my life. And I would really hope that my parent broke up with them. And I think I'd be right. I think you'd be right. I think I think I'd be right because it's like the whole crux of parenting, what she doesn't seem to understand is like that it's for your kids. In that like, if I would want to picture, I have my wedding, I would want to picture. I mean, if my parents actually spoke to each other, I would have loved a picture of the two of them and me. I mean, her daughter is almost 16. She had a whole, she's only been with him for two years. She had a whole life probably with both of her parents. That means something to her, even if it doesn't mean something to you. No one's playing house. It's like, these are the important people in the daughter's life that she wants a picture with for someone to come in and be like, that's inappropriate. Like you're inappropriate. Fuck off. Right. Yeah. I have the whole idea of where do these pictures go? You know, many fucking pictures I take with waitstaff because my mom, every picture my mom takes is going nowhere. It's not a fucking business where they go. And I take it because I want to make my mom happy. Right. Or like also like if it went on the mantle of the daughter's college dorm, what do you care? It doesn't matter. Like you must be so insecure in your relationship with with the dad that you can't that you can't you can't handle the idea of there being this symbolic picture that doesn't include you. And we're speaking right to her, which I, you know, not all the time that we get to disagree with the email or like we don't want to disagree with you. But when you write, don't even get me started on the whole dismissive, it's for the kids sentiment. I thought the next line was going to be the daughter already told me she doesn't want this. That's not your next line. That is not in any way your next line. You're just saying, don't start an argument with me. And so you're making you're already cutting people off at the most reasonable argument, which is the kids might want this picture, which is totally reasonable. If I can even read this, I'm going, here's what you do. You get the pictures done and I can get this done easy. Like maybe because I have no investment in this that it's easy for me. But it's like, yeah, I would say if you set up the venue, hey, I want to get the and if it's uncomfortable for you, I would be like to my husband who doesn't say shit, who's afraid of me. I would tell him, hey, the pictures make me uncomfortable. What I would love to do is get them done the minute everyone walks in. I want our family. I want her family. And then I want you guys as the original family, the mom and dad with the kids. Let's get all three. Let's get them all done. And then I want a big group picture. Because that's you saying, look how cool I am. I want the whole group here. And you would say, well, where does that picture got hung up? The fucked up family hall of fame. Who gives a fuck? Like, who cares? Just do the picture to make everyone's life easy. It is especially the daughter who's having a sweet 16. You think this is in that what this is? Trying to put your shit onto her party. Like I would be I mean, this affects me deeply as a child going through this, that I'm just like the idea that like one of my parents, new spouses or girlfriend, girlfriends, they don't even not even married. They've been together two years. She's not even they don't even live together yet. That she's going to come in and tell me that I can't take a picture that it makes her uncomfortable for me to take a picture with my parents. I would like freak out. That's crazy at the toughest age of your life. Sixteen year old girl. She's dealing with your parents remarrying. I don't envy broken family. And this woman is going to be like, I think it's inappropriate for who? Think less, have be less involved. Like, like I yeah, I hope this gets through to her. I don't know if it can. I'm like, she's so convinced that like this is that she's right. I just want to tell her that she's not right at all. In case anyone won't tell you to your face, your husband, your boyfriend won't tell you to your face. He says he's in he doesn't have an opinion on it. His opinion is that you're acting crazy and he doesn't want to tell you that because he was about to live with you. Right. And he's went from one one person who starts a scene to the next person who starts seeing he has a type, obviously. Right. Honestly, put him on. Let him listen right now. Put your husband on right now. I'll talk to him. Hey, stop being a pussy and tell your girlfriend that she needs to fucking quiet down and let your daughter have the best day of her life. And she's making everyone's life miserable. There you go. Give it back to your girlfriend. I'll tell you, we solved your issue there. Let's play some games. Let's do it. Red flag or deal breaker. You know the game. It's sweeping the country. You are dating someone. It's going great. One thing happens. Is it a red flag or a deal breaker? Do you see it? You notice it? You just put it in your pocket or is it a deal breaker? You end its sight on scene. Ready? Ready. J and J, my sister-in-law recanted a date she went on last night and I couldn't wait to share. Red flag deal breaker. She is a 37 year old female and went on a first date with a 39 year old male. They met in real life at a singles event. He asked her out, made a plan, followed through. On the date, it apparently came up that he has a porn addiction. I asked, how does that come up on a first date? She replied, when he told me he likes to watch documentaries at night, he said, that's what I like to call them. I assume most 39 year old single men are watching porn in the evening. The way he described it felt like the deal breaker to me. Thoughts? Thank you for all you do. And yes, I have more than one shared an episode with my sister-in-law. She needs your help. This woman needs our help. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. Having a porn addiction like any other baggage is not a deal breaker in itself. It's the way you speak about it. This on a first date, someone telling me about the porn that they're watching at night in this casual way would be a deal breaker for me just because of like the way it's presented and the lack of seemingly them caring what I think about them. Yeah. No. I mean, there's no, there's no not creepy way to call a porn a documentary. Yeah. And make it like, like, I again, right, I have an addiction. I have this problem is something that could hypothetically come up on a first date. I love the listeners question. How does that come up on a first date? Is a reasonable question that could have a reasonable answer. Now we were talking about how, you know, I have these, you know, I've dealt with addiction my whole life. He brought up his porn addiction. It's something he's trying to get over in a world. This is something but this is something that could be gotten over to look at a woman and go at night. I like to watch my documentaries is like crazy. Yeah. That wouldn't be a way that I would want someone to package their baggage. Like if someone had a massive amount of debt and they were like, I like to call the, they were put down their credit card. I like to add this to my little IOU box. No. Well, also I don't think he meant this, but like to call porn a documentary is to say it is a true retelling or telling of truth in the bedroom. I would more compare porn to a fan, a fantasy, a fairy tale. Like, right. Documentary is like, it's not real. Right. You're going to a place that you don't generally go to in your everyday life or every day. It should be more fantasy than documentary. Like it's like saying like a make sense. Like, yeah, it's kind of like saying like, oh, I listen to murder mystery podcasts because they're funny. Like what? You know, like I think you've misunderstood what these are about. Agreed. Deal breaker. Deal breaker. All right. All right. Let's do another one. Hey, Jane, Jay, before I get into my red flag or deal breaker, I have to say, I've never felt more seen than when Jared pulled underwear out of his pants on the pod, changing lives, changing. Thank you. I'm happy I can make the the disgust things feel right at home. Loved. Yes. The week before that, I was line dancing with my boyfriend and another couple and somehow my underwear from the night before fell out of my jeans onto the dance floor in public. They thought it wasn't a first date. That guy's got some great moves. He, he danced her underwear right off her body. Yeah. My friends now want to make me a shirt that says I dropped my panties boots, stomp in an alpharetta. OK. A little long. We'll work on it. Right. Yeah. Yes. Anyway, I have a red flag or a trigger that came from a mutual friend and I need a ruling. My friend, female 27 was dating a man 36 for about four months. Things were going fine until she discovered that he is a finsta, a finsta that he actively uses to like his own posts on his main account. She broke up with him over it. So what do you think is having a finsta to like your own posts as a grown man, a deal breaker or just embarrassing? Sincerely, a nosy panty drop and bench. Well, thank you, panty dropper, for writing in. I think this is a good one. What do you think? There's two things. It's pretty illusory. I'll give you that. OK. The only thing I'll say, I'm trying to think of like a scenario where he's like a creator and he felt that this would give him some some sort of leg up in the creator community or as engagement, but I don't know. Like I have, I have a J train podcast Instagram account that posts clips from J train every day. If someone I consider it like a commercial for the podcast where I'm like, you'll follow the J train accounts so you know if there's an episode that might entice you, that account will comment on my stuff and I'll respond to it. And now I'm just responding to myself like a big loser. Are you writing the account? V does our producer here V. All right. So you're responding to someone. If you were running the account, it's a little playhouse, but it's a little I will admit and acknowledge the loser in it because I because in my mind, I'm like, if I can and I don't and I find out that it works, how big an idiot am I for not doing it? I think that's a lot of like the social media like thought process where you do these stupid things that you've kind of heard make sense. And then you start doing them. It's how people again, it's the algorithm is God. This is this is how this is how deities get their start. Yeah. I mean, like all those people who like comment boots and I'll send you the boots. Right. Right. And it's like, and if and then you're commenting boots on your own profile that you already told people and it's only because you were heard from someone else that a couple of comments or what makes it go off and it's all fucking stupid. Like it's the same reason, you know, religion started. This is how it started. You know, yeah, if you pray to the sun god every morning, I think, well, so I don't know if this fence, I agree, it's a loser activity. She would say if he was a content creator, I think so too. So it's even worse. Yeah. It's worse if there's no reason besides your own ego. If you're going to make money off of something, I feel like that automatically adds like an understandable motivation. Yeah. No, I agree. If it's more just about your ego that like you make it, the more people see your videos, the more people go to your content. It's like this is like your what you do for a living. So I think there's a little bit more room for loseriness. Right. I got to have a kid one day. I'm listening. You said, oh, what a great dad I'm going to be. I got to make this happen. So let me ask you another question because there's people who do this for your book that's coming out. Would you like ever ask people to write positive reviews? Would you write your a positive review on your own book? Well, we kind of do that here. Like I asked people, I mean, I enjoy reading reviews of the podcast that are thoughtful, you know, like, right, if you like to show, comment and review. But then there's people that don't like it. And they also review and they also review. So I'm only annoyed at a review that doesn't doesn't get into specifics. But would you ask for it? Let's say you were like your book comes out and you're like there and the publisher tells you would be better if you had more reviews. Would you like text your mom, be like, mom, could you write a positive review? I've had people ask me to do this. Unlike I've had people ask me to do that too. And it would. It's kind of part of the thing now. Like I, I, I understand it when I'm asked. Um, I don't know if I, I'd like to think I'm above it, but I can't say that I am. Right. And if I had a, if I was dating a woman who was like asking people to review her book, I would, I would understand it as like, Hey, I really want this to work out, but it would also depend on how good I thought the book was. Like if I thought that they should write a book or not, like that's a big part of it. Like, do I respect the work? Right. Like, you know, that's a concern of mine. Like, do I look like a delusional fucking loser? You know, I, because this is a form of delusion to like your own post as like, who cares? Like, well, that's why it seems like it's like a little pathetic. Do you remember when like Facebook first started, people would like their own post, they'd be like, they would do like a status update. And then it was like liked by Jordana. Jordana thinks that. Of course I like it. I am. It's my right. And I, yeah, or you'd like your own Instagram post from your thing to get that. That was when view like likes were like really currency. Right. He likes to got this. Got how many likes has got that's many likes. Well, I will say I used to run the betches account. Like five or six years ago. And I would sometimes like my own posts from the account because now that I'm thinking about it, because you would get, it might get, betches likes it. It might come up. That was when you used to have also like a feed, which showed you whoever one's liking. Right. So you used to get more likes from something else liking it. Even where we are right now, what we're talking about right now, I'm like, ah, fuck, just end the world. Like we are living in. I hate it. I really, I, I like it's, it's a thing at the toothpaste side of the tube. Like there's a moment in time that I loved social media. And you had a heyday and you can't stop it there. You and I, and here's the problem. There's Gen Z people who are like thinking of a different heyday. They're, they're saying the same thing, but they're, they're saying about a time that we fucking hate it. So it's like, right. And so we're all fucked. Like, I don't know. I. There's a piece of me that's like, you know, I, with the book and with the special coming out, I deal in these worlds and you deal in these worlds too. Where I'm like, I just hope one of those is successful enough to get me to. Not to get off the internet. So yeah, I just want to get out of the, the hustle of that to have it like work on its own. But then if you take your foot off the pedal, does it ever work on its own? Right. I mean, that's the benefit of a job like. A lawyer or something. Like I have a friend who's a judge. A judge. Yeah. She's a judge. And she like can't have social media. Like it's when it's like the opposite experience of me where like, she's like not allowed to have social media. Right. A judge and there's just like, there's, it just. Is it like in a small town? Is there a sheriff? No, it's in like Brooklyn. She's like, she's a judge. Yes. I think I've met her before. I've heard of this person. I don't think I met her relatively recently. I met her through our friend, Logan Urie. You've told me about her. She's like a successful judge. Yes. Yes. And so she can't have social media. So I'm kind of, and I'm kind of like, jealous of that. But then, you know, there's times when you get super validated from it where you're like, I'm so happy that like I can get all these people telling me. Right. But wonderful. She doesn't even know that she gets validation from like a hug. You know, like that's. What's that like? That must suck. That must suck. No, I am with you. I listen to the baby and his wife. They're famously not on social media. Yeah. I mean, it's great. It's there's also some things I would miss. I'm sure. Well, I the baby is a huge. So I went and saw Devil Wears Brata. Have you seen the second one yet? No. Did you see it with Emily? No, I went by myself when I was in Vegas. Oh, that's cool. That's cool, too. That's normal. It's really good. That sounds like the exact movie you would your girlfriend would drag you to see I went like in like a stereotypical way. I know noon on a Friday in Vegas. That's where I was. Well, that's what they say. I myself so crazy. What happens in Vegas? That's right. I guess I shouldn't have talked about it. Should have stayed in Vegas. No, very. It sounds cool. The movie's great. It's really. Yeah. No, it's fun. It's like it's I don't know why I brought this up just to embarrass myself. Social media. Oh, and the baby had no idea that Adrian Grenier, who was in the first one, is like a now hated internet figure. Oh, yeah. From the first one fall from grace as as as people became more woke. His his character in that movie, people fucking hate and the baby sent me a text. I was like, I just went and said, devil wears brought it to and he like went on on like a 10 minute tear about Adrian Grenier's character in that movie. I was like, dude, this is old news. Like he's been that character is hated. I never thought he was that bad. You you need to do a rewatch the people in her life in the first I went and watched the first one. I watched the second one. Great movie. She turns into like kind of a monster. Rightfully so. It's a big opportunity. I I the the second one's really good. Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci are treating the movie like it's a fellow. They they are like it is they are taking it as seriously as you could ever take an acting role and it is fucking awesome. Emily Blunt's awesome. And I can't I can't stand and have away. It's you're not going to like her more after this. She does Anne Hathaway. She does the thing where it's like it's too cutesy where it feels like you're like just stop it. Like, you know, just shut up. I find her I find her character and her kind of like irritating in that way. I think they're one in the same. It's the same character in every movie she does. Like, yeah, I don't know. I she was where was she? I saw her on Jeopardy. They look great. I mean, they all look great. It's amazing. They all look great. I gotta say they all look unbelievable considering that movie was like 25 years like it's like crazy crazy. Yeah, I gotta see it. I guess you got to see it. I would encourage you. I'll take the babies. I'll I'll baby so you can go and have a great. Theater day. I would that sounds heavenly. All right, let's do another one. Last one. Hey, y'all. OG subscriber yearly plan, of course. Thank you. Love love love all that you do. I have a somewhat silly red flag or deal breaker. Is it possible that this hot man I'm occasionally sleeping with does not know my name? Yes, it's possible. It's neither a red flag nor a deal breaker for me. I think a bigger deal breaker would be one of those guys who uses my name too much. How much would either of you care about someone sleeping with you casually, possibly not knowing your name below or some examples of how he refers to me over text signed? Is that my friends with benefit? Okay, so here are the text. I'm so glad she included the text. I am too, because I need to know. Let's decide if he knows her name or not. You ready? Okay, you'll be him. I'll be him. Hey, you, I still haven't gotten a kitty. Lol. How's your weekend going? Hey, dear, I've been good. Yes, we should. Here's more at your service, little lady. Hello, lovely lady. So do we think he doesn't know her name? I think it's possible he doesn't know her name. I don't know why he just wouldn't say anything. Like, why does he have to even say little lady or dear or you? Like, if I didn't know someone's name, I would just be like. Speaking to them as if I'm looking like I don't need to say their name. I text you. I'm never like, Hey, Jared. Like, how was your weekend? You know what I mean? Yeah, but hey, you is like a good opening for a casual hookup. I actually think this is more normal. Like you're coming out of the blue with a semi erect penis is kind of what he's doing every time, right? Like, yeah, every time he texts for a casual hookup, it is him asking to be blown. So how do you do that politely? You can't just be like, when are you free? Because that's a little presumptuous. Yeah, you have to be classy. I kind of understand it. So when you're like, Hey, lovely lady, it's like, and you're kind of like softening the reception for your boner. Yeah. Like you can't just come in with your cock and balls up. And I think if he was like, what time can I come over? It's a little pig ish when he says, Hey, you, it's a form of respect. Yeah, you see, he's doing some foreplay. Yes. He's not. Yes. So I don't think this tells us whether he knows her name or not. I do think it tells us that he is taking caution and care with her feelings. And for that reason, it's a green flag. Oh, wow. Okay. I like, I like that explanation. That makes sense to me. I'll go with you. Yeah. None of this rings. What's her name? You know, like, Oh, what's her face? That chick who blows me? It's not that to me. Right. If he actually doesn't know her name, that would be a deal breaker for me. If I was sleeping with someone, if he actually doesn't, I don't think this is enough evidence to, um, to know that. But if in some way it became clear that he actually did not know my name, I don't think I could continue sleeping with with some, I think that's a pretty baseline level of intimacy that I would need. Jordan, for that reason, for that reason, on my way to go hook up with someone, I would always, always repeat their name to myself. In case you like forgot. Yes. I would always, without a doubt, I do the same thing when I go visit someone and meet their baby. I go to the Instagram account and I look up the baby to make sure that I'm saying the name correctly. Lucy and Charlie, I did a check before you came just to make sure I know their names, but I just, I didn't check. That's fair. No, Mike, Mike does that too. Whenever that's very male, I think whenever, whenever we go visit anyone with kids, he's like, all right, that's the kids names. Like he like, try, he repeats them and he's like, is that right? I'm like, he's usually off by one. Right. And then yeah, that, that's okay. And that's why as a single man, I have to go to their Instagram and I have to scroll all the way back to we welcome little Zachary to the world. I have to get to that picture. And I go for spelling too. Absolutely. Always for spelling. So I would do that with girls I've hooked up with where on the Uber ride there at one in the morning, let's go to their Instagram, make sure I got the name. And then I would say it out loud. I would go, Lauren, just like when I, just like when I off. Yeah. When I, when I turn the oven off, off, I do the same thing with a woman's name that I'm about to go down on. Okay. I think that that is the literal lowest bar you could have and I am good for it. Cover the low bar. Cause then we can get to that. You can't get to the next bar unless you cover the low bar. If I was, yeah, I mean, if I was hooking up with, if you were hooking up with someone, I didn't know your name. Wouldn't you find that kind of offensive? I would not be that offended. I'd laugh that to me. If they were like miss, not knowing my name, I'm not a name guy. They're like, I don't, I don't take, so I remember doing open mics. When I first was doing open mics, you'd sign up on a list and then you'd go on stage and do five minutes. You'd pay $5 to go on stage. That's the whole open mic thing, especially in New York City. There's no audience. It's only comics watching you. So they used to go through the list. The host, which is the worst job in the world being a host at an open mic is basically hell on earth. So the hosts would go up there and they take the list and they'd have to read everyone's name with their writing. So they'd go, Gerard fried. And then I would go on stage. And honestly, this happens throughout your comedy career. Now, how, but I did an event for the JCC here in Fort Lauderdale last week. The woman who opened for me brought me on stage. She goes, Jared Reed, she called me. Yeah, but she's not sleeping with you. Well, she's also, she's getting paid. I booked her. You think that's more intimate? Yes. I'm paying her money. She, I'm the reason she got booked in the show. She got my name totally. No, she called me Gerard fried. That was what she goes. Gerard fried. And it's an audience of people where a lot of them got tickets because I was part of the event. It was a charity fundraiser. Yeah. And I went on stage and I've always thought this. There's two types of people. There's people who go on stage and they go, well, they got my name wrong. And people used to do that at open mics. People at open mics would waste their five minutes being like, well, it's actually Jared Fried. Who gives a fuck? Be funny. No one gives a fuck about your name. So I have the same. And when this woman got my name wrong, who gives a fuck? I just went, Hey, welcome to the show. And now it's time to be funny. They'll know my name if I'm funny. Okay. I kind of think if this, you know, if someone got my name wrong in bed, they'll know my name when I come quickly and make them never forget it. And they tell it to all their friends. Yes. Yeah. Maybe it's different for women. I'd need to. Yeah. I can understand that. It's different. Yeah. I can understand that. That's fair. So we saw updating again. We did it. We'll be back on Friday with some special guests. That's right. Boom.