1KHO 704: Home Should Be the Safest Place on Earth | Stephen McWhirter, Radically Restored

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This is a story a lot about hypocrisy and how often in family units we portray something on the outside but on the inside are living something very different and that's very hard for kids to deal with. So can you talk about you grew up the son of a preacher man. You know of someone who's out there with gaining a lot of respect, a lot of response and being asked to speak everywhere but was a different man inside your home. Right. Yeah. And you know I think it's probably like you said a lot of people can relate. I hope not but I know that they can and that's you know what God man. It's a good story even though it sounds like it's going to be a bad one. This is kind of the way the Lord works right. It seems like it's going to be a terrible story and he turns it into a good one and it's awesome. But yeah my dad was an evangelist and I would watch him get up and preach about Jesus. We would travel with him to Revival and Church Camps right. And I would watch him get up and preach about Jesus but behind closed doors I would watch him physically abuse my mom. So at a very young age as a child you know I decided that if God's real he's not good. Right. And I've been down this crazy path of rebellion where my earthly father and my heavenly father became the villains in my story right. Sure. And we can't underestimate the impact of a parent on your life. We try to but it's a pretty big it's a pretty big figure you know it's a pretty big shaping person in your life. So I decided I didn't want anything to do with it. At 11 years old I began to rebel heavily and it was you know marijuana smoke and cigarettes to drink in that kind of stuff. 11 years old gosh I have 11 year old by the way who is the he's the quintessential 11 year old. He'll enter a room you know doing the robot and then fart and then leave. Like they're so innocent they're so young. Yeah. They don't hate that I told that story but he's 11. He'll probably watch the podcast until he's in the police. But he's the last but yeah 11 years old I'm doing all this crazy stuff. At 15 I'm doing cocaine I'm doing all kinds of pills I'm selling drugs. I mean you name it. By the time I was 17 years old I became a full out crystal meth addict and I was using every day for many many years to come. And during this time I was the guy who hated Jesus hated Christians. I think if I'm honest you know my mom by the way throughout my teens up into my 20s my dad you know I guess from when I was around 12 years old or so or 11 years old my dad didn't physically hurt my mom anymore right that does not condone it by the way it's not okay. And like any child in a situation like that I think you probably want your mother to leave your dad right. Yeah. You're like just would you just just leave him my mom didn't she stayed with him and I think there's this part of me throughout my teens where I'm kind of like giving him the middle finger for doing all this that I saw growing up. Yeah sure. And her for not leaving him even though she's one of the strongest most amazing people that I know right kind super sweet. So this is where I'm at and during this time where I'm like doing all this you know crystal meth and stuff I mean I hate Jesus I hate Christians would have cussed you out if you even talked to me about it today right. So people were praying for me like really really praying for me I always say you know like pulling over the side of crying for me to come to Jesus which is the Lord if you ever do that. And I just remembered because I knew God was after me during this time looking back somebody came and they gave me during this time this book called the case for Christ by Lee Strobel and Lee's a friend of mine now but somebody giving me this book and this is probably the most miraculous part of the story because I didn't like custom out and kick him out of my house when they offered me the book. But though I hated Jesus it's crazy if I look back it's like a blur to me this is the part that like makes me go man God's real because I accepted this book without an incident threw it into my bedroom and fast forward in this bedroom it's three o'clock in the morning. I have drugs on the side table next to me nobody's playing a piano softly and quietly in the corner you know creating this like moving atmosphere but I always say it's the kindness of a very real God like a very loving God to meet a wounded evangelist kid in a place like this because this is the kind of experience this right here is the kind of stuff that will offend a lot of religious people because it wasn't an abuse it was in a room with drugs and everything but as I'm reading this book for some reason and I just have this moment where I like no he's in the room like a no God's real and I'm just like I want to give you my life I want to quit all this stuff that I've known for so long I want to quit all this addiction all this darkness all this anger all this depression all this stuff man that I've known for so long I want to God but there's no way I can do it because I knew I meant it because I couldn't I couldn't remember what it was like during this time to like be happy and like without taking something to like make me feel happy like to be like a little kid or something so I felt like I was in this place where I couldn't fathom being somebody else like this is this was my identity right yeah so when I was like God I want to do this but I can't I just remember this thought okay I didn't like audibly here's voice reading that I just this thought that I knew wasn't mine and it was I felt like the Lord said you know you won't do it I'll do it and truth is I didn't know it at the time but this was a passage in in in the letters from Paul and the Bible from Ephesians to a it's we're saved my grace this isn't something you and I can boast about it's a work of God like he does it right and that in that moment when I when I when I knew he was like I'll do it you won't I'll do it I did the most simple thing it was in the most difficult thing I took him in his word I believed him like I believe I'm breathing air right now like that kind of belief like the you know we don't even think about it right but breathing we just know it's real it was that kind of thing and so in that moment I felt I'm a nice in that room ugly cry of boogers coming out of my nose on the ground gave my life to Jesus I've been brought you know I've been around church enough for I think I I knew what to do yeah but it was real it was very genuine and if you think about it it's really easy for somebody not easy I'm sorry but it's you can see how somebody would come to Jesus or give their life to him if they've just always had a bad life and you know their parents weren't like Christians per se they were like you know just drug addicts or something like you would go yeah I think it's more of a testament to the Lord that I was brought up like kind of seeing hypocrisy hypocrisy yeah still going oh my gosh God's real despite all that yeah so it became this very real real moment for me and yeah I mean there's no there was no looking back you know it's funny because as Christians and as people as a Christian myself you can see a lot of people going well if you do all these things perfectly you're gonna be okay you know if you're perfect and all if you're a perfect parent if you're perfect this you're perfect that everything will be fine the Jesus says in John 629 the only work the Father asks of you is to believe that's what I did that night I didn't get my life together first I believed him and then he did the rest and I believed that he could through me in a way that changed like even not my willpower but my ability to like just stop doing drugs that's crazy to me like yeah overnight yeah overnight and I have a lot of people in addiction recovery ministries are just a dictionary recovery things in general and and people that'll say you can't say overnight that's not how it always works like and you're you're gonna discourage people I'm like well I can't lie I'm not gonna lie at least right um I I always tell people this in the gospels if you read them Jesus never healed anyone the same way twice like every story as a purpose and if your story is it takes six times seven times whatever and you fall at the feet of Jesus a bunch of kids that that may be here and this just heard me say six seven I apologize yeah everyone's about I do it too I'm like oh you'll matter the numbers no it's fine we could be doing we could be there could be a lot stupider stuff kids could be doing I'm fine with six seven um you know he could take seven times and you fall at the feet of Jesus and that's your story and you mean it and your story will draw people to Jesus so be encouraged right um not every story is the same because every story has a purpose and yours matters however it turns out when it turns out with you giving your life to Jesus turning to him letting him take over it's amazing um there's more tooth than that but I don't want to I want to give you a chance to ask a question or do whatever you want to do um I don't want to just keep talking and rambling and going on but there's the book the book it's fantastic it's called radically restored and you walk through your whole story here I've going all these church camps getting in trouble at the church camps getting sent home early from the church camps that my dad was preaching at yeah right right like vandalism or you know you get you get sent home but you say that you're there was this fearful need to give the appearance that everything was okay for my for my family not for me for your family as a whole as a child like your child the family yeah keeping the secret of dad's abuse was our number one rule as a family no one could ever know so you know he's lying like people are like well why is she so bruised up and you'd say well she fell in the shower so you're being exposed to this yeah as a child your whole childhood this is like the you know the entirety of your childhood can you talk about why are we like that as humans like the I mean it really is such a a human problem to give off the appearance that we're from two things I will say this story keep listening because something good happens right when I even came in to read that write this book I was like I don't want it to be just uh here's all this blah bad things people just gonna read one bad thing here for not only like you know part of the book is my story the other part of my book is the good things that God has done through it and what he wants to do with your life and what you look like right going coming out of the other end of that that there's actual hope that there's actual life something really good on the other side of this stuff but I think you know part of it's a fear of reputation of what people think um that's a that's a serious prison the prison that is carrying more about what people think than what God thinks is one of the worst it's like yeah it's it's pretty brutal right um yeah and I think for me growing up even when I was doing all that stuff and even ever I've given my life to Jesus one of my biggest things has been like I just have to care more about what he thinks of what other people think and um so I think for my my dad my mom it was don't ruin his ministry we we want you know all the things of God's done this is our main way of providing for our family it's fine it says it's all that stuff so how do I say this uh I think it's a lack of faith and what God can do I think it's an actual lack of trust in God's ability to actually restore and redeem things yeah you know we live in a culture right now where the the the the prospect of being canceled for something you've done or you know losing everything is potential you know it's true it's a it's a real thing yeah and um more than it ever has been and I don't know that it's a bad thing it times it's very bad uh there's not let it grace in it that's a problem uh but at the same time when you get caught instead of you tell somebody it feels different right and I think part of the thing is it's believers we hear the word repentance and we go the first thing we think is people in general repent we think uh oh everybody's gonna know the terrible thing I did I'm gonna get in trouble I'm gonna get canceled I'm gonna lose everything yeah um so I have to hide let's see only off should I have I have to hide it I have to hide it but the truth is in the Bible every time repentance is mentioned even the word repent means to turn and go the other direction right to turn from death turn to life the turn away from this thing is hurting you to turn to something that's that helps you right yeah um so when the Lord is talking about repenting he's talking about turning away from these things to him to turn away from death to life right so like even in like do you do it wrong to me there's this passage it says you know if my people we're gonna call my people will repent will they turn and and to me then I'll hear their prayers I'll heal their land that's a good and later on in the book of Acts um Peter says in Acts 319 20 says repent so that the time of refreshment will come from the Lord there's like this crazy beautiful thing that God does on the other side of repent but we're so afraid about what we're gonna lose that we forget about all the things that God wants to heal because I promise we know this just from history from people absolutely nothing good has ever come from hiding something yeah yeah ever it will be known at some point yeah when I was a kid I used to use kits to build pinewood Derby cars with my dad they often weren't the fastest but I remember thinking I made this and that feeling it stuck with me now as a parent I know how hard it can be to compete with screens they're easy they're loud they're constant so we're always looking for hands-on experiences that actually pull our kids in that is why we love love love Kiwi Co we recently worked on one of their engineering crates together and watching my child figure out how the moving parts worked testing it adjusting troubleshooting it 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handle it so you've got this kid you know you're in it you're your mom's going to get you in and out of jail and nobody's letting your dad know and you say I wanted my father to know what was going on I wanted to get his attention most of my destructive behavior was my way giving my dad a giant middle finger I wanted him to see my broken life and hear me say you did this I wanted my mom to tell him the truth so he would step up and be a real dad even though I knew there was no chance of that so it's a different way of looking at and it maybe is not always a hundred percent this but looking at our kids cries for attention there's something going on there there's something going on there I feel like you know we've been a real blast for our children probably because we've not pretended at all you know we have three boys by the way we have three three red headed boys that are 21 now 18 so we're seeing did did did it did it work out are we okay you know and then you get then then you get the 11 year old and it's great to see you know you're 21 year old you know reading the Bible in the morning and like and you see your 18 year old leading worship and you you just all these things were you're like okay I mean I know who I am that was definitely God he did that you know yeah and it was just the ability to go oh I acted like a real idiot there I love you guys I hope you know I'm you know I'm not perfect but I do know someone who is you know and just to be honest and let them see you mean it you know one of the things I tell worship leaders or other people it's like I's tried to spend a lot of time with the Lord with not preparing for something I'm gonna do in front of people right like just to be with him like just to sing to him but sing to him not hitting record on on my phone because it's a cool song idea like just a beauty right and so my kids have got to grown up around this like oh my dad means it you know he's not like this perfect holy person like that kind of like acts like this but I mean it and I hope that's the case that doesn't that also means owning it when you really mean it you repent when you make a mistake you do you know I mean like you go to people you own you own your business but I didn't experience that growing up and I think that in two ways it's funny to say I wouldn't change a thing I mean I'll you know because of where guys take them out of life and how many people we've seen come to Jesus through my story and through all these things so I know God used it for good but yeah I mean coming back it's I remember my mom my mom was told me since I've written this book my mom stole with us and she she was reading the book and she which by the way was a terrifying thing I was like I can't remember this book to read she read the whole thing and even when writing the book she was like this is I'm starting to feel like the weight lift just me writing this book for her and one of the things she told me when I tell her about this part in the book where it says don't don't let dad know because he can't handle it right yeah that part she was like that was so real she told me this after finishing the book because I would have put it in there right but it's this my mom but even coming to my dad about finances and you'd be like don't tell me anything I don't want to know I can't take it just keep a hundred dollars in my billfolded all times and that's it I don't want to know anything so he literally lived in this place incapable of handling anything that would you know and there are some of us we're like that and it's so as a parent you have to be able to confront things you have to be able to step in and deal with stuff and we create these like bubbles that we think protect us but they're actually just making things worse you know yeah yeah so you look at your kids behavior and if they're acting out it may be a way for them to give you an opportunity to step up that that's what they're looking for yeah your gut reaction is apparent when you see a child acting up as to go and there are times for this by the way it's a coming and go you need it what is get it together I said enough like just knock it off uh I found that if I go what is going on right are you okay because you're not acting like who you really are meant to be like who you really are because what we do is we tell them you're bad here you're doing things that are bad but you're not bad so this isn't really who you are like these things are not the real you so what's going on and I found as a parent for me that has led to some of the biggest breakthroughs with our kids and that has led them down paths of being able to ask the question like what's going on with me why am I doing that you know and you and you knew or in time you you figured out you're like I'm just trying to see if my dad cares about me really that's what I'm trying to do is he gonna actually step up and be my dad I think deep down yeah I think deep down I always wanted a real moment with him never never never really really got it to be honest with you yeah there's some here and there but but not really yeah and that's so interesting he just he couldn't handle life and then you talk about how eventually the abuse did stop and he was doing pills and eventually stopped that you think your mom left with you and your siblings for like a very short period of time and then came back and yeah it was that wake up get dressed getting the car we're leaving you know bruises bloody lip that kind of stuff yeah with my mom and I'm us being like what's going on and then we realized it we're like oh good we're leaving awesome um terrified with awesome and only to have her go 24 hours later we're going back he said he won't do it again and that's really what in the world and uh and though though yeah as I'll go on there's there's something that God did still despite and not by the way if you hear this um and you're not safe get safe because I don't condone that I think God still used it like my mom staying with my dad like however um yeah just get safe you know yeah you were so relieved that she left you know this is freedom but then you talk about that even after this is like the sort of second parenting thing so if your kids are acting out this may be and people say that a lot this is a cry for attention a cry for direction but this other parenting piece is that your dad never repaired the situation so he does eventually stop abusing your mother physically but he never addresses it it's the it's the self protection stuff still yeah the the reality right yeah if you stop self protecting then you're able to heal things with your child and you say really it went from one set of issues to another because you say he was there but he wasn't really there and that his absence was a different kind of wound so this whole your whole childhood basically is this wounding experience from one thing to the next and then you talk about you already said you know you go down this path of getting arrested and you know by the time you're 22 you'd already been in addiction for half your life for 11 years you are convinced you are trapped and then you quit everything overnight so this is a big book about childhood and parenting the mark apparent leaves on a child cannot be overstated you say the wounds of childhood are so powerful but then you get this book from least noble and he wrote the forward of this book what a cool full circle moment and you start to turn your life around I'd love to talk about the fact that you it's not I want to say pinnacle you but you you rose like your music career is leader then what some people would say is like the norm yeah and they're they're telling you like uh you're too old that's what they're telling you which I think is such a horrible message which I thought for you to talk about your music story and how it actually the timing was really good because you're like if this would happen in my 20s you know I might not have dealt with it the same way yeah um and you can you can edit this out but I'll ask the question do you think we'll get to the forgiveness part do you want to start we could do that right now yeah I think it's honestly I've had more people have read the book go I had the most trouble with you forgiving your dad but also the most healing and talking about it yeah just about it you know I think one thing about like you get you get saved you get you give your life to Jesus you're like okay now that's great one of the things that I've found that was the most difficult for for me and probably the biggest part of my story was I knew I was supposed to forgive my dad which a lot of people hear that and they'll go that is unimaginable yeah you could not do that that's a no no uh but uh you know I am somebody that follows Jesus I actually believe the stuff it's not just like I joined a country club like I actually believe it and um I believe the most the most like Jesus we can be on this side of eternity is to forgive people that don't deserve it now I'll clarify what that means because it doesn't always mean forgiveness doesn't always mean you're gonna be friends forgiveness doesn't always mean you're gonna be in a relationship together forgiveness doesn't mean all that um forgiveness is about a debt that somebody owes you legitimate or you owe somebody they can tear up or you can tear up right and that's that's literally that's that's the thing but reconciliation doesn't always have to be the case you don't have to always be friends with them to forgive them right and to begin to get healing and move on so with my dad I remember going to my dad's that I remember going to my parents house and um going in to see my dad knowing I was gonna like try to do this thing right right after getting saved I'm in my 20s right yeah and this was the most awkward moment ever because I walked in he's sitting in a lazy boy like the quintessential dad in his chair right yeah and you're like hey uh we need to talk um and I go hey I need to forgive I want to forgive you for the things you did going up which we don't talk about it remember the yeah right talk about it um well I'm talking about it and I'm telling him and there's no like bird landing on my shoulder there's no beam of light shooting in there's no like Disney music playing it is just playing awkward you've never put this in a movie like my dad's just looking at I'm like I want to forgive you for all the things I saw growing up all my dad's looking at me like a deer head lights right like reality is cracking yeah and he just looks at me goes uh thank you oh okay and uh I just get in the car and I'll drive away but I knew like something had happened beyond what I experienced in that moment right yeah fast forward my my fiance who was now my wife by the way but um she she says hey I think your dad should baptize us I believe there's something like in this like God wants to do so we have my dad baptizes by the way on the way to be baptized we got like the worst screaming match we've ever been like pulling over the side of the road but which by the way like cussing each other out it's it's not the kind of thing you do on the way to get baptized but we knew like okay this must be important we're supposed to go do this so we got we get baptized my mom tells me later that my dad cried all night um after baptizing us because he he he kind of started talking to her about it saying I feel like the Lord might be actually mending my relationship with my children and uh fast forward a little bit more my wife says I want your dad to perform our wedding ceremony at this point I'm I'm getting a little sick I don't know if this marriage is gonna work out but I'm like cool we do it um now at this point in my in my my life now um my dad's died from cancer over almost 12 years now I think yeah and uh from bone cancer now if you've ever had anybody that um it's gone through cancer right or or it's been in hospice right you know I'm talking about they've been in hospice um they're in a coma they're in that place where they're they're alive but you know what I mean they're barely holding on it's that moment where the doctors and the hospice team tell you um just whisper to them talk to them they can't respond but say it's okay to go right do you know I'm talking about if you ever been through this no I haven't but I've been told about it yeah it's it's it's pretty pretty crazy well I remember being alone in this room there's this story by the way where Jesus where Peter comes to Jesus in the hospitals and he says Jesus how many times should I forgive my enemy and Pete Jesus Peter's like is it seven times because that sounds like a lot right and Jesus is like no seven times seventy seven times it's like you just keep going don't count you just do it till you know tell us complete you just keep going so here I am in this room I'm watching my dad barely be able to breathe my mom leaves the room to go the bathroom or something and I'm alone in this room with my dad and I'm watching him struggle and I lean in one last time literally with tears on my eyes and I say dad I love you and I really do forgive you and he then literally moments after that takes his last breath and I felt like there was something in that where we again forgiveness is about a debt you're only really keeping yourself in prison by not ripping that debt up right and there's something in that forgiveness that he wants to do in you as a parent with your kids right that's like there's a healing there that happens that again I knew though I forgave him in that moment that I was gonna keep doing it on this opportunity but there's something really good that he's gonna do through that and I think all of this was super important for me before I stepped into the things that God wanted to do with me in my life because I always say you know your character he won't like allow you to go into your destiny until your character's ready right and for me this part of the forgiveness thing was a huge piece for me that prepared me years later to step into honestly a dream that I had since I was a kid but it's also more than that it's like it's like who you are what you meant to be doing what you meant to be doing as a believer and as an artist or whatever it is you know yeah so you say a lot of people say to you why what you shouldn't have forgiven him you know I can't argue with him but I also know that that's the upside down offensive piece of the gospel like the real gospel of Jesus it's gonna upset people because it upset people when he was doing it because it flew in the face of what we think is justice right but for me the gospel is us not getting what we deserve and that's still the case today right and so was I ever really close close with my dad no unfortunately not but there was still something there that God wanted to do that was a bigger picture yeah yeah what a story what a story you share it's very important that you shared it I think and people can read and there's a lot of layered things that you can learn from it the book is called radically restored and you go from not being able to stomach Christians making these self destructive choices to writing incredibly deep Christian songs you know and becoming a father and and going out into the world and in some ways sort of being like your dad you know sharing Jesus in that part of it but doing it in a lot more healthy and a whole way that doesn't evolve this hypocrisy that that messes up the family unit totally so I do I did was drawn to the part of your story though where you felt like maybe I'm too late you know you say lurking in the back of my mind was the fear of getting too old to see my dreams come true but and people even said that they would say hey hey Stephen you're too old for this you're too old I was in about 30s at that point by the way so that's seeking yeah they're like you're like early 30s they were like gosh it's yes I know why do people do that I'm like I'm not trying to be in a boy band when what's going yeah but then you have this song that goes viral come Jesus come yeah and CZ Wyman did it which is funny because we went to the devil wards as a family we got to do like a behind the scenes to her okay torn wells was the MC any joke to run about remember this CZ Wyman I wasn't there but people are asking me she does everybody songs CZ Wyman's so she sang this song come Jesus come and one of the things so first of all so two things one is are you too late the age thing but then the second thing is you say you never know which song the Lord will breathe on which is kind of tricky because like why have we're in all these songs why that one it's a it's a message about to keep going you know and to not give up so can you first tell us about how to deal with think if you if you have a desire for something but society is going to tell you you're probably too old for that you know it's funny that story the devil wards it's like the Christian like Grammys kind of as what it is you know basically it's just whatever but I wasn't there I was invited I was told to go because come Jesus come one that night best one a gram before gospel song the year with with C.C. and I remember getting all these texts from people at my label and going hey where are you are you here where are you right now I'm like I'm eating Chipotle in my living room that's you know watching TV I think I was literally watching Spud Bob by the way and somebody was like well you just want you just want gospel song of the year I was like I thought this Chipotle tasted good that was it that was all I got but yeah it's great man like God's good I mean I don't I'm not a big by the way my wife is a writer on that song because her and I wrote that song in our basement like the first parts of the verse and the little bit of the courses and stuff we were crying and weeping in our basement never thought anybody would hear it right yeah and so I thought it was funny to be like when when we got nominated for the dove or we won the dove her name is on it she's like oh I'm quintessential housewife by the way not housewife but I'm sorry she's not a house actually she's the most manliest wife in the house right it's like that Nate where gets key joke where people are like is the husband of the man of the house yeah I think she's out in the shed that's my wife right so anyways she she's a writer on it so when I was ordering the double words I didn't order mine I only ordered hers so like it's like so funny her she's only got like two songs that she's ever like written so wow and that was one for her I love that so Sarah's got a double horn yeah I love that but you kept going even though people said you're too old for that you were not confined to these sort of societal time frames and then I I would imagine that as a singer songwriter it would be hard I mean I even feel like that with you have got a couple books and you're like is it gonna go well is it not gonna go well you just have no idea and then sometimes things skyrocket or sometimes nothing skyrockets but this particular song come to use this gum which I love we all know that one in our family and then you're are you ever kind of like but what about all my other songs now I don't know I you know I'm kind of in this place where I have there's a lot of people that follow what I do this is a pretty pretty big group of people in the world following what I do and those people are hearing all those of their songs and connecting with the Lord with them some people never get one song that does what come to you just come to it did so I'm kind of just like wow that's awesome God you know like do what you want but I'm also I don't live in Nashville I don't live in like LA I don't live in like the places you would live to be like successful this stuff that's a whole other aspect of it but I'm not doing any of the when is the thing that you do to be successful I'm in Louisville Kentucky right just sitting here with the Lord right music and putting it out and he he allows me to do that and it's an absolute gift and so even if I get one song that's huge right so I pray that that that I like never lose track of that and I just keep making them for him that sounds to cliche but it's true you just keep making them for him and whatever he wants to do with that it's fine yeah okay that's a chip an important message because you say that because you just know it's God you say I was doing music for years with almost zero progress any shred of success has come by the grace of Jesus with the purpose of loving people and leading to him it's not my own doing I'm simply following where he leads there is a lightness to it that I know is the Holy Spirit and so that comes with time it really does and actually when I hear you say that I'm going oh that I should do that so it's like it's it's a constant reminder here like don't forget I mean don't give me all I have some mornings where I wake up and I go I wish this was going to and I had to stop and I go out wait hold up I have no business being here at all doing any of this this is all just the kindness of God in and his timing so yeah I also really like the song my right now that's another one I really such good lyrics I'm not going to wait till tomorrow to praise and God you're worth more than just yesterday's faith yeah looking back Lord when you're in the room I'm done wasting my precious time Jesus I give my right now my right now to you just about living in the moment and that's the truth because we get so focused on our past like all the mistakes or things that we wish we'd have done differently or we get so focused on the future oh well I have another hit song or will I be able will this be okay will that be okay and the you know the moment right now yeah it's crazy powerful like to be able to just be with the Lord right now instead of worrying about what's coming or what's been or it's just like it's a really healthy thing if you can get there yeah okay well you tell us then how this comes full circle and this book by Lee's Drollbow it just changes your whole path it's called the case for Christ they actually gave out a half a million copies I think is the right number that's past Christmas a hobby lobby for free they gave out half a million copies of that book to people I actually know how that happened by the way okay I'll tell it but I can't know I'm not gonna say because the person that I know that is wealthy that felt the Lord to do that may not want me to say oh that's what happened but someone donated them yes someone that that was affected by Lee's story as well oh bought a half a million books and had them all given them way that's so cool well tell that person what an incredible thing and I'm sure you know so many people would say the same I thought that was incredible and that that news went everywhere so I didn't know I mean it doesn't matter who the person is but what a cool thing that they did that I told that person you could have just given me the money and I would have sought to it it would have been fine well what a thing happened I'm happy but at least as the both of you took this roundabout route toward faith his what wound through art and atheism petty ambition endless bottles of booze and a vain search for happiness in all the wrong places he said I've seen this happen time and a game cynical skeptics who are ambushed by God's truth and end up bending their knee to him how did that full circle moment happen where he ends up writing the forward to radically restored you know it's wild okay imagine this this didn't happen but let's just pretend for a moment okay because it'll help paint a cool picture you're me back in my 20s over 20 years ago right and you're in this room three o'clock in the morning you reading this book about Jesus and God says do you someday you're gonna write a book and the guy who's book you're reading right now in this room is gonna write the forward and I'm gonna use your story with somebody at three o'clock in the morning reading your book wow because this is what I do and again at that point in my story I would have been like if I could just be sober and be okay and my life not being fallen part that would be awesome but to think what God's done and so here we are we fast forward I have a friend of mine Matt Brown who's an evangelist in the podcast guy as well he's in Minneapolis or was in Minneapolis time and he was like hey you want to come to you this event it's like a digital billi-gram thing where you like leadership and a cherry story yeah and I get there and Lee Strowble's one of the speakers and he didn't know by the way this guy didn't know my story or any of this and he finds out later and he's like oh my gosh this crazy and so Lee and I end up connecting there um Lee and my friend Mark Middleburg who who works with Lee a lot they're like best friends and uh so I've become friends with him which is just like to me a lot of people like think of famous people they want to meet and know offensively a lot of people don't know who Lee is and but to me this was like a huge quintessential moment for me to meet this guy whose book I read and gave my life to Jesus like it's crazy so um there were all these people there too there's like I think Darryl Strawberry was there and a bunch of people and everybody was like oh Darryl Strawberry here I was like uh do you guys see Lee Strowble? I could have been in by but anyways I go I could become friends with Lee and sometime later I'm like and I think I'm gonna put my story down like in like a little short like story thing and just sell it to or just give it away actually to my people to follow me right yeah and to people on my website when not and um I was like hey Lee do you want to write a little something at the beginning and basically this led to Mark and Lebi and like uh no you're you're gonna write a book and we're gonna help you find a publisher and help you find a literary agent and all this kind of stuff and it was so just snowballed without me having anything to do with it I wasn't seeking to become an author because when I even sent in the book I think they were like first time they're like this is great we're gonna need 20,000 more words I was like could it be a coloring book let's just do half of it like pop up a lot of words so uh yeah so it's been it's been really it's been really really cool yeah what a thing what a thing what a full circle moment to have him write your forward to your book it is a wonderful book it's called radically restored how knowing Jesus heals our brokenness so people can listen to your music they can go wherever they listen to music and look up Steven McWhorter the song come Jesus come has amassed over 100 million views and there's so so much more music than that I love listening through and so such an honor honor to meet you and I so appreciate you sharing your story the boy really hard pass and it a blessing to see you know there's this writer an author see a slew of he says you've never met a mere mortal everyone's forever and you know everybody has a crazy story yeah you just never know right yeah you never know and to see how God has turned it around because it was so sad I spent most of my childhood nights in bed with a pillow over my ears to muffle the sounds of my mom screaming and crying as my father yelled and hit her though he never physically abused me or my siblings he left us with too many emotional scars to count yeah and and then just you know how God and it took a long time it did take a long time but did take time but God did you know around real healing and I'm not just saying this is a cell of book you don't have to even go read it okay um don't tell my publisher I said that but I was not to say that's not what they want you to say I know it's not but I don't really care they're sweet they'll be fine you know if you hear me there's actually there's a real freedom and like real healing from the stuff you think there's not you think there's no way of going back and looking at it but it's real like God can do some really beautiful things with the broken things we're so afraid of right yeah yeah what I want to make you better it's gonna make you the best parent you've ever imagined yeah might even make you the best sibling or child or whatever that you've imagined and there's a lot of healing and beautiful things that come through I wish I could tell you that you know there's some conversations I have with my mom and people because of the writing and spoken just going back over this story and allowing the Lord to do some cool stuff that has been awesome so yeah so glad you did it wow you say I was alive but dead do you know what you look like fully alive it seems like a question that would get a quick yes from everyone but it is not always that easy so Jesus comes in and changes everything for you you've written down your story and radically restored how knowing Jesus heals our brokenness we always end our show with the same question Stephen the question is what's a memory from your childhood a favorite memory from your childhood that was outside we got out like out in the world outside out of the four walls of the Indian you mean like in trees and stuff yeah gross bugs out there and stuff outdoors I mean I wish I'd have a lot of you're out biking and biking but yeah no no um yeah you know I think I think I have some I mean you know I remember going to Mount Hood when I was a kid you know once in Oregon yeah I just remember that being like really a fun day and that was actually with my mom my dad my sister and my brother and everybody and it was like just like a really beautiful day it was a good one yeah yeah I love it well Stephen huge congrats on your new book and on all of your success with your music career we love following along and always love hearing the new songs and the old songs you know you do hymns a lot of organ it's a lot of organ I love all the organ yeah well we have a lot of gospel musicians and we just go kind of old school yeah so we love it yeah I love hearing it thank you so much for your time uh that you start with us today thank you you're the best I appreciate you