Chef Battle Scars, Eggnog Judgment Day, and the One Question Every Chef Hates!!

On this episode of the Chef's Cut, we share the one question chefs hate to get. Such a insane question. The surprising rating system in Japan. Nobody gives a five star review because that's absolute perfection. We share the physical perils of being a chef. That fryer oil melted my shirt to the back of my arm. And we rate your favorite Christmas foods. I can't get with eggnog. Let's get into it. Joe, we are back and for everybody watching on YouTube, be sure to hit subscribe for a full length video of every episode of the podcast so you can see everything that's going on here. Age to get into it today. Let's think about the other day like we're chefs. We get questions all the time, right? People are curious about what we do. There's really good chef questions and there's really, really bad ones. And I am of the opinion there's a worse chef question out there. I mean, it's like just the worst one. It is probably the most common one as well. We get as chefs, we get as cooks in this industry. So what's your number one? I need your number one just off the cuff. Somebody meets you on a train at a party wherever and you say, oh, I cook for a living. And their next question is. What's your favorite thing to cook? I I'm every time never fail that or the only other one. What's your signature dish? Oh, yeah, that one's tough. The signature dish was tough. I feel like it's more like coming from a base place. It's like the favorite thing to cook to me is just one of those ones. And it's like, yeah, if it's the number one question, it's like, you know, if it's somebody I know, when they ask me that question, like, I have no problem like kind of shitting on them and being like, that's a stupid question. Like, you know what I mean? But it's tough when you get one when you're like a public setting, right? If you're doing an event or if, you know, for me, if I'm at the restaurant, somebody's like, oh, what's your favorite thing to cook? You can't just you don't want to be like dismissive. So I just feel like, oh, Pasa, you know what I mean? But it's like it's such an insane question. It is. I don't know why people ask that. It's like, what's your favorite memo to write? I don't know. What's your what's your favorite kind of tree to plant? Like what's what's your favorite airplane to fly? For chefs, that is the number one question that everybody asks us and everybody I know says the same thing. Like, why are people asking us this all the time? Right. We love to cook and we don't have like unless you're like hardcore old school Japanese where you're just like, I only cook soba. And you're like, obviously, I was like, oh, OK, that is probably your favorite thing to cook or maybe it's not. And that's super weird. Then that would be interesting. If you've run a soba shop for 70 years and you're like, I hate cooking. And it's not right. And that's your answer. I would like to kind of hear this. But I mean, for the most part, it's just one of those questions where it's just like it's bizarre to me. Yeah. Like you said, like any other profession, you know, it's like going up to a firefighter and what's your favorite kind of fire to fight? They're like, what? Right. Why would you ask me that? Exactly. I don't I have no idea. You're right. That's an insane question. Exactly. So why do people think that it's a normal question to add? Like I cook so many different depends on the season. It depends on my mood. One day I might love to cook omelets. The next day I might love braising short ribs. Why is that a question that people ask? I like it when people ask me food specific questions like, hey, I've been making these mashed potatoes, but I can't get them quite right. Here's what I'm doing. Help me troubleshoot that I can get with. But like the esoteric arbitrary question of what's your favorite thing to cook? I'm like, here we go again. Here we go again. What are you cooking for that? So how do I I good one, you know, like a guy asked me the other day, he was like, how do I get better at I like cooking, but I'm not really good at it. And I'm like, all right, well, what part of cooking do you like? He's like, I really like. I was like, all right, then that's what you should focus on. Figure out how to grill more things. You mean focus your dinner on that? Anything that's not going to be grilled by something prepared. So you don't have to do it. You know what I mean? Buy a prepared salad, buy a prepared, you know, whatever potato salad or, you know, buy pre cut things, whatever you want. So you don't have to do knife work if you don't want to do knife work. Because it's like if you don't want to get better at knife work, you're probably not going to get better at. Right. That's a great tip. Like buy those chopped onions. Why are you, you know, if you're crunched for time and you're doing a ton of things, don't chop the onions like. Buy them. Yeah, you don't have to be good at slicing onions. You're not buying primals or sub primals of beef at your house. I got to get really good at butchering beef shoulders. Right. You know, so it's like for me, it's one of those things, but it's like that's a really good question. I thought, but it's the what's, what's my favorite thing to cook? It's like, I feel like that's the, if this could be our public service announcement for all the chefs all over the world, I think we would be doing them a great justice if we could get people to stop, you know, asking them, what's your favorite thing to cook? Maybe ask them, what's the last thing you cook? This public service announcement is more for the people who are not chefs so that they can stop asking that question. We're giving you a better question. They don't know what to ask. Right. Listen, I'm not totally shit. These people, they just don't know what to ask. What's the last thing you cooked at home? What's the last thing you cooked? Yep. You know, what ingredient are you most excited about right now in this season? There you go. What did you get from the farmers market the last time you were there? Great question. You're either like, if you see a chef at a farmers market, what do you get into that? Right. It's like, think of every different profession. Like if somebody tells me I'm a lawyer, what's the number one question? Somebody's probably going to ask them, oh, where'd you go to law school? Right. What kind of law do you practice? Like think about how you feel when people ask you the same question over and over when they find out your profession and think about how we feel because we get it so much more because of all the number of people you interact with in a restaurant on the street, filming, television, you know, people are just like walking up to you on the street. Like what's your favorite thing to cook? And that's one of the perils of being a chef, I think, because we get asked that question so much. And like you said, a lot of times we're in public. So we can't just say like, you got something else like a little more thoughtful. Right. So it's not like you're at a press conference. You'd be like, next question. You know what I mean? That would be awesome. It would be just hilarious. That's what people like, you know, just like, you know, no, not answering that. Next. Nope. Next. You in the back. What do you got? You got a better question about cookbooks or knives that I'd like to answer. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Dig a little deeper. Do a little better. Well, Joe, it is the holiday season. And I think it's time to take it into a fork or forget it, because there are some things that are staples in this holiday season that I can't get with. I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan. I'm going to see if you can guess what I'm talking about. It is specific to the holiday season. OK. It is creamy. OK. It is usually spiked with alcohol. It's a beverage. Oh, a beverage. A beverage, if you will. OK. OK. So we got a boozy, creamy beverage. Yes. Boozy, creamy beverage made with eggs. Is this a made this? Oh, you talking. You're we're talking eggnog now. We are talking. I thought maybe you were going the time and Jerry route first, getting real niche with it, but the nog, the great eggnog. Oh, I mean, fork it or forget it. Eggnog. Oh, maybe look at me. Look at me. Do I look like a person who doesn't enjoy eggnog? Is there anything about this? Oh, no. West frame that says I don't enjoy a glass of eggnog. Like, what about this could possibly say that to you? I mean, what kind of grinch are you that you can't enjoy the simple pleasure of a glass of eggnog? OK, no, I can't. I can't get with eggnog. I've never been a fan. I don't like it. Not even when you're a kid. Not even when you're a kid. You weren't even especially when I was a kid. This is a holdover from when I was a kid. It was gross to me. I was like, what, you want me to drink an egg? Like what am I Arnold Schwarzenegger on Muscle Beach in 1982? No, this is. Yeah, straight gains, straight gains. You know, this is what's holding you back. Apparently. Let me ask you a question. When is the last time you have tried it? I it's one of those things that when I when I'm presented with eggnog, I have a visceral reaction. Answer the question. Answer the question, Adrian. Good. The last time I tried it and I drink it. Yes. Oh, God, I was probably like prepubescent. This is what I'm saying to have been like 11 or 12. I'm saying don't let your and I grew up. I vomited. Don't let your child define you. OK, you're not that girl anymore. Our childhood is what makes you see in the world. You've seen the world. You're your mind and you know what I haven't seen when I travel the world? Eggnog. Yeah, you have. I haven't seen that around. Different ways. No. Kokito. Kokito does not have eggs. Role is no. I can't. I can't. I love to kiss you. I will buy a bottle from everybody making Kokito every season, but nope, I'm eggnog. Listen, don't come at me with some raw eggs in a bottle and I need you. I need you to try some eggnog this holiday season. The people need it. I need it. We need a video of you giving it. Given it, given it a go. I like I kind of want to gag just thinking of it. And that's weird. Like I won't eat brains. I've eaten anything that like I travel somewhere, whatever the most. I'll try it. I'll give anything a try. Yeah. But eggnog. I don't know what it is. Can't get over it. It's a complete forget it for me. And like, listen, I'm going to be real with you. It is viscous. It's got some thickness. It's got a viscosity to it. That is no joke. It's not a chuggable beverage. You know what I mean? It's like a milkshake that's been in the car not long enough to totally melt. Oh, you know, but it's like still thick. It's still cold. It's still cold. You are. Long or frozen. You know what I mean? You're really making my case for me here, Joe. I think you should give it another shot. I think you're you're closing the door on something that, you know, I'll just be sad to see you miss and your life a little. Nog. There are some joys in this. I'm hanging out with hanging out, you know, you know, the the the nephews and nieces for the holidays and they're like, anti-age, have some eggnog. And you're like, no, my bridge. My babies would never bridge. You know, like now my babies might offer me some go-kid though, but they would never ask me about it. I would never. I think you need to I think you need to do a little just like a little just a shot glass, just a little ripper, just a little ripper for the holidays. You know what I mean? I think it'll be good for you. Joe, we're going to move on to review review. But before we do, be sure to subscribe to the chef's cut on YouTube or Spotify for full length videos of every episode of the podcast. So, Joe, you recently went to Japan, little pre holiday trip you had, right? So yeah, some Japanese, super good Japanese. I learned you're crushing it totally. Thank you. I learned something very interesting that I think people would love to hear about because we talk about the review systems here and how they go here. But you learned a new review system. Let's hear about this. I didn't know about this. And then when I brought it up to people since I got back, I've talked to a lot of people about it. I think it's wildly interesting. So when I was there, my cousin, Ben, he lives in, he lives in Shanghai. But his wife is from Japan. She grew up half of the states, half in Tokyo. So they go to Tokyo all the time. So he was there. We were hanging out and he kept sending me restaurants. He was like, oh, you should go to this place. It's really good. All these restaurants he's sending me, they're like 3.3, 3.5, 3.6 out of five. Right. And at one point he finally texts me back and he's like, hey, just so you know, in Japan, if it's over like a 3.5, he's like, it's a fantastic restaurant. That is crazy. He's like five stars is unobtainable. It's unobtainable because like nobody gives a five star review because that's absolute perfection. Wow. So you look at these restaurants and they're all like 3.5, 3.6. I went to this yakitori place. First night I was there. It was called Tojured Yakitori right outside of Ginza and unbelievable meal. Like, I mean, everything was super delicious, really cool. You go downstairs, it's in a basement. It's been there a really long time. It's exactly like what you would picture in your head. Right. If I was like, let's go get yakitori in Tokyo, you know, our first night there. It's cold beers. It's ripping hot skewers. You're just like this. That sounds awesome. So. I just want to read you an excerpt from this review from there. And it says. First up was the yakitori, the heart, the gizzard were served with salt with each bite, the umami burst in my mouth. I quickly washed it down with some sake to enjoy the enhanced flavors and delightful aromas. Next came the chicken wings and sauce, the plump, tender texture, rich meat juice has melted my brain, leading me to a state of happiness. I sit along tea a couple of times. This goes on like this. This is four paragraphs all equally as just like, you know, this is a must. I this is a truly unique experience, just the right amount of saltiness, like comforting home cooking flavor. Even even the phenomenal even they make a mention of like, oh, I can't believe I was able to get in at 6 p.m. They're usually so busy. It was so nice. They squeezed me in. You know, they talk about how cool the place looks. What do you think the rating of this? I mean, to me, that sounds like a fricking five star review. That is glowing. I and it's like listening to the words. It's so descriptive. I feel like I'm in the place when this person is describing it. I it sounds to me like a five star review. I know you said that's not a thing, but that's an amazing review. It's got to be. There's not got to be like at least four or something. A bad word in here. Last line. It was delicious. It was a great meal. I'll be back for sure. Oh my god. OK, it's got to be at least four at the minimum, because you said five isn't really a thing. 3.5, 3.5. No, 3.5 stars. No. Are you kidding me? That is oh my gosh. I feel like there's a disconnect. You I've ever read. This is the best if somebody wrote this review about one of my restaurants. I would go to their house and shake their hand. I would give them a hug. Oh my god. Bring them a glass of eggnog for the holidays. You know, I was going to say, send them a bottle of wine. You try to kill some. I mean, this was like such a it was beautifully written. It was like long. I was like, I've never written a paper this good in my life. A review. 3.5 stars. I can't wrap my head around it. I'm like, I'm shocked. I need to like I can't believe it. I can't wrap my mind around this disconnect between that review and that score. I feel like if it's that good, it should at least get a four, right? Yes. It was that good. That good. It's a there was nothing wrong with it. So this got me down to go to a rabbit hole of Japanese reviews. And I went to, you know, I don't know if I told you this, but I went to a coffee shop. I was there and they take, you know, like most things in Tokyo, they take coffee very seriously. And so I walked into this place and it was called the Cherry Lab because it's a coffee laboratory, which I didn't know they meant that like very seriously. And there's all these signs when you walk in that say like, please be quiet to not disturb the coffee making process. In a coffee shop. So you have to zip it when you walk in. Yeah, it's like, hey, if you want coffee, shut the fuck up and get in line. So I walk up to the counter and, you know, the first thing the guy tells me is like, just so you know, every espresso here is at least $20. And I was like, all right, well, yeah, I'm in. So I order a right up here. $25 double espresso. Oh my goodness. So they start making it. They're like, damn near roasting the beans to order. And like, he doesn't make it. He just stands aside and this woman comes out and she starts making it. It's a whole process and she grinds it down. She's got that little thing where the, you know, I mean, aerating the ground beans slowly. Oh my gosh. And I go to take a picture because I'm like, this is crazy. They like, I mean, old school, 1990s celebrity, paparazzi freak out style. No. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, you know, like, sorry, sorry. I like show them my phone and show them that and take picture. Oh my gosh. You can't even take pictures. I'm so sorry. And so whatever, eventually 11 minutes later, I get a double shot of espresso. That's absolutely fucking delicious. By the way, it was awesome. It was totally awesome. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10 double espresso shot. 10, 4 out of 10. If you're following the system. Yeah. If I'm following the table log Tokyo system, it would have been a 3.2. But it was awesome. But then I was like, I got to see the reviews of this place. And so I was reading the reviews and the owner of this business, this woman, comments on every review, good or bad. The good reviews should be like, thank you for understanding what I'm trying to do here, you know, about like long responses. Not like, oh, thanks for stopping by. Like paragraph and a half. Somebody said like, oh, it's like so cold, like so sterile in there. And she's like, yes, that's what a lab is. It's supposed to be cold and sterile. This is a lab or this is not. Oh, you get it. And I was like, man, they are really taking this shit literal. It was. Wow. Incredible. I mean, I thought I took myself seriously. Good Lord. Yeah, blew my mind, man. Blew my mind. Whoa. That is intense. So one of my biggest regrets is my sister used to live in Japan. And one of my biggest regrets was I never went to visit her when she lived there. But I've always wanted to go. And when you were there recently, you posted to your stories. You tried that fruit and whipped cream sandwich. So we talked about with Sam Pass, right? Yeah. How was it? Fantastic. I mean, delicious. You know, it's milk bread. It's whipped cream. That's not too sweet, but it's a little sweet. OK. And then it was like mandarin oranges in it. So it's like a creamsicle. Yeah. So it's good. It's really good. It doesn't make you feel good about yourself afterwards, but it's an awesome experience. OK, so next time I see that, I'm going to try one. Well, Joe, let's take it to line check. For line check, I want to talk about how each chef has a literal, physical body of work. Right. And I don't mean that in terms of like the menus we've written, the restaurants we've worked at. I'm talking about our bodies and the scars that we have collected over the years. Because what we do is dangerous, right? There's fire, there's knives, everything is hot, everything is sharp. You're under stress, things are heavy, boiling over oil flowing out of the fryer. It's a dangerous job. Yeah. And, you know, death and liability insurance for chefs is like 20 percent higher than any other profession. You know, we've all seen nasty kitchen incidents that I think we've all had. Oh, and it's like what we would consider the minor ones. Yeah, you just got you're like, whatever. You remember, like, you know, my wife asked me one time, like we were dating. It was I burnt like I have the, you know, this tattoo on my arm. It's got all the lettering. I burnt the letters off that tattoo. I like my arm so bad, like a line through it that some of the letters were gone. Wow, deep on that one. Yeah, I did. Yeah, they came back. OK, when you heal, that's crazy thing. I didn't know that. That was I think that was my first. I didn't know the tattoos would come back. Yeah. So, you know, when the burn healed, just the tattoo was fine. Oh, my God. It was crazy. But I wish she asked me, just like, what did you do with that happened? I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, well, what did you do? I'm like, like nothing. She's like, did you like scream or like like cry or like anything? I'm like, no, I just like how to like keep plating like we're in the middle of the rush. I just kind of like just went on with my day completely. Yeah. She's like, what? That's not like the reaction that a person should have. Yeah, it is. I mean, when you're in the middle of service. Right. So that's an after service problem at best. Table 12 want their food? Then it is something that I need to address after service. That's an after service problem at best. And I think like now there's a lot more like safeguards, right? You know what I mean? Like now the deep friars have things where you can hook them in. It'll just like all my deep friars have a little nozzle and you pump the oil through a pipe and it just goes out in the alley into the oil. But instead of like walking out there in the ice and snow with a giant pot of oil, being like like little steps, little steps, little steps, you know what I mean? Like or the rain. That was the worst. Yes, the fire oil out the rain. It's just you better put a sheet tray over that. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's always somebody who didn't know though. And you like heard it and you're just like you just hear somebody else. She tried, she tried. One of the worst burns I ever got and I still have a scar. It's on the back. You can maybe see it. So I was in the kitchen one day. I was walking down the line. I was checking. We had two kitchens going. This is that red rooster. We had the upstairs kitchen and we had the Ginny's downstairs kitchen open and downstairs they were getting crushed. So I left Expo, went down to check on the sous chef down there and they had an order on the fly. I was like, Chef, you stay on the pass. You know, guys, stay here. Stay on your stations. I'll take care of this on the fly order. And I had this cook give me a rondo to get started on whatever this person needed was something super random and to try to expedite the process of the heat underneath, I asked the woman next to me to give me some oil from the fryer. Like give me a ladle full of hot oil to, you know, just kind of make the oil speed up. Yeah, I pulled that trick. So she's walking behind me with a like, I don't know, probably an eight ounce ladle. So a pretty sizable bowl on the ladle. I thought she put all the oil in the pot. She did not. She still had some oil in this hot ladle. And the fryer's were at like three seventy five. She's walking behind me and I'm checking for a couple ingredients on the line to use for this special order. Grab them. She doesn't say behind you. She doesn't say hot. She doesn't say anything. So I reached to grab this thing I need. I pull my arm back and she's holding this ladle out in front of her like this. No, it hits me in the back of the arm and that fryer oil melted my shirt to the back of my arm. Oh, I was dating Stephen at the time. Of course, like, yeah, I finished service though. Like put to, you know, put a fresh, fresh coat out. Yeah, exactly. I was like, well, just roll that sleeve up or actually give me your paring knife and just cut that sleeve off for me. Yeah. And then I finished service. You know, like I had one of the waiters bring me some burn gel and then Saran wrapped my arm, not a big deal. And then after service, we closed out. I was going to meet Stephen and I were dating at the time. I'm going to go meet him for a drink at the bar. So I meet him at the bar and he gave me a hug and he's like, what's that rustling sound? I'm like, oh, it's just plastic wrap on my arm. He's like, oh, OK. Did he just like, y'all do weird shit. I'm going to stay out of this. Somebody else were talking, having drinks. Somebody else like patted me on the arm later in the evening. And I was like, ooh, he was like, what? Wait, what is up with your arm? And I was like, oh, somebody hit me in the back of the arm of fryer oil tonight. He was like, what? What did you do? Same thing. I was like, I said, oh, and then I said, get out of my way. You're like, I reminded myself that I could not, you know, commit violence on this person at work. Exactly. The first station at work was like a gas wood fired oven. And so the floor is hot. Everything's hot, right? But it had this metal trim around it and it was like real thin and it was just ripping hot and the oven was just a little bit low. So if you're like my height and, you know, my buddy Joe used to work the other with me. Like, so we're the same height. You couldn't see in the oven standing up. So you'd have to like you, you could see the oven standing up. But like I couldn't. So like to get in there, I would have to crouch down. You and your short jokes. You and your short jokes. I'm just, it's just real. So you'd have to look at what you wanted to get in the oven. You'd be like, all right, that pan is right there. And you'd be like, all right, go. You put your hand in real quick and you try to grab it and pull it up. Sometimes when you're pulling it out, you hit the bottom of the oven. Right, we call that tag. Yeah, we used to call that tag. Yeah. So like the bottom of the oven hurts, but it's not too bad. But the problem is you hit the bottom of the oven and your instant reaction is your arm goes up and when your arm went up, you'd hit that metal thing. And that metal thing would like burn you, cut you and cauterize you like all in one and you're just like, I know that sound. Oh, my God. Like all of our risks, all of our forehands from there were just like just so marked up. And I'll tell you how stupid we are. So that was at table 52. That restaurant was open for, I think, like 10 or 15 years, maybe. So when it was closing, me, Joe, my other buddy, John, their chef said, we're going to try it together. And our old chef, the cuisine went back with like some of our friends and we ate there one last night, so before close, we all ate there together. And then at the end of the night, some drinks may have been had. We were like, we got to get one more for the road. We all went out. Oh, no. What is wrong with you? And we all went out. It burnt ourselves on the oven one last time. Oh, God. What is the right? Did you go straight for the top or did you do the bottom top? No, we went straight for the top. Oh, God, Joseph. Oh, man. I mean, those ovens are crazy, though. Working saute stations, I guess that's actually being shorter was an advantage because if I'm doing my crouching tiger hidden dragon to get into the ovens like working saute, we had two side by side ovens and we had those big French fish pans, heavy iron pans. The pans that are only used at La Bernardin. Right. Yeah. No one else knows what that pan is because people have only seen those. I took over a restaurant and they had those. And I remember the owners asked me, like, what are these for? I was like, these are for cooking fish at a three Michelin star restaurant. Like you run in a steakhouse. They're huge. They are massive. It's a big oval with a 14 inch handle. Yes. And the oval itself is probably about 16, 18 inches long. Yeah, it's like a snow. It's the widest point, maybe eight inches. Yeah, it's huge. These things are so heavy. And so going in and out of the oven is like I was ripped. You go in and out of the oven so much you're you're like scarred up. And I hated like going back around my family around the holiday season because my arms would look so messed up. So I would like I'd pull all my sweater sleeves down. Like I wouldn't roll my sleeves up for anything because my mom would be like, dear, like what? This is what I told you. This is why I told you not to go to kitchens. But then she would also be like, yeah, you're OK. Walk it off. I got a scar recently here. I don't know if you can see it. It looked like I was crying hot oil. I was frying anchovies last week or a couple of weeks ago. And one of them exploded like right as I'm going into the pan. Yeah, with the little fish spatula to lift them out. I lifted it out of the oil and that's when it decided to explode and it like splattered like you see that oil coming at your face and you're like, right. This is going to hit me in the right eye. I have a little mark here under my eye. And I like, you know, I just immediately grabbed. I had some vodka bottles in the freezer at work. So I just grabbed a vodka bottle and like held it to my face and then finished taking the anchovies out. But I was like, I made it through almost 20 years in kitchens without leaving a scar on my face. And now I'm doing private work and now I choose to get a scar on my face. Like, come on. I never had that because it's like, you know, be not making funny for being short, but be taller than you. You're further away from the pan. So it's like all that's in like the chest. But the one thing I remember doing this multiple times, what I worked at Girl on the Goat is when you worked saute, you had scallops and you had to base the scallops and doing the move of I'd be like basting a bunch of scallops. So that spoon is just magma hot. Right. Yeah. Throw it in the bane for a second. Forget which spoon it was. Go to taste something else and like burn yourself on your lips, like at two parts from the spoon. And it's like one of those where it's like you'd feel it and you'd be like, I'm the stupidest person on earth. Oh, man. And then it's like it looks like it's my hot like you had like double cold sores because you burn it's like, oh, don't worry. I just burnt myself with a spoon because I'm stupid. I feel like you've told us a lot about your scars, but that doesn't get you off the hook for walk in confessions. You are up this week, my friend. I'm going to literally take you to the walk in for this one. I got to hear this back when I was a live cook at table 52 at one point. They moved. I don't know if you ever worked at a place like this, but they moved the walk in outside. No, I never did. So the back kitchen was so small, they took the walk in and they moved it outside, like in the parking lot. So it was like a free standing shed, but it was a walk in, right? Wow. So when you went out, you know, and like the back doors of restaurants are like those big, heavy fire doors. So if you go out the back door, the back door opened right to the walk in. So the walk in door and the back door of the restaurant kind of met almost like they were so close, which was good. If it was like snowing, you could, you know, I mean, kind of, you know, get out there real quick and, you know, get through and not get snowed on too much or rainy or whatever. It's like four o'clock one day. We open at 430 and get ready for service. I brought it out. I'm running to the walk and my buddy's running into the back door. I have my hand opening the door. He swings the walk in door open in my right hand. And my thumb is in between the fire door and the walk in door. Just smashes my thumb. It's one of those instant ones where you're like, oh, like, you know, maybe like you feel it in your stomach. You're just like, like, so I'm also like at this point, like six months of a cook. So like. I can't even really like say anything because it's like kind of my fault. My thumb was in the way. You know, but he's like, oh, that sucks. It's like a Saturday night. So work at service. We get killed. I work at the oven. My thumb is so swollen by five o'clock that I can't season with my right hand. Like to pick up salt and it hurts. Right. Like it is hurting my thumb just to pick up salt. It's in so much pain. And it is like four times the size. You know what I mean? It's black and blue already. The thing is huge. So then the whole night I'm like trying to season with my left hand. And again, I'm six months of cook. I can barely see some right hand. So now I'm trying to do it with my left hand. I'm doing a shitty job. You don't get yelled at all night because I'm cooking really slow because my thumb feels like it's going to fall off. It's late. I think I get out of there like one in the morning. At the time, my mom works midnight. So sometimes she would pick me up and give me a ride home. So she's like, all right, you know, she's not too busy. Maybe I'll meet you at 63rd Street. I was like, OK. I go, all right. That's good. Like are you pretty, pretty not busy? She's like, yeah, why? I would. Do you think he'd maybe like, I think it might need to go to the hospital like after you pick me up. Right. Like instead of going home, can you take me to a hospital by any chance? And, you know, you have to understand my mother, too. This is a woman who was, you know, a Chicago police lieutenant for 30 years on midnight. She's unflappable. So her response was, oh, yeah, for sure. I know the best one to go to this time of night because they don't do gunshots, so we'll be able to walk right in. Oh, nice. That's good intel. Very good intel. Solid. So picks me up. We cruise down to the hospital. Nurse comes back. She's like, yeah, we need to drill a hole in your thumbnail. What? To release the pressure because, like, otherwise, like your skin's going to rip. I was like, yeah, do like whatever. So they heat this thing up. It looks like a mini like, soldering iron. Oh, put my thumb down on the table. And, you know, she like grabs my wrist and just takes the thing and just goes. And it goes through it like hot butter. And it was insanely painful. But I am not kidding. My thumb was so pressurized, blood shot out two feet in the air and in like a solid. Oh, my God. It was just like and that was like like Buckingham Fountain. Crazy. But like that felt so good because the pressure was so intense. And she's just like looking at me like almost disgusted, like, why are you? Relieved right now. Like, you know, and it was it was one of the wildest once. So but it was just like, oh, man, that was a brutal one. That was like one of those ones that it was like, welcome to the kitchen. Everybody watching on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe so you can get the full length video of every episode of the podcast every week. Joe, what the hell do you have? So are you familiar with on social media where they do these things where you just rate them one to 10, I just give you things and you rate them one to 10. Ten being the best one being the least. So we're going to do holiday meets edition. Oh, maybe maybe some fish to you. You're just going to give me one to 10. You can give me a quick note about why it ranks there for you. All right. Number one, starting off, I think holiday ham. Oh, holiday ham. I give it an eight, maybe an maybe a nine. A nine. I think a nine is too high. Eight. I can get on board with eight. It's a workhorse. It's solid. It's the leftover. It might be the leftover king. It is. And nothing says holiday like ham. I'm sorry. I love a holiday ham. I'm here for it. All right. So everybody does turkey for Thanksgiving. What about the Christmas turkey? Where's that one hinting for you? Let it let it go. Some families do a dry run for Christmas with Thanksgiving. But I do like to not revisit the turkey. I'm going to go with ranking that. A two. Oh, that's a base. I don't I don't want turkey on Christmas. It can be there. It can be there, but like, don't expect me to eat it. Yeah, I'm a ham. I want I'm with you. I think it's a little higher than two. I think it's harsh. I think you got two into the Japanese review system. And I'm totally in it now in that system. But yeah, no, I agree. It's leave that leave that in Thanksgiving. Yeah, I thought the guy on the show was tough. I'm a tough reviewer. Yeah, apparently. All right. What about you know, you're you're a fancy New Yorker now. What about a prime rib? Oh, for Christmas. Hell, yeah, I'd say that's that's getting top billing. That's going to be a 10. Oh, a prime rib roast on the bone. Yeah, that's that's my number one. Nothing says the holidays. All right, so combo with this, though. So that's a 10. What's a beef tenderloin whole roast beef tenderloin for Christmas? That's a nine. That's a nine. OK. Nine, 10. OK, so now I have prime rib as one beef tenderloin, especially if it's a Wellington, a little and then ham after that. Yeah, OK. How do you all right? Last one, this is one served at my family's Christmas every year. The bakalow. Are you familiar with the salt? We're doing it brandog style. We are not. I am familiar with the salt. Not what we are doing is we are rehydrating. We are rehydrating that shit. And then you are dressing it. And frying it. No, I thought you guys like cooking into scrambled eggs. Hell, no, hell, no, no, it makes no sense. I've never heard of anybody frying bakalow. It's big in Italy. Never. They fry it. They have places in Rome that only fry bakalow. The bakalow frittis. And it's not like a a mix of something else where you make like a ball and fry it. Mix with potato or something. Nope. How they used to do it. I'm going to give you this even before you rank it. This is you want to hear some like real old school Italian stuff is what they say. Like, so, you know, you got to when you do salt cod, like, right, you rinse it and then you change the water every day. Yeah, you got to soak it to get all that salt out. So what my grandma told me is what they used to do back in the day is when they used to have the toilets where the top of the toilet, like the back part with the fresh water was up high with that. OK, they would just put the bakalow in there. So that the because then the fresh water was just going through it. You know what I mean? You're not wasting water. You're not wasting anything. That is the most it's the most oddly genius kind of thing that I have ever heard of. And then you're going to be changing the water anytime someone flushes. It's separate. It's not in the line of fire from anything. Oh, my God, right. It's brilliant, but some brilliance is not meant to be shared. I don't know. But like, I've never I can't say I've ever just had straight up bakalow breaded and fried, though. I mean, kudos to Grandma Mary for for that genius rinsing kind of strategy. It wasn't her invention. It wasn't her invention. That's a that's a well known thing. If you talk to. Oh, it is. I've talked to Tony Montuano about it, too. He's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. He's like, they used to do that. Whoa. OK. I am today. Years old. I love learning new things like this. That's incredible. So you mean any old Italians before Christmas? Ask about it. OK. Let me ask you about putting dried fish in your toilet. They'll be like, who told you about that? Yeah, exactly. So, OK, fried bakalow. I don't know. I don't know. All right, we'll give you an understanding. I'll tell you, I'll tell you as somebody who's eaten it every year their whole life. It's like a five. It's right in the middle of the road. I feel like I have to have it because it's tradition, but it's more tradition than like it's not like a delicious thing that I'm like, oh, yeah, can't wait to sink my teeth into some bakalow. Right. Well, really quickly then, I want you to score feast of the seven fishes. There's seven dishes that you and your family do every year around Christmas. And that's not something I ever grew up with that tradition. I didn't even hear about these of the seven fishes until I got older and was a line cook. But what score the seven dishes that you and your family do? So I would say we'll start from seven. Bakalow is probably the lowest level. And they switch from every family, but this is just what we do. So I would say bakalow is seven for me. OK, I'd say after that, the perch, the fried perch is probably six. Then in recent years, this one's really good, but it's not like very exciting to me. It's not like I like super look forward to it, but it's delicious as we've moved into a shrimp cocktail, but that's probably five. Four, I would probably say I do now one of the new additions as well is a whole grilled salmon, which is really good, very popular. But it's not, you know, super exciting to me just because it's salmon, but everybody loves it. It is delicious. Mm hmm. Three, I'd go with the with the scallops, seared scallops with like butter, breadcrumbs, and garlic and delicious. And then number two would be the clam sauce spaghetti, but it's a red sauce. Oh, oh. So it's like clams, onions, olive oil, tons of black pepper, oregano, cans of tomato, you cook that down, serve it with linguine. Nice. Then number one, the real star of the show for me, I'm a piece of the seven fishes is the calamari. And oh, you're getting calamari a couple of ways. So one, you have like you make the clam red sauce and then you make a calamari red. Sauce and then you put the calamari red sauce in conjunction on top of the clam red sauce as like extra meat, you know what I mean? So you can make sure of like tomato braised squid and clams. Delicious. And then we also I make like as an appetizer, I make a bunch of fried calamari. And just like fried calamari just hits. If I think of my grandma's house on Christmas Eve, it's I'm standing in that kitchen, the windows cracked open a little bit because it's 147 degrees in her kitchen every day of the year. And like I could smell the calamari frying and like taste that first squeeze of lemon on that crispy piece of calamari. That to me is is the one where it's like can't wait to have that first bite of calamari. I'm like, yeah, it's Christmas Eve now. Hell yeah. Do you what do you dredge your calamari in and is it the same that you do the bakalao and the perch with? No. So the calamari I dredge in like a 50 50 AP cornstarch mix. OK, so you do so you do all purpose flour, cornstarch. That makes a nice crispy crust. Yeah, you just toss them in there. And the calamari is wet enough. You know what I mean? You little salt and pepper. And then the so the for the perch and the bakalao, it's like the traditional one my grandma used to do with her mom and it's flour, salt and pepper, egg wash, flour. OK, no breadcrumbs, no cornmeal. Nope. The only one we used to do in cornmeal and sometimes we do it, sometimes we don't is we get like smelt. Oh, I love smell and I'll soak them in buttermilk and then I'll shake them in cornmeal and then fry them. Yep. I love them. Now everybody likes them. You know, my grandma's like, I nobody likes to smell that much anymore. You know, you don't have to do it. If I can get the smell that are like, you know, the Lake Erie ones or somewhere, you know, that I like to do it because I there's I think they're still good. It's it's worth the the burn on the face to get fried smelt fried anchovies. The little tiny like small sardines fried hole. Oh, I love them so much. Yeah, so much. You just tolerant or just tolerance on this. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you know, I'll just I'll just you drink enough agnog. I would have been six inches taller. I've been out of a line of fire from the hot oil. That's it. You be fine. You be five nine right now. Yeah, that would if only I could have done that. Joe, thank you so much for kicking it with me pre Christmas. It is always a joy to hang out. What a fun one. And I hope you have a great holiday. Happy holiday, Seth's Cut Nation. For the next two weeks, Joe and I are going to be taking a little holiday break to spend some time with family and friends. But don't worry, we have some very special episodes coming up over the holidays. We're going to throw it all the way back to our very first episodes. So if you don't remember how Joe and I became friends and how this all got started, listen up, I think you will love it. And then we're going to throw it back to our very first guest episode where we had the one and only Kristen Kish, host of Bravo's Top Chef Joining us is our very first guest on the pod. We'll be back January 13th with all new episodes and all new guests. But in the next two weeks, enjoy the encore. Happy holidays from the chefs, cut.