228: Something's Amiss.. Ft. Kamie Crawford

Okay, we're rolling on everything. Yay. I know, I think we're good. Yay! Are you ready? Yes! I'm so excited to have you. I'm so excited to be here. This is like surreal. I feel like I just popped like three years. Surreal? Yes, I feel like I just popped through like your TikTok video and now I'm here. I feel like I'm fangirling right now. I am so excited for those listening, watching. We've got Kami Crawford in today. Hi. Woo! I met you two years ago and I immediately was just like such good energy or like everything. So just watching your journey over the past couple of years from hosting MTV's Catfish and a couple other shows to now you're in your own podcast era. Yep. It's just been really fun to watch. Thank you. Likewise. I love watching every time your videos pop up. I have to watch. I have to watch because I have to see what crazy stories are going to come up. I've got a theme for you today and I think you're going to be really good at it with just how much experience you have finding things that are a miss. So in a lot of these stories today, something's a miss. Something is off. Something's a little fishy here. Something usually is. So we've got- My experience. Exactly. I feel like you know how to sniff it out based on all your background, your experience. Yep. Which for my listeners that aren't familiar, what's some of the lore? Because I actually just saw you stitch a video and someone was like, what's Cammie's lore? And you're like, I feel like I'm qualified to address this. I feel like I'm the best person to answer that question. And you were like, Miss Teen USA. Like USA and like just like you have such crazy lore. So for anyone that's unfamiliar, what's the lore? The lore is deep girl. The lore is deep. So I grew up in Potomac, Maryland. Okay. I used to have to explain where that was, but now we have a real housewife. So everyone knows where it is, but it's outside of DC. And I won the Miss Maryland Teen USA pageant when I was 16. And then it was my first pageant ever. I'm not a pageant girl. I didn't know anything about pageantry, but I quickly became one and someone who knew a lot about it. That is actually wild though, to just like- It was crazy. First pageant, you're just like, I'm a winner. It was crazy. I'm a star. There were like 63 contestants, I think, at Miss Maryland Teen USA. That's a yeah. That's cool. And I'm like, Hey. Hi everyone. It's my first time here. It's my first time. I'm just so happy to be here. I thought I'd make new friends because that's what my best friend had competed before me. And she told me about it and she was like, it'll be fun. You'll meet new people. And I was like, cool. And then I realized like, oh no, this is like a thing that people do. Like this is, everyone in my top five had been competing since like childhood or like at least for the past five years. That's wild. Yeah. And then I started to see the mother and tiara start up and then here you are coming in. And they're like, who's this bitch? Anyway, so I won that and then I had like six months, I think to prepare for Miss Teen USA because then you go on to nationals. I ended up winning that and then I moved to New York at 17 and like was going to events and gallows and signing autographs and kissing babies and working with charitable alliances with Miss USA and Miss Universe for a year. That's so insane. It was wild. It was crazy. It prepared me for life. I mean, you just like, we're like, oh, I'll give it a shot and then like winner, winner. Like that is an insane come up. Well, my mom's an Aries, so winning, losing was never an option. Okay. Like my mom, it doesn't even matter if we're playing tic-tac-toe. Like she is going to win. We are going to win like no matter what. Oh my gosh. And it just like so happened that I think I was really able to connect with the judges just like being freshly into it and not having that like experience because sometimes if you do anything for long enough, you could become like robotic with it. Yeah. And so I just, I guess I had something different. More authentic, a little fresh take on everything. A little fresh take. I love that. So yeah. So then after that, I, you know, this, there's, there's a lot of lore because I thought I was going to become a dermatologist. And then I went to school, like started in the pre-med program at the University of Alabama. And then I was like, oh, I'm not going to be a doctor because this is too, this, it just was not my testimony. I wasn't meant to do that. Yeah. But I tried and I was like, actually, I think I'm going to switch to communications, switch to communications, moved back to New York and started working at a TV host from age 19. I'd been working, working, working, trying my best doing red carpets, doing local news, like spots, you know, best gifts to get your mom from Mother's Day, fresh outfits for fall, like all these different things. And it wasn't working. And then I was like 25, having my quarter century life crisis. I was like, I'm quitting everything. I'm going to get a nine to five. Like this is, I'm never going to be a TV host. Like who am I kidding? And then I was like, or I could move to LA and try that out for a year. And if I hate it and if I fail, I'll just come back to New York or I'll just move with my parents. Yeah, so you're going to move home. What am I going to do? So I moved to LA. I feel like that, that soft white underbelly. So we moved to LA. My father got a job at the Palm restaurant. If you know, you know, I moved to LA and like immediately when I moved here, everything started happening for me. I, you know, but ended up booking a few guest spots on ease daily pop, which was like my dream. I wanted to be on Eve more than anything. And then simultaneously as I was moving, literally the day of my move, I got a email from the producers at catfish being like, would you like to come on and guest co-host two episodes with us? And they were like, we'll fly you out Thursday. We'll film Thursday, Friday, Saturday. You'll go back, you'll go back home Sunday. And then Monday was my move to, to LA. So I was like, oh, everything's aligning. I'm supposed to be in LA. Like this just makes sense. Their offices are in LA. I'm supposed to be in LA. I'm going to go do this catfish thing. It's going to work out. I'm going to get booked. It was like a lot of delusion, but it worked. It worked. Sometimes you need that delusion because otherwise you'll, you'll get in your own way and it's just like, be a little delusional. Yes. You have to. You have to believe in yourself. It's like, you got to manifest it. And sometimes I'm manifesting. It's like, I'm going to put myself in that city and we're going to see what happens. We're going to see what happens. We're going to see what happens. And that's what I did. I, I normally, I feel like I normally wouldn't have done that, but I was 25 and I was like, whatever, like, let me just try it and see what happens. And it, and it worked out. And then I guess close to two episodes of catfish, they were like, do you want to do two more? I said, yes, I came back to do more than they were like, do you want to do two more? I was like, yep, did two more. And then they offered me the full time position. And I did that for six years. Which is a long time. A long time. That's, yeah. That's a long time to host something. Yeah. I'm like a year four of the podcast. I'm like, can I do this for 10 years? It's, it's crazy to think about. I'm like, you guys are probably going to want me to do this till I'm dead. But I'm like, I think about that. And I'm like, I can't be 60 still reading Reddit stories. Can I? Why not? Somebody has to read them. Someone's got to read them. We'll, we'll see. Hello. Someone's got to read them. What's the craziest thing? Like given all of your hosting and, you know, catfish and all of that, like, what's the craziest thing you've ever seen? I get some crazy things, especially on the podcast. So I have a relationship advice podcast called relationship. And this week actually hasn't even aired yet, but we did an episode. I did like a solo and I was taking in listener questions and I was like, tell me a secret. Like I call my listeners my besties. I was like, besties tell me a secret. Oh, scary. And the secret was, and maybe this isn't that crazy, but it like really threw me for a loop. The girl was like, I'm in love with my father-in-law. And like I want to act on it. No, no. I'm like, you, if you're married to his son, presumably you have father-in-law at home. You don't have to go to his dad. You have him. He's a piece of him in his son. Oh my God. Just be with, just be with his, just be with his son as you are already. As you are. Be with your husband. Why complicate this? Just wait 15 years and then you got him. Like you got him. I'm sure he'll go gray. Maybe he'll lose his hair, whatever. Like it'll be a mirror image. I couldn't believe it. No, I feel like we've had stuff like that on Reddit too. And I'm just like, why, why? Let's not even take our minds there. No. The second it starts to go there, just shut it off. This woman found out that her husband had been sleeping with her mom for like 10 years and that some of her siblings were actually her husband's kids. I know. I know. Today, I think we, I think we got, we might have a couple that like, What? Maybe compare, I don't know. We'll see, we'll see what you think by the time we get done. I'm glad you gave me this. I know you're going to need it. I normally bring my own, but I'm glad to have this. What? I know. I know. That's sick. I know. I try not to judge. I try to be like that. Oh no, we can, we listen and we don't judge. Those you can judge. But what? Yeah. Why would you sleep with your wife's mom? It just like it. And as the mom, what are they doing? I know. What are they doing? I know. People make their, their lives so hard sometimes. I could, you didn't have, you didn't need that mess. You didn't need that mess. Oh, I mean that, that's wild. I mean, we had a, we had a catfish episode. I've talked about this so many times, but whenever people are like, what's the craziest episode you've ever had? We had an episode where this guy, he was 16 at the time. He was on Xbox and he met a girl on Xbox that he thought was 18. Okay. And so like they're having this romantic relationship. She basically like turns his life upside down because he can't date anyone. Like he's not even going to school. He's like retreating from all of his friends and family because he's talking to this girl and she's basically telling him that like these people don't love you. I'm the only one who loves you. Blah. Oh my God. Of course coming to find out it wasn't the girl, but it was her mom. Oh, no. Who was 40 something at the time. Oh my God. I was talking to my ex box talking to teenage boys. Jail. Jail. That was my immediate reaction. Jail. I said it. It didn't make the edit, but I was like, you should be in prison. Literally. But apparently there wasn't anything criminal about it because. They're just talking. Well, he was the age of consent in his state was 16. So it ended up being that like it was okay by the law quote, quotes, heavy quotes. Anyway, she was using her daughter's nude pictures that her daughter was sending to her boyfriend. Oh my God. And sending them to these guys that she was talking to. Which couldn't they get her on like revenge porn type stuff? Like what? The daughter and we talked to the daughter and she was like through like extensive therapy. I've been able to forgive my mom, but like it's still inexcusable what she did. I'm like the mothers like what is going on? Mothers are not mothering like they used to mother. That's insane. Something's a foot. Okay. I feel like we're, we're thoroughly prepared for these stories we're about to get into. Oh yes. Okay. Let's dive in. Okay. This first one I have for you coming from r slash relationship advice five hours old at the time I found it. Okay. Fresh. Oh God. It's titled my boyfriend 36 male wants to end a one year relationship because I'm not pretty enough. Bye sir. What? What does that mean? Me 35 female and my now X 36 male. I guess have the most incredible relationship when it comes to communication day to day living, future plans, security, fun, sex, everything. The only thing he doesn't like about me is how I look. He's in the public eye and says that it's not even about our family and friends and what they think or say because they love me and know what a gem of a person I am. It's the looks from strangers that say really that's the girl he's with or that's his girlfriend that really get to him. Now after almost a year of building a life together, making future plans, having me put all my guards down, he decided I'm not his ideal type and therefore he needs to be true to himself and break up with me. I can't breathe. I can't eat. My whole world literally spins through the day and all I do is cry because I don't understand how he can't see everything else that we have. The stuff people look for all their lives only to have it all destroyed by one encounter with someone who doesn't even live here. I don't know how to move on. My entire life had become about him. I want to scream and tell him I'm real. I'm here. She's not. Don't leave me. Don't give up on us. But I think he's already made up his mind and I just don't know what to do. TLDR, too long didn't read. We've been together for about a year now and we're in a situation ship for four years before that. It was his move to make it official. Start calling me girlfriend. It was also his initiative that made him move in with me. Now after having met someone attractive that he likes, he says he's been suppressing his feelings all along and now wants to end things unless I can reach his standards of beauty. What do I do? Morgan, can I curse? You can curse all you want. Miss girl, fuck him. Who the fuck does he think he is? Who is he? God? A public figure. He's no one. He's nothing. Actually, he's a loser. The only thing I need to classify him as that, forget that he ever existed. You can't breathe, you can't sleep, you can't eat. I'm going to need you to make yourself a plate, take a big gasp of air and move right along. Not worth it. Because he's not worth it. What? A situation ship for four years. Someone who cares about you is not going to put you through a situation ship and unclear guidelines and expectations and this in-between cat and mouse game for four years. The writing was already on the wall. He had already decided where he was going to place her and even by asking her to be his girlfriend, I feel like it was just kind of like trying to appease whatever conversations you had been having for four years about being in a situation ship. I don't think that the talking stage, situation ship, whatever, I personally, hot take, I think that this should only last three to four months. I'm with you, tops six months. Top six months. You know if you like someone enough to date them exclusively after six months. Yes. And if you don't, you just want to have your cake, you need it too and just say that, move about your own way, get out of here. You got to cut this one off. The minute I heard it was also his initiative that made him move in with me, so he needed a place to live. He needed a place to live. He couldn't afford a place of his own. He needed a warm bed and a hot meal. He needed a roommate? Yeah, yes. Clearly. He's a loser. He's a loser to you. And he's still trying to become a public figure. He's nothing. He's a loser. You need to reclassify him in your brain as a loser. Just keep reminding yourself that he's a loser. And he lost you. So he's an even bigger loser. Bye. Top comment on this one. So he strung you along for four years before finally calling you his girlfriend and now he's met someone hotter. He's breaking up with you. Ew, babe. No. The only ugly thing here is his personality. Tell him to get the fuck out and block his number and all of his socials so he doesn't come crawling back when that hot girl rejects him. I wrote that. That was my comment. That's you. That's you. I wrote it just now. Using AI. Yeah. That's crazy. No. Good riddance. No. You're so lucky that this happened. Because now the world is your oyster. You can go be with someone who actually values you and you don't have to be thinking about every single time that they're out of your sight, like who are they looking at? Or when they're in your sight, like do they have a wandering eye? No. No. No. No. I cannot imagine my fiance telling me, well, I'm with you because you're so perfect in every other regard, but like you're just not up to my beauty standard. And what is the standard? What is the standard? Because theoretically, there could always be someone out there who's more beautiful or more this and more that, but this is a choice. When people decide to be together, that's a choice. And if he can't choose to be with you and also keep his mouth shut about these whatever things that he's thinking about you in his head, he never really loved you fully. Not the way that you deserve to be loved. Fuck that. No. No. We do have some comments from OP. Like OP is kind of, it's eight hours old now after a refrage. Don't tell me she's defending him in the comments. I don't think so. I think just like kind of like saying like I really do need to learn to hate him. I think like still kind of grappling with this, like I'm too sad to be angry. Getting angry requires me to see him for who he is and I'm afraid that once that glass shatters, that's it for me, which no. I feel like you got to move through those stages of grief. It's like sadness. Yes. If you're going to get a glass of glass, it's like, get angry. Fuck him. You'll get there. You'll get there. You'll get there. But I think the idea that she might have quote unquote wasted five years of her life, I like to see every relationship, opportunity, missed opportunity, whatever it is as a learning lesson. Like I don't think of anything as a waste of time. The only waste of time that you do is if you continue on with someone who's told you exactly how it is that they feel about you. But I don't think that you wasted the last five years of your life. If you continue to spend more time thinking about this than you will. But I think it's a learning lesson. Never put yourself in a position with anyone to have anybody making you feel like less than who you are. No. No. No. And like OPA is like trying to justify it too, like based on looks a little bit from what I'm seeing. Like I do work on myself. I work out and I eat well. I'm 158 centimeters tall and weigh 58 kilograms. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But like for those of you that are not on the metric system, it's like five to 127 pounds. And like this waste of space is making you feel bad. Like the body shaming and like the comment goes on to say, I have no physical deformities, but I suppose he still doesn't get that look at my partner kind of pride when with me. You should not feel that way about yourself. First of all, I need you to congratulate yourself on your, I'm going to assume 185 pound weight loss because you just lost 185 pounds of pure bullshit loser. You need to give yourself a round of applause. It does not matter how you look, what deformities you have. Someone who loves you is going to love you despite any flaws. They're not even going to see those. They're not going to see them as flaws. They're going to see it as like your unique sense of being, sense of self. You're just you and they're going to eat that shit up. Like, ew. I don't even want to spend any more time talking about this loser because he's so lame. I know. I will say we do get more hopeful as the comments progress. Last comment from OP is two hours ago in response to this. Tell him quote, oh thank God you said something. I've been really struggling to get past your mediocre looks and I just can't manage to do it. Glad we're on the same page. It was fun while it lasted. Good luck to you. Fuck this guy or rather don't fuck this guy anymore. How could you fuck this guy in the first place? How do you let somebody like this get on top of you? No. I'm not judging. I'm not judging. No. Never let somebody like that get on top of you again. You're calling me ugly but yet you want to sleep with me? What? Get off. How's that going to do it? I'm going to be drier than the Sahara. Like what? Get off. I want you to frog kick him off of your body. I like that. Right now. Yeah. OP does respond, this is golden. Laugh emoji. So I feel like we're moving forward. You got to laugh about it. You got to laugh. You got to laugh to keep from crying. Exactly. Okay, this next one. Quirky. We're going to lighten it a little bit. We're going to lighten the mood a little bit. This is coming from r slash a i t a h titled, am I the asshole for asking my girlfriend to stop using baby talk around my family? I have questions, comments and concerns. Same. So this might sound small but it's been bugging me and caused a pretty big argument. My girlfriend, 26 female and I, 28 male, have been dating for about a year. It's funny, smart and overall awesome. But lately she's been doing this thing where she talks in an exaggerated baby voice. Like I love you and calling dinner nummies kind of stuff like that. I didn't mind it in private at first, even though it's not my thing, but she started doing it around my friends and family. Next weekend we had dinner with my parents and she used that voice the whole time. My dad asked if she was okay and my mom just looked confused the entire evening. Afterwards I told her gently that I felt a little embarrassed and asked if she could tone it down around others. She got really upset, said I was being mean and not accepting her quirks and now she's barely talking to me. I didn't insult her or raise my voice, I just asked if she could keep it private between us. But now I'm wondering if I'm the asshole for not just letting her be herself, even if it's cringey to me. Am I the asshole? No but it reminds me of Amaya Papaya on Love Island. Oh my gosh, I love her. I love her. I'm like why won't everyone just let her be herself. Let the girl shine. Yeah, let her just, you know, she's just excited for the opportunity. No, I was the other one. She says gratuity. She just has a lot of gratuity for being around your family. I just love her. Be nice to her. But okay, time and place. Yes. Time and place. We're all adults here, I thought. Let's not. You know, like there's a lot of things that I, this is crazy because in every relationship I've ever been in, I've never used like pet names. I've never been, I've just never been like that until I met my boyfriend. And now, like I don't even call him by his name. When I say his name, it doesn't even like roll off the tongue because I call him baby all the time. Yeah. I call him, my new thing is calling him my angel. So every time he calls me, like my angel. How are you? So precious. So precious because he's just like, he's six four and he's like a big guy and he's just like, he's the best and he's so like manly. So I just love to like make him my little tiny. You're just my little cutie. How long have you guys been together? Almost three years. Oh my gosh. Okay, fun. A proposal is coming. You feel it. It's coming. You're manifesting. No, it's happening. That was like me. It's happening. No, that was me. I feel like I'm in the like engagement purgatory stage where it's like the pre, like you know it's happening, but you don't know when it's happening. Yeah. You don't have control over it. Nope. And everything in me is like, I need to have control. I know. That's me. I'm like, I hate surprises. I hate surprises. I'm very like type A. I totally thought I was type B. No. No. No. So that was a really hard thing for me. And like, of course I have a podcast and so like at the time I think I was talking about it. We had been together like three years and I was just like, I'd get all these engagement stories and I'm just like, I'm ready. And people would be like, God, she's desperate for the ring. And I'm like, everybody's like, shit. Hello. Come on. What do you think I'm here for? And of course I like fucking forgot to wear any of my stuff today. I'm like sitting here. I'm like, I feel so naked. No. At least you crossed the finish line girl. I'm over here like, hello. Every, like my ring stack is almost complete. It's almost. Yeah. But look at that finger. It's ready. And I keep it empty just in case. And the nails are neutral. Angel. Get it together. Angel decides to rip up to me. No, it's 1000% of happening is just a matter of when. It's when not if, yeah. But I love treating him like he's just like, I could just put him in my pocket. That's so cute. And I get it, but in private, I'm not going to do that in front of my family, let alone his family. Like my angel, do you want it? No. Do you want some nummies? No, like it's so cringe. It's just, like, no. Maybe she's hinting that like she's ready for a baby. That's what I was wondering. But then she used the word quirk and I, I'm like, maybe this is a kink. Oh my God. And maybe she's like kind of getting off on like subjecting everyone to this little. I'm not one for kink shaming. However, comma, time and place. You have to like, people that want to be involved need to be involved. They got to consent to be involved. Like you can't just go to a family dinner with your in-laws and start like nummies. Nummies? Hey, like talking to your father-in-law. Hey Bill, do you want a nummie? No, that's so sick. Honestly, if I was his mom, I'd be like, you need to leave. You can't stay. I'm like surprised. Like, well, the dad even asking like, are you okay? You probably thought that she was like, kind of a stroke. Like everyone's clearly uncomfortable here. Yes. And I can set my joke about strokes. My grandma had a stroke. I love her. She's great. She's fine. But like, I know if someone's going to be like, strokes are not funny. Well, the people that have strokes sometimes cope with that dark humor too. Somebody had to ask if the girl was health wise, stable, because that's very strange behavior. There could be a tumor on her something that's making her act this way. You never know. Something is that I would probably have called 911 and then the ambulance. Yeah. In that order. And maybe pest control. Because what is wrong with you? I know. Why are you acting this way in front of company? That's not, no, I would, he had every right to say something to her. Yeah. And it sounds like he did it in a gentle way. I get when you're in a relationship and you finally feel comfortable. Like I said, I never used pet names before, but finally I'm in a place where like, I feel like I can like let that guard down of mine. I never even used to believe in like, PDA like that. And now I'm like, I'm outside. So like I understand like, oh, from her perspective, she's probably like, oh, I should just like just hide it all back. No, but there is a limit, I think on where you can be free. Well, and it's like, I think this person's being really supportive. He's not even saying like, don't do this ever again. I'm not into it. Like he's just like, Hey, like around, you know, external people, family and friends. Can we just scale it back a bit? Which is so fair. And I think at the root of this, like the bottom line, it's like, you should be able to express how you're feeling to your partner. If you're uncomfortable, if you're sad, if you're upset, whatever, like, and right now he's not even able to communicate with her. Yeah. And he's kind of being shut down and then like made to feel like he's wrong. You're not wrong, sir. You're not wrong. And that's, it's very rare that I tell a man that he's not wrong, but he's not wrong. He's very much correct in the situation. She's not wrong, but she's not right. In the head. If she's doing this in front of other people, I literally, I would not be able to, I don't know how she's keeping a straight face. Nummies. Nummies. No. No. Top comment on this one. This would be the hardest no for me. Not the asshole. Yup. Breakup worthy level of incompatibility. Oh, I don't agree with that. Don't leave her, but she does need to learn how to like, she needs to learn how to take constructive criticism. And I don't even think that he's like critiquing her. He's just saying like, Hey, in front of my family, maybe we don't ask me if I have to go potty. Oh, that's, oh my God, I can hear it too. Did you tell me, did you tell him to her? Well, and I just like went back and looked at ages, 28 him, 26 her. So it's like, they're at like these very like mature ages. So I'm just like, this is behavior I would expect from like a 14 year old, like a couple like in grade or something. Like a high school relationship. I'm like, this is very, this is very surprising that like, I'm like, is this, is he getting punked? Like, what did, and also I want to know from him, like, did you, did you, like, does this behavior exceed just like normal conversation? Like, is this like bedroom banter? Like, is this a foreplay thing like that you guys do? Because if you've been like loving this shit and then all of a sudden we're at dinner and now you don't want your tum tum rubbed. No. Now you don't want nummies. Like, does she talk to you like this? I know. Just like normally and like it just like accidentally. It's slipping out. Yeah. Like this is the warm up for when you go upstairs. Yeah. But like your parents don't need to be involved. No, this is what I'm saying. Like if, if this is a kink, like you can't, you can't involve other people like this outside of the bedroom. No. Oh my gosh. There is a common here that's kind of like starting to get into the kink stuff and they're like, not the asshole. You might also be a furry, but I don't want you wearing the mask to meet my parents. Correct. There are levels to intimacy. Correct. Just because we do BDSM like at home doesn't mean I want you showing up in chaps at Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah. Time and place. As you said. Yeah, you're on it from the jump. Let's leave that leather mask in the closet back at home. Back at home. My gosh. I don't know about this next one. I don't think there's any laugh in here. Okay. Let me settle in. This is also coming from relationship advice. 13 hours old titled boyfriend, 35 male humiliated me, 31 female camping with friends. I don't know if I should stay. Okay. My boyfriend, 35 male and I, 31 female have been together for three years living together for one. We've been friends since high school. So there's a long history between us. Over the weekend, we went camping with friends and two things happened that really shook me. First we were setting up a bug net together. He had been drinking and then suddenly started taking it down. I assumed he was adjusting it. So I helped to remove a part that was stuck. I saw him putting it in the bag. So I asked him what he was doing. Then he snapped quote, you took it down. So we're not using it. I was confused and said, wait, I thought you were taking it down. I was just helping. He got snippy, handed it to me and said, whatever. So I quietly put it back up. Later, I was starting a fire to cook and casually asked a friend to grab me a stick to move some logs out of nowhere. My boyfriend jumps in and says, quote, I'm no idiot, but here. And then starts aggressively messing with the fire using an axe. We have weaponry. What? He turned to me and said, quote, this is the hot part of the fire. This is the cooler part. You fucking got that. I was stunned. Quote, you fucking got that. I just stood there silently. When my friend returned with this stick, my boyfriend started loudly saying that I talked to him like he's an idiot. At that point, I told my friend exactly what he said to me with him standing right there. He tried to defend himself. I told him to shut up and he stormed off to take a nap in the car. Later, he came back to camp and ignored me completely. Talked to everyone else, not a word to me until we got home the next day. We drove separately. Then he said, quote, sorry, I lost my temper. I took a shower and when I got out of the shower, he said, we need to talk. And then proceeded to say how I am so mean to him. It led to an argument. He said he was drunk and anxious all day and regretted saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth, I brought up how this is a pattern. He lashes out, minimizes it, or tries to gaslight me into thinking I behaved the way he did and not him and then apologizes vaguely. He said he would stop drinking again and wants to fix things. But I don't know if I can believe that anymore. He said that all before. I feel humiliated, confused, emotionally exhausted. I'm trying to do better at not just cutting everyone out of my life when things go wrong. Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Did it get better? Or did you leave? This is a layered situation. Got a lot going on here. Immediately when you said what he said to her by the fire and when you said that he embarrassed her in front of friends. This tells me that this is not the first time this has happened. No. It just hasn't happened in front of other people yet. So that's a red flag, obviously. You don't want anyone who's going to be talking to you like that in front of people alone, whatever. But at the very least, let's have this conversation in private. Let's not wield an axe drunkenly. That, like the minute you're going to start using a weapon to make this weird point and almost like it felt threatening in a way. Yeah. It's giving Chuckie doll. It's just not right. It's like, use your words like calmly and I got alcohols involved, but like this was over quite literally nothing, nothing. But it also tells me that his tension has likely been building up. That maybe this is not. And if he's saying like, you always talk to me like I'm stupid. Maybe it's not the first time that you've corrected him or he's felt slighted or corrected or undermined, did or emasculated in front of people. And as someone with a very prominent Virgo placement, I totally get it. Okay. Because sometimes we're like, and I don't know if this person's a Virgo. I just imagine them being a Virgo in my mind and him potentially being an Aries. Completely. Just my own. You see it. You're like, I have a hunch. Just my own hunch. But I think too, as women, and if you're a strong woman who, you know, is used to doing everything on your own, sometimes we have a tendency to say things in a tone that we don't actually mean to be undermining. But I know for myself, like I can correct with a little bit of a sharpness that's not totally necessary for the situation, but I'm also an eldest daughter. And I'm an older sister. Is that what that is? I'm like, I get it. I'm like, I'm a little sharp sometimes in how I say things. I'm like, I need to be more patient. But it's hard. It is. Especially when you're like, I can do it myself. But this situation doesn't seem like that kind of a situation. I know. I was going to say like it, it feels like he's truly kind of like, have you heard a Darvo? Yes and no. So Darvo is like this, like this tactic that people that are air quotes, like abusers will use. And it's like, it's like deflect attack, reverse victim. Like they kind of like change the narrative. And that's what it feels like for me that he's doing. Like, cause he went from like, he was the one being snippy. He's the one wielding this axe to then be like, well, you were really mean to me on this campaign trip. Even though we had all these issues. And then he like, Stonewold her, which is a very clear sign of like, not good communication. It's like another tactic that people will use. And it's like, you're on a group camping trip and you didn't talk to your partner the whole next day until you guys got home. Yeah. How uncomfortable is that for everyone else that's on this camping trip? Very. Like you just, he seems like he's playing the victim to me. And I'm like, maybe there's some history there, but it's just feeling like he's really something to miss with him. He might be a cancer. Now upon further review. Okay. Upon further review, he might be a cancer. No, I agree with that. And like to go out of your way to not talk to your partner in front of people. I, back to astrology. Everything goes back to astrology for me. Everybody just get used to it. I'm a Scorpio. And I can poke fun at myself all day. I can joke. I can take a joke. I love banter, but being embarrassed is literally a surefire way to get me to never fucking speak to you again. I hate. What is that? Like what, like, do you feel like you're just like, would you say you're Scorpio? I'm like, I have a cancer friend and like she's kind of that same way too. Where she's like, and it's like something that I would like just even like a simple comment that she finds embarrassing. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, like I'm not trying to embarrass you. Like I love you. Like what? Cancers and Pisces are more sensitive. I think Scorpios, we are sensitive, but we have that like exterior hardness. That gives us like a little bit of a punchier edge where Mars will signs, which is like the planet of aggression. So we can like, we can dish it out and we can take it, but to an extent, like don't cross the line. Yeah. Like I'm Pisces. I don't dish and I don't take it. See? Yeah. So exactly. You're like, I know. I don't want no smoke. I know. No smoke. It's definitely more of a sensitive, a sensitive thing. But like, I think, yeah, for water signs and just people in general, like nobody likes to feel embarrassed. Nobody likes to feel like you're taking the piss, as the bricks would say. I wish we could say that more. We can. Yeah, but it's not the same if we say it taking the piss. Nobody wants to hear it. We'll get it there. We'll get it there. We'll start here today. We'll get it there. I hope I get it. I want to hear it like that. But yeah, if you're like trying to do the most on purpose. Yeah. Like what do you want me to do? Do you want me to cry? Do you want everyone to like join in on this? Like do you want everyone to kind of ostracize me? Oh, for sure. What is your goal as a man to like, what do you want the situation to end up being like? Yeah, that's a great question. And I would have loved to have asked him that. Like what did you, when you said like, you fucking got that? Yeah. What, where was this like supposed to go from there? I don't believe in domestic violence at all. But I might have punched him in the face. I mean, you just got that little fire poker stick to the knees. I know. Because who are you talking to? I know. And this is something that's come up a lot in stories lately. It's like, you don't need to be the person to humble your friends or your partner. No. The world will humble them one way or another. Like it doesn't need to be you. And if you have a problem not humbling them and you don't like being around them when they're like that, then ask yourself, is this the right friendship or relationship or XYZ? Because if you're miserable around someone who is braggy or you notice them lying, let them like and move about your day. Like don't interact with that person. If that is straining for you to be around. Yeah. I also wonder who else was on this trip and like around that situation. Because not to say that like we should rush to get into everybody's relationship business just because we're friends. But like, I do wonder if there were other guys on the trip who and like nobody wants to get to a fight with a drunken man wielding an axe in the forest. No, this is how my other podcast starts. The true crime one. This is like how that one starts. Exactly. Nobody wants to do that. But like, I do want for more men to stand up in situations like this and just be like, yo, bro, come on. Like she's just trying to help her. Like, you know, like try to diffuse the situation, get the axe out of his hand, you know, make sure he puts that down first. But like maybe we say something that lets him know that like other people are watching this, like you're not getting away with it or the next day when he's talking to everybody and not his girlfriend, bring her in a conversation or like, you know, let him know that like you're not fucking with that. I think that that's important. 100%. I would, as a woman, like I feel like I would do the same. I would. Yeah. And I hope that like guys out there listening, like take that as a note, like don't encourage bad behavior from your buddies. Like it literally, the change can start with just a simple, like deflecting and ignoring it and like doing the opposite of what they're doing. Yeah. And like, it's almost like it feels like gentle parenting in a way. It is. But it's like, this is what needs to be done. Especially if he's wielding an axe. You might want to gentle parent that person. Okay. Buddy, give me that little time. It's with our friend. Oh my God. Let's put that down. Shall we? Yes. Literally. So top comment on this one. Yes, I have been with someone like this. It never, ever gets better and it always gets much worse. After you leave, you will only wonder why it took you so long. I wish you much strength. And all the comments are just like, yep, same here. Yeah. You ask if it gets better. The truth is not without serious accountability and professional help on his part, along with a genuine desire to change. Even then, you'd need to see consistent, long-term changes before feeling safe again. Yeah. And the alcohol thing, I wonder, like, yes, we've all been a little too, too tipsy for, for human interaction. For sure. But I do wonder, like, is this a problem that he has? Because. It's seeming like it. I'm not trying to shame people who have addictions, but there is a part of addiction that is this, like the, you know, embarrassing your partner the next day, like trying to make them feel like they're, like, I'm actually the victim here. Like, don't you see, like, you drove me to do this. You drove me to drink. You made me. That's a part of the manipulation that comes with that. So I wonder if this is like a problem that he has that, like, maybe you guys have talked about this before, but if that's the case, sister, I hate to tell you, I would, I would get out now. I would get out sooner rather than later because it, it actually doesn't get better unless that person is trying to get help. Yeah. And honestly, you guys just might be water and oil, like friends in high school, dating the past couple of years. Like it might be one of those things that, like, is just not, it's not right. Yeah. But because of the history, because of that long intertwined friendship and relationship, it's like more of that, like, sunk in cost fallacy that's getting you. When like, Hey, like maybe you can break up, move past this and like, go back to being friends someday. And maybe that's a better relationship for you guys. Yeah. Because this isn't working. So there is a comment that OP responds to, and it's this, he has contempt for you. Girl, I wish I left when I first realized that. And OP goes, thank you for putting a term to what his behavior was, contempt. And I think it's interesting. There's this relationship expert named John Gottman and John and his wife have like this amazing relationship counseling practice, but he can look at a couple and within like 30 minutes predict with 95% accuracy, whether they'll stay together longterm. And he's like that accurate. Like he would look at these couples, analyze them and he's like, divorce together, divorce, 95% accurate. And so he's got these, these traits that he observed in a lot of the people that didn't work out. And he calls them the four horsemen of the apocalypse. One is stonewalling, which we saw him do. The others are criticism, contempt and defensiveness. So everything that this literally everything, I'm like, it's all the boxes are getting ticked. I do have to say, and you know, maybe this is projection. I had a past relationship where this kind of behavior was coming out more and more towards the end and I kept being like, why are you being so mean? Like, why are you being so nasty? Why are you being so mean? And I did understand that the role that I was supposed to be playing as, you know, a girlfriend turned more into like mothering. Yeah. And it wasn't intentional. It was really out of like survival. Like if I don't do these things, they're never going to get done. If I don't say these things, nothing ever is going to change. Nothing is going to progress, blah, blah. And then towards the end, it was like these kinds of outbursts and like it was, it was a lot and it got worse and worse and like they got meaner and meaner and in public and all of these things. And I came to realize that a lot of times when someone, especially men, start getting really nasty like that, it's because they have an out somewhere else. There's something else going on brewing on the sideline that you don't know about. There's someone that they think is better, nicer, kinder, sweeter, because she may not get all of the bullshit that you get. You, she doesn't have to pick up his fucking dirty draws. She doesn't have to clean after him. She doesn't have to remind him to go brush his teeth or go to the fucking dentist or whatever. Like she doesn't have to deal with all of that. She gets the fun stuff. It's the good cop versus the bad cop. Exactly. So when you have that happening sometimes, like when I've just found it to be true, like all girlfriends that I've had and people that I know, they always say like the thing that tipped me off that they were cheating or that they were looking elsewhere was when they got really mean. And sometimes I'm not saying that that's the situation, but being that they've been together for so long and like, you know, I don't know if you've had infidelity in the past, but like sometimes that's like a very good key indicator that someone is cheating on you. Yeah, no, it definitely shoe fits. So wild. They get real nasty. Real quick. So for what? Like just break up. Just go. Just dump me. Just go. Why are we doing this? Why? Yeah. Because there's time invested and it's probably the better situation. Like on paper, it's like, yeah, this is who I should be with, but this over here is more fun and she treats me like a man. And she, yeah, because when you're with her, you act like one. Not a little boy. There's a difference. You came on the right show today with these hot takes. I like it. We don't have an update from OP yet. Oh, post is only 15 hours old right now after a refresh, but we'll keep our eyes peeled. Maybe we'll get an update on this one down the line of like, this is what I did. Thank you for the support. My fingers are crossed. I hope he's in therapy. I think that would help. Yeah. I think it's time. I'm not saying that all hoop is lost here, but he's got some shit to work through. Something's got to give right now. For sure. Maltesers bunnies, they're back. But like a hot person on an escalator going the other way, they're not here for long. They're a temporary thrill. Like those two days you were a morning person or a bank holiday or that TV show that criminally only got one season or even that 24 hour post where your bum looked outrageously good. Some treats you just have to enjoy while they last. Maltesers bunnies here, but only for Easter. Maltesers. Look on the light side. This next one I'm very confused by. Oh gosh. So this next one is coming from r slash am I overreacting two days old titled am I overreacting my boyfriend gave his mother the dress I wanted for my birthday. What? I need to see the dress. I 23 female have been dating my boyfriend 26 male for the past three years. About two months ago while we were out shopping, I saw this really gorgeous, amazing dress that was just perfect for me. And in my favorite color, he looked at the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was rather expensive, $200. So we didn't end up getting it for weeks. After this, I would constantly talk about the dress to him and how I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful it was. And one day I could save to buy it since we've been budgeting a lot lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and talked about how great he thought it would look on me. So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families to celebrate. Except when his mother arrived to our house, she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went and got one. But it turns out that wasn't the case. In my surprise, I said, oh my God, there's no way. That's the same dress I was looking at and dying for for months. And she replied saying, quote, oh really? Zayn, my boyfriend, gave it to me as a gift last month. I was shocked and confused. Even more so when my boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me and it was a gift card for Sephora for $50. For the rest of the night, I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. I felt hurt and was lost in my own head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night. And I didn't want to ruin the mood. So I started to try to put on a good face, but I can't shake the feeling of being hurt. A part of me feels like I'm overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? I just need to know if I need to calm down and not actually be upset about this. Um, I'm so stressed. I hate this one. And she hasn't asked about it yet. Not as of this, this writing. I just need to know when we were shopping for the dress, and you said that I would look good in the dress. You were imagining your mother the entire time. And I need to know, I need to know what the dress looks like. I know. What kind of dress is this? Is this like, is the dress blue or is the dress white like thing? Or is this like a sexy little number? Uh-huh. We talking bandage, mini dress. Like what are we talking about? Flowy A-line. What are we working with? Is there like, I would hope that the dress is, is modest in nature. Because why when you saw this dress that you know that I wanted, did you think about your mom? Yeah. Also, like you knew how much I wanted this. I've been talking about it for two months. Yes. Two months. Yes. And a month ago, you went out and bought it for your mom. You told me we didn't have it in our budget. Right. But you bought it for your mom. Initially, I was like, oh, maybe it was Christmas. I'm like coming up with scenarios to make him not be afraid. Make it a little better. Yeah. But like, maybe it's Christmas. And maybe like all the gifts are under the tree. And maybe you accidentally put my name on, or your mom's name on my gift. And then we accidentally had like a gift swap. But that's not giving gift swap. Uh-uh. And but then I wonder, is he just like a really bad gift giver? And he forgot that he needed to get something for the mom. And then was like, oh, my girlfriend thought this dress was really nice. Maybe it would be a nice gift for my mom. And then also like got you a shitty gift, which is a Sephora gift card, which like everybody loves Sephora, but like you're my boyfriend. Yeah. I don't want you getting me a Sephora gift card unless it comes with a Cardiabre slick. It should come with like an additional present. Or just like there was thought behind it. Like I had been talking about some snail musin mask. And you went out of your way to find that snail musin. Not just, I'm going to walk in and buy her a gift card. No. You don't know me? No. You didn't put effort? No. Like that's what that says. It's giving like white elephant present. So we do have a little context from OP, quite a few comments. OP said it's weird because it wasn't for her birthday or any a special occasion for her. That's worse. He just gave it to her randomly. Randomly. Just a, here mom thinking of you gift. I'm going to hold her hand when I say this. Your boyfriend wants to fuck his mother. What is even more odd about this says OP. The shopping area we saw the dress in is a good distance from our home. And the dress is not his mother's taste at all. So this means sometime after the fact of us being there, he drove all the way back there. And for some reason, bought the specific dress I wanted and gave it to his mother for no reason. Wasn't her birthday. Wasn't a special occasion. According to her, he just randomly said, I have something for you mom. And he brought the dress over to her house. Because he's in love with her. This is absurd. That's very, very strange behavior. And I don't know why OP hasn't said something to him about it already. I know. There is like one comment here that like OP says, I can't even bring myself to talk to him yet. Looking for the words to say and how to say them. How do you say, do you have sexual feelings for your mom without saying, do you have sexual feelings for your mom? Very difficult. I know. It's hard to beat around that bush. It's really hard to beat around that bush. Kind of the chase. I would, I just genuinely, I don't honestly, I don't think I would have a conversation. I think I would just break up with him. I know. Because in my head, I don't know if there is a reason that would justify it. Because it's kind of hard because it's like, he could be like, oh, she broke up with me because I bought a dress for my mom, which is like, oh, that's a nice thing to do, right? Like he cares about his mom. He bought her a dress. Like that's so nice. But you bought your mom a dress that I was like pining over. I was like begging to get. And that kind of shows like you had some cruel intention behind your action. It's also like a dress. It's not like, oh, I really liked this robe. And he got the same robe for his mom. But then also for my birthday, he also got me the same robe. Like we're not talking about a robe. No. We're talking about a little, probably a little black dress. And that's what I'm envisioning. I'm envisioning like it's very like younger. It's like geared younger. And not to say like if you're 45 and you, you know, you can't wear the banded dress. You probably can. You can rock it. But like it was very clearly her style. She wanted it. I'm just so confused why it had to be that dress. Also, what are your thoughts on people gifting their partners and like a mom or a parent the same gift? It gives me the egg. I guess it depends on what the gift is. Like again, a robe. Say a swimsuit, like a bikini. Who gifts them? Why would you be gifting your mother a bikini? I know. I've seen that come up lately. I wouldn't even gift my mom a bikini. I love her. But like literally. I know. I wouldn't even think like, oh yeah, mom, mother's day bikini. Yeah. I had a story on Patreon and it's a little bit different, but this girl was writing in. She's like, my mother-in-law keeps copying me. I got this bikini. My boyfriend loved it. So his mom went out and bought the same bikini. We need to talk about the boy mom seriously. We need to talk about them. It's pretty bad. Not mothers with sons. Not mothers with boys. When you talk about the boy mom specifically, because something is going on. Have you seen the TikToks where the mom is like, I don't know. It's like a video of her making pancakes with her son and she's like, I loved him first. You'll never love me. Love him as much as me. Like it's like POV to his future wife. And it's just like, babe. Ew. Listen, keep him. Ew. Keep him in utero if you want. I don't want that kind of a, I mean, I'm sorry. And this is, I talked about this on my podcast recently because like, I don't really have any friends who have good relationships with their mother-in-laws. And I think it's because- I, like, isn't that just so interesting? It's a boy mom problem. And is that a generational thing? Like, do you feel like that's kind of a millennial thing because of the generation that, like, is that a thing? I think it might be. I think it like the Gen X, like versus millennial thing. Yeah. I think it could be because I don't, like all of my girlfriends who are millennials, they're like, when my son gets older, we'll never have this issue. I can't wait to be best friends. So I'm like, what happened to Gen X? It's really the Gen X boy moms. It's so interesting. And maybe the boomer boy moms too. I'm just baffled by it. Some things up. I need a psychologist to just like chime in and be like, this is why this is what it was. Yeah. You know, these moms at this time weren't getting satisfied from their partners. So they turned their child into a surrogate partner. I think that's a part of it. I think it's like- It's like the enmeshment of it all. Women weren't able to like open up their own bank account. Bank account. Their own. Their own bank account. I know until like, what was it? The 70s? Yeah, the 70s. Like the mid 70s. Something crazy. Yeah. And then like with the boomers, like their husbands were going off to war and like they had to rely on this. There has to be, while they're figuring out the psychology behind why we're all fucked up because of COVID, I also want them to work on this one. I know. The boy mom issue. You can just see it too. Like even a dad, like you say going off to war and it's like, you're the man of the house now buddy. Like it's like, you can just see it and just like, yep. It's there. There's something there. There's something there. That ends with us. It ends with us. The boy mom problem. I know. I know. You guys don't contribute to that. Like, do you see any of Madison Humphreys detox? They're so good. Oh, I- Do you see the one at the wedding? The wedding where it like, the bride and groom, the bride's giving her vows and she was like, I love you through all your flaws and the boy mom. She's in the front. She's like, my son doesn't have any flaws. You're not going to talk about my son that way. Why is that what came to mind for me too? Meanwhile, sister, you are the flaw. You are the flaw that your son has. And these are real videos of people. Like she parodies real videos of people. It's scary. It's scary. It's so crazy. Top comment on this one. Sounds like he did it on purpose. He probably knows you have good taste and use that to get a present for his mom. Was it for anything or just a gift out of nowhere? He had to have know that you'd see her wearing it. What was he thinking? Sounds like he wasn't to be honest. Sound like he's a mama's boy and didn't put any effort into your gift. I'd be livid. Don't put up with this bullshit girl. You deserve better. If you want to talk it out with him, do that and see what he says. But I don't know. It doesn't seem worth it to me. But if you do, mention how it was obvious that you wanted that dress and how hurtful it was that he gifted it to his mom and not you when he knew you loved that dress. I also think something nefarious might be involved. I feel like the mom might have known that she wanted this dress. Because what is this family function while you're showing up with this dress? Because in my mind, it's still a lacy little black dress with rhinestones or a bandage. I don't know. Why are you showing up with this dress? Or is it a Lily Pulitzer sun dress? Like a date? Like a, you know, like, I need to see the dress. OP, if you're listening to this, post the dress in the chat. I know. I need a link. I need to see it. Nothing in the comments describing it really except that it's not the mother-in-law style. So I need a link. Yeah. Send me the link. Yeah. We do get an update. We get an update on this one. I'm scared. I'm scared. I haven't really gone into it. So I'm like, I'm just like, I don't know what we're going to be getting into. Update. I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his response. To Longdon Reed, he thought I had to be humbled a bit because I got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. Well, excuse the fuck out of me. I literally just got like the chills on my scalp. Like I, there's like- My eye just started twitching. Like my head was like tingling. I don't know what that was, but like you need to- This is what I was saying. What is up with people like humbling their friends and their partners? It's weird. Just say you hate me. Just say you hate me. You want me dead. Because that would be so much easier than doing all these. You don't have to do all that. No. And you literally, you just had this psychologist on your podcast and I was like listening to some clips of your show with her and then I like fell down her rabbit hole and she literally like breaks down like how it's so much easier to be a hater and like the psychology of being a hater and like the reasons behind it. And I'm like, you're literally, you hate your girlfriend. Yeah. Was it Dr. Molly? I think so. Blonde? No. Black woman? Dr. Raquel. Amazing. Dr. Raquel Martin. Yes. So, so good. Yeah. I'm like, I need to get her on now. I'm like, like your episode with her, I'm just like, I was eating it up. Yeah. But this is, it is a part of honestly like narcissistic relationship and like abuse. To try to humble your partner constantly. Yeah. What are we doing? You're trying to minimize this person and make them feel like shit so that you can feel what better about yourself. I had to be humbled because I got excited about a dress in a store while we were shopping. As trivial as getting excited about a dress. God forbid. God forbid. So what, when the football game comes on, you don't get excited about that? Thank you. That's a great, great example. From people you'll never meet in a game you'll never play. But God forbid I get something in my line of sight that's tangible that I could purchase and have in my life and now it's trivial. But you get excited about Sunday night football and what? As boys being boys. And I'm the problem. No. What? And I like wanted to make sure I'm like, trivial. Like that is such a like, it feels like a cruel word to use. Like, oh, it was so trivial. Trivial, you guys, of little value or importance. Had no value. So then why did you get it for your mother? Thank you. Why'd you get it for your mother? Thank you. You didn't think it was trivial when you were getting a gift for your mother, unless you think your mother is of little use and importance, which is another story for another day. So maybe the boy mom isn't there. Well, actually, no. Actually, I go back to my issue. My original problem, which is boy moms. Because why'd you raise your son to be like that? Well, that and also if we like look at this, okay, he thought it was trivial. He wanted to humble you. So you're going to gift it to your mom and make your mom be this wearer of bad news. Like, what is this saying? Like you're going to also inject your mom into our relationship and use your mom to humble me? Yeah. Because she's the most important woman in your life, which like, cool. Sure, I guess. No. But like, what are we even talking about? She needs to, I hope, is that the rest of it? Did she say she broke up with him? We have some more. It better end with a breakup. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to it all. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift. I was so upset and hurt that I just called my mom to come and get me and we'll be staying with her for a few days while I figure out the next steps. But I am not going back to him. I like that. Yes. This is the best news I've heard all day. He's a sociopath. I'm not a professional. He's a sociopath. He's a sociopath. Let me say that right now. Not a professional, but in my professional opinion. Sociopath. You thought it would be funny to get my reaction. So you're like over here getting a hard on while your mom walks through the door with the dress that I wanted to see my reaction as to how upset it would make me. He probably said to the mom too, you should wear that to the birthday dinner. Really just knife twist. Like wear that. Here's this dress mom wear it to the birthday dinner. He wanted to like terrorize her and just shit in her Cheerios. He's a freak. On her birthday. I'm a freak. On her birthdays when he wanted to send this message and humble her. You know what you need to do? You need to humble him. Who is his favorite sports team? Find his favorite sports team. Oh, slide in those DMs sister. That'd be some revenge. That's what I would do. And people check their DMs. They do. And let me tell you something. Getting an athlete is the easiest thing in the world. Get in those DMs. Oh my God. Send, put some feelers out there. Some petty revenge. Okay. Find out who's favis. I like where you're going with this. Favorite blogger, whatever it is. Anyone. YouTuber. Who is his fave? Financial advisor. I don't care who it is. Dip in those DMs and see what comes out. I like this. I like this. That's what I would do. Why not? We do have like a little second update. It feels like kind of like a little closer. First of all, I want to say thank you and express my gratitude to all the people who've shown support. The kind words mean so much to me right now. And I'm sorry. I can't respond to everyone. Just know I'm reading them and thank you. Me and Zane are over for good. Thank God. He keeps calling me, but I won't answer. And there's nothing he can say or do to change that. I've realized and taken this as a sign of a nature he had and had kept hidden so well until now. I also want to say she mentioned that they were budgeting together. Yeah. But now that you've gotten rid of his ass, you don't have to budget. Go get yourself the dress. Go get the dress. Go get the dress. Honestly, get a hotter dress. Get a hotter dress. Get some like plunge. Dip in those DMs. Wear the dress on the date. Take a picture. Hold in hands with the fabric of the dress in the picture. Post it on your story because no face, no trace. We don't need the person in the picture. Follow them. Make sure they follow you back. Put the whole story together. Call me. I'll help you. I think you could. We could make a show over this. That's where the Scorpio comes in. It's like, how do we get revenge? How do you revenge in person? This could be a show. How do we seek revenge? Oh my gosh. People are just losing it. Losing it. The plot is lost. The plot is lost. I just can't imagine. This theme of humbling your person, it has to stop. I see it so, so much. Like it happens so often. I know. And it's like, I haven't had like a way to pinpoint it until recently because it's like, you just don't like them or whatever, but it's like, no, it is like, you are trying to humble them. And it's like, why? You want them to feel, honestly, how you feel, which is low. And I think that's that hater energy. Like she was talking about that and it's just like the psychology behind being a hater is like, it's so fascinating to me. It's like, you're truly, you're miserable. Yes. Like you are miserable, whatever it is, like insecurity or like, if you get down to the root on that little feeling wheel of what it is, it's nothing good. It's nothing positive. Yeah. You're a hater. And you don't want to let me tell you something from experience, honey. You don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who's in competition with you. No. You will lose every single time because they will make sure of it because because they're in competition with you, they're already 10 steps ahead. Yeah. Because they've been trying to this whole time. That's like you have been chilling. So you're not, you're not even on that wave. Do yourself a favor. Yeah. Cut ties. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. I know. It's bad. How you hanging? You know, nothing happened seemed to be. Just another day, not your first rodeo. I'm not a professional, but I am a professional. I'm going to give you a choice on this last one. Okay. Option number one, am I the asshole for checking my husband's dash cam footage on his car without his consent? Or option two, my boyfriend, sister told me she has feelings for me and I have no idea what to do. Oh, Jesus Christ. I know. I couldn't pick. So I'm, I'm putting the burden on you. It might have to be the sister. The sister. Okay. Here we go. So this is a mess and I haven't told anyone about it yet. I've been dating my boyfriend. We've been together for almost three years and I have a pretty chill relationship with his family. His younger sister, she's 29. I'm 34 female, has always been super friendly and honestly, I thought we just got along really well. But last weekend she came over to hang out while my boyfriend was working late and I don't know. Something felt off. She kept touching my arm, complimenting me more than usual. And then after a couple of drinks, she just came out and said it, that she's had feelings for me for a while and thinks we'd be perfect together in another life or something. I just froze. I kind of laughed it off because I didn't know what else to do and change the topic. But now I feel weird around her and I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend. I don't want to make things awkward with his family or start drama, but I also feel like I'm keeping a secret that could blow up later. She hasn't texted me since, but I can't stop thinking about it. What do I even say? Do I bring it up with him or just let it go and hope it never happens again? Whew. Messy. So messy. I think you don't want to blow up Thanksgiving. I don't know why everything goes back to Thanksgiving. You don't want to blow up the holidays. But you do need to say something to her because laughing it off obviously is not getting the point across because she's probably thinking if she's low-key delusional enough to think that there's like a world where you two would be together. Then she's delusional enough to be like, well, she didn't say no. So like maybe there's a chance and you don't want for her to like then try to take an extra step and cross boundaries later on because this is already a huge- What the fuck? This is already bad. So I think you need to have a conversation with her, send a text. I don't know what you need to do, but you need to let her know that there are clear boundaries that will not be crossed. And you can't laugh it off. No. This is a situation where you have to be stern, you have to be very clear and be like, hey, I love you as my future sister-in-law. Yeah. That's where it ends. I love your brother. That is my person. I don't know if like you were just drunk when you said that to me. Like I'm not going to hold it against you and I'm not going to share this with him, but I do need you to know that like zero chance in fucking hell. Yeah. Love you to death. See, I'm like, I would want to tell him just in case like something gets twisted. That's the hard part. It is hard. How long have they been together? They have been together for almost three years. So it's like their relationship should be pretty solid. It should be solid. I mean, he might know his sister. This might not be her first offense. We have had stories like that in the past. This might not be her first offense. So yeah. Top comment. You should tell him ace up and stop hanging around her. I saw a post today where a woman said she ruined her marriage because she was dating her husband and his brother tried to sleep with her and she rejected him, but never told her husband about it. Years later, the brother told the husband in a fight to ask her about what happened and now he doesn't know what to believe. OP responds, I'll tell him this weekend. Yeah, maybe tell him. Maybe tell him. Maybe tell him. So we find out what she tells him. We get an update. Update. I talked to my boyfriend about it. I was super nervous, but I just couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. I told him what his sister said and how weird I've been feeling since. His reaction, honestly, kind of surprising. He stayed calm and said something like, quote, yeah, she might be just messing around or testing you. He didn't seem shocked at all. More like he was trying to figure out if this was serious or just her being her. Then he went and talked to her calmly. And later the three of us sat down together. My heart was pounding the entire time and they both just laughed a lot. Apparently she was just testing me. Like as some kind of weird joke or whatever. I wasn't exactly amused. I got kind of mad. Told them both that that was really not cool. I mean, who does that? She apologized. And to be fair, said some really sweet things about me. Said she thinks I'm great for her brother and that she respects our relationship and that no, she absolutely doesn't have feelings for me. She said she has a boyfriend and she's not even into women like that. She's lying. I told them both straight up. She's lying. Not to ever pull something like that again, like ever. So yeah, weird week, still processing. Thanks for all the advice. Seriously. The sister is lying. The sister is lying. Who does that? Nobody does that. She was shooting her shot. She was shooting her shot. She was trying to see how far she could go. Oh, I have a boyfriend. Where is he? Where is he? Where's Moldo? I've never seen him. I've been here for three years. He's never come around once. I'm not even into women like that. Yeah, no. It's okay. It's okay. Now trying to push anybody out the closet. But you have feelings for that girl and it's, it's, I'm not going to say that it's natural, but it is, but we have to have boundaries. Yeah. And it's not funny, actually. No, no, this is super weird. And boyfriend better get more on your side and draw a boundary with her. And these funny jokes are not happening again. Yes. Otherwise, how do you move forward with him? No, the, the family's, I'm sorry. Are this a family of comedians? What the fuck is so funny? I don't know. What? It's goofy. Something is amiss here. Wow. Wow. That's all I got for you. That was a lot. I know. I know you're just going to like go home. You're just going to be like, what just happened? You know, the world is a scary place, but this makes it better. It does make it better. We're not alone. We're not alone in our mess. We're never alone in our mess. There's always Reddit. No. Oh my gosh. I'm like, there's so much. I'm like, I could like interject little personal things here and there, but I'm like, I can't spill too much tea today. I loved this. Okay, good. I loved it. You crushed it. Thank you. You're welcome back anytime. But I'll be back girl. Where can people find your podcast? How can they follow you? Where are you at? Relationship goes up every single Friday. And then YouTube goes up on Mondays. You can find us wherever you get your podcasts. And then on Instagram, TikTok, everywhere, I'm at Kami Crawford K-A-M-I-E. In relationship with a capital I. Not relationship, podcast, relationship. Shit. Getting into the shit of it all. To be clear. I love it. I love it. Thank you so much for coming on Kami. All of Kami's links will be in the description. Go check out her show, follow. But other than that, until next time guys, bye. Bye.