Cult Psychology Explained: Authority, Dependency & Exit Punishment

This is the thing that we have to center in on and it's a hard thing to face considering where we're at politically, socially, spiritually. If we don't address this problem we're just going to keep cycling in the washing machine forever and I'm frankly really exhausted by it and I'm sure many of you are as well. This is what most people don't want to face. Sometimes the cult dynamic does not actually originate from the leader and I need you to let that sit and marinate for a second. it often originates from the follower. Unresolved attachment wounds, identity hunger, and authority outsourcing often cause another person to place someone in a role that they never asked for, that the system doesn't actually, it's not built around, that's not how the system is supposed to function, and then they end up presenting them for it. Especially when boundaries are introduced, disappointment starts to become betrayal, idealization flips into accusation, and obsession reframes itself as victimhood. Your brain is wired for deception, but here's the truth. Patterns can be broken. The code can be rewritten. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen? There's a word that gets thrown around casually right now, and it's the word cult. A word that shouldn't be used casually. It's dramatic. It's emotionally loaded. And most of the people using it can't actually tell you what one is functionally. And often the people that are using it are actually missing the plot entirely. They're using it as retaliation or as a byproduct of projection. Hint, there are certain types of people who are both attracted to and create cults. And it's not the people who just want to help people and let them move along with their lives. It's the people who become fixated, obsessive, and feel they have to be close to something in proximity to hold on to. But I digress. Today we're going to slow this down completely and we're going to go into something that is very uncomfortable but I think very necessary to the moment in time in which we find ourselves. We're going to talk about what a cult really is and how cult leaders operate psychologically, and most importantly, what has to be present for something to qualify as a cult. I'll do my best to make sure that we leave absolutely nothing in the gray. Cults are actually not hard to identify when you understand the mechanics at play. And in today's remnant of the Me Too movement and victim culture, this word gets misused and it gets thrown around to cloak a much bigger problem that we'll dive into in the episode right after this. So let's start with the mechanisms, because when you understand the mechanics, your clarity on this matter becomes automatic. This is what a cult is and isn't. A cult is not defined by a strong personality, bold ideas, devoted followers, emotional experiences, or people changing their lives. And I want to jump in here and say I think part of what has happened sociologically is we have thrown around this word cult in a different way in terms of like a cult brand following, a cult classic movie, right? So we, the people, are partially responsible for morphing and twisting this term because we, the people, have used it in these ways in which it's not actually functionally described. And it's important to note that these things exist everywhere from religion to sports teams, education, fitness, therapy, right? Think about SoulCycle. How many people came out of SoulCycle or potentially were fired from SoulCycle or went on to try to make their own version of SoulCycle and felt that they had to slander or defame SoulCycle and call it a cult in order to, you know, air quotes, free themselves from it. A real cult is defined by its control systems. And the cleanest definition of a cult is that it's a closed psychological system where autonomy, independent thought, and external reality are progressively replaced by an enforced dependency on the leader and the ideology. That's it. It's actually pretty simple. The leader in many of these cases, if you look at something like SoulCycle and other fitness phenomenon that have certainly gotten pulled up into this sort of conversation, the leader likely wasn't demanding worship and they probably weren't demanding that their followers be obedient and this therefore makes it oddly not a cult. Where I think this can get really confusing is as a business owner, right? I'm a business owner, and this is true for any business that you operate in. There's a clear SOP, right? Like here's how we do things that's distinct from the way they do things, right? Yoga Studio X is different than Yoga Studio B. In Yoga Studio X, we do this, we do this to this, we don't deviate. That's what makes our brand unique. So I think what ends up happening is that in this sort of SOP, what makes our thing unique, what makes our brand aesthetic unique, that ends up getting kind of twisted and contorted into being a control structure. And I want to put a pin in this here as we're moving through this, because this is something that I've seen all over. And you can look at this in social media influencers, in, you know, air quotes, cult following brands like SoulCycle. You've certainly seen things like this happen in booty. But I think the key here is having something that is done a specific way and asking for somebody who is in whatever that thing is to uphold that certain way, that is not inherently a cult-like control system. That is just simply an SOP. If you worked at a bank and the bank said when you close out the bank you have to do step A, B, C, and D, you can't skip B and C and then claim that the bank is a cult because they're restricting your ability to do whatever you want. That logic doesn't actually hold up. So I want you to go into this thinking of these specific mechanisms because the mechanisms of a real cult are very specific and they're actually not hard to identify, especially if you move off to the side, how we've kind of sociologically contorted this word cult over time. So the first mechanism of a real cult is called authority capture. In a cult, the leader is becoming the highest moral authority. They are becoming the final interpreter of reality, and they are, in general, the self-imposed center of worship or reverence. In a real cult, a leader is typically separated, and they're placed in an intentional position of hierarchy. The hierarchy below the leader is also typically something that is very built on power dynamics to reinforce the authority capture. So this is really important because in organizations, naturally, there is hierarchy, right? For a corporation to function, there has to be some type of hierarchy. We've addressed this in previous episodes. One that comes to mind is the power projection collapse of personal responsibility. As much as I wish you could run a company the way my brain likes to run things, which is, you know, everybody just kind of moving fluidly spontaneously through the world, That's not actually how a company functions. A company needs systems. A company needs to know who reports to who. There needs to be some type of organization. So I think it's important to emphasize that any company is going to have some level of hierarchy and structure. And that is not the same as a person if you've seen the documentary Wild Wild Country who features Osho, which oddly today people are quoting Osho all the time. But I encourage you to go watch this documentary. We watched it during COVID times alongside the Tiger King. It was a wild time. Go 2020. So if you watch this documentary, you'll see that there is a very specific separation. And the separation often includes, for example, the leader wears this color and all the followers have to wear this other color. So from the outset, there is an entire division that's very intentional and a separation where like the lowly people can't reach this person or somehow have to pay to have access to this person. Or through some sort of servitude, you get access to this person. So I think that's really important because I understand when people are not in power structures within companies or haven't worked their way up the ranks, sometimes seeing what you interpret a power structure to be in a company, I could see where this would be something that you might kind of infuse with your own lens. But to be really clear, authority capture means that there are no other people that are allowed to give opinions. There's no other sort of consensus body that is working towards something. There's no group dynamic. There's this godlike person up here who's in fact demanding to be revered and seen as separate. And then there's all these other power structures below, which are typically built as like a ladder-based system to achieve the status of whatever this leader is. OK, so number two is dependency engineering. And this is very, very important. Cults are built to capitalize on a need and then use that need as a transaction to reinforce the power structure. So typically this is emotional, social, spiritual. And some examples of this could be exchanging basic survival needs for obedience to, you know, experiencing love for eternity. I've worked with a lot of clients in Break Method who have exited cults, and some of the stories that you hear are really alarming. In general, when you're actually in a cult, you are dependent on whatever that organization is for food, shelter, child care, things that are much more rooted in basic survival needs. And if you're thinking about how free child care can be used, there are plenty of examples of this even within kind of Christian Mormon communities. I think there's been an understanding that if we give X to Y community, they are going to naturally pay into our system. So the point here is you have to fulfill some sort of need, but it's in a way that builds dependence, not independence. So another thing I want to bring up is this idea here about getting free child care, something where your kids are being cared for within maybe more of a religious context. And then if you dare ask any questions, then you're excommunicated in a shame-filled way. This is an example of this sort of dependency-based system. And the key here is that in order to be a cult, there needs to be a clear understanding that without the group or without allegiance to the group, you face some sort of dire consequences. I worked with somebody who was leaving the cult of Mother... Gosh, I can't remember what it was. They're based in Hawaii. It was one of the craziest ones I've ever experienced. But he was led to believe through years and years of literally mental programming and mind control that if he left the cults or asked questions, he would be cast into some sort of dark abyss for two billion years to just wander as a soul. And imagine they're pulling people into this sort of understanding that potentially are already feeling lonely and in need of some sort of group, thus why they're being attracted to it in the first place. So, of course, a great control tactic is if you leave, you're going to be cast out into the dark abyss for two billion years. Does that sound good? No. Well, actually, that is the most profoundly exponential version of my fear. Therefore, you're getting my compliance. So it's key here. A cult system is always going to force reliance and it will never, literally never bolster independence or personal power. So anything that is helping you find your personal power and your voice, that cannot be a cult. The third one, which we touched on briefly, is exit punishment. And this is the clearest tell of all cults. Leaving a cult is never positioned as neutral. It's often framed with some sort of dire spiritual consequences. So I mentioned that I had that client who, if he left, he was told he would drift off in the black void for 2 billion years. And he really believed this. And the point here is allegiance to a cult is often maintained by some sort of spiritual mechanism that instills a deep, deep fear. Most importantly, it's typically tied to you either dying or fearing bad things for your physical safety as a result for questioning your actions. Think about the Kool-Aid cult from back when we were little, right? Somehow that man convinced people to doff themselves, right? So there's some sort of intentional capture that typically hits you in a more existential place with some sort of dire consequences for what happens if you leave. So if you are part of something and there is a built-in system of punishment with some sort of if you do this, then why will happen to you or you will be cursed? Frankly I seen this far too often in some of the charismatic Christian community where it like oh well if you turn on this then like you don even know what God going to do to you God going to curse you Honestly this is the same sort of cult tactic Just throwing that out there Side note, a common tactic that I see when somebody leaves a community for a variety of reasons that isn't actually a cult is that they create a false cult narrative to draw attention back to themselves. They know deep down if they just moved on because they didn't feel aligned. the only thing that ever would have happened was a simple text of wish you well in your future endeavors. But you know what? That is the thing that agitates the narcissist the most. The fact that they could actually just leave and the system would keep doing what they do without them. If they feel the need to leave something or even worse have been asked to leave, the cult claims guaranteed for you are just around the corner. And the irony, the only one acting out real cult-like tactics is them saying things like you're in deception. We can't even have a conversation until you see the truth. If you can't see that you're compromised, we can't have this conversation. Creating an entire victim story while about exiting a cult while ironically creating the same sort of cult narrative around themselves. Here's the deal. I have been around these tactics for a really long time now and I know this for sure. If someone disagrees and is able to leave freely without drama instilled by the organization, it's visually not a cult. if a leader or a company or community doesn't put themselves in a position of concentrated power and in fact want others elevated that's also not a cult. Let's dig into the psychological tools that cult leaders use to gain compliance. The first one is called identity erosion. The most important thing here is that followers are subtly disconnected from prior relationships and these prior relationships are deemed to be dangerous or harmful. So an example here, and this is something that I see all the time in break, when I'm working with clients, there's often this feeling when you're starting to uncover what's really going on beneath the scenes where your patterns of self-deception have caused you to see or engage with things in a certain way. I always remind clients no sudden moves. It's really common that when you feel like the blinders are coming off, you just immediately want to shake things up in your life and, you know, cut out toxic people. And this might come as a surprise to some of you, but in break method, we take a really opposite perspective of this. We encourage people not to do this, to actually sit with the discomfort and make sure that if you feel like you have to make changes in a relationship, that you've done this in a really logical and systematic way and that you're not just knee-jerk reaction to new information that was introduced. So this is an example, in a cult environment, typically you're convincing a person that these other relationships are detrimental or harmful, all in an attempt to actually get them isolated and away from any prior thinking or prior other frameworks. So what we are trying to do in break, for example, is to make sure that there's no part of them that does cause that separation until or if they've really thought their way through it. Because I think this is true in a lot of especially like TikTok, Instagram, mental health, there's this sense that you should just cut out toxic people. And if you keep doing this and you don't realize that maybe the toxic person is you, you risk cutting people out of your life that really may not be the problem or should at least be dealt with in a way that has more empathy and more longevity to it and not just because you're knee-jerk reactioning. So when it comes to cult tactics, one of the first things that they do is they actually try to sever these connections. And I think these connections are really important. And another example would be in break method. I think that there's this common theme in traditional mental health that I can be separated from my problem, go work on my problem at a retreat or whatever, and then I can go back to my problem and somehow be better. This is often not the case. You are best served learning how to deal with your problem, right? Whatever problem is in your environment while you're in said environment. If you leave to go on a retreat, hypothetically, you've gained all this new knowledge, but it's not practically embodied to be handling the problem. So then when you're coming back, you have these new ideas, but you haven't really learned how to manage your triggers in your actual environment. So I think from a break perspective, cutting off prior relationships is incredibly detrimental, and we always try to discourage from this no matter what. So if you're ever in something where there's this sense that you shouldn't talk to people that aren't thinking like you do, that should be an immediate red flag. And to be honest with you, I've seen this to some extent, and I have not been in the Christian world, honestly, most of my life I was raised Jewish, as you might know from watching my previous episode. But I do see even in some really good, like spirit-filled Christian communities, this idea that if you're not equally yoked, you shouldn't hang out with these people. And I do think that it rides this line of identity erosion, right? And I think big picture using the example of Jesus, Jesus hung out with the sinners and the people of the day that he wasn't supposed to talk to and connect with because at the core of it, right, you're supposed to operate with the heart of love and forgiveness and help transform people by being the example. So this is just to me an example of where even in communities that you may be a part of, there are these subtle lines of identity erosion that could and should be red flags. If you are a believer and you're going to a church that's telling you you literally can't be friends with anybody that doesn't believe exactly what you do, I think you're missing the mission field personally just from a believer perspective. But I think this is also kind of riding that edge of potentially coal-like tactics. And then I think the other thing that I wanted to address here in regard to separating you from personal moral frameworks is really important because if you were to go into a cult, right? And I got our producers to look up the name of the cult I was trying to refer to, which is the cult of Mother God. I had a client come out of this one that was a really interesting case. So if you're going into the cult of Mother God, right? And if you're listening to this, I just put up air quotes. and previously you were a follower of Jesus and I don't know too much about the cults of mother god and their tenets of what they believed etc but there's going to come a point where they're going to make you choose right you can't hold two simultaneous things true at the same time so that's another piece of identity erosion is like you can't be part of our group unless you cast that aside. And again, I think any leader or any organization that does that should, again, be an immediate red flag. I'll give you an example and break method of how we handle this, because I think we've gone above and beyond to try to make sure that, you know, because we're working with people who are in trauma states as we're working with them, you have to be even more careful about how you're managing these sort of relationships. And it's pretty common that somebody will come to me and they'll be like, so, hey, I'm in so-and-so, this coaching program and that program. Like, do you think I should just stay focused on this one? And I think the first and foremost thing to note here and just for you out in your life and what you're consuming or a part of, this should be something that you look for in a leader. I will always say, coming from the perspective of break method, I'm not personally familiar with any of the things that you're describing. And the advice that I'm going to give you is not coming from a place of judgment. I will say when it comes to break methods sometimes if you're trying to look from four different paradigms simultaneously That can make it challenging because things are conflicting or language feels somewhat similar So i'll say it's completely up to you and whatever you choose to do. We honor that decision I do think that it might be a good time to put some of those things on the back burner If you feel comfortable for a couple months and then you can always pick those back up when you're done And it's always framed exactly like this, right? Which is, this is a choice that you have, whatever choice you have, we're going to honor that choice. And I would be lying to the client if I said that these things might, you know, not have some sort of just breakdowns in logic is more commonly what I see where it's like one thing is telling you to do this, one thing is telling you to do that. I think it would be the equivalent of driving a car with two sets of gas pedals and two sets of brakes. If that's what I've got, I'll work with it, but it's not an ideal scenario. But again, from the communication perspective, if the leader is like, oh, no, no, you have to do right where it's like you have to, you have to language should again be a major red flag. If somebody is willing to explain their perspective and ultimately say, I always tell people, you're the master of your own destiny. I'm along for this ride with you. And whatever you choose, I'm going to honor that. Even if I'm giving advice on something and I disagree with their approach, but I am fully willing to get on board with their approach and walk it out alongside them, that's what a real leader should do. And if somehow there's this division of like you can't do that and this simultaneously without being somehow in error or at risk, that absolutely falls into the category of identity erosion. Another key piece here is called information gating. So information gating is when external sources of information are labeled as corrupt, dangerous, or inferior. and followers are explicitly taught or ordered not to look at outside sources of information. They're also taught not to be curious, not to explore, and any question is positioned as a threat. So an example of this could be if you're part of this cult, you are not allowed to read a Bible. And I mean, not to pick on the Muslim world right now, but it's just top of mind because when I was at church the other day, they were talking about how many Bibles have been distributed in Iran. So just it comes top of mind. But in a country, for example, where even just being in possession of a Bible, you can get in serious trouble. That is an example of a cult tactic, right? That's information gaining. So somebody encouraging you to explore X, Y, and Z or, you know, flagging example, like in our practitioner training, we have a lot of therapists. So I'll often explain like, okay, you've been taught A, B, and C in school. What you're about to learn here is going to directly poke holes in these things. I encourage you to look at both. And then again, it's your job to formulate your own opinion. But if you are dealing with a situation, say like Iran, where you're literally not allowed to have a book or read a book or someone is trying to control what you can and can't have access to, say even like diminishing free speech in the United States, that is information gating and that is dangerous and that is the behavior of a cult. Another piece is called emotional leveraging. So this is where fear, shame, or something like salvation is used to regulate behavior. So you'll fail without us. People who leave us won't make it. Only we understand you. They don't understand you. So there's very like we, they language. And emotional engagement becomes a leash and a fear of failure. Shame, or in some cases, even death, like I described for this one client, are used to convince the person to stay in the group. So it's not just like you can't do this that well without us. It literally has to be one level higher, which is X, Y, Z, terrible thing, cursed, living in some sort of dark abyss for two billion years or death, et cetera, will happen to you should you choose to leave, right? That is the emotional leveraging where they're using fear and shame as a way to control you. Another piece is called artificial scarcity. Access to the leader is restricted and often achieved through sacrifice of money, servitude, or achieving new levels. Validation is unpredictable and it's presented as synonymous with spiritual access. And to be clear, this whole model is built to create addiction, not real commitment. A note here, one of the ways that this is almost always carried out is through some form of physical intentional separation. So think wearing certain colors or giving access to certain minions that are following you around. And if you've ever been around this firsthand, there's also often language that is used to separate the so-called leader from the regular followers. This separation is often used to motivate or coerce followers into trying to reach these new levels of access. And immediately when I was thinking about this, and I know we talked about this briefly already, I thought about this documentary of Wild Wild Country, which I fully recommend. It's a great, great one to watch. Followers would do just about anything to get close to Osho, even if he wasn't talking to them. So they're literally willing to like give up their livelihood, their families, their friends, just to gain proximity to be in his presence, right? That is an example of a cult-like environment. And this is why that matters Not one of the most dangerous cult leaders in history taught people how to think These people taught people what to think And often there was punishment if there was any deviation or questioning They discouraged questioning often with physical violence or some sort of overt punishment. They isolated followers from their loved ones. They increased dependency on the cult, right? So you couldn't really do anything on your own outside of the cult. and they framed leaving as a form of death or a severe consequence to your personal life. So I want to make it really clear what a cult will never do. If whatever you're a part of is doing this, not only is it not a cult, but it's essentially an anti-cult. It's like a cult antidote, if you will. A real cult will never teach you metacognition. Metacognition is how to think about your thinking, to learn how to observe what you're thinking, and most importantly, why you're thinking it. This is completely antithetical to cult tactics. They don't want you to think about your thinking. They just want you to conform and not ask questions. They will never encourage critical thinking. They'll never encourage curiosity or deeper discussions. They will never invite curiosity, especially in a group environment. Cult leaders never present something as a hypothesis to be discovered. It's like this is what it is, and if you don't accept this, you're going to hell or if you don't accept this, you're going to go into the abyss for 2 billion years. And they never push people into personal autonomy and freedom. They don't want you to be happy and fulfilled and peaceful on your own. They want you to be completely dependent on the group for those things. And they certainly don't reduce your reliance on the system, they want you as reliant on the system as possible. And they never want to normalize outgrowing the container. and the last thing and this is the key they never want people to leave stronger than when they arrived i think this is very important because again kind of going back let's go back to kind of the soul cycle example or other fitness brands hey let's even throw in tracy anderson okay tracy anderson has had more people leave her fitness modality basically directly copy her call it something else and become successful than any other fitness personality I've ever seen. And I think this is an interesting one to look at because let's use that example. Let's use, and I'm surely this has happened with SoulCycle, although I don't know too much of the nuts and bolts of it, but it's normal for somebody to rise up in something, right? From potentially student to instructor. They're an instructor for a while. They build a social media following and eventually they want to go out and do things on their own. I personally think that's great. I've always been in support of it. But you know what I've never actually seen executed properly is that person leaving and doing their own thing in a way that's truly unique and different and doesn't use the destruction of the system that raised them to be their new marketing platform. I've sadly almost never seen that well executed. I've seen elements of that, but more often than not, the person that leaves feels like they have to somehow destroy the family or the system that helped create them. And they have to destroy them as a way to build up their own thing or to somehow be their marketing platform. That is a really sad thing to watch. And it's not only happened to me. Like I've said, it's happened to Tracy Anderson like so many times I can't even believe it. And certainly it's happened to pretty much any system like this that's going to happen. And I think what's really important is I, for example, in everything that I teach, I always declare and I mean this with every cell of my being. If I'm going on my way to spend time teaching something, my desire is for my students to do what I can do and then more. Otherwise, why am I doing what I'm doing, right? If you are out there teaching somebody, you want to pass on your knowledge and then you want them to start there and take it even further than you. That should be the heart of a teacher. And what's sad is I think, you know, I, for example, I don't know Tracy Anderson personally. I only know kind of the little things that I've seen in the news, on social media, etc. But I will say that, at least in my experience, if somebody came up to me and they're like, hey, I'm so grateful for all of the things that I've done with you and in booty and, you know, the time has come for me to do my own thing. It's really different. I'm making sure that I'm not like copying or stealing. And I just wanted to let you know, like, I'm grateful. Do you know that there's an exactly 0% chance in my world that I would have been mad about it. As a teacher, that's what you want. You want that. A real leader is not in a scarcity mindset. A real leader is not worried about somebody going on to do their own thing. I think what ends up happening is that sometimes people, through a variety of mechanisms that certainly we've discussed on this podcast, they somehow don't feel like they know how to separate from the thing that raised them. How do I make my thing different enough? And maybe I can't make my thing different enough so that I can feel an integrity about that. And you know what happens as a result? They have to demonize the thing that they came from instead of just being like, my thing isn't really all that different, but I want to do it by myself, right? So it exposes, I think, another core issue, which certainly we can get into on next episodes. But I think the key here is that this is what is actually most common when people throw around this thing is that really many people can't, they can't leave and move on without causing exactly what we're describing right now. It's not that this actually was the system from which they came. It's that for them to somehow feel absolved moving forward, they have to demonize or weaponize the thing that they came from on their way out. And I think it's really important that we learn how to identify this because if a system is really trying to like empower and equip and they're just trying to follow an SOP like hey if you're going to do this for us just try to do it this way and don't deviate that's not toxic that's not narcissism that's literally how a business is run and at a certain point if a person doesn't want to do that anymore they've got really like a couple options option one is I don't want to keep doing it that way anymore and to come up with a truly unique and different way of doing it, in which case, if it's truly unique and different, praise God, go do that thing. If it's not truly unique and different and you just don't like to be told what to do, I feel like there's another mirror that you have to look in psychologically there. And I think far too often that actually is more the problem and less that it really is truly unique and different. But in both cases, and as I've said, I've seen this happen with so many different leaders, influencers, groups, communities, the people that are ready to leave because it's their season to move on, they can't do that without creating this sort of system of chaos and drama around them, which all but ensures it's coming from that narcissistic projection. Because a healed, healthy person wouldn't do that. That's not how you do things. You just say, thank you so much. I'm no longer aligned with this personally, and I'm ready to go do my own thing. And then, you know, if your leader's a real leader, they high five you, and then, you know, everyone moves on with their lives. And I think key here, which I know I've already harped on, is for an organization to just kind of be like, okay, bye, love you, like, you know, just good luck with your life. There's no way that that's a cult. It's literally impossible. It doesn't meet any of the markers. So I think this is the thing that we have to center in on and it's a hard thing to face. But I think considering where we're at right now, like politically, socially, spiritually, if we don't address this problem, we're just going to keep cycling in the washing machine forever. And I'm frankly really exhausted by it. And I'm sure many of you are as well. this is what most people don't want to face sometimes the cult dynamic does not actually originate from the leader and i need you to let that sit and marinate for a second it often originates from the follower unresolved attachment wounds identity hunger and authority outsourcing often cause another person to place someone in a role that they never asked for that the system doesn't actually uh it's not built around that's not how the system is supposed to function and then they end up resenting them for it. Especially when boundaries are introduced, disappointment starts to become betrayal, idealization flips into accusation, and obsession reframes itself as victimhood. And this isn't actually a byproduct of control. It is a part of projection. And when this person retaliates from a place of their own wounds, the most ironic thing of all is that this is the person that ends up creating real cult-like dynamics. They need people to align with and support their claims, and anyone who doesn't support their claims is deemed less than or in delusion. And I don't know who needs to hear this, but anyone who talks like that is the very thing that they are pretending to stand against. A person like this can't handle discussion or civil discourse because their psyche knows that their illusion will come crumbling down. It ends up garnering them more attention, which by the way is something that they always wanted from the outset, if they maintain the facade, elevate themselves ironically into their own leadership position of their newly created cult. Having been in the business world, natural health world, yoga world for over 20 years, I have seen this so many times. What's more concerning to me though is how many people get pulled into this web. That they can't see how their own fears and insecurities are setting them to get pulled into something that actually really does function like a real cult. We are good, they are bad. Division, manipulation, coercion. Not to mention when these things happen, anyone who dares ask questions or calls out these psychologically manipulative tactics, guess what? They're next on the chopping block. They're going to get attacked as well. and again this is exactly what makes these things actually behave like a cult if you're all concerned that you may be a part of a company or a business or a religion that may be a cult I put together five questions that you can ask yourself so that you can safely navigate your way out of it number one if I asked the person leader or founder a question would they be open to discussion or dialogue? If the answer to that is yes, you are not an occult. Number two, is this group, community, or company encouraging me to become healthier, stronger, and more autonomous instead of dependent? If yes, you guessed it, you're not an occult. If the leader or founder moved on or left, would there still be a community or framework that remains in its absence? If yes, you guessed it, you're not in a cult. Is moving on or transitioning in a new season treated with punishment? If no, you're not in a cult. Am I encouraged to build friendships and explore with curiosity with people both in the group and outside the group? You guessed it. If yes, then you are officially not in a cult. Real cults actually fail this test very quickly and it's not even a close call. Most cults will fail this question on question number one. The reality is that true leaders don't want followers. They want to create more leaders. Oh wait, isn't that a core value of booty? I think it is. Real leaders want to help raise other thoughtful adults who desire to enhance their metacognition and heal the wounds that cause people to act out and divide others. They don't demand loyalty. agency they actually want to encourage your personal agency and they don't need you to stay they love you and they want you to be a part of the community as long as it's the right fit for you but most leaders that are not a part of cult-like tactics are perfectly fine when you're ready to move on and in fact they know it's part of the process it's a natural process example would be I work also with a lot of recruiters using brain pattern mapping and break method and any business owner knows that there is a timeline and trajectory to hire You don't usually hire somebody forever, especially if they're a really great candidate. There's going to be a time when that person is ready to springboard off of whatever opportunity they had with you and move on to the next. And it's better to embrace that from the outset. that. And this kind of goes back to cult leaders, typically real cult leaders, they typically need people to become obsessive and fixate on them and they want that attention. The reality is what I've seen on the flip side is that often who people fixate on and obsess over often do not want that attention at all, are not those type of people and in fact are much more likely to be avoidant. They don't want that connection at all. So I think that is what fuels the system and cycle in which we find ourselves in. And I think if we don't stop right now and take a cold, hard look at how our childhood wounds predispose us to deal with systems of power like this, we are just going to keep repeating the same destruction over and over again. and it's sad to watch. It's sad to be a part of. It's sad for me to watch some of my other friends and strong female business leaders go through because it literally, you could pick any five random strong female leaders that we didn't know. Literally, just give me five. If I spent five minutes interviewing them, do you know exactly how many of them would have experienced this? 100%. It happens. It happens everywhere. And I'm telling you right now, it's not happening everywhere because it's objectively true. It's because this is what happens when you have these two different types of brain patterns trying to organize into a system that doesn't cut this stuff sooner. And if there's one thing that I've learned personally throughout the years of being in these businesses and watching it impact friends and other companies and myself, you have to start things off with stronger boundaries and believe me I've got many a learning lesson here and I'm currently in the process of doing that but the other thing that I want to leave you with in addition to obviously doing your own work to see if there's a way you're engaging with these systems that treats treats a system that's actually a pretty objectively sound system but the way you're relating to it is emotionally dysregulated and obsessive or clingy or needy and validation seeking. And when you desire to leave or move on because it's no longer your season, if you are the one that has to kick all the doors and do the F you, F you, you're cool, F you, I'm out, maybe you're the problem. Because if you're allowed to do that and nothing happens, you're for sure not part of cult. You are about to go start your own cult, ironically. So what I want to leave you with before we close this episode is the importance of understanding seasons of things. And I believe I talked about this on the episode Power Projection and the Collapse of Personal Responsibility. there have been different parts of my career where I've been in this one really specific focus area and I've been learning and growing and potentially I've had a mentor right I told you that a long time ago I worked in PR for a woman named well I almost said her name woman in PR who we're just gonna call the French lady we're not gonna out her it almost came out but the French lady and there was a season there that was like a full-blown hell in my life like so much hard work exhausted in a level that I've still never experienced in my whole life I'm about to turn 41 but there was a purpose in that and when it was time for me to leave I didn't leave and like try to destroy her I left grateful for what it brought out in me what it taught me how it set me up for success moving forward. And I think sometimes people miss this idea of there's a time and a season and maybe something is for me in this time and I'm going to learn and grow from it. And then sometimes that time is expired. Maybe it's time for me to go on to the next thing. If I look at even my career, for example, it's so obvious that like for a few years I'll be focused in this one area and then all of a sudden it's like it feels like this big upheaval and I have to pivot and do this other thing. That is actually how the world works. And if you don't have a more anxious attachment style, you don't immediately go into a dysregulated nervous system response and feel the need to attack the thing that's, you know, being asked to change. You just change because change is part of life. So I want to encourage you for those that do have more of this anxious attachment presentation, think about change being good and that sometimes changes in things are exactly what you need for your good, even if maybe they feel scary in the moment. You don't have to turn on something or weaponize or demonize it when it did serve you for whatever season it was for you and also reminding you, I have seen this time and time again, we're often invited out of a door and if we leave that with respect, with kindness, with openness, and with gratitude, when we need it, that door is open again. But when you do it the way that I think is more common these days, you leave the door with a F you, F you, F you, you're cool, F you, except really now just blanket all of that to your cult, it's hard for that door to remain open, right? In many cases, there ends up being, you know, thousands of people whose emotions get swept up in it and it's really painful and sad to watch and just so unnecessary. So remember that seasons call for different moves in your life and it's okay to feel called to walk out of a door, but do your best to walk out of that door taking accountability, being respectful, showing gratitude. And even if you're mad about some things, try to find the things that you're happy about on the way out too. Because guaranteed, and I've seen this so many times, every time there's been some sort of upheaval or mass movement against me in particular, within six to nine months, most people are like, busy. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what I was thinking. I mean, still to this day from something that happened literally what feels like forever ago, I'll still randomly get people popping back into my DMs like, oh my God, I just want to say I've been following you from afar. I know I did X, Y, and Z, but just will you please forgive me? Listen, I can say this for certain. I am a really forgiving person, probably too forgiving. I feel like that's something that I'm trying to work on and transform in myself because I think I'm too quick but it's a good idea as you are feeling called to make a change or a pivot in your life to think about all the ways that you can do things in a way that is clean that's all if you can do something in a way that's clean and you can either say thanks for the good times I'm gonna go try this new thing on my own and the organization of the person is like, good luck, I wish you well, guess what? Not a cult. Or if you can just literally leave and move on with your life and just keep doing your life and nobody says anything, also not a cult. So it feels like given the time and space we're in today, some of you needed to hear that. And I hope that breaking down these mechanisms helps you be able to identify more securely what is and what isn't because it's like the grayest, most confusing, distorted world out there right now. It really is like upside down world. And you need to put your helmets on, folks. It's wild out there. Every day is like psycho-emotional, spiritual battle. And if you don't know how to hold these lines, you're going to get swept up in it. I keep seeing that people keep getting swept up literally every day. Look, I'm like another one bites the dust, another one, another one. So you don't need to be another one that bites the dust. You can strengthen your metacognition, learn to see clearly and not let your emotions grip you into irrationality. And if you are somebody who skews toward anxious attachment, hopefully this is a really good reminder to you if you've found yourself in a group that feels comfy and feels like home and you've made friends there. You guys are the prime target of this kind of stuff. So just guard your hearts, use your brains, and just remember that this is a very tense moment in the world right now. There's so much going on. Obviously, I'm not at this current juncture going to do a whole episode on the Epstein files, but let's be honest, that's like out there in everyone's psyche right now, everyone's getting bombarded with really dark, sickening, like really, really dark, sickening images. Those of you that have followed me for a long time know that I was talking about that stuff a long time ago. So I've already had time to face it and heal from it and move on. But for some of you, this is like a big, wide open, gaping wound. And I would encourage you to look carefully to if you have you know a prayer life or relationship with God to look into that stuff prayerfully and not just go looking just to look with no purpose because it can really uproot your entire life and sanity because it's that bad so in a time like this where we're being bombarded with all these images and it feels like everyone's fighting everyone's like left versus right everyone's pointing fingers, this is a really great time to root down in your emotional and physical sovereignty and to not let other people or information so quickly compromise you. I'm going to be teaching some more episodes coming up shortly on different tools that we can use to make sure that we're not being coerced or manipulated specifically by social media, even just some really practical tools on like if a social media influencer is saying X and you want to go verify the validity of that, how to go do that research. I'm going to do a whole episode on that because right now it's just like a big tornado of confusion. And I really feel, I feel for all of you, I remember what it was like when that bandaid first got ripped off for me. It's very intense. It's very destabilizing because it kind of makes you question everything about your existence if you're really looking at it and you're not just kind of looking at like the news filtered versions of it. So just remember, guard your hearts. This is a wild time to be alive. I'm simultaneously the happiest I've ever been and so grateful for all the aspects of my life. I literally took a break today to go pull my sourdough out of the oven. So just showing you. There is a way to be at peace personally, still thinking clearly with your mental faculties about you with strong metacognition even when the storm is like swirling around you everywhere and you can still bake your sourdough bread there's always room apparently for sourdough and I never would have known this a year ago so just know everybody I love you lots I'm excited to be on this journey with you and don't take anyone's word for it go research yourself follow your own senses follow your intuition and just remember how easy it is for our emotions to get weaponized against us if we don't do the work to understand those strongholds. And I think to me, that is the biggest gift of break method is understanding how your emotions distort your reality and get you to set traps for yourself. So if you want to free yourself and actually have your mental faculties about you, especially in a time like this, a great place to start is brain pattern mapping. I also have the renew your mind lecture series that we're in right now we're going to lecture to tomorrow it's a 20-week series so it's not too late to join us all those links will be in the show notes and just remember if you answered yes to any of those questions you're not in a cult you're welcome I'll see you soon your brain isn't broken it's running an old code break method is a system that maps your neurological patterns decodes your emotional distortions and rewires your behavior fast. No talk therapy spiral, no getting stuck in your feelings, just logic-based rewiring in 20 weeks or less. Head to breakmethod.com and see what your brain is really up to.