Fortune Feimster & Sarah Colonna: Velvet Couch & Same Siders

When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops. They said that I am by far the most difficult talent that they're working with. You know, we could say we don't judge. I judge, and I was judging. Money doesn't make you an asshole, but if you're an asshole and with a ton of money, you're gonna be a bigger asshole. Why are you looking at me? No, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to look in that direction. Why are you looking right at me? Well, Jeff Lewis has issues. Hey, it's Jeff Lewis, and I have issues. In today's episode, Fortune Feemster and Sarah Cologne joined the show. We talk about Fortune's allergic reaction to velvet and her lesbian hot tub. Plus, we talk about restaurants, same-siders. Good morning. Good morning. How are you? I know you've been crazy busy. You have been filming in Las Vegas. And then you're filming here also. We just are wrapping this. We've wrapped principal photography and we have like a marketing shoot and then I'm done. That's for the... Oh God, what is the movie in Vegas that you're doing? The Fifth Wheel. The Fifth Wheel for Netflix. Yes. That's the one with... Kim Kardashian. Nikki Glaser. Brenda Song and myself. And I didn't realize that Eva Longoria is directing it. She is, yeah. Is she good? She's really good. Really? Yeah, very decisive, knows what she wants. Does she have directing experience? Yeah, she's... She did that hot Cheeto movie last year. What is it called, Flaming Hots or something like that? I didn't know that. She has been... I didn't know this either. She's been directing like for 20 years. I think she started when she was on Desperate Housewives. And she did some like a couple of Lifetime things, I think. And then... And she also lives part-time in Spain, so she does a lot in Europe as well. Now, what about the Will Ferrell movie? Are you done with that one? That one I'm done with, it will come out this summer on Netflix. It's a TV show. Okay, so then you were... The golf one, right? The golf one, yeah. You were at the Oscars because was it Zootopia 2? Yes. And you lost. Yeah, but also we figured we would lose. But you were nominated, which is, you know... Yeah, it's an honor to be nominated. K-pop Demon Hunters was humongous. But so was Zootopia 2. It made almost $2 billion, so no one's... So they're okay? Yeah. You looked so good at the Oscars. Thanks, girls. We were so excited to see you, very happy. But I wonder if there's anything more you could have done to win. What do you think I personally could have done? I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the beaver. Probably. I think the beaver helps. K-pop Beaver Hunter. K-pop Beaver Hunter! That's so sequel. Yeah. I'm excited for that. I wore a little tux from Armani. I was trying to be fancy. You looked very nice. Thank you. And then who were you, what celebrities were you seated next to? I was seated by all my Zootopia 2 folks. So... Fortune was in the back of a lot of the footage of the Oscars ceremony. I kept spotting her. I was? Yes. I kept spotting you, yes. Oh, how funny. Was that intentional? I don't know, I'm not the director. I mean, the camera does love me. That's not true. It does. Who are the Zootopia actors? Jason Bateman, Jennifer Goodwin, Evette Nicole Brown, we were all seated together. Got it. Now that is at the Oscars. I have a lot of questions about the Oscars. There's not, because it's not like the Golden Globes where you have the tables, it's the theater. The tables with the food is the way to go. Yeah, and like alcohol and water. I drank the whole time at the Golden Globes. So you don't get like, cause I saw you at two o'clock, John, I never watched, yeah. So it's a long day, right? They put a little box under your seat with a water popcorn and a candy, like a movie candy. There's no food the whole time? They have a couple past apps in the beginning, but they're not great. It's very minimal. How hungry were you? I'm very hungry, you know. How long were you sitting there? So I had to be at the red carpet at like 1230. But the show doesn't start till four. You're done with the red carpet after an hour. So I just started drinking. They did have booze. They had booze. The show starts at four, but it didn't end to almost eight. And then there's a governor's ball right after upstairs. So we did all go up there and get food. It's a long day. Where did they hold it? At the Kodak, is that what it's called? The Dolby Theater? Yeah, the Dolby Theater. Couldn't you get like a hotel room at that hotel? They won't let you come in and out. I tried, I said, hey, can I go get a burner and come back? They go, absolutely not. That's a bum. But I don't know if he just was trying to look out for my waistline or if he was just, you know. You should have asked a go-go to get a cell. They security was tight. So they just didn't want you in and out. What's that hotel right next to it? The Renaissance. There's like a bridge that connects it. Yeah, the Renaissance. Oh, they went in there. The Renaissance, you just got a room and go take it out. Yeah, but they won't let you come in and out. They let you go bowl over a lucky strike. Once your tickets go to take the busters. They won't let you back out. So where are you once you're done with the carpet? Are you in a holding room or something? You just go into the theater. They won't let you in the theater until 30 minutes before. So you just go in the bar area. At least they have a bar area. So you have three hours in the bar. You're small talking for three hours. I know. I would have stayed longer on the red carpet, just kind of seeing all the action, but it was so hot. It was like, it was, there was no air conditioning on the red carpet and it was tinted. It just wouldn't be that important to me. I'd rather roll in 30 minutes before and skip the carpet. They give you a sign times. They're like, you have to be here by this. We did think that the security getting in would take longer because at the globes, I had to wait an hour to get in. In the car? In the car. And so we prepped for that and then we got through within 10 minutes. So part of the longer time was that it didn't take as long to get in. Where were the globes at? The Beverly Hills? Yeah, the Beverly Hills. So why couldn't you get a room there? And then just take the elevator down. It's different with the globes. They're less crazy about that stuff. The Oscars, everyone's on Highlert. I don't know. The globes are a little more loosey-goosey. Loosey-goosey, yeah. Because you could go to your room and back there. It just sounds boring, the whole ceremony. I've been invited a few times to go as someone's guest and like, no. You would hate it. I would hate it. You should never go. I never would go. It'd be the Jeff Lewis meltdown on the carpet live after show. You would leave within an hour, for sure. A lot of times, if I go to a premiere or whatever, or I usually don't go to premieres. But if there's an event that I have to go to, have to, you're right. They give us times. I'm like, fuck it. I don't want to even do the carpet. I don't want to stand there for an hour and then go and have to talk to people that I don't like and they don't like me. Well, the only people that get to come an hour before are the huge celebrities. Because they just get whisked in. That's nice. You'll be there very soon. Oh yeah, I'm sure. By the end of the year. By the end of the year. Now, was Zootopia 2, was that just one nomination? I think so. I got your face. No, I mean, I was just expecting more, but just one? I mean, I wanted to say one more time, it made $2 billion. How many nominations did K-pop demon? They got two. Song and movie. Oh, nominations or they actually won? They did win in both of them. They won both. Can we get you on that movie? I'm not Korean. Not yet. OK. I'm going to be seeing you later today. We have the first part of our many, many, many furniture installation. Yes. Today is round one of 12. He's going to come torment me at my house. Wait, is there really 12 visits? No, it'll be how many? Not that many. You thought the Oscars were long. I don't know. I hope there's some popcorn involved. There's going to be, I mean, yeah, I mean, we're not going to. I mean, probably four or five. I mean, we have this round of furniture. We'll need another round of furniture. There'll be accessories. There'll be rugs. Have you already picked them out? Have you already picked it all out? We picked out like 80% of the furniture. I don't know if it's 80. Oh, is it not? Because you threw me off when you. So I found the most beautiful. I knew you were going to bring this up. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I would buy it if it would fit in my house, but it doesn't. It's a gorgeous, green, like velvety kind of sofa. It's beautiful. I don't want velvet. I just. She says she's allergic to velvet. I think I'm allergic to velvet. You're not allergic to velvet. Oh, shit. I got rashes on my arm when you sat on the couch. Look at how cute. That is cute. She has a little sitting cutie. I'm not allergic to velvet. It's sexy. It's sophisticated. It was going to pull the whole living room together. Now I got a fucking start over. You are so. It was. It was so. It was so sexy. You see it's such a turn. I didn't know you were so sensitive to velvet. I didn't. I. She's not. I had this happen before and I. So I think that was like, I think it. That's the common denominator. I don't know. I'm just going to tell you, this is my theory. OK. It's a little fade on away because she's acting this way because she can. I needed to be about one. I worked. I worked for her before a couple years ago. Yes, she was up and coming, but she wasn't like an A-lister like she is now. She's just fucking with me. Now you're getting the beaver treatment. Yeah. You know how much she's folding? Zootopia has grossed $2 billion. If I had to, I mean. Put some respect on my beaver. She's just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. There's no way there's not another cow. I'm allergic to that. It is green. That's not velvet. It's possible to be allergic to velvet. But I think you're allergic to synthetic fibers or materials that are used in it. There you go. Thank you, Annie. I appreciate this. I got you, girl. Googling. There's another couch somewhere in LA that's green. That's just not velvet. Why do you even have to sit on that sofa? I want to be. Because was it going to be the main sofa? No. Because I'm kind of small. OK. It's in the living room. So she doesn't even go in the living room. I want to be able to sit on my couch and look at someone else cooking. Without getting a rash. First of all, wear clothes. Oh my god. Cover your arms and legs. And then sit in one of the side chairs. I knew you were going to make this a thing. Or the dining table. Or a bar store. Sarah, literally, it's the only note I've given. And this is what happens. Of course, he's hung up on it. He's like, oh, finally, we have one thing. We found a dining room table and chairs. So she'll have that today. We found a family room sofa. The family room will be done today. Ish. Yep. The guest beds. Yep. The guest beds. But we have to buy mattresses. Oh, I have them. OK. From Helix. They're sponsors on my podcast. Shadow Helix. That's awesome. And so they just have to be rolled out. It's just a round one. OK. We'll be back. OK. The mattresses are the kind of that roll up and you have to put up and let it like. Takes a day to puff. Yes, exactly. Did you take a day to puff? Did you tell Kean that the house is not as clean? Anymore since you're living alone? Did I say that? We'll be clean today. Yeah, it's gorgeous. Do you have a housekeeper? Yes, my old housekeeper that I used to use forever is back with me every other week. Every other week? Yeah, I'm working all the time. Shower, toilets. Those need to be cleaned. Yeah, but I use one bathroom. Are there dishes in the sink? No, the house is so clean right now. All right. Are there a bunch of dirty dishes in the dishwasher? No, there's dirty panties. Dirty panties. In the sink. In the dishwasher? Coffee machine. Coffee machine. I know I knew it. Do you have a bunch of dirty laundry? Because I'll know today. I do have laundry in my laundry basket where it goes. Clean or dirty? Dirty. That's too bad. Where you put your dirty... Every time I go to her house, there's a bunch of dirty panties. That's right. Yeah. I save them up for Jeff to come visit. So I'll go through them. But she couldn't do my old house because she's old and doesn't do steps. Oh, how old is she? I don't know. But she's... Is she a good cleaner? She's great. That's why I was excited to get her back. This one's a one-story? It's a one-story. Gross. How dare you. I thought you'd made two billion dollars. Actually, I love a one-story. Me too. All right. I was so happy to get out of the two-story. Yep. I was like, it just... I hate the damn stairs. I hate the stairs. Do you know what I feel oddly safer in a two-story house? Like, I don't know what it is. I see what you mean. But when I'm by myself and John's out of town, I feel safer. You just lock yourself in your bedroom. No, I don't know what if... The stairs are trapped. That's right, girl. No, I'll jump right off that balcony. Into the pool. Into the pool. Yeah. Head first. She's gonna sit out in that sauna. Yeah. Yeah. She'll hide in her... Don't bring up the sauna. Upstairs sauna. You can't believe it's on a balcony where it belongs. That is kind of wild. Why? Where else should it go? Should we string some Christmas lights on it too? Colored Christmas lights? Right next to my trailer. I want a sauna. Next to the clothesline. I want a sauna in my backyard. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Because I want to do fake grass in the backyard too. I know. Why are you... Why so bad? Can we hide it with some vegetation? So we don't walk in the house and just see that sauna in the middle of the backyard? Well, I was gonna put a lemon tree in front of it. OK. We'll hide it with some hedges or something. We'll get citrus in the sauna. It's not a big backyard. Or get a balcony. I know. That's why I don't want a sauna taking up half the backyard. I know. Put it in the little corner. All right. You got a pool, right? I do. It's a little pool. Does Brenda like the pool? She hasn't done a thing in a while. She hasn't used the spa yet? Well, the spa is a little too high, I think. The bench was too high, so your tits are out. It's tits out. I got tits out hot tub. Oh, I love a tits out hot tub. So Brenda's going to be very exposed. She'll have a bathing suit on, but still. So that's interesting. So when you sit on the step, it's not deep. They put the bench too high, I think. You know what? I've seen that over and over and over again. Have you? Yep. I got in it. And the water comes like here. Right under my boob area. And I'm like, I don't want to be in a hot tub with half my body. They built that for a lesbian. They did? Yeah. Well, this way, the man's not into it. Really? I would think lesbians would be into it. No, I don't want their tits out. I don't want tits out hot tub. I want to be warm. Like up to your neck? I would like it to be like here. She wants hot tits. Did we do two? Did we do two levels of art? There's two levels. There's one to kind of step in, and then there's like a lower one to have your titties covered. So I have a choice of tits out or not. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. I'm flexible. I would love a choice. Can you lower her bench for her in your hot tub? That's expensive. No. You're jackhammering. You're doing a new rebar. There's not the only jackhammering going on in that hot tub, huh? Am I right? Hi. High five. It's like a little plunge pool. Yeah, exactly. But it's perfect. I like it so close to the house. I don't need any more than that. Yeah, that's all you need. You're not doing laps. Putter around. Yeah. All right, well, we'll see what happens. Is the delivery happening now? Yeah, Tyler should be there at 10. The movers, I think, rolled up while I was leaving. So they got there early. They got a lot of unpacking to do, because still in boxes, they got to put some of this shit together. Let's, you know, when you order from Ikea. I just thought. They have to get. I got to say. Do you have to deliver that couch? Just to fuck with her? Do all the Swedish instructions. Tyler had a question for me, but he solved the problem already. Oh, yeah. He's a problem solver. I love that, Tyler. All right, so what's happening with, what is it, Felice Navipas? How many followers do you have now? Like, like 1700? No. Probably. Yeah. Is this your fifth? My cats. Oh, your cat. My cats Instagram. Yeah. 1,643. Look at that. She went there. Yeah. I can't believe how many people are following those cats. That's all those chumps. They went right after. They couldn't wait to see Felice Navipas. I forgot that I had a cat Instagram. Jeff found out, and now I have to post on there all the time. Oh, no. Now you have to double post it. I know I sure do. What happened to him? But look how cute they are. Where is the new kitten? The new kitten, his name. Dolly. Dolly. Well, but then my friend said she looked like Pat Benatar, so now we're calling her Cat Benatar. And that's pretty good. So if anyone wants a kitten, her name's up. That actually could get her adopted. OK. Cat Benatar. She needs a home with another kitten. A photo shoot with me. You know who needs a cat? I know. I thought about that. Fortune. A certain tits out lesbian over here. Fortune. You have a cat. I'm always working. This cat's name is Dolly. I don't want it. And not a coincidence. It is. My last name. My last name is Wild. That's wild. Yes. Must be a cousin. You don't want to do a cat. I don't want a cat. I just want to see my own dog that I never get to see. Oh, that's right. She's a terrible pet owner. That is not true. I'm a great pet owner. Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. You're kind of an absentee mom. Not on purpose. I'm trying to see him. OK. Now what's happening with the accidents under the desk? Which cat does that? Ralphie, my boy cat. Is he the only boy you have? Yeah. You have three girls? Yeah. Well, two. Well, you have a fourth cat. No. I mean, I don't know at what point we talk about this. No, I can't keep cat benatar. I can't. She's no, it's too. Jackie Shimmel is here. Oh, wow. What is she doing? She did just show us a boob, which I appreciate. Oh, she wants to be in your tits out hot tub. She would love your hot tub. She would love it. So would you. Yeah. I love Jackie. All right, so Ralphie gets pissed when you leave. Yeah, and he makes that. And he goes number two under my desk. And what have you done to solve the problem? I put his favorite play mat under the desk. And so. Oh, smart. That's what the vet suggested before having to medicate him. So I've put that under his desk. And so far, it's worked. Why don't you just close the door in there? Because the litter box is in there. Interesting. Do you only have one litter box? No, we have two. Where's the other one? Upstairs in the cat room. They have their own room. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Why doesn't he use the other one, then? Why doesn't Ralphie use the other one? Because he uses both of them. Because the litter box is in there. And he goes. From upstairs. Yeah. We have two litter boxes, too. Yeah, because he knows it's in there, but he's mad. So he goes number two under my desk. OK. Don't you want to cat fortune? Isn't this sound awesome? Sounds terrible. Yeah, she's always gone. Ralphie would be pissed. Oh, yeah. Your house would just be full of cookies. Oh, discussion. Poop right on that velvet couch are yours. Weird El Mariachi last night? No. What? I know we did it half off Monday. Do you know about Loco Mondays? Oh, I didn't hear that you guys like to go on half off Loco Mondays. Yeah. Why did you miss last night? We didn't go yesterday because we, because today's St. Patrick's Day, and we have plans to meet Chris Frangola. Oh, yeah. And we always meet him for a drink, and we didn't think that we should go out on Monday and Tuesday. Sarah won't drink two days in a row. No, not during the week. You got to be responsible during the week. You got to keep it tight. Where are you going tonight? We're going to go to the local peasant. Do you want to come? What time? Well, I think around three o'clock. Did you guys like to come? I'm sorry, 3 p.m.? No, yeah. Chris has a child. He's going at 3. We're going for it. Oh, let's go after Frangola. He's going early because he wants to have a drink without his child. That's right. Yeah. So I said I'd meet him. So yeah, we'll be gone. I went with you last year. Yeah. To the local peasant? I did. It's fun. You guys should come. When my life was falling apart. We worked. We cried. We'll take Patrick's Day. We have to work today. We're filming also. I have work to do too, but then I'm going to be done by 3. Basically, whenever they're done. My guess is you're going to be done by 11.01. 12.45, actually. I have an hour meeting after this. OK. So 12.47, maybe. Now, is it true that Hansom won a GLAAD Award, your podcast, very successful podcast, with Maymart and Intig Nottaro? Yes. You won actually a GLAAD Award for the Outstanding Podcast. We did. Congrats. Thank you. Now, you were out of town. Who accepted the award? Tig accepted it with the least planned speech ever. She was just like, thanks, girl. Thanks for letting us do this nonsense. Bye. That was it. I was filming nights with the movie and May was on tour. So we left it in the hands of Tig. She wasn't like the rest of us expecting you to win, probably. I don't know. I think. Because she didn't have a speech. What Tig said is she, it was like first up or something, first or second. So she was planning to write something in case during the ceremony and then was caught off guard that it was like. It came right up. So she just was like, she literally was like, May, unfortunately, are dropping off jokes in other cities. Thanks for letting us do this nonsense. Goodbye. I like a short and sweet speech. I like it. Did she stay the entire time? I don't know. Well, she also had a documentary that was a one in a glad award and was nominated for an Oscar. Oh, wow. I've seen me in the good light, right? Yeah. Really good documentary. Did she get sucked into donating? Honestly, I don't know. Because they do a real good job at getting people to give money. Did you go to the glad award? No, because I don't want to give money. Like two years, girl. But the last time I did, I gave money. Every time you go. They're sticking a piece of paper in your face. I mean, I wasn't nominated. So why would I give money? We should be nominated for gay podcast. Hello. Well, you have to submit yourself. Lesbians like us. Yeah. But the gay guys don't like us. Well, I think you have to submit yourself. So that's the first. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. What's that bar that you go to that? Hi, Top. Hi, Top. So that should get you a glad award, right? Yeah. Just for going for the just for supporting West Hollywood. I didn't have to submit yourself. Yeah. It's not that important to us. I just learned about that recently. Oh, so you submitted yourself. Yeah, because we didn't do it the first couple of years. We didn't know. Oh, OK. I think you have to do that for the Walk of Fame, too, right? I think there's a lot of things you have to. You have to submit yourself for the Emmys, for the Oscars. All of that requires submitting yourself. That's why we haven't won anything. I just haven't submitted it. Or else we would have won. OK, no wonder. Yeah, you have to. They don't just be like, we like you. Jeff's going to try to win an Oscar for still flipping out next year. No, because I don't want to go at 12.30. Right, too early. Yeah, no way. Someone else will have to accept the award. Fortune to start. Your time would be like 10 AM. 10 AM the day before. But I don't need to go to the ceremony. I think we could just do the red carpet and leave. I love that idea. Because we're not going to win anything. Right, that's true. Because we didn't submit. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Maybe next year. Yeah, maybe next year. Bad news. What? Well, yesterday we were very excited. We had a couple gift cards. We went to Chili's and Encino. And what? I had a beautiful Santa Fe chicken salad. I love chili. What did you get? Old timer cheeseburger with fries, obviously. No triple dippers? We kept it light. We had chips and salsa. Oh, you did the lunch special. My dad and stepmom are obsessed with the Chili's lunch special. Oh, yeah, we always do it. The service was so slow yesterday at Encino. And what is your theory? I was like, ever since they got really popular in the last couple of years, they forgot. Well, because of us. Because we loved their spot. They forgot who they were. The whole thing was quick service. And they had amazing customer service. And now they've gotten too big for their britches. Now, I will say the waiter was really nice. Really nice, really personable. But everyone else was slow. The kitchen was slow. The busboy, everybody was slow. They take the cake up with their new company. Chili should not take 45 minutes. No. Because we knew exactly what we wanted the second we walked in. You know what's so good? They're the mango iced tea. Do you ever get that? No. No, I did it on a Palmer yesterday. Try the mango iced tea sometime. But you guys stir it. Make sure you stir it to get the mango all around. How was your burger? Great. Delicious, right? So was my salad. And then you did the fries and you dipped it in the ranch. Of course. Ranch. Love a ranch with the brioche. You love the queso? I would. No, I would invite you to go today. But I don't have two hours to spare. Listen, me neither. I got to go just the same as you to my house, where they're putting in this furniture. Well, I'm going to be at the local peasant. At 12. When you finish work. When you finish work. 3.30. John going to? Yes. OK, where's he been? He was in Puerto Rico and Miami for the World Baseball Classic. He was watching the World Baseball Classic. We all go into Zach's screening party. Oh, when is that? Did you put that in my calendar? April 24th. Are we here? I think I'm out of time. No, that's the day. No, I'm moving that day. You're trying to move that day. But you're not actually going to do it. Oh, it's scheduled. Is it? Oh, yeah. I scheduled the movers. He's scheduled it. I believe it's called scheduled. I'll schedule mine. It's happening on April 24th. Wait, your house is almost ready? Finally? It's been ready. I bet it's so pretty. It's been ready, but yeah. I want to see it. Are you going to have a welcome party? What is it called? I don't want chumps to trash my house. Yeah, but Sarah and I are sophisticated. Yeah. Sarah is. I am too. But you know what we could do? Because I have to repaint and do the floors at the house and then now we could have a chump party there and they could just fuck it up. A going away like a big one. That's a good idea. Yeah, because then I don't care. I don't care about anything. I do want to see this new house, though. I'll probably have to watch it on still living out. LAUGHTER Get the Google Pixel 10 Pro XL on the UK's best network. Press to talk out live with Gemini, your AI assistant from Google, and find out how to revive that plant. Yep, we've all been there. Plus, you'll stay connected even when you run out of data. Get yours on EE Today. Results for illustrative purposes and may vary. Check responses for accuracy, eligibility, credit check and terms apply. Credit by EE Limited. Verify best network at EE.cadk.cash.claims. On booking.com, it's easy to book your holiday home. And thanks to flexible cancellation, there's no more. Lodges all booked, folks. Oh, Kaz and Robert coming now. With booking.com, you're free to be flexible. Oh, easy. So you can go from home to holiday home with no dramas. Bigger place booked. On booking.com, finding a holiday home is easy. And thanks. Booking.com, booking.com. Yeah. Terms apply, available on selected properties. MUSIC Do you have your show today? My show? I do, right after this. What a joke with Papa and Fortune. Uh-huh. You realize, can she not take calls either? What do you mean? Do you guys take calls live? Oh, we don't take calls live. Oh, then it doesn't affect you. People leave voicemails. Oh, we can't. There's, for some reason, there's, we've been having some technical difficulties here at Series 6M for the past several weeks. So today, what are you going to do about the call-in shows? What are you doing in that situation? What's poor Tink's going to do? I'm not sure. Because it's not your problem. It's not my problem. Not your monkey. Not your circus. You are my problem, and I say that with love. That's what Alyssa told me this morning. She said that she, because of me, she does not want to have biological children. Oh. Oh. Oh. She told me that this morning. Just in case. She's like, you're enough. I can't. Yeah. I can only mother. What are you doing to Alyssa? What are we doing to her? I think he just pesters her like a child with their own mother, you know? Just, there's always questions. There's always problems. She's always dealing with things. It's like he calls her. We call her at 8.30, you know? It's like, I forgot my lunch, mom. Can you bring me something like that? She literally was like, OK, mommy will take care of that. She said to me, she's like, mommy will take care of that so baby can stop crying. I go, thanks, mommy. It's really weird. Alyssa's who you report to for concerns. Yeah, she keeps, I mean, I think she's going to be running this company. She just keeps getting promoted. Amazing. I know. I never thought the power dynamics have really shifted. Oh, I have been. But I used to not be nice to her. She used to work here. She was, did she do your job or Oscar's job? My job. She did your job. I mean, I've watched this girl just climb the ladder. That's insane. But thank God I made amends before she left. Thank goodness. I tried to get her fired three times. What? And she just kept getting promoted? What? And they just kept promoting her. They made their choice. Now they're promoting in spite of you. But strange, like in all of our conflict, we formed some sort of. Well, I think that was the problem from the beginning, was that you two were very similar. And she. I think she would really take offense to that. Well, she knows. She knows. Weird. Yeah. And she has your best interest at heart, but that's sometimes hard to hear as a self-destructive person. Ouch. Ouch. He went, pointed at you. Where did you go eat to eat after the Oscars? We went to the governor's ball. Oh, you ate there? Yeah. How was it? Did you just like hit in and out or anything like that? No. Shake shack. I passed out afterwards. I was so tired. Because I had just come off of two weeks of night shoots. Governor's ball. It was, I think, hosted by Wolfgang Puck. So that kind of steak, sushi, mac and cheese, fries. Sounds good. Oh, speaking of food at parties, I heard the other day, was it Jackie Shimmel? Who was Todd? Someone, what party were you at just recently, where someone had, oh no, it was Todd's birthday party. Todd's birthday party. And I heard that they served Mexican food. They did. Yeah. I didn't hear one person shit on it, not one. I didn't hear one person. I didn't have any, but wow, did it look, it really looked great. No, it really was good. OK, just curious. I just, nobody mentioned. Those tables went on for miles. Oh my god, it was just station after station after station. Take your pick, fill your plate. I didn't eat, but I mean, you must have been so stuffed. Oh my god, well, I was just perfect. I really needed it. And then as soon as they brought it out, I had like delicious. But why didn't you eat at Sarah's? But you ate at Todd's. You liked the turkey pot pie empanadas. Oh my god, I did. I loved the turkey pot pie empanadas. I felt like five of them were really good. Yeah, I did. The turkey pot pie empanadas. It smelled really good on everyone's breath. Yeah, they were delicious. That's why I stuck to the deli sandwich in the fridge. What would actually be like a funny thing is if you had to pass that mint, like a pass that mint. Who was part of that? It was half eaten. That is wild. That's the worst part. But it was cut nice and halves. I just had the other half. And it was good. It was good. Wait, where is it from? Mr. Pickles. Yeah, our friend Christine was looking for it the next morning. She was like, hey, where's my sandwich? I love a sandwich. Who's sandwiched? Ate it in one bite. Our friend Christine. I didn't want empanada breath because I could smell everyone. It was terrible. Mixed with red wine. It was awful. Nobody complain about the breath at Todd's party is what I'm saying. No. No. I don't know why. There wasn't bad breath there. There really wasn't. It was just the aromas. Oh, just the Mexican food. Just really good smelling Mexican food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, maybe just skip the empanadas this time. No, that's what she did. I appreciate how you did the tacos and stuff outside. So it wasn't sinking up the house. Oh, there you go. Yeah, it's outside. It's thoughtful. Because they're made fresh. Are you going to have a party for your mom soon? Uh-huh. Is it a birthday party? Yeah, she turned 80. And her one request, she said, I've never had a birthday party in all these years. And now that she has cancer, she pulls up, I have cancer. I should have a party. So my brother's and I are throwing her a party at the end of the month in our hometown. Oh, that's awesome. How is she doing? So the end of March. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do empanadas. No, we. I don't know what she landed on. Chicken fingers or something. She changed them in four times. For some reason, I don't mind tequila breath. Right. Well. It's just wine breath. I can't stand. Well, wine breath is objectively nasty. Yeah. I think it's a shirt. And I think white wine is way worse than. And when you have the wine mouth. Oh, yeah. Jeff had that after he drank his own bottle that he brought me. At my. Oh, did I have red teeth? I never get red teeth. Did I get a famous bottle? Yeah. It was huge. Yeah. And you finished the whole thing. He opened it and drank it. I shared it. OK. I shared it with other chumps. Speaking of which, did you see other chumps at the Oscars? Did I? Like Molly Sims, Kelty Knight, Justin Sylvester. I was very surprised when the show was like, I was interviewed by her. She was lovely. I didn't see Kelty. I think she was up top somewhere. What about Nichelle Turner? I did not see her. Kevin Frazier. I saw him from afar. OK. A lot of chumps were there. Yeah. Working. Yeah. Working the room. Yeah, Molly was there. Oh, yeah. I did see Molly. I saw Molly. I saw Molly at the governor's ball. Did she change her dress? I think she did. I don't know. She probably went to the family fair. She looked great. To a silver dress. Was she there with all her kids? I saw them. Yeah. She's so sweet. She's so pretty and so nice. Gorgeous. There was something that I read, which is very interesting. I never thought about it. When you go into a restaurant, people that sit on the same side. Oh, the same-siders. Yeah. You call them same-siders. Yeah, they sit on the same side of the booth. It's weird to me. I don't mind the. No. Oh. I think it's weird. I mean, I don't. I think it's weird. If you're sitting somewhere where there's a view, then I understand. But if it's like when I used to wait tables and people cram into the booth next to each other, when there was a table on the other seat on the other side, I always thought that was kind of weird. Just no personal space. And you have to turn left or turn right to talk to the person. Yeah. It's giving Francon brand. I was thinking the exact same thing. Are you same-siders? We're not because I like the back of a seat. I don't even like the bench. I know everyone loves the coveted bench. Yes. I want a seat with a back. I like the bench. I like the bench. I want a chair. Someone did say that one good thing about doing that, and this might be something for you to keep in mind, is that if you do that, then the other person can't watch you eat. So there is that. Yeah. So that you can kind of stuff your fat face without anyone like seeing it. Yesterday was body positivity. I know, but it's over now. That was yesterday, babe. Yeah. Babe. We're no longer positive. We're right back to normal with the fat shaming. Did you take the ozempic yesterday? Yeah. I've been going to attitude at myself without Shane. Shane, why didn't you shoot it for her? Well, because I was scared you would be like, actually, you can't have that anymore. So I was like, I have to shoot it before you get home. But you don't need it. You're so thin. You are. You have a really nice body. Why don't you just take it home then with you? OK, I'll take it home. Just take it home. You shouldn't get any smaller. No, you have a really nice body. Watch me, babe. Oh my god. No, I'm only doing it until I run out. I've waited a little. I was like, run out of what? No, people need to have nice curves. Doctor gave it to me. It was making me sick. I gave it to her. You're doing the smallest dosage. The smallest dose. I'm only doing it for six weeks. Yeah. How do you feel today? Do you have enough for six weeks? I think so. OK, good. I might need more needles, but I have enough ozempic. Do we have extra needles? I don't know how. I think we might. Your doctor listed to this. I hope not. They have specific ones. I screw on those. I love it. It's all a legend. OK, a legend. It's a bit, guys. It's a joke. It's not. It's a bit. We're kidding. Yeah, go ahead and take it. Thank you. And if you need extra needles, I think ask Shane. OK, yeah. I want to have extra needs with all the injections you do. We have a ton of needles, but it's a specific cap that goes on the ozempic pen that works. When do I start BP 157? I said peptide next week. We'll start. Well, OK. But what's that? I don't know. What we're all in the peptides right now. Anti-aging. NAD, John's doing that. Peptides, all that stuff. John says the NAD gives him a lot of energy. And it's, yeah. Is that a shot? Yeah, he does the shot. He got it. I don't know where he, I was a doctor or something, but he does his own shots. Oh, yeah. No, I do the drip. Because I'm already getting too many shots from Shane. But then you have to sit at the thing for like hours. I know. I was there for three hours. How often is the drip? Probably every three to four months. Three months. Should they do the drip at like chilies or something? Oh, yeah. Bring it in. Well, we have enough time. Honey, it's time. I got an entire 5E drip before I I'm going to say Mimi at Chili's and Encino on Ventura. Just sit there with the bag. Needle. Whatever happened, maybe this is, no, maybe I should not ask you off camera. Thank you. Yeah, you might get mad at me. Wow. Yeah, please don't. Practicing self-control. I know. Good for you, Daddy. What's my friend Mae Martin up to? Mae's on tour right now. Their first. Do we have any more like movies or anything coming up? I think they just did a deal with Netflix to create more stuff. Good, because Wayward was everything. It was such a great show. Yeah, it did really well. Yeah. I can't bring it back. I mean, I mean. Yeah. It sucks. I think that the offer to bring it back was there if it made sense, but I don't think it made sense right to do another one. I think I don't know what the latest is on that. Why did the same siters bother you? I don't know what it was, but it just used to be. I was in college when I was and it was like this this restaurant that people would just cram each themselves into the same side and I just thought it was weird. I was like, why can't you just sit across from each other? There was no view. It was the small booths. Why wouldn't you just sit across from each other? It would bother me too. And I worked at a fanciest restaurant and the tables were so narrow and they were in a row. So they're squished and then they're squished next to the people on either side of them that they don't know. I was like, don't you live with this person? Yeah, it's almost like it's almost like they it's like choosing a middle seat almost is what it looked like to me. It's like, why would you ever put yourself in that position? When Monroe was younger, she was a same-sider. Well, that's your daughter. We graduated. I'm like, I had to have a talk with her. I'm like, hey, you're old enough now to be on your own side. Honestly, I don't mind same-siders. I'm into it. Sometimes we're same-siders. Like if we're meeting someone and I'll say to him, hey, this is weird, like you should just jump over there until they get here and then we'll be same-siders. I like to split food with people though. I'm like, you get one thing, I get another thing. We get to try two things. So if you're beside each other, that's easy. I think you like the same side because you can get fingered. Oh, my God. That's why we're going to win a Glade Award for that. 10.45 in the morning. I wasn't ready for that. Can you clip that for next week, please? At least let me pause. Fortune, where are you going to be? I start my tour back up April 2nd in Oklahoma City that I'm in Fayetteville and Little Rock, Arkansas. That's where Sarah's from. My hometown, Fayetteville. I'm going to Europe. That does not matter on here. And then I'm back at Des Moines, Toronto, Redding, Pennsylvania, where else, where else? Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Omaha, Portland, Maine, Detroit. Where do we go? Fortunefeamster.com. For dates, for venues, for times, for tickets. You have to go to Hugo's. Oh, yeah, Dallas and San Antonio, Texas as well. I know there are a lot of, there's a lot of Dallas Chumps. Yeah, a lot of Texas Chumps. I think Zach, Zach Noy-Towers is doing that one with me. Now, Sarah, you now say that you do not have another meeting after this? No, excuse me. During the break, I got an email that says, would you like to read it? Kind of. Would you like to read it? OK, so you did have a meeting because I'm calling bullshit on this meeting. Fortune's looking at the email from John Ryan. I just got word from Lindsay's office that they will need to reschedule this morning. Can you reset for today, 317, at 4 PM PT? I don't understand what this meeting is. Is this the gas company coming to read your meter? What is this? It's script notes. She knows Lindsay. It's my literary. OK, so this is a legitimate meeting. It's legit. So what time's meeting now? 4? Now it's at 4, so I can't cut it off. But you're going to be at the, are you going to take the meeting to the local office? I'm just sitting in the back with my computer. With your green beard? Unless you did 4.30 and you meet him at 2. No, I'm doing it. I said 4. We'll just go at 5. Who come afterwards? He'll be OK. I don't need to be there that early. John wants to watch the baseball game anyway, and that's not until 5. Now with all this travel, you were upset. I think you might even post an article about the South. Was it Southwest Airlines? Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't fly Southwest. I was wondering about that. Yeah, no. That's like a last case like emergency fly Southwest. I don't fly it because they don't have any perks. I don't, you know what I mean? I need loyalty. I like upgrades. I like things like that. Don't they now have assigned seats which people aren't into? Yeah, I guess they're having a lot of problems. We were talking about on our podcast. Or we just don't fly Southwest. It's like the bus. Well, they are doing it. And not even a nice one. Some people, that's how they can afford to fly. I know, but now they're making it more expensive. And now they're doing a thing where they only, they said they were only going to clean the premium seats, the extra leg room seats. They said they're only going to clean those seats. So it is the bus. Yes. Those are the only ones you're in. All the airlines. Not me. What do you care about the other ones? Oh, all the airlines. As long as they clean our seats, I don't care. All seats should be clean on an airplane. Yes. Yeah, that's true. It's a little F-top for them to do that. Yeah, it's a little gross. So they're having a moment. You don't fly Southwest, do you? I might have to. Every now and then, if like I'm going up north in Cali. No, they're stopping service in like two airports. Oh, really? I think it's Chicago and something else. We might have to do it because I found a stem cell doctor, Dr. Scott in Arizona. And so I have to go like four, three times a year. What do you say? Four times a year. I think GSX has to stop. I know, but the times are because I'm going to probably fly and fly out. So I might have to take Southwest. I'll make sure to get the premium seat because it's clean. They're going to clean it. Yeah, the other people, every man for themselves. And I've seen you like when you get on, there's a whole routine where you wipe everything down, which is very smart. Do you check for bed bugs? I don't check for that. Yeah, I mean, I don't check for them, but now I'm going to because he said that's going to be my head. You should check your new beds for bed bugs today once they're delivered. I know if there are because they love me. And my arms would get bit all day. Oh, maybe that's what you have instead of maybe just not allergic to velvet. Maybe you're allergic to bed bugs. Not what it was. Thank you. But those beds have been in the warehouse for God knows how long. Oh my gosh. How many beds will we buy today? Just two. At least one of them's got to have bed bugs. You need to check it. It's not new ones. They're brand new, sealed. Just do not check it. I'll check it. How do we know how you check it? How does everyone know how to check it? Just look for a little crawly thing. Now, last week when I met with Andy Cohen, he told me that my live reads are monotone. Oh, then you better step your. Am I not emoting enough? Step it up. What do you think? I don't think that that monotone. They're a little flat. There's so much better than when Meredith Viera went off on me about it. That was years ago. She said they were fucking terrible. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, have you gotten better? I wasn't on the Today Show for 20 years. Sorry, Meredith. We'll put a little personality in there. At ro.co.com slash Jeff. Yeah, I guess it's a little monotone. If I'm thinking about it. Did he say it was affecting sales? Did he say, hey? Do I need an acting coach to go over? Did he say, hey, babe? Hub library? Yeah, you could use Ryan Bailey. He's an acting coach. Oh, yeah. No, thanks. Ryan Bailey had to cancel his appearance this week. Oh, is the baby out? No, no, no, no. I think we're getting close, though. Wow. I don't know. It's up for them to announce. Baby's not born yet. Oh, OK. Aren't they getting close? But she's doing it. Ben Mandelkir is going to be around Thursday, so I don't know. Mm. Oh. I bet they do good libraries on their pod. I bet. I bet. Andy Cohen loves his library. They're not in their head. Have him do one so you can see the difference. Ben? Yeah. They don't like when other people read the library. No, show you how he would do it, and then you just emulate that. Now, are you familiar with the series XM Spirit Week that's going on? There's Breakfast Burritos on the seventh floor. Wait, the elevator was packed today. Well, listen, I love a Spirit Week if it involves food. Yeah, what's going on? Well, yesterday was Music Mood Monday. So you dress inspired by your favorite genre band or decade. You're so not into anything that's full of life. You know what would boost people's spirits? More money. Stop fucking laying people off. How about that? Then we don't even need a Spirit Week. I'm sure they love it when you dig it. And give somebody a raise once in a while. We got new headphones. Don't these feel good? Actually, I will say. I have to thank Series XM for the new headphones. Tom's up. For all the money that they fucking waste. Oh, my God. I am so glad they finally made a good investment and we got nice new, comfortable headphones that don't leave a residue on my earlobes. The cushions are so soft. I could wear these all day long. What kind of residue were you getting before? What are you thinking of something positive? Today's totally Green Tuesday. That's because it's St. Patti's Day. Wear green and show your festive side. We're set up rating with the Irish today. Oh, you're wearing green? Tomorrow's Work Twin Wednesday. Who's Work Twin? James and Shane. Match outfits. Match outfits with a teammate or squad. Oh, my God. You guys should wear your matching Hermes tinnishes. We dress alike anyway. I know. Every day is Work Twin. That's a cute sweater that Shane had on. It is. You look nice. We got Turbo Boost Thursday. What is that? Everyone's hopped up on energy drinks. Rock your racing or high energy sports attire. Can you believe people come up with this shit? Turbo Boost. Listen, that's Friday. We have to keep morale high. Then we got Toga Thursday. We got Fan Gear Friday. Rep Company Swag or your favorite fandom to wrap the week. We're keeping morale high, baby. I'm going to wear my Zootopia II sweatshirt. Everyone would be happy of a job. Everyone should come in and see my sweatshirt. I want to wear my K-pop Demon Hunter sweatshirt. Do it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm fine. Oh, you seem upset because you lost. I'm not. Two billion. It's two billion. K-pop Demon Hunter's is great. I mean, I haven't seen it, but it's everyone's version. Oh, sure you haven't. I love that subtle shade. But I love the golden song. Oh, I don't listen to your podcast. I'm going up, up, up. Do you get any kind of like plaque or something for being nominated? I don't know. I don't think so. She got a box of popcorn and candy. I'll take it. I'll try to do the whole thing. Oh, you know what I got out of it? To lose. Sexy on the red carpet. You did look good on the red carpet. You looked really good. I want to borrow that tux. Yeah. Armani? Armani, baby. Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on Sirius XM, as well as the Jeff Lewis channel exclusively on the Sirius XM app. At all and apt to protect it, keys and Cs apply. Selected hotels only. See website for details.