Ultraviolet LIVE! w/ Nick Wiger & Mike Mitchell (HDTGM Matinee)

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We saw ultraviolet so you know what that means. we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we back Jim Varnie looking kind and nice Paul and Drew getting literal Jason is getting laid June is making sure all the monkey shots getting paid They judge a bunch of movies while they making the grade Here's a real question for you, how did this get made? Hello people of Earth! And how's that? People of Largo! We are live at the Largo at the Coronet Theater in Los Angeles, our LA home and we are so happy to be here at this amazing theater forever in LA, please come by check it out We may not be here, but there are great shows here all the time We have a very interesting show I'm just gonna come out and admit it I think this is the first Mila Jovovich movie I've ever seen So, maybe you're with me in that camp Besides Dazed and Confused I mean I'm talking about Post 2000 Mila But to help me dissect this and get to the bottom of it My co-host Jason Manzukis! What's up Jax? Jason, Jason how are ya? You know, Paul, doing great, doing great Watch this movie, did not care for it I felt watching this movie as if I was playing a video game poorly Like, the points to actually play the game never happened Like, I was missing a couple of buttons I felt like I was watching like one of those Sega CD games I was like, hey, Corey Hames in it, it's a video game But not really, like... Like as if one of the buttons I keep pushing just changes her outfit And that's apparently one of the buttons that works the best Oh, I think I hit that button again I will just ask this question because I realized watching it and you said it Please, Paul, ask the questions that you want to ask Have you seen a lot of Mila Jovovich movies? No, I can't say that I have I've never seen like Resident Evil's right fulfillment Okay, okay, creeps There was a lot of like, yeah, yeah He said the one that I like because she's almost naked in it You remember this is a podcast recording, right, creeps? So tonight is How Does It Get Made All Stars Which means we bring a guest from the past, we also bring a new guest But tonight what we're doing is something a little bit different I will introduce them together only because it is a official podcast crossover episode here right now You know these guys as connoisseurs of fine fast food They are together The Doughboys but individually, Nick Weiger, Mike Mitchell, welcome them right now Welcome Welcome gentlemen Welcome Nice, yeah But I also know that you guys are, you know, you like nerdy shit and like I like I do And this movie is trying for so many things in that world And it's not there, like to me, first of all, the first thing I did is the minute this movie opens And you see these like almost like a comic book opening, I'm like, oh, is this based on a comic? Right It's not No Not an adaptation And also too on the comic book covers, I wrote down the very first one This movie came out in 2006, the first comic book cover says, enjoy the amazing Japanimation starring Mila Jovovich Were people saying Japanimation in 2006? And I feel like a quaint like 20th century term I still use it, is it bad? And this is not Japanimation No, it's not And nor is it, I believe, based on anything No, it's based on nothing, the reason why the comic book thing is there Because I was partially like, did Rob Liefeld trick us into this somehow? He, there's a great, he goes, the opening credits are a comic book montage because the director always wanted to make a comic book movie And that, by the way, is why this movie is on this show, because that mentality is throughout Because you think, oh, they're aping some sort of style, because it's very blown out and it's very almost, it's shitty CGI Right Oh yeah The shittiest CGI I've ever seen, I think when you guys were saying like SEGA CD, we were talking backstage, it looks like a cut scene Yeah And I don't know if it's intentional They got the team behind the general TV commercials By the way, I would be more on board if the general and Shaq were in this movie Oh man, a general Shaq buddy comedy would be like an A plus next to this And the movie, you know, this movie is, I guess this is what I feel like too, like, I'm always like, I want, you know, I don't, why do I need backstory? I just want to jump in, like, give me this the thing, and then this movie does exactly that, I'm like, whoa, whoa, give me backstory I need, like, back it up, slow it down, deal it out a lot slower Yeah, maybe those scenes where SHIELD is just like having a conversation in a conference room aren't that bad, because it kind of gives you some context for the world you're seeing Yeah, like, I just need to understand why a motorcycle can drive on the side of a building and what Why everything is radioactive? Why is everything radioactive or in the insignia of radioactivity? That I couldn't figure out I don't even know who these characters are, there's some that are vampires, some that are not vampires Vampires? Are they really vampires? Jason, no, they're not vampires, they're hemophages But some have teeth, like, vampires, Miley doesn't have vampire teeth But they also But she does Okay At 4620 into the movie Now, Mitch, just to be clear, you keep a Mr. Skin style website that is strictly where vampire teeth appear A curry in movies, right? I'm a vamp nut, and at 4620 I was like, it's a fucking vampire movie, I did not know for 46 minutes I wrote that, I wrote vampire And Garth, Garth has the, Garth, you see Garth's teeth, he says vampire Right, yes, and it was, it blew my mind, I had no idea, it was a, I thought it was like a, like a, this is a tale about HIV And how we shouldn't be afraid of people who have AIDS, I truly thought it was That was an AIDS allegory? That was an AIDS allegory, they're throwing the blood at each other You were mentally putting this in the same category as like Philadelphia It's just like a morality tale Angels in America, ultraviolet And the movie does something, like, right off the bat, which is such a fuck you, it's like, hey, I live in a world that you won't understand It's like, that's the biggest cheat I've ever seen Yes, it's, it's, it's delivered in VO, yes, I was born into a world you may find hard to understand And my reaction was, yeah, yeah, very confused And then she barely explains it Right Like, the world is almost never explained what it is Well, she, so there, there's the flashback, right, where she was pregnant with a kid And then she got the virus that turns you into a vampire, she had a, she miscarried, I guess Her husband died, and then, and now this world, like, but that was like our reality But why did she become like an assassin? Was it, here's, here's what I'm saying Nick, Nick, someone out there, someone really took you to task Who is mad at you Ma'am, ma'am, are you okay, do you have a problem with a vampire? I don't know, if I said something problematic, let me take, let me just take it back Single voice, what? With such, such anger By the way, she understood it more than anyone else, but everyone else was like, he's right She's like, no! Ladies and gentlemen, Mila Jovamit She found out about the show, came here But no, what I meant by that is it felt like it was saying, it was basically, the flashback felt like it was kind of in our reality It was kind of like, what we consider present day, yeah, and then we flash forward to the future and I couldn't tell So it was like so much happened in like ten years then It's like a, I mean, it's like a blood holocaust, right? I mean, it's like, so they take all the people with bad blood and they kind of put them in these like camps And then they get killed or something like that, like, or they're trying to capture them and eliminate this race of bad-blooded people Sure But then there are these good-blooded people that have like the nose purifiers and the weird masks But we find out, spoiler at the end, what we find out is that he is himself a hemophage Right So why is he even wearing the nose blocks? By the way, let's just even, let's just even just show you It's going to be uncomfortable, I feel like By the way, I guarantee he was like, you want me to, wait, what am I wearing? Wait, but only in like one scene when I'm outside or so? All the scenes? Like this? Are you sure? This is like the type of... Is that from the comic book? It's not based on a comic book? Wait, what is this? What am I saying on board? I thought I was doing A.M. Flux, right? Right Here, this is like just the kind of shitty bad future dialogue that is throughout Well, now I shouldn't say throughout because I think if you put all the dialogue together It's like what, eight, nine minutes maybe? Right Ah, here we go Corpasta That's the opening scene of the movie They, they are able to hypothesize plot points that would be almost impossible You never see Lewin Davis ever again, he's gone He just, that is the only thing he's Oscar Isaac, is he in this? In that he goes away, it's the entire movie, you don't see it After that point where he says the poor bastard, he's gone It literally, I don't even under, like watching it again, it's like, oh yeah, that wasn't the beginning of the movie And it's not that the movie is long, it's not, it's like an hour and 22 minutes But that scene seems so inconsequential to everything And it seems to every... And it seems to every... ...sews important people, I would think Yeah You know, nope I don't, here's the thing, I don't know What, or who, Mila Jovovich works for, period Right I don't know what she's up to Does she work for those dreadlocks? No, no, well yes, she did She works for them? I think so Does she work for William Fickner? No, William Fickner is like her Q in James Bond, like he has her weapons But she produces weapons out of thin air Yeah But I don't understand why he has That's flat, that's interdimensional techniques It's very rare, apparently So... I mean, this had, this movie had some big ideas Fitbits that generate guns was a big idea Yeah, so why not generate a gun that is loaded? Right Why does the Fitbit also have to load a single bullet at a time? Right You see her like moving, putting her wrist, like filling the gun with bullets from her wrist So many times And she's like, oh, I'm gonna go and get a gun And she's like moving, putting her wrist, like filling the gun with bullets from her wrist So many times So many times It's just, it's not, yeah, it's, I, today I... It's impractical Yeah It was, it's very impractical and I was getting a, I got a recumbent bicycle, I don't mean to brag No, yeah Wait, an exercise or an outdoor Exercise recumbent bicycle And just for, so people know, that's a sit down bike It's a sit down bike, it's just, it's the laziest exercise bike that there is Sure, sure I think you gain weight when you work out on it It's also the kind of bike that when you're riding it out in the world, people are like, what an asshole Oh, yeah You might as well be the guy that's walking around like a snake on your shoulder Is this a sitting in your house, or is this like, so this is like exercise in the house? So it's an exercise bike in the house, so I got this and a guy was setting it up today Yeah And ultra- Whoa, you've got an exercise bike guy? Yeah, I got it It sets up all your exercise bikes It's an option where you can get a guy to come over Yeah And he'll fix up the bike for you If you're a pathetic man, you can't put it together Mitch, are you lonely? I am, that's besides the point But this guy came over and ultra- That was on pause And he said, what are you watching? I lied Cause you didn't want to be judged by the exercise bike setter-upper But I was gonna get on my exercise bike and watch ultra-violet I was just like, oh, it's just something I turned around, I don't know I lied, even though it was Apple TV, it was very clear Dude, that's ultra-violet, this movie's gonna change your life, man He's like, man, you're at the beginning to fire it up All the routines are like, you do one rotation of ultra-violet Then you watch just until the pinball guys get in And then that's a workout, right there Those pinball guys were amazing Yeah, when they had a glass chest plates But that seemed to break them Yeah, I was confused because I was like, are they vampire? Why are they exploding? Cause they're not like humans Yeah And then the ball technology, they have ball technology Where they fly around in a ball They're literally shot out of a spaceship that has a pinball machine Kind of like a steel bar And they're shot out Kind of like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 I will say that that opening sequence was kind of... I was like, oh, this is interesting You were wrong But I like the pinball guys But then again, you don't know, there's no stakes Cause they don't even understand what the world is I didn't understand it didn't, not until the police said it That they might have been there to contaminate the blood Or that they want the blood Because, and again, vampires don't come in by name until much later Blah, blah, blah, and nobody ever seemed to want to... None of like Mila Jovovich or the rest of them wanted to drink blood Or is that not part of this version of vampires mythology? They just need the... I couldn't tell, cause they also talk about, at one point, she doesn't have the mutation to see in the dark Like that becomes a plot point And she can go out in the light And she can go out in the light But she has that one thing where it goes inside her ear Or was that like the one moment when everyone's on the roof going to shoot at her? Oh yeah And it was like, was it like... I felt like the sunglasses scene Well yeah, the sunglasses scene She had some power there, but it was... As an audience member, I don't know what it was I felt like it was super listening I felt like she was listening to like where everybody was in the geography So she had some good powers and not some good powers Is that a vampire specific? That's the thing is... A bat, a bat can heal Oh, a bat can heal, okay, that's what it is Is that it? Were her powers... We're guessing, we're guessing Is her powers... Is what makes her a badass her powerset Vampire related or training related Or what's the deal? I think what makes her a badass is that all of her enemies like to stand around her in a circle Always And then just set up their firing lines where they can just take each other out By the way, that's all they do is shoot each other in every fight Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace Whether you're just starting out or scaling up your business Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online Now I love Squarespace because it gives me everything I need You can offer services and get paid all-in-one place from consultations to events and experiences Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business Get paid on time with professional on-brand invoices and online payments You can streamline your workflow, keep it all in one spot That's right, built-in appointment scheduling check, email marketing tools check I have been using Squarespace forever You can see each one of my websites, whether it's the dark web, Paul Shear, Unspooled Or how did this get made? It's completely a unique experience and I love building there because it makes me feel free and creative To offer the things that I want to offer Now head to squarespace.com slash bonkers for a free trial And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code bonkers at BONKERS To save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain On eBay, every find has a story Like if you're looking for a vintage band tee, the one you wore everywhere until you lost it Now you're on eBay and there it is The things you love have a way of finding their way back to you Especially on eBay From rare collectibles and vintage cars to designer fashion, it's all there Shop eBay for millions of finds each with a story eBay, things people love Why do most of us want to learn a new language? Well, I think it's about making yourself a part of the global community It's not about memorizing grammar tables or topping a leaderboard It's about the want to speak and understand out in the real world with real people And guess what? Babel gets you there fast Learning a language with Babel is all about small steps, big wins And progress that you can actually track and feel Their bite-sized lessons fit into your daily routine And are easy to remember Just 10 minutes a day is enough to start seeing results Now, I have been using Babel I absolutely love it, I could say, me encanta Babel That's right, I love this app because I'm able to actually speak to the app And have conversations on the app It actually makes me more prone to speaking in real life If you need another incentive, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners Right now, get up to 60% off your Babel subscription at babel.com forward slash bonkers Get up to 60% off at babel.com forward slash bonkers Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com forward slash bonkers Rules and restrictions may apply I will also say that the interesting thing about this movie Is that there's never a challenge to anyone that she's fighting Whether it's 700 people or like a dozen of them on the roof She seems to equally dispatch them all with It's not like, oh shit, how am I going to get out of this one? It's like, alright, let's do it That just seems... Well, that's why it felt to me like I was playing a video game Sure Like it's all lateral fights There's no... I guess there's a boss battle at the end, but even that is... Also, why did... There were the whole time There were swords in the gun... Hilt? The whole time she only used it in that one fight? I'd be using... I'd be activating... Sword Hilt immediately Why is everybody using swords too? I'm sorry, then Nick, did I cut you off about the van... So she misses that one mutation, but do we know anything else about... I don't... Yeah, I don't know what her lie ab... Like, I know she... Apparently she's dying But I don't know what her liabilities are in terms of like what she loses from... She's dying though because everyone has a 12 year... Like life sentence when you get this, right? That was one thing I remember, I think I remember here Okay That like, once you get this bad blood, you got 12 years and then you're done So it is kind of an AIDS thing, Mitch was right Yeah I knew it, I knew it was an AIDS thing Oh boy And it's kind of good if you think about it that way I'm just thinking about this other thing, like When they tell her not to look in the package, because she's got... She sneaks into this place and gets a package under false pretenses We can get into that too, but... By the way, I thought the real courier looked like a way bigger badass Yeah Than me and the Jovavit I would like to see her do some fight scenes She opened up the case and there's like a torso of a digital boy Right In there and then... It looks like a very small book bag Yes Well, by the way, not a book bag, a briefcase Yes Because it's small and then the boy is out of it But it seemed... At a point it seemed like he was digital, right? It didn't seem like that was a real boy, right? But he really was in there, I think He definitely came out of there Wait, I don't mean in the future Like in the future, can you put real people in flat... In the size of a computer laptop, it would be like putting me in there It would be like... They don't describe anything about that You could put people... You're like Jetsons I feel like this movie does a thing which is... It establishes a bunch of future tech and future stuff But explains none of it Which is what movie... It's like the opposite of world building It's like they don't build a world that you understand the rules of They're just like, this is there And also this Don't stress it But I would argue that without even having seen it If you were to walk into that new Avengers movie that's going to come out Infinity Wars Which is the culmination of 20 Marvel movies You would go like, I get what's going on here I understand on some level That's the hero, that person can fly, that person can shoot lasers That's the green dude Like you would on a base level, you'd understand it That's your understanding of the Avengers I'm saying if you've never seen any... I'm saying if you're a person who's never seen any of them You would under... This felt like I'm up for it I don't need that much rope Just give me a little... Let me come with you a little bit And they don't do anything It was like you were watching the seventh and final part of a series And you hadn't seen the previous six movies So you didn't have any context for what was happening And also it's a bad series of movies Right And a lot of the series in between It's just Ted talks about the technology In the next series Not only did it not describe Newtik But then it also confused like the vampire world Because the thing about vampires is they're immortal And it was like why were you afraid? They're afraid of bullets I don't understand why they're afraid of bullets Yeah, it seems like a vampire can be killed as easily as a man Yeah So why even be a vampire? That's like... And also what's the problem with the vampires? Exactly They don't seem to be attacking people Or feasting on human blood Or any of that It seems like they just maybe want to tamper with the blood supply Also, what's the blood supply? Why is there a building Where in all of our blood is kept? Our federal blood reserves? Why would you need blood? If you had clean blood, why would you need clean blood? Why do we need that? Because it doesn't seem like you could uninfect yourself Do you have to receive continual transfusions to not catch the virus? Is that kind of thing? And then that... I was gonna say that I should get it But that guy was like, no I need to become a vampire To become a super great scientist I don't know I did write down... I just wrote down this thing Is that scene that we played earlier where they talked there? I would say that's the most dialogue you're gonna get For 25 solid minutes I wrote it down, like when dialogue continued again It was 25 minutes into a movie And if a movie is an hour and 22 minutes, that's bold Right To almost go a half hour without any dialogue I wonder if they shot dialogue scenes and were like, this isn't working I do know what's working The very slow plotting fight scenes I do have some information about it Oh, thank God So, the studio did not like the first version of the film I would argue I did not like the final version The studio said the... I am in agreement with the studio The original version was too emotional And they wanted more action So they took a 120 minute movie and cut it down to 88 minutes And that's what we do know There was a 120 minute cut And then they reached the compromise Which was an extended version of the film which added five minutes What studio was this? Screen gems Screen gems, yeah Screen gems I mean, there's a lot of interesting things here The director of this movie created something called Guncata Which is not a real thing It's a unique blend of fighting with guns and martial arts And that's what he developed And apparently, he didn't think that Mila was bringing it And so he wanted to... He was like, you got to show me your intensity So she just punched him in the face And he directed with a black eye for quite some time So that's a little background of what was going on here So wait, is he saying... Because when I think of Guncata That to me sounds like that's probably something that originated in Hong Kong in the 90s And then it was brought stateside in the Matrix Is he claiming credit for that? He says he has created Guncata So he's saying in this movie this is something new Well, he directed another film called Equilibrium The one with Christian Braille with Kung Fu and guns So he's like, Guncata, I've created this Even though the Matrix has been out at this point Right, telling me after this movie this person made more movies? You're telling me that Christian Braille watched this movie? I was like, yeah, I'll do the next one I'm in Well, this guy has written a lot of movies And I'll give you the rundown of them Sphere, Thomas Crowne Affair, The Recruit, Law-Biting Citizen, Salt, Total Recall, Point Break, The New One And a movie called Double Trouble, which I remember as a kid Starting the Barbarian Brothers Do you remember the Barbarian Brothers? Did he do the new... Oh, yes, Fairhove did the old one So these are all the ones... He basically reboots... He does all the reboots of these movies Oh, they're all bad, that makes sense Yeah, they are Yeah, I mean... Oh boy I was thinking of that little kid And I was... Six Six, yeah And I was just like, remember how hard it was for Jake Lloyd with Episode One or something? I just can't imagine what world this boy lives in now Being six from this movie Do you think that would fuck with you or do you just not care at all that you were in this movie? There were times where I felt as though she was about to kiss him Anybody else with me on that? Didn't you feel like this is... Like, she's about to make out with this kid And I felt like the kid knew it Right Do you think that would really mess with you? Do you think that she confused, like, when they're like, you love him like a mother She's like, like, love him, like, kiss him Like, she just couldn't get that, like, that subtle instinct Right Alright, this is a romantic thing, got it That's what they meant, like, too emotional in the two hour cut, because there were sex scenes Oh, my God Jesus Christ Did I... Did I lose you guys? I honestly... It would be interesting if they did hook up, kind of There was nothing going... Like, they sell... They give a boy in a suitcase in the beginning And then he almost commits suicide He's standing on a round railing Yes He's just, like, standing up right on a round railing I was like, does the kid have superpowers? Well, the kid is revealed to have nothing at the end, right? Okay, remember when she walks away from the kid in, like, the mall or whatever And then she hears a single gunshot, she comes back, and they're scanning a dead kid body that looks like him They're like, it's not him So did he kill a kid? Yeah, a random kid got killed Did he kill a kid who looks exactly like him? No, I think someone else... I think another kid was given the coat that he had, because the coat was taken off, right? And then that kid was mistaken as the kid by security and security killed him So they got an innocent child? An innocent child was killed, yeah I cared more for the kid who was killed than the weirdo kid Oh, yeah I wanted the weirdo kid to die before the innocent boy I don't think... It was tough to tell what Mila's position was on whether the kid lived or died Because she saved him from the suicide attempt But then she abandons him in the store and then at one point, or in the mall, and then at one point she turns to him and says To the bull boy she's protecting, if we're cornered, I will kill you Yeah It's like, wait, you're gonna... We're protecting... You're escorting this guy to keep him from being captured? You're gonna kill him instead of handing him over? And again, I want to just parse out the plot as I understand it, please correct me where I'm wrong She infiltrates the company that is trying to eliminate people like her, right? The Himeo Fages, right? I'm gonna disagree for a moment I don't know that it's a company, I think it's the government? Okay, great I think it is, yeah But I think it is religious Right Because it is like... It's almost like papal and it's like the Vatican in its modeling There's a very subtle thing you may have missed where the architecture of the building is constructed in the shape of a crucifix Which, yeah, I think gives some credence to your theory There's something there I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something... It feels coincidental, right? I feel like that, I think you guys are really good at it And there's also a moment near the end where she gets stigmata in front of a glowing cross I was like, what the fuck is this movie doing? Alright, so she is... Well, basically we can all agree... Let's try to walk it through and see what we can all agree that she is going there to stop the government from releasing this bullet No, a weapon is all she knows A weapon She's going to kill all the people like her infected with the papal Yeah And that's the first part of it She gets it, she opens it up, realizes it's a boy They tell her under no circumstances is she to open the package Right Which she does immediately She sees it's a boy and then she's like, oh, this reminds me of the son that I never had because I was pregnant I got this and I lost my baby So then she's like, you're going to be my son now These are not lines of dialogue I mean, this is an easier to understand version of the film So she's like, that's her runner So then she goes back to her bosses and she's like, I'm not giving you this kid because only her boss is going to do it Her bosses were the dreadlock vampires, right? And the handsome man who drops down from the vent at one point and gets the kid like perfectly So they knew the kid would be like wandering by that one spot where he can be like Sometimes I wanted to see like that movie where it's like, alright, so I'll go up in the vent and I'll wait Just try to get the kid like roughly in this area and I'll drop and then he's up there waiting I think I hear him, I think I hear him But alright, so she's like, I'm not going to give him to my bosses because they're going to kill him So then the government is chasing after her to get him back because they want to kill everybody But then the head back guy's like, don't kill him, he's my clone And it's the opposite of what you thought It's not going to kill all the vampires, it's going to kill all the humans unless they line up to buy the antidote that we have made From the baby boy Also, it is an AIDS parable It is, in a lot of ways But she's often Is the government Martin Screlly? Who's jacking up the price of an anti-AIDS drug? This movie is really ahead of its time Just thinking that, did you guys see that testimony this week? So he's like on trial and they were interviewing jurors and they're like, what do you know about that guy? And they're like, oh, I know he jacked up the price of the Wu-Tang album And they're like, could you judge this guy fairly? And he's like, I don't know, he looks like a dick Like one of the jurors, he looks like a dick That is a fair assessment There is some weird, like, Trumpian, like, she's like, I could never give you this world And they're looking at like a 1950s picture, do you know what I'm talking about? Right, it's like a 1950s, like, old fort, and I'm like, why do they care about, I don't know how far in the future is But why do they want to go back to a time when like it was like, like they were model tees and like sock hops That seems like that world is so far removed from what they want Yeah, they're in a CGI world, they're in a CGI world, like 1950s is where they want to go back, it doesn't, it didn't make any sense Why did they go to the playground? And then they go to a playground, they ride a merry-go-round I thought for sure that was a fantasy sequence I thought it was a fantasy or a flashback No, they're really in a fucking playground, like on a total world or whatever it is Which is very romantic He falls off and she like falls on top of him Yeah, tussles his hair I thought it was a flashback, I thought it was a flashback to a scene that they had decided to cut from the movie Like they were just like trying to flashback by implication that has happened earlier But it's like, no wait, this chronologically is happening This is in sequence, so then how did they get to this playground? I couldn't figure it out And it didn't seem like that was a world where playgrounds even happened Right I didn't see any green grass areas They were, I think on top of a building, it zooms out and they're on top of a building Wait, on the playground? Isn't the playground on top of a building? Is that right? It might, if I'm very welcome I think it was on top of, I think it was like a building I don't understand what this was Wait guys, I just looked at one of my notes We didn't even talk about the Blood Chin Waa Oh yeah People applaud for the Blood Chin Waa So there is, they control the top ten floors of this building What? From what? What do you mean? That building is basically a gangsters building Hemophages on the first few floors and the Blood Chin Waa above What's happening? And Blood Chin Waa's are different than Hemophages And not all Hemophages are vampires Right, I feel like there is some, cause they were like, you're not like us She seems to kind of like them She's like, don't do this Yeah, she doesn't want to kill the Blood Chin Waa And then she kills all of them, right? They're just all dead Well, I mean again, you pointed it out, their formation was shit They literally got in a circle and all their firing She basically dances in the middle of a party circle While they all try and shoot her and shoot each other So it's like a dance at a bar mitzvah Only she's like jumping around in the middle and they're like bang, oh no I feel like this movie is like, people trying to read like So what is that, that everyone like reads that book that he wrote Infinite Jest Infinite Jest, yes I feel like, and everyone's like, I get it But no one wants to admit like, I don't know what I just said And everyone's like, I'll do it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so Blood Chin Waa, yeah, yeah, yeah And then I'm mad at them No, I'm, I mean to them, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, no one wanted to look stupid on set So I was like, oh yeah, okay, yeah, sure, sure Say hello to Alexa Plus and see how the experience is tailored to you Alexa Plus learns your preferences to serve you better Planning a vacation? Ask Alexa to recommend a trip to check off your bucket list Use Alexa Plus to find the name of that song that you love Discover new favorite shows or recipes and do so much more Ask Alexa Plus anything And now Alexa Plus is free with Prime on your Amazon devices like Echo and Fire TV Get started now at Amazon.com Slash Alexa Plus Get started now at Amazon.com Have you been feeling, I don't know, not quite 100% Yeah, you know, it's like just maybe you're a little bit low energy feeling bloated Lacking focus Well, then it's a perfect time to start I am 8th's daily ultimate essentials This drink is loaded with 92 nutrient rich ingredients such as vitamins, minerals, adaptogens, CoQ10, MSN and pre-pro and postbiotics It's designed to help you feel good from inside out It's vegan, gluten free and non-GMO It's NSF certified Which means all the ingredients are third party tested for purity Now, I'll tell you, it tastes delicious I've been drinking it for, I don't know, maybe about two weeks now It's very easy to work right into my routine And I am seeing some real benefits, that's right I mean, my focus is better I actually have a little bit more energy I use it as a supplement to my workout You feel your best self every day With I am 8, go to I am 8 health dot com slash bonkers And use the code bonkers for a free welcome kit Five free travel satchets plus 10% off your order That's I am number 8 health H E A L T H dot com slash bonkers Code bonkers for a free welcome kit Five free travel satchets plus 10% off your order I am 8 health dot com slash bonkers These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease The blood chin wall comes up again too, they come back The blood chin wall is the most confusing fucking thing They're mentioned on the subway at one point There's a blood chin wall, but I think that's the only other reference They're just mentioned on the subway I think so A passer by or does something like Who mentions them? It's just a Dude, the blood chin wall game last night? That was my favorite, the head of the blood chin wall Stands there and she moves out of the way and he screams And gets shot in the face By the way, that was my favorite thing about this movie When people got killed, it was so like they were all upset about it They were like, oh, it was so like they really took in their death Like they're like, fuck, you really felt like they were upset It was not their times The body count in this movie A number of times they tell us how many soldiers are on site And she appears to kill everyone I'm going to guess she is responsible for 1,500 deaths in this movie Well, doesn't she go like this? She goes, if you're going to come here You got to fight 700 guards And she's like, alright She's like, I'm on my way She gets there and she's like, it's too many guards And then a minute later she's like, no, I'll do it Yeah, there's zero tension about any of that Because she's just invincible She's just got God mode turned on And I don't know why That's the thing is I never could figure out why she was invincible What was making her better at fighting than any of the other people were Yeah, she didn't seem to have, she wasn't like the one Yeah, she wasn't like Neo or something She didn't have access to a greater consciousness or a greater understanding Or better fight programming, I don't know what Can I go to bat for one thing in the movie? The paper phones were kind of cool I love that The paper phones were nice and I feel like they could be something someday The paper phone was really cool And what I really liked in the paper phone was like When she could talk to people, if you're talking to them You could pull your own zoom So like she's talking to a guy who's like normal size And then like the guy clearly hit a button on his end And his face was like, bam, and a giant face Like it could be a little bit more intimidating And I was like, oh, I like that That was that was head villain Daxis that his head got very big But he could tell you like, oh yeah, I'll hit this for emphasis That's a good moment, it was like, yeah, I like that It was a Force Awakens like we, Nick and I have argued In Force Awakens there's a bag I named Snoke Yes, I was gonna say it's Snoke like, yeah It's Snoke like, and we don't know if Snoke is big or small Which I think will be revealed in the newest one if he's big or small I just think, I just, I realized after I sent it to you, I should have like Maybe I told you it could have been spoiler Oh, I don't care But there was a new toy release where they put Snoke next to a few different people And he just seems to be like Eight feet tall of him Yeah, like yeah, just like eight feet tall He's eight feet tall? Yeah Oh, that's the worst, that's the worst answer of all It's kind of the least, it's kind of the least interesting choice You want to be very big or very small I would be very tiny, I would be fond of he was tiny Or like a little bit Like eight inches tall? Like eight inches I wanted him to be tiny too, I wanted him to be a little bit That would be amazing if he's like super, super uncomfortable about how tiny he is That's why in Forza Wakens he's gigantic Oh, there was one thing I wanted to play here Was it the ponytail dreadlocks fight? Yes Oh yeah Here's the thing, if you're going to be some sort of martial arts like Like hema phase fighter, like keep your hair in check Yeah, dreads are not good in the fight So this is a We're as fast as you We're as strong as you Yeah But Are you going to take this piss off as I am? Oh, that was a sound of a poem, that was a sound of dreadlocks being ripped out of someone's head After she took someone else's like rat tail and choked them with it You know the screenwriter was like, I fucking nailed it to you Yeah, right Babe, babe, you got to read these pages I wrote today This is fucking great shit It's also, it seemed like the dreadlock man was trying to whip his dreadlocks at her As if it was a weapon of some kind Right I just realized her superpower is she's pissed off Right because like we're as fast as you and she's like, yeah, but you're not as pissed So like that's her, she's a pissed off vampire Why does everybody know who she is? She's like, everybody calls her Violet or V Everybody knows her by name Some people call her her full name, which is like four different names Violet Songjet Sheriff Great That's her full name Songjet Songjet Sheriff Everybody seems to know her, but why? What role or place does she hold in this society? She doesn't seem like, she should have been like the one, like she should have been like working with We should have just established she worked for the government, she killed like, hemophages And now she's like against them or something Now she's, sure Herself as a hemophage She's kind of established as like this chameleon, like she can change her hair color and clothes color at will And then she go, she infall, I don't know, I don't know what the, I don't know Yeah, that doesn't make sense I don't know Why can't she do that? I, she can, I don't know Yeah, there's no reason Well, she changes like her form the same way like in the X-Men You know, it's like, like, oh my, am I forgetting that character's name? Mystique Mystique, yeah Like, and that's interesting because she could be Professor Xavier, she could be Wolverine But she doesn't, like, Mystique doesn't just go like from blue to like purple or pink Hair, it's all hair and clothes Yeah It's not her skin, she can't look like anybody else She always has her bangs And she always has the same format of hair and clothing It just changes color I really did not care for this Let's, let's go to the audience here and see if you guys have any questions Alright, let's see Alright, sir, your, your name and your question, go ahead My name is Andrew Okay, check's out Yeah So my big question is just like, okay, so the guy like, he cuts his hand on the thing How is this disease like transmitted because none of the protective equipment makes any sense in this movie The dude has like, the nose thing That would be like an air thing, right? Yeah, but he's breathing through his mouth Right If it's airborne, he's getting it Yeah, Andrew, I think you're forgetting the nose thing is cool question mark? Yeah Oh, and it's from the comic book But even then Okay, you know, even then, there's that one guy with the sizzler fucking sneeze guard thing Yeah No news thing, he's just breathing in whatever's there Yeah, it lives in a world where oxygen can be blocked by like plastic that's not necessarily like, yeah Well, I feel like the, the, what you don't want is to get the blood on you But, okay, yeah, here's the thing Don't point at me Sorry I apologize I don't know what podcast you think you're at Dude, not point at me, Andrew Sorry If they're afraid of like the blood thing, why do they make her sign in blood to pick up the package And then like, you know, stab a garden hose That was a really wide thing they shoved into both of her wrists Yeah After having things shoved into her eyeballs, they're basically like sticking her like, like they're sucking blood out They're basically like clockwork, orangeing her But if it's like, it's all blood transmitted, why would you sign in blood for things? Like, why not just like I think that's the point, they want access to your blood so they can tell you're not a hemophage But when that other guy has like a little bit of blood, they shoot him in the head Yeah Why would you ever be like I mean, it's like, you better sign a contract or get shot, like that's it, like that's the only two, there's no contracts around, you're gonna get killed I think Andrew's point, yeah, if you had, you would think that a company or organization that has a building in the shape of a biohazard symbol Would know what a biohazard suit was They might have had the guard, they might have had the nose guards in the mouth, like in their throats Because we never see inside their mouth, to be fair, we never see inside their mouth I could say, I could honestly say that we, that's true for most movies I love, I love that you are giving them the benefit of the doubt This movie specifically, you don't see inside anyone's mouth, and there could be a throat, there could be a throat filter of some sort Like the nose filter, yeah, yeah, so, yeah, so shut up Yeah, fuck you Andrew Alright, your name, your question My name is Anna, and I was kind of confused as to why the briefcase was so important, but they were gonna blow it up in nine hours Right, so, I guess they needed to bring the briefcase to a place, but if it didn't get there, it would have blown up This reminded me a little bit of escape from LA, like when they give him the flu or whatever And it's like, well, it seems like an arbitrary clock on this, wait is the kid gonna die? The kid is gonna die, they do say, William Vickner says that, and he says it in a way, because this is a child He's revealing the news that this child is going to die in eight hours, so like just like the gravest emotional card you can play in a work of fiction And the way he says it, the line he says to deliver this news to ultraviolet is kids toast to V This nine-year-old boy is going to die in eight hours, kids toast to V Can I quickly go back to the hair fight for a second? Yeah, of course I just thought it was, so, it's the first, it's a heavily, accent Jamaican man Oh no, no, this is a good point Cut his mic, get rid of him We had never met a Jamaican man before, right, in the movie, and then it's a heavily accent Jamaican man just so they can have the dreadlocks fight, I feel like Never before, like you never meet a Jamaican man, and then he's like V, and then of course it's a dreadlock fight, I just thought it was kind of racially insensitive, I guess is what I'm trying to say I agree, I agree, I agree Alright sir, your name, your question My name's Jonathan, I was kind of alluding to what they were saying Is this movie supposed to take place in the span of like nine hours or something like that? Yes Generally, she built a bond with this kid, and like all this stuff happened is flashbacks, all this weird shit happening, and it's like nine hours, you built this bond, all this happened in nine hours She kills 1500 people in nine hours There was no nighttime, yeah, no nighttime pass, they never like The kid slept for like two hours, right, that cuts down on the time, that's like, what are they doing? Like I feel like she's like a psycho mom, like she's like you're my child now, like and I guess like if I was to just give it one small note, I would say she should have had a child that looked like this kid And then at least you could understand like oh she's like putting that on it, but she was just pregnant, she never even had the kid I thought it was going to be revealed to be her kid, anybody else think that? Oh man, so badly I thought that was going to be the reveal was that somehow she had given birth to this very important child and they had told her that it had died and they had given her this disease and blah blah blah That's structurally worked for me, but that's not what this was No And you could argue that she should have let him jump off of the railing The kid's life would have been easier But yet they're just going to keep on going and that's how the movie ends, like we're going to continue to fight No, the kid dies I thought they'd go live What does he die? I thought he lived He lives Then she goes back, remember the Drakis is about to saw into the kid's head Yeah But because her tear dripped on him, she turned him into a hemophage Yeah Which apparently does make you immortal in some way Somehow allows him to be quote unquote reborn and on the third day he rose It's a typical Christ aid story Yes, who had the question here? Matt Question Every scene was from a different movie, every scene followed different rules And my main point is when they were fighting the blood, she was, she could avoid every bullet And then a few scenes later she's in a mall and bumping into people left and right Whichever way she walked in the mall, all foot traffic was going the opposite way A B, she is the only person in the society not wearing a face mask C, she is the only person wearing sunglasses She's visible constantly, no matter what she changes about her hair or her clothing color Oh no, she's just a girl with orange hair, we were going after girl with pink hair Look for the woman in sunglasses, there she is Yeah, your name, your question My name's Lauren, my question is half of this movie like out of focus Everyone looks like a melting wax figure the whole time Like she doesn't have a nose for half the movie It is a good point, I wrote down like it felt like someone saw Sin City and was like, I want to do that But I would Worse Yeah Like it feels like it was a choice but it was like, they didn't have the technology right or something It's airbrush, that's what it feels like, right? They made a really strong choice when she catches the rope and then rope burn like fire comes out of her hand Her hand, like that doesn't happen, does it? The smoke, the smoke comes out of your hand? No, I just think blood and flesh would shoot out Also an indoor well Yes Well that's the future for you Yeah, there's a stained glass room with a well inside Well that is incredibly deep Alright, so your name, your question My name's Tom, Jason's kind of right about six Fuck yeah I am According to Kurt Wimmer, I'd like to share a little trivia He has stated the film was directed in such a way as to allow for an alternative theory about the story In this theory the character of six is actually Violet from the future Who comes back after a cure for hemophagia has been developed This explains how six has the cure and nobody else does It also explains why Violet is so adamant about protecting a human Despite her goal in life being to kill them all from the trailer The theory also explains why six often disobeys Violet and leads where they go Six is Violet? Yes, six remembers how things happen in the original timeline and can prevent them from occurring this time around Six is very much a boy, right? That's a director Wow, that's a real... But wait, does that presuppose the Daxus is lying when he says it's his clone or the Daxus is mistaken? I think the Daxus is always lying, I think this boy just showed If that's true, this boy showed up from the future What? Fuck Now listen, believe me, you had me at Jason was right But where you lost me was everything you said afterwards But by the way, he's just reading... I like that it's like the director says open to interpretation This fucking giant theory that's so complex It's not like, oh yeah, in Breaking Bad maybe Walter White died when the keys came down from the thing at the end No, it's like, that's like a small moment This is like, oh yeah, if you just revamped the whole thing and fan-fictioned it It could be something That's like the director being like, oh no, there are people who have theories that make sense of this nonsense And I left the movie purposefully open to that by making it make no sense Your name and your question Hi, I'm Carly So you were wondering why when he was taken out of the suitcase, why it was all like pixel-y or whatever She had put like a projector thing on him, like for scene And then when she ran out and grabbed him, I was like, what? And she goes, I'm taking you with me, don't think about it And then, and I felt like she was saying that to the audience Just like... Because, but... That's okay, see I felt like that I felt like that in the scene, a couple of scenes earlier where she says, you might as well turn this off Stop watching this movie Don't bother I hear what you're saying, but she did open it before she brought it to the bad guys and he was pixelated there Right, so do you remember earlier when they were taking the sword out of that guy? It was all kind of pixel-y as it was coming out So maybe when things are like in the dimensional compression or whatever, they're pixel-y Got it, I had a... I know the movie is also open to a shared, an interpretation that's a shared universe with the Adam Sandler movie Pixels Sure And so there is a little thing like a big giant Pac-Man running around Yeah, that explains the post-credits scene where a Josh Gad fucks Cubert It happens in pixels, see pixels for that Josh Gad fucks Cubert in pixels And then he has like, he has Cubert baby, they have Cubert babies So wait, they are genetically compatible? Cubert Cubert takes on the form of a... Cubert takes on the form of a sexy video game babe and then... Wait, what? Because, because wait a minute, Cubert is already sexy as Cubert So he becomes even sexier or she? He becomes like a blonde babe, like warrior lady Cubert does Cubert does Like as a gift for Josh Gad for helping like, defeat the aliens? Why would the aliens help him out? Whatever And then Cubert changes into this woman and they get, I guess get married and they have Cubert babies together Like the weird thing is, is that when they fuck, the babies that come out of the woman... Wait, they come out immediately? Do you watch them fuck? You don't watch them fuck It's implied It's implied And I'm sorry, not to be the dead horse here, but Cubert is still in the shape of Cubert So the babies look like Cubert The babies are half Cubert, half Gad No, wait, what? Cubert now looks like a hot lead Yeah, Cubert, okay, so... No wait, that's not real, is it? Cubert has the genetic... Cubert is in the physical form of a hot lady, but still has the genetic material Cubert Cubert, size wise Cubert is little, he's like Cubert size versus human proportions, but can like, gross to giant size So when Gad fucks Cubert, he's fucking somebody of equal status He's fucking a lady that's the same size as him Is it a cameo or is it just an attractive lady? It's just an attractive lady, yeah But it's still anime Cubert is the cameo No, it's a human actor And so he has sex with a normal lady and then she immediately like gives birth to Cubert baby There's a time jump You're saying the gestation period for a Gad Cubert baby is moments? Well, there's a time jump, there's a time jump I want to discuss Cubert and Gad until everyone just leaves the theater Oh my god, I gotta watch pixels That was in the script and people were like, we're gonna make this You guys have to come back when we do that movie They all and the Cuberts are wearing diapers, right? Yeah, they're like baby Cuberts They're baby Cuberts, so she kept this DNA of Cubert Which is weird if you think about it because then like he is fucking cute like it is Cubert It's just Cubert in disguise Wait, does Gad fall in love with Cubert? No He's attracted to the video game He falls in love with the video game, at least she gets killed Who? And then then they win like they went they they beat the pixel aliens And then as a gift they transferred Cubert who was kind of like the funny sidekick this entire time Into that attract the form of that attractive woman So that Gad can get his dick with? So and then yeah and then Gad I guess Marys her has sex with her and has gives birth to Cubert baby This is troubling on men Cubert want any of this What the picture you're writing is about that Aliens come down and are like you're a lady now He loves the lady you got to do this Cubert Like is this does Cubert want any part of this? You can actually I don't know that's a great question I don't know what Cuberts agency is exactly Yeah, he might be stuck in like a hell where Josh Gad is fucking him Do you think they like how many different video game companies do you think they went to to make that ask? Like do they start with like Donkey Kong and they're like like oh yeah we're open to it Okay turns into a lady and then Gad fucks Donkey Kong like no Wait what? Okay Sonic the Hedgehog starts with Sonic the Hedgehog The makers of Joust are even like you know what we want to keep Joust pure We're pretty proud of the Burger Time chef he's off the table for this Is it Namco? This came this close to getting dick dug but we lost him in the last minute Let us guess Gad's gonna fuck Cubert You can figure out how to get his dick past that very airtight costume that he's wearing in dick dug Wasn't Cubert also like a homeless degenerate in Wreck-It Ralph? Oh right yeah that's right What Cubert? Cubert in all senses of like Cubert representation Cubert lives a harrowing existence Cubert is like the vanilla ice of the video game where like yeah I'll do it Home improvement show you got it what do you got? I'm pretty sure there is a scene where vanilla ice and Cubert are probably in frame together in the movie Really? I think vanilla ice is in it right? I think vanilla ice is in it I think vanilla ice is in it What's happening? Sir your name, your name and your question Okay Luke So when movie explains that Daxus is the vice cardinal Where's the cardinal? Interesting Like are they setting up for a sequel? Oh they clearly are setting up for a sequel Oh yeah I mean the one thing about this like movie poster Is it looks like all of her movies too Like she's been in a lot of movies I feel like where she's just got swords or guns She's final, no not final Resident Evil Resident Evil thank you I love all of those Resident Evil movies Cool man All of them What's happening right now? I'm just saying Are we just hanging out now? I'm going Are we just having a cool bro, are we bro-ing out? What's happening? Nothing So maybe that's a good call, that is a good call There might be a- What else are you up to bro? I kind of like the Resident Evil movies too, I'm with you I've never seen one I mean they're not great, they're bad But they're so much better than ultraviolet I mean they're fun, they're fun It's easier to wrap your mind around because there's at least an existing property Like even though this doesn't have much to do with the video games, Umbrella Corporation, Resident Evil This is something I know what this is I would even harken to guess that there's a plot Like these things are out and you gotta kill them and then it'll be okay Like here I don't even know what's going on We tried to go from 80... I don't know, I don't know what's happening here On the way to the theater tonight, I ran a stop sign And I almost got into a terrible car accident And I didn't tell you this before the show because I wanted to surprise you that I nearly died Cool, thanks And literally the last thing I would have done was to see ultraviolet On the recumbent bike On a recumbent bike that didn't work The guy put the seat on upside down What? He put the back of the seat on upside down Yeah, he put it on upside down Also, I paused this movie so many times, it's an hour and 20 minutes And I paused it so many times, I finished right before I left And the last thing, you'd have to lie to my mum or something Tell her I was doing something different Yeah, he died jacking off That's less embarrassing I fell asleep five times in the final ten minutes Like I was like, what is going on with me? Like I was like, once the lights went out and they got into the flaming sword So I was like, who cares? I couldn't keep my eyes open And it was early, like June was having some sort of meeting in the living room And I'm watching it and I'm like, I feel like it was like 8.30 I watched it in the morning, I watched it Friday morning And when I got up and I was kind of like, when you told me what the movie was I was like, oh, you know what, I like dumb action movies, I like Milla Jovich, this will be fun And eight minutes in I said aloud to nobody, this movie sucks Well, let's see what the actors have to say about it This is, I think we'll give us a little bit of insight on this, here we go Who's this guy? I think this is the inventor of Guncata, the writer I can't think of a better person to direct the movie because it clearly is so in his head from the beginning to end Kurt managed to combine the underlying story which has multiple themes And he did it in a way which breaks the convention of the genre It's all in his vision, everything, set, piece, costume, everything I mean, you wrote it, it's very specific of what it is, what his intention is, the story that he wants to tell I heard that Kurt actually wrote the script for me, which is really flattering and exciting So it was like, you know, shook hands and said, alright, see you in Chang'e So it's been over a year now, and I've been preparing The way Wellcome Fickner was describing that, of like, it's all his vision, was so clearly placing the blame on him He's like, yeah, and even the producers are like, you know, he's got it in his head, everything is in his head We were in privy to it, please, please I feel like everyone makes a gamble on people like this because they're like, it could be the next Matrix I don't know, I don't fucking know, like, you know, it's like everyone thinks that they have the next Matrix when they can't understand it But what you forget to realize is the Matrix made total sense Like, it was cool ideas It was just very simple storytelling, you know With the cool ideas around it, it was like, wait, so the baby and what? You can describe the Matrix so simply Matrix one Yes, oh Matrix two and three, once we get to the rave, I genuinely don't know up from that What happens at the test screening of a movie like this? Like, do they test it? Oh yeah, I'm sure that's when they went from 120 minutes to 88 So all the notes of the comment cards they were getting back were like, too easy to follow Makes too much sense Whatever you do, don't re-shoot a frame of this to make sense, yeah No, I Show her reloading more And also shooting a gun like she's throwing stuff This is You're not throwing the bullets out of the gun This is another little thing here that I thought was interesting The film creates a fictional Asian race that speaks a fictional language called Thalandi, which is just Vietnamese So it's a fictional language that is only the actual language, Vietnamese Yep Which people speak that with? I think that may be the... The Ploet Chinois Ploet Chinois, okay But that to me is the shittiest thing of all time I was like, yeah, it's a fictional language I would like a prequel movie I want a prequel movie that is just the Ploet Chinois Oh wait, there's one thing I just remembered Yeah Is there... Does she have inter-dialogue just once in the entire movie when she drops? No, at the end as well Oh, okay Right? Halfway through the movie Is there voice over at the end too, right? Yeah When she drops off the kid in the mall, she's like, wait, what am I doing? And you're like, what? I had to be like, did her mouth move or... Am I having a stroke on this recumbent bike? Obviously we had an opinion about the movie Were you upset that you would die in your car wreck instead of at the hands of Nick Weigher? I'd much rather have Weigher kill me at some point, which you will I went easy on you tonight I was going to talk about how you would have loved those briefcases that had children in them and stuff Jesus Christ You would As an easy way to transport a little kid around A little boy around I went easy on you specifically to not say that I was going to say this thing I was supposed to say thanks Thanks, Mitch I was going to try to be like The movie's actually good But the movie's so bad and I'm mad You could like... I try to find the... I try to find the good... There's literally no good in it It is such garbage It's the worst... It is like maybe the worst movie I've ever seen in my life You're welcome Obviously we have opinions about this movie But there are people out there with a different opinion It is now time for Second Opinions As sung by our friend Ted Hey, I have an opinion And you have one too Let's go to Amazon For a second opinion review Yeah! Give it up for Ted! Great work, Ted Great work Well, I will say These are some of the best Second Opinions I've ever read I had a very, very hard time Cutting them down, so I'm going to read a couple of them I will say that it is amazing to read these Because they all share one thing Which is people are hot and horny From Mila Jojovic And it comes through in these reviews And then... Alright, so this one is like... This one just... Alright, oh man, where should I start? This one is easy, from Dave T I haven't watched it yet But anything Mila Jovovic is in Has to be good She's generally a tough girl But she's not the villain Not sure though about Resident Evil Haven't seen that one either Five stars This one from John N Title, Yup Body Okay, she's just hot Five stars She's one of those people Even we saw it or heard it earlier tonight That just brings out the creep in guys Yeah, this one from Mike People seem to be pretty divided About how they like this movie But I liked it Mila is so, so pretty And it was so nice to see her all the time She really helps this movie a lot But I guess it helps if a person is a guy And single, that means they're really Going to enjoy this movie There was good photography Good sets and good music I like it when a movie has good music And I like the way it didn't become night Whenever there was a battle scene There's plenty of light So people could see what was going on Five stars Wow, as a single guy This one is from a forward observer And the title is Runway Modeling in our 21st century And I'm just picking up in the middle here Because that's what I had to do with a couple of these They're long We are sometimes lulled And more often enlivened by the sensuous And sultry sound of her voice Mesmerized and transfixed by the resolute Regardless of her eyes, her mouth, and her face And alerted and attracted to her youthful grace Her confident punch And all else the amazing martial arts The exceptional motorcycle stunts The thoroughly surprising architectural elements Of Shanghai, China, and the ever more Alluring sequence of lush costumes and lavish sets Though beautifully choreographed, vibrantly Hewed and fascinatingly textured Whoa, it's really reassuring To know such a creature as Mila In habits our planet Five stars Creature Oh, god There's also something about reading these With that frozen image behind them As if she doesn't like it either She's like, ehh This is from Lori I love this movie so much So much that I had to rent it twice Then I bought it And now it's going on my iPod If you watch it from the beginning Don't be high Pay attention What? But if you're watching it from the end Be high as you are It's got a cool, futuristic lifestyle going on And I like that Who knows where our future will bring us? I wonder about stuff like that a lot Oh, god Is it possible for some of these things to happen one day? I don't know Watch it and be prepared for pure entertainment Five stars And then I will go to the last two This one, short one from Stephanie E Who we've read before Where Jason said that you thought this one was pretty horny She said... Wait, the same person? Yes How? Are we dragging these people? This is Nate Kiley's research He has a good memory Okay, what do we got? I wish I could change my hair color that easy Five stars Still sounds horny Alright, so this one's a little long Just bear with me because I think it's interesting Okay, it's Michael And the title is What You May Not Know About Mila Jodjevic Okay, I'm reviewing another movie featuring the phenomenal Miss Jodjevic Because beside the fact that I thought this was another killer movie by MJ But also because of the trivia I read going along with this one I always knew MJ was bad to the bone But I had no idea what she accomplished at this point And far earlier in her career This lady was modeling, acting, dancing And an established fashion designer She's immensely wealthy Before she was even in her teens Throughout her early life From most child prodigies, Crash and Burn She created an empire And drove forward the market herself Onto an astonishing, successful And extremely wealthy individual Her workout regimen and is uncompromising And would kill a lesser person By the time she became By the time she began acting more or less full time She could speak a dozen languages Her IQ is off the charts She amassed a huge fortune While most young adults are still struggling to Quote on quote, find themselves She's 415 years old She invented fireworks She can act as well as perform her own superhuman stunts Yes, folks, she does her own stunts The ultraviolet didn't do as well at the blocks office Some of her more popular films, like Fifth Element It's an amazing accomplishment, nonetheless And the list keeps growing Wow, five stars I feel like that review Could grant her a restraining order I don't know who he's fighting Like, who, I mean That's like a biography that you would read in a fifth grade class Before she was in her teens She was one of the most well-respected fashion designers In the world She speaks high valeriant There are literally pages and pages And I'm not gonna bore you with it But you're fastening just back story On IMDB trivia about all the technology in the movie That it feels like the director got on there And was like, let me lay it out for you In very long, wordy passages I mean, it's sort of like, you know The technology mainly takes form of an easily overlooked wristband Although one-inch scabbards holding 42-inch swords Are also seen, handguns with 18-inch bayonets And the sword and the 16-inch grips And ammunition is also hidden in this manner The bolts flying from the wristbands into the magazines on command And it's like, the technology is also used to create Habitable pocket dimensions such as a briefcase backpack Oh, that's what it is Yeah, so there it is Oh, now it makes sense Yeah, and like Garth's whole research lab Is just in a different dimension Yeah, we didn't know any of that Garth is in another dimension in the entire movie, really? Well, that's why his truck can be like a big giant lab, I guess Oh Because it's like, it's kind of like Hermione's purse Oh, okay Or it's like the tents in Harry Potter It might look like a little pup tent But when you get in, it's like a whole big thing So the final shot, which is the red-mac truck coming at the camera Is that his lab? Yeah, okay So when they're inside his world, they're inside his truck It's just enormous because it's in a pocket dimension So where's the little boy when he's in the backpack suitcase What dimension is he in? Who knows, man He's in some dimension, he's with the bullets He's like, all these fucking bullets in here Just clanging around in here Like bayonets are stabbing Shit Get out of here Well, before I ask you guys if you'd recommend this movie Because I think it's a real question Here's what the end VO is Yes, I was born into a world you might not understand But a world has a turning point That's a romantic shot Still is In my body You'd be able to fix it The way another had cured my soul Maybe, maybe not But this I do now All those still out there who spread oppression And justice and hatred They better hope not The end Even comic book font, which is annoying There should have been a question mark at the end there too I've thought for sure there was going to be a post credit sequence Nothing really puts an exclamation point on a film like Bold Comic Sans Oh man, well Jason would recommend this movie No, this movie is legitimately bad And it's not fun enough to get to worth it for me, I don't think No, it's not a, no I'm glad that we watch it in this conversation Is better than the movie But you shouldn't subject yourself to that Nick No, fuck no, I mean it's, it's joyless That's the thing, there's something, you know like a bad movie Some of it is like, oh this is fun, you guys know something It's a blast, there's nothing fun about this It's just a slog And the fact that it makes no sense makes it feel It's 88 minutes and it feels interminable Yeah, it really, and it, I feel like there was, it's almost like an overloading of ideas in a way Cause it's like, oh these are all, any of these things would be interesting if it wasn't all just jammed in there It was like just closing that closet door and like enjoy it Like it was almost like, if there's enough stuff you'll like it But it just, yeah, it just falls apart Mike, I know you like this Yeah, I liked it No, I mean I think it is maybe one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life I've not even been kidding around I thought I was gonna try to be contrarian in some way But Force Awakens is much better than it Every, any movie is much better than, I think Nick's right It's just, it's, it's, like it doesn't do bad fun Like there's no, like you can't have fun with the badness of it Like what was the truck at the end? I don't even know what the truck was And the truck is coming at it, it doesn't make any sense I mean basically the last 40 seconds of this movie is all CGI Like shitty, shitty CGI Right And she doesn't even seem to care She's like, will I get fixed? Maybe, maybe not But, but is she like happy with the fact that she turned that kid into a vampire? Yeah, which means that it's 12 years, he'll be dead when he's like 16 I guess so Or, well, she's not four, but he'll be, like Well, I mean, he won't be dead because, he won't be dead because he's her Oh, but he's a, he is a, he's a little boy, right? Shit happens, man But yeah, no, I, I, yeah, no, it's, it's bad, it's, yeah, it was depressingly bad Well, I feel it's the exact same way I echo everything that everybody says It was, uh, interesting that a movie that seemingly, like that seems like it cost a lot of money Would be like no one stopped it Uh, it, it, uh I'm curious how much it costs Oh, not that bad See, that's why I feel like she's the biggest movie star It's all CGI, so I feel like, and it's not well done, so I'm gonna say like 22 million Okay, anybody else want to take any guesses on the budget of the movie? 40 million, okay I'm gonna say, oh god, 15 million, I'll go low All right, it's 30 million dollar budget Opening weekend was 9 million dollars In the United States it made 18 million And in the world it made 31 million dollars So it made back its money Well, yeah Well, I mean, yeah We don't know what they spent on the rest, but Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right The P&A on this is probably, uh, 50 cents Wasn't there some sort of, wasn't ultraviolet the name of some sort of other DVD thing they were doing? Oh, it was like, it was like Blu-ray HD DVD, but oh yeah Wasn't there something like a retroviolet was the thing, right? Somebody explain it very quick Oh, right, it was the digital code, like you would get the DVD and then you could put the thing in your... But was it named after this movie? iTunes, right? Free download when you bought the DVD Free download when you buy it Yeah Was it based on this movie? No, no, I mean like was it related to this movie somehow? Well, I will tell you the one interesting spin-off of this movie was it made a... He finally did get to make a comic or a cartoon because it was spun off into an animated series Two years later called...it was called...sorry, I'm finding it right here Family guy Yes It was turned into the show Bob's Burgers F is for family It's called Ultraviolet Code 44 So if you guys want to find Ultraviolet Code 44 You get deeper into the world You can get your answers about the grandmaster, whoever that person was The Archduke, whatever his name was So that's that And let me just say just so I can plug it so you guys don't have to The Dope Boys is one of my favorite podcasts I will second that Oh, God bless you, thank you Every week you guys go to a different chain restaurant Whether it is something as simple as like a Starbucks to a Red Lobster to In-N-Out And you're connoisseurs of this food Can we counter you? Yeah It's bad It's terrible Here's what I like about it And because yes, it is It is you guys and a guest reviewing and talking about a meal you've had at a fast food restaurant You ranking the restaurants, etc For me, it is a story of two men who are growing to loathe each other It is a journey from friendship to murder-suicide And that's what I find compelling Well, and I will then jump on that And I think I understand why it's happening Because I have done one of these episodes You feel physically ill after doing the episode Because the food you're eating is bad And I feel like you guys are poisoning yourselves Right And then that's it I texted John Gabris when you guys did the thing where he ate 100 chicken wings or something He ate 100 chicken He ate 600 chicken McNuggets Two chicken nuggets And I was like, oh, have you died? I was like, I'm concerned for his safety Yeah Yeah, no, that's why I got this recumbent bicycle Good Because this show is killing us I did a high-end restaurant with you guys We did a tie-in with Haddits Get Made We did the Bubba Gump restaurant And I thought that was going to be fine And I wasn't Even that was really bad Yeah, no, we're going to die at some point soon But we kind of both We welcome death Yeah And Mike, when is Love coming back up? Love comes back in, I think around Valentine's Day, season three comes up Okay, nice Yeah, tune in Very good Nick, anything else you want to plug? No, I'm good Jason I'm okay, thanks There's a fucking bug Plugging that bug And I will just plug Wet Out American Summer Ten years later on Netflix I have a small part in that And then this movie Opening Night that I did also I think it's actually pretty funny also on Netflix And there's two Watch the one that looks like I would be in it Alright, big thanks to Averill Halley Who cut all these clips Nick Kiley did all of her research Kelly Alto, who puts this whole thing together July, the I's up in the booth Alec, up in the booth Everybody here at Largo, thank you guys so much for coming out Why have I asked my age fat guy I found on Angie.com to change my grandpa's trachea tube? Because I was so amazed by how quickly he replaced our air ducts I knew I could trust him to change pop-ups too while I was on vacation Make it quick, young man Aw, see? 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