Getting Clarity Around Your Money Changes Everything

Hey, before we get rolling, listen up, if you want to win with money in 2026, you can't keep living normal, normal's broke. You need a plan. Get a personalized plan and start living like no one else by downloading our every dollar app today. Normal is broke and common sense is weird. So we're here to help you transform your life. From the Ramsey Network in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio, this is the Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell joined by Jade Warsha, this hour. The number to call is triple 8-825-225. It's your show. We're here to help you take the right next step for your life and your money. Rihanna is with us in Minneapolis. Rihanna, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much for having me today. Yeah, absolutely. How can we help? So I just have a question for you guys. So was I bright to break off the engagement because of long-term money issues and bad spending habits? I've always been disciplined with saving and planning for money, and buddies struggle to look over spending and staying employed. Now that he's moved out, I've taken on full financial responsibilities myself. How can I stay on top of my bills while saving and protecting my future? Ooh, that was like 20 things in one. Okay, we'll tackle the first part first. So were you right to break this off because of red flags that we're not attended to that he clearly, this was a value you had. And this is a value every woman has is if I'm going to marry some guy, he's got to be able to do at least two things. Provide and protect. That's the reason why we find a mate, primarily speaking. And you're saying he can't provide for the future. This was a red flags that this guy can't hold a job. He's going to continually go into debt, put us in a financial bind. Therefore, I'm out. And essentially, he opted out of this engagement by continuing these habits that you made clear. Am I hearing that right? Yes, that's correct. Wow. I mean, that's your choice. That's your progress. I say bullet dodged because it's either this or a divorce later on. I'd rather, you know, nip it in the bud while we can. Yeah, so many people, I would really, I mean, I wasn't there. I'm just going by what you said, but based on what you said, I would applaud you for it because so many people ignore red flags because you get so far down the line. I can't turn back now. And it's kind of like a sunk cost area. They go, well, he'll change once we're married. Hmm. Well, never going to happen. Okay. Now, if he called into the show, Brianna, what would he say if he were to defend his honor? You know, I, I would say that he, he's always tried to maintain a job, but it's just never worked out. Before I previously knew him, he was employed for seven years doing software sales. And now he just can't ever since I got together with any can't hold a job just because the market's been so unsteady. And how long was the entire thing? How long was the dating and then the, the engagement? Total, everything was about two and a half years. Listen, I think that's long enough to get a read on the situation. It's not like this was super fast. I, I think that I'm, again, I wasn't there, but you made the choice. You had enough time to see a track record. And you seem like your thoughts are composed. So I'm going to ride with you on this because you are the one telling us your side of it. And it makes sense to me. Now he could call in and say something different, but still at the end of the day, it's your choice. So. Yeah. Thank you. So what's the second part of the question? Yeah. So I would like to be able to better acknowledge it, taken on, I've asked him to move out. I've taken on full financial responsibility of like paying our rent and then while we were together, I purchased a car because I was able to make up that payment with having him here. Now that I hold on, Brianna, you went into debt during the engagement? Yes. And that was primarily because he kept telling me that I needed a new car. What were you driving before? I was driving a Nissan Altima that needed quite a bit of maintenance. Got you. And what did you get? What did you? I got a 2025 Mazda CX 70. What do you owe? I owe about 50 on that. Shoot. What do you make? I make about about $100,000 a year. That's a lot of car even for your income. Is that your only debt or you have more? I have about 15 grand in student loans and then I have like two grand and credit card debt, but that's it. Okay. Here's my thing, Brianna. I was really team Brianna and now the more I hear you, the more I go, I'm not sure you believe in your own principles. Because you wanted this guy to clean up his act financially while you were at a compless to the crimes. So it's like, how am I supposed to take you seriously if I'm the fiance going? You really need to get better with your spending habits and then I'm over here financing a $50,000 car. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's difficult because he drives a BMW X4M competition. So it was really difficult to get a nice car. So you're trying to keep up with him and it's his phone. Yeah. But still, it was like lifestyle. It does seem like though it was more. Can I, I'm a ride on the fence on this. I hear what Georgia is saying and he is not wrong. But the other part is I feel like you were more on the why doesn't he have a job regularly. Side of things. Yeah, that's you. Is the fact that it will this guy be employed or will he be sitting on my couch all day when I come home? Is that did I get that right? Yeah. And that's kind of what it had been before too. So that's why I asked him to move out of it because to your I am playing devil's advocate here. I'm just I'm just letting you know. She got me riled up. It's all I'm saying. She got a plank and her eye and she's looking at the spec in his because here's the thing. There are plenty of people in the world who are fine with debt. We know that we don't agree with that. But playing people are like, yeah, I got my card note my credit card. For a lot of people, that's not the problem. The problem is when you have somebody who's not working and seems like they might not be able to hold a job and seems like they might be a tad bit lazy. I could see how that's a bigger red flag to you in the grand scheme of things. That being said, you can't be the cut. What is it? The pot calling the kettle black black. Yeah. No, I see both sides. I think you are right to break off the engagement and I think we need to accept a little more responsibility that we weren't quite the angel that we maybe made ourselves out to be. And he's the devil here. I think both of you had bad money habits. Both of you struggled with money moves and you were looking to him to be a leader and guide you and he couldn't do that. He was in a place of weakness too. And so it's hard to fault him for that as much as I want to back. Well, this guy's trash and you should. I think you both have some things to work on. Can we agree? Yes. No, I completely agree. And I hope that if this is a value you have, I want someone who can provide for me. I don't think that means I want someone who can float my lifestyle no matter what and afford a payment. I want you to reframe this and go, how can I put myself in such a good financial position? Then when I do meet the right guy, we are building wealth together instead of just making stupid decisions together. And there's part of this where if, let's say you, you know, you've broken it off, you guys have gone your separate ways. If it's meant to be, you could go get back together. Like you could give him a, that could have been the kick in the butt that he needed to go out and really show improve who he's going to be. Because the truth is you've just never seen it. And it's hard to, like you want to see. You don't want all the talking. You want somebody to be about it. I love that Jade is not giving up on love here. Is there a shot this could still work, Brianna? Or is this like long gone? You know, we've tried to make it work. But we still look like this. I just, I've seen each other and stuff. But it's just that I don't see any motivation from him to want to be better. He's determined to get a job that's been in the process of about six weeks now. And he's doing any kind of work? No. What's he doing all day? I don't think I know. I think you better cut it loose. Yeah. Well, the writing is on the wall, Brianna. And the good news is you're going to be real busy cleaning up this mess of your own for a while. And I think you also, we need to own up to the fact that we made a lot of decisions that were codependent and hinging on someone we weren't married to. I can make the rent as long as he pays. I can make the payment as long as he's in my life. And I think all of that is why we tell people never combine financial lives. Or for that matter, physical lives living together before you're married. It just gets too messy because this could be on the other side. And yeah, now you're going to feel that being the only one covering that rent. Yeah, I'm wishing you the best as you clean this up. Personally, I would sell that car as soon as possible. I wouldn't even work on paying it off. I would get rid of it. There's no reason you need to be driving a $50,000 car walking out of this mess. So best of luck to you, Brianna. Hey, it's Dave Ramsey. You've heard me talk about the importance of giving. And I love that Zander Insurance lives that out. This month, Zander is donating 25% of all ID theft protection sales to Team Rubicon, a veteran led disaster response organization that deploys wherever disaster strikes, boots on the ground, helping families rebuild and offering real hope for communities in crisis. Zander has been supporting causes like Team Rubicon for over a decade, donating over half a million dollars. That kind of track record shows I can trust them, not just with my money, but helping protect my identity too. Zander's ID theft protection plan is the only one I recommend because let's face it. Identity theft is out of control. In today's online world, it's not a matter of if, but when. Zander's plan is comprehensive, affordable, and you can even give it as a gift. So protect your family and support a powerful mission this Christmas. Go to zander.com or call 800-356-4282. That's zander.com. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell joined by Jade Warshall. The number to call is AAA 825-5225. Don't be scared. You can't DM. You got to call in. It's the only way my Gen Z friends. I know it's uncomfortable to call on a phone, but they still do that. You can't text in. One day we'll get there. That'll be like our Patreon edition. That'll be fun. All right. Gabrielle is on the line in Detroit. Gabrielle, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you. My question is, should I apply for my first credit card so I don't have to continue paying for everything in cash? No. Where is this government from? I think it's from my own bank account. I think it's from my own bank account. So right now you're paying for everything with actual physical dollars? Cash, I mean, as in, we'll get that and just money in my bank account. Like your own money. Okay. And so what is your fear with using your own money from your own bank account with a debit card? I guess, I mean, I know that a credit card can help me build my credit. I do have other lines of credit open. sounds silly, but it's kind of hard to let go of some cash all at once. So the idea of paying it in increments by the due date is somewhat appealing. What if I told you that that is that's your body saying don't make a stupid decision. When you say letting go of a lot of money at once, what would be the purchase here? I don't have anything in particular, just my day to day transaction. So things like groceries, gas, maybe like a leisurely item here and there. So you'd rather lump it all into one giant mountain and then 30 days later, have that come out of your account if you're lucky. I guess not. That's even scarier to me because I've been there. Yeah. I was that guy who opened the credit card to build the credit who racked up a bunch of dead on there and the parents, the balance carried. So I'm telling you as a guy who did this, you don't want to do this. How old are you? I'm 24. Okay. Have you ever had a credit card? No. Wow. And you've survived to tell the tale. I just think it's interesting. Okay. Our screen says I don't want to pay for everything in cash, which kind of feels a little bit like. It doesn't feel like it's as much of a credit card and building is it for building credit or is there something else behind this? Like are you? I'm just trying to understand because this might sound simple, but in my mind, I'm thinking if I want to buy something, I should use my money to buy it. That's the whole purpose of working is so that you have money to purchase the things that you want and need and you feel purpose in doing that. And so I, there's part of me that kind of feels like credit cards take away that feeling of satisfaction. I've worked my, the money I've earned is good enough for me and I can use that money to make my purchases. Where does that bother you? Like I'm trying to understand kind of your take on this. Like I said, I guess just, you know, people always tell me that you should have a credit card to build your credit. I don't know if I should need that. Just my friends and family are your friends. I'm standingly wealthy that you look up to them and go, I want to be them when I grow up. Not exactly. So there's one reason to not listen to them. There's, there's a fine. There's a foundational difference here. And so where George and I are coming from is where I mean, you might be new to this show, but everyone here is kind of of the mind, not kind of we are of the mind that we don't need or rely on credit at all for our lives because like I said before, we have jobs, our jobs earn money and we've learned to live on the money that we earn. And when we do that, we keep ourselves out of debt and we keep ourselves out of risk in general in life because we're just using and spending the money that we have. We're using that money to pay for our day to day needs. We're using that money to save up emergency funds so that we don't need to rely on credit cards. And so that's where George and I are approaching this. And it sounds like some of the people that you've been talking to have a different view of life and their view of life is your money is not enough. And so you have to get credit because they can give you the money you need to have the lifestyle you want. And the only way to get credit is if you can have debt. And so it's this, it's this ping pong between debt and building credit and more debt and building credit. And when you do your life like that, you're just constantly caught in that, that limbo, you're never debt free and you're never actually living on the money that you earn and you're in this constant state of risk to play that game when you don't have to. That's understandable. I appreciate you sharing that. You know, and I want to take it a step further and George can help me with this because I think Gabrielle, what happens? It's truly, and I don't say this to be ugly to anybody. I truly think a lot of people don't know and don't have the education to understand. You can buy cars without a credit score and you can get apartments without a credit score and you can buy homes without a credit score. They that's not taught in our culture. I mean, we're really the only ones talking about it over here at Ramsey Solutions. And it's become controversial over time just to pay cash for things because when you pay cash for things, no one's really making any additional money off of you. So a lot of companies don't like that. They don't like that. We say this and I kind of want you to hear that. Like we're teaching you something that you can live and be self sustainable and no one's constantly making money off you. Right? They're not making money off you on interest and payments and late fees. That's that's really what this argument is about. You don't have to play that game. So I hope you hear that with a clear, you know, what is it? Clear minds clear hearts. Yes. Clear eyes clear. Clear eyes full hearts can't lose. Thank you. Thank you James. Texas forever. I'm curious. You said you wanted this to build credit. Why do you feel like you need to build credit? I guess in case I ever needed to take like another loan out in the future because right now, like I said, I do have three other lines of credit open. What are those lines of credit? I have a mortgage, a car loan in some student loans. OK. And so your path is let's get more lines of credit to get more lines of credit to get more debt to get more lines of credit. That seems to be the path. I guess that's what I thought I should be doing. Well, I'm trying to what I'm trying to do is unravel this to show you the insanity that America has fallen into. And so when you really look at what credit scores are for, it's a, it's a magic number that was given to us by the credit gods to get us into more debt. And so when you decide I'm done with debt, I don't want a car loan anymore. I don't want the student loan anymore. You no longer have a need for credit. And even when it comes to buying a house, I bought a house with no credit score. And we teach people save up and pay for a car you can afford in cash. And then you don't need credit because they don't check your credit score when you pay cash. Because let's just play this out down the line, Gabrielle. What happens if you, what happens if you do what you called in to do, what you just say, you know what? I don't want to use my own money anymore. I'm going to use credit credit cards. What happens is each month you have a revolving balance. And if you're lucky, you pay it off. If you're not, you keep some of it there. And so you end up now with a car note, a student loan, and then credit cards. And my question for you was, what does that get you? If you do that, what are you getting out of this deal? Besides debt. I guess the material item of whatever it was I purchased. Which was probably not a wise purchase. And here's what I found. When you use someone else's money, you look at it differently. When you use your own money, you start to go, oh crap, that's money leaving my bank account right now. Well, that's science, George. Like that's actual, there's actual psychological studies on what happens when you use credit card that's plastic versus credit card that's your debit card versus cold hard cash. Your body becomes more and more removed from the process, the more and more it's removed from being actual money in your hand, even something like Apple pay, even though it's your money. But their tagline is cashless made effortless. They want to make spending so effortless. And here's what I found Gabrielle now for 10 years living with a debit card. When it hurts less, it costs more. You spend more. You're hoping you can make the payment. You're lucky to make the payment. I found when I use my debit card, I don't need hope or luck. I actually actually pay attention to my money. And when I run out, I can't spend anymore. And to me, that is a great way to build wealth. And it adds really healthy guardrails. So that's why I'm recommending all of this to you. And I unpack all of this in the credit card's chapter of my new book Breaking Free From Broke. I'm telling you, you will want to take a shower after reading that chapter. I unpack the studies. I go through every objection that's in your mind. I'll show you how to live life outside of the credit card and credit score system. So hang on the line. Our team's going to pick up and we will gift to you, Breaking Free From Broke. You can choose audiobook, e-book, the hardcover copy. However you like to read, we want to make sure we get it into your ears or in your hands. Thank you so much for the call. Great question. Love your heart around this. And I hope we've convinced you to stay away from these gross companies. Because listen, capital ones out here sponsoring the Taylor Swift Tour, we can't afford tickets to the Taylor Swift Tour. Who is winning here? It's not us. It's the companies with the big buildings downtown. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Rachel Cruz. The holidays are here, which means family time and giving back and remembering what the season is all about. And let's be real. It also means shopping. Y'all, if you're anything like me, December gets really busy and really expensive. It's harder to stay intentional with your spending. And that's why I love shopping on Amazon, especially this time of year. Named the lowest priced US online retailer for nine years running by Profitero, a third party analytics and research firm, Amazon's prices are up to 14% lower across top categories, and beat competitors by up to 5% in key gift categories. Between amazing deals, stress free shopping and fast shipping, Amazon makes gift giving simpler, the holiday season a little brighter and helps me keep my budget in check. That allows me to get back to enjoying the season. What more could a busy mom ask for? So for more information about Amazon's low prices and easy affordable holiday shopping head to Amazon today. You're listening to the Ramsey Show. Thanks for being here. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me is bestselling author, George Campbell. Today's question of the day is brought to you by Y. ReFive. If you're in over your head with private student loans, entire of getting calls from collection agencies, I know how that feels. You need Y. ReFive. Y. ReFive refinances defaulted private student loans that other places won't touch. And they give you a low fixed rate loan that's built for you. So go to Y. ReFive.com slash Ramsey today. That's the letter Y. R. E. F. Y. dot com slash Ramsey. It may not be available in all states. Today's question comes from Peter in Wisconsin. My son let his home get to within 10 days of foreclosure before telling my wife and me that they were in trouble. He has $350,000 in equity. I could not let this happen, so I paid the 35,000 that was owed, which made them current on their loan. I've explained to him and his wife they need to sell the house and get the equity out and start using the Ramsey plan to manage their money. Now they won't talk to me or my wife. Did I do the right thing and helping them out? Well, clearly not, if it destroyed the relationship. I think it was well intended and a very sweet thing to do, but the problem is they didn't seem to ever ask for your help or your opinion in these matters. And it all has to do with how you explained it where you like, look at what you did. You guys never should have been, you know, like that's different than explaining it in a better way. No, he seems a go wonderful person. I think it's, I think it's on them that, you know, they reacted this way because he said before telling my wife that they were in trouble. So he came to him. Yeah. He's before, for, for closing. This has clearly been going on for months. This foreclosure doesn't happen after one month of a payment and he goes, hey, we're in trouble. So clearly he was looking for help by going to the parents letting them know about this problem. And so I think truthfully, there's a lot of shame and guilt here. I think you're right. And now it's, it makes the relationship kind of like a business transaction where you, you come across like a lender and that's awkward because I need a daddy to swoop in and fix my mess. Well, they don't say that there is an interesting piece missing from this on whether or not the kids owe the 35,000 back to mom and dad. It doesn't sound like he wants or needs the money. So yeah, if he said, well, when I asked for the money, they stopped talking. Right. That would make more sense versus a gift of like, hey, listen, I'm going to get you guys out of this bind, but you kind of please follow this plan. I bet it was a well-intended situation. But my word is, if you didn't save them, like they're going to be right back in this mess. And so, exactly what would love for them to follow the plan. I think they couldn't, they clearly could not afford the mortgage. Even getting them current on the loan doesn't solve their problem. That's why he's saying you guys need to sell the house, get the equity out, do this the right way. So my fear is they end up right back here and go, dad, I'm in a bind again. We're behind three months on payments because they didn't actually change their habits. Yeah. I agree with you, George. Matter of fact, James, I think we need to add a segment where we show up at the people's door who did the question of the day and we can ask them more questions about their questions. Call into the show and maybe we can talk more through it. It's a very interesting situation. It is. But did I do the right thing in helping them out? I think it was a noble thing to do. It's what, you know, personally, I love my daughter. If she was in a bind, I would do anything. 100%. Yeah. But again, if she didn't ask for it, I don't know. But they asked. He came to me with the problem. My daughter knocks on my door and says, hey, we're on the brink of foreclosure. I'm going to do whatever I can to help them out. Yeah. And then steer them to the plan. So I don't know that I could have done anything differently. Yeah. I mean, it's different. There's one thing. It's kind of like, you don't want to be an enabler. Like if it was a situation where this has been going on for a long time and helping them would be in a sense, keeping a drunk drink or it's very possible that they just had, you know, a slurry of really tough things happen and it just resulted in this, you know, foreclosure situation. A mom and dad were like, listen, we can help. You know, so more details are needed. But George, I think you're exactly right. I would have been like, hey, I'll give you the 35, but you guys are going to go through financial peace university tomorrow. Yeah. Matter of fact, if we can send that to Peter to send to the son in daughter, that's great. Yeah. All right, producer James. Yeah, we'll try to. We'll give that to them as a gift and see if we can get them on track because I want to help them for the rest of their life, not one time in a bind. Yeah. That's good. All right. We've got Anne and St. Cloud, Minnesota. What's going on, Anne? Hi. This is Anne. Thanks for taking a call today. Sure. What's up? So my question for you is, basically, should I quit my job? So a little bit of background, my husband and I, we got married, had a baby and bought a house all in one year. I hear that baby. He and the holiday. Yeah. He is going to be a little bit whining in the background. So my apologies. Did you say you got married, bought a house, and had a baby all in hell long? And then, yeah. Mama, okay. And what's your current job? Yeah. So I work as a administrator for a ministry. And the problem is there is morally corrupt stuff going on with the leadership. Yeah. It's so unfortunate. It was like a dream job when I took it. And so good for our family. But now it's like, I kind of have no choice but to leave. Yeah. And then just kind of, we know you're leaving. We need to line something up. I don't want you just quitting and going, well, I'll just figure it out over the next four months. Yeah. What's the income you need to try to make up here? Well, bare bones budget. My husband and I will be able to make it by without even dipping into our emergency funds. So that's the good thing. So living off of his income? Yes. He can take overtime, which is super, super helpful. But it's not a way to live. So what were you making? I was making about 3,800 a month. Okay. So we need to make up that income or at least most of it. And that's kind of the thing. My husband's really supportive. But I don't know what my next step is. And I don't want to put my child in daycare. So I might look for some at-home admin work. But I'm really just not even sure where to start. Well, let's kind of start by looking at the financial picture so we can know what needs to be done. What baby step are you guys in? Do you have debt? Luckily, we're in baby steps 4, 5, and 6. Good. Okay. How much is in the emergency fund? We have about $36,000. Wow. That's a big old emergency fund. Is that too much? Well, it sounds like it's a lot more than six months based on what you've told me. Yeah, both of our take home pay is about $7,500 a month. Okay, altogether. Okay, good. So you- So you're looking more for help on the career side of what to do next for a job? I'm looking for that. And just if I can afford to stay home with him too. So could I afford to- Well, you just told us on a bare bones budget you can get by, but that's if he works over time. So it's not super sustainable. And you said that's no way to live. So we need to get his income up or you need to work part time in order for this to make sense. So what would it look like? You know, you were doing the job in the ministry. Is that something that you would want to do again at another ministry? Do you know, tell us more about what you feel like you're qualified to do and the work that you would want to do. I put her on hold with the baby, Ellen. You can get her back, Jade. Let's see. Where is she? Line 2. Sorry about that, Ann. That is. Okay. That baby's got pipes. I know. I think I'll just kind of give you the synopsis of what I think. I think you guys need to get onto every dollar. Do you have every dollar? We do. Okay. Then I think you guys need to get on there and figure out, okay, what amount of money? Because it may not be a full 3,800, but what amount of money would take you out of that unsustainable place to where it's like, okay, we're not on bare bones. Husbands not having to work over time all the time. And we can kind of live a life like this. And maybe it is 3,800. But then after that, it's all about you sitting down and going, okay, what can I do? What would I like to do? And then I'm getting on all the sites. I'm getting on Glassdoor. I'm looking to see what's available. I'm looking for work from home options. I'm looking for part time options. And I think at this point, you're just kind of pounding the pavement as they say and knocking on doors to get another job. And we can help you with that. Ken Coleman has a great book called Find the Worker Wire to Do because maybe this is the career path in the administrative space. Maybe it's not. So we're going to send you this resource with that. You're going to get the Get Clear career assessment. Take that. And then start talking to your friends and say, hey, does this line up? All of this assessment stuff, what on right? Does this line up with who you know me to be? My personality, what on wire to do? And that might be a work from home admin job. It might be something else. And maybe you go, makes some crazy money and you go, I want to get a full-time nanny in house. Because I don't want to do daycare. You have the options, but we do have to figure out the financial piece. Yeah. But the good news in this is because you guys did the right thing, it frees you up to now for you to be able to do the right thing with this job. You don't have to stay in a job where morality is being questioned or negative things are happening or even illegal things. I don't know what's going on over there, but you got the emergency fund and you can get out and you can get another job. Hopefully, that pays more. This is the Ramsey Show. If you missed open enrollment, don't panic. Most health plans lock you out for the year if you didn't sign up by December. But Christian health care ministries let you join anytime. CHM offers a simple, flexible and budget-friendly alternative to health insurance and you can join anytime. That's right. No open enrollment deadlines. CHM is perfect if you're self-employed, starting a business or in-between jobs because it gives you options without those out-of-control co-bure costs. And CHM is an insurance. It's a community of believers coming together to share medical bills and pray for one another. It's real peace of mind. You're not just sharing costs, you're sharing community. And families have trusted CHM since 1981 with billions of dollars and medical bills shared. You can see any doctor or hospital you want with no network restrictions and members say that they often save hundreds of dollars a month compared to traditional insurance. So make a change that fits your budget and your values. Check out CHministries.org slash budget to learn more. That's CHministries.org slash budget. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell joined by Jade Warshoff. We didn't know we've got a Ramsey network app where you can tune in to all of the shows, distraction free, including this show. All three hours are in the app. And we also have a place where you can ask questions and we'll occasionally answer those on air. So this one is from Dylan from the Ramsey network app. What does he have to say, Jade? Yeah, he says my fiance has college grants and scholarships which she won't qualify for both our incomes. Okay. Should we wait to get married so she can graduate debt free? Wow. Wow. That's very interesting. What an intersection. I want to know more. I want to know what the timeframe is. Like are we talking six months? You know, are we talking years? Or years? I want to know more about this. My thought. Can we cash flow if we don't get the grants and scholarships? Can we still cash flow? Yes. And avoid debt. I mean, there's part of this where I go, okay, I'm thinking traditional college student. So maybe she's what, 18, 19 going in. I don't know. George, I feel like we need more information. I'm going to say if it's a year to postpone it, maybe, and I want to know how much school is we talking about. And when did you plan on getting married? Were you going to wait for her to graduate anyways? Yeah. Yeah. So many questions, so little answers. So little answers. I can't answer this in good faith and really know what's going on. And how much would we be? Is it we talking $100,000? Right. Or are we talking $40,000? I don't know. Can you even go to school for $40,000? It's an interesting one though. Dylan. I don't think there's a straight answer here of absolutely you should wait or absolutely don't wait and just cash flow it. But Dylan, call it. I want to know more about this. I know. And does it have to be for the entire four years? Or are we talking semester by semester? Maybe you take it semester by semester and go, okay, you know, she starts, okay, it's about to be November. So the new semester comes up here after Christmas break. Maybe she does that one and you guys reassess and go, can we cash flow the rest and just combining comes and get married and we've got it from here. So that would kind of be my thing is how can we put ourselves into position to not need the grants and scholarships if we're itching to get that wedding and get married? Yeah. Well, either way, either way we don't go into debt. I think that's the key point coming out of here. That's not on the table and if that, if it means you have to wait a little bit, that might be the question, the solution. All right, we got to know that was good. Good question though. All right. It was all right. We need more details. Let's go to Todd and Phoenix who we can actually talk to. That's nice. Todd, what is happening with you? Okay. My wife and I were kind of going back and forth selling our home to pay off debt. I've been kind of in it to get the last few years. We can all say that at some point in our lives. We can't do for having the self awareness. Yes. Hold money out when you know, to build a pool and do some things we probably didn't need to do. And you know, we, I guess the issue we pay our bills, we eat, we live, you know, pretty normal lives. But it's gotten tighter and tighter and it feels like we're not, we're not really moving at all, kind of just spinning our wheels and so. What's your household income? About one seven D. And how much consumer debt do you have? Everything but the mortgage. About one eighty two. Okay. Yeah, you're feeling it. What kind of so yeah, tell us, can you break down that one eighty two and by the way, does that include the mortgage? Yeah. No. Oh, it doesn't. Okay. Can you break it down for us? So I did a he lock for sixty and build a pool and actually paid off paid off some debt with that, which we then kind of racked up again. Another personal loan for about fifty seven. I've got a car loan that's got seventeen on it. What was the personal loan? Would you spend the fifty is it fifty seven thousand or fifty seven hundred? Fifty seven thousand. Okay. What was that for? Really stupid. I outsmart myself some time to time and I thought, okay, I'm going to do this personal loan and we're going to pay off debt like we paid off both of our cars and and you think what I thought was kind of the right way, but then have sent just kind of racked up money in other areas. Okay. So you took on debt to pay off other debt while changing zero habits and you are right back to where you were. That's a cautionary tale for anybody listening. We talk about that all the time. So you're teaching a lot of people. Thank you Todd for being transparent. What else do you have? So the fifty seven thousand personal loan was next. Well, I've got the, now I have another car loan now for seventeen about twenty grand and credit card debt and then twenty eight and like it did a debt consolidation kind of of thing to get rid of kind of the same thing, get rid of credit cards. Yeah. Okay. Transferred to zero, you know, zero percent like. Are we done playing the game? You think like are you, you're like, all right. Yeah. I'm not going to move debt around to other debt. I want to weigh out. So what are you thinking about doing? Well, so it was debating selling out like my wife is not, not on board. You want to sell the house? If possibly it's on our house to pay off, pay off debt, but it wouldn't, it wouldn't pay off everything. But do you want to know why I don't like that for you? Do you want to know why I don't like that for you? Because it's the same thing you've been doing. It's another one of Todd's things. Todd Shortcuts. And I think, and don't get me wrong. When people get a great opportunity, maybe they get a large sum of money, they get an inheritance, they get it large bonus, or they were going to move anyway and it ends up clearing their debt. I'm happy for them. But you have laid out a very long pattern of the same behavior. And I'm not getting on to you for it. I'm just telling you what I see based on what you said. And I'm worried because the worst thing ever, Todd, would be that you sell your house, even when your wife didn't want to and you wind up in debt again. So for you, walking through the, because I always tell people when you walk through the baby steps, right, George, that is the opportunity for you to change your habits. Because as built in, you can't get out of the baby steps without changing your habits. It's automatic almost. And so I, as painful and as tough as it can be, I would prescribe if I were the person writing the prescription that you walk through the baby steps and you do this the old fashioned way. Okay. And we've done that before. I mean, we have, we have been relatively debt, I said, with minus car payment or something, you know, paid off credit cards before we've paid, you know, but you've never been completely debt free while you've been married. No. Now, I mean, when we first bought our house, the only thing we had was the house and a car loan. Is your wife on, is she on board to do the baby steps? Because I think what you're going to have to go back to her and say is, all right, fine. We won't sell the house, but we're going to have to sacrifice like crazy. No, she, she's much, much more responsible than I am. Okay. I was going to ask her to spender. She's going like, it's me and she doesn't insist on anything. She doesn't ask her, you know, to do any of the things that I come up with. It's mostly like, so she's been a passive passenger for all of your schemes. Yeah. She never, she never told me now not even a disdainful look. I don't think my wife would allow me to do all this and not like have a blow up argument yelling at me. How has she been totally cool with all of this? I mean, we, we pair bill like you wouldn't, you know, she doesn't feel like looking in. We, we pair bills. We, we, I'm, okay, payment on anything and, you know, 20 years. It's, so everything is comfortable, but it's less comfortable. Yeah. And that's what I want to warn you about Todd going into this. It's, George and I see both sides of this all the time. When people call in and their income is low and they've got to go out and hustle and grind to get the money, it's almost easier for them to do what we teach than a person like you who has a great income and you're going to have to downsize. And kind of what you just said before, like the debt didn't really show. We were able to cover it up and make the payments on time. Da, da, da, da, da. When you get out of debt, I'm just letting you know right now it shows and it's going to show. Yeah. And that same part of you that kind of liked being able to show off with the money and the pool and doing all those things, I'm talking to you because I recognize myself in what you're saying. That same part of you that liked showing that, that's going to be the part that hurts the most when you show the opposite, which is we're downsizing our cars and we're downsizing and we're selling things and we don't go out as much and I don't buy the things that I used to buy. Your family's going to see your friends are going to see it, you're going to feel it and that's just part of the process. Don't let that deter you. That's how you know it's working. That's how you know the medicine's getting in. That's right. So let's get to work. I mean, 60K a year thrown at this debt three years, it's all gone. Making 170. How do we find that margin? We need to make more, we need to spend less. Let's get to it. Thanks for the call Todd. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. Thank you to Jade Warshaw, all the folks in the booth and you America will be back before you know it. I love entrepreneurs. Don't forget guys, I started my company on a car table myself. So I know what it's like to have people counting on you, your team, your family, not to mention your customers. And when you're the one signing the paycheck, you can't afford to fly blind. But I'll be honest, early on one thing that nearly sunk us was wasting time with spreadsheets that didn't add up because business units didn't talk to each other. I finally told my team just fix it. And they did. We got net sweet. That was years ago. And we've never looked back. See net sweet isn't just for tech giants. It's built for growing businesses like yours. For 43,000 businesses already run on net sweet, including a lot that started just like you. And now with built in AI, net sweet is helping them even more. It's one system connected to every part of your business for real time insights. Not guesswork. Net sweet AI flags, inventory issues, cash flow risks, even supplier delays before they become problems. So you can trust the data, stop wasting time, and make the right decisions faster. Take a free product tour today at net sweet dot com slash Ramsey. That's net sweet dot com slash Ramsey. Welcome back to the Ramsey show in the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. Tom George camel joined by best selling author Jade Warshaw. Open phones at triple eight eight to five five to two five. Joseph is in Pittsburgh up next. What's going on Joseph? Yes. What's happening? What's going on? How are you? Good. What's your question today? My girlfriend going to be fiance is going and I are going to be building a house costing around $700,000 and we want to know if we're way over our heads or if this is actually feasible. Number's aside, you're in way over your heads. There's not even a ring on the finger and you're going to sign up for a mortgage and put your names on a deed together. No, the by the time of the deed is there, there would be a ring on the finger. So this is going to be a new build and you're just hoping that all of the plans work out perfectly. Yes. We do have the ability to live with either of our parents rent free. Obviously, that's not ideal, but we're going to have to do that. We have a big build. Why do we have to do any of this? Let me lay out a different path. We only do. Why doesn't work for you guys? Why not get engaged, get married, rent together, save up on your own and then purchase a house or build when you're financially ready? What's the rush? So we would like to start a family early around 2028, 2027. And our initial thoughts are renting is putting money into a place that doesn't build us wealth. So we might as well put it towards a house that's going to be building us wealth. And if we have to live with our parents for a year or two, we're perfectly fine with that because we do have stable jobs that we're able to. How much money do you guys have right now? Right now, we have about $60,000 in savings and then a little bit more in checking. How much do you plan on putting down on this $700,000 house? We are looking to put down around between $100,000 and $130,000 down the house. And then her parents are extremely wealthy and they were planning on matching whatever we could put down. So 260? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And why do you need a $700,000 home as newlyweds in Pittsburgh? We are looking to have kids so it's in the suburbs and we're going to be building so that we don't have as many maintenance house issues. Simply put, we're trying to set ourselves up for the future where we don't have to move. We don't have to do all of these other things. Just on that path of get a house and live there. What's your incomes? Not a custom build. Our income, we are both around $32,000 to $35,000 a month. A month? Yes. And that is not including commission. So you both are. So you both are. I'm trying to make $9,300. I was about to show my police marks. So you're making $1,000,000. So you're making $70,000. How are you going to afford a $5,000 a month mortgage? Yeah. That's what I'm doing. We both did the math. That's funny. She also has commission, she is an insurance agent so she has commission coming back for her. I also own my own company that brings in two to three thousand as well on top of that a month. So you're at 10,000 a month. About that. So setting ourselves up where half of our take on pay goes toward the mortgage. Yeah. You're still at half before you were even worse, but even with the 10,000, what I'm seeing on here, $4,500. For the mortgage, if you put down $2,60,000 on a $700,000 house, your house poor. Right. Right. And you're fine with that. No, we're not fine with that at all. We're obviously going to be expanding our income. We're trying to see if this is feasible now because we do have career projections going forward that it won't be anywhere close to that as well as my business and her commission are. Everything. Everything you're saying, Joseph, I'm with you. I love dreams. I like I love a good dream. I love to plan. I love goals. But you're setting yourself up in a situation where everything must go as planned for this to work out. And even if it does go as planned, you're still setting yourself up for several years of a situation where your house is 50% where your house poor for several years. So even if everything is perfect, you're still setting that up, which is not good. I truly, truly would love for you to slow down a little bit on this and say, okay, let's do all of this, but let's just do it in the right order and at the right time. Let's get married. Then if you want to live with your parents, that's your prerogative. I wouldn't do it. But if you want to live with the parents to save more money faster, like that's y'all's choice if you want to do that. And then save up. Make sure when you do buy a house, when it's time that it's the right percentage of your take home, make it to where you're not house poor. You have this amazing deal where your in laws are going to match that amount. That's awesome. You can go get for all its worth and make sure you get to a point where you can get this thing to 25%. Okay. Then you're in a situation. I'm fine with you guys doing this thing, believing that this is going to be the only house you ever buy for the next 20 years. If you want to believe that, that's okay. But can we just do it right? Can we pump the brakes just a little so it's all done in the right time? Yeah. Is this the thing where we need to increase our incomes first or a savings and emergency pot and kind of deal? I think it's both and you said that there's a path where both of you guys earn more and it's as you do that, you're saving up more too, right? Because I'm also looking at this on a 15 year fixed. My guess is that you were looking at it on a 30 year. Am I right? I have both in front of me, but yes, I was looking at a 30 year fixed. And again, all that, you're doing that because you're trying to go fast. I want to go fast. Why? You have your whole life together. I get it. No, I can't. I want to do it. So we're both 21. Who told you it's too late? Who told you you have to rush into this or else? And you got to do this by this time and we're going to make this much. I just think we're, there's something else going on here where you're wanting to rush the process and leapfrog into a lifestyle that you just can't afford yet. No, we've been dating for about four years and going to be graduating as upcoming May from college. I'm working around 50 to 60 hours a week. She's working 30 going to be 40 this upcoming semester. It was just one of those things where we were looking at it. Yes, we were dreaming big and we saw that we could afford it and we would still have extra income coming up. You can't afford it. It's already artificially propped up with the in-laws money. And so I would go with what you guys can afford. And if you can get a $400,000 three bedroom, I would do that. You can have a small mortgage that you can knock out quickly and you can upgrade over time because the truth is you're going to hate your house five years from now for whatever reason and you're going to move. It's okay to move six years from now as your life changes. But we don't need to plan for one day we're going to have five kids. So we might as well get the five bedroom now and just get ahead of it. We don't even have a ring on the finger. So I would just do things in order and I love how excited you are. You're a planner, you're futuristic. I have a lot of that in me. And I know I fall flat on my face when I make too many plans and one domino doesn't work out. What if she stays home once you guys have kids and you go, oh my gosh, well, we projected that her income would be a hundred thousand by now. This totally screws up our plan. So I would move real slow and realize you don't need the lifestyle that her parents have today at 21 years old. It's okay for just take a while. That's actually healthy. After the holidays, a lot of people start feeling budget pressure and it's a wake up call to get intentional. So listen, don't fall for by now. Pay later, cell phone plans that drag you back into that boost mobile keeps it simple with no contracts and no nonsense. Keep the phone you already own and pay just 25 bucks a month forever for unlimited data, talk and text. That's real long term value and real piece of mind. So budget like you mean it and go to boostmobile.com slash Ramsey today to make the switch. It's boostmobile.com slash Ramsey. Restrictions apply. See boostmobile.com slash Ramsey for details. The all new every dollar is here. You've heard us talk about it and now it's way more than just our world class budgeting app. So you can get advanced features to help you make faster progress with your money and the average person finds thousands of dollars in margin in just the first 15 minutes. So start every dollar for free today. Get it in the app store or Google play. Tiffany is up next in New York City. What's going on Tiffany? Hi Georgian Jake, can you hear me well? Yes. What's going on? Oh, okay, perfect. So my mother-in-law she is currently six years old. She has nothing safe for retirement. She's pretty much banking on the idea that my husband and I would take care of her when she's physically unable to work anymore. Is she what's her what's her health like now at 60? So she is blind in one eye. So she used to work at a nail salon but because after losing fight in one eye she is unable to work there. Okay. She is currently working as a ironically as a caregiver. Okay. What does she earn? Do you know? I don't know the exact amount but I do know it covers basically her necessities rent, utilities, food and transportation. So how long has she been single? How long has your father in love and out of the picture? So father in the picture but they are separated, they are divorced. Okay. And how long has that been? I would say over 20 years. Okay. So my point is she's had time to adjust to life on her own and you're just saying she just does the bare minimum. Is that what you're? Yeah. Pretty much she was good up until she couldn't work as a nail technician anymore and then with her current job now she could only take on so many hours because she says physically she can't work full time. So basically she's just doing what she can but I'm just worried because she really has nothing saved up for retirement. She did have a I think she had like 20k saved up but then when she was out of the job after she lost her job working as a nail tech she kind of went through all that so she's basically at nothing now. What's your husband say about all this? What's he think? So their relationship is a little bit of an interesting one. She recently cut back into my husband's life I would say since 2020. Their relationship was a little bit strange because when his parents did divorce she lucked the picture and my husband was I believe he was a teen when this had happened so she only recently got back into the picture around the time my husband and I were dating. Wow. So is he wanting to help her at all in any way or is he just you guys wanting to set up a boundary to say hey we can't support you in any way? I think he's at a situation where of course he doesn't want his mother out on the street you know if something got for it something more to happen but he also would I we both kind of agree that there would be a lot of resentment towards her we have to bear all the financial responsibilities. What's her living situation? Is she a renter? Does she have a house? How does she live? So she yes so she is renting but she's renting with two other roommates. Great. So it's like golden girls over there or what? That's pretty much. Sounds awesome. And her rent is for rent of $1,000 so she split it the way it is New York City so it's rent expensive. So she has a thousand dollars for rent. What's your financial situation Tiffany how are you and your husband doing? I think we're doing pretty well. We do have our first child that was born May of last year. So the only thing is of course with rent by we're paying and then their daycare costs unless we want to give up the I guess our retirement I feel like I don't know the selfish of us we're not wanting to give her money on the side for her retirement. It's not but let's even see if it's necessary. So the questions that I would have if I were in your shoes I'd want to get more facts. So first off I'd want to make sure I'm not assuming that she wants me to take care of her I want to know point blank and so I'd probably sit down and ask the question. Oh no yeah so when the situation happened when she had lost her job earlier and she had to get surgery I surgery around that time when she was out of the job she did come to my husband to ask for money. For just kind of one time thing or say hey you're going to be the one taking care of me during retirement I hope you know those are two different things. My husband said a boundary you said I was going to only get her money for three months and he had expected her to get back her fee after you know she recovered and he said that I was there I'm only going to give you money for three months and then you're sort of on your own. But of course he is he the softie in the sense that if she was you know out of money and she may end up on the street he wouldn't let that happen. Sure because here's what I'm I'm just tell you where my mind is what you said is different from taking care of me in retirement those are two different things it's one thing to have had surgery be going through a tough time trying to figure out where you can work because you lost your job because of your vision right though there's that and then there's you're taking care of me in retirement which is going to happen maybe twenty years from now. So I want to get clarity on that I don't think you have clarity there I think you kind of are making an assumption and I can see why you're jumping to that I can see why you're doing that. But I want to know that and then if it does seem like hey know this really is the expectation I've gotten clarity on that then I want to know okay since you're expecting that then that gives me a right to look into your finances right George like you better be telling me what's your social security going to be what do you pay show me your bills right if I'm paying your bills I'm going to be in charge of how much you're paying for those bills and what you're spending is so that's that's part of this deal but I would really push to have her live an independent life and that's going to take some coaching and I don't think you should get in the middle of it if it's his mom right yeah okay so it's going to sound like you know we love you we want to make sure that you're taking care of we also need to have a plan for you to live independently and right now we can't financially support you we got a lot going on we'll live in a high cost living area we have a baby we're paying for daycare so here's what we can do we want to help you help yourself with whatever resources we can to get you into a sustainable place but we cannot and will not just support you for the rest of your life and cover all of your bills we can't do that and then it's on her to figure it out yeah there's still time there's time here for her to create something for herself and if you guys play a part in helping her do that I think that's a wonderful thing because financial literacy and financial illiteracy is a very real thing so if you can help her understand okay you're 60 you've still got 10 years to really make something happen for yourself here's how you do it I think that's a wonderful thing but all that is going to start with you getting clarity on really what the expectation is from her and then you clearly setting expectations on your end and setting those boundaries on your end that's what I would do and if it gets to the point where she is truly disabled then she can get on disability and eventually maybe she'll get some show security if she decides to take that at 62 or 3 or whatever and so we need to show her the options that are at her disposal versus her relying on you and you becoming bank of Tiffany is going to be a bad plan because you're right it's going to create resentment and it's going to create entitlement on her part to where now she goes well why even work full time I can work part time or maybe not work at all if they're just going to float my life so that's the scary slippery slope that we're headed towards yeah that's true so that's all that's going to be you and your husband coming together making a plan sticking to its pit shake saying I know you're a softy you can't give in when she goes yeah but everything I've done for you it's like hey yes I'm grateful for what you've done and we can't take care of you for the next 20 years I'm just glad that you're talking about it Tiffany because the truth is a lot of us experience these we start to see these cracks financially expose themselves and family members or in our aging parents and it's kind of like we just watch it happen from afar and you have the opportunity to jump in there and set those expectations you have the opportunity to jump in there and get the facts and hopefully try to set them on the right path because a lot can happen in 10 years financially you can either dig a deeper hole or you can actually get yourself on track and create some form of a nest egg something that's sustainable so if you're listening and you're seeing this play out in your life like so many of us are don't just sit back idly go be about some business and get some information and if you are that older parent please don't do this to your kids don't be a burden I want them to like when my parents pass away I want to grieve how much I love them right not goodness gracious at least they're off my payroll and that's what that's the resentment it creates when you put this on your kids this episode is sponsored by better help the holidays are full of traditions some of these traditions we love some we just survive and in addition to the traditions let's be honest this time of year can also be a time of noise and pressure and loneliness here's what I want you to do I want you to ask yourself what really matters to you this year in therapy can give you a space to do just that to think to breathe to ask yourself what do you want this year and to make room for peace that's why I recommend better help better help has over 30,000 licensed therapists that have helped over five million people worldwide with an average rating of 4.9 out of five better help is online so it fits around your schedule even during the chaotic holiday times you get online and just answer a few questions and they'll match you with someone who fits your needs and if your therapist is not the right fit you can switch any time for no extra cost this month start a new tradition by taking care of you visit betterhelp.com slash ramsy to get 10% off your first month that's better help h-e-l-p.com slash ramsy this is the ramsy show George camel is my host I'm Jade Warshall we're taking your calls triple eight eight two five five two two five is the number to call hey George I saw this sitting on our desk and I think it's worth talking about because we hear so much doom and gloom about Americans not ready to retire or it's the American dream is dying you know here in America when it comes to money and this is really cool from CNN number a 401k millionaire reaches new high yes I actually just talked about this this morning on good day or land oh we do a media hit with the nice people over there and this is exactly what we talked about because there's so much hope stealing going on out there all you hear is there's a retirement crisis and the next president's going to screw this up and cause us to all be broke and here's fidelity saying actually we're at record highs and across our 401k accounts they have half a million people who have balances of a million dollars or more in that one account wow wow in just one 401k account which is very encouraging average balance hit 1.6 million that's great that's encouraging so the question is good for them George what about me and my 401k I don't have a million well that's true the average 401k out there is more like a hundred and twenty six grand yeah yeah so it's like a tenth so how do you get there Jade well it takes consistent investing over a long period of time so if you sporadically put three percent to get the employer match yeah it's going to take a bazillion years to get a million but if you follow the Ramsey plan you get out of debt as soon as you can two years or less you get the emergency fund in place you begin investing 15% of your household income into that retirement account you will see that it doesn't take long for compound growth to to work its magic that's right and we all all the time around here we're talking about 10% returns and anytime I talk about 10% returns especially if it goes on social media there's always somebody popping into the comments saying something like well where are you going to get that or how could you get that or that's impossible and I always have to explain the idea that this is an annualized term number one it's not to say that every single year you're going to get 10% but over the lifetime of your investing that is what you're getting that's the average of all the years you've been invested it was up 30 down 12% up 20% down 6% if you're taking to account all of those years you're looking at 10 to 12% on average in the stock market that's right and when you look at them by year most of the years are up years you know you have those years that tank because something catastrophic has happened whether in politics or you know international but it always recovers and it always recovers really in our favor I just looked at the S&P 500 which represents the total US stock market I looked at the numbers Jade this morning and in 2004 so 20 years ago we have 5x since then yes so if you had 10 grand now you're talking 50 grand and even if you started investing 10 years ago your money would have went two and a half x that's right and so it's it's not a rocket science analogy here you just need savings right how much money you're putting in plus time that's the formula to become a 401k millionaire yeah that's what we're looking at here so your 401k is a great place to start we say all the time you know we sometimes here we talk about baby step four and we kind of push past it but it's worth talking about George because a lot of people have questions a lot of people don't realize okay when I invest in my 401k at work what does that mean and what does that get me so let's take a moment and kind of explain that because I posted a video on Instagram last week about baby step four and I was overloaded with questions on okay what does that mean where do I go what if it's Roth what if I get a match so let's take a moment and teach the people when we say baby step four what are we talking about I'll start with the first part so here we teach that you're not ready to invest until after you've paid off your debt which is baby step two and after you've invested three to or and after you've saved three to six months of expenses that's baby step three from there we then teach okay now you take 15% of the gross that you're making every single month this is before insurance comes out before taxes comes out you take that money and you're investing it and we say let's start with an employer sponsored account if there's a match yes so if you make a hundred grand a year you should see 15 thousand dollars in contributions in that retirement account that's 15% yes and the strategy here is simple match beats Roth beats traditional we go for the match first because it's a 100% return on our investment I put in 4% the employer puts in 4% great next we can move to all the Roth options available all that means is that the money is is put in after tax and gross tax free so you're not going to be able to deduct it from your taxable income for the year like it's traditional but you never have to pay taxes again if you have two million dollars in a Roth 401k at retirement uncle sam doesn't touch it loves like two million of net income take home pay so I love that then beyond the Roth options like a Roth IRA or Roth 401k you can move to any traditional options you have that's right and one one of the other things I love about investing is if I can set it and forget it like if you can if you're doing the 401k right now and you can go to HR and set it up and it happens like clock worth that's wonderful because you don't even have to think about it it's just happening monthly it's money you can almost pretend like it's never happened right you're not thinking about it and same thing if you have a Roth IRA you could probably set it up to where that's coming out automatically to on payday because here's the thing once if you don't do it on payday good luck it's not happening if you see that money in your bank account it's hard to go you know what I should do invest for the future you're gonna go oh I'm gonna buy me some stuff yeah that's right I love the idea of picturing like you never had that money and then future you it's gonna feel like you found like a $20 bill in your coat pocket except it's gonna be like a $2 million bill that's right so let's let's talk about George briefly because we got some time let's talk about for the people who say well I make too much to invest in a Roth IRA well the IRA does have limits but there's ways around it with the Roth where you can do a backdoor Roth yeah and all this means is you're gonna use after tax money to fund an IRA and then you can immediately convert it to a Roth yeah it's legal it's a legal loop totally legal this is not like a life hack that's gonna get you in trouble and I would recommend working with a pro on all of this you can connect with one of ramsey solutions dot com to help that's what I did when I came to Ramsey I had an old 401k I rolled it over to the IRA that's right my Apple career my short one year and three month Apple career I had some some 401k money in there that's great so whether you're rolling over or you want to do a backdoor Roth there's a lot of options for high income earners on top of that there's the mega backdoor Roth yes like a set it feels like a seven year old name the mega mega backdoor and then for the people who are like okay Jade George great I'm maxing out my 401k I'm doing well I'm maxing out a Roth IRA what else can I do we love the HSA health savings account if you have a high deductible insurance plan that's a great way to go I mean obviously when you put the money in at first you're thinking this is for my health savings but beyond a thousand dollars you're able to invest that money and by the time you turn 65 it doesn't have to just go to medical costs you can use that for it acts like a 401k basically which is really cool what if you're really doing well George and you're like I did it all I did the HSA the Roth the Roth IRA the 401k what am I going to do next George just invests and a general investing brokerage account yes is not connected to retirement but and the you don't get tax advantages well let's run it back a little simpler because some people are going when you say brokerage account George what do you mean what is that what is a brokerage account what's a brokerage well it's simply an account for investing that you work with it you know firm like you've we've all heard of Vanguard or the deli your shop so you can work with a pro in this you can open these yourself and you just simply invest in you know this is what Dave does he gets a big check that's not non-retirement he goes I'm going to put it in index fund inside of one of these accounts it's not connected to it's not connected to your employer it's not connected to your retirement it's simply and you pay taxes on the money on the growth of that money and you don't get any tax deductions when you put it in so there's no tax benefit but the benefit is you don't have to wait till 60 to tap into it I like that you can use it for anything at any time okay so let's take it a step further when we talk about investing that money what are we talking about we're talking about because a lot of people go oh I'm investing in single stocks apple in video right and we're saying no no no that's super risky let's invest in mutual funds right so this is like betting on a single horse versus betting on the race track yeah I'd rather just enjoy the game and go we're all gonna be winners if we put money into the race track itself that's right we're gonna get all the horses in that race and that's what you're doing when you invest in a mutual fund which is like 90 to 200 plus sometimes more yeah yeah and so that's what you're betting on and you can see the return is a lot less rocky than a single stock of one company instead we're going here's the top 500 companies we're all rooting for the top 500 horses in the race and that way you get the benefit of all of that growth and there's different types of funds that he's talking about we talk about growth funds growth and income funds aggressive growth funds international those are the four that we teach you're spreading your eggs out you're not putting them in one basket so if your international fund is not doing very well probably your growth and income fund is trucking along and doing just fine does it shit and so that's how this works that is baby step four in a nutshell George I think we did yes I wouldn't go that far I would but you know what you don't have to be a genius investor to make money in the stockmore that's right you just got to ride it out don't jump off the coaster man stay put stay put all right keep tuning into the ramsie show to learn more about how to manage your personal finances hey y'all you know I'm all about keeping your budget and check especially during the holidays and that's why I always start my grocery shopping during the holidays at Aldi from fresh produce to holiday favorites and charcuterie boards for parties Aldi has it all and at prices that will help your family save big up to four thousand dollars a year for a family of four so do what I do for my family shop at Aldi first to save on groceries without sacrificing quality or holiday joy find a store near you at Aldi dot us that's a l d i dot us savings based on regional analysis of all the versus select competitors prices may vary by location product availability in the market you are listening to the ramsie show on the ramsie network I'm Jade Worshaw next to me is George camel we're taking your calls all hour long triple eight eight two five five two two five and if you didn't know it you know maybe you just watch the show and you just think we're two folks in a studio actually it's two very large buildings that we work from and it's a lot of people in here I think there's like over a thousand of us that's right working in here day in and day out lots of difference resources that we offer here um ramsie education ramsie trusted services just to name a few then there's all the stuff like every dollar and everything like that and one of our favorite ramsie trusted they're here to help you guys okay we you need help with things like real estate and we're here to help so selling a house the ramsie way it's really what makes home ownership a blessing instead of a burden and we've got the right tools for you our ramsie trusted program is really the only way for you to find an agent that you can trust this person's going to keep you on track with the things that we teach here at ramsie which is so important you're going to get the best offer on your house and you're going to find the right house for you if you're looking uh to purchase a house this is so important George because it is a jungle out there right and people will do anything especially with this market if you're trying to buy a house people are doing bridge loans people are doing zero down loans for sale by owner trying to save a book oh gosh that's not the time to do amateur hour I know and you don't want an agent who's so desperate to make a dollar that they'll kind of suggest things to you that are not good for you oh well if you want if you need to get your loan approved just just do this you don't want that you want somebody what if you did a he lock and that way you could and no our ramsie trusted pros they're not going to steer you wrong they're not going to give you uh advice that goes against the ramsie principles which are meant to help you live with more peace less stress and get the house paid off remember that's the goal that's what you want so we're going to send you some of the top agents in your area these are people that we trust uh you're going to get to review their stats you're going to get to interview them yourself and decide which one of them that you want to work with because you're going to choose one of them and these ramsie trusted agents they've got years of experience okay they're going to help you make the wise decisions when it comes to pricing when it comes to marketing and they're going to help you choose the right offer so find a ramsie trusted real estate agent for free did I mention that it's free at ramsie solutions dot com slash agent so that's what we're looking for I love my ramsie trusted pro that has helped us with our houses she's great you come you come like lifelong friends with some of these folks they're amazing Mandy Lynn Festy shout out shout out in the in the middle Tennessee area Williamson County she'll appreciate that I know she will all right let's go to the phone lines we got Elizabeth and Austin Texas what's going on Elizabeth I um how are you doing good how are you good I just want to make sure you can hear me up first um so just to kind of get to the point my stepmom and I don't have a really good relationship I recently found out that she has absolutely no retirement fund or plans and there's just no way in my husband or I could even think about helping her um and so I just I'm not quite sure what to do in the situation or like how to avoid feeling guilty that I can't help is she asking for help um no not yet um but her and my dad aren't very financially responsible um so it's how old are they I'm worried that is some um she's 56 okay um okay how old is your dad same age um he's 53 okay are they both working um they are right now okay and what where does your dad come into play because you're talking a lot about stepmom here um he's he doesn't work he has a he works but he doesn't work at home so he has um he has a job as a truck driver and um um he he has like a pension that he's invested into but that's only like $500 a month for when he retires um have they told you about their financial situation my dad has he's been very um vocal about that is he worried about it when he tells you a little bit yeah um just because that's not a lot of money to live off of sure what's your financial situation um so my husband and I are currently in baby step two okay um we make 90 000 a year and we're scheduled to have if if everything goes perfectly we're scheduled to have a 50 000 paid off by March of 2026 and that's the full amount that's the full amount minus our mortgage but okay great yeah that's excellent okay so I sympathize with what you're saying because I you know they're your parents you love them you see them drowning and you want to save them right but at the same time you've got to get yourself into the raft first and save yourself so that you can pull them into somewhere safe so there's there's all of that there um it sounds like your dad at the very least it sounds like he's willing to talk to you somewhat about this one thing that you can try is to say hey um you know dad some of the things that you're saying I I have felt that too you know we we we've been worried about the future for ourselves and I found this plan you know it's called financial peace university we've started working it and it's working for us it's a lot of work but it's helping us you know I'll send I'll send you a copy of it and maybe you do it like that um as opposed to uh because you're not here's the thing you can't save them and you're not responsible for their life and their decisions yeah as much as you might have empathy for their situation and we know that you can't change people we've tried I wish I could you know you can't your personal trainer can't care more about you losing weight than you yeah it just that it doesn't work you can hold up the oxygen they don't have to inhale and so part of this is having the hard conversation and saying listen I can't take care of you guys if you don't take care of yourselves I'm not we're not going to be able to have you you know move in with us and have us float you if you didn't prepare now the good thing is they're not that old no they're gonna they're probably you know if they work really hard for the next 10 15 years they can have a decent little nest egg and retire with some peace would you agree um why are they why is there no hope for them at this point well it's not so much if there's there's no hope for my dad it's just my stepmom really loves to shock and so and she going into that for this uh yeah she has in the past um it's caused them to go through bankrupt the twice now this is even more so this is becoming an issue you can't solve because these are marital issues there are financial issues that you're seeing you're seeing the symptoms on the outside in a financially speaking but these are marital issues that you I mean you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg on this and with any kind of misbehavior if you throw money at it you're just going to be enabling more of the same misbehavior she's not just going to change your habits because you gave her $5,000 she's gonna go whoo shopping spree how long have they been married how long has she been your stepmom um 16 years now okay so this is locked in what's your relationship with her um it's really terrible um she was physically and verbally abusive when I was little oh my I'm sorry so yeah so I'm not trying to put words in your mouth you're looking at this and you're going this woman is dragging my dad down a little bit yeah and so yeah you're you're mad have you brought this to your dad if you shared your honest feelings with your dad um about how she's treated you and her financial situation and how it affects him his retirement yeah I have um for father's day I got him uh total money makeover and he he um he started reading it and he like wants to get on the right track now but it's just it's on him to get her on board and you're gonna have a much harder time in doing that with your position and so I think the more you can encourage him get him on the playing get him fired up that will then hopefully be contagious to her or at least he gets some boundaries and goes listen you can't spend like this anymore I'm taking away access to this card because you're putting our family in danger and the way that you motivate him is by sharing your journey like share when you're winning when you guys do your debt free screen share that share how it feels to have this piece talk about the conversations that you're having with your spouse hey you know we've been it was tough at first but we keep opening up the lines of communication just be open and share you can't make them do anything all you can do is tell them about it and then you kind of just have to step away and really just leave it in God's hands at that point which is tough to do George it is not easy we want to control the people that we love let's just be honest about that but we can't doesn't work that way this is the Ramsey show you already know the power of generosity and the best gifts make an impact now and eternally that's what pre-born does and you can trust them to do it well they don't just offer free ultrasounds they support pregnancy clinics across the country with ultrasound machines training grants and evangelism tools they're faithful with each dollar so moms and crisis can see the life in their wounds and here's the truth that brings eternal life because here's the thing when a mom sees her baby on that ultrasound screen she chooses life 80% of the time and your gift of just 28 dollars covers the cost of one ultrasound or if you're able you can purchase an ultrasound machine through pre-born and have it placed in one of their clinics so women will choose life for years your donation brings hope and truth when mothers feel alone and fear is loud so I'm asking you to give to pre-born today even just 28 dollars to provide one ultrasound go to pre-born.com slash Ramsey are called 855 601 2229 because every baby saved is more than a life preserved it's a life changed that's pre-born.com slash Ramsey Welcome back to the Ramsey show in the Fairwinds Credit Union studio I'm George Campbell joined by Jade Warsha the Sour AAA 8255 225 is the number to call if you want to join the conversation Brian is into peek at Kansas up next Brian how can we help today hey so I have about $90,000 tied up at $90,000 and that tied up in a truck and a camper since I travel for work and I always want to I'm always like I'm tired of being broke I'm want to get this paid off in the next year how how do you get in that mentality of like whenever it comes to pay day I'm just I don't want to do it but whenever it's time to pay the bill I'm I want to get rid of this how do you get getting the mentality of making it happen yeah making it happen oh well I mean I think I think for you right now it's just logic I think you're seeing okay I have debt yeah it makes sense to pay it off maybe you heard somebody say a good reason right but right now it still feels very external and I think there's got to be something internally in you that is a real reason why and that you're feeling to where that's the motivator for you to actually make this happen and move the needle and a lot of times that's tied to our goals like what our goals are in life so if your goal is to get married or if your goal is to buy a house or your goal is to be the first person in your family to retire and it not be a burden right whatever that thing is I think that maybe you haven't connected it to that yet okay to the set goals for I want to get the debt paid off next year and then why why to be financially free and so I can continue on with other financial goals of buying land building a house and then but also whatever I'm asking deeper questions because money it can't just be for more gain like it can't be money for money sake I want to get out of debt so I can have more money why so I can buy more things why so I can have more you know there's got to be like you got to pinpoint it to something it's you know so when you said hey I want to buy land why is land important to you if you said hey I want to build a house why is building a house important to you what is it represent so I think getting to that deeper level is really helpful otherwise it's pretty surface and a lot of times what we find George is people call in and they're just looking for the next thing they can do and it's not really it's not satisfying them in the way that they thought it was yeah you'll get there and go okay I did it but now what and we want you to have some deeper purpose here I think you're getting there the way you're talking what do you make make about 110 thousand before or after taxes after taxes you make 110 great income okay so when you say I want to pay this off in 12 months how are you planning on doing that so my checks are about 2100 to 2500 depending on over time and and how my hours are that twice a month okay good I was like man this math is not math in for me okay that's great that's great that's weekly and just I did the math and right around 1500 bucks a week get to a point where I have a I'm thinking like a 10 thousand dollars safety net since I am traveling for work and how much do you have saved now nothing okay so you're just paycheck to paycheck spending everything you get all right do they cover your expenses or is that on you do they reimburse you they so they pay incentives to come out here and then travel expenses are on me okay what's left on the truck and what's left on the camper there's 60 on the truck and 30 on the camper okay do you need a 60 thousand dollar truck to do your job I don't okay because that's over half of your your take home pay it's a lot of truck for and it sounds like you're a young guy how old are you 20 okay a 20 year old does not need a 60 thousand dollar truck to do any job can we agree on that yeah a 50 year old doesn't need a 60 thousand dollar truck to do a job so if I'm in your shoes I'm gonna see what I can do to light my load literally and sell this truck and get a new to me truck for 15 thousand so what is the truck worth if you sold it private party how much could you get for it probably 55 to 60 okay really you're done the blue book cool there's your there's some homework and if you are under water on it by a little bit you need to come up with that in savings which you could do within a month if you're under water by five grand could you save five grand to save your life in the next month yeah great so now you can clear the title now we still need another truck right you still need that yeah so you're gonna need to come up with another 10 grand 15 grand to get a a beater truck is what this is gonna amount to in the truck world yeah because you just need to get from A to B right well the campers taking you're just hauling the truck along with the camper no it's a full behind campers I'm hauling the camper okay I need something reliable enough to get across the country if I need to it's the next job is in Nevada to pack myself up and yeah but they make reliable trucks that are 20 grand instead of 60 right you know the truck world so here's the problem that $60,000 truck is depreciating like a rock the way you're driving it across the country which is even more reason to not drive a super nice truck all the time across the country because the more mileage you're putting on it the more wear and tear that thing is plummeting in value so that's what scares me is you could be underwater 20 grand and not know it right now yeah so I would do some homework on that part and man if you can get this done in six months instead of 12 wouldn't you want that yeah I'd rather eat rice and beans for six months instead of a whole year so I would be looking at what makes sense to sell and get something cheaper and the way your income is you could save up and and buy something used pretty quickly and the good news is lots of people are selling used campers out there lots of people selling those trucks out there yeah for sure and so just no it's a short season of rice and beans for you some people like Jade it's a you know over seven years for her and her husband of pay off their debt so for you to be able to do this in six months you're gonna blink you you want to be able to drink yet and you're on your 21st birthday by the time you're dead free yeah yeah and just know you know going back to what I was saying earlier part of that why is why is it a good idea to do this now and it's because you're unattached man like you've got all the time in the world you can do it you want with your money there's no lady in your life that you have to share decisions with you don't have kids like there's so many reasons to do this now versus later so just spend some time with that mentally and let that soak in okay I'm proud of you man you're a very successful 20 year old with a good head on your shoulders when you made some mistakes the good news you know anything that's vehicle related at least we can sell those you know you go into a hundred thousand a student loan debt you can't go sell the degree man I wish you know what is interesting I would have sold mine off if anyone's interested in communications degree I have one available and then it's like men in black they do the thing and you forget everything you learned as well trust me I don't remember anything I learned I think that you know I'm sorry but who remembers things that like specific things they learned their knowledge unless you were in like a five point one three a medical field like you know yeah law like something like that where you kind of need to know some things where the funny bone is located couldn't tell you what happened in small group communication theory oh I don't even know what that is exactly there you go I just as much as I don't like going to debt for vehicles it's nice when we get a call and I go hey you could sell the truck that's a great you could sell the horse yes both our assets technically you said it not me oh hey do you ever feel like you're doing everything right with money but still stuck I was you in debt running hard but taking three steps forward and two steps back turns out it's not the numbers it's the fact that changing our ways with money is emotional that's why I wrote my brand new book would no one tells you about money to help you push past what's really been sabotaging your progress so you can finally win you can pre-order now and score over a hundred dollars and free bonus items but only if you order by January 5th go to ramsey solutions dot com slash store today so michael's up next in san jose what's going on michael i'm doing very well how are you great how can we help today so my father passed a few months ago and the thing is thank you and the thing is he left everything to me his house his investment to business um he he didn't give anything to my sisters who who are estranged and with our mother ever since my parents divorced and my sisters are like they have asked me to help pay their student loans because my father left him with nothing how much was it combined I believe they went to both undergrad and grad though it's combined it's about three hundred thousand no how much was the yes thank you for telling me that but how much was the inheritance um it's it's a couple million it's basically his house his investment and his business when you say a couple million is that like two million or is that like six million it's in the age figures okay so we're talking ten million plus yes okay wow okay so he purposefully did not leave any money to your sisters because he had no relationship with them and that was his call to make are are they misbehaviors no they basically he basically cut them off because they sided with our mother during their divorce okay so their team mom your team dad and he goes ham i'll leave it all to my son who's been loyal to me yes okay and now they're resentful because they feel like they deserve a portion of this money it seems like it yes okay I think this is more relational emotional than it is financial you could write them a check and pay off the loans but I don't know that you agree with the principal behind it or that that would have been your father's heart well yeah what do you want to do what's what's your heart lean towards I don't want to disrespect my father in any way okay do you have a relationship with your sisters or is it estranged as well it's estranged okay so they've only come to me only for very unique cases or like or when we were going to college or or grad they came to both my father and I for money my father I know I was there my father refused to pay for them and that's why they have to debt to begin with so it's been transactional this entire relationship but can I ask because you're where I'm sitting and you've given us thank you for sharing what you've shared so far what I'm trying to weigh and George I don't I don't know what how you're looking at this either but I'm trying to weigh if this was a decision that was made out of dysfunction which is I'm forcing you to choose sides and you guys are children so you're choosing whatever I don't know the parent you like the most that day you know that sort of thing and is this your father you know having an kind of just an immature moment right or is this really a reason that is with good reasoning behind it of hey I cut them off because they were misbehaving in this way and they made these poor choices or is it literally just simply I don't like your mother anymore and they like her you're dead to me so my mother had an affair that's why they divorced my sister said it with my mother because they like your fair partner more and I said it with my father because she was my father got you okay so you can't see how they would stand by someone who would do such a thing basically yes I understand okay I think you're going to be resentful if you give this money and I'd rather them be resentful towards you than you be resentful towards them okay there's no easy answer here they're gonna hate you but it sounds like they didn't like you to begin with they just used you for transactional moments and so I don't think this is gonna change anything if you say that wasn't my father's wishes I'm sorry listen I got more to I feel more to it than that how how how old were you guys want this happened I was 17 my sisters were 15 and 13 that's interesting to me I listen I don't think there's a wrong or right to this I really don't it feels very extreme to me that I'm just I'm not saying I'm right I'm just telling you my thoughts it feels extreme to me that a parent would put children in a situation where they have to choose and because something about the situation made you guys feel like you had to choose right and not really I mean the thing is I did not know about my parents affair apparently my sisters did and they said nothing and yeah they said nothing which is not on your that's not on your the daughters it's on the parent is to not put them in the position to keep that secret like kids are kids teenagers their kids a 15 year old doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to navigate that yeah and probably things oh I'm gonna be disloyal like they kids don't understand what role to play in that now looking back on adults we can look back and go maybe I should have done this maybe I shouldn't who knows if they've done the right therapy to work through those things I I just feel that on a surface level to punish the children for a spousal misbehavior because the children didn't react in the way that the adults felt should have happened I I do struggle with that I'm not saying you're wrong I'm just telling you called in so I'm saying I do have a little bit of a struggle with that it's not an error on your part it feels like an error on the dad for saying I'll I'll show you and kind of putting a lot of that um sting and unforgiveness for what mom did on the kids that's I'm no I'm no therapist so that's just my two cents this is tough I'm not gonna lie so yeah so my father he suffered very greatly from the divorce fear emotionally I was I know because I was there yeah rightfully so you get into the alcohol you get into alcohol for a while but he showed himself back up you know and he showered me with love and attention because I was the only one that he had and I don't want to in any way disrespect his wishes I think he had a purpose to when he wrote his will and he never changed it I think he had a purpose to when he refused my sisters forced college for the college and and that's only I'll drop into bucket there's been numerous instances where I know that my father has we tried to reach out especially when my sisters had their kids um and they didn't want anything to do with him so can I ask this question did they okay he wrote them off because they followed mom did they then write him off because he wrote them off was it do you see him saying who wrote whom off first my sister is definitely and what was their reason for writing him off if he was completely an innocent party in all of this I don't know that's the part I'm trying to understand it's one thing for them to be like we still like mom like we don't want this you know and for whatever their reasons were they continue to have relationship with her but what would make them completely disassociate from dear old innocent dad who did nothing wrong but love them it was basically from what I understand the affair partner was very charismatic he bought them a lot of stuff and this was back when my father's business wasn't successful okay so I so much to say he probably bought their love in a section got it got it so it was a materialistic relationship here here's my final take on this again not trying to play on chair therapist but I think this you're not ready to forgive your sisters and cause reconciliation and giving them this money feels like you're taking that next step is that accurate I know that the thing is I want the old grudges to die at the same time I want to respect my father's wishes and because my father was a godfiring man he was very devout and I know that forgiveness is in the bible but I don't know like I'm you're right I have not ready to forgive them for the pain that they caused my father neither my mother neither my sisters that's it you just said it out loud you're not ready to forget don't forgive yet but I think you should eventually and my final take is I do think that him cutting them off was a little bit of dysfunction on his part and I don't think that they necessarily deserved that it doesn't sound like I wasn't there but based on what you said I don't know if I'd want to keep that dysfunction going yeah and I want you to be giving out of joy that's how giving should be done not out of I just hate to be doing this with a clenched fist so I'd read that bible again and see if all that grace and mercy talk might eventually heal some of this relational dysfunction so sorry man you everywhere you turn right now you're being told a lie about money that you can't get ahead that you can't survive without debt and those lies are keeping you broke don't buy into it yes there's a lot of noise and chaos and confusion out there but there's also hope the truth is you have more control than you think this year it's time to take back your hard earned money and your life and it starts by joining our free live stream on January 8th me and Jade warshot will show you how to go from chaos to clarity with your money help you break free from debt and change your family tree all by using the all new every dollar app plus 10 people who sign up will win $2000 cash don't let this be another year of I can't sign up for free at every dollar comm slash live stream welcome back to the ramsey show i'm George camel joined by Jade warshot hey if you're listening to the show I assume you enjoy it and if you do do us a quick favor it's completely free and share the show hit the subscribe button the follow button leave us a kind review let us know what you think it all helps us so much it is the best marketing tool we have because humans are the best way to share the show with other humans that's the goal so do that and we'll keep the show float that's how it goes that's how it goes I know no better way to keep the show going than you guys all sharing it and keeping it you're the plan keep it alive if that is in Houston Texas up next what's going on hello thanks for taking my call I'm actually having a lot of issues I'm in a foreclosure and I you know I initially did everything to get out of it and I thought everything was taken care of the twire as a modification I don't know how important this is but I'm divorced and my ex-husband is on the beat even though he's never had any connection to the house we happen to be in the middle of the divorce when I purchased the house so I was told that he had to be on the beat I didn't even realize I had to take him off I'm just trying to get that out yeah but I mean he's cooperative with you know like when I need to pay for working all that stuff done okay so he lives in another state though so when I was sent the final documents for the the modification they you know sent a copy to him and a copy to me and I called to follow up to make sure his copy was actually received by them the first time it wasn't but the second time they said yes it's here you know it was came in on this day signed in but it hasn't been reviewed yet so that was a worry that was out of my mind but my documents they sent them back to me and said that the notary isn't incorrectly and I needed to have a notaride re-notaride okay so anyway by the time I did that I instant it in and I had already made two two payments not the trial payments the actual modification payments I already saw yeah I'm into it so then when I called to follow up they said that the deadline had passed by two days and I no longer was yeah I was no longer eligible for the modification and I talked to these people constantly on a regular basis and I have to say that my assistant there he was very stressful he stressed me out every time I talk to him but he never really answered any questions as far as you know what happens you know by this day give me day to never what's the current status how many payments have you missed well like I said I was making the two that was supposed to happen and they stopped and they wouldn't take anymore so right now I think so what what's their last communication to you where are you at in the foreclosure process well now it's unhoved only because I'm a victim of a hurricane and I didn't ask for anything they you know they just said were you affected by the hurricane and I said yeah and then the person said well hurricane when is this recent yeah okay yeah Texas has hurricanes anytime it's summer so yeah I mean like but I'm saying that happened this summer yeah it just happened like I don't know three three weeks ago but even before that we had a we had a tornado before that and I was so they're putting it they're they put it on hold because of the that inclement weather situation yeah and and on hold is what I thought it was but it's a four it's a four barren okay until when until the end of October can I ask a couple can I ask a couple of questions just to get my head around this what took place for you to miss the initial payments what was going down that was causing you to miss however many payments that you missed and got behind and has is that situation over no and I'm I'm willing at this point to sell my house but and that's something I fought against for so long but no I have a disability and I haven't been able to work okay and over over 10 years but I'm not receiving disability has been it's been very hard in this last time I haven't even filed the appeal I just was in a state of depression so what has your income been for the last 10 years where is it coming from well if it was coming from child support for the most part but now my daughter is an adult so where do you get money now well now have a part-time job that makes things even worse so that's what I have but my daughter has her income now and so to I mean it's still very low because she only works part-time as well both of you working part-time both of you living in the house and you can't make the mortgage payment no no we you know we can make it now but but what actually stopped me from making it I ended up being sued by my homeowners association which that totally just wrecked everything I had to pay them $6,000 and that that's what really caused me to get behind because has the H.O.A. payment been resolved did you pay that yeah that's that's that's over and done with and I'm going to have to figure out somebody to get that back because that's the whole other story I've been on the payment plan with them since I even before I stopped working but we have different people in charge of that and let me just let me just enter pieces here that we're going to walk you through it yeah I don't think that have you ever attempted to sell this house here's here's I'm going to give you my 50,000 foot view this is a home that you can't afford this has been nothing this has been a burden on burden on burden I don't want you to foreclose but I want to know is there a way have you attempted to sell the house at any point to go hey I can't afford this piece property I got to get out of it have you tried that no and there's a reason for that and like I was saying I have no problem with doing that now going forward but I've been affected by these hurricanes what does that mean when you say you've been affected tell tell us what that means was the house damaged property yes and I have property damage not just from the hurricane I just told you about from Texas free the years ago when we were out of college but the issue is the insurance companies I don't know if you know what what's going on with Texas insurance company I don't have that for even before yeah even before that freeze we had insurance companies that were just not doing what they were supposed to do are they denying your claims no no they didn't do that my insurance company gave me $1,800 I probably had I don't know I'm just going to say $30,000 worth of damage and then we hit a wall and then they pulled out the state of Texas and filed for bankruptcy okay so you have a bunch of work that needs to be done on your home that insurance wouldn't pay for what type of work is it is it something that no one would buy the home in this condition is that what we're talking about is your roof half gone or is it more cosmetic no I think people would buy the house but my thing is I don't know how much value that I have lost in okay so what I mean not have the equity what's left on your mortgage it's like right at a hundred thousand and you're saying you don't know you could sell it for a hundred no no that's not what I'm saying I probably can't sell it for that my situation I'm 60 years old my situation is I would not if I can't I will prefer not to sell okay but I pay for 22 years I have nothing yes I understand frustrating because you didn't build the equity you wanted to but this is not you can't have the sunk cost fallacy you're in a bind where you're going to either sell this home or it's going to be sold for you at auction yeah you need to figure out you need to get an appraiser in there figure out what the house is worth I'd be talking with the bank and figure and asking them listen I know I'm behind at this point I don't know how many payments you are behind I know they tried to do a modification it's on hold now I think the fact right now that it's on hold is a blessing for you to go in one more time and say can we just sell the property if it's at a loss maybe you ask for a short sale figure out a way to go in there and don't let this be a foreclosure I think that that's going to be in the market for your terms which means you tell the lender hey sit tight I'm going to sell this house and we're going to make sure that I'm ahead and we're going to get this thing done and so I would get in touch with a real estate pro you can get in touch with one at ramsyslutions.com slash trusted of it and have them figure out the comms and what the house is worth let them do that homework for you because you got a lot going on you need to get to some financial stability right now and build a new financial foundation and that means we're getting out of this house yeah I think you've been hit with hit after hit whether it was the freeze and then the hurricane and then you're missing payments and I realize that you've been in this house for a long a lot of years but this is not a place of peace anymore and your home should be a place that you walk in and you feel peace and we want that for you we want you in a place that you can afford and we want you to get the help that you need I don't want you to be a vitalist on the Titanic going down with the ship you can definitely avoid all of this and sell and move on with your life and get a fresh start that's our hope for you so get in touch with an agent and have them start to do the homework you get in touch with the lender figure out what it's going to take to allow this process to happen this is the Ramsey show when you're tired of feeling stuck with money there's just one solution to get different results you have to do something different no one accidentally wins with money you have to have a game plan and that begins with our get started assessment go to Ramsey Solutions dot com slash start answer some questions and we'll show you what steps to take next don't stay stuck take control of your money starting today go with Ramsey Solutions dot com slash start welcome back to the Ramsey show or scripture of the day Matthew 6 20 and 21 store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and vermin do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal for where your treasure is there your heart will be also Rebecca Johnson said money is the opposite of the weather nobody talks about it but everybody does something about it oh there we go I can't hear the word vermin without thinking it's funny it's a funny word it's a very I mean word very yo simmity Sam and biblical somehow there's the van diagram what do they have in common they both use vermin love it let's get to the phone Samuel is in Austin Texas up next what's going on Samuel yeah you could do better but you know we can hear you so I went into debt with the car and this was two years ago the question was for you guys today is it more really okay to ask my wife the paper this car with her savings when did you get married two years ago I got the car in April we got married in May that's convenient was the plan was the plan for you guys to combine your finances when you got married oh yes and the reason I got the car was I was in an accident and so we were left with nothing to drive around they didn't write you a check no it was my fault okay so you've been married two years have you guys combined your money up to this point or has it been kind of just separate without you guys we we we combined she doesn't work as much as I do I think in total were probably like 50 40 50 each year okay but what you're telling me and your question would denote two separate answers you're telling me that your money is combined but then you're telling me should my wife use her savings to pay this off so that let's me know it's not combined we're combined as in like we pay the bill we pay the bills together her savings is a part because she's been saving things she was like 18 17 that she started working and so I think I feel wrong to ask her and I did ask her I think I'm maybe maybe about a month ago and it became an argument because I don't have anything say the only bet that we have is this car what's left on the car 20,000 and she has a car too that's paid off what she works with her mom's or a month extra up every day so you have one car in the family yeah how much savings does she have she has 16 17 16 or 17,000 so it's really not even enough to pay off the car if she wanted to yeah okay so there's the glaring issue and I know George sees it too the glaring issue is that you guys are really separate and it's really hard to build trust when I'm over here and you're over there and I've got this thing that I've been working for my whole life and it doesn't really include you you know what I'm saying and I kind of wish she was on this call because I don't want to talk bad about her she probably feels really great about that savings but the truth is when you become married to become one and until the two become one it gets really weird and very transactional right George yeah this is I think it's the wrong question to ask because it moral to ask my wife to pay off my debt there's not a moral issue here it's what does the conversation need to look like for us to combine our money to where we go all right the next best move is to pay off our debt with our money that's where I'd love for you guys to get to otherwise this is going to just be another checkbox on her resentment scorecard for you I've gone remember you blew my savings on that car and then you went and still did stupid money mistakes you always do this right that's what's going to turn into because you never change your habits so when we talked about it the reason that she doesn't want to do it because she said I'd be 100% on board but we do have a daughter who she kind of like she feels like if I ever have an emergency I have this money instead of having bills and okay okay if anything happens so you guys need to go counseling here's why because she's in a just in case mode she's like I want to make sure I have this parachute here just in case I got pulled the lever and so that points to either something that's happened in the past that she's not dealt with fully or there's current trust issues that are actually going on between you and her that maybe you don't know about but it's something that she's been ruminating on so something's going on deeper here and I don't say that to be negative that's just what money does money shows you what's really in your heart what's really what's going on and so this is good it's good that you guys are seeing this you're two years in it's good that you're going okay there's something wrong here I'm feeling like this I'm feeling I have to ask you for money there's a lack of trust now is a time for you guys to dig in that with counseling because going forward you're not going to be able to accomplish much if you don't deal with this because most goals when you're married most goals are kind of underpinned by finances right because it takes money to do stuff yeah it takes money to do stuff and if you guys aren't aligned on your money then there's no way you're going to be able to be aligned on the goals because let's just pretend your goal is I don't know our goal is we want to get to the point that we take a nice vacation every year all right then the way you guys are going you've got to say for your half and she's got to say for her half and what happens if somebody doesn't make it well I guess we can't go on the vacation like it gets very weird very quickly you see what I'm saying well I think it's just the cold car thing because we've got vacations and no you don't see what I'm saying you don't you're taking it for face value I'm talking about as a whole this is something you've got to deal with because the car her not wanting to do that or what that's a symptom of a bigger problem is what I'm saying what is this car worth it's worth like seven to eight did you roll negative equity into it what happened well I got the car years ago I just recently crashed again you crashed again no when when I crashed our our only car I went in and I got this car and it was supposed to be like a good thing but it ended up just not being a good thing no I'm saying why is this new car that you got after the crash only worth seven but you owe 20 so only been two years I do with bad investment I was supposed to get the car because it was a bad investment at the time like like I said I made a stupid decision and I thought I was on top of the world but I'm confused as to how the value went down because I was at the car it was worth at least 20 right yeah what kind of car is it no it's a 2013 Cadillac okay sam you I'm confused how much should you pay for the car so I originally got it for 20 okay so you put nothing down and you got this car I actually put four thousand dollars now that's wild I'm so confused my man you're not I'm not tracking with you how is the car only worth seven today how did it drop 13 thousand dollars in value in two years I'm not sure I can't really book it the other day and it was out it was from seven to nine okay something something ain't adding up here because I'm trying to figure out how much you're under water and I think you need to get rid of this car to show your wife that you're serious about changing because right now you're using her like a bank to bail you out bank of wife guess what she's not your mom she doesn't want to be your mom she married you to have a partner in life and right now we're still making childish decisions and that's probably what's contributing to her having her uh safety harness ready to go at a moment's notice so I think that we need to address this conversation in a different way not is it moral to ask my wife to pay off my debt it's you going hey babe I've really messed up for the last two years I have not been the man in this marriage that you need me to be I've been making childish decisions and I'm ready to change part of that is I want to get rid of this car and get something more affordable that isn't taking up a lot of our world will you help me on this journey to live debt-free to have an emergency fund and to build for the future because that's the future you deserve that's a different conversation isn't it right yeah yeah sure so I think that's the next conversation to have um and I think part of that is the counseling we need to get to the bottom of what is holding her back from combining finances but I think we both have a part to play in this yeah that's marriage and we need to own up for the part that we played and please please no more decisions that involved debt no more decisions that aren't uh fully have her involved too that's another piece of this she hasn't been involved in any of this bring her into the conversation and your marriage will be better for it that's it for this hour of the Ramsey Show we'll be back before you know it