9 Things You Rarely Do For Yourself (But Should Do Every Day)

This podcast is brought to you by Hotels.com. Make your next trip work for you. Hotels.com's new Save Your Way feature lets you choose between instant savings, now, or banking rewards for later. It's a flexible reward program that puts you in control with no confusing math or black out dates. Book now at Hotels.com. Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the US and UK on Hotels with member prices. Other terms apply, see side for details. When was the last time that you took care of yourself the same way you take care of everyone else? Most people are great at showing up for others. They give all their time, they give their energy, they give their attention, but when it comes to themselves they're running on empty. They're feeling burnt out, they're feeling overwhelmed, they're feeling exhausted, they've lost their health, and they've lost who they truly are. And here's what I've learned over the years. Becoming the best version of yourself isn't about big dramatic overholes. Actually, it's about small daily actions that you practice consistently, even when no one is watching. And today I'm sharing nine things you rarely do for yourself, but you should be doing every single day if you want more clarity, if you want more confidence, and if you want more control over your life. My name is Lewis Howes, thank you so much for being here. And the first thing you need to start with is to start your day without reaching for your phone. And this is a big one, and listen, I have been to blame for this many times in my life, but the first thing that most people do every single morning is hand their attention over to someone else. And when you do this, you exhaust yourself and you lose yourself. You hand yourself over to the attention of emails, messages, news, social media, and what other people want from you. And what most people don't realize is that your attention is your most valuable resource. It is. Because whatever you give your attention to is what shapes your mood, your thoughts, and your identity for the rest of the day. And again, I have been guilty of this, and it's something that I have to constantly remind myself to do. But when you wake up and you immediately reach over for your phone, you're letting the outside world set your emotional state. It's setting you up for failure because you're reacting before you've even had a chance to choose what you want to do that day. And other people's urgency becomes your priority. Other people's opinions becomes your focus and other people's problems. Well, those problems become your stress. And they become your stress the first thing in the morning before you even allowed yourself to wake up to give yourself a routine to just respond to saying, wow, I'm awake in this world. Let me take a moment to ground myself. So the challenge I have for you is instead of giving the first 10 minutes of your day to other people or the first hour to other people, give that first 10 minutes back to yourself. No phone, no input, just you. And I want you to do a couple of things. I want you to breathe deeply. Take some deep breaths. And just say thank you for another day, for another opportunity of this life. I want you to stretch a little bit. Just stretch your arms, stretch your fingers, stretch your toes, stretch your body. I want you to pray and say grateful for the things that you are grateful for. Talk about those things. Say, where do you need me to be today? I want you to meditate. I want you to set an intention. How you want to show up today. Choose you on how you want to show up today. Because how you start your day, trains your nervous system for everything that follows throughout your day. So the first thing is to start your day without reaching for your phone. The second thing is to move your body on purpose, even if it's short, you don't need a perfect workout. You just need consistency. And one of the biggest lies people believe is that exercise is only counts if it's this intense two hour grind at the gym or if it's long or you can impress people on Instagram with it. But that's not the case. Movement isn't about looking a certain way. It's about regulating your nervous system. It's about building confidence. It's about clearing energy. It's about cleansing yourself. When you clear the mental fog, you can help restore energy in your life. So move your body every day, whether that's a walk, you lift something, you stretch, you breathe deeply. Even 10 minutes a day can count in a big way. 10 minutes a day. Movement is one of the fastest ways to build self respect. You really build this like belief in yourself after you workout. You're like, man, I can do something hard. I can work out. And move. I push myself a little bit because every time you move, even when it's short, you're telling your body, I'm listening. I care about you. I'm showing up for you. And you're telling your future self that you respect where you're going because consistency beats intensity. And you don't have to be, again, extreme and exhaust yourself, but just show up and be consistent and move your body. One of the thing number two is to move your body on purpose, even if it's short. Number three, do one hard thing that you've been avoiding. I don't know about you, but I used to really hate having hard conversations with people that I cared about. I just, man, I would dread it. I would sweat thinking about it. I would get anxious and over-analysed like, how am I going to say this thing? How do I bring this up without offending someone or hurting someone? And I would just avoid these things. And the avoiding would create such stress in my body that I was constantly neglecting myself. I was abandoning myself by trying to avoid having hard conversations with people. And confidence doesn't come from affirmations. It comes from action, not from avoiding the hard conversations, specifically the action that you keep putting off. Every day, I need you to ask yourself, what is one uncomfortable thing that would move my life forward? What is that uncomfortable conversation? What is that call that I need to make? What is that message I need to send? What's the conversation? What is the action step at work I need to do that's going to put something forward rather than hold me back? Because the longer you avoid it, the bigger the problem becomes. And man, it eventually will explode in your face if you keep avoiding it. Avoidance also quietly drains your energy. It creates this background stress in your life that's just like this noise that's kind of like this low scream in your ears. And the longer you wait, the more you avoid the louder that scream gets. It erodes self-trust, self-belief, self-respect. It just sucks it out of your being. And again, one of the biggest things that holds people back from accomplishing what they want is a lack of self-belief. So when you constantly do things to avoid hard things, you're going to limit yourself belief in the future. And one hard thing a day, one thing today, it will compound faster than motivation ever will. Discipline is a form of self-care because it builds self-trust. And over time, you stop seeing yourself as someone who avoids discomfort and starts seeing yourself as someone who can handle it, as someone who loves it. This changes everything. Do one hard thing you've been avoiding today. This is the third thing. And if you do this, I'm telling you, you will be like a magnet for opportunities because you'll have clean energy. You'll be taking on the things that you are stressing about and you'll be owning them. You'll actually be excited to have these conversations in the future. I know it seems crazy, but you'll be saying to yourself, man, I can't wait to have this conversation because I'm going to build more self-belief. I'm going to have a clearing conversation with this person. We're going to get clarity on what needs to move forward. And sure, there might be some discomfort or stress in the meantime, but you're going to have peace and freedom on the other side of it. So do one hard thing you've been avoiding today. Thing number four, check in with your emotions, not just your to-do list because most people track their to-do list, but very few people track their inner state of being. There's a message difference here. I like to ask a question to a lot of guests on the School of Greatness podcast. Maybe you've noticed this in the previous interviews. I say on a scale of one to 10, your inner peace scale. One being you have no inner peace. Ten being you are like a Zen master at the moment and nothing phases you. Where are you along this scale of inner peace? It's fascinating to hear the responses of people on what number they are from one to 10. You're your number. Feel free to put it in the comments below. Again, do you feel like you're a two through a five or just a lot of stress in your life right now? Or do you feel like you're six, seven, eight where you're starting to get a hold of things and you can manage what's happening and it doesn't really phase you that much? I'm curious where you're at on this inner peace scale because few people track their inner state of being. And that's a problem in my mind because emotions don't just disappear when you ignore them or when you sweep things under the rug. They don't go away. They go underground and they show up later as burnout, frustration, anger, exhaustion, rage, anxiety, loneliness, depression. So at least once a day pause and ask, what am I feeling right now? I want you to name it. I don't want you to judge yourself. I want you to name it and just say, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling stressed. I'm really scared. I'm feeling just a little annoyed right now. I'm feeling impatient and I don't want you to fix it. I just want you to name it. Don't judge it because awareness prevents burnout. Just you being aware of what's going on in your mindset and your emotions. It helps you from just numbing it and going through the motions or sweeping it under the rug. This will support you on your growth. And this is how you state connected to yourself instead of just operating on autopilot like most of the world does because high performers don't ignore their emotions. They learn to regulate them. In fact, when I asked a neuroscientist in brain surgeon on the show, what is the number one skill that all human beings should master? He said, learning the art of emotional regulation. Then this is a brain surgeon who's worked on a thousand brains in surgery and a neuroscientist studying the mind. He said emotional regulation was the number one skill that human beings should master to have a healthier, happier, more thriving life. Yet most people are never learn how to regulate. We don't learn this skill growing up. Unless you had some super conscious parents that taught this to you all the time, most of us never learn this. And this is not us to blame our parents for them not giving us this gift. But we need to master this now. And this is why I have the School of Greatness. This is why I sit down with people who are experts on this topic so that I can continue to learn and hopefully share that wisdom with you. Again, the strongest people aren't the ones who suppress how they feel. They're the ones who are honest enough to face their feelings. Checking in with your emotions isn't weakness. It's actually leadership because you start with acknowledging what's going on within yourself. And when you understand your inner state, you make better decisions on the outside of your environment. And you can truly see what's happening with people around you. And when you understand and can acknowledge what's happening with people around you, that's called leadership. That's another level of being able to hopefully connect with people in a different way. And if you're trying to create results in your real life, you need great relationships. And in order to build great relationships, you need to be able to understand people. And in order to understand people, you need to understand yourself. So there's different levels to this awareness, to support you and creating what you want in your life. But thing number four is to check in with your emotions, not just to check off your to do list. Thing number five is to set one clear boundary, even a small one. Because if you don't protect your time, your energy, someone else would decide how it gets used. And here's the truth that a lot of people, you know, don't really think about. And that is a lot of people are exhausted. Not because they're doing too much, not because they got so much stacked on their plate, they're exhausted because they're doing too much of what doesn't actually matter to them. And too little of the things that bring them the most joy. And this is something we need to be aware of and start shifting with our time and our energy. Now listen, I run a business. I've got a lot of different things going on. Some of you might be employees or small business entrepreneurs or side hustlers or seeking a career and you've got responsibilities. There's time in your day where you've got to do things and show up to generate income for yourself. But there's a way that you can show up and how you think about your time and generating revenue that can shift. There's an approach to how you use your time on a daily basis, even if you're not liking the things you're doing. I remember I was a truck driver for three months in between trying to play professional football and I was training in the summers. I needed a job and I was a truck driver for three months. I was making $250 a week. I was driving six hours a day from Columbus to Cincinnati and back every single day, driving car parts in the back of a pickup truck, taking them down, transferring car parts and then the truck and bringing them back. The first week I was like, man, this is mind numbing. I was like, I put the pedal all the way to the metal. I'm going as fast as I can go with this truck and it only went 55 miles an hour. There was no scenery from Columbus and Cincinnati. It's just corn fields. There's no mountains or anything like beautiful to look at. It's just corn and a four lane highway. I had to go on the slow lane the whole time. I'm just sitting there. There was no Bluetooth back then. I had no cell phone back then, whatever it was. I remember just being like, man, this is mind numbing. How do I make something of this? One of the things I did during that time is I literally just started thinking of every musical that I could think of and started singing the songs to myself and acting as if I was in the musical myself. I sound a little crazed, a little weird, but I was finding things to do with my time and finding little games throughout the day that I could play on enjoying my time in order to make that money. You may not have everything that you want every single moment of every day, but if you can bring joy to these moments, if you can interpret them differently, if you can appreciate these things because they're providing something for you in return. That truck driving job was giving me money to allow me to pay my rent. The more I started to learn about appreciation during that time, I was grateful for that. I was trying to make the most of how I put my energy into that time. A lot of people are doing things that they don't want to be doing. Now, if you're in a season where you can't choose that right now, try to find a way to bring joy to the things you don't enjoy. Also, on the free time extra that, do things that you do enjoy. Do more of those things, more of those hobbies when you can. A lot of people also just say yes in life out of guilt. They say yes to avoid conflicts with their friends or coworkers or family. They say yes because they don't want to disappoint anyone. One of those yeses slowly trains your nervous system to believe that your needs come last. Again, I'm not talking about work that you might have to be doing right now to generate income to pay for your life. What I'm talking about is the extra things that you don't set boundaries that are sucking the life out of you. Boundaries are not about pushing people away in your life. They're about staying connected to yourself. A boundary can be small. For you, maybe this is just saying no to someone's request that you used to say yes to a lot. It's just starting to reclaim your energy, reclaim your time to invest more in things that you really love doing. Boundaries are not selfish. They are necessary for long-term growth and peace. When you create a boundary on something that you don't want to do, you're reclaiming peace back into you. When you say yes to something you don't want to do, just because you feel like you don't want to avoid conflict, you're really trying to buy peace but inside resenting the decisions you made and resenting the people you said yes to. It's a double pain on top of it instead of just making a clear boundary. But a calm, clear boundary is enough. That's all you need. Every time you protect your energy, you're sending yourself a powerful message that says I matter too. I matter too. This isn't about doing less. It's about doing what actually aligns to your higher self because the life you want requires energy. It requires clarity. It requires some freedom of thought. If you're drained and exhausted because you haven't created boundaries, then you're going to resent yourself. You're going to resent other people. You're going to be exhausted. You're going to be numbing things. You're not going to be paying attention to your emotions. All these things add up. Boundaries are how you reserve and protect your energy. You need energy to thrive. Boundaries are how you keep it protected. So set one clear boundary, even a small one today. Thing number six is to check in on your vision daily. I was just with a friend of mine who's talking about, and this is a very successful friend who's, you know, sold companies worth billions of dollars that he's invested in. He's been very successful in business over the years. He just knows how to win in business and around money. And he just affirmed this. He goes, you know, if we want to accomplish anything, we have to be so specific on our vision and our goals. And we have to remind ourselves what they are every single day. That's how I've gotten to the success that I'm at. And you need to do it in different areas of life. Because most people are working hard on life that they never stop to question. They're too busy. They're productive. But a lot of people are misaligned. And you might look at your life right now and say, man, I've just been busy and productive and going from one thing to the next and accomplishing and achieving and climbing a career ladder. But am I in alignment with what I feel like I'm meant to do? Am I listening to that thing and am I in alignment with the work that I'm doing? When you don't check in on your vision, you don't stop moving. You just start drifting or you're over accomplishing for what? What are you accomplishing for? And is the accomplishment in alignment with a vision that is meaningful for you? Drifting is dangerous because it feels like progress. It feels like you're getting things done until you wake up years in the future, realizing you built a life that you don't actually want. Then you resent it and you look back and you think you wasted years. So every day I want you to take a few minutes to check in on your vision. I don't care if you have something on your phone that is a reminder of your vision. If you put a little vision map on your phone and you look at it throughout the day into your cost they reminded. I don't care if you print something off and put it on your mirror at home. I don't care what this strategy is for you. Take a few moments every day to focus on your vision. When you do that, you can ask yourself am I moving toward the life I actually want or am I just responding to what's urgent for other people? Because your vision is not something you set once. It's something you return to daily. It's like a living breathing document. And it's a dream that you constantly upgrade and update and you see the progress. But if you're not focused on it with clarity, it's going to be hard to accomplish it. And you're going to be in reaction mode a lot. So I need you to read your goals, to revisit your values, to remind yourself of who you're becoming and why it matters. Clarity comes from repetition, not just from setting it once and saying, I'm good to go, but reminding yourself and then asking yourself at the end of the day that I live into my values that I do something hard today that's going to help me get one step closer to my vision of my goals. This is the key. You do this daily over and over again. You compound the interest on your dreams and you're going to be amazed of what happens in six months, 12 months, two years, just boom, things coming to you. Now people who build meaningful lives aren't the ones who never get distracted. Listen, I get distracted. But the ones who notice it faster and course correct sooner. You know, I'm a sucker for our cool new project and launching a new business and taking on new people's ideas and saying, yes, I'll be a part of this. And I have to quickly remind myself like, that doesn't align with the vision right now. It's cool and fun over here, but how much time is that really going to take? How much energy would that take for me? It's my focus and attention going over there that is pulling me away from the main vision that I have. When you check in on your vision daily, you stop chasing everything and you start choosing intentionally. That's how alignment is built and that's how fulfillment grows. And I need you to start doing this. Step number six is to check in on your vision daily. Number seven is to feed your mind with something that makes you better. One of the main reasons I started the School of Greatness, one of the reasons why I created the books that I have, including this one, the Greatness Mindset. This is the book I wish I had when I was 16, when I was 23, when I was 35, and when I was 40. This is the book that I wish I had because it's everything that guides you on getting a clear vision, the exact exercises, the lessons, the neuroscience behind it to help you accomplish your dreams and goals and find true peace within yourself on your journey. I didn't have all those tools growing up. This is everything I've learned in 13 years of running the podcast with the smartest people in the world that have distilled into a book for my younger version of me and my current version of me. And it's why I still do the School of Greatness because I need to feed my mind with something that makes me better. I need to learn from people constantly because if I don't, I can get easily distracted in negativity. And what consumes you daily shapes who you become, what you stroll on social media, what you listen to, what you watch before bed, what you replay in your own head, what you say to yourself, all of it is shaping your thoughts, your confidence, and your expectations for your life. Most people don't have a motivation problem. They have an input problem. So don't wait until you feel lost to feed your mind with something nourishing. Read a few pages a day of something that is empowering. Listen to something educational, air inspiring, not just something that drains you. Journal a few sentences or a page consistently of something empowering and positive, even a few minutes a day compounds over time. I want you to starve distraction. So easy for me to get distracted. I want you to starve it by being so clear on your vision and empowering yourself with positive information that supports you and feeds your growth. Because the version of you that you're becoming is being shaped by what you allow into your own mind. Every single day and whenever you choose better inputs, better thoughts start to follow, better feelings start to come out of that and better actions come when you have clear and positive thoughts and empowering feelings. It's hard to do something creative and positive when you're constantly thinking negative thoughts and feeling negative emotions. It's hard to build something with momentum from that state because that is a lower frequency of energy when you have negative thinking and negative emotions. It's just hard to get the energy. You need the energy to thrive. So a thing number seven is to feed your mind with something that makes you better every single day. The eighth thing is to practice gratitude, out loud or in writing. This isn't some magic tool here, but this is the fundamentals and the great basketball player, Kobe Bryant, you know what talk about how he would practice hours daily of the fundamentals before he would get into the trick shots and all the fancy stuff because he knew the fundamentals is what allowed him to do everything else with creativity and it was like the icing on the cake. Attitude isn't about pretending everything is perfect and then we go through seasons and moments of life that are stressful and overwhelming and there's grief and loss and sadness and all these things. But what it is is about training your mind to see what's already working and the good in life, even if there's overwhelmed stress sadness because when you practice gratitude consistently, you stop living in scarcity and you start living in awareness. You find the good and you can also recognize what's not good or what's not working and that's okay. But you realize that there is support here in your life. You realize that there's progress being made in your life. You realize that there is something good in this moment, even if you feel like you've been exhausted for months and even when life isn't perfect, specifically when life isn't perfect. And here's the key. It works best when it's expressed. When you talk about it, say it out loud, write it down, share it with someone. It becomes contagious. And when you shift from frustration, sadness, anger, resentment, loss, fear, insecurity, gratitude, your whole mental thought process starts to shift. Your emotional state starts to shift. You start to feel a little warmness in your heart. Your cells start to respond. And then your actions start to align with that as well. Small things count. Your health matters, your breath, your progress. You can find gratitude in the smallest of things. And it can shift your thinking and shift the way you feel in that moment. And just compounding that throughout the day makes life more beautiful. You shift from what's missing to what's actually working. And that's the key. Practice gratitude, say it out loud, or put it down in writing, and watch how it will completely change your life. This isn't some magic tool, but it is the fundamentals that most people forget to apply in their life. And thing number nine is to shut the day down and don't let it bleed in tomorrow. Most people carry today's stress into tomorrow. They carry it right into tomorrow. They go to bed, anxious and stressed. They wake up, anxious and stressed. And just in reaction mode, all day on this hamster wheel of exhaustion. And that's why they wake up tired. That's why they wake up, you know, before the day even starts and they're like drains and their nervous system is on edge. Imagine doing that day after day after day, year after year, decade after decade. Your body is going to break down. You're going to have challenges. It's going to be a challenging life. Because without closure, your brain keeps working and stressing at night. While it's supposed to repair and recover, it replays mistakes. You have bad dreams and nightmares. It rehearses the worries of your life. It holds on to what could have been better and what you should have done and how you made a mistake and how you were stupid in that conversation. Whatever. That's not rest. That's rumination. Every night you need a shutdown strategy. Something that allows you to unwind. Me and Martha, my wife, we pray, we share what we're grateful for. We connect with each other. We put our phones away and we reflect on the day with gratitude. It may seem like lame or silly to do this, but I'm telling you, I sleep like a baby. I didn't always use to sleep well. I used to be beating myself up and ruminating. It took me a long time to learn how to shut it down. It brings me a lot more peace. It gives me energy for the next day. Here's something you can do. You can ask three questions at night. What did I do right today? You have to find something you did right. If you're a person that beats yourself up over everything like I did, you're going to find even you do the greatest of things, you're going to find something wrong. You're going to find something wrong that you did, even if you've got a promotion, even if you, whatever, made more money, even if you accomplished some goal, even if you whatever happened, right? If it wasn't perfect, you're going to find a way to judge yourself. I did this all the time. This does not do anything good for you. Find one thing you did right today and acknowledge it for yourself. This doesn't mean you're still making mistakes when you can focus on improving that, but just when you go to bed, find one thing you did right today. Ask yourself, what did I learn today? What's a lesson I learned that I can apply tomorrow? What can wait until tomorrow? There's stuff you're ruminating on. You want to get done now. What can wait until tomorrow? Write it down. Close the loop. Let the day end so you can rest and go to sleep peacefully because you don't need to fix your life at night. I'm telling you, your brain is tired. You're not going to be doing your best work at night. You need to finish the day, not fix your work. This tomorrow deserves a fresh version of you, not one way down by everything that you didn't resolve the day before. Mental pleasure is a daily habit. People who build great lives don't skip it. Thing number nine is shut the day down and don't let it bleed into tomorrow. Here's the truth, my friend. You don't need a new life. You need new daily standards because the way you treat yourself every day determines the version of you that shows up in the world. Start with one. Stack it daily. Build momentum. One day make it a beautiful day and apply these nine things. I want you to comment below which one of these things that you are committed to doing at least for the next seven days. Maybe what is one thing that you've been neglecting that you want to add and what's something else you want to add as well from these nine things. I'm telling you, watch what happens over the next seven days. It's going to completely transform your life if you apply all nine of these things. Boom, it's going to be incredible. And remember, becoming the best version of yourself is not about doing more for others. Yes, we want to serve people. We want to be of value to people. That is a beautiful gift of life, but it's not about doing so much for others and not doing it for yourself. It starts with taking responsibility for you, my friend. Because you have one human being to take care of and that's yourself. When you take care of you, you have the energy and the ability and the creativity to serve other people in such a beautiful way. But when you're only given to others and neglecting yourself, man, you're just draining and exhausting your life and it's not as rewarding. So I want these reminders to serve you today. And if they did, make sure to share this with a friend, comment below, like this video, send it on social media and stay connected. And I want to remind you, if no one's told you lately that you were loved, you were worthy, and you matter. Now the big question is, how can I keep up these self-care habits consistently? Well, when I spoke with James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, he broke down how to make habits so simple enough that they actually stick with you. And I wanted to share that conversation because it really helps emphasize how to not feel good about taking care of yourself and then immediately fall back into your bad patterns. So take a look at this. If people are listening to this, watching this, thinking about how they can transform their lives and better their lives, what's something over the next seven days that they should be thinking about with their habits to make this happen? Yeah, great question. I don't even think it needs to be seven days. I think it'd be five minutes. You know, like you can do a lot with five good minutes. Like five good minutes of exercise will reset your mood. Five good minutes of writing will make you feel totally different about your manuscript. It's like now the project's moving forward. Five good minutes of conversation will restore the relationship and get people back on track. So five good minutes can do a lot. And I think you can scale it down that small and just ask yourself, you know, how can I live five good minutes? How can I, like in a sense, each day is a small lifetime. And how can you live a good life today? That's really all you got to focus on is can I have a good day to do a good day? And then you can wake up again tomorrow and do the same thing. And this idea of getting 1% better each day, it's really encouraging a focus on trajectory rather than position. You know, there's so much discussion about position in life. We've all these different ways of measuring our current position. Like what's the number on the scale? How much money's in the bank account? What's the current stock price? We've all these different ways of analyzing what our current position is. And then usually when we get that number, whatever it is, there's kind of some sort of judgment that happens, you know, it's not where I said I wanted to be yet or we haven't achieved what we said we wanted to achieve. And what I'm encouraging is to say, listen, measurements fine, it can be useful. But just for a minute, let's set that to the side and stop worrying so much about our current position and focus a little bit more on our current trajectory. You know, is the arrow pointed up into the right or have we flatlined? Are we getting 1% better or 1% worse? Because if you're on a good trajectory, even if it's just for the next five minutes, you know, then you're on the path where all you need is time. Like time will magnify whatever you feed it. Now, if you have good habits, time becomes your ally and that trajectory will carry you forward. And if you have bad habits, time becomes your enemy. And every day that goes by, you kind of dig the whole little bit deeper. And so getting 1% better each day, it's really a mindset. It's an approach. Less about measuring it. Oh, is it 1% or 1.6% or whatever? Like it's not about getting caught up with the numbers. It's about trying to focus on putting yourself on a good path and then letting those days stack up. Before the interview continues, if you feel like you're not living your most authentic life, not leaning into your purpose and not living the life that your future self would be extremely proud of, I written a new book called The Greatness Mindset. And I think you're going to love this through powerful stories, science, back strategies, and step by step guidance. The Greatness Mindset will help you overcome all the different challenges in your life to design the life of your dreams and then turn it into your reality. Make sure to click the link below in the description to get your copy today. Okay, let's get back to this video. In seeing the trajectory, I love that approach and that mindset. I'm curious in your opinion, why do you think so many people have the habit of being hard on themselves, even when they're improving and seeing the metrics go up on whatever they're measuring? I mean, it can probably be many different things and I don't know all the answers. I think one thing that's common is that the results of success are widely discussed and highly visible and the process of success is often invisible and hidden from view. You know, like you'll never see a news story that's like, man eats chicken and salad for lunch today. It's only a story once it's like man loses 100 pounds. You know, it's only once it's a result that people talk about it. Or like, there's never going to be a story about James writes 500 words today. You know, it's like only a story once the time of cab is the best seller. And so because the results are the thing that gets discussed so much. And it's not, by the way, it's not that results don't matter. Like I consider myself pretty results oriented. It's just that I think we tend to overvalue outcomes because it's all we ever talk about. And we undervalue the process because it's just not, it's not compelling to talk about what's going on on a daily basis. So because of all that, I think it can get easy to judge yourself. You know, you could be doing the right thing on any given day. Like I could sit down and I could write 500 words. And that's actually a really good day, you know. But if the manuscript still amests and I'm still a year and a half away from the book coming out and I'm seeing somebody else launch a best seller this week, then it's, you start to judge yourself until like, oh, they have what I want to have or I'm not there yet. Or this is still a mess. I've been working on it for months like this is never going to get finished. It's very easy to fall into that kind of mindset. And especially if you're focused on results. So I think the shift is partially it just helps to know that working on habit, stay in and day out, focusing on building a better process and building a better system is how results occur. And that is very obvious to all of us as soon as you say it, the man it's so easy to forget it on a daily basis. And so reminding yourself that most of your results in life are a lagging measure of the habits that proceed them. So your bank account is a lagging measure of your financial habits. Your physical fitness is the lagging measure of your exercise habits. Your even like silly stuff like the amount of clutter in your living room was a lagging measure of your cleaning habits. So many areas of life are largely, maybe not exclusively, but largely influenced by the habits that proceed them. And so if you want better outcomes, the thing to focus on is building better habits. And for some reason, we get into this mindset where we're focused on results and we naturally start to compare. And that leads to feelings of judgment, resentment and negativity and so on. And if we can just shift it a little bit and just try to focus on having five good minutes or live in a good day or building better habits, then I think maybe you pull yourself back in the present moment. Maybe focus a little bit more on running your own race and maybe a little bit less on what everybody else is doing. Love that, man. Focus on your own race. You know, over 10 million copies sold of atomic habits. You know, if there is anyone who hasn't got this yet, you guys got to make sure you get this. But I'm curious for those who haven't got it yet and don't know how long does it take to form a habit? There seems like there's all these different research. This university says this and this scientific study says this. How long does it take to actually form a habit and is dependent on what habit you're trying to create? And are there also, also are there different stages of building and forming a habit? That's interesting. The stages part is interesting. People don't usually ask that. Okay. So, very popular question. How long does it take to build a habit? It does depend on the habit you're building. So there are a variety of studies that show, you know, if you pick an easy habit, you know, might only take a couple of weeks. If you pick something really difficult, maybe it takes six or seven or eight months, like, you know, who knows? But it also depends, like the same habit can take very different amounts of time depending on the context. Imagine one person who's trying to build a habit of doing yoga every day and they live with a bunch of athletes or people who go to yoga studios or whatever. And then the other person is trying to build a habit of doing yoga every day and they live with nobody who works out and they kind of get criticized or poked fun at if they do it in front of them. Well, same habit, but very different situations. And so the environment's going to influence how much friction you're feeling associated with that. And obviously that will influence how easy or difficult it is. So I don't really know that the timing tells you anything. You know, there's all these kind of popular myths, 21 days or 30 days or whatever. And there's not really anything back that up. But there's also a couple studies that say on average, it's like 66 days or something like that. But again, the range can be quite wide depending on the habit. So I think the true answer, the honest answer to how long does it take to build a habit is forever. Because if it stops, if you stop doing it, it's no longer a habit, you know, like, and what I'm trying to get at with that is habits are not a finish line to be crossed. You know, there are lifestyle to be lived. It's something to integrate into your new normal. It's not like, hey, let me just do this for 30 days or 66 days and then I'll be a healthy person or then I'll be productive or without, you know, I want to have to think about it anymore. And it's like, no, like what we're looking for is a change that you can integrate into your new normal, something you can make part of your lifestyle. And then once it's part of your daily life, great, you can start to look at the next habit and try to integrate that one. And it's a, it's kind of this endless process. And maybe that encourages you a little bit more to look for a non threatening change or a sustainable change rather than just trying to flip a switch. Yeah. And it also sounds like a habit is only a habit, incorrect me if I'm wrong. If it becomes an is your identity on a consistent basis. And if it's not your identity, then, and you're not, then you're not doing it. If it's not your identity. I don't think most researchers would define it that way, but it speaks to this question you asked about stages. And that, that was kind of the first thing that I thought about when you mentioned that question. So like, let's say, for example, let's just take like a classic habit, like going to the gym and working out. So early on, going to the gym is kind of uncomfortable. You know, you're worried about like, are people judging me? Do I look stupid? I don't know what exercise to do. You know, like, I don't know where to put my stuff today. I'm a water fountain at this gym or do I need to bring a water bottle? There's like all these like stupid little questions that you're thinking about when you're getting started. And it's definitely not part of your identity. You haven't shown up enough to be comfortable there and feel like, hey, this is just part of who I am. And so early on, the kind of the first stage when you're practicing it, I think the number one thing you need to do is scale it down, reduce the scope and try to make it as easy and as frictionless as possible show up each day. So that's probably like from stage one is how do I make this? The opposite of what people try to do when they're like, I'm out of shape. I'm going to go every day for the next year and I'm not going to miss a day and I'm going to eat chicken salad every day. Well, and you know what's interesting is especially for ambitious people, it's really interesting or really easy to fall into that pitfall because when you sit down and you think about the changes you want to make, yeah, it's easy to get excited about that. I think implicitly you kind of, even though people don't say it, what the thing that's kind of in the back of their mind is, what can I achieve on my best day? Like how can I get to peak performance? You know, and instead, I almost think it's more useful to ask yourself, what can I achieve even on the worst days? Like what, what habit could I stick to even on the bad days? Because then if you start there, now you can start to build some momentum. You can show up consistently. You can establish the habit and you know, you can keep going. So that's maybe the first stage is scale it down. The second stage is you start to get some like other rewards associated with it. So you've been going to the gym for a few months and then maybe you start to see a little bit of a change in your body or maybe you start to develop some friendships there and you look forward to seeing your new buddy there and you guys fist bump and you chat a little bit and it's just like kind of more engaging and fun to do it, to go there and you know, workout. And so these are like other benefits, things that make the habit feel good and they kind of help you show up more and more. So you're starting to get these external benefits are coming along the way. And then ultimately the maybe the final stage or a later stage is now it feels like it's kind of part of my identity. I go like this is where I would say so I've been working out for a while now and it's probably like the habit that I care most about like my in terms of personal habits. It's the one that feels like it centers me or it's the only time I really get for myself. And so I want to work out now. Yes, of course I want the benefits of it and the you know, the physical changes and all that stuff. But what I really want is I just feel good when I do it. You know, I feel like I'm being me. I'm being the kind of person I want to be and it makes me feel like, yeah, this is the identity I want to have is kind of person I want to be. And so I can get that satisfaction instantly like as long as I'm doing one rep, I, you know, I get that feeling. And so that's a reward that comes maybe later. You got to show up a lot before you get to that place mentally, but I think ultimately that's where you're trying to get to. Now there is there is maybe one more stage after that, which is the tighter that you cling to your current identity, the harder it becomes to grow beyond it. And so this is kind of an endless process, you know, like you we all can sort of think about like let's say you have a surgeon who they've been doing an operation a certain way for the last 20 years and they have a bunch of successful patients and cases from that operation. And they just sort of like, yeah, and you know what, I know it works well this way. And then a new technology and this way, yeah, yeah, a new technology comes along and they're like, you know, hey, you can do this with robots now or you can do it laparoscopically or whatever. And they resist it because they're like, no, I have a lot of evidence for doing it my old way. They cling to that current identity and it's harder to grow. And five years from now, they find themselves behind the curve or you've got a teacher who they've been doing their lesson plan the same way for the last 10 years and they don't want to integrate YouTube or some new learning modality or whatever. And five years from now, they find themselves behind the curve. And so the tighter you cling to your current identity, the harder it becomes to grow beyond it. And it's kind of this endless cycle in the in the early stages, what you want is to foster the identity to like reinforce being that kind of person because it helps you show up. But then eventually a couple years from now, the world changes and you need to adapt. And so it's kind of like evolve or die. And you need to continually be retouching or optimizing or refining that identity and your approach. And so that's those are there are some various stages there, but those are kind of some of the big ones that I that stuck out to me. Yeah, and it's like people who are stuck to whatever fax machines and then it's, you know, then from faxing to email and then email to, you know, cell phones and whatever it is, it's like our grandparents don't keep up with the technology and then we can't call them on FaceTime because they don't know to turn it on or whatever. So that's interesting. There, it sounds like there's different stages to these habits. And it sounds like when you become successful, the habits that got you here may not necessarily get you to the next stage or season of accomplishment, fulfillment, success, health. Is that right? Yeah, it's interesting because I would say there's kind of like two categories. There are habits that are like timeless that you the fan we call those the fundamentals of whatever your domain is, you know, like in my case, reading and writing are probably always going to be habits that will serve me as an author, you know, but then there's other stuff, you know, the way that I executed the book launch for atomic habits. You know what? Like if I launch another book in 10 years, a lot of those strategies will probably be outdated. And so you need to upgrade and improve, you need to evolve and change. And so there's, there's both the fundamentals that you always need to stick to and there's just this continual growth and learning process that you also have to be committed to. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. 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