Liz Roman & Michael Beck: Commando & Smoke Machines

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Money doesn't make you an asshole, but if you're an asshole and with a ton of money, you're going to be a bigger asshole. Why are you looking at me? No, I didn't mean to look in that direction. Jeff Lewis has issues. Hey, it's Jeff Lewis and I have issues. In today's episode, Liz Roman and Michael Beck joined the show from Las Vegas. We talk about sleep routine, smoke machines, and why Michael prefers going commando. Liz has sunglasses on. Also, we are indoors here. It is very bright. It's very bright in here. Very bright. And can I tell you something? I want to reveal something. I'm not really hungover. I just knew that that would be the easiest $500 I ever made in my whole life. I could just sit back, relax, kick up my feet, and she was going to do the talking. I thought of that this morning. I'm like, we didn't need Michael the first hour. No. Okay, wait. So I went upstairs at like, we all came back and I, it was like probably 1130. And Jeff was like, I think I'm going to sit and gamble for a second. And I went upstairs at like probably 1140 and I was in bed by like 1220. Okay. So what happened is I gambled a little bit. So I'm up 625. Really? Yeah. I'm up 625. You were up already before we even left. I was up 675. Then I lost 50 and I'm like, um, let's, let's just, let's just call it a night because you're up 625. Two martinis. So then I walk through the Tower Suites lobby and there were a lot of people there. But I'm like, Jeff, you got to go to bed. You got to go to bed. You got ready. You got to get up at 6. So I get up to my room and then I call Michael. Hey, the lobby's going off. Let's go down. Wait, you made it all the way up and then left again. And Michael goes, I'll meet you in three minutes. Well, the truth is, the truth is because we went to that sushi restaurant for dinner and you know, I don't eat sushi and I had my little snacks, but I was kind of hungry. So I was actually at the cafe. You were eating? I had not. I thought you were in your room. No, I was getting a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a grilled cheese. No, but the funny thing is when you called me, I had just checked out and just grabbed my food and you're like, meet me there. So I had to run up to my room, throw my food in my room and then come back down to meet you to the. That's funny because I thought, I'm like, God, this is like the longest three minutes. And then I text him like, Hey, I'm sitting at the bar. What do you want? And that's what took you so long. Yeah. You were eating? I didn't eat it until later. It's like worse. Actually, I'm going to confess because I did not actually feel that full after that sushi dinner either. And I will say the cocktail at Lisa Vanderpump's pinky. I took two sips of that and I was like, hell no. Oh, I forgot. We met up with Lisa Vanderpump. You forgot? I forgot. I did. That was where we all went down. Those cocktails were strong. So I, you two said, I'm going to go gamble. Okay, bye guys. I'm like, I need ice cream or ice cream. So I put it, Michael, I'm in it. This is such a confession. I'm at the gelato stand and I see you out of the corner of my eye going into the cafe. I was like, I don't want to see me. I totally saw you and I was like, oh no. I got distracted and I ordered the wrong flavor and I said, oh crap. I hadn't touched you. I go, I actually want a mint chip and she goes, now you have to have two scoops. So I was then walking through the lobby with a double scoop of ice cream by myself up to my room. That's just sad. Now it was, I thought, I run into any of the guys that will never live this down, but now I'm confessing all of it. Now Liz, we should probably remind our listeners because we talk about you all the time, but you are my manager and you're also become this kind of these live event producer, whether you wanted to or not. Yes, you did back me into that, but I enjoy them very much because I love chumps. They are the nicest people. My favorite thing is when someone sees you, Jeff, and they start to cry or get choked up like Jeff. Oh my God. I just think it's the sweetest thing ever because there's a side of you I think a lot of people don't know and it comes through in those one on ones and especially the pre-coctail arm. I'm not trying to upsell anybody anything. This is a good upsell. You do a good job. You actually do really good people one on one attention and time. It's so nice. I love it. That's true. I've said this over and over. It means a lot to me when people come up and they say, look, you got me through this and you got me through that, you got me through this and it just means a lot to me. It kind of, because sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror and you're like, what am I doing? What am I doing with my life? What's my purpose? I feel like whenever that happens, wherever I am, it's like, okay, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's like affirmation. Yeah. And I think the live shows validate that because it's so intimate and it's three levels. We have the pre-coctail hour, then we have the live show and then we have the meet and greet afterwards. So you are talking to hundreds of people that evening and everybody has varying different reactions to you and different generations. It's moms and daughters and husbands get dragged to it, but then they actually have a really good time. I've actually really enjoyed it and I also want to say, God love her. I'm not Liz Rome. What are the live shows? I couldn't figure out. This was a couple of years ago. I kept getting congratulated that I just got engaged. Now I've been married for like 26 years and I'm like, is there something I don't know? I mean, okay. Then I realized blonde hair, blue eyes, Liz Rome, Liz Roman. I'm like, God, I'm almost poor Liz Rome. No, I'm not her. So like, I thought you think Liz Rome would be here following Jeff around taking pictures all day. I think she's a little above that the director. No, so I am different than her, but I admire her greatly. Now Liz, I love that you're pointing out all the positives of the live events, but now let's talk about the negatives and that is hurting cats or managing chumps. It's worse than hurting cats. I will say it's much, there are a lot of personalities and it's the most challenging part because I have my pros. Okay. I have my team. Shout out Doug, shout out Jameson, shout out Shane, you know, now can. I mean, there's just people that I know I can rely on to get us through it. Then there's other ones that are. Name them. Name them. Name them. I'm going to say name them. I love you. I'm going to say Patrick and pole. They were famously now. I stand on your feet everybody. Pull it to. Wait a minute. Who are you? Did you do the audio? Who recorded me on audio? It was you can. When I went off on Patrick and pole because with people to understand they are fabulous at these events. They really are. They love to meet people. They love to take selfies. So it's just the logistical side of it, right? Where we got to get things done in a timely manner. They are going to do selfies. They are walking around with a dog. They are upselling everything they have in their catalog. And if I have them on stage, Jeff just wants to move the Mingrete along. Yeah. So during that, the post show meet and greet, there's a line of anywhere from 150 to maybe even 200 people and they wanted to have a moment with Jeff, but with each and every chump. So Liz gets specifically, especially frustrated in that moment when and the people in line want to get through it too. They want to have their moment. That's where I feel bad because I see the back of the line and I see that it's not moving and people have been waiting there up to like an hour and 15 minutes. And then I look down to my right and Patrick and pole are exchanging numbers. They're taking multiple pictures. Scheduling coffee reads. And you timing moms. And you did lose it one night. Well that's because we were having, they always say, no, it's not us. It's not us. It's not us. It is them. God love them. They're like, I know what you're up to, but I love them because now we've put them down to work the crowd and they entertain the crowd. That's where the, at this last event. Yeah. I was, Liz said I was holding someone up and she looked at me and pointed and she goes, don't make me yell at you the way I yell at pulling. Patry. Also, cause I, you know, I'm very professional at these events. Yes. Do not drink. We're trying to stick to a schedule to get it done. Jeff is eyeballing me through the whole thing. Are we on time? Is this maybe long? Are we, are we on time? It's like, oh my gosh. So you know, you're trying to move it along. So certain times it's like, I have to be the bad mom of like, come on everybody. But overall, they're the most high maintenance of all of the chums. Or Beverly D'Angelo famously. Oh yeah. She had an iconic appearance at a Chum Mist. She came out as a grand finale. It was iconic. She sang a number, but to prepare for that number was hours and hours in the green room of preparation. There was hot tea. There was inhalation treatments called by cigarettes. None of it made sense. No, it's because she was on vocal rest. She was drinking hot tea, but then she needed a shot of 1942 because that, you know, looms up the chords and then it's back to vocal rest with the nebulizer. And then it's step outside and bum a cigarette off a chunk. It was ups and downs of the process. And Liz was very. All right. You've been very positive about Patrick and Paul and there is a lot of, there's a lot of positives about them. But how did you feel when Patrick blamed you for the mic not working at Phoenix? He did. Well, listen, he said that you and was it Doug? Yeah, you and Doug, when you did the tech check, he was not. Jameson was it you? Who was he blamed two people? I can't remember. He blamed Kean and Liz. It was Kean and Liz. I'm going to tie this right into Vegas. It was show girls. You know what? Sabotage. We were, that's what you're up to. I mean, what does he think really? It's an on and off button. The problem is they're constantly walking around and the microphone's like an accessory and it's like, so he keeps hitting the on and off button. So it's not Doug or my fault. And at the, they do a great job in the audience. So I'm not taking anything away from them. And they actually have enough volume. I think they could project from wherever they were. So it was not an issue. Yeah. He said that you never, you and Kean did not test the mics and that his mic didn't work. Yes. Then the, then the audio guy at Phoenix said that he had turned it off accidentally. No. Okay. Listen, we do full tech run-throughs and my favorite techs are with, you know, LeKendra and your brother, Todd, because this Las Vegas trip, I mean, first of all, I had to check three fricking bags for your brother. I mean, the Phoenix trip. Or is it Vegas? Yeah. Phoenix. Okay. I had to check three bags because he was bringing a smoke machine. He's bringing a laser machine. But the laser machine was a problem because it was in the back of the place. Not if his stuff works. A problem. But the problem was the laser machine was pointing into the eyes of the audience. So the audience kept getting up and coming to us at production and being like, Hey, this lighting system is not working because it's the laser pointing directly into their eyes. It's blinding people. It was giving them like seizures. Yeah. And then when it does the smoke machine, it's directly into the front tables and people are like, can you get rid of the smoke machine? But Todd wants to create an atmosphere and experience for people. It's so bootleg. It's a whole thing. We get to Phoenix and the stage is so small. He's like, well, I can't have my backup dancers. Oh, you were going to have backup dancers? Okay. Fine. I can't do my costume change now. You were going to have a costume change? He was. So you just kind of roll with Todd and him and LaKendra. We do full tech rehearsals to tech. Listen, Doug is the best. I let him and Jamison roll with those mics. He's symbolence. Symbolence. A symbolence on every microphone testing the volume. Can I ask you something now? Why is Doug there? Because he's not performing and he's not moderating. Because Doug, God love him, likes to be involved. She's a little controlling. And it gives him peace of mind, I think, to know that it's going to run smoothly within his control because it's usually a bit of a shit shot. I mean, look, I love that he's there and I love that he's helping out. But then sometimes I have to remind myself, oh, you're not even in the show really. Well, he is your I think he's one of your biggest supporters. Yes. And he wants to make sure you are presented very well publicly. Yes. So I love him. I mean, I let him do what he's going to do because I think it's for the benefit of the show and there's a lot of cooks in this kitchen and there's a lot of egos. So a lot of times I realize it's stepping back for me and just making it run smoothly because we want the fans have a good experience and I will admit something. I usually go on red at the next day. Oh, why? Well, because I think nasty bitches. Well, sometimes it's constructive criticism. Sometimes. And I do want to know, like, is there something we could do better? Was there something we did really wrong or off? And for the most part, everybody that goes has a fabulous time and there's usually FOMO. Well, I think you have. I think that you have to realize, like the people that come to these shows, they're not coming for some like award winning like show. They're coming because this is a fucking shit show. The whole thing is a mess and there's always something going wrong and there's always somebody drunk stumbling through the audience or somebody falling off the stage. I think we've done a good job at creating organized chaos. Yes. Yeah. I mean, it flows. You have to have some structure here. The mics have to be on, the lights have to be on and then the rest happens, happens. And we run on time. I mean, we run that show. You do run a tight show. Well, I was going to bring that up. It's very important to me. Also, it's a weeknight, not just for me, but for also the attendees. We got to be out by a certain time. Everybody, you know, most chumps work. Yeah. Not all of them, but most of them work. And we got to get home at a decent, decent hour. So that's why I got to keep it on. We accomplish that. We do. I was thinking about you, Liz, on the how, how was your trip to Phoenix? Because we did send you with a tub with the smoke machine, the light machine, the fog juice and then and then thousands of dollars in wind products and hundreds of pounds of wind products. I mean, the can and I don't know what the plan was. When it got dropped off the day before by like an Uber driver, I was like, this is sorry, a little person just walked by. We were just like, oh, my God, Michael, control yourself. Michael, don't do that, because it just strikes me. And Michael, put your sunglasses back. I'm sorry, I was distracted. I'm sorry. Let's go ahead. Speakers in the hallway so people can hear you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's on your best behavior. Please. You should have told us that a long time ago. Why don't you tell us that, Jane? That a hallway. Because now you know, now you've learned. I'm training my environment. Do you set the stage that this studio has windows and people are walking by? It's a walkway inside the wind. So that's why we're seeing. We're in a fishbowl. I had no idea there were speakers out there. I didn't either. Never. And we've been we've this is our third time here. The wind system and there's children walking by. Oh, oh, and I cursed. Oh, gosh. OK, now we've got to we've got to watch. You've got to clean up your language. Absolutely. It's a family show. Or just watching people walk by. So what was your question? OK, the luggage situation. Yeah. So it gets dropped off at my house. And one of them literally weighs because it's all the wind product. And remember what I said? Chastine, he's the sweetest, most generous guy. I go, you know, first of all, the bag's going to be checked because he's going to do full size product, right? And it's going to weigh a hundred pounds. It literally did. So my husband goes, well, what are you going to do? I go, well, I'll just valet the Carp-Burbank and I'll get one of those little trolleys. How hard can it be? I mean, I pull up. The guy's like three bags. He looks at me because Burbank usually has short trips. I'm like, OK, don't judge me. And I get a trolley and I'm like wrangling to get these three things on there. I get to check in at I think I was just doing Southwest. And she weighs the first one and it's like one hundred and fifteen pounds. She goes, you're going to you. This is you've got to sort this out. I go to the next one. The next one's like 60 because that's the smoke machine. And I wasn't really even going to check my bag. And I check my bag, my bag's three. So now I've got three bags open. You know, I look like a luggage bomb had gone off. I look like a mess. I mean, also it's a the smoke machine looks like. So suspicious. Sus equipment. I literally have like very odd looking electronic things in a bag. But I mean, they're looking at me like, OK. But how do you get stuck doing this? Because you are a professional woman. You have a serious career and a serious job. How are you becoming everyone's assistant? Because she had a 10 a.m. flight. The idea was she's ahead. She's checking the bag. She's unloading to bring the things to the house. We roll in at 3.30. We're going, going, going straight to the venue. So we were not supposed to check bags. The idea was she has everything prepared and ready to go. But shame by yourself. I see that. I think people could have shipped their smoke machine. No. Or their product. The production van drove there. Right. We didn't think about that till I. I know. We didn't think about that. They were like on the way home and I'm thinking I am not taking whatever is left home and production is, oh, no, we can take it. We were here the day early. We could have taken it to Vegas, to Phoenix. I go, oh my. We keep it real. The show was real. We didn't have. Oh Lord. The scene. Yeah. Production doesn't exist. No. So then I arrive in Phoenix and I'm having to cart it out in 100 degree weather into a small Uber. I mean, it was just and then that gravel walkway and that. That Airbnb you rented. Now I felt like a real housewife because I got there first and I looked around and was like, you could tell the primary suite. So I'm like, obviously that is Jeff and Jameson's love suite. I will leave it alone. I'm not going to go in there. But then everything else I was like, well, do I knew Doug needed on suite, like he needed a bathroom. Then there was, I was going to be sharing the bedroom with the kinder, right? So I was like, we're the only. Shut up, Kean. I go, we're the only ladies like we should have a bathroom. But then I thought, oh, Patrick and Paul, they're kind of high maintenance and the dog, maybe they need a bathroom. So I literally texted Chan go, listen, I'm going to get ready and I'm not going to touch any of the bedrooms. I'll just leave my luggage outside because I do feel like if I claimed a bedroom, like it might be drama later. Right. And then we basically got the bedroom, LeCendre and I that was the converted garage. It had no bathroom. I had a bathroom right outside the door. And but actually, I think it did work out because then you had the the TV room, not LeCendre. But we had a screening room. Well, why was she going back? OK, why didn't she just go to bed with you? I kept saying LeCendre, the bed is big enough. I grew up with eight kids and my family. I have shared bedrooms and beds and all that. So I was like, no, it's totally fine. You weren't fine when we told you, though, in the conference. Well, I mean, I am also used to like at the end of an event, like, you know, unwinding in the hotel room. It's like, no, we're going to go back and there's me cameras up and all this and that. I was like, God, love, chump, you know, little slippers that Doug had for us. So it was all fun, but it was a different vibe. So I was like, oh, I got to wrap my mind around this. I imagine if you're away from your husband, you want to like have your own room and your own. Oh my God, a night off from the snoring. Yes, a hotel room. What happened with so Snow White 90210 who had an accident in the green room on the sofa? Did we did they say anything? I mean, are they going to require deposits in the future? Maybe. Maybe no animals allowed. Well, there were animals allowed at that house. No, and we didn't have an animal at the house. No, we did not. We had a rat. There was a little pet rat. I'm not. I love it. It's barely alive. I'm already in trouble with them. No, it's so funny because I can say whatever I want. I know. And then if you say one thing about Patrick and Paul, what happens? Oh, I'm I'm I want you to read the last text. The last text said, and all capitals, I have no words. And then it was a sad face. What have you done? And well, just because I don't. He piles on. No, I just I just don't believe the the car accident story or the attack story. So I think because I put that into question, they're mad at me. But I love them. Dr. George. Dr. George. Please. Please. Is this you made a dance? Make. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. It's the gay dance album of the summer. Actually, it's really good. It's a summer hit. Yeah. It's about the door. Close the door. Lock the door. Actually, that is brilliant. We actually, Kean and James said I've been working on a new promo, which is pretty fantastic. When will that be ready, Kean? Early next week. So I'll let you guys know because you don't want to miss it. It's real good. Todd's going to love it on Friday. We should play for him. What about Todd's endless questions and requests? Nothing was worse than Chump Con with Todd last year. I mean, I mean, he wanted the little people and then he. There's one right outside. But then I got it. I got to say he had this. He wanted to a disappearing cabinet. He wanted to do a magic trip. Right. You have to understand, we do limit him to like eight minutes. He usually goes to 15. I'm doing the cut signal, wrap it up. Because listen, he's a great hype man. He really does get the audience. He runs the light. Yes, he gets very excited. But yes, he goes over time typically. So Chump Con last year, he goes, Liz, I've decided I'm going to do, I'm going to come out of a disappearing cabinet. I'm like, what are you talking about? So working with the venue, it was so large. We could not. We I don't even know how we were going to get it there on to stage off. Of you check it at Burbank Airport. Carry on luggage. So they basically were like, well, he's going to be on stage and then to get off stage, he likes a lot of components to his act. And I do think the greatest ad has been LeCondre because it's such added value bang for the buck. And it's not something that's like a prop. I mean, she really does sing. She when she just last forms. He leans on his props. But I'm bummed that you guys shut him down with the magic show, because I think that would be really fun. And I think that for the next Chump Con, I would like to see him soft. Well, you know, I'm happy he's not there anymore. The T-shirt gun, because he almost killed somebody. That was a liability. That was going to be a loss. Yeah. Well, some people will know the first time he shot it off, the whole first part of it came out and almost hit someone in the face. He hadn't assembled it properly. So it kind of came apart as he was shooting the and then he almost almost hit somebody in the head. That was a lawsuit waiting to happen. So now we've no more T-shirt guns. No. And I now he just throws them, which is fine. And I like I said, he gets the audience all revved up. It's perfect. Now, I have to tell you, so we were here, we were doing some site visits for a potential, you know, another Chump Con. And so there was a guy that I had met over 10 years ago through Todd, my brother. And, you know, we all know he's had dozens of businesses. And we still even today don't even know what he does for a living. I'm unclear. So this guy and he's kind of slick. This guy's dressed real nice, jewelry. Hair is bleached. Yeah. And very Susan Powder, actually. Actually, it's like a Guido guy. We're kind of mixed. I met him because he wanted me over a dozen years ago. He wanted me to endorse some sort of tanning salon chain. That is very unbranded. I mean, here in Vegas. Yeah. So he put me up in a beautiful hotel. They took great care of me. The deal didn't come together. So here we are. I see him. I haven't seen him in 12 years. And then, Michael, that was a good question. You said, you're like, how do you? First of all, how do you know Rick? And I said, well, I know Rick through my brother. And then you asked, well, how did you meet Todd? And he gave the strangest answer. He's like, well, you know, we stuck together. And then you followed up. You said, well, what'd you guys do? What'd you do? What did you work together? He said, you know, some some. What did he say? A few businesses, productions, films, videos, videos. And then he said, yeah, videos, videos. What videos? Videos. What did those two do together? Yeah, I think so. I thought that, too. But I didn't want to call him out or embarrass him in front of seven people. That is restrained of you. I am shocked. He actually looks like somebody who was a former porn star. So I'm not a porn producer. I think he might have been on camera talent. Oh, my God. Come on, bust off the lines. Yeah, yeah. Investigate, Michael. Find it out. Well, I'm going to dig deep for some videos. It's just so sketchy. Well, I had we're backstage at Chump Mess and your brother asked me, it was going on with Chump Con. I said, oh, we're just running into a lot of issues. I got the guy for you. I got the guy for you. You're going to I'm going to hook you up with my friend, Rick. Rick's going to solve it. Rick styled in Vegas. Rick was so difficult to text with. He did never, never email back. And I got to tell you, when you said, Liz, we're going to Vegas, we're going to meet with Rick. I was shocked. I was like, how did this come together? Because I've been texting the guy. He doesn't really respond to me. I thought, oh, I'm the business person. So I thought, oh, all the questions were answered. And that's why we're going, right? It's going to make sense as venue is going to work. Halfway through that walkthrough, I want to strangle you, Jeff. Because I was like, clearly, we did not ask the right questions because right out of the get go, they did not have the right spaces. Can you please defend me? Not. We the questions were asked. They were answered. We were lied to. OK, thank you. Because I really was like this place. Don't say the name of it. No, I'm not. But we, but we. So we went over. Liz, do you think I would just jump on a plane and come to Las Vegas? I was shocked. I was there was calls. There was emails there. Yes, they can accommodate. Yes, they can do this. Hey, that makes sense. What did I say? I said, this sounds a little too good to be true. I said, so, but we got to go check it out because what if it is indeed what he's presenting? The problem is we stayed at the win because this has set our standards really, really high in here. Beautiful. Property. So any other place that we were going to go to was like, the big problem. I don't care if it's not as nice. We just need a venue. Yeah. That would have to stay. Show. There really wasn't a space that was going to work for us. Yeah. So to walk through it, we were going. We were at the property with the team, with the guy, with Todd's guy and the team of the hotel. We go to the first space. Oh, great. That could be fun for cocktail hour. We go to the next space. But there were roadblocks everywhere we went. Excuse me. I agree. Because the first space were like, this will be awesome for karaoke. Shane's going to host it. Can't do it here. Can't do it here. And you know what? The goal of them, we walked in that lobby. The audacity. Well, we're never going back there again. No, because we walked in and I got to say right from the get go, I was like, we're in trouble, girl, because there was a four year old throwing a full on tantrum in what is kind of a small lobby. So you're kind of like, OK, all right, this is an interesting energy. Vegas, listen, kids, come here. It's fine. But you know, we're looking for more of like an adult vibe and venue. So this kid is screaming right in that same area. There is this bar is where we have the karaoke. And they're like, well, we can't have loud noise coming down to the lobby. I'm like, what about the four year old throwing a tantrum? Our singers, we have Carney Wilson. We have Shane, who kills it. We have amazing singers. Patrick and Paul. Right. We think amazing voices. Jameson, you would think the door. Oh, my God, someone's got to judge. Like, you know, you were like, no, no, no, your lobby would be blessed by this compared to what's going on here. So all right, Jeff, I give you a pass because I really was like, what? I swear to the world. So OK, so we're doing the walkthrough. We see multiple spaces like, OK, this could work for this. That are going to the whole thing. Then after we see, you know, the first four spaces were like, OK, so what, you know, kind of theater, what kind of seat it can have for the live show that'll be all attendees, that'll be all talent. We need that we need our all hands on deck venue. And they looked at us to like, oh, why are you doing a live show? Oh, we didn't know about that. That's that. And we had a list. We did go through the schedule multiple times. Of course, we were sure that there were spaces for everything. Yeah, because he was emailed and texted all that as well. The good news is there was which is, I guess, how I'm trying to justify this in my head is that there was another option for a venue. And we went to the second site visit. Yes. And I was, you know, it that was also looking good on paper. But in person, I don't want to stay there. And if I don't want to stay there, I don't want Trump staying there. No, because we set the bar. Chump Con last year was so fun and fabulous. I mean, if you were not there, it was also nice. Yeah, you should have FOMO. Resort World will give them a little shot. It turned out great there. But for some reason, they have a whole new team. Not going to work this time. Fine. OK. We still want to do something because we love having a longer versus a one night event, a longer experience for fans. So we are going to have to pivot and figure something else out because we're just not finding that unicorn. Because why what people don't understand? Oh, any any hotel in Vegas? No, what a lot of hotels, because I've literally talked to every single one here, they want to put us in conference rooms like we're convention. So you just go to conference room or ballroom to ballroom. No personality, no vibe. We'd have to create vibe in every single space. That's not really what this is. So it just hasn't worked yet, but we're not giving up on it. Well, and the nail in the coffin at the first venue was you saying that the woman was prickly. Oh, so I think that we were not going to be invited. I don't think she was. I don't think she was very nice. I frankly found her to be a bitch. And you told them you had to let them know. I just said she was prickly. And then she'd been punched in the face. Oh, she had some sort of black eye. And all I said is, hmm. It was it was a birthmark. Yes, it was a black eye. No, it was a birthmark. OK. Now, now you said to the guy, well, she needs to get punched in her other eye. He's like trying to balance it out. I'm like, no, Jeff, first of all, because she very nice. Say that exactly, Michael, something. Actually, it was pretty close. I want to clarify, we are not promoting any kind of. I just don't know. No, no, no, no, no, not by us. It was never to that. We would never do that. We wrap up at some of the teams stayed with us. So this should have been a conversation, which is called offline. We could have let the rest of the team walk away. But Jeff was already sort of, you know, you were annoyed. You were done. Well, because it was so clear. Well, they weren't very cooperative or accommodating. No, the other thing was like, we want to maybe have a pool party and their pool, like we were basically going to be put in the kids pool area. Literally, we were like, I hope into children. You were like, I we're just telling you that's probably not the best combos or any other option. And like I said, sometimes when you deal these large corporations, they're just not malleable. They don't want to bend the rules and make it work. So it just halfway through it. I was like, so why are we here? Can I clarify, though, this for a second? Oh, no, absolutely. I thought it was a black eye. You're now telling me it was a birthmark. All I said, I don't condone violence. I just said it just doesn't surprise me that someone hit her. It's hard to concentrate when you're worried about your health. It can feel like there's a wall between you and the rest of the world like you can't be fully present. Hello, Axa Health. How can I help? At Axa Health Insurance, we build our teams with people who care. 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Available at all good wine retailers. Switch to Plusnet's award-winning full fibre from just $22.99 a month. Our sweet deal gets you fast and reliable broadband with no activation fee, with speeds up to 900 megabits. Feels like a sugar rush. Full fibre that's full of value. That's a plus. Offer ends 6th of May. 24 months, 26.99 from the 31st of March, 2027. 30.99 from the 31st of March, 2028. New customers only. 62% UK availability. Terms apply. Now, when we left Burbank yesterday, we were all dressed appropriately for our site visit meetings with the events and the planning teams of these hotels. Michael boarded the plane in what was short shorts, like shorts that are probably a good... How many sizes? Too small? I mean, there were those kind of four-inches. With a t-shirt. Definitely more than four inches, but thank you. I'm just curious. What made you think that was an appropriate look for meeting with events team? OK, so we're going to Vegas. It's hot. It's 90-something degrees yesterday. And I think that, truthfully, my legs are my best asset right now. And they distract from the rest of my body. So I just figure why not show off the gams? Maybe get us a sale. Maybe get us a spot. So I said, no, you need to dress appropriately. What do you have in your bag? And so we had pulled up. I said, you're going to have to change in the car because we had pulled up to the first hotel and you had for me that you had no underwear on. Me and Tim Powder don't wear underwear. So what a revelation. So we got out of the car and closed the door so you would have privacy. And then we didn't communicate with the driver. We forgot. And he realized there was still someone in the car. So he walked around and he opened up the door and we just saw Michael's ass. There's two Jesus. Oh, sorry, kids. Face is pressed. Sorry, kids. There's two children watching us. Good morning. Yes. The driver was trying to be kind and opened the door for me to get out, but he didn't realize that I was changing into my pants with no panties on. Now, you have a history with Vegas. Your dad loves to gamble. He used to bring you and your sister here. And it sounds like you were left unattended all weekend. Sorry, dad. Yes, we used to stay at the Excalibur and the Excalibur had it has like an arcade on the lower level. So it's a huge arcade. The entire size of the casino underneath is an arcade. So my dad did back in the day when I think it was a little more safe, he would give us a hundred dollars each and let us go to the arcade while he gambled for hours. How long would you be down there? Hours, hours, hours. I mean, did cell phones exist? Were you able to get ahold of your father? Something was going wrong. I was like eight. We didn't have cell phones. Oh, man, that's crazy. That's a gambling addiction, right? I think he was just trying to have a little fun. He wanted us to have fun as well. So he was. So you were just left unattended. I mean, I guess you could do that then, right? Yes, you could. Yeah, you could. Now I think it's frowned upon. I mean, was your dad a single dad, too? Yeah, he was. Yeah, that's yeah. He was just doing his best trying to make money. He's like, come on, kids are going on vacation to Vegas. Can you explain so you're you're almost a 40 year old man and you're excited about going to Coachella and but there's been some hiccups with this. Yes. OK, so I am going to Coachella this year and I thought a lot about this because I am going with friends that are my age or older and I think we have aged out of Coachella. But Austin is a lot younger and he's never been to Coachella. So I thought for his birthday, I would get him passes to Coachella and I'd go with him for one last time. Now, the problem is my pass fell through. I was supposed to get a free wristband for the weekend. It fell through. OK, I've been desperately looking this year. Coachella is completely sold out and the prices online are like five thousand dollars for a VIP wristband. So I randomly happened to find one wristband from a friend who can't come to Coachella, but she lives in Sydney, Australia. So the wristband is in Australia. So she calls me two days ago and she's like, I'm going to overnight this wristband to you and I'm going to get it to you. We look into everything. It wouldn't make it in time for me to go. So we just forget it. Another friend randomly calls me and she's like, I'm in Australia. I'm flying from Australia to LAX today today. So she lands at 2 30 p.m. So wait a minute. So she got the she got the wristbands. And so randomly she would these people don't even know each other. She was five minutes away from the other girl. So I connected them. She went to her house, got this wristband, now is on a flight currently to LA to bring this wristband. How do you get up from LAX? That because we fly into Burbank. That's the million dollar question. But Michael, his plan was to go straight from here to Palm Springs. He doesn't even have a ticket to LA. What's crazy is that it's easier for me to get this wristband from Sydney to Los Angeles than it is to get this wristband from Los Angeles to Palm Springs. No, but for real, if you're a chump in going from LAX to Palm Springs today, can they can someone do you have a plan? If no, I don't. So if there's a chump listening that's going to happen to be flying or driving to Palm Springs after 3 p.m. today. So how else would you get this wristband that's going to be it's going to be arriving at 4 p.m. today at LAX? So I was thinking about it this morning. I could I could change my flight to fly to LAX from here, land at LAX, wait for her to land, get that wristband and then get on another flight from LAX to Palm Springs. Well, that just seems a lot of work. What about a year old man? Can you just Uber it? Like, could your friend with just put it in an Uber? Yes, but because it's Friday traffic, the Uber at five o'clock. Probably like thousand dollars. It's going to be five thousand dollars and it's going to get there at 10 p.m. So there's no point. So I'm going to predict a minute. So what's the plan like right now? So are you not going to Coachella? Well, the new plan is so I talked to Austin this morning and he's actually poor guy, he's like stuck at work and he's working a ton. So he might have to like not come today. You might have to come tomorrow morning instead. So that's the case. He will meet up with the friend, get the wristband and bring it. So I have to check with him after radio. Or she could Uber from LAX. Did he really want this for his birthday or is this something that you wanted? You know, the further down the road we're getting, I'm realizing I don't think that he really wanted it. I wanted to show him like a fun experience, but I don't. He's so overwhelmed with work right now that I think this is like the least of his worries. That was when Stu got me tickets, wanted to get me tickets to Adele for my birthday. I said, I don't even care about. I mean, now I actually went and loved it. But at the time I'm like, I don't even like Adele. But then I went and I loved Adele. I think he would have fun. I think he would have fun if he came, but I think it's just, you know, it's just weird timing because work is so overwhelming. And Coachella is for the young at heart and you're I mean, you do so much walking. You don't understand the dust. I mean, if you don't have those VIP wristbands or or artists pass, in if you're over the age of 25, it ain't for you. And I'm realizing that maybe this is the universe telling me I'm too old for this. But you're still going to go. I want to circle back. You need the universe to tell you because we've been telling you. Yeah, I want to circle back. You were not wearing underwear. I always think like, you know, what if something happened on the plane? I mean, you are not wearing or an accident and they had to cut off your jeans. Like what would happen on the plane where me not wearing underwear would be a problem. Like I mean, I still when you see, yeah, what's the scenario? Are you concerned about when you see people walking through the airport and they're wearing like high heels or flip flops? You're like, man, if something happens, you are just not prepared. Right. I just feel like a crash is what you're saying. I'm trying to, you know, not so you want to later today. If you're playing crashes, you want to be wearing underwear. Of course. Like, like shit my pants or what do you mean? I mean, yeah, why would you need underwear? I understand needing, you know, shoes, right? Sensible shoes to climb down the wing. But why would we need underwear? Because what if they rip? What if something happens and you're just having to run naked for your life? Or what if you pee a little bit? Right. I wear underwear all the time. Me too. I can't relate. Me too. I couldn't imagine not wearing underwear. It's hit or miss for me. Sometimes I wear them. Sometimes I don't. Are you wearing them right now? No. Wow. With jeans. OK. And you had those jeans on yesterday. Michael, what about sanitary? What about when you wear a suit? Do you wear because that fabric is usually so thin? Do you wear under the suit? If it's thin fabric, I usually wear underwear because you just don't want to give a free show. Lucy, go see. Yeah. No. OK. Like Rick. Like Rick. Yeah. Rick was given the show yesterday. Very tight. His suit was well. His suit was tight. So like the leg was like kind of up high. I don't know. Like that's just a look. So now we're getting all these calls like, you know, come to New York, come to Nashville, come to Dallas. So I think it doesn't look like a chump con is going to be happening this year. But we are going to probably do the chump miss event at the Brea improv correct list in December. Yeah, we'll do that again. And you know, I pushed you to go to the East Coast, but you always, you know, it's sort of like you're awesome because you bring all these chumps. And so the cost, it's not like a normal stand up comic or a solo performer where the overhead is low. I mean, Jeff spends a lot of money to produce these shows. And I think people maybe don't understand that. So by the time you travel to New York and take a whole team with you, it's like, you know, you have a fortune. Yeah. I don't think I'm going to out. Don't count it out, though, because I want to do it. There are some East Coast chumps. It would be great. There's some other chumps that are on the East Coast often. We've looked at it. And I have said numbers haven't made sense. I mean, there are also chumps within our world that would just be in New York, too, if you wanted them there. So it would work out. I think what's realistic is that we do. We possibly do two chump miss shows in Brea like we did last year. I think between now and then we could do a couple close live shows, right? Like San Francisco, San Diego. I think that's probably what's going to be realistic just to kind of manage everyone's expectations. Yeah, I think so. The other thing, too, that you need to announce, Shane, is I am getting so many DMs about the projector that I bought when Jameson and I shared that wonderful, beautiful, romantic night. Magical. And magical in Phoenix. I that was not what I envisioned when I saw Jameson's post about it. I envisioned something a little more, you know, celestial. It was. I just did you do a video or did you do just a photo? I did a post. But Shane, if you want to send me the link, I'll put it on my Instagram. Well, it's very low tech. That's the thing people don't get. I just Google projector like nighttime projector. It's first thing that's the same brand we keep buying. W it's called one fire. O N E F I R E one word. One fire girls toy projector. And it's lit. It's twenty dollars on Amazon. Yeah, I thought it looked a little honestly juvenile. It is. It's for children. It's for babies. It's for me. I know. It's for me, of course. That's what I thought. It was going to be something a little more astrological, you know, accurate. It rotates three hundred and sixty degrees. And then also you have different themes. So I can do butterfly. I can do mermaid. I can do gifts, princess. I'm looking at the Amazon right now. It says four girls aged four to six. That's what it looks like. Yes. That's right. I have to tell you. I'm sorry, forty to sixty. As I would kind of like turn over in the middle of the night, I'd open my eyes and be like, this is actually very sweet. I love it. I love it. It was sweet. I have an example of it in my my recap at Hey, James and Scala. You can take a look if you want to see what it looks like. That's where I saw it. Did you ever have to use the bathroom with the open bathroom? Yeah, but I begged Jeff not to come in and he did. I respect you. And I appreciated that. Thank you. But I think honestly, if you want to sleep well at night, you do a sound machine. You do the projector and a Venus CBD. And that's the trifecta. And you're you're gold. You're golden. I have been heavy on the Venus CBD lately because my husband, I don't know what has happened. The snoring is so out of control that if I don't knock my ass out. Oh, sorry, beep. It's out of the hallway. Beep. Beep. After the fact. Jeff Fina, one word. Oh, my gosh, like I am not trying. We're not doing sales. I'm just saying like the reality truly is like unless I and I don't want to like drink a bunch of Chardonnay like I'm a 1970s housewife. Like I really just am trying to. You also do that. If you if you have to sleep in a bed with your colleague. It's more SunSare now. It's SunSare, not Chardonnay. Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on Sirius XM, as well as the Jeff Lewis channel, exclusively on the Sirius XM app. It's hard to concentrate when you're worried about your health. It can feel like there's a wall between you and the rest of the world. Like you can't be fully present. Hello, AXA Health. How can I help? At AXA Health Insurance, we build our teams with people who care. So when you need us, we're here to support you. For cover that cares, search AXA Health Insurance. Pre-existing conditions are not covered. At TUI, we give you more. More outfit choices with 20 kilograms of luggage allowance as standard. More hotels built around what you love, like that swim up suite. More race you to the bottom, water parks on site. More, oh, that looks good. Food options from poolside snacks to ala cart dining. Book on app, in store or online. You book it, TUI sort it. 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