Besties Battle Bracket: Best Bathroom Game (Patreon Bonus)

Hey everyone, we are actually on break this week, but we wanted to give you a little bit of a gift, a nice little present, actually this comes from the members of the Patreon. They've given you a gift because they've voted on them. Oh, damn, they're a gift. This is the gift that you pull out. You pull out your gift. You was hiding behind the chair. It wasn't even under the tree. No, it's that gift. It's the reason for this season. It is. And it is a free bracket episode. It was the bracket episode that was voted on by the members of the Patreon. They thought y'all the greater best these community, and I don't mean, I mean the size wise, not necessarily literally greater, one at the end of the whole. They were in the hole just keeping that hole. Yeah, the Patreon community referred to it as pearls before swine. That is how they referred to it. It's so, it's fine. And I guess... It's over there, man. Goblin up, Piggy. That's what they said. They said. Goblin up all Piggy's. If you want to join, by the way, listen. I'm just cooking over there. I don't love all of it. Obviously, the energy inside the Patreon is wild, but you should get in there. It might just be you, Justin. I think you are ready to try and start fights. I want to have my own sort of... They seem so nice, but... I just want to start drama. I know. I don't know. Well, outside the Patreon, I know about Justin's bot army. That is the best thing to do. Yeah, oh man. They're so fun. They are so fun. I hired him because AI took over all the bot jobs. So hiring bots. I'm giving him a nice place to work. Thanks, bots. You can go over to patreon.com slash the besties if you have any interest in a monthly bracket episodes. We also buy monthly resties episodes. And hey, if you have a Besties fan in your life and you want to get them a nice gift, you can go to patreon.com slash the besties slash gifts. And you can actually gift them a subscription to the show, which is cool. Anyway, enjoy this episode. Can we make a promise? I wish I didn't have to say this, but this is the podcast where the tech thread sometimes I get pictures of somebody's ear mess or somebody's big toenail. If we could just try to not get to in the weeds about this shameful stuff that happens in the back. When you make dirt, I don't really want to get really deep. And I feel like I'm being 100% serious and that we'll lose. We will lose people. These are the special episodes that go right to the patrons and we don't want to say thank you for your support. Now listen, as Russ describes his latest bowel movement. Right. We want to take the toil out of toilet time is what you're saying. Why don't we just go the British way and call it the water closet because nothing, a great first start. Nothing bad. Great. Great stuff. I'm less concerned about the tool. The best ludo, like it's L-U-D-O, but it's also L-O-O-D-O. It's cool. It's like a game. It could be, but not L-E-W-D-O. That's not ludo. What about best play pal for the poo palace? So I'm Chris and I don't want to name names, but you are the one I am most concerned about and the one I am kind of indirectly calling out here. And I will actually, before we go on, need a sign to affidavit from you saying that you're going to be on your sort of your best behavior, better, at least. No, I'm going to give a shit this time. Yeah, again, this is the stuff, it's making me more concerned, more worried, 100% serious concerned that people are going to leave and stop supporting us. Okay. I know we don't normally edit for censored stuff or like beeps things out, but I would say maybe if there's anything that gets profoundly gross, it's just going to get a beep, right? And this isn't a live show, but maybe like a tape delay, like a 30 second tape delay. Just like cover our bases just so we know that we're being saved from being smart. Everybody does it, we just don't need to talk about it. And I don't want you to hide your light under a bushel, Chris. I would never have. I want to talk about it. This right now though, we do need to talk about it for the podcast, right? We've pledged to talk about it. It's like there's a chat in the room and you're just sitting in the chair. I do. Yeah, it's a wet room. No. More. I heard is the word I heard. And that'll be the last one. And that's the last one. And that's the last one. And I'm done. And I'm good. This is, it's heartbreaking that the episode hasn't started. And I'm already tight. I'm already like, fine. My name is Justin Macquarie. And I know the best game of the week. And I'm introducing this show in self defense. My name is Christopher Macquarie. I know the best game of the week. My name is Christopher Thomas Plant. And I know the best game to play on the toilet. My name is Russ Frustick. And I know the best game of the week. Welcome to The Besties. Where we talk about the latest and greatest home interactive entertainment. But I don't need to tell you that because you're a patron. You know what you're getting into with this. You know what you're here for. You're here to hear the world's best friends tell you the best games to play on the toilet, the toilet, the loo, the crapper, the job. Hey. He was a guy. So you're in the danger zone. Where, which rubric are we going to be using for this? Which puberty? Oh, I can't wait. That was. Now I'm done. That was the one that I got to do. That was the one I get to do. That was the one I get to do. Everybody gets one. And you would be playing a taste class. Elephants. You know what I mean? It's got to be like, yeah, if you can't imagine it being sent by some with a martini glass at their lips and an olive popping out of their mouth. And it's not a good poop joke, you know. Russ, I want to hear what you've devised here because I have an enormous on bridge with at least one of these topics. Yeah, I kind of strained to come up with some good rubrics for this. No. Wait, you strained? We're better than this. It'll normalize once we get it out of the system, the scenario normal. It just needs to get out of our Sergeant Pepra. Okay. Here's what I came up with and I'm open to workshopping. Rubric A, which game is more conducive to toilet time? So this could include like, you know, maybe it's convenient to hold the device or maybe it's a short game that goes, you know, quickly. This is great. We have no problem with this. Obviously, this is not the problem actor in this, in this particular way. Sure, sure, sure. I will say though, the first one is hugely subjective. I mean, yeah, to apply it in the objective. I mean, we're going to get even more subjective in a second, which game makes you want to use the toilet more? Now, that's crazy. Like, it's horrible. Yeah, but it's strange. We have to start with more. Do you mean which one most increases your desire to use the toilet or do you mean? Do you mean which one is like linger longer? That's a little bit more toilet time for me. Is that what you mean like port poop for more time or increases the desire to use the toilet? I'm worried because it might conflict with the with the tiebreaker. The tiebreaker is not going to stay, so don't worry about the tiebreaker. Don't worry about it. The tiebreaker is fucking deranged because the tiebreaker is not funny. So I think that's the problem. I don't mind which game makes you go to the one to go to the toilet more because it could be in a lot of things. And again, I don't think we should shy away from these kind of abstract interpretive ideas. Okay. But the third one, I mean, the third one is more a health concern. Okay, say it. It's what I wrote down was which game will result in hemorrhoids and is therefore the loser of this round. Crazy. So this was a big concern in googling like what's toilet games? A lot of there's a lot of people who feel very strongly that you shouldn't because you'll get hemorrhoids. The question is what game are you guys fucking playing? That is, are you playing, are you playing dark stuff? And just like really freaking about it? Like what's your purpose? The problem is like it's the amount of time. The idea is that the longer you're on the toilet using the potty, you're increasing the amount of time that you are damaging the inner line there, right? So if you want to toilet the game's too fun. Yes, it really 10 to 15 minutes is the medical window. You don't want to be on it more than that. 15 minutes. I'm watching it. I'm in the picture time. I like that. What's happening? You all are saying this and why do we get into some of these games? I know that y'all are playing under well. I know that you're all digging that Marvel snap for longer than you would like to admit. I would like to discuss one of the optional rubrics here is which game would you be less ashamed to be discovered playing on the toilet? And I love that as a rubric. I love that as a tie breaker. I think that that is really, really, really strong because obviously someone walking in on me on the toilet is one of my great fears and I don't need it to be made worse because I am playing a game where like the anime girl horse racing game. I like that. There's certain games that would be a bat sort of a bat. I'm just a little worried because I don't think in looking at the final list, I don't think there's a lot of games on here that would necessarily be shameful to be caught. Oh, yeah, that's so much shameful. It's that some are less shameful than some are less like, if, if, you know, Steffi comes into the bathroom because I left the door unlocked and I'm playing chess, she might be like, oh, an area night boy, you know, she might be impressed. Okay. I'm trying to find Genshin Impact. That would not go. Not on the list for his worth, but yes. Okay. I'm fine switching it up. So we have, which game is more conductive to conducive to toilet time. We agree that that one should stay. That's our number one. Yeah. Great. That's more of like everything around the game. So then, not necessarily, I think it's also game aspects of the game itself being quick, oh, like a quick game to play. Yeah. Sorry. The game itself, the fun of the game, I feel like that's maybe the second question, which game makes you want to toilet more. Yeah. Right. That's like, the game's just so fun. I don't know if you think toilet is a verb, but yeah. Yeah, I want to toilet more. And then what was the time? I can't say the words I want to use. So I'm trying to play by your rules. You're right. You know, him to him. Yeah. Geez. You did have me in. That's great. Okay. I feel good about this. Are we good with this? Yeah. Let's do it. Okay. Okay. So I have broken these up into some rounds that someone makes sense. Should I give? No, I'm just going to go right into it. I'm not going to give the full 16. You'll get the full 16. Yeah. We go in here when you hear them. Round one begins with the card games, Bellatro versus Marvel Snap. And this is a straight up brawl right from the tap. Brutal, brutal from the start. I've played more Marvel Snap on the toilet than Bellatro, but I've played considerably more Bellatro than Marvel Snap. So this is a super big diagram is a little bit. Maybe I should put it this way. I've only played Marvel Snap on the toilet. And Bellatro can be enjoyed anywhere anytime, but Marvel Snap almost seems to design. I think Bellatro is the better game, but I do think I could make a case for Marvel Snap being the better the potty game. Well, it's like they Q8 it with a toilet in mind. Yeah, I think the actual timing of a round of Marvel Snap and you're like path to satisfaction, you're going to get that dirty. It falls definitely within the medicality of what I'm just learning medically agreed upon say bathroom window. You can get your own bat in five minutes if you're. I would like to, I want to fold something into toilet appropriateness. Sure. I do not want to see people in my day-to-day life necessarily watching me control my different spider mints to fight the green goblins. Like I would not necessarily that may be for me a little more conducive to toilet time. In my day-to-day life running around, I don't care to be playing a sort of like classy poker sort of like, oh, look at him. Wow. Wow, and the third, third, third ruby. No, no, we're in both. This is very interesting. You're saying I don't want to play that publicly. There's games that won't play out the conflict between one and three that sometimes there are games that yeah, you would be more embarrassed for them to be walked in on, but they're kind of nice to do in the dark private recesses of the toilet. It's unlikely that you're going to be walked in on, but you would be seen in public playing them. Yeah. There's a lot of things happening there you don't want to be walked in on. You know what I mean? It's the bathroom. I don't think you want to assume that that's going to happen. Can I make the case for Marvel Snap and then someone make the case for the ball? Sure. Okay. First of all, more appropriate for the toilet, I'm going to say two words. Yeah. And this is going to, I think, come up a lot. And I think it's going to, for me, it's going to be a huge, huge selling point for a panel of features. No. I'm sorry. Portrait, portrait mode. Portrait mode. Yes. I'm getting. Oh. Oh. Balochra's great. It's going to come up a lot. Marvel Snap portrait mode. One hand is doing Spider-Man stuff. The other hand is doing whatever it needs to do to get me in and out of that great room as fast as it's possible. Talking about short games, talking about grinding out levels and season packs going through. Little dopamine hits. We're going to talk a lot about a lot of phone games because they're built around this sort of loop, generally speaking. And I think Balochra obviously better game. I don't remember if it was our game of the year, but it was way too late. But it should have been. But man, Marvel Snap, that's a toy late game made for toy late users. And I feel like, yeah, 100%. I could definitely, I would say half the time when I finished a game in Marvel Snap and it has been a while since I played, but I don't think that should be germated. I would say about half the time I finished around that and I think, fuck this game. I'm never playing this again. I'm done. And then about an hour later, I'd be like, no, where's happening on Marvel Snap? But I don't feel that way of Balochra. I'm like, I got to do it again. I can do better. 30 minutes, all right? Like I'm way deep into it. Marvel Snap gives you a nice shove away. They don't want you, like you can, you forgot how mad this makes you. OK, go away. Yeah, it is interesting because Balochra, you can quit it theoretically. You can quit at any time. You could just saving mid-round. You don't have to do a full run. But the momentum of round to round and your fear, whether this is true or not, that you're going to forget what sort of run you were doing does encourage you. That's not a fear for me. That's a guarantee. It does encourage that you're going to prolong the effort. I think the thing Balochra's got going for it is it is one of the more sort of compelling games that has come out in the last decade. One of the games where I've had the most like, oops, it's 1 a.m. And I've been playing Balochra this whole time. I've played it so much on so many different systems. If it was portrait mode, I think maybe you could make the argument. For me, this is not what's the most compelling, most addictive game. It is what's the best sort of bathroom experience. And for me, I think Marvel Snap takes it. But can we go to the rubric? Sure. Which game is more conducive to toilet time? I would definitely agree that Marvel Snap is more conducive to toilet time. Portrait mode. It's short. Short form. Which game makes you want to go to the toilet more? I'll speak for myself. It's probably Balochra because toilet, Balochra. I think it's Marvel Snap here because Balochra just, I want to go play it wherever. I want to go play it on my PC. Yeah, that's the one I want to go play on my laptop. Where do I want to go play Marvel Snap? I want to go play it on the toilet. Oh, that's cool isn't it? I'm really not great in safe. If I'm playing elsewhere, it's like I could be doing something else right now. Yeah. Yeah, no. It's Marvel Snap. I'm shocking myself, but I really think it's Marvel Snap. I know. I think way, way, way worse game than Balochra. No, arguably. Yeah. The better on the potty. I think it's better when it comes to the game. I think we're right. All right. Cool. I feel good about that. This is good. I think I'm feeling very good with the rubric that you set here. That's positive. That's why. It's taken us through this. We got there. Okay. Next up, we have Tetris versus Chess at chess.com. Tetris versus Chess.com is huge. Classic. I am so happy about just showing that. Tetris versus Chess.com is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. The idea that Chess would hear about Tetris and then be like, oh, yeah, we'll check this out. Chess.com and Tetris is like, fuck. He's got me. He came back around. Now Chess is the futuristic one. He's got a dot com. Got Tetris.com. You just get hacked by Russians. Yeah. Griffin, talk to me about Chess.com. Something that I put Chess.com in. Yeah. Chess.com is an app and I've been a subscriber to it for three years now. And I will go. What do you get with the subscription the night? Yeah. You get the night. No, I mean, you get like a Russ. Trust me. Griffin's right on this one. Don't go too far out in the limb. You might find it wobbly. You're going to fall out the tree entirely. It is when you when you are subscriber, it gives you access to lessons. It gives you access to like video training from the professionals. And the lessons are like wild because they go from fundamentals to advanced concepts to like, if you just want to learn different openings and that you can go down like a pathway where you learn, oh, today I'm just going to learn all about the Ruilopez opening or whatever. But what does it for me twofold? In asynchronous chess games, it's perfect to sit down and in the span of 10 to 15 medically approved minutes, like sending it submitting a move in the handful of games that you have going with your friends or alternatively. I mean, I guess you could do bullet if you were a fucking psychopath. What does bullet? Bullet is where you have like a minute total to make all of your guys at the speed speed chest. It's like speech. We see you guys slapping the. And that's not asynchronous. That's you playing against someone else. Correct. Yeah. I mean, you can also play computer synchronously, I guess, but that's single player technically at that point. But what really hits me is the puzzles. There's a whole chess puzzle mode that they relaunch sort of last year with more of a grind where you're grinding for ranks and stuff like that. And it's just like, what's the best optimal move in this moment? And not kidding. It is what I come back to when I, if I don't, I mean, ever without a game to play, as long as I have my phone on me, because I will bust chess.com out, you know, a few, a few times a month, maybe once a week or so, I'm like, yeah, I'll step in. And then I'll, I'll get in there. But it's just a perfect amount of if you care about all I cannot over at like overstate what a great like overall tool thing. The chess.com is not just like the, it is so rare that after that, like land grab of the 90s where people were grabbing up of a good URL. It's so rare that there's a good URL that's actually managed by like a good company. And this is like actually like decent. I try, I, I once had a chest tutor for a few months. And he could, when I gave him my username, he could look at my games and we could look at him together and he would load them and we could like go through, move by move to like look at the games I was playing and then like pick them up from different places. Like, yeah, it is also one of really, really robust. It's also every different like delineation of chess in terms of timing. So like bullet like Griffin's talking about is like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, but there's also like five minute games or 10 minute games, right? Each was paced differently and feels differently, but there's different rankings for each one. And I cannot tell you how addictive it is to have a built in persistent leaderboard in a game where like the rankings are actually like would actually matter to anybody other than the people who are like playing that game. Like you are it you are increasing your chess aptitude and you have a concrete metric for how good you are at chess. It's like it's really addictive. Yeah. Yeah. And the new puzzle mode you see where all of your friends are on this huge board. It's like, oh man, Justin just got out of wood rank. He moved on to copper. You got to catch up. Get some puzzles out. Get those streaks going. This is all so compelling. But what do you play Tetris on? What are you playing Tetris on? Okay, so that's a great question. And I chess.com is going to win this, but I want to make my case for Tetris. Tetris is the perfect portable game. Byronon, it had a great time in the Game Boy era. The problem is EA took over the publishing rights for a long time and they controlled it during the mobile game era and it kind of stunk. But and now it's actually overseen by play studios, which I don't know, but it's a free to play game that is like overall really solid. It has all the features you would want. It has good like leaderboards. It has good daily goals. It has all the things. It's going to be a game. It's going to be a game. Yeah, they got rid of this. Yeah, they did. Yeah, they did. They did actually that one. It's got. Yeah. Now there's a circle one and it just fucks everything up. It's a great game. It's going to lose. Okay, I'm fine with that. I just I felt bad just letting it die on the vine. I'll tell you, I mean, Tetris is obviously it's the only game that they sort of gave a name for the psychological ramifications of playing it too much. And so like obviously there is an inbuilt like it's sticky. It's a sticky game. I, chess.com, one hand, portrait mode, loving that. How am I supposed to teaspoon with one hand? I fucking can't. And I need a, I need a free hand while I'm using or else I'm going to be like freaked out the whole time. I'm just saying Tetris is also a little stressful for me. It's a little stressy. It might expedite things. Can I, I will say one last thing in its defense. If you are looking for a metaphor for what your body is trying to do. If you are trying to inspire some action, I don't think you're going to find something better than Tetris. But with that, I can see chess.com wins this round. Pipedream. Pipedream is better. If we're talking about simulating that like pipe dream. Pipedream is classic. Okay. That's like common colonoscopy universe. Do we want to go to the rubric or? No. I mean, no. It's the clear winner in every complex. Yeah. I think it does. It's a very special shout out. If I'm discovered playing chess on the toilet, the person, that may be the only game where if you walk in on me on the toilet and I'm fucking, it's like heated in the middle of a bullet match, you're going to apologize to me. You're going to be like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry, Grandmaster. How embarrassing for me to walk out on the toilet while you walk. Grandmasters splash. Gross. Gross, promise. Chess.com. What a bit crazy. Okay. We have slay the spire in super autopets. This is a, this is an interesting one. Is everyone here familiar with super autopets? Yes. Yeah, but you, you could just catch books up. Yes, super autopets belongs vaguely to the kind of like auto chess genre that popped up several years ago and that term has never been particularly useful. But it is a game where you have a team of five, I think, animals. Each animal attacks in a different way or has special modifiers or special things that it does each round. Every, every turn, every battle, I should say, has a drafting round beforehand where you can spend your, your gold on a new pet or to upgrade a pet that you've already got or to buy some sort of item that you're going to put on one of those pets. And then your pets battle against an actual other person's team of pets asynchronously because it all happens automatically, hence the name autopets. And so it's a game about sort of drafting strategy and just trying to get put together the best team of five attackers. And I think it's like you win. If you win 10 games before you lose three, then you have won the game of super autopets. Very, very, very, I mean, it's a game that like, if that sounds like your jam, it will absolutely get its fucking hooks in you. I haven't played it in a while, but when I was playing, it was a, it was, it was hot and heavy, man. Oops. I feel like you were a big slave of the spire person. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I, the spire is one of my favorite games of all time and I, and I think about slay this, I've played so much slay the spire that I, it is one of the, I think other than Hades, it's probably the thing that I played the most. For me, I think slay the spire is very much in the same model of its runtime. It's just a little bit too long for, you know, to, um, play on the toilet. I mean, to be honest with you, I've only ever played this thing on steam deck or laptop. Um, and I know there is a very, uh, capable mobile version, but for me, I don't, I'd already sunk the time in. Griffin, how long, how long is a run in super autopets like, or at least like, like, around, I mean, it would be long for a, for a, for a single go, I would say it would be, it would take you a bit like it's, it's a question of how quickly you get through the drafting because once the, the battles take seconds where, like, the battles you can fast forward times for, I actually, interesting enough, I think I've probably played slay the spire most on, uh, iPhone and, and iPad, uh, well, mostly on iPad because the iPad version is like really solid and you get around a lot of the like, you know, uh, thick finger, yeah, accidentally picking the wrong stuff. But I actually think the phone version is really great and I've played quite a bit of it on there. Both these games are landscape mode. Um, so that, you know, we're talking about a two handed situation, uh, both times. Um, I, I don't think it's necessary. I don't know. I don't think it's, this is a cut in dry in my mind because I also think, I think slay the spires, maybe the best rogue light, you know, card game ever. Are we going to continue? Sorry. I, we got to stop here. Are we going to continue to allow Griffin to insist that he be able to wipe end game because that is what he's saying. And we're all just fucking letting it go. But what my man saying is I might be gaming and I need the other hand to wipe that is not what I'm saying. I need to be able to wipe and you know, I'm against what I'm saying. 100% it is. I was so worried. I was so worried that y'all were doing it. And then I was the odd one. Thank you. Okay, I'm glad we are finally taking this house of cars down because honestly, man, just stop gaming. You know, I'm a fiend. You just gotta take it. I'll listen. I'm 100% gamer. I love the game. You know, you just gotta sometimes it's eat, sleep game, but not all it wants, you know? No. I, first of all, there's a lot of stuff in a bathroom that you would need one hand for other than just wiping your butt. Sometimes it's gaming. Sometimes it's, you know, only some people do want you to play. When I think you want to game, and I'm going to finish my point, please let me finish my point. Sometimes I have to operate the bidet. Sometimes I have to hold the door closed because one of my kids is trying to get in there. And I, I'm going to use my, and if I'm, I'm going to stop gaming for that. If I'm slaying the spire with both hands and a kid, damn, buy me some roll books. Then throw us like quick, quick reflexology for playing the spire with me. You can't hesitate for a second when you're spiring. Be real with me. When you're chasing, you know, a big win. And it's like the spire in Velacho. In the bidet hits at the exact same time. Dude, is that the closest you've come to God? Dude. It's like, it's like hearing lose yourself over the speakers, man. It's just like exactly the hit you need to pump yourself up. When that, when that grows Michelle hits while you're fucking in the spray. Perfect. Perfect synchronicity. Um, I think both these games are going to lose in the next round because I do think they're both hemorrhide friendly games. They are allies to the hemorrhide's cause. But we're not. That was not what we went with, but what it was more conducive to this one. Which game is more conducive to this one? Why? I know, but yeah, I think there is one. I feel like guys, now that we're looking at these two with the rubric, I feel like there's some honorable mentions that I would, that deserve to be in here more than this. And maybe neither one of these are going to go forward and that's fine. But like, I've been playing Merge Maestro so much and that, that's funny. That thing is toilet riffing. That might be better because it's. Yeah, that might be a better fit. If we could array, we could slot two different things in here because we have discovered that these two games, I don't think these are conducive to toilet time. I think Sly the Spire can stay because I know a lot of people have like, do do that mobily. And I think that, for me, it's just that one is really one where it's not just about a long session, it's where the game is interdependent on the decisions that you've made previously and remembering those synergies and like what you're kind of waiting on. What was the other way we're just talking about rest? It's kind of like that where you're like forgetting, you might forget. Oh, but I was like that. Yeah, like you're, it's the same idea like where you, you might forget the synergies and the things you're working with. That's really hard to jump back into, especially when there's like so many different disciplines and different like roles that you'd be playing or whatever. I'll go hard for Merge Meister because that has been very practical. Yeah, I think it fits better than Super Auto Pets. I think a rather incredible game. That's an exciting, I would say, weirdly enough to Super Auto Pets. Yeah, I've never done a network to see if it's the same company that made them, but I don't know. There are a ton of these and this is of the ones that I've tried. This is the best one. The era parent to Super Auto Pets and my family. If you haven't listened to one of the best these episodes, we've discussed it. It is somewhat similar to Super Auto Pets in that there's like a drafting round and then you have a board sort of threes style where you are combining like tokens, numbered one through eight, but then as you draft, you replace those tokens with like special tokens that do different shit. Like, oh, now whenever you put two twos together and it makes a three, it forms the headphones token, which attacks the first two units twice for this much damage. Just true about headphones. But then there's like 130 or something tokens to choose from and there's just a fuck ton of synergies and strategies to find. There's a lot of games that do the drafting thing, but then when you get to the actual playing of it, the playing of the game is not very fun. And I feel like that can merge my story as the first one where like they have that really hooky threes thing, but you also have the drafting on top of it. They're kind of like working together. So you have the like meta and the micro that are both like really compelling. And when you have a round that you break the fuck open, it feels so, so, so good. Yeah. Let's go to the room break on this one. Yeah, which is more conducive for potty time. Probably merge my show. Portrait mode. We're loving it. I do think you're not going to get through a whole game of merged rice. I think it's like 15 rounds. No, but it is more. I think the strats in that game switch up more frequently than they do with something that's sort of pendant like a slay this bar. It's also a little easier to tell the builds on a quicker rate than you can with like digging into a ballotro build and like, oh, how many enhanced cards I have. I mean, you have eight tokens and like a handful of permanent items that like two permanent items that you will find throughout the course of a game. So like just looking at it at a glance, you're able to kind of piece together what it is you're doing. Yeah, I think merge my show. I would actually love to. I didn't want to include that because I didn't think it was as known of a ton of it. I've been playing it since the, yeah, it's the only thing I would say. I kind of, yeah, I would say if it got to the last round, which is which should you be less ashamed. Merge my show looks like a fucking joke. It looks like a child's. Like a child's. You might need that edge. I don't think it needs that edge for this round. But it may need it later. But I think also if my wife walks in on me on the toilet, which in our, we've been together for like 14 years, it has never happened, which I like taking it. Yeah, you can continue to bring it up. Great price. I think if she spots me playing the Sly of the Spire on the toilet, I also don't think that that's going to look pretty. I don't think I'm going to come out of that look and like fucking bird people with spears. Yeah. Okay. So Merge my show. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Next up, we have Vampire Survivors versus Downwell. Just give Vampire Survivors a quick check. Make sure I do think it's portrait mode. Yeah. So Vampire Survivors, I think everybody listen to this show knows the general idea there. It is a game where you move around the screen and you have these auto firing abilities. It has you earn XP by killing enemies. Those auto abilities get stronger and stronger and stronger. Downwell may be less known to the audience. We talked about it maybe, I don't know, eight years ago, fresh. Do you want to tell people about it? Sure. Downwell, you're like a little cute little guy and he jumps into a big well and it's basically a rogue like where you're constantly falling, falling, falling. You're looking for upgrades. You're trying to bounce off of enemies and create these combos of multiple kills in a row, which nets you gold and then you spend the gold that these various shops and you just keep going down, down, down, down, down. Super cool, art, very minimalist art style. I want to say that it has gyro controls in addition to like touch controls. That sounds right. Yeah. So just from a comfort standpoint, like there's that aspect as well, I played, yeah, I played a lot of this game on the on the party, four and it's worth. It is great for that great game. I was never great at it. It's a hard game. It's a pretty hard game to because a lot of the success depends on like a crew in currency and like getting every edge you can, which the best way of doing that is to chain your bounces against enemies together, not like ever landing on the ground. So it's actually a pretty frantic and like stressful game to play. I had a lot more luck with it when it came out on like steam deck and I was able to play it like with a controller. I had a little bit more of an easier time. I definitely played it a lot on the party, but it's I don't like my games to be quite so twitchy. Do you feel like that playing this on the deck or like aren't on a controller was a good experience because it seems so minimal. I don't feel like that's the kind of thing I would want to like sit in front of a TV for. I mean, I think I think that it works fine. The biggest the biggest knock against it that I would say is like it is such a vertically oriented game inherently that playing it on a portrait mode thing. This is not like a bathroom single handed preference. It's like that's the way it was. It's like one of those, you know, arcade shoot-em-ups where it's like, yeah, that's the screen that was designed for as a tall screen. You need like a tape mode situation. Yeah. I'm not going to make it a lot longer. I would also add to that point. I actually think the game is easier with gyro controls. It's one of the very, very few examples because I think you need such twitchy control over the situation and an analog stick will not be as responsive as you tilting your hand. So yeah. Vampire Survivors fucking rules. I played that game a lot on my phone beat the shit out of it on my phone. I played it more on the phone than any other thing. It's by default 30 minutes. Yeah. So I struggle with that a little bit. Vampire Survivors scares me on the toilet because not only is it by default 30 minutes. A lot of monsters. You could say, hey, you want up ghost. I'll pause halfway through. No, no, no. You lose track of time when you're in the house. Those things are deeply, they remind me. I don't think they're up there with like, I remember when I was playing game development story for a bit on the phone. That was one where I'd like, holy shit, three hours. Wow. I was on the toilet. There's a big ring. Oh no, Sydney, is this ring permanent? I was on the toilet for three hours. Help. My butt's inside out. Downwell on the other hand is the one game on this entire list that I know where I was when I finished it. I was in Fox Media's bathroom the second stall over. Oh, what a bathroom. You started on the morning. Let me tell you midtown. It was the good bathroom too. Yeah, dude. And I went in there and I didn't know that that was going to happen. And I beat it. And let me tell you, I was such a defining moment in my life. I kind of backed down off of playing games in the bathroom after that because I was like, this feels like maybe I would get a hold of that on you. Yeah, I went too far. I probably should not have done this. I would actually say downwell. Yeah, downwell is better. I built the length and the fact that you can't save a run in vampires and barbers until it ends. Yeah. Is a brick. Can you save a run and down? No, but they're so short that it's like kind of doesn't matter. Like a run is like five minutes max. I thought this rubric was so stupid when we started. And now we're halfway through these. And I feel like 100% confident about every single one. I feel like it might be the best. It's a true elemental and ephemeral and we have captured it. We have captured like the little prince wrapping his net around a comet. Yeah. Okay, next watch it all for a part. Yeah, because this next one's fucking this one's tall. There's no way we get to the end of this round without swapping out one or perhaps both of these games. Let's go. Okay. Next up we have Pokemon Go. And warrior where ink mega micro game. Now start. Where does Pokemon go? Let me explain this and I'm going to go. Pokemon stay man. Pokemon stay. I know how this happened. And I'm guessing fresh put this here. I put it on there. Yeah. Speaking of games played in a box media bathroom. When you are in New York and you are in a big city, your Pokemon go reach, I guess, is it standing? You can accomplish a lot. Forget reach. Everything within 10 feet. There's like 60 fucking months. It comes to you. Yeah, for sure. Right. Right. So I do this in my own personal bathroom. Probably not as per I think. It's going to be me and fucking two oddishes and then I'll be that's it for the content. I'm done with the content at that point. So let's see if we can keep either of these. What's the problem with warrior where ink mega micro games? Griffin, do you want to take that? It's just not that's such a little encapsulated gaming experience. I've I will go and I will play one of those games and that's fine. For me, a a true bathroom friend is something that I have been returning to over and over again. And I think that's true of of all the games we've discussed so far. They have all been games that I have played multiple times throughout throughout my life. I can't think of like a warrior where game that I'm like, I got to keep this one around just to see how I just to see how I do it. It not being on a phone is also kind of a kind of an issue for me. So there. Oh man, Christ, this is a real long shot, but man, remember I'm going to ask, is there enough? What is the action here for tilt to live? That's that's a good. I. Oh, I don't know. I'm not talking. It was no, I used to do the joystick days. We had like a couple of years where everybody was so deep in tilt to live because it was you know, what was like, it was kind of like the same vibe as like geometry wars, which I don't know if it has ever had really its toilet moment, but it was a great, it was one like super great box like early mobile thing that really felt. Tilt to live is for people who have never seen a schmup slash geometry wars old school arcade game where you are a little arrow and you don't actually have any offensive, oh no, you do get offensive moves. I just know it's crazy. It is so much like vampire survivors. Like it's it's almost exactly like vampire survivors except that it is tilt based. And so you're like avoiding a lot of other dots, but you're like avoiding the enemies by tilting rather than shooting them, but like theoretically it's a lot like vampire survivors. I'll tell you what's missing from this list for me. Maybe this would be a good sub for Wario where is anything in the idle game sort of category. And I don't know what that would, I mean we already said it, game dev developer. What is it? Game dev stories that one in idle game that's like an instrument sort of sim. I'm talking more in the vein of like a melt, melt or fallout shelter, cookie clicker, something something in that category. I just don't know that there's a universally kind of like there isn't a slay the spire of that genre that comes to the top of my mind. Yeah, that's that's tough because like I love universal paper clips, but I wouldn't recommend it for this. It's hard because for me idle, so many idle games are like, I know what you're saying though with like checking back in on them periodically. But like there's something I tend to have in the background or then like completely focus on. Yeah. Yeah, I would check in on my idle games at the desk. Like if I'm at an office, I don't mind just popping it open, taking a quick look, doing two or three things. I don't need a full bathroom break for it, but it's a good instinct. Okay, well let me tell people about honorable mentions and why a lot of great games are there. A problem that we ran into when coming up with this list of games is one. A lot of the games aren't available anymore because I think a lot of these classics actually came out from the early days like drop seven and you just straight up cannot download it anymore. Do you know flight control just isn't on iOS? That's weird. And then the other thing is games that are like kind of just console games that then got ported to mobile and they technically work, but don't quite feel right. So that's like the hotline Miami super meat boy space. There's still some stuff though that we can throw in. So like Helsing's fire, I think could maybe make a case here space invader infinity gene. I don't think there's real like looking at the list. There's a lot of games I love on here, but I don't know if the chip chain. Did you guys get in the chip? Was that one? The chip chain was great. The chip line. Dungeon raid was a big one for me. Like that puzzle quest RPG puzzle sort of style thing, but that's another one that like Dungeon Raid hasn't worked since like iOS 11 came out. Yeah. I mean, well, this is the case for warrior where ink staying in is that you can just play it forever. You can just play that one. We'll be there. Not necessarily part of our rubric, but in a weird way it is. I think they're important games even if they're not going to win. Yeah. I will say this about Pokemon Go. It is a great sort of pick up and play small, small form game. So I do think it belongs in the category. I play a lot more Pokemon TCG pocket. Let me tell you why that's great. One, if you want to do a battle, it has this short form battle mode where you can knock one of those out in the approved amount of time if not much faster. But the big thing is in Pokemon TCG pocket, you get two packs every day free to open up. I tell you, man, there's been a Pavlovian sort of instinct that has been trained into me as much as I love playing a short form game on a pocket. I also really enjoyed doing my video game chores on the toilet because it's like, well, I got nowhere else to go and it's been 24 hours and I'm trying to complete this set. So I'm going to crack these two two cards packs open, see what I get, do a little wonder draw. That slots into that window of time very, very cleanly for me. I know it's not as established as Pokemon Go. So maybe the substitution doesn't work. But I also think I'm the only one on this call who's ever played it. Yeah. Yeah, I would keep Pokemon Go just for this. Adding TCG pocket, tonnable mentions. I think we can keep mega microgames for one big reason, which is more and more of our listeners have emulator handhelds that they carry with them wherever they go. And maybe there's a chance that they're bringing them into the loop. That's possible. But I want to get on the other side of the pack anyway. Pocket's going the loop. There he goes. Two hands, pretty frantic gameplay. So you won't catch me playing that in there. But I mean, more power to us for giving it its flowers. I think Pokemon Go wins this round and will unlikely survive the next. Unhinged choice. Truly, unhinged. Truly. I'm truly committed by definition for such a wild inclusion. What do we got next up? We have three's, a number versus wordle, a word game. Damn. I mean, here's what I'm going to say. Merge Mystrow is like three's except with pandas. And it's like, and combo. Yeah. And combat pandas and bugs and sandwiches. People, if they released a morning time wordle and then an after dinner wordle, it would get me, it would really get me where I needed it when I needed it for the block, you know what I mean? As it is now, I could do one of my, you know what I mean, with the wordle waiting for me. And that's great. That's cool. I love it. A new word puzzle made for me by the bright minds at the New York Times. Where, yeah. Where what is the censorship goes to die? What's their thing? The censorship dies in the, in the, in the dark. The monster's gonna have a puzzle for me. Thank you. To a day and where we be in the money. As it is now, it'll get me half the time. It would be a shame for threes to get knocked out simply because it is on the same list as Merge Mystrow, a game that does this thing well. And threes has a long history of getting knocked out. To being ripped off. Yeah, but being ripped off. That would be, that would be a bit of a shame. I do agree that wordle is maybe the only game on the list that's too short that, you know what? I get, I get that done. And then my fix is like not, I'm not sated. I'm left wanting. Now I pop open, you know, down well or whatever. And then I'm frustrated because I'm halfway through down well. Now I'm done and my whole timing's been thrown off. Yeah. That means me dumber. That's the longer. That's the longer. That is the longer. I guess you move on to like the other New York Times games, right? That's the right finish word. I'm going to go backwards. Is that me easier? Like will fortune, you know, like I'm going to hang with those other puzzles. That's it. That's it. What do you want me to do with those? I do think a connection fits into the window a little bit more cleanly, but I don't also, I don't also, a people know when I've just like Rachel knows when I've just played connections because I'll be like, fuck stupid. Like she'll hear me say stuff like, that doesn't make any fuck, how the fuck was I supposed to know that wordle doesn't do that for me, but connections definitely can I, can I make a suggestion? Yeah. I play this, I play these games in an app called NYT Games, right? Yeah. And I feel like a lot of people probably do that, right? I don't see why chess.com. Yeah. Doesn't have to go up against NYT Games. That's a fair point. And I think I'm okay with that. Because what you're saying, because I think the thing that I would say there is you are discounting the pat, like what you're saying in that case is that chess does not, the power of chess does not equal the power of like connections plus wordle plus whatever. And I would say chess is a 800 pound gorilla in terms of like game. But if you're talking about like the way they have taken these staples and made them like a toilet friendly experience, it just seems like a, we're making the orange box case at this point. And I kind of agree with you. I think it's different though, because there is a lot of people playing the orange box on the toilet. I would probably want to give it an award. If you think of like a really kicks ass books, that would be in the bathroom back when people kept books in the bathroom. It would always be like a collection of like Hunter S Thompson stories. Those books must be so fucking gross. What? Those books are paper gross fucking yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me finish. I would have like the time to cover some classic stories. You would have like a sports all maniac. Yeah. You know, the funniest things that happen in sports in 1974. Yeah, if you're bad. And then you would have a book of games. And it would be like Crossword puzzles, Maze is a whole bunch of other stuff. This would make me feel very old. But the game is saying it wasn't just like one puzzle. It was a whole bunch of variety of stuff. So I think we should nominate that puzzle book. Okay. Okay. I always, I only ever go to the Wordl website. I'm 100 years old. But I do think you can play the Wordl and the connections without having to subscribe to anything, which is I think a mark in the column for. Yeah. I also think like it. I think about the chess.com was just just include playing chess and not all the other features of it. Fuck that. No way. Yeah. The puzzles are so good. I'm not going to change this. I want to reward the way that both of these have taken like these games and made them like more clicky and mohetic. They're like mohetic and yeah. Yeah. Come on. Wordl and like the Crossword, it's not modes of the same game. They're completely different games. If anything, chess.com modes of chess. Like effectively they're all usually similar. It would be weird chess.com is like, and do you want to play some backgammon? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, guess what? The fucking pawn. It moves 50 pieces now instead of one. But okay, but this is the, I think, but this is what I'm saying though. Chess has bullet and long to, like there's a lot of different variations of chess that I am arguing are at least as powerful as Wordl, you know, and, and, and, and I, I will say this. I was not thinking about the Crossword. I think the Crossword does make it unfair because Crossword is huge. Like, right. Crossword? That's tough. Yeah. So the category we are giving this is the New York Times Games app. But only the free unsubscription free Wordl connections. Maybe the one that's like a honeycomb. And Crossword mini, but not full Crossword. Spelling B connections. Wordl. I don't fuck with Crosswords. That's unfair. Before we go any conclusion of Crossword minis is a nod to the fact that human beings defecate. Like the Crossword minis should be called humans poo. So maybe Crossword minis should be the, let's just pick that. No way, because that's nerd shit. I don't fuck with that. I play Wordl and connections like a cool smart man. Do we think three's has a chance here? We have not. We should give it to three's just so we don't have to keep fighting about this because it's been 25, 30 minutes just talking about this. I love threes, but it does not have the same power that these other things do. I mean, like Wordl, I think threes is really, really good, but I think in terms of like, the, okay, I want to say one more thing about Wordl. I was about to include you shouldn't play Wordl in public. It's rude. It is so rude. Someone will say rude. So if you are not playing it on the toilet, I think you're being rude, honestly, because people can see. But the people are snooping on your phone. That's rude. No, if I'm, I have to look at everyone's phone. I'm a human being. And if you're doing the wordle on there, like I saw it already before I knew I should, you know, yeah, yeah. Okay. So Wordl, Wordl will win. Yeah. Wordl will win this round. And then we will continue to conversation. Wordl will win this world. What? Mr. Wordl has done this. Wordl. Okay. Next up, we have a golf round. Yeah, I see what's going on with the golf round. I'm here for it. We got what the golf and we have desert golfing. I really think what the golf we sub with a, with a superstickman golf, something in that, because I feel like that way, way better. That's really good. That way better fits. I think it fits as a toilet game a whole lot better than what the golf, which is for me, such a, it doesn't, the genre is not even the same, right? Like it's not an infinitely replayable sort of grindable, like I hear you and I'm willing to concede this, but what the golf is pop in for 15 seconds and see whatever new twists the levels give you, you know, and they're all the user generated levels at this point. It is very digested. But every game we've talked about at this point has sort of, I don't know. But it has felt what the golf feels like packaged in a way. Sure. That none of the other games we've talked about. I do think you're right. I know. I think it's a great game. I just don't think of it as like, I don't know in this. So a superstickman golf, we think for this, I think that's fair. I mean, yeah, we can, we can just, but do we need to specify like superstickman golf three? I think it's the latest noodle cake one. Is that right? I don't remember which, yeah, yeah, I don't know. Oh man, I really feel like these are like service enough that I don't think you need to differentiate. They're all great for us. There's no bad superstickman golf. Okay. I think the first one was called stick my golf and it's anyway. Yeah, I'm going to go to bat harder for desert golfing than I think I've ever done in this. I can't fucking wait, man. Go off, King. Yeah. I'm at, I just looked it up, whole 1034, awesome desert golfing. Now 1034, what? Holes. Holes. Desert golfing for those that aren't aware is that a beat it? That's a very good question, Justin. No, I am not. Desert golfing is a effectively randomly generated golfing game where you basically try to get the ball in a hole, it's side scrolling and you try to get the ball in the hole and when you do, it scrolls onto the next hole and that happens forever effectively. I think at one point you had a lake but it requires about 30 years of your life and it just keeps going and going and going and when I'm sucking the subway or when I'm sometimes on the toilet, this is a game that I turn to. It doesn't require internet. It works great on every single phone of the last 50 years and I am incredibly passionate about it. Now, there is a sequel called golf on Mars which I also really, really like. The sequel is more involved because you can put spin on your shots and backspin in frontspin, etc. So I actually would not prefer it from a toilet standpoint. I think the original is better for toilets. But because I want to address something and I know we're not doing a video show but I had it installed so I want to check. So this is portrait mode but can I play this with one hand? 100%. So this, would you Griffin think that you can wipe in game with this? Would you feel okay about this? I mean, if I was a nasty dog who wiped and game the same time because I fucked up. So you were really adamant earlier. I didn't want to, we have some confusion here if we could run it. Yeah. You were really adamant earlier that you loved to wipe in game and you can't live without it because you have to have one hand free to wipe while you game. So I was just wondering if this met the thing. If I allow myself even for a moment to not be a part of one of these incredible virtual worlds, then everything is going to fucking fall apart for me psychologically. I need to be constantly in Tamriel or Hyrule or one of these wonderful imaginary imagined worlds because if I start to really confront my own reality with both hands, then I'll freak the fuck out. So yeah. No, I don't wipe in game. Yes, I do love a simple one touch control scheme though. Thank you so much, Justin. That does make it better bathroom game. It does make it a better bathroom game because I can't fucking move the screen around and control the hit of my shot and pick my power ups and all this shit while keeping a hand free. That's a really good point, Justin, and you've made the case for Desert Golfing. I would also add unlike Super Stickman golf, it doesn't fucking matter for Desert Golfing. You're just on there for the vibe. The Desert Golfing vibe. I've said enough. I think I said enough. We got to make it part of the show. It's so unavoidable that there is a guy. Mr. Driller lives. That's the next game on the list is Mr. Driller lives fucking above Russ and he's like, you talking about shitter games? Let me get up on this. Let me drill down to you, brother. I think this is got me Desert Golfing. I super sit down golf is a lot of fun, but I actually, for me, the highlights of that experience are playing in a group of people and I'm not there, guys again. I can't do it. I can't do it. Sorry. Fair. Okay. Great. I feel good about this. The last showdown, round one, Tiny Wings versus Angry Birds. Now we're getting in some real fucking hole in the list. This is a tough one because where is your heart and where is your mind? Tiny Wings is one of my favorite mobile games, maybe game games of all time. It is Zen made real. This is a game where you just go up and down little hills and as you fly through the air, you dive bomb into the curve of the hill to gain speed and then shoot back up the next little mountain, back down and up and down and up to one of the great songs from video games. The song is just perfect. It is going up. I've also mentioned my friends. Great news here. You can go to the designer's website and actually play this game in browser. Like immediately for free right now, you can just go check it off. You go to the search Tiny Wings. You'll see the designer's website. I believe it's Andreas Sylinder. Andreas Sylinder, sorry, I've doubled the S there. But yeah, if you go to his website, you can play it. It's a I love Tiny Wings. Satellite Tiny Wings a lot. It's going up against Angry Birds, which is the big mainstream hit. They turned it into movies. I've now heard that the second movie is great, but it's still good. It's very real. Even if it is kind of a rip off of whatever that crushed the castle or whatever it was, and even if it's really popular, there's a reason Angry Birds has become dominant for over a decade that Syga wants to buy this thing. Because it's really fun to throw blocks, throw stuff at towers of blocks. Boom blocks, Steven Spielberg figured it out with the Wii. Angry Birds perfected it. We've been chasing that thrill ever since. I don't think we could just have we been chasing that thrill ever since. This is my point about Angry Birds because it's already gone. We're now in the rest of us moved on to other things. Every couple of years I get a you tried that new Angry Birds. They're in space now. I'll fucking dip into it. You know what? Fuck Angry Birds. Wow. Cut the rope. Now that's a bathroom game. Now that's a bat. That's a bathroom game. It's portrait mode one finger and you know that's important to me. But also it's a bathroom game and you can dip in and you do a puzzle or two. I can't tell anymore if Russ is thinking about what I'm saying, praying to Jesus Christ or listening to the drills upstairs. If you just symbol with your fingers, which one of those is the correct answer, none of them. None of them. Oh, it's the drills. Yeah. I think I think cut the rope would be a better. Oh, he's got a little coroc. Cut fell off the wall. I think because of the intensity of the drilling. That is what happened. That's amazing. They're really going to town on Russ's apartment right now. So what I'm hearing is not only are you already dismissing Angry Birds right off the bat. You are saying shouldn't even be in the round. I'm saying it fucking peaked a long time ago. Angry Birds in my mind is like equivalent to like when we all got phones for the first time and it's like, check this out. It's a lightsaber. It makes or check it out. It looks like I'm drinking a beer beer. Yeah. That's about to blow. Did you check out the new fart app? It sounds like fart piano dot biz. Cut the rope. If it's different, that's a thinking man's game. That's a bad. It doesn't matter because it's going to lose to tiny wings. Tiny wings is one of the best games I've ever made. Tiny wings is so good that I missed God. I missed having leaderboards on phones that I gave a shit about. It was the greatest to have a tiny wing score and then have someone beat it and then that was your day. I love tiny wings so much that I retired from tiny wings because no one got close and then someone beat me and then I made a song about coming out of retirement that is still on my YouTube. If you go look for it, call the million point man to the tune of a scissors sister song. I love tiny wings that much and I really, really, really miss having leaderboards where I got to see people beat my scores and I could compete against their scores. I'm talking about habit is just.com. Yeah, baby. Bathroom games. I just want to make sure that we're sticking to the rubric here because yes, I agree. Tiny wings is a better game than both in both. Perfect. And cut the rope. Perfect. Make your case. Nobody's made the case. It's a great in the bathroom yet. Who? Tiny wings? Yeah. Tiny wings is the runs are perfect length for bathroom, but it is also one of those games where it makes you a child of five year old boy who wandered on to our podcast for take your boy to work day. Please. It's a no, no, please tell me more about the runs. Okay. God. When you start swooping, it goes really smooth. So if you hit the curve just right. The curve of the please. So you'll see a curve. It's almost like a bowl shape. So as you're going down, it has to hit the edge of the bowl. I'm Chris. It swoops up through the air and then splashes down. I'm Greg Miller by the way. I've been Greg Miller this whole episode. I sound a little bit like Griffin, but he didn't want to be associated with this particular episode. So I'm actually Greg. It's good to know. Something I fall after work with these pure, I'll children. I'm fine with tiny wings moving. Okay. Moving on. Yeah. It's great. Okay. And you can still play it. You can go play it right now. It still works. It's great. Okay. Welcome back, everybody. We have all taken that potty break and we are ready to narrow down eight of these games. We are going to do four showdowns starting with chess.com versus wordl. Our chance to really smooth out whatever this debate is over the New York Times Games app versus chess.com. Guys, while I was in the bathroom, I do have a late entry. I just wanted to bring up who shot Johnny Rock. Now who shot Johnny Rock? It was a Sega CD classic and I was just playing it all. Guys, I was having the time of my life. I was a hard-willed dick with a nose for crime. And this is real actors in this, guys. This isn't a vehicle. It's a Pac-Man. Yeah. These are like, real people. These are like, real people. These are like, real people. I think it beats wordl soundly. Okay. I think even if you get a line of rock out of this. If you looped in wordl, if you looped in connections and fucking the big crossword, the Sunday crossword, the Wednesday crossword, whatever the fuck, I still think chess.com takes it with. Well, bullet. Wow. So cool feature. The main feature. You don't know what day the big crossword is published. Haven't done a crossword. Very firm opinions. I haven't done a New York Times crossword. But chess doesn't have to be a biger. You know they get bigger maybe because he said Wednesday too. So maybe he does. chess.com. Every, it's got a lot of different ways to play chess. A lot of different time factors play chess. No matter what, you're getting better at chess. Your rankings going up. Yeah. It all feeds back to us. And it's like, what if I'm like not super into chess? Then play the computer at like difficulty 400 and beat the shit out of it and feel like the world's not as bad. It's not as fun actually. It is pretty good. Yeah. You could watch the training videos and hear some of the most Eastern European people you've ever heard in your entire life. These people couldn't get more Eastern in Europe. They tried. Get looped in on the latest drama with these Swedish 20 somethings who almost certainly have got some skeletons in their closet and listen to them tell you about, you know, they're new crazy game that they've got going on. I'm I'm chess winner. We have a winner for round. That's really great. Chris, that's just. Thank you. Thank you. I know that I had your back for this initially for this chess.com thing because I really did want to give the excellent chess.com. It's plot it. But it is I have to be honest and say it is not fair. This thing is a social media network for nerds. Like you cannot compare it against one I one game. I will. Here's what I give it. I'm going to allow whatever the core chess experiences on chess.com. But yeah, we can't give it every fucking feature and comforts you. Just chess and Depuzzles. And I'll give you a bow at chess. Whatever that is. I don't play a lot of bull. That's too stressful for a toilet experience. It's I can't give you the puzzles. I'm sorry. I can't do it. I would rather do the puzzles. I would rather just do the puzzle. Okay, that's puzzles on chess.com. I will grant you because those are fun as hell. Fine. You pick them up. You play them. It would have won in the last round too for the record. I don't think it changed anything. But I think it should be refined to that. That we can talk. Okay, so and we're putting up against one game in the New York Times. Can I actually speak on chess puzzles on chess.com real quick? Sure. Please. When you start learning chess, you understand the rules of chess fairly quickly. But yeah, fairly quickly, right? Like, casting's always a little bit dicey. And I honestly still have to look at a picture whenever I'm putting the pieces out to remember what order they go in. So whatever. But and when I'm a small, we all forget about all this on and we know what I'm supposed to do. Of course, the other way is all of the times. Yeah. So what's cool about the puzzles on chess.com is that they help you realize that there is in fact a, it helps you to start seeing the things that will actually help you improve at the game and help you to understand what makes chess cool on a very digestible level, right? Because you are being presented with all the other noise is gone. And you can just look at one little thing and say, okay, if you're in this exact scenario, it's a red zone play. You're watching someone's at the six yard line not to make a sports now. Some of the six yard line, what do they do to get into the end zone? Sure. Rather than seeing the whole building, a mating move that you are having to make. Now I hate to fucking bring this up with you fucking inexplicable sticklers. But there is the chess, the puzzles mode where you're going through the grind and you're raising your ranking, you're doing these little, but then there's also the daily puzzle that's like, this is from the famous Casparov versus what happened. That's the same figure out what Casparov did in the same moment. Same. I think I would group them together. Well, I think is infinite and I think it's infinitely replayable and pursueable and definitely something I come back to more often than the world. Checkers.com though. I go back to my big issue with world, which is it's too short. World is too short. It's too short when you're playing it one time and it's also just once a day. No, I checkers.com does good. I'm sorry, I thought I was joking, but it doesn't. It is too short and if we're going to penalize games for being too long, you can't get it done in a world. If you do, you need to improve it one of them. One of them needs to get better or change. One of them is going wrong. So I mean chess then. I guess so. Chess puzzles on chess. The new kid on the block chess moves on. Great. A big moment for chess. Next up we have the iOS Android show down in the century Pokemon Go versus Marvel Snap. Yeah, I'll handle this one. So I'm not a big Marvel Snap fan. I feel like it's a little too RNG like luck based, but I fully grant that for everyone that doesn't live in a metropolitan area, Pokemon Go being a toilet game is a fucking joke and it will not work. So I don't want to rule out for all the people that live in various places, not even like middle, nowhere, like a suburb. It's safe for my overstates and move on. Just say flyover states is what you mean, Russ. If people in the flyover states can't appreciate shitting while they catch Pokemon. If you live in Skokie, it's not going to be a good time. Now or any most city, almost every city. If you don't work in a downtown office building in a major, major city, then it's not, it simply isn't a toilet game. It's a move in around game. Meanwhile, Marvel Snap was so good the first time on the toilet. I think there was a bit of collective insanity that said it and where we all kind of felt like, maybe we just play this. Maybe we only play Marvel Snap and that's the only thing anybody plays for a bit. And it's perfect on the toilet. And guy, I did really love there was a few months there where if you went to a bathroom, it was like a one out of five chance that you were going to hear some very distinct noises that you knew. Like when you almost want to congratulate, hey, nice, nice Paul, nice Paul. You guys were a fucking sinner lane, bro. Don't let Magneto push you around. Don't let him push you around, dude. I, yeah, if that game had a less offensive sort of progression structure to it, I think I, there was a point where I bounced off of it when they're like, yeah, you can play get that season pass or just give you this shiny Miles Morales car. If you give us 20 bucks and I was like, out of principle, Marvel Snap, I must away. I must away now. I'm going to ding, I'm going to ding it for more like what your point about the meta is actually, I think a really huge knock against it where I think the fun of that game, it got eaten up by obsessives that wanted more, more, more, more, more and like faster changes and shit. And the same, I felt like it happened with, you know, hearthstone or anything else that has like a very vocal fan base where if you try to check in back on it, you're like on the bathroom, you got a few minutes to kill, you try to check back in on it, forget about it. You're going to be watching packs open for five minutes. Like for, you're not going to even play. Yeah. So I'm, really, we have a bit of a problem here, which is, seems like neither of these games really belongs in our top five. I think Marvel Snap does. I think you are okay with it. You're okay with it. Yeah, it was a short, I don't play it as much as I do. I don't have a bunch anymore, but Marvel Snap is one where if I started to hear it through the grapevine like, hey, everyone's playing Marvel Snap again, it's actually really good. Now I would be fucking real good. Okay, okay. Yeah. So Marvel Snap, they should honestly drop a two or something. Drop a doose. If they dropped a second Marvel Snap. Pokemon Go I think is also fine and I will also come back to that one pretty frequently. It's just simply not a toilet friend. It is an out and about exploring the city, walking around. Got it, got it, got it, got it. Next up, Marvel Snap by the way, one that round. Next up we have Desert Golfing versus Merge Maestro. Couldn't be more different. Yeah. Truly. Yeah, one is extraordinarily crunchy sort of experience and one is Desert Golfing. All vibes. All vibes. I've never been able to, I like Desert Golfing. I like it on principle. It's not even in the top five golfing experiences. Realistically, if Buddha played an iOS game, it would be Desert Golfing. But you don't have, for me though, it is a meditative experience. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. But that's a problem because it's not a meditative experience. It's the toilet. You're in there to do a job. You know what I mean? You don't want a zone out. You need something that says you're done. Like the time has ended, right? I mean, how long do you go to the bathroom? One snap. Like I don't know. One snap's worth. Griffin and Justin, you made this great decision years ago, which was to go out into the world and run your own business and get far away from corporate America. And I think because of that, you have not had to have the experience where you are six and a half hours into the work day and you have experienced actual hell. You have seen the maw of Satan itself and you just need five, ten fucking minutes to go and lose touch with reality. And you don't smoke and it's too cold outside and you find yourself on the toilet and you're just like, please give me the zen. Give me the peace. Let me just, okay, so I'm going to say a couple things to you. You do your thing first. Then I also, let me start with one. Let me start with one is one. My first thing is I have two children. You can go eat it. Justin said, I hope you are early. Let the, like this shit on fire and eat it. Do you think I don't need that? The idea that I would have to be a corporate drone to have a reason to dissociate on the toilet is one of the more offended things you've sent to me. On an ethical. It's an ethical issue that you've violated here. We just, you know, I don't need a zen. You're over here telling me, I don't need a zen. I love this magical life. I don't need to be the Boo dahn. The potty. And it sounds like you do. I'm saying. Boo dahn. No, you don't. No, you don't. You understand. Sometimes my kids are so bad. I need two snaps. You know. I need the shoes. I need the. They. They've been so bad. Daddy needs two. Slip. You know. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll decide. He'll text it sometimes. I'll be like, hey, juice, how's it? How's everything going? And he'll be like, is it too snap day? I'll be like, damn dude, hang in there. Don't let him bring you down. Yeah, for real. For real. Also, if I played an iOS game, it would be Peter Mullin who's curiosity, what's inside the box? I think we could all agree. And that would be on this list if not for the fact that it, they beat it up. Yeah, they beat it. Or Buddha would join me in my number one toilet experience. Money solitaire. Because that's what I play on the toilet all the time. That's all I play. OK, OK. Let's try what's the case for it. If fucking rules, man, I know this is recency bias, but it's truly like of the games I have played this year. It's the best iOS game I've played this year by country mile. It's just so perfect for the format of what we are describing. I think I didn't have the words for what Merge Mystrow was until we started to do this. And now I don't feel this way. I so rarely feel this way about video games anymore. But I, this is not a toilet experience, but I was in a very boring line this weekend at Great Wolf Lodge. And I was waiting to check in. And I turned on that game. And it really was like, I just felt the time melt, it just disappeared. And once the game was done, I was perfectly satisfied. And I felt like I'd had a great experience. It's like the perfect combo. So just to confirm, you were taking a shit while you were online at the Great Wolf Lodge? I'm going to guess you were in the Dunkin' Donuts line in the morning or waiting to get out to the water. I like you're on the potty. The first thing. I did clarify that beforehand. Why? You made it forgotten, like how you forgot that I have kids a few minutes ago. They're pretty adorable, too. And fundamentally, forgot that kids sometimes make you disassociate and go to the bathroom. OK, OK, OK. So what, if I'm translating this right, whoops, what you're saying is, in a way, Merge Myestro is, it's given you both. It's both got that crunchy game. And it's helping you disassociate. Helping that time pass by. It's got both. It's helping you help the time pass. But it's also paced to where it's digestible. And you feel like you've gotten a complete experience. And also, if you can feel, they're trailing so much at Russ's apartment, he can't talk to defend Desert Golfing. And so, like, he seems like we're going to just waste the time right now. Yeah. Congratulations. Sorry, I get it. Merge Myestro. He wants to say something. He wants to be like, but it's boring. And that's fun. No, I've seen some videos of Russ's nasty shit on Merge Myestro. I know he knows. He can grip his soul he wants. He knows. No, they are both great. I do have a fondness for Merge Myestro. That is true. Hmm. That makes me used. So Merge Myestro wins. Yeah. Merge Myestro wins. Tiny Wings versus Downwell. Whew. Who's tough on actually? This one's really legit. Like, both of these are exactly scratching the same. I will say that what Downwell for me, the immediate like pros and cons, Tiny Wings had that like very sticky leaderboard thing that actually made you want to go to the bathroom, because it's like you would notice when you weren't in the bathroom. It's like, okay, I'm going to need a few minutes. Let me hit the bathroom real quick. But Downwell, the variability in the weapons and stuff didn't make like every run feel a lot like, like you really wanted to see the next combo and it made it like really hooky. Downwell has a problem that no other game on this final grouping has, which is there is an end to Downwell. I did beat Downwell in the bathroom. And after that, did I have a desire to play more Downwell in the bathroom? No, because I was finished with it. We're Tiny Wings. I'm still playing Tiny Wings today, you know. It's never been taken off my iPhone. I don't think I have Downwell on my phone at this point. But is it Downwell goes up and down? And Tiny Wings goes side to side. And for me, the toilet, a toilet game goes up and down. And that's hard. That is hard for me to move past. And you can say all you want about gaming and wiping, but toilet games should go up and down. I feel like I got my point. Toilet games should go up and down. They shouldn't go side to side. And you know why. So. And you don't need me to explain why. Thank you, Justin. Yeah, no. Yeah. Tiny Wings, if it does go up, it goes up sometimes. But primarily we are talking about a left to right action. You know, I feel pretty good about Downwell going in for that reason, because I think there's something beautiful about all four of the winners around to go in up and down and not side to side. I also think we can easily bring Tiny Wings up. And then I think we bring Tiny Wings to play spoiler. I love this. I think that is more than fair. Okay, let's do it. Okay, so. So slam dunk. These are good ones. For games that we know are moving on, are chess.com's chess puzzles. Can we just say chess.com and know we're talking about the chess puzzles. It feels insane to have something so atrisked out on this list. I would actually disagree because the first time it was chess.com and in the second round, it was chess.com's chess puzzles. So I do think the distinction is important for posterity. It just feels like we're talking about an activity at that point. Like at this point, we should consider like looking at old pictures of some friends you had in college is my favorite toilet game. Moving forward for Poo Starity is chess.com's chess puzzles. Marvel snap. Merge my stro. Down well. And then we need to pick a fifth. And I, we should have the conversation because Tiny Wings could, does your golfing is right there. I don't wanna rush to take that game off the board. Yeah. Tiny Wings just has more, just for me, I feel like Tiny Wings has more broad support amongst the group. But that's just me. That's certainly my feeling. That's me too. That makes it three. And Frush can't be heard right now. So we're just gonna assume that he's a genius. Well, if we're going passion for passion, I have a lot of passion for Tiny Wings. He's got a lot of passion for desert golfing. Cancels out. Just gotta go with the better game. And that is, let me see if Frustus agrees. He's nodding Tiny Wings. He's saying. Oh yeah. It just comes through his nose. Let me say this. I'm not. Oh, I'm not. I adore Mirch Meisero. When we look at the games on this list, I feel like we gotta put it at five just because it is sort of the young book. And it hasn't earned its bathroom stripes. Oh, I would put chest.com's chest puzzles in that slot. Oh, that's crazy. That's fucking crazy. It's a really smart, really inventive way of making chest digestible, but it is the sort of experience that like after you do it a little bit, it's kind of frustrating and sometimes it takes too long and sometimes it's annoying. It's not the variability of the fun. It's not as addictive as well as it's- All right, that's just, have you played it since they remodeled how all the chess puzzles and all the ranking and score chasing and stuff works? Because it is more gaming now. It is less sort of like a, yeah, thank you. Welcome. It is more gaming, it is more leaderboardy, it is more, I don't know, it feels more like a game than, you know, do these little- Oh, this is good. Yeah, I know, it's gonna get you. I don't have a whole lot of religion here on these two. I like them both at five and four. That feels good to me. So can I- Can I- Oh wait, we have a break in the chat. We're breaking the dressing for us. To say, I think Marvel's snap should be higher on the list, like five. Oh, and I'm gonna bust the join just to say this because it's a PVP game and you're kinda at the whims of like- That's true, you could go to the bathroom and not have a good experience. Yeah. Also, we've said that like we are not thrilled with where it's at right now. Yeah, no, for sure. Very true. It's the game I've played the least recently of these five. So the least the most not recent. Five Marvel's snap for Merge Maestro. Three chess.com's chess puzzles. We feel good about all that. And then we get back to Tiny Wings V. Downwell again. Because it's like we've made our feelings known about this. I think we have. I think this is actually gonna come together very quickly. This is- Man, the rubric was on point. Who knew? Not me, I thought it was dirty dog water. Dude, but now I know- Wait, how long is that going on? Wait a second, this can't be right. No. It's swapped Tiny Wings and doubt- Wait. Downwell. Yeah, he- I know you're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. That was my mistake. That was my mistake. Okay, people couldn't see what happened. I swaped. I may have let my heart speak and put Tiny Wings number one, which definitely would not make sense considering it- Only very fast. Just look at. Recently lost to Donald. Yes, that's not right. Marvel's snap. Merge Maestro. Ooh. I am surprised that chess puzzles didn't go higher. It's crazy to me. It's my number. It's my- It's probably my number one, but I know it ain't going to get there. Sorry guys, I have to say, if I could just show you this interface that we're looking at here- Is there UX win at this point? It's no, you see like rankings. Like you can see how your friends are doing in the puzzles, like in their journey. You can see how far they've come. Like you can see where they are on the path. You can see how your friends are comparing to you. Like look, we've got a little journey here that's showing my progress in the chess puzzles. That is nice. And it looks like a two, right? It's like a fully formed thing. It's like a fully formed thing. Yeah, it looks like a mobile game, puzzle game, but with like chess cutesy chess art. Yeah, and if we took away this arbitrary restriction that you fucking narks put on it saying, you can't have the rest of the chess in there. This thing would be number one, I do believe, just sheer tonnage of the offering. But that's just me. I'm happy with it. A third place finish, if that's where it lands. All right, congratulations to everybody. I'm also submitting steam, the entire steam library. If that's okay. Is that a progress? I'm also submitting steam pouring out of the pipe in Russis ceiling that was recently drilled through. It looks like, oh, it's all plaster and steam, just boiling out of there. I like this list. It's a great list. Thanks so much for listening. Thank you for tuning in. Can you give it to us one more time because there was some confusion at the end, Christopher. Okay, so the very final list is number five, Marvel snap. Number four, merge, my strobe. Number three, chess.com's chess puzzles. Number two, tiny wings. Number one, down well. Yes, and number six, who shot Johnny Rock on Sega CD. Thank you so much to everybody who made a game this year. You all really lifted all out in the field. Congratulations. Thank you for supporting the besties which genuinely appreciate you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, and you should check out the blog post because we're gonna include a ton of honorable mentions. So many more great games that you can play on the party. That's gonna do it for us. Until next time, be sure to join us again for the besties because shouldn't the world's best friends because the world's best games.LYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLYLY