What’s the Right Way to Approach Someone IRL?

Hello, and welcome back to the Friday feels episode of the U.O. podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here virtually with you, Jordana. How are you? How are you feeling on a Friday? I'm feeling good. It's, you know, starting to warm up here in this weird tundra. Is it? I haven't even noticed. Maybe not today. Not today. Generally. It's a rainy day here. So I, a rainy day in Delray, you know, that I, I couldn't do my walk. So I'm feeling a little down. You know how it is. I'm sorry. Can't get outside and look at the beach. Yeah. I have a question. You recognized as much in Delray as you did in New York? No. I mean, I get, New York, I would get recognized a good amount just because I hung out in areas that I've, like, you know, we are the listeners. You know, we are the audience that we speak to a lot, you know, en masse, you know, on average. So, you know, being in the, I'd be in the West village. Like it was like I was trying to be recognized, you know, like. You called the paparazzi on yourself. Hold on. On that note, do you know who the Costco guys are? No. Big Justice and AJ. It's like a father's son team. Now you're going to, your phone now knows. Yes. So they're like two, a father's son duo. He's a professional wrestler and the son is like a teenage son, like a 12 year old son. They live in Boca and they got big on TikTok because they're like, we're Costco guys. And he's like, I like a chocolate junk cookie. And the kid was like, I like a chicken bank. And they became famous from this, but they've obviously gone for fame. Like they really went for it as a family. They have, they are like doing, they are full time TikTok, YouTube. They are trying. Did they bump you down to the third most famous person in Delray? Well, they live in Boca. They're in Boca. Thank God. Thank God. Different pond. Okay. The only reason I bring this up is I went to Costco yesterday and you know, when you walk into Costco, there's like displays out as you walk in and there are these like outdoor furniture chairs. And as I'm walking up the two chairs, the furniture chairs are facing the entrance and there's a big justice in AJ. And they're sitting in the chairs and they're just like looking at everyone as they came in. And I'm like, is this how starving for attention they are? Like I was like, they're in a Costco looking. They weren't even looking at their phones. It wasn't even like they were waiting for something. They're just like, they were like Walmart greeters. It was crazy. I was like, and I- Were people saying anything to them or people like- Not me. I was like, uh-uh. I've never seen them before and I kept walking like a normal person. And then I came, I got my uh, Wagovie and I go to Costco to get my Osempia. I was wondering, I was going to be like, are you suddenly like a Costco guy? I don't see. Also like Costco is not for men living alone. Right. I would say. So that's a lot of peanut butter filled pretzels for one guy. For one person. Yeah. So, no, the Osempia is cheaper if you get it from Costco. Right, right. Yes. I heard. So, I went there and then on my way out after getting my, and I do a lap. I like to go around Costco and see, you know, what the, the comings and goings of a Costco. And then I'm like coming back to see if they're still there and they were gone. It was as if it was all a dream. It was crazy. But it did, seeing them in a Costco, like trying to make eye contact kind of felt like how I felt in the West Village where it's like, yeah, Jared just kind of walks around here to be noticed. Do you want a picture? Do you want a picture? Exactly. Does anyone want a picture? Is there? No. Me? Did you say Jared? No, you said, oh, you, you're going to just salad. Sorry. I thought you said Jared. Amazing. How are you? What's going on? I am good since I saw you last yesterday. Getting ready for my, for my Boca trip or my Palm Beach trip. Oh, you will, you are going to love it down here. I mean, everything. I never leave. Every, yeah, I don't think you will. I think you'll see it and see that beach and how you, listen, I'm, it seduces me every day. That's how they get you. Yeah. That's how they get you. That's the motto here in Delray Beach. So I have an update. I, I, I have a feeling sometimes we take, we tape ahead of time and I'm like, what are we going to get feedback on? The email about the country club, you know, that, that I was seen on the subject of being seen in the country club during Passover. You and I read it and I sent that, you know, I read it and I was like, and I said in the beginning, I think we're going to get feedback that's going to be negative from that. About you or about her? I think we're going to say we were too hard on her. Okay. Maybe. Listen, I'm going to do what nobody does on the internet because it would be, it's not in my best, you should never apologize. You should never take a step back. You've thought about it. Okay. I'm not going to apologize, but I'm going to admit that maybe I'm on the spectrum of their being on the, on a spectrum, their email, which they saw me at the Passover Seder and they were trying to ask us, which it didn't seem like their email was too much about asking how to fit into a family other than to like rag on country club life, which fine. Right. Well, that was my issue with it. It wasn't like, I didn't even understand that the question was. I'm happy you said that. So like, I, I wasn't sure what the, but also we choose the emails to read. So like that's not their fault. That's our fault for choosing, you know, for having an email. And I was like, am I being sensitive? And I do think I am sensitive to people writing things online where they take a moral high, a high ground on me. And I think people do that when they try to like down a comedian, they say, as a mother, as a person with children, they try to find a way to say that you're in the wrong. And again, this podcast is about being open, honest and vulnerable. So I was like, thinking about it. And I sent the email to some friends and I'm like, did you guys get, what's their vibe from this? And I got people agreeing with us. I got a couple of people said anti-Semitism. And I was like, I'm not on that side of the spectrum. I don't think it's that they're dating someone at who's seemingly Jewish at a country club. Okay, fine. But I go, that's not where my head goes, but I get it. And then I had other people go, they sound like a dick. I sent it to my brother. My brother was like, I thought, my brother thought it was fake. Like they made it up. He was like, which I didn't buy, but he was like, I read it. And I was like, it just felt like this person was trying to be funny and fake. And he's like, I lost interest. Okay. And I was like, okay. And then I read it to my parents last night at dinner. I read it to my parents and I was like, with no, I just was like, what do you guys think of this email we took on the podcast? And I read it, my parents in, and I'm saying this, they were being weird. This was a weird reaction. They couldn't have loved the email anymore. They like loved it to the point where they wouldn't let me get a word. They were going, it's great. It's a, she gets it. Wow. This woman, what an email. Oh my God. My dad goes, she should have written the book. You should go to her to write the book. And I go, and I was about to be like, because I was like looking for what they felt. I go, you know, and they go, no, they wouldn't even let me talk. They were like, no, this girl, she get, she's right. She's right. It's people are, you know, elbowing. At the buffet. And I'm like, I, you know, it almost came, I was like, why are they, they were like professing, like it was like, they wouldn't let me talk. And I kind of left, let it lie. I just was like, I guess I'll move on. But I was like, it was so offended at all. They couldn't identify as the people she's talking about. Or are they like, those are the other people at the club that we make. I make fun of with my other crew. This is where my brain has been working since this happened. Like I can't figure out, you know what I mean? Like I'm, I, because I'm like, first of all, I'm like, I guess I think seeing. I don't think my parents think that there is any tension between socio and economic classes right now. I think that's, I think they can't see that. And I see that in everything. So I, I, I don't think they, and I kind of envy them for it. They're almost like, well, they're in a bubble, like quite literally a bubble. They are in a bubble. In a bubble. They are in a club that's in South Florida. That's in Florida. You know, like these are the, these are, I'm admitting to that. But I'm like, I don't know. I wonder if like, it's like, you know how like parents can get like, you're like, that's a fake article on Facebook and they're like, what? Yeah. Like I don't think they have that thing in their brain that makes them read an article and hear the passive aggression in it. Like, cause I, all I felt was passive aggression and that email. But also I'm willing to come back from where I am, but I also don't think my parents are not being normal. I get it. Cause it's like, you remember that like Murray Hill song that was like making fun of Murray Hill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I do the day. This was from like, this must be like 15 years ago now, maybe 20. And like, it was funny if you knew, if you were like in it, but didn't really think that you were in it, but kind of understood it. But if you were like an outside person seeing that, you'd be like, these people are monsters and you're still, you're still kind of like, or, or this seems offensive, this seems right. Right. Right. Right. And you're still kind of an outsider of that thing, even though like it's you. Right. I think that maybe that's why they don't, they're not offended by it because they're like, Oh, this is like a funny parody of, of where we live and we get it and she gets it. So it's like funny. Right. But if you were someone in the Midwest watching that Murray Hill video, you might be like, um, this might be like kind of offensive or even someone like adjacent to it, not fully in it, who didn't fully get it. Maybe you're the person who doesn't fully get it. Right. I don't know. I think you're right. I, I, I was like questioning my own sense of reality. I was like, how are they, and they were so when my dad was like, she should have written the book. That girl is funny. I was like, this is crazy. This is like, it was almost like they were getting it. They knew that I would have an issue with it. And they were like racing ahead of me. So that's so funny. They're going to go now they're going to go find her and like take her to dinner. Probably. Right. That's just going to be my new family member. That's very funny. I can see why they're not, I can see why they're not offended though. No, I could see it, but it was like, again, I think you're right. I think it's while she's making fun of those other people that were. Yeah, it's not us, but it is them. They know it's them. I don't know. A little bit, but they think they're self aware enough to know that like that it could be made fun of. I guess they're starting on the premise. Well, she doesn't hate us. She's there. So she doesn't hate us. I think she hates everyone in that room and think she's better than everyone in that room. I think I'm starting at that assumption and they're starting an assumption that she loves us and she's at Passover. The answer is probably somewhere in the middle. In middle. Yeah. I mean, she's there. Right. She doesn't have to be there. So I assume. Right. I assume that there's some disgust with the people in the room. But maybe that's not fair. I'm a listen, I'm doing what nobody does. I am showing, you know, a little bit of maybe, you know, I don't know. I'm willing to be debated on it. So I just thought that was interesting. Yeah. If she wants to follow up and tell her, tell us if she hates us. Yeah, that's OK. Let us know. But we should talk about this Instagram thing. Yeah. We've got to talk about this because it does relate to the dating world. I'm on the road. If you're out there and you want to come to a show, you want to hear about my horrific parents, I'm going to be in Norwalk, Connecticut, Vegas, LA. LA tickets almost gone. Got to get LA tickets. That's for Netflix as a joke. Jacksonville, Austin, Hamptons, Maine, Cleveland. Get your tickets. Plus Miami. I'm coming to Miami and there's a book tour coming. There's a book tour. New York. I'll be Barnes and Noblin' it up. Sixth and I. Your first time there? Your first time there. I've never been. I've heard all about it from you've got mail. So. What is this story, Jordan? OK, so the story is that Instagram is testing a paid version of their app. Instagram plus in some countries. I don't think here yet. Basically, it allows you in Italy. Yes. I think that's more France, maybe. France. Anyway, OK, whatever. Anyway, you can watch stories secretly. No one sees you viewed. You can see who rewatched your stories and it'll cost like one to three dollars a month. And you can see who rewatched your story, which I think will add an interesting layer to to dating in the ways we've talked about. What do you think? Right. I think, you know, this show is all about dating is its own thing. It's been the same forever. People dating and trying to be in a committed relationship. And the the trials and tribulations of getting in a committed relationship all relate to the variables on the outside, you know, like, you know, at one point, how will will I be in trouble because my covered wagon didn't take me quick enough to the date. And the players change the technology changes. And then it's what does it mean when they only give me their Snapchat handle? This is another thing that gets added into the dating thought process and what's going on. I think, you know, how many times someone watched your stories. We don't even know how it affects us until it affects us. Do you know what I mean? Like, I guess it would be information that you would use to inform your opinion. But I don't know if I'm like wishing for this. Definitely not. I actually think like, well, here's the thing. Unless it tells you who's a paid subscriber, you're going to have to just assume that everyone has this thing. So you're not going to watch anyone's story. So you think this will make people watch no more story. They'll refuse them more than we watch or rewatch. I guess it'll says rewatch or something like that. Right. It doesn't say. Right. Well, it says it tells you who keeps looking. Yeah. It shows you you can watch stories secretly or you can see who rewatches your stories. Right. So I'm saying if like, if you can see who rewatches your stories, I'm going to assume everyone has this and I'm not going to rewatch any stories. If I give a shit. Would you risk rewatching a story? Oh, you would go to a friend's account. You'd find ways around this. I guess you could, but then your has shows that your friend is watching the story. Right. I don't like the idea that you can watch a story and the person can't see. That's annoying to me. You don't like that you could be hidden, that someone could be hidden from. You want to know everyone who's watching your story could secretly be. I'm not that I'm like looking at every part. Do you look at who watches your story? Yes, I do. And I don't want. I don't want the built in excuse. Oh, I'm hidden. So you can't tell that I watch your stories, but I watch them. Like I I can tell who has muted me. Like from the story, watch it because you you see who your regulars are. Well, yeah, you see, well, people that you have so many followers. That's OK. I mean, the people that I follow. You know, that I follow, they go to the top of the page. OK, so you notice when they're not looking anymore. So like when you watch my stories, I see that. I'm not like checking you off the list. But I see that when you watch my idea. Right. And I know. Oh, I get like if I see someone on Instagram and they're like post comes up, I'm like, where is this person? Right. And if I see that, that person is liking all my other friends, pictures and then never watches mine, I'm like, I'm just going to assume I was muted. They're on the app. Right. Do you know what I mean? But do you have a do you have a do you have a list of people you think of? You have a few in mind that I'm angry with. Yeah, that I'm like and then I see them in person and like we're totally cool and awesome. And again, this is you can ask. They'll just be like, I don't really go on store. I don't check stories. I did I tell you the story? I had a friend I went on a podcast and within five minutes of the podcast coming out, they texted me, oh, my God, you're on my favorite podcast. I just saw and they responded to the video. It was within five minutes of the clip going out. They were like, oh, my God, I can't believe you're on this podcast. I'm like, I've been muted. Did you say something? I go and they're like, you're going to have to let me know when you're here. And I go, I post it all the time. Like I I I got annoyed with that. I kind of was like short with that. Well, but maybe it maybe it was a false. Maybe they went falsely accused. As if I was a detective, I would put my career on the line that this person you built a case. I got a case. I got enough of a case. They're like, you never let me know when you're at home. It's like, no, no, no, I I put this out more than anything. It's very easy to check where I am. You know, like I don't act. Don't do this thing. I nothing bothers me more than like, you got to let me know when you. And it's like, I don't I don't need I don't send out invites to my performance. I don't again, I don't care if you don't come, but don't do the faking. Right. Do you move you people? I'm new people. I'm you more people than I don't really. So ever you made the cut. I am. I feel so good. I can't believe I've made it this far. No, I listen and I can understand that like anyone can be annoying to anyone. But like. I don't know. It's. It's hard because the reality of this all this the conversation we're having right now is this us dealing with being the beta generation, the test generation of what does this do to our brains? Right. And when it comes to I.G. with these, like, I don't think they, you know, we just saw there was an article or there was a court ruling that meta didn't. Admit to that they were being that it's like addictive, addictive and bad for children or something. And it's like, this is one of those that I'm like, do they do human testing? Do they check how this deals with your mental health? Like, no, they don't do any of that. Like if this was like this is like real shit on our brains. Yeah, they don't care. They don't care at all. And it's like, we also don't care. But then you get like 10 months away from it. And you're like, I don't like how I deal with knowing that there's a paid version that makes it so I don't that I think everyone is, you know, seeing if I double watch, you know. Right. Yeah. I think it's. Bad for you. I talked about this intimately with getting back with Emily. You know, like and how the stories, the Instagram story views from her affected me. And and I was almost and so this is kind of like that's what that's why, like, I really think it's an important thing to acknowledge that, like, these things do matter. They do make you feel they do make you your day better or worse. And these variables that they're adding with the paid version will now, again, is a variable that changes the Petri dish, you know. Right. I mean, if you had a paid version and you saw that Emily watched your story 20 times, would that have changed something as opposed to once? I don't know. I, you know, that's the thing. I don't know. Would I be a comedian if social media didn't exist at all? You know, like there's like so many, you know, like, would, you know, right now you see all these people on TikTok making comedy videos and you're like, if they didn't have easy access, like I remember hiring a production crew to make a video I wanted to make with a real camera. Right. Like with a real camera and like a whole thing and to submit as like an idea to be a commercial. And it's like now you can do that in your hand. And with the person who's doing it today, do it in another reality. I, you know, it's hard to even like look back like that, you know, like, if I saw Emily watch my story 20 times, you know, and then we got together for coffee, maybe she would go, have to like be way more honest with me as far as how much she knew about my life, you know, like, right. Do you know what I mean? Like, and does that take away the the the will they won't they that produces human. Right. The mystery of the myth, you know, there's humanity that we're losing. And again, you know, we're all engaging in these things. And but we're moving towards a world that hates personality, hates, you know, people likes lonely, you know, makes us angry at each other. I don't know. Not to be sad. I'm like, I just saw the Sam Altman. You see all these profiles on that guy who does open AI. Yeah. No one seems more like they need a swift punch to the face than that guy. You know, like one cold cloth just to see what happens, you know, like I and I'm like, man, you know, I don't know, these these these nerds that are taken over. I don't know. They they really piss me off sometimes. I'm like, we should make a revenge of the of the of the cool kids. Right. Revenge of the jocks. Yeah. Revenge of the jocks. Everyone remembers that that football touchdown you did. That's right. T.D. Freed here in the flesh. So I don't know. I don't mean to go in a negative direct. I mean, this can only more. I don't it used to be, wow, you're going to have stories. That's fun. And now more feels like negative, even though more is just more. I agree. It's a it's a lot. I'm in. I don't think they're going to do it. But let's see. How much would you pay for that ability? I wouldn't pay for it. Look at something without anyone seeing. Oh, it doesn't matter to me. Maybe I guess if I was single, I'd be more if I was cheating, I'd be more likely to do it. If I was if I were cheating, I'd pay a lot. Right. Right. Right. I. Well, that's a thing. That's right. But your breaker, they pay for for, you know, to look at people's stories without seeing them. Right. If your husband randomly started paying for it, I would say my detective hat. I put on my detective hat. I go, we got a problem. Yeah. I mean, if they really want to fuck with us, they should do the paid version, lets you see who shares and screenshots your story. That's. More and more, I feel smaller every day. And I feel like I'm being messed with every day. You know, like I'm like, what is this? You know, like again, but we're also taping this podcast from our own homes. Like, you know, we get a double edged sword. Right. It's a double edged sword. So same with getting these functions. I have a question for you. Can I ask you a news dating question? We'll go to the since we're in the you up news desk. Do you know the Patriots football coach, Mike Varebel? No, he's the coach of the New England Patriots. There's a woman. And there's a football reporter who's been on TV on ESPN. And now with the New York Times, Diana Rossini, there were pictures taken of them in Sedona at a boutique hotel with their hands holding hands, fingers. Like they were like across from each other and their fingers were interwoven. OK. And they said that they're just friends and they were with a bigger group. Is there and is there any way. That you could have your fingers interwoven with a male friend and have that be explainable. If we were playing Red Rover. It's my first guess. I said London Bridge is falling down. If we were doing the whole raw. OK. Well, that would be side by side. They were in front of each other face to face. Face to face hands interwoven. How do you explain if you're denying that you were cheating or being romantic with someone? How how do you do that? I kept thinking of like what would be. I think interwoven fingers is probably the worst thing to have taken on film. That's more intimate than a hug than Felicio. We have a picture of these two going down on each other. It's more intimate to me. She dropped something on his cock. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think. I think no. Yeah, that's that would not be that would be very that's a hard one to come back from. Right. I was because I was reading the article before we started it. And I was like they were like they were hugging. They they were there was a picture of them. Hug. You hug someone. Hello. She was crying about being away from her husband and kids. I had to give her a hug. Yeah, that's easy. I know you you say you give a hug to someone that you see you haven't seen in a bit. They said they were dancing. I could understand that that could again more difficult than hug. But way easier than interwoven fingers. Yeah, I don't think I've held hands with a non with someone besides Mike. Before since before I met him, I would say. Right. Right. That's very intimate. Yeah. If you and I held hands, it would be the weirdest. We we might have to take a week off from the podcast. Like, yeah, no, I was thinking that like that. It's like there'd be no circumstance in which it would be normal for us to have interwoven again, unless we were doing the horror. Totally. And even the horror, I would feel weird. Yeah, it does feel weird when you I mean, I don't see you as like getting fully involved in a horror. Do you like I like I horror I horror. Do you grab a do you grab a hand and I grab a hand so that I don't have to do the chair because I'm a bigger guy. I always get put. Come on, get in. Help us with the chair. I don't want to fucking help with the chair. That that is an injury waiting to happen. I'm a dancer. Yeah. I'm a dancer, not a lift weightlifter. I'm an outside circle dancer. I'm not taking inside circle. I'm not taking chair. I'm leaving the yeah. I'm living so that's outside circle horror guy. Do you grab someone's hand or do you wait for someone to grab yours? I wait for someone to grab mine. I'm like, OK, I'm the guy. I'm the uncle. That's a little bit strict that. Oh, OK. And then I'll get it. OK. But you're not like grabbing the hand. No. That's my mom. My mom is a big horror person. Yeah. I love. Do you jump in or are you right away? If it's a friend. Yeah. I feel like it's your. It's it's the response. Your responsibility to start. Horror. You got to. Horror. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Welcome to Paris. Pete. So. Yeah. Your blind date is already at the table. And there she is. Coz. Brenda. What are you doing here. You're married anyway! Substitution brought to you by Paddy Power. Cousin Brenda makes way for Beth, the office crush. Oh, get in! You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Validant, selected leagues and markets only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. T-sensees and exclusions apply. 18 plus, scammeraware.org. Alright, let's do some emails. Let's jump right in. Let's do it. 40 minutes in. Alright. UUPedges.com Keep setting your emails. What do we got? We got a Nicky or Picky. We got a Nicky or Picky. Love a Nicky or Picky. Alright, J&J, first off, huge fan and now officially a subscriber. My best friend Lauren put me onto the pod and even brought me to one of Jared's shows. So shout out Lauren. Shout out Lauren. What up, Lauren? I'm writing in with an Icky or Picky about one of my boyfriend's best friends, James. I fully recognize this lean's Icky, but would love your take. For context, my boyfriend Matt and I have been together two and a half years. He's the best. We live together, talk openly about our future and our planning to get engaged within the next year. Sooner wouldn't hurt. LOL. Okay. I'm 30. Everything's perfect, though. LOL. I'm 30. He's 35 and we're very aligned. Now the issue. Matt's friend James has been dating his girlfriend Hailey for just under a year. She's great. We double date often. No issues there. But since they started dating, James makes weird comparative comments while drinking about our relationships that feels like he's trying to get a reaction and he does. Examples. At a wedding, he told me, Hailey and I are moving much faster than you and Matt. I said, that was weird. Then cried in the bathroom. Okay. Recently at a bar, he said, you're not going to like this and told me they were getting engaged while rubbing my back. That's weird. Right. They didn't. He was just drunk and dramatic. There are more comments like this. And every time he texts Matt the next day apologizing. The bigger issue is it's now making me feel insecure about my timeline, which I wasn't before. I don't think we need to get engaged just because they are. But am I a little jealous? Sure. I was genuinely happy and secure before this. Matt says, that's just James. But it's not my sense of humor. And I don't think I should have to tolerate it. He said he'll talk to him if it happens again. He also thinks James is projecting, which is just annoying. We have an event together next weekend and James is planning to propose the following weekend. Is it terrible that a small part of me hopes he gets drunk and ruins his own engagement? I feel evil, but I'm also just ready for him to shut the fuck up. Also, basically everyone in my life is getting engaged right now. So I know I'm a little extra sensitive. So what do I do here? Let it go and hope it stops once they're engaged. Is this a bigger issue with James or should Matt be handling this more directly? Sincerely an unengaged betch. I would like to say that when the email person is lying to themselves, we've discussed that in the past, that's what I'm getting here. Really? Because she says, we're so aligned in every way. We're very aligned. You're not aligned. You want to get engaged sooner than your boyfriend does. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to get engaged, but you're not aligned. You want to get engaged now. He wants to get engaged within the year. Right. And if you're crying in the bathroom, if you're crying in the bathroom because someone makes a comment about how fast they're getting engaged, you're not super secure in a line with your timeline. Would you agree these are two separate things though that we're dealing with? Like she's not okay. And also this friend sucks. Yes, both things can be true at once. I think we have to. The fact that he sucks bothers her more because it actually does annoy her that she's not engaged. And I think to pretend, we're, so to say we're very aligned when you're not that aligned, it's just like her is making this problem harder to solve. Right. Cause also she's probably not, if she's not communicating with us, she's definitely not communicating with her boyfriend. Right. But to me, it's a not so non-obvious secret because clearly the friend James knows this is annoying her. He likes that it annoys her. How does he know it annoys her? He probably knows it annoys her from his friend Matt. Right. And she's not that great at hiding it, obviously. Yes. She's crying in the bath. So like, yeah, no, I'm with you 100%. I also think that this guy James is like prying at her worst fear. When a woman wants to be engaged, I mean, let me tell women, let me a man tell women how they're feeling, but I, but it seems as though when a woman wants to be engaged, the response is always, it's embarrassing. Like I, like even when I've broken up with women, they'll say, this is so embarrassing, which I've never thought of a breakup as being something an embarrassment to go through. Here's why it's embarrassing. Yeah. It's embarrassing because I think there's a sense of like to the outside world, it looks like you're with someone that's not as into you as you are into them. Right. And that's an embarrassing for both sides, I think, in any other direction. Totally. And that's what James is kind of igniting for her is like, because the response to someone who says I'm embarrassed is, no one cares. Like, hey, no one cares about us. But I would also say that everyone notices nobody cares. So as we say on this show, everyone notices nobody cares. So James doesn't give a shit that he's pointing out, your greatest insecurity. In fact, he's doing it on purpose. Right. He's doing it to get you. Yes. And this is something that before the James thing, she could probably deal with on her own because, well, it's a little embarrassing when I engage yet, but it's not like anyone's noticing me. And then James is like, oh, I noticed. And I'm going to talk about it because we're all talking about it. You know, it's like the worst thing that could ever happen. So that's why it's getting, I'm sure she's hearing this and she's like, well, not, you know, she had a lot of rationalizations. And I think to her point, like this guy is just putting kerosene on what would have been maybe not as big before, but it is a problem. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think he's... Right. I think it's a huge problem. Again, it seems like they're aligned. They're going to get engaged. She wants it to be sooner. And I think to me, I think she needs to show a little vulnerability to get it to stop. Right. Well, yeah. I am not dealing... Like this is something that would be fine-ish, but not fine. But because your friend is a bad drunk, which also has to be acknowledged. Like he's a bad drunk leaning into alcoholic. If he can't go to a party without touching people and saying the thing that would make them the most angry, then he has a real issue. Yeah. You know, like that's fucked up. Like a couple drinks and he's going to go give shoulder rubs and tell everyone that, you know, I heard you're having trouble having a kid. You know, like what is he? Like, what's he a total fucking monster? Just want you to know we're going to have a kid probably before you. Right. What a fucked up piece of shit. He does the most evil thing possible. No, he stinks. No doubt about that. But I think the only reason it bothers her is because there's a problem. Yeah. A million shitty guys who say stupid, idiotic, annoying things. But like, and I hear, you know what I mean? Like I've heard that on occasion, but it's like it only it bothering her because it's hitting a nerve. And I think that's something she needs to address with her boyfriend. Right. When someone calls me short or if someone would ever call me short, I wouldn't be offended because that's not my insecurity. Right. You wouldn't be crying in the bathroom. Right. If someone called me fat, I'd be crying in every bathroom because that's an insecurity. So like, I think for her, I think the problem she has is she has two conversations. One, I am bothered that we're not engaged and I feel a little bit helpless here and I just wish I had more direction on what we're doing here. Right. That's one. Two, your friend James, the thing I feel for with her is when I know someone's like the other issue, when I know someone's like a wild card, I kind of want to like stay away from them. It kind of like ruins the whole event for me. Like it's like when someone takes out a BB gun and starts pointing it around, you're like, whoa. You know, like don't get away from me. Cover my eyes. It just changes, makes everything tense. Like I wouldn't want to be around someone who when they're drunk, comes and prods at your biggest insecure. So, and when he says, oh, when she said that he calls to apologize the next day, that means he knows it's a problem. So I think it's okay to say to your boyfriend, I think, again, if this happened with my girlfriend, I'd be like the first time I'd be like, I'll do it then I'll talk to them next time. I would say the same thing as this guy. Right. But if there is a next time, I think he's got to say something. Totally. I mean, I almost, to me, this would be like extra hurtful, I think, because it almost feels like there's she's being made fun of. Behind her back, yeah. Yes. Because why would someone just say that to someone in like, we're going to get engaged before you and like do it to like annoy me. It means you know I'm annoyed. How do you know I'm annoyed? Right. It's clearly like a running thing with you. And so I'm kind of like, what is it? I would be worried like, or thinking about, what are the conversations that my boyfriend is having with James that he feels like, if he's trying to be like a little, like he's trying to fuck with me, that this is what he knows will bother me. Like, it means my boyfriend knows that I'm annoyed. And he's talking about it with his friends. If I was the boyfriend, I'd be so mad because she cries in the bathroom. So obviously she doesn't mind people knowing. So like, it may not have come from the boyfriend. I mean, she didn't cry in front of him. She cried in the bathroom. Well, I know, but I'm saying like, there's a chance that she is, that it isn't directly the boyfriend talking to James. It's the boyfriend having drinks with another friend who then says, yeah, I think she wants to be engaged and he's like, not ready yet. Right. And then James weaponizes it. So it's like, I don't know, if I'm the boyfriend, I'd be fucking bullshit. I'd be like, dude, you're fucking with my life. I have to clean up your mess. And now we have to talk about this. Right. I'm being written about on a podcast. Yeah. Well, I mean, my fear if I were her would be like everyone. Yeah, again, like kind of what we were saying in the beginning. I'm a joke because I'm with someone who is not in a big rush to marry me and I'm in a big rush to marry them. And that's kind of embarrassing. Right. I think that is an embarrassing feeling. I don't think that that's like, she's crazy for feeling embarrassed by that. Listen, and if you don't get married, it is embarrassing. You should have known how stupid are you? Again, that's not what people say, but that's what I feel. That's what Jared says. That's what I say in my group chat about everyone who doesn't get married. I'm like, were you delusional? You know, you feel like you're, yeah, I'm with you. I think it's icky as a friend. I think your boyfriend should, he's got to put the, I would do this if I were them, if I were the girlfriend, hey, we're going to an event with your friend who gets drunk and says uncomfortable things to me. Can you set up a warning so I don't have to like tiptoe around this guy? Yeah. And I would say you can either set up a warning so I don't have to tiptoe around this guy or you can propose before the event. Propose, that was always proposal. We're going to get them back. Yes. That's the boyfriend's redemption card. The sooner you propose, the sooner this problem goes away. Gone. Having a kid to save the marriage. Up next, it's bread flare and his new band. Oh my God, I'm back again. On the back, you see, know everybody's spin. Gonna bring new games, gonna show you now. New game party, find new... Dropping hits every week, find the new slots. I'm back, back, you see, know tonight. 18 plus, be gambler, we're a total. That's right. All right, let's do another email. uupatges.com. This is called Weird or Whatever. And I like that title. It could be a new game here, Weird or Whatever. Love it. J and J, love everything you do. Try to spread the gospel of JJ as far as wide as possible. So let's jump right into it. I, female 30s. That's a weird way to... I, female 30s. She's a female in her 30s. 35. So we're going to rate it. Yeah, usually when you do the female 30, you do the exact, okay, I, female 30s. 30 and 39 are very different ages. And mindsets. Randomly had a Friday off from work, took full advantage of it by going to a park to soak up some sunshine, have some snacks, read and people watch. For context, I live in San Francisco and it was particularly warm that day in the city. So the park was a bit busy. As I was chilling, another young woman in her 20s, I'm guessing, set up nearby to some bay about 10 feet away. She wore a one-piece swimsuit and was lying in a towel. She was also very obviously wearing headphones and talking to someone on the phone. You can hear her side of the conversation. After about 30ish minutes, a young man, also 20s, maybe early 30s approached the woman. The conversation goes as follows. Man, excuse me, I know this is super random, but I just want to let you know that you're super beautiful. At this point, he had crouched down to be eye level with the woman. Woman, thanks. Man. It sounds like she's in. Man, tries to start a conversation, but I didn't really hear exactly what was said. I'm assuming it's him asking for a number or something based on what she said. Woman, I'm actually on the phone with my partner. Man, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, this is so embarrassing, I'm so sorry. He immediately stands up, walks up and over the hill leaves the park. So, weird or whatever to try and shoot your shot at the park. I think for this specific scenario, it's super awkward and weird. Since it was obvious the woman was not looking to engage with strangers, to me at least. But I could also see why in general, men slash people would want to shoot their shot at a park. It's a third space for people to bump into each other and potentially make a connection. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts sincerely as standby batch. What do you think, Jordana, weird or whatever? I would say whatever to approach someone at the park, weird of the way he did it. Okay, how would he do it? I think if you're worried about coming off as, even if the hottest guy came up to me when I was like sunbathing in the park in a bathing suit, I wouldn't want, I would still be turned off by his first thing saying, hey, I don't want it to erupt, but I just want to let you know you're very beautiful. I think that's like creepy, personally. Okay. I think it's okay to start conversation. I'm okay with that. I don't know, I think I've seen men do this before. I think it's a bad approach to alert someone that you think they're very beautiful in a public space. I think it's just awkward. Like if he did it, if he had a different thing to say to her, I think that's fine. I don't like that opening line, personally. I don't think this is weird at all. I think it's weird to think it's weird. Like to come up and say you're very beautiful into a person lying on a, like allotting about it. No, I think it's weird to think going up to someone in a park is weird. Like... That's not weird. I don't think that's weird at all. I don't know, I think you're very beautiful. It's not the line that I would use, but like, I kind of count that as like semantics in this world where like everyone, you know, it is somewhat of a news headline that people want to meet in person. That is a news headline. I think this... I'm pro meeting in the park. Right. So it's like, what he said, people fuck up. You know, like we should be allowed to fuck up. You know, like I... You're so beautiful. Yeah, but I'm just saying it is a fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he listened to this podcast, he would hear two people go, because I agree with you, you're so beautiful, maybe not the opener. Not that we would say, you know, how about... Initiate some sort of platonic conversation. Right. Hey, I just... Or even, I just noticed you over here. I was drawn to you and wanted to say hello. What's going on today? Like, I think that's maybe a better way of saying, I'm attracted to you. Like, hey, I was walking by, I just had this thing where I saw you and I wanted to say hello. Hi, what's going on today? And again, someone with headphones on, I get it. Hey, I'm on the phone. No problem. Good luck with everything. I would walk, that's the time to go away. Right. But this is a public space in a crowded park. I don't know, there's like elements of this email that would be used on a conservative podcast in a destructive way. Like, this is what Megan Kelly would use to be like, you can't even go up to a woman and tell her she's pretty in a park anymore. And you'd be like, that's not what this is about. You know what I mean? Like, I think like, this is one of the, like a San Francisco woman objects to another woman getting approached by a man in a way that's manly. I don't know, this goes into the manosphere thing. Like, I, Again, I'm okay with the approach, being approached. Right. But I'm saying like, I'm also okay with uncomfortable conversations. Like, that is the price of being approached. Like, when we get rid of people who say you're beautiful, there's like a spectrum. You get rid of like, a dangerous human being, but also you get rid of like, people going up to anyone ever. You know, so. I guess. I mean, I just think I get it. These are slope conversations. Right. And one side of the slope is one that like, we have to acknowledge, which is the danger of someone going up to someone in a park and telling them they're beautiful because there are dangers at play. But that's when we have to acknowledge the slippery slope on the other side is like, no one's going to talk to anyone anymore. And we go, well, that won't happen. But that's, we're, it is a newsy thing that, you know, people aren't talking to women right to us. I want to meet someone in real life. And it's like, I don't know. I think uncomfortable conversations, sure, are kind of the price you pay for having any conversation at all. I think it would still be uncomfortable if he was talking to her and he asked for her number. No matter what the intro was, and she said, Right. I'm actually on the phone with my partner. No issue. Those, those, those interactions should happen all the time. My only critique. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was the way he, was the way he went into it. Our critique, you know, again, critiquing is totally fine. But I, you know, I, I, you, I, you take the good with the bad type of thing. Like I'm like, like, I guess we could play a game of would you rather. How would you approach this woman? If you saw an attraction, I would, I would say, Hey, I just had a thing where I was drawn to you. I don't know what it was, but I just wanted to say hello. How's your day going? Oh, you're on the phone. Are you, are you the paparazzi? I just, I'm going to be chapel rowing. I saw you looking at me. Get the fuck out of here. Right. I, I, I don't know. I, I would, that's probably how I would say it, but that's in a world where I don't have to deal with my insecurities. I don't have to be, you know, when you go up to someone that's hard, you know, like I, maybe I would fuck up and say, Hey, I just thought you were beautiful. And I wanted to say hello. Right. Even as I say that, I'm like, that doesn't sound so bad to me. Like, I don't like that one. Well, the word beautiful too is too much. It's like, you know how different things like, if, if Mike said, if you were going out and he was like, you look so sexy, it'd be better than if he said, you look cute. You know what I mean? Like, Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. What would be a word that you'd want a stranger to use for your looks? I wouldn't want them to address my looks. I think it would be implied by the fact that they were talking to me, that they thought I was attractive. I would want them to talk about something like neutral, safe and non-sexual, so as not to scare me, to be totally honest. Because also you have to think of a woman's point of view where like, she doesn't know how this man is going to react to her reaction. Like he could be crazy. She's just at a park. Sure, sure, sure. Like, you know what I mean? Let's say she was like, he could call her a stupid bitch and walk off if she didn't give him his number or something. Like, I think there's a little bit of, that's why I wouldn't start with looks because it makes it sexual immediately. Do you think it's weird for me to say I was drawn to you? I just, hey, I saw you sitting over here. I wanted to say hello. Is that a better way to go? It's better than beautiful. Right. Drawn to you, but still I think you could, there is like a little bit of an element if you're alone of like a little bit of fear. Sure. I think there's always fear when you're alone. You know, I don't know. I don't mean to be the devil's advocate here. I'm not trying to disagree with it. I, and I'm not disagreeing again. The dangers, I agree. Like that's something to be acknowledged. I don't know. I would almost try to like a dating app. Oh, what book are you reading? Right. I'm looking for a new summer book. Where did you get those headphones? I love those headphones. Your shoes are cool. I always stick to shoes. Shoes are like a way to compliment someone without it being about tits and ass. You know, like they're like. I love your bra. Weren't you gonna? Right. Right. And if you do hair, it sounds like you might be a hairstylist and you might be gay. You know, like I don't know. That's my shoes. Shoes are good. I like shoes. Just feel like it's like the gender neutral way to go. Cause men and women could wear shoes that are the same. You know, I could wear converse and we could be in the same converse. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I just, I think if there's a guy in his 20s listening to this show or watching on YouTube, I think going up to someone in a park, if this makes me evil and let me be, I think you should, if you are drawn to someone in a park, you should do it, but also with the awareness that you are the biggest predator that this person could be encountering. Yeah. I think totally absolute. I am, yes. I am pro approaching people in person, in public, in whatever. I just think I wouldn't start with looks. Cause to me it's like implied. It's like a, I don't think that any man who ever speaks to me is not speaking to me because there's like a level of attraction. No, I'm with you. You're right. In most cases. Yeah. So I think let's acknowledge that that's sort of implied and just make it a little safe, a safer opening. Right. Hey, love your shoes. Where did you get them? Yes. And then if they're engaging. It's a good sign. Can I get your, yeah. Can I get your number? What do you, I'd love to talk more. It's just such a fine line. I think like this is like a, this is a very real conversation. You know, and I think sometimes, I mean, if you go watch that Manisphere documentary, Jordana, you will see these conversations, this email is taken and used in such a negative fashion. And, you know, you see these young men who look up to these Manisphere guys and it's like, it's like, and they're telling them like, no, you got to be a full alpha. You got to say, you're beautiful and you're mine. And it's like, no, that's stupid. I agree with you, Jordana. You're beautiful, comes off cheesy and wrong. And it's like, I don't even know. There's a middle. Yeah, there's a middle. But the other side isn't like, don't ever approach a woman in public. That's obviously not the answer as well. Right. That's not at all. Like it is funny that this person saw a guy go up to a woman in a park and was like, is that's weird? It's like, no, that's like, aren't we trying for that? Like, aren't we, how did you meet? Oh, I was in a park and he like came over to me and said, hello, you'd be like, you'd be like, what, what, the, you'd be a hero. You'd be like, he's a man. Can I fuck him? You know, like, so, I don't know. This was great. We saw dating again. We did it. We'll be back next week. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Betches.