#752 - TOMMY POPE + STEVE BYRNE

Hey, this is RedBan and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Killtony and every episode of Killtony can be found at Desquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHingeCliff.com for everything the Golden Pony, TonyHingeCliff. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Desquad Merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Killtony. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee! Make tonight's a rain band, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the best band in all of the land. Make some fucking noise for them, everybody. There they are. Who will they hope are Nando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Michael González, Nachos Belgrond, a mat muleing on the electric jundies on the keys and that's D-madness on the bass guitar. Hell yeah! What an episode we have for you. This is brought to you by Netflix, where we are currently right now in the top 10 with our hit new episode once upon a time in Texas. Live on Netflix. It was taped here on New Year's Eve. Go watch it on Netflix if you haven't already. Tell your family to watch it. Just keep it rolling over and over again. And that's all good. You guys excited to be here? Very good. Very exciting stuff. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you right here right now. Emess yourself in Hubble Essences new Moroccan organ oil elixir. Infused with pure organ oil. Just one drop. Delivers up to 100 hours of hair nourishment with the indulgence scent of a Moroccan garden. Hubble Essences new Moroccan organ oil elixir. Spark quality hair repair without the price tag. Try it now. Hubble Essences. Suffers prepared to smoothness nourishment with the regimen use versus non-conditioning shampoo. Redban uploaded the wrong episode to YouTube. This week he literally uploaded last week's episode to YouTube. So right now there's just about three quarters of a million people angry on the internet right now. So redban is going to leave and go upload the episode. I, for the first time ever in the show's history, will be on sound effects. And it's going to be an exciting start to the show. Redban's gone. This is what we've always wanted ladies and gentlemen. Go upload the fucking episode redban. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus ladies and gentlemen. And we are taking the actual Keltoni show to Houston, Texas February 28th and Dallas March 28th. Go to TonyHenchcliff.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual Keltoni show in the great state of Texas one in Houston, February 28th, one in Grand Prairie March 28th. TonyHenchcliff.com get tickets now. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Or what? Hell yeah. Rain or shine. The fun never ends. Ladies and gentlemen, every single week I booked two of the funniest people on the world on the show. This week's no different. Make some fucking noise for Steve Burn and Tommy Pope. Everybody, here we go. Yes. Steve Burn. He's the man. Tommy Pope. Live in the blood. We are going to have some fucking fun tonight ladies and gentlemen. It's been a while since Steve Burn's been on the show. Comedy store legend. One of the people that when I started, one of the few people there was to look up to back in the day. Fun fucking guy. We've spent each night drinking here in Austin having a blast. And welcome. Yep. Thank you. Steve's a man. Tommy, you and I get drunk all the time together. I'm going to drink. I love you guys. We're going to have so much fun. You guys have done this show before. Obviously, you know how it works. Over 300 people have signed up. I mean, this thing is. It might be more than usual. Is it more you drink? Upboards of 300. Above 300. Thank you. Yeah. What do you drink in tonight's Steve? Liquid cocaine. Perfect. I'm going to let the corpse of John Binet Ramsey pick the first fucking pole here. Oh my god. That's how it goes. Very good. Thank you so much right off the top. You guys know how it works. They get 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up in the intervals. They bring up the angry West Hollywood bear. Wow. It's so fucking easy to do Red Band's job. Who would have possibly have guessed. It's unbelievable. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to do it. Wow. My god. I mean, yeah, it's literally the easiest thing in the fucking world. But guess who's not here? Red Band. Red Band's not here. That's what he would have said if he was here. Well, we go wrangle that first bucket pole. We have a golden ticket winner here who's going to cash in tonight and get the show started. Ladies and gentlemen, make some fucking noise. This is your first minute of the night by JJ Alexander. Everybody. Here he is. And today. You know, I started reading a lot of history books recently and I came across this book. It's called Barry Mahard and Wounded Knee. It's a total and complete history of Native America. And I was reading this book and I was thinking about modern politics. And I think you can say whatever you want about Donald Trump business as the president. If we look back at history, he would have made an excellent Native American war chief. Do you want to know the group of people who could have used Donald Trump's immigration plan the most? The original Native Americans. That's a good use it. You know, he's like, the white people are coming here, bringing tea, bringing crime. Some of whom could be good people. Not these people. They're horrible. Very bad. There's angry Andrew Jackson. Nobody likes this guy. He put me on a trail. I cried the entire time. Yes, I did. And where do we end up? Oklahoma. What a shit hole this place. Not even like the Deuteron. And then we made a deal with the whites. We gave them all of the land and they gave us beads. What? If I was negotiating I would have gotten us way more beads. We're going to make Native America great again. You know, they got so much. We were tired. Thank you. Boop. DJ Alexander getting us started. Good take. Decent Trump impression. Thank you, Rob. How's the feeling? How's life going? Dude, holy shit. This is awesome. I'm so happy, man. I just got back and did the Denver improv. I headlined for the first time. It was like life changed your mind for me. It's also going to show, man. Thank you so much. Absolutely. Yeah. Then also I went to, with the Sioux Falls with Enrique Chacon. It was pretty crazy. Yeah, tell us about that. Yeah. So, uh, me and Enrique are supposed to do it. I'm supposed to feature and Enrique was supposed to headline. And I get a text at 5am, because that's when the fight was. And then he was like, Hey, bro, I'm not going to make it, man. No. And it's like, I got to get on the flight. So the, his flight was going to get in at 10. But the show was supposed to start at 7. So the guy that ran the show was like, hey, guess what? We're just going to start the show an hour late. The host that was supposed to do 10 minutes is now doing 30 minutes. And you're going to go until Enrique gets there. And I did, by the way, I have 45 minutes of material. I did an hour and 30 minutes. Wow. Just a lot of Trump doing a Native American impression. It was long. It was way long. It was way long. 45 minutes. Wow. The guy was like, hey, you're going to do an hour of material. And then you're going to do 30 minutes of crowd work. And I'm like, oh, shoot. I was like, oh, God. So how did it go? Were you panicked? Did you end up relaxing? Was not crowded with you? It kind of loosened up after a little bit. But it was, it was weird. Also, like the place that we did, there's a water park inside of it. There's a water park inside of the comedy club. Yeah, you know, you know, it wasn't a park. You should be around a water park. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'll take it. Yeah. I'm been, you, you should have seen how fast me and Rika went down those water slides, dude. It was nuts. For good reason, dude. Oh, yeah. No, we would, dude. I'm not sure if you've been a fat guy on a water slide. It's like the best, dude. I was going like, I was like, I was in top going, just going down those water slides. It's just like, I'm sure I'm like, yeah, that's it. Faster than normal. Fat guys fall faster. Oh, dude, it was, it was like a greased up whale going down. It was a greased up whale going down a slide, dude. It was nuts. Amazing. Yeah, I kept my shirt on, though. Yeah, shirt on guy. In Rika's shirt on, too? Oh, yeah, he's shirt on, too. Yeah. Yeah. That back was a little bit wetter than usual on a Rika. Oh, yeah. Let me see those fat tits, dude. Take that. Tommy's trying to see those tits. Take that, hold it off. Let me see those fat tits. How many you want to see his tits right now? The first comic of the night, show your fucking tits. Let's see those tits, dude. Racist fuck show your white tits. Tommy wants the tits, bro. Please be tink. Please be tink. Oh. No. What? Oh, you're saying no. What do you have big areolas? I'll take over for Red Band. No. What are you afraid of? What exactly is it that you're shy about right now? Can you describe your tits to us at least? Yeah, they're very volumptuous. I need to work. I need to lose the way for sure. But yeah, I don't know. I just feel like my shirtless body on the internet is not good. Yeah, of course. All right. Tommy's taking it back. He's backtrackin. Kidding. I don't know. You're very seductive eyes, Tommy. Dude, yeah, have nice eyes. Very pretty. Shit, brown, right? Yeah. Look at the lashes. Look at the fucking bounce. That's like my boobs, dude. Show me your fat tits. JJ, how else is your life changed since I think I've fallen Ticket on company? It's been incredible, man, just like the, like the, the comedy Suspect going great, you know, actually me and Mason Bird work at the same Dutch bros right now. That's another guy that got the goldfish. Dutch bros. Yeah, we still, I got, I got him a job at the Dutch bros, so, yeah, me and him are just making coffees, dude. It's been great. I've been just crushing chocolate milk, man. Like a lot. Get out. Tell us more about this chocolate. Yeah, so I tracked it. I like started doing math because you get as many drinks as you want when you work at Dutch bros. You can just drink as much as you want. They don't stop you. How happy this boy is. My life's going great. I got to go and take it on Kill Tony. I'm drinking as much chocolate milk as I want, man. It's sweet. Holy shit. The largest five-year-old ever heard. Yeah, dude, I love it. No, so you can drink as much chocolate milk as you want. And I tracked it. So apparently I've been drinking about 32 ounces of chocolate milk a day. Like, that's a big gulp cup full no ice. That's what I'm crushing every day. That's why your earlobes are milking. Yeah, dude, I got some big aerosol. That's what I'm looking at. I can breastfeed you right now. Please. Again, you're the one afraid of. I'm so white, kids, if you suck on it, you're gonna be okay. Okay, now we're going to go shit here. Hold on to it. No! Hold on to it. Go shit. No, no, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Tony. Hold on. Hold on. Oh. Oh. Oh. This is so much fun. Dude, do cow noise, cow noise. I'm gonna do the cow noise when you pull out those fat tits. Dude. I'm not gonna do it now. You have a force field around those tits. Ten off with the bullshit. Let's see your fucking tits right now. Let's see them. I want to see some big milky pepperoni nephotidys right now. Okay. Let's do it, Junior Andy Reid. Pull out your fucking tits. Thank God you put the AERYAR 15 down and did some stand-up. Now, Polara Titty has had a lot of peanut butter. I want to see. It's a little thirsty puppy. Look at me. Look at me. Here's a thirsty puppy. Can we at least see your belly button? We'll settle for a belly button. No, he's proud of his belly button, ladies and gentlemen. Here it is. Oh. That's a huge thing. The fill. All right. Yeah, also the fill time in two falls. I drew a face on my belly and I started making a talk to kill time. Really? Yeah, I was like, I did, I did like a... You were gonna call me shop. Yeah. I were gonna call me shop. Yeah. I really like chocolate milk. I can't stop thinking about it. Sorry. So yeah, I did, I was doing impressions with the belly button. That's what I do. Like I did, I was like, I was like, I could do a bill cos of me impression. Okay, look at that. I was like, just right. Yeah, I'm like, okay, so this is what I did. I was like, okay. Everybody, let's get ready. I got you guys like impressions. Okay, make some noise for you like impressions. Okay. Okay, here it is. You could have just done it, but okay. They didn't need to do that part. I swore to a boy who was out of the house. Who the fuck? And I did that and it killed. I swear it got... I got to see this hour and a half, that's it. Yeah, I know. It's called killing time with JJ Alexander. JJ, fun times. Congratulations. You did it. Start at the show tonight. There you go. All right, guys, let's do it. Absolutely. All right, there he goes. To the bucket we go now, ladies and gentlemen. This is the heartbeat of the show. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. The lovely Heidi and Valerie, ladies and gentlemen. Catch their podcasts at HeidiRagina.com. So fun. All right, our first bucket bowl tonight. We're going to meet them all together. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for it. Yee-hee, everybody. Here comes Yee-hee. Here we go. One more time. Make some noise for Yee-hee, everybody. Thank you, Austin. You know, most women get preyed on pure EY. But I get preyed on pure AY. Hell yeah, I'm blessed, you know? A lot of people think that I would swipe right on anyone. I'm a tyrant. Uh, as soon as I see wheels, I'm swiping left like we're... We can't both be physically vulnerable, you know what I'm saying? We gotta like make IKEA furniture, you know? Like, we gotta go to UPS store, return some Amazon package. Oh. But when it comes to people actually, they... It's mostly military men. And I think about them is... Civilian men, not military. They would tell me about how strong I am, like just all day. But with military guys, all their friends legs been blown off. And I got both of mine, you know what I'm saying? Hey! I'm a peg above them, you know? Thank you. Bucky out. Yee-hee, welcome to the show. Oh, look who's back. Man, we were really struggling without you. Don't know. Don't know. Why don't have so many stairs? There he is, all right. Why are there so many stairs? I mean, you know... I'm feeling you say that all the time. You know, Houston comedy scenes just as much full of stairs, or you were so... You're in Houston, that's where you live? Yeah, I'm annoying about you. It showed... I'm like a... Cool-aid man through a wall. But like... Or rental wall. Okay. Hell yeah. But the rice paper wall, you... That's not very Korean. We are more high-tech than that, so... Come, Sam Nida. Why? I'm Korean. I know, but why are you saying thank you to me right now? Look here, because it's over. Oh, you said you're cute? Someone said I'm cute. Cute? Yee-hee. I'm... I'm Korean and I need subtitles. It's Ye-hee. Ye-hee. All right. Sorry. Ye-hee. Welcome, welcome. How long you been in stand-up comedy? Seven months since May. I love it. What made you want to get started? Uh, my life's a joke, but like... In a very disabled way. So it was fat, it's like... No, recently I got in the war for being the most resilient. Isn't that incredible? Yeah, that's amazing. Where did you get this award from? Popped a balloon. I got on a dating show just to be funny. Uh-huh. I mean, it was going to be like a real life tinder situation where they see the crushes and they're like, nah, she can't... She can't bang. So, you know what I'm saying? And then they all popped on me. Like, exactly what I thought it would happen. Yeah. And then they gave me the most resilient award for that. So let's talk about it. Yee-hee, what do you do for work? I'm an online math teacher. Online math teacher. I know. I hate to talk about it. I know. I know. I know. I work online because I'm disabled, but teaching math because I'm Asian, it's incredible. Dude. It's wonderful, isn't it? Logging on with those crutches must be so difficult. I used to be in a wheelchair, so screw you. I'm don't agree. Sorry. Now look at you with the world's largest chopsticks. Listen. So, what exactly is the condition that you have? For favorite or red band's favorite, guess? Seribra palsy? Yes, finally, right? There he goes. He's back there, by the way, so... What? Jake? Oh, never mind. Culture. You accused him of having Seribra palsy. He's back where? Waiting. Where? We all have wristbands. What do you think we're reading, he's at... At the bar? Yes. Okay, you said back there, like he's back there. Hey, come on now. Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. You're fair, fair, fair. Fair. Yee-hee. Yee-hee. Yeah. So, used to be in a wheelchair. How did you... Did you physical therapy your way up like this? I'm just Mulan, you know? You're what? Mulan, the movie. No, you know what? You were in this joke. Yeah, physical therapy. Okay, very good. Way to go, too. So, yee-hee, what exactly... What do you do for fun? When you're not online math teaching and doing stand-up. What else is there about you? I like to go to the gym. You're funny. You really are funny. What else, though, yee-hee? Tell us more. I like journaling and little stickers. Like really, you know, like, cutesy, little... You know, I don't know. You're an Asian girl. Just a typical Asian girl. I just a girl. 100%... 100% both parents are super Korean. Sorry. What do they think about you doing comedy? My mom thinks I'm at the gym. Got it. And your dad thinks you're online. What? Fuck it. You're mom thinks you're at the gym. The hate's being perceived. And I'm being the most perceived right now. Okay. Yeah. Okay, he'd tell us more about your life, though. What did you just... You're really out there on dating sites? What are you doing? What's the last date you went on? I'm actually with a military guy. You really are. Yeah. And he's fully functional. Yeah. Okay. He's got like a bunch of ribbons and everything. It's phenomenal. He like, he like, he like, operates tanks. It's literally the opposite of what I am. He's lying, dude. Yeah. This guy doesn't exist. Yeah. Stolen valor. He's got a fetish. Yeah. And he's throwing a fucking army coat. Bought some fake ribbons on fucking Amazon. He's knocking this guy around. So she walks straight. Fake. I would have walked straight already. So... And... What? Yeah, he, where'd you meet this guy at? Tender. Oh, wow, a go. Okay, how long have you been with them? We've been on and off for like, oh, wow, for like six years. Very on and off, but, you know. Yeah. That's great. Very good. Yeah. Is he here tonight? He's in Georgia. Yeah, there we go. There we go. Okay, he works at Old Navy Base. I travel a lot, babe. He's not in the military. Yeah, no. He lives a block away. Yeah, totally. Above a milk check. Yeah, like, guy, he's like in a monastery in China or something. He's done that actually, and no one believes me, so. Monastery in China. Is that what he calls your pussy? Let me ask you this. So you live in Houston. How often do you drive down here to sign up for Kiltoni? This is my ninth time. First time was my birthday. And I actually was so excited. I got two balloons, one that says happy birthday. And the other one said, get well soon. And I thought you would really love that, Tony. Well, that's how it works. Sometimes, but you never got to be here. But you never got to be here. You had to feel sad taking those balloons back in the car and hacking them up and driving back to Houston after that. It's actually the first time today. Today is the first time I drove here alone. And I shouldn't say that in public. Wow. But what are the odds? I'm Asian woman. There he is. Driving in streets of Austin. There he is. The CSTATs 12, 0 and 5. Oh my god. Don't say that out loud. What kind of car do you drive, Yehee? I found that Asians are extremely loyal to Asian car brands. What was your ears? Nissan Ultima. There it is. Nissan. You went Japanese bitch. You took a high five. You know, my mom said that too. I know. I know. She wanted Korean. Bad Korean. Bad Korean. Wow. Look at these Koreans fighting each other yet again. North versus South over here. You're giving me trouble right now. I had to bring my dad the milk. So please, you got to be nice to me. Yehee, how old are you? I'm 30. Wow. Red man, you want to invite her to the secret chat? A board notes you do. She did do very, she was very funny. I missed it. Don't have a secret show for a couple weeks, but in a couple weeks, yes. I'd love to have you on the secret show. There you go. Yehee, congratulations. And here's a big joke. Don't throw it to me. That's the hate crime. I bet you catch it. I'm really good at throwing it. Don't do that. I'm really good at throwing it. Yeah, he trusts me. Yeah, he trusts me. Yeah, he trusts me. Yeah, he trusts me. Put your head. I can't. I'm going to land it. Pass it down. No, I'm not. Yehee, look at me. I'm the teacher here. We can basically do your fucking fears. I could easily stand up straight, put your arm near your chest, and maybe not straight, but as best as you can. As much as you can. Yeah. Take your hand off the fucking microphone, put it close to your chest. Oh, great. Right there. Don't move it. Don't panic. Don't move. Don't you fucking move. You move. You're going to ruin this or both of us. Yeah. Wow. Yee. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Woo. Oh yeah, now we're cooking baby. How about another ham for yehee everybody? This is where it happens. This is where the magic happens everybody. Wow. You got to see someone fucking face their fears there. There's no way I'm gonna catch you Tony. There's nothing that can happen where I'll possibly catch you just jump a NFL film's worthy. It's what I do. I just set people up for success. That's gonna be it. Sustainability. Send it straight to the highlight reel. Sustainability. I stand up again. No, it's fine. No, get it. Are we having fun here tonight? It has begun. Red band's back. Mix the noise for your second fucking pull of the night. It's Blake Apatau. Everybody, here we go. I was going folks, good to see you. I went to the strip club with my dad. Not that fun getting hard with your dad. Socks. Yeah, I don't really want to get hard with any of my relatives except my cousin. I feel like if you don't want to bang your cousin, you just don't have a cousin hot enough. My cousin is gorgeous, okay? She looks like Italian polcahontas. I would pay money to see my cousin naked. I try everything's given. Try again, I knew you. I'm pretty sexually adventurous folks. I've gotten like 300 Asian massages with happy endings. I call them Jackie Chains. Big fan of Jackie Jam. These massages are so good. They're too good. Because now I can't come without Asian woman's sound effects. Oh. Wow. Women are like, there you go, Blake Apatau. Welcome Blake. How are you? Doing fantastic, brother. How long have you been on standup? About five years for the COVID. We're at Colorado, Hawaii, and then here the last couple of years. Okay. You live in Austin now? Yeah. Okay. And what do you do for work? How do you make money? I'm a bartender just a couple blocks away. Oh, nice. Here on Dirty Sex. Yeah. You see a lot of crazy shit. Yeah, definitely a decent bit. Give us an example of the nuttiest thing you've seen on these wild streets of Austin, Texas. Yeah. So I will say immigration. People are talking a lot about immigration. Everyone's fucking pissed about immigration, all right? I was dating this Brazilian woman next door, the coffee shop next door. And I just, we got into it one night. She wasn't, she was in a fake marriage to a gay American citizen, which is just, yeah, kind of something fascinating. At some level, I respect. I feel like if you like convince Americans that marry you, you earned it, you deserve it. But this, I feel like we could also stop it. I don't know, which is the fake marriages. She, she, it's just interesting to me. I was like, we could test for that. There's an immigration interview, a man and a woman. I feel like we could have like maybe like the, the wife, or husband eat the wife's pussy or something, you know, some sort of test to see if it's a real couple because a gay guy couldn't ever eat a woman's pussy. If a gay guy touches a pussy, he turns to stone. We know that. I haven't seen crystaline a few years. It's pretty cool. Yeah. I wish you were handicapped and Chinese was running a 4-5-40. Hell yeah. Hey bro, you came into restaurant. What time are you doing Steve? Yeah. It's good to see you. Absolutely. 100%. I remember specifically, bro, you wanted double addressing and I only came out with one. I'm sorry about that, bro. It's okay. Well, I look, I, I, I really appreciate you to act. I like the bit about fucking your cousin because believe it or not, I was attracted to a cousin mine and I, I hate to say this. I actually had sex with her. So hard. I, she can't walk anymore. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. But she can catch a joke, bro. Blake, what's your dating life like? You seem like a real womanizer. You have that, you have that voluminous hair that you pretend like you're not strategically taking care of. You've never been obsessed with it. You've never been obsessed with it. I can just picture you in the mirror fluffing it up. I know a thousand guys like you try to run off of hair confidence. Go ahead. Tell us about your life. Okay. So I know a dating is pretty fun. I'm like, I'm really, really in love with the divine feminine right now. I went on three dates in one day the other day. What does that mean a divine feminine? Well, I fucking hate to sit. Yeah. I saw a YouTuber on the side. I love you guys. Oh, can I tell you if I had your hair? If I had your hair, I'd grow it out. I travel everywhere horseback. It's. A stounding. A stounding. I like that naked horseback. I mean, you say three dates the other day. What do you mean? So I went on 4 p.m. coffee date with a 51 year old. Okay. Somebody's mom wants to get back in my heart. You're back in my heart. I'm hurtful. How did that go? Why'd you do that? Well, that's the thing is she had beautiful dark curls. And sometimes I get bored. I know just scrolling and I go like, usually whatever like 20 to 30 is the age range. Sometimes I just blow it out 1880 plus. You know, bang your grandma. Right. But um, yeah. Did you do anything with that lady? So we made out that day. We hung out two nights ago though. I mean, have you ever gotten a 30 minute hot oil massage from a woman half a century year old? Wow. That's unbelievable. I mean, on your... Well, you hung out with her yesterday. You made out with her yesterday. Yeah, I wish you was sick. It was a whole thing. I went home for a week and we, and I wanted to. Fuck, I'm dying. Yeah. You're not sick. That's polio. Yeah, yeah. He hates me. We were watching his documentary and he was just like talking about like, it was don't die by Brian Johnson. Really good. Check it out. But he was talking about like, how, how, how what happens is 70 years old? Like how all the like the series, like, health markers and shit that drop off. And it was pretty funny because I was looking at him like, you pay an attention. This is pretty fucking important for you. But yeah, she jacked me off for like 30 minutes. It was amazing. I feel like old people. 30 minutes. Sorry, I'm spitting on you. But yeah, that's the thing is I felt like young people are like kind of chaotic and just want to fuck it quick. And like, I kept like, she kept me like, slow, easy, easy. And then yeah, this experience is just to do stretching it out and she was like telling me the pacing itself. All right. That's enough. God, you're so annoying. I was just getting back at you. He's, price. But the, okay. Here's a medium joke book. There he goes. Blake Aputel, ladies and gentlemen. That was great. Oh, yeah. Good job, buddy. We're going to keep it moving along. Good job, Blake. Good enough. We're going to keep it moving here. Oh, we know this guy. This is a wild, wild Texan. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Tommy Tickles, everybody. Here's Tommy Tickles. Live in the flood. The return of Tommy Tickles. I hate audience participation exercises. Who's with me? I'm getting older. I hate. I'm growing a bald spot. If my granny would have said, if you don't stop doing that, you're going to go bald. Well, then she would have been right. I know I'm getting older. I'm getting older. I'm going to massage parlors just to get a massage. My skin's starting to wrinkle. I'm talking when black people talk to me. I've noticed they subconsciously lick their lips and I think it's because I'm starting to look like fried chicken. Choke of the night so far, Tommy Tickles. Ticking the landing there. Very good Tommy. Addy, you're actually getting better. Things are seeing growth here. I did the mic thing. I moved the mic out of the way. Look at you. I love it. You're also super likable coming off of the last guy. I got to tell you, it's just good to have a real human up here, not a fucking sociopath, serial killer pretending to mix in with old patchy pants. So how's life been going, Tommy Tickles? Life's been going good. Right now it's baby season out on the farm in Ranch. What does that mean? Explain to the people who don't have ranches with baby season. It's my wife. We go crazy. No, we have a bunch of sheep and goats and now we're having a bunch of sheep having babies right now. So it's all hands on deck. Three times a day of feeding baby sheep. Hi. And how many Afghans visit the farm? How many what? Thank you Tommy Tickles. Hey. Absolutely perfect. So the sheep are banging or they're just having babies. So they done banging. How does it go? They get to see them have sex? Oh yeah. It takes about five months. She's all right. You fucking cuck. Oh yeah. It's got jerking off in the corner. Yeah, I get to watch him a lot, Tony. Yeah. It kiddin'? Oh yeah. Y'all don't know this, but Red Band came out to the ranch. Now I've got two sheep and a goat. They'll never be the same. Walking away. Yeah. They're coming out with this face on them. Yeah. That's for sheep. Yeah. Yeah. Red Band's jokes are bad. Yeah. Hi. Hi. Tommy, you ever seen what does it explain to the people? Because we don't know. Explain Tommy. What's going on over there? Got an aside combo? No. Have you ever, can you describe to the audience what a sheep's pussy looks like exactly? The world wants to know. I can. And what brand of peanut butter do you use? Yeah. You know, it's interesting. We had her Maffordite sheep. Ooh. A boarded little girl. A cute little thing. One of the first ones we had, her name was Shotsie. And about like six months later, her balls dropped. And so she's out there chasing female sheep like a male and getting them all riled up. So I looked into it. You can name it Ye-he-she. Yeah. No, I pissed right in around. From a performer that was on earlier, guys. I don't know if you've been paying attention, but Ye-he-she. That's it. Comedy. Bad idea. Bad idea. I'm Stevie Tickles. Have you noticed that the other sheep don't really take a liking to the trans sheep that you have? Yeah, nobody likes her. Right. Nobody likes her. Did she die her sheep hair purple or anything? Does she make coffees for the other sheep really well? No box. She make a hell of a latte. She was one of our favorites, though. So she got a lot of attention from us. I bet. That's why they call you Tommy Tickles. Yeah. Deep one, otheries. All right. Tom, if you own an AR-15 by chance, you look like every mass serial killer I've ever... The old school. The old school. That's what they used to look like. Now they look like his trans sheep. Yeah. That's what they look like now. I'm coming in there just, bbarrr. Bbarrr. No, sir. I don't own an AR-15. But I was a scout sniper in the Marine Corps, and I have a 308 winchester. So. Yeah, thank God, damn it. Right. All right, you were great tonight, Tom. Yeah. You were fucking fantastic. My favorite. So much, dude. Thank you for sure. How can I follow you online? Tommy, have you been going up a lot? Because that was way better than your last. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I did about a hundred open mics. Yeah, me. Let's go. Vendona. I'm trying to go down to San Antonio. I hit up a couple of spots down there. I didn't know it a year ago, but this is a passion. This is, you know, you get into it, you get a couple of laughs, and then all of a sudden, you're like, oh, these folks, this is great. You're adorable, Tom. Yeah. Yeah. You're adorable. You should tell everybody you have two passions. Comedy and sheep. No, I don't even like sheep. Why don't you like the sheep? Hell, that's why you don't like the sheep. Explain to us. We don't own ranchers. Oh, they're great from Wonder Babies all the way up in three months. They're cute. And then they're like 200 pounds. And I've had them knock me about 10 feet sideways. So they come up behind you and they think it's still your friend. And that's what they do to their friend. They come up and butt you. And then all of a sudden, you're not built for that. And that's 600 pounds is... Can I ask you, Chris, do you end their life? Ah. I live on a farm in ranch and you know... Answer the fucking question. What's the question? You put a 45 in the fucking scum. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Tommy tickles. He really throws off the set with his name. But do you fucking kill sheep? Look at us. No. You end their lives. How do they die in life? Look at me. And they're fucking... How do they take us as a pair of lies? Do you fucking punish me? You two cheap people. Yeah. You want to be in shooting... All right, all right. Jesus Christ almighty. No. I use a knife. He kills the sheep. Look. He kills the fucking baby sheep. No, not the babies. No, hell no. Yeah. You wait for the baby. They're babies too. You know, so we take care of them and make sure they live. So we try to give them... The sheep that we do have, you know, they're... You're spailing right now, dude. You murder sheep from living. No, okay, guys. You said you killed him. You're really driving home this sheep killing thing. Really making a point. He's a ranchan. Hey, ranchan is also what Red Band has. Okay, Tommy, all right. You got this. Tommy just disengaged from the show right now. I love it. We're going to keep moving along. Tommy tickles great stuff. Tommy Pope just... Pope is... Ha ha ha ha ha. Ranchan is also what Red Band has on Friday nights, when he tips his pizza in ranch dressing. He's got a ranchan and a blue cheese hand. Look out. He's a big boy. All right, ladies and gentlemen, one of the good friends of the show, one of the top young rising comedians in the world, has a brand new special on YouTube, and he's here just to do a minute for us, just to swing by, make some noise for the great Asana mod, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. Hey. I think the darkest thing going on with Kanye West, is his diamond and crusted swastika chain. That's dark. Because if you know anything about the diamond business in this country, you know the person who made that chain is Jewish. So there's a guy out there that knows exactly how much his soul is worth. Oh, hey, what do you want me to make? It's going to Holocaust you. You're fucking... That is a rough joke to do in Yeezy. Somewhere that it is. Yo, these shoes are comfortable as fuck. I don't care. That's all I care about. You can say the worst things in the world about Muslim people. If you made the most comfortable shoes, I'd wear that shit. With pride, too. You'd be like, what are those? They'd be like, oh, these? Oh, these? You mean the new Chinese Muslim concentration camp sevens? Or are they shit? Flames, the Weger Force ones dog? I got them at... That's where I got them. I'm gonna sound them up. Thank you very much. A son, a ma, whose new special too soon is out now. Look, this comes out the 19th, right? I think, yeah. So my special is about the 20th. Okay. Alright, geez. Wow, little time jumper there. Look at this guy. Backed. Browned in the future. Yeah, so, okay. That doesn't really matter. They would have watched it anyway. But way to be strategically correct, mathematically right, like a true Indian. Yes. Unbelievable. One of the hardest working guys I know, he's working fucking 24, 7, 11. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. As always, a son. I'm doing comedy full-time and running a daycare Minnesota at the same time. It's been rough. Amazing. Look at that. They love it. The crowd goes wild. Billionaire, a son of mine. A son, how's life been going good? Yeah, things going pretty good. Yeah, you know, I'm excited to have a new special out. It's my first one. Yeah, I'm just happy about it. Yeah, very exciting stuff. Former comedy, Stort Dorgai took the whole path. One of the first people to move out here with the whole regime working here at the mothership. Been taking you out. You've been drinking with us. Yes, that's a new thing. I've been getting drunk for the first time. Yeah. Really fun to take like, part in your 30s. You know, you got to try some stuff sometimes. Okay. No, no, no, okay. I'm not there yet. Welcome to my panel of junkies tonight. And I have straight to fucking blow out of nowhere. Are you started drinking? Yeah. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. Welcome to my panel of junkies tonight. And I have straight to fucking blow out of nowhere. I started drinking. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, I am double the size of both of them really it's kind of crazy. I am I might be the tallest Bengali person in my whole family I Love it now what are Bengali's known for exact? Tigers Your hair lines are hair lines. Wow Lack of hair lines. I would think spelling bees. Yeah, are you a good Smart one? Yeah, I'm pretty good. Yeah, I'm pretty good. You give me give me a word. I got champagne C-H-A-M-E-A-G-N-E Can't paint Hold on let's find out let's find a black person's name Is there a black person in here? Yeah, there is her name is champagne. She's right over there Champagne tankins is here ladies Apostrophe Got it You gotta pause that shit I Know that right there we go. Sorry, Tommy Pope Like a PTSD flashback Flash black Okay, a son so much fun your new special too soon is out go watch it. There you go Where do they find it a son of mine on YouTube? It's on YouTube look up too soon It's on our solid show podcast channel check it out. There you go solid show podcast Watch this special we love his son back to the bucket we go this looks like a new name make some noise for Tony scar everybody Tony scar I remember the first time I caught my parents fucking My Mom had to sit me down and give me the talk She says son when a man and a woman love each other very much they buy a ball gag And I said mom put a shirt on And while my mom went to put a shirt on my dad came to give me the same talk he said Sean I'm autistic And I found out the other day that I look autistic because I went to the olive garden and the waitress handed me crayons and paper And I was trying to explain that to her that that's dehumanizing but dehumanizing is really hard to pronounce when you're chewing on a fistful of crayons And have a ball gag in your mouth Thank you guys very much Star has arrived Ladies and gentlemen amazing welcome to the show Tony. Thank you very much. How long you been one stand up? Nine months, sir. Nine months. You're fantastic. Where'd you start at here in Austin? I started to see the rapids Iowa. Okay, that's relived really yeah, that is that is not where I live I moved out here about four months ago and I don't do stand-up comedy. I do musical comedy really yes, sir How do you do that? You have a guitar or something? I do. I have a guitar. I try to do it better than it's ever been done Amazing really well, you must be fucking how long have you been doing that? I've been doing that for the nine months since I started as well You started doing musical comedy and you just have funnier bits than most stand-ups that don't do that Yes, sir, so your real specialty is with a guitar. Yes, sir. Do we have an extra guitar? We do Is that thing tuned? It is wow great amazing Look at this How about a hand for the lovely Heidi everybody? I mean really She even knows where to put the plug in everything. I know she looks like she's not that smart But she's absolutely brilliant everybody there you go You brought a guitar pick amazing perfect Do you fucking thank you hold the guitar up to the Mike up to the guitar. Do you want does that help? No, I hope we hope it's fine. It's plugged in so I think we'll be just fine Tony folks Tony Tony Tony As long as it's not like copywritten it is not okay Perfectional stuff fantastic. Give me a favor turn that KT logo that's underneath the mic. There you go perfect Thank you. Thank you. I'm not a control freak at all All right, here we go baby Tony scar a one two three not quite yet. You got it. Oh Shit Okay double check it Okay, there we go Wow, that is a crazy trick How about one more time for Tony scar ladies and gentlemen. Oh, other I saw the most beautiful thing today. I saw a homeless man playing guitar to a homeless woman It was homeless love as we called in Austin love You And I imagine what that homeless love song was sound like and I think the folks it was sound a little something like this Girl you have the three prettiest teeth this world is ever seen You You make me want to bend this used needle right into a wedding ring You're not like other girls because other girls would never try to straight fight a pigeon I Romance through the trash by chewing through the bag, but she's a little bit different She said her name Is Is it French because I love She's the only woman I have ever met whose love languages masturbating in public I bet they say cute shit in that song they spell it out, you know what I mean like The Alan love is for heroin The Owen love is for heroin The V in love is for violence and they don't know that there's only a love It's a cute shit like for our anniversary I'll get you a loud metal rack That you can bang on if it gets too quiet and the voices come back Skits are for you I love that every inch of your skin's a different color And I love how every one of your mess source feels like rubber and You have the prettiest lazy As dyes and when you defecate pick it up just a throw it at other guys The world is ours. I know that it is we can ride our initials on the sidewalk with piss Or maybe we can start a family and give birth to a miscarriage Oh Standing ovation for Tony sorry ladies. Thank you very much folks. I love you all Amazing, I gotta tell you for nine months my mind is completely blown I think you have an unbelievable gift how old are you? I'm 21 years old 21 years old Amazing and they show me the whole lot to me. I love that. I gotta tell you go fuck yourself you ask Go fuck yourself nine months 21 years old. That's like literally if I was at the story It's unbelievable. That's one of the best sets. I've seen from a young comic in a long time That's a that's how a star is born. Thank you very much. Chameleon. I appreciate it. Can you catch? I can you sure? Yes, sir? Are you positive? I am positive great. Here you go. It's a golden ticket Tony star ladies and gentlemen live in the flesh 21 anytime you have another song that you want to come play on the show You just let us know and you're gonna get to do it in front of millions of people anytime you want. Thank you Congratulations, welcome to the family Tony scar as a ride ladies and gentlemen. There you go The American dream here on Kilt Tony There he goes Tony scar How fun is that? I'm not lying what I bet that's literally hands down one of the oh yeah, the long he's got it at least shit He's got it. Oh dear God. Thank you That could end up being like the greatest musical comedian of all time one day only nine months in has us all laughed great jokes in there great jokes great incredible big dick. Sorry Well, we have another golden ticket winner back there ready to go this was his spot on the show ladies and gentlemen makes noise for the return of Colin's Sledge everybody here he is Okay, thank you Um once I was talking to a girl at a bar and I thought it was going okay, but she threw her drink in my face I was like hey watch it. There's $30 a roofie's in there So the problem with that joke is I don't know if that's the right amount of money to say I'm afraid to look it up I'm nice I would never cat call a lady because that would give away my position No, I would never stalk woman either because I feel like it'd be boring after like an hour, you know I go she's going to the grocery store. Oh, she's going to yoga. Oh She's going to the police station Oh, she's coming back out. She's pointing at me Okay, thank you Colin Fledge with pure Colin Sledge comedy That's you. Thank you. You're that guy. That's me the roofies giving away your position with the cat call on brand How's life been going Colin? It's been good I had a thing that I was going to say but I just wanted to shout out Yehi. She messaged me on a hinge like a year ago Oh shit just completely cold and She was just like where can I get on stage in Houston and I didn't see her for months out I just told her all my places and then she just started showing up one day and I never brought it up with her No one in Houston knows, but they will now I guess so shout out to her look at that They say one thing yeah after the last gentleman that that crushed it. I see like your You're obviously your nervous. I can see that's always but I gotta tell you to come up after somebody crushes like that That's the fucking worst feeling in the world is a comic and I gotta tell you your first Joke out of the gates. You fucking killed me. It was fucking great I swear to god. I mean that. It's not an easy thing to do when you did it That's one of the toughest things in comedy like falling this asshole. So yeah unbelievable work honestly Colin is a great joke writer everything kind of is on theme with him He's like a creepy guy that like lurks and like stairs through like your blinds and stuff He's like on the other side of the window or behind a tree peaking at you or something I met his girlfriend though very delightful. What a nice nice woman. Yeah, she's amazing. Oh, she signs up You know, I feel like you don't have to just say she really she ever she ever been pulled before never been pulled before She's been signing up since Since before I started doing comedy again. She's been signing up for a really she's sign up tonight. Oh, yes She did sign up. What's her name? Timely rain. What is it? Timely rain. What is it? That's a real name is a nuns the eight mother fucker Timely rain Timely rain that sounds like a that sounds like a Prince album. Yeah, yeah When he go wrangle timely rain real quick So how long ago do you start stand up? She's been signing up at since when she's been signing up I think like two or three years she used to take the bus from Houston to Austin and do stand up like crash at her friend Because you know you fuck Yehi. We did not fuck You all can bring that up see I did not tell her that I was gonna say that did you fuck Yehi? I didn't look fuck Yehi by the fuck it was a complete I know you it was a complete killer sterile conversation Yeah, massage if you will how long have you been with Timely rain? Um, it was like two weeks after I got on this show actually we started uh again When when when when when is February is February? Remember I had to come back for your show on Wednesday and his show on Thursday and I didn't know anything about Austin So she accompanied me For all of that and we just started hanging out all the time Just yeah very timely. Yeah, wow look at that Random hoars in the audience just yelling stuff out absolutely incredible No, there's a lot of fans of the hoars out there Um Are we ready? Brait ladies and gentlemen. Here's the kill Tony debut. No, you you sit and sit on demonis is still well. He goes pee Go on sit down sit on calling. Jesus fucking Christ. Just sit down There he goes ladies and gentlemen makes some noise for the kill Tony debut years in the making of timely rain everybody her shoes The first time me and my boyfriend ever slept together When he got in bed he accidentally like need me right in the pussy I was like that's a weird way to check if I have a dick My new boyfriend he's really nice. He likes them up. It's And he sings wicked with me in the car So my mom really likes him, but he's a little racist so my dad likes him too He does comedy as well And uh he's been doing it for way less than I have and he gets books more than I do Which means not only is he funnier than me. It means he sucks better dick than I do too I love Austin. I really do, but man half the people look half the men Here look like they'll roof you Well the other half of them look like they're like I'm actually it's called Rohit Thank you my name's Tyler rain. Finally rain Welcome to the show. Hi. Oh, yeah We just heard all about you. It's an anomaly how many times you signed up and not gotten pulled I've wanted this for so long. Wow. Congratulations. You're in it Oh, yeah, thank you So timely how long have you been doing standup exactly four years? Like actually like this week is my four year anniversary nice and all of it in Houston, Texas How do you make money standup comedy? Oh nice. I produce shows But I also I do a bunch of gig work. I work at the Renaissance festival and I'm like a bartender at different theaters and stuff like that Oh, what do you do at the Renaissance festival? Um, I do Sometimes comedy, but mostly I just talk at a British accent and serve people alcohol Can you give us an example of what that sounds like? Good day my lord and lady. What would you like to eat? Wow I usually wear a little Dundee's been waiting for years to play Renaissance fan review. He's like I go wow he was on that that is incredible You've had that loaded up forever Timely, let's fucking off. Come on. What'd you go start the car? Fucking killer. Cocking killer. How would you start the car? Stay here Wow Amazing timely rain that is incredible. Is it true that you guys really sing wicked in the car together? Yeah, that's how we got me really Colin, let's hear you hit that crazy note up here. No, come on Colin No, you have to try Colin What song is it? What do you mean? Did you know what you know what you fucking want? You could do you got it you got to try Colin Stand up Colin listen to your lady Colin Yeah, bitch. Yeah, bitch stand the fuck up. I know how home life is in a time Mother fucker. That'd be a bitch. Yeah, she got bearded. It's not gonna Yeah, it's time All right, given the mic now fucking belt something Colin Very good. There you go there. I love her. It's a frog on wicked. Yeah, do it again No, it's all right. It's up to time Lee. What's the craziest thing about your life? You ever see anything traumatizing or been through anything wild No, why don't you let her decide what the fucking funniest option is right now Colin? I don't know the most traumatic thing my my transistor said she witnessed a stab Oh, you can't speed through that You have to say my transistor you can't say my transistor my transistor It's a 311 song everybody I'll transistor Off the hit album 311 from the band 311 You know that song yeah Okay My transistor told me that last night she witnessed a stabbing out of at a venue and I told her she needs to stop hanging out with those kinds of people Yeah, those kinds of be the kind of stab Yeah, was it a trans person stabbing another person? Yes, yeah crazy almost seems like there's type of some type of correlation between mental illness and the trans community Both run in my field it almost seems like there's a slight thing going on where those are the people doing things I don't like I don't like them. I don't like them My brother he's not gay but he does wear like crop tops and he hasn't told us what that means. What the fuck going on your family? My real name is actually timely rain Wow Said what's going on with your fucking family? So your parents your real name is timely are they are they very strict religious or quite the opposite? No quite the opposite right my mom was a like rave in the 90s and my dad was a straight-edge punk And they met while working in a in a record store together Hell yeah, it all makes sense and I'm like you know what that makes me and Portland was born Well timely congratulations. You got a big joke book very fun Congratulations timely rain and calling This episode is brought to you by simply safe and this simply safe on is the sound of peace of mind Simply safe sensors HD cameras and 24-7 security monitoring protect your home inside and out against break-ins fires water leaks and more so you can relax visit simplysafe.co.uk slash pod for an exclusive discount All right back to the bucket we go This is the perfect music for this name makes the noise for bitty o' laugh Lynn everyone Bitty o' laugh Lynn G'day I'm from Australia I'm trying to move here and get away from gun violence I'm a single mother people say that's bad for kids But I reckon abortion's do more damage I've been going to the gym a bit recently for my mental health I've already got a six pack. I just want to stop wishing I was dead Membership was cheap and the gym's on top of a tall building I don't do long at the gym I go for like 20 minutes Turns out pissing off fat chicks is a real mood booster They're just jokes. I think fat lives matter I've got a lot of sympathy for fat people because I was anorexic I know exactly what it's like to feel obese Bitty o' laugh Lynn with a great set Boom thank you you've been on this show before bitty And have welcome back thank you very very fun stuff very fun stuff all the way around topical joke with the guns Yeah, I had that the day after I was signing up and I was kind of glad I didn't get on because it might have been Little too soon Yeah, you're that's perfect. That's when that's when it's the most fun. I think but I get in trouble all the time. So what do I know? I love it bitty remind us how long you've been on standup. I started 15 years ago I took a really long break like I did nine years off and then I started again in 2020 just before the pandemic And then it's been on and off Kind of got canceled in Australia like blacklisted for some jokes. What jokes? Trans jokes and then drinking with Aboriginal people jokes Please do that yeah, like I would love to hear Faradop What were the jokes exactly Australia is a little sensitive. I say faradop the trans jokes I don't know it was just a bar. I used to get a gig every three months and then one day I was just Given a phone call saying you're never going to get this gig again. Oh, I was like okay and then I Posted about it and then I took it down and um then it got picked up by the newspaper Probably just because my mom was a comedian. So they're like famous comedian stoder. Ah is a trans verb. Ah That'll do it. Did your mom get any backlash from having a trans? She probably did in some request folder or something. Yeah Demandist famous homophob is here. He arrives for the anti-trans material Hey Even though that sweater does kind of look like the trans flag. I got to warn you Demandist the colors on it This is that's what it looks like. It's blue and pastel a little fun fact for you. I have it hanging over my bed. So I know um I love it. Bitty when did you have the the kid? How old is this says it's four and a half years old. Okay, where she at? And three times she's at a hotel and I got a babysitter and it was so perfect Everything just worked out. I was able to sign up amazing Amazing Anything we are going on with the four and a half year old Normal kid. She's very normal. She's quite funny very funny. I'd say but something funny that the kids done Okay, well recently uh, I reverted to Catholicism a couple of years ago. I was raised Catholic and now I'm back And I've been teaching my daughter to do the sign of the cross when we go past Catholic church And we ride the bus everywhere. So one day I was Telling her to do the sign of the cross and sorry then the other day Another day. Uh, we went past her ballet school and I said oh, we're coming past your ballet school and she said do I have to spin? Get her on stage right now get this bitch on stage. I want to see her diapers right now Kids are kids are funny. I was facetiming with my buddy Nick uh on uh Christmas and he goes Hey, this is my niece over here. This little basically around that age and I go hi kid. I'm rich and famous And she went afterwards to her mom and goes I met Nick's friend Richard famous You all adorable that is Kids say the darn this things They do uh, bitty. Where's the uh baby daddy yet He is in my hometown of Alice Springs. Yeah, but he's not in the kid's life um, he ddo ddo and you fucking slut. I think. You said go for it. But I'm celibate now. You would. Are you really? Yeah, yeah. Is that by choice? Sex until I am married, which probably means I'll never get married. Yeah, well, you have a single kid, so it's not easy out there. Yeah, it's, you're fine. I gotta tell you, you really killed, you killed the vibe in this room. No, video, you're fantastic. You are a true pro. Thank you so much. Fun stuff. You already have a big joke book, right? From your last time on, perfect. There's your ghost video, Laughlin. On to the next one. You guys still having fun out there? Anything can happen, ladies and gentlemen. And this looks like a new name, maybe? I don't know. We'll see. Make some noise to your next comedian. It's Jimmy Prescott, everybody. There he is. Jimmy Prescott. I made a mistake. I shaved my beard after two years. I used to look like a man, a homeless man, but still a man. Now I look like I never got over a weaser. I look like I never, I look like the cook chair at the hotel was created for me. Politically, I am a leftist, right-wing liberal, far right, left right, woke racist. I'm only joking, guys. I am not woke, and I don't like politics, but I do like starting political arguments on social media. I like it so much that if I had pronouns, they would be blocked at report. Should also mention that I am not racist because I have a friend who is black. Everyone knows if you have one or more black friends, you can't be a racist. Now I'll be honest, I haven't hung out with my black friend in a couple of years, but I still write to him in prison. Thank you. Fuck yeah, Jimmy. Thank you. I like your style. You're great. How long have you been on stand-up? One year. One year. Yes, sir. Wow, all of it here in Austin. Yep. This is where you live. I lived here since 1996. Wow, where were you at before that? Houston. Okay, and what made you pick Austin? I got a job up here. What do you do for work? I worked at video game companies. I was working on Ultima Online. Nice. Red Band probably knows about it. Very well. Positive. So hung out with Richard Garriott, he was like my old boss. Then I got into just normal tech stuff. Okay. Cool. I love it. You married kids, anything? I have a kid. Okay. Four and a half year old in Australia? No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you said it. Yeah. I got a kid. I love it. And so you're working in tech now? Yeah. Just some weird part of it. Yeah, so I'm not supposed to talk about it. I got it. What made you want to start stand up a year ago? I was like, you know, just hanging around and I've always wanted to do it. And I was making short films and stuff a long time ago. So, comedy short films. Yeah. I made a short film called Loveholstery. It's about a guy who finds comfort over a recent breakup of the arms of his favorite chair. Ooh. Yeah. If you get about like, I think it's 14 and 30, 14 minutes, 30 seconds in and you're not, and you're watching it with no headphones, somebody's going to think you're watching porn. Ah. Yeah. So, it's called Loveholstery. What was the time mark again? The what? I got a piss. It's called Loveholstery. Loveholstery. And that's on YouTube? Yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah. Okay, great. What else, Jimmy, tell us more about your life? Let's see. My high school girlfriend went on to become Patent House pet of the year of 2002. Wow. I'm going to start it there. Megan Mason. Yeah. Megan Mason. And then make it on your phone. What's that? Can I see her? Oh, yeah. You can just Google it. You don't need my phone. Megan Mason. There he is. Patent House pet of the year of 2002. I did 2020. So, yeah. Oh, there you go. Yeah, Megan Mason. All right, you horny fox. Jesus Christ. Let's stick with the interview here. Well, you go fucking try to get a boner. Have a good time. That's her stage name. It talks about nothing. I know her real name. See, he does too. Fuck. Okay. Jimmy, what else? What's a weird habit that you do every day? Mmm. Shit. Weird habit. Um, I don't know. I just, you know, I don't know about that one. Weird habit. I'm trying to think it's something. What's the first thing you do when you want, when you get out of bed? You get out of bed. You do what? I eat it in. You eat it in. Yeah, I gotta wake up. Wow. Okay. Yeah. I think you're supposed to just leave it in your mouth, but. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I put it in my, yeah. I eat it. It's fine. Perfect. Like three of them. Okay. Is it insurial? And then what? You have a cup of coffee? Did your kid live with you? No. Okay. Of course. Her kid. You're gonna love this. Uh-huh. I didn't know he was my kid until he was 16. Wow. Okay. So, how did you find out? And, yeah. And people with my last name started popping up in the family tree. He asked his mom and his mom was like, oh, shit. So she messaged me. And I was like, hey, let's do a paternity test. 99.999999%. Wow. Yeah. It's amazing. So tell us about the 16 year old. Well, he's almost 18 now. Right. Yeah. So we're hanging out. We've been hanging out. So, what was the time mark on that short film? Was it 14? Oh, it's 14.30. Yeah, 14.30. I just got back. You got about 14.30. Yeah, yeah. So, uh, yeah, anyway. He's got a kid. He met it 16. I'm, I'm paying a good father. He's on my insurance, you know, like paying child support. Guys, have anything in common? You guys, like, I mean, is it so? Oh, he's awesome. Quirky that you notice that you guys have in common. Oh, we have the same pinky toe. What's weird? What's weird about your pinky toe? Hey, look exactly the same. Hold on, time out. So you have a child. I told you you missed a lot. You can't just take a piss and jump in on this. Yeah, hold on. Let me just stick with this for a second. Yeah. You're saying that your pinky toe looks the same. Exactly the same. But what's odd or? It's like tiny little twisted, very small nail. How the fuck do you know all this? You're fat tits. Okay. Jesus Christ. Oh, you're fat tits. Oh, my God. You guys are out of control. Honestly, let me see your feet. Oh, no. You don't have to do that. No, he's doing it. Okay, he's doing it. He's doing it. Let's see it. Let's start seeing this shit. The random ass fucking. Yep. Yep, that little. See that little. Yeah. He's got the comp kiss. Let me see. Lift it up over here. I can't see it. He's got the comp. Don't. Dude, that fucking disgusting. Oh, yeah. You're right. That thing is under his ring toe. Yeah, yeah. No, I have the same one. That fucking second. What are you toe-reading, Matt? Is it, look at this comp kiss remote. Look at this. Right next to his big toe. Look at this. I'm past his remote, dude. It goes, that's wild. It's disgusting. Come back out. All the buttons get the Netflix. Dude. You get the Netflix on his dude's left foot. Oh, yeah. Pig. This episode brought to you by straight tequila, everybody. Absolutely. Unfucking real. What's going on over here. Uh, Jimmy. Oh. Jimmy. Anything else crazy about your life? We should know before getting you out of here. Oh, um, let's see. I got a pilot's license. I don't know. What do you do with it? You ever use it? Not anymore. I did it for fun. Yeah. One day I woke up and I was like, you know what? I'm going to get a fucking pilot's license. Yeah. That's awesome. And I took a bunch of friends flying, and now I don't do it. So was it 9-10? You know, that's a good question. I don't know. Probably. Guys, so we had an event called 9-11 in this country. Okay. I was there. I saw it. You were in New York? I wasn't there, but I was watching on TV. Yeah, we all did well. Yeah. All right. I'm 48. He's been kidding. Jimmy, great stuff. Great set, especially for your congratulations. Thank you. Jimmy Press, God. How fun. This episode brought to you by Mezcal and Double Talk. Uh, Cross Talk. Nothing better than you, too. Just going, I'm like, this will be fun. I'll book two of my favorite drinking buddies at the same time. Well, kick it wrong. He's a channel in your next bucket pool. Oh, and this lady's got to go fuck a sheep with her vest on. Look at this. Look at that thing. Look at that. Unbelievable. All right. All right. Your next bucket pool. You guys still having fun out there, huh? Yeah. Make some noise to your next one. It's Matt Rebus, everybody. Here we go. It's Matt Rebus. How you doing, everybody? Yeah. Fuck. I just got addicted to Only Fans. Yeah, man. You guys realize Only Fans is like the new form of scratch us. Yeah, you'd be on a homepage. It's blurry picture. $5. Well, I can afford that. I bought 10 of them one time, like they're packing Pokemon cards. I started ripping them looking for a Charizard. Oh, just a bunch of EVs. I was like, God, damn it. Yeah, one time, dude, I bought a 10 pack worth of toes. $10. I was like, bitch, this is $4 worth of toes max. Yeah, I looked at it. I was like, I sent another $1.99 just a message. I was like, bitch, this is $4 worth of toes max. He painted a skin on that pinky toe. That's a nub. Fucking crazy. Only fans is cool. I feel like Only Fans is like the new form of, uh, fuck it. Fantasy football. Yeah. Fantasy, they get the friend groups together and start competing for the MVP. Yeah, the most viable pussy is just crazy. I guess that's it. Matt Revis. Matt, are you extremely tired right now? Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I'm a little Asian too. It is a count. Okay. Are you high too? No, just a little Asian, dude. I found out that 10 years ago. Yeah. Wait, hold on. You found out your Filipino? No, I find out I was a little Japanese. You're a little bit. Well, every Japanese will look like that. It took you long looking to a mirror. Shit. I thought I was maxing until this time. Just him and the lake going, oh shit. I might be fucking Japanese. So exactly how did you run up your dad in your life? No, I do have a father. Nice brown, Mexican father. It's your mom's a little bit Japanese? No, my dad is. He's the guy. It's like three generations ago from like the 1800s. He came over and making fireworks and shit. Is your dad have those eyes? Look, it's your fucking crutches and come back out and do the set again. It makes sense because you just bomb. I know. Yeah. Trust me, I know. 10% hero Shima. Yeah, you were 150% Chinese tonight, pal. It was the prophecy. It had to happen in the fat man. Matt Reva, how long have you been doing stand up? Four years. What do you do for work? I was rodean for a singer. I've been doing rode work this last few weeks, months and shit like that. I was riding a tour bus for a rodey. Yeah, for a rodey. You like plug in microphones and stuff. Plug in microphones, drive the tour bus, all that good stuff. Okay, for anyone we would know? He's a country singer out of Fort Worth, Louis the singer. He's a pretty cool guy, yeah. Good match for Japanese. Yeah, I did. I was the most driving a tour bus. Nothing better than you people out there with a... The mind's blown. The mind's blown. The mind's blown. The mind's blown. So, Matt. What's your love life like? Dude, it's horrible. I got rejected at HEB the other day, man. It fucked me up. They wouldn't let you buy groceries? No. What do you... No, this nice lady rejected me, man. What do you mean? It's hard because like, it's hard to buy groceries and hit on women whenever you can only afford fucking Vienna sausages, you know? Yeah, I'm walking around with five flavors of spam. This girl got chia seeds and kale. I'm like, I can't afford that. The kale's like $10 a bushel nowadays, dude. It's fucking fucked. And I don't like chia seeds, man. Yeah, I hate that. It feels like, come. I don't like it. I just tell you, your blind guitar player said, I wish I was deaf. Yeah. It's amazing. It is incredible. All right, Matt. I'm going to keep him moving along. Here's a medium-joke book for you. There he goes, Matt Rebus, everybody. Go take a nap, Matt. Go take a nap. You're exhausted right now. It's not more than just Asian there. All right, your next bucket book goes by the name of the manual. Martinez, everybody makes some noise for a manual. These people have been waiting all day for this, for the opportunity of a lifetime. Hello. Thank you. I had jaw surgery growing up. It's a fun fact that I like to bring up on dates. I was on one day and this girl was like, oh, my gosh. Can we still kiss? I was like, actually, I just prefer sex. She said, I prefer we just kiss. I was like, all right. Well, I know you paid for dinner, but I prefer we kiss. Yeah. She had a kid, too, which is crazy. And, you know, we got along. I mean, her kid got along until one night that kid called me dad. Yeah, dude, I'm with you. I left. I was only 18 at the time. All right. I was only 18. Okay. I can't be responsible for a 15-year-old. Like, I see him. I see him in school every day. We take the same classes. He helps me out homework every night. I'll tell you, you should be my dad. It's not going to be a father figure to someone and then share the same bully. Imagine that. Okay, a manual Martinez. All right. Okay, two years in March. two years in March. Where have you been doing it? North Carolina. North Carolina. That's where you live. Yes. I was born in Texas but raised in North Carolina. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a grad student. Of what? Physical therapy. Do you do that? I'm in school four. You're still in school. How much longer do you have left? First year's about to be over. I've got two more years. Two more years. How old are you? I'm 28. 28. What made you want to get into physical therapy now? I was a trainer for a very long time. I did nursing school and then I failed and I was like, all right, well, you failed at what nursing school? Nursing school. How did you fail? Explain to us exactly what part you failed at. I feel it was a community college too. That's embarrassing. Yeah. I know. Keep going. I was doing four. You have four exams throughout the year. First one, I did good. I got two cocky and then I bombed like the third exam and then... Doodies break down the exam. Yeah. It just tells why you're dumb, dude. You got to talk about that, dude. You got to talk about that. Like you're the worst doctor, a shitty nurse. Like do that. Like that's... Yeah. And nursing at a community college, that's pretty awful, dude. Yeah. Were you studying? Were you trying? I was trying. Do you think that maybe... Do you think maybe like that might not be your thing? Have you ever thought about working in a factory or something perhaps? Like maybe helping other humans' health if you can't pass the stuff like isn't for you? I have a question. How long have you been in this country? How long have you been here? Look at me. Look at me in the eyes. How long have you been here? 28 years. What's your first name? Emmanuel. It's on the table. Will, this one. It's on the table. Emmanuel, anything crazy about your life that we'll find interesting? Let's see, I had the jaw surgery a little bit. Why? Why'd you have jaw surgery? I had an under bite. So like they like broke both my jaws and they fitted like that. Somebody's booing your surgery over here. Was that you? Who was it? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I'm gonna perform physical therapy on them. All right, yeah. Emmanuel, here's the little joke, but we're gonna keep it moving along. Thank you. Good job, buddy. There you go. A couple very sleepy Mexicans back to back here. On Kiltoni, really bringing the momentum to a screeching halt. Just exhausted Mexicans. Anybody noticed that? Just, I don't know. We need another crippled asian to bring it back. Remember when they used to, when they used to have the energy? They used to be ready to work? It was love everybody. Now they're exhausted. These people are exhausted Mexicans now. I failed out of nursing. I hooded. Nodding. All right, your next bucket bull goes by the name of Saul Wilson, everybody. Here we go. Saul Wilson. I was gone. I overheard a lesbian talking to her friend about how she's gonna spice up her relationship. She's like, yeah, we're getting a flashlight for our dildo. Third party. I was in traffic and I saw this lesbian again. Driving the car, except she wasn't on the road. She was on the sidewalk and it wasn't a real car. It was like a much smaller car. I'm kind of outlooking. On the back of her window, it said, toys are just like real boys. And I was kind of drunk the other night and I thought I walked into a waterburger, but it was a it was a de-madnesses house and he was like, what a burger? And let's say when I turn on the lights, he didn't have all the ingredients for burgers so that's a go. All right, thank you so much. All right, Saul Wilson. What the fuck happened there? Hi Saul, welcome. This is your first time on the show. Yes, thank you so much. I would remember that fucking head. I always wonder what Tony Hawk would look like with full-blown leukemia. It's amazing. Saul Wilson. Looks like you could use a little jaw surgery, huh? All right, Saul. How long have you been doing stand-up? Not too long, like two years, I'd say? Two years, I love it. Where are? Okay, this is a frond upon, but in my car. Okay, tell us what you mean by that. Like, doing rideshare, just doing my bits to people. Oh, really? You're one of those guys. Holy shit. Has it ever backfired? Has anyone ever been like, yo, dude, please, can you just shut the fuck up? Because that's what they're thinking. Yeah, this one time I had, I guess it was like, you know, two wives and maybe in Texas that's like, you don't talk about the stuff, but I made like a big dick joke. What was the joke? I forget, but you know, like essentially, I said, already it sets you on anyways, but it was just uncomfortable. They didn't have to know that. Can I hear the joke? Can I? He doesn't remember it. What is going on? It was like, uh, you tell jokes in your car. Yeah. The two lesbians? How are you always around all these lesbians? Seems like everything you do, there's lesbians involved. Deep Ellen are low. Deep Elven for tonight. Yeah. All right. Uh, you don't remember the joke? You sure? Yeah, it was like, like in conversation, like just like, uh, got it. Got it. Chatting it up with Blasbos. Uh, Saul. So that's what you do for work. You're, you drive. Yeah. Okay. What kind of kind of card do you have? Uh, masa. Okay. Pre-owned or new? Can I get a drink? Yeah. Absolutely. Uh, so Saul can tell us something interesting about your life. How old are you? Um, uh, 36. 36. You got 36 years of experience to drop from. Give us a little fun fact about Saul Wilson that might surprise us. Uh, I could beatbox, I guess. That's fucking shit. Okay. Oh, thank you for nothing better than the widest white guy ever beatboxing. Oh, here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Well, all Wilson. I know. I've never done it in front of people. Okay. Turn your back. You tell a big dick joke on front of lesbians, but you don't beatbox. Let's just pretend like you're in your car. Make yourself at home. I don't even, like, I think they hold it a certain way. Well, just, just try it. Saul. Just fuck it. Just ask them. What do you mean they? Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, the whitest white guy of all time beatboxing live. Who hates blacks here on the beatbox? Uh, well, no, yeah. I've never done it. Um, you got this. Oh, it's so, so stupid. I'm so sorry. No, I want you to keep it. Hold on. Guys, guys, guys, guys, I want you to keep trying until you get it. You got it. How do you do it in real life? Um, no, I was, I'm sorry. You literally can't beatbox at all. This is dry. I'm my mouth is dry. Have a sip of water. We're going to do this until you fucking beatbox. I will keep us here all night. Could I? All right. Hold on. I didn't do it. Wow. You have this. I'm sorry. It sounds so stupid. Wow. That's incredible. You have the rhythm of Yehi's crutches. Incredible. Unbelievable. Just no timing whatsoever. It just sounds like Yehi coming up the stairs. Why so many stale? That's so many stale. Check, check, check, check, check. He's not like Yehi falling down the stairs, actually. It's just a Jew sneezing into the mind. Oh, shit. Walk. We're going to go. We're going to go. Allegees. That's it. That's it. That's the G's. That's a Jew opening the opening the bill at a restaurant. Oh, take back. Fuck mine. That's not fine. Yehi is actually a Michael Jackson impersonator too. She's Yehi. Yehi. You're out of control. Let me get to the whiskey. Wow. Is there anything you can do? I could kind of do the like the late SNL guys voice. Well, you don't have to say I've never done it before. Like we know. Just do it. Live from Austin. It's cool. Zoning you can't you can't do that either. What else do you think you can do? This is absolutely incredible. You might be the most untalented man in the history of the show. You should give me a gold bar for being here. You are the opposite of a talented human. That is sent. You owe me a gold. Okay, what else do you think you can do? Because this is entertaining. Come on, give us something else. Show me your fat hits. Can you do an impression of something? Is there something else? Show your fat hits tonight. I swear to God. It's going to be you, Tommy. It's definitely going to be you. Your 10 mescal's in. It's going to be your fat hits on the show tonight. Oh, God for good. How many you want to see Tommy's hits? Oh, now you haven't fun, huh? Fucking pervert. We want to see those pepperoni pizzas, dude. Normal fucking nits. I don't think anybody believes them. Look at you. Wow, there's the lovely Heidi. Here they come. Here they come. He's going to open up that Shawshank redemption fucking polo shirt he's got. Fucking hot chicks. Get the fuck out of here. That's for the boys. This is for the boys. I don't want any fucking. Let's see. Oh my god. Look how hairy those are. Oh my god. Literally, he's got the chest of the mighty Chubaka ladies and gentlemen. I know that a copilot, the millennium Falcon. Wow. I just saw 50 shades of gray. No, Falco. I'll just pass out. Saul Wilson, you've had some time to think over there. Is there anything else you're good at? You feel on the stage. Yeah. Dude, I'm not kidding. I told you left. No, I know. That's crazy. You're still here, dude. Saul, is there fucking brand through the vent if I were you? Is there anything else you think you can do? That's nuts. Nothing around. I'm leaning on the comedy, you guys. What? I'm leaning on the comedy. Okay. All right, Saul. Well, fun times. You're leaving here with a little joke, but congratulations. Sign up again. Give us another minute sometime. We'll see if it can go better. Anything can happen. Stick around. You might see him improve. All right, let's do it. Final Bucket Bowl. The night goes by the name of Daniel Shepard. Everybody, here we go. Daniel Shepard. Dang! I saw a black guy driving a Weimo. He definitely stole that shit. There's no other way. Okay. I actually saw a black technician driving it. The joke wrote itself. Anyway, but I asked my gay friend, what does it like to be gay? He said it sucks cock. That's amazing. I find out bananas are technically berries. Did you guys know that? I always knew you could bury them up your ass. But I never would have pegged them as berries. Go ahead. You all have noticed that trans women are always really cool dudes. They're great guys every time. I love trans women. I'm 1950s gay. That means I like black women. According to my grandpa, that's gay. Okay, Daniel Shepard, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. Absolutely adorable. Thank you. Obviously, what ethnicity are you? French bulldog? I got an adorable round head this boy. You just want to squeeze those cheeks. I got called that today. I got called that in a testicle today. I bet. I can see the... I'm not happy about it. I can see the resemblance. So you gave my third French bulldog today. I love it. Daniel, how long have you been on stand-up? I'm about to be going on five years. Where at? Here in Austin. I love it. This is where you're born and raised. Yes, sir. What do you do for work? I just got a job. I'm a stripper. I work at a wire factory. I just got a job stripping wires and fabricating cables and stuff. Very nice. Yes. Very nice. What'd you do before that? I was into welding. I actually parked cars for a long time with the PMC company out here. I was a valet. Then they made me a bell hop. The tips were really shitty, but I loved working there. I got free food. The black guy got tipped a lot. I got tipped nothing. We both did a great job. He couldn't understand why I wanted to quit. I like that guy a lot. I don't know. Never mind. The hell? Come again? You hate blacks? I got this, sir. I got... I was jealous of my black co-worker, but no, I don't hate blacks. I have a lot of black friends. What's the fuck's going on? How many black friends do you think you have exactly, Daniel? I have many black friends. I have a lot of... Can you name some of your black friends for me? We want their names. Mr. Mars Martian. And now, my best friend, Brennan, from childhood, I have... You stay in touch with Brandon? Brennan. Yeah. He's from Ohio. How often do you talk to him? I touch base with him. A few times a year we met in middle school. He taught me how to be cool in middle school, you know? Okay. See you... Didn't work. Sorry. But I haven't seen Brennan in a long time. You haven't seen him in a long time. Yeah. Okay, what black friends other than co-open Mike Comedians? What other black friends do you have? Name one that you see that you don't have to do work with? Let me see here. Fuck it. Jamar is, Brennan. I'm busy. He's jamar. He's jamar. Are you lying? Jamar is a friend of... A mutual friend of Brennan and I... Lies name. Huh? What's this Lies name? Yeah. Fuck it. I don't remember. I don't remember. Jamar's last name. How many Asian friends? How many Asian friends? Look at the mother's face. I have... How many you raised this piece of shit? Koreans. Koreans. Yeah? Okay. Name the Korean. Name the Korean. First name? Lies name. My Korean friend just died. Oh, fuck. Yeah. It's so weird. Last Christmas. Yeah. How did your Korean friend die? On a motorcycle, he got hit. Wow. By your black friend? I don't know who hit him. Your Asian friend died on a motorcycle in your saying that he didn't cause the accident. Oh, I don't think so. I think he got T-bone. I think, you know, I don't know. Is that a North Austin? That's your other black friend, T-bone? I'll start making shit out. We're trying to be honest. Yeah. They don't eat each other the same time. T-bone Jenkins. Ladies and gentlemen, it is true. Wow. So your Korean friend died on a motorcycle? Yeah. Yeah. I've known him since I was five. Game over for him. All right, P. You've known him since you were five. I love you, bye bye. I'm going to his class now. Bye. See you soon. Oh, rest in P. I can do that because I'm going to. Bye, see you. Yeah, I shouldn't be doing that. Bye, Vincent, and off for your, bye, Puma jacket. I love you. I loved you in the Oscars. What? I did. I loved him on the Oscars. What do you mean? Didn't you host the Oscars? No, I'm Timo Jokoi. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. Sorry, dude. I was praising you. I'm thinking you were serious. I did. I was adorable. What is your name, sir? I'm a rule. Yes, I got rules. I love it. All right, Daniel. You've been on this show before, right? Yes, sir. Would you get then? I got a small jokebook last time. Okay, well, you've moved it up to a slightly medium jokebook. Let's go. There he goes. Daniel Shepard. Thank you, Tony. You're welcome, buddy. Daniel. Put that mic stand back where you found it, Daniel. Real quick, Daniel. There you go. Put that mic stand. Instead of networking with the comedians, put it back where you found it. There you go, buddy. There goes Daniel Shepard, everybody. This guy's trying to shake hands. Hey, if you ever need an opener or something, sometime. All right, ladies and gentlemen, our regulars are all out this week. Yeah, crazy. But we do have one prolific golden ticket winner left to close tonight's show, Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the great Aaron Baleil, everybody. Here he is. The legend. We too, Jenkins, is what we call them. The brother of T-bone from America's Got Talent and Kilt Tony Fame. This is Aaron Baleil, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. I don't have a single black friend. People assume I'm mentally retarded and they start playing shurides with me. It happens six times at the airport on the way here. Like I ordered Starbucks and my order was ready and she starts doing this. By the sixth time, I just started doing it back to them. Hey, Sharon, I'm going to kill. You're whole. Fucking family. You stupid. He's a fucking shit. All that and she says, oh no, I think he needs to use the potty. Tommy Pope this sick fuck is just sitting here thinking about smelling my retard foot. Why would he? Why, what's that? Because he didn't hear about the fat tit story. I'll smell your fat fucking flick. Shit. Oh, he's laughing. I know you will. He's getting excited. What'd you say? I know you will. I'll smell your flick. Is this like a running joke or something? Is this why would he smell your retard foot? I don't understand what's happening. Tommy does. What? Do you have a half-finnet baked idea you want to say too? Interrupt him, but Tommy does do that thing where he hugs you and he like smells your ear and shit and like sniffles in your ear. Great stuff, Red Band. All right, let's go back to the described Tommy's hugs in the middle of the fucking show. Great stuff, Red Band. What do you got? Oh, Aaron's pissed. Look at him. He's furiously tight. Let me cook, gay boy. Okay, yes. Okay, cook. Cook, I'm literally the one that brings you on the fucking show. I get nothing out of this, but yes, I'm not letting you cook enough. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you ever think being so ungrateful is why God hit you with those sea smells like? What? My fingers. What is happening right now? Oh, there might be a reason why the breeze does think you're retarded, Aaron. You're out of your fucking mind. Gay he is so wet right now. Aaron, what's going on in life? Tell us about it. I want to let you cook. I just want to give you an opportunity to really cook it up in here. A guy that can literally only cook things in a microwave, but yes, go ahead. I'm going to let you microwave something up for everybody. Little lean cuisine over here. Oh, fucking swanson dinner over here. Go ahead. I have an air fryer. Oh. Oh, yeah. His mother's womb. What? What? That's... Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. No, I know, I know. I'm sorry. Aaron, what else is going on in life? Let me all beat the fuck out of you right now, dude. Do you really cook? We got on cooking. You do have a built-in spatula. Is there something... Since you said let me cook, I'm curious. Is there something you specialize in? Me and Aaron are friends, by the way. He doesn't... Yeah, there you go. He likes to see... When he has to type, he can't smile and type at the same time. So he gets serious. But when he looks up, he can smile. There you go. This looks serious. I'm just on the road a lot. Going back on the road with Steve O in the new year. Nice. Nice. Absolutely. Aaron, you're fantastic. We love you. You're a Golden Ticket winner as always. And you did it yet again. How about a hand-frared air in Baleil, ladies and gentlemen? The drawing from Ryan J. E. Baldur's in Seapern is on SwargoToPunchUp.live. Find us, Jordates. Tommy Pope has podcasts, Stuff Island, and look at Dish. A cooking show, which is awesome. How about one more time for Aaron Bale, everybody? Sweet boy. He can get a little feisty sometimes. He paid for let me cook gay boy. I put him through the ringer for that one. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. That's the great Ron White. Fuck yeah. Fun times tonight, people. Make sure you go to Netflix, watch Kilt Tony once upon a time in Texas. It's out now. Push it to the moon, Red Band. Check out my new video on YouTube, Cat Bread 7. It's called Cherry Roope here. Thank you. Okay, there you go. And we love you guys. Thank you, good night, everybody. One more time for Seapern and Tommy Pope. God bless the audience and God bless the United States of America. Thank you, good night, everybody. The Songset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.