Should You DM the Girlfriend If You’re the Other Woman?

On now hand you over to my best man, Eddie. Wow, wow, wow! Second time's a charm, eh, Billy Boy? Oh, God. Substitution could see a Paddy Power embarrassing Eddie makes way for sensible Samuel. Cool, that was close. You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Validant, selected leagues and markets only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. T-Series and exclusions apply. 18 plus, come on over to our talk. Hello and welcome back to the U-Up podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Jared Freed. How ya feeling on a Friday? I had two drinks last. I had two Aperol spritzes. And Aperol spritzes are almost like, I feel like not even real drinks. I feel like I have a drink. So like it's almost like I would compare the Aperol. I would say the Aperol spritz flavor wise is like the adult Shirley Temple. Yeah. Like it's not, it's not sweet like a Shirley Temple, but it has all the elements of Shirley Temple. And some would say the adult Shirley Temple is an adult, is a vodka and a Shirley Temple. Dirty Shirley. Dirty Shirley. As they call it these days. Yes. Yeah. Which Dirty Shirley, great name. I would, if my name were Shirley, I'd go by dirty Shirley. That would be great. If you were a woman, a certain kind of woman for sure. Yeah. So I had two Aperol spritzes and I wasn't even like remotely anywhere near drunk, but I fell asleep and then I woke up. To you. I don't know. I was, I was having some chit-chats and I'm kidding. You were great. Yeah. I guess, I guess I see, you know, how drunk you are. You didn't even know how drunk you were. No, I was, I think I was fine. No, I'm fucking with you. I didn't even know you were drinking. To be honest, I just thought you were maybe having like a dirty Shirley or a regular Shirley Temple. Shirley Temple. That would be weird. No, but then, you know, I went home and I fell asleep immediately. And then I got up and then what I forgot that this happens to me because I haven't really drank in a bit due to being pregnant and everything. But I like woke up at 3 30 a.m. and you're just kind of like up the whole night. Like it really messes up your sleep. It's very, I was like, that was so not worth it. I didn't even feel, I didn't even feel a buzz from that. And I'm paying for it for no reason. It is the worst. I get it. Listen, I especially, you know, last night to let the people behind the curtain, we had like a, what would you call it, a client dinner? Yes. And, you know, a dinner, yeah, client dinner. I don't go to many of these. I don't get they don't let me out. The Betches don't let me into there. Well, they need to, there are certain times. Their business affairs. But then they got to bring in the big gun. Yeah, the fourth founder. Yes. El DeBe. Yeah. So we went to, we went to that. It was like a client dinner. And that's why we saw each other. And that's why you were in town. Well, to add on to the client dinner, one of the clients was from our good friends at Delta, who we would love to do some work with. Yes. You know, go to plug city for them. Yeah. Here's some, here's a little taste. Here's a little free taste of what you could hear from us. But there was a woman there from Delta and she was saying that she, great conversationalist. She was like, you know, the only seat that, you know, every, every plane crash, there's one seat that lives. Oh, do you remember that conversation? I thought it was one seat that dies. It was one seat that lives. No, one seat that lives. 11a. She was like 11a lives. No matter what airplane crash. Okay. She, you know, and I was like, well, thanks. I'm flying tomorrow. This is a fun dinner time conversation for me. That's very funny because I was kind of like half overhearing the conversation and I kept hearing 11a and I thought she was saying that 11a dies. So I thought the joke was like the opposite. No, no, no, no, it was, that's where you got to be. But, you know, just, and then the conversation turned to plane crashes and I'm flying at seven in the morning. And so I woke up five 15. I, I go to the airport. The, I look at the, you know, the seating chart completely full. And like I'm in coach middle seat. I haven't been in a coach middle seat. Embarrassing. In since I've been a baby with my parents. That's it. Like it's great. It's your version of a twin bed. Right. Yes. Yes. The reference last episode. That is, I was like, I can't have this, but it was a full flight. But I saw that the last row was open. You know, they, they like block off the last row. I'd rather have last row aisle than row 19 middle seat. Yeah. I think I agree with that. Even though it's a little, it could be a little smelly back there. Sometimes it's tough. Smell is, I'm smelly. I don't give a fuck. I don't want to, I don't want to be like in between two coach passengers that don't even get upgraded. Gross. Disgusting. So I was like, instead of going in the lounge, you get my coffee as I do. I went straight to the gate and I, you know, the West Palm to New York, New York to West Palm, West Palm to New York flight. It's a real show. You're getting the, I think the toughest customers in the game are going LaGuardia to West Palm. Like there's no people that next Sunday. Yeah. You're going to be amongst. It's, it's like everyone on that flight would have their table moved immediately if they were selling. Oh, okay. Like everyone has that energy. And I've heard that from flight attendants in the past where they're like, yeah, the, that, that route, we kind of have to like really just be, you know, aware. I have a flight etiquette question for you. Okay. Go ahead. Do you think, and I mean, you haven't done this because you haven't really been in a relationship in a while, but now that you're in a relationship, do you think it's like an asshole move or strategic to book? If you're a couple, window aisle, hope no one takes the middle. I think if you're a couple, I think going, the problem is if you're in a couple where you're like, I'm a window and they're an aisle, you know, and you're like, that's, I'm not going to bend. Right. But no one wants to sit in between a couple. Right. No, I, I, I've, I've been in between the couple. I've had that where they're like reaching over me and starting the movie at the same time. I'm like, Hey, that goes, let's switch. You lose that privilege when you guys stop sitting with each other. You don't love each other enough to sit with each other. So you risked it. Yeah. Now you get me in the middle of your relationship. I'm your threple. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think it's, I think it's rude. I think it's good to book those. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I booked them. Emily and I go middle, middle window or middle. Who's in the middle? You know, we've. She takes middle, but I'm like, jump on this shoulder. You get, you get all that show. Well, that's my, that's what you have. You have to say, like, if you're going to take the window, you have to allow the other person to like, you have to be the human armrest. Yeah. I think it makes it a bigger seat for both of you when you put up the armrest and you kind of like share that middle area that, you know, because you can touch comfortably, that opens up like four inches. Right. Well, what I do is I booked the middle. I mean, sorry, I booked the, I booked the aisle and the window and I hope the flight is like relatively empty and no one books that seat. Right. Okay. If they do, I will just offer, we'll offer the, the aisle. It's the best day of the, of the middle person's life because they get offered to switch with the aisle and no one ever declines that offer. No one's ever like, oh yeah, yeah, I want the middle. No, I want to be in the middle of two people who love each other. No one wants that. So then, and they also, no one wants the middle just generally. So they're happy to have gotten like a surprise of getting the aisle seat. Right. I don't know. I'd rather it be in the airlines. For me, I'd rather that decision go to the airlines rather than, you know, Rando you, because I'm someone who flies a lot. You're screwing over. There was someone that flies a lot that would have gotten that seat ahead of that middle seat, Lotto winner that you just awarded. You know, why do you get to play God? I like to give back. Yeah. You've taken away, you've taken from the rich and given to the poor. Yeah, it's not a good thing. Except for me. No, I'm the rich in the scenarios. Yeah. No, it's true. I guess it's sort of an asshole move then. Sorry for all the high level Delta people. Yeah. Yeah. To high level Delta people, it's an asshole move to the regular Jim and Joe. Yeah. It's wonderful. Yeah. You're a hero. Yeah. You're, you know, Robin Hood is a villain in some versions of that story. If you told it from another director. Yeah. You know me. I'm always fighting against corporate greed. So this is all to say, I get to my flight. It's 620 boarding. I go up to the desk. Hey, and it's two, you know, gate agents and they're like, I say, hey, guys, I'd like to change my seat. And they're like, what do you want to do? All it's a pretty full flight. I said, they go unless you want to move back, you know, it's a full flight. And I go, I do, I actually do. I'm in 19. I'm in middle 19 and I'd like to move back to 38 aisle. If that's okay, I'd really appreciate it. And I see the, I'm dealing with a guy and then the woman next to him, the other agent, she's talking with someone else and she turns to me as he's like taking care of this to me for me. And she does the biggest eye roll I've ever seen. Why? Because she was dealing with other customers and I looked at, I go tough. I go tough crew on this flight. Huh? And she like laughed, you know, like knowing like this flight is, and I know they hate this West Palm to New York flight. And she's like, another one. Right. And I go tough crew on this flight and she started laughing and I go, well, thank you both for being so wonderful. And then I walk away. I have my new ticket, my new, now I'm 38 aisle. And then I go to board and, you know, they're boarding the plane and I walk on and there's the woman again. She goes, you have a new seat, sir. And she's upgraded me to aisle Delta Comfort. Ooh, wow. Look at you. The only reason I bring this up is then I sit in it and I'm in row 11 and I'm going, Oh my God, am I an 11 a after all of that? It was like, it's supposed to be, but I was 11. Right. 11 a is windows seat. But I would be windows. So it all goes to show you all you have to do is hate on your fellow man to someone else who gets the joke and you will be rewarded. No, it's true. People love that. I'm sure flight. I'm sure it gives flight attendants a special sense of like excitement to reward those that they deem worthy. Look at you. You're in, you're giving how good does it feel for you to give someone that's the aisle when they thought they were getting the middle. Right. I mean, it just happened for me. It's always great to give back to the community. Right. So I made it back. We didn't crash. We're here. If you, if you're out there and you want to come to a show, I am in Connecticut tonight. Um, I'm going to be in Norwalk, Connecticut, and then I'm in Vegas. I'm going to Vegas, Los Angeles, Jacksonville, Austin, Cleveland, West Hampton Beach, Miami, Foxwoods, Portland, Maine, and I got a book tour coming up. There will be more details in the book tour. Walking Red Flag. I'm holding it up on YouTube pre-order, pre-order, pre-order. If you message me who you're buying it for, um, I'll send you a little cameo back for that person. I was even in one yesterday. Extra. How did they enjoy my presence? Trinna was in one. Yeah. You're like, who is this? They didn't even have to buy another book. Yeah. They, they. So, uh, what's going on today? All right. We're getting, should we get into our emails? We've got some good emails. Yeah. Why not? Is, is there anything else, uh, to talk about from last night? Last night was good. I, I had a great time. It was fun. The food was good. What's it? Do we want to plug the restaurant? Do we remember the name? I thought the service was like at this restaurant. It was, it was Masara on 26th and part. Unbelievable service. Totally agree. Unbelievable service to the point where I was like, this is, they must be professional. Like this must be the training ground for the Plaza hotel. Like I was like, this is unbelievable. They put the food down at the same time. Did you see the food production? Yeah. It was great. Great. Great service. And like with the drinks, maybe this is why I had to, I had two drinks instead. They were like, usually at these things, you kind of have to flag down a waiter to like, bag them to get you a drink. And they like came up to me and they were like, what do you, what can, what can I get you to drink and then came back to you on another before it was even finished. And usually it was like, unless you're sitting at like a regular dinner table, that's not really what's happening. Noticeably wonderful. The service at Masara. I agree with you. Agreed. Um, anything else from the dinner? I think that was, that pretty much covered it. It went well. No drama. That's it. If you're listening Delta, we are open for business. We will take all of your ad money. And we don't need to sit in 11a. No, I listen, I can speak to the experience. Who could speak better to the, and I'm good to your people. I'm making jokes with the, you know, the gate agent. Yeah. I mean, Delta Sky Club, I used to joke that that was like your home. You live there. I've had more weird things up in a Delta Sky Clubs that I can even like put my finger on. Like it's like the amount of stories I just, I come back with. I'm like, this is, I, the Sky Club people, it's a particular brand. Well, now that you're doing a certain specific route, I'm sure you'll make friends with more of the Delta staff. Oh, I, I listen, I, to be known as like, you know, my own person to not just be a faceless person at a Delta Sky Club. What's better than that? A diamond medallion member. Well, I want to be the 360 member. That's the one that you don't know how to apply for. They just, all of a sudden, they granted to you. You can't, it's like exclusive. Yeah. I'm really surprised you're not there yet. I don't know how to get there. I don't know what it takes. Right. Maybe you have to ask. It's your big fucking loser. That's, that's the old saying as my grandma always said. All right, let's get into our emails. All right, let's do it. We've got a petty or prudent. Hey, Jane, a long time, first time. I love the pod and you, and you both so much and really appreciate how you demystify dating. Look at us. We did it. We ain't dimysticist. Okay. I have a petty or prudent for you. I was seeing a guy, my junior year of college around 2018. I'm 28 now, who I met in class. We exchanged flirty looks, but didn't talk until we randomly matched on Tinder. We ended up hanging out about four to five times and hooked up at least three of those. We never went out in public and he just come over to watch a movie and smoke, which in hindsight was a clear sign he wasn't serious. But the time I was excited about him, I tried to find him on social media, but couldn't. At one point I found his Instagram and requested to follow him, but it seemed like he declined it. I told myself maybe it was an accident. Then one weekend he was out of town and texted me that he missed me. I thought it was so cute, but it also pushed me to dig more online because something felt off. I searched his name on Twitter and found his girlfriend's profile. He was on a one year anniversary trip with her and she had just posted pictures. I confronted him and that was that. When I asked if he had a girlfriend, he just replied, what? Good work, buddy. Impressive. Wordsmith. I felt compelled to tell her. Looking back, I think my intentions were a mix of genuinely wanting her to know and also getting back at him. I messaged her on Instagram, explaining that we had matched on Tinder, seen each other a few times and hooked up. I tried to be respectful, but clear. Two weeks went by and she never opened it. My anxiety built because I knew messages can go to a hidden inbox and I also worried he might have deleted it. Eventually I unsent the message. I was scared she'd see it later when I had already moved on and I needed to prioritize my own mental health. I was also nervous about how she might react. I still feel guilty about unsending it. For all I know, they could be married now and he's still cheating. So my question is, is it petty or prudent to contact the girlfriend when you find out you're the other woman? Does the intention or approach change that? Side note, my friends and I now call him secret girlfriend man to the tune of secret agent man. Is that a song? Secret agent man, secret agent man. So it'd be like secret girlfriend man. Is this a song? That's a real song? You never heard that? No, I don't think so. Yeah. Love the pod. Thanks for all the laughs and advice. Unsent and unsettled. How do you feel about this email? I just got to wonder. So this happened back in 2018 is what I'm gathering. A decade ago. Yes, when they were... Like the whole thing happened. Well, no, she's not a decade ago. Yes. Well, eight years ago. Eight years ago. Right. But she's 28 now. Yes. And writing about something that happened at college. Yes. The college part is important, I think. I think it somehow makes this less petty. Oh, so you think it would be petty if she did this with... I don't think it would necessarily be petty now, but I think it's even less petty in college. Like, even now, I think as an adult, if this was this kind of situation, I think I'd be like, I'm not... I'm just going to like, don't want anything to do with these people. But I think in college, especially when everyone's like in the same bubble, I think it's more important to like, tell people about stuff. And also, it's just kind of like a weirder move in such a more close-knit area. Do you know what I mean? Right. I guess my view on this is the opposite. Like, if she was 28, met a guy on an app, and then she goes to search him and finds out he's on a vacation with his girlfriend for their one-year anniversary. And then she sends a message with like a kind of doing like the casino dealer, like brushing their hands above the table. Yeah. Like, let me just get out of here and let all parties know because I don't want to be murdered by their lover who's been scorned. Like, that to me is like a prudent move at 28. Really? You know, like, hey, I matched with your boyfriend. I think at 28, the stakes are higher though. Like at 28, someone that you're on a one-year anniversary with could be someone that you're like, maybe going to marry or get engaged to in the next year or two. In college, so when you're 28 and you're on your one-year anniversary with your college girlfriend, it almost seems like, I don't know, drama just seemed, the drama of it just seems less weird in college than after. Right. I think the drama in college is more like fun to add to the mix of college. You know, like, that's why I think it's less petty, I guess, but not, I don't think it's necessarily. I don't think it's petty necessarily at 28 either. But I also think it's interesting. I'm trying to separate the petty from the petty imprudent of it is different to me than a 28 year old writing into this podcast eight years later being like it still haunts me. I still feel guilty about uncending it for all I know they could be married now and he's still cheating as if this is her like, right, white whale that she hasn't caught yet that's murdering people around the city. I don't know. I'm like, I can't believe this is still on her mind. I like, like, I'm with you because they were in college. It's like this, like, okay, I'm willing to believe that like they were on a one-year, you know, like their relationship is not as like, there's not as much going on there. You know, like it's a college relationship. Doesn't feel as serious. Yes. Right. And which is why sending it then is is like, I get I don't find it petty. I just find it prudent for like, Hey, I'm just telling you the story as I know it. And we might know friends in common and I don't want to be known as the cheater. This is something that happened totally by by accident for me. And I just want to make sure I'm out. Like to me, when there's a fire in the house, I run away. Get out of the house. But it's interesting, like when she confronts him about the girlfriend and he says, what, that's very college. And just like, but I think like, I think she has to admit that part of the messaging of the girlfriend is a little bit like revenge against this guy for not even having like, sure, the respect to like articulate a real response to that. Right. I mean, yeah, he lied. He lied in three different occasions to her without lying, you know, like, yes. And then when she asks him, have known whether he just replies, what? Right. So she's like, it's a great answer. It's a fear. No woman is not a lie. No woman like woman scorn, but also more than that, fear. No woman like a woman who doesn't have closure. That's why when you were telling me about like, when you had to text people saying that you were in a relationship, you got great responses. Yeah. Those people love that. If you had just, if someone had said, oh, it looks like you had a, if let's say you never messaged anyone that you were dating or had dated at the time, and then they messaged you and were like, looks like it looks like you're like with someone, like what's going on. And then you replied, what? That person would be like furious with you. And I kind of have nowhere to put their irritated energy. And then they might message your girlfriend. Right. I. I just can't believe the writing to the, I, when I read this, I was like, you're 28 and you're still talking about this guy from college. I, that's, this is where we, this is where we differ. Men and women. Yeah. I'm like, like, like to me, it's like, ah, you know, when some lose some, that was in college, whatever. This woman, like, let's say she like, was like, went back to the woman and DM'd her again. It'd be like knocking on the door. Like they're like together. And they're like, right, that'd be crazy. It's like showing up to their house and she's like, you cheated on you in college from Tinder and then the wife is like holding their two kids. Right. And she's like, ma'am, we're good. That was college. Like, right. What are we going to do? We're, we're in this. And then she's like, well, well, in my, in my Facebook group, we discuss things like this, like she would look crazy. I don't think she would do that though. Right. Well, let's hope not. She wrote this is one step away. Yeah. I also think they're that the girl that she messaged saw it. She just didn't let you know. She saw it. So she didn't not see it. No one misses that message unless they have six million followers. Right. No, no, no, no, no, no, I, I'm, you and I have come to the same conclusion. She saw it. She handle it in the way she wanted to handle it. It didn't need to involve you. Uh, I think a lot of people when they're told they're cheated on or get told information that is embarrassing to them. They want to keep that group small. And this woman was like, I'm going to keep this group small. Take this information and silently do what I need to do with it. And maybe it ended with her breaking up or maybe it, it turned into her having a talk with them. Maybe they did nothing. And maybe she's just with this guy and she's very happy in that relationship. And he's a better guy now or a worse guy. We have no idea, but like that's not her responsibility. Right. Petty would be to go back and re-message. Hey, I don't know if you saw. Eight years ago. Right. When we were in college, but I just want to reiterate, I slept with your boyfriend when you guys were first starting. Yeah. Who in college is going on a one year anniversary trip with this guy made a money? That's another question. Yeah. What? I'm going to start using that whenever anyone asks me why I, uh, if I did anything that I don't want them to know that I did. Well, it's a strategy I use for hecklers. What? Speak up. I always say what speak up, say it again. So when someone heckles, you have them say it again. They have to own the words. Okay. I'm going to use that on Mike when he asks why my closet is while my closet is so messy. What? Right. And then he'll have to go. Why? I said, why is the closet so messy? Like if you're not embarrassed, if you believe in what you say, you will double down. If you have, don't believe it. You look bad right away. Right. So a heckler, if they're like, you suck. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I missed what you said. Well, you suck. You know, like you could, there's a change in the voice, but it's generally not you suck. It's like someone making a comment. Then I get time to think what gives you time to think. Yeah. I think they give that advice too, to like kids for like a bully or someone who like says something mean to them. If you say like, like what, could you say that again? Like then they say it again. Yeah. If you can say it again, that's different. You must really fucking mean it. Let's do another one. I, this next one, I think is a very interesting. Yes. All right. You ready? Jared and Jordana obligatory love the show. LOL. I binge on my monthly work road trips. Jared, congrats on the girlfriend. Jordana, congrats to you and Mike. I'm becoming parents. It's been fun hearing the ebbs and flows of life through the podcast. I'm a 32 year old, single guy, six to 185 pounds, living alone in a. I have no idea how much a man, I have no idea how much a man should weigh at six two. What is that? What is that saying? Should, there's no should to me. Like what that says about what that says, what that says about a man. Well, I'm not six to 185. I am shorter and heavier than those two. I'm in the bad direction for both. All right. Usually you listeners don't write in with their weight. I will. No, but I think it does tell us everything about this. Can you imagine a woman writing it? When I. I mean, from now on, if you want to write in with your height and weight, we'll take it. Well, we'd love to hear it. Yeah, I think it's great. Funny. Six to 185. I mean, I'm looking at a guy, six to 185 type in the chat. You bet. Show me a guy who's six to 185. Okay. Joe's six to two 10. Yeah. Yeah. Skinny Joe. Okay. Not to say Joe's overweight. Joe looks great, but this is like skinny Joe. Right. Okay. Got it. All right. Anyway, continue. But again, listeners, if you want to write in with your height and weight, we will take that and make as awkward a conversation as possible. As you see. But also it did tell me something. When I saw that, I was like, we are in for a very specific email. Yes. Living alone in a mid-sized Midwest city around 355,000 Metro. I think that's saying how much he's making. 350,000, no, 350,000. Oh, okay. Oh, I thought that was a salary. No. No, he's making, he's in the worst direction there. I promise. Okay. I have a solid corporate design job. Great coworkers, strong roots here. So I'm not looking to move. I'm also finishing paying off some credit card debt from a past relationship in the next six months. Lesson learned, don't buy a house together before you're engaged. I'm laid back, social and good at conversation. In my late twenties, I had no problem getting dates, but now newly single again, both the quantity and quality, who am I to judge feels different. Well, he says who am I to judge, but he's judging. He's judging. But I like that he said that because he's like, I have this feeling. I know it's, I know it's kind of icky, but like I still have the feeling, which I think is accurate for most people. And that's how he feels. In 2026, I've gone on six first dates, women 30 to 32, no second dates. He's now going to give us the stats on the women. You ready? Yep. One out of four. Oh, on one four, on January 4th. Yeah, we're having a hard time. He was running a hard time with the stats. I thought that was that the amount of people in his city was the amount of dollars he makes an ear. You thought he's ranking the woman as a one out of four. I am. Okay. Let's, well, January 4th, he goes on a date with a 31 year old media director. Coffee I planned and paid $25 plus $5 tip equals $30. Good combo. No, thank you. Not feeling the connection. He puts in quotes. So I'm taking that as she said, I'm not feeling the connection for a second. Yeah. January 21st, 30 school administrator drinks. I paid $35 plus $8 tip 43 bucks. Felt like an interview. She said, let's be friends. Still text, but won't meet. Okay. Okay. On February 6th, he went out with a nurse drinks. I paid 32 the nurse is 32 years old 30 on February 6th. He went out with a 32 year old nurse. He had drinks and he paid $68 plus $13 tip 81 bucks. Great chemistry made out. Then she took a call and ghosted. Did you take that as meaning? She like took a call during the day. Sounded like that. Right. Like, did she not come back? Made out. Great chemistry made out. And then she's like, hold on. Um, someone's calling me from the hospital and then never showed up again. Yeah. Did she leave? I don't know for. He's been pretty specific with everything, but right. That's a little vague. Okay. Okay. February 27th, 31, he went out with a 31 year old curriculum admin split drinks, $12 and a $5 tip $17 was total to him. Low efforts said not interested at the end split. Now he's starting to split drinks. He's getting frustrated. Like to one for is paying for all of it. Two 27. Yeah. Let's split. Okay. Anything you want. Okay. The top half of the menu. Okay. We're going to split this. Yeah. Uh, March 14th, 33 disability coordinator. They went on a St. Patrick's Day crawl. She planned. We each paid our own 30, $32 plus $12 tip for 44 bucks. Fun day. No physicality. She chose someone else. What does that mean? She chose like she texted him seeing someone else. That's the only reasonable way I could see it. And then March or April 3rd, she went out with a 32 year old account manager drinks. I paid $46 plus $10 tip 56 bucks. Great combo. Lots in common. She said it was her funniest day. Drank three wines while I had one. No, thank you quote. Not feeling a romantic connection. It's interesting. He's noting the thank you. What's in these? Who said thank you and who didn't? Oh, right. Did he say that in the other ones too? He said that in a different one also. Right. He notices when they say thank you. Yes. All right. It's Midwest. He's into manners. Well, listen, if someone didn't say thank you, there'd be times I'd notice it. I would always say thank you no matter what personally. That's just that's just right. I would too. Anyway, go on. Why not? Yeah. I'm pretty traditional and assume I'll pay, especially if I plan the date, but I'm getting frustrated spending time and money for what feels like one hour evaluation. The rejection texts also feel a bit hollow. So what are women 28 to 35 actually looking for right now? It feels like people are holding out for something better or avoiding settling. Am I coming off too friendly and not building enough romantic tension? What's the balance between being assertive and versus leaving them wanting more or are women in this age range just slower to commit? Appreciate any insight to scourge dream? What do you think? I don't think anyone would say that women 30 to 33 are slower to commit than other age demographics. I would say I would eliminate that one right off the bat. Well, 28 to 35, especially, like that is prime time. Everyone's getting engaged. The people on the island are getting saved before me. Everyone's disappearing. Where is everyone this weekend? Oh, everyone seems to have an in-law thing. I, yeah, I'm with you. Do you want to go through those questions? It feels like people are holding out for something. Yeah. What do you, what's your feeling on this? Give us the female perspective here for this guy that. I'm assuming because he's writing about how like frustrated that he is spending time and money for what feels like these one hour evaluations. I'm assuming he's giving off that energy of being like frustrated and irritated and sort of like having this transactional feeling or the fact that he even knows the exact amount he paid and the amount he tipped for each of these dates, he's like making this into like an X and I think this is this email seems very male. It's very like laid out in bullet points. There's, you know, he's trying to let the facts speak for the emotions. But I think if he's bringing that energy to a date, um, I think whether you, you, whether you're, it's obvious or not, I think people can sense that that there's like, he's bringing a level of transaction to this date. So they're feeling transactional. Right. And he's saying all the things that no matter what your gender or what you're looking for, people say, like he's, he's kind of moving towards writing a blog. You know, he's Carrie Bradshaw right now. It feels like people are holding out for something better or avoiding settling. Like that's one of those things that people say that you can tell they're trying to have like this interesting opinion on what's going on. But if you've been in dating talk land long enough, you've heard this every week, every day of every week for the last 10, 15 years. Like, yeah, none of that is an interesting opinion to me. I also don't think it's accurate. I'm saying that. Right. Especially considering, you know, am I coming off too friendly? You know, no one would say I didn't commit to that guy because he was too friendly, not building enough romantic tension. Like these are things that like you can't do, you know, like they're not even fixable things. Like with some people, you just have no romantic tension. It just doesn't happen. You know, it's a match thing. You know, like. No, I agree. And I think he just needs, I think if he's, if there's anything that he's trying to change, I would just change the expectations out of these dates because I think people can say, like, if you see this with women a lot too, where it's like, if you go on the date and it feels like this date was a failure unless I met my husband. Um, or I, you know, I wasted putting on an outfit and doing my hair. That's not, that's an energy that you think is like separate from the date, but you bring it into the day. Right. And I think with this guy, he's feeling like, how much am I paying? What am I getting out of it for how much money I'm putting in? He's thinking of it as like a math equation. When really he should just think of it as I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to drink with someone. I'm going to have a conversation. Let's see what happens. I totally agree with everything you said. And like I read this and I said my, I had one, like if I was to make a, a, a, billboard for him, it would say delete the apps. Like it's time. And we all have that time. Like I've been there, but I, you know, I, Jordan, you've been there, you know, when you were on dating apps, you, there's a moment, I think there's subtle things people say and do that aren't as, you know, ripe for being taped for the man a sphere documentary. Yes. That make you, you just sound a little bit like you've had it. And that's okay. And he has, because he has had it. Right. He's been on these dates that he thought were pretty good. I mean, like even when you say the, the rejection texts also feel a bit hollow. Like my feedback to that is like, what would you like your rejections? After one date, like, right? What would you, what would you like said? Do you want a full review? What do you, they're not your boss. They're not going to give you a company review. They don't know you enough. And they also, they don't have the right to you are you, you are great. It'll be fine. But I think this person is in need. I actually wrote down subtle things. People say that I, my first inclination is they should delete the app. Okay. Let's hear it. When you start tallying your losses. Like this guy, like this guy, delete the app. Time. It's time. When you have a spreadsheet with, with meal price plus tip, why don't you just say the whole amount you paid? Why do you have to break it down? He's telling us he's not a bad guy. He's trying to let us know. I tipped the appropriate amount. I wasn't doing the calculations. Right. Well, he's putting the math on good guy, bad guy. You know, he's putting, he's again, as you said, he's letting the math speak for the emotion. Right. So look at I tip and I tip well, you know, so it's like, yeah, but nobody wants to fuck a good tipper, you know, like, it's like, no, no, everyone has to fuck just a good tipper does not always get fucked. Right. Yeah. That's what my grandma always said. So, okay. You don't, well, you also don't tip to get fucked. That's not why you tip. Yeah. So the fact that he's showing us kind of says a lot about where his head space and I think he's a change of perspective. Yes. Transactional nature that he's looking at this with. Okay. Okay. So another person who should delete the apps is when you say the app isn't showing me the good ones. Okay. Yes. A lot of people will tell me your problems. Yes. Blaming the app and saying, well, the algorithm, if you even say the word algorithm, delete the app. If you've ever said the word algorithm in relation to a dating app, delete the app because it's actually a crazy thought. The idea that the app thinks of you specifically to not show the good ones to. Right. The app is out for you. Right. You're just getting the people. You get what you get. You, if there was no app, you'd get nobody. Like it's a. Right. This idea that there's this like section that like only the hot people are getting is crazy. So delete the app. Any mention of wasting time when it comes to first dates, you need to delete the apps. Yeah. Because at that point, you're talking about the apps as if you are forced to be on them. No one's forcing you to be here. You can just not be on them. You're wasting your own time every time you open up the app and you're doing it miserably. Agreed. It's better to not go on a date than to go on a date with a shitty attitude. Because the other person can smell that. Totally. And I think that's probably a lot of this problem. And then the last one I wrote talking about people with words one would use for a economics equation. So if you use the word low effort quality, low effort, scarcity, supply, demand, fiscal policy, any of those phrases. You should delete the dating apps. Yeah. I think he needs to delete the dating apps, work on his attitude towards dating. Because well, he's probably wondering how do I do that? Well, this is my next piece of advice. You ready? Let's hear it. He needs to plan a hangout with friends. He needs to delete the apps and plan a hangout with friends. He needs to kind of get back to his roots. He says he has strong roots there. I think he's kind of lost it a little bit. I think he needs to get back to like how he acts with his friends and where he's at his best. Yes. You know, like do a barbecue, go get together, do something with a larger group of people where you can just kill a social interaction. Let's get a win here. And I think you'll feel good. I also think he needs to process this breakup a little bit more. Because he's saying, he talks about the breakup. When he talks about the breakup, he talks about he's finishing paying off credit card debt from the past relationship in the next six months. Lesson learned, don't buy a house together before you're engaged. Okay. It sounds like there's some like unprocessed, lingering financial resentment towards women going on here. Right. Which you can see in the way he's dating. Like he's now like sort of seems hyper fixated on like the spending to relationship outcome thing. And maybe that's left. Maybe that's some shit leftover from his ex. Right. And if he wrote it in the email to us, I'm willing to bet he has mentioned the ex who he bought a house with on the first date, which I'm not saying that's off limits for a first date conversation, but it's all on how you say it. Right. If he's saying it to us is like lesson learned. No one wants to hear from lesson learned guy. Yes. You know, when you say lesson learned, you're saying, I fucked up my life. I went in the wrong direction back there. You're not really saying I'm happy for having the experience and knowing more, you know, and being better off. I, your lesson learned is like a miserable way to say something that could be said more positively. Agreed. I think he's bringing that energy into there again, whether he knows it or not, just the fact that he's like auditing these dates to me means he's got some like weird financial shit that, that I think would be good to, to deal with before he even begins to date again. Totally agree. Hold on. I just, the. I was listening to the, the cord came out of my computer. Hey, I am an old man now. Huh? When did it happen? I don't know what happened. It's all this flying us in the 11 fucking D. I should have been my back hurts. No, no, I agree with everything you said. I'm sorry. Do you use the Therig, the mini Therig, a travel Therigun that I got you for the holidays from Uber Eats? I think that'll help you. I think you're right. Well, yeah, I gotta, gotta do my strength. Maybe. Well, we solved dating again. Jordan, we did it. Good luck to the people who wrote in. Thank you for writing in and we'll be back next week. Boom.