Happy holidays, guys. Welcome to PreviewLine's podcast. This is Sarah and I am our almost Santa here, Whitney, who is basically the gift of mental health to us all. We are in the week of you celebrate Christmas. We are of the week of Christmas. And we thought we'd step on your toes a little bit. I'm going to be a Grinch. Am I the Grinch now? Okay, I'm the Grinch. You can be, but the Grinch as in the movie comes back and it's, you know, redemption. So we'll let you be a little bit grinch and then pull you out of it. But the title, Whitney... I will throw in this. It will. We should, we should paddle that with the Grinch. But our title currently is, Why are you really posting that on Instagram? For socials, we can fill that in. For socials or, you know, what the young kids are doing these days is like threads or, you know, those like things I'm not aware of because I'm not a young child anymore. I don't know how many social media apps I'm going to be on. So essentially though, right, it is the season. You've seen it. You've seen the matching outfits. You've seen the created photo tree picture. You've seen the family fall photos. You've seen the Instagram stories or Facebook stories, the cookies or the hot chocolate and you're going, you're seeing it, right? And then you're probably raising our hands guilty of sharing those moments too. Oh yeah, absolutely. I've done it. Go, go, why are we doing it? Right. So there's a lot of different reasons for it. So I know for me personally, not all of my family is local. They don't always get to see us at the holidays. And so for me to be able to post some of those family updates, you know, that's a good way for them to see it and for them to stay connected with us. I don't always do professional pictures each year. So when we do get them done, it is special to me. I do kind of want to show them off a little bit because it makes me happy that we were able to do it that year. So some of it is honestly just that genuine. You want to share your life. You want to be able to connect. Sometimes you're excited about how maybe the Santa pictures turned out, things of that nature. That being said, sometimes there's that twinge up, well, I have to compete too. Yeah. You know, especially, and this is my own personal little soapbox and has been for many years, the, you know, the pictures where people have their living rooms just packed wall to wall with toys. And I mean, we're talking like 50 plus toys for their kids. And they're like big toys, expensive toys, things like that. And you know what, they very well may have the same intentions of we're excited. We were able to do this for our kids. They very well could be thinking that. But a lot of people are like, Oh, Mary Sue posted that, you know what, I need to do it too. Yeah. And it can turn into a competition thing. But you know what, Mary Sue doesn't know that I feel like I'm in competition with her. Right. She probably has not a clue in the world. Therefore, I'm actually hurting myself when I do it. Yeah. No, 100%. And something that I was seeing here, and it doesn't tell me who wrote this, but it's a social media is the ultimate highlight reel. Don't compare it to behind the scenes, right? And it's like, are you posting to connect or you're posting to be seen? Correct. Yes. It's like, are you posting to percent, you know, a certain way, like I'm gonna have mom, I'm doing it. And even if we get into the brain aspect of it, the dopamine loop, the likes, so social media notifications, like it activates the brain's reward system, like it's kind of like a dopamine release, right? So the likes, the comments, the, you know, it happens. You post something and you almost wait a few minutes or you'll get the notification, especially if it's, you know, of your kids or it's a funny or it's a good thing. Your mind gets trained for that quick reward of, oh, well, Whitney liked it or so it's so common and you look right and you kind of get stuck in this scroll of absolutely approval. And let's be honest, you love it when your friends compliment it or you love it when the person's like, that's the cutest, right? That's not a negative, but when we live in this alternate universe of social media, and we're maybe not getting the connection with our family or you're leaving, you're feeling isolated or you're, you're doing that, am I doing good enough in your head? It's a quick kind of way to get validation that people don't realize. Yeah, absolutely. Well, and it kind of lends itself to that dopamine chasing. You are, yeah. No, you're chasing it because we have lost the dopamine of just going outside and looking at the sky and saying that's a beautiful sunset. Right. Or just, you know, smelling the flowers. Yeah, we just lost the symbol of it. Right. It's that constant chasing where the phone or the tablet or laptop is the only way that you're getting that. And so you have to be very mindful that that's not the healthiest way to get your dopamine up. No, and people maybe even realize they go, well, dope me. I didn't even realize that was the thing I didn't think that's happening. But it does. And especially, okay, especially in this time of season, some of the statistics that's important to like talk about is the comparison trap. Right. Right. So 60% of people report feeling inadequate after comparing themselves to another person on social media. So say I looked at Whitney's thing, I'm like, gosh, Whitney's an amazing mom. I know Whitney's amazing mom, but I see it on Instagram. I'm like, oh, she's a super amazing mom today. And then I compared that to maybe I just lost my, you know, lost my patience with my child. Right. And so then I don't ever read ever. And then we go through this loop of an advocacy, I'm feeling guilty. I'm feeling not good about myself. And then I post something and I'm like, like, like, like, oh, she's a great mom. And then it's this weird cycle. It is. It is a very weird cycle. Because again, it's this comparison trap in social media is literally designed to make us do that. 100% algorithm. And I think it's, you know, not coincidental at all that we see obviously this increased usage of cell phones and social media and all of this. And we start to see that increase of depression and anxiety and OCD. Come on now. Like there is a absolute direct connection and correlation with that. Well, the anxious generation that book, which is great, Neme hasn't read it. That's a huge one that goes with social media. And there has been studies. And one showed, you know, specifically with moms that frequent social media usage, which is in social comparison is linked to higher depressive symptoms and lower self-esteem. And they said nearly 71% of users admit they only post the best part of their life. Okay, I'm not posting every time I have an issue, you know, you, you don't, and that's reality. But it's very hard if that's all you're saying is a very creative highlight reel to check in and go, that's not their life. That's two minutes of their life today, I saw. Correct. And that's where we have to be very careful and mindful about influencers. Yeah. Because quite literally their job is to influence you to be like them. They are going to curate this perfection. That one is not real. And then we should buy what they're wearing. Right. And it's not attainable. Their job is to influence you to buy these organizers, buy this cleaner, buy this clothing that I've got, buy this makeup, buy these super greens, you know, buy whatever it is under the sun that I'm trying to promote to you. Because that's my job. Yeah. But we get lost that that's their job and that's how they're feeding their family. And this is where they're in position. And we always get this unhealthy of like, they're a real friend, they're not a real friend, but like, we're, you know, you're just going to, you get lost as a job, like you forget that, that that's happening. Right. Absolutely. So I think that's huge. And then holiday pressure adds in, and they've also studied this was in the motherly state of motherhood report, nearly three and five moms, a social media increase is the pressure to do it all during the holiday. So if we didn't have enough, you log out, you scroll, and then that pressure spikes again, or, you know, you see the homemade cookies when you're like, I bought the take home bake, your kids don't know any different. There's no, there's no difference. Enjoy your experience there. You're putting that on yourself. Correct. So that goes back down to, are we validating and seeking care with me on a deeper issue? Or do you think it's just we're getting kind of lost in the noise? I think we're getting lost in the noise. And it's very easy for that to happen because the noise is constant. Yeah. Now, if we want to take it at a deeper level, you know, maybe the attention that you're seeking from social media posts is because you weren't given a ton of quality attention from your parents or caregivers growing up. Absolutely. That could be the case. I'm not going to say that it's not, but I do think we get so lost in the noise and the noise is constant and the noise is always accessible. Yeah. Always. Our phones are there 24 seven. Yeah. You know, and I'm just as guilty as anybody else, but like when it's the last time we actually turned our phone off. Yeah. Intentionally. And said it away. When is the last time we did that? I do yearly with our church, a 21 days of prayer. And I love that they start it in January and I intentionally get off social media. And I would challenge everybody if you haven't done, and it doesn't have to be for 21 days. It doesn't have to be since the very time, even a weekend of just present with your family or your own thoughts, which I think we are struggling to be present with our own thoughts and be and it's okay to not have constant stimulation. It's okay for our kids to be bored. It's okay for us to be bored. Right. Yeah. It's a problem when we don't know how to handle boredom. Or if you have seen yourself bring your phone in the bathroom when it's time to shower or you're using the restroom. Yeah. That's a problem. We can't take that break, which we're all guilty of wanting to be connected to. That's a thing. But one thing if you guys are more interested in it is that you can kind of do this reflection of what your mood is or how you're feeling prior to opening up whatever social media app and then after. And you can kind of ask yourself, you know, what's my mood right now? Do I feel energized? Do I feel drained? Do I inspire disconnected numb? Did it make me feel more connected, less connected? Did it make me feel better about myself or less? Do I feel pressure after this to change something about me? Right. Or if I'm going to post this, like, what? Is it to share the joy, to share it to the family members, like you were saying, to prove something, to get approval, to save your memory? You know. And what can I do now in this moment instead of scrolling again? Right. Well, and I'll also say this and this is just a personal thing. I tend to step back from social media's during political campaign time because, and this is just me, like both sides tend to mudsling. And honestly, it's just not positive. It's not building anybody up. And I don't really want that influx and that constant stream of negativity. So that's where I do minimal social media kind of thing. Like, and I try not to follow political influencers or, you know, things of that nature. That way I'm keeping that as at bay as possible. I mean, we can't eliminate all of it because bots ads, all the things, the algorithm, like it's there. So we can't fully avoid it unless we just get off social media, which is also an option. But know what things could kind of trigger you know what time of year things might be triggering for you and realize, okay, is that a time of year where I need to just lay off the socials? Yeah. Yeah. And there's times if you're a new mom, I sometimes I don't think that's the best time to be on social media. If your child's going through a hard time, that may not be if this is the first holiday without a loved one and seeing other guys families is going to be really triggering. So just really doing that check, but try a day pause, try 48 hours and give yourself that opportunity and you will figure out other ways to have that dopamine, that good exercise going outside, you know, smelling flowers, having a great conversation. It can be that warm cup of coffee in the morning, but hopefully this challenged you guys to kind of look at social media and a different level of this isn't healthy. Is it benefiting me? Is this making me feel worse about myself or are you totally upset with it? That could be some of our listeners too. Absolutely. But it's a great episode. I think in the new year, we'll dive deeper into some of these issues, but for now, have a happy holidays and we'll be back. Thanks. Returnal mental health is as important as physical health. The Previous Alliance podcast was created for and by moms dealing with post-partum depression and all its variables like anxiety, anger and even apathy. Hosted by CEO, founder Sarah Parkhurst and licensed clinical social worker Whitney Gay, each episode focuses on specific issues relevant to pregnancy and postpartum. Join us and hear how other moms have overcome mental health challenges as well as access tips and suggestions on dealing with your own challenges as moms. You can also browse our podcast library and listen to previous episodes at any time. Please know you're not alone on this journey. We're here to help.
