My Partner Makes Me Feel Stupid… Now What? ft Emma Willmann

Oh? Kitty! A great story, like Monsters Inc., stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story. From the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Gotta dead body, gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits. Spring on Disney Plus, 18 Plus, subscription required. T's and C's apply. I told this woman, you yelled, was yelling at me in the Upper West Side. And so I finally was like, we've been heckling the whole show to everybody. You're never gonna look good, you're never gonna be, because you're rude, you're bad. Like I said that. Oh, you went deep. And she was really beautiful. But only I could see her and then the audience turned on me and I was like, whoa, what happened? Because she had been heckling the people before me, she'd been yelling out the whole show. Awful. And I was like, I never, like no one could see her, so they didn't know she actually was like, I never would have said that to someone that was like ugly on paper. She was like, she looked like a model. And so I said, I was like, you're inside, you're rude. But also your point is what you wanted to make is that you are beautiful, but we all hate your inside. No, no, but I mean, this is the easiest time to say it. This is like my dad, what you should have done. It's like, no, I did what I did and now we're here. Hello and welcome to the U of podcast. I'm Jared Freed and I am here with this week's co-host, Emma Willman. Thank you for coming on the show. Woohoo. Happy to be here. Thanks for having me. So excited to have you. I've known you forever. Long time. Long time. First time, long time, long time, first time. First time, long time, long time, first time. And your hair is looking better than it ever has in your entire existence of me knowing you. It is a good hair day for me. Have you been talking about that you got into blow drying? So I haven't mentioned it here. Thank you for outing me. I don't want to out you. No, I am blow drying my hair. So I'm keeping it long. This is what everyone tunes in for. Yes. How Jared's hair. I want to know because I can see a difference. I'm blow drying my hair and I'm keeping it long when I get a cut. And that's like one of those things because as a guy, they go, well, as anyone with shorter hair, you know, you go, you go to get your hair cut and they go any shorter and you're like, you kind of, do you have that moment where they have the decision and then you go and they show you the mirror. They're like, I can go shorter and you're like, I did want to keep it long, but you know, do I want to come back here in two weeks? You know, never know what to say. They go, what do you want to do? I don't know what I want to do about anything. I mean, okay, you don't need to have a whole breakdown about it. I have like existential crisis. They're like, where do you, you know, where do you see yourself in a couple of months? And I'm like, I screwed up. But I never can afford the next haircut. Yeah, exactly. I never know what to say. So I've been going to the same person for like six or seven years and she thinks for me now. I just kind of go in. Does the vibe and she gauges it. This is the barber's move. The hair person doesn't want to be on the hook. Right. They don't want you going home and going, freaking out. Look what they did. They want it to be your words, your decision. So you messed up, not them. And it's really the best barbers. There's two like versions of a great haircut person. There's the person that goes, I got you. Yes. And they have confidence. That's the one you want. Yeah, risky for them. And who's more of a master manipulator who's like, what are you looking for? And then they get you to say it so that if they screw up, it's your fault. What do you look at? I didn't think of that as master manipulation, but now if some one of them says that to me, I'm going to be like, oh, I'm on to you. Right. I know this game. I know this game. And I go, well, what do you think? And they're like, what do you think? And you got an hour of what do you think? Because it's like, again, I saw today, someone was like, here's how on TikTok, it was like, here's how you get the Christian Bale from Batman Hairstyle. Oh, wow. Is that your algorithm now? That's turned it. Now it is. Now we've solidified it. Because I was watching this and I was like, it's funny how TikTok, like it's funny, like we're all the same. We're all the same. I was talking about comedians. Like you and I, I know when I meet a comedian, I, you know, there's a Seinfeld quote. There is a bond. There's a bond because we've both killed. We've both bombed. We both called a woman ugly on the inside. Okay. Right? He's referring to a very specific term. Did we just say this on the air? Keep that in as the open. We both got, we'll keep it in. We both called a woman ugly on the inside who's actually pretty on the outside. Yes, only because they were being, they're being horrible. They're so rude. No, they're horrible persons. They're horrible persons. If they're watching right now, they're horrible persons. I just got a message. I just got a message from a guy. He goes, this guy said I called out his girlfriend. This message I just got is actually insane. I'm going to read it for you. Did you call her out by name? No, I never, I guess what happened. I do remember it vaguely. And here's the thing. We also, so with comedians, I always connect with comedians in this very familial way. I connect with comedians like I connect with Jews to tell you the truth. It's very cultural. We've both bombed. We've both killed. We've both made mistakes on stage in front of a group of people. We both have notebooks in our pocket. Probably we have a pen. Yeah, there's a little psychosis. There's a little, yeah. There's, and this is like a Seinfeld. He's always said like comedians. That's like his quote basically. And I do also believe we also are bad at homework. We cheat on the test. We believe in ourselves even though we shouldn't believe in ourselves. I used to cheat. I used to cheat so I was obsessed with cheat. I remember when I was prescribed my Adderall, I knew it for, and I have ADD, but I knew it was a wrap because then I would trade my Adderall for basically places to sit in proximity to people I could cheat off of. And I, this is so fine. I forgot about this too. I used to get, oh, this poor girl Megan, she was so nice. This is like, I feel bad. This is high school. This is high school. Okay. You're from Maine, the great state of Maine. From Maine. This is incriminating because I knew that she seemed a little like unsure of herself, but I knew she got good test grades. So I prayed on that. Yes. And I lived like, I know, I think back in it and I was like, it's so like predatory. And I would like give her Adderall and like build her up and then like I'd like cheat off of her. Like I've seen documentaries. You're like a person in the wire. Like you're like a drug dealing. It's all, I watch this documentary. I'm hooked on the goods and then I can use them. Oh, protect you. Like it's like almost like what pimps do. Yeah. It's like awful. But, but I used to give her Adderall and we were at a friendship of sorts, but then I would get like annoyed if we wouldn't get a good grade. Like I'd be like, I'll be right. We need an A like you don't care about your future. You want more drugs? You better start studying bitch. She's like, I don't even want the Adderall. Like you're scaring me. Like I was obsessed with getting good grades. Listen, it is, it, this is comedians are some of the best and worst people you have ever met. Did you have a system? I would always just sit next to a really smart person. I would let people do a lot of like, a lot of charm, a lot of like butter him up beforehand. Like, oh, the homework. Oh my God. You get it done. I'll get you back next time. You know, like just like I was definitely, this is my whole life. Like summer reading. I've said this year, summer reading. I would just go, nope, not doing it. We'll figure it out when we get to the class. Like I'm not like wasting my summer. I'll start with an F and work on my way back because I believe there's this weird, no confidence confidence thing that most comedians have of like, I'll go on stage and figure it out. Like, you know, a lot of comics say they write on stage. They'll go, well, I don't have the joke, but I have the premise. Right. And then they just believe if they go on, it will just magically appear in their head. And I still believe that to this day, 16 years into doing this. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn't. Right. And then when it doesn't, you go, I can't believe I thought this would work again. I wonder if the teacher could just tell from your body language and what you were saying. Like he's at the front of the room and sees you going up to someone and then you do the little spiel of like, oh, the homework was tough. Like he just knew he was like, oh, Jerry's just going into it where you're like. This is Jared getting the homework off this nerd. Because you're like, man, like, did you finish it? Like, oh, my something's like always having some little excuse. Right. And then you'd get it off. So I was talking with my friend on the phone earlier and I had to cancel on it. I got, I made a mistake and I had to cancel on it. Happens. We had a dinner plan for tonight with him and his wife. And I, I said, you know how he always says that I do sitcom. My, I always operate in sitcom ways. Huh. What does that mean? You wait until the last you choose the, the weirdest route and then wait until the last possible second to figure a way out of something and have to deal with it in the most acute way possible. Now it's good that he trusted you enough to tell you that. Of course. No, he's right. Right. I'm, I'm Kevin James in the sitcom where I got it's Valentine's Day and I haven't gotten a gift. So I'm going to drive to Florida to go pick up a card to make sure that I could get the gift in time for like the dumbest route at the last possible second where it will blow up in my face the most. Story of my life. Right. I think that's most comedians. You put in way more, it would, you put more effort into doing the thing because then it would have just taken to do the thing originally. You put in the figuring out ways to cheat, then it would have taken to just study and learn the stuff. It is the, and so I, oh, I wanted to read this DM. I appreciate that. He said that to you though, because when a friend pushes back on that, then it's like, okay, this is like a sign of growth. Like he trusts you enough to want to like say like this bothers me. Right. Oh, I didn't think he was bothered. Oh, I thought he was just like, it's pretty funny that you do this. And I'm going to keep doing it. He's probably, maybe if he was bothered or maybe a little annoyed to like point it out. Well, I think what I, I will say he definitely like operates in a world where that's how I operate. Okay. I think that's a good friend. Like I, I think when I like, I think most of friendship to me is knowing what that friend kind of serves for me, what they, you know, the way that they can be a friend. And then managing the expectations. Like I don't sit there and go, Emma hasn't called me in weeks. Right. What the fuck? Right. I go, when I see Emma, I enjoy having a time with you and talking, you know, comedy and seeing you and, and know that you're on your journey and I'm in my journey. But I, there's, you know, I think that's like a, that is to me. The, the, I don't know. I, I, when I hear people talk about friend, you ever had a friend breakup? Yeah. You have. It was awful, but it wasn't, I mean, it's, yeah. How'd you do it? It was awful. Did they dump you or you dumped them? It was like we were, we were doing like a coat, but then we've like ended up making up. So maybe it doesn't count as a friend breakup. I had a friend. I've never had a friend break up. You've never. So we did. I've never been mad enough at a friend to think, or I've never needed a friend. It's one of my biggest regrets and how like I, but it was like just, it was more about my girlfriend and I talk about this where it'll be like, okay, we've got roommate problems and relationship problems. Yeah. So roommate problem is I leave the, I leave the cabinets open all the time. This is you and your girlfriend. This is me and my girlfriend. So you and your girlfriend live together and you, you divide the problems into roommate problems and girlfriend. Well, she has to, I think to stay with me. So girlfriend, girlfriend as in like the gay sense. And then the friend who I had the breakup with just like girlfriend, like friends, girlfriends. So the friend breakup was more of like a, what would count as like a roommate problem. Cause we had a business thing that we were doing together. Lots of miscommunication, different goals. And then that changed the friendship. But then we ended up years later, like apologizing. Well, the money. It was tough. That French friend breakups with money, more understandable to me. And the friendship was so much more important to me than the, what we were doing. It was like, I was like, but it was like, but then I had another friend when I worked at an office where, where then we just like ended up like drifting apart. But that happens too. Drifting apart to me. I've had lots of friends would drift it apart. Maybe I, maybe this is my form of being on the spectrum. Yeah. I think I'm on the spectrum too. Do you think so? I think something's up. I think that's why it's a spectrum. We're all on it. Yeah. I'm, I'm on the beginning of something. And I didn't think I was, but on constantly on TikTok people go, you're autistic. Yeah. I don't know. I, I hate being diagnosed by tick. But I started doing it. Getting diagnosed by the craziest people. I think I'm not, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Well, I think my form of not realizing the, you know, if we're to define it as not realizing the weather in the room or not being in touch with, you know, the, you know, social cues or whatever. Yeah. When I come back to, like, if I haven't talked to someone for years, I have no issue being like, Hey, totally. How you been? And then you miss my wedding. You miss my this. See, I wouldn't even think of their wedding. I wouldn't think of their wife. I wouldn't think of anything. I would just be like, Hey, been a while. What's going on? And that'll work for some people and not for other people. Maybe you've had friend, friend, right? You haven't checked in, right? I don't know if I'd be friends with the, you haven't checked in person. Like, I don't know. I, so I wanted to talk about this message. I think I talked about it here. This girl, I remember her, like grandma was passing away and she like said my grandma's dying wish. And how did, how'd you know this person? I didn't. There was a DM was like my grandma's dying wishes that we go on a date together. Wow. And I was like making fun of it. What a lie. Well, it was like, that was like the, the, what I would squeeze out of the message. Like I'm sure it was as long a thing. So now I get this message. I have a show in New York on Friday. Jared excited to see your show tomorrow. My girlfriend got a surprise tickets for Valentine's Day leading up to the show, told me a very funny story about you two. When you get a DM, my girlfriend told me a very funny story about you two. I'm like, I'm like, here we, like I'm like, I'm like scrunching up and I'm getting ready for the worst. You don't know the tone because he go, oh yeah, she told me a story about you two. And you go, oh, it's more likely that tone than being, oh, my, my girlfriend told me a story about you two. Like that's a tough one to read. Right. At this point in this reading, I'm ready to like leave New York, walking in the woods, never to be seen again. No show actually canceled. So there's no show. Game over. Before I was in the picture, my girlfriend, unfortunately had a Jewish grandmother. I would call that just a grandmother. I would call that like a little anti-Semitic. I won't go that far, but yeah. Had this, well, if he had written, he had this, she had this Jew grandma. I'd be like, is it unfortunate that she's Jewish? Yeah. My girlfriend unfortunately had a Jewish grandmother. That's crazy. No, no, no, I didn't read the full sentence. That doesn't make it. My girlfriend unfortunately had a Jew grandma. My girlfriend unfortunately had a Jewish grandma pass away. Oh, God. Who always told her to find a nice Jewish man. Overcome with swirling emotions. She decided to DM you telling you about her dead grandma while simultaneously asking for a date. She's always been a go getter. This is him saying the swirling emotions. I'm guessing that that's just how she presented. She's like, oh, my emotions were swirling. I hadn't met you yet. Well, from my end, it's like, I guess now it's this is working to make me feel bad. That was so like callous. Like, fuck you, you know, you and your your dead grandma. So you did not. No, no, I think it's rude to put her dead grandma's last wish on me. I didn't think of it like that. I'm bringing a back to how I felt before. Yeah. You did not respond, but her friend apparently is into a podcast that you were a guest on and proceeded to tell a story about a fan who had a dead Jewish grandma and spun that into a date request. Don't worry. My girlfriend thinks it's absolutely hilarious and perhaps a sign it wasn't meant to be. Isn't it weird that he sent that message to like that's so weird? Why would he tell you that also that would freak me out? Because he said, did he say, don't be scared. Don't be worried. I'd be a little worried. Right. I'm a little, I mean, don't be, don't worry. Don't worry. Anyways, can't wait to see the show. Well, when he says anyways, can't wait to see the show that solves everything. I hope I'm like, right, he's going to stand up. You wouldn't date my ugly fucking girlfriend. Right. She's like, my emotions were swirling. Right. Also, I'm not Jewish, so I'm not sure how I got so lucky to be with her. So he said that at the end. He said that at the end. I find it a little odd. The Jewish thing is getting very confusing. Yeah. I think that's the more I hear back on it, the more I'm like, I don't know. Are you going to bring it up at the show? Yeah. I'm going to spend the whole show talking about it. This couple and we're going to have a threesome. Is so. Is that what you're doing? Is that your Valentine's Day plan? We're going to spread the Jewish grandma's ashes all over us while we make love that night. OK, so Emma Wilmans here. Yes, yes. Everyone go follow Emma. Hilarious comic. I've known Emma forever and you're going to love Emma if you don't already. Thank you. So funny. I want to do a red flag or deal breaker. You ready? So red flag or deal breakers, a game we play. It's a game that's sweeping the country. Actually, yeah, you're dating someone. What you're having a great day. One thing happens. It's either a red flag. You notice it, but you keep going or the deal breaker end its side on scene. You ready? Ready. Jared, Jordana and Emma. I'm obsessed with the show. I've listened to everyone since the first episode. Straight after having this text conversation, I thought of Jared and laughed. Hey, you look pretty chubby today. I thought of Jared and I. Some backstory. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years are more solid than ever. The one thing that drives me absolutely crazy is that he loves correcting my grammar wherever he gets a chance. I've never said anything until this point. I'm dyslexic and I hate even using that as an excuse. But reading and writing has always been a challenge for me and he's totally aware of this. That said, coming off as stupid is kind of a fear of mine and something I have always been self-conscious about. I ended up going to a prestigious art school and pursuing a career in design. So regardless of my dyslexia, I have managed a pretty successful career so far. Who cares if I spell things wrong every once in a while? Would love to hear your thoughts on the conversation below. Do you think it's fair for him to correct my spelling like this is a red flag? Or should I just let it slide since he's trying to quote help? How do I set boundaries around something I can't control without making it a big deal? So red flag or deal breaker? He can't stop correcting my spelling and knows I'm dyslexic. Woo. I'm dyslexic. So, Emma, you're dyslexic. I've known this about you. From the texting? From the texting. It's all I can think about. That's why I don't text you. It really is a thing. Well, it's it's crazy to make fun of someone who is dyslexic. So did you get from this? Does he know she's dyslexic? She I mean, in her message, she says she knows. So we'll read the text. OK, please. The text actually adds a lot of like, you know, we say the answer is always in the text, always in the emails. But before we get here, I just have to say it is so funny. She's like, no, I'm totally cool with it. But I did go to the most prestigious art school in the country. And it's like, here's the thing, the reason someone does that. So I that's like a nervous tick. I'll have it. I'll be like, oh, I was in special ed in high school. But I ended up going to grad school and I had a 3.8 in college. I don't know if that's true about college, but I but it's I just start throwing stuff out there because you feel insecure about it. Is it a lifetime struggle? I mean, like, what's the lifetime struggle? When did you realize you were dyslexic and how does that kind of like play out? I realized I think when I was in I think I started getting these tests when I remember way back, my mom told me we were going to her friend's house. It was me, my brother, my sister, when we go and we get there. It was like hours away and the woman was testing RQ. And I remember this really well. And my brother ended up being diagnosed a genius. My sister did really well on it. And then my mom wouldn't tell me my score. I swear to God. Oh my God, it's like the three bears. Yeah, it's the three bears and one of them needs a helmet. This one's too smart. This one just right. Yeah, this one very stupid. Me, I'm putting the honeycomb in my butt. They're like, oh, boy. And. And I. Where'd you even get honeycomb? Exactly. I remember then feeling like something was off and they're like, oh, it's not that you necessarily did bad on the score per se, but they I didn't get additional testing. And then I then saw you feel this like stigma because you feel different. Right. And I didn't know exactly what it was, but in texting it would. So I would spell check, spell check every single thing, but you get comfortable with someone you stop spell check. Well, the texting thing, it's it's you know, it's funny. It's like you get out of school. We don't have real cell phones or kind of right. You there is a thought like, well, at least I won't have to write again. And no one will see my writing. And then it's like, no, we're going to communicate this way only from now on. It's like a totally worse nightmare scenario. And all especially like if I get like worked up, it's just gibberish because and I out to be typing really quick. And then I'll realize like, oh, this it's that's where the dyslexia. Do you ever do talk to text now? I do talk to text now and it's it's tough because I like it. Even tried it. Never tried it. Never even tried it. I'd give it a shot. I like it, but it does come out a little bit. You have to like reread your work. Right. Would that be difficult for you to like reread your work and correct it? Reading is no reading is no problem. Like I even a teleprompter, I'll read a teleprompter really fast. Really? So I can do that. But any type of trying to learn another or conjugate stuff or I remember with algebra, no geometry when they had the letters and the numbers, I said, oh, this is not good. This is this is already seeing some stuff. So it was so if someone it's insecurity, but that's the thing. If I found out someone's dyslexic, making fun of them for it or it's really it's not even like, well, we, you know, the rules of comedy, you know, you don't it we were talking in the beginning, the cold open is all about dealing with a heckler who's right, right, full, but also is being a piece of shit. Yes. So, you know, that you need the room to know that they know they're beautiful or think they're beautiful. Like there's context. There's got to be context. So like to make fun of someone for being dyslexic, you really have to have like a perfect hallway to walk through. You need a perfect whole. This is where when people ask and not to go like comedy 101, this isn't really. But when people say, oh, everyone's offended, that's not the truth. No, not at all. No, no. Everyone's not offended. You didn't work hard enough to make the joke work. 100%. Right. Totally. So it's like the it's it's comedians absolving themselves of blame. Right. You know, and even a good joke doesn't work sometimes. No, that's not because everyone's offended. Right. It's the context of the room. Totally. Not everyone's going to like everything. Let's read the what the text was. Let's do it. You I'll be him. You be her. Okay, great. I'll be the asshole. Okay, ready? How is your day? I'm heading to a workout at six thirty. Strength training this time. That was unprompted. He didn't go, what's your day? What kind of work are you doing? He's just like, just doing lats and traps. Strength training. It was good. I've been it's it was good. Then now I had dyslexic. We can't read it. You're like, oh, this is getting real meta. Wait a minute. It was good. Maybe I should have been the dyslexic one. It was good. It's been downpouring all day. So pretty gloomy and wet. But I got a quick workout in this afternoon, which helped. Nice. What's downpouring? A skin care technique. Winky face emoji. Do you ever realize how you sound when you correct grammar over text? Lol. Yeah, I sound like I'm trying to get you to realize you didn't spell it right by mixing it with a joke. So I'm not just calling you out. It's a lot kinder than just responding downpouring spelled. Correctly. You could just ignore it. Ha. It makes me feel stupid when you do that. I know how to spell pouring babe. I don't care to review my quickly typed text for errors before sending. When you correct grammar over text or social media, it comes off like you think you're better than someone else. Just saying always been a pet peeve of mine. Love you and know you don't mean it that way. I'm just letting you know. Sorry, but a pet peeve of mine. That following up someone's pet peeve with your own pet peeve. Yeah, is never the biggest douchebag move. That is that's like I'm looking to break up with you. It's like it's fully going into the territory of like, I'm sorry, but if you and it's like, okay, just this is too separate. Right. This this is like you are. This is the beginning of a month long argument that they're like to me. But my let me raise your pet peeve with my pet peeve. Sorry, but a pet peeve of mine is people that misspell items. You don't come off as bright when you spell it that way. So I call you out so you don't make that mistake with someone else. So a little empathy up top would have gone a long way. The thing I'm curious about is, oh, and she signed her thing off best linguistic loser. So let me this is this is tough. It's tough for her to say some backstory. My boyfriend and I have been together three years and are more solid than ever. And then this text exchange. So three or not more solid. How bad was it before? Right. This is bad. It's also they've been together three years. So they have, I'll think of a relationship as like having a bunch of pillars. So they must have some other pillars we're not seeing. It's just that the way he's talking to her does make it seem like are you sure it's not bleeding into other pillars because it's it. There's no empathy. There's no kindness towards knowing it's something that you might be insecure about. Well, let me totally agree because the way she handled it is like. Like. Like relationship one. Oh, this should be taught in classes. Like the way she said to him, hey, it's really a pet peeve of mine. She didn't use her actual dyslexia to like make him feel bad about doing something that like in the grand scheme, if you went to like an audience and you were like, hey, this guy made fun of his girlfriend who has dyslexia for having dyslexia. The whole room would be like, boo. Shame. She didn't do that. Right. She instead was like, let me just tell you, she was vulnerable. Let me tell you how it makes me feel. I feel stupid when you do that. I know you. I know I know how to spell boring. Like I didn't go back and check it when you correct grammar. It comes off and telling you how it comes off as you're better than me, which it totally does. Totally. I'm telling you how I feel. I'm telling you it's feelings and how it comes off. So I'm not saying you are someone who thinks they're better than someone. I'm saying this is my how my feelings are. So you're not even saying in the grand scheme that they're a bad person. And then you say, love you. No, you don't mean it that way. I'm just letting you know. I'm letting you know how my feelings get affected by when when you do this with my grammar. And then his response is literally to be like, uh, uh, I want to make sure you don't look like a dumb fucking idiot to all the other people when you're texting them. I'm saving you. That's the worst part of it to me, too, because it's making how self-conscious is she's going to be? Also, I wonder how many times I just feel for her where she said, I know how to spell pouring babe, because if that was me, I wouldn't have known how to spell it. And I would have had to like, look it up and then put it back in because you're trying to save face a little bit, but you should not have to do that with your partner. Plus I've been together for three years and it's like, Hey, I obviously I've got people in my life that I text with and it hasn't been a problem. I'll tell you if it is a problem and I need your help there. Would you break up over this? Yeah. Really? I think correcting someone's grammar over text is like the biggest piece of shit move. I can't see a scenario where it's necessary. I think correcting someone's grammar or spelling because what he's saying is not true. It's not like he's going to come back six from six months from now. It's belittling. Right. Because he's not going to come back six months from now and hey, spelling beat time, let's see if you've gotten better. Like he's not going to do that. He doesn't care if she's better. He cares about letting her know where she is placed in the world. He's taken her weakness and then like dunking on someone who cannot even be competing in that type of a sport. Right. I mean, I would you break up with this person? Like, I mean, you you you deal with this. You know, when someone corrects you, do you let them off the hook? So it's so tough to if they hadn't been together for three years, if she was like, I've been dating this guy for four months of absolutely. I'd be like, red flag, red flag, red flag. It's so hard when it's a when it's a three year relationship. But honestly, I would say that the way that someone's responding to this, it just doesn't. This is a big thing to say from this thing, but there's like a real lack of respect there and it's cruel. It's really cruel. Right. If she had said, I actually think if she had said we're three months in, I would be like, maybe he just doesn't understand. Right. I would say get out. Three years in. He should know better. He should know better. So I think this is like to me, like it's a deal breaker. I mean, even on the small scale, like. I'm going to say deal breaker too. And also just so you know, I would, I, when you, the way you spelled down pouring, I did not notice that was spelled wrong. Just so if that, if that offers any condolences, I was like, yeah, down pouring. This is my problem with people who check your grammar. Right. You understood it. Totally. You got to the place we needed to get to. This is texting is shorthand. If you really like couldn't understand me, we would have a phone call. Texting is like the reason you text is to get from point A to point B very quickly. So if you got to point B, we're there. So to correct me as if we're going to be entered into the county spelling bee. And we got to make sure that we're ready for the big test. No, we don't. Talking about cheating. That was that did me in on because I would cheat on the spelling test off someone, but then the spelling bee, they call you up. You're in front of everybody. Do you have a spelling bee? Yes. I never had that. Mrs. Quigley. And I still remember it. Fuck you, Mrs. Quigley. I remember it so well because then I had to stand up and I can't cheat off of the person next to me because I got to spell it in real time. And I remember getting so I would get in trouble just to go to the principal's office to avoid it. They got me kicking someone just to get out of the classroom. Like the same age. Get me out of here. And you went to school like in the old prairie in Maine. You had no spelling bees. I don't think so. We had spelling bees. That's so funny. Spelling bees and it's torture. So you know what? I actually maybe that's like some type of internalized like problem with dyslexia where you're like, oh, just feeling bad about it. You're you're right. I actually think that this is a deal breaker. Sorry to say that full compassion to a three year relationship was right there. But this is really shitty. And think about this. So my therapist helped me see this. If you're having a hard time figuring out whether it's OK for someone to talk to you like that picture, say you guys down the line had a kid and your kid was dyslexic and he was doing this to them or it's like a little version of you or someone else, then you'd be like, hey, what a jerk. Like I don't want to be around that person. I'm just making sure that you don't sound like a big fucking dumb, dumb. When you go out of the house and start talking to other people, screaming, you're connected to me. And now I look like a dumb, dumb. That's what he's on. You're right. Yeah. OK, deal breaker. You up at Betches dot com here with Emma Wilman. Everyone go follow Emma. Emma's fantastic. So funny. You're on the road. I'm on the road. Shows starting in mid March. I'm on the road like every weekend. All my tour dates are up at I am Emma Wilman dot com. I love it. Let's do some advice. JJ and E, my sister told me about the podcast a few years back. I have now proudly listened to every single episode and I'm in love. Thank you. Anyways, I think I might be a lesbian. All right. OK, strong open. Strong open. I have known I was by. And I'm sure that has nothing to do with what she's gleaned from. It's not like she's listened to you for a couple of years and is like, I'm gay. Not that you would have. I'm. I'm. I'm taking that away. But thanks. Good. Good. Yeah. After listening to every episode of your podcast, I do not want to fuck you at all. Thanks, Jared. Thank you for pushing me totally away from the male species altogether. Or maybe because you're so great if she doesn't like you, then she's like, I must be gay. Oh, well, you really did a turn there. There we go. Good work. I have known I was bisexual ever since 2017. The summer after I graduated high school, this is when my long time high school boyfriend I broke up and one drunk at night I made out with the hottest girl in my camp that I later got kicked out of. I always found women attractive have been the third in a couple of threesomes. With that said, I was never attracted to the man in the relationship. I just really wanted to hook up with their girl. So I would accept several years later, I have been in a relationship with a man steady for three years. Well, the first few years at the beginning, we were friends with benefits. I could go a lot into this relationship, but a couple of concerns. He can be old fashioned, has joked that I should be a stay at home wife. He isn't Jewish, not a problem. But my parents want my future partner to be Jewish. I have felt like we are more like companions over anything over the past few months or maybe a year. I don't feel like I'm attracted to him anymore and sex lately has been rare, mostly for his benefit. While I love him a lot, I am not romantically in love with him recently. Being approached by men has made me even more uncomfortable than anything. Whenever I have been out with a girl in the past, I felt more attracted, safer and more comfortable. I thought you may have some insight and give me some advice on how to navigate the situation. How do you separate sexual curiosity from sexual identity? I love you both so much and also love the J train over sharing podcast. Please let help me. Lesbian us. What do you think? I'm I think no matter what sex, if you're, if you feel this way about your partner, you should, you know, get out of it and then give your space to figure this out. So it'd be like two separate things. There's something I was reading about recently. It's called compulsory heterosexuality. Okay. Where it's like, that's like what you're pushed into because that's what society is telling you. So you're just like going with the flow. Right. And it's guided. Have you seen Heated Reverie? I've watched, I've watched the first two episodes. I'm waiting because three is where it kicked in for me. Okay. So I'm, so I have a question about Heated Reverie. Okay. Yeah. For you. Um, and I, let me start with the email. I agree with you completely. Yeah. These are two different issues. There's a, if they took the sexuality part out of it, they just don't seem to like their boyfriend. They don't like to seem to like their partner. They should that it is a PEMDAS thing. You got to do. You got to end this relationship. We can deal with the sexuality after that is something you could, that doing on your own is a lot easier than deal with. Like order of operations. It was like parentheses and math. It was like parentheses, exponent, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction. Okay. We won't get into it. Uh, I didn't even know it. So I'm using something I don't know. Um, the Heated Rivalry. Um, so we've solved her issue. Uh, you're a lesbian. Oh, okay. So in it, there is a, there's a thing where you, I'm, oh, this is a spoiler. Oh, well, don't. Okay. You can spoil it. I'm sorry. Cause I should see, I'm, I'm waiting for episode three. Cause I know someone I wanted to watch it with. Episode three really. So say, let me, to not have a spoiler on that. Hypothetically. Okay. Yeah. You'll see how people react when someone is with someone, the fear of if they're with someone of the same sex and then how supportive someone is when they're with someone of the opposite sex. Like they're so excited and, oh my God, they're so cute. They're not getting any weird looks, all that stuff. So that's part of compulsory heterosexuality. To add onto that, uh, she mentions in her email, the Jewish part. She's like, my parents would like, like me to be with a Jewish person. So she is, um, kind of suspect to that, you know, the compulsion, the, the societal stuff, because if she's taking that note from her parents and I don't want to add another stressor, but they might not, they might also not want you to be with a woman. Well, yeah, they might be like, you know, right. But hopefully you find the perfect Jewish woman. Well, whatever you find, they are somewhat, they, what you're saying. Back of your head. They, they, if they're worried about the parents and what they think about the religion of the person they're dating, then they are worried about the world, right? You know, judging them for other things too. Like sometimes there are people where they'll be like, yeah, I came out and then people were like, that's fine. As long as you marry an Indian, you know what I mean? So that happens. So he arrived. We let's, let's, let's take this. I would say like our autism spectrum, the queerness, sexuality is a spectrum. And to give your space to, to figure that, to wrap up the relationship and then give your space to figure that out. And who knows where it might land. Now, have you been with a woman that was like, kind of in this scenario? Not yet. Any day now, Mary, help me, please. I have. You've been with a woman. Oh, my God. It's crazy. It's crazy. Um, where they were like just coming out. Yeah. So I'm not attracted to straight women at like, I, the more comfortable someone is with their sexuality, the more like attractive that is to me. But in college, I was with someone who was deeply closeted. She's from Saudi Arabia. She was awesome. And she couldn't be out like at all. And it was so. Very similar types. So I'm already imagining someone I would fuck. It was so hot. Like it was really hard to wrap my head around, but I was like, I get it because of everything going on in her life. And it was so sad. She had a boyfriend and I remember her telling me once she was like, you know, this is so sad. She was like, when sometimes like when we're like about to hook up and his penis gets hard, she goes, I start crying and then we take out the Quran and read it together. And I said, come on. Oh my God. Heartbreak. I feel bad for him. I feel bad for everybody. Right. Right. I feel bad for everybody. I feel bad for everybody. It is. I feel bad for the Quran. You got to sit there with these two people who barely want to read you. You know, seriously, seriously. Every time you only come out, there's a boner on guys. Totally. Guys, I'm like, you know, we're trying to horrible situation. Yeah. So I have been. So that was the time I was with someone where they were like just coming out. I don't even know she ever came out, but and really struggling with it. But I've had lots of like friends in this situation for sure. It's got to be that that stinks. But I think like, you know, if to give any advice at all, like what you said, two different issues here. Like let's get rid of this boyfriend, get rid of the boyfriend. He's not for you, male, female, whatever he is, whatever they are, you're not into this. And that's and that's hard. And I think sometimes with a breakup, no matter what the relationship is, you're just like looking for ways to vilify someone. So that like you have a reason to break up. And I think her being like, you know, bringing up her sexuality, she's trying to like give reason to like end things with a nice guy that she likes. And it's like, you don't have to do that. You know, you're not into it. And that's listen, easier said than done. It's hard to end. But also if you're part of you is like, oh, maybe if I was straight, I would like him more. That's that's totally valid. But whatever the reason is, you know, so I would get out of it. And how exciting it could be if all of a sudden you figure out where you're like, I remember in high school when my friends, I was like deeply in the closet. So in the closet, I used to I used to make a big deal out of being like a ginseng marriage when I was in high school. Yeah. And I remember my friend, Margo, who was like, you sound really ignorant. Like my mom's best friend's a lesbian. Like, what's your problem? And I was like, it's weird. It's because I didn't want anyone to think that I was gay. Right. But all the way my friends would talk about their boyfriends. I didn't feel that at all. But then when I got to college and started dating women, I was like, oh, now I get. Like I remember. Did you ever apologize to Margo? I did. Really? I did. And you know what it was? She brought it up. But what I apologize, the top line apology was is I made my close group of girlfriends in high school. I said, guys, we got to wait till we're married. That's sex. We got to wait. And I was like, it's it's you know, it was like I made this whole thing about it. And then I said, OK, we got to at least wait till we're 18. And they would be like, I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. And I'd be like, no, no, we got to wait. We got to wait. So I went back and apologized for that, because if I had been like able to date women, I wouldn't have wanted to necessarily wait either. Right. So I did a little apology to I when I came out, I told I said, hey, I'm so sorry, I put all that pressure on you guys to wait to have sex. And they were like, thanks, because it was a little weird. They were like, don't worry, we were fucking behind your back. 100 percent. All of them ended up doing it. But I was like, oh, my God, like this could mess up your future. Like like plus it's disgusting. Like it was like, it's so interesting because like, you know, you we see these tropes because that's like, you know, the someone closeted being totally again. And I didn't. And you go and you go, oh, that we've come a long way. It's like, no, we're all human. Like that's what you know, that's what you do. That's like a defense mechanism. You get scared so you over you over do it the other way. So he's so he did. Now let's get to hit a rivalry. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. No, no, no, I think it's I'm enjoying the show. It is, you know, there is a moment and it's OK if you didn't. I don't usually like romance stuff. Well, I love this. The feedback I've gotten is that lesbians love gay sex. Oh, yeah. This is something that like we're getting like a version of like what lesbians are into. Right. I just didn't know that. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? It is. What is the attraction? I can only speak for myself. So in this one, I loved it from like that wasn't what did it for me in this movie. Like this movie didn't turn me on at all. But like I was like amazed by like the cinema. The acting like blew my mind. The Russian guy's counter story is very good. So good. It's so good that it made me like look at almost every other actor and be like, this is what it is. Like so good. But I think like if I ever watch like Gaporn, there's something about like the raw like it's like the not what's that word where it's like a real novelty, the novelty of it. And it's like the extreme like desire. And it's like usually in Gaporn, it's like very clear, like there's one and there's a top and a bottom and bam, bam, bam. So all like that. But in this one, I got to say full honesty and maybe safe for me to say it as like a queer person. When they first started the sex scenes, I was like, whoa, I don't know about this. I don't know this. There's a lot. Well, I think that's more. I don't think that has to do with. I think that has to do with like you're seeing something on TV. Maybe that's maybe you're not used to because I was like, wow, there is like way more like the noises. I was like, there's dick gulping. Gulping. Yeah. And I'm like, I can't believe this is like you can just turn on. I've watched that in a million times. But for so maybe that's what it was in TV. Like I was like, whoa, we're out in the, you know, even though I was watching it alone in my apartment. But it's it's so and when my girlfriend brought it up to me, I was like, I'm not watching it. I don't like romance stuff. And I don't like we don't like the same type of shows. Every time she recommends a show, it's it's like this like heartbreaking, like rendition of emotion. I end up crying. I hate it. I just want to watch. I want to watch taken. I want to also board identity on a check out. Right. So I said, I'm not watching it. Good guy gets bad guy. Revenge, revenge, revenge. That's what I like to watch. Yeah. And then I started running into people that are like, have you watched it? And I was like, no, I haven't watched it. And then it was Lisa Trigger, who's a. Lisa's like Lisa's basically being it has to be being paid by the PR team. She is it's all she talks about. She's not on the payroll. Trigger, Acklitter, Cheese, GoFollow, Lisa. Yeah, super funny. And but she was like, why are you being so weird? And I was like, I'm not I'm not being weird about it. She's like, you're being like a little weird. Like, why are you so against watching? And I was like, it's not like it's just I don't want to school Emma's back. I'm back because it's getting weird. But I was like, I don't like love. I don't like romance stuff. She's like, it's so much more than that. So then I watched it and episode three, you kind of look like Kip, actually. Who's Kip? Kip is he works at the smoothie shop. Of course, I look like the smoothie. No, no, he's like a total. The guy fucking. No, no, no, he's fucking all over the place. But I mean, he's really hot. Yeah, I'll take it. I'll take it. But that episode three, the acting and it was so good. So I think the show. Laughed, I cried. I'll take Kip. Yeah, yeah, he's great. I mean, that I. Kip has got like a Jewish star around. And he's got nice hair, too. Yeah, he's got good hair. OK, I'll take it. No, a lot of the noise around is like, wow, you know, this is the type of porn lesbians watch. Do you have you gotten that a lot? Like, I know a lot of lesbians do like gay guy porn. And I think that's so interesting. I just know and I like it too. So I can't. I don't know why I like it. And then I know a lot of straight women like lesbian porn, but I never watched lesbian porn. I always watch straight porn or gay guy porn, but I haven't been watching porn as much as I've gotten older. And I or maybe it's because of my antidepressants. It's messed with my sex drive. I don't know. But I don't watch porn like I used to. No, I haven't watched porn like I used to. You know why a lot of the reason why you know how they have like the state to state. Oh my God. So when you go to watch porn now, it'll be like, you got to check in. Like, depending on what government you're in, they'll make you like fill out this thing. I'm like, I'm not filling this shit out. Fuck this. I'm not. What do you mean? Couldn't agree more. They go connect my Google to it. No. Why make you want to upload a picture of your license? I said, no, no, no. Trace. Yeah, it depends on what state. New York. No. Not at all. Because we're on the road, you see these different states and it's always surprising which state makes you do it with. And Florida is like a big, like, and I'm like, I don't listen. I don't need. I need a VPN. I need something. If you scroll, I'm like, at that point, I'm like, I'm doing too much to get point. I don't need it. I'm okay. All of a sudden you go back Victoria's Secret. Like we can go backwards. And I'm like, it's actually been good for my health. You know, I think there's like a version of that where I'm like, yeah, I could be doing this less. It's totally. It is a compulsion. So that little like, do you want to really, do you want to watch like whatever it is, like naughty nanny or whatever it is, whatever the search history is, then you go, then you're like, not enough to enter in my email or upload a picture of my license. That's for sure. Yeah. It's a little buffer. I'm not putting my license on, you know, you porn. Totally. So that I can type in, you know, big titty Latina that tells me that I'm funny. Oh, yeah. I'm not doing that. You know, so. There is, I know that there are so many lesbians that search gay guy porn. And then I bet I think there's an equal amount of women that watch lesbian porn. And I wonder if part of it is like the novelty of it. So it's like, but also then, yeah, so it would be the novelty. And then also like you, what I'm always looking for important is like raw sexual desire. So I know a lot of. But I like that. Seems like you want the caveman. Yeah. Or like there's one that I like this gay guy porn where I, so if we could figure out the psychology of why I like this one, let's see. If there's someone listening or watching, I love watching the glory hole ones. So it'll be like a little, well, it could be any size. The guy doesn't matter, but like bottom energy. And then there's a bunch of guys and I like verbal. So they're like talking about him while they're just plowing them out. And the whole, they can't see him. You can't see him, but I can see him because there's a camera in there. Well, Emma Willman, thank you for coming on the show. Anytime. Absolutely. We actually did this whole episode just to find out what porn you like. Yeah, there you go. So it is great to have you. We want everyone to go follow Emma Willman at I am Emma Willman on all social platforms, correct? I am Emma Willman.com for show tickets. Go to an Emma Willman show. I love watching them on stage. I appreciate that. It is so fantastic. I'm Jared Fried. We're here every Wednesday and Friday. Get subscribed, comment, let us know what you liked, what you didn't like, what you found funny, where you laughed and sign up for our benefits. Twice a month, we do an extra show where we're now checking in with Jordana Abraham on her maternity leave. So you'll get to hear about Jordana and what's going on in her life. She will be back. We're doing special guest hosts for her maternity leave. But if you want to sign up for that, you get episodes a day early without ads. And there's always more on YouTube for you to watch. We do you up for more with so much great, fun content. I'm Jared Fru, back next week. Boom. Betches.