Thanks for listening to my call of the day, sponsored by Vibriant Super C Serum, my personal solution. For smoother, more hydrated skin, Super C Serum is a full line of skincare products all in one bottle. Get 37% off plus free shipping by going to Vibriant.com slash Dr. Laura. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24-7 at DrLaura.com. Gina, welcome to the program. Hi, thank you for taking my call. You're welcome. What's going on? I think, I know you sometimes say that some problems just aren't fixable. And I'm wondering if my scenario is one of those. Okay, lay it on me. It has to do with my husband. It's my second marriage and my son. and I'm 42. My son is 11. I have two kids, 11 and 12. And my husband... And the 11 and the 12-year-old are both from a prior marriage? Yes. Okay, boy and girl, both boys, both girls, what? A boy and girl. I'm talking about my son who's 11. Okay, I'm just getting a little history. How long have you been divorced? three years three years and when did you start dating your current husband two years okay so a year after the divorce you met him and dating him and got married when how long have you been married um no, that's not correct. I'm sorry. I was distracted. I started dating about, say, two years after I was married and, or divorced, and then I dated for about two years, and then we've been married for about two years. Okay. So what's happening? So the dynamic in my house is, not good. And in what way? Describe it to me, what goes on on a daily basis? Well, it's, it's between my husband and my son. And my ex-husband is driving a lot of this. And that's why I don't know if it's fixable because my son is very tied to my ex-husband. And And my husband is total alpha male does the right thing He just consistently knows right and wrong He does not take any shit and he will not be disrespected and he will not let me be disrespected And my son they basically coexist in the house They kind of avoid each other. They don't even greet each other. And are you new to my program? Newer. I wish I listened a lot longer. Yeah, because 70% of second marriages with kids end up in divorce. You can't just shove people together and expect it to work. Could your boy live with his dad? Definitely not. My ex-husband is a functioning alcoholic. The reason for that is, why not? He's a functioning alcoholic, and there's a restraining order of protection currently because he has threatened both my husband and I. And it's not safe. So as of now, at least, we have to, he can see them in public settings until we figure this out with the courts. and he has visitation with his children your ex it is even with an order of protection he can because he didn't threaten them he only threatened me and my husband and so got it it's a mess it's a mess and my why i called is because last night my i don't know how to deal with my son specifically. My husband has a beautiful relationship with my daughter. But for my son, my husband's a wrestling coach for the youth program and my son is a wrestler and they typically drive together to practice and matches. He told me, he's like, I'm not driving Samuel anymore. He's just disrespectful. I try to have conversations and And, you know, I'm getting grunts as answers and, you know, just zero effort. And he's just like, I'm done. So you can drive him. And then I talked to Samuel and I said, this isn't okay. You need to be respectful and kind and polite in the house. And, you know, this is, you have to change your attitude. And so last night, you know, he had practice again and Robert said he could bring him. And I said at the dinner table I said Samuel you know this is what I expect out of you Are you willing to behave properly and have Robert take you And he didn answer And my husband was like all right enough. Be there. I'm going to practice. And so I drove my son and it didn't feel right. And I was furious, but I don't know how to correct this. Like that's what my son wanted. He didn't want to go with my husband. He wanted me to bring him. He does not care to have a relationship with my husband. And it's no fault other than he's a stepdad. But my ex-husband is telling him, don't be respectful. He's not your dad. You don't answer to him. Horrible things. And he obviously needs help. But given this circumstance, my son sees nothing wrong with this. And I'm trying to do the right thing by making this house, this mood in the house better. And I don't know if I should punish him. Statistically speaking, it's something to be avoided. But here we are. I recommend the entire family, you, your new husband, the daughter, the son, go to family counseling. Family. Don't send your boy to therapy like there's something wrong with him. You married a drunk. God knows what was going on in the house. Then it's threatening. I mean, this is his life. You decide you find somebody you love and want to have a life with. It doesn't mean everybody following you can make an easy adjustment. I know. So I suggest the smartest, best thing is instantaneously get on the phone to your family doctor, find out if they know, not a psychologist. You want a family therapist. It's called an MFCC or an MFT. marriage and family therapy. They also call themselves, well, child and family counselors, MFCC. Either one. It's the same education. The reason I'm suggesting that as opposed to a regulation psychologist is because these people are trained specifically to do what I'm asking you to do. And that's his family has to deal as a family with its history and what's happening. Then your son will feel heard All he hears now is that behave right be nice be respectful answer when you asked If somebody asks you what happened in your day you supposed to I mean all he told is what he supposed to do Okay. And he's rebelling. Girls are much more complacent and kiss ass. You know that. And there's the heterosexuality. You know, he's attractive and he's acting like a daddy that she didn't have. Girls are often easier at this. But he's got two males, both who have expectations on him and a mother telling him to do what I tell you, not what your dad tells you. It's chaos for him. My sympathies are with him, not your husband. So, marriage and family counseling demand that all four of you go. You just tell your husband, this is what we're doing to save this. My son is unhappy because I married the wrong man, had chaos, married you. He's had no say and a lot of pain. And all we're expecting him to do is behave in a way that makes us comfortable. and it's not going to work. He'll do it. I know he will. Good. How do I, do I just drive my son to practice? Yes, for now. Until we go into the family counseling, we just drive him less stress. And what about just the day-to-day in the house of avoiding each other. What about the man you married, the alcoholism, the hostility? What do I have to say about all of that? You want all that to go away and him just to be nice. You'll have to be more patient than that. Okay. I can. Okay. Give me a call at 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. 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