The “Girl You Don’t Need to Worry About” Problem

Oh? Kitty! A great story, like Monsters Inc., stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story. From the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Gotta dead body, gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits. Spring on Disney Plus, 18 Plus, subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hello, and welcome back to the U.S. podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Jared Freed. It is so good of you back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's going on? I am good. I was very confused this morning because I took the Long Island Railroad and there were like, this is like the peak commute time, and there were like a ton of kids on the train. And Mike was like, why are all these kids here? I don't really understand. And then we Googled it. Why are children on the train? I'll leave you Google. Like what is today something or like whatever? I don't know what he Googled it. And he was like, apparently it's take your kid to work day. Oh my God. Right? Which used to be take your daughter to work day, but I think now they changed it to take your child to work day. So all these little kids what like have their like suits on and professor glasses and like basically. Brief cases? Yeah, they're like they're on the train with their parents. It seems like that's like the worst version of a day off from work. Oh, yeah. You still have to go. You have your child here. You can't really work. But you also can't really say no. Right. Yeah. I would say no. You would say no. You wouldn't do it. This is to me, this is one of those things. I got bad feedback from my take on paternity leave. But like this is another thing that I'm like a little bit old manish on. Did you ever go with your dad? No, I got to go to work. Did your dad ever take you to work? I mean, when we were kids, it was take your daughter to work day to get like women in the workforce. Now we're like here enough. We did it. Yeah, we did it. We're good. We don't need to do that. The whole issue is solved. You never went? I'm sure I did. I just don't remember like it being take your kid to work day reasoning. Right. You know, it was more just like I need to stop by somewhere to go. Yeah. I went to my dad's work. Did you go to your dad's work? Do you go to your mom's work? Yeah, I did. I went to his like office. I mean, I used to like work in my mom's office. So it was take your. You'd be like what? Like the secretary? No, that was my grandma was actually the secretary in my mom's office. Yeah. That must have been quite a gyneological experience to walk in and have your mom be the doctor and the grandma who's like a family, right? And they're like and they're talking to each other like they're like having grandma mom fights. My grandma would be like yelling at my mom. She'd be like patience. You've got patience in the room. Stop being on your phone. Actually, my grandma was the most stressful. Like you're in there like I gotta get a pap smear. Oh my God. This is going to be a horrible day. And then like you got patients. Yeah. Get over here. You're always late. Look what you want today. Lisa, people in the room, let's keep going. I love how much I knew exactly how horrific this would be for the patient. Like this is pre-out reviews. Pre- Thank God because I don't think they would have been great. My grandma was like one of the scariest women like ever lived. I loved her. She's like she's like no, but she's very funny. No bullshit. Right. But she was like a little, she was very like cutthroat in a way and she managed the office. She managed all the finances and she was like obsessed with the Holocaust. So she used to play Schindler's list in the waiting room. Oh my God. This is crazy. And my mom would be like, mom, I think, you know, like maybe we could, you know, make something a little bit more like neutral, pleasant. She'd be like, they need to know. How about Friday the 13th? Let's put on like a horror movie. That made it a little bit better. Yeah. She was crazy. That's what I'm saying. She did not, there was no. Well, it's funny on the, on the subject of like kind of over corrections, like take your daughter to work day, then we're like, we're done. We got to do take your kid to work day. It's similar to this where like someone's like, I hated going to the doctor. Like, like growing up, it was like the most horrific experience of my life. And yeah, of course it was. It was some mom and daughter duo screaming at each other. The magazines are old. Like and then they're like, well, now you can just do it from home. And like, you know, these web therapy sessions, you're like, well, I still kind of want to leave the house. How about we just not have an eight year old woman yelling at her adult child? Who's your doctor? Right. How about no Schindler's list in the waiting room? Yeah. That isn't like, you know what I mean? Like it's like, we do have these. You're like, man, maybe it wasn't as bad, but it was just like no one took any care for the experience of the customer. I think, yeah, I think you could do that before there was like a million reviews everywhere. Basically, it was like, if you wanted to, you had to look at like the USA Today Best Doctor magazine to get like the list, but there wasn't like reviews that were rampant. Well, and you just go based on a friend goes to them and they trust them. They go, you know, Dr. Abraham, you know, you know, Dr. Rosenberg, Dr. Rosenberg is great. And I know her. My daughter went, my mom went to secretary, a little intense. Right. You're going to have to deal with that. The secretary is going to ask how horrible your day was, not whether it was a good day. How are you doing? I'm doing awful. Well, I'm here to check in for my appointment. My stomach is really not doing well. OK, can I give you my name? Like it must have been a horrific experience for any patient. I'm sure. But I'm sure your mom did a great job. It's just so funny. Yeah. I mean, that's what I'm saying. You could make a you could make a sitcom just off of this office. Oh, absolutely. They made there was a sitcom called Wings. And then it was just a small airport. I think this has a more common. Oh, totally. And then my my grandfather was like the billing department. But he was it was really just like him napping in the back room. And then they'd call someone would call back and they'd call and they'd be like, I got a notice from the billing department and my grandma would be like, go wake up your grandfather. There's someone on the phone. Ow, ow, pick up the phone. Seymour, it's even better. Seymour. Seymour. Seymour. Someone wants to talk about their bill. And then he'd wake up. You got to pay your bill. That is fantastic. Family business. I mean, that is a sitcom. If there's a writer out there, you've just been given a world. There you go. Right. Steal it. Copyright. That's the office. That's that's a world. Yeah, a certain kind of office. It's also just so funny, like the no reviews, the. Yeah, there's WebMD now. Like there's like actual doctor review. And I always like Yelp. There's there's a million places to review and talk shit about your doctor. Right. Absolutely. Like I go to, but I do think it is a difficult thing, especially when you move to a new town. Like I got to find a doctor. I need to find like a village. You know, if you move to New York City, like I. I have to find your whole team. Right. And Jim. Jim, I know dentist. Yeah. I go to a dentist here still. Dr. Lauren Becker, who's fantastic. And her office looks like that. Just as office. Oh, nice. And her whole business like plan was like invite influencers so that they can show people my office and make people feel comfortable. And I think it's like she was like ahead of it, like inviting. I was like, I'll take a cleaning. Yeah. And I would go in and I was like, wow, this is a comfortable place. This is a place that doesn't remind me of the horrific dentist office that I used to go to, like not to give her a huge plug. But does her does her mom work at the desk? Her moms at the desk, they have, you know, Schindler's List on. And it's the works. Yeah, they play a saving private Ryan is playing the death scene. The Normandy scene is playing as you walk in. No, it's just like this. And I always say it when I like plug her, because I do mean it like, hey, you moved to New York City. Who do you go to? You know, like you don't have your mom being like, I got the dentist for you. I still go when you hear a lot. Yeah. I'm here a lot. But I'm but I'm a little bit like in Del Ray. I'm kind of like, I don't want to come to New York to go to the dentist. Like, right. I'm kind of like a little bit lost in Del Ray is like, where do I go to the like, I don't want to go online. Go. Yeah, you'd have to. Well, we're ask your parents where they go. I'm this is a whole story. Like we go to the same doctor. You and your parents. Yeah, it's been like general doctor. It's crazy. What are they called? The internist, like the regular dog. PCP. Yeah. Primary care provider. Yeah, PCP. Yeah. Yeah, I go to this. We go to the same doctor. I talk about it on my stand up. Because it's like so weird. And I'm so excited to hear your. Oh, the new act. So yeah, if you're out there, I'm on the road. I would love for you to come to a show. I think I'm in Vegas this weekend. No, no, no, I was just in Vegas. I'm in LA. Oh, we need the LA people. We have LA people. I should be able to fill this theater. It's the Netflix is a joke festival. I have a special that's coming out on Netflix in the fall. I'm very excited about it. You've seen that show. That show is amazing. Maybe my best work. I would give it my best work status. And now it is a great show. Thank you. And now this show that I'm doing, I'm like, you know, I have this high watermark that I want to hit. Like, I know what it feels like to have a great show. Well, that's the best way to be to compete against yourself. That's what I truly am. And I get a little depressed by it because stand up is just hard, you know, like. And and so this new show was to I have. I had an hour and a half of of a show. OK, and they were two different subjects. So I took the hour and a half and I split it in half. And I said, I'll get to that end half at another time. OK. So now I have that to do later. Now I'm doing the front half, which is all about my dad offering me his ozempic. OK. And this was at dinner. We were at dinner. My and just talking about calling the tour. I'm calling a table for one because it was about going to Europe alone. And now you should call it table for GLP one. That's a great idea. You heard it here first. There it is. I couldn't write that better myself. That's a lot of idea. Jordan is bringing all. I had a lot of caffeine this morning. I am really lacking here. Yes. So this is all. So I've taken that one thing and I've extended this is, you know, this is what they call brave as an artist to take something that works and then rework it. So that's what I'm doing. But LA, you'll see that said. I'm also going to be in Jacksonville, Austin, Cleveland, West Hampton Beach, Miami, Foxwood, Portland, Maine, and also I'm doing a book tour. Oh, the book tour slow to plan. But we're trying to make it happen. Are you doing it in bookstores? I'm doing bookstores and Six and I in D.C. OK. But we did it. We did it. Six and I. And then I'm doing 90 Second Street, Y New York. Oh, nice. So I'm going to do like a book moderated thing there. And then we're doing Boston, Miami. There's going to be at a I think the seller bookstore in Chicago. So these are all going to be you just go to my socials. You get a book, you buy a book with your ticket and they bundle it in. And the book is Walking Red Flag. You can preorder, you know, Kindle. You can preorder audiobook, which I did. I got a lot of things going on. I'm a busy guy. And but this show is working in America. Yeah, I try my best. So what's going on with you? Don't ask me things like that. Twin babies. Yeah, it's a lot of the babies. A lot of baby stuff is just like the same shit every day. It's so funny. Someone commented, I guess on a past episode, all I talked about is how tired I am to a woman with new twin babies. Listen, I don't travel as much as you. That takes a lot of traveling. Yeah. How's Mike with the babies? He's good. He's been working a lot. But when he's home, he's very helpful and very involved. OK, great. Yeah. It's a lot of it's interesting the way that like the babies have changed. There's very like efficiency, very about like efficiency now. Give me a look. There's just like less free time. So it's like you do this while I do that. Like it's a lot of very like divided. And yeah, you know, two on two. Yeah. So there's not really like if there's one, if there was one, two, you like you got it and then and then I'll yeah. Now it's kind of like, I mean, you could watch two, but it's easier to watch one. Every time you post a picture of the babies, I'm like, it is a it stops you. Oh, really? Yeah. You go you do like a it's like it's like a mental it's like the calm app coming on for half a second. It's like like I think a baby makes you go. What's none of this stuff is important. Right. Like you go, look at the baby. You know, like it just like stops everything. You know, whatever worries you have. Oh, you know, like all the shit I just talked about is stupid in comparison. No, I'm just saying. Well, it's true. I mean, like, yeah, I mean, it is new life brought into this world. The the fragility of it all, you know, like the yeah, it's just exciting to watch them experience everything for the first time. Right. Cool. Do have they done food yet? Are they doing? No, I don't think you can have food until like six months or something. No, then I can't really relate to them yet. I don't know. Do you like formula? Do you like breast milk? I'll try some. That'd be the weirdest thing. Do you do the do the breast milk? Yeah, here and there. Not like not like as a me on a team. You're not choosing a team. It's more of a bonding thing. They get like, I don't make enough to make give them like full meal. It's like a snack. Got it. Yeah. Has Mike tried it? No, he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. I don't think so. I would have to. Well, I was funny. Milk. Because I was my milk. I was using the I was using the surrogates breast milk for a while. Did you try that? No, but I was like, I wanted I wanted someone to do a taste test. Mine versus hers. See which ones. I don't know how rude this is. Should we do a blind test? Bring in some breast milk. I'll tell you, they were selling it. There was like an ice cream store that only did breast milk. Really? That sounds very expensive. Look this up. It was like. It was like a thing. It sounds very like much what a Republican in the West would say about New Yorkers. That what? Like, oh, these liberal elites eating their breast milk ice cream. Like it's like a it's a. If anything, I would think the trade the trade wives would would do that. There it is called Frida, a limited edition breast milk ice cream was released in August 2025 with real breast milk by parenting brand Frida. OK. Gold, Goldfellows ice cream. What is it called? Old fellows. OK, we almost lost the like odd fellows. Odd fellow. Is that what it's called? I've heard of odd fellow. Is it made with real breast milk? I don't believe it. Really? Oh, it says is not made with human breast milk rather mimics. It's not for me. I want the real deal. All right. Well, do you want to do a taste test? Yes. OK, I'll bring them all in. Is this an appropriate? I don't know. I don't know. We're going to find out. Yes. So comment in the YouTube comments. Let us know how you feel about the worst idea anyone has ever had. Well, we're saying the Pepsi challenge. The idea version of the Pepsi challenge. The idea that we are the only people who have ever thought that oh, it'd be fun to try the breast milk is. That would be. No, people try it. I think I'd say that. Like, I would think this is a conversation that every people have every, you know, parent has in their own home privately. Yes. But, you know, we're a podcast that stays honest and vulnerable. We're going to be our real true selves. We're not going to hide what we do for a living while we give you dating advice. That's why we're here. That's why we're here. We give you all our awards so you can call us out online. What are we doing? What's the first thing? All right, let's do it. Let's get into it. Hi, J and J. Longtime listener. First time writing in Feather Feather. I'm 25. I got out of a three year relationship about six months ago. I just downloaded the apps and have been chatting to this guy who is 31 for about a week now. He has been texting me good morning every day, which was a little too much for me since we haven't met up yet. But honestly, getting attention like this again did feel nice. We chatted a little bit every day. He seemed really eager to hang out. He even invited me on a weekend trip out of town to his brother's wedding that is two months away. I said, oh, wow, going to be honest, that's a bit much right now, since we don't really know each other yet. We made plans for Saturday night. It seemed good till Saturday afternoon. We were supposed to go to dinner and last minute he changed it to drinks. Here's the screenshot. All right. So you be him, I'll be her. I'll be the grifter. I've been trying to figure out where to meet up. Can we hang after drinks if it goes well? What a direct. I'm not trying to hook up if that's what you're asking. I'm not. Convincing, convincing. No punctuation. All good. But I'm going to skip on meeting up. I don't think we're on the same page. Wish you the best, though. She goes, then he unmatched me on hinge. Burn. I know this guy just wanted to fuck, but why did his profile say he was looking for a long term relationship? And why was he texting me so much throughout the week? If that's all he wanted? Now that I wrote this out, I feel like Jared is going to say he was texting so much so I build trust and he didn't want to put it the effort into getting off the couch unless he knew he was going to get laid. Love you guys. Sincerely, new to dating apps, batch PS, he just sent me these texts this morning. I'm so confused. Please help. I don't understand what she's confused about. She answered for me. Right. That's how good we are. That's how consistent we are with our advice. Right. I mean, I can add to the advice that she has said for me. Well, read the rest of this text. So here's the grifter. Hey, sorry, I was just nervous. Can you give me another shot and we go out? I really do want us to go out and talk more. I'm not here for hookups. I'm here for a relationship. Let me take you out and prove you wrong. What do you think? I don't understand what she's confused about. Right. What is she confused about? Listen, and let me just say she's confused about why his profile said that he was looking for a long term relationship and why he was texting so much because you ask less questions. Texting is easy. I don't think people realize that. Well, very easy to text. This is like the thing that we hear from a lot of people that write in here. Why would they spend all day texting me the effort? They make it seem like these people are doing anything that takes more than a half a second to do. Right. This guy didn't even hit space bar twice to put a period on the end of his I'm not. He's not writing. He's not creating like a deck. Right. He's not doing anything that's like super labor intensive. It's just a text. And I know the hard part about this like this app. Let me just say to her, she's not like stupid. Like I just hope she doesn't think we think she's stupid. This happens all the time where you're just left confused where you are so on a different page than he is like your after for him, like on a dating app. First of all, like you said, texting is easy. You know what's even easier? Signing up for a dating app and making a profile. They don't even check your ID. It costs no money. You can just sit there and browse from your couch. No money, no time necessary while you're doing other things, while you're in line for coffee to go on a date with someone else. You could be on Tinder swiping. Yeah. So like you need to understand that if you start dating apps with the fact in mind that none of this costs anybody anything, then you need to like that kind of informs your opinion on everything. Right. I mean, I guess what are like, that's why I think the bar is low, especially until you meet on a date. She said he was texting her every morning, which she didn't like. But like that is something you should probably then like you don't have to go out with that person. Don't engage with it. I mean, I am proud of her. Proud, whatever, who the fuck cares. And I'm. Like good work, but that she didn't go out with them. She did the right thing. She did what I if our her family member, I would go, oh, good, you didn't go out with this joker. Right. Crazy. I think she needs to. That's growth. But I think the biggest mistake she's making is feeling like everyone is on the app for the same reason she's on the app. She is on the app to find a loving, caring relationship, seemingly. Yes. Or someone she can totally trust and feel safe with while engaging in a romantic thing that has growth potential. That is giving her the most benefit of the not looking to rush ahead doubt. You know, so like, let's say, and I don't think she's wrong for one of that. But on the other side of that, you could have people that are just happy to get attention at a minimum. Right. You know, for him, talking to a woman might be the biggest win in the world. And if he loses it, who cares? I talked to a woman. I got the validation I wanted. Getting a match might be all that someone's on the app for. Then why is he writing, looking for a relationship? Because it's easier to lie and get more matches to make you to get your fix. But also like less messages if he doesn't write anything at all. And also he might believe that he wants a relationship. He might be telling himself every day, I want a relationship. But he also he he might want a relationship and also want to fuck. Also want to get attention. Also want to have something to do while he's taking a dump. Right. Like all of these things are wins for him. For her, the only win from an app, which is a lot of hers out there. Don't you know, not to I'm generalizing, but there's a lot of women out there who will say the only win from an app is marriage and a relationship. Right. And if that's how you feel, you're going to be very disappointed. And if you think that's what other people on the other side want, you're going to be even more disappointed. Well, can I ask when he says that thing and he says if it all goes well, can I come can we meet up after? Is he saying that so that he wouldn't go out if she said no? Like, let's say she answered and she said, I don't really I don't really like to like go back or anything after a first date. I mean, I'm still down to go hang out. Right. I mean, she kind of did say that. I mean, I think he's just like, let's say she still wanted to go out. Would he still be interested in going out? I don't know. I think I do think it's deceptive to right looking for a long term relationship if you wouldn't go out with someone who said they weren't going to go back with you after a date. Yeah, I guess it is. But no one's going to. There's no loss to him to do that. Right. You know, like it is deceptive, but that's in the public opinion. I and again, this is why these apps are these apps are done in the shadows. Alleyway interactions. Yeah. No one sees them. So he doesn't really feel any shame. Like he only came back to her to like, let me prove you wrong when it got to the point that he lost the customer. Right. It wasn't that like he was he never I don't think he really says he says, I'm sorry, I just got nervous. Like, right. Like you wouldn't have sex with me. You might not have sex with me. Right. And he's playing the part of an idiot while also being able to do everything that an idiot couldn't do. Right. Well, that's the insulting part. Right. It's totally insulting. It's and it's insulting when people take this person's side. Like, oh, I was just being nervous. I don't give a fuck. Right. You know, take your nervous ass and go fucking get an interaction in person and stop being such a bitch on these apps. Like I she said, I said that. Yeah, you're a fucking bitch. You don't know how to interact with people. You insulted me. Go learn how to talk to people and then come in the house. And that's the thing. These apps, someone could be like, well, they might have this issue, this issue, that issue. Why we always make the internet is a very right place to make it. So we take care of the least able of people where we are very. I didn't want to like go down this road, but like to me, he's playing the victim to the point where it's like, please take care of me. I got nervous. Right. And you're like, in this world of the internet, he might find a group that's like, yeah, we all don't know how to do this. That's why we go on the dating apps, because we don't want to talk to people in person. And, you know, now we found his algorithm. What's that? We found his algorithm. Right. It's the baby mouth fucking loser algorithm that we all have to like be nice to. Right. Because yeah, the apps are made for people who have trouble in person. Yes. But this person to me is taking advantage of that group, the group that uses the app because they're not good in person. And using that as a way to be like, well, I just got nervous because, you know, there's people here that need that. That's not who this is. Go fuck yourself. Like I actually am angered by this guy more because there are people with real issues that need the dating app to like be able to just talk to a human. Yeah. And now he's like playing this part when he knew how to do everything else, even check in with her to make sure she would suck his dick after they went for drinks. He knew enough how to do that without saying it in the weird way. Right. He said it under the cover of, oh, we're going to go out and hang out afterwards. No, we're not. And then he unmatches. Goodbye. OK, that's I can only assume that's what you wanted. Not that you were nervous. Right. I would say because we get a lot of these. Anyone who's looking at he says he wants a long term. You see, he says he wants a long term relationships. He says he wants to be in a relationship on the app. I would take that to mean nothing. The only thing I would take to mean seriously is if someone says they're just looking to hook up on the apps, they're telling the truth. That person's that is extremely honest. You could take that at face value, but anything else I would just count as a nothing. The person that writes I'm here to hook up is probably the most fun date you'll ever go on. Well, they're very honest. Right. And you know what? I would go on a date with that. If I would rather go on that date with that person, absolutely, than the person who writes that they're that they're looking for a long term relationship. If I was a woman, I would go out only with guys only looking to hook up to go on a fun date and then not go home with them. Yeah. Like and just say I have two policies tonight. Like in your head, you don't even have to say, well, then you're the deceptive one. Fine. You're the one that's right there. Yeah. Now you're going to get because there's a lot of people in these apps that all they want. And some people don't have the ability to like stop themselves from getting ahead emotionally. And I understand that you go on a great date and they say, I'm only here to hook up. You're like, but we had this great date. You know, you would go, oh, my God, it was so much fun. Yeah, because they're good at having fun. You know, they're they're letting people know I have fun. This is the fun I want. And I'm being honest about it. Yeah. So you I. But there's a lot of people who are like on these apps are like, I just want to go on a date. That's like fun. Just want to have a fun night out. Right. I just want to drinks are paid for. I want to be with someone I'm attracted to that they know how to make conversation, not this fucking loser who can't talk to a barista. This guy, well, I got nervous. What a fucking pussy. I like hate this guy. He sucks. In a way because he sucks because he's ruining everything. Right. Have you ever thought about writing back when you were like not really ready for a serious relationship? Have you ever thought about writing looking for casual or whatever? Um, I probably never did. I'm trying to think if I did. Why I said that to people after I've gone on dates and been like, hey, this was fun. I'm looking for casual. Right. And you're you had nothing in that category, right? You wouldn't. I would never. I would never answer the category. I think it's a fraudulent category. Right. Would you put that, though? I think it'd be a good way to go. I think the lower the you like you're very much a fan of like low expectations and or what's it? What was it? Undersell, undersell over deliver. I would have been undersell. Well, because from a man's perspective, I could. In my mind, my ego informs me, but also based on experience that the woman who goes out with me because it says I'm only here to like casual. Right. At one point, she might be convinced to go more serious. I think it's easier to go from casual to more serious than it is from casual. Right. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's definitely it's hard mentally. I think we're saying the direction correctly. I agree. So to this person, they did everything right. As far as like, you know, you didn't go out with someone that is really just a fucking loser. Right. But let me ask you, go back, going back to that thing. Why wouldn't you put looking for casual? If you were at one point, like what would be the the the reason a man wouldn't do that? I guess the answer would be that I wouldn't want to miss out on people because that takes you out of like, you know, people who are looking for for a relationship. The the more annoying response, which is also true, was like, I did want a relationship. Right. And I maybe not with them. Right. Right. So there was like because there was a chance. Right. But not answering it was the move. I think not having it in a profile. Yeah. And I mean, I think that's why a lot of men wouldn't write looking for casual because they know it would limit their options. Right. I think no man should answer it at all. I think it's like a stupid way. We should all just assume your animals. Right. Let's do a Nicky or Picky. Let's do it. You up at betches.com. Hi, J and J listener and subscriber here. Congrats to both of you on your recent life events. I get so many. I had someone in the street last night. I was at the comedy cellar and someone goes, congratulations on the girlfriend. Like I was like on the street. Wow. Yeah, it was very nice. People, how do you do feel? Are you surprised? I'm surprised. Well, you know what? I'm surprised on your behalf because it did feel like you could have had one at any point if you really wanted one. Well, that's the thing, right? I think I guess the way there's ways to take it, you know, you get to choose how you how offended you get. Right. One is like. I don't think it's offensive. Well, I think they're saying like, good job getting over an emotional. Humble, right. And I think that's it. You know, I posted her. It's like when people say congratulations when you bought a house in some ways. It's like, is that I guess that's like a financial fee. When I say congratulations on a house, I'm like more like congrats going through that process and finding the place that you love. Right. I assume it's like a huge decision. I guess it's the same with the girlfriend. Right. It's a huge decision. And congrats on finding a person you love. And let me just also say I was totally right to have every anxiety I ever had about having a girlfriend and doing this podcast. Why? You Google my name. Her name comes up right away. Her full fucking name. Oh, wow. So like, well, that's more about her anxiety, probably around dating you. Well, my anxiety was always for the other person having to deal with like the annoyance of like maybe this gets rolled back and having to like people Google your name. Like, right. You know, like all those things. Do people I don't think most women would be like upset about that, though. It's not her being upset. It's listen, like you said in past episodes to me, when I, you know, had breakups on the show, like they wouldn't be upset if it was an engagement announcement. That's true. You know, like you get both sides of the right. So and I was always concerned not I'm not saying I'm a hero. I'm saying it really made me think long and hard about going to the next step because I knew that if I rolled it back, there would be an equally as, you know, woman yelling congratulations on the street. Same woman. Hey, I heard about the break up. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's something you kind of sign up for when dating you the good and the bad. Totally. But that was my insecurities about. I didn't want to just like inch into a relationship. I want to like dance through the. I wanted to be able to talk about it in the way I'm talking about it here and talk about benefits like and it's just funny. I want to go back to the comments of people saying that like I was like this fucked up, needing therapy guy and be like, you know, I did it. Yeah. No, well, I did it and I was fucking right. You're wrong. You don't understand the end. And I do think people do understand a little bit like you tell your family and friends, I have a new boyfriend or girlfriend. There's an element of I've made an announcement to people that I might have to own. Right. And I don't think there was a lot of I think there was a few people. I'm not saying on en masse, but like there was a few people. No empathy for my position whatsoever. And I was exactly right. Like I couldn't write all along. Let me figure out an evil laugh. There you go. That's pretty good. Yeah. I'm the Joker. Remember that casting for animation. That's right. Even in my happiest moment, I found a way to be angry at people. I love it. I love it. They wouldn't be you. The addictive asshole I am. Yes. You're still you even after this relationship. Right. That's right. That's still. Is there a song that goes with that? Still the one. Still the one doesn't know. Still you. Yeah. I don't know. Well, recently I remembered something that happened on a date and I would love to know if it was an icky or if I was just being picky. A couple years ago, I, female 46 at the time, matched with a man late 40s on Bumble. We chatted on the apps a bit and then met for coffee. Our one hour date extended to two hours. We chatted nonstop. We shared stories about our jobs and families and interests. And I thought we really were connecting. We kissed goodbye and he asked me for a second date. I happily said yes. Our second date. We went to dinner at a local restaurant and happened to run into friends of mine, a married couple and joined them at a bar for a drink. We all chatted for a bit and then I stepped away to use the ladies room before we left. When I returned, my date was telling my friends a work story. For some context, this man was a segment producer for a regional television program. He regularly did background work for the on air talent, which involved doing pre interviews. Some of these pre interviews were with well known media personality. The story he was telling involved a person who was rather famous at the time, about 20 years ago and is extremely famous now. Here's my icky or picky. I just heard the story on our first date, but not just heard the story in general. It was the exact retelling. The words, the phrasing, the hand gestures, the pause for audience response. It was as Jared would say a bit. I realized that what I thought was sharing and connecting was actually just two hours spent with a guy running through his act. This thought was backed up by him immediately launching into another story that I had heard on the first date. We finished the date, but mutually faded out shortly thereafter. So icky or picky, our date repeats the same stories to every audience. Signed a bet you didn't want tickets to the second show. I love this one. It's a really good icky or picky. How do you feel, Jordan? I think this is picky. I think we all do this. We all have like a bit for a story. I mean, like you probably more than most people, but I think we all have a real. Okay. No, I'm just saying, like you do this for a living. You tell a story a certain way that you know is going to elicit a certain reaction. Right. And that's the way you tell the story. Everyone wants to kill. Yes. I remember this. I just, I mean, I do this probably with a lot of stuff, but when I had the, the infertile dog breeder. I would tell, I was around that time I was telling that to everyone. And by the third time I told it, I was like, I kind of know like the places to pause and the places to do that's kind of what you do for a living as you work on these, these things. You, you, it's like a block of marble. You're etching away at it to get rid of the fat. You're learning where people are responding. Right. And then you do more on a good standup comic is a good listener. Right. So that's something that like knowing the audience. I know Michael Che, that guy is one of the best standups that there is, you know, I'm from SNL, but like he said that to me once and I was like, that is the most true thing I have ever heard. Great standups are great listeners. That's good. And what you're saying is you're listening to the reaction. I get rid of that part at bombs every time. You're not blaming the audience. Right. You're like, that part. Let's do that part where the breeder has a dog that doesn't have, you know, ovaries, you know, like that's the funny part where people are responding. Right. So now I'm going to do more on that bit. Yeah. You know, I'm going to blow that out and get lost over the thing that, you know, people don't seem to be like seem to be tuning out for. Right. Bad storytellers don't listen. They're bad listeners. Yes. So but what you're, but what you're saying is like when you have a story, that's kind of an end story you think is entertaining, what she did. Right. Because I was like, I thought we connected over it. I get where she was like, it felt so, I mean, it depends what the story was, but I'm assuming it was like not extreme. It's a work story. Totally. And it's also like second date. And it's not like he's repeating it to her. Right. That's another good point. Right. Because this, that does happen. You go on a date with someone and you're dating a lot of people at the same time. You kind of forget where. Who you told what story to write. And maybe the person's like a little too polite to be like, I already heard that. Exactly. So like that's cause so there's a version of this where I'm like, that's icky. Yeah. But this isn't her. This isn't her. He's telling, I'll give you a personal example. V came down to Delray Beach and we taped, you can go to my YouTube. You can see my apartment in Delray and you can see like my tour of Delray Beach. And I had Emily in Delray and I told, I like brought her to all the places. That I had brought V to show on YouTube. So you did the same. Right. And she goes, I just saw the YouTube from Delray. I thought I was getting the story. For example, I'm like, yeah, that's why I told you it's good. That's very funny. Like I want to impress you the way I want to impress the audience. But that is. It is. Yeah. And I would be happy that they were trying to like impress my friends by telling them this funny story. Right. They wanted to look good for. I totally agree with that. I think it's her being picky. Right. Especially here's the, especially if it was a good story. If it's a bad story, they keep telling everywhere. That's a little bit of a turn off. Or if it's like a very boring story, I'd be like, oh my God, he's going to tell them. That's why you don't like them. That's why they're a bad listener. That's a good, that's like a good correlation you can make. And she clearly thought it was a good story because she thought they connected over it. Totally. You can still connect over a story that you tell to other people. And you could say to that person, so you went to the story again. Like you can call them out. Like there's a fun way to like make fun of it. Like this is my advice to anyone giving a best man or a bridesmaid speech or a made of honor speech is always to tell a story you've already told. Yes. Because you're good at it. You're good at it. And you've already done what you're talking about. You've already drained out the not funny, the not interesting. You know the parts innately that people their eyebrows go up. You know the parts that are funny. And then all you have to do is the fourth grade version of whatever your fourth grade teacher taught you in conclusion and relate the story to the couple you're talking about. There you go. And now you look like you've made a personalized, but you've already told the speech already and then you've already made it clean because you've told it to many people. Yeah. So it's not this like dirty, gross story that you don't know how people are going to react to. Right. You know the story. So you have a story about your friend. You if you're the bridesmaid, if you're the made of honor, if you're the best man, you already have a story about them. I would hope if you're in that job. Hopefully. And then you just say, and that's the reason they're perfect for each other. Yes. And that's how all you have to do. Look, you guys just got a masterclass in standup and speech writing. That's right. And you didn't even have to pay for it. It says, isn't even a subscriber episode. That's why you should sign up for the subscriber episode. Go sign up. Go sign up. We love a benefits episode. We did. All right. It's where we get personal. Some podcasts don't even tell you what they do for work. So we get here, not here. I've given you all our awards. All right. So picky, picky, picky. Yep. Hi, Jared and Gerona. Listener for a few years, first time writing in both of your happiness is infectious lately. Have this is the other part. Are we super happy? Well, I keep thinking back to like, we did like two years of like you on your baby journey and me, like when people just like, what's happened to the show? Yeah, it's almost like when someone says that you like, you look great or you've like lost. I mean, like, what did you think of me before? Right. Did you think I was like a miserable? But it's nice. But we did get feedback during those. I love when you go on your rants. I love what, oh my God, I'm going through the same thing, trying to have a baby. Yeah. My worry is that I'm too happy. I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to. That's unrelatable. Totally. You know, don't worry. I'm still angry at all those people who commented that I. You've still got some rage in you. I'm not worried. I'm angry. I broke up with my boyfriend of over seven years a few months ago. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Welcome back. There we go. You're single again, then you're back. It's tough out there. There were many reasons, but this email isn't a sob story of our breakout. Thank God. I need to know if I was right about the girl you don't need to worry about. He always had a ton of friends, both genders, even his exes were still around. I was fine with it because I was never threatened. I red flagged one girl that he worked with. We'll call her Sally. OK. And she's cute and young. Sally slut. Once at a work party, she started throwing stuff across the room at him. Then he put a sticker on Sally's back as a joke, and she reached over me and started smacking his head. I mean, that's all I needed to hear. That's a little bit much. Are we in middle school? Right. In front of this, like, girlfriend. Right. That's very weird. Out of the way, Jason. You're underneath them. Attaching a group photo from the party and she blurred the faces, but labeled the three of us in case sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. This picture is worth a thousand words. It is Sally with her hand on the head of her ex, almost in a loving way. Are they a rave? A rave? Like, what are they doing here? I don't. It looks like a luau of certain kind. And I hope this isn't how they dress to the office. Well, she's in the back. Literally, she couldn't be farther away from her own boyfriend. Yeah, she does seem very touchy. I would never touch someone else's boyfriend like that. Well, where are the crop top? Yeah. Yeah, Sally going for it. That's very weird. Sally's hot. Can't even see her. She's like, you can't see her face behind a tree. Yeah, they also sent each other Instagram reels every day and he would give her rides a lot. He claimed no one else could help her. So I asked him to at least let me know when he was going to give her rides attached or the compilation of texts. FYI, most of these texts were after he promised to limit his interactions with Sally. I even caught him lying by omission about who he was playing video games with. But I was always the problem of not trusting him and being jealous. Do you want to read those texts? Going to drop blank off at her car, then come home. Love you. Leaving baby going to drop blank off at her car at food land and then head home. Love you. See you soon. But I'm going to take blank to the airport, to the airport today after work. All of her people can't take her. Hey baby, I had to pick up blank this morning and I'm going to take her home after work, just letting you know her truck has a flat tire. She's a truck? Hotty with a truck. This Sally chick. Hey baby, just want to let you know that blank truck stalled at 7-Eleven. So I went and fixed it and started it. Then just had to take her home and drove her to work. So I'm going to take her back home after work. Oh yeah, baby morning is going to. Raw baby. The baby morning's been going so crazy, but I picked up blank this morning and I'm going to take her home today. Her truck is still broken. I'm going to take home blank and then take her to your house. Hi baby. We paused a little bit late. I'm taking blank home. All right. So it's just I'm doing a lot of stuff. He's getting road head from Sally. Fast forward to breaking up. He's been love bombing me saying all he's thinking about is getting me back. Meanwhile, I'm hearing he's showing up to dinner with our mutual friends with Sally. Last night on the coffin was when I planned an invite only event and guess who he brings along to my event, Sally. I kept it cool to not ruin the event, but snapped the next day when he asked me if he could take me out for my birthday. He was shocked at how upset I was and final and I finally ripped into him and stopped him with a strong, no, this isn't okay, scolding like a dog. Is he really just that stupid and a pure soul that doesn't see cute girls? Or have I been getting gaslit? I would appreciate your perspectives. Don't think I'm the crazy batch. Well, let me just tell her she's not crazy. You're entitled to how you feel. My advice to her, the fact that like this email is about like they've broken up and he's still texting and then he invite, she invited him to a party she was having. He still has access to you. I think you need to shut down that access. Do you think he's bringing her along to like make her jealous? I think this guy, I don't think it's that thought. Because she broke up with him. Right. But like it seems like she was forced to break up with him. Not necessarily because of this issue though. Right. I broke up with her. There were many reasons. There were many reasons, but this email is in a second. To me, and he wants to get back with her. Well, if I was to like give her a like a diagnosis on why their relationship ended based on this email, it would be because she was only getting a portion of a boyfriend. And when I'll speak for myself, I'm in a relationship now. There's just less time for other people. Right. The person that you're in a relationship with takes over maybe the role of like seven people you used to text with. Yes. There's just mathematically. I don't have the time again. I don't have the time to send the take or send the joke that I have to like a few people I text with you less. Yeah. Being in a relationship. And when you're single, you kind of like spread yourself around. You're more available. You have the ability. You're more on your, especially you. I mean, you had to break up with your, with your old girlfriend. Right. Yeah. We don't want to talk. Are you still? I do keep my ex around. Yeah. Well, that is a little bit. Yeah. I think you're on your, I feel like you're on your phone less. Absolutely. And especially when I'm with her, I'm posting less. I'm posting less of my stories. I'm more thoughtful about what I put up my stories because some stuff is meant for just us to some stuff is meant for the greater. Right. Public. I don't want to like be repeating a story. I just told to her like, yeah, sometimes I'll tell her a story. I'll be like, I think I should post that, you know, and I'm letting her know. I'm also looking a little bit for a kind of permission. Right. Of like, hey, I don't want to take away the specialness that this felt for you. But this is also something I think would be funny for the grander. You know what I mean? Like there's just a change you have to make. And it seems like she dated someone who made no change or effort at all to make her the priority or make the relationship the priority. And she was let down by that. And this sadly woman is like the physical version of that. Like Sally's almost like the AI turned into a human to represent the lack of attention her boyfriend was giving her. Right. Well, I also think they were dating for over seven years. Right. Right. And I think the new relationship definitely takes up more of your time than like the seven year in relationship. So I'm trying to think like if she, I, I think it's very weird to be putting your hand on someone else's boyfriend's head or like, like kind of like being flirty in front of them, but I do think normal and just drink your friend's breast milk. Exactly. That's how normal like a normal person. Right. But I do think it's weird. I do think like if you were going to replete, like if she wasn't of the, of if this wasn't a heterosexual relationship, like I could imagine texting Mike about this and my friend, like, like my, like maybe before kids while we were like seven years into a relationship being like, I'm just dropping, let's say like my friend lies off in her car. I'm doing this for her. Like this is like that. But the fact that she's of the opposite sex makes it really weird. I think. Yeah. I like, I don't think it's necessarily about the time I, because they've been, if it was a new relationship, I would say, yeah, that's weird. But seven years in, I think it's more about like the inappropriateness of that male, female relationship and like the, the, the flirting in front of them. Sure. That, that, that definitely is part of it. And it's also, I just don't know, would you have time to give Liza a ride home every day? Not every day, but if I, if I, I maybe I would drop her off, I would drop her off at her car every now and then that wouldn't be like, take her to the airport. I would never take anyone to the airport. Here's the thing. I wouldn't either. But if you're, if your relationship is great and you're getting all of it from it, you want, you're not going to question the rides to the airport, the rides home. Cause you're like, I'm getting everything. You know, you wouldn't even think of this. I would still think it was weird. I think if I was, even if I was getting everything that I wanted in my, and Mike was driving his female coworker to the airport. Yeah, it is weird. I think it's the, I think if it was a male friend, it wouldn't be that weird. If he was like, if Emily was like, I'm dropping off my friend at the airport who doesn't have a ride and asked me to drop her off. He wouldn't be like, that's so weird. Not on its own. If she was saying she had a male friend and they were like flirty in front of you and he was driving, that would be much weirder. One thing connects to the other, but I, and also on its own, it's not that weird. I have a friend at work and they need a ride to the airport. Their car broke down. That happens. Like, but I think the, the nature of it, like being over and over again. Yeah. It's like, okay, you have made them a priority equal to the relationship. Well, especially if she says it makes her uncomfortable. I've already told them about this and now you're still doing this. Why are they as important as me? The whole point of a relationship is that this person is your responsibility. This relationship is your responsibility. Other people aren't your responsibility as much. You know, you have a responsibility to be polite and classy and nice, but you don't have a responsibility to like make sure they get home from work every day. Well, do you think, so what do you think about next? So she broke up with him, right? This is one of many reasons she broke up with him. Does she have a right to be like really mad that he's bringing her to all these events? I think she needs to see that this is who he is. He doesn't seem to care as much about. Well, if he didn't care when they were in a relationship, why would he care now about bringing her to shit? Right. It was weirder when they were in a relationship than. Now he's free to do this. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're dealing with someone who, you know, everyone has different forms of addiction. This guy is addicted to a certain type of attention. Yeah. In this way. Some people get addicted to like a phone attention, a dating app attention. This is a, this guy is like the office flirt who gets a lot of people that like to talk to him and then he treats everyone the same. I don't think. But do you think he's doing it some purpose now that they're broken up? I don't think so. That based on the story. He just wants the attention of the friend. I think just attention is attention. Right. I don't care how it comes or how it is. And he's begging her for more attention. He's saying get back with me. Right. So like he's a little bit like a fiending. So what's going through his mind when he's like still bringing this friend around and texting her that he wants you back with her. And then she's screaming at him the next day. I think he thinks that he's not that bad of a guy. He's being nice to people. Okay. Like I think he's like, that's my friend. Well, he also probably does. I agree with her. I agree with him that he probably does feel really lonely now that she broke up with him. That's why he's bringing the friend around because she likes him. But that's why this girl needs to like, you need to cut communication. You're not doing anything to help yourself. You're keeping him around. Right. Either get back with him and accept that this is who he is or don't see him. Right. You invited him to your party. So you're you're shocked that the guy who is acting the exact same way at your party that he was when you were together. Right. So like he's taking it a step further because he's not in a relationship. Right. He doesn't have you being like, don't bring her. Well, now he still does. Now he can't. Yeah. Yeah. So I think if she has to break up, listen, seven years in a long time, I get it. Seven years is really tough. She needs to stop hanging out with him, stop contact and say to him, contacting me is like a no go. I need to get better. Yes. Like right now this is like, she's kind of half doing it still. Right. Yeah. And I think he's kind of like, I think it's not really fair to be like, you can't hang out with this person still. Well, the thing that she's really like caught up on is the she even said in her email, she referred to her as the girl you don't need to worry about. So like she's also like a little bit of a detective. Right. So she wants to be like proven right almost that they're hooking up. That like, I know the whole time there was something weird there. Yeah. There is something there between one, at least one of them. Right. And that's something that's tough for us to like tell her to do. She is so concerned with what the end of this movie is. It doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter. But it matters to her because she's like, I just want to know I'm not crazy. I just want to know that I was like, totally right this whole time. Yeah. That this girl was someone and then she's not going to feel better when she finds out the answers. She's right. And here's the thing, even if they're hooking up now, like it doesn't mean he was in love with her the whole time. No, I don't really believe that. If anything, it means she's just another drug dealer who can get him his fix. Right. Yeah. So I don't think if they hooked up now, it means you were right the whole time that they were hooking up or there was something. Right. Cause the only thing it means is that she did like him the whole time, which I think is kind of obvious. Like the whole time I was like, why did she invite him to the party? She invited him to find out that like she wanted to see this. Yeah. She wanted him to bring the girl and go, I told her. I told her it's right the whole time. It's like, and I, I don't know if she's going to find happiness in that. Let's play some games. Let's do it. Red Flag or Dealbreaker. It's the game that is sweeping the country. You are dating someone. It's going amazing. One thing happens and you're like, is it a red flag? I just noticed it, but I'll stay in it. Or is it a deal breaker? You end it site on scene. You ready? Yep. J and J have been seeing a guy for the past seven months. Last night we went out on a midweek date for drinks and apps. I thought the date was going well. Conversation was flowing and we were making plans to check out another spot after we got the bill. After we were waiting for the bill, he slipped out and I'm bored. Instantly this rubbed me the wrong way. One, because I was having a good time and two, if you're bored, why are we making plans to go to another spot? When I asked him about it, he said, he didn't mean the comment about me and meant it as a, I'm bored. I'm sitting. He apologized multiple times, but it didn't sit right with me. I decided afterwards I didn't want to go to the second place with him and have him drop me off at home. Dealbreaker or petty was like too sensitive to the comment of feeling bored. Seven months in. Part of me thinks I was, but another part of me feels like the guy I'm with wouldn't feel that way when I'm out on a date with him. Did I take it too personally? We'd love to hear your thoughts. What do you think? I think she's taking this too personally. There's seven months in. I thought this was like the first date and I was going to say it's just a red flag. Right. I thought it was a first date and you were literally dating someone on the show. Love, love on the spectrum. Like that is such a weird, stupid comment to make. It's a, it's a different move. Weird. I mean, it might be not the wrong phrasing, but like to just like be waiting for the duck, I'm bored. Yeah. It's like so out of nowhere. It's a stupid comment to make. I think it like, listen, if he didn't apologize and said like, and kind of double down on it, that would be a bigger deal. But people sometimes just say shit. Sometimes you just say shit. I don't think it means he's bored with her. They were waiting to go to the next place. They've been dating seven months. If someone said this is not first date, I think it'd be a bigger deal, but still not necessarily a deal breaker. If they apologized for it and were like, I don't know why I just said that. That was stupid. Do you think my one thought, people just say stuff, but I don't think he was saying I'm bored with you. I think he was maybe saying and bored at the restaurant. I'm bored with the dynamic. Like sometimes you're there dynamic. Yeah. Like sometimes you're just trying to like, see if this relate. Boring isn't the person you've gone out with them for seven months. You enjoy them in some way, but maybe there's this idea that like our dynamic feels very similar every time. And I just want to like throw this off course for a second to see where this could maybe take us. So to say something like that out of left field where you're like, I'm bored. You're just kind of like, I don't know if I've ever done that. You think he means like, that's almost worse. Like I'm really bored with like, as opposed to I'm bored at this restaurant. Right. Seven months in, we're going on dates. It can be boring. It can. You've gone to dinner. He clearly needs a lot of stimulation. Right. You're about to go over drinks. It's like, you know, I don't know if he said it like just to say it or just to see what happens. It's a little bit like the puppet master. Let me throw in this, this variable that kind of shakes this very monotonous guy girl going on dates. One, two, three, four, seven months. Are we going to be in a relationship? Will we move in? Like, yeah, I think she could ask, what did you mean by that? Right. I think getting mad at him and going, I'm the problem. It's looking over the, what could be a more, like, I think what you're saying is totally right. Like there's a bigger conversation here. Right. Like I'm bored while getting the check at a dinner you're having with me. What do you mean by that? Right. Are you bored with this dynamic? Do you want to shake things up a little bit? Right. Do you think we go on dates that are just the same every time? Do you wish I was a more active participant in planning these dates? He's going to regret saying this comment. Right. I think curiosity. Keep him up till 2am discussing what he meant by that. Right. I mean, her anger kind of like disrupted what could have been. An interesting conversation. Right. Right. And maybe he was yearning for that, didn't know how to do it. And he was like, let me just scream this thing out and see what happens. Like I, I've been in that scenario where I'm just like, this person's nice. I'm nice. We're having a good time. But like, is this life? Would you say I'm bored? Boring. Can you imagine? That's crazy. Yeah. That was always in our fraternity. That was something. It was a great way to fuck with someone. Just to say boring when they're telling a story. Yeah. If someone was like talking and like telling a story and if it went like a little too long, you're just like boring. You should do that with our guests. I next. Next. Someone should do that to me. If you're a guest that wants to come on. Yeah. So I think it's a deal breaker. Her response to it being. Deal breaker. And I'm going home. Right. Like especially when he apologized and doesn't like, again, I think if he was like doubling down, like, yeah, I'm really bored. Did I just find. I'm bored. That's it. Sorry. It's conversation is even if he was just like, this conversation is boring. It's rude. Well, he's part of the conversation. So like when she's, when he says it's boring. Well, what do people tell kids who say I'm bored? Only boring people are bored. Right. What, what are we going to do about this? She, she took it as you're boring, which kind of reveals her insecurity, but also. If she got very mad, that would be her. If someone said they were bored around you, would you be mad? I'll go, what's, I would either know it. Do you need me to do my special for you? I can do some jokes. Well, I would, I would go, what made you say that? Like I, I don't know if getting mad and then I got to go home. Yeah. That's someone who doesn't want to hear. She didn't want to hear the honesty. Yeah. It is a red flag for the seven month, the relationship. Right. No, seven months I'm bored. Let's talk about this. I don't think she was as invested in as maybe she thought she was. So let's do another one. Let's do it. Hi, J and J. Congrats, Jordana. And welcome back, Jared. Great to see you in San Francisco last year. Love San Francisco. I'm writing him with a red flag or deal breaker. I'm 41 female and have been seeing a 51 male for a little over a month. We were set up by a friend. There's a great connection and we're exclusively dating. One night I went out with him to meet some of his gym friends at a bar. We all ended up going out dancing and had a genuinely fun night. He does not sound 51. It sounds fun. Great. Yeah. He was driving me home and we were chit chatting about his friends. Right before dropping me off, he tells me he has an attraction to one of the women who I just met that night. Not that she's attractive, but that he's attracted to her. Side note, she's also my neighbor, small town. I said, present tense. It wasn't framed as something in the past or resolved just a current thing. He said he was just being honest. It made me want to jump out of the car, but I stayed and we talked a bit. We've had a few longer conversations since. At first it felt like he was reacting to me being upset rather than really understanding why there was also some minimizing instead of fully owning it. He eventually acknowledged it more directly, but it took some prompting. That said, it did lead to some good conversations and he was, oh, he was very open to having them for context. He's not testing the waters for polyamory. That was one of my thoughts. That was my thought too. He is San Francisco. Yeah. That's fair. And I'm central. He is into me and says he wants something monogamous. I'm still left a bit confused why he would say something like this at all. It felt unnecessary and a bit inconsiderate. Is it a red flag that the guy I'm dating told me he's attracted to another woman right after we met her? Is this a red flag or a deal breaker or just a one off moment of bad judgment? What do you think? This would be a deal breaker for me. Yeah. It's just like someone who clearly has either like doesn't care or no awareness or no social skills to say that. He's also 51. Yeah. Like I have to believe there's knowledge in how you say things at that age. You would hope. You would hope. He could have said this so many different ways. What could he have said? I just think, you know, you're out. You know, I just say, I got to say, you know, who's beautiful? You know, Kenzie. You think that would be better? I'm attracted to her versus I think she's beautiful. I think it's still weird to say I think she's beautiful. You don't think? How about I think Lisa is very attractive, just out of the blue. Why would you say that? Would you ever say that to your girlfriend? About a woman you guys just met? No, it would have to come up in the con. I could see how it would come up in the conversation. What did you think? I she's very pretty. Very pretty. They would have to be so unbelievably hot for that to be an acceptable thing, like to where like it was like a thing. A universally known hottie. Yes. I disagree with him. Let me get one thing. It would be weird even if he said, I think, like just stating that he thinks she's attractive. Wouldn't it be weird if you were out with your girlfriend or even on a date and the person, they've been dating for over a month. They're not even exclusively dating and you meet someone for the first time. Like another couple of people and she was like, that guy so hot. I think I agree with you where they would have to be universally hot. Like it would have to be a striking individual. Yes. It couldn't be like that's my taste in hotties and I just have to let you know. Yeah. Right. I can't see a scenario where it would be normal for a man to just be like telling me that someone, again, not a non celebrity. Right. Regular person, we were just out with that they could hypothetically have sex with one day. Right. So attracted to me. That's why the polyamory thing came up. It does feel like you're trying to shake a tree a little bit. Yeah. When you say like, especially the way he said it, I think the way he said it is I'm attracted to her is even weirder. I think that's like the top of the weird mountain. Yes. Like you go, I think there's levels. There's a spectrum to this. I'm attracted to Lisa after meeting her while on a date with someone else is almost like weaponized. Like, what are you trying to get at? What are you trying? Why would you say that? Why would you say that to me? Do you want to bring a third into this would be like a kind of a reasonable or are you trying to tell me that you are, you want to not be monogamous? Right. What is the message being sent is a totally appropriate response. The fact that she says it took him some convincing. So to like figure out that like, well, that's why this man is single at 51. Well, this is something that goes into it. This is the scary part about being older and single as you go on challenge. There's no one to tell you. There's no one going, what did you just say? Right. Cause no one cares. Especially for men. Maybe their friends think it's like funny. So they're also like motivated or incentivized to keep being ridiculous. And men are not very into self improvement. We think that we're okay already here. Unless it's at golf. That's it. We only care about improving a golf game. That's it. And that's it. Everything else. We're pretty perfect. So, and I see this, I, I, I've met some, you know, I see this from myself as a, you know, getting in a relationship, having been single for the like the past five years and being older. Well, I do it this way. This is company policy. And I'm, I've been running my company forever. I've never had a business partner. You know, this is 51. This is a guy who's never had a business partner who's been like, no, well, I do it this way and we have to figure out. Why would you think it was weird that I said that? Because I'm your partner and it affects my business as well. Like it's like, right. Well, so that's why if there's a, if there's like, if it, if there's a reason that being older, especially I think for men and being a red flag that you've either haven't been in a relationship in a while or never been in a relationship, it's stuff like this. It's like, I'm not going to have to train you to know how to interact with another person. Right. Not insulting way. It's, yeah, men are almost too sure of how they're doing things and women as they get older are almost not sure enough. You know, like there's a lot of like safety taken by older women. Like I've been on dates with women who were like, I, you know, especially if you've been telling yourself you're a grandma since 21, right? You're like, by 35, you're like, how could I ever be loved? You know, like I'm right. And, and so you're very protective. And a lot of these men who are out there, they go the other way. You know, we see this with the pro like doubling down in their views. Right. Well, no one's ever told me I'm wrong. So I must be right. You know, and I'm not wrong for being single. I've never been told I'm wrong for being single. I'm just having fun. So now you're like guys had fun and done everything right. So yeah, I'm gonna say whatever the fuck I want that comes out of my mouth. Like that's like a sad reality. And I think the other side of it is true as well. Yeah. I was on those dates where I felt like I had to cheer up women. You know, like I've been on those dates. Yeah. I was like, oh, got your nose. You know, like, and then finally you get a laugh at them and it's like, see, can you be normal? But you don't want to have to be doing that. That's why I didn't go past the first date. I they were nice people, but it just I could tell the fists were up. This guy has no fists. He's just fucking walking to an annoying forehead. Annoyingly. Yes. Yeah. I mean, this would be a deal breaker for me. Definitely. I just think if they're already saying shit like this, it's only going to get worse. It's just there's no care for the person that you're supposed to care the most about. And to be honest, obviously, to me, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to another woman. Right. You just don't need to tell someone that's part of like respect. You don't need to tell someone every thought you have. I do think you can say it in a way that isn't. Again, you're doing a tight wire act. I think you can say, I just think you were at a dinner. Linda has it. Linda's got a great look. I don't know. You would be the what would be like the merit of saying that? I don't know. I don't know why I would need to say that I'm bored. Well, no, I do think that's part of this. That's why I was like in the beginning, Pauli Amary was like the answer. But I do think there is this element where people say things to get. If you talk about sexual stuff, OK, you can go down the road of sexuality. So just bringing up I'm attracted to Linda to your girlfriend is kind of kinky. So you're trying to get down the road of sex and kink. I am I in my opinion. OK, because the the conversation might not have been broached. You're new to each other. He wants to talk about sex in a. That's why he's saying it. I that's my only thought. That's why polyamory was the first thought just like you. Well, I'm like he it might not be polyamory, but there's something he wants to test with you. OK, I don't think he goes. That's one. One option is that is that. And the other option is that he just doesn't give a fuck. He's a piece of shit. And I'm going to say what's on my mind because Joe Rogan told me. I'm going to filter myself. Right. Right. It's these free thinker types that say things that they know are going to instigate people. And it's all with a bad actor mentality. Right. Like I don't believe in that pursuit. I think they're liars. They just want attention. I agree. So this is his way of getting attention. Or it's his way of talking about kink. That would be like the options. Two options. Yeah. But if you couldn't be honest about that. But I've told girlfriends before that I found a woman like her look look good and never felt that it was like gone off the rails in that way. Someone you had both just like seen or met. Yeah. But it would feel. I'm not saying I can remember a specific conversation, but it never felt like it was done this way. Right. It always felt appropriate. If I was dating someone, they were like, like I can think of a few friends of mine that if my girlfriend was like that guy, good looking guy, I'd be like, yeah, always any girl that guy crushes it. Just and I would agree. OK. I could see my on the other side of that. I could see myself being like totally agree. That guy kills it. I wish I had his body. You know, I've said you rather her say I'm that guy is really attractive or that guy is hysterical. If they were hysterical, I would agree. They would have to be really hysterical. They'd have to be funny to me, too. Right. If I didn't get it, like I'd be like, really? Like if so, if if I if my if Emily said that she found a comedian, I didn't find funny. Yeah. We have had this conversation. She has it happened. It has happened. And I said, what did you like? OK. I questioned it. I was like, really? It was more question. I can tell you was off. Great. And I was like, really? And they're like, I caught them during this part of, you know, the pandemic and this or I started watching their stuff this and then and then. And she had an explanation. I was like, well, let's go to the tapes. You're like, I need to show you when someone likes a horrible movie or something to. Right. And sometimes people just come at someone at an angle. You go, OK, I can see why this like. Right. That particular. I'll allow it for that bit. Right. But there's a couple where I'm like, you don't think this sounds like a BNC, like it's like the person's talking about their interests. So there they were like, this was a surprise. I couldn't believe I'm excited to hear what it is. Yeah. All right. This hack. Let's do one more. OK. J and J, big fan of you up and over sharing since the beginning. I even still have my copy of nice, if just a place in France. It's just a place in France. That was my best. Yes. That was my New York Times bestseller. I'll get you a hat, too. There we go. From when it was first published. Well, that's wonderful. I'm really should really not let twenty two year olds write a book. Do you have that feeling about the book? A little bit. I'm like, I'm scared. I'm kind of scared to. It's kind of like if you were you were going to watch your own stand up. Twenty two. You might be like, I don't know if I want to see. Right. Well, this is the basis of like, I feel bad for the generations coming up now. They there's no workspace or maybe from my angle, maybe they they have a secret workspace that they don't tell old people about. But like, where's the workspace to fuck up? Right. You know, like, I'm sure there's a guy who's twenty three right now who's like loves all the people that are profiled in the Manisphere documentary. Definitely. Absolutely. He thinks they are the coolest. He's like probably several of those people. Absolutely. Huge fan can't understand why anyone wouldn't like them. They make great points. I don't like to feel that that guy can't come back to normalcy. Sure. Like I think that. Yeah, there's empathy there. Sympathy for I don't think the Internet offers a lot of that person. That's my that's my fear. I because I've had opinions that I would go, yeah, that's an opinion I don't agree with anymore. Yeah, you know, like I I just think it's like and then people use that to like say that they're fraudulent and all their takes are going forward. And it's like, well, it's like, are you really paint ourselves into a corner? We really were fucked if that's the case. Right. How does that mean? It's one thing if it's recent, but it's like, are you the same person you were when you were twenty one twenty five? No, no, when I was thirty. No. People do the thing and they go, well, they were thirty. They should know better. Some. I don't know. I don't know if I should know better. Listen, I'm forty one and I'm thinking of myself like my parents being forty one and having me like I can't believe my parents parented me at the age I am now. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like so. And I can go back and show them five different things that they did or said to me when I was when they were forty one. They probably don't agree with that they wouldn't agree with either. So like this idea that like they're they should know they're past whatever age by whatever metric. I don't know. No, I agree with that. I feel bad about that. I'm recently back on Hinge and I had to get y'all's take on this interaction. See screenshots attached. The conversation was fine until he asked me to FaceTime before meeting. I've gotten this request a few times before and it's never a good sign. So I tried to play it off like I didn't want to give my number out before meeting, which is true in some cases. However, his response and telling me he is currently scheduling coffee dates a month out after passing an initial phone screening was such a turn off. It took any sense of romance out of the conversation and made me feel like I was in a queue of other women just waiting for their chance to date him. I'll probably get shit for saying this, but it's worth noting that there was nothing particularly special about him in terms of looks, career, personality, profile, etc. That would justify his approach and the fact that he was compelled to announce it screamed in security to me. It was a deal breaker for me as you can see in my response, but it would love to get your thoughts. Sincerely, a betch confused about whether this is hinge or HR. Great sign off. What do you think? Do we want to read it? Yeah, let's read the text. All right. You'll be him. I'll be the. Don't read his phone number. The not special. Yeah, I won't read his phone number. I'll be the not special guy in looks, career, personality or profile. You're every day man. OK. Joe. Joe Smith. So Monday or Tuesday evening could work or a noon slash lunch call could work or in two weeks. Here's my number. I don't give my number out before meeting. Zoom or Google or something, maybe get a Google voice number for dating. I have a daughter, 50. I love I love the finishes. The sentence doesn't even have time to finish his sentences. Not at all. I just love the idea that he's like, get a number for dating. So you don't know if the other is how you do it. Zoom or Google or something, maybe get a Google voice number for dating. I have a daughter, 50 percent, do run groups and work so don't have many free days. Currently scheduling coffee dates for late May as second dates after a phone call screen. LOL, scheduling dates for a month out after a phone screening. Is this a date or a job interview? Very odd. No, thanks. OK, Jordana, red flag or deal breaker? I think wanting to have a like a FaceTime Zoom or Google Voice date before a first date is fine. If that's your preference, I think the way that he's saying it does sound like he's basically talking to her like she's his assistant. Right. And that's really the turn off. And like saying this is like his policy, basically. And like it does make it feel like, oh, I'm so busy, like I can slot you in here. It's just not a fun way to set up a date. I could he could he could have this exact same preference and word it differently. And I think that would be OK. I can slot you in from even someone whose work if it's a work call, I'm always like, who the fuck do you think you are? Right. I have that with work. Yeah, I agree. And I was like, oh, I can meet for 15 minutes before this thing. I can slot you in like if we're real quick, like fuck off. Right. Yeah. Like I'm doing OK. I'm not looking for an internship after college. That being said, yeah, being busy and slotting someone in is fine. Right. But the way that you relay it to them, I think shows how much you respect them. Right. And how important this is to you matches how important it is to them. Like when you're going on a date, you want it to be important to everybody. Yeah. You know, I'm leaving the house that my time is valuable. I'm leaving the house. My time is valuable. You want everyone to be on the same page. And assuming someone else's time is valuable. Right. We want all to be feel even in that transaction. And I do I do agree she is made to feel by his language. Not as an even right partner in this date that they're trying to have. I will say to her for some feedback. I do that. I don't think I don't know if it got to this point. If this is like a boiling point we're reading, because it does feel like she has her own very odd. No, thanks. Right. Even that response. I'm not saying she shouldn't be angry. I would think that. Yeah. Right. Very odd. No, thanks. I'm like, who do you think you are? Do you know what I mean? Like, right? And it's she said she'll get shit for this. I'm not giving her shit. You're allowed to look at a pro vongo. They seem OK. Yeah. That's fine. But like they seem fine and they don't deserve a face time. It's kind of a miserable correlation you're making. Like, like because she even says the conversation was fine until he asked me to face time before meeting. I've gotten this request a few times before. It's never a good sign. I think that perspective is something that she can kind of come off a little bit. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a face time. Right. She's kind of has a company policy here. It's I think it's OK to not want to do that. But I also think there's nothing wrong with wanting to do that. Both can be true. And I think the languaging of saying to someone why you don't want. Hey, I like it's different to say if someone says I'd love to face time this week if you're around because I'm so busy. And then you're like, hey, I'm like game for a date. If you want to do coffee, I can do that. And we don't even need to face time. Right. That's a negotiation. That's two people on the same level. Yeah. And it sounds like she was letting him know he's not that great. And he's letting her know she's not that great. Like they're both doing their own version of it. Right. Well, that's why they're not a great match. Right. And I think they're yeah, they're both they're both wording these things that are totally acceptable to like too strongly. Right. Because I just I've gotten this request a few times. So I tried to play it off like I didn't want to give my number out before meeting. Well, you didn't play it off. Right. I don't want my number out before me. It's also not fun either. Right. So like you're both like kind of like at a it's like a dick measuring contest. Yes, absolutely. So if you can take that feedback and stride, I hope you can. The both of your dicks seem small based on this interaction. But I do I do think he is the deal breaker more than she is. Yes. In this interaction. Agreed. Again, like I think currently scheduling coffee dates for late May, at least hot romantic way to put anything. Even again, if that is if that is true, that is fine. Right. But you don't need to phrase it like that. You need to learn more personal interpersonal skills. Well, we saw it dating again. We did it. We'll be back on Friday. Boom.