Ep 607 - All Guys Welcome (feat. Sam Tallent & Shawn Gardini)

Wow, wow, Wes. It's like I'm your lover. Breathe in. Breathe out. Yes, got it all. I sounded like the whole spine cracked. Yeah, that was nice. At the top there. It was right in my. You want one? I'll take one. That right in my home. I'll take a crack here. I'll take that. So here, let's go with some hands. Here we go over. I'm going to do a few. You want to do hands? You don't grab one. OK, now for you. Now. You. You. Nope. You fucking all meet. Too tight. You're not rigged Tony Tony. I'm all. I'm too stylish. Sponge. Hello. Are we fired up? Oh, hell yeah. Perfect. Oh, beautiful. Well, yeah, I'm I the first time I went to an escape room, I was like pure Da Vinci code going like too deep into the details where I'm like counting the brand with the leaves on the fake tree. The group that I did the paneling on the wood grain. I was like, there's something in the grain. They're like, no, there's just like a series of pegs in the wall. I take one out and you're like, oh, OK, well, fucking if I knew it was like for dumbasses. We were in there for an hour, dude, with all of my wife's like second year medical school class and like time ran out. And I was like, OK, well, we didn't get out of the room. You know, a big deal. And then the doctors are like, can we see the rest of it? And I was like, rest of it. There was like 12 more rooms in there we didn't even get into. What? And then like the lady who runs it's like, did you check this drawer? And everyone was like, no, but we did like take a duct off the fucking ceiling and like I pulled up this rug that was actually like nailed down. Oh, I should check this drawer. The keys in there. And it's so embarrassing. Did you guys ask for hints? No, I would love to hit. Yeah. But no, I'm in there with young doctors. Yeah, they won't do it. Of, you know, a lot of like first generation Americans in there. Communication issues abound. And then just a bunch of like beaten men who are like, oh, I like football too. You know, like the husbands of female doctors. Yeah, we need a support group. I would I would agree. I dated a doctor briefly. I remember her being very intense. Oh, dude, like specifically around like I remember her being like a little bit kind of like in a funk one day. And I was like, you know, basically the problem was she just had the wrong answer in class. And I was like, that's it. She was like, dude, it's like humiliating. Oh, yeah, to get the wrong answer. I was like, dude, that sucks. Oh, it's I was running. I had like a 10% hit rate in class. I was wrong all the time. Yeah. Would they be like, uh, no, no, not, not exactly. No. And I was like, all right, well, I participated. It's for my grade. Yeah. I'm good. I'm in Goose Town. I tried the rest of the cowards in here. You're holding the book upside down. At least I did the reading. I was big on that. I would, I would really fire up because there is like a weird tension in school or like no one will like raise their hand first and take a stab and I would, I would take a stab. Now imagine heightening that with a bunch of people who were like first in their class and then first in their class again in college. Now they're all in one room competing for like, you know, the prowess and the prestige of being like the number one nerd smart. Yeah. And then you get like three cocktails in them and they're in an escape room and it's just all this shit coming out of the hierarchies on display. The bureaucracy is there. Like you see who's like actually who people are looking to as like the leader. Yeah. You're watching like an Indian woman like the father or father's love leave her mind. Yeah. Like fails to get the flu. She's like flashing back to Holly Fest and she was 13. She's covered in colorful chalk. Why aren't I there? Could have sold mangos. I've been free. Now I'm in Henderson, Nevada. Henderson. Yeah. I wonder, I wonder when the, what, what generation will the Indian and Chinese rebel against the like academic strictures of the culture? I think we're getting there right now. That's where you really on is. Yeah. Shoot. I love Shady. I'm like, we're tired of being doctors. We want to flip around. I always laugh to you about following Shady on like the grateful dead and just go to all the cities selling grilled cheese. Yeah. So I'm going to the parking lot. Yeah. Looking for a miracle out of Shady. Yeah. I want an Asbury Park. Shady on tickets. I'm excited to get just, you get old enough to see some like American bread Asian punks. Yeah. I'm just like, you know, like the cool Japanese guys and like Tokyo drifts. We're like, Oh, you think you could beat me in a race? We're getting there. We are getting there. I think so. I went to high school with some of them, especially Indians, Indians. Oh, yeah. I call them like, they love the Miami heat. Yeah. They love LeBron James. They, they like really attached themselves to black culture. Yeah. Coke, Cola, Marlboro, Reds, Hamburgers. Yeah. Yeah. They just love advertising that they saw in Lebanon. Yeah. There's like, I don't know if they're not actually like punk rockers with like, you know, Mohawks and stuff, but like, I do think there's like the young, at least around Detroit, there's like the young Indian middle Eastern type guy who like has the all black like sweats on with flip flops all the time. Okay. They're not like, you know, like I like to listen to crass and huff glue, but they are kind of like, Hey, mom, I'm just going to like smoke this vape cart and like be online all day. And that's their rebellion instead of like studying like their sisters did. True. So I don't think it's going to be like this like big like pushback, fuck you, rock and roll, flag burning. Yeah. It's more just like this like quiet like, okay, like that kind of pissiness to your mom. There's not, they're not just getting down the pro, but then those guys, they end up driving Uber like 99 hours a week. So they ended up like getting it one way or the other. Literally a hundred hours a week. Yeah. Dude, it's crazy. They'll pick you up and they're like, yeah, you're like my 19th ride. I'm like, dude, it's 6am. I know. Like, well, I get up at 3am and then I pick people up and then I switch to the lift app because it cuts me off after 12 hours. Right. It's just like, bro, I figured out how to drive 26 hour straight. What hour am I? 25. They're eyes are cake. They look like fingernails. Yeah. I've been to the airport 12 times today. Dude, it's yeah, though. There was like lifer Uber drivers that have just completely cracked the code. I'm always like kind of freaked me out a little bit. I made like four grand this week. I'm like, fucking hell. Yeah. They're grinding. Like breaking all the rules. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Like, I feel like those dudes who have like the Uber hacks and they drive forever, like that is like their first financial freedom and they're really stoked on it. And then you get in the car and you ask them one question and then they like show you like all the YouTube videos that they watch to figure out how to like maximize their time. It's like your whole life is being a car drone. Yeah. Like you've optimized your human form. You're a waymo. You're a waymo. Yeah. Yes. Which is what you call machines, right? A waymo's here. Watch your purses. No, now the waymos are here. Yeah. And the Tesla ones, the Tesla bots or whatever. The Tesla ones I think are still learning. Okay. Like they have to be driven and there's another brand that's still learning and has to be driven. And someone else said this, but it's funny because the people who drive them are just regular people. So they pick up on like bad driving habits. Like they like a whole red lights and things like that. Yeah. I've been peeping the waymos are getting aggressive. I've been seeing those things drive and they'll like if someone stops, they'll like whip it around and go around them and you know, I got like not cut off by one, but I was like, oh, it's designed to let me go. Like I figured like if you play chicken with the thing, it's just going to let you go. So I went to cut and it was like, oh, shit. Okay. There's a ghost in the machine. I think there is a ghost in the machine. Yeah. In San Francisco, they're just getting torched all the time. Really? That was at Cobbs like last weekend and they were just dudes talking about like their friends going out with like homemade Molotovs and smashing them on waymos. But I think it was like, why? I don't know. I have no idea. It's like the Pokemon Go phenomenon where like they mapped entire cities for free because they put Snorlaxes in weird places. Yeah, true. Yeah. So it's like, who owns this? Yeah. Who knows the alleys that I take every day and you're going to put a fucking slow poke in there? Yeah, but it's also like your phone. We've you've mapped. I would probably mapped everything in your phone. I think I think they have everything of me. Yeah. And I willingly consented and given it to him because I didn't want to read any terms of service. Yeah, dude. T L D R. Fuck that, bro. The terms of service are crazy. I also think that puts the face on the dog. Agreed. Also, you can still read the terms of service and then you still have to click. Yes. So there's still nothing. If you actually read them, it's a complete waste of time. Right. You print them off. You like red line them, send them back to their lawyer. Yeah, you can't call your lawyer and be like, yeah, well, let's let our people talk for a little bit. Right. Let's hammer this out. Let's figure out this deal. I'm making a deal with Apple right now. You just have to select it. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Or you just like you're not a part of society like this whole like social credit course score thing. It's like they haven't implemented that, but like we all have to have the exact same stuff or you're not allowed to participate. Yeah. Like the human day. Yeah. So it's like, dude, I just want us to see, man. I'd love to just pull out live in like one of the lesser keys down in Florida. Be like crab man. Damn, that'd be nice. Just be like burnt all the time. Yeah. Diet 58 and happy. Like outside death. No one finds you for a while. Yeah. That's what I want. I want like a metal detector death. Dude, just out there like crows eating your eyes. You know, your wife's like, I do it when he love keys going in the keys would be nice just on plugin. Although you'd be in the key. I'd be in the keys at Epical Margaritas. I'd be on Facebook being like, bro, Trump kicks out. You would eventually have some faith in the big man. Everybody hurt. Are you pulling it up? Thank you. Can't stop producing. Wow. This is the kid. I mean, we came up on him and he was he was a pit crew outside one man. I know. Change in his tires. He had low PSI keep moving at the whole time. Whoa. Hey, really worked that thing. God, I hate to see we do your penis. That's how you treat this. Yeah, probably you're probably. That's good stuff. I like that, man. I like that fucking not. That's the thing. A lot of people don't have the gumption interrupt the live broadcast. Right. I checked it out. Yeah, just to grab this thing like it was a snake that popped out of a hat. I had to know. I appreciate that. Are we good over there? Yeah. Okay. Sorry about the producers. I am high on ketamine. So she's been raving for 36 hours straight. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. The playoff push is heating up and there's no better way to cash in on the high flying hoops action than prize picks. 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The cover. Yeah. The conversational bukkake. But it dude, it was Jillian Michaels. I said at the Sean, it was Jillian Michaels versus 20 either obese or obese supporting body positive, like therapists and stuff. Yeah. And first of all, the worst part about it was in that format, it's like whoever gets to talk has to race to the chair. Right. So like Jillian Michaels is sitting there. All right. First one to get there. You just watch everyone's getting out and trying to go over. It's like feeding time at the hippo tank. A bunch of pumpkins down. The audience is exploding. Just to express fat attitude, basically. They should have had them in like beanbags. People like rocking out of there. They should have done like dizzy bags. I'm healthy. They had to argue with this lady that, uh, and apparently then so she was using obese, which I thought was like respectful, but like obesity and the one lady's like, excuse me, it's fat bodied. That's. It's fat bodied. That's the new acceptable term. I've been called fat body and it wasn't very inclusive or nice. I've been called fat bodied various public pools and it didn't feel good. Hey, I'm a fat bodied adult. No, body is so funny. They're like, we don't obese. It's fat bodied. Hey man, please respectfully. I'm fat bodied. I know I can see you. I'm trying to be nice. It gave fat. Yeah. I'm a wad. Yeah. I'm a blob, whatever you want, but don't be mean to me about it. It was, it was just great. It was just like, you know, super fitness lady being like, bro, I'm not like mad. You guys are fat. It's just I'm coming here of the opinion that it's like unhealthy at a certain point to have excess fat in your body. Like that's, she's explaining like that's what fatty liver is. It's like fat itself isn't bad, but if you have too much or whatever, it can start to like turn into something bad. I don't know, whatever. You're like metastasized is and becomes like a foreign body. And then if you have too much fat, I think as I'm a chiropractor, as I showed on you earlier, I think that your body, if it gets on, in fact, it's on an organ, it'll start attacking it like cancer. Yeah. And like heart disease can be elements of that. Your brain, your brain, dude. They're always talking about how Alzheimer's is like type three diabetes. I didn't know I could get fat in my brain. Oh, dude, I got fat head since day one. And like as a guy who's like still fat, but was much more fat, like fat acceptance is so dangerous. Yeah. Cause like, I don't know, dude, you're allowing these people who have like let like, you know, have lost control. It's a loss of control. It's a physiology thing. It's, it's a lot of different elements, but you've lost the battle. Yeah. And then we're just supposed to be like, Hey, it's cool. Yeah. And I guess if they're making the choice, like if it is a slow form of suicide, then like you have to embrace it. Like that's man's only option is to kill himself or like have a cigarette or whatever. Yeah. So like, I just don't think that normalizing it is like ultimately going to help the little fat kids because like shaming a little fat kid. That's what got me running laps before school. Yeah. You could see my tits through my shirt. Dude, my mom shaming my whole life. Even today, if I go home, if I get in the pool in the summertime, if I put on weight, my mom will be like, you've gotten fat. She'll just write up, she'll just be like, yeah, you're getting fat. And I'll, it'll be like, all right, you get it too. Oh yeah. What hope is there for me then? I was looking at you on stage last night. You were like a Brooks Brothers model with your fucking great hair. You're making all these cool moves and like you're filling out the shirt. And I was like, yeah, maybe I could like do traps. What are traps? That was just my mom. That was my mom's trap. Either on my mom is either on a little shameful fat boy or my mommy's muscle man. I try to be my mommy's muscle man every year. You've always been mommy's muscle man. Haven't you? You have that energy. Big dick muscle man. Pylon. I think it crushed in comments because my neck is, it is chubby. And that's 30 beers a day. Yeah. So yeah, pretty much you're going to get pumpkin face. I try to do 50, you know, cut the. You've been doing intuitive drinking. That's part of body positivity. Intuitive drinking. Intuitive drinking. Put a blindfold on. Make a cocktail. Well, they talk about dude, it's actually kind of crazy. So, you know, she's just arguing with those people and they're like, and it's like, well, hold on. Let me compose myself. I came from that chair over there. I say this with empathy. I'm a big fat guy. I understand the play. Yeah. But I was a fat kid. I was a fat kid. It's like, you know, it's tough. You get teas and all stuff and people pinch your fat nipples and oh my God, bean dipping, bro. You've been bean dipped recently. Dude, the former owner of the Springfield Comedy Club. When we were down there last time, Nathan Lund goes on stage. He's like, hey, knock him dead. Sack taps Lund. Sack tapped him right before he's walking up. So Lund's walking on stage like, oh, it's kind of like the first two minutes of his set, we're like, yeah, the owner just sacked after me. He's like, like on the balls of his toes, you know, that one to shake him out. That's crazy. And then he bean dipped me. He bean dipped me before I walked on to me. The headliner I've known him for 12 years. I was the only guy who worked this club before, you know, you got the settlement money or whatever. You're going to fucking flat my flapjacks on the way up. I mean, also how did that affect you psychologically? I wanted to be on fire. I wanted to grab him after he flapped me and jumped down the stairs. I want to be a human bomb, bro. I went up there and I was mad. And like the first 15 minutes I watched the tape first 15 minutes. I'm like finding shit to be mad at on stage. And Lund also did the funny bit of I just got sack tapped. So I can't walk up and be like, Hey, he bean dipped me folks. That was humiliating. You have to read bean dip yourself to like, cause some people wouldn't know what it was. You'd have to. Yeah. You'd have to illustrate you have to flap your own jugs. And now you're reactivated. Right. Yeah. Now you're back in the stairwell. Good. You know, it's irresistible. Yeah, it was it was great, man. It was really, um, it was a good display of just what we deal with now, just being like, if I get angry enough at you and convince you, you're a horrible person based on just my own emotions. I'm right. And it was just 20 people being like, you're actually a huge piece of shit. And she's like, why? And she's like, because it's just not fair for you to say that to a fat body person to be tender and fat people going, yeah, this is a sign of just like, we're all full of shit, but it's cause this one exhaust. But a Japanese tourist come because they think they're going to feed seals. But yeah, I'm not, I'm not a fat body phobic at all. I'm not either. I have many fat friends. I'm a fat guy, not fat body phobic. But yeah, it is. You were nice to me. I swam in the pool last year. No one said, Hey, look at those drugs. Cause I was a fat kid. I remember you get it. I remember the torment dude. My nickname was thunder thighs. So you're still in this day. You fill up those pants. Dude, my thighs are crazy. They got a third thigh right there. You holding Sharkini's piece for it. Yeah, right, bro. That's just, that's my prosthetic. Well, what the fuck? We, we witnessed the death. We witnessed the death of like ethos in logos and now it's all pathos. This is the emotional thing. We're supposed to make arguments. Pathos was like the last vestige of a bad orator. So like you were supposed to then, if you weren't like making your points, you're supposed to be then emotional and big and do all the tricks because you couldn't get there with the ethics of it or the logic of it. And now it's just all pathos. Yeah. And you've got like, you know, huge people arguing with a woman for like, so mean guys can watch it online. Literally all the comments are just people laughing being like, dude, running to the chairs, hilarious. Yeah, it is. It is pretty fun. I mean, I knew what they were doing. I know, I knew. I know. They are 1000% now. It's just, this is a spectacle. They're not going to get to anything. Dude, they even had a thing on like the big snack companies like, you know, Frito Lays, all this stuff, Pepsi. They, they're, uh, there was like an investigative, you know, journalism thing, an article where they had internal internal company memos of being like why it's why body positivity is good because they were like, you know, like certain points of it, like intuitive eating was one intuitive eating, make sure that we, we don't like, you know, our snacks don't come under fire. This thing, body positivity, calorie count. There's a part of it where it's like, get calories off of stuff. Cause like we know that's, that's like kind of shameful. Like why should I have to be rep? Like why should I have to be reminded of how many calories? It's pretty fucking nuts. So we have to exist in a world just bereft of anything that makes sense. Yes. Like we, because people don't want to know that like that entire bag of Fritos has 1200 calories. They're going to eat it anyway. And Pepsi is like pushing it being like, yeah, actually this is, this is that very important for the body positivity because they just want to keep everyone going and watching. It's like how they put protein on Pop Tarts now. And it's like, oh, okay. So me on GLP ones, like an eat Pop Tarts and still go to the beach. It's a fucking joke. And everyone's just like, yeah, it's crazy. And then we're just back on our phones. Yeah. Like we're so cooked. I know. I'm not cooked. I'm not cooked. You're not cooked. We got to maintain the fucking light in the dark, bro. True. That can't give it. No, you can't. It's so hard not to though. I know. It's so hard not to just be like pull out that white flag and start jerking off. Yeah, I'm going to get high at 8am. Who cares? My nipples with the white flag. Yeah. Like how you brought up your wife like jerking you off. He's like, he's like lick my nipples. Yeah. And Britt made a funny noise across the balcony. She came on stage last night. She went like, all right, baby. Yeah. That's the best stuff. I'm pretty sure. I was participating. Yes. I've never heard my wife on stage except for the one time she heckled me in Key West. So what did she say? Oh, dude, I was doing some I asked a woman about what we went on a wine cruise before the show. Awesome. So it was like we had like 12 bottles of wine in like an hour. You know, my wife gets there and she's like a pirate like one. I do know like she met some gal on the cruise. She's like, come on the show. It'll be fun. So they like sit her down and I hear in the back of the room talking during the middle and I'm like, I go up to her and I'm like, hey, baby, you know, we're having fun. You know, that's like as much as you can say. I'm over there trying to like diffuse a fucking bomb before I go on stage and entertain. Hey, honey, you know, it's fun to have fun, right? All right. I'm at work. But I am. I really am. This is my whole thing. So I go up on stage and I was I don't know how I was doing crowd work. It was two rival boat crews were there. So like and like they both hated the same captain. So I like made fun of one boat crew and then this boat crew like joined in making fun and I was like, oh, well, hey, you guys are a different boat crew. And then this boat crew is like, correct, you know, so it's kind of chaos. Yeah. Then I asked a woman in the crowd. I don't know. I was drunk too. I asked a woman. I was like, have you ever been pregnant, which is an insane question to ask. And same question. But again, I'm doing triage comedy. And I know there's a ticking time bomb in the back and she is wearing my wedding ring. So I was like, hey, you've been pregnant and I hear someone in the back go, you have no right to ask her that. And I say, that sounds like my wife. And she says it was like, what am I supposed to do? It's dude and it's a tough spot. And it's also like, I don't know. Part of me feels like the crowd would be excited. Like, wait, his wife's here. No, no, but they don't. Yeah, they're kind of like, well, what the fuck's going on right now? What if she is like his nurse to you? Well, she doesn't trust him. They threw the road together because he cheats. They just project right away. Yeah, dude. What is that? Real? Yeah. No, I've I've yeah, I've had it before where Bernie will also take it upon her. She doesn't do this anymore. But like when I first started headlining, she would come sometimes and people would talk. She would like go up like a bouncer and be like, hey, be quiet at your table. And people be drunk and they shut the fuck up. Then I was on stage one time that happened and I'm on stage and I was already like battling with this guy and she had at some point been like, hey, keep it down. And he said something back to her and I heard her just be like, excuse me. And I was like on stage like, what the fuck did you say? Yeah, just the whole crowd was like, why? I don't want it. They were like a dysfunctional family party. Yeah, they're just like, this is uncomfortable. Oh, dude, what the fuck? You said it's the fucking wife. Yeah, yeah, it's just like ultimate white track. I know we're joking around, but I'll fuck you up right now. Now, weimos are weird, aren't they? Well, I try to have him come on stage like come on stage. Like I was like, here's my cool moment. I'm going to like destroy this guy. He came up without a mic and was like, dude, you're fucking gay. And I couldn't talk and I was like, get the fuck off stage. Everything bad happened. It was then I got my check and it was way less than I expected. I was like, man, I really hate myself. I just mortgaged my soul for $500. All right. And Brittany leaves with him. Yeah, yeah, he walks out holding her hand. He still has to do 40 minutes. He had like a tailored leather jacket. It was like perfect sleeve length. Where was it? I don't know. I don't know. Cursed Phoenix. It was Cursed Phoenix. Oh, yeah. Cursed Phoenix. Cursed Phoenix. Me and Phoenix. I've been hexed into the Phoenix market my whole life. Because it's all 22 year olds. Is that what it is? It's all kids. If you do that Tempe club, it's like on the college campus. Because I did one Phoenix room and this last time I went down there and it was just a bunch of like kids with backwards hats, just like wearing shorts like, all right, bro. And I was like, fuck. Fuck. I'm going to talk to you guys about like being married and honesty. This sucks. Yeah, I did. I did a bunch of marriage material at Skank Fest last year. And I was like, I was doing the math. I'm like, I don't know if this is land in here. This is. Yeah, it's a bunch of like poly gas station employees. Oh, for sure. Yeah. So, all those ladies who get like that weird like hair extension that's pink and then they have to carry it all day. Have you seen this phenomenon? You know I'm talking, you're a rave person. You know I'm talking about. I don't know what that is. It's like it's like a purple like fucking like predator tail. I think I do. They plug it into the back of their head. It's like an extension. What? It looks like one big like dreadlock like thing. And it's so long that they have to like carry it around and they're like daffy duck sweatpants at the at the Buckeys. What? Yeah, yeah. Is it one long purple braid? Purple pink could be a menagerie of colors. Damn, that's fucking weird. And again, this could be a more of a Detroit specific phenomenon. No, no. Well, I recently did like a very Gen Z kind of show. It was if you laugh, you leave. And that was like I got there and oh, there you. OK, well, it's kind of like that. I'm not going to lie, but you could put it in your butt when you get. It's just like one. Yeah, just boom right in the back. You can see them like, you know, if their kids act up being like, you've had enough fun dip and just fucking with it. You can't beat with your brain. Yeah, I know more buddies pizza. The crowd was for real like there was a furry in the crowd. There was like gay guys dressed as like Count Dracula. It was they were all wearing like typo negatives. It was fucking. It's like, yeah, it was just weird, man. It was like it was like young, young, very Internet kind of Internet heavy kids that were just like dressed bizarrely, dude, like they were dressed like sprites and like fairies. It was really fucking weird. Yeah. And they were just like they looked like any time you would say anything like slightly. They weren't like super sensitive, but they would just be like, oh, if you would say anything like kind of weird or fucked up. Well, their filter is just like their entire life. They've just been like in this pool of like human shame and how to identify it. Yeah, like young people and they like when you hit him with a joke, they're like trying to like turn it into like the neutrinos of how to be mad at you. I feel like it's like going through this like sieve and it's like dissipating across their face. Yeah. Like, OK, he said trans and I'm not going to listen to the rest of the joke. Yeah. Yeah, it's bizarre. You know, like, what does this mean about me? They're like, I do the meet and greets like after all the shows and sell the merch and I see the kids come up and they're getting so young. Yeah, I don't know why. Must be like Kilton here like hive or whatever it is. I always try and figure it out. Like they're so young and they're stoked and like they're stoned as fuck. Yeah. And they come up and they're like, all right. You're like, OK, put my fucking armpit on their shoulder and take a picture and they can't say a word. Yeah, kids, man. I get a lot of I get like a decent amount of Coke, Rose. Yeah, yeah. A lot of they come up and their pupils are like that big. I get it out. So it's like, man, I mean, my boy have his business in his own career. You got to check it out. Yeah. And they went to the bathroom three times during the show. Yeah, dude. I hate the guys who go to the bathroom. They're clearly geeked on either Kett or Coke. And then at the merch line, they're like, bro, that was the best. And it's like, you were gone for twenty two. You weren't in there. You were in the bathroom with three of your friends. Right. Half my set. And the only person who's aware of it and secretly mad is me, the man you're compliment. The man that you paid to see. I watched the whole thing. Yeah. No, you didn't. Dude, that, yeah, that that thing you were talking about of like people being completely disconnected from reality and having like no basis to like like the pathos and whatever ethos. I'm reading a book right now by this guy, Alistair McIntyre. OK, it's called After Virtue. And he wrote it like I think in the 60s and he basically goes back. So here this is the it starts off. It's crazy. So he this is his thing. It's called like the big problem. And he was like, imagine a world where like something bad happens and we just completely dismantle science. We were like, fuck science, fuck scientists. We kill scientists. We burn all the labs down. So science has been completely eradicated. OK, it's no more. And then after a while, Alexandria burnt down worldwide. Exactly. And then every and then we come, you know, a few hundred years later, people go, fuck, yeah, that's actually maybe that wasn't the problem. Let's let's fire science back up. But all they're left with are like the broken pieces of what science once was. So they're like resurrecting bits and pieces of this once like comprehensive body of knowledge. And then they all they can do is try to use the bits and pieces to like basically gain themselves in advantage with like it's like a half understanding of a thing. And they try to like use those to like basically promote their own kind of agenda. It's kind of like me having any argument with anyone. Well, that's what I have like three shards. And I'm like, well, actually, I saw a 30 second video that said different. So that's and that's what he goes like, you know, that that's where we are with like moral debate now. Like we've we've completely shattered the foundation of it. And it's just people with bits and pieces who have feelings. Right. Who just want to be right and want you to agree with them. Yeah. And he's like, that's just kind of where we're at. And I mean, Hitler was really good at that, too. He was nasty. Yeah. Like all those guys who like moved people to commit awful were really good at fucking moving the crowd, communicating without any kind of like logic behind it. And it's literally people looking and being like, that guy's good. Yeah, I like that. I'm going to vote for that guy. Like he's loud. Guys get me. Oh, yeah. But that was his whole thing. He like takes all these like big debates in our time. And he's like, we'll never get to the bottom of him. Like he's like abortion. He's like, it's just two different people being like, well, let me let me tell you the facts of the matter. I'm objective here. You're complete and they people to sit there and argue and then essentially go the arguments like you're a piece of shit. And if you agree with me, you'd be good. Right. So just like, that's that's what we're left with. You try to scold them into agreeing with you, which is historically one of the worst ways to move the needle at all. Yeah. It's to try and demean and make small. Yeah. Now the book, the book is cool. Basically, he's like the from his, you know, point of view. And it's like really complicated. And I had to get like a book about the book to understand it because it is kind of like dense. You're listening to like the succession podcast after the episode. But for your book, pretty much. But he's like, it's it's so it goes so far back to where like. He was like, we've had like a series of things happen within like, you know, from like Aristotle all the way to postmodernism at like points where we like, we, you know, we ditched the Aristotle point of view, which I don't fully understand, but it's more or less just like a guy who's like undogmatic about like, you know, he doesn't have like the influences of the church, just like the ancient Greeks looking around like, what is the sickest thing I could do for myself that would increase the stoke for the collective and myself at the same time? Yeah. Then you have the church come in and it's like, well, dude, if you come, you're evil. Right. So then everyone got this like weird thing where they're like, oh, the what's good is like kind of an external authority that I have to kind of obey. And then that got shattered to where it's like, no, man, just do whatever you feel. Right. So now you're just, you have these like completely kind of unrelated, contextless people, just like having emotional reactions and trying to like police others to like regulate their own emotions. Yeah. Trying to control this world. It's complete chaos. Yeah. And like, we all have our own reality that originates from this thing. Yeah. And then we're just like little nation states wandering around, bumping into people. Yeah. You know, it's like, there's no community. There's no connectedness. It's really scary. I was telling him to fucking join a bowling league, I think. Or no, it was that Dylan kid. I was like, get back to bowling, bro. Yes. We need to find something. That's that's kind of that's kind of the thing. He's like, we got to strip it down to like the smallest, tiniest communities and get those things to work. And then from there, you can kind of branch out because he's like, yeah. Pretty much the tenants of Anarchy, but yeah, pretty much. I love you. You have systems of coercion, but it is funny. It's funny. He's basically like, we're so far gone that even like, like the things have become so distorted that even if you like go to school for philosophies, like you're basically just kind of jerking yourself off. Because the tools you're using are just like, just complete chaos. None of it makes sense. There's no context. Anything. It's just like regurgitating facts that some other guy and it's also funny because like in philosophy, like there's no truths, you know, it's like people like arguing for their like objective truth or whatever. So it's like kind of like with comedy where you're like, how do I like make it in comedy? And there's like no playbook whatsoever. And we're all just like kind of chasing this like imaginary tale. Well, you post your episode every day at 2 p.m. on Wednesday and that gets the algorithm. 100% gets juiced. But no, it's exactly that. Well, I was envious of you last night when you said that you spent Easter with your neighbors and that some of your neighbors came to the show. Because like I'm not at all like entrenched in my neighborhood at all. Despite like some legitimate effort, you know, like going to the community center, like all this shit, like outside, waving to people, everyone's walking their dog with headphones on. Yeah. Even when they're out on your city sidewalk, you can't still like engage with the people who live three minutes away. And it's very frustrating. And I think that a lot of people are just like completely alone and disconnected. And then they have like a girlfriend or a boyfriend and they like cling on until it dies like Lenny from Mice and then just like crushing the one thing that loves you and sees you as who you are. And then you get mad at them because they make you feel like a baby sometimes. And you're like, I don't need you. I don't need anyone. Then you're just a joker. Yeah. There's a bunch of us that are just the joker out there. Yeah. And that's what I want to talk to you about is this like initiative that I want to do. Oh, yeah. Help these dudes, these fucking dead eyed dudes. I see at the merch table who are like, you know, doing pharmaceuticals. They get online to enjoy the comedy show with the guy they really like. Yeah. The one time we come to their town and they still have to be fucked up at the show, not just booze, but it's like a variety of things. Yeah, like completely whacked out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I will say the neighborhood cohesion. That's all my wife. She's very like she's very outgoing and friendly. And she we were there for like a year and then she had already had like she joined this group was like the you know, like the mom group of like her neighborhood. And next thing I know we would have like 20 people at our house all going out together. It's really nice. Yeah. Play basketball now. It's like we play basketball every year. That's what I want. I want to like play pickleball. I want to play. Yeah, play pickleball. You know, yeah. Bocci, you need a sick hat for Bocci. I have a sick hat. All I have is this. What would you go with? Boller, Fedora? No, dude, I have like a big like like almost like Yeoman farmer, like an Asian, but not really like a Mongolian step hat. That's awesome. It has like a crazy braid under here. And I tied off and it's like a scarf. I just look like a widow in the south, you know, I should be in a rocking chair, but I want to put that gear on and hit the Bocci pit. And you should. That's kind of bullshit. You can't. Well, I could go play by myself like a psycho in my big hat and then no one's going to want to play with me if they see me alone. Might be field of dreams. You might go, he got early on set Alzheimer's. You'd have one guy be walking his dog and he'd go home, put on his fedora and take every ounce of courage and you walk up and be like, hey, man, you mind if I toss those balls? Just a bunch of guys. They've been waiting away. And they see me and they're like, that's the spark. He's the change he wants to see. Yeah, man. I'm also coming around on this like fat guy thing. Like, I think it's kind of cool that fat people are like, you know what? Fuck you. It's hard for me. I'm going to be fat. I'm tired of being told I'm fat. I'm fat bodied. I'm not obese. That's a medical term. Yeah, get the fucking calories off soda. Get you look at them yourself. I don't see that. And like fat people for the most part are either like really funny or like have never said a funny thing ever. So it's really hard to like know which one you're dealing with because I'll see a fat guy like in public and be like, all right, this guy's going to do something. And then you're just like, yeah, I have to go to bed bath and beyond again. It's so true. My sheets are yellow. It's either the funniest guy ever or just like not at all. Well, it's because it's a really fat kid. You learn how to be funny to get along and defend yourself. Or you just like take it and bullet sponge and become harder and harder while you're getting softer and softer. And then like, you know, you have to go to college and interact with people. And you're like, I'm not fat. You have like a breathing device. It's like, yeah, fat people take it back, bro. Well, what's what's the idea? What's what's the dealing with a fat like problem to? I'm having identity crisis because I still feel like you need to be there for my fat brethren, but also like kind of show them like a path towards because like I had a lot of identity involved in being a fat guy. Yeah, it's like not just the fact that like I was fat. It was like, well, now I'm a fat, funny guy who has like a little bit of a public life. So I lose this weight. Like what clown am I? It's a comedy mech suit. Right. And then you're 36 saying what clown am I? And you're like, fuck, this is all gone. I'm so beyond anything that makes sense. I'm just going to like try and lose some weight so I can, you know, see my niece, graduate or whatever. No, I think you're rocking it. I think you're I get it though. That would, yeah, if I was, I can't turn my back on them. No, the fats. No, you can. Those are my guys. Yeah, you can. And I'm still with them. And I get on stage and talk about weight loss and like I see him out there and I wanted to know, like, I'm not talking to you, big fat guy. Yeah, no, that makes sense. So you never want to turn your back on the fast. I would never turn my back on the fats. I like I do like teasing the fats. Of course. And they like getting teased. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. But yeah, no, that's that's very important. You know, what was your idea for the young men that are? Oh, so, dude, I was talking to I drove here from Houston yesterday. And like, when I drive alone, that's the only time I like actually think like I just associate like you most of the time. Yeah, but I'm in a car by myself. I put on this American life until I can't hear it anymore. Yeah. And then I'm just like alone with my thoughts. You talk to yourself. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But it's always like someone else is talking. And I'm like, who said that? I'm so down in the rabbit hole of my own ass. But, dude, so we have all these like young dudes out there, right? Who like have pretty much like been told like, hey, fellas, you ran the world, it's broken, we're taking you off the shelf. Yeah, great. You know, let's someone else have the ball. They'll fuck it up. We'll be back probably. Yeah, you know, because ultimately, like there is a lot of like when you knock everything off the shelf, which is created by capitalism, of course, that's the shelf. You have these shards. And right now it's like mostly like straight white guys who are in shards and like society at large is like, hey, good, be shards for a while. So there's this like, shudden Freud of like, hey, actually, like, shut up and listen. So like just be worms for a while. So while they're down there, they're eating dirt and they're metastasizing, you know, and they're like spreading this disease. And it's like, I really think that someone has to give a shit about these guys who have been told that, like, they're the reason the world is fucked. Because like, you know, dudes, Sean's age, like they were told, like, go to college, get a job, you'll own a house. Yeah. The American dream is yours. That's completely ripped in shreds. There's no American dream anymore. So you have all these dudes that like just go deeper, deeper online and get meaner and meaner and like, you know, more galvanized. And it's the echo chamber. And I'm thinking if we could get some of these dudes together at some kind of like, I've been saying white guy conference, you know, which is bad. Like, hey, we're going to go into white guys together in Oklahoma City and get it together. But I think if we could like throw some kind of like actual face to face event where we go in with people not like we have it figured out, but like you're admirable. You've done a lot of looking inward. You have a psychology degree. You care about pastoral work, social work, social work. But I get I get to say. And it's like last night on stage, you said you were like, you know, I'm worried about everyone all the time. I have a huge heart. I have the same thing where it's like, I want to be the sin eater for all these kids who are sad. So it's like, if we could get them together and just like have radical honesty and talk about the things and have like Joe List do a symposium on like sobriety or like rainy on like not being a pussy, like all these dudes that like kind of trying to get better and just exhibit this behavior in a place without any phones or booze probably in the middle of the country. Yeah, I think we could actually like send these dudes back with some tools to not like shoot up the mall because we're just if we can negate like one woman flinching when her husband walks into the room, we've done our job. That's a symposium would be nice. I was like a nice symposium. Dude, you go, you have your thing. You don't have to be funny. You're going to be funny because you can't help it. But like you got your fucking presentation. You get up there for an hour. And then afterward, we can talk to these dudes. We can have little like break off groups where it's like, if you want to work on stuff specifically, like we could moderate those. And I don't have any kind of like background on this, but I do care. And I want to help because like I've been doing stand up for 20 years and it's like not boring, but like, what's the next juice? Like, how can I actually be of service? Because I have a platform. I see the kids at the merch line. I see the hope in their eyes, but nothing curdles or becomes more corrosive than dead hope, the dead ambition. And we got to get in there and the scars of them and the wounds and like clear out all that dead debris so like they can heal, bro. We got to be gardens they can grow in. That'd be sick. Because right now we just like provide them some shit that's escapism. That's great. That's not service. We're this is not altruistic. We're benefiting off of this. I'm trying to sell my tickets. Yeah. Shaw needs new tires. Yeah. So it's like, I'm not trying to pretend that what I do when I go on stage is emancipating them from their actual problems. But like I would like to like try and help more. Yeah. The only way I think I can do it is to be like be able to fucking touch them, you know, tell them like, Hey, man, it's not your fault. Like, sorry, your dad was mean, you know, or like be like, it is your fault. And let's fucking fix it. I'm just thinking how we can monetize this. Well, so. It started. $5,000 a day. All right. Yeah. We capital 1000. Dude, I would love to do a symposium. That'd be really nice. The prize. Here's the problem. The the things like this that exists that get self-promotional look so fucking brutal. Yes. The manosphere. I want to call it. I want to call it returning to the odium. Turn the odium. You know the odium? No. The odium was like the the Roman idea of. Work was looked down upon like we're in this whole like thing of like hustle, grind, like work 20 hours a day. Like that's what a man does. They look down on that. Like what a man's ultimate pursuit was, was like to try and like better himself, learn, create art, like. Luxuriate, reflect, not luxury, but like have time to reflect. Dude, you're talking to this is a return to Aristotle. This is what McIntyre is talking about. I'm saying return to odium. That's what we're trying to build. That's fucking tight. And it's just like if we can give them the tools to not be mean to their boss at work, who is a dickhead, or at least try and like take a breath before you fucking pop off at that next meeting. Yeah. You know, before you fucking spike the can of liquid death because you killed for an hour except for one second. Yeah. I fucking flubbed the last line on my closer last night and I was walking off stage and having that liquid death and I was for real about to just fucking hurl it down the steps. And there's like a camera right there and I'm like, bro, I can't be on camera. We look spazzing. So I squeezed it. Yeah, I squeezed it. I was one little day. It's just absolute spaz. Just comes in the green room and he was like, I fucked up the last line. I was like, yeah, make sure you focus on that instead of the other 99.9. That's also what I would do, which is true. I would for sure get off and like I wouldn't. I couldn't even go in the green room. I'd be in the stairwell like. Well, I do like to get back to the green room as fast as possible. Just because I love it. Do like, damn, you're already back. And I'm like, yeah, I moved pretty fucking quick. I have multiple fish to fry. I'm still stewing. I was like, so you want people to think you're a race or like a nightcrawler? Vampire speed. You know what a vampire show? And they're like, yeah, that's what I want. Damn, do you have vampire speed? I'm so funny to get off stage and be like, just run to the green room to like impress, you know, Kurt Metzger with how quick you are. So I had left. I was like, I flubbed the, flubbed the clothes. I got to be fast. That's all I had left. The second to last word you said to you that you fucked up. I know. Oh, I know. I was, I was telling him, I was out there watching him last night, getting real stoned with butterly up on the balcony. And like, I was, I was watching and I was like, dude, that's my friend. And like all these people are here to see him and he's really good at his job. And I'm up here in like the coolest comedy club and I can smoke weed in here. Like life is so cool. Yeah. Just like a moment when you like connect with what's actually happening instead of like the facade of it. So anyway, dude, that's my big pitch is I want to like try and help. That'd be nice. I do. Nice. I worry that people won't appreciate it though. I worry they're stuck in their ways. Well, and that's fine. But I do think the people who would actually take the trip to Oklahoma City and we're not going to have it be 10,000 people. It's going to kind of be like Skankfest for guys who like to do crafts, you know, that'd be nice. That'd be nice. Yeah. Skankfest. Yeah. And we'll have a class on, you know, killing the voice in your head to call stuff gay. That'll be a class. I want to do one on ambition and it's just every slide says you will die one day and just be like, so that's why I do stuff because I know this is going to happen. And you might be thinking, well, I'll put it off. And it's like, well, tomorrow this could happen to you and it will happen in the blink of an eye. Yeah, you will die. Because it's like so easy to like actually use your time. Yeah. If you could just be shown like how much time you wasted on your phone on your deathbed or my new thing is it before like Saint Peter like greets you, he's like, you want more life? Well, let's see how you used yours. And then it's like literally seven years of like you scrolling actual real time seven years. Oh, easily, man. I mean, I've gotten down to three hours a day. And that's like, that was like major. That's huge. Yeah. So Rockins, I think like six at least is like the baseline. Do you wake up and look at your phone immediately? Dude, that's like the big one I'm fighting right now. I do. Yeah. Just cortisol right away. The world's mad at you. Yeah. 40 emails you have to do. I'm mad at them too. Yeah. Yeah. I'll check the weather every now and again, but I typically don't get up and do phone right away. Well, you also have like kids. So you have like priorities and shit. I wake up and I'm like at the hotel ticket counts aren't good in Phoenix. Dude, that's the story of my life. But yeah, if I'm in the hotel by myself, that's when the phone rules. I'll like wake up and just be like, dude, if I'm in a hotel room, yeah, it's to these guidelines until I got to go to the show. I'm on that laptop, putting in residential zones and watching it grow. Hey, everyone, come see me live helium April 8th in Atlanta. Come see me with Sen Comedy Lounge, North Charleston, albeit Mike, dropping Detroit, the comedy nest in Montreal, Ottawa, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, New Orleans, Buffalo, both Zanies, Madison, Dr. Grins, get those tickets from Punch Up Live. And if you wouldn't mind buying my preordering my book, my next novels out September 22nd from Random House, but I would like to get to 10,000 presales so I can be a best seller and beat Mr. Beast and James Patterson. That's what I'm talking about. It's a sick book, violent book of erotic revenge, gay hitman in Paris, doing one last job. Bro. Last 30 pages are just a violent onslaught. Fantasmagoria. I'm really stoked on it. It's pretty. That's awesome. Yeah. I mean, definitely, definitely go see Sam Live. That last night was so fucking funny. So definitely go do that. And the book, the first book was awesome. I'm excited. I'm excited to read the second to you, bro. I'm so stoked on this thing and it's been my entire life for like a year. So yeah, over it. Let's go. Yeah. Sean, what you got, bro? Oh, I'll be in Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City and Cincinnati, Ohio. May please come see those shows if you can and Optimum Noctis at the Creek and the Cave the first and third Tuesday of every month. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, man. Thank you very much. SeanGardini.com. Well, guys, I'll be April 10th. I'll be at the Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul, Minnesota, and then I'll be at Des Moines, Iowa on 411 the next day. And then here's the big ones, man. 417, the Cursed Phoenix, Arizona. I'll be at the Celebrity Theater. It's in the round. It's a 20. That's the one Mitch Hedberg laid down on. What? He would lay down and they would just threw pills at him on stage and he would be circling and he would like see a pill and just eat it. What? Yeah. Him, Sandhote told me this story. That's like legendary spot. Yeah. Well, I think it slowly spins, dude. Does it? I thought so. Yeah. I'm worried I won't complete the circle. I need to get the sale so I don't do it in the 270. I'm worried I won't get the full round going. I'll do it in the U. Brutal. That would suck. So, guys, please come to the Celebrity Theater. I'll literally I'm going to hire seat fillers if you guys don't come. I'm going to buy all the seats of no one's there. Just leave a big block of no seats. Celebrity Theater 417, that's going to be fun. And I also am. I love the round. Yeah. Pig for the round. Actually, I've really come alive in the round, guys. After that, 418, I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. And then 515, I'll be in Toronto. That'll be fun. It's two shows and I believe they're going to be sold out. So there might be a little bit of tickets on the last show. Comedy town. Yeah, I'm excited for Toronto. They've been showing me a lot of love on like fucking bitch ass Phoenix, Arizona. Guys. And then finally, the Riviera Theater in Chicago, Illinois. That's going to be very fun. I love Chicago. So come to that. What are you there? May 16th. I'll be there. What? I'll be in town. I'm at Zany's that weekend. What? I'll try and pop over. Oh, please. Wait, wait. You're there the same way. Damn it. Go see Matt, everyone. No, go see. Show you. Dude, please. Please, that'll be awesome. Let's hang out. Yeah. I think McCann's going to be around too. What? I think McCann's there the 15th or something. Dude, that'll be awesome. Yeah, that'd be cool. Guys, Chicago. It's just there's a comedy storm coming in to Chicago. It's not just your babe. It's the best thing from that city. It's also the people who buy comedy tickets. That's true. That's right. There's a funny front moving in, dude. The wind stream broke. Nothing but giggles all across the Midwest. I'll be in Tulsa. OK. Let's get back to the show. Yeah. I was brainstorming a show idea. I had a couple of different ones, but one of them was just an absolute like a crowd work blue man group where you just like five people just take the stage and it's just you just the whole time. It's just like, it's like, you know, like the crowd work guys that like headset. Oh, yeah. But there's five people at one. The Christopher Titus. Yeah. But it's five people at once just going nuts. And then it evolved. Doing crowd work all at once and you can hear every one of them speak. Yeah. Simultaneously. Yeah. But but then it was like, you know what? No, not even that. What I want to do is do a live exercise class or it's comedians with headsets and you just scream at people exercising like a drill instructor. I did that yoga. I did. They brought me in one time in Denver to do like like a sip and yoga thing and they brought me in as like the fake yoga host. What? And I was like, that's a funny idea. It's a great idea. It pays $40. Sure. Who cares? So I did it, dude, but I didn't know anything about yoga. So people were just getting mad. Like people like this is their whole thing. It's like they look forward to yoga all day at work. And then there's a fat guy out there wearing short shorts and a headband being like, what does everyone do? Upward dog. We're always doing downward dog and people are like, what are you doing? And they didn't know it was a prank. It's like I was a fat guy ruining their one thing. That's a great idea. Yeah. But I think if you told people that it was an exercise class hosted by comedians, that'd be good. I would I want to do a yoga class where I slowly, you know, you start because like a lot of the real kind of like OG yoga instructors will start like hitting you with passages from like, you know, like ancient like the Bhagavad Gita or whatever. That'd be nice to like start that way. Then slowly slide into like, like militant is like, like a big militant Islam. Yeah. Try to sneak it in. And just slowly built like at the very end, during like the Shavasana when they all lay there, just be like, and Pakistan will rise. Yeah, be kind of sick. Indians are dogs. Yeah. Now, or you transition from that into like just Pantera lyrics at the end. He just like read stanzas from Pantera. People are like, I'd be nice to go into like heavy like Black Magic Satanism. Oh, yeah. Towards the very end. Lights go low and low. You're completely new to the end. Yeah. And like in any in anything, no matter what, you have to crush your opponents. Yeah. It means necessary. Their blood is your reward. Blood for the blood God. You are the blood God. Get the marrow from the bone. Yeah, that'd be great. That'd be nice. I mean, but I agree. I think it would be nice, man. That's kind of the. That was kind of one of the main things where it's like, yeah, you got to figure out something to do where it's like, well, you're basically you are a social being, you know, more or less, you have to figure out a way to survive. Be social evolution. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah, I think that would be nice to do a nice little symposium. And like it would probably be a nightmare. And of course, as soon as I have to send two e-mails to find the hotel conference room, it'll be over for me. But we need to find a woman to plan this men's only retreat. I got one. Uh huh. We have type A babes. You can just stick the type A babes on it. Because if I tell my wife, she'll say, oh, yeah, we should be helping white guys more. It's like, it's not just white guys. They're the ones who need the help. Well, here's the thing. You can you can title it symposium for white guys and probably a lot of Mexican guys, right? Maybe guys, black guys are welcome. That'd be a pleasant surprise. We'd love a black guy. That'd be really cool. We're going to have a black speaker after risk. Gay guys, butters, what about gay guys? And I was like, oh, yeah, there's a guy guys in there. They got their own problems. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not like, I don't know, dude. I just feel like when you can't figure out your own shit, it's a lot easier to like either go inward or you can like help other people. So like, I feel like when you're at this depression, it's like just like ruin state that a lot of people are in, exhausted, no dignity. Everyone's mad at them. It's like teach them how to help other people. And I think we can just like plant these little seeds that like go back to like fucking Bristol, Tennessee. And, you know, next thing you know, there's four nice dudes in Bristol, Tennessee. It's like we're going to fix everything, dude. But like if people actually want to do the work, I think we could bring them together. I think so. I think. Yeah, I think that'd be actually a. It'd be a nice thing. It would be either way, it'd be a very fun event if you got to go to sort of symposium and it was just a bunch of people, a bunch of comedians and stuff. And it's not like scholars. No, it's not people who are going to bore you or like impress you with their bona fides. It's just like me up there, doing like, Hey guys, I'm not that great. But like I've done some stuff and here's how I've achieved it. And it's just like picture of my mom and her casket. So I remember this and then I put my phone away and I work on my book because I'll be in there and I'll be in there so soon and you'll all be in there so soon. Yeah. We don't even exist. If you look at time, we're an anomaly. True. We were never here. Dude, that's a, that'd be cool. I think that'd be a lot of fun. Do it getting to do like a 45 minute PowerPoint on just like, I'm going to try to boil down anything that I think is like a use that's been useful to me. And putting it, that'd be so fun. And it'd have to be headset. I'm my only condition is headset mics. Unbuttoned all the way. I'm right here, bro. I'm up there like this. Naked. No, we all have to be nude at this thing. Radical honesty means being nude. Yeah. Like, it's like, no, like, you know, was, was in this vein. That was my, I was trying to figure out how you take the AA and a model. Right. Instead of like, you don't need to be like smoking crystal meth. It's just for everybody. Mm hmm. Because apparently it works for a lot of people. I think, I think it works. Maybe if you can apply that kind of shit to people who don't have substance issues. Yeah. Like, I think it might help even more. I think that was, I was always trying to do that, but it is difficult. It's like kind of hard to wrangle everybody. Symposium could be the move, though. Also, it is gay. Like that's the issue. It is like trying to help people and say, like, hey, I want to be like the senator for the world is like, ultimately a very embarrassing cringe thing. But like we need to return to sincerity. We need to embrace earnestness. We've made a living with irony and like, you know, not taking anything seriously. And now I just think that I really want to like tap into some, I don't know, searching truth, that kind of thing. That's so bizarre. Because that's all we have is beauty. That's the whole. That's the whole point of that book I'm reading. It's literally, it's more or less that's like one of the major points is, you know, it's a weird, you know, one of those things that just kind of sinks up. But yeah, that's crazy. You're very smart and admirable. And I would love to have you involved in this project. I'll be awesome. Sick. I'm pretty dumb though. Sean, you're not allowed. Yeah, you're the enemy of progress. You'd be in there wasted. That's what I've been thinking about this whole time is that I have, I don't think I have anything to offer these people. You could be like a youth pastor. Yeah. Yeah. You just take like 16 year olds. Rock and roll. Oh, I don't know guys. You should probably learn like editing software that could be useful. It'd be really funny to like build up for like three days of like progress, like men crying breakthroughs and then have Sean be like the keynote speaker on the last day and just ruin everything. That is that. That's the thing. That's the, that is the, it's like the tough thing because the, it's such a nice thing and it like, I, if you're being genuine, you're like, yeah, that is like, that's good. And then you just see someone film it and put it out and you're like, that sucks. And I do. I think it's like no cameras, no booths. Yeah. No, I don't think you can have booze at this thing. I think we'll have shuttles that'll drive you to whatever airport, hotel bars nearby, like we'll make it easy for you to have a fun time with your new friends. Yeah. But like we can't be there fucking addled on our phones. Obviously people will be stoned. Yeah. Me included. Yeah. That's what I'm gonna hang out with you and butterly for three days. Yeah. I actually did want to ask you. So you have your last, whenever I talked to you, you have the weed really dialed in trying, bro. Yeah. So what, what like progress have you made with that in terms of finding like specific types of weed that agree with you and all that. I thought live rosin was like the key, but it's actually the turf profile. You know about turps, like all the shit that makes it smell that way. So like you have all these different turps and based on the weeds that I like and the weeds that I don't like, like I can't smoke headband and, you know, or I can't smoke lemon haze, then you find out like limelene is an active turp in there. And then the stuff I do like has like mercy and in a little. So now I'm like looking back through like all these strains in like following the genetics all the way back to find out like what the mother plants are. And it turns out that like cookies, runts, like all these sweet things work for me, but like mangoes don't work because they have too much lysine or whatever it is. So it's just kind of being aware of what strains work for you. And then like trying to like actually get to like the turf profiles of that. And that's to avoid like a bug out, basically. Total bug out. Yeah. Like I can't have like Durban poison. Yeah. But I love Durban poison. And every third time I smoked Durban poison, I'm like under the couch, like a dog in a thunderstorm freaking out. Yeah. Like freaking out, calling my wife at work. Like I'm having a heart attack. She's like, did you hit the puff? Co. I'm like, that has nothing to do with this. It's one in the afternoon. Who would be high on live rosin right now? I woke up an hour ago. I was no way I'm high. That's blueberry blueberry. Anything is like good for me. Me too. I have the blueberry. I'm good. If I had certain ones I have where I'm like, I'm schizophrenic now for like 30 minutes because like I'm like you where it's like I understand that like wheat is a drug. Yeah. Like I still want it to be a part of my life because I'm not on like SSRIs or anything. Exactly. There's like all these people who are like, you need to be high. It's like, no, but like I'm taking a thing that like makes me able to engage with reality a little bit easier. Yeah. I just I like, I'll like take weed out of the next because, you know, like bug out or I'll be like, I don't even need it. And then I put it back in and I'm like, yeah, I kind of need this in my system. Yeah. All the time. And that could be like 2.5 milligrams. Yeah. That's incredible. Yeah. Like they're like, I'm like, I don't know. I thought you had to smoke the whole eighth and 24 hours for most of my life. Or it's like, if you get a thousand milligram bar, it's like, well, I'll eat this and just deal with it. Just plug out. Yeah. I'll just be on drugs. Yeah. I think it's weed. I've run the experiment and it's like, if I, if I like go off of weed entirely, like I can do it. It's really not hard. It's just like, I get like very, I feel like serious. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. It's like a weird feeling. I get like very just kind of like, I'm a man. I don't know what it is. Yeah. No, I get it too, bro. It's weird. Hard edged, you know, and like, not as, not as eager to be like giddy. Yeah. I don't know. Like all the poly, like the bad stuff about weed, like I get it, but I think I just like need to be able to have it in my life or else life isn't as much. I don't know. No, I need to be, I need to have a little weed because I don't know. Otherwise I just get like, I just get very serious and I have like, I think genetically I have like salesman brain. So if I don't, if I don't smoke weed, salesman brain takes over and I just, but it's become like a, I don't know, something in my head where I'm just like, I should do this. This is actually a very good idea. And I genetically have hobo brain. So when I'm not smoking weed, I just get like lost in these flights of fancy where I'm like, why don't we move to Peru? Like, why are we, we're all scared of like shit happening here. We'll go to Peru or money will go longer. And we watch like, are you stone? And I'm like, actually, no. Yeah. This is me thinking clear-headed. I think the move is relocating you, your sister, your mom, your grandma as our niece to Peru. I think that'd be best for us. The Andes Mountains. Dude, it'd be so great to like be able to live lives in so many different places. Yeah, you're a big traveler. Well, it's just like, I know how limited the time here is. Yeah. It's like, I want to sample the delicacies of this thing called life, bro. And it's like, and that's the issue of like being me is like, every, every, most of my thoughts are very gay, you know, like all the stuff that I love. Like I'm stoked to go home and like plant my flowers and like, dude, my day lilies going, you know, start on gardening. That's my that's my big one right now. I'm gardening. Yeah, it is. I've seen you post your stuff. Great. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I got to get started again. Fire up. Pep is going. Because I think it's the last year we can grow stuff. Why? That because like the anomalies happening in weather, it's like they're like the jet stream is breaking. So now weather is just going to like break out of whatever tube it's kept in and like, you know, make it like 30 degrees in July or whatever. You think that's what happens? I don't know. That's what the science, you know, fuck. So pissed of my shit for also right now in the summer. That's that's because like they used to say, you know, you could plant like April 1st or whatever. And now they're like wait till Mother's Day. And now they're kind of like, well, if you can get going, whenever, like you might have to beat a late frost, but so it's just, yeah, that's where my what's your garden set up right now. Nothing right now, because I haven't put it in yet, but like, I planted a bunch of trees last year, first year. So we got the trees and then this year it's like raised beds and yeah, I want to have a cutting garden and then some like food and herbs. But mostly I want to just grow beautiful flowers and like sit back there. And my very expensive chairs I bought from France. I can do it. I mean, I was this body was wasted on me. I should not have been born like a huge straight guy. I should be like a very gay, like Haitian dude, just like wearing like a head wrap. Remember like the vampire, like the gay vampire from that was Anna Packwins vampire show on HBO back in the day. True blood. True blood. Yeah. Remember the gay guy? That should have been me. Who was the gay guy? He was like the bartender. Oh, OK. Black guy, like Caribbean. Wow. Yeah, that was like the gayest guy for sure. That should have been me. Yeah. That guy was, you know, I'm talking about gay black. He almost he would borderline cross dress almost. Oh, it was like he was like, he was like, if your dad like didn't impression of a gay guy in blackface, like that's who this guy was. He had beautiful eyes. Oh, he was great. Yeah. And he had beautiful eyes. Yeah. Yeah. He had beautiful, very effeminate eyes. And like that's another thing. It's like Androgyny's attractive, like all this stuff that I have. Like I cannot wait to go to the botanical gardens in Atlanta on Wednesday. I would do that. I will say there's something really nice about growing flowers. I've been growing like rose bushes. Dude, and they're driving you nuts. Oh, my God. It's the best. I love it when they know when they blossom, I like I really I come down. I come down every morning and I check out my garden. I any new shoot or bud, I see it and I go, dude, this is fucking awesome. Anytime I see a new little thing, I'm like, oh, I did that. Yeah. Me and nature. Yeah. Colab. Yeah, man. My this single cherry blossom bud, especially when you get into like creating like a real soil ecosystem where you're like, I'm trying to really do like, yeah, like, I don't know if it's Korean farming, but it's just like using like, you know, mulch fertilizer, like it takes like years to get it established. And I see little bugs in my soil. I'm like, I did it. Dude, ladybugs, ladybugs. We had pollinators last year because of the wildflowers. My wife was like, we have bees. This is terrible. And I was like, we have bees. This is this is what we need. If we want the rest of this, we need these guys. She's like, chill. My wife's always coming home like exhausted from being a doctor. And I'm like, hey, check this out. And I like take her out back to show her a new bud on the like pop-out tree. And she's like, can I change out of my scrubs? And I'm like, no, quick, I'll report. She comes home to a little boy who then wants to try to have sex with her later. I do. I've been I've been I've been game planning this idea for like, you know, because if you have like a small backyard and you're limited, but you want to try to live off your land, I want to try to push the idea of people having, I guess, like single house, but also like very efficient factory farming, where like you could have like a like a cow and like a light less box in your backyard or like a genetically like a clear you could like see its internal organs. Yeah, it's like a box of headless chickens. I want to take I'm going to take factory farming and democratize it to where like we could all have just a bunch of like weird like KFC. Island of Dr. McCusker. It's just those are making me laugh. Pitching that to people just having like a light less box where you have like a star veal calf or like fattening with like grease. Yeah. Just like fryer. Just a tube into its mouth. Instead of like a big factory with a thousand of like eyeless chickens, you have like five in your backyard. Right. Yeah. Cloning them back there. You can charge people to come look at them and grind them into a pulp and eat them for your family. Oh, the SWAT team would come to your house. It's like there's a man creating abominations next door. I want to be able to raise like McDonald's chicken nugget chickens. You know, I would like cut their vocal cords. They can't even make it. And they're eggs are as big as your fist. Yeah. And there's back there like saying like kill me and chicken. And you're like, we're happy they are. That one's dancing. It's just covered in mites. It's covered in the shit. Dude, I would love to have some kind of like freaky animal menagerie in the backyard that you occasionally eat. It's all science. It's all science. Right. Yeah. You're on the cutting edge. Everyone will be doing this in 10 years. Saying that shit all the time. It's like lab grown meat. Yeah. That's all I'm talking about. I think that's not crazy. I would love to have eggs. Eggs would be nice. Eggs would be tight dude. Everyone's thinking like how can I go full natural? It's like, well imagine if you can just go like full synthetic. Home with hormones. Just like all the I put all the hormones in the cows or just like having impossible meat machine and you're like throwing coal in nitrates. I would just have a cow just like suspended. I'd have like an oxygen tank to suspend it in water and I would just fatten it up slowly. Let it just get bigger. Hey man, I know what you're talking about. I'm right there. Yeah. You want like a big like fucking like gelatinous cube. There's a bunch of tubes going into a cow and it's just like floating in there. Like the Wolverine tank. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Professor, your weapon acts with cows. Yeah. Yeah, it's slay that once a year and I would have its clone take its place. Oh, for sure. It'd be awesome. And you could do that. Like not you for sure, but like someone could do that and implement that in the backyard. We're growing cows from seed. It would be so fun to go to like an organic farming symposium and just present that idea. Yeah. Have your machine. Have them just walk out and discuss. So you plant these and it grows hot dogs. Everyone has to do that. You can do this at the symposium we're throwing. That would be nice. You could have like a machine with like you could like selectively breed Siamese twin like pigs. And like you just keep kind of like somehow figuring out a clone, like a twin to grow out of another one. You kill the other one. You have two younger and you just continue. Like a hydra. But with pork. Hydra. But they'll probably be getting it. Muslims hate this one trick. Yeah. That would be the problem. You have to figure out how can you like have a new kind of embryo grow out of the Siamese twins? That would be the only problem. Keep it going. Everything else is pretty hard science. It's come out. You're like, look, it's growing another eyeball out of its side. You know, how nice it's working. Your daughters are sitting there horrified. As you're just slowly going crazy and saving your urn in toenails. You feed him the pig. It helps it grow. It would be a lot better than having like real pigs in your backyard. Yeah. Pigs are always biting you. You got to whip them with sticks. Dude, I want to pig so bad. I want to keep your daughter's fingers away from that pig. I know. Oh, but we had a pig in our backyard that was like super horny and it would hump. We had like a Swedish exercise ball and it would it would hump it and G is on the ball. Like he's fully in that story. He told. But yeah, no, I recently read Lonesome Dove and oh my God, dude. I'm so sold on having like a nice show. Because they call pigs show. So I'm like, I want one so bad. Sit on my porch and just sit there and look at my show. It's eating like snakes and shit. Dude. And you can you can do a thing where I don't know if this is like actually a viable idea, but you can rent goats to go clear land for people. I would love to have just like five goats that I could just rent out to people. Let them just munch all the poison ivy and shit on the way. Yeah. Eat the kudzu. Yeah, they'll eat everything. You would like to be a shepherd. I think I did. I've said it before. I would love to be a chef. That's honestly my ideal job. I honestly think they're like maybe genetically like you're talking about like how you're a salesman brain. Like I think that there's something in me that needs to be just like. Don't have an address. I was telling you on the way over, it's like you were saying, you know, Australia, you like had a weird time. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, if I'm home for seven days, I kind of wig out. Yeah. So like I can't like be still. And I think that there's some kind of like nomadic like just calling in my blood, bro, and it's not good for me. Shepherd would be nice. Shepherd's great, dude. You just like dress like an iman. You have a big crook. You're eating weird pies, a woman hands you every now and then. You have to say a word for days. You have to fight the wolf off the wolf. Yeah, or you'll have a cool dog. True. You have a good dog. What I've heard, I was I was at a kid's birthday party recently and they had like the petting like the ponies and horses. You do stand up. No, no, no. I was attending. I was having fun just attending and the guy and I again, I just read Lonesome Dove, so I'm like just so horny for like cowboy knowledge of like you're calling stuff Kaliche. This guy, he's sitting there and we're, you know, I'm starting. I'm talking mules with this guy who's like from the horse farm. Yeah. I'm just like, just really happy to be there with like a native Texan. And he was like, well, you know, you get rid of wolves, right? And I was like, no, how? Just like, please, I would have sucked this guy's dick to him. And he was like, you get a couple of good donkeys. They'll trample that you wolf underneath the donkey's hooves. And I had to just be like, what do they do? He's like, they'll fucking trample a wolf right to death. And I was so happy. I know that. Yeah. I'm sitting there like, oh, yeah. Dude, he was just like, yeah, you get a donkey, man. Could you think you were standing fucking a donkey stopping on you? I was like, absolutely not. Fuck no, sir. No, sir. I wouldn't. You know, sir. I would die immediately. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just like knowing that I'm like, that's so cool. You know that donkeys will stop on a wolf and you can just aggressive shirt, but I got my donkey. So I was going to try and get a sign. I want to fact check that, but it's also I almost don't want to. You're going to see a lot of setting videos on either side. Yeah. Either donkey getting munched or a wolf getting pummel. But he's like, I get two good donkeys, man. You don't have to deal with wolves. Oh, fuck, that's so sick. You know that. Yeah. Well, mules are fucking. I think mules are also like capable. I think donkeys and mules are like sacrificial. Like you kept the oxes safe, probably. What do you mean? Well, it's like, if you're like thinking about like the farm animals or like the agricultural like pack animals, like. Yeah, I think mules and I think mules most dispensable and then donkey and then like horse and then like ox, maybe. Yeah. I don't know. And then as a mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey, everybody can't breed. Can't breed. Yeah. My grandma's people raised mules in New Mexico and like they all had like mule skin shoes and shit and like mules stew. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. No, that's awesome. I try to talk about it on stage. People think I'm lying. My grandma's from a place called Wagon Mountain and I say those are my people. Mule ghouls from Mound Town. And people are like, you just wanted to say that. So it's all lies. You can say that dumb phrase. They think you're stealing mule trader valor. 100%. Yeah, that's fucking bullshit. Right now. That pissed me off. Amen. It's just another day in the life of Latino. I come from Cowpoh. Yeah. Do you really? And my grandma and my grandpa met at a rodeo. They used to ride horses in the show. My grandpa was a cowboy. My grandma worked at the ranch. Robert and Roberta. Bobby and Bobby Jean. Wow. God damn it. I've no, I know cowboy fucking shit in my blood. Oh, it sucks. Yeah, but you guys have probably some like maritime knowledge. Like you guys are probably at sea. My dad is nasty with the boat knots. I got none of that. Very nasty with them actually. I'd meet your dad much like you met that like donkey stomping wolf guy. And I'd be like, tell me more. I'm dipping myself. He would talk. You could talk boat knots for hours. Yeah. It's actually I'm pretty jealous of his not ability. When a man knows the exact knot. I'm like, fuck, I didn't learn anything my entire life. Dude, he's nice with that. And also like trees is like tree identification. Like that's a silver birch. That's it. And it's like, dude, how do you fucking know all the shit? I said recently, my wife, I want to see a tree and be able to tell you what kind it is. Yeah. And she was like, please go to bed. I'm just hitting her with this gay barrage constantly. Meanwhile, she's like a dude effectively. I've been doing that with with like ducks, because we have a pond near my house. Yeah. It's like in like the neighborhood they call it a lake. It's just a giant pond, but they have all these different ducks. And I I've like taken pictures of all of them to like use. I use my phone and identify them. And I just like memorize it as hard as I can. So like, and I'm just always waiting to like flex duck knowledge. Yeah. The other day we were up there. We're up there and one of my wife's friends was like, yo, there's one ducks are crazy. I'm like, that's a muskovy. Praying in Egyptian goose would walk into the scene. So he's like, take me now, Matthew. I was flexing on Sean. We're the Japanese Garden in Houston. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like, that's it. He's like, those ducks are crazy. I was like, Egyptian goose. Those things are my favorite. They are really pretty. How was that garden? It's awesome. It's so fucking sick. Actually, I didn't go yesterday. It's next time we walked around. It's very really cool. Yeah. Just getting it's just like they have huge like chunks of natural granite, just like big bowlers everywhere. Yeah. Water running down them. Koi ponds. I'm like, fuck. Fuck. It was awesome. You ever busted those ducks like doing it? You ever seen ducks mate? No. They have that classic corkscrew penis. Really? I always heard that was pigs with the old pigs. Have a weird that's the tail. That's the tail. But pigs have a really cute, really funny. A chote chote. Those things are what's the pig dick look like? I thought it was corkscrew. It's like, it's like, I don't think it's completely corkscrew, but I think it does like. It has a hook. Can we can we get that up? Wait, you think that's a pig dick? Yeah. Very bad. Yeah. I'm going to see the pig dick and then a duck dick, if you don't mind. And I think duck vagina has evolved to be corkscrews because ducks rape female ducks all the time. Oh, right. This is like rave knowledge, you know about this. Yeah, that's already safe, right? That's the pig dick. Oh, so it's got a yeah, it's got a hook on it. Yeah, check that out. That's OK. All right, there we go. So that is this on screen. You can see you can show pig dicks on screen. Can you? Yeah, you can totally do that. Sean, it's like looking at me or is it? Is that? Oh, that's I. That's a pig's butthole for no reason. All right, I'm back. You see that he's lifting the pig's tail. That's a pig butthole right there. This looks like my ass. Let's see a duck dick. So yeah, the pig has just a little whoa. Get over there. That's a duck's dick. Yeah, I think it was like I think it was your super cool evolution because the female duck's like. Oh, yes. Damn, the duck's dick is like it's like a sine wave. It's kind of tight. Yeah, I do. OK, so that's like a dig dug when you have to shoot. Like the asics logo. Dang. And so that the duck pussy is like rifle. Yes, rifle action. Yeah, because they wanted to prevent being, you know, forcibly impregnated. And I think they're there. Is this is this your understanding? Yeah, right? Yeah. It's like anal. Yeah. I hated it. OK, so in nature, though, so you're saying ducks don't have a big courtship element because like some like, you know, so it's just like there's no maintenance, no one's showing off the plumage. Dang, that's a shame. It's just like, hey, you come here often. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty much how dudes had sex until like 1975 or whatever. Hey, you want to be safe? Carry my baby. Yeah. True. Dang. Well, I didn't know that. And see, you need to have you could in your weird menagerie you're building, you could just have like the penises growing. That would be nice. Like in jars. You really have the neighborhood kids go, you know, duck penis, duck penis every now and again. I show my you have a necklace. Not so different, you and I. Now compare. Yeah, your starts corking. Sean, you didn't tell me about your new. Yeah. A guy collecting every species of. What? What a. He's a dickhead. American or like the human penis is there's two guys competing to donate their penis. Wow. What? Once they die. Are they like the biggest and the smallest? Some people are doing it. Yeah, before they die. All right, German guy for sure. Yeah, for sure. Sure, German. Well, so some guys like just take it now. He's like, take it now and eat the tip. What does he win? His penis in the museum. Damn, there's a flash flood. His dicks washed away. God, that's so fun. The curators in there every night, take him out of the jar and just sucking different animal. Yeah. Brushing his teeth with one. There's two guys competing for the job. Yeah. Hey, guess what? I'm going to pull my name out of the hat. All right. I don't need to be in the race for that. Permanent to be the curator and be like, I think personally sucked every single one of these. Pig penis is exquisite. Yeah, you have to try the duck. Dude, imagine just sucking like a fly's penis. And be a brain man. Just penis. Yeah. Oh, I'm intrigued to know all the different sex. That would be kind of cool. It's so funny. He probably approaches it to like, you know, has like a cloth over his arm, walks to the jar. Smiling. Like he's offering you to smell the cork. Damn, it's too. That's if there's never like it always amazes me that there are two guys who are like, no, I want my penis in that jar. Yeah. Wouldn't occur to me. I'd be like, I'm going to bury me with mine. I don't want it in a jar. I don't need anyone to know. Walk into the penis museum and be like, yeah. People posing with it. Water must be cold. Yeah. Water's cold. Sure. Pickling solution is chilly. The brine, the penises once a quarter. I don't want to be nasty, but you figure like you should give me your penis. Yeah, I got lucky to have it. I need mine for a while longer. Yeah. Going bowling. Yeah. Freaking you figure that'd be extra penises laying around with gender reassignment surgeries and things like that. You know, true. Hmm. Like I figure it's not too hard to find one. Yeah, that is kind of a shame. We're just yeah, we're going to cut a guy's off. Although don't they turn it inside out? I feel like they keep most of the penis to create like a clitoral situation. Oh, don't pull that up. I know. I'm typing. I think you're right. I don't think they do they hack the whole thing off. I know Nate Nate could Nate talk spent on stage, but that was the ball. Keep the testies. Yeah, you could keep your testies like their tonsils or whatever. I've said before, castrating the penis, but keeping your balls would be the most powerful. Yeah. That's definitely test maxing for sure. Oh, he's coming to the table. Yeah, plop them just for your just balls. You have no release, but you're still producing all the hormones and shit you need. That was pretty powerful. It's like a samurai situation. It really wouldn't complete control. You wouldn't be. Huh? You'd have no outlet. You just have to. Or you do. And it's just like a hole that weeps every now and then. Drilling. Yeah. Hey, baby. See my drooling hole. Yeah, because your body. Wounds excited. Really funny. Honey, get me a diaper. I'm feeling you. Yuck. Oh, boy. Drilling hole. But I ain't enough about my wife. You're using. Yeah, I'm going to call her. I mean, like, hey, baby, can I get a taste of that oozing hole? You just rely on my dreams. You'd have wet dreams like once a quarter rely on wet dreams. What a hell. That's your only release. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had a full wet dream, brother. I have. I've had. Let me tell you. I wish, man. I've had maybe one, but I it's I wasn't like soiled mounds. I had one in the top bunk one time. What? Yeah. My cousin was down below and I had to figure out how to. Sinsy rain. Hey, your hole's weeping. Someone's balls are full. Yeah. Wet dreams are gross. Oh, yeah. You know what? Yeah. Because you don't like it. I feel like in a wet dream, I don't think you like fully bust in a wet dream. I've never had the situation where I'm like enjoying having sex. And then I climax. It's always like I'm about to have sex with someone and then I like not. And then there's like a shame in the dream and then you wake up and the shame is real. It's like when you get cut in a dream and your arms bleeding, you're like, whoa, what the fuck? Holy cow. It's real. But instead of like, you know, seeing the bleeding arm pulling out the sword, you're carrying and like cutting off the pirate's head. Yeah. And you just wake up and you're like, oh, yeah, it's already cold. I have to call sheath again. I sleep nude too. So like, yeah, I had to stop when I had kids. Now I can't I can't sleep because I have kids. A bit about crawling into bed. Yeah, that's awesome. It's a good hour. Thanks, bro. I appreciate it. I was I was down. I wasn't too downcast, but I was something that's scary. So you're done. I was over it. Yeah, I was done. And I was just like, fuck. Easter Sunday too. Yeah, long day. Yeah. Easter weekend. Easter is feeling less and less like a real holiday. Yeah, it's sort of a bummer. The bowling alley was crowded and yeah, I was like, shouldn't we all do like a Jewish thing? They didn't look Jewish. Like Chinese food on Christmas. Yeah, bowling. What were the Jews up to? There was only one Jew at the show last night. It was because it's a real hard loss for them. True. They need to think it over. I was killing me. Yeah, just sit this one out, Jews. Thought you had it. The only other I thought it was going to be just nothing but. Yeah, just a victory lap. Yeah. Well, goddamn, dude, I think we did it, man. It's a joy. Thank you for having me, guys. Give you the goddamn proper introduction. I think they do. You're the man. You are the absolute man. I was it was a joy. I was I was telling my wife, I was like, I was watching you. Actually was up there on the balcony and I was I was so I just got like stuck watching you and I was like, fuck, come on next. What? I was like, thank God, I didn't just like miss it. Yeah. See, I would have been like up there. I had to run all the way down. We're lucky that like the guys we get to hang out with are like good at the thing, you know, it's like really hard to like be friends with comics getting older if they're like not good. Yeah, you know, it's like it was fun to watch you up there with butterly and Mary Jo and be like, this guy's really good. And like, I have his phone number. I think that's cool. He's like one of the best guys. I was I was going, this is Sensei. I was watching you. I was going to do that's a truly liberated. Well, I don't know 15 minutes because like I don't do showcases. That's why I felt bad because I was like, that's why I was like, ah, because it's weird doing a short time or used to headlining. Well, it's OK, though. Like as a skill, I have to learn, you know, it's not a big deal. But I am up there like trying like I'm bailing on bits because like I'm like, OK, this just get to the next thing. You know, yeah, it was fun. Awesome. Well, you crushed. Dude, of course, thanks for coming. Course, man. Bye. Goodbye.