The Funny Kid Becomes the Dad: How We’re Raised with Kenan Thompson

I recently traveled to Switzerland for work and I have to say, the home I booked on Airbnb really shaped the whole trip. It overlooked the mountaintops and there was this sweet little porch where I could sit in the morning and drink my coffee. If you were following me during that time on Instagram, you saw me post from that exact location. Also, there was just this incredible coffee machine that somehow made my morning routine feel intact even across the ocean. And I was also just able to get sunshine before a full day of conversations. All those quiet moments in the morning, they grounded me. Oh, and this touch I just loved was I got three bars of Swiss chocolate left by my host and I can confirm they were all gone by the end of my three-day stay. When I travel, I don't just want a place to sleep. I want a place to land, a living room where I can decompress in a space where I can do bedtime over face time and feel at home when I'm away from home. That's why I book homes on Airbnb. It helps me find places that feel grounding, not just convenient because when where you stay feels good, everything else feels a little better too. One of the biggest kind of ironic situations that a lot of comics are dark people, but I want to be a light person, you know what I mean? I want to be a person that provides joy but also has joy. And like, what are we going to do? Like, we're going to dwell on, you know, negativities. Like, I would much rather try to spin towards the light. Here's something I think about a lot. The roles we play as kids. The funny one, the responsible one, the easy one, these roles don't just disappear and we grow up. They often become the traits the world sees us as or rewards us for. And when all this happens early enough, it can shape how we move through every room we enter. My guest today, someone a lot of us feel like we grew up with. Kenan Thompson started performing as a kid in Atlanta and became a household name on Nickelodeon shows like All That and Kenan and Cal. Today, he's the longest serving cast member in history of Saturday Night Live. For decades now, he's been the person who can walk into a scene and make it funnier, lighter. But what interests me most isn't just that Kenan is funny. He's also incredibly steady. In an industry that's known for chewing people up, especially people who start young, Kenan has built a career defined by consistency, generosity, and longevity. And he's also the dad of two daughters, which means he's in a very different role now. Not just performing for a room, but shaping the environment his kids grow up inside. Today, we're continuing a series called How We're Raised. Conversations about the homes we grew up in and how those early experiences shaped the way we live, lead, and parent today. This isn't about celebrity or comedy. It's about the kid underneath the performer, the roles we learned early, the gifts those roles gave us, and sometimes the pressure that came with them. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is Good Inside. I'm so glad you're here. I mean, I feel like second kids are a little more wild and free of a lot of the pressures of being a first-born child. And just like that first-born child for some reason just has the mentality of, I have to get it all right, basically. I think a second child is somewhat free of that a little bit. And kind of got a little bit of a cheat code within the older sibling to be able to just kind of either ask questions or watch and observe and learn much faster. And kind of take or leave the pressure a little bit. And be a little bit of the tension breaker, honestly, because you have that perspective where it's like, why are you guys arguing? What happened? And I'm like, okay, they didn't read one assignment. Is it worth all this anger and stress? I remember kind of being in that position when it wasn't my fault. It's just like, all right, well, let's all just kind of figure out a way to turn this energy another kind of way or something, or try to tell a joke, but at a young age, you don't really overly identify what's happening necessarily. You just kind of want everybody to feel better. So yeah, I remember kind of just being witnesses to tensions and wanting to break it. Basically, we're sending it in another direction. Zoom out or maybe zoom back before we come back here. So one of the things I think a lot about in families and why I love working with parents and kids is I think about a family a lot as a system. And I feel like within a system, we all act individually, but we're all really impacted by the system we're in and we can take on roles. And we kind of, with our siblings, we'll see what's left over, we'll pick up what's left over. So if I go back, your identity as someone who, I don't even know how you would describe it, is funny, seeks humor, creates humor, can find a nuance in a moment. When did that start? I mean, I guess my sense of humor came along with my brothers us watching a lot of TV early because we're cable generation kids. Same. Yeah, we grew up watching movies over and over and over again because latchkey-ish, kind of just being in one place where your parents kind of know you're safe or whatever. TV was a companion. Yeah. What'd you watch? Pretty much in those days, it was coming to America's and trading places and things like that. But also Spies Like Us and Ghostbusters. A lot of the SNL people's work in general, basically, because I think those are the main kind of comedy powerhouses that were actually putting movies out. Spies Like Us, I don't think no names could have gotten that done just because it's such a crazy story, just like a story. But since it was chasing acheroid, it got done, kind of thing. Yeah, it started early. We used to take road trips because my parents are from Virginia and we grew up in Atlanta. So to pass the time, this is before anything kind of electronic was concerned. Like, yeah, maybe, what was it? It's like scene say or something. What was the most low-fi digital thing back in the day? Those road trips were long and boring. We used to just quote, coming to America back and forth. Wipers? Yeah. Exactly. Yes, it is my birthday. Yeah, from moment one. And so, was it then? Like, all my brothers were kind of funny? Or were you like, no, I kind of had a knack for the moment. I kind of was one making everyone laugh. A bit of both. Like, my dad for sure, my dad's a joke teller. My mother's side of the family were like country people. They were out in the woods kind of thing and they stayed in the house at night. Once the sun went down, it was dark out there. So, it's like five o'clock still. So many hours in the night and we're all just gathered around kind of like the stove to keep everybody warm. Who's going to entertain us? Not these three channels that they have on TV. Someone's got to be kind of like the party person. Like, my dad had that personality. So it was nice to be able to relate to that and also not necessarily have to be that kind of thing. And then, yeah, me and my brother just had this bond of our senses of humor being very similar. Like, what we were struck by in those movies were very similar. Did your sense of humor being funny, is that ever anything that you feel like worked against you? Only in times where I was naive to how other people were taking it. I've been kind of confidently naive in certain circumstances where it works in my favor like auditioning for things and not being afraid to throw a joke out there and pretty much just assume people are going to laugh at that kind of thing in auditions or assume that I was coming across in a charming kind of fashion or anything like that. Like, I was very kind of naively confident like that in that sense. But I wasn't necessarily too aware of in normal settings that someone might be like getting annoyed by this or I'm pestering them in some sort of way. Like once I started going on a tangent, I couldn't tell if it was annoying until I actually would have a reaction. I didn't know where the finish line was until that person responded kind of thing. And yeah, it was usually a negative response that was the teacher basically. We kind of know what your Saturday nights look like, but your Sunday, your weekend, an ordinary Tuesday, give me a sense. I mean, I'm all about chasing the family around when I'm not working. That's just like that's my happy place. Just knowing what the little ones are up to. They're so busy. I want to be around them as much as possible basically. They're not that little, right? Well, how old are they? Yeah, no, they're 7 and 11 now and it is going way too fast. Like I just had a two week break and I can't believe it's over already. And what is, yeah, what is let's say a Sunday in your house that your kids like? Yeah, I mean, New York is such a good place to like just be out basically. So we go to dinners or we go to, you know, museums, ice cream museum the other day was a lot of fun. What might people maybe expect of you as a father based on at least the version of you they know, you know, from TV or maybe what might someone not expect? I mean, I guess like people don't see me in like the disciplinarian role because they don't know me like that. You know what I mean? But you know, I'm a father. So like I have to, you know, show where the boundaries really are kind of thing. You know what I mean? And I don't want to raise irresponsible citizens basically and I don't want society to correct them. So I think that's one of the more surprising things, you know, when I'm just like straight, straight faced dad kind of thing or whatever. But, you know, we still have a good time. Do you think about that, especially in the context of raising kids with fame around them? Like, do the boundaries matter that much more? Try to try to avoid that classic entitlement around that? Yeah, I mean, in the beginning, like when they were when they were young, I was very, you know, kind of territorial around, you know, picture taking and stuff like that, you know, out in public or whatever. And they got to a point where they kind of were just like, dad, well, you just take the picture kind of thing. So like once they felt fine about it, you know, it didn't bother me as much because I just wanted to protect, you know, their childhood, you know, you only get, you know, your one childhood kind of thing. So I wanted our time together to kind of be pure of that, if you will, kind of thing and just have it be as normal as possible. Like, you know, at home, I'm just dad, basically, as opposed to like, you know, Keenan. It's so funny when people call me by my first and last name, I'm like, you don't know me very well. You know what I mean? Like no one just like calls their friend by their first and last name. It's a pretty like immediate indicator that you're a stranger. Keenan Thompson, like that. And I remember it went from Keenan and Kale to Keenan and Thompson. People called you Keenan. People used to call me Keenan and Kale. People used to call me Kale. People call me Tracy Morgan a lot. Like people call me a lot of different things. And then once people started like calling my last name, I was like, oh, wow, I'm really out here, basically. You know, I'll have people call me my whole Instagram handle on the street. Dr. Becky, I couldn't decide. I was like, well, okay, okay. All right. Thank you. Thank you. And I'll take a quick picture, but. But I'm thinking in for what you do, you know, one of the things I think about a lot is something I've been doing for a long time. I think I've been talking about a lot is something I call porousness. Like how porous are we to our environment? How much do we notice things and take it in versus how much are we kind of a little more self-focused? And one's not better than the other. They both kind of matter. But being attentive to your audience, wanting to get their reaction versus really kind of paying attention to your own line of thought and like allowing a kind of a pause to not totally throw you. I'm trying to think where you are in that spectrum. Because I'd imagine both matter in a line of work. You can't be totally taken by the audience as a media reaction, but you're probably also kind of track it. Yeah. And before SNL, I think I was always like, well, that's not my responsibility. You know what I mean? Like I didn't write this, you know, or whatever. I'm just kind of just doing whatever someone else asked me to. So if it's rubbing you wrong, you know, it's not on me. Like I think we all apologize together kind of thing or whatever. And then SNL is when, you know, that relationship between, you know, call and response was real basically because it's like, oh no, they want you to write and they want you to write well, not just the people at the show, the audience. You know what I mean? This is an audience of people. There's people out there that have watched every single show. You know what I mean? And you have the audacity to come in and try to present what you think is funny. But good luck with that because it's a pressure cooker and it's also everybody's dream job that's doing comedy or voices or sketch. You know what I mean? There's a lot of people that want to be in that position kind of thing. Yeah. So it's not like you can just assume everybody's going to let you figure it out for the sake of being fair. You know what I mean? I got very lucky, but I was able, I think, to service the shows in other ways while I figured out the writing part of it all. Thank God. So yeah, no, it's it's intense. Yeah. People have described you as kind of calm and flappable. Is that something that you've always said? I get flappable. You get flappable? I get flappable. Okay, we're going to now describe you as flappable. Yeah, yeah. I get flappable though. I get very concerned, you know, like. What's the hardest part of your job for you? It's funny. Marcelo, I was just reading something Marcelo said. He's like the most annoying part of the show is coming up with the next funny thing. Doing comedy as far as comedy is concerned on that part of my job. That is, I think the hardest thing is just to constantly find new things, you know, it's tough. When you have success, does that kind of, I don't know, make the stakes, it can feel like it can make the stakes even higher for the next time. Yeah. Because it's like, now you have to validate the success, but it's like the success was the validation in the first place. And people miss that part, you know what I mean? Because they're like, all right, well, let me just reestablish and on the next one and on the next one and on the next one. And it's like, you're kind of competing with an infinity mirror. Like you'll never see the point where you're going to actually catch it. Yep. And then actually legitimately like transfer to the next level of appreciation from people, if you will. So take this success at the moment. You know what I mean? And then remove, I guess, the pressures for the next one. And then the success on the next one starts with you. How do you feel about it? Did you enjoy that sketch that you put up and blah, blah, blah? And like, you can't lie to yourself. You're going to be like, yeah, I'm the one that liked it, but the room didn't laugh. Like, that's not a success. You know what I mean? Right. Like you can't be not even that way. But you can kind of let the finish line be with yourself, if you will. Something I talk to parents a lot about is we have to gaze out in the world and notice something I did. How did it land and how did my boss think about my project or whatever it is? But we live in a world now where I think we gaze out at the complete absence of gazing in. Like gazing in and be like, did I like it? That doesn't mean that's the whole... We forget about itself, yeah. Right. That's not the whole truth either. But without that, you completely lose yourself. Yes. Because you're starting with your sense of humor or your idea or what you think is humorous about any given specific subject matter. You know what I mean? So why leave yourself out of it at the end? You know what I mean? Right, right. It's like, no, to keep yourself kind of involved. It's not necessarily about you, but your instincts, your taste, you know what I mean? Is a large part of this, you know? And you shouldn't gloss over that just for the sake of trying to please the audience, if you will. That's right. I guess I'm picturing a circle of kind of what I think is funny. No one really cares what I think is funny. Oh, come on. Of course we do. And then the other circle is like what the audience thinks is funny. And obviously kind of success probably happens at the intersection, but it is something that happens. And it's not just in comedy. I think it's with sports, right? Or with anything we start to do as a performance is we start to have success because we do have something inside of us that tastes the unique perspective and it has an overlap with an audience. But if we completely lose that focus internally and we start to just focus on externally, I think we drive ourselves into the ground. I don't know a good example of it going that way, you know what I mean? When everybody starts micro-focusing on everyone else except for themselves. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. You just, it's unfair to yourself and I think at some point subconsciously you start to acknowledge that. Like, hello. Right. I would love to be acknowledged in this whole thing. Everybody else is feeling good about something, but I'm just stressed and tired. Right. I'm like, now I have to come up with something else and I didn't even get a chance to really understand why or just have a moment. You know what I mean? Like when we did electric shoes, I got a DM from someone showing me their mute autistic child singing along to it, just humming it and humming the notes. They were like in Chick-fil-A or something. And then he watches this every day. You know what I mean? And it brings him so much joy. And this is kind of the only time he makes noise, if you will. And it's like, that's just our silly little idea. You know what I mean? Like bringing so much light into these people's lives basically. Yeah. So that was when it was like, all right, that's the power of what we're doing here basically. Yeah. So don't let that like other side bring you too far down because the upside is so high. Like being a gift to others is such a high thing to be involved with in my opinion. Has comedy taught you how to deal with failure? Maybe failure. I don't love that word. It feels so final, but struggle, something not landing. Oh, I thought that was going to go well. Turns out it didn't. I think comedy, but like also like, you know, being in the business or like working young, you know, kind of taught me that, you know, there's always more opportunities, you know, I mean, so I don't necessarily have to wallow in failure too much. Like, okay, I failed there, you know, but here comes another opportunity where it's like, you might succeed on this, you know, based on what you learned from this previous situation or whatever, if you can look back at failures without too much emotion and try to find a lesson in it. Yup. Lesson in everything, you know what I mean? Sometimes the lesson is that that wasn't funny. But, you know, if you can find tools for the next kind of thing, it's great. And SNL especially is another kind of like, don't dwell on this one specific show. There's another show coming, opportunity will continue to come, you know, as the sun rises, kind of thing. Yeah, the show will go on. Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely helped with not wallowing. Is that perspective helpful in your parenting, like with your kids? Yeah, absolutely. How? Especially trying to convey that message, you know? And I guess there's no better example than by leading by example. It's like, all right, if you need an example, look at what I do, you know what I mean? Like, I've done so many different kinds of projects. Not every one of them is great. But if I dwelled on the fact that I did a bad one, I wouldn't have been able to do a good one following behind it, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, Peter Cottontail is not going to be the same as Trolls, but we try the hardest, you know, and do our best each time and things turn out to it. Not to say that Peter Cottontail was bad, it's just different, you know what I mean? And success-wise, it's like night and day, you know? Like Trolls is a ginormous global thing, kind of thing. And Peter Cottontail, I think, was on DVD, you know? So, very specific kind of audience, but you have to be careful how you look at your successes and failures and stuff like that. Not micro-focused on either one of them and just kind of continue building and continue being creative and continue servicing as long as it is servicing both yourself and the audience. It's, you know, it's a lot, like, yeah, we're preaching to the choir, you know, with this kind of like balanced talk in life, but that's really what it is in so many different ways. It really is. Yeah. And when your daughters are upset or having a hard moment, what shows up for you? Panic. And also, like, wow, you know what I mean? Like, okay, because I'm not, I guess, over, I'm not a big crier. So, to see tears come from people's like, yo, like, why, what's that? Like, let's pull back and like stop the tears, please, by any means, you know what I'm saying? And kind of thing and get to a place where we can discuss the differences between what you would like to have happen and what, you know, a parent's discipline, you know, should allow to happen kind of thing and just find a middle ground without so much crying, but not necessarily diminishing, you know, them going there emotionally. And like, it's a reminder of me, like, we're all human, you know what I mean? Maybe I should allow myself to be more emotional, but, you know, I've been blessed. You're not a very emotional. Were you an emotional kid? No, not really. I mean, I'm just kind of like even killed. Like, yes, I get, you know, more like upset, angry-wise about things when they don't, you know, when they, I guess it's a sad thing because it's like I'm such a logical thinker. Anything sad makes me mad. So, you know, I try to like not get so temperamental kind of like, torus-y temper kind of whatever. And just, you know, stay even so when bad things happen, it's like, all right, well, that happened. And like, what are we going to do? Like, we're going to move, figure out ways to move forward, or are we going to like dwell on, you know, negativities? Like, I would much rather try to spin towards the light, you know, if possible, like, not necessarily not feel the moments, you know, but I don't want to, yeah, I don't want to engage in sadness, you know, I don't want to engage in, you know, being angry. I don't want to engage in, in none of that. I want to engage in the good times. Like, I do comedy for a living, you know, yes, it's the toughest thing in the world. And it's one of the biggest kind of ironic situations that a lot of comics are dark people, but I want to be a light person, you know what I mean? I want to be a person that provides joy, but also has joy. Yeah. Are there things you want to do differently as a dad for your girls than what was true in your childhood? Yeah, we used to get weapons, man, you know, so start there. We've already been doing that, like, very like, no hands, you know, hands off of everyone, feet to yourself kind of thing, you know, and then use your words, if you will. Yeah, that's four, if you will. I have to stop it. But yeah, that's kind of the approach these days. And it's a huge one because, I mean, there's arguments for, you know, being straightened out dramatically, unfortunately, but you feel me? But at the same time, like, no, we can, we can definitely raise children without switches and belts and, you know, spankings and stuff like that or whatever. And, you know, there's plenty of cases to prove it. So, like, why not go that route? And, like, yes, you may have to have a little more patience or say things a little more often or be a little more on top of situations when they do arise, but that's your responsibility. Are you proud of yourself for that? I am very, you know, for being open to learning that approach, you know, and not just doing everything that, you know, I was raised around, not to say that it was a negative, but it was just, you know, probably my parents were raised ten times worse than that kind of thing, you know, and just gets less and less and less as the generations go on or as generations learn or evolve or whatever it is. But yeah, I'm very proud of myself for that approach because it's just more loving, you know. It's just, it's warmer and it's, you know, I feel like it's a closer knit bonding experience to kind of go through the rights and wrongs of raising a child or raising a child to see right and wrong. What role, maybe now, maybe when your kids are younger, did children's books play in your home? I mean, I feel like they go hand in hand with childhood. Like, there's nothing better than things that are for you, for your world. And that's kind of what, you know, kids' books, you know, kind of glow in the dark toys, anything, you know, it just felt very much for me and my time. And what prompted Unfunny Bunny? Unfunny Bunny came from wanting to do, always kind of wanting to do a kids' book. When I did my first memoir book, I was like, well, I want to make a book, you know, for readers. That would be fun. But along that journey, I learned about kind of, my colleagues all had done memoirs and a kids' book, you know. And it was such a fun space and the titles were so good. Like, you know, this book has no pictures and, you know, there's a monster at the end of this book and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, this is such a fun world. And I had such a good time growing up in an environment where it was like kids' rule kind of thing. That's what like the Nickelodeon kind of overall theme was. It was like, this is our world kind of thing. Yeah. And what do you hope the book does between parents and kids when they read it? This sort of thing, you know, let's all put a kid here, put a, you know, maybe you're at your lake house where you're sitting by a fire and it's a Christmas tree or you're in the, you know, in the car or you're on a train, you know, just any sort of time passing together is, you know, my main goal with that. But you're also doing something powerful in your body movements. Like a children's book has a way of literally bring a kid and a parent together. Like you're using a lap, there's touching, there's closeness. It's like this is our moment. I always love the conversations that happen after I read a book because I think even with this one, whether you've told jokes publicly or not, we all take risks. We all try something, you know, it doesn't go the way we want such a nice opportunity to share a moment. You did that with your kid. I always find kids are amazed to hear the stories of us when we were younger. Like I tried out for this play. I didn't get it or, you know, I tried out for the soccer team and I was caught. Every time I tell that to my kid, they're like, what? Because we forget that we're so capable. Like we put on our shoes well. We pour milk without spilling like generally spilled milk in years. Years. You know, and gives us credit for that. But our kids see that and they're like, wow, you are amazing. And it's really hard to learn anything from someone who seems like an expert in anything. Like if I did want to get better at comedy, no offense. Like I'm not calling you like you're just not my first call. I'm like, you're you've made it. Like I'm not learning cooking from a professional chef and we're so good at so many things that we don't even realize to our kids that to have a book where there's a little bit of a struggle and share your own moment after. Oh, I just. And also find out who your kids are, you know, because we always see them as little people. They see themselves just as themselves. So when you get a little glimpse of like who they really are, what their personalities are kind of, and they just come out in certain preferences and things like that. It's fascinating. Yeah. It really is because they stay true to it. Like the things that they like, they like. And if they don't like it, it'll be a pattern of like anything in that world. I don't like it. Like how many times do I have to tell you? Do I have to tell you like I don't like that? And it's like, OK, you are your own person. You know who you are. Yes. Right? Here's something I keep thinking about after talking with Keenan. Parenting is so hard. There are so many moments that are heavy and things that live in our brain and we have to figure out and problems we have to work through. And sometimes there are more opportunities to introduce humor than we realize. Sometimes we can laugh. Sometimes we can add a silly move. Sometimes we can read a book that brings a smile to our face with our kid. And sometimes that moment of humor is the exact thing we need to kind of break tension. I know I'll be thinking about that. Before we go, I want to zoom out for a moment. This conversation is part of a series we're calling How We're Raised, where we explore how the homes we grew up in shape the way we show up as adults and leaders and parents. Every couple of weeks we'll be bringing you another conversation like this one. Every day in the Good Inside community, parents are having honest conversations like this, exploring the things they inherited and the things they're trying to change. I encourage you to check it out at Good Inside.com. If this interview resonated with you, let us know. If there's someone whose story you'd be curious to hear in this series, we'd love to know that too. You can reach out to us at podcast at goodinside.com. Now let's end the way we always do. Place your feet on the ground and a hand on your heart. And let's remind ourselves, even as we struggle on the outside, we remain good inside. I'll see you soon.