Episode 536: How Working Out and Nutrition Build Confidence Faster Than Therapy and Affirmations

Hi, guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Habits and Hustle's solo edition. And because I haven't mentioned it in many, many days or episodes, guys, if you can, please leave comments and what else. And subscribe on YouTube if you are watching. No, you can't start the solo that way. Wait, hold on. Yes, I am. We are joined. We are joined by my most wonderful, what do you call yourself? Foil. Foil, exactly. My dear friend and sister, well, kind of like a sister, but not really genetically. What are you talking about? We're literally blood related. Yeah, we're not blood related, but almost. Shawnee, who's here to kind of join in on the fun on the solos again. And we are, by the way, so nice to have you back. Thank you. It's so nice to be back. It's so nice to have you back. We missed you over here. I love what you've done with the place. Do you? Yeah. We were at my kitchen table last time you were here. Do you know that? I know. Do you miss the kitchen table? I think the light is nice in there, but this is very nice. And you look so good. Oh, no, stop it. I think you just want to have your job back and be the foil. No, just look at her arms. Oh, my God, you're so nice. That's very kind of you. Goals. I work out as you guys all know, but more than that, more than just working out. You know what it is? Hmm. Really? More than anything, it's, well, besides working out, it's about what you eat. 99.9% is what you eat. I talk about this all the time. I feel like when you, you can do, you can literally work out like a fiend 24 hours a day, but if you're not like watching what you put in your mouth, guess what happens? You gain weight. You gain weight. Like, But I find that if you work out a lot, you have less time to eat. No, when you work out to this, see, I find there to be a very delicate balance between how much you work out and how intense you work out versus not work out. Because the more you work out, the hungrier you get. And the hungrier you get, the more calories you eat. So, and the more intense you work out, the hungrier you get. So you can't really work out. You can't, you can't work out so much to the point where you are just starving 23 hours a day. No, obviously not. But as in to say, like for me, there's just less time in the day for me to be snacking if I'm, you know, going to a Pilates class. For that one hour maybe. But then you'll, you'll make up on the snacks on the way home. That's what I find. Or you'll, you'll eat three more snacks because you're ravenous. Like I get ravenous when I work out too much. So I've had to like pull back because this is what comes like, this is like the, the kind of the quandary I get into, which is for my mental health, I need to work out intensely. Like I need to like run and do hardcore, like hit training or cardio. That's really what kind of helps me kind of get my mind right and my mood right. But then on the flip side, I'm then starving and then I end up eating weight more than I normally would. And therefore it becomes this whole like vicious cycle, right? Cause I can't, like I want more sugar. I want more. So I have to like, I have to like, I have to kind of discipline myself not to work out as intensely on that level, you know. I'm like a steady state snacker. Oh, a steady state snacker. What does that even mean? So I just snack steadily throughout the day, but then if I am busy doing other things, I literally won't snack. Well, you gotta keep yourself busy then all the time. That's what I do. See, I mean, it is good. Being busy does help cut the calories. No, it's really because I genuinely, if you don't, I mean, it's good to allocate times, eat and like get your meals and stuff. But if you just don't have that much time to sit around like snack, when I have endless hours to be on the couch, if I'm on vacation, I'm chilling, I'm relaxing, I will inherently just eat so much more. See, I'm obsessed over food anyway. Like I compulsively think about it on the regular. People don't think I do, but I do. That's why I have everything that I've kind of created my day around. Like there's like, there's like, there's like walls and boundaries. So my, that's why when you have like, when you have set times to eat, like I, that's why I eat my lunch, I eat my dinner, I eat my breakfast all around the same time each meal. And I exercise at a certain time because it helps, it helps monitor myself. It helps kind of keep me on point, you know, that's, I think it's really important. That's when I don't have that, I go like, I go crazy. I go hog wild basically. I think it also helps your digestion more too. Like when I, when I notice when I eat regularly or at the same times consistently, it's better, but I just rarely do that. I know, well, that's, I think, but that's the problem. I think when people are not on a regular schedule or they don't have like a particular regimen in anything in life and their fitness, their work, wherever, that's when things can kind of get off the rails, right? Like I think it's really important to have structure to get, to kind of get to your goals. Not just like fitness, you need to let you need to have, you need to have a structure to kind of hit your, your goals in general. So for me, and also, and know what your triggers are and know where you're going to fall. Like I know if I don't get my mind right, that I'm not going to be as focused and not going to work as hard. It won't be, I won't be as efficient with other stuff during the day. And if I don't work out first thing, the chances of me eating badly during the day are way higher. Cause I'm just like, I just, I just, I didn't set myself up for success. You do feel more encouraged to eat better after a workout. You're way more encouraged to eat better. I mean, you don't want to waste the workout. I realize I feed my dog more regularly than I feed myself. Like I, for him, it's just at the set time. Okay, but this is a perfect example. Where we started here, you said to me, you gained, how much weight did you say you gained? Too much, you guys. Okay. How much? 25 pounds you said? I don't know, 20. Okay. And why do you think you gained that weight? But I've already lost like eight of it. Because you're doing what? Working out? Yeah. Cause I'm just doing what I know I need to be doing. I fell in love and then I just gained weight. But you know what's funny? It's always happened. Is the last time I was here when we were doing solos, like during that era, I was, I was also in the process of losing weight. And I lost all that weight and I was looking so good. And then I fell in love and then I just, I can't help it. And then I moved to Vegas. Okay. So that's a really good point. Why is it? I'm going to go to another. Well, this is what happens. I think when people start, you know, when they get into a new relationship, a lot of times they gain weight. Yes. Why? Why? I think because you are happy and then maybe you are like social, like you socialize around food. Like you go for dinner, nice dinners, you eat lunch, you stay home, you have, you, maybe you like, you do a lot more dine in, take out food, stuff like that. And you eat bigger portions or you're eating the other person's food. You're eating your food. Plus you're like sharing more foods. You're having more dessert. Like whenever I'm in a happy relationship, I'm usually 15 to 20 pounds heavier. No, it really is true. But I think for me, it's also like I'm, I'm dating a guy who is however much bigger than me. And he needs so many more thousands of calories every day and he'll chug like 10 liters of milk and be fine. What adult drinks 10,000 liters of milk with his toddler? He'll drink like one to three liters of goat milk a day. I'm not even kidding. And he'll also, he'll like whenever he makes his eggs, he'll add in like lots of butter when he's cooking them. Like I can't eat like that. Yeah, you can eat well. I really can't. Apparently you can. Absolutely cannot. So I do think there is that. And there is a sense of indulgence when you're in that sort of early stages of a relationship you are, you're getting all the desserts and you're this. And guys don't, I don't find that they care the same way. So they're like, yeah, like just get it, but they don't know. And tell your 20 pounds heavier. Yeah. And then they care. The impasse. Yeah. They don't care until it's too late. It's like, you know, that thing is like, it's like that 1% daily until it's like, oh, wow, look what happened, you know, like, but that is true. But it works also the opposite way. So it's 1% daily in the positive. So it's just a matter of the slow progress, but I've gained and lost weight so many times. I'm very comfortable and confident in this space. You know what I like? What's really refreshing in this conversation to me, to be honest, is we're not talking about losing weight on a GLP one. No. Like, you're the first person I've sat with probably in two years that's not on a GLP one, thinking of taking a GLP one or, you know, was on one and like maybe just micro dosing one right now. Right. Everyone's doing the micro dosing. I mean, I think I thought about it, but I also have like, I'm just weird about think like it's funny. I'm just taking something for this. Like just, yeah, I just, you know, I think I've just done this so many times that I'm really confident in losing weight in myself. I know what I need to do. I know that I can do it. Like I don't feel like it's rocket science at all. It's not rocket science. And I just think also the GLP, I mean, does it do anything to the metabolism or it just kind of helps you not eat as much, right? It just, I think it makes you, keeps you full longer. Yeah. So I just need to keep myself full. I just have to keep my mind full. It doesn't make you, I think what it does also is it shuts the food in. So if you're someone who has a lot of food noise, probably someone like me, I would probably benefit from the food noise because they do have a lot of food noise. And I white knuckle it. So I white knuckle the food noise by keeping myself on a schedule. Like I was saying earlier, that white knuckle is hilarious. So I keep myself on a schedule where I don't like let myself get into a scenario where I'm just going to like, like eat like a garbage can because I'm starving. Like I will, I will portion out my food and I will eat multiple times a day and I will have things with big volume because I think volume is really helpful. If you're someone who has a lot of food noise and likes to eat, you need to eat big volume foods like massive salads with your protein and like things that are low calorie, but big volume. I used to be a massive popcorn person. Oh, I love popcorn. Oh, I love popcorn too. Little nutritional yeast on top. So delicious. Yeah. So like, and I think if you add volume with a fat, like a really good olive oil, that's why the salads to me are like, like that to me is the best way to keep your weight down. Big, big, big volume salad is at least once a day, if not twice. Yeah, I, the relationship with weight, I think it's so complicated for so many different people. But for me, I really came to a place in this world where it's just kind of like a matter of facts. Like I am where I am and I know where I want to be. And like sometimes that fluctuates and I've gotten to where I want to be so many times. And I've also been where I don't want to be so many times. And so I just think it's a matter of taking yourself where you're at and just trudging along. And I have a lot of food noise too, but like, I think that there are, you know, some mental strengths I can summon to be able to quiet those before potentially, you know, putting in something that doesn't respond well with me. I'm so sensitive to stuff. And I'm also, I have so many problems. Like I have breathing issues and I have like, like my, you know, my period always hurts and I've got all these like hormones. So like, I don't want to, you know, I just don't want to add to it. I will tell you one thing that will, well, people think that eating less and depriving themselves of eating is the answer to losing weight and just shutting down the food noise. It's like the opposite. I think it's the antithesis to getting to what you want to get in your goal. For me, I think feeding yourself, nourishing yourself is way, way more effective. Because I think when you're in deprivation, that's when you really kind of have that more of a compulsive thought of eating and food and when you're going to eat and how much you're going to eat. But if you actually like feed yourself, you really do cut down on that food noise and that psychological like angst that you have a little bit. It's, that's how I think like, kind of like limiting your calories to like under 800 for a grown ass woman. What? Yeah, there are people and men also, like they're like, yeah, I'm eating 1200 calories a day. I'm like, are you like, how do you sustain that? Because then your body also goes into starvation mode and then you get used to eating 1200 calories a day. And then what happens is if you have 1200 and one calories the next day, your body holds onto it and like stores it as fat. So if you actually just ate like a regular person, so if you're, you know, and no seriously, if you ate like a proper amount of food and maybe a little bit more once in a while, it actually behooves you and it gets you way more results on the other side, on the flip side. Also, you got to feed muscle. I've always found that the shift like you're talking about and saying, what can I eat versus what can't I eat? You know, how do I nourish my body versus like, what am I supposed to stay away from? Yeah. And then I'm like, I'm like, I'm not going to eat the positive. It's just so much more encouraging. Like, what can I eat? A lot of things. Well, how much does it have? Like also, like I'm obsessed with pizza and french fries, right? I don't want to eat them all the time because once, because I see it as this taboo food, once I do eat it, because if I depri- I've trained myself once I deprive myself for so long and then I see a french fry, I will literally have nine orders of it. Like a crazy like, like, like, yeah, like a disordered eating person because I'm just like, I'm just, I can't believe I'm having that taste in my mouth. And I go crazy. But if now if I get like, no, okay, fine. Like I'm allowed to have french fries, you know, once every two, three weeks, then I'm much better in the portion control. Not a lot better, but at least like, at least a little bit better. My boyfriend told me that pizza was a protein, like a health food when we first started dating because he just has weird- Who are you dating? For him, it can be a health food, right? But like, it is not for me. He's like, he's like a bodybuilder kind of boxer. Boxer type and anything. No bodybuilder. Just turns into muscle. It's like, I'm not like that. I'm not like that. Hold on a second. Your boyfriend is a bodybuilder. Ex-bodybuilder, former bodybuilder. Okay. He's chugging, you know, leaders of goat milk. Yeah. He loves goat milk. Pizza, like tons of pizza. He swears by goat milk. He's not having tons of pizza, but he loves goat milk. And he acts like pizza is like a healthy like meal. Well, maybe it's because maybe he's not eating Domino's pizza. No, it's a good quality pizza, but still it's not as healthy as he's having. What kind of pizza is he having? Health food. I refuse to. Pizza is not a health food. He also told me like really good quality vanilla ice cream is a health food, which I just refuse to believe. So you can understand why a gang's so much weights. Yeah, don't blame you. I'd be a house if I lived with that guy. Honest to God, I'd be a house if I lived with that guy. So then where were we going with this at the beginning of the podcast? Well, I think the idea was talking about like the, the, the... We don't know. What are we saying? You know, it's a good question. We were going to talk about a different topic, but I think what we did end up doing is talking about the topic, which is that the gym and getting healthy and nourishing yourself and your body is actually light years better at improving your confidence than therapy ever will. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not the, the actual topic we were going to talk about is what I believe. Okay. This is where the topic I was going to say is that what I believe fitness is a way bigger builder of confidence than therapy or affirmations. That was the topic. That's the point. The topic is also what I said, but that, but that is the topic because what I feel that fitness is the gateway drug to building self-esteem, self-confidence, self-assurance. There's no better thing that you can do for yourself than working out for those things. Amen. Right. Amen. I think you can talk all you want all day and you can ruminate about, you know, all the things you want to be and what you're not getting and who you are and what you want to be. And God bless you if you're someone who loves therapy, but I think if you really want to really build on your self-esteem and confidence, include and or rely on getting yourself fit and getting a fitness regimen, a workout regimen, that will get you to the finish line. That will get you way more confidence, way more self-assurance, self-efficacy because you know what? Confidence is built, I think confidence is built in reps, hard reps day after day and consistency than just saying how great you think you are in the mirror. You know why? Why? Because confidence can't just be affirmed. It has to be earned. And the only way to earn it is to prove it to yourself that you can do hard things. I love that. Confidence is earned. Yeah, confidence is earned. People, you can say to yourself a million times in the mirror, I'm great, I'm strong, I'm wonderful, I'm wonderful a hundred times, but your brain knows what you believe is not. Like you basically, you can't lie to yourself. So if you actually don't believe those things, your brain knows that you don't believe it. And so that can actually cause you to be more self-conscious, have less of a self-esteem, be more depressed because you can't lie to yourself. Like if you actually believe it and then you say it, that's a whole different story. But you can't just like speak your way into saying something that you don't believe is true. But I think the idea is that you give yourself a boost, like you're hyping yourself up to be those things. And then when you take those actions to be those things, which is what you're talking about, it builds like real confidence. But the kind of, the talking stage is important. If there's no action behind it, that's bullshit. Of course, but you need, but some people can't just take action, they have to hype themselves up. Okay, so you can go in front of a mirror and say, I'm great, I'm beautiful, I'm strong, I'm this, I'm that. And then you walk into, do nothing, it does nothing for you. But then you walk into a meeting and you crush. No, because you haven't proven anything to yourself. No, because you're hyping yourself up. Self-talk is a good thing. Okay, positive self-talk. We're not talking about positive self-talk. That's true. I'm all about like hyping yourself up. Like if you want to like before a meeting, you know, go before a meeting and like say all these great positive things to yourself and then go into a meeting. That's fine. But before you go into that meeting and before you'd stay all those things, what have you done to prove to yourself that you are strong, that you are tough, that you are beautiful, that you are all these things. You have to do a litany of things and habits to show yourself that you are taking care of yourself, that you do matter, that you do have self-esteem. Like what are those things? Of course, but I'm just saying some people need to talk to themselves to be able to do those things. And what I'm saying is talking is not enough. Talking is not going to get you to the finish line. You're not understanding what I'm saying. I'm saying talking sometimes gets people to the starting line. Sometimes people can't even get to the starting point. For you, it's easier to take action because you're an action person. You're a queen bold. Are you kidding me? Well, for some people, they can't even get to the room or the conversation or to the gym. They have to tell themselves like, no, you're okay. You're strong. You're not horrible. You're not that weak. Like you're fine. You can do this. You can get to the gym. And then they get to the gym. Then they take that action and then they build that real confidence. But I understand what you're saying, but that's what you're saying is different than what I'm saying. What I'm saying is affirmations alone. Of course. Don't get you to where you want to go. Therapy alone is not going to get you there. And I'm also saying that I believe if you just focus on working out, taking care of your body, physically, your brain will... I see what you're saying. Your brain will catch up. Right. As in working out alone will actually do those things. Your brain will catch up. Versus affirmations alone or therapy alone. Right. I see what you're saying. Yeah. And I actually really agree with that. That's what I'm saying. Wholeheartedly. I think that self-talk is a lot of positive self-talk is a lot of it. It doesn't work. I think it works in addition to... It's also this manifestation thing. You can't just sit there and say, I want to have a million dollars. I want to find my dream man. And I want to have a red Corvette or whatever that thing is. I'm really about what the steps are to get you to that point. And I think that we are talking more. I see it a little bit more about the action behind the manifestation vision board. But at the same time, again, at the end of the day, it is about the action and it's about the steps. So, you know, without that, this is all moot. You know, and I also believe that, like I said, the fitness part is, I believe will transform who you believe you are and what you're capable of on every level of your life more than anything else you can possibly do for yourself by a landslide. It will shape shift or shift your belief in yourself, your self, the sense of self worth, what you think you're capable of, your relationships personally, who you go after as a mate, how you parent, all of it. If you actually see yourself transforming in that way, like physically, it will change how you are in the world mentally, emotionally, behaviorally and all the things. And her credentials are her arms. Oh. She knows what she's talking about. No, that means that that just means that I can do a bicep curl really well. And no, no, but anyways, I hear you and I agree. I think it's really powerful. So go work out everyone. Or at least take start taking fitness seriously to some extent. I think that you, if you, if you haven't done it yet, if you haven't taken fitness seriously to some extent yet, you are remiss in getting the benefits. I think if you just stay with it long enough, you will be astounded at how you see yourself six months from the day you started, but you have to be consistent. Nothing works on doing something once in a while or occasionally. You have to be doing something over and over and over again, day in, day out, even though it's, it may be not be the most fun. It might be super boring, but boring gets you to the finish line. Boring is what works. Boring is, is actually how you get to be where you want to be. I think we try to like find all these like sexy things and sexy ways to accomplish whatever that is we want to accomplish. And at the end of the day is doing the same boring shit every single day, even when you don't want to, you do it anyway. You do it anyway. Those are the three words I think are the most fundamental foundational words that people live by. Do it anyway. And that will help you with everything in your life. Amen. Bye. Join your book club. Oh yeah. Join my book club. You guys, I started a book club and we're on our first book now. It's called The Courage to Be Disliked and every month we're going to pick a book and we are going to, as a community, as a group, we're going to go through the book. Every book that we choose is going to be a book that will help you improve in one way or another. It will be either help you physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever, cognitively. And it's a way that we, it's a great habit to get in is to read more. I think that we are as a whole looking for more connection and this is how we do it. So please go and join. Sign up. Go to my website, jennifercoan.com, sign up and we will see you soon. Yay.