260: A Valentine's Day Mailbag Epsiode (Feat. Karley Sciortino)

Verzuurde kuiten, brandende longen, verkleumde vingers. Dat is hoe jij het liefst weer in jouw elektrische Ford Explorer stapt, om weer helemaal op te laden. Ready met een rijbereik tot wel 602 kilometer en zakelijk al vanaf 212 euro per maand. Boek nu jouw proefgit op Ford.nl. Ready, set, Ford. Starting a business can be overwhelming. You're juggling multiple roles. Designer, marketer, logistics manager. All while bringing your vision to life. Shopify helps millions of business sell online. Build fast with templates and AI descriptions and photos, inventory and shipping. Sign up for your one euro per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.nl. That's Shopify.nl. It's time to see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. Hi, I'm Lauren Garoni. And I'm Chelsea Fairless. And welcome back to the Every Outfit Podcast. This is a very special episode. It's a Valentine's Day hotline slash mailbag episode. And we have a very special guest joining us. Yes, today we are joined once again by writer and sexpert Carly Shortino. Thank you for coming back. Hey, guys. I'm so excited to be here. And I'm so excited to hear all of your takes because we have some very good questions that were submitted on Instagram. And I want to start with one that did shock me a little bit, I'll be honest. Someone wrote in and said, advice for a 23-year-old woman waiting for marriage. I feel like that girl that Carrie meets in the Hamptons. And by waiting for marriage, I assume she means waiting to have sex until marriage. Okay, I actually was a little bit confused about it. I mean, that's how I took it. Yeah, because she feels like the girl that Carrie meets in the Hamptons. Which is sort of, she's acknowledging that it's a little crazy because I feel like that woman in Sex and the City was represented as being a little bit delusional or prude, right? Yeah. And I don't want to be judgmental because this person is a fuckette, but I feel like here at the Every Outfit Podcast, we've been very upfront that we think that you should fuck people immediately. Yeah. Well, also to go back to what Carrie says to that girl, like, what do you like about my column again? My column about blowjobs? To each their own, just because this choice wouldn't be right for me doesn't mean that it's not right for this fuckette. Although my instinct is to protect this woman from having a terrible sex life like Charlotte and Trey. We have to learn from them. I feel like I would just ask this person a question, which is, were you very good at driving or cooking the first time? I know for me, I wasn't because these are skills you get better at in doing it time after time. And I feel like, maybe controversial, sex is like that. I love that you're like, I don't want to talk shit about anyone who's my fan. But I think it's important to ask yourself, like, why? Why are you waiting until marriage? There is something that feels archaic and gendered about that, where the reason that happened is because women were meant to be pure for a man. And that was never an expectation of men, usually. I'm curious if it's like this woman is with somebody and waiting or just has the idea that they are not going to have sex until marriage. I think I land somewhere in between you guys. I actually don't think you should fuck someone immediately, having done it many times. I think it is better to wait at least a handful of dates. You're both looking at me like I'm a psycho. No, I don't think it's psycho. But I think waiting until marriage is also kind of psycho, I guess, unless your religion is your life. Look, I was going to say that Tina Fey has given interviews. I think it's in her book, Bossy Pants. But she did not lose her virginity until 24, 25. and it was to the guy she ended up marrying and they are still married and I assume happily so there is a pathway but in you saying what you said Carly it does make me wonder if this person wait no she is a virgin because she's waiting till marriage but I was like is there a scenario where she has fucked people immediately and she's just like you know what this hasn't worked she's Aiden right Aiden didn't want to have sex with Carrie because he actually liked her When you get what you want immediately, the chance of you continuing to want it, I think, are less, at least in my experience. I think this is often talked about in a gendered way where it's like, ladies, don't give it away right away because the man's not going to be interested anymore. I have learned for myself, if I sleep with someone immediately, my interest in them drops off. If I build tension and then want them and then continue to want them and like build slower and make out but don't fuck and like that elongates my attraction to them. If you fuck someone immediately, I don't know. You're just like, OK, I got what I wanted. Well, my thought process behind that is that I feel like how someone treats you after like a one night stand is a good indicator of character. And also it's like, what if you really like the person and form an attachment to them? And then the sex is like kind of whatever. Then when you break up with them, they'll definitely know that it was because of the sex. What about if the sex is on like date four? By the way, I just want to say we have not answered this person's question at all, which was advice for a 23-year-old woman waiting for marriage. I mean, my advice is you should have sex before marriage, especially with the person you're planning on marrying. It's time to get introspective about why you are waiting. If you really truly believe in and of yourself for some reason about faith that you want to wait and you want your partner to wait too, I guess I don't want to get in the way of that. But if it's like about some societal expectation, I don't know. I would just examine that because I do think like you're saying, sex is a way that you want to be able to connect with your partner. and like you want to make sure you have some kind of connection with them in that department before you sign up to be with them for life. But like imagine the pressure of being with someone, waiting until marriage to have sex, and then losing your virginity with them like on your wedding night. That sounds like horrible. Yeah, I agree. Best to avoid. Okay, next question. Is it bad to have not had sex with my partner of 1.5 years? Not if you both don't want to have sex. Yeah, is this like asexual for asexual? Because that could be perfect. Yeah, I think there's something beautiful about two low sex needs people who have found each other. Yeah, I completely agree. I feel like, you know, how often should you have sex? There are these blanket terms that are said out loud in society all the time where it's like, you know, if you're single, you don't have sex for three months. It's often thrown out. That's bad. Or if you're in a relationship, you should be having sex once a week. And it's just like, I think that these blanket statements are totally not applicable to everybody. And if you are both happy not having sex, go off. That sounds great. Yeah. But if you guys both want to be having sex and you're not, then there is a problem. Then you need to figure out what that is exactly. Or if one of you does. My friend who's this sex researcher, Dr. Janna Vrangalova, I love her. And she was like, she said that it's been studied that sexual dissatisfaction in long-term relationships most often comes from misaligned desire. So one person just having a higher sex drive or higher need for that than the other, that is where largely dissatisfaction lies. And I think that's interesting where it's another reason to not wait till marriage to have sex. because you're not going to work out how often one of you wants it and, you know, versus the other one until after you're already committed where you kind of want to get a sense of like, are we aligned on this? Some people want to have sex all the time. Some people are happy doing it like once every six months. You wouldn't be good partners for each other if you're so misaligned in that way. Exactly. Okay. Dan's savage advice that you live by. I think we're going to have the same advice. Yes. Fuck first. Fuck first. Oh, fuck before dinner. Yes. This is a phrase or piece of advice he coined specifically for valentine's day but i think also anniversaries yeah it works for any event which is fuck get ready for said event go to said event eat a rich meal go to sleep i love that also because then you're not drunk because when i'm drunk i can't feel as much my sensation goes down a lot well also like especially on valentine's day or an anniversary you're fucking bloated because you just went to a steakhouse or some shit or in the words of perry goldenblatt the fucking fromage yeah exactly and also i think because getting a reservation is so competitive on valentine's day if you fuck like when you would normally have dinner and then get a late dinner reservation you'll have more options in terms of where you could eat yeah then you could always have sex or hook up or make out again drunkenly if you want to but there's not the pressure to because you've already done it yeah and the whole thing is that like if you feel too fat and bloated and drunk to fuck then you start to spiral about the relationship because you're like oh my god we didn't fuck on valentine's day or we didn't fuck on our 10-year wedding anniversary or whatever i have some dan savage advice that i really like which i think that you guys both as partnered people really take so he talks a lot about like the price of admission which is everybody's gonna have something about them that's annoying so if your partner has this annoying thing about them. That's the price of admission to dating them because you have your own. But along with that advice, he says, don't complain about your partner's annoying things to other people. Like, you know, those people who are always talking shit about the partner, always complaining about X or Y. And he's like, you just can't do that. You have to shut up about it. And I think that's so true because it's like, if your partner is so bad, why are you with them? Like, I hate those people that always talk shit about their partner. Thank you for that compliment. I guess we have not talked shit about our partners to our friends. No, I agree. I agree. And I also think you should refrain from talking shit about exes for the most part also, unless they're full monsters. Maybe I need to learn from that one. I definitely think it's okay to have meaningful conversations with close friends about issues in your relationship, obviously. Like, oh, we're having this hard time. But just kind of like walking around complaining about them to anyone who will listen, I think it makes you look worse than them. And that's standard advice I really remember. Yeah, I've never understood people who when they break up with a boyfriend or something, they're like, and he was so bad in bed and his dick was so small. It's like, that's a reflection on you. You were with this person for a year and a half. I know. It's so true. Okay, I have another question that scares me a little bit. Thoughts on this trend taking off recently, men whimpering ASMR. Okay, all I could find were these YouTube videos with variations of names like planking until I collapse challenge ASMR. And one person was in the scream ghost face mask. That sounds hotter than what I saw. What did you find? It was just like men making pathetic little like grunty, whispery noises. and I thought it was really gross and I was just like this is not for me not for me but I kind of like it as just like something so fucking weird it like makes me appreciate the spectrum what people are interested in there was like something like dom subby about it maybe where the men seem kind of pathetic and I was like I don't know I guess it seems kind of cool like I don't know I I like it. Why don't we drop in a clip here? Come on. Please. I'm just getting more and more dense. Fuck, fuck, fuck. See, if a man is talking dirty, I want him to be, like, telling me about the fact that he's going to build me a bigger closet or something. I don't want that. Yeah, same, but I love that for them. look there's something for everyone like there's t-rex erotica so to each their own and i like that i like that no matter what you're offering there's going to be someone who's into that specialty it's one of the most amazing things about the internet it's true you see looking these freaks can find each other and that's beautiful it is today's episode is brought to you by wayfair Wait, we do ads for Wayfair now? Yes, from bedding and mattresses to storage solutions for every room in the house, Wayfair is your one-stop shop. You know, I've been looking to revamp my office, and I've scoured the internet, and I've been everywhere but Wayfair. You should totally go to Wayfair, because I know when you think of Wayfair, you think of functional sectionals or, like, shoe storage, but they truly have everything. For instance, Paul has been on the hunt for a flat file to store his art, and you know who has one that is 12% off? I'm assuming Wayfair. You know it. Wayfair has so many slept on categories. I previously talked about how they were a lifesaver when it came to bathroom and plumbing hardware during our renovation. But Wayfair truly has anything and everything you could think of. Do they have one of those like fun ice makers that makes like that nuggety ice? You know it. What about potted red anthuriums? Yes, they do. How about a high T polished stainless steel three tier serving stand? They have that too. Wow, Wayfair really does have everything. Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now and shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Potentially a controversial question. What should you buy for a man on Valentine's Day? I did see the person who left this question, or at least their thumbnail. This seemed to be a woman. So we're talking about what to buy a heterosexual man. Yes, and my answer is nothing. Really? Look, this comes from a reformed, chronic, over-giver, people-pleaser to emotionally unavailable men. Do not get a man a gift on Valentine's Day. And I read this question to Paul. He was like, oh, no, you take your man's credit card to buy yourself lingerie and then take photos for him. That's the gift. Oh, my God. I love that. That makes me like Paul even more. I also agree with lingerie. I think that's a good gift. That's a classic gift. I don't know about getting guys like satin boxers. I don't know about all that. Although Justin Bieber did look hot at the Grammys, so maybe. But also like a hotel room. You're like chipping in and getting something for yourselves, like a couple present together that's a more experiential thing versus like, oh, I'm getting you chocolates. Yeah. Yeah, but this question, how I took it was like, what gift should I get a guy on Valentine's Day? And it's like, if you are getting a gift, it has to suit you somehow. Like, it should benefit you in some way. Okay, but that's like an insane, like, caveat to have for gift giving. On Valentine's Day. But you could just get him, like, a nice bottle of cologne. Like, that's chic, sexy. And you get to smell it, and it's the way you like the way he smells. So I guess you kind of benefit. I mean, are you saying don't get a man something, but a man should get a woman something? I should caveat. I'm seeing this question as like you're not in a relationship. Maybe this is a situationship. Like if you're in a relationship, of course, get your partner a gift on Valentine's Day. Okay, no part of this question suggests situationship. If anything, I would assume it is someone in a long-term relationship or married. Then you give your suggestions. I'm just saying if you. I did. Although, look, if you're shopping for cologne, I was talking to Isabel about this the other day. She was like, oh, I was trying to find a cologne for my boyfriend at Dover Street Market. I couldn't find anything. Don't go there. Like half of those like come to Garcon cologne smell like gasoline. Like go to like a Nordstrom or something and like figure it out. I would agree. If you're in a situation ship, do not get them anything. Lower the lift and potentially get out of the situation ship you're in. I just feel like that those do not work well for people. Usually I would say this is not the most romantic suggestion, but I always kind of feel like the best gifts are ones that improve people's life in some way that they wouldn't think to get themselves or they just wouldn't get themselves. Like therapy? Getting a man therapy for Valentine's Day is iconic. And if you've ever done that, please write in because I need to hear the story that it's the most passive aggressive move of all time. Yeah, if someone does that to you, I feel like that's grounds for like an instant breakup on Valentine's Day. That's iconic, So, but I generally feel like when I've been dating men on Valentine's Day, men are missing a lot of things in their lives on average. So it's pretty easy to look at their life and be like, he would really benefit from a nice set of knives. He would really benefit from a, whatever, like casserole pot or whatever, like Le Crescent or something like that. But get the Lodge one, the cheaper one. But you know, where there's just like, their house is missing things that they obviously need and that you would benefit from, Lauren, to your point, from being in their house. There you go. Is this boring? No. No. No. Thank you for coming in at the end and making it seem like I'm not a completely heartless bitch. Okay. We have a voicemail. Hey, Lauren and Chelsea. So I'm excited for the V-Day episode. I love it when you guys do the mailbags. But my question for you guys is, how many couples do you guys know personally? And I mean, maybe this is too hot of a take for you to answer, but like percentage wise, how many couples do you know that you genuinely believe are happy, are in love, do enjoy their partners, want to be in the relationship and they're not delusional or faking it or lying to themselves? I might be a bit cynical having never been in a serious relationship myself, and I'm currently single, but I just feel like everyone is lying to themselves and not really happy in a relationship and actually could be happy or single, but they just don't think they should be. Is that just me, or do you guys feel what I'm saying? Would love to hear you elaborate on this subject. All right, love you guys. Bye. I love this question. It really makes me laugh. Because it makes you interrogate, Like roughly what percentage of couples I know are like quite happy in the relationship? I feel like now that I'm 40, looking around at my friends, I see a lot of people in good relationships. I think it depends what age bracket you're in. Like if you asked me this question 10 years ago, I would have been like actually a lot of my friends are in relationships where I do think that they'd be happy or single. And now they're often out of those relationships. Yeah, I think it depends on the age. I also think it's a sliding scale. Like how many people are still together in long term relationships because of the sunken fallacy cost where they're like, we've been together this long. We should probably stay together. There are probably people with kids who are like, we should stay together for the kids. This fuckhead asked for a percentage. And so I'm like, I don't know, 63%. yeah I think about somewhere between two-thirds and three-quarters of couples I know I would qualify as being in a good happy relationship which is actually pretty pretty good pretty good I think I know what this fuckhead is talking about because this is something I talk about in therapy all the time when I look back at my life having been single for now like three four years I can say for certain that I am someone who is more stable and has a higher just like life contentment mode when I am single but it's because I can look back at my relationships and be like I was in more volatile or just like destabilizing relationships and I think that it does fuck with my brain a little bit because you're like part of me is like oh my god getting a relationship seems scary because it just destabilizes your life. It makes you less happy. But my therapist often reminds me, no, you just don't know what it's like to be in a stable relationship. So I do think relationships can increase your life happiness, but it has to be a good relationship. I don't think by default being in a relationship is better than being single. It definitely isn't. Although sometimes people I think stay partnered because they have a scarcity complex and they're scared of the reality of dating and finding someone. And that's completely understandable. I get it. But not necessarily the best reason to stay in a long-term relationship that no longer works or never worked. Sometimes people get into relationships when they're young and then they stay in them and they kind of evolve in a different direction as their partner. But no one really wants to blow up the relationship. Yeah, because they're scared of being alone and of getting back into the dating pool, which does have its issues. but I also think some people are more oriented toward being single and some people are more relationship people like I have a friend who recently started dating this guy and her personality is just better because she was miserable single and so I think some people aren't good at being alone and some people are not good at being partnered so it's all about where do you thrive to use an embarrassing word I mean you're someone Lauren who was single for a really long time and now you're in a relationship what's your take i was single up until the very last moment where like i found a person who enriched my life and i wasn't willing to compromise my single life unless it was someone that was going to make my life better wait what do you mean up until the last moment meaning that i was like very happily single until i was in a committed relationship with the person that I ended up marrying. Okay, got it. But I, upon retrospect, realize, and I think those around me would agree, I am just a happier person now. And I've, like, something I've interrogated in therapy of, like, oh, I was single for so long that that, of course, was my normal. But, like, there was a base level unhappiness. There was just a sharpness to me that didn't need to be there and has sort of that edginess that I had towards people, I think has smoothed out in being in a relationship with Paul. I agree. That's amazing. I mean, that is the best outcome that you could ask for because you're getting that kind of like intimate support that's actually like making you feel lighter. Like that is a good that's kind of a good relationship. And I also think part of why you're what your unhappiness was coming from when being single was just the misery of dating. Probably like the more you were dating, the less happy you were. well should we jump into the question that we got that is how to not be so nihilistic about the heterosexual dating scene carly you're the expert well i was starting to say this before we recorded but carly you and i would have this conversation when you were in a relationship i was single and i was telling you how bad it was and how bad of dates i would go on i'm like carly they do not ask a single question. It's insane. I know you were saying that I didn't hear you at the time, and I definitely did hear you. No, no, no, you heard me, but there was, you would always give a look of like, I don't know if that's 100% true. I definitely could tell that you seemed jaded, which I think does then impact the lens through which you see things, and I'm saying that because I relate to that. Like, I have gone through periods where it's like, oh, I'm jaded, And so then you are bringing that energy to dates as well. It's like you can't avoid it, right? But to your point, one of the craziest experiences of my life has been dating as an adult. Like I got single when I was 36. I'm now 40. Street men don't ask questions. And okay, not all men hashtag or whatever, but most of them. Sorry, but all men on dating apps don't ask questions in real life when you go on dates with them. It is one of the wildest phenomenon in the world. You will show up on a date and a man will talk to you for 90 minutes. And it's this weird thing where, okay, so the not compassionate view is they're like self-obsessed narcissists. The compassionate view is, and I think that this is a big part of it, they're very nervous. and they are trying to pitch themselves to you. And they think that the more they talk, the more impressive they will seem. But they don't realize they're actually just digging themselves into a hole of unattractiveness. That makes sense. But to give advice to this person who asked that question, I would just say that there is someone out there, probably dozens of people who share the same view about dating. And so there is also someone there being like, this is a nihilistic hellscape where is my person and that's what I just kept thinking I'm like there's got to be someone else out here who's like this is terrible and that person will eventually find me and things will be okay yeah someone said something so sweet once that resonated with me I can't remember who said it but it was like okay you're struggling you're trying to find your person think about this your person is also out there struggling trying to find their way to you. I was like, that's sweet, right? That is sweet. Like you're searching for each other. That's romantic. Yeah, I like that. Although I am remembering that I did, I provided background quotes for one of your articles for Vogue where I was like, all the good people are in relation, in bad, all the good men are in bad relationships they can't get out of. It's true. Maybe the 40s is when that breaks, but if we're giving advice about heterofatalism, I do just want to say, I don't think all men are bad. I think there are great men out there. I have many male, straight male friends who are wonderful. I think step one to being a little bit less fatalistic is just really put an effort to meeting people off app. I think dating apps are warped and fucked up and do bad things to our brain. And the way that we assess people on there is skewed and we're searching for the wrong things. And I think it's meaningful to try and meet people in person. go to singles events, ask your friends to set you up. You will have better experiences, I think. You are absolutely correct. 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I have not ever been in a super long relationship. or been in a relationship for five years, but I can say statistically the best advice about how to increase desire is to get away from each other. Like you have to, I think, really make the effort to have independent lives. Go out with your friends on your own. Like have a girl's night. Have him have his guy's night. Go on vacations separately. Like just because you're in a relationship does not mean you can't have a girl's vacation. Like, I feel like people get into relationships and then they, I mean, it's the Esther Perel thing, right? Desire needs space. Fire needs air. Like, you can't want something that's on fucking top of you. So I really feel like forging independent lives is increasingly important the longer you've been with someone. Like, a lot of us in creative fields, it's built in. Like, you and TAP, for example, are traveling for work, so you're apart. And then when you come back together, aren't you more likely to fuck and miss each other and be affectionate? if you haven't seen each other in a while. Yeah, of course. A lot of people's lives, especially people who just have normal jobs, that's not built in. Like you have to orchestrate that if it's not a natural part of what your lifestyle is. So unfortunately to this fuckette who is very tired, our advice is more work. No, I think the advice is like go on a cute girls trip. Get away from your partner so you want to fuck them again. It seems logical to me. Yeah, you have to find ways to miss each other. Or to carve out time for each other. Like I remember my brother and sister-in-law who've been together for 20 plus years when Paul and I were getting married and my in-laws were flying in. They asked them to fly in early so that they could go to Vegas for a couple of days and just have like a mini vacation away from their three kids. Yes, totally. And also, this is a very basic, but on your date nights or whatever, it's the time that you've dedicated for yourself, even if it's a few hours, don't have your phone. Just give each other actual attention so you're having a meaningful time versus like this weird, ambiguous period where you're apparently together, but the person is like texting. That's, I think, digging yourself deeper. or you're in the same room on the couch together in bed together but you're not talking because you're both doom scrolling which is gonna happen right but then if you're setting up romantic time you can't be doom scrolling in that time keep the doom scrolling for a non-romantic time seems reasonable okay shane or ilia yeah carly have you watched heated rivalry i've seen the first episode oh my god i know i need to watch the rest of it yeah you should also just like given your field of study. I feel like it's like an important cultural phenomenon. Well, now I'm even more interested to hear Carly's Choice having just watched a episode. Wait, so I know I literally just googled it before I came here, but now I forget. Wait, which is which? Okay. Do you want the Russian or the Canadian? The Russian one, I feel more attracted to just because of his dominant energy. Yes, same. Ilya has my heart. Yeah, I was going to say Ilya as well for several reasons, One of which is it is established in a future episode that he's bisexual so I can actually have sex with him. Because what would I be to Shane? Just his beard? Shane is really hot, though. I almost identify with him more. Like, I want to be him fucking the Russian one. Totally. Oh, all right. You know what? That transitions perfectly to our next question, which is, if I think about heated rivalry while having sex with my husband, is this cheating? to which I say this is a lost storyline from what would have been the fourth season of And Just Like That because you can totally feel like Charlotte would start watching Heated Rivalry and then like accidentally shout out Ilya's name while having sex with Harry. Ew. I would love that, but I don't think that would have happened, let's be honest. It would definitely just have been like a new cancer plot line, like a new form of cancer. Yeah, totally. It's spread. what's unfortunate about i mean i love doing these hotline mailbag episodes but i almost wish some of these the person was on the line we could speak to because this one i have follow-up questions which is is it that you're imagining ilia and shane having sex while fucking your husband are you imagining one of them is fucking you and your husband is just like the real life avatar but like does it matter the reality of the situation is she's thinking about these fictional characters while she's fucking her husband. I personally don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I think, like, broadly speaking, you should make an attempt to be present during sex. Like, if you can only have sex with your husband while thinking about Shane and Ilya, then, like, yeah, there's probably something wrong. But, like, do what you need to do. Yeah, I think every once in a while it can't hurt. I mean, I do feel like this ties back to the how do we keep the romance alive in a long-term relationship. True. Yes. And to the point whether it's cheating, I think cheating is indefinable. It's like only definable within you and the person you're in a committed relationship with. But I do think, Chelsea, you're right, that the goal would be presence. Like in the reverse, would I want my partner thinking about some other woman every time we have sex? That wouldn't be like my goal you know it would feel like a little shitty however do i assume that every time i have sex with someone he's entirely present and no woman ever appears in the like the spectrum of his imagination no that's a big ask i think i think that's actually the perfect answer which would if the roles were reversed would this person think that it's cheating if your husband was thinking about, you know, the lesbian sex scene in Black Swan, would you consider that cheating? And if the answer is yes, then I'm sorry, you cannot fantasize about heated rivalry while having sex with your husband. Well, at least he has good taste if that's what he's thinking about. Could do worse than Black Swan. All right, another question. I need to hear everything about Carly's movie. Oh, my God. Okay, well, I won't say everything, but I'll say some stuff. So it's called I Want Your Sex. It was directed by Greg Rocky, and we wrote it together. I wrote this movie, the first draft of this movie, 13 years ago, which is amazing and dark that that's how long it takes to get movies made. But it is a – I've been calling it a dom-com. I know people are calling Killian a dom-com, but I think it is. It's like a BDSM romantic comedy where this older woman is having a DS relationship with her assistant, who is like this young ingenue who's never been in a situation like this. And she kind of blows his mind and he becomes obsessed with her and it kind of goes off the rails. But it's based on a personal experience I had when I was 25, dating a guy who was older and kind of introduced me to DS Dynamics. And yeah, it was just really, really funny to watch this movie at Sundance in a theater. The genders are reversed, you know, so there's a young man with an older woman. and just like to watch Cooper Hoffman like play some alternate universe version of me like getting like dragged around by his hair like by Olivia Wilde. I just was like, what a fucking weird life experience. Yeah, that's objectively crazy, but so cool. How was like the whole Sundance experience? You were there the final year. It will actually be at Sundance. They're moving. I know, which kind of makes sense because it is too small, But it was really fun. I'll say like the actress Olivia Wilde and actor Cooper Hoffman are both so major, like both in the movie and as people. I can't say enough about how cool Olivia Wilde is. She's like smart and hot and aspirational and nice and was just like so supportive of me and the whole process and like would shout me out in interviews. You know what I mean? You can tell someone is making an effort to be supportive of you. That's what her vibe was. So I'm like, she's honestly really cool. That's amazing. Yeah. That's what you want from a celebrity. Of course, that it's what you deserve. And I saw a Deadline article yesterday saying that, actually, Lauren, you can explain this. I don't understand industry things. Well, we will all get to see Carly's work in I Want Your Sex this fall because Magnolia has picked up the U.S. distribution and it's getting a wide release later this year. Yes. Did it say fall? Actually, that's information I did not get. I'm assuming fall. Sorry. It just said later this year. Yeah, some point later this year. What is Chelsea's take on the JonBenet-Epstein conspiracies? I was unaware that this existed. you sent us all an example i don't like what i watched it's a very flimsy conspiracy i would say i'm not even understanding what it is so in one redacted photo there seems to be a blonde-haired girl who people are saying is jambonet so she's not dead she was just trafficked to epstein I guess or he murdered her I don't really know like what they think happened specifically they just think that JonBenet is the girl in this photo solely because she has blonde hair and is wearing like a little white shirt with a black jumper over it which is an outfit that I also wore as a little blonde child so I just don't think that this conspiracy is that impressive personally it would be one thing if the clothing was like extremely specific but it's not if it was a girl in a pageant outfit also just like generally it drives me crazy when people like allege that like jeffrey epstein may have killed her traffic john bonnet or like beyonce is like eating children because it shifts focus towards celebrities and public figures and away from like the people in our communities that like are committing crimes against children i mean jeffrey epstein did commit crimes of course you know what i mean yeah i do i do yes it it does shift the focus from the real monsters that are hidden in our everyday lives i am just going to need some firm evidence that places him in boulder colorado on christmas day in 1996 that's all i'm saying well i don't think he's the one stealing the children himself he's not like doing he's got someone for that well you bring up a great point carly because in that video you sent chelphie this person is like and someone left a comment on my facebook that said that they saw Ghislaine Maxwell at JonBenet's pageants and I'm like one no well the Ghislaine hairstyle was very popular in the mid 90s my mom had that haircut yeah so it's like there's just yes there's a photo of JonBenet and there's some woman that like looks as much like Ghislaine Maxwell as Diane Warren does you know like sure i could see it but that doesn't mean that it's her right that is true with the haircut where i feel like in the mid-90s when we were in school when we were growing up all heterosexual moms were just like we're lesbians now aesthetically yeah they all had mushroom cuts why they all kind of neutered themselves they would wear like turlenecks and have like... Flocks, so many flocks. In those jeans. I will say, you sent me that Epstein video and the first thing I saw was that my mom had reposted that reel. No. And I was like, my mom's in. My mom is in on this conspiracy theory. I loved, yeah. Did you call your mom? No, I just saw it this morning, but I can't wait. I love that. Also, can I bring up the fact that there maybe are some slut ever links in the Epstein files? or do we not want to discuss? Maybe this feels like the platform to discuss. So I was alerted to the fact that I'm in the files, I guess. Well, someone created an interface where it looks like Gmail. It's called Jmail. And you can search all of Jeffrey Epstein's emails. And per his usual email writing style, it's just links to SlutEver articles and videos with no context, seemingly, to people. Yeah, with no context. Okay, so he was sending videos of your show to who? So he's sending them sometimes to himself, and then there's one or two where he's sending, yeah, just a link to a Slut Ever episode, which is a documentary show I made for advice about sexuality, where the email is redacted. And that's what I'm curious about, where Adri, who I made the show with, is the one that alerted me to it. And she was like, I think he was a fan, question mark? I was like, that's interesting. But I was like, I want to know who he's sending the links to. And, like, I'm sorry to be laughing about it because it is so dark. And it's, like, one of these things where you're like, how fucking strange. But he has sent multiple episodes. One of them was the one about happy ending massages, which is so on the nose. Oh, my God. Yeah. You think he was sending it to Clinton? If you're on Clinton's radar, oh, my God. That would be, I don't want to say the word cool, but it would be interesting. It would be surreal, certainly. It's cool if a president is consuming your content, even if that said president is like a real dark perv, right? I guess. I think that's subjective. Regardless, I think you have the best kind of cocktail trivia, dinner party trivia of like, you'll never believe what I found out this week. Yeah, that's like if I get back on dating apps, you know, the hinge, like two truths and a lie. It's like I'm in the Epstein files. Nice. Perfect. This feels like a hard transition into this next question. Sexiest songs of all time. I like this question, though. Oh, I love this question. I had to reflect. I guess you could look at this question two ways, which is like, is this songs that are on our sex playlist or are these just sexy songs? I think they're sexy songs. Because I would say, like, Janet Jackson has a song called Throb that literally, pun intended, climaxes with her orgasming on the track. So that, you think, is the sexiest song? I think it's one of. I thought I would only have a couple of answers, but I got a lot. Okay, I like two kinds of sexy songs. I like sub-dom anthems, like I Want to Be Your Dog by The Stooges, Slave to Love by Brian Ferry, used so well in nine and a half weeks. But I also have a soft spot for, like, the 90s R&B songs that were, like, popular when I was coming of age, like Nobody by Keith Sweat, Red Light Special by TLC, which I felt were like very scandalous songs at the time. And Janet also, like, I remember watching the music video for That's the Way Love Goes, and I was like, oh, I literally feel like I'm watching porn, even though it's like not even that sexual of a music video in retrospect. I do contend that probably the sexiest song of all time mixed with the music video would be Chris Isaac's Wicked Game. Yeah, that's a classic. Really? Oh, wait, what's the music video? I love your judgment. Wait, what's the music video? Oh, my God. I don't know the music video. The song is not sexy to me. It's him and Helena Christensen. Right? Helena Christensen? Yeah. It's a Herb Ritz music video. It's in black and white. Yes. They're on the beach. It's extremely sexy. It's extremely 90s. And they're, like, rolling around. Like, it's... Oh, yeah. Sand is getting in places that sand should not be. Okay. Yeah, and like Helena Christensen has like great, you know, wet look hair and it's all very hot. You tell us your sexy songs then. So, yeah, I was judging you. Sorry. I don't care. I love the judgment. Yeah. Well, you guys both picked things that are undeniably kind of have like a sexually charged energy. And I'd like that you distinguish are these songs we have sex to or are they just songs that kind of elicit something? because if you were to put on any of those songs during sex, I think it would be so embarrassing. You know what I mean? It's like would set this tone that I think that if I had sex with that song playing, I would like spontaneously combust because the earnestness of the sexuality is like too much. True. Like you couldn't have sex to like all make love to you by boys to men. Exactly. Because that would be horrifying. Or to become one by the Spice Girls. right so this is a song that i always use on instagram over like sexy content and it's baccarat's yes sir i can boogie you know that song yeah i love that song it's like like you have sex to that no i would never have any of these songs that's the thing and i want to die even thinking about that but it's like a song that if it comes on on a dance floor like it elicits something in me and i kind of feel like it's like fun but i don't like there's no song I want to have sex to. Sex dictates mood too much that like I don't want there to be music when I'm having sex. Oh really? Yeah. I disagree. I mean not always. I don't require music but I enjoy music personally. Yeah I think like Glory Box by Portishead is a sexy song. Something that can be playing in the background. Well all of those like trip-hop albums are very that like tricky also of course sneaker pimps those i don't know if i do sneaker pimps six underground yeah but like a full sneaker pimps album no no no no definitely not no you got to curate that playlist that's the kind of music that is played at sex parties that sort of like house would you describe that as house music trip-hop yeah yeah and while i don't like that kind of music i am I'm like, yeah, I guess this is the best music for the sex party. Well, but isn't the sex party also like industrial music? Ish, but aren't those adjacent to each other? I'm not like a music. Well, with some industrial music, there's like electronic elements. You know, if you look at like nine inch nails or something. Right. I would say like house music as an umbrella term is mostly what's played at those parties where there's like an electronic component and it's more mood and vibe based and less vocals loud in the mix. Like, that is what I think is best for those kind of environments. Like, what are you going to have, like, Rihanna playing at the sex party? It's awkward. It's like you don't want something to be intrusive in terms of, like, dictating mood too much, right, in terms of sex. I don't know. I've never thrown a sex party, so I don't know what kind of vibe I would be going for. But I feel like it's the same as if you're just having sex just to people. Like, are you going to play Rihanna? Okay, not like S&M or like Ponda Replay, but anti, I actually stand by anti. If anyone were to have sex to Rihanna, it would be Chelsea and Tatiana. Okay, ew. Even I'm grossed out. But yeah, I think that's a great album. And it also came out 10 years ago. Can you believe that that's how long it's been? And we're never getting another album again. No. No. We just get the Smurf song and the Black Panther song. I guess. My boyfriend, when I was in my 20s, used to play Peruvian flute music when we had sex, and I actually kind of liked it. Really? Yeah. There's something about instrumental being the right thing. I don't want to hear people saying things. Like, I get too distracted. You're having sex, and you're starting to think about the word picture that the song is portraying. It just gets like, I don't, yeah. I feel like there's like this intrusive thing dictating mood or speed or pacing if music is too involved. I don't know. If you've ever been stuck on a six-month wait list for a psychiatrist or are bouncing between online mental health sites trying to find medication support, Talkiatry was built for you. It's virtual psychiatry that actually fits your life and your insurance. 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More than 300,000 patients have already found high-quality psychiatric care through talkiatry head to talkiatry.com slash outfit and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just minutes that's talkiatry.com slash outfit to get matched in minutes all right shall we do a hard pivot the hardest pivot what are your favorite affordable luxuries ideally under 50 dollars there's no good transition or maybe there is but i'm just not capable of such things who cares this led to a lot of introspection because what i was thinking about this my initial response were sweet treats or dessert and i was like that's very sad to think of food as luxuries but i think is indicative of the state of the world right now okay but like what food are you talking about i don't know like a little cake or a donut or something you are gonna recommend a donut no i that was my initial thought that i was like that's incredibly sad okay but what donut and from where yeah yeah yeah that's a good point like are we going to voodoo donuts are we going to crispy cream i mean i might go for an aaron mckenna bakery which is a gluten-free vegan donut that's actually incredible i know how eye-rolly that sounds no my shout out to the gluten-free and vegan listeners. Well, Donut Friend is also a vegan donut that's fucking amazing. There you go. I don't know, a blowout? Oh, that's a good one. Okay. What about you, Carly? So I was trying to think of things that actually feel luxurious to me, and I'm someone who is actually quite frugal with beauty products, but sometimes I feel like if you buy a cheaper beauty product, you can go ham with it. So I really love a luxurious experience I like is I buy a lot of the ordinary serums and oils that only cost like $10. But if it only costs $10, you could like getting out of the shower, putting it on your face, on your neck, on your chest, on your like hands, knees. You know what I mean? Where you're like dousing yourself in oil and really having like a skin care moment. Like that feels luxurious to me. Totally. You're not like rationing your skin care products if you're using ordinary. I use the ordinary and also Eucerin. I have dry skin, so thick Eucerin cream is like $20 from CDS. I was going to say, yeah, the drugstore brand. Yeah, and you could go totally ham. Okay, good to know. I have seen this at the drugstore. I also want to talk about skincare stuff because I was going to pick the Walida Skin Food Light, and the light is important. The regular one, too heavy for me. I also like the Walida Iris Day Cream because I was influenced by Courtney Love, who recommended it in a Financial Times profile. What's the price point on that? There's like $15, $20 something in there. Okay. Also, this is $55, which is slightly over budget, but I'm obsessed with the Suzanne Kaufman Hand Cream. I understand that this is like a disproportionate amount of money to spend on hand cream, but this hand cream smells like underripe bananas. I keep it next to my bed. It's not in a little tube. I don't like when hand creams are in little like painter tubes. I want a pump for that shit. Okay. And that is part of my nighttime ritual is my hand cream. And it's like one of the few things that I actually consistently read by. That's nice. Your hands do look beautiful and youthful, I must say. Thanks, babe. They do. I also am a big proponent of buying flowers from like a wholesale flower place, like not like the supermarket or a place that upcharges you. Like go straight to the wholesale market if there is one in your neighborhood. I go to the one in West Hollywood. And yeah, $50 goes a long way. $50 also goes a long way on flowers at Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's is like a low-key florist. They're really good. Yeah. Yeah, Trader Joe's is good. thoughts on margot robbie's wuthering heights press looks she sort of locked herself into dressing on theme for press tours didn't she and i see no issue with that i feel like she looks incredible her stylist andrew mucamal is doing a great job that galliano look that he put her in with like the thigh high stockings i feel like is one of the best red carpet looks i've ever seen there's a lot of looks for the press calls like they're not even for the premieres it's like every City has a photo call and she's wearing the most major looks. I don't think anything will reach the heights of what they did together for the Barbie Press Tour. Like, that is its own thing. But I think she's doing a great job. I think the Dallara Findaculu looks are great. There's one in particular where they have her looking like Gary Oldman from Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. I believe that was the Los Angeles photo call where she's got, like, little ruby red glasses that I thought was my favorite i like that she's wearing chokers like the combination of a choker and a corset i feel like is a timeless look and it makes it kind of modern too yeah that makes me want to get a choker actually i really like her looks i mean i'm not like a super fashion knowledgeable person but i think it's adding an element of fun to a press tour like why not there's like a funny high low element because you kind of like dressing on theme and like doing a costume you But like why not And also I think it so hard to break through in any way doing press these days that it really works No I agree And from a fashion as entertainment standpoint, it is quite successful. Like, this has given me a lot of content that I have been consuming, enjoying. I think it's a great little body of work that they've done, really. And, you know, shout out to Jacob Elordi as well. He's looking great on this press tour. I feel like he's not getting as much attention as Margot Robbie, understandably so. No. But they both look really hot. Like, it's crazy. I know. I'm excited to see the film because I feel like people are really hating on this film. And, like, with glee, and I know we're kind of haters, but, like, a thing that I keep seeing from people who have seen the film is, like, they have no chemistry. And I'm like, how is that humanly possible? Really? I haven't seen any of the discourse, but it does seem impossible also because just being a good actor, you should be able to create some chemistry unless you fucking hate the person. Some of the best onscreen chemistry are actually from actors who fucking hated each other offscreen. So there you go. Right. Need your opinion on Chloe Maul's first Vogue cover and the New York Times interview with Anna Wintour. So it's Rosalia on the cover. I think it looks great. It's definitely a cooler choice of subject and choice of dress, which was like a Jonathan Anderson Dior dress, than we would typically get on an American Vogue cover. Although I do think I am craving a little bit more of a point of difference with Anna because this does feel quite Anna. And when Anna came in, she did the hardest pivot with her first cover after Grace Mirabella. So I don't know. It's not surprising, though, now that I've seen that New York Times interview. Well, yeah, I was going to say, if not for that New York Times interview with Chloe Maul and Anna Wintour, I had seen the Rosalia cover, but I didn't have the context that it was Chloe Maul's first cover. I wouldn't have known the difference. I agree with you. Like Anna Wintour's first cover in 1988 for Vogue was such a departure that, I mean, this might be apocryphal, but evidently the printers were like, is this the correct image for the cover? Which was, what was the model's name? I completely forget. But it was the Lacroix sweater in jeans and the printer thought that it was a mistake that such a casual look could be for the cover. Oh, that's interesting. Right. And previously in the Grace Mirabella era, they were all like tight beauty shots of models that were incredibly uniform for years and years and years. So it was just a departure from the formula that she had created for Vogue. But it does feel like from that interview, the clips I saw, it's like Anna's still involved. I wonder if Chloe Maul has been given free reign to just do whatever. No, definitely not. She seems really, really involved. And I found Anna's body language to be really, really fascinating in that interview. Yeah. And I was texting you guys about that interview before we recorded because I was looking online and I didn't understand the comments that people were leaving about this interview because Chloe Maul, to me, says very rational things like, oh, if I had an unlimited budget, like I would build out our social team and I would build a better podcast studio. And I guess people online were like, she's no Anna. Why would she want such things? It's like, I don't know, pay the social team an adequate wage. That doesn't seem that crazy. Well, also, and then Anna kind of clarified to whoever was interviewing them, like, actually, like, our budgets are very healthy, which was interesting. Like, she clearly didn't fully like the way that Chloe answered that question, or maybe that she was more transparent about how she would spend the money. Or maybe it's just the acknowledgement that there's a big difference now between the budgets of the 90s. That interaction was very interesting to me because it made me think like Chloe Maul is like the mom Donnie and Anna Winters like the institution. You know, I thought that was a great answer from Chloe Maul where it's like, also, you should have a podcast. We're all dying to listen to. Like, why don't you? Well, they do. But they should. I understand your point. And Chloe Maul did host it at one point. So that's why she knows. And that's why she's like, can we please get a better podcast studio? Yes, it's called The Run Through. The Run Through. And as people who have all done podcasts, what I heard or the subtext I heard in Chloe Maul's answer was like, can we please have a soundproof podcast studio? Totally. And not interns running through with racks that the mics are picking up. Yeah, I feel like as Chloe Maul probably inevitably gains more power, that feels exciting to me. I feel like the biggest thing that stood out to me from the cover is the choice. Like you said, Rosalia is a cool choice. And that just felt like exciting evolution. Yeah, it feels like a fresh version of the whole Anna thing. Although you're being, I think you might be a little optimistic and thinking that Chloe's power will just grow. Yeah, I wonder what this transition actually looks like because it's very clear from this interview that Anna does not want to concede power, control, or even be perceived as someone that is retiring. Which is absolutely fine because the things that Chloe is speaking to, which is the side of Vogue that she worked on, which is the digital side, which is where the profit center is, should be, where the growth is going with Vogue. It's not in the print edition. The fact that they don't have signature personalities, digital shows, the number one fashion podcast is kind of crazy. They have 73 questions, which they've done really well with that. And also the life and looks thing. I really like that they do. They did a great one with Miss Piggy last week that I want to shout out. And that's like exactly what I want them to be doing. I haven't seen that. I want to watch that. Also, I feel like we should note that it has been announced that Vogue will be only releasing eight issues a year instead of 12. But they are making the paper nicer, which I appreciate. Which I believe comes from Chloe Maul, because I do remember when she was first appointed the editor-in-chief. She doesn't even have that title, right? She has like editorial director of content or something like that. She had made that point that she wanted to slow down the amount of print issues, but make them more of these artful collector's items. That sounds cool. We don't need an issue, a pamphlet, you know, every month. It's interesting to me that it seemed like in that interview, Chloe was talking about paying the social team more. So I used to write a column for Vogue for many years, and I started, I think it was like 12, 13 years ago. And I can't say I know exactly how things are going now, but the differentiation between the magazine and the website was like so hilarious the way it was at the time. and for years. So it was like when I first started, they were in Times Square and then they moved to the World Trade Center. And it would be that the magazine was on the floor above. The website was the floor below. So it literally was like a high-low distinction. Right. And the people that worked for the website, it truly was like the serfs. It was like the way they were treated. They got paid so much less. And there was also just a totally different standard. So, like, the magazine people still had to uphold, like, dressing a certain way. They had to be, like, approved by Anna. They had to wear heels, all this stuff. And then the website people, it was, like, great. But it was cool because the people they hired for the website were people that were, like, young, queer girls. And they were just getting in all this fresh blood that never would have been approved for people to work at the magazine who have now, like, worked their way up. It was like the people that work for the magazine, basically the vibe I got was that Anna almost like didn't consider them employees at Vogue. They had to have their like lower level. And to be honest, watching this recent New York Times interview, I think she holds the same belief. Also, I'm kind of like, why do they keep giving these exclusives to the New York Times? Like they also did this when Chloe was first appointed. It's like, shouldn't Vogue be making this video? if they did it wouldn't be as good because they would have cut out the moments of friction of course but i also think it was interesting because chloe made a point of saying like look i'm never going to be a sort of guarded intimidating fashion person that's just like not who i am whereas anna wintour of course is like literally the definition of that and that's what we want from her as well i mean totally yeah like it's just like she's got to be that she is that bitch this did make me like anna in a weird way i guess i just respect her like unwavering consistency and her commitment to being the girl that she is she just can't help herself you know oh no she's going down with the condi nash ship lauren did you know that you can have a fun night without a hangover when you stop drinking alcohol and start drinking nowadays That's right. Nowadays is a zero-proof, THC-infused beverage that delivers a clean, balanced buzz. 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Hi, my question is, if you had a kind of like hookup in a different city and you're planning to be back in that city in a few months, how close to your arrival should you let that person know or ask if they want to meet up? Thank you. Bye. I guess it depends on how much you've connected with that person. Like if you have consistency in texting, tell them in advance. So you can make a plan. But if you're trying to be cool, I guess, and you haven't communicated at all, I would say I'm going to be around in a few days. You'd say a few days. I take this call and this caller as someone that is going to whatever city or town for business or something. Like she's not expressly going to hook up with this person. No. yeah you have one of two options which is you either tell the person ahead of time whether that's a week a few days or you're already in said city let's just pick chicago like hey so and so i just landed in chicago want to have a drink tonight i wouldn't want someone to do that in the reverse that's you know what i mean as someone who's like busy and popular like you have to give me a notice totally okay i said a week and a half and then tat was like oh my god that is so desperate like if someone did that to me i'd be like ew and i was like what and she was like yeah less than a week definitely less than a week i feel like this is the sex of the city carnations conversation where like the person listening for this answer is just like so i'm just fucked yeah yeah yeah i mean is a week can we agree that a week is okay or do you really think it's like a few days i think a week is totally fine although you could say anything with confidence you could be like say we'll do your week and a half role play hey i just found out that um i'm gonna be in chicago the third week of this month for work i would love to see you again if you're around i'm gonna be the third week of this month i just mean like if you get your dates right oh hey i just found out i'm gonna be in chicago like from the 20th for a few days if you're on i would love to see you no pressure you know i mean that doesn't seem are we writing no pressure i don't think you should write no pressure actually no pressure undercuts the confidence i would agree no pressure does mean there is pressure yeah yeah actually i would say cut the no pressure but just i don't know i don't think it's actually desk to give someone advance notice because everybody has plans and you're going there for work you're going to be busy if you want to see this person you need enough advance notice that you're going to be able to find a time that works for both of you yeah exactly if you wait till you arrive the chances of you seeing them go down a ton right i'm also realizing this might be an age dependent question as we are middle-aged to elder millennials where it's like we need advanced notice and i'm wondering if a younger person is like i don't know what i'm going to be doing next week yeah that's true you have less like firm plans i want someone to book something interested in dating in general like letting it wing it oh we'll play it by ear no i want there to be a reservation at 7 p.m for at least four days from now like i need to be able to book around it right i 100 agree yeah for sure definitely next question is having a boyfriend embarrassing this question is referencing uh the viral essay that shantae joseph wrote for vogue called is having a boyfriend embarrassing now which good on her for having a viral essay that's very hard to do in the attention economy i also feel like shout out to the vogue social team they were really good at like the photo edits that they used for this which was then syndicated across like many vogues internationally because it was so popular this article was so funny i mean that was also part of it it's so extreme basically opens with her being like if someone so much as writes my boyfriend or my boyf on social media, they're blocked. I was like, that's so crazy. Definitely if they write boyf. We don't need to be shortening boyfriend. I mean, BF is right there. No, but I think she means like even if she just sees that it's coming, she just blocks them. Well, she's sort of talking about two things, right? Because she provides two scenarios, which is, this is in the context of these digital parasocial relationships we have with people we either know or don't know and there are people who breadcrumb having a new person in their life right she gives the example of like you see a hand on a steering wheel or two glasses of wine and then there are just people who like hard launch a boyfriend and they become their whole personality yes but she's kind of asking the broader question she's talking about all these small ways in which people represent their boyfriend online and the fact that she feels like influencers used to display their boyfriends more and she has noticed this trend where people are including their boyfriends in their content less and she's using that as a way in to ask the broader question is having a boyfriend culturally embarrassing which i think is very funny totally because she's making the point that like you'll see a boyfriend's hand now like holding a glass of wine or something but like you'll never see his face like it's very like low-key she also said that this is i've never seen this that she's seen women blur out their partner's face in wedding pictures they post that's crazy either post your wedding or don't post your wedding i will say she does talk about one friend of hers that was in a relationship for 12 years and never had a photo of that boyfriend on social media and then they broke up and there was no digital cleanup i think that really is at the heart of this essay which kind of in this second decade of social media that it's gone from people hard launching showing their partners on social media only for them to break up and then there is that as i said digital cleanup which whether you know the person or don't there is that parasocial detectiveness where you're like oh i think so and so broke up with this person like they deleted all of their photos together Totally. But is it even about that? Or do boyfriends not perform well on social? Engagement-wise. Engagement-wise. Like, because you notice the difference between it's like if you post a photo of just yourself versus like a photo of yourself and a random person that your followers may not know who that is. Like, that is going to get less engagement. So is this really just dictated by a desire for likes? She is saying this one influencer lost hundreds of followers when she launched her boyfriend. So I think that that is part of it. But I think that what is so interesting about this article is that that is representative of a larger cultural shift in essentially something I think is fascinating, which is a reframing or reexamination of a woman's role in a heterosexual relationship. And the fact that historically we're acknowledging heterosexual relationships and marriages in general, men essentially just benefit more. And so there's this idea of like female singledom being like an empowering thing suddenly because you're choosing not to like, quote, center a man in your life. And while I will say I don't think having a boyfriend is embarrassing, I think being in a good relationship is great. I do think this article is representative of an exciting shift in terms of the way that we are examining relationships in general. Totally. No, it begs for some show that would be the Sex and the City of today where it's like that dynamic, right? The premise of or the overall question in Sex and the City was this idea of the antagonistic relationship between single women and married women. And now, as you're saying, it's almost the reverse that being a single woman is aspirational. I think like not broadly, right? Like if you went to the Midwest and you were like a 40-year-old woman in a conservative family who was single, I don't think anyone would be like, you go, girl. I mean, I don't know. Mormon wives' reality show, like half of them aren't actually wives. Really? They're like ex-wives. Interesting. Or they had children out of wedlock, and that's very scandalous. But I think there is something more aspirational about being single in a way that it previously hasn't been. And that there's a version of life where you are not centering a man or centering children that is some women are talking about as an aspirational choice. And I think that's cool. And it doesn't mean, you know, we always overcorrect. So as a society, we're like, having a boyfriend is embarrassing. And it's like, of course, it's not. But I think it's cool that people have options for what are lifestyle choices that could be great for you. And being in a heterosexual marriage and having children has always been the default of what you should want. and having these examples of like, no, I'm a child-free woman who's single and I actually am really happy and I get to do X, Y, and Z and I have all this freedom. And just seeing this as an example of a life you could aspire to is kind of new. Totally. Well, I was aspiring to that when I was watching Sex and the City. Even though Carrie's love life was kind of chaotic, I was still like, that's the life I want. Yeah, and that is why the character of Samantha specifically is still one of the most groundbreaking characters in television history because she was doing this 25 years ago. Totally. So ahead of the curve. Truly. I think the most successful thing about this essay is just the very funny, viral, clickbaity title of the article, which is, is having a boyfriend embarrassing? It's true. It's iconic. I don't think it would have performed as well without a title that was so good. No. Yeah, I agree. But also, I just want to make the point that, like, having a partner of any gender can be embarrassing. True. This is not just specific to men. I mean, have you guys seen some lesbians on the Internet? Like, that shit is really embarrassing. Really? What are they doing? They're doing a lot. They're doing a lot of anniversary posts. Like, it's that kind of vibe. Right, yes. speaking of sex in the city we got a great question did you hear that sushi samba is coming to west hollywood yes but when because the original article announcing this is from 2024 it said it would be launching in 2025 if you go to their websites which i put our email on the uh the email list they say they're opening this winter which i think meant the winter of 2025 So when is Sushi Samba opening? Not soon enough. It really is in the perfect location, which is on Lapeer between Melrose and Santa Monica. So it is like walking distance from the abbey. It is a, yeah, it's a block over from the abbey. It's across the street from, you know how randomly through all of the decades and gentrification this lumber yard has been able to survive? That's what it's across from. Yeah, it's like near the Chrome Hearts store also. it does look like a restaurant in Dubai. And they do have a location in Dubai. Yes. This sushi samba does not have the delightful like 90s does 60s feel of the sushi samba that was on Sex and the City, the one that used to be in the West Village. No, but according to its website, the stunning new venue will feature a breathtaking rooftop space with multi-level open-air dining, a private dining room with its own dedicated entrance. That's, I assume, where Timmy and Kylie will be entering from. And a state-of-the-art retractable roof. We actually don't have enough open-air dining in Los Angeles. I'm constantly complaining about it because I go to Sydney a lot, and it's like they actually just have nice outdoor restaurants. And we should. It doesn't make any sense. That's what we have to offer. It's, like, totally crazy. Although, this sushi samba, it has to be cheaper than Uchi, or else why go there? Uchi is a sushi restaurant which would be diagonal from the Sushi Samba location on Santa Monica Boulevard, which is an Austin-based sushi restaurant that has come here, which is very good but pretty expensive. I feel like if Sushi Samba wants to do it right, they have to be like at least 30% cheaper than that, if not more. You hear that, Sushi Samba? Just saying. They can't get by solely on Sex and the City Nostalgia forever. No. we might be the only people that remember it or think of it as related to sex in the city anyway if anyone's doing the pr for sushi samba please please hit us up we can't wait to go which sex in the city boyfriend of the week was the best lay all day of course i'm gonna say john flattery the politician okay we didn't really see them fuck but he was to me for harry the man who got away he's so charismatic he's like so sexy so confident when you see them make out it's very passionate he's kinky obviously he wanted her to pee on him i'm like the possibility there i know he's kinky and he has his shit together i know and on the kinkiness scale i mean on the lower end of asks i would say yeah and it wasn't an ask immediately they'd been dating for a while like weeks before he brought it up so it's not like he needs this it's not a fetish where it's like unless there's p i can't come because that's some people as we all know we do i was gonna say ray the jazz musician i don't know what was going on during that second episode that he appears perhaps there was an adderall shortage and he was without meds and his like special hyper focus was making Carrie orgasm but I think he was the best lay of a boyfriend of the week yeah but his hat choice was just so unfortunate that like I don't know that would be hard for me he was wearing a fedora yeah a pork pie hat I believe big refers to it at one point it was more of a pork pie hat which makes it even spookier on some level there has been some discourse recently where ADHD guys can be really good in bed because they can get into hyper focus mode when going down on you. Interesting. I don't know if now I should admit that Paul has ADHD. Give us the tea, Lauren. I mean, Chad has ADHD also. And? No complaints. Yeah. Well, I have ADHD and I don't want to finish the sentence. All right. Well, thankfully, we have another Sex and the City-related question. Hi. I am a lover of the show, and I'm pretty sure you guys have already recorded an episode on Sex and the City, well, season three, episode nine, easy come, easy go. um but my question or my confusion comes in with um when samantha has to give head to the guy um you know at the end when he's like she wants him to like taste it or whatever so does she not give him head so that he can try his own cum at that moment and then she has to give him head again even though she didn't want to give him head in the first place am i like thinking too deep into it or what but um yeah that that's my thought um my name is Imani also I'm calling from Atlanta Georgia and yeah I love you guys thanks bye I mean you're not overthinking this and she raises a good point very good yeah if there's any podcast to call in about this particular question look i had never thought about this before and i went back and re-watched the scene because i guess i had always thought he jerked off but when you watch the scene i assume she has blown him but yeah unless he's tasting his own pre-cum before she continues to blow him and he ejaculates carly thoughts i have actually thought about this before and i remember thinking like maybe it's the pre-cum that would be what i imagine in the writer's room the logic they brought themselves to and able to make the joke okay but even if it's like pre-cum like something had to happen she had to blow him or he had to jerk off no a little bit but potentially not to completion but it looks like in the scene she's blowing him she's like almost like coming up for air he's tasting it he's disgusted but he's like i'm okay with it and then she goes back down it kind of feels like right that's absolutely what happens i think we just need to suspend our disbelief for the sake of a good punchline yes which i think logically can make sense if you argue that it's pre-cum but if it's not pre-cum then she just fully had to blow him twice back to back well i asked paul about this because i'm like could a guy have that fast of a refractory period and he's like it's not impossible he's like it is impressive so it could be possible but it also like so what did she do she he came and she didn swallow it and she came into her hand or into her mouth and then she spit out and then he tasted it it like why can you just not swallow it just don swallow the cum if it tastes bad oh well we should have had you on this episode once we we've talked about this it's like once we get through all of the sex of the city episodes we're gonna do them again but with guests so we'll have you on for that episode you can really break down the logic yeah isn't the solution just like him like coming on her tits or something like am i crazy no yes you can blow someone to completion and then the moment before they're gonna come like yeah sorry i just did a hand motion of moving the dick away from your face but exactly another hard pivot can you discuss bianca sensori's vanity fair interview she was profiled by an appeal i was fascinated by this article holy shit i don't think there was any advantage to her giving this interview at all she should remain unknowable that's for sure i don't mean to be a bitch but like she has a personality disorder right at the very least she's got codependency issues she literally says that she's like and i'm leaning it and i love it i don't know to me i'm just kind of like why did she do this because it generally doesn't seem like she has ambitions to like, I don't know, start a lifestyle brand or something. Like she doesn't need to give interviews to like sell her jewelry or do her performance art or like whatever it is. Also, any journalist that writes about her is going to have to use the words anti-Semitism, swastika, you know, sexual assault. The journalist asks her about this sort of public perception that she's being trafficked in broad daylight like it adds a level of darkness that she can't really escape from well then she also adds a level of darkness as well like the anecdote that she tells from her childhood about how she would compulsively call her father when she was a child to ask when he would be home and if he wasn't home at the exact minute he said he would she would incessantly call him and scream you're a liar you're not here why would you do that to me and then she's like i wasn't able to regulate for my whole life i also pair bond so intensely and so deeply that that person becomes part of me that's my person you know that movie together where they're getting into each other's skin i love that one that's kind of who i am so shout out to allison brie and dave franco yeah that was a great movie i love them i get it she also says that her and yay are the same person yeah i was like really putting your foot in your mouth with that one she appears to be in some sort of like fashiony dom sub relationship where her life is like also performance art on some level but i don't need to read a quote of her literally saying like i live my artwork or whatever you've said too much to that point where she's better unknowable the journalist does ask her toward the end you know why are you speaking now and she's like well i'm speaking now because I have something to say now and I didn't have something to say then and I was like I just read this whole article and I I could not for the life of me with the guns in my head tell you what you have to say you didn't say anything all you said was like I love him despite he's a Nazi we we got that by you being in a relationship with him well is the thing she had to say that she evidently had a crippling benzo addiction she had to go to Spain to go to rehab Okay, that I appreciated knowing about. Well, like I learned something there. And I want to learn things about her from reading this. Like we're all curious about her on some level. Well, I'm also interested in the fact that her next performance art piece is about the way that children are presented by their parents on social media. I'm like, okay. I mean, that seemed like a subtweet about Kim and the whole Kardashian family. For sure, which I think is an extremely fair criticism. But she also says that she wants to have kids. And I'm like, if you have kids with Kanye West, if you have continued to procreate with him, like these kids are not going to fare any better than the kids he already has. Like, yeah, best of luck. Look, I am glad that I read this profile. I thought it was fascinating. I thought it was very well written. I noticed that when Vanity Fair posted about this on their Instagram, they were met with a great deal of criticism. And I think that if maybe more of those people had actually read the article, which I do think is deeply unflattering, then maybe they would feel differently about it. But I get it. It's like you see these like glamorous images of her and she is, of course, a very glamorous person. But I don't know. I don't think that covering someone is necessarily the same thing as cosigning on them. It's really deeply unflattering. And as someone who used to write celebrity profiles, I feel like the journalist and the quote she chose and the fact that they kept in like the likes and stuff is in a way trying to highlight the fact that she does not think that she is a smart person. The predominant feeling I have in reading the article is like this is the deeply sad situation. Well, also the journalist made sure to include the part where she talked about being the most Googled woman of last year. And the fact that she suggested to this writer that that information should be passed along to the editor in a bid for the cover of Vanity Fair, which she did not get. Margaret Qualley is on the cover of this issue. Yeah, it does feel like the takeaway is you are married to someone who has self-proclaimed themselves multiple times to be a Nazi because you like the perk of the attention it gets you. That feels like the takeaway and history has not been kind to those people. And like, I don't know. I don't know this person. Maybe she's a good friend. Maybe she's kind in various other ways. But there was just like a darkness to the way that as a journalist is, you know, making her confront these things. Like you said, you know, there's all these instances, horrible things I didn't know about accusations of sexual assault with various women on sets of music videos and stuff with Kanye West. And Bianca Tensori is condoning it. She's basically being like, in order to make some art, you have to break some eggs. That's not the quote, but that's what she's saying. Like, yeah, these things wouldn't be okay at an office, like with an HR department, but we're making art here. So this is just the consequence of something great. Right. And it's like, that is so fucking dark. Well, also the abandoned projects they had, like the school, the different architectural projects where they were going to fix homeless housing, all of this abandoned. Well, isn't that just kind of like classic, like manic depressive behavior to like fixate on something and then move on? Yeah. We just are doing it in a smaller scale where it's like, I'm going to clean out my drunk drawer. And that's like, no, I'm not. Yet another hard pivot. But what are our thoughts on these new Yassified American Girl dolls? So American Girl launched, I think, earlier this week, modern takes on the classic dolls. So Felicity, Kirsten, Josefina, Addie, Samantha, Molly. I think I got them all. I guess Y2K kind of versions of these girls. I know, I love how they gave Kirsten like a fake Vivian Westwood handbag. I don't know, just to clarify, these dolls aren't replacing the OG dolls. They're just a new line of dolls that American Girl has released. Well, as the tagline says, ever wonder how our historical characters might dress today? The Modern Era Collection opens a new chapter on beloved historical characters with a reimagined take on their original fashions. Like, for instance, Felicity, who had that dress. That dress is now just a shirt, and she's got jeans with bows on it. It's a corset top, which I think that this is a cool idea in theory, but I just don't like the way that they modernized the clothing. It's just, it's ugly clothes. Like, they look bad. And they're all wearing miniskirts, which I find to be disappointing, apart from Felicity, who, as you mentioned, is wearing like a skinny jean or something. My first American Girl doll was Molly. And so I sent the updated version of Molly to my mom last night. And she was like, what is with this short skirt and these glasses? Let's just call them what they are. They're Bratzified American Girl dolls. Yeah, their faces are a little different also. Yeah, it turns out I was not wondering what was my favorite American Girl doll. How would she dress today? but um you're the doll expert you know like how did these dolls compare to great dolls of the present day well i think they look like shit compared to like dolls that american girl is already making like for me they either had to skew a bit cooler like this had to get into sort of like mark jacob's heaven territory and it almost does with a couple of them i would say kirsten who is looking pretty sceney. Molly even kind of could have, like, I can see an alternate world where there's kind of a more heaven version of that look. But, yeah, I just don't think these girls look cool. Well, they also seem to be a different size. Sorry, I'm just clicking on the Molly one. And they show old Molly with this new brassified Molly. And she's just, she's smaller. She's ozempic. She's like two-thirds of the size. She's not as tall. She's not just thinner. Yeah, she's not just thinner. She's just small. That would be major. She'd be on a soundbuck today. All right. One text. Is it safe to date a guy wearing a quarter zip? I mean, with caution, right? It's hard because I feel like some of the hottest and chicest guys do wear quarter zips, but also like weird TikTokers and stuff. Who's chic that wears a quarter zip? Yeah. I don't know. like Michoud Blasey, the new Chanel designer, came out in a quarter zip when he gave his bow for his first show. He seems like a chic, non-embarrassing guy. I mean, he's gay, but... I'm probably missing the cool quarter zips. When I think of that, I just think of guys in San Francisco. That's what I was going to ask, because I felt triggered by this, because I do wear a quarter zip. And I guess the question is, like, is this a guy's uniform? Like, is he wearing this in his off-duty hours? Or does he have a tech job and this is what he wears to talk about, like, FanDuel with his other tech bros while waiting in line for Sweetgreen or something? See, I assumed this was referring to knitwear and not, like, a quarter zip, like, fleece. That's immediately where my mind goes is like a fleece, quarter zip, tech, Bay Area. This is not like the worst possible thing a man could wear. Like this is like I'm sure I've fucked men who have worn quarter zips a million times, but it's not aspirational. Correct. I mean, I think we went over what the worst thing a man can wear, and that's a pork pie hat or a fedora. True. I also, I want to touch upon an article that you wrote recently for your sub stack hotline, which was about dating and fashion and sort of asking the question, like, can you date someone whose style you think is gross? Yeah. I mean, it's complicated, right? Because you don't want to be this sort of judgmental bitch who's like, I'm never going to date a guy who wears a quarter zip. Because if you are that icked by superficial things, you probably will never have a boyfriend. However, it could be indicative of incompatible personality things. Okay, it might seem superficial to judge someone for having like a Burning Man wardrobe. But that guy very likely also has like a Burning Man house and Burning Man life goals. So like, do you want that to be your husband? Like, these are reflections of greater values in our lives. Yeah, and it's one thing, like, if you do want to do ayahuasca, like, 50 times a year, then great. You're aligned on that level. Yeah, like, I think the style choices we make are the most simplified, externalized examples of what we value in our life, how we want to be perceived in the world. Some people opt out of that, right? Like, I think some people are kind of an anti-style in a way where I think that's okay, and that's better often than having an extreme style that's missing, like a pork by hat, right? But if someone has a style that you really actively dislike, I think that that often is representative of a larger differences, right? It's like there's less of a chance that you're going to like the same movies, right? Like, if you move in together, like, good luck decorating your house. Like, these are things that actually are deeper than just, like, okay, I don't like this guy's quarter zip or whatever. No, that's so true. It is an early indicator of household decor. Like, if you are going to move in with someone, be at least somewhat aligned in that department, or at least have a place where you can find common ground and compromise together. Yeah, I feel like another version of this is, like, I could never be with someone who didn't have a sense of humor. Yeah. Like, I say this all the time, of, like, what do couples do that don't laugh together or joke about stuff? They sit in silence at restaurants, and we see them, you know? And it's horrifying to even be around that. Yeah, it's very scary. But, I mean, could you date someone whose style you hated, do you think? There is someone who just isn't into fashion and doesn't have a sense of fashion that you can, like, maybe introduce them to things. And then there is someone that has, to use your Burning Man example, like, or, you know, a steampunk aesthetic. I probably couldn't be with someone that dressed steampunky because that is indicative of a lifestyle that I'm not down with. No, you have to, like, only date other steampunks, I think. Yeah, you said it better than me, right, where it's like if there's sort of just opting out, that can be okay because you could probably take the lead if you move in together. They're just going to, you know, maybe even learn from you and be inspired by you. There's another version where someone dresses in a way that is so not your style, but it's good for them. If you, like a surfer or like a skateboarder where you're probably like, if I went into your space, this would not be what an aspiration of the kind of house I would want to live in. But like you appreciate the aesthetic from a distance. Totally. I think I could do that, even though it might be difficult if you moved in together. No, I feel that. For sure. I lost 110 pounds last year. Not me. This is a listener question. Never interested in lingerie before. Now I am. Where should I start? I actually think I have some good advice for this. So, okay, I may be making an assumption about this person, but if you've lost a lot of weight, that does impact your boobs, okay? I naturally am someone with, like, droopy boobs that needs, like, quite a bit of support, but they're also big. and it's hard to find bras that are like orthopedic in a way and their ability to hold up your boobs that also are pretty like a lot of lingerie companies they don't hold up your boobs and i'm assuming if this woman lost a ton of weight she might need some support are you about to recommend sydney sweeney's lingerie line no i was thinking of chantel okay okay yeah so chantel is i have found as someone with having big boobs my entire life it's you know their bras are like a hundred dollars but they last a really long time and they're pretty and they are like support i actually brought one i actually wore one so i could show you guys so let's see her so this is functions both as lingerie and there's like matching if you want but this is an everyday bra so okay look it just looks like a good bra under this tight like t-shirt but it's also really pretty oh gorgeous see and it's being a lot of work your boobs look great in them thank you and that's great advice i agree that after like a weight loss i think you want stuff that supports you holds you in you also can like find that after weight loss like you can really like snatch your waist down more you know than you previously thought so it's like i would gravitate towards like body suits and shit like that i guess on the lingerie side of things although i have no brand loyalty i find shopping for lingerie to be extremely difficult yeah we also got a lot of questions that were some variation of like, is there a solution for not crazy expensive, but still actually nice lingerie? And there's a brand that my husband actually introduced me to called Maison Clothes that's pretty, look, you can get bras and panties that are under $100, very good quality. They also have corsets that are hundreds of dollars, $700. My other recommendation would be do not sleep on the Asian provocateur sales section. I went to go look, and there's stuff that is half price, and then right now there's an extra 40% off. See, I feel like if I was looking at the Agent Provocateur sales section, I would find the panty in my size, but not the bra. And that shit I fucking hate. Honestly, I hate lingerie shopping because I'm not spending Agent Provocateur La Perla money on lingerie, so there's that. I'm not doing Savage Fenty and their like Fabletics-esque grifter business model. Recurring credit card charges, you mean. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes I get stuff from Skims, like the Valentine's Day Skims stuff usually gets my ass. And that is not super expensive. Again, sure, they have a few things that I think might be like a few hundred dollars or something. But you could get something good for 50 bucks if you needed to. Although sometimes I do just go to the Bloomingdale's lingerie department if I'm really desperate at the Century City Mall or like the one in Midtown in New York. But like I often leave empty handed from doing that. And that sounds mentally exhausting. Horrifying. Although at least you can try things on. That's the problem with constantly buying shit from a Savage Fenty or a Skims or whatever. Yes, but then you have to deal with a saleswoman. And I always feel like saleswomen in the lingerie departments are like on your ass constantly. And it's like, can I just have a minute to breathe? I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know what I look good in. I know. It feels like time traveling. If you know what brand you like and what fits you, weirdly, you can find a lot of resale of like these fancy lingerie brands on eBay and Poshmark new with tags. I don't know why, but there's a ton. and maybe it's because you're buying it and it doesn't fit. I don't know. I would assume that's the case. Or someone gets it for you, but there's a lot out there. That's a good tip. Okay, we have a lingerie-adjacent voicemail. Hi, Lauren. Hi, Chelsea. Long-time listener, first-time caller. I tried to look up Sydney Sweeney's lingerie website to see the shit show myself, and because the name makes no sense, I typed in Siren to Google, S-Y-R-E-N, and the first hit is a women's shotgun website, as in firearms for women. Coincidence? I don't know. That seems pretty right-wing grifter to me. Anyway, love you guys. Bye. Say what you will about Sydney Sweeney. At least she doesn't have her own line of firearms. Not yet. And having visited the Siren website, the S-Y-R-E-N website, I just have to say these guns are not feminine enough for me. does anyone else feel that way like if they're four women like they they shouldn't all be like it's like it's too much wood like they should be pink yeah the yeah the color choice they've chosen i guess there must have been a conversation in the siren boardroom which i imagine is just like exclusively women that look like laura loomer or something was like pink too girly that's what they're gonna expect purple let's do purple instead to answer your question chelsea i think it's less about making shotguns that are girly and instead making shotguns that focus on, as their website says, proper fit, reduced weight, and recoil management for hunting and sporting that are more suited to women compared to men. I guess the issue is these male shotguns are just too heavy. Okay, and that makes sense, like, as a functional point of difference that sets them apart. I just think that maybe if they're trying to market firearms towards women, they should maybe look at like, I don't know, examples of like stuff in fashion and design that is marketed towards women. Like they could learn a thing or two from makeup companies about what a woman might want to have in their home. What is their market though? And how do the women who are buying these firearms dress? Are we imagining some kind of like hunting wives fantasy version or is it just like? Well, they also make clothes. I don't know if you saw. They make like high visibility vests and stuff like that. these women all have mar-a-lago face they look like that yeah these women tuned into the turning point alternative halftime show and those women they look like shit right like that that is so bad it's bad well they look like actually no okay moving on moving on is it toxic to send myself flowers from a secret admirer if my partner is against valentine's day yes this is diabolical but i will say there's like an angel and devil on my shoulder like the healthy securely attached side of my personality is like don't do that if you love and respect this person it will fundamentally undermine the trust in your relationship and it's like is possibly damaging this relationship worth just proving a point but then there's the fucking chaos demon part of me that's like you know what why not send yourself flowers see what happens but what's demented is the acting that you would have to do like when the flowers come and when your partner asks like where do these flowers come from you'd have to do like a bit yeah you'd have to be the psychopath it's like oh i have no idea who sent them well then also you would have to write this is all Cher Horowitz behavior from Clueless. Like when she's trying to get Christian to be interested in her, she sends herself I think she sends herself flowers or chocolates or something and it's like you would then have to write a fake message to yourself like thinking of you on this day, love, you know who. And then he's going to find out and know that you were doing a bit and you're going to look completely insane. I think a good question to ask is like, could this be the first scene of a movie as a way to represent that someone is like batshit crazy really fast? And if the answer is yes, like don't be that bitch. Is this something you could imagine Joan Cusack doing in a film from the early to mid-90s? Exactly. But also I want to know why her partner is against Valentine's Day. Yeah, if it means this much to you and your partner won't even put up a little bit of effort because this means so much to you, then like I would question the relationship. Yeah, like it's one thing to like not give a shit about Valentine's Day. Like that's like normal. But if you're with someone that's obsessed with it, I don't see the problem with rising to the occasion because all Valentine's Day involves is like really like going on a date. Or getting flowers. Yeah, which you should be doing anyway, periodically. Right. Like if it's some anti-capitalist, I don't want to subscribe to this stupid corporate holiday. I totally get that. But if it's meaningful to your partner, do something that doesn't cost any money. Go for a picnic. Wait, are we on the side of this person sending themselves flowers to teach their partner a lesson? I feel like we've come all the way around. No, I'm not advocating that kind of behavior. But I do think that she, maybe instead of doing this, should have a conversation with her partner. Like maybe he's not even aware of how much she cares about Valentine's Day. and maybe if he knew that she was like in such a dark place that she was contemplating doing something like this he'd be like oh maybe i will take this bitch out for dinner sorry my mind just went to this person listening to our podcast having that conversation and then them coming to a meaningful conclusion where like the boyfriend's like i didn't even know this meant so much to you and she's like yeah you know i was gonna send myself flowers just to make you jealous and he's like, like he breaks up with her once she admits that. Yeah. Communication is the answer. But maybe not so much honesty that you say that. Yeah. I'm glad we roleplayed this. Yeah. Okay, so that's the last listener submitted question that we have, but I do have an apology. Lauren doesn't have one this week, though. How nice. Oh, I'm sure I will have a lot to apologize for next week because of this episode. You didn't fuck up at all last week, though, but I did. And I need to apologize to the Quebecois fuckettes because last week I was talking about the fashion label Mater Fical. And I was like, they're Canadian. Why did they choose to have the name of their label be in French? To which many people pointed out that they are from Montreal, which is in Quebec, which is a English and French speaking province of Canada. Although if you ask any French person, they do not consider it real French. but don't say anything that you're going to have to apologize for next week. I said this about them because I've heard these designers talk and they have voices like Lauren and I. Obviously, my first thought wasn't like this is an English as a second language situation and I don't know that it is. But anyway, they're from Montreal. If they want to name their fecal matter brand, fecal matter en français, that's fine by me. I will continue referring to it as fecal matter because I think that it's funny. Okay, this apology, I feel like most therapists would reject. That's not much of an apology that was. No, I am sorry, and I have spent a lot of time in Canada. My dad's side of the family lives in Canada. So this is something. You're making it about you. This is something. No, it's not as if I was unaware of this and had to be educated by people. I was more like, oh, yeah, I shouldn't have said that. That was dumb. Obviously, people speak French in Canada. Which really, Carly, our new apologies and correction segment is more for this of us being dumbasses and apologizing for our dumbassery. Yeah. So this was a long one. We've probably satisfied the fuck-ats with the length of this episode. But if you are looking for even more Valentine's Day romantic, lustful-themed conversations between Chelsea and I, we did a recent VIP episode called Sex in the Cinema, the Best Movie Sex Scenes. where Chelsea and I go through our favorite sex scenes in film, it seems to be popular amongst the Patreon fuckettes. They do enjoy this episode. So this might be a yearly tradition. Maybe we'll have you on Carly next year. I would love that. And Carly, before you leave us today, plug your Substack. So I have a new Substack. It's all about sex and relationships, and it tends to be funny, and it's called Hotline, but you can find it by Carly Shortino on Substack. Fabulous. There you go. And we'll be back next week. Carly, thank you for stopping by. Thank you for joining us as always. Thanks for having me, guys. All right, guys. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye. Oh, happy Valentine's Day, everyone.