#455 - Office Hours

Hi there, you're listening to the Lazy Genus Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi. This podcast is not about hacking the system to find more time, or hacking your energy to get more done, hustling to be the best or to make the most out of every opportunity is exhausting and unsustainable, so here we do things differently. On the show we value contentment, compassion, and living in our season. We favor small steps over big systems. Here, we are lazy geniuses, being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. And I'm so glad you're here. Today is episode 455. It's office hours time. I'm always so excited when this episode comes around. Either through voice memo, email, or Instagram, you guys share the challenges of your everyday lives and we try and lazy genius them together. And compassion it solutions that match your season of life. Usually during these episodes, we group the parenting questions together at either the beginning or the end so that anyone who doesn't have kids can easily skip that content if desired. If you are a regular podcast listener and you're expecting that announcement, we don't actually have any kids specific questions today. So this whole episode is great for everybody. And fun fact, we have a couple of voice memos in our episode today, one from a listener sharing her question and another from someone whose voice you actually might recognize as an answer to a question. That one will be at the end. For a little extra something, I'm going to offer another word of the month. We did that in January and I thought it might be nice to do it again in February and see if it resonates with you. As always, we'll share the lazy genius of the week, which is a fun tip for freshening up your wardrobe with a little surprise built in. And then we'll close with a pep talk for when you don't know how to help. Speaking of helping, I wanted to let you know that during the month of February, 10% of all revenue from the playbooks will be donated to World Central Kitchen. Right now they are on the ground, providing meals in the US for people impacted by the swimmer storm that just went through. They are providing meals in Ukraine, Jamaica, Gaza, all over the world. This is a wonderful organization with the highest charity rating and we're grateful for this chance as a company to help feed people. If you are unfamiliar with the playbooks, they are these little notebooks of lazy genius goodness, helping you compassionately plan your next season and get things done that matter to you. The playbooks are great used in conjunction with a planner you already love, so you might do like you're thinking and prioritizing and list making kind of working out what's going to happen this season in your playbook and then you put your calendar items daily specifics in your planner. Now you can also use the playbook as your planner entirely. That's what I do now, which is crazy. I never thought I would go without a traditional planner, but it turns out all I need is my digital calendar and my playbook or you might already have a rhythm for looking at your upcoming season and making plans and you don't need the seasonal playbooks, but you aren't interested in some of the extra playbooks like projects, celebrations, travel or the super fun yearbook playbook that offers space to capture the good that is here right now. All of these are available in our website at thelacygenyscollective.com slash playbooks. We partner with a fantastic woman owned company in Asheville, North Carolina called Otter Pine that helps us get these into your hands. So just know that if anything goes awry with your order, our wonderful teams will help you quickly and kindly. They doesn't honor to have the team that I do and to work with the team at Otter Pine. And I'm really excited that we get to donate 10% of all of our playbook sales during the month of February to World Central Kitchen. So if you've been considering ordering your next set of playbooks, trying out any of the new ones or starting for the first time, this might be an encouragement to you. Now is a great time to order the spring playbook since it runs from March to May. So if you order in February, you'll be able to enjoy it in March. So thank you for supporting not just my small business, but also the small business of Otter Pine. We're so grateful for your support. And I know the playbooks will be a nice deep breath for planning your next season. All right, let's take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who make this show free for you to listen to you. Before we do, here's your quick reminder about the podcast recap email. We send out every other Friday. It's called latest lazy listens and it summarizes the episode shares the lazy genius of the week, as well as other segments we do on the show. And it has a little extra note for me to help encourage you through the weekend. If you'd like to get that recap, head to the lazygenuscollective.com slash listens. Good way. So embarrassing. They're growing up. Won't be long before the thought of a family holiday is just. But with Hilton's staycations all over the UK, we don't need to go far to feel close. Welcome. And with connecting rooms confirmed when we book, we'll have plenty of space to make the most of every moment. Everyone in the photo. When time away means time together, it matters where you stay. We'll look now at hilton.com. Hilton for this day. This is your latest idea. It's unique. It's game changing. It's huge. But you can go even bigger with AI-powered PDF spaces in Acrobat Studio, turning your files and links into actionable insights and content. Plus share projects and collaborates seamlessly while keeping everything private and secure. So your excellent idea stays yours. See that with Acrobat. Learn more and try it out on Adobe.com. OK, let's get into your questions on today's office hours episode. We are going to start with an audio clip as our first question from Furley who lives in San Diego. Hi, Kendra. This is Furley from San Diego, California. Long time listener. First time caller here today with an office hours question. Quick background. I've been any a gram one who loves to plan, but I have a confession. I have not planned picked up my planner or my playbooks since last summer. Thanks to your advice. I'm not blaming you. I promise. But it did give me permission to let go of the planning which I needed in that season. But now I think I'm ready to get back up and start picking up my planner and my playbooks again. The question to you is help me find the slow on ramp back to where I was before. What steps do I need to take? Where do I start? Because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Thanks Kendra. Man, what a great way to start. Alright, first, I am so glad that Furley stopped planning for a season. For someone who is wired like a planner and loves order and completed tasks as I know Furley does because I'm also an integral one. This is huge, genuinely. So Furley, I'm just really proud of you and anyone else out there who chooses to not plan during a specific season because you need the permission to let go. Like, oh my gosh, I love it so much. And I also get the confusing on ramp back to the path of planning thing. I get that. I've gone through seasons where I didn't make a single to-do list and then I was like a little disoriented when it was time to start back up again. I deeply understand. Okay, so Furley asked, help me find the slow on ramp to where I was before. I think this is the key phrase from your question, Furley. I don't think your goal should be a slow on ramp to where you were before. I wonder if it's a slow on ramp to what you need right now. It's easy to think that when we get back into something, whether it's planning, meal planning, movement, chores, like what have you, that we need to get back to where we were before. We have a standard in mind, which is normal because it's what we know. But if we make that standard the goal right out of the gate, I think we'll be overwhelmed and not know where to begin. Hence, Furley's question. So my response is to just do what you need today. You don't have to make sure that whatever you choose today is going to fall in line with what you do tomorrow in the next day. And that by next week you're going to be back in the saddle. You might need to ride a different horse altogether. So if you're going from nothing to something, make this something small and just start today. Now, since I know you have a playbook, Furley, let's start there. Flip to the end of January. Go to the page titled before moving on. So before moving into February. Remember that place is where you can answer questions that help sort of center you exactly where you are before you start getting locked into planning energy. So maybe just start by answering those questions of what's making you feel like yourself right now. Is there anything you're being really hard on yourself about? What do you need to remember before you start thinking about planning this month, like on a soul level? Just be where you are. Like be a person, answer those questions. And then if you're up for it, you can make a small list of essentials for today, like no planner or playbook needed. After today, you might step into the February section of your winter playbook and see what happens. Now instead of starting with the brain dump pages, especially if your brain is like kind of fairly calm after a season of not planning, just start with a page called notice and adjust. Think about where you are in February, what you're excited about, what your limitations are, and what matters to you. That can ground any small step of planning that you choose to do next. I think I've been reminding myself of lately is that I'm going to do this forever. I'm going to plan and tend home and love my family for the rest of my forever. So I don't really need to be in a rush. I don't need to get it right. Whatever that means. I don't have to like handle every single day the same way. I can go slow. I can take my time, notice and adjust and be okay, not always getting back to where I was. Sometimes seasons leave us somewhere different. And that's good. I hope that helps, Farley. Thanks for sending in your question. Okay, I'm going to read these next two in tandem. While the questions are like specifically different, I would give a similar answer to both. So I'm going to read both. Here we go. First, we have Trish. What do you do when you think you are killing it at being a lazy genius, but then your spouse doesn't agree with what you are being lazy about? He thinks that I should be a genius at this thing. Example, dinner. It's always dinner. How do you adjust? I feel like I'll have to be a genius about everything and can never be lazy. Yes, I know that's an absolute statement. This makes me irritable and feel defeated. Okay, that's Trish. The second one is from Renee. It has come to my intention that I am not on top of general house tasks like preventative maintenance, seasonal tasks, etc. Looking for a system that is genius, but feels lazy to make this routine. Have everything ish covered and be able to co-own the system with the other adult in the house. Please, and thank you with a smiley face. Okay, I am not going to assume that Renee is also feeling irritable and defeated like Trish and is just trying to hide it behind perquiness. But I've also done this long enough to know that that could be true. The phrase, it has come to my attention is the key phrase here, along with the co-owns the system with the other adult in the house. Okay, the through line that I see in both of these questions is that there is something in the home that one person cares about more than the other. That is so deeply normal, so common. We even have an entire episode about it. If you're in this situation, you can go listen to episode 235 when you disagree on what matters. We also have episode 325, 235 and 325, same numbers flip them. Dealing with differences on how something is done, right? We have whole episodes. This is a whole thing. Now I cannot give Trish or Renee practical answers here on how to care about dinner more or how to regularly change the year filters. Well, I mean, I could. Trish, if your husband cares about dinner, he can help make it happen. Like if he says he has a job and can't, my guess is that you do too, even if it's one at home. There could be a lovely partial solution here where he makes something Sunday night that's for Monday night's dinner. That's one night that's like a dinner that he enjoys. Then maybe you pick another weekday where you do focus more on dinner as more like a meet and three situation and then the other days are lazier. That's like a partial solution that your husband can be part of. Renee, you could use calendar alerts to ping you and your partner for seasonal tasks and then decide each month like who's going to cover what you're supposed to do that month. I suppose those are practical ideas. But the work here for both of these is a conversation. Remember a couple of weeks ago when we were talking about becoming a better problem solver? One of the ways you do that is by looking for invisible problems. Trish, if your husband's expectations of you and dinner make you irritable and defeated, you need to tell him that. You don't need to Google a slew of new recipes. Renee, if you are using your Mary Pop and Sing Song voice to hide the fact that you have been given a new set of responsibilities on top of the mountain you already have and you're trying to have a good attitude about it and co-own it while you are the sole owner of most other things, you need to have a conversation about the division of labor rather than ask me how to remember to call the tree guy. That reminds me, you could also listen to episode 337, how to lazy genus division of labor. Now hear me loud and clear Trish and Renee, I am using you both as examples of typical male, female partner dynamics. I am not coming from your husbands. I'm not saying that they are losers or they don't care. I'm also not assigning feelings to you that are not there. You're simply really, really good examples of something that is extraordinarily common, a woman who is starting to feel permission to not be amazing at everything and a man who is not yet gotten on board with that idea. So look for the invisible problem first. Listen to those other episodes if you think they will help. For the practical problems of dinner and household maintenance, both of which are sections in bookstores and therefore big problems that need to be made smaller, try episode 298 how to keep up with household habits. Or you could go watch episode three of the lazy genus kitchen video series. That is a video where I help Aaron Moon who is hilarious and lovely. I hope you're like meal plan and make regular dinners on a regular basis. You can find the link to that in the show notes or you just go Google it on YouTube. Just make sure you guys know about those videos, the lazy genus kitchen video series. There are six of them. Y'all they are so fun. They are so fun. When I remembered it, I like clicked on it. I was like, oh, there's a video with you and I got sucked in, watched the whole thing. My stomach hurts from laughing. It's just so funny and also really helpful. As are all the videos. I go into real kitchen, real people, some of whom you know like Sharon McMahon, Annie Downs, Andy Baxter, Penny and Sparrow. It's just a really, really good time. They're like one of the most fun things I've ever done. So if you didn't know about them, go watch. You'll have a good time. Go watch my video with Aaron. Have a good laugh. Get some helpful ideas. But don't do any of that. Trish, Renee, anyone who relates to this. Do any of that as a way to ignore the invisible problems. It'll just stay a problem until you tend to it. So keep an eye out for invisible problems. All right. This next one is a fun one. Heather asks, can you help me lazy genius what to wear? I don't want to do a closet. Re-haul. I do not have time, energy or money for that. But I don't know what to wear. How to decide what to wear. And I just wear the same stuff over and over. I'm a teacher, mom, paramedical, paul's a woman, and I literally do not know what to wear. Send help, please. Heather is ready for some help. Okay, first yet again, I'm going to give you another episode to listen to. Y'all have so many podcast episodes. Episode 333 is seven ways to always know what to wear. So just go listen to that. But my immediate thought when I read this question is to do what you're already doing, which is kind of wearing the same thing over and over, but do it with an outfit formula you like better. So let's say that right now you wear jeans, a top and a cardigan like every day or an over again. Maybe your jeans are one particular shape or fit. Your tops are probably one particular shape or fit. Same for your cardigan. What if you swapped out one of those items for a different shape or fit? Like a wide leg pant as opposed to slim. An oversized blazer instead of the cropped cardigan. Just change like one piece in the formula for a different shape. Or you could go on Pinterest, you can browse something like teach your outfit ideas because, you know, teachers want to be comfortable, you gotta move around all the things, you don't want to be fussy. And you could pick an outfit formula that is different from yours that you like and then just repeat that as often as you repeat what you're already doing. Like if you already are comfortable repeating, just keep repeating with something new. But I will say, go listen to a full answer in the form of that podcast episode, seven ways to always know what to wear. Or you can search lazy genius style or lazy genius outfit. And you can find a number of resources that I've made over the years that could help. It's easy to start small, I promise. Okay, this next one is a really tender question from Stacy. Stacy writes, hi Kendra, I'm coming out of one of the hardest seasons of my life, caring for sick parents, losing them both, then going through all their stuff and distributing their estate and selling their house. And now I don't know what to do or who I am and what I enjoy. What matters? Finding my tiny joys. What are some small steps I can take to find them? Oh, Stacy. Like we are with you in this. I know that if you shared this in our Facebook group, you would have like the biggest onslaught of kindness headed your way. This is real and hard. And I know that there are people listening who are grateful you asked this because they're in the same place. I'm gonna offer one thought based on the wording of your question. You asked what small steps you can take to find small joys. My encouragement is that you replace the word find with the word notice. Finding is more work. And you might not have the energy for that right now. But you might have the energy to notice what's already there. So every day try and notice one small thing that brings you joy, that makes you smile, that makes you breathe deeply, that makes you laugh. Don't go hunting for them. I don't think that's the best place to start because then you've given yourself a job. Unless you need that job, sometimes that's the case. But noticing is different. Noticing is just having an eye out for what already exists, not for something you have to go out and discover. If you're up for it, you could keep like a little tiny notebook by your bed or somewhere you commonly go and write down the tiny joy that day before you go to sleep. It could be as simple as noticing a really beautiful bluebird you looked at for longer than usual or a song that came on that you hadn't heard and forever that made you smile or a memory of your folks that made you laugh. It's like your own little joy log. And remember that joy isn't the same as happiness, joy is deeper. It's rooted in what matters, not in what is happening. And I know that what's happening right now is really hard. I would also, it reminds me Kate Boller, who a lot of you listening are familiar with. Her next book comes out April 7th, which is still a couple months away, but it would be great for this. It's called Joyful Anyway. This is what the description says, New York Times bestselling author and Duke University professor Kate Boller offers a profound, funny and deeply human case for joy that doesn't depend on everything getting better. Stacy, that might meet you right where you are. I know April 7th is a long way, but this is also a lifelong path to walk. And I bet intentional words around being joyful anyway will land well anytime you read them. Appreciate you sharing your story with us. All right, our next question is from Larissa. We live in a small house that is the right size for our family, but becomes too small when we have out of town guests stay. Where do I have people sleep when all of the rooms in the house are already maxed out? We have an office that my husband needs available, a kids room for our two kids and a bedroom for my husband and I. Okay, my first question is why do the out of town guests have to stay at your home at all? I mean, I can imagine like it's a budget issue for the people traveling. It could be a desire to be hospitable, like you wanna be hospitable. Any number of things could be why. Then I would start there. Like why do they need to sleep at your house? They could spend the day there. You know, you could spend all day together, but then they go to an Airbnb or a hotel close by for sleeping and then they come back the next day and everybody's refreshed and not stepping over each other. I also wonder if this is a situation where you used to live in a home that could support out of town guests, like parents or in laws or whatever, but now you either have more children or maybe you moved into a smaller home. Essentially what used to work doesn't anymore, but you haven't been able to adjust the accommodation expectations of those guests in this new season and you just might need to do that. You know, you can say like, hey, we used to be able to house you here, but we just have so many large children now. We love when you visit, but we need to find another place for you to sleep when you're in town. Now, if that feels too hard because someone's feelings will get hurt or because expectations are upside down, that's another version of an invisible problem. This doesn't need to be a conversation about sleeping bag creativity. It needs to be a conversation about expectations. And this might sound harsh, and I'm not saying this is true of your situation, but for anyone listening, who has been in a similar situation, if it is too confrontational to ask your parents or in laws to stay somewhere else, because you literally don't have beds for them. And you know they're gonna take it personally or be offended or act passive aggressively or whatever, and they're not gonna like try and repair the situation with you. You can just set a boundary and be done. You can say, we love it when you visit, but sadly we don't have the space for you to sleep here. Thanks for being flexible and let us know if we can help with hotel recommendations. Sometimes we make decisions and accommodations for people who do not really wanna be in authentic relationships with us. If that's the case, what have you got to lose in setting a boundary? You're not losing much in the relationship. If you can't have that conversation without conflict. So set a boundary that you need to set, be kind and move on. All right, this next question is from Laura. It has the nester written all over it. Laura asks, after I put away all the Christmas decorations, I couldn't figure out what to put back into my living room, dining room, et cetera. So now it's bare. I have lots of options stored in bins in my attic, but most of it's old or outlived, it's usefulness, think dusty silk floral arrangements, or I'm just sick of looking at the same old stuff. What matters? A pleasingly decorated home that's also not too cluttered looking. What doesn't matter? Seasonality. I don't wanna have to switch things out too often. Do I just go out and procure all new stuff? Okay, Laura, what is marvelous is that you are doing the exact right thing right now. You are living in an empty room. And according to my favorite home, lazy genius, the nester, that is exactly what you're supposed to do first. She calls it quieting the space. And when you do that, you let the room sort of speak for itself about what it wants to be, how it wants to function, where the light comes in, how it can welcome and serve the people who live in your home. So take advantage of the fact that you already have naturally quieted your space. That's like so hard for a lot of people because it feels like work. You have to like move everything out. You've already, you're in an empty room. You're magically starting at the right spot. So the nester's actual name is Michael and Smith. And her book, House Rules, is a collection of 100 House Rules to help you decorate and enjoy your home. Rule 36 is quiet the house. You're doing that, it will be a wonderful teacher. Rule 37 is, does your room look good naked? It might. It also might not. But you can identify that only when it is naked. Two other rules that you might try are rules 68, clutter your collection, not clutter, cluster your collections, and 69, the rule of pineapple. Okay, cluster your collections is taking things you already have that are alike, that you love or even just like a little bit, bring them together in one space as a decoration, mercury glass, old green books, globes, whatever. You might have things scattered about that when brought together as one, it could feel really fresh and fun. And then the rule of pineapple is a go-to favorite. It has been one of mine for years. Michael and has been teaching this forever. I love it so much. Her advice is that when you're trying to decorate a room and you go looking for something new, look for things that are bigger than a pineapple. You'll get more bang for your visual book because big things have more impact than small ones in decorating, not in most things. We like small things more than big things. But not on your shelves. And you're also spending less money, generally, because you're spending it on one big thing as opposed to like a lot of small things. So Laura, maybe you look at your, in your bins that you said you're storing your home decor and look for things bigger than a pineapple. Look for collections, or just look for one piece that you love and then go to like a thrift store or consignment store and keep an eye out for something similar to that thing that could start a collection. You might not realize this, but you are just in the perfect position to start decorating your room again. So take your time. I give Michael and's book House Rules a try. It's big, beautiful, full of pictures, a hundred rules, it's just the best. Next we have Justine. Justine says, I have a really hard time starting life administrative tasks like paying bills, scheduling doctor's appointments, et cetera. It feels like a boulder that I need to push down a hill. A lot of effort to start, but once I do, I'm rolling down the hill with ease and speed. What matters, batching all or some of the non-urgent admin tasks, so I can focus and knock them out as I gain momentum. Future me is so happy when these tasks are at least done monthly and not put off until I have quarterly or yearly situations that I have to catch up on. How can I get that going? Man, this is so real Justine. Do you know what I think you should do? I think you should put a monthly admin day on a calendar, but make it fun. My favorite idea is to do this kind of thing with a friend. Like make a day at a coffee shop or just go to one of your homes, as long as they're like, aren't a lot of children around who can interrupt. Maybe that would be fine depending on the age of your children. But I love doing admin tasks at the same time as someone else. Or if getting together in person isn't a thing because like your best friend lives in another state, you could do it by FaceTime or Zoom. You're just like body doubling the task with a pal who's doing the same thing. Now, since you might not always be able to rely on someone else doing this with you, especially at first, just do something fun when you're done. Do all your admin things and then like go get a fun coffee, browse a bookstore, watch a movie on your couch. Like mark you the end with a little celebration that you stick to, or you could put something like really special and mark it at the beginning. Like I know this sounds really silly, but I think when you lie to candle, when you start a task, it's weirdly helpful. It's like I am doing this really important thing. And then when I'm done, I get to blow the candle out. Like I just got to love using candles when you start something like that. But it is no joke to deal with admin stuff like this. Nobody likes it. So if you know that you'll be happy once you start, it just would make it easier to start by putting it on the calendar so you can't move it around, doing it with someone, or having something fun waiting for you at the end. And I would say don't worry about like systemizing this or repeating it just yet. Just try something once this month and see how it goes. Okay, next is Hannah. Y'all are gonna love this. Hannah's energy is so great. Hannah writes, Kendra, please help me wash my hair. I am a full-time teacher and mom of three kids, aged four to 11, and I have no hair wash routine. I mean, I wash my hair, but randomly and begrudgingly, the timing is the problem. I'm up very early when it's still dark out and freezing cold, and I just hate the whole process of getting hair wet at this point, especially as the hair dryer wakes others who do not have to rise so early. I can do it later in the evening after bed times, but I find up too tired and get frustrated because the zing of the shower and shampoo wakes me up, and I don't get to sleep as well. After school, I feel like there's other priorities that come first like making dinner or just spending time with my precious little ones who I haven't seen all day. My hair needs washing about every two to three days, and I'd like to have a routine that doesn't feel so painful. Thank you. I'm now off to jump in the shower on this cold dark morning and just do it. Hannah, listen, I could not understand this more. Use the word begrudgingly. Oh my gosh. It is such a begrudging task. I hate washing my hair. Like why is it the worst chore of all the chores? It takes so much time and the hair is wet. The hair is wet. Make it stop. Okay, so today I have to wash my hair because it's definitely time and I'm dreading it. Like I just cannot explain to you how much I relate to this question. Okay, now here is the thing. There are times where I don't dread washing my hair. I do not dread washing my hair when I do it on days that are not rushed. So I usually wash my hair on Sunday mornings. That's one of my locked times. I do it before we go to church because we don't have to leave the house until like well after 10 o'clock. That leaves me plenty of time to like still be a person and a mom and also someone who has clean dry hair. That day washing my hair does not feel like a chore. So find a day, one day that is not a chore. Where washing your hair does not feel like a chore. Maybe it's the weekend. It doesn't even have to be the morning. It could be like during lunch on a Saturday when everybody is like mostly tended to and activities are over or whatever. Like go wash your hair. Don't feel the rush. Be excited that it could stay wet if you wanted to without you having to like go into the early morning cold or you can run the hair dryer without a bothering anyone. If you do that once a week, that's one hair wash time taken care of. So find one time a week where it's not a chore. Now you can make the second time that you wash your hair every week, a bit of a decide once. You can decide that you will wash your hair one afternoon a week. Cause you said that afternoons could work but do one afternoon a week and on that day you will have your easiest brainless crowd pleasing dinner. Okay, like play in your hot dogs, right? We have that concept. Like go ahead and pick what your easy meal is going to be. So have a meal on hair washing day that requires no prep or real time so that you can wash your hair and you still have time to be with your kids after you get home from work. So now you washed your hair twice a week. Ugh. Sometimes when we have situations like this, we forget that we, like what we do one day does not have to happen every single day. So like on the day that you wash your hair in the afternoon, you'll have a lazy dinner. That doesn't mean that every dinner has to be lazy. On that one afternoon a week, you might have like a few minutes less with your kids because you're washing your hair but that's not the case every afternoon, right? It's one day and you're preventing annoyance and frustration throughout the week which is worth eating cereal and eggs for dinner. And then sometimes you'll just take a shower on a cold dark morning and just do it but isn't it nice that you have the other options like locked in each week. So that's not what you always have to do. I hope that helps you wash your hair. All right, our next question is from Kelsey. I am a wife and mom to three elementary school age kids and I work part time outside of my home midweek. I also just started a master's program. Mondays are my day to reset the house, do laundry and plan for the week. My struggle comes when my kids are randomly out of school for sporadic school holidays like this past Monday. It always makes the weeks feel like they are starting behind and it's hard to catch up. Now with my master's program, I don't have a ton of margin. We also host our church's college group on Tuesday nights which means my house cannot be a bomb because otherwise there's nowhere to sit. What matters is making some decide once decisions for those sporadic weird weeks. So I'm not exhausting myself trying to reinvent the wheel every time those days come up. Even though this is involving like a school year schedule, this concept is very familiar to all of us. Kelsey, I like I totally feel this. Monday is my personal domestic catch up day two. We have our team lazy genius meetings on Mondays. I'll do like a little admin on the computer but then I'm leaving to get groceries and meal prepping and I'm washing my own laundry and all the things before the kids come home. Why is it that so many teacher work days? Oh my days! And it really does feel like it throws everything off. I feel that. So here's what I do. I anticipate those days off. I can see them coming on the calendar, right? So when you look ahead and you see a Monday where there's not gonna be any school, I want you to adjust one of two things. Either adjust your domestic day to Sunday, like just bump it earlier, or adjust the amount of domestic things that you plan to do and make it smaller on that Monday where there is no school. Your decision is really about expectations. You know that you can't do the same things on Mondays with no school. So decide ahead of time to think about that day differently. It'll either need to move or the expectations of what you can get done on that day need to change. It's the same when we're suddenly in a different season of life or like the earlier question about housing out of town guests. Sometimes something changes, we don't spot it and then we keep doing the same thing but in a new situation that doesn't work as well. Your Mondays when the kids are in school will not look the same as the Mondays that they're not. But it's easy to expect that they can't a will. So adjust ahead of time, adjust your expectations, maybe adjust the day if you can, but mostly adjust your expectations and you will have the next Monday to catch up again. To more, this question is from Alissa. How do I get myself to bed earlier? I like time with myself in the evenings but teenagers are still in our common spaces until 10.30. I love to sit on the couch and read or watch my shows but would really benefit from getting off the couch and going to bed. How do I stop myself from just one more chapter or just one more episode? Okay, Alissa, I'm gonna assume that the thing keeping you from going to bed earlier is that you stay up after your teenagers go to bed so that you can enjoy the living room by yourself a little, is that right? If that is, first, I would give episode 332 a try. How to enjoy your evening hours? It speaks to this a little. When we have things to do in the evenings or we just can't rest and play for as long as we'd like. So that episode might help. I am in a similar season of life. I have two teenagers who go to bed between 10.30 and 11 on school nights and even later on the weekends and they're always in the living room in that time. Kaz and I still have not seen season five of stranger things because our kids don't wanna see it but they're always around. And I can't stand until 1 a.m. to watch a show. I am too old for that. So I get this. It sounds like the problem is twofold. You wanna go to bed at a reasonable time most nights but you also wanna enjoy your books and shows too. So here's what I do. Sometimes I will read in the living room with them but I will put headphones on like with white noise so I don't hear whatever they're watching or doing or how they're arguing about the NFL. I am with them and I can respond easily by just like pausing my noise that I can also just like read my book on my couch. Other nights I will just read in bed. I'll be like, love you mean it? I'm gonna go read in bed now, come say good night to me. And then other nights it's 11.30 before I go to bed because Kaz and I wanted to finish a movie that we started that the boys didn't wanna see after they initially eventually went to bed. Now I don't think that you have to do the same thing every single night. It's kind of like the hair washing question. You don't have to make the decision, same decision every single night. So I wonder what would happen if you made a couple of specific decisions each week that give you what you're looking for but not every night. So maybe one weekend, night, a week, you stay up late because you can because it's the weekend and that's really fun. So you just plan to, it's like I'm gonna stay up late tonight and watch my shows or read my book by myself or whatever. And then maybe one week night, a week, you declare this is Mom's living room. I'm gonna watch my show on Wednesday night or whatever, like the living room is yours. Every other night, children, but on Wednesdays it's mine. Love you, me and it's you later. Then on the other nights of the week, you just go to bed. Because you have a set time to get to do what you like, you don't feel as desperate to fit it in all the time. And you'll be content with like just one chapter before you go to sleep at 10.30. Because you know you're gonna have a chance to spend longer later. Okay, our final question is from Susanna. Susanna writes, when I do my brain dumps, there are always a few items that start with decide. Things like decide what to do for fall break, decide what to do for my birthday, decide what to plant in the yard. In general, these items are the heaviest on the list because I can't do anything until I've decided. How can I get better about making these types of decisions? Once I make a decision, I'm good at, I'm good at getting on with all the things, the decisions really slow me down. And it's not uncommon that I don't decide anything and end up winging it, doing nothing or just bumping around because I never made a decision. So I read this question from Susanna and immediately was like, what would Emily say? So my pal Emily P. Freeman is one of my favorite humans in all the world, my actual like down the street neighbor and an expert on soulful decision making. She will answer this far better than I could. So I asked her if she would and she said yes. So here is Emily. Hi Susanna, I love this question so much and I'm so glad Kendra's letting me answer it. The first thing is to remember the principle of decision making is very similar to principles of decluttering your house. So all of the decluttering experts will tell us that clutter in your house is a delayed decision. And the opposite is also true, but for our inner life, delayed decisions lead to clutter in our inner life, in our soul, in our brain, in our heads. And so when we delay those decisions, just like you said, it can keep us from forward movement. And so in the examples you give, I have two tips. One, the examples you give, in stuff that does not have a huge consequence like it's not life or death, there's not a lot of steps to the decision. It's like, what do I want to plant in my yard? Well, my best tip is pick what you like and see how it grows. And the way to do that, you have to put yourself in the place where you will make that decision. So go to the garden store or wherever you get your plants and make the decision while you stand there by simply picking what you like and then seeing how it grows. And my second piece of advice for this type of decision, making how to get better at making these types of decisions, is to develop the practice of regularly reflecting on your life as you live it. I'm a big fan of not waiting to the end of the year to reflect on our life. And so that's why I have weekly and monthly practices to pay attention to what is life giving, what is life training, what were my favorite yeses this month, what were my favorite knows. And as that becomes part of your regular life, when it comes to these decisions, like what do I want to do for my birthday? Well, guess what? You can look back at where you made decisions for your birthday last year, the year before. And you'll remember, what did you love about that and what did you not love about that? And having that practice, regular practice of reflection as you live your life can help some of those decisions become less weighty. I hope that's helpful. Well, what a fantastic answer. I agree with everything she said. I agree that regular reflection, even things like what's saving my life that we do here once a quarter, those kinds of things, they help you see what's working and what's not. I would also add to the idea of pick what you like and see what grows. Like so many decisions, they don't have right or wrong options. Like there's so many good options. I can see the decision of like, where do we go for fall break? Should we go on vacation? What should I plant here? I can see those as being decisions that you feel like there's only one way, but there are so many ways. So like you leave for the gardening store, you know that when you get back, you're gonna plant whatever you picked. And like Emily said, just pick what you like, pick something. There's no right pick or best pick. There are so many picks. Same for vacations, and birthday celebrations and all the things. Like picking the right thing or the best thing, that to me is too closely connected to the mentality of greatness, you know, of like be awesome, seize every opportunity, make everything the best it can be. I just disagree. Emily's right, just pick what you like and see what grows. Pay attention to what you like and don't like over time and eventually those kinds of decisions they will feel easier to solve. So good, thank you Emily for sharing your answer with Susanna and all of us. You guys can listen to Emily's podcast, the next right thing, wherever you get your podcasts, you could also read any of her books, her book, the next right thing is particularly good at doing what Emily does best, helping you create space for your soul to breathe so you can discern your next right thing. You can find more about her at EmilyPFreeman.com. Okay, thanks everybody for sending in your questions. I'm so excited to do this again next quarter. And that is Office Hours. Hello, I'm Melissa Beth Day, the creator and host of How to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right. And what if anything we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better? Each week my guests share three failures, sparking intimate thought provoking and funny conversations. You'll hear from a diverse range of voices sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is Melissa Beth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. All right, let's get into a little extra something. Our whole episode has been super practical with all these great questions. So let's do something a little more abstract, but no less important. So last month I offered up a collective word for us for the month of January and that word was no. We can, as EmilyPFreeman says, choose our absence. We can resist the scurry of getting back into the swing of things and instead we can just move at your own pace. Like you can say no to things that don't matter right now as you start a new year. It was a great word for me personally. I think it was even reflected in our podcast episodes in January. We talked about how to become a better problem solver, which is essentially saying no to big systems and to the pressure of eliminating our problems altogether. We talked about chores for normals and how 20 minutes it can be enough, which says no to the scurry of household systems that keep us under their thumb. And we started the month with the permission to not be great. You can say no to greatness. It doesn't have to be your goal. I loved the word no in the month of January. For February, we are going with the word tend. We're gonna give our attention to the small things that matter in our daily lives. After a month of saying no, we don't need to just jump back in full force and manage everything. Let's tend. Today we've done that. We've been tending to the problems and challenges that are right in front of us. Next week, I'm gonna share what's saving my life. A beautiful way to tend where you are now. It's a way to notice and pay attention. Later in the month, we'll have an episode on how to wisely start a project, which is a practical way to tend to something that matters. But with a very compassionate lens, compassion is not something that usually is in the projects and we're gonna add it. And then we'll finish up the month of an episode about just feeding your people, which is another daily task of tending. So this month, maybe you can think of that word as you listen to this podcast or just live your life. What do you want to tend? What do you want to give your small daily attention and energy to? We'll do that together on the show and you can do it beyond the show. And that's today's a little extra something. Now for this week's lazy genius of the week, this week we have Tracy from Wisconsin, Tracy writes. I have a fun shopping tip I do this time of year, which I realized is very lazy genius of me. Usually in January or February is when sweaters go on sale as everyone is itching for spring clothes. I find good sweater sales online, bonus if they have free returns and buy myself a couple of new fall or holiday sweaters to tuck away for the next winter season. That way I have a fun surprise with new fresh sweaters. I love the phrase fresh sweaters. Next season, all ready to go when we are in the throws a fall holiday events. When I put away the sweaters from this winter, I purge some of the sweaters that have gotten pilly or worn out to make room for new sweaters next season. It's always a fun surprise to find brand new sweaters, never worn and sometimes forgotten about when it unpacked sweaters next fall. Man, do I love a fashion surprise? So this is the sweater version of like finding a $20 bill in the pocket of a winter coat, the Emma Warner six months. I also love the hidden gem here from Tracy where she uses the chance to make room. You can totally live in clutter and you're still a perfectly lovely person. It's fine. But one of the ways that clutter sneaks up is that we bring things in without sending other things out. I call this the swap. I used to have like an actual like product for this. We don't anymore. But when you bring something into your home, a place with finite space, you are swapping that thing for space. Now, if you don't have space, then you need to swap it for something else. So it's a great little like mental hack when you're buying something new. Think about the swap. What space is this taking up? What am I swapping this for? If there's no space, what am I going to swap out instead? If something's going to come in, something's got to go out. Tracy's naturally doing that and finding a lot of like simple joy and surprise sweaters. It's a great tip, Tracy. So thanks for sharing and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. All right, let's close with a mini pep talk for when you don't know how to help. Man, is there a lot happening where we want to help? Who knows what will be in the news by the time this episode releases? I can't keep my eyes off Minnesota right now. The murders over in a good and Alex Prede are devastating. The way the city is on hold is kind of scary. The way that the people of Minneapolis and of Minnesota in general are like rallying behind their neighbors is incredibly beautiful. And that's just that's just Minnesota. Let's put all this in context. We just spent an entire episode working through the daily problems of just a dozen or so listeners. And all of those people just shared one challenge of probably many in their lives. Like all of us need help in our own lives in multiple ways. You expand those problems to what exist in neighborhoods, schools, cities, states, countries across the world. There are quite literally billions of needs. How on earth can we help when there are billions of needs? To stay on top of the news of the world, to know where to donate money, to sift through everything, and make a choice on how we want to personally help, to confirm sources when we hear something egregious. It feels like a full-time job, like just to keep up with the news, let alone know how to help. And since this is a group of compassionate people who care about their neighbor, who want to see good in the world for everyone, it's a lot, it's too much, I think, actually. And acknowledging that feels like the right place to start. There's not really a formula for how to help. There's not a formula for stopping all of this. Like I wish that we could put a system in place that can stop greed and power and oppression in its tracks. Sadly, those things have been happening forever. But rather than feel hopeless about that, I think we can remember what we believe. On this show and the books I write, in the ways that I see so many of you live your lives, we believe that smallness matters. We believe that today matters. We believe that the goal is not greatness or big systems are controlling everything. It's being a whole person, starting smaller we are, and being connected to people, and people matter. Now, of course, thankfully, there are like big moves that other people can make, that organizations and nonprofits and civil servants are trying to make for a more equitable country in world. That's beautiful. That's also their job. They've made it their daily vocation. And aren't we so glad that that's the case? But your daily vocation is to be a teacher, an ER doctor, a librarian, a baker, an IT manager, a landscape architect. It's to be home with your tiny babies and teach them to stack blocks and eat with a spoon. For me, when I don't know how to help, I have to start where I am and believe that every small choice is part of a collection. It's part of a collection. So if we make small choices where we are that contribute to the small choices that everyone else is making, I think it can help collectively. You know, like we're selling playbooks right now. Okay, let's donate a portion of ourselves to charity. I'm gonna buy a new novel. Okay, I'm gonna purchase that novel from a Minneapolis Indie bookstore instead of from Amazon. I see that budget approvals are up for a vote in the Senate. I'm gonna call my senators and tell them what I want them to do. I see an unhoused neighbor on the corner in the snow. I'm gonna pull into the gas station and say hello and ask him what I can order for him from the restaurant next door. Do small things where you are. When we all do small things where we are, big things happen. The minute we start believing that our choices have to be a certain scope in order to count is when things really start to fall apart. So rather than live with decision paralysis of how to help wondering what the right thing is to make the most impact right now, which can exhaust you out of even helping at all. Simply help right where you are. One small choice at a time. One phone call. One donation. One smile to an neighbor. One consideration of the humanity of another person rather than how they vote. That's the biggest impact that we can all do right now together. And that's a mini-Pap Talk for when you don't know how to help. If this episode was helpful to you or if you've been looking for a way to support the show, I'd be so grateful if you would share this episode with a friend or of all your friends are already lazy geniuses. You can leave a kind review on Apple podcasts. Every mention matters to get this message in the world, which I think is an important message at this time. So thank you so much for supporting this show. This podcast is part of the Odyssey family and the Office Ladies Network. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, an executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jennifer Scher, and Angelic Kenzie. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for Weekly Production. If you'd like a podcast recap every other week, be sure to sign up for the latest lazy listening email that goes out every other Friday. Head to the lazygenuscollective.com slash listens together. Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about things that don't. I'm Kendra, I'll see you next week.