Normal Gossip Live in Seattle with Josh Gwynn

Hello, my beautiful little gossip birds. Before we start today's show, I want to shout out another member of the Radiotopia family, Radio Diaries. For almost three whole decades, Radio Diaries has been helping people document their own lives and histories. And now they're back with a new series called Orson Welles and the Blind Soldier, about a small town crime that sparked the desegregation of the U.S. military. In 1946, a black World War II veteran named Isaac Woodard was blinded by a white police officer. Nobody knew who the officer was or where the attack happened, but when famed director Orson Welles found out about the attack, he pledged to not only broadcast it, but solve it on the radio week by week. Wash your hands, Officer X. Wash them well. Scrub and scour. You won't blot out the blood of a blinded war veteran. You're going to be uncovered. We will blast out your name and I will find means to remove from you all refuge, Officer X. You can't get rid of me. This series is a riveting true crime investigation told by descendants, activists, and the last known witness to the attack. Listen to Orson Welles and the Blind Soldier out now wherever you do your podcasts or at radiotopia.fm. hello and welcome to normal gossip i'm your host rachel hampton and in each episode of this podcast we're going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world today's episode is an extra special one if y'all can remember all the way back to september of last year listen i know it's hard because the first three weeks of this year have felt like a decade but if you can remember all the way back to September of last year. You might recall that Sierra and I went on our very first live tour. It was an absolutely incredible experience and we wanted to be able to share it with those of you who couldn't make it out to a show or for those beautiful souls in Austin we had to cancel on because I got sick. I'm so sorry Austin. So to make it up and to give y'all a sneak peek of the next tour we go on, we recorded our tour stop in Seattle, which was a real full circle moment for me because I was the guest for Kelsey's stop in Seattle all the way back in 2023, back when the thought of hosting this show would have felt like an impossible dream. So I cannot say how surreal it was to be back in the Moore Theater where, in a way, it all kind of started for me. This is also the point in the tour where I started getting comfortable on stage. I don't know if I've said this. My memory is not what it used to be, but I had no stage experience before I started hosting this show. I had done some talkbacks and Q&As, but the New York stop of normal gossip at Town Hall on Broadway was my first time being in control of a stage. So shout out to New York and Boston because I was shitting bricks the entire two first nights, but y'all really kept me going. All to say, if you have heard this tour story, it might be fun to hear it again, not least because my guest for Seattle was none other than Josh Gwynn. You will hear more of Josh's bio on the live show audio, but way back in March of 2023, Josh had me on his incredible show Back issue to talk about gossip? I know. I honestly forgot that we had talked about that until I went looking for the episode, which is a reflection in my memory and not how much fun I have with Josh, which y'all will hear in just a second. We will link that back issue episode in our show notes. But without further ado, let's jump right in. I hope you enjoy. Hello, Seattle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been waiting to say that for a long time. I was an OG Al City fan. If you get that joke, you're too old. Our guest tonight is an audio producer, host, and creative who has created work for Pineapple Street Media, the New York Times, Netflix, Nike, Higher Ground, and more, please welcome to the stage, Josh Gwynn. Hello, Josh. Thank you so much for joining me. Hey, Seattle. How y'all doing? how are you feeling good i'm here yeah i ain't got a job hire josh i heard you have some gossip for me neighborhood gossip counts right oh certainly so i live in atlanta um shout out to the a shout out to the egg um and i live in this neighborhood that is idyllic. Like, it's, I live in Decatur. And I love, where it's greater, and I love my neighbors. Like, I don't know any of their first names, because next to me is Miss Clark, and Mr. Miller lives across the street. There's someone that's closer to my age, and her name's Tara, she lives to my left. These are all really important to this story. So, I move in, and there's a All of these neighbors are older and retired, and they have nothing to do but be in your business, which is great because nothing bad happens. So maybe like six months after I move in, there's a house that's like four houses down the road that falls into disrepair. Like the gutters fall down, and again, everyone is unemployed, including me now. And so they all call code enforcement, and they fix it up. New tenants move in. and weirdly they have a u-haul truck in front of their house for like a month and everyone in the neighborhood's like that's weird so one night i'm coming home late and maybe like 11 or 12 there's cars up all up and down the street and blue and red lights coming from inside the house and i'm like oh that's cute like they just moved in they don't have furniture they probably had their friend dj a party like who hasn't done that that's exactly what i think so i don't think about it maybe like a month later, my mom is extremely handy. Like, um, she like built my crawl space door from hand handy. Bob the builder ass bitch. So I had her come for a month. I was like, there's a bunch of shit I need help with. Um, and we need to put like new doors on my patio and that sort of thing. So, um, we need to go to Lowe's and Ms. Clark, who's my next door neighbor, was like, I want you and Tara to take over. We don't have an HOA, but we have a community association where you pay $25 a year and get to have breakfast at her place. She makes bacon, egg, and cheeses from scratch with maple sauce. It's amazing. That is a phenomenal deal. It's great. And she can cook her butt off. But I couldn't go because I had to make an appointment to get a U-Haul. So me and my mom go and get the U-Haul, and she couldn't help me lift it. It was really heavy. So she's like, I see a guy over there cutting his grass. I'm going to go pay him ten bucks to help you move this door. And I'm like, okay. So she hops out. I pull up to my house, and I see all of these old people coming out of Miss Clark's house towards the U-Haul. And I'm like, what is going on? My neighbor Tara, the one that's close to my age, runs across her yard, runs up to me and goes, Girl, they thought you was moving stuff into the stripper house. I said, bitch, what? What? What is a stripper house? And she said, every room in this house has a stripper pole. They have a bouncer. It's a stripper house. I'm like, that is the most Atlanta shit I've ever heard in my life. And at first I'm like, get out how you live it. You know, like, be creative. I get it. I don't yuck anybody's yum. whatever and she was like no girl they were they were shooting in the stripper house i said y'all can't be shooting in the stripper house i was trying to take your side so i don't think about it for like another month but then all of a sudden the stripper house is turnt i wake up from a from a panic dream at three in the morning it looks like magic city outside waking up from a panic dream to magic mike on your front door is a lot that is a lot So I wake up one morning and Tara texts me. She goes, girl, come outside. They got the strippers. So me and every other person on my block pretends to do yard work at 7 a.m. Or it's like 9 a.m. on a Tuesday. All of us are out there just. A little nail clipper by the lawn. Girl, are we on Wisteria Lane? What's going on? They put all their shit out on the front lawn, right? So we're standing at the corner by the mailbox, and my neighbor Tara, she's like this tall, she's like waving at the officer. She's like, sir, sir. He's like, I see you. You're in the street. I'm coming. So she goes, was it a stripper house? And I will remember what he responds until the day I die. He goes, Ma'am, I can't tell you whether for sure they were strippers, but I can tell you they were in there working. I said, what does that mean? so he's explaining that there's not only stripper bowls in each room there's a menu on the wall with the different food that they're selling they're making tacos bitch i was like i didn't get a taco i bet their wings are fire yeah so then he asked my neighbor on a date and she's like whatever and then leave me alone so he calls her back the week after and he's like oh where are we going to dinner? She's like, we're not going nowhere. Leave me alone. But also, when are they going to come get their stuff? Because it's still on the front lawn. And he was like, probably never, because the lease that they gave us was fake. And they had been there for a year just squatting. Just squatting in the stripper house? In the stripper house. And the thing is, if they hadn't been turning donuts and turning up so crazy, nobody would said a word. So I get pissed, right? Because I'm like, why are y'all taking advantage of like, you know, like most of my neighbors are like older black folks that have lived there since the seventies. Like, why are y'all doing this? So I just Google Atlanta stripper house. It's just an epidemic. It's an epidemic. It's an epidemic. There's this woman who lives in like the North suburbs of Atlanta. That's like the bougier area. It's past Buckhead. this woman that's deployed her house is like 3,500 square feet they turned it into a stripper house and I'm like Atlanta's like the stripper capital of America like bitch go down to magic city and have some wings like what's what's really going on the money that they must be saving on rent has to be incredible this has to be working out some way in the end miss Clark did say my other neighbor. She was like, but the money they were saving on rent, they could have at least got their hair done. Southern shade, you can't beat it. Josh, that was incredible. I'm going to be thinking about I don't know if they were stripping, but they were certainly working for a long time now. Wow. Thank you so much. Of course. Also, your story somehow manages to intersect with ours. What? I'm not going to tell you how. Okay. But are you ready for some gossip? I'm ready. I'm ready. Are y'all ready? All right, everyone, buckle up, because today's story is about a bachelorette party. And not just any bachelorette party. We are talking the bachelorette party. Think mandatory matching silk robes. Think themes every single night. Think dick straws. Yeah. Yeah. Josh, have you ever seen a bachelorette trip in the wild? You're in Atlanta, so I'm assuming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How would you describe the vibe? I mean, is it one that's happening at a gay club, or is it one that's happening anywhere else? Let's go in the gay club. Um, obnoxious. I'm drunk! This song is about me! They tend to take up a lot of space. But they seem to be, like, you know, good times. I love any sort of thing that goes into, like, the commitment for a themed night. Like, everyone, especially if you've traveled. Because, I mean, everyone packed their, like, luggage. Like, thinking and committing to the theme. So I appreciate that. There is something about committing to the bit that's really, yeah. Our bachelorette trip is definitely committing to a bit. Because it's a bachelorette weekend in the bachelorette capital of America. Vegas? Nashville. I know, I just know, I just know at some point they got on one of those bikes where everybody's biking at the same time. Like I got to exercise in order to have my drink. What the hell? Josh, you might be psychic. And the weekend our bride has chosen for her bachelorette is none other than Memorial Day weekend. because everyone has off, you know? How do you feel about spending a holiday weekend at a bachelorette party? Do I like the people? Like, is this like a day one? But if it's like I'm tangentially related, like, girl, you're not special enough to get my barbecue day? It's like somewhere in the middle of those two things. Then I think it's brave. It is. it's a brave choice. I want to hear from y'all. All of y'all have beautiful little glow sticks. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to raise your bracelets in the air depending on your answer. So if you feel really good about spending your holiday weekend at a bachelorette party, raise your glow stick. I'm seeing like six, six glow sticks max. Okay, now put them down. If you feel bad about spending your holiday weekend at a bachelorette party, Razor, okay. I'm seeing a lot more. Yeah, yeah. Okay, put them down. Our friend of a friend is low-key on the fence about this entire enterprise, even though she is the maid of honor. Tonight's friend of a friend is named Remy. Remy is in her late 20s. Remy is low maintenance. Like, she's the kind of girl who wouldn't even have a bachelorette party or even a wedding. She'd just have, like, a big party in her backyard with all of her closest friends and call it a day. Oh, that's me down. Yeah, yeah. Are you, like, a big wedding proponent, or are you just taking your ass to the courthouse? I love other people's weddings because we're eating other people's money. I like, for me, do you remember on Netflix, there was that show where it was like house or the wedding and they had the marriage or mortgage. I love that show. There's only been one season and it's a crime. Yeah. But then so many people chose marriage. Remy is low maintenance, but her best friend is not. And her best friend is our bride. Okay. Who will be referred to as the bride. Remy and the bride have been friends since high school. They stayed friends through college and postgrad. Remy studied pre-law, and she's now a lawyer for a non-profit. And if we're being totally honest here, her opinions about big weddings are mostly about the fact that she can't afford one. But it's okay. Remy is laboring for love, not for profit. Anyone here have any familiarity with that? Whose retirement plan is climate collapse? But the bride went to a big state school in the South. Her major is not important What is important is that her freshman year the bride rushed a sorority Omega Theta Pi Is that a real sorority? No, I'm not catching that kind of smoke. Okay. By the time the bride graduated, she was president of her school's chapter, which looked great on her applications for grad school, where she studied. Actually, Josh, I want to ask you, what do you think our bride studied? Big state school in the South, president of her sorority chapter. What do you think she's doing for her master's? Nursing. Communication? Nursing. Nursing? Yeah. That's a popular one. Nursing. Do y'all have any guesses? Sociology? Sociology? Okay, I've heard sociology, communications, and poli-sci, and nursing. Elementary, these are all such good guesses. None of them are correct. Our bride studied library and information science. Wow. That's right. She's a hot librarian. I love this. You love her? Yeah. You're on the bride's side? You like our hot librarian? I just love the idea that you have to, like, what do you have your seminars in? Like, the Dewey Decimal System? Exactly. What are you learning in grad school? Yeah, in these classes. Yeah. The bride had it all planned out. She was going to take four years to party, and then it's time to buckle down in the library. Yeah. Loki the bride has her whole life planned out, and not just her life. Like, Remy knows the bride is the kind of person who has had a draft of her own will ready since she was 23. Because she doesn't trust anyone else in her life to plan her funeral. Like, what if they get the playlist wrong? Wait, what is on this? Daughtry? Avril Lavigne, I can do that. Wow. I was just defending her. Just a bit in Daughtry. Daughtry. Gone too soon. It should have been, it's not over. Knowing this about the bride, Remy knows what kind of energy the bride is going to be bringing to her bachelorette. And the bride has had a lot of time to think about her bachelorette. Because she was president of her chapter of Omega Theta Pi, by the time she gets married in her late 20s, which is a little late, if you ask her sorority sisters. Well, by the time the bride starts planning her wedding, she's already been a bridesmaid in ten weddings. Ten. One zero. The bride does not feel any type of way about that. At all. Nuh-uh. Besides, the extra experience means that by the time the bride's wedding rolls around, she's already prepared. She knows the common pitfalls. She's been on unending email threads about etiquette that mostly come down to who's going to pay for what. And our bride is a benevolent bitch. She knows some of her friends like Remy come from less comfortable backgrounds. So our bride takes it upon herself to plan her own bachelorette party. She books everything herself, and that way she can just divide the cost among the 11 other women invited on this trip. Wait, you said divide the cost? Yeah. Is that usually how it works? Yeah. What? Yeah. Why do I have to pay for your life decisions? I'm single for a reason. Do you see any problem with this plan besides the general unfairness of bachelorette parties? Well, if that's just generally how it's done, I'm not aware. But if that's generally how it's done, whatever. I like the fact that if you're a control freak and you know that you're a control freak, then control it, freak. Take the initiative. I can't stand somebody who expects people to read their mind. I know. Like, girl, speak up. Yeah, stand up, girl. Yeah, the bride spoke up and everything is already booked. Here's the invitation that Remy receives. this invitation goes out to 11 other women does that say here's the dealio.com yeah it does so this bachelorette weekend including the bride will have 12 women total is it the dirty dozen Is it the Twelve Apostles? Will there be a Judas? We're about to find out. There's Remy, the bride. Five girls from Remy's undergrad sorority, Omega Theta Pi. And then five girls from the bride's graduate cohort who are also aspiring librarians. I have made you a beautiful graphic, like I am Tyra Banks, and this is America's Next Top Model. Wait, I want, okay, I want that at my funeral. But of me. Different photos of you. No, and then I just fade out, like on Tyler America's Next Top Model, and that music plays. That's what I want. Okay, I'm writing that down for whoever plans your funeral. But first, Sierra, is there anything I've forgotten? Maybe the money? Oh, you're right. On that invite it said, it's going to be expensive. She's speaking up. How much do you think it's fair to make someone pay to come to your bachelorette weekend? Thank you. Someone in the audience said zero dollars. I don't think that's fair. In this economy? Inflation? Inflation? So you're telling me, I just didn't know this. So if you are a bridesmaid and you go to the bachelorette party, you have to pay to go to the party. Yes. But you also have to pay for the dress? Yes. And your dress for the wedding. And the gift? Yeah. And your dress for the wedding. How much do you usually, if your friend gets married, how much are you usually thinking, like, you're going to end up... Like a grand. Everyone's saying a lot. And what if I don't even like him? Usually you don't. All right, I want to ask y'all, so raise your wrist if you think $100 is fair to ask someone to come to your bachelorette party. Okay. $100? Okay, yeah, I'm seeing a good, I'd say like half. Okay, how about $300? okay still seeing some like what are we doing we'll get to that okay okay okay a thousand dollars oh i'm seeing some glow sticks still in the air okay i want to hear from the people who think a thousand dollars is enough money. I'm so sorry. I have like a lot of long distance friends. So I feel like flights kind of just cover and get you up to a thousand and then a bit for like a hotel. That's real. That's real. Thank you for being brave. To take part in this trip, each of the 11 women, because the bride doesn't pay, obviously, it's just proper etiquette. Each of these 11 women must fork over. Drum roll, please. $800 does not include... Burn it down! Okay, $800 plus one round trip flight to Nashville during Memorial Day weekend. Oh, so it's going to be even more expensive? Does this seem like a normal amount to you? No, it sounds like a scheme that Todd set up. Does it change anyone's answer to know that $800 does not include any booze? okay okay okay okay but but but hold on the 800 does include the airbnb which is a duplex condo in downtown nashville all the activities for the weekend which includes but is not limited to a drag brunch see those are the people that end up in the gay club A pedal pub ride. And a party bus. Of course. The bride has even booked a private chef for one of the evenings. But can he cook, though? That's not important. And the bride has promised that the only things anyone should have to pay for on the trip are a couple of mules out, any Ubers, and the booze, and the airfare. Do you believe her? Okay. Raise a glow stick if you believe her. Damn, Miss Darken here. Y'all don't believe women in Seattle, huh? Oh, my God. Well, you're right not to believe this specific woman. Because one thing that I would like to draw your attention to that is also not included in that upfront cost is something a little unorthodox. Something this group is calling the bribery fund. What the fuck is right? Our bride is a smart girl. She knows Nashville is a bachelorette battleground on a good day, so instead of just picking a non-holiday weekend or, God forbid, a weekday, the bride comes up with the bribery fund, and it is exactly what it sounds like. Every lady, minus the bride, obviously, contributes about $100 in cash. I can trust y'all to do the math. And this cash will be used to grease any palms that need to be greased. Because the bride will not be caught dead waiting outside any clubs. She will not be double fisting drinks to avoid the bar line. And she will not be waiting in a bathroom line. This is the bride's weekend. So... Wait, just so I understand. They're supposed to pool their money so that if they go to the club, they can slip the bouncer. That's what that's for. Yes. Who's this bitch, Olivia Pope? What the hell is that? Do you think the bribery fund will work? Do I think it will work? Yeah. Yeah. People like money. And things are, you know, it's easier to get a table. It's easier to, you know. Everyone speaks the language of money. I'm not paying for it, though. That's someone else's bribe. Right. Well, it's time to head off to Nashville. You ready? God damn. Yeah. Y'all ready? Day one, Saturday. this is our incredible little schedule everyone is arriving at various times on saturday sunday is the all-day party monday everyone flies back so day one and day three are travel days so everyone's gonna get in gonna get a little drink gonna get a little gossip gonna have a little dinner with a hot chef what can he cook we don't know but then we're gonna go bar hopping so as maid of honor remy is flying in on the earlier side and she's flying into nashville on the same flight as two other girls who live in her city who are also going to this bachelorette party. Both of these girls are from the bride's grad cohort, so they are fellow librarians in training. One is named Jessie. And the other is named Peyton. I'm going to ask y'all to be really judgmental. All you know about these women before you board a flight with them is their names. Whose name do you trust more? Raise a glow stick if you're on Jessie's side. This is always shocking to me. Okay, lower your glow sticks. Raise your hands if you're on Peyton's side. Fascinating. I have a question. Do you have a question, Sierra? Yes. How are these names spelled? That's a great question, Sierra. It is Peyton with an E, as in P-E-Y-T-O-N. Okay. And it's Jesse with a Y. Wow. Does anyone want to change their answer? Well, Jesse with a Y had suggested picking seats in the same row, which meant paying extra to select their seats. And Remy hates paying extra to pick seats. But as maid of honor, Remy's entire vibe this weekend is not just team player. It is coach. It is counselor. It is confidant. Okay. So Remy's like, sure, whatever. Sounds great. Jesse picks a window seat in aisle 17, and Remy pays an extra $100 to get an aisle seat in the same room. Remy's rationale for this is that Jesse and Peyton know each other from school, so they probably want to sit next to each other, right? No. So this doesn't seem like good logic to you? No. we're about to be in Nashville for like let me get my aisle seat because I'm claustrophobic on the plane to begin with and let me sit where I'm going to sit I'm not paying no extra money so I can sit next to you insert whoever into you no me specifically Remy gets to the airport where she meets Jesse and Payton for the first time in person and unfortunately for Remy both Jesse and Payton are nondescript brunettes wearing slick back buns and tiny tasteful gold hoops and aloo leggings. It's not until they're boarding the airplane that one of the nondescript brunettes walks right past aisle 17 and the other one is like, wait, I thought we were sitting together. Remy assumes this is Jesse, which means that it's Peyton who's like, yeah, I'm not sitting, I'm not paying extra to sit in a middle seat. I'll see you guys when we land. Thank you. Stand up! Okay, as objective observers, we're all on Peyton's side, but if you were Remy, how would you feel? You couldn't have texted me, girl? You couldn't have let me know beforehand? Just let me know. Just let me know. Yeah, Remy is immediately annoyed by Peyton, who from this point on we will be referring to as fucking Peyton. Fucking Peyton. You can maybe guess why. You'll definitely know by the end of the story. Remy can tell Jesse is also annoyed by fucking Peyton. Like, Jesse even offers her window seat to a stranger so that she and Remy can sit next to each other. They've just taken off when Jesse says, I'm sorry about Peyton, and then she sort of glances around before continuing. and Jessie is like honestly I'm not surprised though one of the other girls told me she paid for her plane ticket with Afterpay wait can you do that? yeah you can buy anything on Afterpay girl are you familiar with Afterpay? all of them I've never used them but I just think it's interesting that you can like you know anything online you're just like let me put it in an installment plan It's so weird. So she's gossiping about the fact that she had to put it on layaway? She had to buy her plane ticket on layaway. Yeah. Yeah. For those who are unfamiliar, afterpay is layaway. It's a buy now, pay later service. Except now instead of your Christmas presents, you can use it for Sephora. Remy is a messy bitch as I assume most of us are here So she says something like it so easy to get caught up in that buy now pay later stuff Which is all it takes for Jessie to start dishing. Not just about Peyton's financial situation, but about all the other librarians, including the bride. Ooh! Jessie tells Remy about all the times in grad school when they would be trying to plan, like, a cheap weekend getaway and the bride would suggest, like, Aspen or Tulum. By the time they land, Remy has mentally started referring to her seatmate as Messy Jessie. and she's also made a mental note to not reveal any sensitive information this weekend yeah yeah and remy is also already facing her first crisis as maid of honor you remember the private chef that the bride booked well as soon as remy lands and turns off airplane mode on her phone she gets a series of increasingly panicked texts from the bride the private chef has canceled Apparently Jojo Siwa came into town and offered a lot of money. But that's not what raises Remy's cortisol levels. In that very last text, the bride's like, I've been telling all the girls what a great chef you are. Maybe you could cook for us. To Remy? No pressure at all. You think this is a fair request to make of a maid of honor? No. I gotta pay and cook? For 12 people? No. Short notice? No, y'all better, we better hit up Waffle House. Absolutely not. Can you imagine this bride fighting in Waffle House? Call Jojo Siwa. Karma's a bitch. You should have known better. Remy's eyes start twitching. Yeah. And she hasn't even seen the Airbnb yet. Remember how I said the bride had booked the Airbnb? She had really wanted it to be a surprise, so this is the first time all the ladies are seeing where they're staying for the weekend. Wait, so there was no group chat? There was an email saying everything's booked. So they're walking in sight unseen. Yeah, so the bride did say it was a duplex condo that she rented both sides of for the weekend, which is true. Half the ladies will be staying on one side and half on the other. On the right side of the duplex are Remy, the bride, and all of the bride's Omega Theta Pi sisters. On the left side of the duplex are Messy Jesse, fucking Peyton, and the rest of the librarian ladies. What the bride has failed to mention is that while each side has two bathrooms, Only one of those bathrooms has a shower. Do you see a problem with this layout? A couple. Yeah. Tell me. What problems do you see? Literally every Real Housewives Bravo trip that's ever existed on Bravo. Like, first of all, I'm kind of uncomfortable with the way that it's segregated. You don't like them being split up? I just think it fosters the wrong culture. That's real. You should be supporting integration. But, like, you know when you go to weddings and they, like, have the, like, forethought to, like, mix the tables with people that they want to meet? Yeah, that's a good wedding. It's just, like, why are you going on this trip to not talk to people? I don't know. Yeah, that's real Remy also sees some problems with this layout She's like, it's not really a question of if the one shower per six women is going to become a problem It's more a question of when But that's a problem for future Remy Because current Remy's got to get dinner started Current Remy ain't got to do shit Remy gets her bag situated in the room she's sharing with the bride someone had thankfully gotten the bride a glass of wine so she's mellowed out so they hug Remy takes one of the rental cars to the nearest Whole Foods and it's as she's walking out the door that the bride is like wait Remy, I thought of one more thing the bride's like you know how the party bus tomorrow is BYOB the party bus? is BYOB Remy is like no and the bride's like it would be so great if you could pick up some alcohol, too. She's like, save your seat. We can settle up later. So, you know how you got, I'm like, I'm Remy. You know how you got that bribe fund? Mm-hmm. No, you're right. Remy should have been like, let's use that. Yeah, it's now an emergency. The thing is, I haven't even mentioned the dietary restrictions. When Remy had asked the group chat about any food allergies on the way to Whole Foods, she expected a nut allergy, maybe a dairy intolerance. And there are definitely those. But there are also three people who are gluten-free. Yeah, expected. One who is currently only eating raw food. One who isn't eating garlic or onions. And another one who just sends Remy a TikTok about hormone balancing foods with a text like, I'm easy, though. What's hormone balancing food? I don't. I don't know. With all of these restrictions, Remy somehow manages to come up with a Mediterranean-inspired menu for the night because she knows the bride has just returned from her pre-honeymoon honeymoon to Ibiza. That she has the money to go on? Mm-hmm. Well, she's not paying for her bachelor trip. Oh, yeah. With the help of some of the other bridesmaids, Remy manages to get this Mediterranean dinner on the table by 6.30 p.m. Let's clap for Remy. I don't know if I want to clap for Remy. I feel like an enabler. But girl, stand up. Yeah. One of the Omega Theta Pie sisters does manage to slice her hand open on a vegetable peeler. Of course. But luckily, another sister did go to nursing school. so they stopped the bleeding pretty quickly and remy is like you know what one injury in the first six hours and we didn't have to go to the hospital a win is a win a win is one josh are you someone who cares about your friends being friends i like that i think that's fun then i don't have to like think about who's going where like you know what i mean it's like less mental math i guess yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The bride is kind of like this, so she suggests some icebreakers while they pregame for their night of bar hopping. In order to get them to be friends? Mm-hmm. I don't agree with that. Well, the bride's already had three glasses of wine, which Remy knows means that the bride is at that stage where she's just looking at her friends with tears in her eyes, because friendship is so beautiful. So first, the bride makes the Omega Theta Pi sisters teach the librarians. And Remy, the Omega Theta Pi drinking song. Sierra, can you teach them the song? Take a shot. Take a shot. No one drinks like Omega's. Take a shot. That feels easy, right? Do y'all have it? All right. Take a shot. Take a shot. No one drinks like Omega's. Take a shot. There you go. I knew they had it when I heard someone say, it's not melody, it's rhythm. I'm proud of y'all. Congratulations, you have been initiated into Omega Theta Pi. How'd that make you feel, that little drinking song? Somewhere in my reptile brain, I got scared, but... That's the exact vibe we wanted. After learning this song, the librarians are low-key like, Like, so y'all were in a cult? We read about that. But before this can start an argument, the bride decides to start basically going down that list of 36 questions to fall in love. With a few extra added in, like, how did you lose your virginity? Do you still think about the first person you fell in love with? What's your biggest insecurity? Things of that nature. traps, basically. It's that last question, what's your biggest insecurity that sets things off? Messy Jessie clears her throat before admitting that her biggest insecurity is her feet. I would have been like, my biggest insecurity is my likeliness to beat a bitch's ass that I don't like. Well, you see, despite being 5'5", Messy Jessie has size 11 feet. That's okay. It's her biggest lot in life. It is so hard to shop for shoes. Mean girls in high school called her Sasquatch. Messy Jessie actually starts tearing up as she recounts the trauma of once accidentally leaving a hookup in the guy's sneakers, which look like hers and fit her perfectly. Would that mean, there's a chance he never found out? She's certainly not going back. How tall is she? Five, five. How much sympathy is welling up in your chest right now? Do you have sympathy? She should have got a soccer scholarship or something. Use those feet for something. Our girl Remy is less than impressed. She's like, if your biggest worry in life is having size, love, and feet, I don't have too much sympathy for you. Wisely, Remy decides not to say this. But one of the bride's Omega Theta Pi sisters does speak up. Her name is Jules. And Jules is objectively Remy's favorite of the bride's other friends. She can shotgun a beer in under a minute. She's in school to be a cardiac ICU nurse. And she's a stripper. What up, neighbor? We call that, we contain multitudes. multitudes. Jules is a sorority sister that Remy put in charge of the bride fund because if the money doesn't work, then Jules almost certainly will. I know that's right. Jules is like, I have had size 11 feet since I was 12. And then she's like, I love it. Jules is like, I feel like a big, beautiful horse. Not Jules the stallion. What is going on? Like a stallion even. That was good. Remy is straight, but at this moment, she's no better than a man. Like, it's giving a wuga. wait you say it again oh god i love seeing where the accent is remy's like you know what hell yeah but messy jesse goes quiet and this is when the bride decides to say okay pre-game's over the bride keeps everyone up bar hopping until 2 a.m and remy is honestly kind of impressed by how smoothly that first night goes like by the time they get back, Remy is like, should I have bride fun for my personal life? Because despite hitting up five bars in four hours, our ladies don't have to wait for anything. Everyone's in a great mood, everyone's laughing, and as she's dripping off to sleep that night, Remy's like, maybe there won't be any disasters this trip. Maybe it'll even be fun. Are you also feeling optimistic? No. Not at all. Sorry, hate to interrupt, but we will be back with more details of this deranged Bachelorette weekend right after the break. Day two. Sunday! How do you feel about matching outfits? Are you providing them? There's a link to buy them. girl do I like it? like is it cute? I prefer I prefer you to tell me a color and me bring what I'm going to tell you that green is giving and then all of us can look like a Solange picture you know what I mean? I like that vibe in our own individual way yeah well if there's anything I know about a reformed sorority girl is that they love a matching outfit. Remy is like, honestly, librarians aren't wrong. It is low-key giving cult. But it's the bride's weekend. So Remy puts on her denim shorts and her pastel pink t-shirt that says the bride's last ride and her Adidas Sambas because yes, the bride did specifically request they all purchase Adidas Sambas if they didn't already own them. Everyone looks like middle schoolers except for Jules. Remember, Remy is straight. Mostly. But she can't help noticing that even in the dumb matching outfit, Jules somehow manages to look like a 90s-era video vixen. Jules also has a special job that morning. She has been tasked with handing out $10 in singles to everyone to tip the queens at the drag brunch, so that morning she is running around with not just one, but two envelopes of cash. I actually appreciate that. The singles and the bribery fund. Luckily, the bribery fund is not necessary for drag brunch because the bride booked the reservation a whole 10 months ago. So as soon as they show up, they're shown to the best table in the house, which is right in front of the stage. They sit down, and the bride immediately demands that everyone take a shot, which of course means they got to sing the song. Sisters, are you ready? Take a shot. If you were at a drag brunch and you heard that, how would you react? They found us! Yikes. So wait, they're like among the people? Yeah. That's homophobic. yeah i have a feeling the drag performers are wishing for the sweet release of death at this point not least because our girls are only about a pitcher and a half of mimosas in and this brunch is bottomless right as the first drag queen takes to the stage messy jesse gets up from the table josh if you have to describe how someone's face looks right before they vomit how would you actually kind of funny you know they get that look where it's like I don't know what's happening girl we all know what's happening go to the bathroom yeah you just described Messy Jessie's face apparently Messy Jessie had been in an Uber with some of the bride's Omega Theta Pi sisters who wanted to make sure that she felt welcome in their car. They had all heard about her foot trauma the night before, and they were like, this girl clearly needs sisterhood. So they shared their flasks with her. What they had not accounted for was the fact that Messy Jessie had spent most of her evenings over the past few years learning about the Dewey Decimal System, not how to hold her shots. So before the first drag queen even takes to the stage, Messy Jessie wobbles away from the table and throws up right into a potted plant right by the stage. Nobody had even gotten up yet. Okay. Drag brunch has not even started, and we're already down one librarian and a Monstera plant. What do you do? What do I do? What do you do Someone has said take a shot yeah two of them need to take one of them back home put them in bed come back yeah jules a baddie with a heart of gold immediately gets up to help hustle jesse to the bathroom meanwhile literally none of jesse's grad school friends even get up from their seats. Like, Remy's honestly pretty sure she even saw fucking Peyton rolling her eyes. The manager of the restaurant tells Remy that for health reasons, Jesse cannot stay for the show, which means Jules and Jesse missed the drag show. But a little vomit never stopped the party. Immediately after drag brunch, our girls have to run across town to catch their pedal pub. Exercising and drinking at the same time does not sound like my jam. This is also the moment in our story when the divide between the groups really starts to come out. Remy ends up in the very backseat of an Uber XL with a bunch of the librarians. This car includes fucking Peyton. When they get in a car, fucking Peyton says, oh good, all the cool people are in this car. But then she turns and sees Remy way in the back. and before Remy can even say anything fucking Peyton rolls her eyes and says never mind oh never mind how would you react to this? if I were Remy? if you were Remy? I don't know it's hard for me to put myself inside a Remy because that bitch cooked everybody dinner I know she probably just stood there and acted like she couldn't hear her. Remy does decide that the E in Peyton stands for enemy. Okay. But Remy is also like, this weekend isn't the last time I'm going to see any of these women. And she's like, I just want to make sure the bride is having the best weekend possible. So I'm just going to kind of like grit my teeth and bear it. So they hang out on Broadway. They head back to the air maybe to start getting ready for evening activities. and this is the moment Remy remembers the shower situation, which, if you will recall, is one shower per six women in this house. The shower hunger games have begun. At this point, Remy is thinking about her own beautiful home, the way soldiers at war think of their wives. But Remy's not just any soldier in this war. She's a general. She's got to rally the troops. It's the bride's last ride, goddammit. And so Remy rallies beautifully. She listens to Rachel Platten's fight song in the humid bathroom. This is my fight song. Yeah. She gets dressed. The nice theme is disco. Remy, along with the bride and her sorority sisters, go all out. Everyone is wearing bright, sparkly outfits and shiny mirror. When you say all out, you mean bought something new? Yes. Okay, I'm not doing that, though. Yeah, yeah. Jules even has on these incredible silver pleasers that make her look 10 feet tall. And for those who are unfamiliar, these are pleasers. I didn't see that one coming. That was dope. It's my favorite part of the show. Jules walks in her pleasers like they're Adidas sambas which Remy, a well-known bisexual can't help but notice Remy also can't help but notice that half the librarians do the absolute minimum like fucking Payton is wearing a silver belt on a black dress and honestly the belt is kind of ugly but fucking payton's ugly belt is overshadowed by the return of messy jessie she's rallied and she's wearing the sparkliest pair of pants remy has ever seen in her entire life she's also really bonded with jewels in the interim like before they get onto the party bus remy sees messy jessie teetering around in jewel size 11 pleasers she looks like a freshly born giraffe. But she's also clearly having the time of her life. Sisterhood. Mm-hmm. What are your opinions on party buses? In the right context, it could be fun. Yeah. And they've provided for some of the best reality television. Our ladies have the party bus for two whole hours. Every half hour, everyone is required to take a shot. I don't think we're at that point right now, bro. I think we need to calm down. What that means is that by 9 p.m., the party bus driver has already heard the drinking song twice, and there is a whole hour left. But before vehicular manslaughter can be committed, the bus stops in a random part of Nashville. Is the FBI coming? The lights on the bus turn down low. the bride is looking around like what the fuck as are half the ladies one of the omegas squeals Jules grins and this is the moment when everyone finds out the party bus has a fog machine the door to the bus opens Sierra can I get some music On to the bus walks the hottest man Remy has ever seen. His chaps are certainly the most assless she has ever seen. I heard someone's taking their last ride tonight, he says. His name is Benson Bone. Oh, God. And he's ready to get this rodeo started. Some of you might have guessed this is Jules doing. She is the only one on this trip qualified to hire a stripper. Benson Bone takes after his namesake. He's flipping. Our ladies are tipping. Our man is a professional, though. No brides are harmed in the course of his show. He does his routine, and then Jules is like, now try that in my shoes. The pleasers? The pleasers. Oh, because she wears a big size shoe Benson Bowen is not one to turn down a challenge So our ladies get two shows for the price of one When it's time to say goodbye, Benson returns with silver pleasers But he leaves with some new tricks And Jules' number Remy isn't jealous at all Josh, how seriously do you take karaoke? Karaoke is for the layman. Karaoke is for the everyday person. I can't stand when a singing-ass bitch goes to karaoke and you just got off the stage. If you know, like, if you know, like, the harmony, like, this is not for you. No. This is for me. Yeah. This is for the tone-deaf bitches in the room. Me. Correct. The bride takes karaoke really fucking seriously. She can't sing, but she does take it really fucking seriously. That's fair. She has scouted out the most famous karaoke bar in Nashville. She has made everyone learn choreo to single ladies. And by choreo, I mean like a shoulder shimmy. Except there's just one little problem. At this bar, the emcee sings a song between everyone else's. So if the line is 10 people deep, it's actually more like 20. and the karaoke bar is packed because it is Sunday on Memorial Day weekend and no one has work tomorrow. Jules is deployed from the bus. But when she comes back, she does not look victorious. She tells him that the MC is a dictator. He will not be bribed. He will not be skipping any of his songs. And he will be singing Celine Dion's It's All Coming Back to Me Now at least twice, even though it is eight minutes long. he tells Jules that there are 30 people ahead of the bride's party around one in the morning fucking Peyton finally gets fed up fucking Peyton is like I'm sorry but I have an early flight tomorrow and the librarians start like mummering an agreement and in the end all of the librarians except messy Jesse decides to leave and go back to the Airbnb be. Remy's honestly pretty relieved because the girls who are leaving are objectively the ones who suck the most. And Jules gives fucking Peyton the remaining bribery fund to take home since they no longer need it, and Remy could tell Jules was getting a little stressed about having hundreds of dollars on her person at one in the morning because Remy actually finds it really easy to pick up on Jules' emotion because they're so similar, you know? They're gonna be really good friends after this. Remy just knows it. But when fucking Peyton leaves, the bride turns to Remy and she has the drunk, watery eyes of a girl in a club bathroom. And she's like, should we call it? Finally, half an hour before the bar closes, our girls are called up to sing. It's 2.30 in the morning. But our ladies bring the house down. Their performance as single ladies is so good that the bartender even gives them free tequila shots for the road. And this is when Jessie pukes again. Poor, messy Jessie. But now it's day three Monday. Half the girls have already left Nashville on early flights by the time Remy wakes up, which is great because someone threw up in the shower on the librarian's side. Who could it be? We could never guess. So now we're down to one shower total, and for the whole morning the librarians are coming in and out of both sides of the duplex. Jules and Remy are cleaning up their half of the Airbnb while the bride takes a shower. The Airbnb owner has asked the girls to run the dishwasher, sweep the kitchen, strip the used beds of all the sheets, start a load of laundry, take out the trash and recycling, and leave a tip for the housekeeper. But honestly, Remy is just thrilled to get some time alone with Jules, who looks incredible in the morning, by the way. They're chatting about the weekend when Jules sort of looks around to make sure they're alone. And then she's like, Remy, you seem really cool. Can I ask you for some advice? Okay. Remy is like, what advice could Jules possibly need? She's perfect. Remy's like, yeah, of course, you can ask me anything. Jules takes a deep breath. And then she's like, I think someone stole the bride money. Jules is like, I'm not sure whether to tell the bride or not. And Jules is also like, I'm also not entirely sure when the money went missing. like she is pretty sure she had seen it on top of her makeup bag when they got back to the airbnb after karaoke you said somebody stole it you're saying right now what you're describing is you losing it that's different remy's like how much was left in the envelope and this is when jules admits that besides that first night out bar hopping she actually hadn't spent a whole lot of the bribery fund because the bride had done such a good job of booking everything so the envelope had about $900 in it. That's why I don't carry cash. Remy immediately goes investigation mode. She would do anything for Jules. Remy's like, did any of the Omega Theta Pi sisters see it? And Jules is like, I already asked my sisters. She's like, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't steal from me or at least they tell me if they did. One of them has a skirt from three years ago that I'm still trying to get back, but whatever. And this is when Jules is like, I don't want to be messy, but the librarians were using our bathroom this morning because their shower was clogged and the last time I saw it was on my makeup bag when I got back from karaoke. We're almost at the end of our story. Who do you think stole the money? Hearing a lot of fucking pain. Is that your answer? My brain, like the pattern matching, Like, I'm thinking it's Peyton. I feel bad for thinking it's Peyton because the evidence is from someone, like a source that I don't like. Remy is like, do not tell the bride yet. She's like, remember, we still... She seems like she'd be annoying if she knew. No. And also they still have a whole wedding to get through with this group of women. And so this is what Jules does, which means Remy doesn't hear anything about the money for months. Like, the bridal shower comes and goes, nothing. Wedding comes and goes. nothing. The wedding actually goes surprisingly smoothly. Like, Remy learns that one of the librarians started a book club with some of the Omega Theta Pi ladies where they all read monster smut. But it's not until almost a whole year later that Remy finally learns more about the death. Y'all can buy these books, by the way. They are real. She said, we know. Not we know. Well, Josh, do you want to know what happened? Yeah. Do y'all want to know what happened? Remy visits the bride for a long weekend. It's actually Memorial Day weekend, so it's literally been exactly a year since the Nashville trip. Yeah, yeah. They're catching up. They're chatting about the last year, the wedding, the honeymoon, the pre-honeymoon honeymoon, when finally the conversation turns to the bachelorette trip. At this point, Remy does not even know whether or not the bride knows about the missing money. And so she's like, I think the easiest way to bring this up is to be like, man, Jules was a lifesaver on that trip. It was such a good idea to put her in charge of the bribery fund. Jules is so good at everything. Smooth. And this is when the bride is like, yeah, except for keeping a secret. Jules apparently had not been able to live with the idea of the bride having a thief in her wedding party and so she had told the bride about the missing money a few weeks before the wedding the bride says that she asked everyone on the trip about the money just to be fair and the Omega Theta Pi sisters told the bride the exact same thing they told Jules meanwhile the librarians are all like yeah we saw Jules give the money to Peyton when she left karaoke you. Remy's like, fucking Peyton. The bride's like, yeah, I thought it was her too. Until Jules told me about the pleasers. What about the pleasers? Remy's like, the pleasers? Jules pleasers? The bride's like, yeah. Apparently when Jules got home from the trip and unpacked her stuff, it wasn't just the bribery fund that was missing. She was also missing her favorite pair of silver pleasers. Her size 11 silver pleasers. Remy told us while it has never officially been confirmed who took the money in the shoes, I clearly have my assumptions because there's only one other bitch on that trip with size 11 feet. Messy Jessie. Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at normalgossip at defector.com or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679-Gossip. If you love this podcast and want to support us, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at normalgossip. You can follow me on all social media at heydenae, h-e-y-y-d-n-a-e this podcast was produced by sierra spragley ritz and jay tolbiera our audio engineer is samantha gatsik the co-creators and dowager queens of normal gossip are kelsey mckinney and defector supervising producer alex sujong laughlin justin ellis is defectors projects editor jasper wang and sean coon are defectors business guide tom lay is our editor-in-chief dan mcclade runs our merch store which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank you to Brandi Jensen, David Roth, Catherine Shue, Serena Embler, Chris Thompson, Dave McKenna, Patrick Redford, and Ray Rado for your help on this season. Thank you to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively-owned subscriber-based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and remember, you didn't hear this from me. Radiotopia from PRX