Light after Loss with Sarah Piasecki

Hi guys, welcome back to Preview Alliance podcast. This is Sarah and today's episode, I am so excited to bring to you guys someone I'm getting to know and I hope that you will learn a lot from as I am Sarah Hayasecki. I'm sorry if I've murdered your last name. She is one of the co-founders of Izzy Lee, a wonderful babies company that I've totally sent the link to several of my friends and say, Hey, you got newborns, you guys need this babies. But more importantly, she's here because this month is October and this is the month that we take a minute and we hear and share stories of those who have experienced infant loss and to really hear her story and how she's overcome such an unimaginable grief and what she's doing to help others. So Sarah, welcome. Thank you and thanks for having me on here. So just to go back to my story, my husband and I moved to Maine in 2016 and we're excited to get pregnant with our first daughter in 2017. I had a very normal pregnancy. You're kind of naive, excited, like you don't know very much in the beginning. Everything went along very normally until the very last week when I was 38 weeks pregnant and I started noticing, huh, I haven't really felt her move that much today. And my sister was visiting for the day and she was like, Oh, don't worry about it. We'll just, we'll stop it to the doctors. This happened to me, like the babies run out of room at the end. So I just figured, Oh, we'll go to the doctor. Everything will be fine. But I just had this, like gut instinct and like kind of pit in my stomach, like something felt off. So my sister and I went into the appointment and they could not find the heartbeat. They were doing a non-stress test and they kept finding my heartbeat. And my sister was like, don't panic, don't panic. You know, this happens. So we go into the ultrasound room. And that's when they said there is no heartbeat. The baby's gone. And that just for me, I mean, came from out of nowhere, like in no world did I imagine this would be how my pregnancy ended or like in about two weeks, I was expecting to bring a baby home. So to have those words be told to you're just kind of in complete shock. My sister and I were both screaming, just like reacting and just like, how is this possible? They had to like sit me down and calm me down and calm my sister down. And then I had to call my husband and let him know, which I was, I think the hardest phone call of my life. My sister, I think actually had to take over and start talking to him because I was just, you know, could barely speak in complete shock. And, you know, I'm sitting there, the nurses are telling me, now you have to go deliver the baby. And I was just like, what do you mean? I have to go. I, for some reason, I just, I don't know what disconnect I had, like how this would go. But I was like, that I can't do that. What are you talking about? I can't deliver a dead baby. What do you, what do you mean? Yeah, I think I kind of assumed, oh, there would be a C-section or, you know, something like that. But they just said the risk of having a C-section was a lot greater, the surgery afterwards and just higher risk. So I just, after that, I think it was just pretty much blacked the rest of that out. But my husband came and met me, drove us to the hospital. And it was, they had to induce me. And that whole night, I just, I think I thought something was wrong with me because I was like, why did this happen? There was no explanation. They're, you know, so the whole night I was just terrified that I wasn't going to wake up if I fell asleep. So I just, I'd be about to fall asleep, wake up, you know, until, and then, then I was not, I didn't deliver until three o'clock the next day. And that it was just, yeah, a horrific experience as you can imagine. You know, you're in the hospital, you're in pain, the physical pain, you hear, you know, the rooms next to you, other women, like delivering healthy babies that are alive. And yeah, we, so Chris's family was up there, my husband, Chris, and my family came to visit us. And everyone got a chance to hold our daughter, we named Isabel Lee Yoseki. And it was just, I think I was just going through the motions, but not really like, I don't know, it's hard to explain, but it didn't feel real at all. Like, I like, I don't know, just did not feel like I was in another world or something. Like this, it was just, yeah, hell on earth is the only word to describe it. Yeah, yeah, it's, yeah, it's hard to describe, it's just such a gut-wrenching pain that only other people that have been through it, you can really talk about it. And they feel like, totally get it. But, yeah, we each got to hold her, they took, the nurses then said, do you want photos? And I was like, why would I want pictures of like the worst day of my life? Yeah. And they're like, trust us, like, you're going to want these pictures down the road. I know right now, it's like horrible. And, but no one regrets having those photos years from now, just to remember what the baby looked like. And yeah, so I took the photos and I was like, why are they doing this? This seems like kind of sick and twisted. Yeah. To me at the time, I was like, this doesn't seem right. But now I'm, I'm very glad to, this is now seven years later. And I do look back at photos, and I'm, I am grateful to have them as hard as it is to look at. And yeah, so we left the hospital. We had to figure out, were we going to cremate her, were we going to bury her? And, you know, I wheeled out of the hospital with no baby, picked up from the front door in physical pain. And it was, yeah, an awful experience. And the months that followed were, you know, I had never heard of a stillbirth before. This happened to me. So I kind of started looking around online. And I was like, huh, I've never, you know, I can't, I could find some stories about it. And, but I was like really craving to find someone else who had been through this, because I was like, am I the only person in the world this happened to? It's just kind of how it feels at the time. And just like for healing and to know that like, things get better, because you're at such a low point. So I did end up connecting with a few women and who, you know, were further out and had kids afterwards. And that somewhat helped. I started going to therapy and did some EMDR to help with the post-traumatic stress afterwards. And we ended up getting pregnant three months after the loss. So that was like a whole nother thing to grasp. I mean, I knew, I knew I wanted, that was the way I was going to be able to move on, not move on, but like move forward, I guess is the word. So I felt, you know, incredibly grateful, but also just so terrified and almost guilty that I was like moving on so quickly and forgetting her. So it was just such a mix of crazy emotions at the time. And then I kept finding out other friends, you know, I was around the age of all my other friends were getting pregnant. And I was like, you know, they're all going to have healthy, happy babies. And I'm going to, you know, my baby is not going to make it. So that was a whole nother layer. I just kind of, you know, spent that time pregnant with my second daughter, just like terrified in my own little bubble and, you know, anxious and kind of shut down. And took it every day, like terrified is today going to be the day I lose this baby. But I would say the therapy helped significantly. I was monitored a ton. I went to ultrasound three days a week at the end. So that definitely helped. And I had an amazing OB who helped, she let me text her if I was, you know, the smallest thing would come up and she's like, because she delivered Isabelle. So I, we decided to use her for the next pregnancy. Yeah. So yeah, it was, she helped me, I would say without her, it would be so much harder. She was very experienced. And I think that helped mentally a lot. Yeah. So about almost a year to an Isabelle was born, we gave birth to, I gave birth to my daughter, Annabelle, we call Annie. So she was born on July 10th and Isabelle's birthday is July 21st. So it was like right before. So it just was such a whirlwind of like the memories of the previous pregnancy and the timing was all kind of the same that pregnancy. So it brought up so many fears and, you know, everything kind of felt the same. So I was like, you know, I'm going along doing the same things. Like what if the same thing happens? And the doctors would always try to reassure me, you know, this won't happen again, this won't happen again. And you kind of, you just have to have this blind trust that it's going to work out. And I did deliver Annie at 36 weeks. And they figured out that my placenta at the end, which is what happened with Isabelle is just stopped working. So they figured that out with Annie, luckily, because I was being monitored so frequently, they saw that she wasn't growing enough. So I immediately, and my first pregnancy, I only had one ultrasound at 20 weeks. And that was it. So on some monitoring did help. So. Wow. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I know, you know, it's, you know, seven years, but I know I've experienced two miscarriages myself, and I know several listeners have had losses. And I've spoke to older ladies that, I mean, they're in their 80s, right? And they still share and talk. And it's in one specifically, not too long ago, it's just their eyes and the tears in her eyes. And we're talking about something that happened 60 years ago, to her. And I feel it's, I tell somebody, it's just like, it kind of opens your heart again, every time you share it, you know, that wound kind of opens. So I just thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing. And I resonate so much with pregnancy after loss. And no one talks about that, right? As just once you, and I say, kind of say, you know, once you've experienced that, once you've experienced the unimaginable, your mind can never not go there, I feel like. Oh yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It doesn't matter when you lost the baby, you know, baby, you're going to have that thought in the back of your mind, you know, it just changes your outlook unfortunately. I would see these other women who had these all excited and blissful pregnancies. And I'm like, well, it kind of takes that innocence away, which is a little bitter about for a while. Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, I told people I was like, I felt like I was jaded. And I remember one of my best friends, it was our fourth pregnancy. So I'd had two losses before and we had had our older son. And she was like, I haven't even seen a bump picture of you. I haven't, like, you're not and, you know, and I sent her one and I remember thinking my head steel and this is after, you know, we had had a pregnant successful pregnancy after law. So I knew it was possible. But I was like, I don't want to again, I must acknowledge the pregnancy in my head. I felt like that was something I just couldn't let myself be happy there for it yet. You know, I just kind of see him crying after delivery. And then I felt like I was going to be okay. And I wasn't too when you said you're like, I did see so many of the people. It's like they, we had troubles getting pregnant. They didn't, they got pregnant. They were like, great. Like, they, you know, and I'm like, am I the only one seeing this through the lens of like doom and despair and like, yeah, that's what, and I always feel like everyone makes it look so easy. They're, I would just see that you see the picture of the mom and the baby in the hospital and they're smiling and you're like, at least back in 2018, I feel like that's all I saw. It was like, oh, that looks, it should be simple. You just get pregnant and you have the baby. Like there's no, you know, you don't hear about all the stories. And then the more I started sharing my story, the more women even from, you know, 30 years ago, like you said, 60 years ago or like, had these things happen, but you were never talked about. So you have no idea how many people this, and that's what I started realizing this. Wow, this happens a lot more than I ever real, I ever imagined. I think it's for stillbirth one in 160 pregnancies, which I, I mean, to literally never hear the word stillbirth and then have it be that frequent is, I mean, crazy. Yeah, my husband is a physician. So he has his, remember, we worked together time, but he talked about, you know, his OB clinicals that he had to go through as a med student and what he saw. And one of that was a twin stillbirth delivery. And so that, I mean, and that's been several, several years ago, but him still saying, you know, that mom and that room and the kind of the silence and that what those next steps were and that really imprinted on him of like, you know, it doesn't always end how we want it and pray for it to end. Yes, exactly. And my, my physician was said, she's like, this really impacts us also, like, just so you know, like, we're like very upset right now. And like, this is really devastating for us. So it's, but it's true. It's just, yeah, those next moments after you go through that, and you have no idea what you should be doing or, you know, no one prepares you for that. How, yeah, what the next step should be. Like, I didn't know what you cremated a baby. Like, I didn't know any of those things or I didn't even think you named the baby. I had no idea. They're like, Oh, yeah, pick a name. I'm like, but she died. And so things like that that I just never would imagine having to make those decisions. And yeah, changed our lives forever. And especially you and your sister to go like, Hey, it's gonna be fine. Let's just get this checked. Right. Like this is a normal day. She's comforting you. She's trying to talk, you know, it's probably like she's my older sister. She's always done things before me. So I always trust, you know, she's up here. And I'm always like, Oh, she knows, I believe her. And you're both naive. And she had a toddler at the time. So she'd been through it. And it just, you know, something so, I mean, the last thing on your mind in, you know, something you would never imagine happening. So it changes your perspective forever. And then I'm sure it's trauma for you to go back and your other pregnancies. I mean, to get another ultrasound, right? Or to get another like every time. And that's what I try to, you know, express to people on like, if you've had a traumatic delivery, if you've had a traumatic loss, if you've had some kind of diagnosis in that room with an ultrasound in the hospital. Yeah, that was very triggering for me. Yeah. Yes, I couldn't go near the room that like they told me the baby had passed. So they made sure I would have to go to a different room because it was so I was like, I can't even like look at the I just stepping foot back into that OBGYN office was I remember sitting in the car before the first ultrasound afterwards. And I had practiced with my therapist like what to do. Like, okay, the deep breathing, this and that. I remember just sitting there being like, I can't do it. Like I so like that first one I remember was so traumatic, like you're just waiting for them to be like, there's no heartbeat. Yeah. And absolutely after. No, I completely get that. And one of our losses, it was in the Boston area and my husband read the ultrasound and he told me and you know that when you said you calling your husband and that moment too of sharing that and I never call my parents and like just telling people I think that. Telling people is so weird. Yeah, you're re-mining it again. Yeah. Exactly. You don't want to say it. Like you just don't want it to be, I remember waking up the next morning. I'm sure you experienced this too. It's just and for several and going, this can't be real. Like this can't just wake up in the day starts and you're like, that was a dream, right? Or nightmare. Like that didn't actually happen. And then you're like, Oh no, yep, back to reality. And my husband, I, it was a couple weeks before my due date. So we had to let people know. And so he took that job because I was like, I, he, he met, reached out to everyone, emailed everyone, messaged everyone because I didn't want people messaging like, Oh, is the baby come yet? You know, because we're getting closer to the due date and I, you know, people are going to start checking in. And so he proactively, thankfully did that for me because he knew I couldn't handle that at the time. But yeah, just getting those, you know, having to relive it after over and over. And yeah, it's, it's awful. And I remember I had not, you know, you sign up for gazillion things when you're pregnant, right? And you don't or the email list, right? The random one tracks it. And you're just like, Oh, you know, it's just, I felt like some of those emails, I'm like, Oh my God, you know, like, you're like, and you see it. And then you're just like, I remember I was switching my hairdresser because I didn't want to have to tell her and talk about it. Because I had seen her pregnant. And I remember talking to another mother who had a stillbirth, she said the same thing. You just couldn't relive and have to go back there. And especially with a stillbirth. And I don't know if this is true with miscarriage too, but there's almost like the shame to it. Like, you know, did I do something wrong? Was it my fault? So you just want to like hide and, you know, not talk to anyone and just like, which is basically what I tried to do for, you know, a year. Yeah, yeah. No, I remember I did not go home because it was in September when we had our first miscarriage. And I did not want to go home and see my extended family for Thanksgiving. We the holidays are awful. Yeah, I didn't want anybody say anything. And I'm sure people, we both probably received and you especially probably see some just because people do not know what to say. I feel like with the marriage, they try to be like, Oh, it's okay, try again. You know, it was early. Yeah, you're fine. And then when you have, I mean, a 38 week old hot, you know, like this is like, you know, that people really can't wrap their head around. Yeah. And I think people generally try to say the right thing. And I think a lot of times people just try to avoid it because they're scared to say the wrong thing. But what we told people is like, it's better to say, I don't care what you say, just like acknowledge it. Yeah, because the not acknowledging it is the hardest, you know, that's like the biggest thing that just happened in our life. So just it doesn't, you don't need to say something amazing, you don't, which I mean, I understand it's hard, you know, if anyone has a loss of any sort, you always are nervous about what to say. But yeah, I've learned from our experiences, it just anything like I'm thinking about you or it doesn't have to be, you know, life altering. Yeah, yeah. Just yeah, I think it is. They are terrified. And it sounds like, correct me if I got the wrong, but did you think the medical staff was, you know, appropriate and caring? Did they make that process like as, you know, I don't want to say most of them, I would say most of them were there were there were a couple instances, like when we first got to the hospital and they sent this religious like fat line in and she was kind of like pushing a narrative like and it was like so soon and I was like, I like, I can't even like wrap my brain around this like I don't really want to be like discussing like why she's in a better place, you know, stuff like that. It's like, I didn't really like that part of things I would say the nurses were all very, I think a lot of them were trained in, you know, help it, the ones at least that dealt with us were trained in this area. So we're very sensitive and just trying to do the right thing. But I think it's such an impossible situation, you know, to make someone feel better and like the worst day of their life is like pretty, you know, challenging. And the doctor, I would say was amazing and helped us through it. And yeah, so I would say the nurses overall were very, very good in that situation. That's good. What if, you know, the grief and the grief is a journey, right? Grief is not, you know, they love to say like the iceberg, you know, model where like you're seeing the top of it, but it's like all really deep down beneath through this unimaginable grief journey that you're still on, right? And you've had to tackle it, especially with ever pregnancy, right? Ever delivery. And then I tell people all the time, you know, because you don't want to have healthy living children, it never replaces these children that you lose. Like it's not like you're supplement and it's gone, you know, people like to think like, oh, she's okay. What about this journey that for people who are listening, resonating, being like, oh, you know, what helped you? We know therapy, but what else really helped propel you, you know, because it is like, it is a pit that you feel like I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get out. I know, no, definitely. And I think for me, it was, I mean, in the immediate days afterwards, it was, you know, I wrote a lot because for me, I'm more introverted. So that was helpful. My husband and I would just like go on drives and like listen to sad music and like cry and like going out a lot of walks that I would say and spending time with family and people, you can just like be yourself around and not have to like fake it. I would say the immediate days, that was helpful. Over time, obviously it's evolved and just keeping her memory alive for us is how we've dealt with it. Just talking about her and we've kind of taught our older two daughters about her, Isabel, and we celebrate her birthday every year. We send balloons up to the sky to her and we sing happy birthday and we, you know, around the holidays, light a candle, things like that. Just, you know, and I personally just think about her if I'm alone in the car, I'm like, those are the times because as a mom now with three other living children, you're so busy that you don't have time to really like dedicated time. So I would say my time's alone or, you know, put on a song that like reminds me of her being the hospital or and then the other thing would be just like connecting with other people, women that have been through this helps me and, you know, I have a friend in Maine who I'll text sometimes who has also been through this and we can relate a lot and it's just, you know, you don't have to explain it. You just, we kind of have a just an easy way of talking about it. So yeah, I would just say over time it's definitely, it's still evolving, you know, but and you have less and less time and there are moments you feel guilty about it and always around the holidays are when you're like, oh, well, they should be here or like, there's certain moments when you're, it still comes up and you're like, oh, gosh, like, what would that be like and what my life be like now? And you kind of picture that. But now seven years later, I'm trying to live in the moment with my kids and enjoying those moments months after I lost Isabel. I could have never pictured having, if you told me I had three kids now, like right after the loss, I'd be like, no way. I would not have believed it. So I've just tried to, yeah, live in the moment and enjoy as much as I can with my kids and, you know, remember her as best we can. And yeah, through the company, Azila Eza, my sister and I started. So those are we tell me more about that. Was that a way because I'm very open. I started Previa because I had severe postpartum depression and anxiety and PTSD. And I really needed, I said, you know, a purpose for my pain is kind of how I felt like I needed, I almost do is like, this happened to me, you know, the same, you know, I need to know I'm not alone. I need to know. That's exactly how I felt. I think because afterwards I felt so alone. I couldn't find, like I went online, I couldn't find many stories on it. I think this is before Instagram had really taken off on like, now people I think share about it way more on Instagram, but I deleted Instagram. I don't I say. So yeah, I would say I wanted to help other people after they experience this, not feel that. And that's when my sister were kind of talking about Izzy Lee's and it was during COVID. And we were all home a lot. So we were just thinking of different ideas, how can we bring awareness and, you know, make her life like meaningful in some ways and turn this horrible experience because she felt just as much grief and loss and guilt in all of it. And we both wanted to put that energy towards something good, like you're saying with Previa, we wanted to help people, we wanted to give back just because I think stillbirth is also preventable in a lot of ways. Like I think if I had an ultrasound at a certain point, like 30 something weeks, I maybe this wouldn't have happened. So I was like, oh, I've determined to like bring awareness. And you know, that was where we initially started Izzy Lee's and it suddenly evolved. We started selling baby clothes and we have a lot of resources on our website. And now we're starting to have a blog where we share stories just of parenthood in general and different struggles, because everyone has some kind of, you know, struggle they've been through, whether it's miscarriage, IVF, sergacy, there's just so many stories now. So just connecting people and making people feel less alone, like you are doing with the postpartum issue and yeah, issues like that and just bring more awareness. It's, you know, it's something I saw on your website and I loved, you know, it's like you're saying about the journey is like a rainbow, right? To parenthood, it's a spectrum of movements. And I was like, that is such a good description of what it is, right? Is you have to have a storm to see the rainbow, right? And it doesn't come easy to us all. And it is the number one thing that I've found for myself, I've seen through many women, is once you see someone on the other side, so if a mom's just experienced a loss and she hears your story and she goes, okay, look at Sarah, she's on this other side, she's functioning, she has she's remembering her daughter in a way that feels good to her and her family, but she's not in that pit that we, you know, you just, I say you just have to see someone on the other side or hear someone on the other side and it's like they have to help pull you. That's why it's, I think sharing is so healing for ourselves and others, but it's hard. I mean, it is so hard to be vulnerable and honest and transparent. And I tell people it's like, you know, when you're open about it too, what happens is like you could be at the grocery store and have no intention of diving into, you know, the worst days of your life and moments, right? But it's called upon you in that moment to connect and it's like, it doesn't, it's never pitch a perfect where you're sometimes placed to share. No, exactly. And I think you're right, giving people just like hope when, you know, if I, and I did talk to some people, but yeah, if I had more stories or, you know, podcasts like this to listen to, I feel like it would have been really helpful for me at the time. So I think that was, I was like seeking it out and I couldn't find it. So I feel like it shouldn't be that hard. And now I probably isn't anymore. I think there are, there is a lot more awareness. But yeah, I'd love to like continue having those conversations and making people feel less alone. And if it helps, you know, just a few people, that's great. I know, you know, that's, that's our goal, just to help people feel less alone. So if somebody's listening right now and they have just experienced or they know someone who's experienced it, was there anything you wish you maybe someone has said to you seven years ago in the, in the aftermath of it or things that maybe that you've now, you know, you're like, this is something that really should be said. Hmm. Yeah, I would say, I mean, and a lot of people did say this or like, you will have a healthy and I hate to say that like, you will have a healthy baby, you will like things, it's going to get better. Because people did say that. And I know it's hard because it's like, you just don't believe them. And until the baby's there, like, and the doctor said that to me is like, until, until the baby's here, you're not going to believe anything I'm saying. And I'm like, it's true. But I guess, yeah, just holding on to hope and connecting with people is, I think the most important thing you can do and trying to just say mentally, you know, do what's good for you. Don't worry about what other people are telling you to do. Don't worry, you know, what your friends are saying, what your family's telling you to do, like if something, if you're like going to this event for me, like going to a baby shower, for example, I couldn't go and which makes sense. But yeah, stand up for what works for you at that time and don't worry about anything else because you just have to get through a very, very challenging time. And so I hate to be like, be selfish, but you kind of have to be at that time. So you got to kind of protect, I think that is society because they want you to feel better. Everybody wants you to be better. Like, they just want you to snap back. And I think I what was the book someone gave me, it's okay to not be okay. And I think that was, I don't know if you've heard of that book, but yeah, someone had recommended it. And it's just about how society and American society grief is like, people just can't handle it. And it's so true, they just want you to move on quickly and put on a smile and like, okay, I'm all better now. Like, you know, I'm pregnant, I'm happy. I'll just pretend this didn't happen. And that's like, not the reality of the situation at all. And it's never going to be on anyone else's timeframe, like it's on your own. And you have to own that and trust that and trust your instincts and yeah, try to ignore the noise and everyone else wanting you to be okay. Because yeah, okay, that's bottom line. Now, I think that's so great. And I think no matter what, if it's loss, if it's postpartum depression, anxiety, PTSD, it is like you not being okay is okay, right? And if people are not comfortable that you are brave enough to say, I'm not okay right now. Like, I am working through it. It's on them. That's not on you. And that's something I had to learn because I almost felt like I tried to hide. And I've seen something when we try to just placate it right. And we're put a happy face on a happy face. And I'm just like, that's like, you gotta like, work through those emotions, you got those ugly cries, you gotta have those days you're like, I can't get out of my pajamas, I'm gonna sit here on the couch and I'm gonna cry. And that's okay. And I think it's a lot that's oppressing of it, of grief, of depression, anxiety, it will come out. It does come out at some point. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, and that's where the therapy I feel like is so helpful as, you know, and not everyone can afford that. So they're talking to a friend talking to some of these groups that people have, that's another good option. I think some of the hospitals have these groups where you can join. So yeah, there's other options too. Well, how can listeners connect with you? Like they're like, wanna read stories, I want to shop at our store, tell our listeners about where to find you. So our company is Izzy Lee's. So it's izzylees.com, I-Z-Z-Y-L-E-E-S dot com. And our Instagram is at izzyleeskids. And yeah, that's where we share a lot of the stories. And we have some resources on our website. And yeah, we'd love to connect with you guys. And yeah, we're having some new products come out in the fall. So like baby onesies and just some new prints. And we're excited about that kind of New England feel. So yeah, love that. That's, and that is very popular right now for moms and babies that style. So that I'm sure they will love that. Well, I am so grateful that you are sharing and you're open. And you've done something that is not only to help you heal, but to help others heal. And just again, just that vulnerability is so appreciated. Thank you. Well, thank you for what you do. It's really amazing that you're doing this podcast and bringing awareness to postpartum issues and all of it. So thank you for having me. Okay, listeners, I know today's episode probably brought a lot of the feels to take a little bit time for yourself. And I will link everything of how to connect with Sarah and Izzy Lee's. And I will be back with you guys next week. So stay tuned.