Ask Me Anything #8: John Answers Your Questions

This is an ad for BetterHelp. You work hard to be the strong one for everyone else, but you're running on empty. That pressure just doesn't disappear, it takes over your life, and talking to someone can help. Go to betterhelp.com slash D'loni for 10% off. Can you believe that you haven't got pulled off the air in 900 episodes? Your clever editing is much more extensive than I thought. What should couples make sure they agree on before getting married? What is your current morning routine and how has that changed over the years? Is emotional cheating or physical cheating worse? That's tough. What up? It's the 900th episode of the Dr. John D'loni show. Nine hundred. Dude, that's awesome. I know. Can you believe that you haven't gotten pulled off the air in 900 episodes? I've gotten pulled off, but your clever editing, which I found out recently, is much more extensive than I thought. Yeah, for those out there, I don't think John realized that I do my darndest because I have bills to pay. No, you do your damndest. You're not your darndest. You do your damndest. Yeah, to make sure we stay on the air. And sometimes that has to involve a little creativity. I... Basically, I save you from yourself. I don't need to save. I do need to save you for myself. Do we need to play the... Nope, we're good. The file? We're good. Yeah. So if you happen to have a job where the person you work with is being recorded all the time, a useful potential HR move is what Ben does. He just has a folder for in case my job is on the line. And it's all the things Kelly edits out of the show that he has in a folder somewhere. It's a big folder. It's a big folder. All right. So as we do every one of these milestone episodes... On the hundreds. Yeah, we do the Ask Me Anythings. The Ask Me Anythings. All right. So you sent them to me. I got my head down trying to edit this book, so I haven't even opened it. So these are going to just come R-I-W. We're going to get high on our own supply and we're going to just get it done. All right. You ready for the first one? Let's do it. Okay. What should couples make sure they agree on before getting married? You know what? This is a great question. I think the thing they should agree on the most is how we will talk to each other when things don't go the way we want or think they're going to go. Because I think there's so much pressure. You have to agree on this. You have to agree on this. You have to agree on this. I don't think that's true anymore. I think there's some things statistically out in the world that say most couples do better if they agree on these things. That's all true, right? If you agree with somebody. Of course, it greases the wheels and makes interactions easier. But I think the thing that you need to agree on is we are going to remain friends. And we're going to do things that keep our friendship not only intact, but it juices our friendship up and that we're going to come up with a way to talk about things when we get sideways or when we disagree. And I think, let me add one more thing. I think having a set of values underneath everything that y'all anchor into is important. The challenge is some people listen to the show and they're 20 and they just got married. Some people are getting married for the third time and they're 56 or like 75 or whatever. And so what you think is a value at 19 is going to change. And so I want folks to have the same values. I don't care about their beliefs. Give some, if you would, expand on values versus beliefs. What's the difference? And when you talk about, because it seems kind of squishy. Yeah. Values are who you are. Here's who we are. Beliefs are ways I'm going to live out who I am. And so here, again, I don't want to be more squishy, but here's a good example. My wife and I have a shared value that we believe in God. Now our belief to how that is expressed in our lives, what we actually believe about that, what we believe that means for how we act, how we post things on the internet or don't like, those things have changed a thousand times and they'll change a thousand times more. And often we don't believe even the same thing, but we're anchored into the same value that we're going to seek this thing. Another thing is generosity. We're people who are overly generous. That's just one of our core values. I would rather get to the end of my life with an empty wallet than get to the end of my life with, I could have helped out some folks and whatever. I like, my wife likes very formal, let's help this particular group out. I like walking around and seeing the security guard last night at the club. It was a security guard's working on Easter. We're recording this a day after Easter. And I had just got some, I had some cash from another thing. And I was like, dude, that guy's exhausted. It's cold outside. And so I like to be generous in private, quiet ways that nobody sees. That's going to affect that guy or that woman's day today. My wife likes more formal things. And so us always navigating what that looks like. We both have different beliefs on how we want to do that, but a core value is we're obnoxiously generous people. And so when she says, hey, I really want to give to this thing, that's not coming out of the blue, and I'm going to do whatever I can to figure that out. And when she's like, hey, you had that 20 or that 50 or some dollar bill yesterday in the car, I need that first. I'm like, I gave that somebody. She doesn't get mad, right? Because she knows that's who the guy married is, right? So that's the difference between values and beliefs. Okay, so what do you do? So beliefs. And you said those, they've changed a thousand times and they'll change a thousand more. Is that just continuous conversation about how that's changed? Do you have to have the big sit down conversations when the beliefs part change? Again, if your ego is tied to you have to believe everything I do, I believe. And if your ego is tied to you have to like everything that I like, you have to be passionate about the things I'm passionate about. I hear that a lot. Like my wife's not passionate about my music. Who cares? My hope is she's passionate about how passionate you are about that thing. I will never be as passionate about gardening as my wife is. She wouldn't got her master certification like here in Tennessee to become a master gardener. Like I'll never have that kind of interest. I love eating the produce when she's in the fall. Which by the way, my husband has his as well. So I feel like. But I am super passionate. I love how much she loves gardening. She thinks stand up comedy is kind of not that great. I love it. And she especially doesn't think I'm funny. And but she really loves how much I love this thing. Right. And so if your ego is tied into everybody has to believe what I believe, then A, you're going to have a miserable lonely, moronic life. And B, you're putting a ton of pressure on somebody to be something they're not. And that means your marriage over time will become performative. Right. And so all I have to say is, man, believe what you believe. That's why we read books. That's why we listen to shows. That's why we like go to like lectures. That's why we listen to podcasts so we can learn new things. Like, I know what I believe. Show me something else. And that's the fun adventure of life. And Esther Perel said this and I just love it. But I think it's understated. She says most adults will have three or four or five hundred exact number of great loves in their lifetime. And if they work really hard, they can be with the same person. I love that sentiment. I just think it underestimates the amount of change people have. I'm like on version 14 of myself. My wife is on version. She hasn't changed much to me, but like six or seven of herself, which means for me, I get to always be discovering a new person as my wife is becoming whatever she's becoming. And I've just learned to let go and love that part of my life. Like, what are you into now? What do you like now? What do you not like now in the bedroom? What did you used to like that you don't like anymore? What are you like interested in? Like I getting to know somebody new has become awesome. And when you're anchored into we're married and there's not a chance you're going to leave. And man, what a fun, adventurous life you can have. But it takes you letting go of your ego that what I believe is right. And you have to believe what I believe. What a stupid thing. The belief is like, let's let's get the same values and let's navigate our beliefs. Occasionally beliefs will crash into. Yeah, we need to have a sit down. But I think it doesn't have to be that dramatic most of the time. All right. Second question. I just got out of a relationship and I was hurt pretty badly. Is it wrong for me to stay single? No, they singles awesome. What I would suggest is not staying single. As a defense mechanism, but staying single as a recovery mechanism. The mechanisms the wrong word to use there. But yeah, dude, like if you blow your knee out or you hurt your foot, like you don't go play basketball the next day on another court. Like you need to take some time out. If you get injured and then you go get surgery and you go to rehab and you get well and then you avoid playing ever again. Maybe that's the right choice for you, but I want you to be intentional about that choice. All right. I have had three different knee surgeries on all of those were related to adult basketball leagues. I'm calling it like I'm good. Right. So if you got your heart broken, you got hurt, somebody treated you bad, somebody's abusive or whatever. Yeah, dude, take some time to heal, take some time to to metabolize that. Take some time to ask yourself what do you really want? And this is a hard question and I don't mean this to ask yourself and get some wisdom from a counselor, from a close group of friends. Did you contribute anything to some of that situation? Is this the second or third or fourth person who's hurt you? And if so, what are you bringing to these relationships? What are you looking for in relationships? So being reflective and then asking yourself moving forward, what's going to be different about any new relationships I get into. But I will say this, being single is different than being alone. And if somebody breaks your heart romantically, it is not healthy to turtle up and not hang out with all humans. It's it's good to say I'm not on the dating market right now. That's fine, willing, good. And there's some people that just being single is awesome. And they are full in whole in their life and they don't want to get married. They don't need to get married. Great. Awesome. Wonderful. Live your best life. But for most of us. Yeah, what do you think? Oh, I agree. I. I know people that bounce from one to the other, like relationship wise without. Because I think it's a fear of being alone. So they bounce, you know, from the one to the other. When sometimes you need that time in between. I think almost all of you. Yeah, to figure out what happened. And in the case of the person that I'm thinking of, this happens over and over and over and over. What's the common denominator here? Hey, oh, yeah. You. Yeah. And so what am I bringing? What am I expect in the case of this person? It's the expectations are too unrealistic. And when said person, that person can't live up to him, then it's onto the next. So but yeah, I think it's important. But again, yeah. And I know some people that never got married, never wanted to get married. They're fine. And they just they love their life. Great. But don't do it because you're scared to get hurt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Now we're getting to the little less existential questions. Oh, you just smiled. What is this one? No, this one's not bad at all. So your current morning routine. And I just want to preface this by saying, so since we've been doing AMAs, people have always had a huge interest in your morning routine. And now, having said that, your morning routine from when we started doing this five years ago has been all over the map and sometimes has been flat out crazy. I was a douche. Night point. I mean, oh, my God, it has been. It's been insane. Yes. So the question is, what is your current morning routine and how has that changed over the years? Man. I'll answer the second question first. It's dramatically different, like wildly different. Your morning routine has been exhausting to hear about over. It was pathologically. It was it was a it was a I'll go back and say I needed to do it. But right this second, the last year or so or six months, in all honesty, it's it's been pretty chaotic as I'm whenever I I know that when I started a book project, I'm giving up a year of my life. I know that. And so I get out of balance all over the place. Like this morning, I was up, I don't know, 4.45. I think I was up writing because I wanted to send a chapter before I got to work this morning. So it's it's it's a chaotic time. Where I'm at now is I get up early still most nights of the week. I mean, most nights. Oh, that sounded awesome because I'm hardcore. Most mornings I get up pretty early. So before six, I mean, it could be 4.45. It could be 5.45. It could be whatever. Sometimes I sleep until seven. But I tried to get up early and two or three days out of the week. I will go sit in front of red lights and do this breathing app. I use the Nordic Wave breathing app and I go through the breathing exercises. That actually has been transformative in a way that I wouldn't have imagined. I've heard it and read about it. And James Nester's work and all that. It has been really wild. I'm glad you're not doing them anymore while you're driving. I'm not doing them in a vehicle. I'm doing them sitting down. And this year I I'm going to go down a rabbit hole. I got into lymphatic transfer throughout your body. So I went and got a rebounder and all the some work. It's a whole thing. I don't want to get too dorky, but too late. So, yeah, you'll see me jumping on a trampoline, a trampoline, a rebounder is the nerds call it. One of those little trampolines, right? Yeah. Yeah. And I do that for a while. And then I'll usually go head out for a walk or a rock in the morning. And then three or four other days of the week, I'm lifting weights in the morning in my home gym and try to get outside. The second part of that is I'm trying to be more intentional about being present with my family in the morning when I can. And so I want to see my kids. I want to sit down and be goofy and poke at each everybody and share coffee with my wife if I can, that kind of thing. So being present in the morning, which sounds funny to say, the last two or three months, I've just been a zoo, but trying to be present in the morning with them. That time is just getting so finite for me. And so long story short, some time of exercise, some time of meditation and breath work and prayer, some time of trampolining, which is what a dork, what a dork. And then some time with relationships. And so that's that's the crux of my morning routine. What are what are some of the crazier things over the last five years that we've been doing these that have times been involved in your morning routine? Oh, dude, I mean, five years ago when I started this show, I mean, I was militant. Four or five, nine, I think, is when I got up. I don't remember exactly when it was, but it was some obnoxious time without I don't care if I had one hour of sleep, if I had seven minutes of sleep, I was getting up at that time and I'm trying to think what I would do. I would get up and I would go meditate and I'd go sit in a coal plunge. And then after the coal plunge, I would go, I don't know, do kung fu. Like I would do that was alone. Right. I picture you playing the song. Everybody was kung fu fighting with you. Just know it was the you're the best around. It was the cry to kid one montage. Yeah, dude. It was so and then I would go lift weights because you never skip a day. And then on the way back, I would be doing breathing exercises in the car. I mean, I was just too much. It was Alex. It was actually Alex Ramosy that somebody asked him. And he was the first guy that I went, oh, no, you're right. And somebody was like, what's your morning routine, bro? And he's a big jacked finance fixture business and that guy. But he's beefcake jacked. And he scoffed at the guy and was like, I don't have a morning routine. And the guy was like, what do you mean? And he said, if I can't go do live the life I want to live without militantly scheduling every second of my morning, then I'm a slave to the morning routine, then I'm not free. And when he said that, I was like, oh, crap, I am. I have created a life to give me freedom and I'm wholly unfree from it. And so that began like, dude, what if I just enjoyed getting up in the morning because I'm being productive? I feel better when I do breathing exercises. That's like reset my nervous system in a powerful way. I feel better when I exercise. I feel better when I'm laughing and hanging out and being goofy with my kids and annoying them. I like seeing my wife and having long hugs in the morning. Like that gives me a better life. And so getting morning sunlight is a must. And so those things have given me a freer, better life, a healthier life overall. Yeah, I will also say, though, as someone who never had any kind of morning routine besides get up and. We got to go. Exactly. And then rolling, you know, late, which I still roll in late, but not as late as you. So that's fine. Hope that felt good. It did. Hey, I have to do it. I can't. But there's still I have found a benefit over the last what did I almost two and a half to three years? And it was because of you and Cody, John's brand manager, that I developed a morning routine that looks nothing like your old ones. But the structure and some structure in the morning has changed everything for me. So there is a benefit to having some structure. I think structure based on values is important. Right. Well, because mine was always because I didn't have structure around workout and stuff. I had this whole shame cycle about I didn't work out. Now I suck and I'm a horrible human because I didn't do. But having changing the mindset on that and changing how I did it did help. Here's where morning structure is important, I think. You start your morning keeping your promises to yourself. And there's something profound about I can count on me to do the things I said I was going to do. And I think a lot of us run through life looking out at other people and saying, well, they never and what in this and you need to make me feel a certain way. And you become unanchored because your body doesn't trust you. You don't keep your own promises. And that's where that old I forgot the general, but he gave that speech and he's like, make your bed like nobody can take away that from you. You got out of bed and you made your bed. You start the day with a win. You started the day by keeping one promise to yourself and those build on themselves. Right. So for me, a morning routine, a structure is I said I was going to do this thing for me so that I could spend the rest of my day giving myself away. It's will good. There is I'm going to wake up and get my picture and I'm going to go to the faucet and fill it all the way up so that as a husband, as a dad, as a coworker, I can I can fill everybody's water glass all day. And at the end of the day, mine should be empty. And then I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and I'm going to fill that sucker up because I'm worth that. And then once I do that from a good place, a healthy place, then I can be of service to everybody in my life. I like that. Yeah. All right. Last question in this segment. I would have said, what is your favorite venison recipe? But I love that the person that said this in that just says, what is your favorite deer recipe? My. My favorite. I my wife, this is my big. This is my biggest Texas shame. Is that my wife is better? On the grill than me. She's better at cooking meat than me. And she's just so good at it that I gave up. I quit. She's just awesome at it. And so my favorite. Are you allowed to go back to the state? No, no, no, no. I didn't think I got a letter, a cease and desist letter. Right. You're not allowed back. You get to Texas Canada and you have to stop. Right. That's exactly right. Yeah. Most people in the United States don't know that, but Texas also has its own checkpoints. You have to once you cross the Mexico border, you have to go through the federal and then you have to pass Texas and usually they give you a test of some sort. You have to shoot a bow and arrow. Exactly. It's much harder. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You have to name like who is the yellow rose of Texas. That's right. You have to rattle off George Strayler. Can you answer that one? Who's the yellow rose of Texas? It's what's what's her name? It's the woman. Emily Morgan. Who? Emily Morgan. Oh, what got that wrong? Yeah. You know why she's the yellow rose of Texas? That's Santa Anna's. She was a yeah. OK, yeah. Lady of the evening. And she kept him entertained while our troops. Well, we got revenge on the Alamo. They tried to name an elementary school in our area after her and because like and they were like, man, maybe we shouldn't. Yeah. Whatever it takes. What was I even talking about? Oh, I like my wife cooks venison backstrap, elk backstrap, whatever animal access to your backstrap. And she does it very, very minimally, mostly with the salt and pepper. And that's pretty much the way I like it. It's pretty awesome. We also have a lot of ground. We I mean, we even a surprise three or four nights a week. And I use the bearded brother, the bearded butchers. Those guys have a seasoning line that's just out of this world, man. And I pay for it. I think they'll give it to me for free. So it's not like a sponsorship. I love their stuff. And that's what I put in, like just ground meat and stuff like that. All right. Before we go to break, when we come back, I'm going to ask you about emotional cheating versus physical cheating. Why? Fine. We'll be right back. All right. I started my cozy earth adventure with their amazing towels. And then I got cozy earth sheets. And then I got these cozy earth blankets and their comforters. And now I'm rocking cozy earth socks. And I recently got some cozy earth everywhere pants. I didn't need another pair of pants, but I got the cozy earth everywhere pants. And they are awesome too. My house is full of cozy earth stuff. And I didn't mean for it to get that way. Their stuff is just so great. Let me tell you about their sheets. They're made from viscose from bamboo. And I don't even know what that means, but I do know this. These sheets are soft, breathable, and somehow they keep you cool without freezing you out. They help me sleep better. They're so comfortable. And here's the deal. Cozy earth gives you a hundred night sleep trial on all of their bedding and a 10 year warranty on everything else. So you can try cozy earth gear all over your house and there's no risk. Go to cozy earth.com slash DELONI and use code DELONI and you'll save up to 20% off your entire order. That's cozy earth.com slash DELONI use code DELONI. And if you get a post purchase survey, tell cozy earth that you heard about all their amazing gear right here on the Dr. John DELONI show. You're going to want to look around one day and realize cozy earth has taken over your house too. All right, we're back. AMA episode 900. Yes. Can you believe that we have put up with each other for 900 episodes? No. Yeah. I mean, pretty much Ben and I both have been in here for the almost all 900. I mean, I've been here for all of them. Ben for. We have like 17 associate producers. Yeah. Either that says something about me or. You. I'm not sure which one. That's right. Yes. All right. Our next question. Is emotional cheating or physical cheating worse? Oh, that's tough. That's one of the one. That's one of those things that is often gendered in the research. The old saying goes, and I haven't read this research recently, but the the older research was, if a wife told her husband. I'm having an affair. His first question would be, did you sleep with him? And if a husband told his wife, I'm having an affair. Her first question would be, do you love her? And so I think it depends on who you are and what I I always will. My default is a physical affairs worse, but that can be a very gendered because I'm a dude and that might be why I have that same bias. I think both of them are can be pretty destructive. And also because I get this question all the time with 100 percent certainty. People couples can come back from affairs to emotional and physical and otherwise. What do you think, Kelly? Do you identify with that or no? I do. Because my wife is on my side with that. She's like, I don't care if you like somebody. She does. But like, if you sleep with somebody, I'm like, I'll kill you both. I and y'all, I know Sheila, man. 100 percent could do it and it would be efficient. It would be on our list of things to do that day. Check it off and move along. And then she'd stop by the PO box, the post office. Clean. Yeah. And no one would ever find Joe. No. Yeah, it would be. She would never. She would. She would never tell a soul. I would be reading. I would be listening to a podcast about your unsolved murder. Yeah. 100 percent. And I would just be like hats off. Yeah, it'd be brilliant. But I agree more with Sheila and with you. I have more of an issue with with the physical part. Yeah, which I know not all my female friends would agree with that. And I will I'll put myself out there a little bit. I have. Years ago, had a male friend that I realized that actually my husband was like. Too close to close. And so I was like, oh, oh, this is the thing that I've heard people talk about. Yeah. And so I had to put some pretty hard guardrails in and and and now I've got, you know, male friends because I work in a male dominated field that I we just I don't talk about my spouse. I don't talk about these kind of, you know, we don't ever have the conversations of, oh, my God, my husband did this or that. No, we just don't go there. Yeah. And it usually is, you know, football working out work, that kind of conversation. And so. I have more of a problem with the physical part of it. Yeah. Than I do the emotional, but I know that that's not the norm for a female. Yeah. Yeah. I think most females have a problem with the, the. Lovey-dovey, the more emotional. Oh, but also I am not that person. You don't have emotions. I don't have any. Yeah. I don't care about your feelings. I don't want to talk about your feelings. I mean, that's just not me in any way. Yeah. So if great, if you find someone that wants to talk about your feelings with you, have at it. I mean, I don't have to worry about it then. Yeah. Because my husband has a whole lot more emotions and feelings than I do. As, as the most humans. Except maybe your wife. Most people, fair, fair. Oh, she's got them. They're just very sharp. Yes. All right. Next question. This kind of goes back to what we were just talking about. Can couples have friends of the opposite sex? A, 100% yes. I think you have to be boundary-dunewise. And the times I've gotten, I'll say I've got myself in trouble, but the times I have found myself over emotionally invested in someone, and a woman who wasn't my wife, is that friendship became one of the most important friendships I had. And then suddenly I'm calling that person or texting that person, or I think of something and I can't wait to tell that person. And that's on me, right? Like if I, if I leave this little executive club membership too, that's my marriage and I start leaning on people of the opposite sex for, I think, that can get heavy. Now, I've got, when I say great, I mean super close friends that are women, but they're all boundary-dun structured. And I've always believed in like, it's when you, I think, I don't, I shouldn't tell my wife that I had that conversation. Like that's when I think, for me, the signal is over the last 25 years I've been with my wife. Like that's when I know that's not right. And so I'm always open with my wife about who I'm talking to and why and about what and whatever. And she's got the pass codes to it. So all that, it's like living in a structured way. But I, I, I say this probably too boldly, but I'm pretty sure you know, you know, you know, I'm holding this information for this friend that's not my husband or not my wife, or I'm talking about things that would, if my husband were sitting right here at this table, I wouldn't be talking to this guy about that stuff, right? And so I think that's a good litmus test for you. But yeah, I think you absolutely can have friends. You can have close friends. Um, what do you think? Oh, I 100% believe so. I've worked in, um, male dominated fields all my life, uh, working in a radio before this and music industry. Um, so yes, I can. And like I said, having been someone who at one point in time realized I was getting too close, I've also learned though, yeah, you have to be intentional. I think you have to be aware and just intentional. And you have to also be aware, like what are the other person's intent and feelings? Well, that's the thing you don't know. No, but you have to be aware when those signs start coming up that, oh, yeah. Okay. We're not on the same page here. Yeah. I have a line that you don't have. Right. Yes. And, um, and by the way, for most people, when they figure that out, it feels good. Oh, a hundred percent. Everybody wants to be wanted. Oh, you would? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It feels good. And man, that is every danger sign flash. Right. And that means you need to turn around and look at your marriage and go, what's, what am I not getting here? We need to solve this. Yeah. What do I don't, or what do I don't feel like I'm getting here and how we need to fix that instead of, oh, but I am getting it here. Right. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah, you just have to be intentional and careful and aware. To me, the word's validation. Where am I going for validation that is, why do I need that validation? Why do I, why am I making up stories that I'm not getting it here? And maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm truly not, but heading back towards my wife, my spouse, my, your husband, whoever you happen to be. Um, why am I seeking external validation? What's going on inside this marriage that is making me look elsewhere? Not making me. Why am I choosing to look elsewhere? It's a better way to say that. You mentioned something one time and then I heard a great quote about drift. And I think that, um, you, that's where you have to be careful. And these kinds of scenarios is one degree, one degree, one degree. And then all of a sudden you're in an emotional affair or holding things from your spouse and telling this person, because it's just, it's usually not a hard right. Like you don't go into those kinds of relationships going, well, I'm going to sleep with that guy or whatever. It's these little bits of tiny little, you know, death by a thousand cuts. And all of a sudden you look up and you're like, oh, I'm telling this person all this stuff and not my spouse or vice versa. But yeah, it's just this slow little drift until all of a sudden the boats face in the different, a different direction was George, George Bernard Shaw, who said, to be in hell is to drift and to be in heaven is to steer. But that idea that you're not, you're not paying attention. The word is intentional. Yeah. And so it's just being intentional and not looking up in your, you know, going a completely different direction that you didn't intend. It takes a lot of courage to turn and face the challenges at your home or the challenges in your marriage. It takes a lot of courage. It's hard, especially if you have a volatile spouse and I don't mean violent, but I mean volatile, like they're going to get their feelings hurt and pout for four days or they're going to try to attack you back. Like it's hard and it's all that's hard, but you're exactly right. All right. Next question. What belief have you changed your mind about recently? Oh God, a thousand things. D&D? Video games? No. No. Oh, come on. You've a hundred percent changed your mind about D&D. I haven't changed my, I've, here's what I've changed. My willingness to participate in a campaign. Look at me now. But you changed your mind and you talked about this because you always joked about what a, you know, dork fest it was. No offense. No, no, no, I've changed, I've changed my mind on, it's a net good. Yes. Right. And then because it's a community. It's a community. Right. Yes. So a couple of things I've changed my mind on. Oh man, I don't want to get in trouble on this. I'm trying to think of ways I can say it and not get in trouble. Oh please. Remember, I had it. Yeah. Um. Thing number one is I look at our, what's currently happening politically. The mess that is, that we're sitting in. And I thought that people were sitting down and digging into issues and digging into the cult of personalities and tribalism. They, I thought people were digging into why am I in this gang or not. And making that decision. I'm in this side. I'm on this side. I'm not on either side. And here's why. And I don't believe that anymore. I believe that most people are exhausted and cooked and scrolled out of their minds. Myself included. I think we are so overwhelmed and we are going to places where we feel safe, not the places where we agree. And I think that that gives me a lot more compassion than thinking, oh, you looked at the math and you thought three plus three is 14. Then, then I can say you're dumb. Your brain doesn't work right. You're an idiot. I can, I can make all kinds of statements about you. But if it's like, no, no, no, I'm fried and I'm scared and I don't, I'm exhausted. And I just want fill in the blank to stop. I need somebody to give me a story as to why I have a lot more compassion. And that's changed because I spent the last 10 years just angry all the time. Here's a big one. This is the biggest belief I've changed. You ready for this one? I am a guy with two PhDs, two doctorate degrees and a master's degree and a bachelor's degree. I have, I thought that you would solve your body's problems, your life's issues if you got the right information. And a big belief I have changed is what's more important is less than understanding is doing the right thing, like going and acting towards. And so if somebody's like, I don't understand why I need, I don't care. Just start walking in the mornings. Yeah, but what's the physiology and the, it doesn't matter. That's for most people, that's a distraction. I want you to start walking in the morning and getting some morning sunlight. And if your spouse will go with you, it's going to change your life. Or I don't feel like being nice in the mornings. I'm tired. I don't care. Do one nice thing for your spouse in the morning when you wake up, make their coffee for them. So I think that active acting before the active, let's think and understand that all the try to drill down. I've, I've changed my belief on that whole like 180. Start doing the next right thing. And over time, the feelings will follow. And then you will find enough energy to dig into the how and the why and all the nerd stuff, if you want to go down those roads, but just start acting in the way you want somebody to act towards yourself. Go start becoming the person you want others to see you becoming. And so much of this other stuff will follow. I think it's that whole idea of just do something, do something, something. Yeah. And sometimes they're doing the something is stop doing anything. Right. Like they say in medicine, like if, if you're doing an intervention and it's hurting the person and you don't know why, stop doing that thing. Right. Stop. And then we'll like reset, but don't just keep doing it more. Yeah. So, but take an action. Well, the whole, I mean, the whole, the, what is it? The, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Yeah. Do, just stop. Do something different or do something different. Yeah. If waking up every morning and going to your spouse for the last two years, if that's not bringing you together, which it won't, just try it for 60 days, wake up and look over and whisper to yourself two things. You're really grateful about that person and then go do one nice thing for them. Just do that for you so that you become the person you want to be in your marriage. It may not change them at all. I almost guarantee you will, but just go do that thing and you'll find, oh, I begin to see a whole bunch of nice stuff about them. And all I could see was how bad they were. I like who I'm becoming, which makes me more attractive to be around emotionally and spiritually, like go be that change that you want to be. How, how very man in the mirror of you. How very Gandhi of me. Go ahead. Yeah. Never in my life have I ever thought of putting you in Gandhi in the same sentence. So that's, that's new. I agree to disagree. All right. Um, what is the thing that you splurge on the most that people would think was crazy? Oh, or what's one thing that you splurge on that people, most people would just be like, I'm not doing that. I've got so many things. My wife, she's like, you're, we're buying what? What are we doing? Um, I don't think people know you're, you can be pretty bougie. I, I, I'm real big on buy it one time. Yeah. I'm not certain brand, not, not in, not in a brand way, not like, cause you want the fancy brand, you want the quality. And so you can be pretty bougie about those. I can be insanely bougie about it. Yeah. Um, people don't know. I've got three pet snakes right now and those are expensive to upkeep. And people didn't know that about me. And I've, uh, my dad and I used, there's a whole, there's back story to that, but I've collected snakes my whole life and keep that surprises people. The amount of money I spend on it and keeping them up and taking care of them and all that. Oh, I remember when, when I found out, and it was a couple of years ago, whenever Andrew over here had to go buy a special kind of mouse for me at a, at a store, like an hour away. The mice were adorable. And then I was like, what are these for? I mean, when I found out I was, that you collected, you had snakes. I was floored. Yeah. Yeah. And then I, I spend money on, I have been getting lymphatic massages, which are very unique and very weird. Um, yeah, they just, that doesn't sound good to say, but they're, no, they're actually, I've heard they're very helpful, but it just sounds really disgusting. Yeah. But it's, they're actually like unbelievable. Like it's strange. It's a, it's a very strange experience, but it's pretty amazing. Um, and those are, those are pretty expensive. Try to think of what else. I spend a lot of money on hunting trips and just hunting and traveling. I like that. What is something that Sheila, like that she really values as far as that she'll spend money on because that's, I mean, I know you, but Sheila always seems so like down to earth and grounded that she, but there's got to, what's her thing? Um, she spends money on travel. She spends, she spends money on what I would say relational investments. And so all of her, her college roommates, they still go on a trip every year or two trips, one or two trips a year. Um, she is, she'll, she goes and visits family a lot. She goes to weddings of friends, kids. Like she's very invested in people. And so that's a high priority item for her. And so she'll travel. And when we didn't have any money, she would drive and be gone for two weeks, but she's like, um, this is a wedding. I'm like, why? And she's like, because that's our friend's kids. And the way she, I'll be like, yeah, yeah. All right. So, you know what I mean? So that, that's, she's very relationally invested and she spends money on her. Um, I'll call it her art, but it's more her creative acts. She spends money like in her gardening and her writing and things like that. So. All right. When we come back, we're going to talk about your ADHD. Don't have it. All right. I'm excited to tell you about a brand new sponsor of the Dr. John Deloni show, capstone wellness. I've spent the vast majority of my career working with teenagers and young adults and their families. I know from personal experience, the finding help and care for teenagers and young adults can be a nightmare. Especially when your teenager or young adults need significant care. If you're a parent in your teenage or young adult son is struggling with trauma, addiction, mental health challenges or destructive behaviors, and you're running out of options, I want you to consider residential treatment care. 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So this person wrote in and wants to know. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. What are some of the processes that you've put in place to make it manageable for you and your family? Whoo. Oh, man. I think that's sounds like an accusation. I don't think that's fair or true, even though it's very fair and very true. Would you like for me to call Sheila and ask her this question instead? All right. So here's some things that I've put into place over time. Number one, I quit going to war with myself. And what I mean by that is I stopped trying to fight chemistry, biochemistry. I stopped trying to fight my natural inclination towards things. I give myself a lot of grace. So what does that look like? I used to when I like in grad school when I was working on a paper, I would sit in a coffee shop from 8 a.m. until 8 p.m. And I knew at 8 0 5. I'm not getting this paper done today. I just knew I was cooked. My my head was all over the place. And so I knew. But I would sit there and try to grind it out. And I would end up with 14 paragraphs, half of which were garbage. And then I would leave like what a freaking loser bum. You piece of crap. Like whatever. I don't do that anymore. So what does that mean? That means I give my space self space. So this like this book time, like it's due Friday of this week. But I've already turned in the whole manuscript and now I'm going back. So I built in time for myself now knowing you're going to have days where you sit down, you're like it's not happening today. And then when I know those days are coming, I go make the best of them. Like, OK, cool. I'm like, it goes all in on my kids. I'm going to go all in. Me and my wife are going to go to something awesome. My son and I are going to go play video games. My daughter and I are going to go to something. And so. Um, but that is give myself a lot of grace. We don't put when I say video games, we go to the arcade. We're not sitting there going to be to be to be. Yeah. I'll get there. I thought Dr. K changed your mind. He did. I got a video game for Christmas. I got a switch game for Christmas. Oh, nice. Yes. We haven't played it yet, but once the book is over, the Hogwarts game. It's actually amazing. Another thing about ADHD is. It's not something I implemented. It's something my wife implemented. Similarly, she stopped thinking I wasn't a good person. She stopped thinking that I had some sort of character and moral flaw when the light bulb went off like, oh, he didn't see that pile. Or it's not that he was just sitting in there going, I'm going to make us all late because like he literally thought, you know, what is a good time right now to also shine my shoes and also, you know what? I need to research tires that need my wife's car. We should do that now. Well, I have one sock on a T-shirt on my jeans are on, but my belt is somewhere. And we're all late to church already. Like that's not a good time, but she she stopped the the anger part of it and then it just became pragmatic. And so if we get to a certain time, she'll just get in the car and take the kids and she'll head somewhere and I can walk outside and the cars left me. I mean, she'll say I'm leaving, but I don't get my feelings hurt anymore. And so it's we've just taken the the humanity pressure off of it. And then it just becomes tactics. A few other things is I try really hard to keep myself well. Sleep has been magic. Exercise is magic. Having friendships and things. And here's another thing. It's an unspoken under it's people don't think this about people with ADHD. They can laser in obsessively on something that they really, really care about. And the whole world goes away. And so it's not a matter of you can't focus at all. It's generally speaking, you don't focus on things you don't give a crap about or that aren't that important to you. And so a I always call it a hack, but a thing that's become important for me is always having a thing that I'm super, super, super interested in, even if I'm busy. And it for me, it brings all of my attention and focus up. And so I always have a thing I'm thinking about or working on or want to be involved in, even on the middle of a big project and I'm on the road a lot when I'm in a busy season, I have another thing. Right. And it allows me to like when I'm writing right now, I have a notebook right next to my where I'm writing manuscript and it's got jokes in it. And it's got ideas for a science experiment. I mean, a science paper I want to do with one of my colleagues over at Belmont. Like I keep a list over here going. So that little that little guy going, ha, he's I don't just try to shut him down because the energy it takes to shut him down affects my other work that I need to get done. And by the way, I'll say this. One last thing, I don't know if there's any physiological connection whatsoever. There probably is not. I've never heard this in the literature. I didn't do this for some big statement. I just pretty much quit drinking. Like even like I've never had a problem with alcohol, but I would have a drink pretty regularly. Right. I just have kind of stopped and it wasn't like some big I'm going to quit drinking. I just didn't feel good the next day and it would always affect my REM sleep. But when I look back on the last couple of years, man, it has dramatically reduced and it might be the better sleep, but it has dramatically reduced my my feeling of chaos that I had in my head all the time. It was amazing how so I quit drinking to not again, not as a big statement or because I had a problem with alcohol. It was just as women who are of my age, nothing will learn when you're in menopause. Your nickname is Perry. Seriously. Yeah. I'm better than some of the other nicknames you've given me. But the idea that it because your body just metabolizes it differently. And yeah, it was I mean, even the very little amount I drink, which was like maybe one or two a month, it's just crazy how I felt better. Yeah. Yeah. And then you realize, oh, because it's poison. It really is. And you just so how much better I felt. Not even having a glass of wine a week in my system just changed kind of. It's a big difference for something like that. All right. This is this is a pretty big one. In your career, you've seen some terrible things. Thinking about like when you were working at the schools and the accident scenes and those kind of things, not things here hasn't been that horrible. How do you maintain faith in humanity? This is a strange response to that. But the people who respond in those situations. And so I don't I have a strange sense of peace that the world has bad actors in it. And I think that I just know that I know people aren't well, like on the extreme end of psychological distress, I know like true people with narcissistic personality disorder, there are true violent people in the world. I know that. My real question is where the people they're going to show up and be with hurting people, put people and systems in place to stop those folks. And that takes a lot of courage to take stepping out of line. When people get out of control, where are the people that are going to rally up? And I never went into those scenes alone. There's always people with me and there was always a team of people there. At any given scene, there might be a child who'd passed away, who was dead in one room and a mom and a daughter who was screaming and a husband who's out in the front yard on his hands and knees, like trying to throw up. But there would be police officers, any MS folks and a social worker and me and my partner and the medical exam. I mean, there's so many people there for one reason to help this family. And so my faith in humanity comes from every like in Nashville, the power was out for five days, I'm on a text thread of people on my street. The number of texts that we're going around like, hey, we're not at our house, but we've got power, here's the front door code to a group of strangers. Anybody need anything? I'm going to the store. Like people show up and as a person of faith, I'll never forget. It was Bebo Norman who once said when he I think it was in Haiti. I think that's where it was when he saw there was just a big massacre. And he asked the pastor there, how do you still believe? And he said, oh, I stopped asking God, where are you a long time ago? I'll never I'll never get that answer. I just started asking where God's people and they show up. And that to me or they or they don't, right? But that's the question, where are the people and in my world, people show up. That goes back to that amazing Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers quote, look for the helpers. That's it. The whole idea in that for those that have never heard it is if you have children and you're coming upon in these huge big situations, 9-11, those kind of things. How do we talk to our children about these? Teach them to look for the helpers. And I I would say right now. We have a society of people standing around looking. And so I would amend that quote right now to go be the helper. Like for the adults, go out and be the helper. And like so, for instance, this is into Tube My Own Horn. I'm trained for this. I was at my daughter's soccer game and like probably a thousand yards away, there was a big we all heard it and everybody's got quiet on the soccer game and everybody stopped. And then the game is resumed. Well, I looked at my wife. She's like, all right, I know, like she knows I'm going to go over there. I jogged over there and everybody got out of the pretty big wreck, but everybody's OK. Two, two teenage girls got out of one car and one teenage boy got out of the other. Two teenage girls are sobbing. And it's like, are you all OK? Yeah, we're OK. Well, it was the teenage boy that actually was his fault and he was curled up against a fence and just with his hand in his head. And I went and sat by that kid for a while. And it was like, I'm going to sit with this kid. He he just got in a wreck. He just clearly just got his license. He's scared to death. He doesn't know what to do. And then after a little while, I said, hey, because his parents weren't there yet. And I said, you stand up, we're going to go over there and make sure they're OK. And he looked at me and said, I'll go with you. We're going to go over there and make sure those girls are OK. And I'm going to model it with you. I'm going to walk with you. And he's going to see me with them. Their mom and dad showed up. They were right behind them, watched their kids getting this wreck. It was the whole thing, but I'm going to be the helper for that kid. And we got through it. I hugged him and he was still freaked out and then his parents came. But it's like, go be the helper. Don't just look for him because there was nobody coming. Right. Like, go be it. Go get in the middle of it. And I think we need people to put their stupid phones down and go look around their neighborhoods and see like, where can I go be a helper right now? What's the last song you want to hear before you die? Who let the door? I'm just kidding. Yeah, I got so many. Mike, John, I want to hear some Old Swish House. The last song. Piano Man by Billy Joel. No kidding. We all said the last song. If all of us are around and something happens to you right here, one of us is definitely going to be pulling up Little Jumper Boy on our own. I will haunt y'all. I will. I will. I will claw my way back to the upside down and I will find y'all. No, I Piano Man by Billy Joel. That's that's the song. I have that in my will. I want that to be the last song played at my wedding. I want I want everybody at my funeral. I want everybody. Same thing. I want everybody to kidding. Sheila. Oh, she I gave her the list of the songs. She's like, I'm not doing any of those songs. Her exact words for you. I'm not doing errands for you after you're dead. And I was like, oh, nice. She goes, I'll play in your funeral. I'll keep you in mind, but you'll be gone. And the funeral will be for me and everyone who comes to celebrate your life. I like the idea of. Like, let's head out into the world and go do some good now. And that's what that's what I hope my legacy is. But I hope that's my last song. What is yours? You know, I've been thinking about it ever since we the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, same theme song. Hi, kick two, three, no, no. I would probably say in a similar idea, just because I think this is a song that makes everybody like dance and get together would be like bitty in the jets. Just because I mean, it's just a time that everyone's going to start singing. Everyone's going to have fun. I've probably danced on a bar or two to that song at some point in time in my life. Best weekend. Weekend before last, but fine. Oh, it was Easter weekend. That's fair. You know, celebrating our risen Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank you very much. Shout out. But the idea of playing something that is going to bring everyone together to, you know, put their arms around each other and sing and have fun and be joyful and not some big, honestly, for some reason, the initial song that came into my brain was I remember you. Skid Row. I had that too. I don't know why it immediately came into my head. Yeah, I don't want people singing like a ballad. No, that's it. And that was my thought. I was like, no, I want something fun, but that was the first thing that popped into like immediately into my brain. So that tells it. But we I both I know how we both feel about that song and about Skid Row. I want damn, it feels good to be a gangster like that would be awesome. They'll get a voice track. That would be so awesome. If it just maybe a little TLC, don't go chasing waterfalls. Dude, hate on the getaways like that. But like it would be so rad just to have like that's the band. That song is so blind. It's perfect. All right. One more. And it's not good to listen with your kids. If you're driving, you're like, I want to hear that song. Don't put that song on your kids. I have a whole playlist that that now my son, I can now. But that one of my favorite things ever was realizing that I could if I had my phone connected to a speaker in the house, I make sure I have my watch on my Apple watch because I can control it and I start hearing like Jay-Z hard knock life and I'm like, nope, nope. You know, just being able to move past certain songs. I wasn't paying attention the other day and my son. I heard him. He goes, the someone was on and he just goes, geez, dad. And I was like, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't paying attention. And we were just I'll just sit there driving and so yeah, good call. I understand. All right. So I'm going to do so I'm going to ask this question and then I want kind of the practical answer and then more existential. OK. What's your greatest fear? So we're talking like the big existential fear and then like I know one of your practical fears and probably the one you're going to say that that yours is. But then you're more like everyday type fears. Oh. What do you know my practical fear? Heights. I hate heights. And I'd love to hear the rooms like what everybody's fears are. I'll paint you a picture of my existential fear. It is me on. It's funny because it's counter to this. It's me like on a hill, on a mountain, on top of a building, like or on a second story, looking out and I can see far and it's it's it's like the whatever it is, the water, the fire, the like, oh, this is it. And more importantly, not for me, this is it. And I'm with my kids. And so my big existential fear is my kids are in a situation. My wife is in a situation that I can't shield them from. I can't protect them from. And that keeps me like. I remember when my son was young and he's like, I'm still hungry. I literally pulled the car over into a gas station to get some food. My wife's like, what are you doing? I was like, those words set off something in me. I'm sure it's childhood really, but it's like. I those words like how they register with me. The thought of my kids being hungry, the thought of my kids being terrified, like in terror, the thought like, man. And that's why the global stuff going on right now keeps me up because I'm just thinking if my kids are walking in those streets and like, and I don't know how everyone doesn't put their own kids there because we won some lottery that we were born here. Like that stuff, that stuff haunts, haunts, haunts, haunts me. So. OK. The regular fears. Is heitz it or is there do you have like a different fear? My son got his past his driver's test this morning. So he is he is a licensed driver. And that is a fear as a parent. I get it. That is a huge fear. I told him last night, I said, I need you because he's like this afternoon. He's going to pick up my daughter from soccer practice. And I said, why are your life's about to get really great? You got to go for this part. I know, I know, I know. And then it's going to be amazing. My wife was smiling at your last night. Well, I'm sure panic mode. But I looked at him and said, I need you to understand this and you can't because you're 16, but I need to say it to you. When you and my daughter, when you're driving around your sister, my heart is not in my chest. It is in this car and the thought of you all not coming home. I cannot process that. You got to come home. You got to make it home, which means you got to drive safe. And he's like and he actually, to his credit, he's like, I got it. Yes, sir. Like he understood it. But it's that that scares me right now. That sense of like, you know, and just so you know, I've had a driver and now my son's been driving for four years and there are still times I get that. Yeah. So but it's a whole lot less than it used to be. I mean, if he drove to school, which was like .3 miles, I was terrified, watching Life 360, you know, making sure he showed up. But now I mean, he drives to he drove to Florida last year by himself or him and a friend. So, but man, when you get a driver in the house, it can start doing things. Oh, it's amazing, especially when you're like, oh, we're out of milk. Yeah. Yeah. In the heights, I just have a thing. I just don't like being up in the air too high. But Alex, big existential fear and then like practical, immediate fear. Yeah. I think existentially I have a fear of like loneliness and also just not being useful or important to the people that I love. So yeah, I guess that's the existential one. But more practically, I have two that are tied together. I hate needles with a passion. I'm so terrified of needles and in the feeling that I get, you know, whenever a needle is put in me is the feeling of being pinched. So I hate being pinched. That's a super. I get I get really weird about it. Like if I get don't even. I see the little pinches over there that freaks me out. Like it sends me into a place that's like, whatever I like, give blood, I watch. Oh, or whatever I'm getting. I have to watch if I'm getting a shot or getting blood taken. I have to watch. But it's a control issue I found out. I have to know what's happening. I just I don't even have to have that. I just kind of into it. I haven't given blood since I was more about you. The doctor since I was like 18, which I shouldn't admit, but I'm terrified of going in and telling me you need needles and I'm like, I don't want them. I don't want them. So just the longer you don't go, the more and bigger those needles will get. I want rather. No, I don't know. Yeah, I guess my existential one is like not leaving a legacy or not contributing anything to society that will burn. I don't have kids currently. So, you know, that that's just a floaty existential fear. Practical one, public speaking. I can't do it, man. Like I'll I have anxiety, like like nervous poops, like all kind of cold sweat, like diarrhea, rocket stuff. It's crazy, dude. I just and I can get up on stage and rap in front of 2000 people, which is weird. Yeah, because that's scripted. Right. Like there's you were at my comedy show the other night is like, there's a thought of going up and doing stand up. Here's the thing. I would love to do stand up. I would love to try it. I think I like I would love to do it. The idea of it, of like the anticipation of like, oh, you're next. You're next. Like that thinking about it already is like, I'm freaking out. Like, I don't know why I just can't do it. Hey, and can I just say this before you give your Kelly, I took your advice, I opened for Fiona Colley last night. I took your advice and I'm on a whole another level. Oh, did it did it work? Yeah. OK, well, now you got to tell us what the advice is. Well, um, I give feedback on his like his last stand up. So I asked Ben for some notes and the set he saw I did 25, which is a pretty long set and 25 minutes and. Um, a lot of my stuff, I say, I guess the jokes, like, I think the shows I'm proud of the stuff, but it's more what here's what happened in my house and it was some silly stuff that happened like some fun. Yeah, you've been to like some silly stuff. But Ben was when it called out like, I know you think about bigger stuff and deeper stuff and like kind of avoiding topical issues and avoiding things, you know what I mean, like to make me frustrated or mad or whatever. And so last night I went up kind of unhinged and it was, uh, it was it was it was the it was what's funny. It was the single most comfortable I've been on a comedy stage. And that was it was a new I felt it in in the middle of the set. Like, yeah, I got if you don't laugh, that's fine. Because I'm saying something that I believe is true, not trying to like desperately do a silly thing to make y'all laugh. And it made the whole thing way more powerful. So well done, brother. Nice. I love that. All right. My existential like big fear is of somehow being alienated from my son. And I think that goes from because I'm the one that reads all the emails on the show and the vast, I mean, hundreds of week of emails of people that don't have relationships with their children. And now with my daughter, that would not happen. I was special needs daughter. And so that that wouldn't happen just because of her middle capacity. But I admire we have a fantastic relationship with my son. I don't. But I just what reading all those emails, I cannot fathom not having a relationship with him because I just not only do I love him so dearly, I like him. I've got this great coming into an adulthood person and and that would that just devastate if I sat down and think about it, it devastates me. Somebody nothing to believe that it'll happen. Well, I saw this recently. One day, your kids will be amongst strangers, people you don't know telling them about the home they grew up in. What story will they tell? And I was like, and we all roll our eyes about our moms and all that. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, there's going to be a day when he's like my mom's calling. Yeah, he probably already does it, but it's just devastating. Yeah. Yeah. I always said that after I had a son, I felt like I should go to my mother-in-law and apologize because the fact that one of these days, my son, like he got he's in trade school right now for automotive and he got this big certification this morning. Oh, congrats. Thanks. He's very excited. And I was the first text. But one day I won't be. Yep. I can't tell you what that does. It just it rips me apart. And I don't want to be that mother-in-law. So I'd be OK with it, but it's awful. My everyday practical fears probably not practical. Terrified of clowns. Yeah, you are. Clown. I don't like clowns. One day. So I mean, I'm OK if like I go to the zoo. If I went to the circus and there's clowns there, that's fine. But I'm not going to watch it because if I watch something like that or I don't go to haunted houses anymore strictly because there's always clowns. Yeah. And I will have nightmares. Did you have an issue with the clown growing up? I know exactly where it started. Couple ways. Paultergeist. Because I was probably elementary when Paultergeist came out. The original one. Yes. Yeah, I'm like the original one in Massachusetts. Stop. The witch burning. Yes. Enough of that. Thank you very much. They're in Salem. In Salem. The no. And then my mom used to read true crime books, which is where I get my fascination with that. But she would read the books and there was always pictures in the middle of the books, you know, and Gacy. But she was reading a book and I didn't know what the book was. All I knew was I went in and I would look at the pictures in the middle of the book. I wasn't supposed to. And there was of him as a clown and I knew that he was someone that killed people. And I was like, well, there you go. And we're out. And we're out. So I don't like clowns. I have a t-shirt at home that I hardly ever wear because it's probably not appropriate, but it says the only good clown is a dead clown. I don't like him. Nice. Yeah. My, my two fears, the real one is. Losing my kids. I got, I got three little ones and. Specifically car crashes. There's some, I was talking to my wife about this the other day. I've seen or been a part of probably about a dozen car crashes. Like when I was, don't ride with Thomas. No hashtag West Virginia. Two of them were my fault because I too was 16 once they were very minor. But that's something that just when my wife is driving the kids around or whatever, I'm watching the iPhone tracker and I have to make myself stop because it's not healthy. I know that. So that's my real big fears there. I don't have, I don't have anybody tracked. I have nobody on my phone for that reason. I just, I, I. Yeah, I just can't. Otherwise I'd be glued to it. What I feel is my practical fear is the ocean. We shouldn't be in the ocean. Humans aren't meant to be there. God is very clearly telling us, don't go here. There's a very large dangerous creatures trying to spit us back out. We have a pretty diverse group of fears here and some pretty screwed up people. We have some very screwed up people. That is for sure. Well, that was our last question on this 900th episode. That was the anti-climatic. Give us another one. Well, we have to go. We have other shows to do. Here we go. But you know what's coming up this year, later this year? One thousand. That's why we'll hit that later this year. Isn't that crazy? I mean, that is that we'll cancel before then. No, we've made it 900. Come on, genuinely a thousand episodes is, is, is crazy. But we got to go to one more break. So we'll come back. We'll come back with something else. So stick around. All right. It's summertime. You're going to be running and gunning all the time. You're going to be traveling. You're going to be out having fun. You're going to be outside working. And when you come inside, here's what I want you to do. I want you to get good, awesome sleep. And how are you going to do that? Helix mattresses, because Helix mattresses rule. I sleep on a Helix. My wife sleeps on a Helix. Well, duh, because we sleep in the same bed. But my kids sleep on Helix mattresses. And when people come stay at my house in the guest room, that's right. Helix mattress, why they are the best. Helix does not build just one mattress for every person and expect him to be comfortable on it. They build mattresses for you, for how you as an individual person sleep. Whether you're a side sleeper, a back sleeper, a hot sleeper, they make mattresses for everybody. I want you to get online and take their sleep quiz. 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Is that awesome? Right when I saw her, I was like, Beth Amphetamine. I was like, where was that? I've been friends with her for eight years. Never even popped into my head. Well, my favorite one is the lady that used to be our coordinator. There's our PC on this show, Mia, and you named her Anna Mana. Yeah, Anna Mana. Anna Mana, Mia. So that's probably my favorite. I don't care for mine. What's yours? What do you always call me? Graham McKelley. Oh, that's the. Three and a half years older than you. I would just like to point that out. Hundred. Three and a half years. Three hundred and a half years. We're both Gen Xers. We're both four in the seventies. So many jokes I'm not going to make on that one. Anyway, what are some nicknames that people have given to you? Not that you've given to yourself because anytime you have to give yourself a nickname, that's a total douchey thing to do. What are some nicknames that you have had. In your life. I can't repeat any of them. This is. F***, f***, d***. D*** it. F***, f***. These are names that my friends parents have called me also because that was just my name. I have a buddy whose mom puts in Caleb's mom. She's in her mid seventies. If I call right this second, she would go. No, that's what she still calls me. Have I not told you the story? Why? When I was 17 years old, I was in a playing football on Friday nights in Texas. A Friday night life. That's that's church. It was church and the quarterback through four interceptions. And as a receiver, whenever the ball gets picked off, it's just open season. I was getting killed. Guys will just come running and the fifth ball he under through by like 15 yards. And I didn't I just stopped. I just stopped and the ball got picked off. And right when it happened, I was like, oh, it's going to suck tomorrow. Because the morning after every football game at 6 30, I had to be at the school to watch film of the game before. And that next morning we got beat. We got blown out 30 or 40 point loss. Next morning we're watching film and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And coach who was I think I've told you, his dad was his son. I saw him when he was this big, Beasley Cowboys. Oh, cool. His dad was my football coach. I didn't know that. Yeah. And so. When I say he unloaded, he rewind it and you can see me just stop. And this defender just waits for the block of punt and catches it and runs it. And he plays it, rewinds it, plays it, rewinds it, plays it, rewinds it. And we're all just waiting, waiting because I mean, it looks so bad. And he just goes, damn it, Deloni out there playing like a no, Deloni. And I knew at 17, I was like, oh, that's my name forever. And it was I was still am still am. It got modified to Dills in college so that people could say it all the time, like in church and stuff. But that's still my name. And it might just continue to be. I, you know what, it's time. It just is that's how a chunk of people in my life know me. Any other questions? No, no, I think that I'm so happy right now that we'll just in there. I prefer all of those. I just think that's funny. My friend, Ryan, called me that once and that stuck for a long time. Nope, Dills, it is.