Junkies Throwback Thirty- Best Of Bret Oliverio

Welcome to another edition of Junkies Throwback 30. Why do I have deja vu, guys? This is familiar. Can we guess what we're going to do this week on Throwback 30? Yeah, Cakes is going to bet you a dollar. All right, I'm going to guess. We had Brett on the show this week to talk about Bill Belichick. Maybe it's an homage to Brett. Great call, JP. Yes, we have a cornucopia of Brett segments that we put together. Some of the best of Brett, the former producer. If you are post-Brett, listening to the junks, you missed out. Brett was a great storyteller. He had a great sense of humor. He was a good punching bag, too. You're sleeping on the fact. We've always had punching bags. Most recently, AWOD was one for a long time. You were one for many, many years. Still am occasionally. Who preceded you was Brett. And the whole bet on Brett was because we found him to be quite ignorant on a lot of topics. What are some of the things that we used to goof on Brett about? Big thighs. Oh, definitely the thigh. The picture on the horse. I've never seen a horse that was screaming out of my head. Well, I think that was after his honeymoon. That was during his honeymoon. What about the food choices? He didn't eat anything. He didn't eat anything. He was very childlike when it became good food. He abhorred walking. He did not like a lot of physical activity. But the weird thing is... Which contributed to his meaty thighs. You see him now, he's super thin. He's on his feet all the time. He's svelte. I don't like walking, but I have to for my job. He also was ahead of his time when it came to social media, which I think has helped him with Sup Dogs. He had celeb tweeting. Yeah. You know, it didn't last that long. It didn't take off. Hey, didn't he have emails with Puffy? He just think. It wasn't Puffy. It was someone wanted to buy it. No, no, it was the guy from the Run DMC, the Simmons. Russell Simmons. Oh, okay. Russell Simmons. Here's the other thing about Brett that always, it actually blew my mind, is he literally thought blonde girls were sent from God. They were directly sent from God, and they were like unicorns. And he married one. No, he makes her dye her hair blonde. They have an agreement. I thought she was naturally. No, no. He makes her dye her hair blonde. It's a contract. All of his sup pups, they get a job application and a bottle of peroxide as soon as they walk through the door. Yeah, they get paid more. Maybe an NDA. Anyways, everybody enjoy Brett. Hey, tweet him at Brett Radio that you're listening to him this week for the Junkies Throwback 30. Everybody enjoy. Welcome back. On a game show Wednesday, trying to give away keys for the Harley-Davidson Sportster XL 1200N. Giving that away later this month, I believe, on June 28th. Plus, if you're the big fat winner, you're going to win an accessories package valued at $5,000, all courtesy of Harley-Davidson in Washington. And Millilite, good call. We've brought in our super producer, Brett Oliverio, a.k.a. Brett Michaels, a.k.a. Barbecue Brett. Meaty thighs, thighs and fries, whatever you want to call him. Brett Negrano. That would work, too. And here's the game where we ask him a question. All you have to do is either bet on Brett or bet against Brett. Got a bunch of questions. I know Lurch has been working feverishly. Cakes has been working feverishly. I have a few. He hates my questions because I like to throw in the cliche questions. Right. For the record, he did know because he asked me, do you have hard questions today? And I said, well, I'll give you a couple of my crossouts. You're nervous. He did like an off-air version of them. Yeah, so I gave him my cross-outs, which Cakes deemed too easy. He did know a day late and blank. A day late and a dollar short. Yeah. Come on. He did not know that dog will blank. I've never heard that. That dog will hunt. And he did not know fish or cut blank. But those were before. Let's punch up our first contestant. That gives you a little context. No, you said fish or and then stop. I said fish or cut blank. That dog won't hunt. No, no. That dog won't hunt. Yeah, he said that dog will hunt. See, you don't even know what you're saying. It's that dog won't hunt. I looked it up on Cliche. That's right. That dog will. Look it up. Blank. If you're wrong. Did you go to JeffHedgesCliche.com? That dog won't hunt. Nobody uses that awful saying. Well, that was crossed out. You're probably right. Right. All right. Just relax over there, Ricky. I've heard the questions that have been thrown about. I actually think only a **** would miss these. You see, Brett, you have questions here. I never do. I believe that you'll get these. Brett's in his defensive posture already. Arms folded. He's already firing back. I know it's going to be like, where are the Andes Mountains? No. It's hurting questions. No, they're not going to be that difficult. No, that's butt hard. Who's the first contestant, EB? All right, let's go to Brian. I love this. This is the world's greatest game of all time. What's up, Ricky? Hey, Brian. Brian. All right, takes, you got one? Want me to lead off? Yeah. Sure, we'll just go around the horn. All right. Brian. Nope. Time to bet on Brett or against Brett. Notre Dame is located in this state. I said it's a lock. Oh, my God. Don't leave the witness. Do you believe Brett knows it or does not know that? If you don't get this, I'm going to cut your leg off. Brett, if you do not get this, just walk out there on Main Street and get hit by a truck. I mean, it's one of the most recognized schools in ever. I know. So you're betting on him. Yes. All right. I know it's in South Bend, Indiana. That's a winner. That's too easy. Family connection? Yeah, my dad went to Indiana. I mean, seriously. He's a moron. That's disrespectful. Was your dad ever recruited by Notre Dame? I'm testing the waters. He was too silly for Notre Dame. He was recruited by a much bigger school. All right, from Indiana, what else? Any school he wanted to go to, pretty much. He was a big silly. McDonald's All-American, I think he was. No, now you're starting to hype him. He was a big silly. They had McDonald's All-Americans back then? No, maybe he wasn't. I think they had some sort of other All-American. I was seventh man at Lake Braddock. There you go. He made a squat for the record. By the way, Cliche.com has that dog won't hunt. Cliche Finder has that dog won't hunt, that dog will hunt. All right, so they both work. Lurch's dog that he'll never have will never hunt. No. We know that. He'll be hunted. Yes. That's a nice short-sleeved mock turtle. You like that? Yeah, you're joining. Let me see. It's just a golf shirt. Let me see it. Which one is it? Stand up, Rick. Stand up. The little knobs. You know what? Short sleeve mock turtleneck. Old Hickory. You wore that at... Old Hickory's a great course. You wore that at the poker open. I did. You're right. You're correct. Is that like in your heavy rotation right now? I think it is. Have you done like a thinning out of your wardrobe? Not as much as I need to. Right. I think like every week I need to bring in like two or three items to give away on Chad and Oscar show. You might want to give that one away today. No, I can't give this away. Short sleeve mock turtleneck. It's a golf shirt. I can see... Kate's the type of guy that would wear like a short sleeve dress shirt. Yes. You think I didn't wear those? See, I can tell. You're that type of guy. He would have a pen. Oh, yeah, he would. No, I wouldn't have pens and a calculator. It'd be white and probably have a stain on it. Oh, it'd have stains on it. Don't think it's Toys R Us. I don't have any more of those. He had cigarettes in one pocket, too. Did you have a clip-on tie at Toys R Us? No, I had sillies. What, like a regular tie? Yeah, sillies like I could actually tie them. I'm like Brett Oliverio. Yeah, I still don't know how to tie them. Who can't tie a tie? So do you wear clip-ons? No, I don't know. I get someone to tie it for me. I've asked random people. Hey, ask your business dude. Just a random dude that you don't know. That's funny. You're kidding me. How can you be so ****? How ties do you think you own? No. Like five? Probably less. So you really couldn't tie a tie? You have no idea? No. I wouldn't know where to begin. We know to cross it. You throw it on your neck. You just cross it. I can explain it to you. Five seconds. Can you tie your shoes or you have other people do that too? I can do that. Velcro. Velcro shoes. We just have like flip-ons. Let's go to Jack. Let's see where his foot flops almost every day. Do you have anything to cover your feet? Jack. Hey, what's going on, guys? Do you want to bet blind, or do you want to listen to the question? No, he should hear the question. By the way, did the first winner get a key? No, he didn't get a key. This qualifies for a key. Oh, that's right. He did get it right. He did get it right. First two winners. Yeah, key. First two winners get a key. Then after that, we have pairs of tickets to WWE Monday Night Raw at the Verizon Center. Oh, that'd be sweet, too. If there are more winners, that is. All right, Jack, here is the question for Brett. Here comes a hard one because I just got one right, but go ahead. What does veal come from? All right. Hold on. What is it? Will he know that? Clarification. What type of veal is veal? What animal does it come from? Yeah, he'll know this. What does veal come from? Don't lead the witness. You're betting on Brett. I'm in a food box right now. This is a CK question, by the way. Yes, I will bet on Brett. All right. So you think he knows this? That may be a bad bet. There's a specific answer to where veal comes from? He knows. Now, this is an animal location. It's an animal. It's an animal that you... Yes. It's not... I guess I can't say that. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. I don't know. I'm going to... I mean, is this specific enough if I say fish? Yes. No, that's specific. It comes from a fish. Yes. How did you know that? No, I'm wrong. What kind of fish is it? I don't know. What is it? A veal would be from a small cow. Like a baby cow. Like a calf. You know what? I didn't know that. You thought it was a money flipper. I thought it was a money flipper. I thought it was a money flipper. I thought it was a veal fish. CK, right there. Thank you. Thank you. I think veal, though, is tougher than pork. Well, it doesn't veal. That sounds like a fish, right? Veal. It does? Well, to me, grouper. That sounds like a fish. Grouper, veal, slounder. They all sound the same. He loves. This is what he does. He always tries to make it a bad question. This stemmed from the fact that last week we went to dinner. He said he had no idea. He said he had no idea what a pork chop looked like. By the way, he's Italian. I'm sure Italians don't eat veal too often. He said he couldn't ID a pork chop. How good of like veal scallops. He said, what does a filet mignon look like? That's one of the funniest answers that he's given. He thought he got it. You wouldn't know by looking at you that it would have a limited menu. That's popcorn kettle right there. There's new swill of metrics left and right over there. All right. One for two so far. Who's up next? So when you go to the Baltimore Aquarium, you think there's like a veal exhibit? We'll go to the veal section. We'll go see the veal. Right next to the eel. By the way, that's a promo. Yeah, it's got a veal. It's a lot. I mean, it's just a lot. I'm sorry. You made the promo. We don't have to do a promo today. That's what I was thinking about. Eel. That's probably why I botched it. Okay, sure. Electric eel. Yeah, that's why. Veal. That is funny. Let's go to Bruce. I love you. You're a genius in your college graduate. Yeah, from JMU. It's like the number one public school in the South. It is. Look it up. Didn't you have to transfer in, though? Yeah. That's all right. He downplays that. It doesn't matter. He's got his degree from you. Did you try to get in there as a senior? No, I didn't even try. I went to Mason, got like a 3-4, and then transferred in. Got denied from UVA. Transferred into JMU. Even as a transfer that UVA denied you? Yeah, they did. Tough school, man. I thought transfers, they let anybody in. No, not UVA. Bruce. A lot of people don't know what veal is. Bruce, what do you think so far? He's scaring me is what he's doing. That is funny. Do you want to bet blind on Lurch's question? No, no, no. Not on Lurch's. Is this a food one again? All right. I have a geography and I have like a sports question. Sports. Come on. Okay. You're going to get horde. What is known as the sport of kings? I'm going against him. I don't think he's going to know that one. The sport of kings. Is this too hard? No. By the way, I think there could be possibly two answers. Two answers are acceptable. Okay, well, if he gets either of the answers. I don't think I know the answers. Two answers are acceptable. The sport of Kings. I'm going to say equestrian. Well, wait a second. Did he bet on you or against? He said no. No, he bet against. I think you need to get more specific. Yeah. I'm going to say equestrian. I think you need to get more specific. It has to do with horseys. Well, then I pulled it. Are we going to give it to him? It's horse racing. It's horse racing. Horse racing or chess, I believe, is also referred to as sport of Kings. Well, I was thinking chess. Well, I don't even. What exactly is equestrian? Equestrian is horses that jump over the gates. Oh, same thing. No, horse racing. That's the same as the Kentucky Derby. I mean, to be honest, we'll call it. You know what? Not giving them. I don't give it to them. Yeah. I was in the horse mix. Equestrian. I can't give it to them. I'm sorry. Why? Because they're two different sports. It's still people riding horses. He's in the round. That's like saying rugby is the same as football. You're in the round, but that's like saying two plus two is five. You know what? I would give you. Why don't we just give him a pass on that? Because he was in the ballpark. I think it's a pass. It wasn't. You can't give him full credit. You're going to say equestrian and horse racing are two separate events. I agree. What are the two things? It's like half credit. He said the other one was chess. I don't really consider chess a sport. I don't even consider horse racing a sport. It's an animal. It's definitely a sport. All right. Let's just call that half credit. Give Dan wrestling tickets. What makes horse racing a sport? Real quick. It's a competition between animals. Right. And humans. They're jockeys. Yeah. Those aren't athletes. Those are nobs guys that weigh 100 pounds. They are athletes. They're strong. Even though you disrespect them because they're 5'2". I bet you're out of your realm here. Steve Cawthon would pummel you. Ooh. Exactly. How about Kent DeSormo could probably beat you in any athletic pursuit? Including hoops. No, he couldn't. And he's 5'2". He could beat me in basketball. I played basketball with him. He was trifling. When did you play against him? He grew up in bullying. He dunked on him like in 1987? I'm sure that Kentis Moro could beat him in football. He would just run right over Kentis Moro. He couldn't catch Kentis Moro. All right, let's go to BK. BK, what's up? Bottom line is, it doesn't matter. Bottom line is, it's a sport. We're stuck in minutia. BK. TK, what's up? TK, whatever your name is. TK. I don't know what it is. Penalty kick. Whatever you mean. All right. I think you called him BK. All right, go ahead. Do you have a question? Back to cakes. I called him what it's printed in. All right, that's fine. Do you have a question? No. I never have a question. Yes, I do. All right, go. The Statue of Liberty was a gift to the United States from this country. Does Brett know that? Yeah. No. You believe Brett knows it? You're betting on Brett. Don't read the witness. I'm just saying he doesn't know it. The Statue of Liberty was a gift to the United States. I'm going to be honest. I could guess this, but I don't know the answer. From this country. I'm just trying to hook you back. Because you're not the only clueless one in the room. He gives me some swagger. All right. What's your guess? Hold on. What did he say? What did PK or TK, what did he say? He believes he knows it. All right. You're trying to get a read on my breath. I'm trying to get a read on you. For some reason, and this is probably totally wrong, I'm going to say France. I think that's totally wrong, though, because we don't get size for each other. France is your answer? Yeah. You're correct. How did you pull it? How did you pull that? I don't know. I don't think he was going to pull it. I don't know how to pull that either. He's so excited. Although you prefaced it by saying, I don't think this is right. All right, now, BK. BK. BK. Why is it PK though? He's been on the show a hundred times Paul Kevin, I don't know, what does PK stand for? Paul Keith Why don't you just want to be Paul? Yeah, just be Paul I don't know why you want to be EB, why don't you be Lurch? I don't want to be Lurch I don't want to be This is what people call me John Hey, I never said I'm a big sir I'd rather he be John Of cakes, shakes, bakes It's my curse Paul, you win a prize, okay? Thank you, sir He wins the key You get a key, okay? Stupid. Oh, my God. That was the greatest pull ever. That was well done, Brett. That was good. Rebounding from my veal is a fish. So proud. That made the game worth it. All right, Brett. I'll give you an extra dollar. Ooh. Just aside, this is not with the listeners. All right. If you can name where all the immigrants, as you like to deem them, foreigners when they come in the country. Foreigners. Back in the day, they would pass through this gateway to get into the country. Ooh. Guantanamo Bay? You think my dad went to Guantanamo Bay? You know what? I'll give you that. And my grandfather? Just because you entertained me with the island. It's an island. Oh, Rucker's Island. Rucker's Island. What is this? It would be Ellis Island. It would be Lofonzo Ellis Island. Why did you give me this? Everybody just comes through. Ruckers. What is Rucker's Island? It would be Riker's Island. Do they get a Riker's Island? Or Rucker's the park. We're going to do this the rest of the show. Yeah. How can we not? No, we're not doing it. Why not? Sit down, Cakes. By the way, Cakes. Yes. Farner just performed at Belmont at the country club. They did? Was Lou Graham the lead singer or they have a Nob's lead singer now? I believe Lou Graham was the lead singer. Like the whole band got back together? Pretty sure. Very nice. Can you hear? Farner. Can you hear stuff? Do you live that close that you can hear from your group? No, no, no. I can't. By the way, Brett. Yes. It's a lock that your relatives probably went through Ellis Island. Yeah, I'm sure they did. Do you ever talk about your ancestry? No. I'm not going to sit around and talk about that. Ruckers. Do you guys talk about that? Did you say Ruckers or Ruckers? I said Rucker, like Rucker Park. Yeah. Okay. Do you ever talk to your grandmother about your grandfather and your great-grandfather? No, I think my granddad's parents came over from Italy. I've been here for a long time. All right. All right. Let's go to Bobby. How long have you been here, JP? I was born here. And I certainly know more about this country than you. Yeah, but his parents weren't. No, that's true. His parents weren't born here. Probably a hundred times more than you about this country. Look, he's got the face. He's got the wide eyes. He's got the bitter. No, he's got the same face. JP gets the wide eyes. And then he starts slamming his pin on the console. The same face he had earlier when he was trading bars with you about, like, sister. About foreigner. About foreigner. This whole segment's been making fun of Brett. Brett tries to fire back one time. I know. JP gets all bitter. I can fire right back. Just like JP. What did you say to JP earlier? I said he was a foreigner. You said something about his... His cousin was a higher... Yeah, he fired back to your sister. He was a little bit, you know, Marvin Lewis over there. Oh, yeah. Let's go to Ron. He's got skin like Cakes' head of hair. Some people have commented that JP seems like he's been particularly sensitive lately. Yeah, we should delve into that. Thin skin. You think there's something behind that? Yeah, what's going on? I don't know. There's tension over there? I think it's... You know what it is? It's because his knee, he has to like... So he's all thin. He's all pent up and everything. He needs to be out. He doesn't have an outlet. He's not playing sports until 11 o'clock at night. You need to whistle or something, man. You need to get rid of all that. All the angst? Get the evil out? Get the evil out, man. Why whistle when you can hang out with Jeff Smoker? All right. Okay, but that's a different story. You've got to do it all the time. Is there something behind the angst? I don't have any angst. I just... He shot a barb at me. I shot a barb back. But you've been here to have angst. We've been making fun of him for 20 minutes. Yeah. I said veal. Veal the fish. He doesn't get bitter every time he gets a question wrong. Vegetarians love. He does. He does get bitter every time. He blames it on the question. He gets salty. Yeah, but I don't get the wide eyes and the bitter of the face. The flared nostrils. This is the face side of the room right here. You're grinding your teeth right now. I can see it from here. Your whole, like, cheek's moving. You're grinding your teeth. I'm just ready to ask the next question. Be salty. Be salty. Be salty. All right. Let's go to Ron. What's up's going on? I don't know what it is. Ron. Yeah. What's up, buddy? What's up, chumps? All right. Ron, here is your next question for Brett. Bet on Brett. When people ask you for your signature, sometimes they ask you for this founding father. I think he knows it. No way. He's smiling. I'm not that big of a r***er. It's John Hancock. You got it. You're famous. No, but I think that was a good question. There's like eighth graders who know that. Yeah, but you don't know. You said veal was a fish. Yeah. Look what the dog dragged in. I like that question, though, because I pulled it. I've got another question. You don't even know that one. He might know this. He might know this. All right. Let's go to Aaron Fredericksburg. What's up, John Keith? Aaron, you're on with Fred Michaels. Jesus, Jake. What? JMU graduate. What is he doing over there? Nothing. What year did you graduate from JMU? Oh, I know what he's doing. Brett, what year did you graduate? 03, December. No, no, no. May 03. And where did you graduate in your class in high school? Were you middle of the pack? Yeah, middle of the pack. You know, 3-0. 3-0, did the minimum? Nah. I mean, I didn't do too much in high school or college. I just showed up. Right. My senior year of college, I didn't buy one book or I didn't take any notes. Where'd you go, Rob? I don't believe it. Swear to God. There's people that test you. And you're jockeying that school? Of course I believe it. I would show up to class. I would always sit in the front so I could pay attention. I would just sit there and listen, and I would participate, but didn't buy a book. Take a note. They'd be like, all right, quiz on Chapter 3 tomorrow. Where'd you go to high school? Robinson? Lake Braddock. Lake Braddock. That's Harvard of the South. All right. 35th ranked business school in the country. This is a geography question. All right. All right. Who's the contestant, Cakes? I don't know. He's got all the names. How would I know? Aaron, here's the question. Where is Rio de Janeiro is the question. I don't think Brett knows this. Rio de Janeiro. All right. He doesn't even know Rio by Duran Duran. Did you ever see the movie Blame It on Rio? You know what? I will bet against Brett. Considering my favorite restaurant is Rio Grande, I should know that. Yes, you should. I'm going to have to ask for the country, not the continent. I think that's a little too easy. Yes, country. You're going to have to ask for it. Continent does not work. All right. I'm going to say Brazil. I don't know if that's right or not, but I'm going to say Brazil. You pulled it again? You pulled France? Are you just playing with us? No, I said what I got. Veal is my favorite fish. All right. Me too, buddy. What did you say? You said veal is my favorite fish. Let's go to Chase. You know, I'm glad you got it. Chase in Fairfax. You're on fire today, Brett. You motherfucking genius. Hey, Chase, how are you? Good. How are you doing, man? All right. I've got a question for Brett. All right. Are you going to bet on or against Brett? Here's a question. What is an anchovy? Hold on. What does that mean? I need clarification. What is it? What is it? The question is, what is it? So you have to answer it. I mean, I have a guess. What is an anchovy? I'm betting against. Betting against. All right. Now it's on Brett. What are you going to say, Brett? Hurting people put it on pizza. I know that. Right. What is it? Is it a vegetable? Is it a vegetable? No. Is it like a salty fish? It is a salty fish. It's something. It's a salty fish. That was salty. Your other answer would have worked. That's a fish. Yes. You're a dog. I wouldn't have guessed that in a million years. You're bad with fish. Now you'll definitely never get anchovies on your pizza. So people get fish on their pizza. Some do. Yeah. Fish pizza. I've never heard of that. Chase, did we ask you if you'd bet on them? He bet against them. I bet against them. That's your winner then. You're a winner then. You can see a WWE Monday Night Raw ticket. I will say this. People who get anchovies on their pizza should have their tongues cut out. Are you kidding? I can do a few anchovies like on a Caesar salad, like one or two. You know what? Like at a nice restaurant. You don't deserve to ever eat pizza again. They're salty. They're good. They're not good. They're pretty good. Anchovies on Lido pizza. You sleep on that. Terrible. In limited doses. It awful Yeah I agree with you Casey You can overpower it with too much What a bratwurst or whatever that you like to get at the belly It a sausage You know what I mean A liverwurst Liverwurst I don really know what that is It's probably some sort of like factory-made crap. Where does that come from? Some sort of processed meat. Some sort of processed crap. It's probably like pork. Like bologna is nothing but like scraps. Why would you get antelope when you can get ham or pepperoni? I don't. I get usually like pepperoni or mushrooms or sausage. Like the go-to. What do you get? What's the last one you get? Sausage. I do like sausage. Can we give him our last questions? All right, I've got one last one. I have one more as well. Chalker, it's a food-related question. Just for the junks, just to bet on that. All right. You went to JMU. Yeah, graduated four years. James Madison is often referred to as the father of the Constitution, the father of the Bill of Rights. Right. What president was he? Say the beginning part, Jibby. Missed the beginning. James Madison, he went to JMU. This is going to be a trick question. He's known as the father of the Bill of Rights, the father of the Constitution. Sometimes you refer to that. I never remember that. What president was he? Jason just slid a paper at me. Is there a silly clue in there? I don't know. Let me see if there's a number in here. The audio sound bites. I don't think so. There's nothing on there. There's no number on it. Do you know anything about James Madison, the founder of your university? No, I don't know that much. Did that ever occur to you? I know he has a school that houses blonde sillies everywhere. Like it's funny. Do you think he was a president? See, that could be a trick question. Yeah, that's something. You know what? I'm going to say 11. He was the 11th president. He was the father of the Constitution, but he lasted that long. I don't know. Just get to the answer. How about fourth? I was going to say fifth, actually. Well, you said 11th. Fifth, 11th. All right. Always go with your gut. That is your alma mater. It never occurred to you that you wanted to know, like, why am I going to this school? Why would they name it after him? How would I do that? But, hey, JP, what number of president is Abe Lincoln? I think he's 16. Oh, bitter. Hey, JP. This is where you get in trouble when you try to stop us on the few or three random things you know. What's four score in seven years? Oh, no chance of that. That's the Gettysburg Address. No, but what does it mean? Who cares about what score is? How many years is that? How many years is that? How many years is that? You know, Brad, I'm with you on this one. I'm being ignorant. Anybody? No one talks in scores. Four hundred and seven. You know what a score is? A score? No. 20 years. 87. Who uses that sort of terminology circa 2008? Nobody. He just asked me Abraham Lincoln trivia. All right, come on, Cakes. I know that Abraham Lincoln had a gaping hole in his head. Yeah, he did. He had a big, long beard. Give us your question. Who shot Abe Lincoln? Oh, her thing. I know this. You should know this. Give me until the end of the segment. What's the next question? His great, great, great grandson played at Maryland. Yes. He was silly. He was 6'5". I can't think of it right now. And now he's still on the staff. After the first round by the Bulls. He had a cousin who was a good shooter for the Lakers back in the day. Where was he shot? It was like Ford's Theater or something like that. Jamal. Yeah, very good. Yeah. I think that's right. Is it Ford's Theater? Yes. He had a three name. Whatever. Three name. You want me to say Lee Harvey Oswald, but I'm not going to. We're just a show that's coming to a screeching halt now. What is the main ingredient in sauerkraut? All right, slow down. Main ingredient in sauerkraut. I'm going to say sour cream. I have no idea. How would I know? I've never tasted that. It's because of sauerkraut. It's because of sour cream. That's money. It's cabbage. Something you'll never eat. Okay, here's another follow-up. What was your last question? It's cabbage, Brett. Cabbage, Brett. No, no, mine was also another geography. Where is Amsterdam? Do you know that? Do you know that? Amsterdam was in Amsterdam. I don't know. Well, guess. That's the fun part of the game. You're guessing. Where is Amsterdam? I don't have the answer here. Where is Amsterdam? Did New Zealand something like that? I don't know. How about this cliche? Where is it? It's in the Netherlands. Or the Netherlands. How about this? Somebody cried all the way to the blank. Bank? There you go. You got an eye. Give me one example. It is the end of the segment. All right. All right. It's the end of the segment. Kate's got one last one. Give me one example of citrus. Citrus? Yes. Like orange? Very good. I mean, seriously. We don't know that. Kelsey can answer that Hey The guy thought He was a fish Okay So let's You know what You insulted the whole DC Improv Cakes It's true I did I feel bad about it too I feel like a dick Alright Gotta take a break Good job buddy There you go Slanks Come back Do some entertainment page Right here on the Junkies Junkie Brett left a nugget yesterday that was maybe... I will say for sure it was the best nugget of the week. Okay. I'm not going to say it was the best thing I've ever heard. Okay. But it's in the top 20. Mm-hmm. All right. Brett and his girl. Should I just let Brett say that? It's not even me. It's funny. All right. Brett finds a note. I don't even know if you heard this, CK. All right. Listen to how genius this is. where you know how you write like little to-do lists for yourself yeah i do that all the time but some people do that some organized people do it sure you'll have a little yellow post-it right and you'll go write it on their phone you know i gotta get the car washed i gotta go to the bank you know lurch gotta get his nut for the trip you know you got certain things gotta pay your cable but whatever it is and she had her little list and it was like do dishes do my nails do my nails i'll tell you right now yeah you think you can say that just out of left field you always You grill me and you throw out stuff like that. He's a little bit clueless. So she had such triple entendre. No, it wasn't. You're the new number one seed for saying things you're not allowed to say. Jamie thinks it's on satellite radio. Right. Maybe one day. So Brett's beautiful girlfriend, Jenny. Jenny. Jenny. Jenny. Why is it because of Jenny with an I? I don't know. I think that's a Forrest Gump thing. Yeah. I'm just trying to get the reference. It's not an I thing. I'm just trying to get the reference. Gen I. So Gen I has the list, and it says get your hair done, wash dishes, buy new shoes, and then it says ride C. You're kidding me. I swear to God. And Brett found it. I actually have the note. Oh, you have it on you? And she had some of it crossed off. Like, okay, get ready for work at like 4.30 in the morning. Right. And this was like on a desk, and I'm like. This is the list. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Right? It's labeled 1125, 2007. Eric, you want to read the list? Okay, I've got to read it. It actually says writing. It doesn't say C. Did she cross it off her list? Yeah, it's crossed off her list. So I was right with my guess. You were right. It says workout, crossed out, riding, crossed out, nails, bathroom, bedroom, living room, kitchen, bills. So she had to put that on her list on her ride. You understand? You got to take a picture of that and put it on the website. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen. The funniest thing I've ever seen. Put the picture on the website. I'm like, why did you put that on your list? She's like, I wanted to get mine. I'm like, it's the funniest answer. You know what? You have to prioritize sometimes. I love Gen I. That's the most thing I've ever seen. It's just funny. I couldn't believe she actually wrote that on a list. Then I grabbed the cell phone from her yesterday while we're talking about the list, and I'm asking her all sorts of nonsensical questions. She didn't even know it was me. Right. And Brett's feeding me lines to ask her. Well, I was feeding you lines. I'm a total perv. She wrote down writing. Well, the funny part was I was never supposed to see that list. It was just a list she made when I was doing the pregame show. It wasn't like a list to tease you or turn you on. No, I just randomly found it on a desk. She has to be reminded. Was she afraid she was going to forget that she was sciced? Oh, no, no. She's always sciced. I mean, look at me. Yeah, right. She has to write a note to herself to bang you. We actually made it happen three times that day. Three times? Bit of a show. Really? When was the last time you guys did that? Three times? Three times? Oh, man. Probably never. Are you kidding? I don't know what you got. I don't know what you got. I don't know what you got. I don't know what you got. You got. Finished the race. It's a morning, afternoon, and night? You finished the race three times? Yeah. I can't ever recall doing that. I know two. Three races in one day? I can do two. That's not a problem. Trust me, two's not a problem. Before the pregame, after the pregame, then at night. Wow, you're quite the morning devil. And who was the initiator? Both of us. Let me ask you something. When was her last on the bench? You know what I mean? What do you mean? Like, when was a friend last in town? I want to know when that relates. A couple weeks ago. because if that has something to do with it, the way the hormones are. Not that that would stop this guy. No, that's true. Yeah, it doesn't matter to him. No, but there's a hormonal thing where there are certain days where, like, they ride down riding and they mean it and they're going to do it all day. Exactly. You know what I mean? Doesn't your wife, like, have times when she is sciced and she's like, let's make this happen? Because she wants to hook herself. Well, it doesn't necessarily verbalize it. It's not always throwing you a bone. She wants to, you know. She's just being selfish. No, there's no question that you're just a tool. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's no question. There are certain days where you're getting yours, and there are certain days where they're getting theirs. Exactly. But the fact that she had to write it down to remind herself. Did you talk to her about that? The list? What did she say? I was like, why did you write down a list? She's like, she just said she wanted to, she's like, I just want to get mine. I'm just impressed by the fact that I cannot believe it. Can you imagine, would you find a note from Teresa that said, you know, dishes, writing. dishes, coke can do you know what I'm bitter at? Riding was second workout first? She was thinking of physical things So you're a back to back to backer I mean it's not like all the time Even once Before the pregame show, after the pregame when you got home So during the rest of the game Did you have it on in the background? And then what, later that night when you guys were going to sleep? And then she initiated all three? No, I'm telling you, it was pretty much equal. Equal? Like, I initiated one, she initiated the other. Now, did you initiate with a kiss or anything? What did you do? Did you just like... I mean, we definitely kissed. I'm not like you guys. Did she initiate with loaded skins for you? Maybe? Yeah, what did she do? Put a french fry on it? Cakes. Barbecue sauce. Cakes. When was the last time you made out? Have you french kissed this week? Like, independent of crushing it? Probably the last time that he pummeled it. No, but when was the last time you guys French kissed this week? French kiss. Me? French kiss. Just him? Just him. We'll get into you guys. Okay. It's been a few days at least. Maybe like five or six days. A French kiss? I don't know if that's happened in years. A French kiss would be the night before last for me. See? JP's money. Years. No. A French kiss? I don't know that. An actual slobber kiss. What do you do? Do you just go... Yeah, like a little pack? Yeah, what do you do? I like to kiss. Your lips are a little bit hurting. You use no tongue? Your tongue never touches Dina's tongue. I don't understand when you're... Here's what I don't understand about you guys. Yeah. When you're banging, how do you not kiss a little bit? I kiss around the neck. Of course you do. I kiss around the neck. I'm just focusing. You know what? This side of the room, we're a little bit silly. We're romantics. I'm a money... You're logical. Yeah. Just because you kiss. Right, it works. I'm going to give you the secret. Yeah. Behind the ear. What? Silly. What do you mean behind the ear? It's an erogenous zone. Yes, kiss them behind the ear. How do you... What do you mean behind the ear? You put their face into a pillow? That was stupid. You start kissing behind their ear. You could, like, be laying on top and go around. How? I don't understand the angles. It's not that hard. That's hysterical. I mean, you are young. Hey, I'm telling you, years. I don't know that it's been years. Your wife's pretty hot, too. I mean, I would rail her in two seconds. Is that a show I just said that? I've been with her for... We've been married almost eight. I'm with her like 11 years, though, dude. It just happened. I mean, how long have you been with your girl? We just started donking off French kisses. How long have you been with your girl? A couple years. Right. Two years? No, like three. Okay. Seems like a lot since back at HFS. 11. Almost four times that. Right. That's just... All right. Yikes. Right. The days of French kissing, long gone. Do you all French kiss her this weekend and tell us about it on Monday? No. This is not going to happen. Do you think you'll die before you French kiss her again? Probably. Hold on. Last question. If you were to French kiss her, if you were to just grab her and French kiss her, would she be like, what are you doing? Yeah, she'd probably be frightened. She'd probably run to the sink and spit. She'd probably be frightened because it's not normal behavior. Yeah, but your tongue goes everywhere else. Yeah. Yeah, well, it's... I'm going to point at the pongy. That's the move. Pongy's mom, eh? Look, the Pongy Sice. You know Thomas C. Moon? He's bringing his wife to the Borgata. Is he? Yeah. I think all guys. He's going to pummel that real good for a couple days. No kids? Who's watching? There are 100 kids. Zippy kids. It's called Fifth Kid on the Web. They're having babysitters in shifts overnight. I don't even know how he's pulling it. He's got four kids. I don't know how he's pulling it. It's a near impossibility. Yeah, pretty much. Kids will be running a roost for about three days. He's going to be betting. All right. Well, nice work, Brett. God bless you. Thanks. You're so money, your girl has to be reminded to bang you. Maybe next time you'll move up to number one on the list. After working out. Three times, I'm impressed, sir. Hey, by the way, Stump's on the line. He has some crazy sex thing. I don't know what he's saying. You're kidding. We'll come back to Stump. You can't miss Stump. Right after the break. We've got to put him on. Jeff, go. Did you hear what Brett did for Easter Lurch? No. They're not here. Brett told me. You're going to blow up his spot. This is not good. No, no, no. Brett said we could. Yeah, this is funny. Brett told me that his whole life exists of this. It's doing the show, occasionally doing his Krav Maga, and grasping. Right. Is that an accurate description of your life? Are you the king of graspers? Well, because, yeah, what else is life supposed to consist of? He said, all I do. He just was like, you know, just confessed to me. He goes, you know, all I do is grass. That's all I do. Well, seriously, life essentially is making money so that you can eat and so that you can score. Right? Pretty much, yeah. So you can stay alive, so you can sustain yourself so that you can score. And so you can procreate and leave your mark on Earth, which I have done. So he's trying to make a living doing the show, and after that, it's all... He eats chicken breast sandwich, and then he tries to score. Right. So we were talking about Hotei Easter and, you know, what you did for Easter. Listen to what he did. And, you know, I ate at her at the Corner Bakery for Easter at Buddy. But he not only called one or two or three girls. Listen to this. How many girls did you call? And then give us your message. I'm just trying to be a nice guy. So I went through my cell phone and my phone book and wished, you know, a bunch of girls happy Easter. He called like a dozen girls and wished them happy Easter. Seriously. One right after another. It's sweet. Give us the message. I would just. A lot of them are listening. I was like, I was hoping I would get a message. I didn't really want to talk to anyone. Right. So I'd be like, hey, it's Brett. Just wanted to wish you a happy Easter on this drizzly day. Drizzly. I was trying to be sweet. Right. And, you know, girls eat that up. Did anybody call you back? Yeah, a bunch of them did. Really? Yeah, so I'm good to go. You're cultivating relationships. How many of those do you think you're going to end up taxing? Well, they were all girls that were like. They've been pre-taxed? No, no, no. Pre-taxed. How many of you? There were girls that were in the works. I'm not just going to call a random ugly girl. I know, but these are girls that you've messed with in the past, though, right? He's not going to call a rug a random ugly girl. That's a silly three-letter name. How many have you made out with? I don't even know. They're all girls that I've gotten their phone numbers. Did you call a dance team? Yeah, I called her. You are such a grasper. Do you call old faithfuls, ones that you know you can pull? You don't even bother with that? No, I do. Just keep it good graces. It's a good PR move. Happy Easter on this drizzly day. Brett's all about promoting himself. Did you write it down? No, I didn't write it down. Just wanted to wish you a happy Easter on this drizzly day. Was it the same message every time? Yeah, of course. It was. What would happen if they would actually pick up? Oh, then I'd have to make conversation. Right, it sucked, right? You'd have to pause for like two seconds, like, oh! Yeah, well, no, you know what I figured out? When I try to make conversations with girls, I just ask questions. It's like an interview. I just ask questions and they answer. and you just keep going. That way you don't have to be on the hot seat for anything. Yeah, and there's no dead silence or no awkward silence. I just keep asking questions. Plus, it gives off the illusion that you're actually interested in their lives. You should hear what he says with his new move is now. Like, with chicks. Right. What is it? Do you mind if I talk about it? I'll just be vague. Obviously, I can't be too descriptive. Yeah, he just says he just... But all of a sudden, he's in a car and the girl just looks over and it's a show. Isn't that how it goes? And if she objects, well, then he puts it away. He puts it away. He tries to have a normal conversation. That's a very hyped-up version. But how does it go? Isn't that essentially what you do? No, I mean, it depends, you know, what the situation is. It's like, oh, look what I found. Oh, my God. Is that your PR move there? No, that's bad PR. How many times has that actually worked? It works a bunch, but, I mean, it's not like my go-to move. I'm not like a... It probably works with the hard things. Well, I make sure things are comfortable, and you know what I mean? I'm not just a... Yeah, but it's like, once things are comfortable... Yes, you are. but Brett he's not just what he said I don't care about these three letter bands I'm hanging up all these people I don't care about the three letter bands I want to hear people calling about Brett because you're more fascinating to me no but do you think calling girls and wishing them a happy Easter was bad no I think it's a good thing I just found it funny when you told me that you called like ten straight consecutive with the exact same message so you're just sitting there and you got a half hour to kill you you go oh I'll call some of my bitches and wish them all happy Easter I was in my car and I figured you know I got to make these calls. And what better are you doing the call? A drizzly day kills me for some reason. Do you message one more time? You'd call and say, hey. I'd say, hey, it's Brett. Hope everything's going well. Happy Easter on this drizzly day. Doesn't drizzly day make you laugh? You know, it's good. It's descriptive. It works. So did any of the chicks call you back and say, oh, Brett, that was so sweet. Yes. I got a message. Hey, it's so-and-so. Happy Easter to you, too. That's sweet you were thinking about me. Let's look up. Did you actually talk to any of those girls? Yeah, a couple of them, like three. Are these girls Jewish bunny chants? Yeah, that'd be funny. Oh, I didn't even think of it. Oh, no, I did call. You definitely called a Muslim, right? No, I called an Indian chick. That's pretty smart. Call me back. You know who it is. Did you hook up any dates out of these calls, these callbacks? No, not really. How many of these? So it was just a waste of time, basically. How many of these do you think will translate into Billy Joe Armstrongs? Well, either they hopefully will or they have in the past. So, you know, hopefully. How many of the 12 that you called? You called 12 of them? I think I called like 10. All right, how many of the 10 that you called actually have seen the Lou Holtz? I think most of them. Probably like. I think if you're a chick and you hang out with Brett. Well, I know that. I know one. This one hasn't. All of a sudden, he's got Lou Holtz in his hand. That one has not seen Lou Holtz. No. Who? There's no Lou. She definitely hasn't seen Lou Holtz. How come she hasn't seen Lou Holtz? Because she's not psyched for him. Because she played him. Yeah, she's not that type of... She's not an Irish fan. What type of chick can just instantly see the loo hole? Right. That's who you should call. You watch it. She was in the record. Oh, you called? She was one of the ten? Of course. Happy Easter. She was working, though, right? I don't know. Yeah, I guess. That's hilarious. You know what she was doing on Easter? Dancing. She was on a stripper pole. It's so funny just to live vicariously through Brett, because he's the single guy amongst us, and he's out there just trying to holler. Right. And he's just, you know... So are you just thinking of opportunities when you can call these chicks just gratuitously and be sweet. Yeah, exactly. You're just trying to be sweet. Yeah, I'm trying to be a nice guy. Play that angle. Exactly. The quote is... But I am genuinely nice. I know you're a good guy. I know you're a nice guy. But you're a guy. At your core, you're a guy, and you're all about your Lou Holtz. I'm not the type of guy that hooks up with a girl and never speaks to her again. I'm not a jerk like that. Right, that would be rude. Right. Yeah. And disrespect to him. You at least give him the consolation call. Of course. Call of shame. Did you have any dates on Friday or Saturday night? You told me about something this weekend. Something coming up this weekend? Green Day was in the house. Oh, really? Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. And then she ran into the bathroom. I didn't know you were going to do that. Totally again from Bret Michaels. All I do is grasp. Blue Holtz got mad and just started erupting. Right. He tends to do that. He does, man. He'll grab your face mask, too, if he's really upset. What were you thinking? That's why the earth was moving. Wow. Let's go to Matt. Matt, what's up? You can't tell us anything, dude. Hey, I was just wondering. I knew when I'd be telling the girls stuff like that, a whole bunch of text messaging is what works, man. Because if you don't want to start up a conversation, just text message them. I was talking to like 10 girls on Sunday, and I taxed two of them. You know, Angel's in here, and Angel's sweet. She's from California. Her boyfriend, is he from California, Angel? And so I was like, Angel, when was the last time you saw your boyfriend? I was just kind of needling her. And she's like, I don't know, February. I go, oh, he's cooked. She goes, no, I talk to him every day, like five or six times. and Brett and I were like, you think he wants to talk to you five or six times? Right. That's our chant, right? Talking's overrated. Yeah. What do you have to say, you know? It's the worst. There's no reason to speak five or six times. There's not enough stuff to talk about. Right. Like, what happened from a half hour ago? Yeah. Nothing. Got a little older. Everybody got a little uglier. Right. Brett. Brett's money. That's the only thing that happened. Brett, you are my idol. Really? Yeah. Give me the message again. I love the kicker. Boop. Yeah, just be like, hey, what's up? It's Brett. Hope everything's going well. Happy Easter on this drizzly day. That was the message. It's nice. It's concise. And then how'd you close it? Drizzly day. No, he didn't just hang up. Just say, give me a call sometime. Yeah, give me a call. We'll get together sometime. We'll get together. We'll talk soon. You, me, and Lee. Lou Holt. You know another move of mine? I never say bye. You never say bye. You just hang up because it keeps them wanting more. Oh, God. That is the cheesest thing I've ever heard. My buddy told me that. You're such a pop psychologist. My buddy, Mike. Mike. Who's Mike? Hales. Hales? Yeah. He's clueless. No, he doesn't say bye. He's like, all right, talk to you later. And he hangs up. Talk to you later is the same thing as bye. It's not bye, though. It's not his final. Exactly. Bye means you're cooked. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, bye is like, I don't know, just go away. You should text message all those girls and say would you hang out with Lou Holtz and I I just thinking I only got to see. We start off reading a couple emails about the vivid girl pictures on the website. pictures of the Vivid Girls who came in the studio with us yesterday up at JunkiesRadio.com. And one of the pictures has E.B. and the rest of the junkies, and people were grilling E.B.'s beard and actually voicing their concerns, saying he's going to Vegas, he should look better than how he looks right now because he's got the scraggly beard. Right. And then, I guess maybe we mentioned E.B.'s toes, or he mentions his... He actually mentioned his toes because he's wearing sandals. And then, I guess, back there, Brett goes... He knew it. Light bulb moment. He just popped them up on the console, and they were just so horrified. I can get $200 if I suck his toes. By the way, let me just say it went down. Bitter. What? What's his whistle won't pay? I'm not going to pay to have a guy suck my own toes. Well, you originally said you would. No, I never did. He proposed it, and I went, well. You said you'd pay $50. I said you guys each pay $50. Well, after you said you'd pay $50. Yeah. Well, then I thought about it, and I said, no, I'll be totally accused of paying for a gay act. Why pay $65? I'll take one for free. I'll take one for free for the show because I'm the only one that can donate the hurting toe. And for those that are curious, EB's toes are actually up on the website. If you go to junkiesradio.com, click on junkies, and you have bios of the four of us. Okay, I'm looking at him. You click on EB, and you have a picture of his toes. These pictures do not do the toes in their present states justice. They've gotten worse. Okay. They have devolved since this picture was taken. Oh, wait a minute. First of all. I have mouthwash ready. Hold on a second. That's a smart move. Hold on a second. Is Jenny on hold? Yeah, yeah. She's listening. She's already heard it. Jenny. Hold on. We'll just tell her the whole deal. Let's just tell her the whole deal. This is Brett's girlfriend, Jenny, the very beautiful Jenny. Jenny. Yeah? Hi, darling. How are you? Good. Now, Jenny, you know that your boyfriend struggles in the money department at times, right? Yes. When you guys go out, who usually pays? You or Brett? Who? What? When you guys go out, who usually pays? Brett. Brett? Don't you make more than him, though? Yes. But he's the guy. So he's doing his job. And you understand that we're going to Las Vegas next week, right? And he wants to have some money so that he can play poker up there, right? Out there. So would you support him in his money-making ways no matter what he decides to do? Would I support him in sucking EB's gross toe? Yes. Yeah. If he wants to do it. She won't care. You're not horrified by that? Yeah. I think it's gross. EB doesn't even wear socks or the shoes. That's true. She doesn't smell pretty bad. Have you ever seen his toes? Have you seen the actual toe fungus? No, I haven't seen it. Will you still bang me out? Great question. That's her dad's probably listening. Without kissing. That's romantic. Without kissing, it's better. Well, she's distraught. She's not in a butt contest. By the way, you are entered into the butt contest. I know that you would win a Daisy Dukes, by the way. I know that you would win. We'll get you in somehow. You're in. Well, I just want to make sure. You're in. You're so in. We'll put a bag over your head and we'll kill Cameron. Cameron, you know what? He makes no decisions here. Don't worry about it. All right. Let's go. He'll wonder why he loves you. All right. All right. So, Jen, we're just going to keep you on hold as he goes ahead and sucks it. Okay. Who do you think is gayer, by the way, for doing this act? Brett for doing the sucking or EB for receiving? I'm going to have to go with Evie because, I mean, I know that's not gay. Exactly. Right. But you think I am. Do you know how much I hound her day in and day out for bums? You're sounding too, you're protesting too much. You're sounding defensive. You're constantly smelling things. Oh, yeah, you're big on sniffing. Brett. Yes, you are. Here's the thing. You have to come to grips with it. I'm performing a gay act by allowing you to do it. Okay, you're right. So are you. You're right. Okay, and we're doing it. I'm doing it for the show. You're doing it for money. This guy won't even eat shrimp. right very seconds when I'm sweating my rather eat my own then have a piece seriously what else won't he he won't eat any sort of seafood silly we will be in breast yeah it's the steak chicken breast no no man he's a crab I'm not getting never okay three-year-old he's getting people I don't get it was I I you need you don't like that I was I'll never touch the right I And don't eat spaghetti. You don't like any Italian dishes. Would you eat... And I'm Italian. And how many vegetables do you eat? You probably eat zero vegetables. Carrots smothered in ranch. And that's it. Would you eat zucchini? No. All right, hold on. Would you eat green beans? No, I don't eat green beans. All right, hold on. Oh, my God. But you will suck you these toes. It's for money, dude. I need cash for bank. It's for like $200. Wait until I get money. Wait until I win a tournament down there and I turn that into like $5. All right. Oh, my God. Seriously. You'll be asking to borrow money. Seriously, you'll probably spend $100 of it this weekend. Right. You'll spend it in the airport getting magazines to get on the plane. That's true. But it's all good. All right. The search has ended. I say we just do it. All right, hold on a second. Give me the camera, and I think you need to get on all fours. Dude, you want to make it even gayer. I'm just saying, my head is going to be in your lap pretty much. I'll put my toe right here. And, again, we've got pictures of EP toes. Don't need to put it up on the console. If I put it right here, it's right by my Lou Holtz. I know, but that's fine. What if it pokes me in the face? I don't know how you're going to get around the hammer. Hold on. Oh, my God, you're touching it. He was grabbing it with two hands. Mommy. Remember, it's 25 seconds. That's an eternity. I think the EV is going to pull out. I'm fully going to pull out. I'm going to have to pull out four or five times. I like Brett a lot. Since we only came up with 200, I would say 20 seconds. It's fair. All right. That's fine with me. I'm not going to puke. I have money, brain power. All right, but hold on. You just cheese. Hey, hey, Brett. You're actually touching it. You have money, brain power. Let me put it in your lap. There's a million ways you're going to come up here to win 200. He feels gay. I have to put it on the console. Put it on my leg there, fella. On your meaty thigh. Fella. I can't put it on your leg. Brett's digging this. He is. I just want to get it over and get my money. Just get it gone. I'm going to have sex tonight. Just to make sure I'm not f***ing a big man. All right, hold on. Hold on. Don't touch my foot yet. I'm going to put it on the console. I almost want to put your foot real quick. I know. I want to do a tee shot where you get your mouth right up to it, okay? Just for the website. Now I'm going to do photo ops? Yeah, look at me. Look at me. This would be like the front page of a... Why don't you smell it? Can you smell it? Look. It smells like ass. Look. Hold on. Put your mouth... Does it smell bad? seriously i just think yogurt it's churning did you wash your feet today yes scrub them with the soap he doesn't do that he let the water run down trickle down you see the brown stuff on the bottom of the box shocker Brett you realize he doesn't soap up his feet ever he never washes them he's unkempt that's a good pull Yeah, that's a great word. If you give it a little lick, I'll give you $20. Are you kidding me? You think I need $20? He'd rather hang out with Brad Pitt in the backseat of a convertible. All right, listen. Wait, hold on. Stop. All right. Now, hold on. Brett, I want to do a shot like on the cover of a porn box. There's dry toe. The bottom of your toe is dry and brown. Yeah, it's scaly. Brett, I want you to stick your tongue out right by my big toe. Stick your nose in between. Stick your tongue out. And look at me. And look at me when you do it. I might have a canker sore. Are you going to give me herpes? Oh, my gosh. I actually might throw up. Look at me. I got to store it. I stored it. Hold up. It's okay. All right. Hold on a second. Oh, my God. I want you to... 20 seconds on the clock. You know what? We'll give you 20 seconds on the clock. Hold on. Hold on. I'm starting to sweat, by the way. Are you nervous? Well, I'm horrified. I didn't think they would smell this bad. Seriously, my flesh is crawling, and I'm five feet from the... I'm putting a cake is two of diamonds. Good card cakes. I'm putting... I got control. In the cards I get. You can separate the other toes. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Are both the big toe and the other toe? They smell. They smell terrible. Smell them. Lurch, he just said he doesn't soak up his feet ever. Trickle down. Trickle down. It's the fungus. The fungus does have an odor. You can do it every once in a while. Take the dove bar or whatever you use. The lever. And you just. I don't do that. That's a waste. He's not a very clean guy. He is not. All right, ready? Look at me. You just better hope you didn't, you know, hook it in the shower this morning. All right. Are you ready to go? There you go. You know, every time you touch me, it gives you the creeps. All right, Brett, go for it. 20 seconds on the clock. All right. All right, Brett, I'm on the toe. He's taking it. I'm going to take it. The toe is being a little. Oh, my God. Ten seconds. Get your fist around it. Ten seconds. Oh, yeah. No. He's going to town. Yeah, come on. Keep it on. He's going to town. Five. We're barely doing it. Four. We're barely doing it. Three. Come on. Two. You're barely doing it. One. You want to. Oh. Seriously. Get a mouthwash. It's all about the crap. You need to drink it. Oh, my God. You need to sterilize your mouth. I bow down to you. You are the new king of stunts on the show. See, some people think you don't care about the show. Yes, that's a thing. You don't work hard enough. You just proved your mettle right there. Your commitment. Look at that. Look at that. CK just gave me a little note. that Brett now has hoof and mouth. I think you have mad cow disease. That's from John. Oh, my God. Well done. I can't believe you did that. He actually puts a little bit of spirit into it, too. All right, hold on. Let's go to that. Very nice. Jenny, what do you think there, honey? I think that is disgusting. He used to, like, light a match in his mouth. He looked like... He turned it out with alcohol or something. Jenny, he looked like he knew what he was doing. Yeah, he did. Yeah, you must do it so good. The specialty? Yeah, I have money. Is it on your toe? Yeah, I told you I have a specialty. Lurch likes to do the same thing. What are we talking about? Toe sucking. No, no, he's talking about something else. Let me say something. It was so gay. From the receiving end of it? Did it feel good? It didn't feel bad. Did you feel my tongue a little bit? I did, a little bit. Actually, I wanted you to get the full effect. I was kind of jamming my toe in your mouth. I was giving him the counterclockwise swirl, by the way. The only thing that would have been better is if Evie was grabbing the back of Brett's head and forcing it down from the big doll. That's what I should have done. What did it taste like? It just tasted like a dirty, salty. Like a dirty sock. Like a beard that's just been sitting there for a week. Dude, he doesn't wash his feet. I told you it was snow. I know, I know. Jenny, Eric said he doesn't soap his feet ever. Don't you feel nauseous? I do. My stomach's, like, tweezing. Well, you should. I feel nauseous, and I just watch it. He said his stomach feels tweezy. Mine would too. Mine actually does feel tweezy. Yeah, but at least he did it for cash. I'm not even going to be able to look at EB, by the way. Yeah, I'm going to be off during the commercial. You guys have had a moment. I feel like you just banged me. Put this in your piggy bank, and don't use it until next Tuesday. Do you guys ever do the walk of Shane back to the phone room? Yeah. We'll get those pictures up on junkiesradio.com tonight. We'll get some reaction, though. Denny, thank you. I'm going to bang you out tonight. Right. Dude, you did something gay, and it is what it is. Yeah, but do you see this big stack of cash I have in my hand? It's a piggly stack. It's a big stack. Who's jealous? I'm not jealous. Trust me. I'm happy that you have your stack of cash. Yeah, I don't want to hurt your feelings. Your measly stack of high society there, but I wouldn't do what you did. Right. Do you understand how quickly they gave you, like, $200? Yeah. There was no hacking. I didn't buy money. I was about to be $55. I would just give my wife $65 to go to the grocery store. Right. They gave me that money. Quickly Lurch gave me that money. I backed out at my end and they covered it in two seconds. I gave you every penny out of my wallet. I have nothing. Well, Lurch is somehow rich. That's why he gives me the money. No, I have the same amount of money these donkeys have. Seriously. It wasn't horrible. You're pretty good at it. Feel good? Yeah, it's good. Really? What was going to your head when I was doing it? Jam your toe in there further. I could feel like you were kind of half doing it. Right. You did it. I mean, you look at the pictures. You did it. You wanted your breath. I told you. Did you hold your breath as you sucked? I tried to hold my breath with my nose and breathe through my mouth. Like when you take shots? Exactly. But I could taste it going through my throat. How can we have a guy? You can actually taste the fungus. How can we have the guy from the think tank on like 45 minutes ago and then his toe sucking? Because it's the greatest show ever. Okay. CK, did you dump the first part of it? I didn't believe that. Why? Because I cursed? Did you curse, JP? I said he's... I talked about him taking it. Oh, what a let... You might have to suck it again. No, no, no, no. They dumped half of it, huh? They dumped it? They dumped 10 seconds of it. No, I'll be honest with you. I think I three-quarters said the F word initially, but that's good you dumped it. Well, it's good you're saying that on the air, by the way. Well, I'm just saying, I think I said it, but he dumped it. I wasn't trying to say it. I think it came out of my mouth. When you get fired, you'll want that money back. I'm just saying, I think I said it. I was describing the act, which I guess can be interpreted as a sex act, but it wasn't. I'm pretty close. No, it's very benign. Very non-gay. But that's the way the rules, that's the way the cookie crumbles now. All right. Hey, what's up? You're on with the junkies. What's up? What's up, man? Hey, they got, the first part of it got dumped. Right. And then, am I on live? Yes, you're on the air, and you're listening to the radio. Hey, that was pretty friggin' nasty. Yes, it was. You should have seen it in person. You only heard the last ten seconds of it? Yeah, we only heard the last part, but that would have to be the nastiest thing I've ever heard on radio. Right. Am I the first human to ever suck that toe? Yeah. There's no chip. He's acting like there's an alien that sucked his toe. His wife never did it. When's the last time you clipped the toes, by the way? I don't think... He was very proud early about his lack of grooming in general, but the toes, I think he may be clipped them twice a year. He just doesn't really care. He just doesn't care. A couple times a year, not a whole bunch. Not a whole bunch. You guys clip your toenails every week? No, I do. Oh, I do it like once a week. Oh, I don't. It's a pain in the ass. It's butt smelly. Leave Mr. Alley. I do it in the shower. I do it in the shower after I wash my toes. I don't know. He's calling his dad. He's calling. Where's your dad on? Where's your dad on? Yeah, put him on. He's calling his cell. No, there's so much shame. Where's your dad? Hold on. His dad on line three? No, his dad's calling somebody's cell phone. My cell phone rang. Oh. I think it fell in my pocket as I was performing. He's discombobulated. Let's go to bed. I mean, seriously, for $200. Seriously, you're a pricey. If you really needed $200, you could have come to me and said, how about $200 for this trip? Would have given it to you. Jimmy, have a call for mine. Have a call for mine. E.V. would have given to you. Flirt's probably shaky, but the three of us would have given you $200. No one else that knows me needs to be on the show. Because when I do something like this, I want people to think that it never happened, you know? Right, right, right. He's hard to go away. I hear you. You're saying, Brett, it'll never go away? Yeah, it's true. It's kind of like Oscar Manning. He'll always be known as the toe sucker. Right. What do you think's gay here? Oscar, our buddy from Big O and Dukes, he man-bagged a guy for a night. Well, he was naked. They got naked with a guy in a sleeping bag. Two naked guys and they watched gay porno in a sleeping bag together. How much money? They spooned each other. For how much money? He did that for free, so he did like an hour shift in the air. Yeah, he did to get on the air. Think about what a whore he is. That's worse than sucking on a guy's toe, I think. Oh, it's definitely worse. This money I needed for a reason, you know? I need to gamble. But it's not that much money. You know what? Seriously, I'm going to log on our website. When we're in Vegas, I'm going to log on our website how quickly you lose that money, too. It's a lock. I'm going to win. You don't know my poker skills. Seriously, I love Brett. He's been playing poker for an hour and a half. You lose to CJ and Jimmy, and you're going to go to Vegas and win money? Right. Let's go to Ben. Ben. We'll log it. Seriously, it'll be like day one, hour one. We'll log it. $500. Jimmy, the Christian comic, beat you. And you're going to go to Vegas and win. Day one, hour four, no cash. You better get some good cards, brother. You better get big flicks every time. Ben. Yeah. What's up, man? You guys have reached an all-time low. Yeah. We're good. I just hear the Arbitron rating is just crumbling, plunging right now. Well, that may have already occurred. Well, the latest trend, the only place you can go is up. Yeah, that's true. You guys are awesome junk. Keep it up. Thanks, buddy. You think I care about that trend at this point? You care about e-mails. Yes. I care about rough drafts. I care about red-line agreements. Okay? You ain't going to crap out that trend. Go ahead, Kimberly. Kimberly? Let's go in the rearview mirror. Are you there, honey? You all could not have picked a more hurting time to be on the air, man. Y'all need to be on the air at night. How are you junk doing? We're doing all right. At night? I'm not doing that. No. You know, we were thinking about introducing you to Bruce the Hugger. Really? Would you like to talk to him? What? Would you like to talk to him? If he wants. All right, hold on. Have you ever met Bruce? I've never met him, but I mean, I've heard him on your show back at HFS. What do you think of Bruce? He's pretty intelligent. Really? He is. Yeah. All right. Are you interested in Bruce at all? He's very cerebral. I don't know. Maybe as an acquaintance. Really? What if we could set up a date? I don't know. I know he's gay and everything, but... You know what, guys? These days I'm canoodling with Weasel over at Arrow, so I don't know what Weasel would think of. You're canoodling with Weasel? Yeah. You're actually dating Weasel? It's a match made in heaven. Not quite yet. You realize he's about 70. She's working on that. All right, hold on. All right, let's put Bruce on. Let's get these two geniuses together. Right. Kimberly. This could be a weekend show, by the way. Bruce. Bruce. Kimberly. Yeah. Bruce, how you doing, man? Okay. This could be a weekend show. Bruce, Kimberly's called in. She wants to say hello. Okay. Go ahead. Hello. Hi, Bruce. Hi. How are you doing today? Okay. What are you doing? What a pair of window liquor seats. Go ahead, Kimberly. Just want to interview him, just find out a little about him, maybe tell him a little about yourself. Go ahead, Kimberly. You sort of run the show. Finally, the junkies give me a little credit to do something right. Yeah, go ahead, Kimberly. So, Bruce, where are you from? I'm from New York. You're from where? New York. For real? Yeah. I thought you were from Bowie. Yeah, I'm from, I live in Bowie. I live in Bowie. So you were born in New York and you're living in Bowie now. Yeah. Nice eyeball. That's a good morning show. Yeah. This is riveting. You're great. You just need to be a little more exciting, though. Yeah. Maybe I can help liven you up. Hey, Kimberly, why don't you ask him what he thinks about Brett sucking my toe just now? Well, I've heard it all. I don't have to ask him. Ask him. Go ahead. What did you think of Bretton E.B. getting it on there a minute ago? I think he's pretty good. Yeah? I wonder if he's a Kid Rock fan. What? Are you a Kid Rock fan? Because Kimberly's a big fan. No. I'm so ashamed of my father, Bruce the Huggler. Kimberly? Huh? Why don't you tell them why you like Kid Rock so much? Kid Rock who? Oh, you're over Kid Rock. You're over Kid Rock? It's been over for two years, Junk. That's right. I was hitting on your HFS music director, Freeze, back in, like, a couple years ago. Rock wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire. Remember? Are you kidding me? Right. All right, Kimberly, we've got to go. That's a good one. She can't feel like this is the worst two minutes of radio we've ever done. So we've got to go, okay? Can't hit a home run every time. Yeah. Okay. All right, be good, be safe, all right? Put a couple of helmets. Hey, what are you all having to know about her parents? In your neighborhood, a long time. Well, you know what? I'm on vacation this week. If I hadn't been on vacation, y'all might have lost the fan for good. I don't know what we would have done. That would have been tough. It would have been tragic. Yeah. All right, Kimberly, bye retard. Stop. Brett, stop. I like that. Be safe. Kimberly, you know what? I'm safe, okay? You're calm as you see him. I know. I'm comfortable. He does have a little shame. Of course you are. Kimberly, be safe. Okay, Bruce, take care. You're a pro. All right. Okay. Okay. See you, Corky. All right. Stop it. We'll try and get the show back when we come back. That's the entertainment page. That's the sports page. It's beyond care. Right, right. Get back to work, slacker. Is it easier, though, today, I think, to pick up chicks? That's all I used in college was IM. You just stumble home from a bar, you get on IM feeling money, and you're like, hey, want to come over? And they say, sure. Right. You come over. How many booty calls did you make on IM versus an actual phone call? I never made phone calls. It's all IM. You know what was perfect? These girls I was hooking up with in college but didn't like at all because they were annoying, what I would do is I'd say, look, I really don't like the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I'm a guy. Just eyeing me. So that's all I had to do. What would you do if you grew up in the era like us where there were no cell phones, no email, no instant message? I just, I don't know, probably have a lot less partners. Yeah, you'd be like, hey, what I would do, my move was, if I knew there was like a suspect chick in the day of the night in my apartment, I would write on this message board, a business meeting at 6.30 a.m. Business meeting. So what I would do is, like on a Saturday, I had a business meeting. Yeah, so what I would do is, you know, I would hook up with her. You don't even have a job. Yeah, but what I would do is I would wake up at 6 o'clock, realize there was a disaster in my bed, and I would go drink coffee and read the sports page for hours. And then hopefully she'd be gone. I'd call my boy and be like, dude, let me call me when she's gone. And I would come home and she'd be gone. Dude! I would just leave. And then she'd wake up and say, oh, he had a business meeting. For what business? Oh, just business class. Brett we had a buddy who we talked about on the show He met a girl at a golf tournament She was from Missouri or something I don know if Missouri or something This is when you guys live in Norwich Yes go ahead And he invited her to his house for the weekend and he wouldn't let her leave the house. He locked her in the room. You remember that? Yes. Yeah, he held her prisoner for the weekend. I think he knew her though. He had just met her at the golf tournament? Yeah, but then she came back into town to see him and then she wouldn't let her out of the house. Why? She wouldn't give him bums? No, no, she did. But he was just weird. He didn't want anybody else creeping on her. He locked her in the room downstairs. The best was we had a roommate who would hook up late night with some strugglers. And we would all like to see her leave. Did his name rhyme with hate? Yes. Okay. And Nate one time had this girl. We called her California because her nose looked like the size of California. It looked like the state of California. And he was trying to escort her out on the down low. We all were scurrying to the window to see the heinousness. The walk of shame. Oh, yeah. Have you guys ever, like, when you're in college, do you ever just go up to your boy's door while he's slamming it? And listen to it all the time. You think that's gay? I heard my guy. I heard my... Would you get sized? Did you put a glass up to the door so you could really hear it? Slamming it. And I had a roommate who used to kill Herthy. Used to just kill Pacetti. And I would get sized. Yeah. You hear the sound. I don't mean to fuck you. I like that. That's fine. It's no problem. Let it be known, sometimes people would be in the midst of it, and you guys would be screwing outside. Like outside the window. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. We would always try to peek. If we could peek, we would. If you had one of two rooms in the house, you could be in trouble. Well, we'd... Well. Allegedly, there were cameras that were left on at a certain time. And people were instructed to leave the bathroom light on. Right. Jason, tell us about your video you made. Are you serious? You know my wife listens. No, she doesn't listen. Oh, yeah, but she knows its story. What do you mean? She found the tape. She's seen it. She's seen it. I don't want to talk about it. I do have a good story. She saw all the glory details. I do have a good story that I've never told on the show before. Well, now you've got to tell it. You're telling it. Okay, go ahead. Wait. Just real quick, what was on the tape again? Like Red Sox highlights or something? I mean, what was the label? Yeah, your video. Red Sox highlights. Right. Or Red Sox-Yankees game or something stupid. How often did you watch the Red Sox highlights? Oh, I watched it a lot. Yeah? Until I had to throw it out in Seabrook Road. All right, so this was in college. Don't remember what year. I don't know this story. No. Hooked up with a chick. Obviously a one-night stand. Which college? Richmond, Salisbury, or Juco in San Diego? No, this is Salisbury. Salisbury. Salisbury. Salisbury Herthing? This is a show. Right. Is she cute? No. Right. Herthing. Abysmal? And I was so hammered in the bar, and she wouldn't let me go. I just turned to my butt and said, it's inevitable. The quote I use, I said, it's inevitable. I said, I'm going home with her. You're going to end up killing it. And she lived far away from my place. Where did you go? To her? We went to her place, right? Did she have a hot roommate or anything? She had a hot roommate, but she was asleep. So, you know, we did our business, whatever. She passed out so quick. You killed the whole thing. Killed it. She passed out. enjoy it at all right but you're safe yes very safe very safe person words jimmy's and everything and then did you dig it was it cool that you're glad you did it i mean it was horny after 15 beers do what you do right and so i didn't actually it was too far to get back to my apartment for walks i had to call a cab so i was calling the cab cab was you know driving over to pick me up and i was waiting for the cab and i looked over on the desk and i saw her wallet $200. It's mine. He banked her and stole her money. He banked her and stole her money. You rolled her. You're like a prostitute. You were the hooker. You were the hooker. I was the prostitute. I looked in the wall. I didn't expect her to have any money. $200? $200 was like $2,000 back then. I said, are you kidding me? I hit the jackpot. Took the money. rolled out in the cab never saw her again you never saw her again? no, never saw her again and she was a Salisbury student no, I don't think she was a student she was just a random she was a random chick who lived in the town probably working at Purdue Chicken Plant and she was probably so hammered she didn't realize what happened but she woke up the next day and had to see if you might she was $200 lighter you didn't even leave her a tent I came home I was like boys, we're going to Denny's and I'm buying You didn't leave her any money. I left her zippy. Was that before or after you stole the credit cards in the mail? It was around the same time. I don't know. This is the deepest thing, man. God, I was a criminal. You've got to survive in college, man. You just get by. Is this before or after you faked the burglary at your mom's house? Oh, that was like eight. Right. It was way after that. You stole her money. You gave her the Coke cans and stole her money. Gave her the cans, stole her cash. You hit the jackpot. You should be in jail right now. You have this gig, you should be in jail. He's got all the things he's done. He faked the burglary at his mom's house, lied to police. He stole credit cards through the mail. Stole them out of the mailbox. Out of the mailbox. Mail fraud. Mail fraud, right. And then you went and bought, what, Sears? That's like tell me. Right? Like CDs, Nikes, Air Maxes, polo gear. Please. Stole her $200. She was lucid, kind of. $200 in college. was a month worth of drinking. If you had $21 on a Friday, if you had $21 on a Friday, you were the high roller. That was 10 Fridays. You better not have a credit card in college because then you're sporting your boys. Oh, I did. It just wasn't mine. Seriously, it's a great story. I never brought that out. Are you proud? Do you feel like you just went to confession? I don't care. You never stole, you know, remember when Tommy went to, like, Penn to visit Brendan, and, like, all his gear got stolen out of the back of his car? You didn't steal his, like, PlayStation, did you? No, no, no. Because you were on that trip, I believe. Well, he had a little red Chevette. Didn't somebody go in? Yeah, he had a red Chevette. You don't remember that car. Didn't somebody go in, though, and, like, steal all Brendan's money, too, one time? Did you do that? No, I never stole his money. He's the prime suspect now in every mystery. Now I'm trying to put it all back together. Now we can't leave a wallet lying around. You're not saying. No, that wasn't me. Rick, you are so going now. Probably. He's in college. He's been up in gambling since I was 16. One of my boys in college did something real similar. It took place, it was spring break, and they were on a, some of this drill had a boat. Not only did he do what you did, took the money. He stole the boat. He threw the wallet in the water. I just left the wallet right there. Yeah, so just have a good time in hell, buddy. I'm surprised you didn't take the credit card, because you were big into credit card fraud at that time. I wasn't thinking. So she was passed out the entire time when you were calling the cab, leaving. Oh, yeah, she was finished. No, kiss goodbye. Kiss goodbye. I didn't want to kiss her, believe me. What are they, Romeo and Juliet? It's like she hurt. Like, yeah. Like a big, big fat ass. I mean, she wasn't huge. Right, big, tall lurch. She wasn't tall, from what I remember. Like redhead or? I think she was a brunette. Brunette. Do you remember her name? No. No chance. I just remember looking at my buddy saying, it's inevitable. I'll see you tomorrow. And then the next day he said, grand slams for everybody. I don't like it. And balloons over Miami. Let's go. You drive. I buy. We've got a couple of people here to bang out these calls. One of them was a chick, and she looks like she's hung up. She was bitter. She told Brett that she couldn't believe that story and that she wanted to make a tape of it and play it for her daughters to tell her how bad guys suck. Right. And I wanted to go to her because she's right. Guys do suck. Guys are evil. And when she makes a tape of that, give it to us so we can play it for our daughters. Right. Because it's very true. I don't know what to say. I was at a football game. You know, we were all there. When I was leaving after we did the pregame show, and I would go, you know how, what is it, the ramp that people go up to the club level? I would leave. It's probably the worst way to go, but I'd go down the ramp, and I would just see chicks walk by, and I'm looking at them and I look at the guys around them. Anytime anybody reasonably attractive walked by, every single guy's head turned. Every single guy. That's what guys do. It's a program. And they're married and they're happy, I'm sure. And they're normal guys, but they're guys. It's how we're programmed. It's how we're programmed. You can't help it. Guys look at racks and butts all the time. Don't look at the guy's package. You don't see them turn around and try and grill somebody's package. But guys do it. You can have ten guys. I saw there were five guys that were standing around the corner. they were shotgunning a beer together before they went into the stadium. Classy. And then a hot girl walks by, right, with her fat friend, and every single guy stops shotgunning the beer in the middle of it, and then they start talking about the girl. They can't stop it. Or you'll see a girl with blonde hair, and you're immediately drawn to it, and then you see the face. You see that? But you still check it out. Right. You still check it out, and you still size it up and go, eh, maybe. It's inevitable. You know, one alerts his lines. It's inevitable. It's inevitable. Great line. Go to John. John, what's up? What's up, Chuck? Hey, buddy. Hey, listen, man, you're making me roll in the car here listening to your stories. Listen, one of the funniest things that ever happened to me in college, just everybody gets done, you know, graduates, we take a little vacation. It turns out to be the cruise from heaven. We're standing in line getting our sign-and-sale card so we don't, you know, spend any cash on the boat, you give me a credit card. We get to the line and some just moronic girl leaves her sign-and-sale card on the desk. And, of course, we had to pick that up, you know, we're just a nice gentleman, and wanted to give it back to her if we ever saw her again. And we wound up spending racking up almost $17,000 in booze, massages. Just name it. We had a blast on this lady's car. That's terrible, man. We wound up getting a phone call like the last night in our room from the girl asking if we know anything about it because the thing's been in that room, and we give her the old, no, we got a room switched from this room, you know, from our old room to this room because there's a problem with the showers. Let's be honest. Men are just predators. Credit card fraud is a show. $17,000? I'm always trying to stay away from it. I've done shady things, but I've never done that. Credit card fraud. That's Lurch's Terry. Who would do that? You've got to be real derelict. The worst I've ever done is fill out a fake name and get a free T-shirt at a Maryland game. The thing with credit card fraud is... Cakes, by the way, still... Cakes, by the way, still... Cakes will still fill out credit card applications to get a free T-shirt. That's right. Or a free World Series of Poker Visor. For a hat. He's out there for a half hour waiting in line to get the application. I'm sure I waited half an hour. I waited about two minutes. He makes a good living, and he's still signing up for the free hat. I am a bottom figure. He makes a great living. What part of that do you not understand? I'm a thrifty bargain hunter. Let's go to Elizabeth. I still got coupons. Elizabeth. Yes. Can you turn that down, or is that somebody in the background? That was just Jason. Hi, Elizabeth. How are you doing? Yeah, but can you turn it down? Yeah, turn it down, sweetheart. Turning it down. Yeah, go ahead. See, sweetheart. That probably just infuriates her. I can tell by the tone of her voice. You're upset. We'll give you the floor. What's up? I don't listen to your station usually. I think it was on because probably you broadcast the Redskins game. Sure. Okay, so I'm just driving home. You're mortified. Well, I'm not mortified. I'm not, you know, I don't live in a cave. But I just think that you guys go on and on and on and find such humor and that behavior is kind of sad. What did you not like? What did you not like specifically? Well, first of all, I think if you want to behave that way, then just be honest with these girls. Maybe you'll find girls that want to behave that way also. I think you did. And that's what the girl wanted. Who are you referring to? That's what happens when you pick up a guy in a bar. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Who are you referring to and what are you referring to? Well, there was a story about, you know, picking up somebody and you berated both of you, I gather. but then saying that you had a meeting so you wouldn't have to be there to deal with it. Oh, that was Brett's story. You know what? Avoidage is the best policy. Hold on, Elizabeth. What's wrong with that? Well, I think what I'm having a problem with is the lying. I bet it's unlikely this girl, if she was available that hour and would do that, maybe she would have been fine with that. But I don't know why you feel you have to lie. It's true. You make a good point. No, no, she makes a good point. Well, honesty probably could have worked. I don't know if it's ever, right? Hold on, Elizabeth. My point is I have a... Good, dude. Let her talk. It's killing me. Hold on, Elizabeth. You'll have wives and you'll have daughters. We all do. You will freak that somebody's going to pray this back and say, well, this is what your dad did. Hold on, hold on. Elizabeth, hold on. You're good. I want to keep you on. Hold on, though. This is the first point. Honesty, I think, could work for Brett. Instead of doing the business meeting, you could just say, got to go. Honesty is not always a good policy. He wanted to avoid confrontation. Well, he also didn't want to see her again because she was ugly. Well, then he should have just waited. Well, what do you mean? What was the big deal? He said a business. That's not a big deal. You can't truly be upset about it. It's not true because I believe he's done it with the same girl thereafter. Like, he'll use the business meeting to get away from it, but then, like, two weeks later, he might IM or two in the morning again. You never had an experience where you ended up, you woke up, and you were next to somebody, and it was, like, a miserable thing? No, but I guess I'm suggesting to you is maybe if you had just said, look, I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I'm not looking for anything. This is the deal, and you need to leave at such and such time. She might just say yes, and then everyone's honest about it. That's true. She knew the deal. She was thinking about thinking you've got something over on someone. I don't think you thought... No, she took your, I think, Jimmy, as you called it, and put a hole in it or something. So, you know... Oh, that would be a disaster. What about Lurch's story? The attitude of laughing about this behavior is wrong. We don't have to make light of my story. No, but what about Lurch's story? When Lurch met the girl and it was inevitable and he stole her $200. It was inevitable. That's pathetic and against the law and sad. Right. We agree. But you're going to have sons, and you really wouldn't want them to do that. Elizabeth. Elizabeth, we totally agree. I agree on all points. We totally agree. Pathetic and sad. I'm horrible. I was hammered, Elizabeth. That's why we're laughing about it, because it's so pathetic. And this country has an endemic, a problem with kids. Call Bill O'Reilly. We just don't want to glorify it. Go ahead, Brett. Would you like to say something to her? I think she's worried that some guy is going to do this to her daughter. Of course. These chicks weren't her. Elizabeth, by the way. Let me clear something up. These chicks weren't ugly. I was looking up. giving me fodder for a talk that we'll have. But I just think it's... Elizabeth, just so you know... Yeah, there probably are unknowing girls out there. I don't know. Elizabeth, just so you know, we all have daughters. We all have daughters. I have two. Eric has one. You do? Yes, absolutely. I have one. He says six. And we don't know what to do because we know they're all under like six, and we know in like three or four years they're going to be under a stairwell somewhere hooking some guy, and it drives us crazy. That's an awful thought. Well, why not? I mean, I don't just accept that. I talk to my daughter about it. I don't accept it, and I give her options. Are you still married? I think it comes from the time. Are you still married? You find it humorous. I bet you no way she gets that close. Are you still married? How long have you been married? I've been married almost 16 years. When was the last time you made beautiful love with your husband? I am not discussing anything. That's a question. Nobody knows who you are. No, I just wanted to let you know that I thought it was offensive, and I think that if you think beyond today and a good show or whatever you think. Have you ever had Jim smoke her over for dinner? You might want to consider how it may play on the road. Thank you, Elizabeth. How did she stumble over here from Jack Diamond? She probably has saggy boobs, and she's bitter that there's hot chicks out there doing something. You're most upset that she thought you were with another guy. How dare she? Yeah, but Brett, she's got to be mediocre. She's got a point. She's got a point. What we did was wrong. How was that wrong? By the way. No, it was wrong. What I did was wrong. This is what's wrong. The girl being slutty. That's her fault. Right? But she's her fault for being slutty. You're a guy. You're a pistosterone. It's her fault. Yes. You didn't have to lie, though, and go with the business meeting. You should just say, wake up. It's your fault for being a spooner. I'm sure I'm going to spoon her. Oh, is it your place? Yeah. I guess it would be tough to actually say, can you leave now? There's nothing wrong with what he did. It's just like a pussified way of handling it. There's nothing wrong with it. She doesn't just deserve respect because she's walking the planet. She's got to earn it. She's just going to come over and let you crush it. You wanted to avoid confrontation. Well, he wanted to avoid communication. Here's my question. There wasn't going to be a confrontation. There was a chick that I liked and I knew her. What am I going to talk to her about? I don't even know this chick. Here's my question. When you use the business meeting out, business meeting 630, Did you ever use that girl again? I'm sure I did. A month later, call that girl and then use business meeting again. Yeah, of course. You would put business meeting on the blackboard. Yeah. Twice. Business meeting. Exactly. And you're like 19. I would try to wake up and be all sweet. No job. Hey, hey, I've got to go to this meeting. And then you'd hang out at Starbucks. Yeah, and I'd read the sports page. And you'd call your boy and say. I'd call my boy and let me, call me when she's gone and we'll go play basketball. Well, how long would she actually stay there? Sorry, we're laughing about it. She would never stay there and wait for you. No. I mean, after like by noon, how long can she sit in a random apartment? Well, since she realized you weren't coming back. I got to be honest with you. I don't understand the problem that that woman has with that. With Lurch stealing the money, I understand that. Yeah, but she didn't bring that up, though, did she? The first story she brought up was his. Well, she thought it was pathetic. The first one she thought was yours... Listen to the story. I was at Liberty Tavern in Arlington on Friday. Sharky went out. A couple of my boys. Those are money sneakers. And my buddy Adam was off talking to some chick. And so I just rolled out. I thought, you know. I didn't do his thing. I actually thought he was going to pull it. No, I don't know. I didn't know what he was doing. So anyways, I left. He didn't know I left. So he's walking around looking for me. and some girl's like you know what are you doing he's like i'm just looking for my boy i'm supposed to leave with him right and he goes and this chick goes leave with him she's like i want you to leave with me nice and she was it was a random random never never really cute because i saw her earlier on the night nice boobs i never talked to adam to adam who's a total and he goes he goes okay but then he's like wait i don't know if i'm drunk enough so i like ordered a couple more shots right so then they go back to her house all right and they're like silly they're like making out or whatever make it out with a random yeah he just met at the bar how she how old uh i i think she was in her actually in her 30s maybe 30 29 or 30 has been uh i mean she was No, she was cute. I saw her. She was cute. And so he's making out with her, and all of a sudden, like in the middle of it, she calls some dude, invites some dude over. What? And he goes, what are you doing? You're inviting some dude over? You just took me home. And he gets all bitter, and he's like, you know what? Actually, to tell you the truth, he's here right now. And he's like, well, then I'm leaving. Right. What's going on here? Weird. So she goes out and she's like, all right, fine. I'm going to go outside and talk to him and tell him to leave. Tell him to get out of here and you stay. So he's like, all right, fine. So she goes outside and shocker, he passes out on the couch. And then she's knocking it out with the guy. So he wakes up. She's asleep in a bed with this other dude. And what I think is that she was trying to set up a threesome. She wanted these two random guys to bang her. Yeah, totally. And your boy would have done it. So, uh, he was a random dude and a random chick. Yeah, he wasn't ticed for that. Well, he just out brought skiing partner. Wait till you hear what he did to get her back. Hold on. It gets better. So he wakes up at 530 in the morning, just, you know, delusional. Where is she? She's passed out in the bed. It was a studio. Right. You know, so he's passed out on the couch, wakes up at 530 in the morning. She's in a bed with this dude. Right. And he's so bitter. All right. I went home with this chick. He's like, now I'm stranded. She's like, you know, he thought of you, Jason. Right. so he saw her purse right there he said I'm going to felt this chick please tell me he did it he felted her but he only got away with like 25 bucks or so that's fine it's a peace of mind thing she even had nubs change at the bottom of her purse he took every penny for the record isn't he one of the cheapest guys you know oh yeah so then he says you know what this isn't enough money I'm bitter she's asleep with this dude and so he's looking around he sees her cell phone and laptop and he's like, I'm not that big of a dick I don't want to steal that stuff so he opens her freezer and all she has in her fridge she's up in her fridge and a bunch of lean cuisines in her freezer so he loads up eight lean cuisines and he walks out of her house so he calls a cab and he's holding eight lean cuisines and he's like, you know what? I don't want these and he just threw them in the dumpster That is hilarious. Oh, that is great. He just wanted to whore. You know what? That story doesn't shock me when I owe it up. I'm like, dude, what if you see her again? He's like, I hope I see her again. He's like, I'm going to go off on her. Right. That is awesome. She's lucky how I took was 25 bucks in Lean Cuisines. He didn't take her change. Shock her. See, I hit the lot on it. She had 200 in her wallet. Yeah, she just went to the ATM. Good thing. Your girl didn't have a laptop. You would have taken that, too. I would have taken everything. She had a nice place, too. Right. And her friend, her roommate, was in the other bedroom. Right. Should have felt it hurt, too. What kind of chick just out of nowhere has never even talked to him? Come home with me. Well, she's a whack job. Who's a freak? Some other dude? Yeah. It's a freak. It's called a slut. No, a freak. They probably had it all set. They probably do that. They probably pick up strangers. Oh, you know what? That's probably a scam they both have going. Yes. They probably murder them. They probably be still alive. Yeah. Oh, that's a show. And then they kill him. Was your boy bitter that you just left the bar? I thought he had left. No, he didn't care. What if she had called you over, and you came upstairs, and then she wanted you and him to kill it? Well, if it was me and he knew me? Yeah. I mean, I think that would go over a little better than some random dude. Right. But I don't think we would do that. It's a little gay to, like, tag team a chick with another dude. Yeah, but what if she's silly? No. Maybe if she's silly, but...