Ryan Seacrest’s Dating Red Flags Make No Sense

How's Ron? He's, you know. Oh man, Ron's on his way out. No, he's not. No. You can feel it every time. What are you, the Redditors? I am the Redditors, giving a run. What? No, Ron is- Find this guy at home in the country. I would never. Another country? I'm obsessed with Ron, even though. I am very love-hate relationship with him right now. We're figuring it out. Yes, when he's, it's a little toxic. When he's sweet, he's very sweet. I forgive him. Right. When he's bad, he's very bad. He's replaced toxic relationships. Yes, my toxic, I have a toxic relationship with my dog, but he is obsessed with me. So, you know, that's why I stay. Hello and welcome back to the U.S. podcast. I'm Jordana Ibrahim. And I am Jared Freed. How are you, Jordana? What's going on? Good to see you. I am good. I'm gearing up for my trip with, I don't want to call it a vacay because I'm seeing my mom, but a work trip. Yes. A trip to Florida. You're coming to Florida. Go to Florida and you're bringing the bees. And I'm bringing my kids. Yes. So it doesn't feel like I'm like on my way to like kicking off my boots and having a relaxing time. But it is, it is a trip that I was excited to plan. Well, I, you know, I don't, I don't like, we get into weather maybe too much on this show sometimes, but the weather here is like not the weather there. It is all over the place. It is as different here to Delray as it gets. Like I think through, I, well, I guess the winter would be very different, but like the idea that here is like put on maybe a jacket and it's a little cold and get ready for the day. And there is like maybe the perfect time of year. So you're like flying into a destination. That was my thought. And like if I'm in the right time, and you've had it with this. Oh yeah. I mean, end of April. Yeah. And I feel like I want it to be over and it's not every day. I've kind of felt that way for like a full month now. I don't think you're alone. I think people have the Northeast and then this is my now Southern. This is, we should move to Florida weather. Yes. In New York. This is like, why are we still here? I don't understand. Like it's going to, soon we're going to be happy with where we are. You'll be happy in like two weeks. Right now I'm like zillowing. Should I just pack it all up and. Well you'll, you're going to get a tour of my apartment. I'm excited. We're going to do a dinner. We already have a date in the calendar. We're going to go check out. I'm going to show you my Delray. Indeed. You're going to meet the girls. I'm going to meet the girls. I'm going to break out that Uncle Drate J.Tree and hat. I'll break out the hat. You'll meet my girl. Yes. I mean, I've already met her before, but I'll meet her again. You're going to see her again. I'm hoping the girls just start screaming when they see you. So it's like a thing. It would be amazing if every kid sees me. It's a throwback to the story of me meeting my girlfriend's niece. Who hated me. Yeah. I'm excited to have you down. We're going to have a good time. I'll show you Atlantic Avenue the whole deal. Yes. Oh my God. My mom is so absurd. She's like, we should set up a dinner with like me and Jared's parents. I'm like, why would we ever do that? Really? That doesn't make any sense. Why not? I'm like, because I want to be able to like see these people again. Well, you know, it's funny. My parents since moving to Florida, and it sounds like your mom too. There's this, they love being social. Like the get together, we need a dinner. I've been invited to so many dinners by like boomers that are like, let's do a dinner. I think everyone also has a lot of time down there. There's a lot of time on people's hands. Yeah. I even noticed what I got here yesterday. I went to the cellar. I did shows last night. Like here people, like you have to squeeze in a dinner between like six, I mean, look at you whenever you've been on a date here. I feel like you were like doing it before the show and after the podcast and like listen, I am watching Jeopardy on a nightly basis. Like that's how much time I have. It's happening already. I am a Jeopardy guy. Are you watching? You're not watching Jeopardy. Jamie Deng. Why can I watch Jeopardy from time to time? Have you seen this guy, Jamie Deng? No, is he on a roll? He's on 27 episodes in a row. And then I was like Ken Jennings. Well Ken Jennings, do you know how many can we Google how many episodes in a row Ken Jennings? Well, he hosts now. He's the host. He's a wonderful host. He's really great at the job. I'm so happy. He's the host. I still miss Alex Trebek, but he is good. Well, he ain't coming back. We got to really, we got to dig him up. Sorry, I'll move on. 74 episodes. Wow. 74 and Jamie Deng is on like an incredible run. He's almost at a million dollars. What's he at now? 28? The weird thing about Ken Jennings is he's definitely making a lot more money hosting than he ever wanted. Well, of course, that's the gig of the century. That's why when Ryan Seacrest got the Wheel of Fortune job, I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, that is the best. What's the best job? Get it? If like was sorry, no ours. Right. Made a million dollars. And they tape them in like three months for the whole year. Yeah, that's a good job. Seacrest like Jamie Deng is on a 28 game Jeopardy of Streak and it's like, wow. And then you go, oh, what's the next time? Ken Jennings 74. It's got a long time. That's Mickey Mantle. That's crazy. Yeah. Like so. What game show would you want to host if you could host one game show? I know. I know what I would pick one for you. Really? Yes. The Bachelor. Oh, no. I think you should host Family Feud. I would love to host Family Feud. Goodbye, Steve Harvey. Survey says. I'm already good. Steve Harvey's really good at hosting. Steve Harvey's great. But like if any, you know, he's getting older. If he retires, I think you should. When is it enough money? That's really the question. Like Seacrest, I go, Seacrest, when is it enough? Why do you, and now Seacrest, did you see he's like complaining about dating? Do you know Ryan, to make this is the modern dating show. Ryan Seacrest is claiming he's on Tinder and he's talking about like his red flags. Okay. And you're like, Seacrest, what deal do you have with the match group? What who's paying you to do this because because when the Bachelor got the Bachelor got canceled, I was like, Seacrest is in the dating game. Bring on all his matches from Tinder. Go through his phone, get a casting director, contact all his matches. If he's supposedly on it, put him in the house. He's camera ready. He's got the makeup on. He does. He said when his red flags, when you're out on a run or a walk or a bike ride, do you say hi to people that pass? If you don't, I'm not sure about you. That's his red flag. Do you say hi to people? This is how removed. He's saying hi to people on his walks. Morning, morning, morning. Well, if we wrap this back, like this is a modern dating podcast. That's someone who's desperate to be recognized. Well, also, right. Right. Wearing a name tag. This is Ryan Seacrest on it. I also, it's not even like a, it's a fraudulent dating take for you to be on a walk with someone and you're close enough to like go on some sort of date that includes you two going for a coffee together on a walk. You're not a first date going, hi, hi, hi. That would be crazy. That's insane. You're going to be months in and then consider it a red flag that they don't say hi to people on the walk. You're like, no one would ever. As Ryan Seacrest. Right. Who's like pretty famous. Right. But I'm just saying like no one would end a relationship at that point. That doesn't make any sense. If you're at walk together point. Why don't you come on here? He won't. It's a lie. That's the point. Like he's not on Tinder. And if he is, it's a deal with Tinder so that he can keep talking about it. There's some sort of like under the table payment going on and it shows you how fraudulent all this dating talk is. This was a headline on page six for a while. This is another one. I really look forward to getting up and having my coffee. I think if we can share that moment together, it's a red flag. So I need coffee is a green flag. Don't have a lot and please don't put milks and stuff in it. Can you imagine if there was a woman. Don't put milks and stuff in it. If there was a woman out there who made a TikTok story time. I dated Ryan Seacrest and he ended it when I put Chabati creamer into my coffee. You'd be like, this guy's a crazy monster. That's a crazy person. So everything he's saying right there, I like to have coffee with a woman in the morning. Yeah. That's the end of your story. You know, you cream in it. You're not ending it over cream. That's crazy. It also sounds like he like put into chat GBT like there was some AI version of like cheeky, cheeky dating comment. Right. Well, I love coffee and if you don't like pizza, you're not for me. Right. That's exactly that is exactly what's going on here. But then my brain starts going, how much money does Ryan Seacrest have like need? That's the thing. It's a lifestyle. Well, we got to maintain the lifestyle. Yeah. You know, Ryan Seacrest, you know, a woman has to be really into a guy who loves money. That's what he would have to say. You have to love that I love money more than people. Yes, that I'm willing to do anything for a dollar. Literally anything. I'm willing to fake like I'm on Tinder. And if you don't and if you don't like money as much as I do, that's a red flag. You're out. I would be like, I would swipe right on that person because there'd be like funnily honest. They'd be like funny and honest. Yeah. Absolutely. And there there's a little bit of like, you know, there's a little bit of like I'm self deprecated, self deprecation. I'm a big money hungry, crazy person. Nothing wrong with that. It's a lack of the self awareness stance. Totally. As long as you own it. Ryan Seacrest is either spending so much money a month that he has like the biggest nut that has ever need to be covered. Or he grew up in such weird money circumstances that he is like a cheap guy who like hordes money like because money is very psychological. My opinion is that Ryan Seacrest has a psychological issue with money. All right. You heard it here, Ryan. If you're listening, you're more than welcome to come on the show, Ryan, and speak like a normal human being and not like an AI bot to talk about this because this is I've seen those quotes before and it drives me crazy because you're like, he also had every job in the world. Like he was he took over. He took over the top 10 on Sundays. The radio show was well, he's a professional host, right? That's just his job. Right. Listen, and he's really good at it. Let me like not to like trash him for an hour. He's really good at the job. Like him on American Idol. And he's good for Wheel of Fortune because he doesn't read like. Wow. He couldn't host Jeopardy. Don't get me started on Rippon Consuelos. Their quotes are even weirder. I think you're the only person who's still watching all this like morning TV. No, I do my podcast. If people want another podcast, listen to every Thursday, I do pop culture Thursday and I go to page six and I just like find headlines that get me angry. You see all the I haven't seen anything about any of these people. I know. And this is the thing. Ryan Seacrest and Kelly Rippa are like very big page six people. OK, there are these things. If you read page six enough, if you go through the headlines, there are people they like love to zone in on. Right. Rippa has a quote once a week that is like the most fraudulent quote you've ever heard. But she's like in the pocket of page six, page six is in her pocket. Like they promote each other. Yeah. So like she'll have a quote. It was something like she when her son said he wanted to be an actor, she was horrified. And it's like horrified. Well, you were horrified to gift him your agent that was going to find him any job he wanted. Right. Like, whoa, what's scary circumstance? This wasn't like the son of a, you know, the son of a middle management lawyer. Yeah. You know, wants to break into the industry. Right. That doesn't have any savings to go do it. It's, you know, son of dual in dual actors. But I mean, these people who are hosts, hosts are sort of like live in sound bites. They're not having like deep conversations. They're very like sort of like, again, like makes sense that she'd be good at getting those page six things. That's like a headline. Right. I mean, it's not like a debt. Like if you really dug into that, just like you just did, she would be awful at it. Well, that's why I'd be an awful host myself. So let's do I mean, as as we as we vamp hosting this show, yes, we have some emails to take care of it. It's great to be in studio. We love doing this show. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe. If you have a friend who's going through any of the issues we're talking about today. We don't, you know, we want you to share the show, but this show is to give you kind of like ammo for your group chat. If someone's talking about something similar to what we're talking about today or it's going to spur a conversation, we want you to like send this link to this episode to the group chat. I'm on the road. If you're listening right now or watching, I'm going to be in LA, Los Angeles. We want to sell out the show. It's part of the Netflix as a joke festival. I'm also going to be in West Hampton. I'm coming to the Hamptons. Come to my house with Jordana. It will see. No, you're saying I'm staying. I preserve. OK, the guest is reserved. Yeah. OK, I'm going to Vegas this weekend. I'm in Vegas, Jacksonville. I got Austin, Texas, Cleveland, Ohio, Dural, I'm going to be in Miami, Mash and Tuckett. I'm going to be a Fox Woods, Portland, Maine. And I got a book. I got a lot to promote. I'm sorry. I got a lot of shit going on. I got a lot of shit going on the book. You also have a lifestyle to keep up. I do. I listen. We're not Ryan Seacrest. Hustling. Yeah. I'm hustling. You know, it's a big year for me. It is. And if it doesn't, you know, it's the year all your dreams come true. I don't see it after this year. I don't know what I could do at this point. So not to depress everyone into buying my book. Just buy the book. Really needs this. I need this year. What do you make, like a dollar on every book? I know I don't even I got to pay back. You got to get your advance back. Right. I got I spent money already. It's all in my house. I got to play some Del Ray. You'll see. Yeah. Someone needs. You guys, we need to maintain the pool. Cabana, you guys need to buy those books. Are you still doing your videos? I'll still do them. Some of some have gone. They've all been wonderful. I got to say, like, so yeah, if you preorder the book for a friend. So the deal was, if you preorder it for a friend, I'll make a video for the friend. Just give me the name. You sometimes the handles are like, you know, like ass licker 69. And I'm like, OK, can you? Can you give me your name? Like, I'm looking to like, you know, streamline this process. Like, I'm happy to do it, believe me. But sometimes I have to be like your name, you know, so they're like, so give me your name. The person you want to know you're an admin, right? What's that? You're your own admin. Right. I'm the secretary. Yes, team. OK. So sometimes people and send me the receipt of the book you purchase. Also, audiobook, you can preorder. Kindle, you can preorder and hard copy, you can preorder. So like all those help me get on the New York Times best stylist, which is the goal here. But if you send it to me, sometimes people will just send me a receipt that they got the book for themselves. OK, so like they want their own. I guess I'm like, I guess they either didn't listen or just want their own video. So I'm like, I originally thought that was what you were right. This was this this was all a grift to get you to buy two books. Oh, OK. It wasn't clear to me if I'm to admit my thought process. Oh, I'll get it for a friend. And then the video will be made by one by one. By right. So as you say, I will say, if you send me any receipt and give me the fact that you want me to, what do you want me to say? I'll send you a cameo. So OK, I'm not going to make you give me a cameo. I preordered the book, but I'm not I'm not ready yet. No, I haven't. I don't have it. Oh, I'm going to take it home today. Where is it? It's right back. All right, I'm going to take it home. Walking red flag. I'm going to I'm going to read it on my on my non vacation vacation. Listen, yes. Give it to your great summer read. I will give it to my it is a good summer rate. I've read it. The audio book is fun. I'll give it to my mom. And then we'll we can we can call her for her review. And she's in the dating game. She's married. Oh, excuse me. So good. She married for like eight years. It's hard to keep track. She married a lot, but this one's been around a lot. What are we talking about today? OK, I've never heard of them. Ken Ken, my stepdad, Ken stepdad, Ken. Yeah, SDK SDK. Yeah, Ken step. Yeah. My stepdad Ken stepdad's one word. It's OK. I will work my SK SK. Yes, I can't wait to meet Papa as I call it. No, I don't. What are we doing? All right, I will read our first email. Hi, Jane, J. I have a dating dilemma. I'd love your take on. That's why we're here. Place to send it to I'm 27. I'm a female and have gone on about six states with with a 27 year old male. I met on Hinch. From the start, we had a great banter, a lot in common, and I genuinely thought it was headed somewhere. For context, I've had about five relationships in my life, including my most recent acts who I lived with. Dating hasn't always been easy for me. I've been cheated on and I was previously in an abusive relationship. This guy, on the other hand, has never been in a relationship. I don't hold that against him, but it does feel relevant. Over the last two weeks, I noticed a shift. He stopped making much effort to hang out, pulled back on being romantic and even seemed hesitant with basic affection, like kissing. I finally brought it up, thinking he was going to say he lost interest and no longer wants to see me. No one has ever said, phrased it like that. I've lost interest, right? And I no longer want to see you. That's the reason ghosting exists. Instead, he told me he prefers to get to know girls platonically first and then see where things go romantically. I'll admit it. I didn't respond perfectly. I am paraphrasing, of course. This was an hour long conversation. I said, that's not really how dating apps work and asked how that approach has worked out for him so far, given he's never been in a relationship. Sounds like a sounds like a fun question to be asked. Then I started going for you being that you've never had a relationship. Sounds great. Yeah. It's been going badly, I guess. Then I clarified, we're both 27 and single. So clearly neither of us has it all figured out. But if he wants to pursue me romantically, then actually do it. And if he just wants to be friends, I'm not on hinge for that. So we should part ways. So my question is, is there any way to prevent this from happening again? Or do some guys genuinely approach apps like hinge looking for friends first? I know you'll probably say 27 is still young, but this one really frustrated me because it felt like it was going somewhere. And now I feel like I got friend zone with the big promise of something more down the line, a batch who dumped her situation. I'm not going to tell her that 27 is too young. Nothing wrong with dating seriously at 27. Nothing wrong with dating seriously at whatever age you want to do it. The 27 of it all doesn't really speak to me. What spoke to you? Do you think it's the 27 of him being 27 speaks to any of it? No, I just I think she's she's kind of like. What's your take as the what's the man doing here that she's dating? I think he's looking for safety in the same way she's looking for safety. She wants and I'm sorry for the dating stuff that she's gone through, which is, you know, ranges from she did on to abuse or related. These are all horrible things that no one should have to go through. But I I would say that she is she and him are like honest, like the whole friend thing. Don't even listen to that. I agree. The friend thing is like an annoying thing to hear. Trying to communicate something he doesn't know how to communicate. Right. What is he trying to communicate? He's trying to communicate. I don't want to get in trouble for leading you on. So I need to slow this down as slow as I can go to decide whether it is safe for me to go further. And she's saying I and again, she's as let's I think they're both the same. Like they're both two sides of the coin. The opposite. Right. Like she's saying I've been in these relationships that were hard and difficult and had, you know, gave me trauma. So I need to make sure that like I need you to like give me commitment and make some promises so that I can feel safe. And they are just not a match in that way. I think I think that version of what what level of safety we can handle is how you find your match. And it's something that like people call timing. I don't I don't think it's as much timing as it is. OK, this is my version of safe and your version of safe fits with mine. So his version when you're saying safe for him, you're saying that he wants to feel safe, that he's not going to hurt her. Say he's not going to hurt her. I guess that's an that's a heroic way of looking at him. There's a not a heroic way of looking at him, which is like, I want to feel safe that I'm not a piece of shit when I leave you because I'm not really into this. Well, that's sort of like that. Yeah, they're saying the same thing. Right. There's two ways to look at it. Right. Yeah. I think that's kind of nice. Right. In some ways. And that she's like he's not kissing or being affectionate. And he says this friend thing, because it's the easy route. He can go, well, we're just friends and it didn't work out. And I didn't see it going further. It's kind of like a step before a step. Right. I mean, if he was very into her, do you think he would be doing this? No, I don't think the anyone who says I'm on an app looking for friendship first is delusional and lying and not really. Not true. And not really living in reality. So why even keep speaking to her is my question. If he's not. Why would I? Well, because he doesn't know how to do it the other way. The other way to keep speaking to her is, hey, what's the plan this weekend? Oh, I can't hang out, but maybe late night tonight I can hang out. You know, right? And he feels and again, everyone's affected by physical different. So maybe he feels like a huge liar for kissing someone while also dating other people or meeting other people. Yeah. You know, everyone's level for that is different. Some people can have sex with multiple people and go, I'm just out there dating. It doesn't sound like he can do that. So he has like kind of invented this whole friendship angle. Right. Because I don't think he's less of a liar than the guy who sleeps around. I think they're just doing it in different ways. And the guy who sleeps around is more destructive. Well, it feels like he's being nicer than the guy who just sleeps around. Right. And I'm sure he's telling himself that, but it does feel that way. Right. To an extent. Right. And now she, you know what I mean? Like because she can now move on from this and she says, is there any way to prevent this from happening again? I don't, I mean, prevent someone from. And I think that's, I think that's a. That's a thing I think women want a lot of control when it comes to dating. They want to, and safety feels like I'm going to, if there's a rule, people love dating rules. Like if there's a rule, I can protect myself from getting hurt again. Right. From being in a scenario where I like someone and then they're giving me like, seem like they want to be my friend or something. And part of dating, that's why dating is a vulnerable thing. If you're doing it right is like, you're, there's a possibility that you're going to go on a date or several dates with someone that doesn't want the same thing as you. And the only way to really find that out is to do it. There's really no shortcuts around it. And just being honest, as honest as you can, as early as you can, saves you the most time. Yeah. I knew where she, I knew where her problem was going to be from the first paragraph. I genuinely thought it was heading somewhere. She wrote that to me. You do. Right. Like that to me, I think she needs to get out of that. Like I heading somewhere. I, you know, journey destination would be like the thing. Like I think a lot of guys are about the journey and a lot of women are about the destination. Definitely. So I think there's got to be a mix of both. You know, if you're destination heavy, you're kind of seen as the hero. I want to get married. Wow. That's a really nice thing. Right. Well, that's concrete. A lot of women along the way until I've realized who I want to marry is not as likeable. I would agree with that. So, but I do think they, you know, I do think you need a little journey in your destination. I agree. So it's hard, right? It's harder to have that mindset for women, but totally, totally. You have to keep both in mind. He is keeping the destination in mind and protecting his journey. Yes. So he's going, because I've been on dates and I'm trying to have fun. Right. And he's trying to have fun. And I've been on dates where I'm like, this girl likes me. I can tell she sees, she thinks it's heading somewhere. Right. She is, she, I see her mind. I see the dream. I see the, I see the, uh, me meeting the friends. I can see the little twinkle. And then I'm like, whoa, easy there, big fella. You gotta, I take the reins and I get a little weird. I get a little, you're an older person. Text less. I think that more, right? Or would you act the same way when you were younger? Or would you just kind of go along for the journey? Same way, different language. Yeah. This is a young guy. This is a guy who's 27. It was like, I like to be friends first. Yeah. That's bullshit. Right. So like the idea. So I, what do you, what would you do when you saw the twinkle in her eye? I mean, you got, you got to slow it down. Find whatever way you can to like put the brakes on this. Hit, you know, pump on the gap, pump on the break. Right. That's what he, that's why the friend thing, like when she, anytime you're going into, do guys really think, how do I get ahead of this? You're never going to get ahead of heartbreak. Like you're, you're, you're going to find people. Just know that if you are thinking very globally and destination wise, guys can feel that. I think for her, if you want to get ahead of this is like, let's get smaller. Okay. Like, you know, what do you want out of a first date? What kind of first date do you want? What kind of second date do you want? What kind of physical, you know, what, what, what, what, they've gone on six dates, right? Right. Six days. What kind of promises do you want made to you to go on a seventh date? Or what kind of, what kind of action do you want to see going into a seventh date? Right. The action, uh, stop making as much effort to hang out, pull back on being romantic and not kissing you. No. No. I'm just saying. So I think, like you, like, I think it goes back to your, you know, what the advice you've always said, which is be turned off. Don't be like confused by this behavior. It's not about him wanting to be friends. It's about him doing stuff that's turning you off. Right. And, and I think turned off, turned on turns into like very specific things. You did this and I am turned off is different than I could see this going somewhere. I could see this going somewhere is like, right. I'm looking for friends first. I got to make sure I connect on that level. So now he's protecting, you know, right? His, his, his brand, so to speak. Yes. And I'm sure she says, I brought it up thinking he was going to say he lost interest. That's again, waiting to hear his response. And when she should say, when she brought it up, I'm sure she didn't say it like this, but she should say it the way that you would suggest, which is now, you know, it feels like you're, you're not making as much of an effort to hang out. That's kind of turning me off. Right. Make that an eye thing. Like, yeah. Word to the wise. Cause she wants him to cut her right on you. We'll fuck you forever. Right. Cause she wants her, she wants him to cut her head off. That's why she would love it. If preferred, the preferred reaction would be if she said, it feels like you're making less of an effort to hang out. And he said, I'm sorry, I'm dating someone. We can't, I don't feel like, um, you know, like the way that you had to do that. Well, she even wrote, she would love that because like, she would love the clarity of that and said she's, she would prefer. He said, I've lost interest and I no longer want to see you. She already had prepared herself for the most horrific thing any human could say. Like she was lost interest and I no longer want to see you. Right. No one has really ever said that in the history of dating other than on love and the spectrum. Yes. So unless you want to go on that show, which good for you, that's okay. Right. I don't think you're going to get that unless you start living in eye terms. Yes. Be turned off. Let's play your gear. Let's do it. You ready? UUP at betches.com. If your picky means you date someone, you get the IK. Is it a valid IK or are you being picky? I like this one. It is a good one. Very, uh, niche dating question. This is like a perfect IK or picky. Uh, J and J huge fan. I'll get right into it. I'm a 41 year old female living in Lake Tahoe dating on hinge. You ever been to Lake Tahoe? You have my bachelorette. I had my bachelorette in Lake Tahoe. It's wonderful. Very big difference between Lake Tahoe and Reno. Yes. I've been, I've been to Reno. You've flown into Reno. A lot of slot machines. Yeah. You fly into Reno. Well, you fly in a Reno to go to Lake Tahoe. Different vibe worlds dating on hinge. And I keep running into the same issue on first dates. A plan is made to meet at a bar or restaurant. But when the time to meet comes, there is no I'm on my way. I'm here or grabbed a table with zero indication of where they are inside this restaurant or bar. I end up walking in and scanning the room, usually dim, trying to find a man I've never seen in real life. I always end up texting first to let them know I've arrived and asking if they'd like me to grab a table. And there's typically a reply letting me know they're already inside location, apparently not important in their mind. The latest example was last night. I confirmed our date at 6am. But by 6 30pm daytime, I'd heard nothing else. No, I'm on my way. No, I've arrived. Nothing. I wait in my car until 6 35 to text him that I've arrived. And I get a reply that he's there waiting for me location not shared. Is it fair to expect a man to communicate that he's arrived to the date and share where he is when meeting a stranger? Is this me being picky? And most importantly, which one of us is the red flag? If there is one in the scenario, I would absolutely love your take signed waiting my whole life for a man to be helpful. Well, that's a fun sign off for any guy. Right. This is going in with a good attitude. Loving the dating life in Tahoe. What do you think? You know, it's funny. I was like a little torn on this one because part of me is like, it's okay to have some agency and you text. But I mean, first date is all about judging everything everyone's doing. Right. And you're right. Yeah, I do think it's a little weird. Here's I'm trying to. Here's the thing. If I'm being totally honest, I haven't been on a date in a very long time. But I do think it'd be nice if someone said I'm here. I'm at the bar, blah, blah, blah. It's almost like when someone comes up to you and like, as if you already know them and they don't explain how they know you from somewhere. Right. There is a nice way of helping someone out that is thoughtful and might be indicative of a more thoughtful person. The theme of today is safety. You know, she's a little bit like, I don't want to walk into a dark bar and not know what I'm getting into. Right. Safety and even just like awkwardness. Like I remember doing that and being like, I just don't want to be like, like turning my head. Like, you know what I mean? Like, like looking staring at strangers, weirdly trying to figure out if it's you or not from like your hinge profile. Right. No, I, you know, this has a point. I'm not going to sit here and call this person a crazy person because it's very easy, I think to like be like, you're on a date. Stop being such a. Or she could, she could. What I would normally say is like, she could text and say, let me know where you're sitting or something. That's easy kind of solve. It sounds like no one's not answering that, but I agree. It does. It is a little indicative of something. I do think she's connecting a little bit like the lack of like, hey, excited to see you tonight. Oh, it'll be fun to meet. I've picked a place that she's lacking a little bit of color to the text she's getting. This feels very, for whatever reason in my mind's eye, like Arizona, like even the way she described the bar, I just like can see the bar. Like a lot of wood paneling and like a maybe like late in the day, the sun's coming down, but it's like shining really bright and it's coming through the windows. And I just kind of see this like lonely bar in the, you know, in the Southwest. You want someone to like help you facilitate a non-awkwardness of an awkward of a situation that's inherently awkward anyway. Meeting a stranger off the internet is an awkward feeling. Well, yeah, I understand that too. I do think that like for, I got an email on J-Train about a guy complaining that women, is it him or are all women late to dates? And in the non-accusatory way, I agree with him that it seemed as though every date I went on, a lot of women wanted to make this five to 10 minute late entrance, not 30. It was always like, hey, and women would warn you. They'd be like, hey, just running a little behind, you know, I'm coming in. And it felt like it was like kind of like a rom-com-y like entrance they were trying to make. And also they have other things. And it takes us longer to get ready. That's like the, of course, that's the excuse that like no one can deny. You know, that you go, okay, but it did feel like it was part of this grand plan of like, let me walk in. And I do think a lot of men like the structural, the getting the bullet points done, like the Mr. Fix It, where it's like, I have found the seat. I am in it. I am on time. I can't be blamed for this. I have done this correctly. And I am in the spot where we will have the drink. Like it's very like, I like to get there first because I like to sit and like be comfortable in the seat and not be sweating like looking for a table. Right. Use the bathroom. Right. You know, do the. I can be on my phone. I can like just. Settle in. For a second. Yeah. So I was always okay with the dynamic of woman shows 10 to 15 minutes after the date plan, which was fine. Like I always thought it was fine, but I thought it was interesting that it did feel like all women engaged in this practice. So, but it maybe it was also because I didn't tell them or tell her where I was in the bar, you know, like now I'm hearing this. I'm like, this kind of plays into it. Do you always, when you get there first, do you always tag? Text, Hey, I'm here at this spot. I've done, I tried thinking. I was like, what's my move? I've done all versions. I'm sure there's a woman who's like, Jared has done just said I'm at the bar. Right. Or not even said anything. And right. Well, you're like, you should know what I look like. I'm a celeb. Check out the Instagram handle. I've also done the thing where it's like, the text I know I've sent in the past is like, I'm at the bar. I'm the guy who's looking at his phone. Okay. I like. That's funny. I kind of like make a little joke like that. Um, so I've done all versions. Yeah. I don't, that's why I don't think it's a deal breaker. I could see how someone would not. Is it a proper Ick? Because I think to me it's picky because if everything else went wonderfully, if you were like excited about the date, I don't think not letting you know where, like if you break this down, like I think she was not excited for the date because there's a lack of communication and a lack of excitement coming from their end over the text chain. Six AM. Hey, I'll see you tonight at six 30 is a little bit like there's not as much romanticism to that. So I'm like, if you break this down, how much, how excited can you be for a date with someone you've never met before? I agree with the other hard part. If it's someone that you've met, like there's, there's a, there's a group of people out there that would say that, like, we just want to get to the date. Like I just want to get on the date. And you go, well, if you met on an app, it's like half a date on the app. You're doing a little bit of texting. There's some sort of banter that should be there to make you excited to go on the date. Right. If there's none of that, you didn't really do the due diligence of what the app allows you to do. We just have a little backing for it. Right. And to have you, to go on a date with no excitement, it's either going to be a setup that someone like is pushing you to go on or you shouldn't go on the date at all. That's fair. I know the apps are not exciting, but that's why you have the app. That's why you can meet a lot of people is that like you can sit there and go, you can throw a lot of fish back in the sea. Right. It's funny. I feel like I'm going on now that I'm in the suburbs. Oh, I'm sure. I feel like I'm going on like friendship dates. Yeah. Because I met someone for dinner the other, the other day and I was feeling like I had met her once before and we met like almost a year ago. And then, you know, like just busy and plans happen and then I like had plans to see her for dinner and I was like, fuck, I don't really remember what she looks like. Like, am I going to be able to find her? It's like been a while. Welcome to my world. We don't follow each other on social media. I was like, and it is, you know what I mean? I would appreciate if she said, I mean, maybe on the second meeting, it would be like insulting to say like, I'm like this, but it had been a while. I mean, but you could say to the text, hey, and if you don't remember, I'm wearing this. Right. I could have. That's what I'm saying. I could be. Let me, let me do the thing. Let me do the thing I think about you, but I'll say that you think about me. Right. That's the move. Yeah. That is the move because that's self deprecating. Right. A little bit. And if you don't remember me because no one would remember me. I'm a big loser. No, I'm who I'm unmemorable me. Yeah. You know, you could just, I'll be in my, you know, brown pants. Is this brown? I don't know. They're like rust colored or something. I'd say rust like orangey brown. I don't know. Yeah. It's like a fence that had been ranked. Old rusty fence. Yes. Old rusty fence pants color. I'm in my old rusties. And so I was wondering as an icky or picky, I think she's being picky. I think if you can note it or here's the thing, I think you could be turned on by someone saying I'm over here in this specific way, like the way she wants it. But I don't know. I agree. It's picky to be like turned off. Like it really affects your feeling about them. Well, because I made a list and you tell me what's better or worse than someone not telling you where they are on the bar. Okay. Okay. So it's either this or someone who doesn't direct you to where they are in the restaurant that they have told you to be at. Okay. And they are there on time. They don't look like their pictures better or worse. Met you outside, but they had no reservation and they had to find another place last second. Worse. I've had that happen. It's the worst. Met you outside, but realized it was closed. Worse. Ward their gym clothes. Is it a lunch date? It's no six o'clock posts. No, worse. Their mom dropped them off. Much worse. Didn't make the plan and then complains about the place. Worse. So like, yeah, all those things are ways to start a day. It's all relative, right? Right. Like all those ways, I just found six ways to start a date that are way worse than or was that was 20 minutes late. 20 minutes late is crazy. That's worse too. Way worse. And some saying if you're, if you're getting like, I think if she's getting that worked up over this thing, I agree, it could be, it would be nice if it was different. But I think if she's getting that worked up, she might be a little burned out. I think she's a little burnt out because she's not even choosing to be the person she wants to be with. That's when you know you're burnt out. Like if she, all you have to do is be so positive that the other person has to be annoying and negative. It feels weird that they're not, right? If they're not as positive. Like if she was like that day, hey, really looking forward to tonight, just let me know where you are on the bar so I can find you. I, you know, let me know when you get there. Let me know when you get there. Uh, I'll be coming from this. I might be about five minutes late. I'm wearing this. Right. I'll be wearing this. It's like, if you're the one doing that, it's like dealing with a toddler. Like if someone is like crying, I'm like, come on. If you laugh at them, if you are so excitable and I'm asking people to invent, it like to like fake it a little bit, you kind of smoke out the people that are not that great. If you value a lot of communication, pre-date, you should be more communicative. Right. Cause you'll get them to be who they are, which might not be. Communicative. Exactly. All right. Let's do another email. I'll read it. UUPatjust.com. Keep sending your emails. We love specificity. We do. This one's pretty specific. All right. J and J, long time listener and all the feathers coming to the situation I know is my own overthinking, but would love your thoughts. My boyfriend and I have been together almost four years, lived together for two and a half and have an amazing relationship. I'm really proud of the life we've built. Engagement was never an if, but a when we were friends, turned hookup buddies before dating. And once we became official, it always felt end game. Last fall, he initiated ring shopping, which I was so excited about. I picked a few styles and left the rest to him because I wanted it to be a surprise. Fast forward to now mid-March, about five and a half months later and no proposal yet. I just turned 28. He will be soon. And he planned an incredible birthday weekend. QTB and B, dinner reservations, the works. I fully convinced myself this was the moment. My friends all said the same. He has to be proposing, right? Wrong. He, we walked along the water before dinner and I was so sure it was happening. He walked along the water with her before dinner and didn't propose. This guy is a monster. That is crazy. Who was it? The only time Mike has ever suggested a walk along the water was when he proposed. That's a lie. I will say. Yeah. I walk along no water. He walks along. Yeah. Never walk along water. We're making a plan ever. No man should ever make a plan and not propose. If there's no ring. No water walks. No water walks. We walk along the street. Yeah. No, we stay to sidewalks. We stay, we stay away from rivers. We stay away from seas. We stay away from lakes. You should. Ponds do not go near any of those dams. What is that? Walk near a dam. What is that garden in the city Madison Square? It's not Madison Square Park. It's like the Irving by Irving like Lex. It's called Engagement Way. Yes, it is. What is the kind of it's like a little you need a key to it. Oh, it's Madison Gramercy Park. Is it Gramercy? Yeah. Yeah. If you if he has a key to Gramercy Park, you're getting engaged. Right. You or he's weird. Like who would ever if you found a key to Gramercy Park, that's the engagement. Well, also a walk along a body of water after you've looked at rings together. That's what I'm saying. Just any walk along a body of water. Like you can't if someone was to like come back at you like, what, you thought that walk along the water was to get engaged? Like that would be a version of gaslighting that like. I agree. Yeah. OK, so wrong. We walked along the water before dinner and I was so sure it was happening when it didn't, I felt disappointed and honestly a little dumb. It was still such a thoughtful trip. But am I crazy for feeling a little sad and annoyed like it that it felt like engagement blue balls? I would agree with that. I know I built this up myself, so I really can't blame him. But this phase, being in a stable loving relationship, knowing an engagement is coming, but not when it feels like torture. For context, I'm not in a rush to get married and I love our life as is. I try to follow Dr. Naomi's advice about not being in a seeking mindset, but the lack of control over such a big moment, plus the awareness that people might be thinking they're not engaged yet is putting me in my head. Trudanna, did you drive yourself crazy with theories before Mike proposed? How do you enjoy this phase while knowing the next is coming? And can I express my disappointment without making him feel like he did something wrong or seeming ungrateful? Thanks for all you two do. Romantic getaway blue balls. Well, I find so much wrong with her email. You know, like her whole perspective to me is like, fucked. Like, like I she's and she's so worried about doing everyone's feelings, but her own. Right. Well, that was that would stood out to me. It's like, you don't want to be surprised. Right. Well, that's right. Here's the thing. Like, I think that's like the big farce about engagement is like you, the idea that it's going to be so surprising and shouldn't be that surprising. You should have had many talks about getting engaged. Right. And you should have a general sense of when it's happening. You're this is like 2026. Like this isn't like a man choosing you from like a field and you get to, you know, be his property. Like this is like a two way conversation. Engagement is a big deal. Right. So I think the element of surprise is very overrated and she doesn't like it. That's what she has to stop saying. She doesn't really want to be surprised. Right. I that was my one of my takeaways was like. I totally agree. Like she's so some of these things, societal things, you know, you want to be so ingrained into the culture that like she thinks she has to be surprised. Right. She thinks romantic, I guess. Right. And you could be all levels of surprised. You know, like the surprise can be how he does it. The ring. The ring and maybe the day of the week. Like, but knowing it's coming that month. Right. And he now letting him do it. It can be special still. I agree. Yeah. I I felt the same. I mean, like you were you. Yeah. You were sweating sweating it. Yeah, I was because we were, I think we had talked about getting engaged in the spring. Yeah. Of whatever year it was. And then it didn't happen. And I was like, and I said to him, I'm like, what's going on? Did you change your mind? Right. I mean, it was COVID. Yeah. And then he was, you know, he liked because if I really wanted to, if I really wanted to be surprised, I wouldn't have said anything and I would have just been like annoyed and done whatever. But I, I cared more about knowing a general timeline than I did about being surprised. And that's just me. Some people like surprises. Some people are less anxious. That's who you are. We have to stop pretending like we don't care. We care. Right. And so I think to go back to him and say, listen, I know I said I wanted it to be a surprise and I do, but I need a general sense of timing because I actually kind of thought I was going to be on this trip when you asked me to walk along the water and planned the entire trip. Shocking. And I don't think any man, again, a man who'd say you were crazy for thinking that is gaslighting you. Well, that's, I guess my job here, having never been engaged and never been married and never gone through this. I've never looked for rings, but I will say, here's my job. I put myself in the shoes of his shoes. If I had gone ring shopping with someone and then five months later still had not been engaged and planned a trip and then planned a trip and walked along the water with them. Anybody of water, whether it be lake, pond, sea or dam, anything pool, it would be pool or pool, Koi pond, pool, goldfish tank, goldfish tank, any bath filled bathtub or empty. I'm staying away from all of those. It would be on my mind too. So it would be something that I would be thinking about. So this is me giving her permission. Something is on his mind. I don't know what it is. And not to scare her, it ranges from, I don't know if I want to marry this woman to the ring I want. Isn't something I can afford right now. And I'm pushing this off until I have the savings or something as innocent as I thought it would be ready. It wasn't ready. There's like a billion possibilities, but let me just promise her one exists. Yes. I don't know what that one is. It could be the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Or it could be the biggest relief for your life. But I'm saying to her based on this email and listen, I'm not. That's why I like doing the show because it's all based on the email, the way she worded it. If I went shopping for rings with someone every month that goes by after that ring shopping event, the pressure is added more and more. And there's a reason it is happening. He initiated or not. Sure. Because he is a human on earth who has the ability to say no to that trip. He didn't. Did he go ring shopping with you? Even though he initiated it because he knew you wanted it because he could feel it from you. And the pressure of that made him go, I don't know if I could ever get married to this person. That might be it. I don't mean to like frighten her. I don't want to scare you, but it could be the worst case scenario. Right. But I don't know what it is. I don't. It would be. Why would he plan this trip though? It'd be weird. That would be weird. But it is weird. She's like, I don't want him to feel bad. How about you doing a weird thing to me? Yeah, it's different than he can feel. However, he feels from that. You have done a weird thing to me. If I went on a trip with someone after going ring shopping, I would have proposed then. Yeah, that's how I would have operated. What happened? What's going on? Yeah, I don't think that she's a healthy relationship. I think to say, Hey, remember when we went ring shopping a few months ago? I know I said I wanted it to be a surprise, but I'd like a general sense of when this is happening. Right. Right. You don't have to tell me the date and time and the place, but I need to know like a timeline or if there's something that's like on your mind that we need to discuss. Sure. There is something on his mind. You think I know I need to know what it is. I not think I know that's why we are good at this show. Okay. I know this guy is fucked up. Please let us know. I am dying to know what, what it is. I've been him. I've had the one thing in my mind. Why would you plan a walk along the water though? Maybe he was going to get engaged right there and he fuck it's decided not to. Not for me. I don't know. There's on the water. But I'm just saying like we're not that far apart. Right. Him, me, you, her, we're all very similar. Okay. So what is it? I don't know. I need to know. Sorry. I would love to know. I would love to hear him right into this show. Tell me. He could tell me I didn't even think about it. That'd be weird too. That would be weird too. That'd be a different red flag. Right. This guy's so not in tune with your emotions that he, oh, I didn't even think about it. That's crazy. So you don't understand. This is my, this is my. How long do you think a man should propose after he's looked at rings? Oh, obviously not. Jared with a girlfriend now. Yeah. Well, it's easy to answer this with no girlfriend. Yeah. Well, you know, get a lot of, get a lot of women sending and saving this. How many, how many months after you've looked at rings do you have to propose? Six. If there's no discussion around it. Six months. Six months. I think you got six months. Okay. If I was to, you go together to a store. Yeah. You got to be pretty far along in that process. You can't be like, I don't know. I agree. Six months. Within six months. Because I'm allowing for savings, weather, talking to parents. Yes. Like these are all things. Getting, if you're getting a ring made that takes. Made all these things kind of work and six months seems appropriate. Okay. You heard it here. Men, that's right. If it's been over six months and you've looked at those rings, you better run. You don't understand. I have this like curse that I feel everything. I know how right I am with this. Like it is like, I mean, it's only been five and a half months for them. Right. He's almost there. My parents always like, you're so sensitive. You're so sensitive. And they make it into this negative thing. I'm like, no, no, no, no, I notice everything. I don't care. Right. I don't care that there's something on this guy's mind. We're not mad about it. But there's something on this guy's mind. This is my superpower. Got to find out. I had a woman come up to me at the beach. She goes, my husband is a big fan of yours. And I go, then my parents, my parents, my aunt, uncle, Emily, we're all there on the beach. We're all having a nice day. This girl, because of my husband is a huge fan of yours. Loves your comedy. I go, that's amazing. Thank you so much. She goes, I. Not. I don't really know your stuff. Okay. But my husband is a big fan and he ran away. He didn't want to say hello. She didn't want to say that part. But I, well, I go, she goes, but I. Who doesn't give, who don't give a shit? She goes, and I went to Penn State and I don't even, I don't even remember you at Penn State. I have no memory of you. I was too busy getting drunk. I didn't know you at all. You, you don't, you didn't even exist to me at Penn State. Nobody. But my husband likes your stuff. And I looked at her, I go, I guess you're going to have to thank your husband for me. Don't take this. Thank you. This isn't for you. Thank him for being such a huge fan. That's such a nice thing. But you, I'm not thanking you. And I had this whole interaction in front of my whole family. What did she say? She was like, it was bizarre. Right. Cause I would have done it. She would, that all might be true, which is fine. It's just weird that she would volunteer that information. It'd be one thing if you asked, do you listen to my stuff? I would never do such a thing to myself. I would, I'm so protective of my own feelings. I don't want to be hurt. I, and also she could have just said, Hey, we're big fans. Nice to meet you. Hey, I went to Penn State too. Nice to meet you. So crazy we'd ever met. There's like a positive way to say everything she said. Yeah. She chose to say it in a horrific, I would say rude way. Now we know why he's not hanging out with her at the beach. Why that's what, and why he didn't want to come say hello. She hates me. No, she doesn't. She walks away. Worse than she hates you. She has no idea who you are. It was so weaponized. And I, she walks away. I go, well, that's someone who's very self-centered. She's just making the whole interaction about herself and she's coming up to you. Crazy. It was absolutely, and I hope she hears this. It was, if I was alone, she doesn't know who you are. The husband should divorce her. Goodbye. She then walks away. My parents are like, Jared is so sensitive. I go, I'm, I go, you didn't think that was a crazy interaction. They go, Oh, you probably thought she was being mean. I go, I thought she was being rude. I thought it was like a crazy interaction. You guys are way off base. I go, why are you so, and I'm like, they go, you notice everything. I go, I don't think what just happened is unnoticeable. Like, I was, and my aunt was like, yeah, that was weird. How many people of your extended family are at the beach with you? It's like a whole class. You're like, my second cousin was like, I didn't think it was that bad. And then my middle school teacher was like, I actually. We invite any and all. Yeah, your aunt. Yeah. It's everyone. She at least heard it. I go, and my parents are like, oh, you're being, you can't say anything to Jared. I'm like, you didn't think that that's what your aunt thought it was rude to. Thankfully. And then Emily goes, no, that was absolutely crazy. And I was like, finally, right, someone's here to see what I'm not trying to make this a mean thing. Like I didn't want, she could have said nothing. You're describing it sounds very rude. You think I'm lying? What do you want my parents? Side? Let's play some red flag deal breaker. This is the game sweeping the country. You're dating someone. One thing happens. It is either a red flag, you see it and you keep going or it's a deal breaker. You end its sight on scene. You ready? I'm ready. J and J feather feather. Thanks for being the best part of my commute all these years at my best friend. At my friend's bachelorette party this weekend, we had a conversation that needs your input. The bride mentioned that the groom is looking for a new cologne and the bride loved the cologne of her ex. She was unsure if she should suggest the same cologne to her soon to be husband. The bridesmaids were split on if this is acceptable or not. Would you have to tell your husband that your ex wore it? So red flag or deal breaker, your partner wants you to use the same cologne or perfume as your ex. Thanks for all you do smells before wedding bells. What do you think? This is fine to me. Right? Yeah. I don't think first of all, I wouldn't say that. I don't think that they'd be like that woman coming up to you at the beach. Right. There's things you don't have to say. Here's an I bought you a new cologne. My ex used to wear it very unnecessary, but is there is it an issue? You enjoy the scent. You're putting it on the new person you're dating. I would do that. So I'm with you. I think the way this is told, if my fiance bought me cologne and they were like, I really, it's all in how they serve it. Right. Hey, this is an ex, a guy, a data used to wear this and it really like, I like the smell. I think it would smell amazing on you. See how you're like kind of selling that. See how you're like, some people were never made to be in sales. You think they should be telling? I used to date a guy who this smell just always like made me think it would be really good on you. Like I wouldn't be want to be caught in the lie. I don't think a lot of men are going to ask the question. Well, where'd you find this cologne? Like, you know, tell me the whole story behind it. I don't think he'll ask that. So like that's the love. That's the luck of being a woman in this scenario. Okay. I think roles reversed. If I looked at a woman I was getting married to and I was like, yeah, this woman that I used to date, I just, her smell stuck with me years later. And I bought you the same perfume. Yeah. The same perfume. I don't think it works. I wouldn't say it. I, but I wouldn't be offended if someone got me a perfume that they liked. How'd you know to get it? I don't even know how I went to the woman at the store. I went to Bloomingdale's and I, and I, I sent tested a lot of them and I just really loved this one. Right. And I thought you would love it too. I thought you would really enjoy it. I don't think relationships need to be completely honest about all things. No, I'm, I'm with you. If you are going to say it's all in how you say it. If a woman said to me, oh, I dated this guy and he smelled so sexy. Incredible. Oh my God. And the sex, the sex. So do you want to wear this cologne? Like I would be like, no, get away from it. There's so many versions of that. Like if you went to a restaurant with someone with your ex that you really liked and you go there with the new person. Like that's fine. Would you need to say, I loved this restaurant. I went there with my, my ex all the time. Like they don't need to say that. Well, again, to go back to the woman on the beach, there are ways to say things that make people feel good. And it's like, there's also ways that say, they, there's ways to say things. Food was great. Company stank. Right. Well, you can also, you're being, you're, you're kind of trying to take them down a notch. I've told stories to my girlfriend now that included other women that I'm like, I can leave that out. Yeah. The heart of the story is what I wanted to get at. Right. You know, it wasn't, but I would feel that adding in this other element of, uh, Oh, and I was with this, it just takes a story in a direction that I'm not even looking to go. That's not why I'm telling it to her. And if I do include that other person that was in that story, what am I trying to get at? Right. You know, it's true. I agree. Let's do another one. Okay. Hey, Jane, Jay, a red flag deal breaker came to mind after your Jared meets the parents for the first time episode where you talked about paternity leave. I mean, people were seemingly upset about my opinion on paternity leave. I don't think it was taken with the intent I gave it. I agree. Because I, the idea that I don't think any man should ever turn leave is like crazy. That's not how I've spoken about any issue on this show. If you need me, if, if I have to join a team, then I would, my response to you is why do you need me on a team? Right. I think to validate their own opinion. Right. The paternity leave thing to me is way more gray than the internet would allow you to believe. I think the way a man gets looked at and the privilege of it all. Yes. There's a money thing in this, like the person who's taking leave from their job at Google with, uh, you know, again, I said, you work for yourself. It's the stakes are much higher. Right. Listen, if a comedian cancels a weekend cause they got sick, I'm like, what? Loser. Right. No, I'm like, you must not really, you did that. You must not have been able to speak. And if they, then anyone can go, well, they're protecting the other people because they don't want them to get sick. I would go, okay. Well, I think that's an opinion that I can't deny, but I would also look at the comedian different. I'd be like, they're not really that into doing comedy. Well, they might be life and death thing to me. They might be protecting themselves from putting on a bad performance. That's not doing great. Cause they don't feel great. That could be true. I wouldn't, I don't know those people. Yeah. I don't know from those. The hardest working man in America. There's a comedian, Pete Lee, who is fantastic. Everyone should follow Pete Lee. He is one of the best joke writers there is. He's unbelievable. He had to cancel a weekend for getting sick. I was like, are you serious? What do you say? And he was like, I haven't done it. And he's like, I've been doing comedy. 25 years. He's like, I've never canceled. He was like, I was like, you must have been. So he was like, yeah, I've never been sicker in my entire life. I mean, if someone is like, has like a stomach virus or something, like, would you prefer them to go on stage and I prefer I'm saying, I can't believe it. Okay. Like it's not prefer or not. I'm just saying maybe you've never been really sick. Maybe I haven't. Have you ever had like a stomach bug? I have one every day of my life. You should see the. You just see the balls I'm painting. Have you ever been so sick that like the idea that that you would go to work is crazy? No, never. You gotta go to a immune system. I just to me again, I love what I do. I, you know, so I'm not saying I listen, I don't know. I just I I've never been a sick guy. Okay. I just I don't take a lot of medication. I take one. I take three med, three, three medications. What are they? I take a multivitamin. Okay. Cholesterol medication. A multivitamin, like a Flintstones one. The Flintstones gummy. I take a D vitamin D tablet. Oh, why? I was told to. Okay. Wagovie. Okay, that's four medications. Okay. Nice. And a little bit of sun. Sun is vitamin D. I got a lot more. You got a lot of vitamin D. A lot of D. All right. Well, that's an interesting. I just I not a lot of Tylenol. I don't take a lot. You know, like if I have a headache, I don't think to take a Tylenol. You are FK Junior. I guess I did eat a raccoons penis the other day. There you go. So you're in line. Yeah. I thought it was a sausage. I think if you had ever felt really sick, you might feel differently. Maybe again, I'm not your privilege. You and your immune system are so privileged. I listen, I'm not trying to say sick people are weaker. I'm just saying comedians. You're just saying I would never do it. And if you do it, I look at you differently. I know stand up comics are a certain type. OK. It's a specific. I'm speaking specifically to stand up comics. And yeah, I don't know. I don't know how this makes me sound, but I know. I think it's good. But I'm going to love it. Me, the this is kind of the same thing as the parental or paternity leave. Right. Not all paternity leaves are the same. I grow. That's my I agree with that sentiment. And I think every situation is different. Every work situation, every partner situation is different. But let's anyway, let's get into it. I'm in Canada where parents can share up to 18 months of leave. That's a good amount. Though in my circles, it's usually the mom taking about 12 months and the dad a few weeks. That is a lot of maternity leave. Wow. This actually became a deal breaker in my marriage. In my late 20s, my career was moving quickly and I was earning significantly more than my then husband, who was a teacher with more flexibility, but lower earning trajectory. When we started talking about kids, I didn't see a way to take a year off without seriously derailing my career. I suggested we split leave or have him take most of it so we could both stay aligned with our goals. He saw it as humiliating and said it would make him look bad socially and that I was selfish for even suggesting it. That disagreement dragged on for about a year and ultimately contributed to us separating. Now that I'm dating again, I tell friends that I'd need a partner who's at least open to splitting paternal leave. They think I'm being too picky and I'm triggered by my ex or that I'll change my mind once I have kids. But I see it as a partnership issue. If we can't even fairly negotiate that, what are we doing? So I'm curious, red flag or deal breaker, your partner won't even consider taking parental leave when both parents are eligible. Sincerely, we both made this baby, we both take leave, betch. See, it's funny, like even in this scenario, my opinion has changed. Like if a man said it's humiliating and that's why he's not taking parental leave, that's like a loser move. Yeah, like I'm not for that. It's the reason he won't do it is because it's humiliating. That's crazy, especially when the family will be better off considering her pay and his pay. This is why you don't date teachers. Right. This is the number one reason. No, I but I think in this scenario where she's like, I'm making more money, this career path I'm on will be changed by this maternity leave when you could do it. And our consequences, right? As a family unit, we will be better off. But then I'm thinking I'm like, if I was dating someone and they were questioning me on the parental leave situation, I'd be like, this feels early. Well, yeah, here's the thing about that. I think she is taking. I do agree. She's taking this past fight with her ex, where her ex was being losery. I agree with her and sort of projecting it into this all or nothing thing. When again, I think she needs to look at it as like a nuanced thing. I don't even think it's something you could reasonably really discuss that far ahead without knowing the specifics of the situation at the time you have kids. Right. Her specifics with the teacher. I agree with her. Yes. If it were then. Right. If her sign off, I don't agree with her. We both made this baby. We both take leave is a we win together. We lose that's not like you two operating as a team that makes sure that you guys are the point of a spear. You know, like you know, it doesn't mean 50 50. And I think the longer term your relationship you're in, and even when you have what I've learned from having kids is that it's not about both people doing an equal amount of every single thing. It's about working as a team to figure out what your own unique circumstances are and how to optimize for the whole family unit, which is why I said it's kind of like a business a little bit more. It's not about like we're doing this because like women and men are equal and they should take equal leave. Like, no, what is our specific scenario as a couple with our own specific jobs and our own, you know, government rules? And how does that play into what makes the most sense for this family? I think to say like anyone who I'm eliminating, anyone who doesn't want to split it 50 50. It's also crazy. It's just as crazy as saying I wouldn't do it because it's humiliating. I'm with you 100 percent. You used a great word optimizing. Yes. You want the family to be optimized. Yes. If the family can make 50,000 more dollars and be better off as a family because of whatever combination of paternity leave, maternity leave you take, that's the option. Right. That's what you do. That's that's that's a mathematical equation that I. I that I would have to have really an ego issue. Right. To go against. And that's what again, the teacher guy has an ego issue. If you married another comedian, let's say, and you both work for yourselves and you both had this situation, like would your stance still be the same? No, no, it would be. You would have to. Right. It would have to be factored into whatever you were doing. Right. And and. Or if you married an actress or anyone with, like, you know, someone who ran their own business or whatever it was, the variables change. And I think, again, the theme of today's episode of, you know, safety, like this woman is trying to not get so far ahead that she's in the same position that she was with with the teacher. Like she had to separate with her husband and she's like, well, I don't want to get into that scenario again. It's like, well, it wasn't really about the leave. It was about the rigidity and the way he looked at his own career and how he looked. You and you were expressing your needs, which he called herself ish. Right. I don't really agree with him. So. Yeah, we solved it again. We did it. We did it. We do it every Wednesday and Friday. We'll be back on Friday. Bye. Boom. Oh, a great story like Monsters Inc. Stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story from the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television to the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Got a dead body. Got a go. A lifetime of great stories awaits this spring on Disney Plus. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Betches.