Jay Mewes on Clerks, Kevin Smith & His Heroin Addiction + Man Caught Rubbing His Junk on Woman in Grocery Store

Well, this episode, Jay Muse, Jane Silent Bob. Yeah, that guy tells his story. Oh boy. Ma'am, you're going to learn things. We'll talk to him. Alicia Kraus will do the news. We'll do all that right after this. Thanks for tuning into the Adam Karola show. You can watch the full show on YouTube. Just search Adam Karola show and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also get the podcast wherever you like to listen. And for extra content, ad free episodes and more, you can head over to our sub stack and sign up today. Hey, this is Adam Karola from the Adam Karola show. Well, if you care about predictions, then you care about props. And when March Madness tips off the props, tell the real story from buzzer beaters to bracket busters. Nobody does tournament props like bed online. For years, bed online has been the home of real sports betting, deep markets, sharp odds, and player props built for fans who watch games and study the matchups and anticipate the upsets. 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That's Diary of a Man Child, I'm calling this segment, if you will, because it was amusing stories for about two and a half years. And then I switched up the material, now it's called Jay Muse Diary of a Man Child. And it's interesting because I feel like I've been down that road myself, but I'm curious where you're coming from with it. You have a name, people recognize you, so you can go out and like sell tickets. But you're not really traditional stand ups, not like you have the process and the jokes and stuff. So you go out, you do a lot of improv and you tell stories and so on and so forth. And sometimes there's a visual component to it. But at some point, I did the same thing, but then at some point I was like, I think I should just become a comedian, a stand up comedian and I'll just write jokes and I'll memorize them and I'll, I'm not doing any crowd work, I'm not showing any pictures, I'm just going to do jokes. And I don't know how far into the journey you are, but are you thinking that way? I am thinking that way. You know why? Because when I started, like it all started because, you know, Kevin and I toured for a while together. And then a couple of the clubs we performed at were like, hey ma'am, Jay, do you want to come back and do a show yourself? So when I started, I started at 45 minutes and I had this, you know, these stories that I put together to try to stretch out 45 minutes. And then all of a sudden I got invited to do like Skankfest and Comedy Store and they're like, you're doing 10 minutes. And it sounds weird, but all of a sudden I'm like, I don't know if I can do 10 minutes. Like I have this, this streamline of stories. Now I got actually 10 minutes to try to make people laugh and tell jokes. And so far so good, but I am now starting to think like, hey, I'm getting more and more offers to do these 10 minutes, 12 minutes. And I really feel like I want to like really make sure I can punch in those jokes to make them laugh in those 10 minutes. So. I know exactly what you're talking about. You put together this big act. I'm almost like a one man show. And then someone wants you to do a short thing. And you don't have a bunch of jokes. You have stories and play. And now you need to develop those jokes. Because once you get those 10 minutes and all those jokes, then you can mix and match and plug them in and do whatever you want. So you start off, it's like New Jersey. It's like Kevin Smith's best friend, neighborhood guys. What's the plan like when you're a kid? I mean, clerks, you were just like 21 clerks came out. 17. I was 17. Well, sorry. Well, time it came out. I was 19. Sorry. Oh, okay. I was almost 19, but we filmed it when I was 17. Right. But Kevin and I grew up in the same neighborhood in New Jersey Highlands, went to the same high school. And I didn't really hang out with them then. But he started working at this community center in our town, where when I'd get off school, I would go there to play foosball and pull there was a pool table. And they'd give you snacks and stuff till my grandma got home from work. And so I started to get them to know him there because he would read comics in the corner with Walt Flanagan and Brian Johnson. And they would be bagging and boarding comics. And I would be like, Hey, man, what are you guys doing? But get out of here, kid. And just so I'd leave them alone, they would give me stacks of comics. And I fell in love with comics. And that's sort of where we bonded over comic books. And then he asked me to start he quit there, started working at Quick Stop where clerks was filmed. And he I started helping him on Sundays, with the newspaper Sunday paper. And we started to get to know each other. And he's like, man, you have a really weird, funny sense of humor. I've been writing this script. So I'm writing this character based on you for you. And I'm like, All right. But even then I didn't plan on acting, I didn't want to act. At that point, I graduated and was putting roofs on houses. I was a roofer. And then we filmed clerks takes like three weeks. And then I go back to roofing, like I was still roofing the whole process. And and then he was like, he went and did his thing. So we were friends, we weren't best friends until we got closer after, you know, we did our second movie by Mallrats, we got pretty close. But he was he's like four years older than me. So when we met, he was 18. I was like a 13 year old kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I don't know where I was reading. I was someone's reading about it like best friends. Well, we are now I mean, and then we weren't we became best friends. But in the beginning, yeah, it can't be when someone is four years older than you. I mean, when I was a kid, someone's four years older lived more than four miles from you. You could not be best friends with them because they were out of range. And they were in high school. And you're in the eighth grade and whatever. Yeah. And they're driving around with their friends in cars. And I don't have a car. I have a bicycle. So, you know, we would hang out. We just weren't but we became best friends. It was not best friends as much as for years. It was like older brother, younger brother, because I also was like the knucklehead who would like, you know, he always makes a joke saying there's that J.M.U.'s kitty through a rock through the pharmacy window because I would get in trouble and be I was very obnoxious. And, you know, was just not not doing the right thing as a kid. So he would always be bailing me out. Well, your dad left and your mom was an addict. That's correct. That's tough. It was. I was in and out in my mom. She would get sober and live with her for two years. She'd relapse and then I'd go live with my grandma. And it was back and forth. What was her drug? Heroin. Heroin. Oh. And I guess when you relapse, you definitely relapse. Yes. And in the end, it winded up killing her because she got HIV. She got AIDS. So was she around long enough to see what you've been able to do? She was. She was. She passed away around 2000. It was 2001. So I had just done J. and Sampob strikes back. So she had seen clerks, mall rats chasing Amy, and we had dogma. And then we did strike back. So she did get the C, but she was and we I lived with her. She moved in with me and I took care of her the last couple of years of her life. And, you know, so I would sit home. I'd come home from being out of town for a month or two and we'd sit around and watch murder she wrote and Matt Locke and stuff. And, um, God, I mean, how, you know, you're being a movie star. I don't know what it's movie star, but, but successful in movies had to be one of the more unlikely scenarios ever. I mean, from where you come from, how, how much were you involved with the creative process? Not at all for any of the movies. Like definitely by for one, for clerks, again, I had no plan on, on acting and being in movies. And I was so nervous on clerks that I used to ask people like when we were doing scenes outside of the quick stop, if there was a, there wasn't many people there anyway, but there was like five people, like someone doing sound, someone doing the camera. I would ask them to go inside and wait because I was so nervous when the camera said action. And then I would be like, snooch to the newtch because I was so nervous. So there was no, I had no, you know, being so nervous, I didn't put any creative process in it, except for the fact that everything that I said and did technically was things that I had said and Kevin heard me say and do over those like three years of us being friends, because he'd be like, why do you run around saying snoochy buchies? And he wrote it down, you know? So it was me being creative, but not during the filming of, and it wasn't to like dogma that I got really comfortable. And I got to ad-lib a little bit. And I was part of that. But for the most part, Kevin was like, you have to stick to the lines that I write. So, and then I would maybe throw in an ad-lib and he'd be like, okay, that's funnier. So we'll say that the next take. But so clerks, originally, what was the plan if there was a plan? I mean, Kevin wanted to make a film. Was there a plan to do something with the film after he made it? Yeah, I think for him, it was just to edit it and try to submit it to film festivals. And I do know, and again, he knows better, but I know that the first time he screened it, there was like a New York Film Festival he got in. I guess it was only on like two screens and both screenings, there was like 10 people in the theater watching it. And there was a gentleman named Bob Hawke that was in the in the theater, luckily, who passed it on to another gentleman, was like, you have to see this movie. And that gentleman submitted the Sundance and got them to watch it and all of that. And that's when Kevin went to Sundance and Miramax bought it at Sundance. It really became a darling. And I think a lot of it is a story too. I mean, I'm sorry, not the story of the movie, but how cheap it was made for and who made it. And it was like there was a, you know, I think with movies, okay, with any kind of art, there is the art itself in a vacuum. And then there's the kind of the part around it, you know, where you go, this woman was Vietnamese and she didn't speak any English and she made this film. Like we like a story. I mean, unless it's a Tom Cruise Maverick type situation, we like an indie, cool little, this was never supposed to happen story and it did. No, I feel like it really was like timing. Like I feel like if that happened now with everything out YouTube and all these different like social media, it just seemed he had, it was $27,500 or whatever. And he sold his comic book collection. He borrowed money from the producer. He met the producer and the DP at film school in Vancouver. So I remember that was that was the whole part of the story. Like, you know, Kevin Smith, you know, sells his comic book collection and meets his like the producer at Vancouver film school and quits film school because he's like, I can do this myself. So I remember that was a big part of like the newspapers and articles would come out and stuff. So it was cool. And I was on the outside because even then it wasn't for me. Like I wasn't like, wow, this is this means something. I'm maybe going to be able to do other movies and I'm going to be an actor now. I just went back to my job and hanging out with my friends that were my age and stuff doing my stuff. And then it wasn't to Mallrats that like, wow, we're doing a studio movie. Right. That it seemed a little more real. But still, after that, I went back home and it was almost like, all right, you're back home. And that's that. And it wasn't, you know, until later on, I was in one scene and chasing Amy. And then there was, I met, there's a gentleman, Malcolm Ingram, who we met on Mallrats who said, hey, I have money and I'm doing an indie movie. So I went to Vancouver. And all of a sudden I'm in four movies and I'm like, oh my gosh, like maybe this is something I could do for a living is make movies. So it really happened all by luck and like, just like knowing Kevin and then meeting Malcolm and and so on. I did a one scene in a movie called Volger that our friend Brian Johnson made. So it just kept like coming along like in 30 and still to this day, 30 years, I've been making movies, everything that I've done, I've not gotten one of the movies from an audition. It's all been like, either a friend's making a movie or someone has seen my movies and they're like, hey, we're making this indie movie. Or, you know, I got invited, I got to do Flash TV show. I got to do Supergirl because I met Melissa Benoist on Flash and she was like, hey, I'm going to be directing an episode. I'd love for you to be on it. I'm like, all right. How much Weinstein contact was there? Did you get a feel for the guy? You know, there was, there was a small period, you know, I remember we flew on his private jet somewhere as once. Epstein's Island? No, it wasn't, it wasn't there. He like flew us. I think we were in, we were in LA and we were going to New York for something. But you know, it's, you know, at one point he did wind up, my mom was again, was really sick from AIDS. He winded up paying for her to go see this specialist in New York. This like really expensive doctor who was like the new, he had all the new, you know, the new drugs were out and it was supposed to be helping people live longer with AIDS. It was way back again, 2001. And he paid for this doctor and like paid for her to go out and see this doctor. So that's my experience with him way back down was I remember I flew on his private jet and then he paid for my doc, my mom to go to see this specialist, you know, and then years later, of course, all this bad stuff starts coming out. But I didn't have a lot of contact with him besides that. Yeah, it's interesting because you think, you know, villains in our society are sort of modern-day villains. You go, well, Bill Cosby, Weinstein, Trump to half the country, George Steinbrenner, owner of the Yankees, you know, all of them have all these stories about them anonymously paying, buying people houses and stuff for an employee, got cancer and had to quit and they bought the house and paid the mortgage for the house and stuff. So, you know, people are complex. And we like to just put them all in the one bin and make it nice and easy and more like a comic book. You know what I mean? Like in a comic book, when the villain comes home and he sees his dog, he kicks his dog. But the worst person in the world still loves their dog and their dog loves them. And it's like a lot more nuanced than that. And that's why, by the way, people do need to understand like when people go, this guy said douchebags or whatever, you know, I go, he's always nice to me. Like all I got is what I got from him. I only have our interactions. I wasn't married to him. He didn't date me. All the time I hear that. Like people I've worked with told me, like, oh my god, you worked with someone. So what were they like? Were they like, I heard they're not, and I'm like, they were always nice to me. Like everyone I've worked with. Yeah, I always, I give people the caveat. I go, the guy's nice to me, but on the other hand, you know, he owns the club and I'm the headliner. So he's, what's it going to be? A douche? You know what I mean? You were the open mic guy. So then he may be his douche. He's not really going to be douchey to me. So, so maybe he is a douche, but he wasn't. Yes. He wasn't douchey to me. Like, like a cop who could be a douche, but if he pulled a guy over and it turned out the guy went to high school with him, he wouldn't be a douche. Exactly. No, for sure. So for you, you're in this like crazy world because you got your dad who abandoned the family. Yes. Do you ever reconnect with him? No, so I mean, that's a whole another story. There's a long story behind that, that I'm still figuring out how to tell that story. But, but just to be simple, I never met him. He was when my mom always told me that my dad was married, had kids, and, and it was like a one night or like a couple night affair. And that was it. And she told me his name was John Stenka and he was Polish. And that wasn't the case. Like when I did my DNA test, I'm like, no Polish to me, I'm Italian. Like I like 40% of me is Italian and in English and Dutch. And so it was very interesting, but I didn't growing up, I didn't care as much. John Stenka Polish name. That's that's like smelly toilet. Yeah, I'm not sure why she I don't know if she just didn't want me to try to like find him, but I didn't really have any interest at the time because. Well, I'm sorry. So it wasn't traditional like he abandoned the family. No, he was never there. I mean, he got your mom pregnant and got back with his yes and maybe who knew who knows what he knew. So there is a separation, I think, between somebody who dates somebody has a relationship with somebody gets that person pregnant, that person gives birth and they leave and never see the kid again. That's that's pretty bad stuff. Yes. The affair. I'm married. I got a family and I had an affair and you got pregnant is not noble, but it's not as bad as no, I was born and so he's gone and in your mom's sort of gives you the story and you never go look for the guy or try to try to figure that out. No, you know, there was no way to do it way back. Like there's no way for me to do anything. I always wondered that. I don't I don't know if he did like I had asked my grandma at one point and it was like I have this weird family history from the beginning because I my grandma who raised me most of my teenagers when my mom was going in and out of you know, relapsing and stuff. I remember being like maybe 11 or so and we were doing this project in school and they were like, hey, is is your grandmother your mom's mom or your dad's mom? And I remember coming home and asking my grandma, are you mom's mom or my dad's mom? And she's like, well, actually I'm not either. I'm your mom's aunt. You know, so I found out my mom, my grandma's really my aunt. My aunt who I her daughter who I called my analyst my whole life was really my cousin and in that whole thing. And you know, I had an uncle Mickey that lived down the street who wasn't related to us by blood at all. I know that they listen, they get fast and loose with the uncle business and the auntie business. And it's so weird when you talk to somebody who does that, you know, they go, oh, my aunt's coming into town and I go, your aunt, how by the way, how many aunts you have? Oh, she's not really my aunt. I was like, okay, well, stop saying that. That's exactly confusing. Well, this is interesting. And if you like to feel better about your family of origin, I have, you know, some of that my mom was taken away by child protective services and then raised by her grandparents who she thought were her parents. And then they died. And then she thought her parents were dead. But it turns out she was just being raised by the grandparents of my grandma or by the parents of my grandma, who then after they died, my grandma came back into the picture and collected her. Oh, and then my grandmother's brother killed himself too when he was young. A lot of dysfunction back then. It's not a new thing, this dysfunction thing. And then, so I grew up never knowing, I never met my biologic, then the guy who's my mom's biological dad was like an alcoholic and left and my mom, my grandmother remarried. So she got raised by her stepfather and her mom, but only after she was older and they like came back into the picture. And that's why my mom always called her mom Helen. Not not mom. Because it was Helen. Yes, yes. Yes. And so she knew her as Helen, you know, or Auntie Helen or something. And did you call her grandma? Because you're like at that point or you're I called her grandma and I called him grandpa. Yeah. Because when I was born, that was my grandmother and it was my grandfather because I never knew the other guy either. So, but sort of, I wouldn't say got raised by them, but my mom was not highly functional and we lived in their second beater house kind of for free. Like when you have the daughter that can't get her shit together, you know. And so what is kind of happening is is you end up spending more time with the functional family and my grandparents cooked and like had a, you know, a semi normal, a color TV, you know, they had like a semblance of a normal life. So we end up spending a lot of time there. Plus, if your biological parents don't want to do anything for you, then yeah, dump them off, let them sleep over and have dinner. You make them breakfast. You know, so there's a lot of that. Same here. Same here. It was like my grandma was the one that was sort of, was normal. I get my aunt, but I thought my grandma and we lived in a, we had two houses. She owned two houses on the property. So it was her, her daughter Alice and then her daughter Linda. So it was nice. There was definitely a period I had, I had lived, had a room there. I lived at that house for years and they had kids. So there was kids to play with in New Yard. We had bunnies and stuff, but then all of a sudden I would get yanked out of there and move back in with my mom, who I would wake up in the middle of the night and there would be all these tube TVs in my living room, like 10 of them and a couple of her friends, they would go to hotels under different names, pay cash, and then they would steal the TVs and sell them. So like, it was like that weird thing and I would be able to stay out, you know, at 10 years old, I would stay, I wouldn't be able to like go out and out, out, but I'd be able to hang out on my street till like two in the morning because my mom would be like, whatever. She'd be high. She'd be high. She'd be like out. She'd be like, I'll be right back. I gotta run somewhere. And that, and that went on for, for a while. I almost got left back in sixth grade because I missed like 36 days of school. And they called finally and was like, look, if you miss one more day, we have to leave you back. And I didn't want that. So I made sure I went to school every day after that. But, but still it was definitely whenever I wasn't with my grandma, it was chaotic like that. And at one point my grandma was like not, she was older and sick. So I, Grandma's your, is that your sister's sister? So no, it was my mom, it was, I'm sorry, your mom's sister. So it was my mom's aunt. Oh, okay. We find out. Yes, it was my mom's aunt. So it was my great aunt. Sorry. She was my great and I find out later. My mom never, wasn't in her mom's life either. I actually have like six aunts that later on I stayed in touch with because my mom has, was put up for adoption at like one years old. And then her mom, my grandma remarried and had like six girls with this other man. So like later on, I met them, later on I met my real grandma, but I met her like twice. I got the, like for Christmas, she came down and we met at my aunt's. So there's a lot of, a lot of that, you know, dysfunction. I live with this random family from my grandma's church that I remember just having to like really put on, like I just really knew I had to be good and adapt to like their way of life. Like I had to sleep in a bunk bed with the, on the bunk bed with their son. So it's, you know, it definitely was an interesting upbringing for me, but you know, I moved out at 17 and started living up with my buddy who we roofed together and then we did clerks and you know, things turned out. Okay. I think so. Yeah. Well, the message that you get when you got a mom like your mom and maybe a mom like my mom, which is a boy, you're on your own. You better figure this shit out fast. There is no, you know, when you're 11, you get the, you know, which way the wind is blowing. Yes. Like you go, this person here is not really capable of taking care of me. And I don't think they're going to, they're barely, they can barely get their own shit together for themselves. But did your mom have moments where she was sober and like you guys would go out to dinner and it'd be sort of normal? You know, not really. I don't, whenever I remember being with her and I don't think she was, maybe she, I don't think she was getting high necessarily because she looked healthy from what I remember and we would go out. But I also remember her bringing us to the grocery store and having me, you know, put packets of steak down my pants, you know, with my winter jacket on and be like, go out back out, go out to the car and I'll be right out. Or she would steal cartons of cigarettes or we'd go around, she'd make me hang out the window and steal people's mail. And then we'd go to the duck pond and she would open all the mail and like throw it in a barrel and burn it. You know, there was take credit cards and cash for birthday, which again, years later, I wish I could make a man's, some people like would be like, happy birthday from Pop Pop and it'd be like a hundred dollar bill and it would be like my mom would be like, yep, you know, there's that. So, is this fair to say with your mom? Because I think this was my mom's thing. My mom's thing was like, she was a victim and she's just been her whole life trying to fix herself. Meaning it was a kind of a thing and it's something I tap into now a lot. When you make someone into a victim, then you make them capable of doing whatever, which is like, I'm a victim so I can steal your shit in your mailbox because I got victimized. Like, I'm, yeah, I never got deep with her about that, but I'm, I probably because again, her mom didn't want her. So I feel like maybe there was some resentment for that and she felt like I'm the victim. So it does make sense. It feels like she just never, it seemed like she just never, that I remember was happy and even when I was with her, she, when she was sick, she changed, but she was so sick that I feel like, and we would just, I would spend time with her, but she still, we never talked. I was talking to my wife about this the other day because I'm like, it's interesting that I would spend hours and hours with her watching show, TV and, you know, making her food and stuff because she was like in bed, like sort of bedridden almost, but I never wanted to talk to her and be like, Hey man, let's, let's talk about my upbringing. Like who's my dad? Who's, who's this? Because I just feel like I was like sort of numbing myself. I also started using drugs at that point. So I was numbing myself as well because it was like, it wasn't just a good place to be like it was sort of, it was sad for me to see my mom because even though all this went on, I remember at one point someone's like, ain't you mad at your mom? Don't you? Aren't you like super upset that your mom like was back and forth and never gave up the drugs. She couldn't give up the drugs for you. Also, you know, when I was 12, my mom, my mom took my mom would sold drugs at one point. I was like 12 years old. I was leaving my grandma's and my mom pulls up in the car and I was riding my bike to my buddy's house. And I said, she goes, where are you going? I said, I'm going to my buddy's house. She goes, Hey, my friend Tim, I'll call him Timmy. I don't want to say his name, but it was my brother's friend Timmy. And she goes, you know, your friend, your brother's friend Timmy, right? And I was like, yeah, she goes, he's down at the beach with his uncle. And I need to give this to him, but he owes me money. Make sure you get money from him. I was like, I don't want to do that. I'm going to my friends. We're about to go to the park to play football. And she said, please just do it for me. So I ride my bike down there, give him the envelope. He gives me the cash. And two months later, my brother picks me up. My brother's eight years older than me, my older brother picks me up in his car and he pulls in the parking lot. He goes, do you remember meeting Timmy like two months ago? I was like, yeah. He goes, that wasn't his uncle. It was an undercover cop. And you sold him heroin. Wow. And I was like, wait, what? I said, I gave him an envelope. He goes, in the envelope was heroin that mom and I said, well, mommy told my mom told me to do it. So they were like, well, look, your mom don't turn herself in and admit that you didn't know what was in the package and stuff. You're going to get charged for that. In the end, she winds up turning herself in goes to jail for nine years, nine years, nine years. Yeah. And she the charges got dropped for me and nothing happened to me. But still like that hung over me was in the newspaper and our in our small town of Highlands, you know, cops would pull me over for nothing. Like if I was riding my bike, they'd stop me to be like, Hey, what are you up to? Pull over, let me check your pockets. Couple of my friends, parents, of course, were like, Hey, this guy sells drugs. And they're like, no, his mom had but they and I get their parents are trying to protect their kid. But so I don't know why I started telling you this story. So I mean, the question is, is my, my mom was never right because of what, how she grew up. There's always something wrong with her. And it was like, I would describe her as you take a car, let's say you lend your car to Tiger Woods. And he rolls it a couple of times. And at some point you get it back and you kind of get the scratches out of it and you paint it and it looks good, but the doors always stick. It's always that sticky door because it got bent. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's just never going to be right. It can be, it can fake it a little bit, but it's just the door is always going to stick because it's got bent and it's never going to be what it was. You know what I mean? And I sort of feel that way with women, especially you give them up for adoption or like, you know, child protective services or the mom doesn't tell and they're just, they go through their whole life bent. It's a little bit fucked up. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Riley auto parts. What business are they in? They're in the business of keeping your car in the road. I don't have too many car issues, but when I do, I always go with O'Reilly, lots of parts. I get them for my projects, cars, race cars, I'm working on. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you're in a jam. They're going to be there for you. They're also, they can test your battery and they'll do it for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one because there's different sizes for different cars. So whether you're car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly auto parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto, do it yourself. Am I right Dawson? Stop by O'Reilly auto parts today or visit us at OReillyauto.com slash Adam. That's OReillyauto.com slash Adam. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is With movies like pineapple express, the entire star trek film franchise and gladiator and TV shows like survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd parents and ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. And uh, and they can't seem to get over that. Now, like you had that too, but then you overcompensate with your kids and your friendly and you don't do, you know, you don't lay the shit on them. Yeah. That, you know, like that was kind of, I guess growing up, you certainly with your mom, me too, a lesser extent, my mom's like, I didn't want to get involved with her shit, but they lay it on you. Yeah. You know what I mean? And that's sorry. That's why I start telling that story is because even with that happening and everything else, I remember like, aren't you mad your mom did that? And I'm like, I don't know. I just had this unconditional love for my mom and never, you know, and I never dwelled. I feel like I never dwelled on that. And, and like got up like was mad at her or anything. I just, you know, it was don't get me wrong. Sometimes I'd be like, man, this is a bummer. I don't have this life, but it made definitely made it to where I was like, I'm not, I do not want to have kids and put my kids in that, especially when I was using and getting high. And then I get sober for a couple of years. I'm like, even though I'm sober for a couple of years and I've been dating this girl, it doesn't mean I want to have kids, even though I want kids, but I wasn't, I didn't have kids till I was 40. And my wife and I were together for like seven years and we were like, you know, we owned a house. And finally, I'm like, okay, I own a house. I'm sober for a long time. I'm with this woman. I want to have kids now. So, you know, I feel like that, that I got from that experience. But I also know, you know, I see from my kid, my kid, the difference like you said, like, you don't want to be part of this and you have to figure it out right away at 10 years old. I feel like my kid, sometimes I see where I'm like, my kid needs to, it's great that she has two parents and she doesn't, she has no idea she's, you know, my kid gets what she wants. She's like away right now on a trip with her class. And I feel blessed that I'm able to, that she's able to do that and I'm able to give her that. But yeah, sometimes I'm like, man, how do I, how do I teach her? I guess I don't, I want to call it street smarts, but I like, feel like there's street smarts and there's like book smart and you know, so. Yeah, well, you want them to have a little eye of the tiger. Yeah. Just a little fire in the belly. Just a little sense of urgency, just a little motivation to get out. Because a lot of it was, I mean, for me, I wanted to get out of an uncomfortable life. So I had, I was motivated and my kids are, grew up in a very comfortable environment. So they're going to have to figure their own way out, but there are no hurry to get out. And I was like, I got to get out of here. And I'm wondering how to teach that without being like, hey, let's make them less uncomfortable. So they figured out, but it's like, I want to. Less comfortable. Yeah. But you know what it is, that's never going to work. No, no. It's never going to work because you know, the bell's been rung, at least with my kids. What you, now plan B, I've thought about this and I think I got an answer for it, which is, my kids are never going to have the motor I have because they don't have to, because they're comfortable, because grub hub and shit and who cares? There's nothing for them, right? But what does motivate you is a passion. It's either misery or passion. For me, a lot of it was air conditioning. I wanted air conditioning and I never had air conditioning in houses or cars or family. I literally was, I wanted air conditioning. So I got motivated. I was so uncomfortable. I got motivated to make money so I could have air conditioning, but my kids aren't going to do that. But it's like, you know, you take someone, you take someone like Jimmy when I met Jimmy. He had a passion for comedy, a strong passion for comedy. He grew up, you know, pretty middle class, fairly comfortable, not rich, but his parents, you know, his dad worked and his parents were together and he didn't grow up with the kind of, you know, selling drugs at the beach kind of environment and copping TV sets and stuff. He grew up pretty regular and could have just been a regular guy, but he wanted, he had comedy. So it wasn't really misery and street smarts. It was just he loved comedy so much. He's very motivated to do comedy. And so the chance that our kids stand is not firing the belly street smarts motivation. It's more going to be they are in love with music or art or, or they just love working with kids or pets or something like some muse. And that will motivate you as much as people telling you no, and that, that kind of shit, you know, sort of negative motivation. Yeah. No, my daughter loves ballet and I'm starting to see that with ballet. Like she wants to start competing. So she's wants to take, you know, privates and that stuff. So it makes sense. Yes. Yeah. And then theoretically, something like a love of ballet while you may not do it professionally as an adult, the dedication and the repetition and the hard work of training will then be grafted on to some other endeavor when they're 25 and not, you know, realize they're not going to be doing it professionally. So I think you got a shot here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's good. It makes sense. It really does because I do see that when she wanted to start like she's been doing ballet for years and when she started wanting point shoes, she's like started taking privates and she wanted to start competing. So now she wants privates twice a week. So it does like motivate her to like, I don't want to go. I've been at school all day. I don't want to go, but she's like, oh, but I want to get my point shoes. So I'm going to get myself there and go. So it's true. So biological dad, don't have a name on him. So what does he know? So he doesn't, he, I don't believe he knows anything. And I can't, there's a whole, so there's a whole story behind that, that that's happened recently. And I feel like I don't, I don't want sort of want, I don't know if I should spill the beans. I almost sort of spilled the beans the other day. My wife was able to track down my dad through a sister I have, through him, through 23 and me and all of this. And she really wanted to give this to me for my 50th birthday because my daughter was like, do I have a grandpa? And so my wife did a lot of work and we found out information. So I do have, I do have a name. I do, I did find out things, but we've been, to be honest, I just haven't figured out how we want to present it because it's been so long, such a long time coming. Like it's like, I didn't know for years and that when I turned 50, all of a sudden my wife's like, oh my God, I think I found your dad. Here's a picture I think of your grandmother on the 20th, you know, the trees they put in there for the family trees. And this, I believe, is your sister and my wife reached out to this girl. And yeah, so, you know, it's, it's a long story that I'm trying to figure out how to present it from beginning to end when I tell this story. So I don't know if that makes sense. Well, it makes sense and that you're in a process of doing this, which I don't know, I'd be apprehensive about because I'd feel like, oh man, like it'd be, I don't know, it's kind of, it's kind of interesting. I think there's kind of a wiring. Like I think when I started doing the show, catch a contractor, Skip Badell, my partner, I believe was in the process or had just located his biological sister because I think he was adopted. And it was really important to him to locate her. And they immediately just became family and, and I think she appreciated it. And he was like, it was very important to him. Yeah, yeah. Which I've definitely heard the other side of it too, where the daughter finally tracks the dad down and it's not good. Yeah. And so there's, there's that possibility. But your, your pro, your possibilities are better because your dad didn't abandon the family. Your dad had a one night stand or whatever. Yes. So he may not even be aware of this. Well, and it's the process of getting there. Like I feel like I'm, I'm afraid to like just give, give bits right now on here. And then it doesn't really tell the process that my wife went through and then like we found it. And I'm like, man, I really want to be able to articulate because it's an interesting story because it, we have this much and we have, you know, we have like 95% of the information that I can tell, but I don't, I feel like if I tell it, and then down the road, I'm like, Oh my God, I have all 100%. And I want to tell you this from day one, this happened. Because when again, I would, I didn't care when I was younger really, it wasn't until my daughter started asking questions and, and was like, what is your, what does grandpa look like? And does he still have his hair and all these things that my, I was like, well, you know, I wonder now. And, and then I got 23 of me because I was like, I think I'm Polish, but I don't know. And then we did it. And then I found I was Italian. And so it became like a goal of my wife's to be like, I want to find all of this information out for you for your 50th birthday. And she did find out, like, there's a lot of information I have that I feel like it's going to be, she said, if I give like two bits, it's like premature ejaculation, if I tell. So I feel like if we sat here, we, if I could sit here for an hour and we can go from, and I could articulate it from day one, it'd be, I feel like it's a interesting story. But we'll come back. Yep, I would love to come back. I would honestly, goodness, if we could do it, I would love to really sit down and go through the process and to be able to come and talk, tell you the whole story and to where we're at right now, today, you know, it would be pretty cool. It's so interesting. Your mom was picturing her stealing the TV sets. Yes, yeah. They're friends. It was such a weird thing. Cause again, I like was half a sleep. And I remember coming out one time and they were all over the couch. And again, it wasn't even like now where if I wanted to come in and try to steal these three LEDs or whatever they are, LCD TVs, not saying it'd be easy, but it'd be a little bit easier to carry. But these were those big tube TVs. So heavy. So big and heavy. And, and then the mail, the mail thing really sort of, again, years later got to me. Cause I'm just like, I remember like, even though I was a kid, I just remember her opening them up. And like one time we opened the box and it was like a like one of those ceramic angels that like was a gift for like, you know, a granddaughter. And then a grand, another time was from a grandpog sending $100 bill to his grand, you know, granddaughter for her birthday. And it just, they never get it. They're like, oh my god, where's that present? Right. Yeah, just stuff like that. And then the, and then just burning all the mail. And I would be like, man, I don't want to do that. But she'd be like, no, no, I'm going to pull up to the mailbox and you're going to hang out the window and grab it. And so, but that's the thing is like, I remember people being like, don't you so mad at her for making you do this and the drug story. But I don't, for some reason it never, like there's no hatred for me for, for me. Well, I mean, you know, with drug addicts, you kind of, I would say all is forgiven, but there's a real context to them and their actions. And it's pretty much what they do and how it works. Well, and especially years later, I found out myself, like I remember being like, I'll never, you know, I'll never use a needle because my mom used a needle and caught AIDS. And I didn't for years using, I just kept being like, I'll never do that. But I'm, I never thought I'd do heroin, but I did it. But I'll never use a needle. And I winded up doing that. And then I remember being like, all right, I'm using only brand new needles in a bag and all that. And then luckily, one point I'm like, I'll never share though. And I remember being so sick one point, I don't know if I've ever told this, I was so sick one time and I met this guy in a rehab of all places, but I relapsed and I called him up and I was like, Oh my God, how are you doing? He's like, Oh man, I relapsed too. He's like, I'm down right now copping. And I was like, man, I'm so sick and I have no money. And he's like, if you can get to me, I got you. And I remember I took like three buses, I had not just enough money to take like three buses down to his place where he lived downtown. Are we an LA? I was in LA, I was living in Santa Monica at the time. And I took the bus downtown. And, and I finally get there. And I remember I was like, Oh my God, I'm so sick. He's like, don't worry, I got you. And he gives me a syringe. And, and I was like, what's this? He's like, Oh, well, he's like, I only had enough for this. And he's like, I had to go. I was sick too. So he had already used, sorry, he already used it. And I could even see blood in there, which again, I thought I'd never do, but I still was so sick. I was a cough man, whatever. And I shared a needle with somebody. And I even know there was blood in there. So it was like even more of a chance I'm rolling the dice with this. And thank goodness, of course, this is this is like 20 years ago. So I know that I didn't catch HEP-C. I didn't catch HIV or anything. Thank goodness. But yeah, I mean, you do get to a point. For me, I got to a point where I just did all these things I thought I wouldn't do. You know, and it's, it's a real, but again, July 2nd, 16 years sober, I have. Wow. Yeah. So thank goodness. Thank you. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's drugs. Like everybody do everything they don't want to do in pursuit of the drugs. I mean, thank God you didn't have kids. Yeah, at that time. No, yeah, because in my head, I probably, well, if I had kids, I would never do any of this crazy stuff. But yeah, I can't imagine if now like got to that point to where I was physically sick and didn't know what to do. What, yeah, you just do things. Again, I did things I didn't think I would do. So when you're strung out and you need heroin and you can't get heroin, what's it feel like? It's your, well, first it's, you know, you start to sweat and then you're like your skin's crawling. And then, you know, by day two, that's happening, but your legs are twitching and then you start to some people vomit. I never vomited, but you, you know, you get diarrhea and you just don't, you can't sleep. I remember trying to kick a couple of times cold turkey and not beyond, you just lay on the ground like staring at the wall. I would stare at the wall and I could not sleep, which to me was almost the worst part of it for me because you're not only like, you know, if you have the flu or you're or something, you take some cough medicine, whatever you fall, sleep for maybe eight hours. And at least you're sleeping during that sickness. You can't sleep, so you're sick and you can't sleep. And it's just really, really uncomfortable. Then you're, you just feels drained. Like even when I remember getting through the hump of being like all the, the, the first parts of being withdrawals, which is the sweats and runny nose and diarrhea and all that, then you're like mentally you're just drained. You feel like, I felt like last time I remember like getting sober, I remember just for like a month and a half, I felt like I was carrying a backpack full of bricks. Like you just feel like really tired and lethargic and slow and stuff. It's just not a, it's, it's an interesting feeling. It's, it's, it's like being really sick, but not being able to sleep or take any cold medicine that to relieve those symptoms. Right. And if you go into rehab, they'll give you stuff at the beginning, right? Yeah. They usually give you like clottedine and clotted pain. It helps your blood pressure and something. They give you sleeping medicine at nighttime and it, and it does, it does dampen it and help you sleep. So yeah, I mean, they do. I feel like there was one time it really depends on what you're on. I feel like, cause I remember I was doing oxycontin, which is a painkiller and, and that like gets in your, your, your fatty tissue, they say, and it takes longer. And that was, even though I would take like clotted and clotted pain, I still had trouble sleeping where the first time I went to rehab, I was just using heroin, not just, but I was using heroin. And they gave me enough stuff that I remember I slept for like three days, like almost three days. I'd get up, go to the bathroom and eat a little bit. But yeah, they do give you stuff to help you. And then there's their people there to talk to. And, but it is, it is, yeah, it's not a fun thing. And, and I don't know when you're out, when you're out on this, when I'd be out at home, you wake up and it's like, you're, you, as soon as you wake up, you're not feeling a hundred percent because you've been sleeping. And you feel, and you're like, Oh my God, what are we going to do today? Like I remember dating this girl, I was living in Huntington Beach, and it would be like, we'd wake up and like, Oh my God, I'm like, what are we going to do? She'd be like, well, I think I can get like 50 bucks to go and then we have to drive 40 minutes to go get what we need. And then we can make it back home. And that should last us most of the day. And then usually because it wouldn't make it half the day really. So it's, it was just the grind of it all. It, it, besides feeling sick and, and using drugs and being sick, there is also the process of getting it, which is a weird thing that like, I won't say I missed it, but it was something that was stuck in my head at first when I got sober. It was like, like now I don't, I don't have to spend my day doing this. So what am I going to do with myself? So I went to a bunch of AA meetings and stuff like that. It's very interesting. And that and for a while, like if I drove past Burger King, there's this Burger King I used to cop drugs and then go use in the Burger King bathroom. And I had passed it a few times when I was sober, because I was going somewhere else. But even just passing it like this, you know, a sense of rush go over that, like I would smell it and remember, oh, I remember being there four months ago. And it's a weird feeling. And so what do you do? I've never asked this question. It's not that profound, but I mean, like, you know, you go, what are you going to do on booze? You know, they go, well, I'm going ice fishing. And I'm going to be drinking 10 beers. Yeah. Or we're going out. We're going out to the beach. We're playing volleyball and I'm drinking some beers, you know, or whatever. And then you go, what are you doing with the pot? And they go, I'm going to, I'm going to eat an edible. I'm going to Disneyland or whatever it is. I'm going to do it. And then we're going to watch Superman. And but heroin, I don't know what you do on heroin because other things you do on and with pain pills, a lot of guys, Dr. Drew would tell me have would have big time habits and be successful lawyers and stuff like that. Like they, they're actually pretty functional while eating tons of pain pills. And there's guys who would, you know, get high and write, write stuff and stuff like that. But I don't know what you do on heroin. No, it's, you wind up, there's not much, you don't do much. But I would, if I wanted to go somewhere, as it is, the, your day is really filled with trying to get enough. I feel like even if you, I mean, unless you had unlimited money, even with heroin, though, there's always that like, okay, we got to call the dealer and go meet them. And then you're like stressing about if you're going to get busted, or they're going to show up. And then if you, then you finally get it, and you're like, okay, I'm not going to be sick anymore. And then all you are relieved temporarily, like, okay, I'm not sick. And we have just enough now for tonight, we got to save this for tonight, or tomorrow morning, I'm supposed to go to this, you know, this funeral or something, and I have to show up. So really, it was just about, it wasn't ever like, Hey, I'm going to use heroin, and we're going to, I know what you're saying, like, Hey, let's go to Disney World, or I would try to be like, all right, I have to go do this thing. And I just don't want to be sick. So I'm going to do just enough. And even the painkillers, there are, I feel like painkillers, like you said, they're successful. Lawyers, there was the last time I relapsed. I only did painkillers for a while, because I was like, Hey, man, if I'm not shooting heroin, or doing cocaine, I haven't technically relapsed in my head, even though I did. But I got up to like 40 narcos a day, you know, but even then it was like, I would take them and it would get me like, I would be able to do stuff, and I'd be able to go, if I had a job, I could go work for a bit. But then it still was like, Oh, wow, that just cost me 500 bucks. And I have some money in the bank, but the guy didn't answer his phone today. So oh my God, or he's out. Yeah, you know, he's, so there's always that like, Oh, this person's out. I don't have enough. So there's, there's anxiety. There's anxiety. I mean, on a, on a lesser level, you know, if you smoke and you leave your cigarettes at home and you go out to the whatever and you get there and you're like, Oh, we don't sell cigarettes. You have this like, shit, where's my work weight? And you know, you get in the car and drive a long way to get a pack of cigarettes in the middle of the night. If that's, if you want a cigarette, you know what I mean? And the people kind of have that with food. I mean, there's people do that with sex. Like I, for sure, like I, I know guys that like every time they go to a town, they got to find a rub and tug and shit like that. And the drug addicts need to find out where to score when they come into town, you know, and you, but you need to know where to buy a pack of cigarettes too. Yeah, no, it's a constant, it is that it's a constant worry. I'm traveling. Am I going to be able to find it and do I have enough money and all that it really is like, that's why I feel like it's got to be really hard unless you have like a dot, even then the doctor could like get his license removed, but unless you have like a ton of money, you can be maybe successful. I guess if you getting it prescribed and you know, the doctor's always going to be able to write your script and you could have them unlimited money. But other even then I feel like again, like if you're going away for a month, it just always seemed for me, it was a worry. Like, am I going to be able to, oh my God, I'm going to LA. I remember first time coming to LA and didn't know where to get, get any heroin and like someone was like, go down, I was at a bar and I asked someone, they're like, Oh, don't go down by like Alvarado and downtown. And I took a cab there because I was starting to get into dope sick because I thought I brought enough for four days, but it lasted two and a half days. And you know, I started getting sick. And of course I find a street where dudes were on the corner selling, but then I wind up, I never seen it before because there's powder and on the East coast here, it's tar. And they gave me this balloon and I was like, what's this still like, it's in there. And I get all the way back home and it's cocaine. But I was so sick, I use cocaine, but now I'm coming down from cocaine. And I'm dope sick. And I'm like, so I, it just made it worse. And I didn't know where, so yeah, it's just the ongoing. It's also you're lit, you're having to lie all day, every day, you know, and it's gotta be, that's a burden. Like your whole, everything is a secret. And you know, it's not, it'd be like if you were gay in the 30s, you know what I mean? And like, you just, this is what you were, but you could never let anybody find out around you. You know what I mean? Like, if you think about that burden, just that general burden or even guys who like cheat, you know what I mean? Like, every time the phone rings and their wife starts, goes, I'll get your phone, you know, give me that. You know what I mean? It's always, it's always there. Yeah, it was, it, no fun. It really is in the lying. You know, I always thought like, Oh, nobody knows. And I don't want to tell you, and it's, it's tap, especially heroin, just taboo anyway. I remember going to clubs and people being like, Hey, you want me to buy a drink or you want to smoke a joint or you want to do a bump? But no one ever was like, Hey, man, you want to do a bump a heroin? I like, it just didn't happen. And, and, and I always was like, Oh, nobody knows. It's even though like my, like, I sometimes like, you know, like, if I wore a t-shirt, I had like track marks, but I was like, Oh, they can't see them. And it was a mess. It was, it was a mess for a while. So no fun. What did alcohol do in terms of if you cannot get heroin? What was, what would alcohols do? Very temporary fix. Like, I'd start to get a buzz and I'd get sort of drunk and I'd feel better for a little bit. But then I would either black out drunk and then wake up worse because I'd be hungover and sick. Right. Or I would just start to come down from the buzz and then start to feel sick and then and also weird because I drank and maybe not hungover but still. So it was a temporary fix and I would do that every once in a while. But like, I'd like, all right, I'm going to go out and I'm going to get buzzed and I'd be out with people and socializing and be okay for a bit. But then it would just start to crash harder. So yeah. Well, that was informative. Yeah. Because I really, you know, my thing with heroin and I'm not uptight and I've done drugs and stuff, but my thing with heroin is like, well, what if you try and you just love it? Yeah. I go, look, it was pretty easy. You're either just going to throw up or you're going to love it. And either both those are going to be bad outcomes. Or you throw up and love it. And that's what happened to me my first time. Because yeah, I didn't want to use like, again, I hated heroin and drugs because I was like my mom and I don't want to be around it. And this girl I was dating, I didn't realize when we started dating in my head at 21 or while met her, I was about 19. No lie. She was like a supermodel and I'm like, there's no way this girl is going to hook up with me and I, but she was best friends with my good friends, girlfriend. And the three of them, we'd all go out the, well, the four of us would all go out to the movies and we'd do stuff. And then when I, every once in a while, they'd like start nodding out and or they'd be like, Hey, we got to go do this thing and I'll be back later. And I found out that they were using heroin. And I remember after I found that I was like, wait a minute, I don't want to be around that. Like my mom and this and that, I don't want to be around it. And so I stopped hanging out with this guy. I hung out with almost every day. I worked with them. We lived together and we hung out a lot. I stopped hanging out with them for about 10 days. And then I was like, Oh my God, but I really like this girl. And oh my God, I missed my friend and I got to see him at work. So it was my 21st birthday. I'm like, Hey, mom, 21, let's go to the bar and we're going to party, man. We'll all have such a good time. And you're like, you know what, sorry, man, like, we've already made plans, we're going to go get some drugs and we're going to come but we'll get you beer. So I was drinking beers were and we're listening to music and we're talking about stuff. And they went they were like disappeared came back and they had went out because I told them just don't do it around me ever please. And they're like, we won't. So they even like gotten their car and like drove off and came back a half hour later and they're both nodding off and some and they're like, you just don't get it. And I'm like, that doesn't look fun to me. Like you're nodding out and dropping your cigarette and burning holes in the carpet. So you just don't understand unless you felt it. And I was like, all right, well, you know what, I want to understand because I still think it seems silly. And I tried it and me and that girl after I did it, I threw up a couple of times me and that girl laid and watched a movie, all four of us watched a movie and we cuddled and no lie. And it sounds silly, but we I really felt like we just melted together. And I was like, we are one, we are one person. And then like they fell asleep and we made love and I threw up and we made love. And it really was like so amazing. I was like, I love this feeling. But I was like, but I can't do it. I'm not going to do it all time. So then it became every like other weekend I would party with them with heroin. But it lasted like four months by four months. It was like only weekends, only Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, you know, and then I was hooked and it just caught up on me quick. So Wow. A great tale. And I appreciate your your candor. And also when you get your biological dad story sorted because you're in town, right? I am, I am, I leave a little bit and I come back. I I only usually leave for the weekends, like same like I go to Appleton this Friday, Sunday, Sunday, Wisconsin. Yeah, yeah. Do a show there. So I'm going to go do some shows. Then I come back and I'm home for the week. So come and share that story. I figure out how it works out. Jay, five things with Jay Muse. Also the podcast, The Murdock Mysteries as well. We'll take a quick break and we'll bring Alicia Krauss in and do the news right after this. American giant being dependable means that you're prepared for anything. So whether it's locking the door on the way out or having a travel kit in your car, I like to stay ready. And that's why I like a good hoodie that will last for years to come. The American giant classic full zip hoodie wearing mine right now is styled for everyday comfort and crafted for a lifetime of durability. I've had this one for a while. It's got pockets, which I need to nice up front. And it just gets more comfortable as you wash it. It's got a custom heavyweight fleece and side panels for mobility. And I love this. Every American giant piece is made in America. No exceptions. It's the kind of difference you'll feel and appreciate for years to come. It's heavy duty stuff made in America. Invest in yourself because it's good stuff. Am I right Dawson? Stay ready for anything with the American giant classic full zip and save 20% off your first order at american-giant.com when you use code ATOM at checkout. That's 20% off your first order at american-giant.com code ATOM. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset free. This is the mantra free. This is the mind with movies like pineapple express, the entire star trek film franchise and gladiator and TV shows like survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd parents and ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now, pay never. It's time to check out him's voicemail. Adam, happy day. Handsome Joe Hanley from northern Maine with the average age is metapause. There's only two sex musicians in this town. Teeth in or teeth out. Hey, your table is shaped like my left nut. Happy day. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. Yeah, thank you whatever that guy's name was. Alicia Krause is in the studio. Got bad news, Alicia Krause. Uh-oh, I'm fired. Found a Hungarian place. And it's not good. Ordered chicken paprikas, not good. Uh-oh. Not good. You make it better at home. I do. Yeah. I am. My grandpa did. My nanny did Olga. Now here's the thing. I've conquered my first mountain, which is many, many years ago when I was just at the Acme Theater and making no money. I said to the theater director, Mark Sweeney, I go, I don't know, what do you think for me? Writer, comedian? I don't know if I'm in front of the camera, behind the camera, a, a, a creator or if I'm talent, but you're my director. You've been here for a while. You've seen me write and you've seen me perform. So is it writing? Is my future maybe in writing or is my future in performing? Oh, that time he said you, you're a writer, not a performer. About us. Thanks. But he said, yeah, he said writer. Later on, he just came up to me and he goes, you just need a job where you show up every day and you just talk about everything you're thinking about all day. So he invented podcasting? He invented podcasting in 1990. And he made a magical job and now I've, I've lived my dream by creating a magical job. But my next goal, my next job for myself, is I just go tell everyone what's wrong with their shit. You know what I mean? I go back to the place that made the chicken. I think that's called the consultant. Yeah, but this is universal. This is everything. From the restaurant to the construction site to the government? Everything where I go, what the fuck? Like I'll do it with auto manufacturing. I will do it with all the ergonomic stuff that doesn't really make sense. Like every, I was literally in a club and I think it had a handle, like a big looping handle on it. And I was, and I pulled on it, but it was push. But it's because I have a handle on it that I, right. If you look at this door, there's a handle on the inside on the outside. There's a push plate. So no one ever pulls it. But I just weird shit like that. The attention to detail that matters in the end. Yeah. And like just, you could go through a comedy club. If you've been through enough comedy clubs and just go, you need to fix this, you need to fix that. I would go to the Hungarian food place and I just go, your chicken paprikas is kind of bland tasting. And it's also weird. You want a weird direction on it. I don't know what you're doing, but there's, this is nothing like a Laszlo and you can just go type in Google in traditional chicken paprikas. And it's pretty much, I've done it. It's real straightforward. I feel like for fall football, you need to make the whole crew here some chicken paprikas. And the dumplings, the no kettle is the great part too. And they screwed that up too. But I, okay, I was in Nebraska for some reason. And I don't know why, but I got on to artichoke dip later in life. Oh, it's delicious. The best. I don't know. I don't know what's so good about it, but it's good. Yeah. Artichoke dip. And you know, you get it at the sports bar or wherever and it's got the cheese melting, you're dipping the chips in it. So sometimes bread. I got your, that's true. It's like, if it's a nice sourdough, I was at a nice place in Nebraska, Norfolk. And they, I said, Oh, I saw artichoke dip. And I said, Oh, that's nice, because it was like a high end place. Well, their artichoke dip is artichoke and So often with spinach spinach, spinach, which is like, there is such a thing as spinach dip and there's such an artichoke dip. And I kind of want artichoke dip, but you do artichoke and spinach together. Okay. Not as good as artichoke, but okay. Also, then what they do, what they don't tell you is they put tons of pieces of red bell pepper in it and it completely fucks it up. And yes. And I want to just go back and go, don't do it. Don't do it. People order artichoke dip because they want artichoke dip. And you got your pieces of bell pepper. And by the way, they're between the bell pepper and the spinach, there was almost no artichoke and the artichoke dip. And and it tasted more like bell pepper. And I like bell pepper, but it's on a kebab or something. You're like, that's not what I ordered. That's not what I'm picturing when I ordered. They go, this is how we do our art. And all I want to do is go in and fix every fucking thing. All right. So I could do it. I could, I could, I could watch you do your comedy act. How would you want to get paid? Like, would it be a percentage of I'll tell you how I do it. I do it how Radiohead releases an album. Okay. I just go, I barge into the kitchen at the restaurant. I'd scream at them about bell pepper and their artichoke dip and then I'd go, anything you want to contribute. So you do it for free? Well, no, Radiohead made a lot of money. You're like, let just please give me something tips. What did Radiohead Radiohead took their album? They released it on the internet and they said, pay or don't pay. And the average payment was like $80 or something. You guys, you know, that one Dawson, that's a Dawson story there, man. Never heard it. They famously, maybe kind of vanguard of the internet, let's say, pay what you want. Radiohead, that's right. I'm going to go to Nebraska. And when I barge into the kitchen, the guy doesn't speak English, I'm going to go El Radiohead out. Just he'll know the reference. And then he'll pay what he wants. El Radiohead. Radioheads in rainbows, pay what you want, experiment was a major financial success, earning an estimated 3 million in digital sales within the first few months. While many of the fans downloaded for free, the average price paid was roughly $6. Yeah, that's true. But this is in 2000. What was that eight? But apparently the physical CD and vinyl sold 100,000 copies with $80 a box set. Oh, that's where 80 came from. This is in 2000 or as Andrew would write on the screen, 200. But there's no way we're going back that far. Right off it. They got CDs in the internet. Oh, 2007. In 200 BC. Oh, he's looking for one more digit. So yeah, 07. So this is almost 20 years ago. And they ended up making how much money? Three million on digital sales over so 100,000 times 80 bucks. How much is that? That was for the digital. That's eight million for the dang. Yeah. So apparently they sell by 2008, the sales of that album exceeded like over almost a two million. Wow. So that's why I'm adopting the radiohead model. When I go in to the Hungarian place and start attacking their chicken paprikash, they will pay me what it's worth. Radiohead was giving their music to the world. They weren't giving a FU, you are a joke. I'm going to help you. I think they're less inclined to pay you for it. Speaking of salty, that artichoke. Way too much sodium. All right. What do you got in the news department? All right. Well, this is really scary and not too far from the studio up in Valencia at a Whole Foods. A woman who was shopping was subjected to a man who not only exposed himself to her in the footage, the suspect is seen approaching the female shopper as she kneels down to get something from the shelf. And then he lowers his pants and proceeds to expose his genitals and push them against her ear while holding what appears to be a cell phone. Like I guess he recorded it. Authorities with the LASD are asking for the public's assistance in identifying this individual. So please, Corolla fans, get out there and find this turd bag. The California Post reached out to the Whole Foods and the company provided a statement which read, quote, we are deeply concerned about the incident and that occurred at our Valencia store on March 23rd. The safety and well-being of our customers is our top priority and we are cooperating fully with the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department in their investigation. The suspect is believed to be a man in his mid-30s. He was dressed in a denim shirt and jeans. Did you see this video yet? I'm watching it now. Yeah. Okay. So like if a man was in my space even before he pulled his dong out, I would be like, why are you so close to me in the grocery store? Yeah, I agree. First off, this guy looks like he has a musk. You know what I mean? Like I think you could smell this guy coming your way. There are people who have no radar dish on them and they kind of go through life. They're like looking at their phone and stuff. Like my head is on a swivel. I'm seeing cars that don't look right and dogs that don't look right and people that don't belong. And I'm always like, that way I see people walking. They don't even look across the street. Yes. They look at their phone while they're across the street. But there's also those people like if I walk with somebody and we're just taking a walk, I will like see in the distance, I'll go, let's cross the street. This dude back, I don't like the way this guy's walking or whatever. They go, what are you talking about? And I realized they don't notice at all that the person's drunk or walking weird or looks like a mental disorder. I think that I have to say that women are guilty of this, I think more often than men. And if I am constantly like driving into my children, you know, the things that you repeat that you feel like nobody listens to you, but they're getting better at it of like situational awareness. Like self awareness and situational awareness. It's kind of a weird combo for women. I'm 100% that way. I have a hypervigilance and I notice everything for good or for bad and it keeps me out of car accidents, but it also disturbs women. People are talking outside the studio. So it's something you can't shut off. But women need it more. Yes. And they don't have it as much. Which shocks me because it's weird because they're so tuned up with kids that can hear the kid coughing in the other room at night. That's scientifically proven to be like hormonal though. Like there is like a hormone and like brain balance when you have a baby, how a baby's cry for the first two years will literally make you crazy because you know that you need to do something about it. Yeah, yeah. But I'm saying like in general, it's for them to notice with the kids or general. It should be for them. Like because we are the, I say lesser sex with quotations, meaning physical strength, ability, then we should maybe be more vigilant when we're walking down the street and not look at the phone because we need to preempt anything that could potentially happen to us. Yes. And I was raised that way and I'm trying to raise my girls that way. It just makes sense to me. I, every, when I'm walking down the street, every car I come up on, I have thoughts about. You should have been a spy. Like parked cars. I notice all movement, everything that's different. I notice everything. Are you a spy? Now this. Comedian and podcast house would be a really good CIA cover. This, this poor woman, actually she's going to come home and she's going to say to her husband, you'll never guess what happened. And he's going to go, they're out of capers. No. Why are you crying because they're out of capers? And if the guy's really tuned out after she's done saying the crazy man put a dick in my ear, he's going to fold the news thing. We go, well, there you go. That's what I'm picturing. I just feel that's for the real trauma. Not to victim shame, but please ladies, be more situationally aware. And also, chase an MF or down if he does this to you. Yeah. A guy in little Italy smacked my butt once and I chased him two blocks and then yelled at a cop to grab him. Really? Yeah. And I'm not even a runner. You have a sense of self worth that far exceeds society. No, I mean, that's good. I, you know, think about it. You have to be smart about it. Like if it's a bigger, scarier guy, like maybe don't chase him. He could have a weapon, but like a lot of times when men exhibit this behavior, I don't know, maybe he gets off by women reacting appalled by it or something. But if you're like, don't touch me, how dare you, they could have probably stopped the guy. I'm going to say, he's done it before. And I'm going to say they're going to find him because there's just a camera everywhere now. And so good. All right. What else you got? All right. So apparently you can do a lot of things in the NBA, but if you say that Pride Month is bad, then you're going to get canned. Did you see the story about the bulls waving Jaden Ivy after he called NBA's Pride Month celebration quote unquote, unrighteous? We have some video of it right here. The world can proclaim LGBTQ. Right. They have, they have, they proclaim Pride Month and the NBA. They proclaim it. They, they show it to the world. They say, come, come, uh, come join us for pride for Pride Month to celebrate unrighteousness. They proclaim it. They proclaim it on the billboards. They proclaim it in the streets, unrighteousness. So how is it that, that one can't speak righteousness? How is it one that, how, how, how are they to say that, uh, you, you, man, this man is crazy. So the Chicago Bulls announced that they were making the move on Monday saying it was quote unquote, due to conduct detrimental to the team. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. It, things, thoughts. It's weird that sports got more woke than other branches of our society. Like ESPN is a lot more woke than ESPN could be more woke than CNN. At this point. At this point. But not MSNOW. No, it's teetering. No, but, but, CNN changed course a little and put on alternative voices and, you know, their idea, by the way, I do like, it's sort of like the view and CNN, their idea of fair and balances will put one guy in between three super angry chicks or maybe five angry chicks and then he can try to defend himself and now we have a debate. It's like, yeah, it's still tilted pretty, pretty hard, but all right. Um, sports got woke and, and I think it's an overcompensation type situation. Like traditionally sports were violence amongst each other and domestic. I mean, the whole thing is the baseline for sports is we are taking guys that are the worst student in their high school and making them millionaires and a lot of other bad dudes. Yeah. You know what I mean? So that's the base. Then there was a lot of sexism and there was racism and there was, it was, it was everything that was wrong with society you could find in, in sports and I think the purveyors of sports overcompensate because of it in the other direction. But they're kind of selective in that compensation because they don't get onto the guy that might have an illegal weapon or committed the domestic violence charge. No, not at all. It's the Christian dude. Yeah, because they're very keen to want to be accepted in our society and, and, and it's also a culture. If you have 70% of the rosters black having a gun or whatever, it's not a, not a big deal in their world. But loving Jesus. Yeah. Well, they do tend to love Jesus more than the white man. I think statistically, but the point is this, yes, they fire them. We all know what they're doing. This is woke bullshit. Now here's the whole thing about the LGBT, whatever community. I look at it the same as I look at the Muslim community, which is you can be Muslim and, or you can be gay. It can be gay and Muslim, but you could be Muslim or you can be gay. And I have zero thoughts about it and zero problems with it. And I'm also going to say, as much as these assholes would argue this point, America is extremely tolerant to people and their different ideas and their different proclivities and their different ways of life and their different ways of expressing love. We don't want to be force fed your bullshit all fucking day. Yeah. That's what we push back against. We don't push back against Muslims. We push back against mandatory Muslim recognition night at the WNBA or whatever the fuck you're planning next. The LGBT community, fine, you guys have an agenda. And so the thing is, is go be gay, go be trans, go be whatever the fuck you want. But now you're going to insist that we got to fly the gay flag in front of the courthouse and now you can fuck off because I don't want to be part of it. You understand? I'm going to be indoctrinated into your bullshit. Or the NBA needs to have an entire month. Right. Right. And by the way, like the Muslims, it's not, we just want people to tolerate us and live it. No, you want a foist and agenda. That's what you're doing. If you don't, there's a version of quietly going about your business. This ain't it. You don't need to have the gay flag. You don't need to have Pride Month. You don't need to do the thing on the lawn of the White House. You can just go about your life. Yeah. And then people push back and then you get to claim that they're homophobic and you feel threatened. No, no, it's because you won't shut up about it. What's funny too is in a separate video, he talked about how Catholicism is a false religion and Catholics weren't like fire him. Right. And so the NBA, but they respond to the question about the gay community has to pretend they do just like the NFL and all these organizations. Just like they had to do it with Black Lives Matter. Yeah. Yeah. So, and by the way, if you notice all these groups, they're there to agitate. They're not there to be left alone and peacefully practice either the religion or sucking dick. No, they want you to tolerate, like they want tolerance and their version of tolerance is complete and total acceptance and also doing whatever they tell you to do. I'll take it a step further. I think if you did everything they want you to do, they would never, it would never end. It would never end. It would, it would never. It's like an abusive relationship. It's like, it's, it's an entire leftist thing. It's like, here's what we want here. And so you look at the whole gay thing, they go, we just want to be left alone and be married and have the same rights as, is whatever. We were born this way. Right. Every time you give them something, what do they do? Well, we want some nine foot he, she with his cock, tuck between his legs to read to your kids cat in the hat. And you go, what? I don't want to do that. And they go, oh, oh, oh, you're homophobic. Are you after some people accept that? Then they're like, well, we actually want to transition your 12 year old. Yeah. And we're like, blacks, gays, all those groups are all doing the same shit, which is you're fine. We're in a good society. Go do whatever you want. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. They keep pushing, they keep agitating. And when I'm telling you, when people step back and look at these moments, it's not going to be about just give them what they want. What they want is capitulation by you. But it's also, they're just going to keep going. It's a, it's a psychodynamic. And it's basically bullshit. They all they want to do is complain about everything. And they want to be victims all the time. So they're going to keep pushing until some point you go, now, I don't want those books in my public library. They go, Oh, okay, now we're fighting. Because that's the plan. Yeah. The plan is to fight not to be left alone. So I fuck the NBA. And they don't give a shit about gay pride. And by the way, I wonder if it was the NBA decision or a Bulls decision, because according to this Fox Sports report, it was the Bulls that that was announcing the move. I get it. But no, nobody wants any of this anywhere. But you can do it whenever. I just want to go to the sporting event. I don't want to see any of the signs for any of this. You want to see a good game. That's it. And I guess I don't know, I'm not really into basketball, but he was averaging over 11 points a game. That's a and five rebounds per game before this release. Is that good? 11 points is pretty good. I don't I don't follow it closely enough either. But 11 points is pretty good. Now, we'll see if ESPN, who cares so much about the plight of the black man, we'll see if they rushed his defense. Because I guarantee a white guy fired the black guy. ESPN loves themselves some black dudes. Let's see if they defend him because I bet they don't say shit because they're cowards. Maybe another team should pick him up. Yeah, you know, oh yeah. I mean, I like people getting jobs based on their qualities and merit, not not sympathy hires, but you know, that's a good PR move for another team to pick him up. Nevada's got a team called the running Christians. Really? No, that'd be a good name. I was like, I didn't know Nevada even had does Nevada have a basketball team? No, they don't. But they're gone. I mean, they got the Raiders, they got the Knights, they got they got the A's, they got the Oakland A's. The only pro team in Oklahoma is a basketball team. Oh, really? Thunder. Mm hmm. We're yeah. Nebraska doesn't have any. Nebraska, but I mean, they have the Huskers. You got good college football or got good college basketball. Apparently they have a good bowling team too. That's what they're dragging on. Well, Oklahoma's got the Sooners. We do. We do. And the Cowboys, but Boomer. Mm hmm. Okay, next story. This hysterical moment. This lady has some dance moves like I wish I had after a couple of cocktails. Footage shows a Miss Grand Thailand competition contestant, Derrathorn Uthong, who was frantically dancing in the preliminary rounds of the competition wearing nothing but a swimsuit as well as other contestants. So we figured you would like this, Adam. She quickly captures the attention of thousands of people watching online. She showed her aggressive hip hop dance move without any concern for what people think. I guess this was like at the beginning and they're all supposed to show a little bit of her personality. She's like fully. All of the memes around this were kind of funny. It's kind of interesting that Thai women are very light and she isn't light skinned. And there's a lot of Asian with whitening stuff going on. Do you know all about that? No. They're Indian. There's the whole thing with Indian women lightening their skin. That's sad. Yeah. But like for like beauty looks, like they think because it's prettier or because it's just a trend. No, because they do a lot of nighttime jogging. Like they think it's like a beauty. Is that like one of the beauty joggers? Yeah, everything women do is a beauty something. Just don't over pluck your eyebrows, guys. This isn't the only hilarious thing that happened at this point. But she's do Thai women light in themselves like Indian women. It's a big they have all these creams and all Indian women. It's a big thing. Interesting. Yeah. She was one of 77 women representing all the different provinces in the national pageant. And some people are saying that they love her because she looks like she's genuinely fun to be with. She's the life of the party. And God forbid a girl does what she likes on the dance floor. Was she now you watch that tape again. Was she two shades lighter than every other woman on that stage? I should say darker. No, I think she was darker. Yeah. Every she was darker than every other woman on that stage. And there were 20 women on that stage, right? There's a lot of women on that stage. So they're all light and she's darker, which I'm saying she has a nice tan. I know, but they're doing something because they don't have a nice tan. I like to have a tan. Is that weird? That's your white privilege. All right. So let's say what they say in India. So I'm saying this may go along with it. She may be a rebel. She like she's like rebel with the skin tone, rebel with the dance moves. Skin lightening is prevalent in Thailand driven by historical, social, and commercial factors similar to India. Jesus Christ. How was I said a D minus student? D minus. Because they didn't test on things like beauty pageants. Yeah. That was not a category in your industry class. Skin lightening is prevalent in Thailand. So these women are lightening themselves and the dance to the beat of her own drummer woman is not playing that. Her name is Derethorn. I hope I'm saying that right. She's doing her own thing. And I argue that her own thing gets into the skin part too, which is not lightening herself. Good for her. I agree. Cause watch it one more time. I every woman on the stage has the same skin tone except for the one who's dancing her little heiny off. And it's it's in for Thai women. For her to do that heels. For Thai women, they look really light. Right. All right. Thai women in beauty pageants light. These are these women are kind of milky light. This is Thailand. Did you see the one? Have you done any sex tourist stuff? No. All right. Well, I have. And I can tell you this is unnatural. It's okay. I love how they were like the assignment is to dance and she's the only one who took it seriously. The others are just like bopping around. Yeah. Like and but there also wasn't the only funny moment from this pageant. There was another contestant who lost her teeth while giving an answer in the Q and A. No way. Yeah. What? She like fully lost her like fake pretty teeth. Oh my God. And like had to like pop them back in. The crowd didn't turn on her though. They applauded. They thought it was great that she like popped them back in and kept giving the answer. I mean, so clearly we need a miscongeniality three that is solely based on Thai beauty pageants. We also need an all natural Thai beauty pageant where they're not lightning themselves. How about we just do all natural beauty pageants where none of the contestants anywhere in the world don't do anything fake. That'd be nice. Oh yeah. Here we go. Here's the teeth. Wow. They're awesome. They do weird light light themselves. I'm sorry. I'm still on it, but I don't know if that's like fake teeth. I look like a weird veneer grill thing. I don't. It looked like it was like dentures almost like the glue. Yeah, but there was stuff under. No, they started to pop out and then she kind of took it out. Turn around. Oh, so you don't think she has any teeth. I think she might, but maybe they're covered. I don't know. No, that was like a grill. Really? Yeah, versus dentures. I thought a grill was like shiny. That's when black people do it. What Thai people do it make it look natural. Oh, okay. But it's still called a grill? I'm referencing a thing where teeth go over, things go over your teeth. Yes, I don't think that she was wearing a grill in the beauty pageant. I think she was wearing fake teeth. All right. I used to term grill. That's anyway. Okay, we'll figure it out off the air. Loud talking and Alicia stepping on his point. That's right. His favorite thing. Go to amcrawl.com for all the live shows April 10th in Salt Lake City and then also in San Diego on the 12th. And then I'm all over the place. Phoenix. Check out some new stuff. We got the merch store going on. I'm kind of for all the live stuff there. Alicia Krauss. What do we got for you? Just on the socials and maybe in a city near you soon. And also J Muse, the Murdoch mysteries. You can check that out as well where we find finer podcasts. And until next time, I'm Carl James and Alicia Krauss and me, Sam Mahala. We're coming at you with everything we got. With movies like pineapple express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator and TV shows like survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd parents and ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. is always free. Huzzah! Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.